I came to this realization about a year ago and it was very painful. However, it was also incredibly validating because suddenly, everything made sense. The gaslighting didn’t work anymore. I saw through the mask. All that energy I had devoted to procuring shreds of “love” was mine again…a glorious thing!
My mother was a convert narcissist. She passed away three years ago. My entire family disowned me because they believed the lies she told them about me. The pain I feel is indescribable. Please do a video on being disowned by family because of narcissistic mothers. Thank you
You are 100% CORRECT. My fake narc mom acted nice for the first 12 years of my life. But as soon as I turned 13, and wanted to become my own person, she discarded me emotionally and has abused me ever since. She claims she loves me, insists on it. But she’s nothing but a SOULLESS DEMON 😈😈😈
“No clue how to be healthy parents” means no ability to solve the problems of the child. Wow. That s a mouthful. As soon as the child starts speaki g and having independent thoughts, parent will manipulate the child. Punish the child. Yes mahm. So true
Punished or slandered! That’s how my narc parent does it. This whole video, is a description of my narc parent to a t! It pays to reduce your contact or go nc!
I will never forget as child I got into trouble and my mother went ballistic on me. My younger sister came to my defense and my mother pause for a minute, seemingly stunned. She then turned to my sister and said “oh you’re on his side. Fine, I don’t love you anymore”. Of course my sister started crying and running behind my mother-pleading with her. My sister (the golden child) has never come to my defense since.
I also notice the only time my mother would say I love you is only if I said it to her first. It’s actually heartbreaking but my mother is a vulnerable narcissist
I also had two very narcissistic and abusive parents. These people only ever commit to themselves. And I agree with you there is no genuine love in their hearts for anyone. Their children are not loved they are used. They use each other and eventually everyone else in their midst. Their selfishness does not discriminate and it only takes a matter of time and the manipulation and even seething hatred that they are full of comes to the surface. My mother was the competitor and shamer and my dad the infantilizer and threatener. He used to like beat women and children and she loved the appeal of cults. Both played the victim and the enabler all wrapped in control freak narcissistic splendor. I am an only child and they separated when I was 3 1/2. She's a schizophrenic who thinks she's the virgin Mary who relived a cult she was involved with when I was 18, and well he's dead. It is very difficult to deal with the effects of abuse. I am most definitely the black sheep in my family and have left these people well close to 25 years ago. I referred to it as emancipation. I found myself through much tears, agony, grief and pain and obsessing over things until I could put them to bed. They never really ever go away but I chose to want to keep caring, keep giving, keep loving, sometimes years ago keep rescuing but found that being assertive and developing severe empathy at times gave me hope. Am I CPTSD/CPTSI? Absolutely. But we've only got one life, and it could be short so I feel it's necessary to keep giving till it hurts and revisit that again. But these types of abusive people have to go. They need to be extricated, abandoned and left. Without regret. I also have been a long term counselor and tell people that sometimes even maybe a lot you're going to need to find your righteous anger against these people. And when the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving that's when you know it's time to go.
@ Hardrealist Beautifully written and thanks so much for sharing your story with this community!These comments are so healing for all survivors! I also find it really important to continue giving, loving, empathising, supporting others and loving myself. Hugs to you!
Despite the fact she is quite wealthy, my elderly mother recently demanded I leave my job, house, and husband to move across the country and be her live-in caretaker. For the first time ever, I said "no" to her. After her initial tantrum, she hung up on me and refuses to speak to me again. Her "love" for me evaporated the very second I was no longer useful to her. Just... wow.
Im 40/m and with a young son. I as a kid I thought my mom had anger problems and was in denial. She has a great paying job so in her eyes that makes her perfect. I do not let her talk to my son the way she did and does to me. I cut her off mid sentence. When it comes to her saying false or off topic comment to him, I don’t care who’s around or where we are. I stop it even if she screams and takes it out on me. She loves to put it back at me. She’ll say I’m drinking or on drugs. Typically we pack up our stuff and leave. Im teaching my son It’s a waste of energy engaging with that situation. Me energy is put towards my son in a positive , loving manner. Thanks for the video !
My narc 85yr old mother has starved herself to such an extent she’s now in hospital Why? Because at 62yr old I dared move 300 miles away on my own to start a new life without her in it Well her plan hasn’t worked I’m not coming back to save her X
This happened to me too. I took care of my mother because of all her illnesses after my father died 21 years ago. At 44 I suspected her to be narcisistic and I wanted her to know that she could not be my first priority for the rest of my life. So I started dating. The first time I met somebody she was enthousiastic but after I met the guy a few more times she always became miserable. It took a while before I noticed this because you'll remember her first reaction. After a couple of years I was in a serieus relationship and the moment I told her that I would move in with him that summer she starved herself. She even remembered the first month she stopped eating herself because she told her docter and I found this very strange. She died three years ago. I quit my job and took care of her the last year of her life because she was totally dependent and she was Cruel. Her worst self. It's absolutely unbelievable how far they go to control your life.
@@annetteschilder1235 I’m so glad you found happiness Its really hard for anyone to understand what it’s like having someone like this as your mother Its good to meet other people who totally know how you feel Xx
I came to this realization about a year ago and it was very painful. However, it was also incredibly validating because suddenly, everything made sense. The gaslighting didn’t work anymore. I saw through the mask. All that energy I had devoted to procuring shreds of “love” was mine again…a glorious thing!
Hurts. I was such a kind, smart, caring, loving, and well-behaved kid and deserved so much love in return.
It really does! Every child deserves unconditional love!
My mother was a convert narcissist. She passed away three years ago. My entire family disowned me because they believed the lies she told them about me. The pain I feel is indescribable. Please do a video on being disowned by family because of narcissistic mothers. Thank you
Did your family come around after your mom passed?
I can relate. My mom has done the same to me.
You are 100% CORRECT. My fake narc mom acted nice for the first 12 years of my life. But as soon as I turned 13, and wanted to become my own person, she discarded me emotionally and has abused me ever since. She claims she loves me, insists on it. But she’s nothing but a SOULLESS DEMON 😈😈😈
“No clue how to be healthy parents” means no ability to solve the problems of the child. Wow. That s a mouthful. As soon as the child starts speaki g and having independent thoughts, parent will manipulate the child. Punish the child. Yes mahm. So true
I am glad to know this. I grew up in two Narsisistic families. Things make a lot of sense.
I realized I was raised on conditional love. I realize my mom never loved me for my true self. I’m teaching my inner child to accept it.
YES, only Love has a Future, and narcissistic "parents" have none...Thank You!!:))!!
Sometimes in life, the most enlightening words are the most hurtful. I learned this years ago. Thank you for your honesty and compassion.
Wow. About 5 years into my healing journey and this is the first time I heard it said out loud. Still might take sone time to let this sink in.
Punished or slandered! That’s how my narc parent does it. This whole video, is a description of my narc parent to a t! It pays to reduce your contact or go nc!
I will never forget as child I got into trouble and my mother went ballistic on me. My younger sister came to my defense and my mother pause for a minute, seemingly stunned. She then turned to my sister and said “oh you’re on his side. Fine, I don’t love you anymore”. Of course my sister started crying and running behind my mother-pleading with her. My sister (the golden child) has never come to my defense since.
Thank you for this video! It helps to have the validation.
I also notice the only time my mother would say I love you is only if I said it to her first. It’s actually heartbreaking but my mother is a vulnerable narcissist
It is heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself on this painful healing journey!
Thank you! This is extremely important and valuable information!
You’re an Angel 😇
I also had two very narcissistic and abusive parents. These people only ever commit to themselves. And I agree with you there is no genuine love in their hearts for anyone. Their children are not loved they are used. They use each other and eventually everyone else in their midst.
Their selfishness does not discriminate and it only takes a matter of time and the manipulation and even seething hatred that they are full of comes to the surface.
My mother was the competitor and shamer and my dad the infantilizer and threatener. He used to like beat women and children and she loved the appeal of cults. Both played the victim and the enabler all wrapped in control freak narcissistic splendor.
I am an only child and they separated when I was 3 1/2. She's a schizophrenic who thinks she's the virgin Mary who relived a cult she was involved with when I was 18, and well he's dead.
It is very difficult to deal with the effects of abuse. I am most definitely the black sheep in my family and have left these people well close to 25 years ago. I referred to it as emancipation.
I found myself through much tears, agony, grief and pain and obsessing over things until I could put them to bed. They never really ever go away but I chose to want to keep caring, keep giving, keep loving, sometimes years ago keep rescuing but found that being assertive and developing severe empathy at times gave me hope.
Am I CPTSD/CPTSI? Absolutely. But we've only got one life, and it could be short so I feel it's necessary to keep giving till it hurts and revisit that again.
But these types of abusive people have to go. They need to be extricated, abandoned and left. Without regret. I also have been a long term counselor and tell people that sometimes even maybe a lot you're going to need to find your righteous anger against these people. And when the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving that's when you know it's time to go.
@ Hardrealist
Beautifully written and thanks so much for sharing your story with this community!These comments are so healing for all survivors! I also find it really important to continue giving, loving, empathising, supporting others and loving myself. Hugs to you!
@@CourageCoaching Thank you as well. And warm hugs to you.
Despite the fact she is quite wealthy, my elderly mother recently demanded I leave my job, house, and husband to move across the country and be her live-in caretaker. For the first time ever, I said "no" to her. After her initial tantrum, she hung up on me and refuses to speak to me again. Her "love" for me evaporated the very second I was no longer useful to her. Just... wow.
I am sorry to hear this! It is painful to see the reality.Well done for saying no!!
Im 40/m and with a young son. I as a kid I thought my mom had anger problems and was in denial. She has a great paying job so in her eyes that makes her perfect.
I do not let her talk to my son the way she did and does to me. I cut her off mid sentence.
When it comes to her saying false or off topic comment to him, I don’t care who’s around or where we are. I stop it even if she screams and takes it out on me.
She loves to put it back at
me. She’ll say I’m drinking or on drugs. Typically we pack up our stuff and leave.
Im teaching my son It’s a waste of energy engaging with that situation. Me energy is put towards my son in a positive , loving manner.
Thanks for the video !
My narc 85yr old mother has starved herself to such an extent she’s now in hospital
Why?
Because at 62yr old I dared move 300 miles away on my own to start a new life without her in it
Well her plan hasn’t worked I’m not coming back to save her
X
The lengths they will go to manipulate or prove a point, is extreme! I am so sorry!
@@CourageCoaching thank you
Xx
This happened to me too. I took care of my mother because of all her illnesses after my father died 21 years ago. At 44 I suspected her to be narcisistic and I wanted her to know that she could not be my first priority for the rest of my life. So I started dating. The first time I met somebody she was enthousiastic but after I met the guy a few more times she always became miserable. It took a while before I noticed this because you'll remember her first reaction. After a couple of years I was in a serieus relationship and the moment I told her that I would move in with him that summer she starved herself. She even remembered the first month she stopped eating herself because she told her docter and I found this very strange. She died three years ago. I quit my job and took care of her the last year of her life because she was totally dependent and she was Cruel. Her worst self. It's absolutely unbelievable how far they go to control your life.
@@annetteschilder1235 I’m so glad you found happiness
Its really hard for anyone to understand what it’s like having someone like this as your mother
Its good to meet other people who totally know how you feel
Xx
No
Thank you for this🙏. Will you also talk about how growing up with a narcissist parent affects romantic relationships when that child becomes an adult?
Check out some of my other videos. I have definitely spoken about this.