I'm in the same boat, but then I look around at the other options and I'm glad it came late rather than never at all. Life is a bit more different once you have that awareness. Maybe not much easier, but having understanding about my own behavior and its roots and my conditioning and the conditioning of society etc. I feel a bit more in control of myself and where my life is going as apposed to being directed by my own trauma responses and triggers. I'd say it's like a captain being able to be back at the wheel of his ship rather than letting it aimlessly drift or giving command over to whomever... Good luck with your further journey. You're ahead of most people in the world ❤️
4 years since I first found this video and I still refer to it to help explain this to people. Thank you for making such a concise effective explanation for us! 🙏🏽 so helpful and enlightening
excellent exegesis of this topic. I have read the Pia Mellody books and attended Patrick Carnes seminars on this subject matter. I have spent years studying this very fascinating topic. Your explanation was very concise and well done. My experience is that these disorders are very treatment-resistant. It is a steep learning curve.
Thank you so much. This has opened my eyes. I see I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have been looking at my codependency, but this love addiction has never been in my view. All because of toxic parents.
Jesus... Steve that is the most accurate description of my relationship with my ex I have ever seen... Litterally everything played out like this. She (the avoidant) dumped me 6 months ago and never reached out once after we met once; where she seeked to absolve herself of the guilt she felt but not get back together... Personally I believe this is basically the anxious avoidant trap played out to a tee. .. The question is how to stop this? I know I must become more secure but how in real practical terms.. My ex moved into a different cycle (I assume..) 6 weeks after we broke up after 9 months together.... she is still hostile and angry despite her ending it to this day.. The other question I have is can an avoidant and addict ever actual reconcile when the relationship has alreafy crumbled? Can this bd fixed without therapy? I know I a love addict now and didn't af the time.... I now know what I am and what happened but she does not. Can you tell an avoidant these things? Is it possible to overcome their resentment for the person they once "loved?"
hi there, thais gibson's "personal development school" videos have been helpful for me! But the main thing that has helped me grow (I am still struggling, but in a MUCH healthier place than in the past) is introspecting every time I feel triggered to chase or to run. I had a disorganized attachment style, and I would usually get triggered to be anxious or avoidant depending on my partner at the time. Now when I feel the urge to do either, I look inward to what fears are coming up and I try not to act on the fears. I communicate with my partner if necessary, but NOT in an attempt to change their behavior. I do not try to suppress my anxious or avoidant feelings. I try to respond differently to them.
Very good questions. My avoidant recovering addict feels resentment but he left. Maybe there is a third party I didn't know about at that time. Anyway I'm attending therapy, coda & love addicts meetings and 95% I can relate to our dynamics while we were together. Sad and very painfull I had to learn it the hard way. But I'm gratefull I found help.
I've finally found the psychological consequences of my childhood. What a relief. I wish it had come sooner.
I'm in the same boat, but then I look around at the other options and I'm glad it came late rather than never at all.
Life is a bit more different once you have that awareness. Maybe not much easier, but having understanding about my own behavior and its roots and my conditioning and the conditioning of society etc. I feel a bit more in control of myself and where my life is going as apposed to being directed by my own trauma responses and triggers.
I'd say it's like a captain being able to be back at the wheel of his ship rather than letting it aimlessly drift or giving command over to whomever...
Good luck with your further journey.
You're ahead of most people in the world ❤️
Best description I've seen this in years. I come back to this year after year.
4 years since I first found this video and I still refer to it to help explain this to people. Thank you for making such a concise effective explanation for us! 🙏🏽 so helpful and enlightening
Best explanation of the love addict / love avoidant cycle I’ve ever heard. I’ve had 26 years of this. Very revealing!
excellent exegesis of this topic. I have read the Pia Mellody books and attended Patrick Carnes seminars on this subject matter. I have spent years studying this very fascinating topic. Your explanation was very concise and well done. My experience is that these disorders are very treatment-resistant. It is a steep learning curve.
How you broke this down with such sincerity and no judgment was so helpful. Thank you for breaking this down the way you did.
This is SO good!!
1 minute in and he has me figured out already.
Thank you so much. This has opened my eyes. I see I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have been looking at my codependency, but this love addiction has never been in my view. All because of toxic parents.
This was very helpful Steve. Lots of things I'd forgotten. Connecting the dots. Thank you
Incredible video! Thanks
Amazing. Thankyou so very much . Perfectly described. 💚
Thanks for this video. I've been reading a book similar to the ones you mentioned. This is a nice succinct description of the cycle.
Concise and easy to understand, thank you!
I truly thought I was going crazy!! I am so grateful that there is a solution!!
This is spot on. Thank you 🙏🏼
This is very very informative.
Thanks for your video
I’d official, I’m an addict.
Forgot to turn the microphone on.
Thanks
Wow 👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thanks man!
Omg well explained
Jesus... Steve that is the most accurate description of my relationship with my ex I have ever seen...
Litterally everything played out like this. She (the avoidant) dumped me 6 months ago and never reached out once after we met once; where she seeked to absolve herself of the guilt she felt but not get back together...
Personally I believe this is basically the anxious avoidant trap played out to a tee.
..
The question is how to stop this? I know I must become more secure but how in real practical terms..
My ex moved into a different cycle (I assume..) 6 weeks after we broke up after 9 months together.... she is still hostile and angry despite her ending it to this day..
The other question I have is can an avoidant and addict ever actual reconcile when the relationship has alreafy crumbled? Can this bd fixed without therapy? I know I a love addict now and didn't af the time....
I now know what I am and what happened but she does not. Can you tell an avoidant these things? Is it possible to overcome their resentment for the person they once "loved?"
Same here brother im in it now 7months separate did you get help
hi there, thais gibson's "personal development school" videos have been helpful for me! But the main thing that has helped me grow (I am still struggling, but in a MUCH healthier place than in the past) is introspecting every time I feel triggered to chase or to run. I had a disorganized attachment style, and I would usually get triggered to be anxious or avoidant depending on my partner at the time. Now when I feel the urge to do either, I look inward to what fears are coming up and I try not to act on the fears. I communicate with my partner if necessary, but NOT in an attempt to change their behavior. I do not try to suppress my anxious or avoidant feelings. I try to respond differently to them.
Very good questions. My avoidant recovering addict feels resentment but he left. Maybe there is a third party I didn't know about at that time. Anyway I'm attending therapy, coda & love addicts meetings and 95% I can relate to our dynamics while we were together. Sad and very painfull I had to learn it the hard way. But I'm gratefull I found help.
Great explanation! Sometimes I'm love avoidant, sometimes I'm love addicted. Is this normal?
I don’t know if it’s normal 😉😉😆, but you’re not alone! 🥰🙂🙏🏼
Well having both issues I wouldn’t care if it’s normal but we are experiencing it
disorganized attachment style. it is something you can work on :)
I was thinking the same thing. I seem to have tendencies of both the love addict and the avoidant
Yes, it is common that sometimes we switch the roles…
Holy shit this described everything Ive experienced with my last girlfriend to a T. Im the love addict
How do i buy this book that you are holding?
If you have not been able to find a mate for decades, is it still considered love addiction or is it just loneliness?
This is me and my ex omg
Same😕