Nex of 24 years said he always knew it would turn out bad.... I told him, he caused the problems that led to the outcome he claimed he didn't want. It hit me at that point he was intentionally (maybe subconsciously) self sabotaging so he could be right about the outcome. Absolute insanity!
My recent ex is a penniless 50 year old without even a pot to p*ss in. And yet he treats my hospitality as though he's above it, refuses to pull his weight in my lovely home, has not cleaned or lifted a finger since he moved in, moans about the quality of MY TV, the fact that I dont have a dishwasher, and generally treats the privilege of being here as though he's DOING me a favour. This "relationship" has ended just as his last one did (he told me that was his decision but I've seen the email proving that it was hers for the same reasons including his incessant cheating/trying to cheat). So this is at least the second wonderful opportunity in quick succession that he has sabotaged. Once the effects of the gaslighting faded "you are the most awful demanding woman ever" and the messages from his mother telling me that he deserved more respect and that he was upset because he couldnt use the washing machine for two days because I was using it 😂, I came to realise it's actually desperately sad. This is a "man" who has never grown up. He is literally unable to see himself in an adult setting with the normal responsibilities that come with it. He's like one of those camera things on Amazon (see it in your room)..he likes the idea of being in an adult setting, in a relationship with all the trappings, but he is literally unable to participate to the degree that is necessary for the other party to get ANY satisfaction from it. And I swear it's actually defiant. If someone (a woman) wants something from him, then he categorically MUST not give it, because then he's not on top. Hey ho. He talked WAY too much anyway, and only about his utterly boring self 😂
05:14 yep, the oppportunity shows the narcisist how he "lacks" something: leadership, skill, network. And from this "lackintg" point, the inner voice of criticism plunders the mind....and instead of going to the "next level" to achieve this points, it may inner sabotage it all to mantain that inner story of "perfection"
He went to job Interviews just to feel superior. He knew that he will never really Change his Job. Now he ist still sitting at his lame Job and complains how hard and boring it ist.
It's an aversion to not being on top in some situation. Like being offered an entry level position at a prestigious firm when they feel they deserve a senior role. Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.
I still remember that awful moment when I offered my help to fix her bicycle. It made her aggressive'ish in a very inappropriate and strange way but I didn't have the heart to brand her a narcissist for a small thing like this when everything else was so beautiful. Now I know better: we just passed peak lovebombing and a week later I was discarded. Even worse, I tried to figure out what was wrong, why the sudden distance and so on but this only led to the most subtle, cruel and total devaluation. Lies, fraud and false hope sung by an angelic voice, contempt and disgust secretly planted on most politely and tenderly written texts. White torture. After a few weeks of trying I had to uno-reverse discard her in order to not further damage my sanity. 2 months later I still mourn her false self. It is so painful to admit that "she" never existed in the first place and I fell in love with an illusion.
@@natolinas It was not the only thing. It just happened to fit under this video ;-) that "bicycle incident" was just a teaser for a whole arsenal of abuse I had to endure but I want to spare you the details. Meanwhile she successfully hoovered her abusive ex so I guess congratulations to both of them... may they be unhappy together in their everlasting on-off shitshow of a relationship. You still got a point there: I am indeed worried about running into another one like her, although I would not call it paranoid but hypervigilant. The slightest clue of a red flag/dejavu can trigger me right back into similar situations with her or her conspecifics. I know it's not good for me or even fair towards other women but I am working on healing. My heart has been broken many times but at least I do have a heart!
Nex of 24 years said he always knew it would turn out bad.... I told him, he caused the problems that led to the outcome he claimed he didn't want. It hit me at that point he was intentionally (maybe subconsciously) self sabotaging so he could be right about the outcome. Absolute insanity!
My recent ex is a penniless 50 year old without even a pot to p*ss in. And yet he treats my hospitality as though he's above it, refuses to pull his weight in my lovely home, has not cleaned or lifted a finger since he moved in, moans about the quality of MY TV, the fact that I dont have a dishwasher, and generally treats the privilege of being here as though he's DOING me a favour. This "relationship" has ended just as his last one did (he told me that was his decision but I've seen the email proving that it was hers for the same reasons including his incessant cheating/trying to cheat).
So this is at least the second wonderful opportunity in quick succession that he has sabotaged. Once the effects of the gaslighting faded "you are the most awful demanding woman ever" and the messages from his mother telling me that he deserved more respect and that he was upset because he couldnt use the washing machine for two days because I was using it 😂, I came to realise it's actually desperately sad.
This is a "man" who has never grown up. He is literally unable to see himself in an adult setting with the normal responsibilities that come with it. He's like one of those camera things on Amazon (see it in your room)..he likes the idea of being in an adult setting, in a relationship with all the trappings, but he is literally unable to participate to the degree that is necessary for the other party to get ANY satisfaction from it. And I swear it's actually defiant. If someone (a woman) wants something from him, then he categorically MUST not give it, because then he's not on top.
Hey ho. He talked WAY too much anyway, and only about his utterly boring self 😂
05:14 yep, the oppportunity shows the narcisist how he "lacks" something: leadership, skill, network. And from this "lackintg" point, the inner voice of criticism plunders the mind....and instead of going to the "next level" to achieve this points, it may inner sabotage it all to mantain that inner story of "perfection"
Wow, Sam, incredible, this was an insight BOMB, thank you.
Yes, this is a very strange phenomenon indeed.
Outstanding... Understanding the narcissists way of thinking is so critical. You'd never work this out without Prof Vaknin here!
True so happy to learn.
He went to job Interviews just to feel superior. He knew that he will never really Change his Job. Now he ist still sitting at his lame Job and complains how hard and boring it ist.
It's an aversion to not being on top in some situation. Like being offered an entry level position at a prestigious firm when they feel they deserve a senior role. Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven.
This explains SO MUCH. Thank you Professor!!
I still remember that awful moment when I offered my help to fix her bicycle. It made her aggressive'ish in a very inappropriate and strange way but I didn't have the heart to brand her a narcissist for a small thing like this when everything else was so beautiful. Now I know better: we just passed peak lovebombing and a week later I was discarded. Even worse, I tried to figure out what was wrong, why the sudden distance and so on but this only led to the most subtle, cruel and total devaluation. Lies, fraud and false hope sung by an angelic voice, contempt and disgust secretly planted on most politely and tenderly written texts. White torture. After a few weeks of trying I had to uno-reverse discard her in order to not further damage my sanity. 2 months later I still mourn her false self. It is so painful to admit that "she" never existed in the first place and I fell in love with an illusion.
@@sandramist8408 Well if we had truly gotten away we probably wouldn't have met here ;)
it sounds you might aswell be wrong. lightly smells like paranoia
@@natolinas It was not the only thing. It just happened to fit under this video ;-) that "bicycle incident" was just a teaser for a whole arsenal of abuse I had to endure but I want to spare you the details. Meanwhile she successfully hoovered her abusive ex so I guess congratulations to both of them... may they be unhappy together in their everlasting on-off shitshow of a relationship.
You still got a point there: I am indeed worried about running into another one like her, although I would not call it paranoid but hypervigilant. The slightest clue of a red flag/dejavu can trigger me right back into similar situations with her or her conspecifics. I know it's not good for me or even fair towards other women but I am working on healing. My heart has been broken many times but at least I do have a heart!
The Narcissist again, alters reality with his cognitive dissonance called grandiose
Well.. who has the gall to “offer” an opportunity??..the narc cannot deign to appear as if he NEEDS someone to do him a pathetic favor!
This sounds like Bill Dautrive from King of the Hill. But I thought he was supposed to be a depiction of a borderline, though, not a narcissist.
Can this also be called pride?
No.