12 Gaslighting Phrases Abusive People Use To Control You
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 лют 2025
- Here some of the most common gaslighting phrases abusive people use to control you. Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse in which a person uses manipulation and distraction to distort the truth and get you to doubt your own reality. Due to its insidious nature, gaslighting tactics can be hard to recognize and cope with. You can be gaslighted by someone without even realizing it.
Gaslighting in relationships is an extremely toxic and dangerous form of emotional manipulation. So it’s important to familiarize yourself with the most common gaslighting phrases narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths use to manipulate you.
Toxic people can ruin your life. So if you recognize the signs of a toxic relationship, it’s best to get out of it as soon as possible.
OTHER VIDEOS TO WATCH:
Why You NEVER Win With A Narcissist:
• Why You NEVER Win With...
7 Reasons Why You Attract TOXIC People:
• 7 Reasons Why You Attr...
14 Toxic Habits That Are Hurting Your Relationships:
• 14 Toxic Habits That A...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe To Our Channel for More Videos Like This!
TWITTER:
/ brainydose
FACEBOOK:
/ brainydose
INSTAGRAM:
/ brainydose
Audio & Video Production by Brainy Dose
------------------------------------------------------------------
Gaslighter: Provokes first
Victim: Gets justifiably upset or angry
Gaslighter: "yOu nEeD mEntAl hElP fOr yOur anGeR iSsuEs"
Omg yes the mental help for your anger issues
Reactive abuse. Ugh. Gotta love it
Literally.
My mom - after literally putting up with it for all of the 16 years of my life
Well, I just don't understand how you can be so mean to me after everything I've done for you
Unreal
I love how you wrote...
You need help with your mental issues...small & caps WHEN THEY ORCHESTRATED IT!😠What the hell?😠
Speaking the truth is an ‘insult’ to those who lie
Damn, that's deep. And accurate.
This is very true.
Also, when you mention their faults, you’re ‘stuck in the past’
But they’ll bring up a simple word you used years ago
Facts 👍
@@emilywritess 👍
I was roommates with a woman for two years. If I said anything that would piss her off, very soon after something would go missing. It didn't stop me from speaking my mind. One morning I was getting dressed. I went to put earrings on and I found to my horror my jewelry bag was gone. Instead of freaking out - I wanted to scream - I left the house immediately because I didn't think I could control myself. Without mentioning a word about my jewelry, I wrote several drafts of a text before I hit send telling her what an asshole I can be - I apologized for running my mouth - told her how great she is and how lucky I was to have her. When I got home I went right to my drawer and there it was. My jewelry bag was back. The gaslighting did not stop - I moved out a few months later.
Staying calm is the best way to deal with these people. They want you upset. Don't let them...
An won't hesitate to call the cops on you and send you to prison.
@@Manuel-t8s5u
That shit was tried on me, but I had an Ace in the hole
I got called a robot for acting calm and “ I don’t know why you trying to be a good citizen”
I'm the calm type luckily learning from stoicism. I was cold, apathetic, and vindictive at one pt enduring the trauma I did for way too long, developing PTSD. I swung back at full force in my high school yrs!
I have a friend with cPTSD tho so badly that she developed BPD and AUD from it. She's still very bad off despite being sober, already borderline relapsed. If I hadn't caught her in time, she'd have slipped back up...
(Typo fix for edit.)
@@jimmoravec1326 I check-mated someone with that once. I had actually voice recordings that involved court with an attorney! ♟️ I don't take any abuse lightly, esp when I witness it.
This is why boundaries are key. Keep your boundaries sky high, accept no bad behaviour. Make them take responsibility for themselves. I can't stand these narcissist abusers.
After I became sober .. I needed very strong boundaries .. that’s exactly how we clean are mental warehouse and kick the garbage to the curb .. it’s lonely but your mentally safe 💜
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 Better too be Lonely, atleast you know where you stand.
According to this guy you’d be considered the narcissist!! lol he’s really the one!! So don’t listen to him hun
“Make” then own it? They’ll die bitter & proclaiming their superiority with their last breath just to spite you.
That is the best statement ever!
I love it when someone pisses me off and then I get called "defensive" as if I'm not supposed to do that over someone else's abhorrent behavior.
yeah I get that a lot. Then 'stop attacking me' is usually my answer
Thank you, i know its not exclusive to me, but its still good to hear it confirmed.
I love what you just said so much
EXACTLY 💯
Saving this for later, nice one!
I hate when people say that I "read too much into things". Its extremely patronizing and condescending and disrespectful behavior.
I've been told that I "think too much". My counter to that statement is usually, "I disagree, perhaps it is you that thinks too little." Or in a broader scope "I feel that PEOPLE think too little." Seriously, people should try to think more - may surprise themselves & learn something. If they make it a habit, we may be able to create some positive momentum!
Amen💯
@@InLoveWithLove252Girl exactly 😂💯🙏🏽💗
Step 1: Know your own value.
Step 2: Realise that the person you thought that you were dating... is a figment of your imagination.
Step 3: Realise that you cannot fix them or change them.
Step 4: Walk away, AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
Step 5: Learn from the experience, including "red flags" that you missed early on (so that you don't make the same mistake by dating another gaslighter).
Yes, but perhaps on Step 2 - your mistake is only part of it; as much or more is likely to be due to their deceit.
@@MrMatthewhg I agree, a bit from both.
Step #4 is the REAL answer to getting your life and your self-esteem back.
This is all very true. Power and control is what they are after in a relationship. Once you are gone, they no longer have it.
unfortunately had to learn this the hard way, but its such good good advice. Never brush off a red flag, if you bring up something they do (that upsets you) and they don't make the changes the fist time, RUN. Forget the potential you see in them, its NOT worth it. They will not change and you deserve so much better.
I think their real goal is to make you an emotional wreck. It's exhausting not to be right about anything. Just the effort you put in defending the truth is completely draining. They have you doing this over and over. It starts out small, then it escalates. It's all about convincing you that you are once again mistaken.
Everything is my fault, Denies everything ever said. Oh and interrupted me after asking a question, and when I asked not to, it was my fault my sentence was too long and I’m not privileged enough to request that, everything is my fault. All of it, my apologies are never good enough because I only apologize for my mistakes not 100 percent of everything, if I even say hey this action made me feel this way, then I’m just degrading and belittling their character. Oh . They never do wrong, and if I do something and they ask me not to, but they do it and I request the same, I get “why you trying to be me. You want to be me so bad”
@@breannaschwartz2617 those last lines!!!!
the danger is when someone commits to knowing you enough to trick your brain into thinking what they are doing demands attention long enough for you to think about it despite knowing its wrong ;)
I feel your pain because I have ever been in this exact situation.
I don't get tired
When I finally started therapy and studying Stoic philosophy I stopped reacting to my ex's gaslighting and began responding in a calm manner, not allowing him to deflect. The first time I managed to stand my ground is when I got the "you're being abusive" line. I very calmly replied, "no, I'm simply not playing your game." And then I had to walk away because I wanted to laugh I was so proud of myself for not falling for his manipulative tactics!
Love it! ❤
Another phrase they like saying is "I don't feel safe!"
Going no contact is the ONLY way to end this abuse, and it's worth it!
Thanks 😊. At times, is difficult.
She called me a narcissist for that! Said that bcz if rather break in then argue I’m a gaslighter,, she listens to this guy who made this video and now I see exactly where she thinks that from,,
Like she bust my lip bcz she assumed I was upset that she was out late! Like really screamed. For 12 hrs and I had to say omgg STOP! Either we gon fix it or move tf on!! She’s also like this with everyone in her life!! Court placed a restraining order against her from nearing her mom!! 😢 sad af!!
@@fritsfelix8423Till you realize you don't , honestly, remember your childhood but,ba fake childhood you've gaslighted yourself to believe in?
@@ArterialJames1990What is nearing her Mom mean?
Yes!!!!!
Gaslighters are a very big problem. They light the gas, so they can come to your rescue." Don't you see what I've just done for you?" When they have created the entire problem.
Right the fuck on!
in that show YOU the main character does that to an extreme
This name actually come from a movie called "Gaslight" where a husband convince his wife she is crazy by manipulating her.
@@leahflower9924 Of course you know a thing or two about being gaslighted. No nice guys for you. Nice guys finish last. So I guess its guys like the ones from YOU that you are totally attracted to and enable their abusive manipulative ways.
@@marcelamsss Im sure you know a thing or two about being gaslighted yourself...
My mother has done all of these, even at the age of almost 80. Truth means NOTHING to her. Call her out on her terrible misdeeds, she'll retort with "Why are you treating me this way? Why are YOU abusing me?" Pure evil. Beyond help. Beyond hope.
WOW! Hey that you can phrase a sentence in a positive tone sounds like you have seen the abuse, and now have a plan to improve yourself and move forward! Might sound preachy, if you don't interact, you don't lose! Move forward always!
Yep, my mother will even call adult protective services and lie bald faced with some claim of abuse then get defensive when you call her a liar.
Even my aunt was like "if you weren't a liar you wouldn't get so defensive "
And if you defend me or whoever is in her cross hairs then she'll turn on them and it never ends with her, she's always arguing and couldn't even hold a job she's so caustic
Fortunately both my parents have long since been worm food but the scars they left live on.
I just blocked my toxic brother from my life today. I'm sick of him creating drama.
My mom too 83 and still the same she calls me crazy and nuts and I remember my dad( he’s was one too) used to call her that and she would get so angry she’d hit him sometimes. Anyway told my mom this 3 months ago and once again the silent treatment. She only does this to me when we argue she goes silent and blocks me from calling her. I believe this time I’m done.
By watching this video, not only do I recognize that I have been emotionally abused in the past but I have also been guilty of gaslighting. I recognize now that I need to work on this to become a better person.
Powerful comment ❤
Holy crap!! So true!!!
Me too...Hugs! 🤗💕
It depends if you have spoken these things with malice in mind. Many times these can be benign, like saying to someone they are imagining things.
Respect
I always knew he was lying, cheating, belittling me and gaslighting, but to hear all of these phrases he used with me actually defined as gaslighting made me see my own behavior of begging him for forgiveness when I had done nothing wrong and giving my power to him. This was a huge break through for me just now. Thank you for posting these videos to help others. 🙏🏼❤️
Hah! I stand my ground, I won't let anyone tell me I'm wrong or it me. When I know, it's them. If it's me! I own it and I always apologize and try not to repeat the behavior of this sick attitude
These narcissist will accuse you of gaslighting while their doing it to you
well happy that you found out and do the right thing.
GOD bless you for an excellent future
👍
I heard "I never said that" so many times that i started sending the texts and emails back to them to show them the proof they gave me themselves. Then they would come at me with the one phrase that was missing on this list: it was a joke
That’s why I keep everything and then they deflect onto something else and u hit ‘em again with a text or email u will get ghosted asap
That kinda fits into the part where you are told that you misunderstood them. It being a "joke" would be very similar.
It’s always “that was a joke” “I was joking”… hate that
this is the bullshit I'm currently dealing with and its driving insane.... like someone else said in the comments "just the effort you put defending the truth is completely draining"... and the sad part is that small things become big things later... lie about stupid shit and because of that now everything they say is questionable. is a total nightmare
It wasn't a joke, even if it was a joke: it wasn't funny!
"I think you need help." People have tried that on me, and I just say "If I'm all messed-up, you probably shouldn't hang out with me. Bye."
Exactly... lol
@@Fiatlux2024suicide not allowed
Sometimes it’s a true statement though. My wife will constantly blame me for everything. She will start fights over the smartest things and then tell me I always want to fight with her. Yes, I’ve told her she needs help. It wasn’t gaslighting. I’m just tired of being the punching bag.
If three people say it's a duck, it's a duck. Don't duck accountability. Ask for a second and third opinion from people that you KNOW will be honest with you. Don't cherry pick your most validating friends to find justification either.
'You're too sensitive' can also be one of those phrases. When you are sensitive by nature, but within reason, so to speak. Meaning not too easily offended, etc... Thanks for this video! 👍
When I say that to someone who really is sensitive and they are trying to galight me they get mad
Women fall for gaslighting every single solitary time
Right? My stepmother aka mommy dearest,used to say that to me all time. She would say it in a tone of voice as if there was something seriously wrong with me.
She made me believe I was unworthy of love and that I was seriously damaged. Followed by a beating.
my dad said that all the time; wait, says 😮
I get that at work.
Some of them are so skillful the actually get you apologize for reacting to their abusive behavior.
yes this
As soon as your voice goes up you're the problem, not them!
Were not legally allowed to eliminate the threat. Its not survival of the fittest anymore. Its protect every soul because they pay petty taxes. Thats the system were in.
Happened with Me too!!
I did that for ten years. I even started therapy to try to better myself. I found out something entirely different. Now I'm starting over and will never look back.
People who gaslight others are not good at communicating thier genuine feelings ,they are so TOXIC,they are manipulative ,on purpose ,they deflect and do damage INTENTIONALLY.....
I had that experience! It stinks! Stay far away from them
@@deborahwolff5651 Right..
Yes but they know how to do a talking that hits your heart and core.
@@Vi-pv3xi Gaslighters are evil..
Exactly! They have absolutely no communication skills. They are twisted creatures.
I've been researching narcissism
I keep hearing experts say romantic relationships. But for many people, narcissism typically starts between parents and children.
100% true. Children of narcissists will be easy targets for a narcissist in adulthood.
Will teach you how to lie
@@conniehayes4957Or take u 2 the psychiatrist & have u put on psych meds 2 cover up their parental ineptitude.
Totally agreeable!!
My parents were great. Others...not so much
And they make you responsible for things that they should take responsibility for. So if / when it goes wrong, it's 'your fault' not theirs.
This video is actually bringing up a lot of stress and anxiety right now with the constant crap i have to deal with on a daily basis. And I love the sayings "Get over yourself" or "Just leave". My responses "If I could I would" or "Don't you think I would've if I could". It's not always a choice; it's either deal with it or live in your car. And then you have those fun, seemingly, random mental breakdowns.
What I did was figure out how to pacate him so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. I call it the bobble head. Then you work on a plan that will keep from couch surfing. He told me once he had to be mean because if he didn't I'd walk all over him. My advice is get away as fast as you reasonably can. Go to a shelter. Tell people what's going on. For me his friends were shocked but saw the bruises. I never said a thing and made excuses. He blamed me for his friends turning against him. The hardest part is understanding why he's like this and learning to care for yourself more than feeling empathy and wanting to help him or her and to love and believe in yourself more.
oh, boy...i had a mother and an ex boyfriend, just alike (and friends) who used to tag team me.
Living in a car is great! Get a good car, though. Maybe Mazda 6 estate 2.2 diesel in soul red. Great family car, no pun intended, for, ekhem, enthusiasts ;)
My bf does says those words too!! "Get over it, just leave". "You made me smash your phone.."you made me hit you".."He threatened to push me down the stairs n I say that is psycho thing to say he says "well did I"? "You stress me out" n he starts screaming n hits the wall. On top of verbal abuse..or "end of discussion"
@@PinkScorpion333 You have to leave before you become a headline in the local news, and in such a way he doesn't know about it until you are safe far away.
Don't be guilt ridden. Trust yourself. Help yourself. And your love will not change them. Rather You'll end up draining on your basic level of self love. You may/ may not have support of those who make up your support system . You got to have your own back.
I recall clearly everything that happened and will not be detoured from truth and fact
@@donnaparks1919 I hope you are doing well now. Take care. 💕
@@divyashree6527 thanks u always in fight mode but still alive and learning more been gone no contact but in same neighborhood GOD BLESS HAPPY 4th
@@donnaparks1919 I hope things get her better soon. And you too stay safe. Happy 4th. 🥰
Amen. Trust YHWH and Yashua as well .
They also try to convince you that if someone does something wrong to you then it’s wrong but if they do the exact same thing you then it’s okay because of who they are to you
yes. my variation of that was - I would tell him of someone who said something bad to me; but if he said the same thing, I was attacking HIM.
My variation - my friend would say "instead of thinking why did I did this to you, think about what you did that made me act like this"
The nerve these people have!
One word that will disarm any gas lighters attacks is “Ok”, and then walk away.
Works with bosses too
Just broke off a relationship where I tried that and when she saw I was not biting in the conflict, she would start becoming physically abusive towards me and say that I was the violent one towards her. It was so annoying.
@Gemma Dann it’s all about the intonation 😉
@@DemonSlide you took her power away, that’s why she turned violent. Good for you for walking away. 👍
@Gemma Dann haha good for you!! How did he react?
My biggest mistake in life was that I stayed married to a gaslighter for 17 years!!! So glad that I eventually managed to get myself and my girls out of the extremely toxic abusive relationship. What eventually gave me power to do so, was seeing the same abuse starting to happen to my eldest daughter by her dad (my abusive husband)!! Divorced for 5 years now, never been happier!!
He was probably your favorite mistake and wouldve relived the abuse because you loved him so....but he was probably nailing your younger prettier sister...
And best friend
Same! I’ve been with him 17 years and we’ve been separated for 1 month now! It’s the beginning of our divorce
I’m so glad you made it out and hope you’re healing from it a lot. I’ve been married almost 2 years and it took my best friend to point it out to me and then I saw all the red flags since we started dating. The anxiety is getting so bad but i have to be strategic on how to get out
It also took me 17 yrs to finally separate from my husband, never been happier and feeling so alive again...too many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I can even write a 📚...
SLAYYY!!! IM SO PROUD OF U GIRL!!
I hate when a gaslighter says "I'm only trying to help you". They are not.....and they know they are not.
Dog not allowed ect
Or maybe they genuinely are and you just want to cling on to your victim mentality?
@@sebastiansprucer7609 You could as easily be holding onto your own victim mentality as well. Anybody could. You are referring to the mentality of being in denial I take it?
Yes, there are those individuals who refuse to accept reality.
But I'm referring to the gaslighters who deceive and ruin good people for their own nefarious reasons.
Do you believe gaslighting exists and that those who do such things should be held accountable?
Yet another gaslighter !☺️
@shawnmendrek3544 don't die as a disbeliever
I used to call him a liar, but gaslighting is the perfect discription of my ex.
I became alive after I left him.
If God says know, leave peacefully.
Says no?
Are you ok now
If you're lucky. Jesus didn't come with peace. Sometimes, you have to put your foot down for what you're about or not about.
@@yolandagrabowski6043 ❤️🙌🦋🙏
@@franceshaggitt3104 I think she meant "now."
The, "you're reading to much into things" or "why do you care?" "You're overthinking/over analyzing things" hits really hard at home for me haha.
I also hate when people gaslight by saying "you're overthinking" because 1.) Its insulting and condescending 2.) Its power trippy 3.) Its relative.....meaning you are being more thorough and detail oriented evaluating a certain situation to understand the truth.
So those who accuse you of overthinking.....screw them. You can think as thoroughly as you damn well please to get to the answer. Its not their place to critique you on how deep you want to analyze a situation.
Fully agree I love my deep thinking self it keeps me free from gaslighters! 🎉😅
This is pure FACTS. My Mom is a huge Gaslighter. Once you recognize it, you see it clear as day,
You know what??? Those words can not be any more further from the truth....once you recognize it, becomes clearer right!
My mom is too and my father. I hope ur out of your relationship with your mom. As a teenager dealing with my own crap my mom blames almost everything on me.
As is mine, then I became the same in my relationship with the mother of my children. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing that you've become what you always feared. Time for redemption.
@@brirandall2894 Elaborate.
@@CreativeSoul101Do y'all hear yourselves??? Seriously! Look at the true percentages of Mom's being narcissistic and the millions pretending both parents are isn't reality.
Everyone, please don't let people do this to you. Get out before you snap. It's only a matter of time before you become the crazy person they've been telling you that you are. Love y'all
I couldn't agree more! 💯
My wife used to verbally abuse me and when I tried to defend myself, she would accuse me of.... surprise!.... gaslighting her.
@@theeclectic2919 Thank you for sharing! Now tonight my son called me to tell me that he was gaslighted by his woman. I've seen that he's got a different expression on his face, but I thought it was because he's too busy at work. It emerged that she belittled him, ridiculed him in front of others and a whole lot. I am sitting here in shock, because he has always been a mentally strong person. He doesn't discuss properly, he thinks too slowly (he has an IQ of 140 and his head seems sharp on him and it always has been), etc. But he told me that his memory is worse because of stress and he is so afraid to walk home. That is so sad. I have asked him to go, we have room for him with us. But that means he has to change jobs. Did you get help from your family? What can I do as a mother?
That's true!!!
So true, but if you stay or stayed and are now crazy just know there is hope. You can find yourself again.
You know where I suddenly realize that I encountered gaslighting? In school. This was my teachers' blanket response to all the problems I encountered, especially bullying or abuse from the other kids. And this was true virtually everywhere I lived, during a lifetime of moving, at all grade levels until I got into college.
That is so sad
I know what you were going through cause I got mistreated the same way when I was a kid right through until I graduated from high school. The teachers would blanket it like nothing happened it was total BS.
What was the blanket response?
I agree I went to Catholic school and got beatings everyday!! They were very abusive back in the 60s !! I was 5 or 6 when they started!!
@@mikeross2728 🧸 🍓 sorry you went thru that🧸
My parents were both teachers, and I became a teacher...theres' an undercurrent of emotional awareness seeping in slowly I believe, but jeez the cruelty is rife, I mean covert / control/ humiliation/ even in nursery schools, bless their hearts , so many traumatised people in general( teachers parents carers, everyone!) and systems which need to be streamlined and loved into proper inspiring caring loving environments connected to communities. but thankfully there are Angels everywhere, and we r sensitive and strong together. I believe. And we can create better 🎉
When I express a problem with someone's behavior, I'm told that I'm being overly sensitive. But when they have a problem with someone else's behavior it's a valid complaint???
YES thank you! That’s totally CHEATING hypocrisy..
The more mature I am the more I understand what gaslighting is..
Just cut some of my old friends that I thought I'm okay reconnecting with them otherwise after analyzing some patterns and healed 'some parts' of my self, it's okay to stay in the distance eventhough I still forgive them, you'll realize they're so miserable.. but you don't have to care that much, becoz u don't wanna be contaminated by their toxicities.. sometimes it's sad seeing them with their destructive patterns, or even worse if it's pathological.. oh bless them😩. and This video is such a clear confirmation! Thank You.
👍🏻✨🙏🏻
Yes me too. Good for you.
Omg, I am going exactly the same with your situation! Sometimes we outgrow certain people and it's not our full responsibility to make them see what is right or wrong and some are just content with being in their comfort zone.
I couldn’t let that happen, I will call people out on their shady behavior. I have no problem sticking up for myself or admitting when I’ve done wrong
I did sis then smeared all over neighborhood her church contacted people in my apartment complex but she's only exposing herself I have to have help with something's due to severe dyslexia it people we both know no matter who I get to help me she finds out next time they may a comment I will call it what it is
Exactly!! I told you you are so full of it !! He said if you know this then why are you with me .... I said I’m full of it too lol
Why is it that whatever women say doesnt matter and is irrelevant?
@@ruebencristobal7790 not sure what you mean
@@brandinelson6470 Does anybody take western women seriously?
My parents check off all of these points three times over, thanks so much for doing this video. Thanks to this I now have a better understanding of the malicious tactics my abusers employ, as well as ideas on how to formulate effective countermeasures. This won't be over until I move out and go no-contact, permanently, but at least for the time being I can keep as much sanity as I can.
Thank you. Yes, please. Just exit gracefully. No one deserves that kind of treatment.
So true, Thanks.
To exit... From a public space e. g. Supermarket at open hrs, in ur own private domicile,..
Specialists could onlysuggest read up CBT therapy, cognitive dissonance..
Helpful strangers also suggest migrate overseas, bring along a or any young child to my public outings, a or any companion alongside to there..
What phrases!! Every one that passes u by click their tongues, would verve / turned too suddenly without warning(when I alrdy using medical-grade designed walking stick - due to physical balancing issues)or come close, just briefly enuff, giving unpleasant freeze-shock (invading personal space) esp a man to my femaleness - all these to elicit my automatic apology?!! , catch ur eye to turn their backs or their faces directly away 90°
as u responded humanlike,
What is definition, proffesionally of Community Violence?
Community - as in others of different cultures do same behaviour actions to check out alternative responses to a too familiar cultural phenomena.
@Gemma Dann -this is my neighbor. What a nut case and pathological liar.
@Gemma Dann -this woman plays victim as well. I worked for her, did many things for her and was kind to her. Being kind doesn’t get you any where. It’s a long story and I’m tired of telling it. She’s not nice. I thought of leaving but I’m staying in my house. This week I am putting up cameras. I have been followed, slandered and have taken what they dished out. I will continue to be happy. She will not take that away from me.
@@lonerhappysuicide not allowed
Gaslighting can be very dangerous. I know because in 2019 I almost wasn't here because I thought I was insane. I couldn't trust my own mind. It was a crazy time. This was in the work place. It happened to me recently, but luckily this time 2019 educated me into knowing the term gaslighting & what the signs are, so I handled it much better
did i write this? lol
wondering if I wrote it too!
This is really good stuff! As a psychotherapist, I always advise my clients to listen for any "You statements" as signs of emotional and possible narcissistic abuse. Always ask for I-statements only. Narcs have a really difficult time with that because they totally avoid responsibility for their feelings and need to project their rage onto those around them. Keep these videos coming. I'd like to see more on covert narcissism. This is REALLY hard to spot but criticial to identify in its early stages.
@fireandrose1962 💯 I Agree! Well Said!
Suicide not allowed
I was accused of being a narcissist because upon being asked about something I was dealing with, I used the word I too much. I’ve given up.
Oh, Dr. Ramani is the one you're looking for, she's absolutely, totally AWESOME!
Exactly, I found myself in the position that I was begging and apologising for things that wasnt my fault ... it's so weird once aware and looking back... it was so emotionally painful and confusing, and wanting their love and validation at the time, to fix me somehow, but refuse to realise their part. Yeah I've been doing some of the work on self belief and self love... so I guess I wont be hooked on people having to believe me (that's still a struggle) or their validation and hanging round longer than I should to try and 'fix things'. Peaceout homies x
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Tolerated this for the better part of two years. I got caught up trying to "prove" myself to her. And she just continued to get worse and worse.
The invalidation was very real and very often.
For anyone that may be reading this, PLEASE do not do as I did and continue to tolerate it.
GET AWAY from it as soon as you can...
When I say that it absolutely destroyed my self confidence and my view of myself... it truly did.
I've been single since January 2017 and up until a probably April of this year (2022), I haven't even so much as had a hug from someone else because I've kept my distance and constantly blamed myself for everything.
Only now through therapy have I learned that what I went through was not okay and not deserved.
You deserve better than someone who invalidates you and manipulates your emotional well-being.
It can truly destroy your perception of yourself for years and affect you in other areas of life.
Please do not give someone that kind of power over you.
For me to not put up with it, I have to physically die.
I got rid of narc third final time he was worse after two years. I hear you. Are you okm now
😢❤💯
Sending love your way, its going to be ok.
Devil woman?
I used to be so ashamed of how I thought my past relationship went. After I learned some of this, it made it easier to move on, but I still had to go through years of owning things that were not mine!
Suicide not allowed
You forgot, "No one will believe you".
My ex said “if it was real abuse you would be black and blue it’s not even that bad. They’ll just laugh at you”
It doesn't matter what anyone believes what matters is the truth
@@warrenmccarty256 truth is a perspective. As in witnessing a car wreck, it all depends where you're viewing it from. No one owns truth.
@@mediumofhappiness1194 anybody that talks like that is following the wrong monkey that's the speech of Satan it doesn't matter what your perspective is the truth is the truth it does not Bend it doesn't twist it doesn't break and a lie will fall apart no matter how hard you try can't hold it together that usually blows up in your face
They dont realise noone ever believes anyone in this egotistical society. It doesnt stop most people from telling someone about it these days.
What about..." you just destroyed the best thing that ever could have happened to you in your life" (him apparently)
I tend to disagree with him there.
I put up with this for 4 years. He kept everything I owned. I fled to the other side of the world just to safe my life 💜
I got away with only what I was wearing because he thought that I'd have to go back to him if he kept everything.
I had to borrow so many things for months but I didn't go back and I eventually came out on top.
This is what's happening to me. I just got a job so I can leave. Everything will be left behind.
I lost everything too. Now, 9 years later, I have rebuilt my life. My heart breaks for you all. It's worth leaving everything to have peace. ❤
@@patticakesintexas So True Dat 💖
You cant win by calling them out. They'll just say you're doing the thing you're accusing them off. It will make you feel insane. Just find self worth and move on. It will never change.
I’m a little shook right now because I’m watching this video after an argument with my partner today. He established 7 out of these statements. Word by word.
Called me an abusive person, aggressive, started diagnosing me(???!) as having a Split personality, said “I love you but you need help”, then immediately denied saying these terrible things, deflected, and said I imagined them. Turned it around and said I was putting words in HIS mouth...And so on. It was extremely hurtful and made me doubt my truths.
When I broke down crying he followed me into the room and said "omg look at you having a mental breakdown in the middle of the day! Enough with your alligator tears."
It was absolutely shocking, but this video is helping me tons. Thank you for making this video.
You need to break up with him
Wake up and break up
You’re just misunderstanding him
How do you Feel when he is not there?
Peaceful, calm, happier?
I csnt advise you, but You Know
Yoh just Know
Treat yslf like 👷♀️🤴🦸♀️🦸♂️🧚♀️🧙♀️🧙♂️
Royalty.
If you put up with sh"t, that is what u r saying " oh yes please, universe" to
You know how you feel.
It's not Love, it's an obsession , An old habit
Respect. You are Worth a LOT MORE dude!!🎉❤
he should be your x...it will never change
Yes, it's very difficult to know especially when it's the immediate family member you grew up with. In that case a child growing up has no idea what a healthy relationship should be or even look like. Unfortunately it takes much longer, even into middle age to realize you were brought up without any idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Dog not allowed ect
I’ve taken to maintaining a diary. I do not use it as a weapon, but I do use it to reassure myself that indeed, I’m remembering things correctly.
"You're crazy, you're nuts"... Making you doubt your sanity for holding them accountable.
I think one way to detect gaslighting is to ask yourself "If I believed this, what would the other person get - or get away with?" (I wouldn't ask the gaslighter anything.)
It was hell. I didn't know that the term "gaslighting" even existed... every single point you mentioned corresponds exactly with what I went through and what he tried to achieve, in particular point 7. Thank God I managed to escape 🙏🏽
After years I withdrew and started to not even like myself..I couldn't be me while I was with him...so many years..but it's over now. I see more and more every day what I hadn't seen while I was with him..honestly the strong hold starts releasing when you stop being intimate with him ( her) 💯
Yes, you hit the nail on the head. They want to destroy your identity. When they are around you can't be yourself.
It's very wonderful when one comes to understanding gaslighting. You can spot it immediately, and then you realize it's not you, but the gaslighter who is the problem. My boss tried to do it to me once too often, and I caught on right away. I quit my job, and I've never been sorry.
Very helpful. I had no idea that him saying I need therapy is gaslighting but I had a strong sense something was off. So glad to have clarity and strength to move on.
i actually quit the best-paying job i'd had at that time, as my boss fit this mold exactly. i gave no notice. i just didn't go to work. when he phoned, i told him i would not be back. the verbal abuse was so horrific that i didn't care if he gave me bad references to future employers.
Good for you, and that was so courageous. I quit on my own father, lol. He was standing over me in his office, berating me, and I told him I wasn't taking that from ANYONE, including him.
Just quit my job for the same reason, I will not take that crap… bye bye
@@eagleeye2300 Was your father a lawyer? LOL
@@deeandrews7051 🤣🤭
Yes, many workplaces are totally toxic. Deflecting their own problems, just burdening others with their own questionable life choices.
My ex-wife was acting mad at me. I asked her what was wrong, her answer was you know. I answer no I don't. She said think about it. At that time I started to walk away. Then She asked me where I was going,I responded to go and think about it. Never gave it another thought.
And they actually try to convince you that you're the problem and abusive when you cry and express hurt and confusion. You know exactly what happened/is happening and they deny, deny, deny.
After 2 narc husbands, my NPD mother informed me that I had no business dating because I was bad at picking good men. Hmmm, she picked my first husband, and basically set me up to be a narc magnet. After one more relationship with an extreme, diagnosed NPD, who almost killed me, I finally got counselling and learned who did this to me, and how I could fix it. I worked on my self esteem, and simultaneously kicked every narc friend or family member to the curb...no contact. It’s been 5 years, and I am finally happy.
Not your Moms fault, again learn how to say no...I have 2 sons with NPD and trys to blame me for everything...1 is a horrible grifter like DT so advice learn how to say no and stick to it.
Thank you for this video
It made me realise people around me are gaslighting me all time even it was not my fault .
Prefer to be alone and happier !
You love it
Prefer to speak to people who discuss such important issues and to people who are dealing with very bad people, like I have to deal with very bad people. We can learn from each other and help each other.
My yearlong goal, vow is to stay alone & single forever. This is whats good for me
These phrases always sent me over the edge because I don't stand for whatever disrespect comes my way
Since society has changed, this video is like a refresher course on how to navigate and handle situations like this. In life, we can't always play the victim card when we can just not be around these toxic people. Remember, we are human, and we all make mistakes; this video drives that point in all directions. Another blueprint Brainy Dose has laid it out for us.
I come across a few at work and among roommates. The gas lighter/narcissist is one of the most difficult to cure due to past environmental and social upbringing and damage. They even can try to throw up trained counselors trying to treat their problem. I find that it is either best to stick to facts no matter what they say and draw boundaries, then don’t continue to engage them. Then after that if they don’t apologize, then ignore them as if they are not there. That drives them nuts. Best to try to stay away from them as they are too toxic and will likely not change their behavior and attitude.
Excellent video. I'm mentally drained from all ten mentioned. Nothing you say will shut them down. You can't even cry. I had 4 PPOs
He, my narcisist ex, petitioned them and won 1 bc he befriended an attorneys secretary and she guided him. He contacted me by phone after receiving one and the judge gave him a warning even though I had 500 printed texts from him. I was able to get his probation officer to convince him I fear for my life so he filed a no contact order and my ex received it today. He cannot petition this one. I don't feel the no contact will help me and I am moving 3 hours away tomorrow. I accept responsibility for allowing to be abused. I had no boundaries and thought I could handle a narcisist sociopath evil person. I am free now. Looking forward to major therapy and going back to me. Run from anyone that has traits mentioned in this video. Teach children about personal boundaries as soon as they can talk.
I've heard them all before. So glad I'm divorced almost 3 years now
Is there a difference in quality of life how is he doing now and how are you doing financially
I have also heard all of them and keep hearing them every now n then.
What a coincidence so am I going on three she still tries to f*** my head but I won't let it happen keep your head up
@@jojored9647 right on. Don't let her. Every toxic person has his day coming. He still tries to play mind games with me to from afar as if I don't know he's a freakin narcissist.
@@warrenmccarty256 I have no idea about his quality and honestly I could care less. I'm doing better financially now than when I was with him. I'm a travel nurse and take vacations every 3 months. Just flew in from Boston and Rhode Island vacationing all alone and I absolutely love it.❤ I went completely NO CONTACT after the divorce.
It’s taken me 59 years to see and realise that the only family I have (the ones I was taught to believe in as a safety net before anything/anyone else) are all toxically enmeshed in a unprocessed and trauma-bonded cult around a narcissistic mother, and that I’ve been emotionally abused in private and emotionally neglected in childhood by all my immediate family my whole life as the youngest (and ‘invisible’) one, and that in so many key respects Ive had to emotionally parent myself. It’s taken a phenomenal tole on me but also on my life chances. I’m still single, jobless and broke (despite being well-educated) and very, very scared. I know I have symptoms of CPTSD but I can’t afford support therapy, and what caused me to suddenly realise all this was one year ago when I suddenly found myself alone and dependent on their support after Brexit and the pandemic took the wheels off the life abroad I’d desperately tried to create to escape them and their treatment 25 years ago. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve taken to just praying every day and taking long walks when I can steal time for them. Why isn’t there a place where people like us, who learn these things in moments of personal crisis (too late in life) can at least find recognition, validation to fight the extreme isolation, and get understanding support to help us escape and survive? If someone is suicidal, they are often told “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. But what if it isn’t temporary? What if the abusers are all you’ve got and it feels too late to regain a life and independence worth living, all alone in a world getting more and more full of danger and crisis(?) I feel sorry for all the people commenting here.
I am in pretty much the same situation. I’m 29 so from your comment I assume a lot younger than you, but I too have nothing because of the family patriarch that is my grandfather. He controls nearly all of my life and I lost my entire 20s to him. Friday was the line in the sand for me when he degraded me because I’m a woman. I’ve taken the financial control, the emotional control - but now the attacks on something I can’t control or choose? No, I can’t do this anymore. I’ve cut ties with him but because he has total financial control I will more than likely end up homeless… I’m just hoping homelessness can potentially get me some help I need? Maybe I’ll be taken seriously by the services then? I don’t know. All I know is I’m not scared anymore, I’ve taken his abuse my whole life, I literally don’t fear anything anymore.
@@AmySmith-qt6qgWhen you no longer care about the money, they can't control you over " a safe shelter" ... You have to choose leaving and being without to get that freedom. There is no such thing as fairness in this world.
Same here, same amount of time, too. Dad is the narc here. I don't trust him. Ever!
@jackilynpyzocha662 dog not allowed ect
@@lorireed8046don't die as a disbeliever
My husband is a classic gaslighter who has used all these phrases with me over the last four years of our marriage. And you are right emotionally abusive relationships change to physically abusive ones too. I spoke out, tried to stand up for myself, sought help from parents and they supported me as far as they could. But this society always stand by the abusers because they are powerful. Such people are very good at manipulating people and make them believe that they are good. The society including my relatives, friends,church vicar blamed my parents, in some way or other and advised me to forget the past and trust him. My husband showed no remorse and kept using these phrases one way or other to put the blame on me. I used to stay in the same building as my parents but now he is forcing me to move somewhere else. Honestly i dont feel safe. I don't trust him. But I hv no one who would understand or support me. I am worried about my 11 month old son. My emotional trauma could take a toll on him too.But the worst part is lack of evidence. Our feelings get dismissed as stupidity, arrogance, immaturity and selfishness. No one hold these abusers accountable. Marriage becomes a cage where you are trapped forever with your abuser. I want to exit because I don't think my husband will change but society is not kind to a woman like me and even if pursue the path of divorce I will be condemned as an arrogant and selfish woman because the abusers version is always upheld. Unfortunately u can't show a judge the scars left on your mind, the deep impact on your emotions and stress caused by the trauma. Instead you get blamed, silenced and judged condemned to suffer in silence.
When you learn to value yourself as a whole and complete soul, then you will not be worried about what others think and feel more than you care about what you think and feel.
FLEE!!!!!! Don't look back. If you have a gut feeling you're NOT safe.....you're in danger. Having you leave will ISOLATE you from those who can help you. Once isolated I guarantee you, the gaslighting will continue, or worse, escalate. If you are anxious or fearful , or upset, your child will feel it. This man is NOT WORTH IT. Get therapy. Get in a SAFE SPACE. GODS SPEED. ❤
lack of evidence - you hit the nail straight on the head there. I went through it with the statements he made to me. So exhausting. Two years of hell emotionally. Physical abuse as horrible as that is, at least there is proof; but none with verbal statements at least in my experience. He had all the support. But I had none because I couldn't prove that he said what he said to me - the different gaslighting statements cited in this video.
The worst gaslighter i ever dated was a psychologist. He was a PROFESSIONAL GASLIGHTER, highly skilled. It took a good friend who saw what was happening to me to wake me up. Thak God i listened to her. I shudder to think where my life would have gone.
Ps- this is not a condemnation of all psychologists. They have been a huge help in my life, but you have to shop around.
i'm not gonna lie that sounds like a nightmare
Ohhhh, wow, there are corrupt individuals in every branch of service. I have been gaslighted so much, no such individual could possibly even get close enough to me in my private life without me smelling that BS in the first second. Because I heard it all, what they do to tear you down, and the more insidious stuff too. When you have heard and witness all that what abusers can do to you, well then you sure know very fast if another person is just the same thing.....
Thank you for this video.
My wife portrayed two of those symptoms. But when I deterred any continuation, she assumed victim role. Almost convinced me that I was abusing.
Things are better today. But I was this close in portraying another two of the symptoms. I STOPPED.
Thanks again.
Gaslighting warning sign in a relationship: The goal is to control you, to benefit their needs
1. Blame you: "It's your fault." Turn the situation in their favor, you are the abuser
2. Accuastation: You need help, accusing you of having a problem: you need to stop playing video game
3. Create doubt: Your statements: you did this, you are angry, you need to stop
4. Misunderstanding: Divert attention from the real problem: Create lies, gossip and excuses for their behavior
5. Projection: They feel low self-esteem, thus they will accuse you of this, and they will push their problems on you.
“You’re making this a bigger deal than it really is”
If you don't know then you don't know how it is. I have a 37 year old son who treats me like his dead ex step father. It's very sad. I am being punished.
Said every narcissist
@@authenticme7351 Said all your boyfriends Im sure and you probably still go out with the same types of manipulators
@@ruebencristobal7790 I'm a Mental Health and Psych Nurse Practitioner now. It takes 2 to tangle. Go seek therapy...Narcissist!!
@@authenticme7351 Not a narcissist. Just telling the truth...
The most common one that I know of that I used to have in the past was this.... "Stop blaming all of your problems on everyone else", or "Remove the plank out of your eye, instead of the speck from your brother's eye" and "it could be worse, you should think yourself lucky as there are people worse off than you!" etc.
The starving children in Africa or the war regugees
@@redleeks6253 Yes, you know EXACTLY what I mean! 👍👍👍
Manipulation thru. Emotional insecurities. Gaslighter....lie is true.....truth is a lie..using excuses to confuse you.
Good video
You missed one, "that was in the past, just let it go" lol until the next beating. It was always my fault. I can't stand people who would ask me what I did to deserve that black eye or broken nose. Twisted world we still live in.
That's terrible. It's strange how people don't understand and blame you instead. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@vivianst.claire7193 I'm sorry for the ten years after of what my children had to go through. What you're hearing about the schools, courts, cops, dcf hospitals, it's all true. There's a lot more and the world is going to find out. It's the only way to stop what's happening to our families and children. My kids now believe this is 'normal' and can't be changed because they had nobody other then me to back them up.
I do not understand.
I had someone I "dated" get into my building (secure key entry lobby) and slide an accusatory and psychotic letter under my door.
She was gone, out of my life, 30 seconds after I read it. Blocked her number, deleted messages, banned her from my workplace.
When you write as though some invisible hand of God is preventing you from leaving, I do not understand.
You get hit, you walk.
At that second.
Like somebody is really going to see if your reply qualifies receiving a black eye … abuse my proxy
If you think that's bad, some people will actually downright bring up your behavior to justify that black eye or broken nose.
Every bit of this is truth! I learned about who and what I was dealing with and my loving sister rescued me through a safe word that we set up! Left him in Dec 2019, went no contact and by Feb 1, 2020 he decided to OD on his meds because I wouldn't come back to him! And he did! May his soul be at peace now! Trust your intuition more ppl! Knowledge is power!
100% accurate. Dealing with the poster child (adult) and have heard her say every statement!
Thank you for confirming my resolve to be rid of the toxicity. 👏 👏
One gaslighting phrase that really grinds my gears is: "Your thoughts are irrational."
I never doubt what I know to be true. That really frustated the narcissist I was with. He couldn't break me.
It’s videos like this that save ppls lives. Happy to find videos like this it makes me feel sain im tired of questioning myself
When discussing marriage counseling, my narc put his hand on my knee and said "I'm so glad you are agreeing to go, you have a lot to work on..." ummm I dont think that's how marriage counseling goes....
And it sounds like you're still with him. "My narc" sounds a little cringe to me, it speaks a lot of volumes of your feelings towards your situation.....
@@laronzacoleman3121 Judging by the people on the Internet, half of the population are "narcs". One of the most overused words in recent years.
My ex refused to go to counseling. Then he said "you go and get better, then come back."
What a cringey douche moment .. I feel for you
Oh wow, you can be guaranteed he doesnt want to look at his own problems and just rather dumps it all on you.
Writing down what happens right away/after, including how he or you repond(e.g. calmly, shout/yell...), day and time....basically everything every time gaslight happens.....that's what I do...it doesn't help in changing them, it just helps to keep me a bit more sane and a way out since I can't tell anyone and it's no point to tell the narcissist.
I gave you a thumbs up. But. This, right now, what I'm doing this exact second, WRITING, is my form of artistic expression. Do I want to write down all the specifics of what Person A did at work? No. Never again. It just might make a work situation better if I do document each incident, and immediately after it happens (so that details are that much more accurate). But I'd rather use these words to describe beauty. To delineate laughter and love.
Maybe you can write about evil, but I don't ever want to waste my artistry on troublesome co-workers ever again.
BTW, all those notes I wrote at that previous job ended up costing me not one but TWO jobs. HR got me fired six months later over a 100% falsehood. And the sweetest HR gal moved on from that first company and helped in the front office at another job 15 years later. Where I applied. And aced their hiring tests. And was told they wouldn't be needing my services.
@@tarico4436 Well, I don't mean to write it down and show people. I do it that way just to keep myself sane. 1) So I kinda have a way out because I cannot tell anybody, it is useless. 2) If I can write it down as the memory is still fresh, at least I know I am sane and only being gaslighted...that is all. I don't intent for anyone to see it but myself.
@@dtdasap6221 I thought about your situation for a good ten minutes before starting this comment. I just plain to not have enough to go on. I wish you well, and I always thought it best to leave someone if words like "gaslight" and "narcissist" kept popping up. But I do not know, nor do I presume to know, your deal. I'm not a professional counselor, however, it is up to friends to perform some guidance. Some.
So again, I wish you well in your travels.
@@tarico4436 I agree that it is best to leave, I wish I could, I would if and when I could. Appreciate your kind words. Take care!
This video could have a part 2 with the abusive addict I’m trying and failing to help. This is a real asylum for me right now. I’m all jumpy mentally and I need to just calm down and keep faith. Take care people❤
It is helpful to learn this. If you can recognize straight away that you are being manipulated you can protect yourself and get out early from what could be a toxic relationship.
Any variant of "it's your fault" you need to look out for, such as "because of you" and "you must have done something to deserve that". Also, the dismissive kinds of phrases like "it's in the past, let it go", and any variant of "when did I say/do that?" like "I don't know what you did/said to cause such a problem".
Thank you , I needed this I'm a child abuse survivor whos healing day by day ❤️
Oh my gosh, you hit the mail right on his head. I’ve seen this. I’ve experienced this first hand. And when it took place, it threw me off guard, then I realized it is a matter of sticking up for myself, and not let them bully me. Things were fine after that. Thanks for the video.
It's important to understand manipulation techniques people use to avoid bring taken advantage of. Enjoyed this share
This is a great video, i have a relative whom used to make me sit on a chair while she vented all of her frustrations, like "i could have lived a so much better life if it werent for you kids" "i never should have had kids, now i am a slave to being a mother which i never wanted anyway" (this contradics her previous statements of me being born being her happiest moment in her life) (she also picked me as her favourite child, in front of my sister) "you are going to end up just like your abusive father no matter what you do, it's in your blood" (this made me wary of having children and i in part lost the love of my life due to me not wanting to have a child of my own)
Regardless of the shit she said, it was too much for a 9 year old to hear.
I told her about these "secret" venting in my adult years and she used just about every thing on the gaslight list.
Thanks for the video
My ex husband was a controlling narcissist to the extreme. I was able to keep a level head though and escaped. Fortunately for me I was able to see through the manipulation and avoid the false promise of reconciliation. It was two of the worst years of my life.
This is my husband to a tee. He's such a gaslighter that when I catch him in a lie, he blames it on everyone, including me as to why he lied. NEVER accepting responsibility for the shyt he says.
Are you okay?
@@makaylacree2965 God bless you It's sweet of you to @sk:-i know the question wsn't for me, but i just had to comment, how caring of you God bless you 🙏
@@evelina787 i asked because I know how low I felt when this stuff happened to me. 🥺
@@makaylacree2965 Yes i know completely :-It's like sometimes you feel like no-one understnds what you've been through, but the only ones whom truly do, are those folk, the ones whom've walked in simil@r shoes :-Which is why your comments are so importnt, bec@use you've been in simil@r shoes, so you completely understnd
Just wished you to know this, bec@use sometimes we simply don't see, our good qualities 😢🙏God bless you 🕯️🙏i hope you are ok🕯️&lifes treating you well 🕯️🙏
Someone that does that to you is a person that is usually in a great amount of pain, often making the wrong choices in life, often just wanting to use you for whatever.
It is a person that is very obviously extremely unhappy with his or her own life or life situation.
People that have fun in life and are peaceful, they don't attack. Peaceful people have nothing to prove. Just human beings trying their best to live a peaceful live.
My abusers got so bad I have to turn my phone off so they do not torture me when I am home.
Yes, toxic is a very good word.
My boss currently. I've dealt with a few narcissists that were close to me, i can spot it out pretty quickly now
Gaslighters are very indignant and guilty as charged. They won't admit the truth so they act on defensiveness.
Thats how my dad is. I work for my dad only part time now and he still dont wanna admit that he needs me.
@@user-th9jn3uv2z It's an ugly trait to deal with and that kind of behavior is not hurting anyone. It's only hurting themselves in the long run.
Your right about this But let me make this clear who acts manplivative in a behavior the lawyers in court if they want win case and all experts at it !So I believe it's about who ahead who wins who's in controlsThats what gaslighting about accused the other person when they did nothing ?seriously what kind Relationship is that !
You can't go head to head with them either. You will never win that battle. You just live your life, they will mock you, they will belittle you, they will lie about you. You just carry on. Do not go over to any of them and confront them with the truth, not a single word, it won't do you any good. You have to realize you are dealing with evil, and thats that.
@@user-th9jn3uv2zme too. He can be mean and abuse me all he wants but if I say one thing back i'm the bad son. I only go there when necessary otherwise I stay away.
Holy shit, he literally said four of these phrases to me today in the heat of an argument.
OMG, I bit, I saw the 🚩 in the very beginning, what the hell was I thinking. However, today I told him to drop me off, I was done, and I meant it.
He is accustomed to weak women that rely on him. I own my home, make 6 figures, I don’t need him and made that clear!!!
If you are in a relationship like this GET OUT !! You want things to change but as much as you want it to things will not change. Think if you had a friend telling a story like this about themselves. You would tell them to get out. Follow your own advice. And cut off all contact. I was in the most passionate relationship I could imagine but it was toxic. I moved back to my previous city because I was afraid I would cave in. The attraction was that strong. NEVER LOOK BACK.
I had a former friend do this to me. After she isolated me from everyone that I cared about, she convinced me that I needed to be on medication and that I had a chemical imbalance. Once I connected with a former friend of hers whom she had done the same thing to, I realized that she was an incredibly toxic mess. I went off the meds and was able to see things more clearly. Her plan was to have me doped up so I wouldn't see what she was doing to me. She was stealing from me. See, I'm an artist and she had taken my creative property and passed it off as hers in which had opened doors for her in an industry she knew little about. She had no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and no accountability. Thus she had no expectation of there being reprisals and consequences for her shitty behavior. She even had the nerve to say, the day my estranged father died (whom she outed me to), that the two of us “never got along anyway.” She denied saying such a thing even, though, her own husband had thrown her under the bus and was appalled at her behavior. She was a liar, a thief, a backstabber, a total loser and an abject failure at being a wife and mother. She would have sold her own children up the river if she knew it could have gotten her what she wanted. She didn't count on me keeping receipts in the form of screenshots and e-mails. I published all of them on social media. She threatened to sue me. I told her she couldn't sue me for posting the truth and especially when they were her own words. She was beyond intellectually lazy and despite her claims of having aspirations of becoming a professional writer, she couldn't spell simple grade-school level words to save her life. Everyone knew it was her. She blamed me for ruining her life. I told her the hole she dug for me ended up being her own grave. I blocked her on everything and I haven't seen her or heard from her in over a decade. My life is far less complicated without her in it.
No you don't have a further friend who did this to you. You have someone who pretended to be a friend who did this to you.
Oh my goodness I have a friend just like this, and I'm actually trying to close the door on the Friendship for good. Because of the toxic behavior and her verbal abuse and talking behind my back back stealing an excessive crack use, SHE'S 90 POUNDS SOAKING WET mean not to be mean but the girl looks like Smeagol👽🤯🤢🧐 because of all the crack she's used in a period of 25 years🤓 and I tried to tell her what to do to fix her teeth 😷and hair and things like that and she doesn't listen so she's jealous of me because I have all my teeth and not to be shallow but I'm not ugly so guys like me, and she's very envious because of that mean while I was a great friend to her always there for her, and even let her live with me for 2 to 3 months when she had nowhere to go. So now I'm at the last stage where I'm avoiding her completely because she tends to be violent. But I need to put a cork in it and finalize this friendship so to speak. In bottom line I can't be seen with her people think I'm using drugs just by being around her because she makes me look bad. She honestly -with no exaggeration, looks like a walking crack stem. And now I'm saying that to be mean because she's been very mean to me😂 but mainly she's told people confidential medical issues about me but meanwhile she has worst medical issues than me due to her promiscuity and drug use, you can guess😮
They always called me over dramatic or over sensitive and never let me say my side without claiming how wrong I am. She got my friend to hate me and convinced him to yell at me for an hour. When I confronted her about it she said she didn’t want him to do that but almost seemed to support him in doing that. Everyone I speak to now says I’m right and she’s horrible and I’m lucky I got out but honestly I still miss her. It’s sad because I remember her as such a sweet and caring person but I can’t help but wonder how much of it was an act. I wonder if she ever was genuinely nice
Definitely went through this! Wish I would have known years ago! Put bruises around my neck and “it’s your fault cuz you pulled away too hard!” 😮 Or “You are crazy!!
You need help. I will be right here for you.” Smh..Education is the key! Thanks for the video
My ex-boyfriend always said, "I'm just TEASING you!" My BS Meter went off whenever he said this, couching his true feelings or thoughts under a "humorous" veneer. One time I told him, "Well, I love you anyway," and he got upset and said, "ANYWAY??" I replied, "I'm just TEASING you! Now--how does it feel?" Shortly after, I broke up with him. So done with the nonsense.
Did you move on to the next great gaslighter? Cuz it seems thats the only type of person girls are attracted to...it shows they are dominant in a relationship...just admit it, you want a gaslighting charmer over a nice respectful man anyday of the week because its exciting and an emotional rollercoaster...
@@ruebencristobal7790 I was just sitting here daydreaming over a man who had realized he was gaslighting his wife plus not believing her about postpartum depression. She turned to meth. They split up but he still pays her and his own rent so she can take care of their twins and they share custody. He said he learned the hard way that you have to listen to your partner. He learned to be sweet. So sexy.**
**Him in general, not just every one who learns lessons as we're all learning all the time. It's a crush ok.
I haven't seen him in about 2 1/2 years but I still have a crush on him for being humble. (Attractive, too)
I realize everyone isn't this way.
Nice come back!
Teasing is not gaslighting.
He seemed to have dodged a bullet.
@@ruebencristobal7790 You're assuming too much for what your cranium can handle. Or maybe you're speaking from your own experience. He taught me what toxins to look for in others. I've learned my lesson. Have you?
Took me until I was 60 to realize that my mother is a covert narcissist. This dinamic set me up with a narcissist partner...41 years. The damage that these dysfunctional relationships have caused me is unmeasurable. The Epiphany of discovering this was freeing...I now trust myself , & know I am o.k., & they are not o.k. ! I am grey rock to my mother who still is up to her tricks...even at age 90 !! & am getting my independence back from my partner who has financially crippled me. I see myself as happier alone, than putting up with this bullschitt ...
I found this video very helpful. I encountered a lady that became a friend, who is no longer, a friend of mine that was a gaslighter that used on your list #7. I'd like to add another phrase another x friend said to me when I walked out ending that conversation. I stopped communicating with him, so he left a voicemail that was not apologetic, but instead to uphold his gaslighting behavior by saying,
"I did the best I could do."
I lived with a gas lighter for a few years until I got sick of it and gave it back to him. Everything he said to me, I said back to him, until he finally moved out. He said he was tired of living with a mental case. I told him so am I…..why don’t you leave and go rent yourself a room in an asylum. I’m sure you’ll find a nice girl there who you’re more compatible with. Never heard from him again after he moved out. That was the most awesome part of the whole relationship……him leaving. I’ve been very happy since.