I realized I actually love myself when I was no longer paralyzingly afraid of making a mistake. I just thought "If I make a mistake, I trust myself enough to learn from it and do better next time".
Yeah!! My favorite way of looking at it was when I went from thinking "I'll get through this problem because there's no other option." to "I'll get through this problem because I have the tools to fix it."
I just had this at work today. I'm habitually paralysed by indecision when I'm faced with a new problem, even when it's something I think I already know the answer to, so I end up asking for advice from my colleagues. Twice today I was faced with a similar problem (tl;dr pharmacist sent texts to patients asking them to report if they had some symptoms while taking a certain medication, and two patients called in today to report that). I was initially paralysed as normal, but then I resolved to give the answer that I thought best fitted the situation. Both times the patients were pretty happy with my help. And lemme tell you, I could have given the wrong answer to those patients, but the feeling of elation for giving the answer that I did without succumbing to doubt and asking for help warmed me up today.
The "I have to hate myself to improve," take was drilled into my head by the church I grew up in. In the group I was in, in said church, that was the core lesson you had to take away. If you don't hate yourself you'll never have any motivation to improve. The same lesson was drilled into my family by that same church.
Religious trauma is a bitch. I'm so sorry they drilled that horrible idea into your head, and I hope you can find peace. The church is really good at making people hate themselves for a variety of reasons 😔
@@benjaminjameskreger can't really move past that mentality. But I can manage it some. Wait, I did move past the mentality that hating myself is the only way to improve. That's probably what you meant.
What Vaush doesn't acknowledge is that you can't just positive thinking your way out of this mentality via magical "just do it", because it's literally caused by severe trauma and usually the result of religious cults.
Giga fucking based. One thing I learned recently it is okay to hurt peoples feelings, obviously not out of malice but just because it happen. Example: breaking up with someone because they just aren’t right for you. You will hurt the persons feelings but it should be totally acceptable
As someone who has stayed in relationships that were not right for me in my 20s just because I always needed external validation and HATED disappointing/hurting others, I agree with this 100%. Staying in situations like that and being inauthentic to yourself will only lead to built up resentment, which will make the break up even worse. I’ve realized at this point that, just by virtue of being a human, it is impossible not to hurt another person’s feelings (again, not out of malice as you said, but just because being honest can lead to hurt feelings).
Sometimes you don't wanna tell someone they're being a bad friend because it'll hurt their feelings and you're the good friend, but you have an obligation to inform them of your perspective on their behavior as the good friend. Also, many of y'all could use this one, constructively criticize your friends' art. One day they're gonna realize everyone around them has been gaslighting them into feeling more competent than they actually are, stifling their potential growth, and they're not going to trust you for good reason even if you think you were just being polite.
I was hurt so badly as a toddler that I was TERRIFIED of hurting others and would do things at my own detriment to avoid hurting or disappointing others. Within SOME reason ofc, but I would always feel bad about any little thing I fucked up.
@@EingefrorenesEisenUnironic advice for that kind of thing: Being a bit less considerate is fine. Using a bit less than hyperempathy is fine. No one is ever obligated to reserve all their fucks for other people. Maybe some weird religious fundie types who are obsessed with "service" as a virtue disagree, but their opinions don't really matter.
@@FelisImpurrator Don't get it twisted, service and consideration of others is a virtue, but it is ok to not be a perfectly virtuous person at all times.
I only enjoy hating other people, actually! Mostly because people are wrong as fuck all the time. I'm also wrong all the time, so I don't particularly enjoy hating myself, since it'd require a certain level of stupidity to think it's *actually* beneficial, and most of us don't!
I was feeling really disappointed in myself and feeling like I was a waste of energy to this planet. That was until Vaush from Vaush said "Do not hate yourself". As a free thinker, I now no longer hate myself.
He actually said a lot more than that, but you choose to disingenuously pretend that’s all he said That, or you just read the title, came here to make this comment, then never actually watched the video
@@HeyGuy4321 Oh dang, I didn't know learning to not hate yourself as much because a streamer with a pretty good head on his shoulders taught some self confidence was actually sad... You know what, you're right I'll learn to hate everything cause Vaush bad!
The moment that clicked for me the most when my mental health was garbage was when i realised that acting miserable around everyone was making me insufferable. I changed how i acted mostly out of convenience to others even though my internal thoughts were the same, but over time it helped me anyway. I got medicated and I'm much better now and realised loving yourself is the best way to live ❤ im so proud of everything ive accomplished even if I still have a long way to go!
I'm the coolest prettiest baddest bitch in the world and I won't give myself the disadvantage of putting myself down just because strangers can't understand my wonderful being I simply say 'Understand already'
@@Darkloid21 to deny this is to deny the sky is blue. When things get hard, how do you think people find the energy to carry on? Negativity does not lend itself to resolve or hope. There is no change without hope.
@@Darkloid21 don't worry, I'm not a brainlet and understand the literally room temp IQ check that yes, in fact, fear, anger, and other negative emotions dominated the minds of the ancestors that actually lived to pass on genetic information, because the happy-go-lucky curious ape that goes to investigate the shaking bush gets eaten by tigers 10/10 times.
This is all a massive over simplification. All emotions are signals, and positive or negative associations we have with them are largely made by our experiences with them. And those associations are individual but also social. We tend to enforce those associations by linking them to the outcomes of our actions or other people's actions. Learning to take emotions as a signal instead of acting compulsively in response is a skill that can be developed (sorta like a muscle), and they all need to be worked on separately. At the very least, they all cause slightly different physiological reactions. Collapsing that all into "negativity is a survival trait" is anti-intellectual. So is "nobody got anything good out of negativity", if interpreted as "negative emotions". Trying to overly dampen emotions instead of learning to work with them is paralyzing, and weakening. Emotions will amplify themselves when you ignore them. They dissipate much more quickly when you acknowledge and think actively about why you're having them, and make conscious choices in regards to them. Sorry for the ramble. Just everyone is talking past each other, and everyone is collapsing complex stuff into a dumb two dimensional graph. And I'm underslept lol
Vaush is genuinely so right here, I used to genuinely loathe nyself and although I still was able to enjoy things in life, it was a lot easier for me to become miserable at minor setbacks. Funnily enough it was my high self awareness(and prompting from friends) that got me to start trying to change that, telling self appreciating jokes instead of depreciating ones, working to forgive myself for mistakes and appreciate the good things I do for others. Now I actually view myself as a great person and am much more resilient mentally because of that (transitioning also helped a lot but I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am now just by transitioning) I've helped my partner and several friends improve through this process as well (though some have compounding issues or are resistant to it and thus its harder for them) and it has actually helped improve their lives as well
Feel mixed on this. He's not *wrong* about a lot of what he's saying. But the messaging is off a little. Right now the prominent mainstream message to combat negative self-talk and self-hatred is to "love yourself".What therapy has actually taught me is that being KIND to yourself is much more actionable and easier to process. You don't have to love your weight, or your height, or your lack of success, etc. But you can be kinder to yourself about it. And that gives you an actual starting point to work from. *Loving* yourself is just too pie in the sky when you're talking to someone who has clinical depression.
You can love yourself without loving everything about yourself in the present moment. Do I love my friends and family? Yeah. Do I love everything about them? Not always. They have some traits I don't necessarily love but I love them overall and as humans.
As someone who used to hate myself, I do think of being kind to myself as a way of loving myself, but this might just be a matter of semantics at this point
You have to find a reframe that works for you. I think its easier to go from hate to neutral then to love. For the longest time I used to think "I hate my life" and reframing that to "im a work in progress" "im working on it" really did help break that negative thought cycle. Baby steps
@@cherrymilk5590 There's definitely semantics afoot and I think that's my point. The word love is just really nebulous in English compared to other languages. There are multiple definitions and they may even vary from person to person. I can tell someone to "love thy neighbor" but it will likely be more clear if I say "be chill to thy neighbor". You're right about attributing love to various ways which it's expressed, and that it is imperfect. But you also took the time to sort of explain your process of thought. Most of the time, "love yourself" is just a slogan that's unrelatable for the people that need to internalize positive feelings the most. Regardless of all that, I'm glad you're doing better for yourself now :)
Took a friend telling me that I wasn't attractive because of the self deprecation to realize my headspace was actually a problem. Now I'm the baddest bitch in my own head and others seem to take notice.
I have never been happier than I am now, after realizing that if people have problems with me it’s on them to come up to me and address it. I gigachad my way through social interactions (obviously I try not to be an asshole) and I do it shamelessly because I can’t be expected to head off every possible thing I do that might make someone feel bad. I’m among that population of clocky trans women that vaush was talking about and I don’t give a damn. It’s so liberating man.
I needed this video. Thank you. Just got a diagnosis for a mental illness I’ll be treated for. I’m happy about it, because it means I have a starting point for improvement. Knowing what I have is half the battle
Just remember that it's probably a lifelong condition and that doing your best means much more than perfectly playing normal. Best of luck on your mental health journey.
Dw too much about it tho in the end the illness isn’t actually real or defines you, it is just a collection of self-interacting traits that complement each other to cause problems in your life. Personality disorders are 100% “curable” because you can change your personality. Neurodevelopmental and neurological problems and like schizophrenia etc mostly can’t change tho but can be controlled for example you can totally learn to be a healthy functioning person with adhd but you’re not going to “just change your personality to not have adhd”. You can do this with bpd tho. Bipolar disorder can be controlled with lithium and then the rest is how having the disorder shapes you, that can be changed. Depression and anxiety are the easiest to overcome in my experience and to my knowledge because they’re mostly self hatred about one self and the past, and fear about the future. Learning to forgive yourself and living in the present moment is an instant antidote for both. And clinical presentations of them are sort of caused by an infinite feedback loop between hormones, neurotransmitters and the way your thoughts and emotions affect your brain chemistry and how it all interacts. Meaning that yes you can just meditate (specifically mindfulness because the issue is youre stuck in your default mode network controlling tour life) and take small actionable steps and it will get better, the most extreme of cases are usually comorbidity or almost flat out bpd so that’s why cbt and dbt works for those as well, basically bpd (and npd) is almost like depression and anxiety on steroids, it’s basically the highest point of hating yourself and hating everyone else too. But ultimately a very useful way IMO to really REALLY know what’s going on inside you regardless of diagnosis is to focus on attachment style and core content, that’s way way more useful than a diagnosis. Because if you change your attachment style to secure you are basically moving out of the bpd zone to the healthy zone because of all the underlying work and factors that determine it about the narratives you tell yourself about life and the world It’s no coincidence that every one who has bpd , EVERYONE, and basically everyone who has some personality disorder has an insecure attachment style, with bpd being the epitome of disorganized attachment style, depression and avoidance, anxiety and anxious attachment, (tho they don’t need to coincide perfectly) it’s sort of how the entire system of traits and beliefs you carry and the narrative about your life and identity shapes your relationships and it’s also the perfect way to notice what triggers you and work on resolving those conflicts within yourself and your past etc For me once I had a stable life that was the best way I had to measurably find a path towards remission
I mention bpd a lot in my comment because after being diagnosed with it and losing the diagnosis and talking to so many people with it I find that bpd is basically just how people adapt to untreated mental illness and trauma worsening throughout their development, like, everyone can develop bpd in the right conditions regardless of genetics, just by being mistreated and taught to hate yourself growing up It’s like the king of mental illness and where all the others lead
The bad chat takes were fucking insane, like "not hating meld because of my weight? You're saying I should be a narcissist???" negative self bias is fucking (literally) crazy
@@fluffynator6222 "If you inconvenience me, you should feel bad about it." Isn't that equally egotistical? Like what if the inconvenience is I can't take you to work tomorrow because I'm in the hospital or someone crashed into me. I should feel bad because of something I couldn't control?
@@fluffynator6222openly putting yourself down and apologizing because of your weight or similar characteristic is the exact opposite of considerate. It’s super off putting, festers other people’s insecurities (continuing instead of breaking the cycle of trauma), and it suddenly obligates those around you to have to drop what they’re doing and attempt to comfort you out of politeness and concern.
Funny thing about "how can I better myself if I don't feel bad about myself" is that the only way I was able to start bettering myself was to stop feeling bad about myself. I used to have severe anxiety and somewhat less severe depression, started going to therapy, therapist gave me some meds, which was what allowed me to start working on myself because I lost the self hate. Stopping to hate yourself should literally be your first step to bettering yourself!
For me it was really just forgiving the cringiness of my past self and making a conscious effort to become my own best friend. World doesn’t need more suffering, why would I contribute to that for no reason?
The world doesn't need a lot of things, it also doesn't need more humans but we're going to keep coming. Fuck what the world needs, do what you want for your own reasons. Forgive yourself because hating yourself doesn't matter in the first place and honestly ain't worth it. Go and do something worthwhile that you'd enjoy, 'cause in absence of universal purpose it is our duty to produce our own.
I get where Vaush is coming from, but I think he was blessed with a pretty strong emotional foundation in youth, from two loving parents, and that's why stuff like "just don't care" and "don't worry about mistakes you made, they aren't a big deal" seem obvious to him, but maybe not to people who developed a coping strategy of shrinking down and apologizing endlessly for their existence. I can't say I've been in an abusive household, more so neglectful maybe, so I can only imagine what it's like when your own parents are shouting down at you and making you feel worthless, but I think that kind of situation is what causes people to have such shaky foundations and issues with self esteem. And this is just the household, not the world at large. No telling how many people in Vaush's community have had to deal with it, but considering how many here aren't strictly hetero and ND, and probably felt some kind of ostracizing + didn't have the kind of parental love and support Vaush did to bolster them otherwise, there may be an overwhelming representation of low self esteem folks here for a reason. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of just saying "F it, I'm gonna grow a spine and act with confidence because I'm tired of feeling this way". At some point it's all you feel like you can do.
You're describing multiple groups of people that need to take the advice; they developed unhealthy coping mechanisms that let them survive childhood and now they're maladjusted adults in need of reprogramming. You too btw, neglect is a form of abuse, we both need to stop pining for our mother's/father's approval and get love and respect from ourselves first and foremost.
@@benjaminjameskreger I don't disagree. I don't want to make "excuses" for bad coping or say that trying to develop better ones is bad. But for many of us, it'll be a lifelong pursuit of correcting those behaviors, and it's worth acknowledging that it takes time to actually heal yourself properly, outside of bursts of motivation you feel to simply "get over it".
@@Jazzmaster1992 again, I'm one of us, same circumstances. Nobody said we need to get over our conditions, Vaush said we need to get over the barriers preventing us from taking our first steps towards happier futures.
Vaush it’s really fucking hard to not hate yourself. Well to be honest, I don’t hate myself but I live with a bully in my own head, constant uncontrollable thoughts that scream at me that I suck and that I should die, it’s really hard not to let those constant barrages of internal attacks project into the interactions you have with others.
The best advice Vaush gives in this entire video is at 20:00 but it's indirect. Stop asking Vaush, or anyone, for permission to live. Do what you want, make mistakes, if you care to fix something you don't like do it, don't ask permission. You are the one who will die having lived your life and at the end you are the only person you answer to.
So many people are still just glued to the idea that good mental health is when you just happen to be happy every day. The idea that people who've improved their mental health are privileged for having been able to do it, because they were lucky enough to have brains powerful enough, or lucky for getting happy. Mental health is a constant, introspective, active process and those chatters acting like any of this was impossible bare an uncanny resemblance to my emo 14 year old diary entries. They're likely teenagers and will learn sometime but the worst mistake you can make is conflating good mental health with happiness, or an emotion that comes and goes. You have to take it, and unfortunately most people never realize that unless they start doing it
''What you gonna apologise for existing? Sorry about my literal body.'' is something a lot of us people with complex PTSD deal with Vaush. Feeling ashamed for existing. Calling us a bitch does not help in the least. You should talk more carefully to mentally ill people, when you know nothing obviously about their mental illness and situation.
I think therapy is super helpful for this kinda thing, speaking as someone who's major metal improvements have come as a result of regular and relatively intense therapy
It's literally the same as going to the gym. It takes work, effort and time to get the results you want, like with most things in life. It can be so addictive to be self obsessive and hate yourself the way the people in chat did. I know cus I was there, I knocked myself down every opportunity I got and my confidence was in the drain. All because it was so much easier to feel bad about myself and rely on others for validation instead of putting the work in towards self love and confidence. Vaush was probably a little bit harsh in this clip but he's 100% right.
it’s true, self hate/emotional self harm is an addiction. he’s right in that getting better takes work, it’s not egotistical to love and appreciate yourself, and we don’t need to punish ourselves for every single inconvenience or annoyance we cause others
I used to be very much like this (and the feeling often never truly goes away), but regular therapy sessions coupled with surrounding myself with people who love me has been helping me overcome my problems. I recently started taking some medication and that's also had a positive impact.
I am: Hot Snart Funny Charismatic Fit Strong Kind I have: Cool hobbies A bunch of amazing friends who enjoy my company A fantastic sense of style Is this narcissistic? No, it's the power of love ❤
"Being self aware" and then doing nothing about it except whine is literally helping no one, and it's mega cope to say that he's helping society by 'acknowledging" that he's fat. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Be self aware and work towards change.
Reshaping my thought patterns and self talk into something uplifting, positive, and constructive has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It’s a gift that keeps giving, and it gives to everyone around me as well.
This actually helped me a lot. I have self harming type behaviors from abuse and dealing with ptsd and I wanna heal and be better, hearing “your past bad actions don’t define you as a person” I really, really needed to hear that. Thanks Vuash ❤
Me (who still have a lot of think over and issues to fully resolve) whenever I walk past a shop's window and get to see my manly face, my beard and my long hair
i feel like the disconnect between vaush and some chatters here is that he’s assuming people can just love themselves at the snap of the fingers but that’s just not how that works
So in summary, spiralling into self-doubt and negativity is cringe, cucked behaviour and saying 'Fuck it, we ball' to life is giga-chad behaviour. Never has anything been so right.
i don’t like, dislike, love, or hate myself. i’m aware of my strengths and weaknesses. i’m content with who i am, but won’t shy away from opportunities to grow. weirdly calm is my entire existence. if i drop a cookie, or spill boiling water on myself, or break a bone, or whatever else, it won’t hurt my feelings. i could find it inconvenient or humorous or interesting, but that’s about it. i’ll think about how it affects me moving forward, operate accordingly, and learn from the experience. also, everyone but me has a skill-issue. i *can* choose not to be depressed. i can also will myself into it for shı̇ts and giggles.
@@thanosbambi you should love yourself as your elders do. You may not understand why they do, but you should match that energy and reflect it inward regardless. btw you sound chronically depressed
@@TheEnmineer nah, I'm just saying your parents, uncles & aunts, grands, trying not to touch a sore spot by bringing up potential dead relatives. Your elders, not the royal 'our' elders.
@@benjaminjameskreger So what, instead of selling me on some abrahamic shit you're slinging some eastern faith? Fuck those who came before us (not literally, ya perv), their reasons could be wrong just like everyone else. Humans are fallible, find you own way and don't get in your own way. You're not going to get it right, but that was an impossible task anyhow, instead what matters is that it was your own path.
@@benjaminjameskreger i can't match an energy i don't understand. i don't know what loving myself entails, or see how it could benefit me. i've always been a little quirky. i don't think that means i'm depressed.
"Guys I'm only a victim of my own outlook and choices but I want you to feel bad for me anyway because I'm broken in a very specific way that allows me never to take any responsibility"
You guys are attributing way too much conscious intent to overly-apologetic people. People are like that as a way to avoid rejection or as a way to recieve sympathy because they can't self-regulate, and so they outsource reassurance and comfort to other people. Very rarely is it a conscious way to avoid accountability or be performative intentionally. If anything it's just a lack of awareness of one's own inner workings and emotional immaturity that gets people there.
@@OrbObserver Well, while I do agree that people should try to take responsibility for themselves, you're the opposite position of "Nobody deserves comfort and anybody who has any issue ever deserves to be scorned for it." Doesn't much matter if you take it to that extreme, your language is indicative of an entire majority population percentage that absolutely does.
@@pleasegoawaydude The issue is when you don't expect people to have the nuance and intelligence to distinguish between problems outside of your control and problems inside of your control. If you are told the correct way to use a hammer and insist on smashing your own fingers you can't expect sympathy no matter how painful it is.
Vaush is right. I'm about his age, and when I was a kid I had this super huge crush on my neighbor down the street. I made a fool of myself more times than I can count back then, things that would make you cringe while trying to sleep years later. Skip ahead 20 years, she killed herself. That was 2 years ago and some months ago, I was trying to sleep when one of those cringe moments started to replay again when i realized, I'm the only person alive that knows this happened. Why continue beating myself up over it?
Honestly, she may very well have remembered you trying to be nice to her and liking her. My friend killed himself and like 6mo before that he told me the only reason he got on fb was my messages, I barely messaged him that often and had no idea he even thought anything of me. Anyway I wound up telling him I had had a crush on him in HS and he said he didn't know and felt good to hear that (this was in our late 20s and he was married and I had a partner of 15yrs, it didn't come off like I was hitting on him it came off like "remember when we were kids, here's a funny thing"). When he killed himself I was always happy I had told him that. This analogy is a little convoluted but it's never embarrassing to like someone. However bad you think you may have put yr foot in yr mouth, women know what a guy with a crush looks like and even if she didn't as a kid she prob realized in retrospect.
@@SpecialBlanket Ive had to learn the hard way it's always better to express your interest and not sit on it, even if it feels embarrassing. Who knows, someone might be excited to give you exactly what you want. I remember my last partner, I wanted to try something in bed, I was embarrassed and almost didn't say anything, but it turned out it was her #1 thing, and we never would have realized it about each other had I not asked.
The problem is that this is a catch 22. "I hate myself because I make other people around me uncomfortable", "you hating yourself *makes* the people around you uncomfortable", "oh cool my self hatred is valid". Like I'm fully aware that thinking like that is fucking stupid, pretty much everything Vaush says here is true. Although honestly I think his self confidence is a detriment to making the point here, like by his own admission he's *never* dealt with low self-esteem so the message of "just don't hate yourself" comes across similarly to "just stop being depressed". On top of that I don't know if the antagonism helps; like all the people in chat that agree with you probably don't need to hear this and yeah Mortiray brought the world down on their own head and wasn't doing anything resembling "healthy", but like... we're hyper-fixated on how our behaviors affect others, the fear of me letting the mask slip and becoming a burden to others is the exact reason I've gone to therapy and had it fail because I didn't want to trauma dump on my therapist. Like I know using the baby gloves isn't Vaush's MO but... fuck it, we're babies, maybe the baby gloves are needed. Which doesn't mean coddle them it means "I think you could have made pretty much the exact same argument without being antagonistic in a way that will make the specific people that *need * to hear this not want to listen."
@@carnifex266Literally where was that said? I can't tell if you just have the reading ability of a gnat or are just being bad faith and didn't bother reading it.
'Vaush took a shot in the dark on my behalf and missed, here's how he could have aimed better'. Do you have any idea how ungrateful, selfish and needy this comes off? I genuinely hope this causes an internal dilemma whenever you're considering hitting send on comments because this behavior hurts everyone involved. You're rationalizing negative behaviors and hoping others agree so you can continue to take baby steps when you clearly needed to learn to run on the fly yesterday. You are not a baby, you just posted three paragraphs defending your worldview. Tell the devil on your shoulder to shut up for a minute and take it all in.
@@TheLizardKing752The problem is that his methods of trying to get people through theirs are kind of... Bad, from a therapeutic perspective. Yelling "just stop doing that" at people reinforces the negative thought processes, and so does constantly emphasizing how it affects other people. If you know anything about how these complexes start (read: usually religious trauma) then you can see how certain groups use abuse tactics to plant "cognitive traps" that direct people's thoughts toward more self-blame and lowering of the self.
As a mental health professional, I can say "the promised land" is the same but the way you go about giving the advice is not helpful for the mentally ill. It's like telling a 2 year old they're an idiot for doing dumb 2 year old shit instead of just correcting it. If you wanna help mentally ill people you gotta meet them where they are and play from their world not try to hammer their world to pieces. Edit: If Vaush wants to be an effective mental health advocate he should either educate himself on how to do that responsibly as a public figure with a platform (I recommend a local NAMI chapter, they have volunteer training courses to do that), or just not talk about it himself and direct people to professionals who are actually equipped to help people effectively. That's my position, this video and how he went about it, albiet with good intentions, was irresponsible and potentially harmful.
I think you’re 100% right, but I’m pretty sure Vaush had a similar talk before being about as brutal and somehow this worked for me. I guess I’m just built different. 💯
Everyone is different, sometimes ppl need to hear it straight. Tough love. The approach doesn't work on everyone but I definitely benefited from this kinda brutal honesty in the past.
I mean yeah Vaush isn’t a substitute for therapy. I think it would have been good to not that if you disagree with his view on the important of self love then you should go to therapy. Like honestly as a mental health professional, I think a lot of therapy is just trying to help clients find a way to love themself
I think sometimes people can benefit from being told they're being stupid for hating themselves or believing the world is out to get them. Because it is objectively stupid. I'm not a professional but in my opinion the "soft" approach can sometimes enable people's bad behavior and trap them in bad mindsets. You try so hard to meet them where they're at to the point where all you do is end up validating their delusions. I've tried the soft approach on one of my friends, trying to understand them and validate their feelings, but they kept doing the same self destructive bullshit over and over. I got fed up with them and just told them "grow up and get over yourself" and oddly enough THAT'S the message that finally got thru to them. Tough love can be useful. I always use it as a last resort tho.
Jesus, this community is absolutely insufferable. I've never not been friends with someone because of their weight but I absolutely have cut people off because of their constant self-hatred. Also Vaush is definitely right on the sentiment that these things matter less the older you get.
I've been doing the self aggrandizing humor thing, trying to make it as obvious as possible. most people get it, some still don't; either way it is a bit of a confidence booster just pretending to be someone with an external locus of control
20:22 Vaush probably never dealt with this so he doesn’t get it but it’s most likely not lack of ambition. That right there is really bad anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and feel this way a lot. I feel like if I am not on top of my shortcomings I will be destined to fall behind. Yes it’s a therapy thing, they basically need to address their anxiety.
23:00 not sure what this they mean by this because over means not good by definition. it’s not good to do too much of something. the over part implies it hurts you in some way which isn’t good
The phrasing makes it sound like they're using self-hatred as a motivator, but I get where you're coming from; it's not an explanation of their motivational tactics but an expression of their fear of falling behind by not being constantly reassured by being optimal on the daily.
I don't think Vaush understands very much about the underlying causes and thought processes because his brain is wired differently from someone with a predisposition toward extreme anxiety.
Ironically, people who hate themselves are a drag to be around because they tend to project their self-hatred, intentionally or unintentionally. It's not morally good to hate yourself on a regular basis, plus it hurts others. It's normal to feel bad occasionally but if you've ever had to deal with someone who chronically hates themselves it is draining and they can be horribly self-obsessed.
@@lmfaolol123perhaps you should ask yourself why anyone would want to be around you if you bring negativity into their lives? You don’t have to feel bad about being negative (there’s a sentence that makes a lot of sense), but recognize and accept that you’re on your own with it
27:57 Idk why, but that chatters comment plus Vaush's response had a huge, like, motivational effect on me. Specifically the „right now“ because it's like yeah, you may not feel like you have the strength but what other choice do you have? You either try and let things get better, or you don't try and just fail for certain
The problem with that dark desire to hate yourself, to be harsh to yourself and then to others. In a way, it feels good. Or at least feels comfy. In the short term, it feels good to give into the darkness. Having to admit to being worthy is harder than claiming worthlessness. You have to stand on your own two feet. You have to push back when someone encroaches on your space and your rights, whether that be on accident or by intention (like from toxic people). But in the end, that self-approval is more empowering. You have nothing to prove to the rest of humanity and especially not the toxic leeches. When you don't matter? No one does, their opinions are wrong because they couldn't see the basic truth of your worthiness. How are they supposed to see anything for everything else? When you matter? Everyone matters.
It's hard to love yourself after being bullied every single day of school by both students and teachers, just to come home and be mentally and physically abused by your own parents as well. I got social anxiety, selective mutism, depression and I'm extremely self conscious. I can't stand taking pictures or looking in the mirror. I went my whole life unable to speak to people outside my family. That made life extremely difficult... I've opened up a lot more recently. I've made friends, even got coworkers to come and hang out at my place. So my social anxiety has gotten much better, although it has been extremely difficult to get to this point. I still don't feel good about myself though. Now my anxiety has mainly been caused by me worrying about the way I look and people judging me for it. I'm overweight but I'm improving, I've been fasting off and on for a month and lost 13 pounds already, so roughly 3 pounds a week. It's not making feel any better though tbh.
Absolutely correct on this take. Narcissism ≠ self love, it’s actually the opposite. Insecurity and an over-awareness of other peoples opinions is actually a trait of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Also, I was abused by a narcissist. I know from personal experience that narcissistic abuse is based on projecting insecurities on to others and bullying them for it
The obsessive belief about a anxiety/depression diagnosis meaning that you can just simply never get better or improve as a person is one of the most harmful things that has come out of the internet. I have left friend groups because they've been filled with people who've normalized this and if you dare say "hey, maybe work on yourself" you get a quick strict answer along the lines of "there is LITERALLY nothing i can do and you even implying there is something i can do is rude and offensive and if you don't apologize i will make this miserable for everyone." If your brain is wired in a way that makes suffering easier that does make things harder, i take SSRI's for a reason, but what it doesn't mean is that getting better is absolutely impossible and that you have no agency. Self help shit basically meaning either fraud or right wing alpha bullshit now doesn't help things either. Talking about self improvement is (especially in queer/left leaning wholesome cirlces) seen as borderline ableist among other absurd shit, which also makes actually trying to pragmatically help people out such a 50/50 on if you're going to ruin a friendship or not. Seeing people deny help/saying that nothing could ever help when they absolutely could be helped is a whole other kind of depressing.
thank you vaush, lately ive been feeling less hateful of myself and living by what you've said and seeing myself as valuable, after hearing one of my fave influencers echo it i am now complete and will be doing a dragon ball z fusion dance with nobody but air and my metamorphosis will be complete.
Its genuinely so nice to hear this, living with narcassistic parents and while i love them- not the smartest nor always the most informed (about autism) siblings- when they see my neutrality and how i can just ignore mistakes, they see that as me not caring, when it's never that, i simply know better than to beat myself up over inevitable mistskes, especially morally neutral ones (under the ethical theor6 i subscribe to) Also, it's a bit nice to finally realize *why* it was so essy to agree with this man, as sure charisma was a factor but even against other charismic people he sounded far more sane and well- its straight up him just being smart, to what i cna gauge, a similar level as me (though, far more informed and "wise" though i dislike that term, due to age and likely active efforts by him) because for me this was just words for what i already knew, the language I needed and will 100% use from now on.
I feel like vaush was maybe a little harsh here. Not wrong. Tough love sometimes works. So many people don't understand their own feelings or where they arise from, and honestly therapy might be a solid choice there...
It took me a while to learn that self love/body positivity doesn’t work for me. Body neutrality has been what was truly freeing for me. Not seeing myself as good or bad, but just as I am.
@@iang7244 Well, I didn't want to go into detail, but his content, especially the autism stuff, definitely inspired me to work with a coach. So while it's not directly at his feet, he did play a large part in inspiring change.
Being autistic (level 2) means I can struggle socially and I think I’ve ended up internalising a lot of things bullies at school have said to me, my parents have said (before they understood my autism), friends have said things not understanding how it disables me but I need to not hate myself anymore because it hasn't helped me in any way. If hating myself for not being able to handle life in the way neurotypicals (having a normal job, not struggling with independence) do worked then I would’ve cured my own autism by now lol. I sometimes feel I should not have fun on weekdays because I do not have a proper paid job and most people will be working during those hours but I think I need to give myself a break and realise that I have internalised other peoples ableist views which is their problem and shouldn’t be mine. Having autism and struggling to be verbal or communicate and having sensory issues and lots of other issues doesn’t make me a bad person and I need to not let my self esteem be so effected by things people have said in the past
I really struggled with self hate for a long time (and tbh I still do). i wish i was cis so badly and every single day i think about what life could have been like if i wasnt forced to go through puberty. learning to accept myself despite what I am has been something I've been struggling with in therapy for a while, but what I found helps me escape that negative mindset a bit is consciously taking note of things I do like about myself, that's arent nessesarily related to the things I hate. like as an example, I'm actually really good at baking sourdough! and working on improving my skill at that gives me something I can focus my attention on other than things I hate about myself. documenting how my loaves have improved over time, and how I've been able to bake progressively more and more complex things has felt amazing, and being able to share my bread with loved ones and watch their eyes light up as they tell me this new loaf is somehow even better than my last one has given me something I can actually be proud of! I love watching people enjoy my bread and be able to think to myself "I did that! I made that person happy by sharing my bread with them!" ive found that focusing on self improvement, even if it's not improving the things I hate about myself, has made me a much more positive person.
Educating myself to be confident, loving myself, not fixating on my failures and learning to move on from hang ups was the best thing I have ever done for myself. It's doable and all of you can achieve it. Please take care of yourselves, you deserve to be happy.
as an ex self-hater and current self-appreciator i have a bit of advice! I cannot overstate the value of fake it till you make it! our brains love patterns and are terrible at getting the difference between ironic and sincere activity (btw thats how you can end up with weird kinks dont ask me how i know). if you establish a habit of purposeful (even fake) positive thought your brain will eventually pick up the pace!!! just by switching from self-depreciation to ironic self-aggrandizing you are contributing to your healing!!!!!!! stay fuckin hydrated babes!!! i love you!!!
Fake it till you make it is a powerful tool. Patterns and habits are the best way to beat anything. Struggling to go to the gym. Just go there and hang out in the lobby. Making it consistent is the point.
I don’t need a trigger to spiral, it just happens. That’s what is so frustrating about it. I can have a great day, or be doing something I love and all of a sudden my brain will break and I’ll want to die.
Me too. It helps me to disassociate those feelings from myself. My therapist told me to imagine my depression as a black dog. When I’m having these kinds of thoughts it’s just the black dog barking. And like a real dog, you might be able to train it to behave itself better by building the right habits
@@pallasathena2228 neither work, been to multiple therapists and had about 6 different types of meds… I guess if you sleep constantly you feel better, or at least aren’t aware of how you feel.
@@dresdenvisage thanks but it’s not that, just read symptoms, definitely not that. There is another kind of BPD that I’ve read about it could be that but I forget what it’s called.
I've dwelled on past mistakes a lot. Too much tbh. I realized how much time and effort get wasted spiraling when something goes wrong. We fuck up. Relationships, friendships, jobs, schooling, properly balancing d&d encounters lol. All of it happens and will continue to happen. Are you going to let destroy you or are you going to learn from it and become a better you?
Vaush, I made one other comment, where I mentioned I work in mental health. I appreciate that you have the right intent in helping people with their mental health by challenging the self-hatred that some of your viewers engage in. That said you went on a nearly 20 minute rant where you proceeded to articulate that intention in the most irresponsible way possible when it comes to mental health. You talk a lot about how media and people with platforms should be responsible and do their due diligence and inform the public effectively. When it comes to mental health, there are best practices for how to be a good advocate for mental health, and none of them involve calling people stupid for hating themselves, or calling people narcissistic for simply being focused on their own emotions. While hating oneself is irrational and being so focused on how you feel about yourself is self-centered, that's not the same as being stupid or narcissistic. As much as you have your freedom of speech and your well-meaning intention of calling out irrationality in your chat, if you're not going to do so in a constructive way because you are A. not a mental health professional or B. don't have the personal experience necessary to be a helpful advocate as a layperson, I suggest just not speaking about it irresponsibly in a way that could actually be detrimental to someone who actually has mental health issues. "Tough love" may work for some but may push others further into their emotional unhealthiness. You have a large platform and you never know, for every one or two people that respond well to this approach you may have pushed 2-3 further down the self-loathing rabbit hole. Just a thought, a lot of the approach you took in this video rubbed me the wrong way given my studies and field experience, and honestly my own first hand experience with depression.
people who rationalize their unimprovement based on their mental health are the reason some of us are still miserable i used to be one of the people who rationalized my misery so i didnt have to change anything about my routine bc thats what i knew and thought was safe despite my misery i no longer feel that way and im so glad i stopped doing that because even if its exhausting and terrifying to try new things, its miles better than wallowing in my self pity and expecting other people to cowe just to appease me
Within the past few years I've started to actually like myself, stand up for myself, talk highly of myself. I've started getting compliments which I thought was impossible as a guy for years. It's nice after 3 decades.
This was so insufferable on live that I ended up getting chats self-hatred through osmosis. I had to stop watching, thankfully I am better now. There is nothing that makes me more aware of my own flaws than hearing about other people's flaws and their self-awareness.
If theres something you don't like about yourself, then work to change it. People will make so many excuses about genetic or hormonal conditions for their weight, but in the vast VAST majority of cases, if you dont like your weight, there is always SOMETHING you can do. It doesn't make you more moral or objective to acknowledge that your flaws but do nothing about them but wallow, having the will to act and CHANGING the wretched parts of yourself that you despise is the moral imperative. As someone who's been painfully shy, realizing that introversion and low self esteem does indeed contain an element of narcissism really helped me get over that. People literally don't care about you, they're not watching you, all of us are so irrelevant. Once you realize how little others care, there is nothing to be shy about anymore. Making sure others know that you feel bad about your weight doesn't make you a better person. Doing something to change what you hate about yourself is true strength
There are two types of narcissm. One of them is self-aggrandizing, the other is self-diminishing. Healthy Gamer GG has some videos that cover this in decent detail. It's okay to have a difference such as narcissim, it doesn't inherently make people evil. But it's also good to manage our own differences to the best of our ability instead of leaning into them and exacerbating them. And it may be important and useful to get professional help with that.
@@blarghblargh some people have medical conditions that make it very hard for them to be in good physical shape, but that only implies they must try harder than most. Likewise, as a narcissistic sociopath myself, some people need to work harder than others to be good people, but it's definitely still obtainable.
Unironically one of the dumbest misconceptions in recent memory is the pop-psychology phenomenon of labeling two completely inverse things narcissism and saying they're the same thing. Drawing from the writings of a qualified specialist in treating NPD here - narcissism is a defense mechanism developed to avoid feeling shame (after past shame-related trauma) by projecting it outward, along with other traits like living vicariously through children and splitting people into black and white, devalue and idealize, scapegoat and golden child. Reflexive self-deprecation and internalization of perceived shame is literally the opposite. That's Borderline. Calling it "also narcissism but negative" is like saying South is just North 2. No, we have a word for it, and it's South. Internalizing shame and self-hatred is a defense mechanism that works the other way: Rather than "I can't be shamed if the finger is pointing outward", it's "Just to get it over with, I'll do it myself, it hurts less when it comes from me". Usually the golden child develops NPD under the stress of failing to meet impossible expectations and being punished for it, the scapegoat develops BPD after being devalued and demonized and diminished constantly as a failure.
@@FelisImpurratorthat's not what causes npd. we're talking colloquially about self-obsession. it's not complicated, and there's really no need to wring your hands in this way over its informal use as a description of these types of behaviours.
@@scslre "wring your hands" lmao nice dramatization there. Anyway, what was your point again? You seem to be vacillating between trying to refute my point, and deflecting away from it with "well that's not what we meant, despite using a word that has a practical meaning in a way that devalues it". What I've noticed is that there's a particular, motivated pattern of behavior that entails people trying desperately to frame themselves as the "normal ones" by labeling all sorts of wildly disparate things as "narcissism" and framing it as legitimate psychology, where the message is implicitly "everything we don't like is because you care too much about you and not enough about Us, Normal People, Society". To the point that it's led to this fanciful myth of some mustache-twirling Machiavellian villain whose real problem is that they love themselves too much and need to be brought down, rather than society being responsible for creating toxic incentive structures that push people into destructive one-upmanship and hypercompetitive complexes. Also, OP was literally trying to apply clinical terms here as far as I'm aware. HGGG is a psychology channel that uses clinical terms within a certain specific paradigm. Also also, the info I got was from a practicing psychologist and not the DSM, and I'll take someone with both theoretical and practical backing over an insurance manual, thanks.
There is a balance in all things. The happy median. Be honest with yourself about your shortcomings. Don't cover over them with false bravado. Everyone hates a bleeding ego and most can't stomach a braggadocios prick. Be critical of yourself but be constructive. Look for solutions on your problematic behaviors. Be proud of those things that you excel at. Don't shy away from an honest compliment. Accept it graciously. Recognize when you've earned the right to acknowledge your qualities and efforts as remarkable and promote yourself to others. Stand tall on that which you've worked hard to accomplish. But exercise humilty in areas in which you have or know little. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you. Unless you like getting shit on. Cut that mess out. 😡
See, as someone who normally doesn't watch Vaush, I'm happy with myself. I felt a twinge of self-hatred when I came in and realized I was watching Vaush, but it's passed now that the video is over and I am not coming back. Life is good, hyperfixating on political ideologies when your head isn't on straight isn't. Building on faulty foundations is a bad idea, so take care of yourself and your surroundings first, then see about reaching beyond.
Here's something interesting someone once told me and I believe to be true: Our brains are controlled by our bodies and neither is especially smart. No, hear me out: If you force your mouth to smile, that releases serotonin, *making you less sad*. If you talk yourself up, *even ironically*, this will boost your confidence long-term. Conversely, if you have a bad posture and make sad faces all the time, this reinforces your sadness. And if you're shit-talking yourself "ironically", your brain will interpret it literally and it will be long-term detrimental to your mental health. In other words: "fake it till you make it" is a functional mental health technique. No, this does not mean forced or toxic positivity, there's a time and a place and there's a healthy middle ground. And this isn't me telling women to "just smile more" either; just smile in the mirror. Don't smile for other people. Smile for yourself. Tell yourself you're awesome. Do it ironically and hyperbolically. It'll still work. Your brain doesn't actually understand the difference.
So True When I am sad i find myself making a sad face on purpose But if I am sad and someone makes me laugh by tickling the Sadness gets cut in half It's works And I have Discovered it myself This is why when I get Depressed I get up and start Dancing and it works like a Charm
As someone who's struggled with mental health I think Vaush is oversimplifying things but his general point is correct. You are your own worst enemy. We often allow ourselves to succumb to negative emotion because it's easier than doing something about it
I'm a flaming, flamboyant homosexual, a clock-them-down-the-street gay. Gaudy Jewelry, colorful clothing, feminine voice, and limp wrist. And I love it. My unapologetic queerness is something I worked hard to accept and embrace. When people look at me, either with disgust or awe, I love it.
28:27 There are dozens of plants and animals in nature that will kill themselves if even one microbe of their environment is different and we still label them as "Self defense Mechanisms". The main difference with humans is we have the ability to recognize that those types of mechanisms don't actually solve anything, and most times just create more suffering for both parties. Obsessing over hating yourself and making yourself smaller and getting defensive when people try to help you out of that mindset is no different than a beetle eating poisonous plants to taint it's blood, only for that to be barely useful only when it's dealt a lethal wound. People are not beetles, there is no need to emotionally doomsday prep in the most damaging ways, so do not act like it.
Yeah a lot of this low self-worth stuff might come from trauma for some people. Vaush’s advice sounds like it’s coming from somebody who hasn’t faced some of those same challenges, probably because he hasn’t. I like what he said about the promise land being the same, it’s just about taking a different path. I just wish he elaborated and how that path may be different.
A big change in my mental health has been to change what I can change, and for things I can't, focus my energy elsewhere. Also, even though I have been close to depression since, a lot of times, what stops the spiral is just telling myself "Just because X is bad doesn't mean you're bad." It took me joining the military to move across the country so I could leave the negative influences in my life, but today now that I'm out of the military, I can say I'm happier than I ever have been.
Personally, I've covered every inch of my appartment in mirrors just so I can be surrounded by winners all day long
Imma do that too but go around my place naked, so I can be surrounded by weiners all day long.
+2 literally surrounding yourself with your most liyal shooters. What a giga chad
Be careful, even these guys might find a way to backstab you.
@@Bai_Su_ZhenNah, I'd win
@@Bai_Su_Zhenthe people closest to you are the one most likely to backstab you and no one is as close to you as yourself.
I realized I actually love myself when I was no longer paralyzingly afraid of making a mistake. I just thought "If I make a mistake, I trust myself enough to learn from it and do better next time".
This is a great mindset to have
This rocks and I’m glad you’re able to have that experience, hell yea
Yeah!! My favorite way of looking at it was when I went from thinking "I'll get through this problem because there's no other option." to "I'll get through this problem because I have the tools to fix it."
I want to work towards getting this mindset.
I just had this at work today. I'm habitually paralysed by indecision when I'm faced with a new problem, even when it's something I think I already know the answer to, so I end up asking for advice from my colleagues. Twice today I was faced with a similar problem (tl;dr pharmacist sent texts to patients asking them to report if they had some symptoms while taking a certain medication, and two patients called in today to report that).
I was initially paralysed as normal, but then I resolved to give the answer that I thought best fitted the situation. Both times the patients were pretty happy with my help. And lemme tell you, I could have given the wrong answer to those patients, but the feeling of elation for giving the answer that I did without succumbing to doubt and asking for help warmed me up today.
The "I have to hate myself to improve," take was drilled into my head by the church I grew up in. In the group I was in, in said church, that was the core lesson you had to take away. If you don't hate yourself you'll never have any motivation to improve. The same lesson was drilled into my family by that same church.
Religious trauma is a bitch. I'm so sorry they drilled that horrible idea into your head, and I hope you can find peace. The church is really good at making people hate themselves for a variety of reasons 😔
@@Sqwivig it's a bit too deep to really find peace, but I can mitigate some of it at times.
But damn, when it hits: it hits hard.
I'm glad you're around these parts and not stuck there, and I hope you've learned to move past that mentality.
@@benjaminjameskreger can't really move past that mentality. But I can manage it some.
Wait, I did move past the mentality that hating myself is the only way to improve. That's probably what you meant.
What Vaush doesn't acknowledge is that you can't just positive thinking your way out of this mentality via magical "just do it", because it's literally caused by severe trauma and usually the result of religious cults.
Giga fucking based. One thing I learned recently it is okay to hurt peoples feelings, obviously not out of malice but just because it happen. Example: breaking up with someone because they just aren’t right for you. You will hurt the persons feelings but it should be totally acceptable
As someone who has stayed in relationships that were not right for me in my 20s just because I always needed external validation and HATED disappointing/hurting others, I agree with this 100%. Staying in situations like that and being inauthentic to yourself will only lead to built up resentment, which will make the break up even worse. I’ve realized at this point that, just by virtue of being a human, it is impossible not to hurt another person’s feelings (again, not out of malice as you said, but just because being honest can lead to hurt feelings).
Sometimes you don't wanna tell someone they're being a bad friend because it'll hurt their feelings and you're the good friend, but you have an obligation to inform them of your perspective on their behavior as the good friend.
Also, many of y'all could use this one, constructively criticize your friends' art. One day they're gonna realize everyone around them has been gaslighting them into feeling more competent than they actually are, stifling their potential growth, and they're not going to trust you for good reason even if you think you were just being polite.
I was hurt so badly as a toddler that I was TERRIFIED of hurting others and would do things at my own detriment to avoid hurting or disappointing others. Within SOME reason ofc, but I would always feel bad about any little thing I fucked up.
@@EingefrorenesEisenUnironic advice for that kind of thing: Being a bit less considerate is fine. Using a bit less than hyperempathy is fine. No one is ever obligated to reserve all their fucks for other people. Maybe some weird religious fundie types who are obsessed with "service" as a virtue disagree, but their opinions don't really matter.
@@FelisImpurrator Don't get it twisted, service and consideration of others is a virtue, but it is ok to not be a perfectly virtuous person at all times.
"He who despises himself still esteems the despiser within himself." -Nietzsche
Excellent point
I only enjoy hating other people, actually! Mostly because people are wrong as fuck all the time. I'm also wrong all the time, so I don't particularly enjoy hating myself, since it'd require a certain level of stupidity to think it's *actually* beneficial, and most of us don't!
Why hate yourself when you can hate JD Vance instead?
Every morning I drink a tall glass of Haterade to keep my self-loathing in peak shape so it can focus on hating JD Vance instead of me.
Because JD Vance has friends
@@dajoker8998 weirdoes dont have friends, you ought to know from all the experience
@@dajoker8998 Couches don't count as friends.
@@dajoker8998 Couches don't count as friends.
I was feeling really disappointed in myself and feeling like I was a waste of energy to this planet. That was until Vaush from Vaush said "Do not hate yourself". As a free thinker, I now no longer hate myself.
Congratulations on your pseudo-intellectual statement
Based and chronically online pilled
He actually said a lot more than that, but you choose to disingenuously pretend that’s all he said
That, or you just read the title, came here to make this comment, then never actually watched the video
Whatever works, glad you've got that burden off your shoulders now.
Thanks for being dumb, I now feel smart.
You should love yourself, NOW!!!
Get yourself a piece of that oxygen, because YOU DESERVE IT
@@WASDLeftClick thanks, I needed that
LowTierDeadbeat
⚡⚡🌩⚡😠🌩⚡🌩⚡
Are...are you telling me to goon, or...?
watching Vaush has made me hate myself less
thats sad as fuck
@@HeyGuy4321They just hate him more lol
@@HeyGuy4321 It is sad? It is the opposite, he is actually happier.
@@HeyGuy4321"listening to an outside perspective and learning to love yourself more is sad as fuck" do you even hear how miserable u sound lol
@@HeyGuy4321 Oh dang, I didn't know learning to not hate yourself as much because a streamer with a pretty good head on his shoulders taught some self confidence was actually sad... You know what, you're right I'll learn to hate everything cause Vaush bad!
The moment that clicked for me the most when my mental health was garbage was when i realised that acting miserable around everyone was making me insufferable. I changed how i acted mostly out of convenience to others even though my internal thoughts were the same, but over time it helped me anyway. I got medicated and I'm much better now and realised loving yourself is the best way to live ❤ im so proud of everything ive accomplished even if I still have a long way to go!
fake it til you make it can be a reasonable strategy
I'm the coolest prettiest baddest bitch in the world and I won't give myself the disadvantage of putting myself down just because strangers can't understand my wonderful being
I simply say 'Understand already'
@@zonmisty1231 ego.
@@lmfaolol123 the best kind
@@zonmisty1231 at the expense of others. Do better
@@lmfaolol123 I always do better, you should take your own advice
Okay that sounds like some overcompensation there, though probably still a lot better than the alternative
The most effective long term change comes from self love. Negativity has worked for no one.
That's actually not true. Negativity is how humans lasted this long. Self love doesn't lead to long term change.
@@Darkloid21 to deny this is to deny the sky is blue. When things get hard, how do you think people find the energy to carry on? Negativity does not lend itself to resolve or hope. There is no change without hope.
@@Darkloid21has hating yourself led you to a happy, successful, and fulfilling life? Genuinely curious
@@Darkloid21 don't worry, I'm not a brainlet and understand the literally room temp IQ check that yes, in fact, fear, anger, and other negative emotions dominated the minds of the ancestors that actually lived to pass on genetic information, because the happy-go-lucky curious ape that goes to investigate the shaking bush gets eaten by tigers 10/10 times.
This is all a massive over simplification. All emotions are signals, and positive or negative associations we have with them are largely made by our experiences with them. And those associations are individual but also social. We tend to enforce those associations by linking them to the outcomes of our actions or other people's actions.
Learning to take emotions as a signal instead of acting compulsively in response is a skill that can be developed (sorta like a muscle), and they all need to be worked on separately. At the very least, they all cause slightly different physiological reactions.
Collapsing that all into "negativity is a survival trait" is anti-intellectual. So is "nobody got anything good out of negativity", if interpreted as "negative emotions".
Trying to overly dampen emotions instead of learning to work with them is paralyzing, and weakening. Emotions will amplify themselves when you ignore them. They dissipate much more quickly when you acknowledge and think actively about why you're having them, and make conscious choices in regards to them.
Sorry for the ramble. Just everyone is talking past each other, and everyone is collapsing complex stuff into a dumb two dimensional graph. And I'm underslept lol
Ofc I hate myself, that why I watch Vaush as a punishment /s
Ofc I hate myself, that's why I watch vaush as a punishment /srs
I personally watch Vaush daily to remind myself to exceed Vaushes meterocrity and excel to Hasan level /s
@@Mrjonnyjonjon123I have exceeded both Vaush and Hasan level and ascended to the level of PAUL
Vaush is genuinely so right here, I used to genuinely loathe nyself and although I still was able to enjoy things in life, it was a lot easier for me to become miserable at minor setbacks.
Funnily enough it was my high self awareness(and prompting from friends) that got me to start trying to change that, telling self appreciating jokes instead of depreciating ones, working to forgive myself for mistakes and appreciate the good things I do for others. Now I actually view myself as a great person and am much more resilient mentally because of that (transitioning also helped a lot but I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am now just by transitioning)
I've helped my partner and several friends improve through this process as well (though some have compounding issues or are resistant to it and thus its harder for them) and it has actually helped improve their lives as well
Feel mixed on this. He's not *wrong* about a lot of what he's saying. But the messaging is off a little. Right now the prominent mainstream message to combat negative self-talk and self-hatred is to "love yourself".What therapy has actually taught me is that being KIND to yourself is much more actionable and easier to process. You don't have to love your weight, or your height, or your lack of success, etc. But you can be kinder to yourself about it. And that gives you an actual starting point to work from. *Loving* yourself is just too pie in the sky when you're talking to someone who has clinical depression.
You can love yourself without loving everything about yourself in the present moment. Do I love my friends and family? Yeah. Do I love everything about them? Not always. They have some traits I don't necessarily love but I love them overall and as humans.
As someone who used to hate myself, I do think of being kind to myself as a way of loving myself, but this might just be a matter of semantics at this point
You have to find a reframe that works for you. I think its easier to go from hate to neutral then to love. For the longest time I used to think "I hate my life" and reframing that to "im a work in progress" "im working on it" really did help break that negative thought cycle. Baby steps
Love is an action not a feeling.
@@cherrymilk5590 There's definitely semantics afoot and I think that's my point. The word love is just really nebulous in English compared to other languages. There are multiple definitions and they may even vary from person to person. I can tell someone to "love thy neighbor" but it will likely be more clear if I say "be chill to thy neighbor".
You're right about attributing love to various ways which it's expressed, and that it is imperfect. But you also took the time to sort of explain your process of thought. Most of the time, "love yourself" is just a slogan that's unrelatable for the people that need to internalize positive feelings the most. Regardless of all that, I'm glad you're doing better for yourself now :)
Took a friend telling me that I wasn't attractive because of the self deprecation to realize my headspace was actually a problem. Now I'm the baddest bitch in my own head and others seem to take notice.
Absolute queen behavior right here!
Everybody appreciates a reasonable amount of swagger
I have never been happier than I am now, after realizing that if people have problems with me it’s on them to come up to me and address it. I gigachad my way through social interactions (obviously I try not to be an asshole) and I do it shamelessly because I can’t be expected to head off every possible thing I do that might make someone feel bad. I’m among that population of clocky trans women that vaush was talking about and I don’t give a damn. It’s so liberating man.
A lot of people will hurl abuse at disadvantaged people and call it "tough love". This video is an example of what tough love really is.
I needed this video. Thank you. Just got a diagnosis for a mental illness I’ll be treated for. I’m happy about it, because it means I have a starting point for improvement. Knowing what I have is half the battle
Just remember that it's probably a lifelong condition and that doing your best means much more than perfectly playing normal. Best of luck on your mental health journey.
Great stuff! Having the “thing” in your life given a name and form has seemed to help so many. I wish you all the best on your journey, you got this
Dw too much about it tho in the end the illness isn’t actually real or defines you, it is just a collection of self-interacting traits that complement each other to cause problems in your life. Personality disorders are 100% “curable” because you can change your personality. Neurodevelopmental and neurological problems and like schizophrenia etc mostly can’t change tho but can be controlled for example you can totally learn to be a healthy functioning person with adhd but you’re not going to “just change your personality to not have adhd”. You can do this with bpd tho.
Bipolar disorder can be controlled with lithium and then the rest is how having the disorder shapes you, that can be changed.
Depression and anxiety are the easiest to overcome in my experience and to my knowledge because they’re mostly self hatred about one self and the past, and fear about the future. Learning to forgive yourself and living in the present moment is an instant antidote for both. And clinical presentations of them are sort of caused by an infinite feedback loop between hormones, neurotransmitters and the way your thoughts and emotions affect your brain chemistry and how it all interacts. Meaning that yes you can just meditate (specifically mindfulness because the issue is youre stuck in your default mode network controlling tour life) and take small actionable steps and it will get better, the most extreme of cases are usually comorbidity or almost flat out bpd so that’s why cbt and dbt works for those as well, basically bpd (and npd) is almost like depression and anxiety on steroids, it’s basically the highest point of hating yourself and hating everyone else too.
But ultimately a very useful way IMO to really REALLY know what’s going on inside you regardless of diagnosis is to focus on attachment style and core content, that’s way way more useful than a diagnosis. Because if you change your attachment style to secure you are basically moving out of the bpd zone to the healthy zone because of all the underlying work and factors that determine it about the narratives you tell yourself about life and the world
It’s no coincidence that every one who has bpd , EVERYONE, and basically everyone who has some personality disorder has an insecure attachment style, with bpd being the epitome of disorganized attachment style, depression and avoidance, anxiety and anxious attachment, (tho they don’t need to coincide perfectly) it’s sort of how the entire system of traits and beliefs you carry and the narrative about your life and identity shapes your relationships and it’s also the perfect way to notice what triggers you and work on resolving those conflicts within yourself and your past etc
For me once I had a stable life that was the best way I had to measurably find a path towards remission
I mention bpd a lot in my comment because after being diagnosed with it and losing the diagnosis and talking to so many people with it I find that bpd is basically just how people adapt to untreated mental illness and trauma worsening throughout their development, like, everyone can develop bpd in the right conditions regardless of genetics, just by being mistreated and taught to hate yourself growing up
It’s like the king of mental illness and where all the others lead
My family and friends have zero idea the world I've built in myself through music. I love myself because of that.
"Bring before me what is mine/At the seven seas of Rhye."
Ah yes Vaush is very qualified to therapy random chat members lol
The bad chat takes were fucking insane, like "not hating meld because of my weight? You're saying I should be a narcissist???" negative self bias is fucking (literally) crazy
I'd prefer it for people to actually be considerate than egotistical. If you inconvenience me, you should feel bad about it.
@@fluffynator6222 "If you inconvenience me, you should feel bad about it."
Isn't that equally egotistical? Like what if the inconvenience is I can't take you to work tomorrow because I'm in the hospital or someone crashed into me. I should feel bad because of something I couldn't control?
@@RJLiams
No, I'm not egotistical. I'm too perfect for that.
Literally! Being content with yourself isn't self aggrandizing
@@fluffynator6222openly putting yourself down and apologizing because of your weight or similar characteristic is the exact opposite of considerate. It’s super off putting, festers other people’s insecurities (continuing instead of breaking the cycle of trauma), and it suddenly obligates those around you to have to drop what they’re doing and attempt to comfort you out of politeness and concern.
Funny thing about "how can I better myself if I don't feel bad about myself" is that the only way I was able to start bettering myself was to stop feeling bad about myself.
I used to have severe anxiety and somewhat less severe depression, started going to therapy, therapist gave me some meds, which was what allowed me to start working on myself because I lost the self hate.
Stopping to hate yourself should literally be your first step to bettering yourself!
No one:
Chat: "But Vaush, have you considered that I need to cut myself because I deserve it?"
For me it was really just forgiving the cringiness of my past self and making a conscious effort to become my own best friend. World doesn’t need more suffering, why would I contribute to that for no reason?
The world doesn't need a lot of things, it also doesn't need more humans but we're going to keep coming. Fuck what the world needs, do what you want for your own reasons. Forgive yourself because hating yourself doesn't matter in the first place and honestly ain't worth it. Go and do something worthwhile that you'd enjoy, 'cause in absence of universal purpose it is our duty to produce our own.
I get where Vaush is coming from, but I think he was blessed with a pretty strong emotional foundation in youth, from two loving parents, and that's why stuff like "just don't care" and "don't worry about mistakes you made, they aren't a big deal" seem obvious to him, but maybe not to people who developed a coping strategy of shrinking down and apologizing endlessly for their existence. I can't say I've been in an abusive household, more so neglectful maybe, so I can only imagine what it's like when your own parents are shouting down at you and making you feel worthless, but I think that kind of situation is what causes people to have such shaky foundations and issues with self esteem. And this is just the household, not the world at large. No telling how many people in Vaush's community have had to deal with it, but considering how many here aren't strictly hetero and ND, and probably felt some kind of ostracizing + didn't have the kind of parental love and support Vaush did to bolster them otherwise, there may be an overwhelming representation of low self esteem folks here for a reason.
Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of just saying "F it, I'm gonna grow a spine and act with confidence because I'm tired of feeling this way". At some point it's all you feel like you can do.
You're describing multiple groups of people that need to take the advice; they developed unhealthy coping mechanisms that let them survive childhood and now they're maladjusted adults in need of reprogramming.
You too btw, neglect is a form of abuse, we both need to stop pining for our mother's/father's approval and get love and respect from ourselves first and foremost.
Correct assessment. Also, he just has a different kind of neurodivergence and is not wired for high anxiety so he doesn't... Grok it. Fundamentally.
@@benjaminjameskreger I don't disagree. I don't want to make "excuses" for bad coping or say that trying to develop better ones is bad. But for many of us, it'll be a lifelong pursuit of correcting those behaviors, and it's worth acknowledging that it takes time to actually heal yourself properly, outside of bursts of motivation you feel to simply "get over it".
@@Jazzmaster1992 again, I'm one of us, same circumstances. Nobody said we need to get over our conditions, Vaush said we need to get over the barriers preventing us from taking our first steps towards happier futures.
@@benjaminjameskreger and I agree with that. I'm not here to argue against him, just adding my own two cents really.
Vaush it’s really fucking hard to not hate yourself. Well to be honest, I don’t hate myself but I live with a bully in my own head, constant uncontrollable thoughts that scream at me that I suck and that I should die, it’s really hard not to let those constant barrages of internal attacks project into the interactions you have with others.
The best advice Vaush gives in this entire video is at 20:00 but it's indirect. Stop asking Vaush, or anyone, for permission to live. Do what you want, make mistakes, if you care to fix something you don't like do it, don't ask permission. You are the one who will die having lived your life and at the end you are the only person you answer to.
So many people are still just glued to the idea that good mental health is when you just happen to be happy every day. The idea that people who've improved their mental health are privileged for having been able to do it, because they were lucky enough to have brains powerful enough, or lucky for getting happy. Mental health is a constant, introspective, active process and those chatters acting like any of this was impossible bare an uncanny resemblance to my emo 14 year old diary entries. They're likely teenagers and will learn sometime but the worst mistake you can make is conflating good mental health with happiness, or an emotion that comes and goes. You have to take it, and unfortunately most people never realize that unless they start doing it
''What you gonna apologise for existing? Sorry about my literal body.'' is something a lot of us people with complex PTSD deal with Vaush. Feeling ashamed for existing. Calling us a bitch does not help in the least. You should talk more carefully to mentally ill people, when you know nothing obviously about their mental illness and situation.
I think therapy is super helpful for this kinda thing, speaking as someone who's major metal improvements have come as a result of regular and relatively intense therapy
It's literally the same as going to the gym. It takes work, effort and time to get the results you want, like with most things in life. It can be so addictive to be self obsessive and hate yourself the way the people in chat did. I know cus I was there, I knocked myself down every opportunity I got and my confidence was in the drain. All because it was so much easier to feel bad about myself and rely on others for validation instead of putting the work in towards self love and confidence. Vaush was probably a little bit harsh in this clip but he's 100% right.
@@vilgotmillton1097 appropriate because these depressed chatters would definitely benefit from a gym regiment.
it’s true, self hate/emotional self harm is an addiction. he’s right in that getting better takes work, it’s not egotistical to love and appreciate yourself, and we don’t need to punish ourselves for every single inconvenience or annoyance we cause others
I used to be very much like this (and the feeling often never truly goes away), but regular therapy sessions coupled with surrounding myself with people who love me has been helping me overcome my problems. I recently started taking some medication and that's also had a positive impact.
I am:
Hot
Snart
Funny
Charismatic
Fit
Strong
Kind
I have:
Cool hobbies
A bunch of amazing friends who enjoy my company
A fantastic sense of style
Is this narcissistic? No, it's the power of love ❤
HEAR HEAR! 💖
I'm not trying to bring negative energy to the table, but snart is very funny
snart ain't smart, but that's oaky, because sometimes you just have to go on yuo're own path.
Heck yeah, Karl❤
You rock Karl
i love my self vash
Vash the Stampede? 😍
"Being self aware" and then doing nothing about it except whine is literally helping no one, and it's mega cope to say that he's helping society by 'acknowledging" that he's fat. If you don't like something about yourself, then change it. Be self aware and work towards change.
Reshaping my thought patterns and self talk into something uplifting, positive, and constructive has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. It’s a gift that keeps giving, and it gives to everyone around me as well.
"You would not have survived the mongol tribal unification"
damn okay Vaush Khan
Tbh, I'd feel pretty useless in the face of 2'000 mounted archers raiding my village too.
This actually helped me a lot. I have self harming type behaviors from abuse and dealing with ptsd and I wanna heal and be better, hearing “your past bad actions don’t define you as a person”
I really, really needed to hear that. Thanks Vuash ❤
The under appreciated transformative power of occasionally catching a glance of your reflection and thinking “oh yeah, I fucking rock”
Fucking impossible to imagine, man.
Me (who still have a lot of think over and issues to fully resolve) whenever I walk past a shop's window and get to see my manly face, my beard and my long hair
i feel like the disconnect between vaush and some chatters here is that he’s assuming people can just love themselves at the snap of the fingers but that’s just not how that works
exactly
So in summary, spiralling into self-doubt and negativity is cringe, cucked behaviour and saying 'Fuck it, we ball' to life is giga-chad behaviour.
Never has anything been so right.
i don’t like, dislike, love, or hate myself. i’m aware of my strengths and weaknesses. i’m content with who i am, but won’t shy away from opportunities to grow.
weirdly calm is my entire existence. if i drop a cookie, or spill boiling water on myself, or break a bone, or whatever else, it won’t hurt my feelings. i could find it inconvenient or humorous or interesting, but that’s about it. i’ll think about how it affects me moving forward, operate accordingly, and learn from the experience.
also, everyone but me has a skill-issue. i *can* choose not to be depressed. i can also will myself into it for shı̇ts and giggles.
@@thanosbambi you should love yourself as your elders do. You may not understand why they do, but you should match that energy and reflect it inward regardless.
btw you sound chronically depressed
@@benjaminjameskreger Ah yes, elder worship. Next you're going to try to sell me on a messiah. gtfo bro
@@TheEnmineer nah, I'm just saying your parents, uncles & aunts, grands, trying not to touch a sore spot by bringing up potential dead relatives. Your elders, not the royal 'our' elders.
@@benjaminjameskreger So what, instead of selling me on some abrahamic shit you're slinging some eastern faith?
Fuck those who came before us (not literally, ya perv), their reasons could be wrong just like everyone else. Humans are fallible, find you own way and don't get in your own way. You're not going to get it right, but that was an impossible task anyhow, instead what matters is that it was your own path.
@@benjaminjameskreger i can't match an energy i don't understand. i don't know what loving myself entails, or see how it could benefit me.
i've always been a little quirky. i don't think that means i'm depressed.
but vaush, i dont want a path to mental wellbeing, i want an excuse to be performatively apologetic on the internet
Chat in a nutshell
"Guys I'm only a victim of my own outlook and choices but I want you to feel bad for me anyway because I'm broken in a very specific way that allows me never to take any responsibility"
You guys are attributing way too much conscious intent to overly-apologetic people. People are like that as a way to avoid rejection or
as a way to recieve sympathy because they can't self-regulate, and so they outsource reassurance and comfort to other people. Very rarely is it a conscious way to avoid accountability or be performative intentionally. If anything it's just a lack of awareness of one's own inner workings and emotional immaturity that gets people there.
@@OrbObserver Well, while I do agree that people should try to take responsibility for themselves, you're the opposite position of "Nobody deserves comfort and anybody who has any issue ever deserves to be scorned for it." Doesn't much matter if you take it to that extreme, your language is indicative of an entire majority population percentage that absolutely does.
@@pleasegoawaydude The issue is when you don't expect people to have the nuance and intelligence to distinguish between problems outside of your control and problems inside of your control. If you are told the correct way to use a hammer and insist on smashing your own fingers you can't expect sympathy no matter how painful it is.
*"Don't hate yourself"*
But what if I hate how MUCH I love myself??? ❤😂
i think its possible to love how much you love yourself or love things you like
this truly encapsulates both meanings of gfy
I love how much I hate other people
Incorrigible
step one is stop staring at ponds
Vaush is right. I'm about his age, and when I was a kid I had this super huge crush on my neighbor down the street. I made a fool of myself more times than I can count back then, things that would make you cringe while trying to sleep years later. Skip ahead 20 years, she killed herself.
That was 2 years ago and some months ago, I was trying to sleep when one of those cringe moments started to replay again when i realized, I'm the only person alive that knows this happened. Why continue beating myself up over it?
😭 You only don't care because she's not here anymore. If she was still here you would still care.😅
Honestly, she may very well have remembered you trying to be nice to her and liking her. My friend killed himself and like 6mo before that he told me the only reason he got on fb was my messages, I barely messaged him that often and had no idea he even thought anything of me. Anyway I wound up telling him I had had a crush on him in HS and he said he didn't know and felt good to hear that (this was in our late 20s and he was married and I had a partner of 15yrs, it didn't come off like I was hitting on him it came off like "remember when we were kids, here's a funny thing"). When he killed himself I was always happy I had told him that. This analogy is a little convoluted but it's never embarrassing to like someone. However bad you think you may have put yr foot in yr mouth, women know what a guy with a crush looks like and even if she didn't as a kid she prob realized in retrospect.
@@SpecialBlanket Ive had to learn the hard way it's always better to express your interest and not sit on it, even if it feels embarrassing. Who knows, someone might be excited to give you exactly what you want. I remember my last partner, I wanted to try something in bed, I was embarrassed and almost didn't say anything, but it turned out it was her #1 thing, and we never would have realized it about each other had I not asked.
Well that went from 0 to 60 pretty fucking fast
@@matheussanthiago9685 20 years isn't slow enough for you? My bad for being 30 lol
The problem is that this is a catch 22. "I hate myself because I make other people around me uncomfortable", "you hating yourself *makes* the people around you uncomfortable", "oh cool my self hatred is valid".
Like I'm fully aware that thinking like that is fucking stupid, pretty much everything Vaush says here is true. Although honestly I think his self confidence is a detriment to making the point here, like by his own admission he's *never* dealt with low self-esteem so the message of "just don't hate yourself" comes across similarly to "just stop being depressed".
On top of that I don't know if the antagonism helps; like all the people in chat that agree with you probably don't need to hear this and yeah Mortiray brought the world down on their own head and wasn't doing anything resembling "healthy", but like... we're hyper-fixated on how our behaviors affect others, the fear of me letting the mask slip and becoming a burden to others is the exact reason I've gone to therapy and had it fail because I didn't want to trauma dump on my therapist. Like I know using the baby gloves isn't Vaush's MO but... fuck it, we're babies, maybe the baby gloves are needed. Which doesn't mean coddle them it means "I think you could have made pretty much the exact same argument without being antagonistic in a way that will make the specific people that *need * to hear this not want to listen."
"I'm aware that this is true, but [long rationalisation as to why I can ignore it]"
@@carnifex266Literally where was that said? I can't tell if you just have the reading ability of a gnat or are just being bad faith and didn't bother reading it.
'Vaush took a shot in the dark on my behalf and missed, here's how he could have aimed better'. Do you have any idea how ungrateful, selfish and needy this comes off?
I genuinely hope this causes an internal dilemma whenever you're considering hitting send on comments because this behavior hurts everyone involved. You're rationalizing negative behaviors and hoping others agree so you can continue to take baby steps when you clearly needed to learn to run on the fly yesterday.
You are not a baby, you just posted three paragraphs defending your worldview. Tell the devil on your shoulder to shut up for a minute and take it all in.
Vaush has his own mental health issues same as us. The confidence thing just makes it seem like he doesn't.
@@TheLizardKing752The problem is that his methods of trying to get people through theirs are kind of... Bad, from a therapeutic perspective. Yelling "just stop doing that" at people reinforces the negative thought processes, and so does constantly emphasizing how it affects other people. If you know anything about how these complexes start (read: usually religious trauma) then you can see how certain groups use abuse tactics to plant "cognitive traps" that direct people's thoughts toward more self-blame and lowering of the self.
i used to think i was a bad person but then i watched this video and realized that there are worse people
As a mental health professional, I can say "the promised land" is the same but the way you go about giving the advice is not helpful for the mentally ill. It's like telling a 2 year old they're an idiot for doing dumb 2 year old shit instead of just correcting it.
If you wanna help mentally ill people you gotta meet them where they are and play from their world not try to hammer their world to pieces.
Edit: If Vaush wants to be an effective mental health advocate he should either educate himself on how to do that responsibly as a public figure with a platform (I recommend a local NAMI chapter, they have volunteer training courses to do that), or just not talk about it himself and direct people to professionals who are actually equipped to help people effectively. That's my position, this video and how he went about it, albiet with good intentions, was irresponsible and potentially harmful.
I think you’re 100% right, but I’m pretty sure Vaush had a similar talk before being about as brutal and somehow this worked for me. I guess I’m just built different. 💯
@@spanishinquisition7623 or you just have a blessed life
Everyone is different, sometimes ppl need to hear it straight. Tough love. The approach doesn't work on everyone but I definitely benefited from this kinda brutal honesty in the past.
I mean yeah Vaush isn’t a substitute for therapy. I think it would have been good to not that if you disagree with his view on the important of self love then you should go to therapy. Like honestly as a mental health professional, I think a lot of therapy is just trying to help clients find a way to love themself
I think sometimes people can benefit from being told they're being stupid for hating themselves or believing the world is out to get them. Because it is objectively stupid. I'm not a professional but in my opinion the "soft" approach can sometimes enable people's bad behavior and trap them in bad mindsets. You try so hard to meet them where they're at to the point where all you do is end up validating their delusions. I've tried the soft approach on one of my friends, trying to understand them and validate their feelings, but they kept doing the same self destructive bullshit over and over. I got fed up with them and just told them "grow up and get over yourself" and oddly enough THAT'S the message that finally got thru to them. Tough love can be useful. I always use it as a last resort tho.
Thank you for this advice, Vaush
Jesus, this community is absolutely insufferable. I've never not been friends with someone because of their weight but I absolutely have cut people off because of their constant self-hatred. Also Vaush is definitely right on the sentiment that these things matter less the older you get.
I've been doing the self aggrandizing humor thing, trying to make it as obvious as possible. most people get it, some still don't; either way it is a bit of a confidence booster just pretending to be someone with an external locus of control
20:22 Vaush probably never dealt with this so he doesn’t get it but it’s most likely not lack of ambition. That right there is really bad anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and feel this way a lot. I feel like if I am not on top of my shortcomings I will be destined to fall behind. Yes it’s a therapy thing, they basically need to address their anxiety.
23:00 not sure what this they mean by this because over means not good by definition. it’s not good to do too much of something. the over part implies it hurts you in some way which isn’t good
The phrasing makes it sound like they're using self-hatred as a motivator, but I get where you're coming from; it's not an explanation of their motivational tactics but an expression of their fear of falling behind by not being constantly reassured by being optimal on the daily.
I don't think Vaush understands very much about the underlying causes and thought processes because his brain is wired differently from someone with a predisposition toward extreme anxiety.
Wow. This was lovely. Thank you for this.
Ironically, people who hate themselves are a drag to be around because they tend to project their self-hatred, intentionally or unintentionally. It's not morally good to hate yourself on a regular basis, plus it hurts others. It's normal to feel bad occasionally but if you've ever had to deal with someone who chronically hates themselves it is draining and they can be horribly self-obsessed.
Yeah nah, I'm sick of being made to feel bad because you people can't handle a little negativity in your perfect blessed lives. YOU'RE the problem.
@@lmfaolol123projection much?
@@Sqwivig Ok? I'm still right though
@@lmfaolol123perhaps you should ask yourself why anyone would want to be around you if you bring negativity into their lives? You don’t have to feel bad about being negative (there’s a sentence that makes a lot of sense), but recognize and accept that you’re on your own with it
@@lmfaolol123 No you aren't.
Learning to love myself made me feel so powerful
27:57 Idk why, but that chatters comment plus Vaush's response had a huge, like, motivational effect on me. Specifically the „right now“ because it's like yeah, you may not feel like you have the strength but what other choice do you have? You either try and let things get better, or you don't try and just fail for certain
Kim Kitsuragi wouldn't want us to be "Sorry Cop"
The problem with that dark desire to hate yourself, to be harsh to yourself and then to others. In a way, it feels good. Or at least feels comfy.
In the short term, it feels good to give into the darkness. Having to admit to being worthy is harder than claiming worthlessness. You have to stand on your own two feet. You have to push back when someone encroaches on your space and your rights, whether that be on accident or by intention (like from toxic people).
But in the end, that self-approval is more empowering. You have nothing to prove to the rest of humanity and especially not the toxic leeches.
When you don't matter? No one does, their opinions are wrong because they couldn't see the basic truth of your worthiness. How are they supposed to see anything for everything else? When you matter? Everyone matters.
It's hard to love yourself after being bullied every single day of school by both students and teachers, just to come home and be mentally and physically abused by your own parents as well. I got social anxiety, selective mutism, depression and I'm extremely self conscious. I can't stand taking pictures or looking in the mirror. I went my whole life unable to speak to people outside my family. That made life extremely difficult... I've opened up a lot more recently. I've made friends, even got coworkers to come and hang out at my place. So my social anxiety has gotten much better, although it has been extremely difficult to get to this point. I still don't feel good about myself though. Now my anxiety has mainly been caused by me worrying about the way I look and people judging me for it. I'm overweight but I'm improving, I've been fasting off and on for a month and lost 13 pounds already, so roughly 3 pounds a week. It's not making feel any better though tbh.
Absolutely correct on this take. Narcissism ≠ self love, it’s actually the opposite. Insecurity and an over-awareness of other peoples opinions is actually a trait of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Also, I was abused by a narcissist. I know from personal experience that narcissistic abuse is based on projecting insecurities on to others and bullying them for it
The obsessive belief about a anxiety/depression diagnosis meaning that you can just simply never get better or improve as a person is one of the most harmful things that has come out of the internet.
I have left friend groups because they've been filled with people who've normalized this and if you dare say "hey, maybe work on yourself" you get a quick strict answer along the lines of "there is LITERALLY nothing i can do and you even implying there is something i can do is rude and offensive and if you don't apologize i will make this miserable for everyone."
If your brain is wired in a way that makes suffering easier that does make things harder, i take SSRI's for a reason, but what it doesn't mean is that getting better is absolutely impossible and that you have no agency.
Self help shit basically meaning either fraud or right wing alpha bullshit now doesn't help things either. Talking about self improvement is (especially in queer/left leaning wholesome cirlces) seen as borderline ableist among other absurd shit, which also makes actually trying to pragmatically help people out such a 50/50 on if you're going to ruin a friendship or not.
Seeing people deny help/saying that nothing could ever help when they absolutely could be helped is a whole other kind of depressing.
thank you vaush, lately ive been feeling less hateful of myself and living by what you've said and seeing myself as valuable, after hearing one of my fave influencers echo it i am now complete and will be doing a dragon ball z fusion dance with nobody but air and my metamorphosis will be complete.
Its genuinely so nice to hear this, living with narcassistic parents and while i love them- not the smartest nor always the most informed (about autism) siblings- when they see my neutrality and how i can just ignore mistakes, they see that as me not caring, when it's never that, i simply know better than to beat myself up over inevitable mistskes, especially morally neutral ones (under the ethical theor6 i subscribe to)
Also, it's a bit nice to finally realize *why* it was so essy to agree with this man, as sure charisma was a factor but even against other charismic people he sounded far more sane and well- its straight up him just being smart, to what i cna gauge, a similar level as me (though, far more informed and "wise" though i dislike that term, due to age and likely active efforts by him) because for me this was just words for what i already knew, the language I needed and will 100% use from now on.
I feel like vaush was maybe a little harsh here. Not wrong. Tough love sometimes works. So many people don't understand their own feelings or where they arise from, and honestly therapy might be a solid choice there...
It took me a while to learn that self love/body positivity doesn’t work for me. Body neutrality has been what was truly freeing for me. Not seeing myself as good or bad, but just as I am.
Watching Vaush literally got me out of a 6 year drought and now I've been on like 20 dates this year so far.
Good for you, genuinely!
I like Vaush too, but let’s be serious 😂
GGS
@@iang7244 Well, I didn't want to go into detail, but his content, especially the autism stuff, definitely inspired me to work with a coach. So while it's not directly at his feet, he did play a large part in inspiring change.
Being autistic (level 2) means I can struggle socially and I think I’ve ended up internalising a lot of things bullies at school have said to me, my parents have said (before they understood my autism), friends have said things not understanding how it disables me but I need to not hate myself anymore because it hasn't helped me in any way. If hating myself for not being able to handle life in the way neurotypicals (having a normal job, not struggling with independence) do worked then I would’ve cured my own autism by now lol. I sometimes feel I should not have fun on weekdays because I do not have a proper paid job and most people will be working during those hours but I think I need to give myself a break and realise that I have internalised other peoples ableist views which is their problem and shouldn’t be mine. Having autism and struggling to be verbal or communicate and having sensory issues and lots of other issues doesn’t make me a bad person and I need to not let my self esteem be so effected by things people have said in the past
This is some aggressive therapy. 🚬 there’s a tip 💵 on the table. Thanks V
as someone with a high ass self esteem, this is refreshing. lol
I really struggled with self hate for a long time (and tbh I still do). i wish i was cis so badly and every single day i think about what life could have been like if i wasnt forced to go through puberty. learning to accept myself despite what I am has been something I've been struggling with in therapy for a while, but what I found helps me escape that negative mindset a bit is consciously taking note of things I do like about myself, that's arent nessesarily related to the things I hate.
like as an example, I'm actually really good at baking sourdough! and working on improving my skill at that gives me something I can focus my attention on other than things I hate about myself. documenting how my loaves have improved over time, and how I've been able to bake progressively more and more complex things has felt amazing, and being able to share my bread with loved ones and watch their eyes light up as they tell me this new loaf is somehow even better than my last one has given me something I can actually be proud of! I love watching people enjoy my bread and be able to think to myself "I did that! I made that person happy by sharing my bread with them!"
ive found that focusing on self improvement, even if it's not improving the things I hate about myself, has made me a much more positive person.
❤
Educating myself to be confident, loving myself, not fixating on my failures and learning to move on from hang ups was the best thing I have ever done for myself. It's doable and all of you can achieve it. Please take care of yourselves, you deserve to be happy.
Billions must smile
Smile! Or else
If only Shinji had Vaush in his life instead of Asuka 😔
Vaush would have shoved him into the mech and glued him to the seat 😬
My farts might stink and my poops might be big, but I am beautiful in my way
Your shit stinks but so dose everyone elses
as an ex self-hater and current self-appreciator i have a bit of advice!
I cannot overstate the value of fake it till you make it! our brains love patterns and are terrible at getting the difference between ironic and sincere activity (btw thats how you can end up with weird kinks dont ask me how i know). if you establish a habit of purposeful (even fake) positive thought your brain will eventually pick up the pace!!! just by switching from self-depreciation to ironic self-aggrandizing you are contributing to your healing!!!!!!! stay fuckin hydrated babes!!! i love you!!!
Fake it till you make it is a powerful tool. Patterns and habits are the best way to beat anything. Struggling to go to the gym. Just go there and hang out in the lobby. Making it consistent is the point.
I don’t need a trigger to spiral, it just happens. That’s what is so frustrating about it. I can have a great day, or be doing something I love and all of a sudden my brain will break and I’ll want to die.
If therapy doesnt work, meds do
Me too. It helps me to disassociate those feelings from myself. My therapist told me to imagine my depression as a black dog. When I’m having these kinds of thoughts it’s just the black dog barking. And like a real dog, you might be able to train it to behave itself better by building the right habits
@@pallasathena2228 neither work, been to multiple therapists and had about 6 different types of meds… I guess if you sleep constantly you feel better, or at least aren’t aware of how you feel.
@@keyboardoracle1044 Sounds like BPD. Have you done DBT?
@@dresdenvisage thanks but it’s not that, just read symptoms, definitely not that. There is another kind of BPD that I’ve read about it could be that but I forget what it’s called.
I've dwelled on past mistakes a lot. Too much tbh. I realized how much time and effort get wasted spiraling when something goes wrong.
We fuck up. Relationships, friendships, jobs, schooling, properly balancing d&d encounters lol. All of it happens and will continue to happen. Are you going to let destroy you or are you going to learn from it and become a better you?
Vaush, I made one other comment, where I mentioned I work in mental health. I appreciate that you have the right intent in helping people with their mental health by challenging the self-hatred that some of your viewers engage in.
That said you went on a nearly 20 minute rant where you proceeded to articulate that intention in the most irresponsible way possible when it comes to mental health. You talk a lot about how media and people with platforms should be responsible and do their due diligence and inform the public effectively. When it comes to mental health, there are best practices for how to be a good advocate for mental health, and none of them involve calling people stupid for hating themselves, or calling people narcissistic for simply being focused on their own emotions. While hating oneself is irrational and being so focused on how you feel about yourself is self-centered, that's not the same as being stupid or narcissistic.
As much as you have your freedom of speech and your well-meaning intention of calling out irrationality in your chat, if you're not going to do so in a constructive way because you are A. not a mental health professional or B. don't have the personal experience necessary to be a helpful advocate as a layperson, I suggest just not speaking about it irresponsibly in a way that could actually be detrimental to someone who actually has mental health issues. "Tough love" may work for some but may push others further into their emotional unhealthiness.
You have a large platform and you never know, for every one or two people that respond well to this approach you may have pushed 2-3 further down the self-loathing rabbit hole. Just a thought, a lot of the approach you took in this video rubbed me the wrong way given my studies and field experience, and honestly my own first hand experience with depression.
people who rationalize their unimprovement based on their mental health are the reason some of us are still miserable
i used to be one of the people who rationalized my misery so i didnt have to change anything about my routine bc thats what i knew and thought was safe despite my misery
i no longer feel that way and im so glad i stopped doing that because even if its exhausting and terrifying to try new things, its miles better than wallowing in my self pity and expecting other people to cowe just to appease me
6:20
"You have overconsumed self hatred. It's time to cut"
That's actually brilliant
any insights into how he comes up with these lines spontaneously? it’s something i envy and admire
Within the past few years I've started to actually like myself, stand up for myself, talk highly of myself. I've started getting compliments which I thought was impossible as a guy for years. It's nice after 3 decades.
8:57 Bojack Horseman is the obvious example of this
Fucking truuuuuue!
Yes! Being aware you're an asshole and not doing anything about it still makes you an asshole...self-awareness doesn't make you a good person.
Fuck me,
I'm almost 32, and genuinely wish I heard this when I was 22.
He's right, ultimately. What do you lose by being confident?
People will literally debate Vaush in chat instead of going to therapy.
Guess it’s therapy to them to talk to a wacko to make themselves feel less crazy
@dajoker8998 🤡
Therapy costs money, spewing in chat is free.
@@joeginn internet costs money
this video puts on stark display the limitations of the klingon therapist approach
This was so insufferable on live that I ended up getting chats self-hatred through osmosis. I had to stop watching, thankfully I am better now. There is nothing that makes me more aware of my own flaws than hearing about other people's flaws and their self-awareness.
If theres something you don't like about yourself, then work to change it. People will make so many excuses about genetic or hormonal conditions for their weight, but in the vast VAST majority of cases, if you dont like your weight, there is always SOMETHING you can do. It doesn't make you more moral or objective to acknowledge that your flaws but do nothing about them but wallow, having the will to act and CHANGING the wretched parts of yourself that you despise is the moral imperative.
As someone who's been painfully shy, realizing that introversion and low self esteem does indeed contain an element of narcissism really helped me get over that. People literally don't care about you, they're not watching you, all of us are so irrelevant. Once you realize how little others care, there is nothing to be shy about anymore.
Making sure others know that you feel bad about your weight doesn't make you a better person. Doing something to change what you hate about yourself is true strength
There are two types of narcissm. One of them is self-aggrandizing, the other is self-diminishing. Healthy Gamer GG has some videos that cover this in decent detail.
It's okay to have a difference such as narcissim, it doesn't inherently make people evil. But it's also good to manage our own differences to the best of our ability instead of leaning into them and exacerbating them. And it may be important and useful to get professional help with that.
@@blarghblargh some people have medical conditions that make it very hard for them to be in good physical shape, but that only implies they must try harder than most. Likewise, as a narcissistic sociopath myself, some people need to work harder than others to be good people, but it's definitely still obtainable.
Unironically one of the dumbest misconceptions in recent memory is the pop-psychology phenomenon of labeling two completely inverse things narcissism and saying they're the same thing. Drawing from the writings of a qualified specialist in treating NPD here - narcissism is a defense mechanism developed to avoid feeling shame (after past shame-related trauma) by projecting it outward, along with other traits like living vicariously through children and splitting people into black and white, devalue and idealize, scapegoat and golden child.
Reflexive self-deprecation and internalization of perceived shame is literally the opposite. That's Borderline. Calling it "also narcissism but negative" is like saying South is just North 2. No, we have a word for it, and it's South. Internalizing shame and self-hatred is a defense mechanism that works the other way: Rather than "I can't be shamed if the finger is pointing outward", it's "Just to get it over with, I'll do it myself, it hurts less when it comes from me".
Usually the golden child develops NPD under the stress of failing to meet impossible expectations and being punished for it, the scapegoat develops BPD after being devalued and demonized and diminished constantly as a failure.
@@FelisImpurratorthat's not what causes npd. we're talking colloquially about self-obsession. it's not complicated, and there's really no need to wring your hands in this way over its informal use as a description of these types of behaviours.
@@scslre "wring your hands" lmao nice dramatization there. Anyway, what was your point again? You seem to be vacillating between trying to refute my point, and deflecting away from it with "well that's not what we meant, despite using a word that has a practical meaning in a way that devalues it".
What I've noticed is that there's a particular, motivated pattern of behavior that entails people trying desperately to frame themselves as the "normal ones" by labeling all sorts of wildly disparate things as "narcissism" and framing it as legitimate psychology, where the message is implicitly "everything we don't like is because you care too much about you and not enough about Us, Normal People, Society". To the point that it's led to this fanciful myth of some mustache-twirling Machiavellian villain whose real problem is that they love themselves too much and need to be brought down, rather than society being responsible for creating toxic incentive structures that push people into destructive one-upmanship and hypercompetitive complexes.
Also, OP was literally trying to apply clinical terms here as far as I'm aware. HGGG is a psychology channel that uses clinical terms within a certain specific paradigm.
Also also, the info I got was from a practicing psychologist and not the DSM, and I'll take someone with both theoretical and practical backing over an insurance manual, thanks.
@@FelisImpurrator "lmao nice dramatization there. Anyway..."
lol, yeah, i'm not reading all that.
There is a balance in all things. The happy median. Be honest with yourself about your shortcomings. Don't cover over them with false bravado. Everyone hates a bleeding ego and most can't stomach a braggadocios prick. Be critical of yourself but be constructive. Look for solutions on your problematic behaviors. Be proud of those things that you excel at. Don't shy away from an honest compliment. Accept it graciously. Recognize when you've earned the right to acknowledge your qualities and efforts as remarkable and promote yourself to others. Stand tall on that which you've worked hard to accomplish. But exercise humilty in areas in which you have or know little. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you. Unless you like getting shit on. Cut that mess out. 😡
I'm 33 so I've developed a good balance of Self-deprecation and self-appreciate
That is so insightful. I couldn't get over being an inconvenience or an annoyance to people and try to keep to myself and hide myself.
Vaush viewer try not to hate yourself challenge (Impossible)
You can't eat your cake and watch vaush too
Already aced that SSS+ Platinum ranking
And don't you dare tell them they shouldn't smoke 24/7 to cope with their self-inflicted anxieties.
See, as someone who normally doesn't watch Vaush, I'm happy with myself. I felt a twinge of self-hatred when I came in and realized I was watching Vaush, but it's passed now that the video is over and I am not coming back. Life is good, hyperfixating on political ideologies when your head isn't on straight isn't. Building on faulty foundations is a bad idea, so take care of yourself and your surroundings first, then see about reaching beyond.
@@TheEnmineerOkay, Peterson.
I can’t emphasize enough how badly I needed to hear this
Here's something interesting someone once told me and I believe to be true: Our brains are controlled by our bodies and neither is especially smart. No, hear me out: If you force your mouth to smile, that releases serotonin, *making you less sad*. If you talk yourself up, *even ironically*, this will boost your confidence long-term. Conversely, if you have a bad posture and make sad faces all the time, this reinforces your sadness. And if you're shit-talking yourself "ironically", your brain will interpret it literally and it will be long-term detrimental to your mental health.
In other words: "fake it till you make it" is a functional mental health technique. No, this does not mean forced or toxic positivity, there's a time and a place and there's a healthy middle ground. And this isn't me telling women to "just smile more" either; just smile in the mirror. Don't smile for other people. Smile for yourself. Tell yourself you're awesome. Do it ironically and hyperbolically. It'll still work. Your brain doesn't actually understand the difference.
True and helpful Chad comment 💪💪
So True
When I am sad i find myself making a sad face on purpose
But if I am sad and someone makes me laugh by tickling the Sadness gets cut in half
It's works
And I have Discovered it myself
This is why when I get Depressed I get up and start Dancing and it works like a Charm
As someone who's struggled with mental health I think Vaush is oversimplifying things but his general point is correct. You are your own worst enemy. We often allow ourselves to succumb to negative emotion because it's easier than doing something about it
I'm a flaming, flamboyant homosexual, a clock-them-down-the-street gay. Gaudy Jewelry, colorful clothing, feminine voice, and limp wrist.
And I love it.
My unapologetic queerness is something I worked hard to accept and embrace.
When people look at me, either with disgust or awe, I love it.
mashallah
(but even the limp wrists? really?)
28:27 There are dozens of plants and animals in nature that will kill themselves if even one microbe of their environment is different and we still label them as "Self defense Mechanisms". The main difference with humans is we have the ability to recognize that those types of mechanisms don't actually solve anything, and most times just create more suffering for both parties. Obsessing over hating yourself and making yourself smaller and getting defensive when people try to help you out of that mindset is no different than a beetle eating poisonous plants to taint it's blood, only for that to be barely useful only when it's dealt a lethal wound. People are not beetles, there is no need to emotionally doomsday prep in the most damaging ways, so do not act like it.
Yeah a lot of this low self-worth stuff might come from trauma for some people. Vaush’s advice sounds like it’s coming from somebody who hasn’t faced some of those same challenges, probably because he hasn’t. I like what he said about the promise land being the same, it’s just about taking a different path. I just wish he elaborated and how that path may be different.
Vaush had an EASY west coast life and is minimally autistic...
Yeah. Undiagnosed ADHD led to some rough times. I'm still digging out if the perception that I'm a lazy boy. I'm not and I'm resilient and capable.
A big change in my mental health has been to change what I can change, and for things I can't, focus my energy elsewhere. Also, even though I have been close to depression since, a lot of times, what stops the spiral is just telling myself "Just because X is bad doesn't mean you're bad." It took me joining the military to move across the country so I could leave the negative influences in my life, but today now that I'm out of the military, I can say I'm happier than I ever have been.