Midweek with Dr. C- Why Do Narcissists Need Your Confusion?
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
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Confusion is necessary to keep you believing in their chaos!
They need your confusion because... They need you to mirror THEM.
Then their inner craziness is out there & it’s a projection pig pen
They need you confused so that you don't see who they really are.
They also need you confused, because it gives them control.
I want to offer my perspective on the topic of adult children reconnecting with estranged relatives. I am 68. I have been invalidated and treated like an outcast by my mother and siblings my whole life. I blocked out most of my childhood trauma as an adult and have tried to forget the past and live peacefully with my relatives. But, the last 10 years have been hell on earth for me. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I have been subjected to the narcissistic manipulation of my mother and siblings all over again. Their modus operandi has always been to label me difficult, isolate me from other family members by saying malicious gossip based on their own false narratives, and in doing so, silence me. That is where I find myself today. Totally isolated. My only support has been my adult children but because they interact with my biological family it is only a matter of time before they accept the lies. The lack of remorse within family bullying systems can only be addressed through distance. No one ever said reconnecting with malignant and dysfunctional people who feel they can get away with the level of character assassination I have been subjected to is required, necessary or desirable. Reopening old wounds in social family settings will be like opening Pandora's box.
Love u Ana. Proud of you. 18 months no contact for me and it's hard. But I have too. You understand. I wish you the best.
@@mr.makedonija2627
Thank you! I wish you all the best... it's better to have a few reliable friends you can trust than to allow fake relatives to continually provoke conflict. All the best to you!
Yes I'm a single 74 y/o person. My sons are 41 & 43 -- they have bought into the extended family lies & smear campaign tactics. I am No Contact with the oldest & Gray Rock w the younger one. Very painful. I am no longer subject to their verbal abuse & mean words, but it is a lonely life. I am hoping for a new "family" through a new church I attend now. 🤞 A family of older retired 'friends'.
@@jeanetteredden24 i am so sorry this has happened to you and is happening to so many of us who are in our elder years. This is when we need the support of our own children most. It is a grave injustice to be subjected to lies, lies and more lies. It is sickening. I hope our adult children will be shown the truth one day🙏
I was in your shoes my whole life...I was labeled as the "Problem Child" and was silent...until my parents passed away. I have no contact with my only brother because he is just like my narcissistic mother.
You are not alone...it's heartbreaking to read stories like yours. If you don't mind, I would like to send you a viral hug🫂. I'm just so sorry your family doesn't see the real you.❤
The rampant manipulation and exploitation of another human being who is there FOR you...finding that truth and acceptance of that reality will start your journey to Healthy! Just know not spending another day as their supply is an option. Stay Healthy!
Stay strong 💪
Both my husband and myself were raised in dysfunctional families with narc parents. Our parents are definitely NOT the only narcs in the family. You have to do a lot I mean a lot of work on yourself to even start to see dysfunctional, unhealthy behaviors in others because of how the narcs raised you to not see it and deem it as normal. So be very careful reaching out to family you don't know. NPD 60% genetic and 40% environment meaning raised by disordered people. The family is riddled. Our parents are great with first impressions. And actually can keep it up for years until the person triggers them and they get targeted. The family revolves around them. IMO unless a narc parent is severely disordered has other disorders they aren't the black sheep of the family. At least in our families the narcs center themselves in the family and it provides enormous supply and controlling the narrative, hiding poor behavior etc.
THANK you for these very clear directions to answer. All of the narcissists in my life have had (very selective) moments of being a good person. ESPECIALLY to outsiders. In fact, I've been told how wonderful they are. Were. Thankfully few are complete sociopaths.
After years of your clear talks, I'm finally hearing THAT I DON'T HAVE TO GO ALONG with them. It's SO helpful to have specific words to say to them.
Thank you so much!!!
First off, thank you Dr. C. Secondly, the title of your channel stands out to me today. “Surviving” is the truth! I just got ambushed and starting explaining too much, aka giving the playbook. 😂🙉 When we fall for the antics, we can simply begin being a part of Team Heslthy again. No biggie. Press on and move forward. 🕊️❤️
I'm so glad you're on board!
Stay strong 💪
My husband of almost 47 years is very sick now and I take care of him the best that I can. He's an extreme narcissist. I don't really have clarity of mind anymore. He's been emotionally and mentally abusive. He used to shove me and throw trash at me but he's too sick to do that now. Looking back on my childhood I was always wanted to make people laugh and please them. I never pleased my mom. When I was little I stuttered a lot. She would laugh and tell me to say what I was going to say and my brother and sister would grin in agreeance with her. That would always make my stuttering worse. Several years ago I was in a car wreck and had head trauma. That changed my way of thinking and responding although I still wanted my husband's approval. Now I wonder if the tables have turned. It's like a line was crossed and I'm at a point of no return. I'm afraid that I'm a narcissist now or am I just finally taking up for myself? Your videos have helped me tremendously. You are greatly appreciated. God bless you!
So very sorry for your suffering.
@@Daysleeper1000 Thank you but I don't see it as suffering because I've chosen to stay in this situation. It was so subtle and before I knew it 46 years went by.
Team healthy here
So pleased!!
Support for team healthy!
Thanks again Dr. C!
Visiting Paris from Sweden and needing to hear this on my holiday ❤
Very pleased for you!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you Dr. C ... I am in the midst of a long goodbye process with my very passive aggressive vulnerable narc and we are here in Paris at the same time and I have managed NOT to meet with my ex despite the extreme baiting... I have got physically ill from the stress but I have stood my ground this time around. 5 years of abuse is enough! And thanks to your vids and support I find in them and in my therapist in Sweden, I think I can do this and heal and finally find my PEACE!
I think narcissists need to confuse the person theyre abusing to hide what theyre really up to. I was accused as a child of 'imagining things' and being 'deluded'. The result was that i didnt know what to believe and it made me doubt my iwn thought
Yes it is a control tactic
@@daphnejordana86 Thanks Daphne, I was beginning to think that I was a mental case or a difficult person. To some degree, the way my parents treated me has had a huge negative impact. As a Christian I firmly believe however that only God can judge my parents, not me. I went no contact several years ago as it made me feel full of dread each time they contacted me.
Thank you, Dr. Carter. You have helped me so much. You give so many examples and you are a really good person. I've watched some other videos and they give bad advice. I will only watch your videos or the other channels I watch are people you have had as a guest on your channel. I hear a lot of stories about bad therapists, some have even taken advantage of their patients in such evil ways. I know Hannibal Lector is a fictional character, but he was a therapist too. It's sad how so many narcissists are in positions of authority and abuse that authority and trust. You are a very good man.
Such kind comments, Rob. I'm so pleased to be on the path with you. Thank you.
@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, Dr. Carter. You saved my life and others. God has always taken care of me, but I always had this anger inside of me, and you gave me the tools to control it.
Thank you Dr C. From Canada
Michigan here 😊
Hello Michigan from Colorado.
Need it or not, their very good at confusing others. It almost seems like its fuel for their soul. Yuk 😮 yes i understand they may have experiences that may have brought them to that point but do they not make a choice? Unconscious behaviors? Maybe for some of them but not all. Peace to everyone. Ty Dr Carter.
My narcissist is so deranged he tells me how much cheese I can buy!
I suspected the reason was to draw attention away from their own shortcomings. Good to get this confirmed by a professional.
Thank you for differentiating between "regret" and "shame." I am usually taken aback when people say they have "no regrets." It reminds me of the candy bar commercial where the persons' tattoo artist misspells the word, and it says "no regerts." I'm sure the person regretted using that particular person to do their tattoo. Hmmmm.
Love it no regerts and they will say it is supposed to be spelled like that too. Lol or say you wouldnt get it... lol
Yeh I've met someone who had that tattoo as well, misspelled on purpose. I thought it was hilarious. "Mistakes were made yet still we do not regret them" is how I interpret it
Wow! I’m allowed to make mistakes and that’s okay?? I needed to hear this!
You are, after all, human.
It seems that the narcissists in my life sometimes create confusion because good people show them up for being the callous, manipulative people they are. Secondly, they want to destroy anothet person because their sadistic and seem to reel when someone else is joyful or happy. Pretty sick.
Southeastern Idaho
Wondering about narcissism and the Dunning Krugar effect?
Strong boundaries with narcs= rigidity. Can only think from thier rigid point of view=black/white.
Do narcissists have heroes? People they look up to or try to emulate?
Mine is fascinated with Trump
My narcissist father has no relationship skills. He was divorced 3 times and made enemies out of most of his friends. I foolishly tried to have a relationship with him, but I noticed all he wanted to do was start a fight with me. His 3rd wife married him when she was 20 years-old and he was 36 years-old with 2 divorces. His 3rd marriage lasted 20 years. I watched that marriage crumble for a year before he divorced her. I was 15 years-old when they divorced and I moved in with him because he was the less authoritarian parent. I started smoking weed when I was 17 years-old and almost failed high school because of his negligent parenting. My narcissist mother blamed me for moving in with him, but she told me to when they divorced.
I see that you're 101st Army Airborne. My husband was in the 1/327th division, 101 Army Airborne in Vietnam from 1965-67. Thank you for your service. My husband's dad was a narcissist and my husband is an extreme narcissist. After being married to him for a few years I realized that there was something very different about him. We were married about 8 years before our daughter was born. Anyway, it was all so subtle and here we are almost 47 years later and I have to admit that I just feel a little numb now. I hope you're doing well after what you've dealt with. Take care...
@@vanitamann7985 There are a lot of narcissists in the 101st Airborne. That's why I only stayed in for my first enlistment then went to college. I'd say most of my leaders were highly narcissistic. They tried to use their authority to crush me, but I stood up to them and got out with my honorable discharge. My narcissist father is a retired Navy Seabee who served in the US Navy from 1954 to 1974 and was in Vietnam. He basically wants people to worship him for his military service. I'm not like that because I don't seek to dominate other people. Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with someone in the 101st Airborne because not all of us were like that, but a lot of them are narcs.
LOCKHART, FLORIDA
Holland😊
He needed to keep me Off Balance, to hold on to his fake mask. Trying to keep his secrets a secret.
Top comment from one I know what's wrong with you? It's like being in the twilight zone.
Do you think if your narc husband told you about an affair 2 yrs ago, he wanted you to divorce him? He acted like he collasped when I filed for a divorce. I ask him what did he think I would do and he said I knew you would be mad but. You know, forgive me and we would be ok.
He was 77
We were married 30 years.
they will tell you all kinds of things. it will change by the day, too. it does not matter what THEY want. the only thing that matters in this case is YOUR health and sanity!
Yes, they think they should be able to do whatever they want and you should just overlook it. All the lying, cheating, lack of emotional support, gaslighting, rage attacks, lack of responsibility, and general selfish jackassery shouldn't matter at all!
@@lindamarcola1324He is senile how did he cheat at 77?
With them it's like the day that never comes until their partners are no longer eyes wide shut. 🫤🫤