Great information! I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I was in survival mode from a very young age. I never felt safe in my family. They failed to protect me. It's a shame that people this toxic become parents because they really do so much damage to their offspring.
@L. Lakes Thank you! Glad this was helpful. I'm sorry to hear about your family. I think we all have some dysfunctional aspects in our families, and of course, there are some worse than others. In the end, I think we have a choice to take what was left and move forward with a set mind on overcoming everything that dysfunctional family stood for.
Ditto😪these families are such liars they wear masks in public and deny the abuse, womanizing, triangulation, drugs all of it so it’s a double whammy in dealing with the abuse as well as being called a liar if you speak up. 😞
Thank you! 6:18 My mom always says she feels like she's eight years old. She does not have the confidence to be my mother. If I go to her because I am sad and I need comfort, she says that it makes her sad, so then I need to comfort her. :( (edit) Dad always said "That's ridiculous" and that word has haunted me. 🤷
Could you discuss how trauma affects memory. I think I didn’t do so well in school back in the day not because I was dumb but because I was dealing with so much abuse and trauma.
Beautiful dreamer I too struggled at school although every school report said I was bright, but wouldn't focus and would be distracted easily or distractive to others. I believe that school was an issue because firstly, I disliked authority. Not enough to be aggressive or rude towards teachers, but I always pushed back enough to be a pain. Looking back now I realise I was just cheating myself. I was always told I wouldn't amount to anything and so part of me thought why bother? Also, school was a place I felt safe. I wasn't going to be attacked physically or verbally (other than a telling off by teacher) and so you have a few hours a day where you can be relatively safe and so I acted out in a way I wouldn't dare do at home, disobeying rules and chatting too much. When you are at home struggling every single day, it's really hard to look at anything long term, you are dealing with life day-to-day to survive and so I never feared exams or was bothered at doing well with my grades, every day was a fight just to stay physically safe. That's a lot for any child to shoulder imo. This is just my experience, maybe yours is similar.
It is like a mindf*ck. So there are REALLY parents who are able to be non abusive in ANY way, without it even being a question for the kid if they were ever abused??!! I spent the majority of my days in childcare from age 2 and above going at 5:30 AM - 6:30 PM or later. Sometimes multiple programs a day. I am very thankful I was never physically or sexually abused by them. However I do feel emotional abuse and neglect and codependency runs DEEP in my family.
Very important topic indeed! I talk about this a lot on this channel. If you scroll through the channel playlists you will find my videos on this topic. This is abuse as well but in a different way.
Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC Yes, I have watched them all! 🙏🏽 They are jammed packed with indispensable information so grateful for your work/channel. I mentioned emotional neglect in the comments so others don’t forget that it’s incredibly destructive. My husband has CEN and for years couldn’t and/or refused to understand he had experienced trauma to which he then inflicted on me. You can’t change or better what you don’t acknowledge, until he understood it was abuse he kept neglecting me and thought nothing of it. So I wanted others to know that even though they wouldn’t automatically see emotional neglect as “that bad” it truly is and destroys people/families. Thank you again 🙏🏽🕊💕
Can you possibly do a video on a parents favored kid along with codependent with that child? Especially the child's damage from this type of abuse. Thanks!
A parent who says "I try not to ask you to do this because I KNOW YOU HATE IT SO MUCH". Its true so I usually ignore that bit but what's the proper way to respond???? I get ticked because it's there way to guilt you and sound nice at the same time.
Thank you for this important and helpful video. It really helped me clear up a lot of my internal hand wringing over whether my parent was abusive. I scored 12/15 on this so I'm going to say yes 🤣 I'm so excited to sub to your channel and keep learning. I do have a question- are all abusive parents living with some kind of disorder, or is a possible for a person with no particular disorder (not a narcissist, borderline, no anxiety, etc) to be abusive?
Thank you Erica!! I'm glad this was a helpful video! And welcome! I think there are many dads without a personality disorder who are strictly abusive out of behaviors they learned over the years. This is the kind of parent who never learned to be a good parent. It's also the parent who internalizes anger.
Siblings trauma my older sisters use to beat me and my non identical I don’t speak much to them my twin hates me x they don’t care 🤷🏽♀️this is very interesting topic and heal parts of my personal Jigsaw of my life x
Actually, no. I had a fairly decent childhood and I have a great mom and family. I wouldn't say I experienced anything outside of what is "normal" for most people. I will say, however, I have experienced A LOT in my career -- especially as a woman of color and multicultural heritage. It's a rough career choice for sure.
I would like to Thank you for the content of your videos. Your delivery of the childhood trauma information and examples really resonates with me. You have shed light and hope on my Dark nights. Thanks Again (Happy Tear 🥲)
top lady, great place to learn, subscribed.
Thank you!! And welcome🙂
Agree 10000000% Love these videos.
Great information! I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I was in survival mode from a very young age. I never felt safe in my family. They failed to protect me. It's a shame that people this toxic become parents because they really do so much damage to their offspring.
@L. Lakes Thank you! Glad this was helpful.
I'm sorry to hear about your family. I think we all have some dysfunctional aspects in our families, and of course, there are some worse than others. In the end, I think we have a choice to take what was left and move forward with a set mind on overcoming everything that dysfunctional family stood for.
Ditto😪these families are such liars they wear masks in public and deny the abuse, womanizing, triangulation, drugs all of it so it’s a double whammy in dealing with the abuse as well as being called a liar if you speak up. 😞
It's not a shame that these toxic people had children because you and I are here, and we are good and make this world a better place.
Thank you! 6:18 My mom always says she feels like she's eight years old. She does not have the confidence to be my mother. If I go to her because I am sad and I need comfort, she says that it makes her sad, so then I need to comfort her. :( (edit) Dad always said "That's ridiculous" and that word has haunted me. 🤷
Could you discuss how trauma affects memory. I think I didn’t do so well in school back in the day not because I was dumb but because I was dealing with so much abuse and trauma.
Great topic! I already have: ua-cam.com/video/Q7flzoNNl3A/v-deo.html. You may also find similar videos on the channel. :)
Beautiful dreamer I too struggled at school although every school report said I was bright, but wouldn't focus and would be distracted easily or distractive to others. I believe that school was an issue because firstly, I disliked authority. Not enough to be aggressive or rude towards teachers, but I always pushed back enough to be a pain. Looking back now I realise I was just cheating myself. I was always told I wouldn't amount to anything and so part of me thought why bother? Also, school was a place I felt safe. I wasn't going to be attacked physically or verbally (other than a telling off by teacher) and so you have a few hours a day where you can be relatively safe and so I acted out in a way I wouldn't dare do at home, disobeying rules and chatting too much. When you are at home struggling every single day, it's really hard to look at anything long term, you are dealing with life day-to-day to survive and so I never feared exams or was bothered at doing well with my grades, every day was a fight just to stay physically safe. That's a lot for any child to shoulder imo. This is just my experience, maybe yours is similar.
It is like a mindf*ck. So there are REALLY parents who are able to be non abusive in ANY way, without it even being a question for the kid if they were ever abused??!! I spent the majority of my days in childcare from age 2 and above going at 5:30 AM - 6:30 PM or later. Sometimes multiple programs a day. I am very thankful I was never physically or sexually abused by them. However I do feel emotional abuse and neglect and codependency runs DEEP in my family.
Perfectly stated. Exactly describing my toxic family cycle. Suffering from emotional and psychological abuse on a daily basis.
How did I miss this pot of gold? 🤔 Thank you for covering this. My husband has an abusive mother. It's devastating
Thank you @truth4utoda!
Without a doubt, this video defines and explains abuse better than any others I've watched and I've watched a lot of videos on this topic
Working on a “internal locus on control.” My parents definitely have “external locus of control.”
This hits home,hard! How would one locate a therapist, as educated as you, in another state?
Do you relate to any of these signs?
This is the best information and as a person with adhd and bipolar 1
What about emotional neglect/emotionally unavailable parents? I’ve read it’s one of the most damaging types of abuse...
Very important topic indeed! I talk about this a lot on this channel. If you scroll through the channel playlists you will find my videos on this topic. This is abuse as well but in a different way.
Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC Yes, I have watched them all! 🙏🏽 They are jammed packed with indispensable information so grateful for your work/channel. I mentioned emotional neglect in the comments so others don’t forget that it’s incredibly destructive. My husband has CEN and for years couldn’t and/or refused to understand he had experienced trauma to which he then inflicted on me. You can’t change or better what you don’t acknowledge, until he understood it was abuse he kept neglecting me and thought nothing of it. So I wanted others to know that even though they wouldn’t automatically see emotional neglect as “that bad” it truly is and destroys people/families. Thank you again 🙏🏽🕊💕
I'm learning so much about myself, you have a new subscriber here.
Welcome to the channel!! Glad to hear that.
@@TherapistTamaraHill 😊
Can you possibly do a video on a parents favored kid along with codependent with that child? Especially the child's damage from this type of abuse. Thanks!
I love watching your videos, I have been learning so much. Thanks for making these videos I have been binge watching.
You are welcome!😊
This has been really informative and insightful, thank you for making these videos! :)
You're welcome! Really glad to hear these videos are helpful.
A parent who says "I try not to ask you to do this because I KNOW YOU HATE IT SO MUCH". Its true so I usually ignore that bit but what's the proper way to respond???? I get ticked because it's there way to guilt you and sound nice at the same time.
Thank you - Top Content :)
You're welcome! Thank you!
Thank you for this important and helpful video. It really helped me clear up a lot of my internal hand wringing over whether my parent was abusive. I scored 12/15 on this so I'm going to say yes 🤣 I'm so excited to sub to your channel and keep learning.
I do have a question- are all abusive parents living with some kind of disorder, or is a possible for a person with no particular disorder (not a narcissist, borderline, no anxiety, etc) to be abusive?
Thank you Erica!! I'm glad this was a helpful video! And welcome!
I think there are many dads without a personality disorder who are strictly abusive out of behaviors they learned over the years. This is the kind of parent who never learned to be a good parent. It's also the parent who internalizes anger.
Siblings trauma my older sisters use to beat me and my non identical I don’t speak much to them my twin hates me x they don’t care 🤷🏽♀️this is very interesting topic and heal parts of my personal Jigsaw of my life x
This helps me be a better parent after integrated learned behaviour from vessels oh ok parents, wow my life is and has been hard work x
🎯💡❤️
You look like you been through a lot or something that's why I think you make videos like these.😮.
Actually, no. I had a fairly decent childhood and I have a great mom and family. I wouldn't say I experienced anything outside of what is "normal" for most people.
I will say, however, I have experienced A LOT in my career -- especially as a woman of color and multicultural heritage. It's a rough career choice for sure.
I would like to Thank you for the content of your videos. Your delivery of the childhood trauma information and examples really resonates with me. You have shed light and hope on my Dark nights. Thanks Again (Happy Tear
🥲)
You're so welcome! Very glad this channel is helpful to your journey.