Both my parents are unrepentant narcissists. This point was made VERY clear to me when I had my stroke back in May- both made the situation about themselves instead… one (mother) brought paperwork for me to look at while I was still in the hospital room being treated, while the other yelled at my wife, saying,”I don’t care if he lives or dies” then claiming he had a legal right as a parent to see me in the hospital (I specifically requested that he NOT visit me while I was in the hospital, as he would only argue with the staff and make things worse) and claiming he could force his way past security to make his “visit”. My father would then go to my brothers wife and completely lie about the situation, claiming that my wife was the one who had the tirade, and tried to present himself as the victim in the matter. No-contact with these people is the only way to go if for no reason than to protect your own sanity. Both my parents were narcissists for decades and their advancing age is no excuse for their actions and words.
I'm so sorry both your parents mistreated you, especially the one who caused a scene in the hospital while you were at your most vulnerable in your hospital bed post-stroke. You'd think they would give you a break considering the circumstances. That's so sad and so hurtful. I'm sorry you had to endure that. Praying for you and your situation. 🙏
Thank you Tamara. I have no contact with my mother for a number of years and very ( limited contact: brief texts on some holidays only.) Even though there's been extreme abuse, I have guilt and regret that I can't support them, because I chose myself & my mental health. It's sad.
Effective empathy is the same as compassion? Being a HSP ( highly sensitive person) I always picked up on both parents emotional state. I remember having anxiety from kindergarten. It's taken a long time to calm or learn to calm my central nervous system. I was in survival mode and in denial about my own physical and mental health. Addressing chronic pain and a rare form of arthritis, autoimmune disorders and anxiety still. Your content is helping me come out of denial and take care of myself. Thank you.
I completely walked away from my narcissistic Family cult in order to have peace in my Life Pray for them but they have to work out their own salvation🙏🏽
Been there, done that and especially done with that now that both my hyper narcissist parents are dead. I'm putting myself first in the knowledge that I'm enough and deserve better than egregious abuse and any kind of abuse for that matter.
I find myself with 2 grandparents and 2 parents all at the same time that fit this issue in my life - I am so grateful for your content and can't wait to see what you post on this in 2025
Superchats can be bought (at any price) for your favorite youtuber by offering an amount of money in return for their video, live chats, or comments. You probably have seen it a lot but didn't know what it was. @MF-kd1xc
I'm the 2nd & youngest child and I've had this issue. They want me to stay single so that my estate goes to my siblings children as I have no children.
I took care of my mother for 20 years and wouldn’t have it any other way- now I’m trying to watch out for my dad but he is stubborn and is hard with communication. Trying to make him understand how important it is to communicate with his children (my brother and I) things such as his and my moms estate and not to fall pray to scams like reverse mortgage, but I think it might be too late. 🤷♀️ He is too trusting and refuses to believe he is being scammed :/
It's so strange what's happened with my mother the past year. I was in a vulnerable patch on account of getting really sick, and then breaking my arm. She helped out financially, and I was very grateful. It was like a Leviathan - this bizarre return of behaviour from my childhood that I thought were long in the past. All the old bullying and manipulation - really aggressive contempt. I let it pass, because I'm not arguing with a senior citizen on a power trip but it was truly atavistic. I see it as a gift from here - in case I underestimated just how toxic and corrosive she was to my soul as a child she did me the favour of validating my memories of intense pain. It was like she wanted to destroy me. The control was unbelievable. She truly believed that I had given her this authority over me and my life. These personalities are so destructive - it's amazing we make it out alive. It was like she was trying to get her hooks in me and suck the life blood out of me. Vampiric. Bizarre. Dare I say...demonic?
My mom seems to believe I’m the problem with her house being overloaded with stuff. Hoarding (mom)and alcoholism (dad) is all they both know. I deal with anxiety and depression and they both act like it doesn’t exist
It’s sad because my 81 year old grandmother is a vulnerable narcissist and when I talk to her she constantly complains about her kids not doing anything for her and how she has no help living alone and she just plays the victim all the time when I had moved in with her couple years ago and I woke up everyday listening to her talk bad about me not helping paying any bills and s doing her wrong when I was paying all the house bills and got her Netflix to so she could watch her favorite shows until she put me out cause I told her I wasn’t gonna kept paying for Netflix while she is cussing me out then was trying to get me to hit her so she could have a reason to call the police . That really hurt me and the family just acts like it’s okay. They feel like it’s not a problem if you don’t talk about it and if you try to talk about it then you causing problems or being negative… it’s sad cause she really feels like she’s a victim cause no one wants to be around her now … it’s crazy to me how everyone in the family are Christian’s and very book smart and intelligent with a couple of ministers in the family and 2 people who work in the mental health field but no one excite me can’t see how toxic our family is…but what really hurt me is be cause of my grandmother out of her 5 kids she traumatized my mother the most since she’s the oldest and my mother is no it a vulnerable but she is a covert narcissist in which she is nice and friendly but if she perceives you did something to her she will do whatever it takes to hurt you back and this includes her kids especially me since I was the scapegoat and blscksheep of the family… my mom Will do the exact same thing to me her mother does to her and if I point it out she becomes this rage monster… thankfully I started therapy and started healing
Your work has given me the skills to be myself! Thank you. I had. therapist who would not touch these issues, even though I raised questions about my family dynamics. Thank you!
You're welcome! I'm so glad to hear that!! It's not always easy to learn and change or to know thyself. It's a blessing when we can do that. I'm glad to have you on the channel!!
Both of Parents have passed away my father passed away in 1984 before must of social media and the internet he was an Alcoholic he had regrets his dying words I hope you can forgive me ..Emotionally he died when I was in my early twenties the grief and sadness last longer “A wise person will learn and change but a NPD person will remain the same 1.Emotional Healing 2.Spiritual Maturity 3.Discernment
Happy Holidays Tamara!!✨ What a beautiful gift you received (at the end of this video) 😍❤️ Thank you for every single one of your informative videos this year. So very grateful of you, your hard work after putting in long hours with difficult and challenging clients of yours. You are truly an inspiration!! Wishing you a wonderful and prosperous 2025 filled with happiness and tons of joy!!💫🤩
Someone blessed me with those! There is such a wonderful audience on here. Friends and maybe "family" to each other in a lot of ways. What you say means a lot to me! Thank you. Sending love to you too. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!! 🤗❤🙏 Hoping we all have a good start to 2025. We need it!!
Thank you so much! Merry Christmas and happy new year to you too! I'm grateful when I hear this channel is helpful. You have been a supporter for so long and I thank you!
My mother discarded me after a narcissistic injury aka calling her out on her bullshit. I called her on Christmas after not talking for 3 months, she didn't pick up.
So, this is my situation, sought of, not quite certain what it is I'm being forced deal with suffice-to-say she's insufferable, she's callus, she's narcissistic ...but not narcissistic O.o I think she's DESPERATELY IN NEED OF FEELING LOVED AND THAT'S WHERE HER FAUX NARCISSISM STEMS FROM, her psycho/social needs aren't being met, she's essentially in self-isolation, her choice ...it's created a weird, and highly volatile, dynamic too the point I cannot associate myself with her, self-preservation REQUIRES that I don't even try, she's too unstable and invariably what I do backfires, no matter how successful one would normally think my efforts rightfully where (I don't fail in my efforts, too calculating for that but with her I "FAIL" even though I structure it such I DON'T FAIL, like that), it's too the point I try and minimize any interactions with her, which is what she wants (which is whats required of me SOOOOO, so thank you? O.o) Now? Now I have to study psychoanalytics in order to discern THIS, whatever THIS is!
Well, it's certainly a lot better if you can have both because cognitive empathy can feel "robotic," whereas affective empathy is more emotionally connected to others.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you kindly, that is very true. I left this comment because cognitive empathy is what I’ve had for the longest, and it took a lot of training to build up. It’s nothing to sneeze at. I’m thinking about it from the production side - sometimes the best you’ve got and need to respect people with it. You’re right - it’s not a mode of connecting, it’s just a mode of caring for people objectively when you can’t feel much.
Honor thy Mother and Father so thy days may long…Keep the Faith my father was worth to me dead dead than alive because I learned to be my own person and break the Narcissist Abuse Cycle 🔁 Keep the Faith and Break the Cycle 🔁 of NPD for the Next Generation Adverse Childhood Experiences.
I am 66 years divorced with no children okay with that the woman I married was what I know now a religious covert Narcissist that Divorced me in 1994 because her words “You don’t love me the way I need to be loved “…But she located me on the internet saying I want my husband back she made a mistake….No she made a decision Now live with it. Keep the Peace Proper Education Always Corrects Errors life is great without The Negativity Personality Disorder aka NPD. Still dwelling in the wilderness than with an NPD female.
It's a struggle because The Bible says to honor your mother and your father. But, abuse is not acceptable. What's the right thing to do? Walk away to preserve whatever strands of sanity are left? Stay and obey? smh
I had this dilemma too, because I cared about my narcissistic parents, even though my mother had financially abused me for decades, putting her name on my accounts right up until I got married at 27, and often just taking money out without telling me, and leaving me with fees and taxes. It got worse as she aged. She started stealing. She also failed her vision test to renew her driver's license but didn't tell anyone. So she drove for 1.5 years without a license until I found out. She didn't care that she could have killed someone. She was highly manipulative with my dad, triangulating him against his siblings -- "bearing false witness." In other words, my narcissistic mother put herself above God, breaking Ten Commandments all her life. When my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was sitting next to her in his hospital room, and I saw she was Facebook messaging her ex-boyfriend, who is MARRIED...... UGH. Seeking her next supply. You do not have to honor someone who is putting themselves above God. That is the First Commandment. Honor God first. You do not honor God by enabling a sinner to sin. That is why I no longer help my mother. She uses me to hurt people.
For information on managing a self-righteous family member, click here to see my live chat: ua-cam.com/users/live7BO6WlfG2gI?si=FasEhKRT3F6hmtf9
Such a great idea for them to send you the earrings 😮
Both my parents are unrepentant narcissists.
This point was made VERY clear to me when I had my stroke back in May- both made the situation about themselves instead… one (mother) brought paperwork for me to look at while I was still in the hospital room being treated, while the other yelled at my wife, saying,”I don’t care if he lives or dies” then claiming he had a legal right as a parent to see me in the hospital (I specifically requested that he NOT visit me while I was in the hospital, as he would only argue with the staff and make things worse) and claiming he could force his way past security to make his “visit”.
My father would then go to my brothers wife and completely lie about the situation, claiming that my wife was the one who had the tirade, and tried to present himself as the victim in the matter.
No-contact with these people is the only way to go if for no reason than to protect your own sanity. Both my parents were narcissists for decades and their advancing age is no excuse for their actions and words.
I'm so sorry both your parents mistreated you, especially the one who caused a scene in the hospital while you were at your most vulnerable in your hospital bed post-stroke. You'd think they would give you a break considering the circumstances. That's so sad and so hurtful. I'm sorry you had to endure that. Praying for you and your situation. 🙏
I am 100% convinced that health problems are caused by navigating terrible family relationships. I am sorry you experienced this.
Thank you Tamara. I have no contact with my mother for a number of years and very ( limited contact: brief texts on some holidays only.) Even though there's been extreme abuse, I have guilt and regret that I can't support them, because I chose myself & my mental health. It's sad.
Effective empathy is the same as compassion? Being a HSP ( highly sensitive person) I always picked up on both parents emotional state. I remember having anxiety from kindergarten. It's taken a long time to calm or learn to calm my central nervous system. I was in survival mode and in denial about my own physical and mental health. Addressing chronic pain and a rare form of arthritis, autoimmune disorders and anxiety still. Your content is helping me come out of denial and take care of myself. Thank you.
I completely walked away from my narcissistic Family cult in order to have peace in my Life Pray for them but they have to work out their own salvation🙏🏽
Been there, done that and especially done with that now that both my hyper narcissist parents are dead. I'm putting myself first in the knowledge that I'm enough and deserve better than egregious abuse and any kind of abuse for that matter.
I find myself with 2 grandparents and 2 parents all at the same time that fit this issue in my life - I am so grateful for your content and can't wait to see what you post on this in 2025
🤗thanks so much! It's good to hear you are benefiting! Glad to have you on the channel. Looking forward to 2025.
@@Parmis_Dax I’m in the same boat 🛶
My motber has been insufferable all my life. I only answer phone 1x week and if its important I'll decide
well... sometimes you just get to that point.
Yes boundaries are so important
For your Great Work and Careful Understanding
Thank you so much!🙏 Appreciate the superchat too!
@@TherapistTamaraHillWhat's a "superchat"?
Superchats can be bought (at any price) for your favorite youtuber by offering an amount of money in return for their video, live chats, or comments. You probably have seen it a lot but didn't know what it was. @MF-kd1xc
Yess my mom is over critical with the men that I bond with but with my other siblings she's cool with their decisions
I can relate with this so much!!
Good with other siblings decisions and love life but not mine
@@IndigoSass they seem to react completely differently to different children, maybe it has something to do with birth order?
For all three of you, I'm curious- Would you mind sharing your birth order? I'm the oldest and they do this to me.
I'm the 2nd & youngest child and I've had this issue. They want me to stay single so that my estate goes to my siblings children as I have no children.
@@SailboatDiaries yes I'm the oldest I agree to that as well
Merry Christmas, Ms. Támara!!
Thank you 😊 🙏 Merry Christmas to you too.
Thanks for your honesty!
You're welcome
Oceans of blessings ❤❤❤
Oceans of blessings to you too!!🤗
Yea! Love the earings!
Thank you!! They are vintage and I love them too
Lots of This in my families and relatives
I took care of my mother for 20 years and wouldn’t have it any other way- now I’m trying to watch out for my dad but he is stubborn and is hard with communication. Trying to make him understand how important it is to communicate with his children (my brother and I) things such as his and my moms estate and not to fall pray to scams like reverse mortgage, but I think it might be too late. 🤷♀️ He is too trusting and refuses to believe he is being scammed :/
He’s gonna have to learn the hard way, let him make his own mistakes.
It's so strange what's happened with my mother the past year. I was in a vulnerable patch on account of getting really sick, and then breaking my arm. She helped out financially, and I was very grateful. It was like a Leviathan - this bizarre return of behaviour from my childhood that I thought were long in the past. All the old bullying and manipulation - really aggressive contempt. I let it pass, because I'm not arguing with a senior citizen on a power trip but it was truly atavistic. I see it as a gift from here - in case I underestimated just how toxic and corrosive she was to my soul as a child she did me the favour of validating my memories of intense pain. It was like she wanted to destroy me. The control was unbelievable. She truly believed that I had given her this authority over me and my life. These personalities are so destructive - it's amazing we make it out alive. It was like she was trying to get her hooks in me and suck the life blood out of me. Vampiric. Bizarre. Dare I say...demonic?
My mom seems to believe I’m the problem with her house being overloaded with stuff. Hoarding (mom)and alcoholism (dad) is all they both know. I deal with anxiety and depression and they both act like it doesn’t exist
Your video came to me at the right time. Thank you, much appreciated. Robert in NYC.
I'm so glad you found it helpful!! You're welcome.
It’s sad because my 81 year old grandmother is a vulnerable narcissist and when I talk to her she constantly complains about her kids not doing anything for her and how she has no help living alone and she just plays the victim all the time when I had moved in with her couple years ago and I woke up everyday listening to her talk bad about me not helping paying any bills and s doing her wrong when I was paying all the house bills and got her Netflix to so she could watch her favorite shows until she put me out cause I told her I wasn’t gonna kept paying for Netflix while she is cussing me out then was trying to get me to hit her so she could have a reason to call the police . That really hurt me and the family just acts like it’s okay. They feel like it’s not a problem if you don’t talk about it and if you try to talk about it then you causing problems or being negative… it’s sad cause she really feels like she’s a victim cause no one wants to be around her now … it’s crazy to me how everyone in the family are Christian’s and very book smart and intelligent with a couple of ministers in the family and 2 people who work in the mental health field but no one excite me can’t see how toxic our family is…but what really hurt me is be cause of my grandmother out of her 5 kids she traumatized my mother the most since she’s the oldest and my mother is no it a vulnerable but she is a covert narcissist in which she is nice and friendly but if she perceives you did something to her she will do whatever it takes to hurt you back and this includes her kids especially me since I was the scapegoat and blscksheep of the family… my mom
Will do the exact same thing to me her mother does to her and if I point it out she becomes this rage monster… thankfully I started therapy and started healing
Good bye. Thank you Tamara ❤
You're welcome 🤗See you in the new year
👋 Tamara and everyone hope everyone is in good spirits this December 24 2024
Thank you so much! Same to you. Hope you get some downtime before the year ends.
@@TherapistTamaraHillI really need some downtime too and can't wait for 2024 to be over.
🎉2025🎉
Thank you so much @MF-kd1xc. I did indeed. I hope you also got some down time.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I got a little bit of downtime, but then stuff got stirred up again. 🙊
Your work has given me the skills to be myself! Thank you. I had. therapist who would not touch these issues, even though I raised questions about my family dynamics. Thank you!
You're welcome! I'm so glad to hear that!! It's not always easy to learn and change or to know thyself. It's a blessing when we can do that. I'm glad to have you on the channel!!
Thank you for posting this at Christmas time. They always manage to ruin any holiday.
You're welcome! This is why I make videos like this, to help balance the idea of family. I'm sorry 😞 you had to experience this.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you for replying! Happy holidays. ❤
Absolutely!! Happy New Year
Both of Parents have passed away my father passed away in 1984 before must of social media and the internet he was an Alcoholic he had regrets his dying words I hope you can forgive me ..Emotionally he died when I was in my early twenties the grief and sadness last longer “A wise person will learn and change but a NPD person will remain the same 1.Emotional Healing 2.Spiritual Maturity 3.Discernment
Happy Holidays Tamara!!✨ What a beautiful gift you received (at the end of this video) 😍❤️ Thank you for every single one of your informative videos this year. So very grateful of you, your hard work after putting in long hours with difficult and challenging clients of yours. You are truly an inspiration!! Wishing you a wonderful and prosperous 2025 filled with happiness and tons of joy!!💫🤩
Someone blessed me with those! There is such a wonderful audience on here. Friends and maybe "family" to each other in a lot of ways.
What you say means a lot to me! Thank you. Sending love to you too. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!! 🤗❤🙏 Hoping we all have a good start to 2025. We need it!!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and happy holiday season Tamara! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us, it is much appreciated!!!❤
Thank you so much! Merry Christmas and happy new year to you too! I'm grateful when I hear this channel is helpful. You have been a supporter for so long and I thank you!
Wow, this helped a lot. Thank you very much.
You're welcome!! It's so important to gain clarity on these issues.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
💞🙏🏾🌹
Your videos helping me to stay in no contact …. Thank you…🌹and merry Christmas 🌟
You're welcome! That's good to hear you're getting through the day today. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! 🎄❄️✨💕🫶🏼
Thank you! Merry Christmas! And may your Christmas be cozy and joyous!
My mother discarded me after a narcissistic injury aka calling her out on her bullshit. I called her on Christmas after not talking for 3 months, she didn't pick up.
GOD Bless you and yours beloved sister thank you wishing you and yours a joyous, safe and MERRY Christmas with Love Grace and Peace...🙏💖💞💯😘🌟👑❤️❤️💪🙏🙏
Thank you so much! 🙏 Wishing you the same blessings. Merry Christmas 🤗
Man I really wish I had access to you as a therapist. 😢
Controlling narcissistic Parents will control and destroy your life If you Let them no Contact 🙏🏽 I refuse to let narcissist control my life
So, this is my situation, sought of, not quite certain what it is I'm being forced deal with suffice-to-say she's insufferable, she's callus, she's narcissistic ...but not narcissistic O.o I think she's DESPERATELY IN NEED OF FEELING LOVED AND THAT'S WHERE HER FAUX NARCISSISM STEMS FROM, her psycho/social needs aren't being met, she's essentially in self-isolation, her choice ...it's created a weird, and highly volatile, dynamic too the point I cannot associate myself with her, self-preservation REQUIRES that I don't even try, she's too unstable and invariably what I do backfires, no matter how successful one would normally think my efforts rightfully where (I don't fail in my efforts, too calculating for that but with her I "FAIL" even though I structure it such I DON'T FAIL, like that), it's too the point I try and minimize any interactions with her, which is what she wants (which is whats required of me SOOOOO, so thank you? O.o) Now? Now I have to study psychoanalytics in order to discern THIS, whatever THIS is!
❤
There’s nothing wrong with cognitive empathy, if that’s what you got.
Well, it's certainly a lot better if you can have both because cognitive empathy can feel "robotic," whereas affective empathy is more emotionally connected to others.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you kindly, that is very true. I left this comment because cognitive empathy is what I’ve had for the longest, and it took a lot of training to build up. It’s nothing to sneeze at. I’m thinking about it from the production side - sometimes the best you’ve got and need to respect people with it. You’re right - it’s not a mode of connecting, it’s just a mode of caring for people objectively when you can’t feel much.
@@TherapistTamaraHill happy New Year 🎊🎈
Happy new year!!
smh
Honor thy Mother and Father so thy days may long…Keep the Faith my father was worth to me dead dead than alive because I learned to be my own person and break the Narcissist Abuse Cycle 🔁 Keep the Faith and Break the Cycle 🔁 of NPD for the Next Generation Adverse Childhood Experiences.
I am 66 years divorced with no children okay with that the woman I married was what I know now a religious covert Narcissist that Divorced me in 1994 because her words “You don’t love me the way I need to be loved “…But she located me on the internet saying I want my husband back she made a mistake….No she made a decision Now live with it. Keep the Peace Proper Education Always Corrects Errors life is great without The Negativity Personality Disorder aka NPD. Still dwelling in the wilderness than with an NPD female.
See you Next Year!!!!
It's a struggle because The Bible says to honor your mother and your father. But, abuse is not acceptable.
What's the right thing to do? Walk away to preserve whatever strands of sanity are left? Stay and obey? smh
I had this dilemma too, because I cared about my narcissistic parents, even though my mother had financially abused me for decades, putting her name on my accounts right up until I got married at 27, and often just taking money out without telling me, and leaving me with fees and taxes. It got worse as she aged. She started stealing. She also failed her vision test to renew her driver's license but didn't tell anyone. So she drove for 1.5 years without a license until I found out. She didn't care that she could have killed someone. She was highly manipulative with my dad, triangulating him against his siblings -- "bearing false witness." In other words, my narcissistic mother put herself above God, breaking Ten Commandments all her life. When my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was sitting next to her in his hospital room, and I saw she was Facebook messaging her ex-boyfriend, who is MARRIED...... UGH. Seeking her next supply. You do not have to honor someone who is putting themselves above God. That is the First Commandment. Honor God first. You do not honor God by enabling a sinner to sin. That is why I no longer help my mother. She uses me to hurt people.