You are right but people do not like us because they do not know the real us. We are the only one who exactly knows why we are the way we are. However, if we do not love ourselves it will be much harder to deal with being disliked
The thing is how does a person love themselves? I believe it’s inspecting all that enters our minds, hearts, boy and souls. So for me its about setting our own boundaries and limit what we will tolerate. Why be with a person who repeatedly treats you badly? Is that loving yourself?
I really needed this today, when you go through failure after failure in relationships, you start to feel like you're just not good enough for a relationship.
internal monologue creates your reality life not happeing to you its responsing to you everything outside of us is noting more than a mental projectrary of whats going on within us
I finally got myself my first man who saw my bad days by day 30 of dating me and still supported and stayed with me. Sometimes length of time doesn't determine the strength of your relationship, only the character of the person does. Same applies for relationships and friendships
I don't think matt meant to show them on literal day 300, it was an example. The longer you're together the chances are higher for them to be understanding. He also said some are able to cope with our weaknesses and others aren't, he's one of those who's able to 😁 happy for you both
We were together for months and when I was sad and vulnerable they left and didn't want to deal with it. I wish I would've known sooner they wouldn't be supportive. It hurts and makes you never want to open up again.
You mean you found a man that was tired of watching porn...... Getting a guy is easy all we want is Love and Affection. You ladies on the other hand you want everything my wallet can buy as well as everything it can't and then you decide weather or not we are "Good Enough" Based off of that and that alone..... A man's Emotions mean absolutely nothing to 95% of the Female Population.
I used to think that I could never be in a relationship because guys around me seemed to only want to do intimate things / be casual with me and not be in a relationship with me. I used to wonder what was wrong with me but now I've realized I've just been choosing the wrong guys and I AM worthy of a relationship! I really had to work on my own self confidence before I reached this point
Same here. Now I know better, and feel so much more confident in myself. I don’t feel eager to rush into anything nor the need to impress someone else to keep them around.
"Our best won't be good enough,and our worst will be too much for somebody " As someone who lives with a challenging chronic health condition and unable to feel worthy of love because of it....This sentence sums up what I feel in my heart of hearts!
I know it's easier said than done, but go for it, girl. If God allowed you to be struggling, He' done it with the best purpose, has gave you the grace to be able to carry on and will make a greater good from a bad thing. And remember what Saint Teresa d'Ávila said: "The cross is heavy for those who drag it, not for those who embrace it.
I felt the same as a chronically ill man. But I recently was proven otherwise. She drives me and cares so much about me whenever my energy levels are very low. We talk about everything very honestly and the connection is so deep, I haven't thought it could be possible. And it's all because I had not seen the chance of that to ever work out, so I was the most real me that I could be. No fassade, nothing. Pure connection.
i dont need to waste my time i know it will only result in rejection so my days of pursuing women are well and truly over doesnt matter if they show interested in me got no desire anymore for something i know wont go no where
Our vulnerability can be a bonding factor in a relationship but also can be a weapon for someone to use it against us. So we need be cautious and show our vulnerability wisely..
Sometimes they're not even trying to hurt you. Just making sure you have the self-esteem and boundaries to maintain your opinions or put in effort to deal with the insecurity that arises when someone starts saying something that makes you feel worthless. And not falling into blaming even if they did do something wrong and instead asking what you can do for yourself and how you can learn to talk about this in a productive way for both people.
I'm still a widow after almost 40 years, two "relationships" in that time...failures. I'm in my mid- 60's now. I'm too old for this BS. Men don't give a damn, neither do I.
In my opinion a lot of people are not showing their real personality. A lot of people show what they themself want to be or how "man/woman" want them to be. It is not just about flaws and vulnerability. You explained that soo extremely well. If we aren't real about ourself- we won't be able to GET the partner we NEED and that will fit with you and your life. The first thing we need to know is ourselves and this is not as easy as it sounds. Just because we have been along all our life does not mean we know about our characteristics and needs.
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@@marypp6926 I already know where to turn to when I need help. AND I really doubt you had to deal with whatever I am dealing with at the moment or had to deal with. 🤣
3 minutes in and this is so relatable. I've been feeling like this my entire life. I still do because I've been alone for a very very very long time. Thank you for this
I can relate. I haven't dated in 10 years. Between building my business, keeping fit and staying on top of my industry there simply wasn't any time. Then COVID happened and it killed my business. Now I have in theory time (because of lockdown) but I need to start my entire life again from scratch so basically I don't have time. I also feel that financially now I am not in a place to date...struggling entrepreneur with long hours ahead. I really feel worthless at the moment. Too old to start over and I've been single so long I can't even imagine finding someone to date. I feel I'm too flawed to date. It's easy to say just accept yourself. Well there's no on/off switch for that.
@@laraking804 Hey Lara, first of all you are not worthless and even if you feel it I guarantee you that it's not true. Is there an age limit to starting over? I don't think so. Even if you're 90 and wrinkly you can start over I mean give yourself some credits. For 10 years you've been working hard and working on yourself. And I'm sorry for your business I'm sure you'll get back on top of your game. As for being flawed ... aren't we all? I understood that I had to be in solitude for a while and I made peace with that. Because I wouldn't know myself the way I do and I'm still learning more every day. If you feel like you're too flawed to date it's okay the person who you'll date will be flawed too. So carry your flaws and all that you are with grace love and pride. Open your heart and let your flawed self be loved. Let's normalize happiness despite everything happening to us. You deserve to have it all.
I have a physical disability. And I have been upfront about it. I'm good talking to guys via email, text and phone, but when they finally meet me, it all falls apart. So the "not good enough" feeling comes from my physical self, not from my emotional / intellectual self. I've erased all dating apps, because I see my future laid out for me as being single forever.
Never lose hope, what's inside is always what really matters and to be honest, dating apps are not very good at all and it seems like only one type of person is in there, the superficial ones most of the time 😅 wish you all the best 💗
Matthew added a video from one of the retreats with a lady who lost her leg in a hit and run. She was giving insight into her dating life. She lost all hope after the accident as she wanted to have a family. She went to the retreat and learned that its her confidence that stands her. She had an immense sense of humour, Scottish humour:) She went on numerous dates and it all went wrong. One day she met a person who simply said "and so what ?" and that was only when when she accepted who she is as a person. Now she has a family with that man and a baby. It can get better, its hard and hurts so bad, but it is possible. I couldnt find the video, but its somewhere on Matthew"s profile. I am not marketing the retreat but I was touched by this woman"s story. We all have to change our mindsets in a way -to be more accepting of who we are as human beings and that is full.of love, compassion, beauty, generosity and kindness:)
I have a disability too, so I can relate. I was upfront about it also with the people I dated. Now here's my experience: I did form relationships that lasted years, but they were extremely difficult. Basically, all those people, 100 % ended up abusing me, cheating, constantly reminding me that I should accept little from life because I was "broken" and they could do better than me. And I believed them, until I had enough. I have been single for years and years now, I know my worth and my life is better than it was in any relationship I've ever tried. I have excellent friends and they are enough. Being single can be a blessing, so if it happens to you too, just take it as a gift - you avoided the worst. Maybe you will find someone good for you, maybe you won't. In any of those cases, the greatest love you will ever receive is from yourself, if you have it, you will never ever lose it. It is the only love you can swear by.
"What people see upfront might be impressive but when people really get to know me they might find that I'm too much..." THIS this right here. This is the explanation I'm given at every dumping. I can't explain how hurtful it is.
Not sure if this will help but it's not just you. All women seem to think that way or are given reasons like that. And it's not cut and dried as just a guy not being into you. I suggest you read "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul" by Stasi Eldredge. I found it to be very helpful.
Same, but it seems at first guys pretend to be understanding. They do this to get intimacy or whatever they can get out of me. Then they use this as an excuse to dump me. I have ptsd and get triggered from past abuse. I’m working on it, I waited to date. Like I’m not perfect, but it becomes too much for other person. I’m picking wrong men anyways, but it probably would be a problem for the right ones too.
I am 57 years old and I have loved only one person in my life and after eight and a half years they left, they left me to be with someone else. That was 20 years ago and I have closed myself off because I still have that wound of not feeling I’m good enough. I know I’m broken, it’s been so long, that the language of love now seems foreign to me.
You wont be able to allow someone to value you until you value something about yourself. Realizing you are worthy of love will not only protect you from those who wont value you, but will allow the person who does value you into your heart.
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This is 3 years old, but it has become very helpful to me. I think when I first listened to this, I was still deep in my sorrow and couldn’t connect with the message. Now, as I prepare myself for a new relationship, it hits different and I am able to accept and resonate with this message.
8:34 Thank u so much for these words "If we can accept ourselves for who we are today with all the mistakes, then we can build on that, so we are not coming from a place pf hating ourselves, we're coming from a place of love"
Irrespective of your relationship statues,try be the best woman you can be both financial and otherwise.... I am 42 years old single mum living in California I'm hoping to retire at 50 if things keep going well for me. Bought my first house last month and I can't be more proud than I am right now. I am so glad I made good decisions about my finances that changed me forever.
I'm a single mother too, got divorced 2 years ago from a toxic marriage and it's really not been that bad for me. Am trying to put my finances in shape.Every month I invest 50% of my income in crypt0-currencies and stocks, I really thank God for passive income.
@@marypeter7729 wow!! you're really doing great yourself. investing in stocks and crypto-currency also contributed in changing my life story. I wish you all the best and I am happy you're having great journey so far.God bless you.
People give up easily on others now a days no matter how they tried to love themselves, I've noticed those who don't care about the feelings of the others are more happier than the ones who always try not to hurt people.
The pain you get when you have to move on with the feeling that you’ll never be good enough for him- even though he’s not even your boyfriend but you have some twisted thing between you and him. I never saw myself watching these videos 😞Thank you so much! So I can makeup my mind to sleep and leave every behind one day.
You people whining about the narcissist in every comment section, as if YOU were perfect, had made no mistake and weren’t responsible for the choices you made, you are a freaking CULT OF NARCISSISTS, and you can’t resist trolling every video with your self-aggrandizing game posing as the victim. GTFO!
@Matthew Hussey my biggest problem is my Asperger's syndrome. My condition is very mild and I hide it to a point but when someone I loved has found out it's either resulted in being friend zoned or worse taken advantage of and abused. This is a vulnerability I have struggled with for a long time. I think this is a video to consider accepting yourself having a hidden disability, being embracing of it and not being afraid of being open about it.
I have Autism, to a moderate degree and yes some do take advantage of you but that says more about them than it does about you. You need to be careful who you let in, like matt says, don't reveal this on day 3 but closer to day 300, then they know you and understand you better to be able to accept it. Although it won't stop someone taking advantage but it's learning to notice those traits and walking away before they take too much advantage of you. I'm staying single and when I date I'll be picky and specific, I won't be wasting my own time on users or abusers anymore. Good luck to you ❤️
I know at least 4 aspi people: two of them are weirdly cute, and one is very smart and impressive because of his lateral thinking and observations about life and people's behaviour.
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"The relationship within yourself, with yourself" 💙 - by far the most important and worthwhile relationship to focus on at all times! Thank you, Matt, you're a soothing voice amongst all the external noise out there
Dont ever be dear. Smile and give your best in everything you do...Exude positive aura. There is someone out there that is your match and still searching for you...And try incorporate some natural stones into your daily life like crystals and agates e.g Rose Quartz, Strawberry, Labradorite, Amazonite, Selenite, Tourmaline, Carnelian, Rabbit Hair, Amethyst, Lepidolite to help kick start and build up positive mind, good aura and enhance your energy and spirit and to aid in your love life.. Give it a try dear. Best wishes 🙏💕💕🌷
I normally would say “ if you can’t take me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at all.” That’s just me but Matt hitting the nail on its head once again 💕✨
I so needed to hear this, as someone who has not ever been in a relationship, it had me thinking something must be wrong with me. But, really, you need to love yourself first and let others into your life. It's hard but it should be natural!
Thank you Matthew, your timing is impressive. I’ve always felt as if I was never enough but, lately, this became more intense than ever and, conversely, I can never seem to think other people are enough. It’s a great opportunity to grow!
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
Yay highlighted comment! That is golden truth that will stay with me!! I once learned in therapy that acceptance is the key to change and must come first. Rather than feeling like I have to keep striving, doing and trying so hard to change, I actually need to sit with myself exactly as I am, and receive acceptance within myself. THEN change comes sometimes naturally, or I am able to take action to make changes
Hello Leanne how are you doing? I hope all is well and that you are staying safe enough! You have got a nice and sparkling smile, haven’t seen such in a while always wear that beautiful smile. I would really love to get to know you! Hope you do not mind?
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Please make a video about how to realize that we are actually the one that's toxic in the relationship. what if I am the one who has all the red flags that I've been trying to identify from other people
Observe ur behaviour ....and ir interaction with dates. ..if there is pattern that something ur doing which is stopping u from relation... identify it and simply work on it.
it all comes down to self awarness what you see in others is a reflection of self you can either reject or projected your own aspects this greatly depends on where your at in terms of self awarness and willingness
What's beautiful is watching someone grow and getting to share in their struggles and adventure with using these challenging experiences to grow stronger and in turn, watching the love grow between you as the bond deepens with this space you both hold for each other to be all of who you are and aspire to be. When we realize this, it's easier to share who we are more vulnerably and authentically, trusting that you are both each others champions, and you have each others backs no matter what each is going through. The more I am this for myself, the more I grow. The way we are with ourselves is everything. The kinder we are with ourselves, the more we are here for ourselves, the more beautiful our lives become.
I've seen and follow you for YEARS and I had never heard such REVEALING thought as I did in this video. Thanks for this approach, for this path, from the bottom of my heart. I've laughed and learnt with your videos, but today I saw u different. I dont know why. Thanks for amusing, guiding and helping people all over the world.
It feels impossible to love myself. I've even changed the things I really hated about me and still. It feels impossible. Like I'm swimming in an empty ocean finding something that doesn't exist. I'll oppose these thoughts. My body wants to continue and my heart doesn't. I wish I could offer my life to someone more grateful
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I never knew Matthew struggled with this as well. And here I thought it was only me and a few couple hundred thousand. I truly accept I'm a good man and my heart is always in the right place. But I know I have room for improvement and want to become better for myself and the ones that mean the world to me.
I was finally vulnerable to my guy. I told him that sometimes I get depressed. They said they would stay around no matter. One night it happened. I was crying and saying hurtful things. I apologized the next day and said I am working on this and I hope they understood I was lashing out and hurt. I hoped that they could support me through it. They broke up with me that day. A year later they are married with two children. I am afraid of ever being with someone again. I was vulnerable and open with a struggle and they abandoned me because of it. It only took one moment of not being happy and fun to turn them away. They moved on to another so quickly and marriage after knowing someone less than a year after our break. How can I ever trust someone again with my sadness? They can say they will love you know matter what but, when you show that you are human and feel sad sometimes they run.
Maybe I’d wasn’t the sadness as much as saying hurtful things. Matthew says it isn’t the wounds that are hard to deal with; it’s the weapons. Sadness is your wound, but saying hurtful things is the weapon. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You did the best you could, and you are working through it in order to be ready for the one who is better than the one in the past.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but the other person also has a responsibility to their own mental health and it's not fair to expect someone to stick around no matter how you treat them. I'm not saying you need to be perfect to be in a relationship but if the way in which your issues manifest themselves is that you become abusive to the people around you then maybe the focus right now needs to be on getting control on your behaviour. I've been in the opposite situation where I tried to stick around to support someone's issues and because I loved them but all it was really doing was allowing myself to be abused and it definitely wasn't helping anyone. What they needed was professional help, not me. You really do have the strength to get better, it may take a lot of time and effort but you can do it. You are a loveable person, it's just that the behaviour is getting in the way of having a healthy relationship and at the end of the day we each have to take responsibility for ourselves. Wishing you all the best for the future.
@@b3a3n3a3n3a3s I can agree with you if this was a situation where it was a constant issue but in this case I lost two close relatives and was grieving. I did tell him I didn't feel cared for, which I know must've hurt him. Looking back though, I'm glad he left because if he could easily leave when I was grieving, I can't imagine how he would've been during Covid or any of the other times I may have needed basic support. But I respectfully see your perspective and can agree with leaving if it is an abusive situation.
@Dinah N I know. Neither is yours or anyone elses. Since that is very obvious, why did you feel that comment was necessary? All the best wishes to you.
Thanks for this video, Matt! For me, it's the fact that I'm born and bread in a country my parents migrated to, which results in me being in an inner conflict between two very different cultures and religions, between what I know and am partially expected to carry on from my parents' home and what my reality outside is. I'm not afraid of my personality traits that make me human - I might be a little impatient or definitely a present person, but that's who I am. But I'm afraid I'm either too much for one culture and too less for the other, or vice versa. Just not good enough for either... To be living in that constant inner sub- and conscious debate and conflict makes me close down and hence lose the possibility to be open for the right person to come into my life. Working on it. And I've attended your first virtual retreat - it's been so great, I recommend it to anyone, it's a really special experience.
Sometimes I struggle with feeling insignificant to others in life in general...just want to say that my youngest daughter just spoke about me to her friend in a way that helped me see how important I was to her...brought a tear to my eye....we really do put ourselves down sometimes and it can be completely the opposite to what others think of us💛💜🧚♀️
Everyone on this little planet deserves to be happy. You have to say to yourself I have the right to be happy! Why would I let 1 person destroy my life and happiness , while that persoj is having the best time of its life. Do not let anyone destroy your life and spirit. You only have 1 life now. Make the best and most of it. Try to make the maximun of your days. Do things that will make you happy, Sports , cultural things, travel if that is possible. Sightseeing etc . There is so much to do and see. Do no let 1 person take your life away..
Dear Matthew, I find your latest videos more and more profound. They focuse less on (very good) advices and techniques, and more on deeper thoughts about relationship to ourselves and others which I find very interesting and actually much needed. Food for thought : ) Thank you!
I am a man and I love your channel. Even though it’s aimed at women I can totally relate to most of your content. I had been in relationships most of my life but have spent the last 8 months by myself. What I experienced lately is a kind of vicious circle in which I don’t seem to find a compatible person and this, in turn, affects my sense of self-worth, therefore sending me in a downward spiral. Anyone else experienced this?
I am 48 and never been in a relationship. Don't be fearful about being single. It is a good opportunity to be reflective and to get to know the real you.
I can totally relate. In the past I never had trouble getting into relationship. I was in one relationship for seven years the other just under nine. After that relationship I decided to take some time to myself and now four years later I'm still single. There hasn't been many on my radar. Whether it's because I don't find them attractive or vice versa it just seems more difficult to connect now which is incredibly frustrating because I've done the work on myself I know my worth and definitely ready to share my world with the right person. But now I can't seem to find one
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You have to go through what your feeling and feel it allowing it to be okay accepting yourself and validating your feelings cry scream let it all out and then let go having compassion for yourself by knowing you will be ok ☺️
Day - um! I will watch this everyday until I do not need to anymore. I sure wish it were possible to afford your retreat . Thank you Matthew, you do such great work!! You are appreciated
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That definitely applies for people who actually have something positive to share. Some of us at day 3 already has run out of goodness, now imagine at day 300.
Thanks Matthew for your videos. It’s very challenging to want to be seen by others and be that vulnerable when feeling unlovable. We just have to put ourselves out there and hope for the best
You have just touched the most vulnerable part of us so beautifully....felt awestruck.....thank you so much....literally no words left rather than a very big thanks..... lots of love...
This couldn’t have come at a better time. I held back an insecurity I had early on in the relationship and it back fired. I will be working on my self acceptance 💪
I'm a guy, and I have a weird fetish for wearing high heels in bed lol. And I have been so FUCKING scared of telling a woman about it as I was afraid she would dump me (oh she might think im gay, transgender, too weird etc.). But then I found a girl with whom I revealed it to and she accepted it. It elevated our relationship beyond next level! So even if you have oddities in your luggage that you fear others will reject, if they are a CENTRAL part of your persona: THROW IT OUT THERE - sooner rather than later. In worse case, you won't waste time on her (or him).
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This was the highlight of all the videos ive seen @MatthewHussey. You truly add such value and kindness to women's lives (mens too) that brings out the best in all who take it onboard. So thank you so much
I can't stop crying!! After so much past trauma and years working on myself - one of my best guy friends is asking me out. I've dodged him for almost two years as "bad timing" and he is unbelievably patient and kind. He deserves someone who can show up fully for him! I already know I love him but I can't stop the unlovable feeling deep inside me. And I'm so scared my wounds will hurt him. As I try to sleep tonight and listen to this - I want nothing more than to finally run to him. But I'm so afraid
Me too. I never read a comment that mirrored my feelings so much. I seriously like this one guy, but I know that I don’t love myself enough to be with him. Even though he’s made an effort to be with me, I push him away and it’s not because I dislike him, it’s because I know that I feel unloveable. And I don’t even love myself these days. I honestly wish that we had never met because I felt like Im wasting his time. Anytime someone is truly interested in me, I always think “why”? On the surface I look full but in the inside I feel empty. It’s like a dark emptiness. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with that part of me.
This brought clarity to what I may be doing wrong. There is a huge difference in revealing our vulnerable side early on, i.e., day 3 as opposed to day 300. Getting to know each other takes time and if we let others in too soon, it's easy for them to walk away since no mental, emotional bond may have been forged. Knowing one another in a deeper level allows us to contextualize the person in their totality that makes them human with feet of clay. Though there are no guarantees we will not be rejected, that is the risk we always have to face squarely.
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
After 42 years of hard work in both my career and in trying to be the best version of myself and NOT getting anywhere, being stuck with low income and living in a tiny room in a shared house and seeing myself rejected time and timed again after 7 years on dating apps, I can see confidently that some people in this world are born to fail and if there is a god, he is no better than a mean little boy with a magnifying glass who randomly picks on ants to burn or tortures some that he enjoys repeatedly. Nothing worse than lowering your standards constantly in career and in a partner only to find you are still not good enough for either.
Thanks for mentioning about anxiety and that because I am also working on that too ... It is so common and some look down on it so great that you are mentioning it, thanks so much!!
Being vulnerable is key. But it is so so hard. Even after being in a wonderful relationship for over ten years after going through serious trauma I’m sad to say I shut down emotionally and had no idea how to open up again. It’s really important to put down the weapons people want to help and love us through our worst. Never forget that you are still loveable even at your lowest ❤
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I’ve listened to a lot of your advice and it’s so true..I’ve just come out of a toxic relationship with a beautiful alcoholic in denial woman…underneath all of the issues that have made her who she is right now I understood..the lack of empathy for not only herself but for our relationship is why it fell apart…I am devastated to lose her to this demon that controls her. I miss the magic we had and I was trying to nurture her to be her best but beaten by her addiction. I have tried everything and anything to help her see her worth but have failed and that is tragically sad. She has to fix herself and that is all I hear from all the advice around me and on everything I’ve watched but not having her in my life is tough than I could ever of imagined even though it all makes sense…I wish I could dismiss the grief I feel…
Matt this is one of my favourite videos you've done. I've struggled for so long with anxiety and I'm so afraid with being vulnerable with someone about this but this video was SO helpful. Thank you so much! Can't wait to attend your retreat in September x
Flipping the script for one moment on your opening statement as mere food for thought...if you will. I concur that it is necessary to be ready to enter a relationship, but in the context of a mindset of being open to it. I think it’s easy to slip into a mindset that we are not yet perfect...therefore not ready for a relationship, which we could perpetually remain single, as none of us are perfect. The reality is, as you beautifully stated, a mindset of actively working on oneself toward improvement is what matters most. In that context, one could be ready for a relationship, just actively growing. No one is perfect...nor will we ever be, but as you also stated, “The right person will elevate your best and soothe your worst”, in which case two people can grow together. We are always in constant flux and growth, but the one you can do that with...makes it that much easier. In fact, they can be a catalyst. The equivalent of compassion for self extends and grows into compassion for others. One of the key factors is finding that “continual growth mindset” in another and someone that you’re in alignment with. Just passing thoughts...Keep inspiring.
I don't think I ever want a relationship as people are so messed up. People change and aren't as nice as they were when you met them. Their facade slips. I remain the same start to end. My best is good enough, I just want to be treated well 😔 I'm sick of being a victim. Taken advantage of. Giving up on the idea of a relationship saves me heartache, time and money!!!
im so sorry to hear this :( i know how it feels to be taken advantage of and left behind with no real explanation and it does make you want to close off and not be open . I have aspergers and its mild and when i tell them they can use it against you and take advantage of that or your pure love and care . It gives you great wisdom to avoid people like these when you find them , they leech off pure good intentions and big hearted people like yourself . Learn and be cautious but never give up people like ourselfs we deserve the good hearted people
It’s funny because I watch all of your videos trying to absorb all and become a better version of myself. I do want something real, but can’t help but think that no matter how hard I tried I just need to accept that maybe for some people love and connection are not meant to be because every time I tried to find someone they just reinforced what I already know and it sucks hahaha
Hi Matthew....this is really good advice for us humans....I had a down day yesterday....but a tool I learnt is 'to speak kindly to myself' so I kept telling myself 'it's ok it will pass' , i also let myself cry shit out and stayed at home!! Love talking about the guts of things with people, but some people don't open up ,and this is hard to help people when this happens.🧚♀️
Im 47 and ive been single for 11 years. I'm odd with relationships because while each one was good, no negativity eventually I got the feeling that I wasnt good enough for them so I broke it off and in the end I didnt feel bad because they ended up finding someone better and they got married and had kids. I look at myself like i'm the successful match making ex lol.
I know I will never be able to find love because I believe any women could always find much better than me.Its just the way my mind works and has been conditioned by past negative experiences and failure in aspects of life.Such women deserve someone more successful.
I don't feel comfortable with the idea of being loved. I feel I'm not worth it. I always engage in self-sabotage if any chance of love arises. I am my own worst enemy. I hug my duvet at night, so it's not all bad. I'll turn 50 soon, at least I have death to look forward to. 😂 No Serial Killer.
Dont say that desr .50 is the age to celebrate a milestone of your life experience and wisdom..Share it with everyone you know..Like JLo said, dont ever give up on love..She has found her true love with Ben at 50..You will too when you let go of the negativities and embrace positivies...All the best 🙏💕
aww bless you , please understand that love doesn't need to be "finding the one" love has many forms and the most important one of all if to love yourself , or love an object or even just something random . In any case i hope you learn to not self-sabotage yourself and learn to love yourself more and to be open to the idea that you can find someone who will love you with that same mindset
Same boat. The sensation of not being good enough and it hurts the one who wants to be with you and at the same time feel crippling guilt and blame yourself for the confusion it causes
Paraphrasing Buddhist quote: the fool blames others. The student blames themselves. The master blames no one :) Exactly give yourself same understanding as others and mistakes become forgivable.
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
I think for most of my life I have felt like I didn't belong anywhere. In school, at work, at church and also with family. I do feel more like I fit in with friends of mine but even then I don't feel comfortable with talking about things I'd rather leave in my box that I was told to put all my painful past away and lock it away.. I almost feel like that didn't work for me. I can't force all of my junk into a box that is like a bandaid . The way you explained how to make yourself feel better and build your own heart up and loving your will help you fully understand what I have gone through and how to physically deal with it and yes its painful, but it never stops and it won't heal till we find the love and forgiveness and that too is difficult to do too! I'm trying to work on it and I don't totally know or understand how to mead those broken pieces but I will learn with God showing me where, how and when to push through it. I think each person is different in how we are to work through our problems that we went through and knowing how to own and overcome our past. Thank you ❤️
I think my way of working through things would be to physically do a large game that would make you work with other people or cooking in a cooking show, painting a bedroom or bathroom. Something that would make us interact with other people and then you learn about yourself and other's to help us understand one another. When we know our self better then we can be truly happy with one self even if its not exactly what we were wanting. Its being the in the moment even by your self it's okay! I do understand, maybe not fully but I do know that I'm getting better. And thats have the battle. One step at a time.
According to one of my college psych courses, perceptions are harder to agree on than morals, etc. We have this idea that people respect those who respect themselves, as if we have complete control of other people’s perceptions. But if that were true, all we’d need to do to be treated well was to behave well ourselves. And we all know that’s not how life works. In fact, some people treat you worse the better you behave because it leaves no justification for their own behavior. So, it’s hard to know what to do when people ask you 300th date questions on the third date, before they have enough context to accept the issue as compassionately as you do. For me, it’s not so much about lacking self-compassion; it’s the realization that other people often lack this quality themselves, which is complicated by the misconception that this statement of fact (as I see it) is a sign of insecurity (i.e., they think I believe that I’m unlovable, when I really believe that many people aren’t very loving). I want to be honest with people. I feel I owe myself that. Anything less than honesty is a denial-a betrayal, even-of who you are. But most people seem to have a narrow view of “normal,” a shallow view of “deep,” and a weak view of “vulnerable.” It seems immature to dump the responsibility on someone else, but I really feel that this is more the receiver’s problem. I’ve been “compassion-covering” since I was a child. I’m the kind of person who averts her eyes when you’re parallel parking to give you some privacy. The people who’ve reciprocated this quality for me have been too few. Seriously, where are all the hot, smart, kind, straight, single guys, guys??? I only have one precious life to live and I can’t hold back time. My heart breaks for people like me. It really does. I mean, I’ll live a rich, full life regardless of who’s in it, but wouldn’t it be nice to share it with someone who really gets you and loves you, faithfully and unconditionally, till the end? If that’s you, I totally feel you. Finding people like this shouldn’t be this hard.
Sure you make sense I get it, but the way you said it you sound entitled, demanding..it shouldn’t be hard but life doesn’t owe you anything , I learned this the hard way..my life would of been different if I kept this thought in, I expect you’re very young..
This is so excellent and empowering as I work on self-acceptance...putting an arm around my shoulder about my characterological defenses (Harville Hendrix term...he wrote Getting the Love You Want" and "Finding the Love You Want") and saying, "I am working on this".
It's really hard to love yourself when no one does.
yep. i assume u were never loved properly as a child as well?
@@TheDarkstar3601 yaa never felt that 😅
I know right.
You are right but people do not like us because they do not know the real us. We are the only one who exactly knows why we are the way we are. However, if we do not love ourselves it will be much harder to deal with being disliked
The thing is how does a person love themselves?
I believe it’s inspecting all that enters our minds, hearts, boy and souls. So for me its about setting our own boundaries and limit what we will tolerate.
Why be with a person who repeatedly treats you badly? Is that loving yourself?
When he said “feel like our best is not enough and our worst is too much” that’s literally exactly how I feel
Now ppl outside for me I feel like friendships just suck ppl don’t know how to be nice to me in general ways and I hate it my whole lofe
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain
Also, try being under 6 ft tall as a man. Teehee!
@@bobfromsoireegames4309 I assume that's tough im a 5'9" female and I felt like a giant in high school I used to worry I wouldn't stop growing
everything inside job you dont need a women your enough by your self loneliness is all in your head
change your thinking and your change how you feel
@@bobfromsoireegames4309 your heights not a problem your internal monologue is
Felt.
I really needed this today, when you go through failure after failure in relationships, you start to feel like you're just not good enough for a relationship.
It’s very hard to see clearly when your stuck in a pattern loop. Good luck 🍀
We are, it's okay
At least you can get into one
Not even relationships - talking stages, especially ones when everything goes so good and ends as always..
I gotta get fat
I have a coach who recommends saying "I'm working through this" rather than "I'm struggling with this". I find that framing to be really helpful.
Agree; struggling doens't sound very attractive.
@@marypp6926 very very trustworthy comment
I love that
That is a beautiful reframe
internal monologue creates your reality life not happeing to you its responsing to you
everything outside of us is noting more than a mental projectrary of whats going on within us
I finally got myself my first man who saw my bad days by day 30 of dating me and still supported and stayed with me. Sometimes length of time doesn't determine the strength of your relationship, only the character of the person does. Same applies for relationships and friendships
I don't think matt meant to show them on literal day 300, it was an example. The longer you're together the chances are higher for them to be understanding. He also said some are able to cope with our weaknesses and others aren't, he's one of those who's able to 😁 happy for you both
We were together for months and when I was sad and vulnerable they left and didn't want to deal with it. I wish I would've known sooner they wouldn't be supportive. It hurts and makes you never want to open up again.
You mean you found a man that was tired of watching porn...... Getting a guy is easy all we want is Love and Affection. You ladies on the other hand you want everything my wallet can buy as well as everything it can't and then you decide weather or not we are "Good Enough" Based off of that and that alone..... A man's Emotions mean absolutely nothing to 95% of the Female Population.
I used to think that I could never be in a relationship because guys around me seemed to only want to do intimate things / be casual with me and not be in a relationship with me. I used to wonder what was wrong with me but now I've realized I've just been choosing the wrong guys and I AM worthy of a relationship! I really had to work on my own self confidence before I reached this point
You are worthy. Keep noticing you on the comments Sam ^^. Keep awesome you gorgeous woman!
@@oponomo thank you so so much!!! 😊
Same here. Now I know better, and feel so much more confident in myself. I don’t feel eager to rush into anything nor the need to impress someone else to keep them around.
Same feeling my dear. My last relationship made me think that way. I was so blessed for he dumped me(mind game that he taught I will chase him)
Same 🥺🥺🥺
I see love all around me. I see friendships all around me but im the outsider looking in. It feels like i dont belong here
Did you ever do your MBTI quiz?
This is a common feeling for most INFJ's
"Our best won't be good enough,and our worst will be too much for somebody "
As someone who lives with a challenging chronic health condition and unable to feel worthy of love because of it....This sentence sums up what I feel in my heart of hearts!
I know it's easier said than done, but go for it, girl.
If God allowed you to be struggling, He' done it with the best purpose, has gave you the grace to be able to carry on and will make a greater good from a bad thing.
And remember what Saint Teresa d'Ávila said: "The cross is heavy for those who drag it, not for those who embrace it.
I totally get it. I feel often the same way. ♥️ I hope we will get to the other side.
I feel the exact same way. I pray that your doing better now. -God bless you.
I felt the same as a chronically ill man. But I recently was proven otherwise. She drives me and cares so much about me whenever my energy levels are very low. We talk about everything very honestly and the connection is so deep, I haven't thought it could be possible.
And it's all because I had not seen the chance of that to ever work out, so I was the most real me that I could be. No fassade, nothing.
Pure connection.
@@Alex-bl8uh Happy for your happiness..Blessing and peace from another continent..🙏🤗
“We have to risk someone won’t want us when we reveal that thing”
Dam, that hit hard…
i dont need to waste my time i know it will only result in rejection so
my days of pursuing women are well and truly over doesnt matter
if they show interested in me got no desire anymore for something i know wont go no where
What thing
Our vulnerability can be a bonding factor in a relationship but also can be a weapon for someone to use it against us. So we need be cautious and show our vulnerability wisely..
Sometimes they're not even trying to hurt you. Just making sure you have the self-esteem and boundaries to maintain your opinions or put in effort to deal with the insecurity that arises when someone starts saying something that makes you feel worthless. And not falling into blaming even if they did do something wrong and instead asking what you can do for yourself and how you can learn to talk about this in a productive way for both people.
@@dootersnooter5343 Excellent points..💯💯
sadly some of us will never experence what it like to be loved and feel love for another
You are not alone, bro, 22+ years and still never get into relationship yet
I'm still a widow after almost 40 years, two "relationships" in that time...failures. I'm in my mid- 60's now. I'm too old for this BS. Men don't give a damn, neither do I.
"Not everyone is ready for your vulnerability" 👍🏻👍🏻
In my opinion a lot of people are not showing their real personality. A lot of people show what they themself want to be or how "man/woman" want them to be. It is not just about flaws and vulnerability. You explained that soo extremely well. If we aren't real about ourself- we won't be able to GET the partner we NEED and that will fit with you and your life.
The first thing we need to know is ourselves and this is not as easy as it sounds. Just because we have been along all our life does not mean we know about our characteristics and needs.
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
@@marypp6926 I already know where to turn to when I need help. AND I really doubt you had to deal with whatever I am dealing with at the moment or had to deal with. 🤣
I feel the same
3 minutes in and this is so relatable. I've been feeling like this my entire life. I still do because I've been alone for a very very very long time. Thank you for this
hey Angelie, how are you doing
I can relate. I haven't dated in 10 years. Between building my business, keeping fit and staying on top of my industry there simply wasn't any time. Then COVID happened and it killed my business. Now I have in theory time (because of lockdown) but I need to start my entire life again from scratch so basically I don't have time. I also feel that financially now I am not in a place to date...struggling entrepreneur with long hours ahead.
I really feel worthless at the moment. Too old to start over and I've been single so long I can't even imagine finding someone to date. I feel I'm too flawed to date. It's easy to say just accept yourself. Well there's no on/off switch for that.
@@laraking804 Hey Lara, first of all you are not worthless and even if you feel it I guarantee you that it's not true.
Is there an age limit to starting over? I don't think so. Even if you're 90 and wrinkly you can start over I mean give yourself some credits.
For 10 years you've been working hard and working on yourself. And I'm sorry for your business I'm sure you'll get back on top of your game.
As for being flawed ... aren't we all? I understood that I had to be in solitude for a while and I made peace with that. Because I wouldn't know myself the way I do and I'm still learning more every day. If you feel like you're too flawed to date it's okay the person who you'll date will be flawed too. So carry your flaws and all that you are with grace love and pride. Open your heart and let your flawed self be loved.
Let's normalize happiness despite everything happening to us. You deserve to have it all.
angelie plz check mi on ma email
I have a physical disability. And I have been upfront about it. I'm good talking to guys via email, text and phone, but when they finally meet me, it all falls apart. So the "not good enough" feeling comes from my physical self, not from my emotional / intellectual self. I've erased all dating apps, because I see my future laid out for me as being single forever.
Never lose hope, what's inside is always what really matters and to be honest, dating apps are not very good at all and it seems like only one type of person is in there, the superficial ones most of the time 😅 wish you all the best 💗
Matthew added a video from one of the retreats with a lady who lost her leg in a hit and run. She was giving insight into her dating life. She lost all hope after the accident as she wanted to have a family. She went to the retreat and learned that its her confidence that stands her. She had an immense sense of humour, Scottish humour:) She went on numerous dates and it all went wrong. One day she met a person who simply said "and so what ?" and that was only when when she accepted who she is as a person. Now she has a family with that man and a baby. It can get better, its hard and hurts so bad, but it is possible. I couldnt find the video, but its somewhere on Matthew"s profile. I am not marketing the retreat but I was touched by this woman"s story. We all have to change our mindsets in a way -to be more accepting of who we are as human beings and that is full.of love, compassion, beauty, generosity and kindness:)
I have a disability too, so I can relate. I was upfront about it also with the people I dated. Now here's my experience: I did form relationships that lasted years, but they were extremely difficult. Basically, all those people, 100 % ended up abusing me, cheating, constantly reminding me that I should accept little from life because I was "broken" and they could do better than me. And I believed them, until I had enough. I have been single for years and years now, I know my worth and my life is better than it was in any relationship I've ever tried. I have excellent friends and they are enough. Being single can be a blessing, so if it happens to you too, just take it as a gift - you avoided the worst. Maybe you will find someone good for you, maybe you won't. In any of those cases, the greatest love you will ever receive is from yourself, if you have it, you will never ever lose it. It is the only love you can swear by.
Same
@@mirand0laI watched that video, very sad but hopeful & inspiring. Also, very beautiful what you said.😌
"What people see upfront might be impressive but when people really get to know me they might find that I'm too much..." THIS this right here. This is the explanation I'm given at every dumping. I can't explain how hurtful it is.
me too!
I haven’t been told this but I know I have a tendency to overwhelm someone when I feel vulnerable and insecure.
Not sure if this will help but it's not just you. All women seem to think that way or are given reasons like that. And it's not cut and dried as just a guy not being into you. I suggest you read "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's soul" by Stasi Eldredge. I found it to be very helpful.
Same, but it seems at first guys pretend to be understanding. They do this to get intimacy or whatever they can get out of me. Then they use this as an excuse to dump me. I have ptsd and get triggered from past abuse. I’m working on it, I waited to date. Like I’m not perfect, but it becomes too much for other person. I’m picking wrong men anyways, but it probably would be a problem for the right ones too.
Same, all the time 💔
I am 57 years old and I have loved only one person in my life and after eight and a half years they left, they left me to be with someone else.
That was 20 years ago and I have closed myself off because I still have that wound of not feeling I’m good enough. I know I’m broken, it’s been so long, that the language of love now seems foreign to me.
You wont be able to allow someone to value you until you value something about yourself. Realizing you are worthy of love will not only protect you from those who wont value you, but will allow the person who does value you into your heart.
Ding ding ding. Absolute must. They call it 'secure attachment types- trusting others and yourself
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here💬
Wow that's beautiful 😍😍😍
Yeah but who
@@derrickdomino7287 whoever fits these parameters. Perhaps someone you already know, or someone you havn't met yet...
🤷♀️
This is 3 years old, but it has become very helpful to me. I think when I first listened to this, I was still deep in my sorrow and couldn’t connect with the message. Now, as I prepare myself for a new relationship, it hits different and I am able to accept and resonate with this message.
8:34
Thank u so much for these words
"If we can accept ourselves for who we are today with all the mistakes, then we can build on that, so we are not coming from a place pf hating ourselves, we're coming from a place of love"
Irrespective of your relationship statues,try be the best woman you can be both financial and otherwise....
I am 42 years old single mum living in California I'm hoping to retire at 50 if things keep going well for me. Bought my first house last month and I can't be more proud than I am right now. I am so glad I made good decisions about my finances that changed me forever.
Kudos pretty lady. You're really doing well at your age. I'm 45 and my finances is quite messy, I'm hoping you could share some tips to help.
I'm a single mother too, got divorced 2 years ago from a toxic marriage and it's really not been that bad for me. Am trying to put my finances in shape.Every month I invest 50% of my income in crypt0-currencies and stocks, I really thank God for passive income.
@@marypeter7729 nice
@@marypeter7729 Amazing I want to buy my own house... that's really amazing!
@@marypeter7729 wow!! you're really doing great yourself. investing in stocks and crypto-currency also contributed in changing my life story. I wish you all the best and I am happy you're having great journey so far.God bless you.
People give up easily on others now a days no matter how they tried to love themselves, I've noticed those who don't care about the feelings of the others are more happier than the ones who always try not to hurt people.
The pain you get when you have to move on with the feeling that you’ll never be good enough for him- even though he’s not even your boyfriend but you have some twisted thing between you and him.
I never saw myself watching these videos 😞Thank you so much! So I can makeup my mind to sleep and leave every behind one day.
If you’re honest about you vulnerabilities, make sure it’s not with a Narcissist
my friend contact him immediately now for help, I can assure you all will be fine with a good result.🌹🌹
† 2349134178367🌹⏭⏭⏭⏭☝️🌹🌹
You people whining about the narcissist in every comment section, as if YOU were perfect, had made no mistake and weren’t responsible for the choices you made, you are a freaking CULT OF NARCISSISTS, and you can’t resist trolling every video with your self-aggrandizing game posing as the victim. GTFO!
@Matthew Hussey my biggest problem is my Asperger's syndrome. My condition is very mild and I hide it to a point but when someone I loved has found out it's either resulted in being friend zoned or worse taken advantage of and abused. This is a vulnerability I have struggled with for a long time. I think this is a video to consider accepting yourself having a hidden disability, being embracing of it and not being afraid of being open about it.
Hugs to you🤗
Wishing you every happiness and love in the world David! Someone will come along that loves you for WHO you are 😊🙏🏽💓
I have Autism, to a moderate degree and yes some do take advantage of you but that says more about them than it does about you. You need to be careful who you let in, like matt says, don't reveal this on day 3 but closer to day 300, then they know you and understand you better to be able to accept it. Although it won't stop someone taking advantage but it's learning to notice those traits and walking away before they take too much advantage of you. I'm staying single and when I date I'll be picky and specific, I won't be wasting my own time on users or abusers anymore. Good luck to you ❤️
I know at least 4 aspi people: two of them are weirdly cute, and one is very smart and impressive because of his lateral thinking and observations about life and people's behaviour.
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here💬
"The relationship within yourself, with yourself" 💙 - by far the most important and worthwhile relationship to focus on at all times!
Thank you, Matt, you're a soothing voice amongst all the external noise out there
my friend contact him immediately now for help, I can assure you all will be fine with a good result.🌹🌹
† 2349134178367🌹⏭⏭⏭⏭🌹✅
thank for true word xxxxx
That’s true. No one has more contexts about us than us. I went to school throughout 12 years but eventually, no one stays with me but myself
I always felt lonely my whole life since childhood and now adulthood. I really wish I never existed sad world to live in.
Dont ever be dear. Smile and give your best in everything you do...Exude positive aura. There is someone out there that is your match and still searching for you...And try incorporate some natural stones into your daily life like crystals and agates e.g Rose Quartz, Strawberry, Labradorite, Amazonite, Selenite, Tourmaline, Carnelian, Rabbit Hair, Amethyst, Lepidolite to help kick start and build up positive mind, good aura and enhance your energy and spirit and to aid in your love life.. Give it a try dear. Best wishes 🙏💕💕🌷
@@notimetodienttd1115 Ok. Thank you!❤
@@angelicagrayson9491 get the best out of This life I swear I believe in You. Accept the bad things and clear your vision in a good way
@@achiebenas5286 Ok. Thank you! It's been hard for me
You are of value
I normally would say “ if you can’t take me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at all.” That’s just me but Matt hitting the nail on its head once again 💕✨
I so needed to hear this, as someone who has not ever been in a relationship, it had me thinking something must be wrong with me. But, really, you need to love yourself first and let others into your life. It's hard but it should be natural!
Thank you Matthew, your timing is impressive. I’ve always felt as if I was never enough but, lately, this became more intense than ever and, conversely, I can never seem to think other people are enough. It’s a great opportunity to grow!
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
You can take the chances of danger and not being well. I won't
Yay highlighted comment! That is golden truth that will stay with me!!
I once learned in therapy that acceptance is the key to change and must come first. Rather than feeling like I have to keep striving, doing and trying so hard to change, I actually need to sit with myself exactly as I am, and receive acceptance within myself. THEN change comes sometimes naturally, or I am able to take action to make changes
Hello Leanne how are you doing? I hope all is well and that you are staying safe enough! You have got a nice and sparkling smile, haven’t seen such in a while always wear that beautiful smile. I would really love to get to know you! Hope you do not mind?
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
Please make a video about how to realize that we are actually the one that's toxic in the relationship. what if I am the one who has all the red flags that I've been trying to identify from other people
An extremely good point
Observe ur behaviour ....and ir interaction with dates. ..if there is pattern that something ur doing which is stopping u from relation... identify it and simply work on it.
Listen to your close ones, there is always someone willing to call out your flaws particularly if you ask them to.
it all comes down to self awarness what you see in others is a reflection of self you can either reject or projected your own aspects
this greatly depends on where your at in terms of self awarness and willingness
Iam the red flag i think thats why i distance myself from others
What's beautiful is watching someone grow and getting to share in their struggles and adventure with using these challenging experiences to grow stronger and in turn, watching the love grow between you as the bond deepens with this space you both hold for each other to be all of who you are and aspire to be. When we realize this, it's easier to share who we are more vulnerably and authentically, trusting that you are both each others champions, and you have each others backs no matter what each is going through. The more I am this for myself, the more I grow. The way we are with ourselves is everything. The kinder we are with ourselves, the more we are here for ourselves, the more beautiful our lives become.
how are you doing today
I've seen and follow you for YEARS and I had never heard such REVEALING thought as I did in this video. Thanks for this approach, for this path, from the bottom of my heart.
I've laughed and learnt with your videos, but today I saw u different. I dont know why.
Thanks for amusing, guiding and helping people all over the world.
This video feels like a comfy fluffy blanket for me to cry on.. thanks Matt..
It feels impossible to love myself. I've even changed the things I really hated about me and still. It feels impossible. Like I'm swimming in an empty ocean finding something that doesn't exist. I'll oppose these thoughts. My body wants to continue and my heart doesn't. I wish I could offer my life to someone more grateful
I really appreciate this soo much....it came at the right time....lets show him some love by liking and sharing..
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here💬
I never knew Matthew struggled with this as well. And here I thought it was only me and a few couple hundred thousand.
I truly accept I'm a good man and my heart is always in the right place. But I know I have room for improvement and want to become better for myself and the ones that mean the world to me.
I was finally vulnerable to my guy. I told him that sometimes I get depressed. They said they would stay around no matter. One night it happened. I was crying and saying hurtful things. I apologized the next day and said I am working on this and I hope they understood I was lashing out and hurt. I hoped that they could support me through it. They broke up with me that day. A year later they are married with two children. I am afraid of ever being with someone again. I was vulnerable and open with a struggle and they abandoned me because of it. It only took one moment of not being happy and fun to turn them away. They moved on to another so quickly and marriage after knowing someone less than a year after our break. How can I ever trust someone again with my sadness? They can say they will love you know matter what but, when you show that you are human and feel sad sometimes they run.
Maybe I’d wasn’t the sadness as much as saying hurtful things. Matthew says it isn’t the wounds that are hard to deal with; it’s the weapons. Sadness is your wound, but saying hurtful things is the weapon. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You did the best you could, and you are working through it in order to be ready for the one who is better than the one in the past.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but the other person also has a responsibility to their own mental health and it's not fair to expect someone to stick around no matter how you treat them. I'm not saying you need to be perfect to be in a relationship but if the way in which your issues manifest themselves is that you become abusive to the people around you then maybe the focus right now needs to be on getting control on your behaviour. I've been in the opposite situation where I tried to stick around to support someone's issues and because I loved them but all it was really doing was allowing myself to be abused and it definitely wasn't helping anyone. What they needed was professional help, not me. You really do have the strength to get better, it may take a lot of time and effort but you can do it. You are a loveable person, it's just that the behaviour is getting in the way of having a healthy relationship and at the end of the day we each have to take responsibility for ourselves. Wishing you all the best for the future.
@@b3a3n3a3n3a3s I can agree with you if this was a situation where it was a constant issue but in this case I lost two close relatives and was grieving. I did tell him I didn't feel cared for, which I know must've hurt him. Looking back though, I'm glad he left because if he could easily leave when I was grieving, I can't imagine how he would've been during Covid or any of the other times I may have needed basic support.
But I respectfully see your perspective and can agree with leaving if it is an abusive situation.
I feel you...
@Dinah N I know. Neither is yours or anyone elses. Since that is very obvious, why did you feel that comment was necessary? All the best wishes to you.
I appreciate that there's no cliché dramatic background music in this video.
Yes, thank goodness!
I'm pretty close to tears after listening to this video. I needed it now so damn badly. Thanks x1000 for posting it.
This did not work for me please
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Thanks for this video, Matt! For me, it's the fact that I'm born and bread in a country my parents migrated to, which results in me being in an inner conflict between two very different cultures and religions, between what I know and am partially expected to carry on from my parents' home and what my reality outside is. I'm not afraid of my personality traits that make me human - I might be a little impatient or definitely a present person, but that's who I am. But I'm afraid I'm either too much for one culture and too less for the other, or vice versa. Just not good enough for either... To be living in that constant inner sub- and conscious debate and conflict makes me close down and hence lose the possibility to be open for the right person to come into my life. Working on it. And I've attended your first virtual retreat - it's been so great, I recommend it to anyone, it's a really special experience.
Sometimes I struggle with feeling insignificant to others in life in general...just want to say that my youngest daughter just spoke about me to her friend in a way that helped me see how important I was to her...brought a tear to my eye....we really do put ourselves down sometimes and it can be completely the opposite to what others think of us💛💜🧚♀️
Aww really love that for you. Thanks for the comment. The last sentence hit me.
@christinedozier2154 Awww thankyou! Xx have a lovely day or night 🌙 from me in Australia!
Even after watching I still feel this way. After my divorce in 2013...I just haven't felt worthy of anyone's time or love.
Everyone on this little planet deserves to be happy. You have to say to yourself I have the right to be happy! Why would I let 1 person destroy my life and happiness , while that persoj is having the best time of its life. Do not let anyone destroy your life and spirit. You only have 1 life now. Make the best and most of it. Try to make the maximun of your days. Do things that will make you happy, Sports , cultural things, travel if that is possible. Sightseeing etc . There is so much to do and see. Do no let 1 person take your life away..
Dear Matthew,
I find your latest videos more and more profound. They focuse less on (very good) advices and techniques, and more on deeper thoughts about relationship to ourselves and others which I find very interesting and actually much needed.
Food for thought : )
Thank you!
I am a man and I love your channel. Even though it’s aimed at women I can totally relate to most of your content. I had been in relationships most of my life but have spent the last 8 months by myself. What I experienced lately is a kind of vicious circle in which I don’t seem to find a compatible person and this, in turn, affects my sense of self-worth, therefore sending me in a downward spiral. Anyone else experienced this?
I am 48 and never been in a relationship. Don't be fearful about being single. It is a good opportunity to be reflective and to get to know the real you.
I can totally relate. In the past I never had trouble getting into relationship. I was in one relationship for seven years the other just under nine. After that relationship I decided to take some time to myself and now four years later I'm still single. There hasn't been many on my radar. Whether it's because I don't find them attractive or vice versa it just seems more difficult to connect now which is incredibly frustrating because I've done the work on myself I know my worth and definitely ready to share my world with the right person. But now I can't seem to find one
Single for 7 years and the more UA-cam vids i watch, the less i leave the house.
Such a powerful speech, the world needs more people like you, Matthew
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
You have to go through what your feeling and feel it allowing it to be okay accepting yourself and validating your feelings cry scream let it all out and then let go having compassion for yourself by knowing you will be ok ☺️
I really appreciate the "core confidence" phrase over "self love", this resonates with me best. Ty.
Anyone else cry throughout this whole video?
no, im not a woman
@@SPACEDOUT19 u sure?
@@savannahdubay3901 yes, why would i cry over a youtube video?
@@SPACEDOUT19 the feels man, the feels. u ok, my guy?
@@savannahdubay3901 huh? you are the one crying over a video...
Meeting differnt guys to spot mr right. Not being attached to anyone, choosing wisely.
It's hard draining and a waaste of energy
Day - um! I will watch this everyday until I do not need to anymore. I sure wish it were possible to afford your retreat . Thank you Matthew, you do such great work!! You are appreciated
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
It hurts sooooo much more when you are vulnerable on day 300 and they can't handle it and leave. That left me with heartache and new trust issues.
That definitely applies for people who actually have something positive to share. Some of us at day 3 already has run out of goodness, now imagine at day 300.
Thanks Matthew for your videos. It’s very challenging to want to be seen by others and be that vulnerable when feeling unlovable. We just have to put ourselves out there and hope for the best
I really appreciate how brutally honest are you. ❤️ We need people like you in a world full of fantasies
You have just touched the most vulnerable part of us so beautifully....felt awestruck.....thank you so much....literally no words left rather than a very big thanks..... lots of love...
I needed this thank you, I’ve been feeling so worthless and afraid of opening up to people
I love that background I feel like Mathew is sitting right across from me 🧡
This couldn’t have come at a better time. I held back an insecurity I had early on in the relationship and it back fired. I will be working on my self acceptance 💪
I'm a guy, and I have a weird fetish for wearing high heels in bed lol. And I have been so FUCKING scared of telling a woman about it as I was afraid she would dump me (oh she might think im gay, transgender, too weird etc.). But then I found a girl with whom I revealed it to and she accepted it. It elevated our relationship beyond next level! So even if you have oddities in your luggage that you fear others will reject, if they are a CENTRAL part of your persona: THROW IT OUT THERE - sooner rather than later. In worse case, you won't waste time on her (or him).
That's beautiful🧚♀️
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here💬
I have the fetish I can never tell no one
😂😂 dude I laughed way to hard. You're awesome bro. Don't change
Don't know if it would help but 🤷♀️
ua-cam.com/video/j1OqYqVft4M/v-deo.htmlsi=ScEyM7cWgCNaFlbZ
This was the highlight of all the videos ive seen @MatthewHussey. You truly add such value and kindness to women's lives (mens too) that brings out the best in all who take it onboard. So thank you so much
I can't stop crying!! After so much past trauma and years working on myself - one of my best guy friends is asking me out. I've dodged him for almost two years as "bad timing" and he is unbelievably patient and kind. He deserves someone who can show up fully for him! I already know I love him but I can't stop the unlovable feeling deep inside me. And I'm so scared my wounds will hurt him. As I try to sleep tonight and listen to this - I want nothing more than to finally run to him. But I'm so afraid
Me too. I never read a comment that mirrored my feelings so much. I seriously like this one guy, but I know that I don’t love myself enough to be with him. Even though he’s made an effort to be with me, I push him away and it’s not because I dislike him, it’s because I know that I feel unloveable. And I don’t even love myself these days. I honestly wish that we had never met because I felt like Im wasting his time. Anytime someone is truly interested in me, I always think “why”? On the surface I look full but in the inside I feel empty. It’s like a dark emptiness. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with that part of me.
4:36 yup I got people who can hold space for my vulnerability but Im not romantically attracted to them. Usually people we like doesnt like us back.
This brought clarity to what I may be doing wrong. There is a huge difference in revealing our vulnerable side early on, i.e., day 3 as opposed to day 300. Getting to know each other takes time and if we let others in too soon, it's easy for them to walk away since no mental, emotional bond may have been forged. Knowing one another in a deeper level allows us to contextualize the person in their totality that makes them human with feet of clay. Though there are no guarantees we will not be rejected, that is the risk we always have to face squarely.
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
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Matthew is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know! Love your content and the way you bring it to a point😊
Emotionally intelligent people are just so valuable💗.
After 42 years of hard work in both my career and in trying to be the best version of myself and NOT getting anywhere, being stuck with low income and living in a tiny room in a shared house and seeing myself rejected time and timed again after 7 years on dating apps, I can see confidently that some people in this world are born to fail and if there is a god, he is no better than a mean little boy with a magnifying glass who randomly picks on ants to burn or tortures some that he enjoys repeatedly. Nothing worse than lowering your standards constantly in career and in a partner only to find you are still not good enough for either.
Why did I cry at 11:20? I have been out of a relationship with an avoidant for 20 days now, and he have never told me that I'll be ok.
Thanks for mentioning about anxiety and that because I am also working on that too ... It is so common and some look down on it so great that you are mentioning it, thanks so much!!
Being vulnerable is key. But it is so so hard. Even after being in a wonderful relationship for over ten years after going through serious trauma I’m sad to say I shut down emotionally and had no idea how to open up again. It’s really important to put down the weapons people want to help and love us through our worst. Never forget that you are still loveable even at your lowest ❤
I really like this one. I think I may go back to listen again when I feel like self-loathing mode is attacking… 😂
Thank you Matthew!
i will like to know you more
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here💬
Matthew Hussey..you are a blessing to the world..
It feels like I have known Matthew for my life now😊 He speaks from his heart ♥️
How are you doing today dear hope you learned a lot from this video
This video came out just in the nick of time. Ive been GREATLY struggling with this. Thank you💗💗 you're videos have been helping me for YEARS
I'm 24 years and all I've known is rejection and non-reciprocated love
Same. 53
I know that feeling very well.
Life is sometimes unbearable. That video was very uplifting and encouraging for me. Thank you.
Such words of wisdom! I love these types of videos because they provide practical advice not just for your love life but also for life in general.
I’ve listened to a lot of your advice and it’s so true..I’ve just come out of a toxic relationship with a beautiful alcoholic in denial woman…underneath all of the issues that have made her who she is right now I understood..the lack of empathy for not only herself but for our relationship is why it fell apart…I am devastated to lose her to this demon that controls her. I miss the magic we had and I was trying to nurture her to be her best but beaten by her addiction. I have tried everything and anything to help her see her worth but have failed and that is tragically sad.
She has to fix herself and that is all I hear from all the advice around me and on everything I’ve watched but not having her in my life is tough than I could ever of imagined even though it all makes sense…I wish I could dismiss the grief I feel…
Matt this is one of my favourite videos you've done. I've struggled for so long with anxiety and I'm so afraid with being vulnerable with someone about this but this video was SO helpful. Thank you so much! Can't wait to attend your retreat in September x
Flipping the script for one moment on your opening statement as mere food for thought...if you will. I concur that it is necessary to be ready to enter a relationship, but in the context of a mindset of being open to it. I think it’s easy to slip into a mindset that we are not yet perfect...therefore not ready for a relationship, which we could perpetually remain single, as none of us are perfect. The reality is, as you beautifully stated, a mindset of actively working on oneself toward improvement is what matters most. In that context, one could be ready for a relationship, just actively growing. No one is perfect...nor will we ever be, but as you also stated, “The right person will elevate your best and soothe your worst”, in which case two people can grow together. We are always in constant flux and growth, but the one you can do that with...makes it that much easier. In fact, they can be a catalyst. The equivalent of compassion for self extends and grows into compassion for others. One of the key factors is finding that “continual growth mindset” in another and someone that you’re in alignment with. Just passing thoughts...Keep inspiring.
uhhh i love this perspective.. i think it holds great potential
I don't think I ever want a relationship as people are so messed up. People change and aren't as nice as they were when you met them. Their facade slips. I remain the same start to end. My best is good enough, I just want to be treated well 😔 I'm sick of being a victim. Taken advantage of. Giving up on the idea of a relationship saves me heartache, time and money!!!
@7empest because that's exactly what narcissists do. Beware the lovebomb.
I feel that
Sorry 😔
im so sorry to hear this :( i know how it feels to be taken advantage of and left behind with no real explanation and it does make you want to close off and not be open . I have aspergers and its mild and when i tell them they can use it against you and take advantage of that or your pure love and care . It gives you great wisdom to avoid people like these when you find them , they leech off pure good intentions and big hearted people like yourself . Learn and be cautious but never give up people like ourselfs we deserve the good hearted people
This is like a year’s worth of therapy in 1 video! This video is a gift! Thanks 🙏.
It’s funny because I watch all of your videos trying to absorb all and become a better version of myself. I do want something real, but can’t help but think that no matter how hard I tried I just need to accept that maybe for some people love and connection are not meant to be because every time I tried to find someone they just reinforced what I already know and it sucks hahaha
lts really hard to love yourself when no one does not love you 😢
I’m about to go on a date. This is a very helpful reminder of something I struggle with a lot. So thanks for the video.
hey, hope the date went well
Hi Matthew....this is really good advice for us humans....I had a down day yesterday....but a tool I learnt is 'to speak kindly to myself' so I kept telling myself 'it's ok it will pass' , i also let myself cry shit out and stayed at home!!
Love talking about the guts of things with people, but some people don't open up ,and this is hard to help people when this happens.🧚♀️
Im 47 and ive been single for 11 years. I'm odd with relationships because while each one was good, no negativity eventually I got the feeling that I wasnt good enough for them so I broke it off and in the end I didnt feel bad because they ended up finding someone better and they got married and had kids. I look at myself like i'm the successful match making ex lol.
I know I will never be able to find love because I believe any women could always find much better than me.Its just the way my mind works and has been conditioned by past negative experiences and failure in aspects of life.Such women deserve someone more successful.
Here is Matthew with yet another pearl of wisdom !
hello Manisha
Starting off by telling me that people will judge me or even hurt me if i open up is a good way to keep me from opening up.
I don't feel comfortable with the idea of being loved. I feel I'm not worth it. I always engage in self-sabotage if any chance of love arises. I am my own worst enemy. I hug my duvet at night, so it's not all bad. I'll turn 50 soon, at least I have death to look forward to. 😂 No Serial Killer.
Dont say that desr .50 is the age to celebrate a milestone of your life experience and wisdom..Share it with everyone you know..Like JLo said, dont ever give up on love..She has found her true love with Ben at 50..You will too when you let go of the negativities and embrace positivies...All the best 🙏💕
Me too
aww bless you , please understand that love doesn't need to be "finding the one" love has many forms and the most important one of all if to love yourself , or love an object or even just something random . In any case i hope you learn to not self-sabotage yourself and learn to love yourself more and to be open to the idea that you can find someone who will love you with that same mindset
@@hannahdavies2926 Thank you! I am seriously inept. I have zero chance of finding anyone. But thanks for your comments! No Serial Killer.
Same boat. The sensation of not being good enough and it hurts the one who wants to be with you and at the same time feel crippling guilt and blame yourself for the confusion it causes
Paraphrasing Buddhist quote: the fool blames others. The student blames themselves. The master blames no one :) Exactly give yourself same understanding as others and mistakes become forgivable.
+:2:3:4:9:1:3:0:0:5:4:0:8:7: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here
I think for most of my life I have felt like I didn't belong anywhere. In school, at work, at church and also with family. I do feel more like I fit in with friends of mine but even then I don't feel comfortable with talking about things I'd rather leave in my box that I was told to put all my painful past away and lock it away.. I almost feel like that didn't work for me. I can't force all of my junk into a box that is like a bandaid . The way you explained how to make yourself feel better and build your own heart up and loving your will help you fully understand what I have gone through and how to physically deal with it and yes its painful, but it never stops and it won't heal till we find the love and forgiveness and that too is difficult to do too! I'm trying to work on it and I don't totally know or understand how to mead those broken pieces but I will learn with God showing me where, how and when to push through it. I think each person is different in how we are to work through our problems that we went through and knowing how to own and overcome our past. Thank you ❤️
I think my way of working through things would be to physically do a large game that would make you work with other people or cooking in a cooking show, painting a bedroom or bathroom. Something that would make us interact with other people and then you learn about yourself and other's to help us understand one another. When we know our self better then we can be truly happy with one self even if its not exactly what we were wanting. Its being the in the moment even by your self it's okay! I do understand, maybe not fully but I do know that I'm getting better. And thats have the battle. One step at a time.
According to one of my college psych courses, perceptions are harder to agree on than morals, etc. We have this idea that people respect those who respect themselves, as if we have complete control of other people’s perceptions. But if that were true, all we’d need to do to be treated well was to behave well ourselves. And we all know that’s not how life works. In fact, some people treat you worse the better you behave because it leaves no justification for their own behavior. So, it’s hard to know what to do when people ask you 300th date questions on the third date, before they have enough context to accept the issue as compassionately as you do. For me, it’s not so much about lacking self-compassion; it’s the realization that other people often lack this quality themselves, which is complicated by the misconception that this statement of fact (as I see it) is a sign of insecurity (i.e., they think I believe that I’m unlovable, when I really believe that many people aren’t very loving). I want to be honest with people. I feel I owe myself that. Anything less than honesty is a denial-a betrayal, even-of who you are. But most people seem to have a narrow view of “normal,” a shallow view of “deep,” and a weak view of “vulnerable.” It seems immature to dump the responsibility on someone else, but I really feel that this is more the receiver’s problem. I’ve been “compassion-covering” since I was a child. I’m the kind of person who averts her eyes when you’re parallel parking to give you some privacy. The people who’ve reciprocated this quality for me have been too few. Seriously, where are all the hot, smart, kind, straight, single guys, guys??? I only have one precious life to live and I can’t hold back time. My heart breaks for people like me. It really does. I mean, I’ll live a rich, full life regardless of who’s in it, but wouldn’t it be nice to share it with someone who really gets you and loves you, faithfully and unconditionally, till the end? If that’s you, I totally feel you. Finding people like this shouldn’t be this hard.
So beautifully explained and written. I completely agree🤎
Sure you make sense I get it, but the way you said it you sound entitled, demanding..it shouldn’t be hard but life doesn’t owe you anything , I learned this the hard way..my life would of been different if I kept this thought in, I expect you’re very young..
Wonderfully expressed.
@@zoonr5 i mean she was repeatable in some aspects. But comes off as unaware of herself
This is so excellent and empowering as I work on self-acceptance...putting an arm around my shoulder about my characterological defenses (Harville Hendrix term...he wrote Getting the Love You Want" and "Finding the Love You Want") and saying, "I am working on this".
Is relationship even a thing these days? Constantly at work, in public transport or at home. There's no way I'll understand how people start dating.
Working from home is the worst for socialising! We will never be the same :(
@@Chahlie oh yes
Same....where do you have time and where to date....its almost impossible....