The self awareness I experienced watching this is both enlightening and terrifying. I pray i have the strength to make the changes I need to make with my husband
I thought the same thing haha😅. But then I realized hey he is helping me think in the gray 🩶, even the smartest people in the world make grammatical errors!
Here is the one area where I actually got it right.....married for 37 years to my number one favourite person. My mum used to say he was put on the planet for you......she knew somehow. But whatever the reason we have stuck by each other.......in sickness and in health.
I’m looking forward to this one. I feel like I’m dating a great guy (8 months now) but I get in my head a lot still. With all the work I’ve done, I finally feel I’m worthy of a healthy relationship but sometimes I don’t know if it’s my relationship insecurities or a real issue when something comes up inside me and it can be challenging knowing what to address and what to let go of… He’s not scared of BPD or anything and he’s very mentally strong. I think that is my absolute favorite thing about him.
Relate to this!!! But I haven’t worked on myself just yet, I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD. I do think the issues coming on from me other than him and the relationship itself
I’m such a loner and isolated. So I do want to change that fact and I want to need people. But it can be heartbreaking. I rarely find a soul I’m both attracted & interested in. So when it happens, it’s not working out. 🌲🌺🦋🌸
If your comment on this post is about you're, then you probably have BPD. 😉 I have BPD and was going to comment on the misspelling but people beat me to it. 😀😀😀 Thanks for you videos, Dr. Fox!
I think that I developed an attraction to people that will use and abuse me, ridicule me, and cut me down because my first experience with s*x and love, aside from the domestic violence, gaslighting, and general abuse etc. I constantly witnessed, was with the abusive brother that molested me and then left me feeling abandoned once more.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I think a mental health provider may be able to help. Working through these issues can really help to manage it and move forward and develop secure relationships.
This was great Dr. Fox. I can think of a few situations that should be want vs need based, but I think you described the most important one. The hard part is convincing yourself that things can change.
Thanks for this video. I am experiencing this with the best person I have ever had a relationship with, and she tried to explain the whole need thing to me and it really took a lot to understand because I wad like wait you need me to, and this was just making the cage worse, so I realized what to do but with your video starting to understand the how better.
Great video! I was responsible for the chick in a cage environment I brought to my 20 year marriage. Feels good to be changing my relationships from that to a more free style although it feels scary and foreign at times. I hesitate to move further in my current relationship as I’m so afraid of going back to old ways so I move very slowly but with the right person, that’s ok. 😊
Sounds like you’ve developed really good insight and I would encourage you to use this to move forward and develop healthy relationships and strategies. Be well.
I think it’s possible to be both and I think I might be one who has them both. If you have the insight as to why though, it really helps to manage it. 😊
if you don't know see a psychologist. Don't diagnose online via a video or youtube comments as it has the ability to make things waaaay worse, I say this as someone that put it off for years and clinical help is all I needed to get things right. Good luck!
@@VeronicaNicole4778 Keep in mind though, that a psychologist is still a human (who is also flawed) and have the ability to frequently misdiagnose. Ultimately, if you're self aware enough, communicate your symptoms, all of them as detailed as you can to your health professionals. They're only as good as what you give them to work with.
I have an interesting case for you. What about a narcissist who thinks she’s borderline ? With reactive abuse the narcissist or even the borderline can transform the partner into a situational narcissist? The partner who is abuse suffer narcissistic wound that makes them temporarily narcissist. This way the borderline or narcissist can still blame the partner of being the narcissist or the toxic person
I know this video was posted a while back….but I’ve noticed I tend to be attracted to men with dark humor. I love dark humor,but I’ve noticed that the men I date laugh at dark jokes and have blinding mental illnesses and a taste for abuse….could there possibly be a connection?
Wonderful video!! I wouldn‘t have used „the chick“ as the example🤭a bit distracting because what about „the dude“? 😉 I think that learning to pick a better partner is just as important as not putting that partner into a cage/ enmeshment because if you keep picking abusive or narcissistic partners the relationship is going to fail no matter how well you manage your part in it. I guess the question that remains is how do we fill the void so that we can turn the need into a want. I guess building self esteem?
I remember having a friend at work who announced to me with pride that she'd bought her daughter both a cabbage patch and American girl doll, and I said, "Oh, that's great," while thinking, those are the ugliest two dolls I've ever seen. Congratulations.
@@DrDanielFox You should be able to edit the title. Though it may be a little pedantic to address the typo, some people who need your help the most can be a little pedantic. And I really appreciate the service you provide. You're making an incredible contribution to society.
No thanks to most of this video, 😢 Language is presumptive and suggestive. You're like this" You're like that. Their are untrustworthy partners, if you feel insecure there is a good chance they planted those seeds. I have been in relationships where I feel secure and insecure, More often then not My nervous system was telling me the guy was a creep, I am not blaming myself or denying my intuition. Granted I don't have the cabbage 🥬 patch box issue. Where I relationship jump, would definitely prefer to be alone then denying my intuition or having my insecurities invalidated in a relationship. Maybe I am not fully understanding.
You are def not understanding. You DO have the cabbage patch issue if "most of your partners are creeps"... That's your "style" if you will. You break up with guy and then move onto the same guy in a diff package... Because you're looking for certain traits. "I'm not blaming myself".... Well you should be. Because YOU choose your spouse. You can't blame the trail of men when there is 1 common factor, *you.* *You could make different choices in men if you recognized that the issue is YOU picking bad men* (and CHOOSING to stay with them) and not whatever else you're blaming for your relationship history... such as a bully boyfriends "invalidating your insecurities". Now... Why are you staying in a relationship with a man who has proven himself untrustworthy? Who's fault is that? You can't blame YOUR insecurities on HIS actions when staying in the relationship was YOUR choice. Do you understand. Everything that happens is YOUR CHOICE and you're doomed to continue making those same choices until you recognize the problem and address the root issue. *Leave untrustworthy men!* Why would a man respect a woman who gets disrespected and does nothing about it (besides cry about her feelings)? No real consequences at all? All that does is fuel it to happen again and again. *You have to stand up for yourself!* Staying in the relationship and blaming him for your insecurities does NOT help you. *This is about holding yourself accountable for your choices.* You could be right... Maybe you dated the worst men in history... But YOU chose to stay with them. PS: if this licensed professional triggered you that much with this vid you might want to find someone to talk to irl.
The self awareness I experienced watching this is both enlightening and terrifying. I pray i have the strength to make the changes I need to make with my husband
"You're" 😉 (Great content as always doc, just had to feed the OCD grammar demon)
Yes, whew!!!!
Yes, I came here to comment to him, “you’re not using your grammar correctly.” 😅
I thought the same thing haha😅. But then I realized hey he is helping me think in the gray 🩶, even the smartest people in the world make grammatical errors!
Yes, it should indeed be "You're" and NOT "Your"
Here is the one area where I actually got it right.....married for 37 years to my number one favourite person. My mum used to say he was put on the planet for you......she knew somehow.
But whatever the reason we have stuck by each other.......in sickness and in health.
I’m looking forward to this one. I feel like I’m dating a great guy (8 months now) but I get in my head a lot still. With all the work I’ve done, I finally feel I’m worthy of a healthy relationship but sometimes I don’t know if it’s my relationship insecurities or a real issue when something comes up inside me and it can be challenging knowing what to address and what to let go of…
He’s not scared of BPD or anything and he’s very mentally strong. I think that is my absolute favorite thing about him.
Relate to this!!! But I haven’t worked on myself just yet, I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD. I do think the issues coming on from me other than him and the relationship itself
I’m such a loner and isolated. So I do want to change that fact and I want to need people. But it can be heartbreaking. I rarely find a soul I’m both attracted & interested in. So when it happens, it’s not working out.
🌲🌺🦋🌸
Honestly, if I don't have my partner... i unfortunately don't have anyone, literally. No family or friends. I'm working on that though... Long road.
If your comment on this post is about you're, then you probably have BPD. 😉 I have BPD and was going to comment on the misspelling but people beat me to it. 😀😀😀 Thanks for you videos, Dr. Fox!
I think that I developed an attraction to people that will use and abuse me, ridicule me, and cut me down because my first experience with s*x and love, aside from the domestic violence, gaslighting, and general abuse etc. I constantly witnessed, was with the abusive brother that molested me and then left me feeling abandoned once more.
You'd be probably correct.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I think a mental health provider may be able to help. Working through these issues can really help to manage it and move forward and develop secure relationships.
This was great Dr. Fox. I can think of a few situations that should be want vs need based, but I think you described the most important one. The hard part is convincing yourself that things can change.
So true but recognizing it is the first step.
Thanks for this video. I am experiencing this with the best person I have ever had a relationship with, and she tried to explain the whole need thing to me and it really took a lot to understand because I wad like wait you need me to, and this was just making the cage worse, so I realized what to do but with your video starting to understand the how better.
Thanks so much for sharing this video!
Great video! I was responsible for the chick in a cage environment I brought to my 20 year marriage. Feels good to be changing my relationships from that to a more free style although it feels scary and foreign at times. I hesitate to move further in my current relationship as I’m so afraid of going back to old ways so I move very slowly but with the right person, that’s ok. 😊
Sounds like you’ve developed really good insight and I would encourage you to use this to move forward and develop healthy relationships and strategies. Be well.
Thank you for breaking this down
You’re welcome
I can't tell if I'm BPD or Disorganized attachment.. it's extremely confusing 😕
I think it’s possible to be both and I think I might be one who has them both. If you have the insight as to why though, it really helps to manage it. 😊
if you don't know see a psychologist. Don't diagnose online via a video or youtube comments as it has the ability to make things waaaay worse, I say this as someone that put it off for years and clinical help is all I needed to get things right. Good luck!
@@xyandi4870 thank you!! And good luck to you too 😊
Disorganized attachment style is generally a part of BPD...
@@VeronicaNicole4778 Keep in mind though, that a psychologist is still a human (who is also flawed) and have the ability to frequently misdiagnose. Ultimately, if you're self aware enough, communicate your symptoms, all of them as detailed as you can to your health professionals. They're only as good as what you give them to work with.
This is a great educational and insightful video. I so appreciate all of your insights and advice!
Thank you very much and I wish you all the best.
Top information. Thank you Doc . 👌☯️
I have an interesting case for you. What about a narcissist who thinks she’s borderline ? With reactive abuse the narcissist or even the borderline can transform the partner into a situational narcissist? The partner who is abuse suffer narcissistic wound that makes them temporarily narcissist. This way the borderline or narcissist can still blame the partner of being the narcissist or the toxic person
This creates a complex dynamic that can feed itself and sustain the unhealthy relationship.
Like an empath going supernova... look that up 🎉❤
I love your videos
I know most people talk about leaving a BPD relationship but I haven’t found how you leave a relationship when you have BPD especially if it is toxic.
I think this is very complex and individualistic. I would recommend talking with a mental health provider to help you. Be well.
I am not sure if I have BPD or not.. my last relationship brought out a lot of BPD traits.
We love you.
Thanks
I need you, like the flowers need the rain, you know ❤
Bread
have you done any video on "how to convince someone (spouse) you suspect of BPD to visit a psychologist ?"
Yes: studio.ua-cam.com/users/videoK6EzUQa0JFQ/edit
I know this video was posted a while back….but I’ve noticed I tend to be attracted to men with dark humor. I love dark humor,but I’ve noticed that the men I date laugh at dark jokes and have blinding mental illnesses and a taste for abuse….could there possibly be a connection?
Wonderful video!! I wouldn‘t have used „the chick“ as the example🤭a bit distracting because what about „the dude“? 😉
I think that learning to pick a better partner is just as important as not putting that partner into a cage/ enmeshment because if you keep picking abusive or narcissistic partners the relationship is going to fail no matter how well you manage your part in it.
I guess the question that remains is how do we fill the void so that we can turn the need into a want. I guess building self esteem?
is the needed relationship a fixable relationship??!
Why you’re
I remember having a friend at work who announced to me with pride that she'd bought her daughter both a cabbage patch and American girl doll, and I said, "Oh, that's great," while thinking, those are the ugliest two dolls I've ever seen. Congratulations.
Thanks for sharing!
@@DrDanielFox Lol just my opinion. Thanks for the video, appreciate them all.
*you're
Thank you, I am aware of the typo.
*you're*
I apologize for the oversight.
Need based vs want base
It's Chucky 😮😮😂😂
Please correct the misspelling in your title.
*You're
Thank you. I know typos happen.
@@DrDanielFox You should be able to edit the title. Though it may be a little pedantic to address the typo, some people who need your help the most can be a little pedantic.
And I really appreciate the service you provide. You're making an incredible contribution to society.
sound like an attachment syndrome
That can absolutely be a root component.
too old and poor.
You’re 🤦♂️
Who gives a shit
No thanks to most of this video, 😢 Language is presumptive and suggestive. You're like this" You're like that. Their are untrustworthy partners, if you feel insecure there is a good chance they planted those seeds. I have been in relationships where I feel secure and insecure, More often then not My nervous system was telling me the guy was a creep, I am not blaming myself or denying my intuition. Granted I don't have the cabbage 🥬 patch box issue. Where I relationship jump, would definitely prefer to be alone then denying my intuition or having my insecurities invalidated in a relationship. Maybe I am not fully understanding.
You are def not understanding. You DO have the cabbage patch issue if "most of your partners are creeps"... That's your "style" if you will. You break up with guy and then move onto the same guy in a diff package... Because you're looking for certain traits.
"I'm not blaming myself".... Well you should be. Because YOU choose your spouse. You can't blame the trail of men when there is 1 common factor, *you.*
*You could make different choices in men if you recognized that the issue is YOU picking bad men* (and CHOOSING to stay with them) and not whatever else you're blaming for your relationship history... such as a bully boyfriends "invalidating your insecurities".
Now...
Why are you staying in a relationship with a man who has proven himself untrustworthy? Who's fault is that? You can't blame YOUR insecurities on HIS actions when staying in the relationship was YOUR choice. Do you understand. Everything that happens is YOUR CHOICE and you're doomed to continue making those same choices until you recognize the problem and address the root issue.
*Leave untrustworthy men!* Why would a man respect a woman who gets disrespected and does nothing about it (besides cry about her feelings)? No real consequences at all? All that does is fuel it to happen again and again. *You have to stand up for yourself!* Staying in the relationship and blaming him for your insecurities does NOT help you.
*This is about holding yourself accountable for your choices.*
You could be right... Maybe you dated the worst men in history... But YOU chose to stay with them.
PS: if this licensed professional triggered you that much with this vid you might want to find someone to talk to irl.