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I don’t think people realize that people separating doesn’t mean you stop loving someone. Sometimes things just don’t work the way you want or hope and that’s fine. Ultimately you need to what’s best for each other even if that’s means being apart.
You couldn't have said it better. I just got separated from my husband and I know I'll always love him, I'll never stop caring for him. It's just weird... Sometimes couples need to be happy far from each other. It is what it is
I married the love of my life for 10 years, we separated and even got divorced. After 3 years we found our way back to each other. It’s like a whole new relationship. Sometimes being apart is a good thing 🙏❤️
As a kid who had to deal with 16 years of my parents being toxic and unhealthy, I appreciate so much seeing people make these hard but benificial decisions for themselves, their future, and their children. Doesn’t mean you love them any less, just means together it’s not working and that’s something I wish more people would understand, so from the bottom of my heart thank you for sharing
My husband of 14 years told me he would be leaving today. I can’t help but feel relieved and for all the reasons you said. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. We can do this.
I'm 9 years away from the day my world imploded and I discovered my husband was cheating on me and we split. I remember feeling like I was truly going to die from heartbreak. I tried to imagine a few years down the road when I might possibly have peace again, and I couldn't do it...but here I am and it's real. You'll be ok. One moment at a time, one day at a time. Lean on those you love.
I’ve been divorced for over 20 years. I’m not lonely. All Ive heard for years from divorced friends is how hard it is to meet people & date, & oh I’m gonna die alone… They usually end up marrying the first bloke who asks, then go thru the same process, different garbage all over again! Single people, potential singles, Give yourself time to be & know YOU before you get back in the saddle. Some people can’t be alone, but you don’t have to live with someone to keep from being alone. What’s worse than being alone? Being married to someone & wondering what mood he’s gonna be in, if he’s going on one of his long game hunting journeys again, why’s he packing THAT shirt?… learning that making his favorite meal, looking like a super model, or giving him a neck rub are fruitless efforts, wondering who is he talking so quietly with? Why does he take his phone to the bathroom every time? I remember when he used to be excited to see me. Why aren’t we talking or laughing anymore? And I could go on, but I don’t miss ANY of that. I’d rather sit & stare into space alone than be in the same dwelling with someone who would rather wiz in a Solo cup than chance running into me in the hallway on the way to the restroom.
I felt this on a DEEP level. I’ve been going through the EXACT same thing. Dissolution papers have been signed, but we remain great coparents and friends. So proud of you girl. Admitting it’s time to separate is so hard, especially after 10 years, (exact same amount of time for me) but the relief and peace that comes is worth it. Stay strong, beautiful.
It’s hard when two people have the same sort of “demons”. You may bond over it at first but then if someone relapses, it makes it even harder for the relationship. I have severe depression and anxiety and am currently with someone who has the same issues. It is questionable to me how long it’ll last. Of course you will always love Stephen for many reasons, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the best for one another. I love you and I am proud of you ❤️
Yeah it's tricky. On the one hand sometimes it's a really good thing when you're both able to understand what (similar issues) feel like and it can give you both patience when the other one is struggling. But on the other this can also lead to neither one of you being able to do things that need done. It's very good to have strengths that compliment each other.
Laura, I'm an addict and I've been in a toxic/ codependent relationship for 10 years. I am, and have been, miserable for a long, long time. Today: *Now* your video has opened up a part of me that I've been suppressing out of FEAR. Things I've been too afraid to change. As much as it's hard to see you guys going through this, there is SO much love & life within you two that shows me it's possible to come out flourishing, rather than to sit & decay. Your words have given me the courage to really ask myself what all of my decisions are WORTH. You made a lot of powerful statements that broke through to my heart, and I want you to know that the Universe (God) is conspiring to help us both (to help us all!) and that your video today has helped me in ways I thought you should know because you're awesome and I appreciate your vulnerability, truth, wisdom & strength! Thank you 💜
Go through the book, “I don’t want a divorce”, by Dr. David E Clarke. Go through it “together”. Separation doesn’t automatically mean divorce, but if you are going to separate, then make it purposeful. And if you end up staying together, GET THOSE BOUNDARIES IN PLACE. And if you end up divorced, know you went through all the steps instead of just quitting or giving up. You guys have a chance to get this right. But there is a lot of hard work, boundaries and time if it could ever happen.
“It was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems.” This truly resonates with me and my marriage. I’m sticking it out for our 3 yo son because it isn’t to the point where it’s a negative environment for him. Maybe it will change in the future but this is living in my “today”. So happy you are in a good place! ❤
Coming from divorced parents, I’ve learned this … Just because a relationship ends, that doesn’t make it a failure. It was epic while it was. And then life changed. So you change with it. But there are no failures, only lessons. Blessings to you and Steven, every word you spoke today was spot on. Your kids are lucky to have you 😘
Me and my fiancé went through this! We were separated for 3 years because I felt like my needs weren’t being met and he had a lot of self discovery to do after we had our first child. It was honestly what saved us! Sometimes people need space to heal and grow or just to have space to reset. I’m glad to hear that you are feeling better and wish you both the best!
I'm with you sister. After 14yrs of more difficult moments than not my s/o and I separated. Honestly he was incredibly, INCREDIBLY toxic our entire relationship but I swear there was a higher power saying "stick it out...this is for you". Loooonggg story short we were separated 4 months but co parenting wonderfully (not to mention sharing 1 car while living apart lol), we ended up getting married and having a baby and in the most beautiful, safe and happy partnership. It was wild to me. He did a TON of work inside and out (as did I but honestly he did so like 5 fold) and he miraculously blossomed into the man I always saw inside him, under alll the trauma and addiction and ego. It was Devine really. Sadly after less than a year and a half of marriage he passed. It was crushing b/c after 16yrs we were in the most beautiful, healthy place ever. 💔 ugh I think of alllll the times he could have walked out the door and never walked back in when we were in a bad way BUT b/c we were great (although I duffer from the "why now's") it helped the grieving process. It also nailed in the "we only have NOW" in hard. You can't take anything for granted, ESPECIALLY YOUR PEACE. Separating saved us and gave us the blessing of peace and salvation. 💜
We separated - stayed that way for 2 years. Drew up divorce papers and everything. Called it off at the end and went into couples counseling. Been great since. ❤️
I couldn't appreciate you more for sharing this. There's so much guilt in letting go of people we love out if fear of seeming like we're"giving up" when we're actually releasing someone we love to figure it out for themselves because it's not on/responsible for another's well being.
2 kids is a lot, having a kid with special needs is even more! Having a partnership that isn’t serving in that is insurmountable. I’m proud of you for walking away that was so brave! This speaks to your love as a mother because you found that strength for them! I’m so proud of you!
Admitting that a relationship isn't working anymore is the bravest thing ever. That feeling of holding on because you thought you can still work it out together, and you keep on trying because you're too afraid to admit it isn't the case anymore. But one day you wake up, and realized and both agreed that it's better to be separated, just means how you truly love each other. Hugs for your fam, Laura, Stephen, Alfie and Poppy ❤️
Agreee, there’s nothing worse then being w someone and feeling alone in a lot of it. I’ve heard that’s one of the most hardest loneliness things in the whole world. I understand now… I agree. The idea of it. I know working ok it is a choice.. but, sometimes it’s just not worth the fight. Things just don’t work. That’s okay.. I feel like this is where I’m at right now. It’s just a matter of making that choice & going foward w it.
**Hugs** You are so brave and one of the realist people that I follow on Social Media. So many people want to keep their stuff to themselves and live a lie or persona pretending that everything is fine. It obviously isn’t. Thank you for sharing your heart, even life can be hard.
My husband and I, both alcoholics in recovery, separated 11 years ago. At first it was all about him relapsing and also not taking his mental health meds. But then I began to realize that I had a part in this too and they basically the two of us brought out the worst in each other. Somehow we managed to coparent. At first it was really rough and I had to really sets some strong hard boundaries. But he stepped up, got sober again and learned how to put our kids especially our youngest who has autism, needs first. I have to really commend him on how he changed. Today we have a good relationship. We won’t ever live together again unless it becomes a financial necessity but we both have grown in so many ways over the past 11 years. My kids now see their father as the good person that he is. They remember what he was like at his rock-bottom but they’ve learned that that’s not who their dad is. I believe they’ve also seen me prove that I am a strong brave woman as well who isn’t without her faults. I’ve actually made amends to them because I believe that my side of the road wasn’t always clean. It took a long time for me to recognize that I have issues beyond what I thought I had and I was part of the problem. So I’m working on those. I want to tell you that what you and Steven are going through has made me rethink how I am doing things and I have decided to go back into the rooms. I have not been to an AA meeting since my 23 year old was an infant. And even though I’m sober 31 years and I don’t feel like I’m in danger of using and I do try to work the 12 steps to the best of my ability I could be doing better. I remember being happier when I was in the rooms so thank you for sharing what you’ve shared and being the bad ass woman that you are. I wish I could give you a hug in person and let you know that it will be OK and that this is part of God‘s plan for you. I hope that you and Steven continue to grow and that you continue to love those awesome kids of yours no matter what your marital status is. One thing I decided early on was that I would not deprive my kids of being with their dad as long as it was safe for them to do so. And that it is a decision and I have never regretted. It was the right thing for my kids. It didn’t matter how angry I was it was the right thing for my kids and that’s the important thing. Stay in the moment and know that I care. Much peace to you
I’m stuck in a fear cycle. I’m a stay at home mom with zero income & am afraid to do or say anything. He’s a heavy drinker.. I walk on eggshells daily, as do our children. I’m so proud of you for doing what is best for you and those babies! 😭❤️ one day I hope I can be so brave.
In the same boat as well, in tears watching her videos because she is saying everything I am feeling as well. I hope soon I will also stop basing my choices on fear and base them on love like Laura has. I wish this for all of us in these terrible situations ❤
If he is hitting u and the kids u gotta leave now!!!! Go to family members or if u can’t do that go yo a shelter. U and the kids don’t have to get hit!!! Your poor kids!!!!
I’m going thru something similar. My husband suffers from mental illness and after 10 years I finally left cuz the mistreatment became too much. Everyone has their breaking point where they have to be selfish and choose themselves cuz no one else is gonna do it for them. Hats off to you!
Your soul growth over the years has been phenomenal to watch. You approach through all of this is inspiring - I'm such a control freak because of my deep seated anxiety and hearing you say how freeing it is to let go - oh, the relief. Walking around with every thing weighing me down because I'm constantly living in the past or the future instead of spending time with my breath in the right now. You are approaching this with such dignity, grace, acceptance and love. Stephen has been spiraling for a while now - his posts, him attacking people on social media, it definitely been concerning. I understand how cathartic it is to use social media to work through issues but you could see how disordered his thought process was and how "heavy" he must have been feeling. One thing that's stuck with me is the saying that "no happy marriages end in divorce" and if someone is completely honest this is true, difficult to admit and accept but true. You are doing eaxclty what you need to do to protect your peace and your children.
Omg I can’t believe you’re going through this too. I stayed in my relationship, tolerated absolutely absurd things, all for the same reasons, I was terrified to live my life alone.
You are simply amazing. You know you got this. You made me laugh about “I know you’re ok bc you’re listing to this podcast” and not being chased by a mf lion lol. You have a gift to make people smile and laugh. So yes, you got this and I’m happy you’re in a great place. Your message of “staying in today, this moment” really got me. I am often paralyzed by fear of worrying about how my boys will fare in high school and graduate (both have significant adhd and are also on the spectrum). But I can only control what we do NOW. Helping them and supporting their education in ways I CAN control right NOW. So THANK YOU. Sending lots of love and hugs (also from Los Angeles). 💗
I found when I was dealing with divorce, I went through stages of grief. I mourned the death of my marriage. However crazy things got I knew in my heart that eventually we would be able to be great parents together, and we are. I will always love the man I married but was no longer in love. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love. (Great advise from my mother) You guys will find the right path to raising those beautiful children together. Sending love to you both. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
I went into this as a nosy person wanting to know the tea. But I watched the whole video something just kept me watching and I’m glad I did because I learned some new things. I’m going through a rough patch right now with life friends and relationships and you saying things like “I was acting from a place of fear “ really resonated with me and made me slow down and go woah am I acting in a place of fear? Fear to be a lone? And it really helped me feel more in control of my feelings that I am feeling in the now. You also talked about living in the today and not the past or future which I’ve heard before but for some reason when you said it the words kind of clicked in my brain and made me think about it. I appreciate your words and thoughts.
You have been such a huge part of my recovery, I started watching you while i was still in my addiction about 3 years ago, and i have 2 years 2 months sober. You are such an inspiration and I know you will get through this amazingly if you do what you said and just stay in today 💜
Me and my husband are separating after 10 years and I am so scared of being alone, I have disabilities so I'm constantly telling myself I can't do this on my own. We have 3 children, 2 which are also autistic. You have just said exactly what I needed to hear, thankyou! You are such an inspiration ✨️ We can do this!!! xx
Laura, if someone calls you heartless for being ok with being separated, they don’t understand. When me and my ex broke up, I felt free, I felt new. I felt guilty for feeling these things, but it’s ok. It’s normal. I accepted it was over before it truly was, and when it finally was, I knew it was the right choice. He too crossed my boundaries, and I couldn’t let him keep doing that with us having a child together. I’m proud of you both. It will be ok. It’s a new chapter. Whether you stay apart, or grow together as couple, it’s ok. It’s a new chapter. ❤️ thank you for sharing all of this. Thank you for being vulnerable.
I'm definitely living in fear. I can't afford to leave. I'm stuck. Not sure what to do. Thank you for sharing your story, I really needed to hear it tonight.
I was there once. I had to find people in my network to help me move, but it boiled down to picking my hard. It was either hard to stay or hard to leave, and I left even though he was trying to be a better person. I had to accept that I was the villain. Four years later.....it's been the best decision of my life. It was hard. I was homeless for a year, but I'd do it all again to be free.
I’m currently trying to survive this same scenario and you’re right, I’m making a lot of fear-based decisions because that’s all I’ve done my whole life, but I’m finally at a place with a good support network, and I’m just trying to stand my ground instead of trying to stay because of guilt. When I made the decision to seperate I felt a huge weight lift, unfortunately my husband disagrees and thinks that it’s my anxiety/depression/chemical imbalance/antidepressants that are making me not love him and it’s causing a lot of hurt to say the least, when a lot of my symptoms are caused by me living in a state of fear. It’s so hard, but you’ve inspired me to not give in or give up. Thank you.
This randomly showed up on my feed and you have no idea how much I needed to see this today. I am so grateful to know I am not alone and to remember to stay present 🙏 thank you for being vulnerable. It will help so many including me.
I can relate, it is so nice to not be walking on egg shells and being almost afraid to rock the boat. I’m glad your feeling lighter, take care of yourself, lots of love xxx
Laura, you are so grounded here and I can feel you are a kindred spirit who has been through similar traumas. You are handling this situation so amazingly and I love the headfirst vulnerability you have chosen to openly confront the messy parts of life with. The core message you drove home with this is incredible as well. Codependency breeds codependency, and so many people are accepting less than they deserve because someone made them believe they couldn’t do it alone or that they are nothing without someone else or that they don’t deserve any better or they are ungrateful. Florence Nightingale (mother of nursing, and I’m a nurse lol) one said, “if there were none that were discontented with what they have, the world would never know anything better.” You are a beautiful spirit who is so bravely demonstrating grace and strength when dealing with hard, uncomfortable things. I got married right out of high school due to religious pressures, and the decision to separate was the hardest one I ever made, but I have grown so much and learned so much about me since that time. I have never been more whole or free. I wish you nothing but love each day along your journey. Thank you for using your influence and authenticity to spread healing, even as you work to heal yourself. ❤
I feel like your true essence is on fire right now! 🔥 my lady you are glowing! I’m so happy that you are happy! This was all so well said and super helpful for me to hear. You just helped me realize that I am being driven by fear. That’s what my apprehensive anxiety feeling is. It’s fear. And avoiding change because of it. You just spoke to my SOUL Laura! Thank you thank you thank you for posting this video. You continue to change lives even in the midst of your own struggles. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. I believe in you! ✌🏼 ❤️
Children are always picking up the emotions a person have or the rooms atmosphere. When you and Steven fought your children take the energi in. You are a great mom for taking action and care for your well-being and got out of a “toxic” place in your life. Especially for yourself but also for your family. Stay strong and stay happy
This is very powerful!!! Thank you for sharing. I often feel like I need to keep things private for fear of judgement. This really made me rethink that. You both deserve wonderful things in life!
Big hugs to the both of you. Being separated doesn't mean it's over. I watched Stephen's video about the separation. Being a recovered addict myself and with mental health issues, he needs time with a professional clinician to get his head together. I have no worries about him being a great co-parent, though.
@melissa You can only do so much for someone who is an addict, and you have to have limits especially if it’s affecting your relationship. Releasing that relationship can be a huge weight off
My husband's parents divorced after over 30 years of marriage. They get along so much better now. And something they share in common is they have 2 grandchildren that they absolutely adore. Separation doesn't mean the love stopped. Sometimes it has to happen so that the love can grow stronger. I'm praying for you, Stephen, and your children. May God bless all of you always.
If you’re together for that long, LOVE IS THE ONLY thing keeping you together. The practicality of the relationship, synchronization of life, compatibility, romance, passion, respect, ambition, emotional and mental connection, and coping skills or lack there of is what’s driving a wedge. Sometimes the person you love still isn’t the right one for you. Real healthy relationships require a big mix of all that. Not just love ❤️
I have to personally thank you for being so open about this. My ex-boyfriend whom is a narcissist and put me through absolute hell with the narcisstic abuse left the home that we built up together back at the end of January early February. This has been my hardest battle to get through as I went through mental breakdowns, many medication and dosage changes, and taking care of my 16 month old daughter by myself, and a few suicidal attempts and thoughts. Even though I was going through this for years of physical and emotional abuse I didn't want to let go. It was then I found out shortly after he left that I was pregnant with my son. My ex made me realize that he didn't care to be a father and did not want the commitment. He never wanted to marry me, and he never wanted kids either. This is also the same guy that made me have an abortion when I was 4 months post partum because he didn't want another child... still kills me to this day that I let him talk me into aborting my baby. He throws it in my face all the time that he "loves" the kids but wishes he never had them with me. However, even though he said that and tells me he hates me I thank him for my two biggest blessings. Now I get to watch my two kids grow up and do amazing things, and I no longer have to worry about the safety of myself and my kids. I never have to worry about tv's being broken, chairs being thrown into walls, doors being punched and kicked, him pushing me down and telling me I was nothing but a piece of garbage, phones being broken, yelling at me over everything even when it wasn't my fault, and so much more. You know the first thing I said each time this happened? "Oh he didn't mean it, he will never do it again especially now that we have our kids." WRONG I was so beyond wrong. There were many nights that I thought I was going to die and had to walk on egg shells constantly to make sure I did not say anything to trigger him. That is not a way to live, and I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about this type of abuse for myself or my kids anymore. Want to know another thing? He had intentions of leaving before that but had no one that would take him in so he stayed for a place to say and as he says "for the kids." It was never about me or the kids, it was always what would benefit him. All the lies, cheating, manipulation, abuse, and so much more and I stayed in this for 4 years. I gave him so much money to help him get through because he promised he would help work on us. It was a lie just to get sex, money, and power. I am still so broken, especially when I found out he has a new girlfriend that he is supposedly staying with, sleeping with, and everything. This new girl has a 6 year old daughter, and I am not mad at the fact that she fell for his trap, I am afraid for her and her daughter once he gets everything he wants and he abuses and leaves like he did our family. He couldn't fix himself but he could move on with someone else. But let me tell you, this is just a pattern. They aren't treating the new supply better than you, if anything they are doing exactly what they did to you in the beginning of the relationship. It was all fake, it was all a front. These type of people are not capable of love because they can't even love themselves. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. It took me watching so many youtube videos and reading comments to realize I went through something very traumatic. Did I let it define me? Yeah I did... but now that my son is about to be born at the end of October I realized I have so much to live for, and one day a man will walk into my life and love me and the kids as we deserved all along. I won't be afraid, and I can love again. If someone else is going through something like this please reach out. Even though I cry every single day knowing I a raising two under two on my own, at the end of the day I love my kids and I am starting to love myself again. Sorry for the long comment, but I just had to get this off my chest after watching all these videos this week.
Oh Breanna, honey you're doing wonderfully! It's hard. You are wonderful, you and the kids deserve so much more than you were given. I'm praying for you!
So proud and happy for you! You deserve a happy wonderful life, and I'm glad you got out! Stranger to stranger, stay safe and always put you and your kids first. Take care.
You did the right thing for yourself and your children. They will have a mom who loves herself and them more than anything. Nobody deserves to live through what you have but you now know that there's so much more happiness to come without someone destroying those times. Good luck in your journey in life everything will be fine 🙂
When the new supply kicks him to the curb (and make no mistake, she likely will because she's not going to want to put up with the real him when the mask comes off) or (when he gets bored, is feeling insecure, needs reassurance, more supply or hes trying to make her jealous/ insecure) he's going to start hoovering you, he's going to tell you how she hates you, jealous of you, how he's not happy with her because she'll never be you, he realizes what he's done wrong that he'll never do those things again & he wants to come home, that he never meant the hurtful terrible things he said to / about you & he's going to tell you how much he loves you & he will use these feelings (desire, love, loyalty, jealousy) & many other manipulations such as guilt, threats, intimidation & fear to try to force you into accepting him back into you & your childrens lives - first with all of the empty sweet nothings but if that doesnt work he will try to guilt you into letting him come back "we HAVE to be together for the KIDS" "The kids need their mom & dad" "I threw my gf away for YOU & now I have nowhere to go" "I can't live without you guys, I'm going to end it all" "I'm so alone, I just need you & my kids you guys are all I think about" "I'm in so much pain because of your boundaries & you're ruining my life, you're so selfish for wanting to protect yourself from me , what right do you have? I matter more than you I matter more than the kids none of you have a right to feel safe secure or happy - it's all about me & MY comfort. I have to know I'm still in control of you,your feelings& your life. I want to be able to use you & everything you love against you by taking it, holding it over your head, losing it or destroying it. I want you to be my punching bag where I can cast all of my self loathing, self doubt, insecurities & blame. I want you to be available for me to dismantle, shatter & devastate daily only for you to love me while i do these things unapologetically so I can feel powerful as I weild my power over you. You have to make me feel desirable, loved, important because you'll allow it. You have to make sure i feel big & have a sense of worth at you & the kids expense. I want, NEED these things to be this way. You HAVE TO LET ME BACK IN. IM ENTITLED TO YOUR SPACE , ENTITLED TO YOUR PEACE, ENTITLED TO YOUR person, your home, your emotional state, your property & your future. YOURE obligated to ME & MY COMFORT -to the consequences of my actions, now LET ME IN!" ♠︎he obviously won't say these things with those words but make no mistake no matter what words he uses♧no matter what emotions he imitates♧This is exactly what he is saying♠︎ If the love bombing & guilt tripping don't work he will begin with the threats♤I'm going to get you in trouble☆im going to take the kids★I'm going to expose some embarrassing or illegal thing about you☆I'm going to break,ruin,or interfere with any & everything♣︎I'm going to make sure everybody thinks this way about you♣︎and he may certainly try to make people believe all kinds of nasty things•°○.●I'm going to take you to court°○• I'm going to have my gf beat you up⁰•°I'm going to sleep with your friends•○⁰I'm going to make sure the kids hate you○°●etc etc etc♤ and he may very well attempt to do some of these things but do not waiver. The less contact you have with him, the less control you give him. The less sympathy you have for him the safer you will be, he has no intention of doing anything other than punishing you for being brave enough to say no, strong enough to live without him & be ok... he will feel nothing but contempt for you & want nothing but vengeance no matter how convincingly he says "he understands why you did what you did" ♡I encourage you to go & stay, no contact, preferably living somewhere he can't find you but if you're co parenting (dangerous idea in my opinion as well but sometimes we have no choice) then I understand that he may have to know where you live if that's the case please get security cameras & have a plan in place (just you and 1 other person you KNOW you can trust are all that even need to know) but please have in place an emergency plan should he show up, like maybe you guys plan that if you text your person some random wixndud8w
I saw Stephen’s videos and had to come find yours. Your story has so many similarities with my husband and I. We went through a separation 5 years ago. It helped a lot for each of us to do the inner work we needed. I’m happy you guys made a choice for your mental health.
Before I watched this incredible video I would’ve said that my fiancé and I are together because we want to be but after listening to this I think I was wrong. I think we’re both scared to walk away and that just doesn’t feel good enough now. You’ve really opened my eyes and made me feel brave enough to make some changes for myself. Thank you, seriously!! 🤟🏼
Omg I was exactly where you were and my soon to be ex husband didn’t want to go to couples counseling either. I am better without him and did the same thing calling friends and spending time. Unfortunately my husband is an alcoholic and refuses to get help or even acknowledge he has an issue. I finally realized it’s not on me and when I left it’s so freeing. The feelings you are describing are exactly how I felt when I left. I didn’t realize I was going to be so happy!
When your anxiety was crippling Steven seemed supportive and loving. I know that you'll be kind and loving and supportive as he finds help for his suffering. Mental illness isn't easy. The good news is that there are wonderful effective treatments. Sometimes it's the symptoms that we live/struggle with- not the person. I've noticed that he's been struggling for awhile. He's been looking for ways to feel better. When someone is symptomatic, it takes everything and it's not the best time to sort through relationships. Maybe wait until he's stable. Don't give up on him. Or yourself. Keeping yourself safe from symptoms is so wise. Glad you're doing that. But remember separate the symptoms from the man. Because the man loves you and it was so beautiful watching him support you when you struggled. I'm glad this is opening up the conversation about mental health. One in ten people experience serious mental illness. One in four are diagnosed with a mental illness.He didn't attempt suicide to hurt you- he did it because he's ill and he's hurting. The one thing you hadn't mentioned was couples therapy. Maybe this can help- if nothing else maybe for you to understand his depression and for him to understand how his symptoms affect you. Depression affects people differently. So does anxiety. Hope. Your beauty radiates from within. You're strong and resilient. Your love for one another is so wonderful.
As one of the original administrators of your social media support group for moms, I could not possibly be LESS surprised. Not because of Laura Clery, but because of the absolutely horrible interactions I had continually running your group and having to deal with his… behaviors doing so, especially as the only Black, queer, disabled admin who was both a founder of the group, and on the team. It was a terrible experience, and I’ve spent every moment since I quite wondering if you had any idea what he was doing or how he potentially treats people such as myself, and what you would do about it if you did. I’ve got screen shots and emails to back this. It’s… bad. I could go my life without ever interacting with him again. I hope you keep your boundaries VERY strong, and you really increase the amount of femme support around you. And if you need to know about the things you weren’t told… reach out. You absolutely made the right choice. To put it very lightly. I’m proud of you and wish you increasing joy as you build a new, unburdened life.
@@paulmcgrath6118 It's absolutely none of YOUR business. Why should she tell a total stranger the details? If it's true, then she and Laura can decide what to do.
My situation was different from yours; my husband was frightening and kept me isolated and afraid. When I asked him to move out it felt so much lighter in the house. It was palpable! My kids didn’t have to check what mood he was in when he got home. He disappeared when he left so I had no financial help, and didn’t turn up until my son turned 18, but my kids turned out more than fine. Whatever lies up the road Laura, your future is bright. ❤️
My fiancé and I separated for a year and it was literally the BEST decision ever. We did end up working out but our lives changed for the better. I figured out who I was and he the same.
This episode resonated through and through. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Aug 25 was the 3 year anniversary of my marriage ending. I stand by having a fabulous love story just like you. I relocated my life from Los Angeles to London, so it was extra difficult when things didn’t work out because I had to pick up, leave, and start over again. But I’m also living proof that once you make the decision to not live in fear anymore, relief and freedom await on the other side. Keep sharing, Laura - you’re helping so many of us with your vulnerability.
Laura, thank you for helping me realize how to go about dealing with my severe anxiety and depression. It's so very hard for me to be present in the now. I feel like I'm always worried about the future like you said. Your truth is helping me and others in so many ways. Thank you for being so open and talking about it. ***Hugs***
I truly needed to hear this today!! Listened to this 3 times and I’m sure I will listen to it again. This is so powerful. I wish you both all the best!!
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm going through a nasty custody battle and boundaries have been a lifesaver. Thanks for reminding me that I am powerless and the sooner I accept that, the better. You gave me chills! ❤
I appreciate you both being open about this because it does help other people who have been through it and who are going through it. So f*** all the people that are saying you're doing it for content. They're watching it so how much could they really hate it if they're watching it LOL. And I believe like even when I talk to my followers that is very therapeutic to talk to people who genuinely actually just want to listen or care or they can relate and so many people thank me for talking about certain topics. No matter what you do in UA-cam You're going to be damned if you do and damned if you don't. And no when you're depressed you don't feel funny you don't feel motivated or inspired. Even my two UA-cam channels I've slacked off on a lot of it lately cuz I don't feel inspired anymore. I have so many autoimmune diseases that I'm just in a lot of pain and I'm just not feeling it. But what I tell people all the time marriages are difficult as hell my husband is bipolar and he's getting the help he does therapy he takes his meds thank God and he does all that but if he didn't I would still be a friend but I wouldn't be in a relationship because it's not healthy not what I went through. But if you love somebody and you're just in a rut and you're doing whatever it's good to have space apart it's healthy to do things alone. If somebody's toxic it's always best to get out of the relationship before it brings you down. But if you're both just in a rut and you know you're both just coasting through life and you're not inspired or happy then you got to take a moment take a step back and realize what did you do in your life that made you happy go back to doing that. But when you have young kids it's so hard my kids are 16 and 12. And when they were younger it was very hard on the relationship it's almost so hard to maintain a loving romantic even sexual relationship with your spouse when you have kids and you're exhausted and tired and you debate whether you should sleep shower or eat. It's a lot of strain on a relationship
I remember feeling an immense relief when I separated. I could focus on myself and my children. I didn’t have to share that focus with helping another person get through their day. It gave me space to be me. Sending so much love to you ❤️
this is so selfish, omg I can't imagine how lonely you'll be at the end if you kept behaving the same way through you life. life is sharing, not only the good parts but also the bad ones. Anyways, I don't know your story and hate to be judgemental, hope you are living your best life 🤗
@@mennamohamed5168 hiya, yes I was selfish, very selfish but I couldn’t go on feeling like my daughters death, her sisters and brother ASD diagnosis were things that had to be swept aside and just ignored. I couldn’t live like that. I couldn’t live with my husbands anger at everyone and everything rather than face the pain he was in. He was never violent but it felt like a thunder storm rumbling over us all the time. I drowned my grief in alcohol and fear of upsetting him around the children.. micro managing every moment to avoid the Autistic meltdowns from the children..which would happen regardless. We separated, I focused on myself and the children. The space gave my husband the opportunity to look from the outside in. He saw what I’d been carrying, and what he’d been running from. We did couples counselling and altogether have now been together for 20 years. Without the separation we’d most definitely would have ended up in a nasty bitter divorce. Separating allowed us space to breathe. We got back together with an agreement in place set up by our counsellor. I genuinely appreciate your honesty and the kindness in your reply. Thank you 🙏 😊
My husband of 12 years and I separated this year. He and I are both people in long term recovery. He relapsed in 2020 when everything shut down. I tried so hard to help him and held on to hope. After two years, we separated. He still is in active addiction. Instead of wallowing, (as I've always done) I brushed myself off. I started reflecting, working on myself and became active in the recovery community again. I even got a job with the dept of mental health as a peer specialist to help others get out of the same situations I found myself in. It's hard letting go and watching someone you love turn into someone you don't know and be on the other side of the fence. Keep your head up momma. At the end of the day, you can't change anyone but yourself. Working on myself really changed my life after my separation.
Im proud of you! Of both of you for being adult enough to realize that sometimes whats best for the family isnt sticking through the bullshit just to hang on. Sometimes whats best is to create and find that new dynamic that is truly best for your family. You can see in your eyes that yes you hurt but you also can see such a brightness coming back. You both have grown so much and all in the public eye. Alfie and Poppy are also both at an age where they wont remember the fine details but they will remember what life felt like. If life was hectic hell and toxic or if it was peaceful and positive. You guys are better friends and co parents than intimate partners. You explained everything perfectly and i hope that this peace stays with you both. Your growth, strength, and positive light are shining so bright now and lately. So i am proud of you. Just a random other mama on the internet but someone. Youre very much loved Laura. Thank you for sharing. This message will also resinate with others and hopefully help them too! Im so excited for you and whats to come! Being a single mama has been the best part of my life so far, its hard but its been the absolute best! Love to you Laura🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤
I am so proud of you and I totally understand how you’re feeling at this moment. I had to make this exact decision 9 months ago with my ex. We weren’t married but we lived together, had been together for a few years and have an almost 2 year old daughter. It wasn’t healthy anymore, there was more bad than good, so many arguments and like you said. Our babies can feel the energy and our emotions so they know when there’s something wrong. It is scary to be alone because I also felt like I needed him but no. It will be hard, sometimes you’ll feel amazing and free and capable and some other days you’ll be sad and feel alone and miss your family but it will all pass. The important thing here is your mental health, so you can be the best version of yourself with your babies and for you to be happy because you deserve it, also ofc having a good relationship with him do you guys can be a strong team and love your babies. You made the right decision, we cannot let our babies think and grow up thinking that that’s how love is.
I can not tell you how much this has helped me. I consistently worry about any and everything and have a very hard time letting go and realizing that I don’t have control. Thank you for sharing your story🤍
What you are saying at 4 minutes in really resonates with me now as my son with mental health and addictions is in hospital going on 2 1/2 months ..he is 26 ...and this is our second summer in the exact same place only he has more damage to his body and mind from the substances and the phsyc meds ..and everyday he messes up I struggle to not blame myself ..if ONLY I HAD ...THIS OR THAT FOR HIM ..he wouldn't of ...this or that ..I cant live like this and thrive..I just cant ...and he is adopted scince birth ..so I really struggle not feeling like I have failed him as a mother as a friend ...so I really appreciated the reminder that fixing him saving him ..is not something I am capable of doing on my own ..or atall...this is huge
I hear so many addicts who have recovered talk about the load of recovery with someone they love. It’s not enough to just maintain your own well-being but you’re constantly trying to maintain their as well which then puts yours into jeopardy. So sorry you have to go through this and wishing you the best on your new journey. Nothing is cut and dry. I hope you both find the peace and health you’re looking for ❤️
I’m sorry you are going through this. And frankly you’re aloud to feel the way you do about separation, and if you’re happier as friends than married that’s ok.
The waves of emotions you have are normal and you come through it. I used to prepare positive affirmations at night and had them in my text and notes and post its to keep me going. Each day had a different theme. I set the intention. It worked well for me. I needed them to keep going. I learned to depend upon myself again.
Hey Laura, damn girl - you always seem to come into my life when I need you! You don’t realise how much I needed to hear this UA-cam video of yours tonight. I’m Australian and moved over to UK, married a Brit and now 8 years later am sitting on my psychiatric ward bed having been admitted yesterday for suicidal ideation because I can’t see a way out after separating 6 weeks ago. I so wish I could express myself and explain myself like you did in the video. I literally feel the same feelings you have atm and just listening to you I felt like - man, she’s my twin! Thank you for such a open, honest insight to what is such a crossroads for us both. Stay in touch hon, always here if you need someone xx
Hey beautiful girl, I am so sorry for what you are going thru right now and even if i don't know you I know for sure that you will come out of this more powerful then you think! Don't let go of you! You forget that you are a really amazing woman and that you deserve so much better! Start loving yourself again because a partner that loves you can make your life better but only you make your life worth living! You are the only one you need to be happy! Head up beautiful it's only a phase and this to will pass!❤
I’d like to say I know how you feel but I don’t. I have been there in 2020 I was highly suicidal and in hospital and didn’t have much hope. I felt like I let my kids down. Somehow I’m still here. I’m closer to my kids then ever and had a lot of therapy and mostly healing time. I hope you can find something no matter how small to hold onto. 💖
Proud of you honey. It's so, so, so much better to realize this than hold onto something and let it destroy you. The kids are going to thrive with 2 parents taking care of their mental health and apart than together and toxic. You will all thrive. It'll take time but you will. Better days are ahead! ❤️
@@kristennations8516 Because they're not exposed to fights anymore, their parents are going to be happier, healthier and more importantly they are fantastic parents who love their kids.
A lot of people don’t realise that relationships can be quite stressful and hard. You guys are so awesome and I agree with the comment about better coming from a “broken home” that’s full of love than one that’s not. I think it takes a lot of balls to recognise when it’s not working and then amicably discussing it.
Preach! I feel for both of you. You should feel blessed you are able to separate from each other. Many of us do not have that luxury. I very much appreciate the work that you do in sharing your content with strangers even through such a life altering event. The excitement you showed regarding the weight lifted off your shoulders after removing your stress was encouraging. I am shocked but not surprised that you found out about the other video AFTER it had been posted and viewed A LOT before you knew of its existence! The saddest part is I saw it first...grrrrr. I wish you both well. I know you will be just fine. I do hope the boys get to go camping in the near future. I think they will enjoy it as long as you and Poppy are near by. Lol. Much love to all.
You're so mindful! I have always enjoyed watching your content. I am more than here to support you through a time like this. I love you and your family ❤️ with you all the way! You're so strong and we continuously go through things we don't expect/etc. But it's about how we handle it and go through it and EMBRACE it. Plus how and what we show our kids. ♡ I am scared of sobriety and haven't reached out yet, but I am trying to make that big move. I love how silly you can be and I also love how serious and down to earth you can be. Keep being you. Always here ♡
thank you for being so raw in this sensitive/difficult time, and being so honest with everything, love you being human, love who youve grown into, the beautiful family youve created
When u said it's freeing focusing on what u can control and surrender the rest I couldn't hold the tears back. . . I've been in a 3 year (and still going strong) downward spiral. . . I've never not felt like myself so much ever and it's all over not being able to forgive myself for not being able to do anything about shit I can't do anything about (i hope that makes sense) I wanna get high and I hate myself because I wanna get high and I don't know how to surrender anything. . . I hope things turn out as close to as well as the babies and yall deserve. I appreciate u dude.
It's okay to feel relief... just because a decision is hard doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. Letting go of what we cannot control is really empowering. I wish you both the very best and honestly, I really appreciate that you share your stuff openly like this. Absolutely no question that you are helping so many, many people in their own journey.
I got divorced this morning over a conference call. Thank you for sharing your struggle. Alone is the first and greatest lie humans tell ourselves. The truth is we are in some DAMN FINE company when we are in pain. Our trajectories in healing can take us to radically different places. Outgrowing an intimate collaboration such as marriage should be expected!
Good for you. Self care is paramount. If anyone or anything impedes that, you MUST detach/separate from it for yours and your kids better health. It's great that you are surrounding yourself with love to smooth out the rough patches 😎 I just left a toxic work environment for a new career so I'm riding out the rollercoaster too. I'm an ACA that can empathize with your journey. Today is okay! Always be kind to yourself.❤️
Sometimes parents are better off as friends than they are spouses - and when it comes to kids it’s vital that you do soul searching to figure it out. The kids will grow up happier when you both get along & parent together. Many times we hang on to the fantasy, to what we clenched on to for such a long time but eventually sometimes it isn’t the reality anymore. Best wishes to you both & I pray for both of you to find healing, closure & new beginnings & many happy memories with your children. It may not all happen immediately but if you both work towards it, it will happen.
Hi Laura! So, I'm not married, but I've had a lot of relationships. I'm just glad that both of you decided if was for the best. Not having it be one sided is one of the best outcomes possible. The fact that both of you aren't negative towards each other now is amazing. It's great for you AND Alfie and Poppy. You are so courageous for sharing this information. I know it's hard, for both of you. But you are SO strong. Both you and Steven are amazingly strong. I hope everything stays in the light, and not falling into darkness. ❤
“Stop trying to control everything and just let go!” - Fight Club Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to just let go. I hope the best for the both of you ❤️
You heal by taking. It takes much bravery to speak your truth. Also I feel u!! I just left a 11year relationship, and it dose feel freeing like a weight has been lifted. I was scared to make that change and live all on my own with my kid but I feel in my heart in my gut I made the right choice and I wouldn’t change it now I am happy find me again. I’m more than just a mom that clean and cooks I’m a person too.
This video was amazing and needs to be heard by many. I was in a very toxic abusive relationship for 10 years and he drilled into my head that I can’t do it without him, he makes more money than me I won’t be able to keep a roof over my head, feed my kids etc and I believed it. Thank god I finally got out and I’m THRIVING !!!! And my children are the thriving
I’m relieved to hear from you about it, and that you’re at peace with where you are. I’ve been following him and his videos, but was wondering and hoping you were doing ok with all of this, too. ❤ glad you’re both doing what you need to do for yourselves and your kids. You’re keeping them safe and healthy by modeling this in such a mature and healthy way.
I'm so fucking happy for the person you are, the mom you are, the wife you are! You deserve to feel at peace, and light, and free. I'm so sorry life flipped upside down and continue to talk (if you feel like it) I appreciate your openness and honesty. Secrets suck! I wish both you and Stephen the absolute best. Whatever that may look like.
The word you spoke about TOLERANCE was so powerful. I think it is the root of some of the things that we go through. I like how you said that the space was the truth in how you feel. I hope for the best for you both. Melody Beattie’s Codependent no more is an old book but a good one. She also has a mediation book that is a daily affirmation. I helped me a lot when I went through divorce. Therapy is a wonderful tool as well and helpful.
You are such an inspiration to keep it moving. Your strength truly amazes me. I’m so relieved you feel good about this. I’m glad you’re sharing this because if you chose not to people would find out and then blame you for not telling the world. I’ve separated too and I felt light as a feather the first night. I was sad don’t get me wrong but gosh darn it I felt really good for the first time in over 10yrs. I would much rather be lonely than miserable. And so far I haven’t experienced loneliness but I’m sure I eventually will. I’m so happy you’re okay ❤️
Oh Laura- my recovery program has definitely been on the back burner for a while now. I need to get back to my women’s meetings and I need to stay in the now. Thank you for reminding me of that and I wish you, Stephen and your beautiful babies all that is beautiful. I’ll be carrying you close to my heart.
I absolutely resonate with every word you said. I have also recently separated from my husband. And I feel so peaceful about that decision. Sometimes it's the right decision and that resonates when you feel it.
It is rare for me to watch the entire video but I have done it. It was sooo empowering. I can completely understand living in the moment. I went through a breakup with a man I cared for about a month ago and I only started to really get over my breakup and my hurt feelings when I started living in the moment. That means, stop focusing on the past, stop “marinating” yourself in the memories of how the relationship begun, what is and what is not anymore, what went wrong, and so on and so on….Because when you do that, you are re-hurting yourself, instead of healing. I agree with the idea of living in the moment….Focus on yourself, what are your dreams and goals, what is it you have always wanted to do but never done? How do you feel right now and what do you choose to preoccupy yourself with right now? Because it matters more than the past that can be never returned or relived again
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my husband. It sounds a lot like what we are going through. Thank you for this video. ♥️ it is so empowering to hear this from someone else. I really needed this ♥️♥️
It’s definitely a fight to come back to your center and be present in moments when you know you should or can but the circumstances in the physical world can feel so heavy at times. Pure healing & abundance to you. ✨✨✨ We all got this, don’t give up yet. ❤️
In the exact same situation and this is the video I needed. I’m literally eating Taco Bell in my car sobbing lol. For reference our relationship is very much comparable to yours. As far as amazing love story goes.. My dad is in a motorcycle club and his dad is a cop and you can imagine we weren’t aloud to be together. And I think that’s the hardest part for me is overcoming so many obstacles, and family that disapproved of us and having 2 beautiful children and bringing our family’s together finally. But also little situations here and there started making me question it. Post partum depression, I went through it with you and thank god for you to post your real issues and thoughts. You made me not feel crazy. Your idiot book is what distracted my mind from thinking of terrible scenarios, and crawling up in a ball and hyperventilating. Your incredibly real authentic videos helped me more than he did. And I am so grateful for you. Nobody talks about how hard it is. And so far girl we need to get together cause every step of the way your life has been mirroring mine and the advise and content you create makes me feel I’m not alone. I might’ve just kept going for the sake of what we had. My gut knows we need to separate. For similar reasons it got to a point where we cannot function healthy as parents living together. Thank you. I know I probably sound all over the place but I wanted to keep it short and say what I needed to without typing a book. But honestly thank you so much. Side note : my 2 year old sings potty party and doing great with training. So you’re really covering all bases here 😂
You mentioning your morning walks makes me realize you had stopped those. And your light was dimming. But today's video you seem lighter, uplifting. Don't worry about what you say, IT'S YOUR TRUTH. It's your journey. Now, no matter what the future brings, yes, LIVE IN THE NOW. I'm proud of you. I'm proud that Stephen is getting help, I'm glad you're not walking this alone. We got ya sis...
Wonderful message! There were some dark, judgemental threads flowing through this section (particularly on FB 🤷♀️), allowing your positive, supportive response to shine brightly where light is needed! 😊 (And I noticed the change as well.)
Love how she chose to share her stories openly because it’s so real and related to anyone of us .Maybe some people believe that they overreact or make things up for views or fame , but I support them .Life is not just happy or successful .being real and raw are more than thousands of unreal online moments 💕
I've followed you both for a long time. I truly believe if you feel relieved and happy then you've made the absolute correct decision. Even though it's a sad decision to come to. I sincerely hope for the best for you both and the children in the future X
Being able to separate from someone before you hate them beyond repair, especially when kids are involved, is a really good thing.
The most adult thing that one can do.
I don’t think people realize that people separating doesn’t mean you stop loving someone. Sometimes things just don’t work the way you want or hope and that’s fine. Ultimately you need to what’s best for each other even if that’s means being apart.
You are so right, I kinda felt it in some of their videos that they were tense. Laura and Stephen I wish you both nothing but the best.
You couldn't have said it better. I just got separated from my husband and I know I'll always love him, I'll never stop caring for him. It's just weird... Sometimes couples need to be happy far from each other. It is what it is
It’s not fine. It’s selfish. Once you say “I do” and bring children into it, it’s time to grow up.
@@ashjankins960 it’s not that simple… take your nastiness somewhere else
@@ashjankins960 Literally and figuratively SHUT UP with that judgemental BULL$H!T‼️
I married the love of my life for 10 years, we separated and even got divorced. After 3 years we found our way back to each other. It’s like a whole new relationship. Sometimes being apart is a good thing 🙏❤️
I broke up with my partner in 1997. We got back together in 2019 ❤️.
From a kid who has lived it I will say it’s better to come from a “broken” home than it is to live in one
Perfectly said ..love your comment.
Same here… & I agree!💝
As a single mom, it feels so reassuring when i hear people say this.
It's not broken, it's fixed!
100000% agree.
As a kid who had to deal with 16 years of my parents being toxic and unhealthy, I appreciate so much seeing people make these hard but benificial decisions for themselves, their future, and their children. Doesn’t mean you love them any less, just means together it’s not working and that’s something I wish more people would understand, so from the bottom of my heart thank you for sharing
Agreed. My parents separated when I was 16 too and it was the best thing they could have done.
My husband of 14 years told me he would be leaving today. I can’t help but feel relieved and for all the reasons you said. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. We can do this.
Wish you the best!!! I’m at my 6 months divorced date and it’s soooo refreshing!!!
@@lynsirobertson3527 SAME! It's it amazing after all is said and done?
YOU GOT THIS!!!! Life's new beginning!!! ✌️💗
I'm 9 years away from the day my world imploded and I discovered my husband was cheating on me and we split. I remember feeling like I was truly going to die from heartbreak. I tried to imagine a few years down the road when I might possibly have peace again, and I couldn't do it...but here I am and it's real. You'll be ok. One moment at a time, one day at a time. Lean on those you love.
I’ve been divorced for over 20 years. I’m not lonely. All Ive heard for years from divorced friends is how hard it is to meet people & date, & oh I’m gonna die alone… They usually end up marrying the first bloke who asks, then go thru the same process, different garbage all over again!
Single people, potential singles,
Give yourself time to be & know YOU before you get back in the saddle. Some people can’t be alone, but you don’t have to live with someone to keep from being alone. What’s worse than being alone? Being married to someone & wondering what mood he’s gonna be in, if he’s going on one of his long game hunting journeys again, why’s he packing THAT shirt?… learning that making his favorite meal, looking like a super model, or giving him a neck rub are fruitless efforts, wondering who is he talking so quietly with? Why does he take his phone to the bathroom every time? I remember when he used to be excited to see me. Why aren’t we talking or laughing anymore?
And I could go on, but I don’t miss ANY of that. I’d rather sit & stare into space alone than be in the same dwelling with someone who would rather wiz in a Solo cup than chance running into me in the hallway on the way to the restroom.
I felt this on a DEEP level. I’ve been going through the EXACT same thing. Dissolution papers have been signed, but we remain great coparents and friends. So proud of you girl. Admitting it’s time to separate is so hard, especially after 10 years, (exact same amount of time for me) but the relief and peace that comes is worth it. Stay strong, beautiful.
beautifully said, i'm so sorry for your grief as well. Your a strong woman too
@@kimberlywilson9321 thank you so much ❤️ I appreciate it a lot
It’s hard when two people have the same sort of “demons”. You may bond over it at first but then if someone relapses, it makes it even harder for the relationship. I have severe depression and anxiety and am currently with someone who has the same issues. It is questionable to me how long it’ll last. Of course you will always love Stephen for many reasons, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the best for one another. I love you and I am proud of you ❤️
It’s usually a trauma bond. It can be very tricky.
@@SimplyCheryl yep, came here to say this
Yeah it's tricky. On the one hand sometimes it's a really good thing when you're both able to understand what (similar issues) feel like and it can give you both patience when the other one is struggling. But on the other this can also lead to neither one of you being able to do things that need done. It's very good to have strengths that compliment each other.
Laura, I'm an addict and I've been in a toxic/ codependent relationship for 10 years. I am, and have been, miserable for a long, long time. Today: *Now* your video has opened up a part of me that I've been suppressing out of FEAR. Things I've been too afraid to change. As much as it's hard to see you guys going through this, there is SO much love & life within you two that shows me it's possible to come out flourishing, rather than to sit & decay. Your words have given me the courage to really ask myself what all of my decisions are WORTH. You made a lot of powerful statements that broke through to my heart, and I want you to know that the Universe (God) is conspiring to help us both (to help us all!) and that your video today has helped me in ways I thought you should know because you're awesome and I appreciate your vulnerability, truth, wisdom & strength! Thank you 💜
I send you a hug. Wish things will get better soon. ♥️
I’m right there with you same and I’ve been in mine for 11years and say I stay for my kids but my kids aren’t happy when our house isn’t happy 😢
Sending hugs your way
"I want to be driven to make decisions based on love." Thank you. This and the part before it. I NEEDED that.
Go through the book, “I don’t want a divorce”, by Dr. David E Clarke. Go through it “together”. Separation doesn’t automatically mean divorce, but if you are going to separate, then make it purposeful. And if you end up staying together, GET THOSE BOUNDARIES IN PLACE. And if you end up divorced, know you went through all the steps instead of just quitting or giving up.
You guys have a chance to get this right. But there is a lot of hard work, boundaries and time if it could ever happen.
I’m going to get this for me and my husband who are separated and are working on it. Thank you.
HUGE fan of Dr. Clarke! With God's help, his book saved my marriage! Separation was the best chance we had at saving our marriage.
Getting the book ! 💕🙏🏻
Beautifully said. Thank you, I needed this. I think my husband and I might be at the point of separation.
My husband And I separated for years and made it back together . There is always hope
“It was fun, then it was fun with problems, then it was just problems.” This truly resonates with me and my marriage. I’m sticking it out for our 3 yo son because it isn’t to the point where it’s a negative environment for him. Maybe it will change in the future but this is living in my “today”. So happy you are in a good place! ❤
Coming from divorced parents, I’ve learned this … Just because a relationship ends, that doesn’t make it a failure. It was epic while it was. And then life changed. So you change with it. But there are no failures, only lessons. Blessings to you and Steven, every word you spoke today was spot on. Your kids are lucky to have you 😘
Me and my fiancé went through this! We were separated for 3 years because I felt like my needs weren’t being met and he had a lot of self discovery to do after we had our first child. It was honestly what saved us! Sometimes people need space to heal and grow or just to have space to reset. I’m glad to hear that you are feeling better and wish you both the best!
I'm with you sister. After 14yrs of more difficult moments than not my s/o and I separated. Honestly he was incredibly, INCREDIBLY toxic our entire relationship but I swear there was a higher power saying "stick it out...this is for you". Loooonggg story short we were separated 4 months but co parenting wonderfully (not to mention sharing 1 car while living apart lol), we ended up getting married and having a baby and in the most beautiful, safe and happy partnership. It was wild to me. He did a TON of work inside and out (as did I but honestly he did so like 5 fold) and he miraculously blossomed into the man I always saw inside him, under alll the trauma and addiction and ego. It was Devine really.
Sadly after less than a year and a half of marriage he passed. It was crushing b/c after 16yrs we were in the most beautiful, healthy place ever. 💔 ugh I think of alllll the times he could have walked out the door and never walked back in when we were in a bad way BUT b/c we were great (although I duffer from the "why now's") it helped the grieving process.
It also nailed in the "we only have NOW" in hard. You can't take anything for granted, ESPECIALLY YOUR PEACE. Separating saved us and gave us the blessing of peace and salvation. 💜
💖
@@roumifyouwnt2 I'm so sorry for your loss.
We separated - stayed that way for 2 years. Drew up divorce papers and everything. Called it off at the end and went into couples counseling. Been great since. ❤️
I couldn't appreciate you more for sharing this. There's so much guilt in letting go of people we love out if fear of seeming like we're"giving up" when we're actually releasing someone we love to figure it out for themselves because it's not on/responsible for another's well being.
2 kids is a lot, having a kid with special needs is even more! Having a partnership that isn’t serving in that is insurmountable. I’m proud of you for walking away that was so brave! This speaks to your love as a mother because you found that strength for them! I’m so proud of you!
I'm in same position x
I believe that in her book she mention that Steven didn’t know he was autistic he was diagnosed right after Alfie was diagnosed.
Admitting that a relationship isn't working anymore is the bravest thing ever. That feeling of holding on because you thought you can still work it out together, and you keep on trying because you're too afraid to admit it isn't the case anymore. But one day you wake up, and realized and both agreed that it's better to be separated, just means how you truly love each other. Hugs for your fam, Laura, Stephen, Alfie and Poppy ❤️
Agreee, there’s nothing worse then being w someone and feeling alone in a lot of it. I’ve heard that’s one of the most hardest loneliness things in the whole world. I understand now… I agree. The idea of it. I know working ok it is a choice.. but, sometimes it’s just not worth the fight. Things just don’t work. That’s okay.. I feel like this is where I’m at right now. It’s just a matter of making that choice & going foward w it.
**Hugs** You are so brave and one of the realist people that I follow on Social Media. So many people want to keep their stuff to themselves and live a lie or persona pretending that everything is fine. It obviously isn’t. Thank you for sharing your heart, even life can be hard.
My husband and I, both alcoholics in recovery, separated 11 years ago. At first it was all about him relapsing and also not taking his mental health meds. But then I began to realize that I had a part in this too and they basically the two of us brought out the worst in each other. Somehow we managed to coparent. At first it was really rough and I had to really sets some strong hard boundaries. But he stepped up, got sober again and learned how to put our kids especially our youngest who has autism, needs first. I have to really commend him on how he changed. Today we have a good relationship. We won’t ever live together again unless it becomes a financial necessity but we both have grown in so many ways over the past 11 years. My kids now see their father as the good person that he is. They remember what he was like at his rock-bottom but they’ve learned that that’s not who their dad is. I believe they’ve also seen me prove that I am a strong brave woman as well who isn’t without her faults. I’ve actually made amends to them because I believe that my side of the road wasn’t always clean. It took a long time for me to recognize that I have issues beyond what I thought I had and I was part of the problem. So I’m working on those. I want to tell you that what you and Steven are going through has made me rethink how I am doing things and I have decided to go back into the rooms. I have not been to an AA meeting since my 23 year old was an infant. And even though I’m sober 31 years and I don’t feel like I’m in danger of using and I do try to work the 12 steps to the best of my ability I could be doing better. I remember being happier when I was in the rooms so thank you for sharing what you’ve shared and being the bad ass woman that you are. I wish I could give you a hug in person and let you know that it will be OK and that this is part of God‘s plan for you. I hope that you and Steven continue to grow and that you continue to love those awesome kids of yours no matter what your marital status is. One thing I decided early on was that I would not deprive my kids of being with their dad as long as it was safe for them to do so. And that it is a decision and I have never regretted. It was the right thing for my kids. It didn’t matter how angry I was it was the right thing for my kids and that’s the important thing. Stay in the moment and know that I care. Much peace to you
I’m stuck in a fear cycle. I’m a stay at home mom with zero income & am afraid to do or say anything. He’s a heavy drinker.. I walk on eggshells daily, as do our children. I’m so proud of you for doing what is best for you and those babies! 😭❤️ one day I hope I can be so brave.
I am in the exact same boat as you! You arnt alone hun! Good luck to you! Your beautiful!! 😘😘
In the same boat as well, in tears watching her videos because she is saying everything I am feeling as well. I hope soon I will also stop basing my choices on fear and base them on love like Laura has. I wish this for all of us in these terrible situations ❤
Alanon. There's an app and online meetings. Research it. It has helped me so much.
Chassity follow your passion. You've to start somewhere.
If he is hitting u and the kids u gotta leave now!!!! Go to family members or if u can’t do that go yo a shelter. U and the kids don’t have to get hit!!! Your poor kids!!!!
I’m going thru something similar. My husband suffers from mental illness and after 10 years I finally left cuz the mistreatment became too much. Everyone has their breaking point where they have to be selfish and choose themselves cuz no one else is gonna do it for them. Hats off to you!
Your soul growth over the years has been phenomenal to watch. You approach through all of this is inspiring - I'm such a control freak because of my deep seated anxiety and hearing you say how freeing it is to let go - oh, the relief. Walking around with every thing weighing me down because I'm constantly living in the past or the future instead of spending time with my breath in the right now. You are approaching this with such dignity, grace, acceptance and love. Stephen has been spiraling for a while now - his posts, him attacking people on social media, it definitely been concerning. I understand how cathartic it is to use social media to work through issues but you could see how disordered his thought process was and how "heavy" he must have been feeling. One thing that's stuck with me is the saying that "no happy marriages end in divorce" and if someone is completely honest this is true, difficult to admit and accept but true. You are doing eaxclty what you need to do to protect your peace and your children.
Omg I can’t believe you’re going through this too. I stayed in my relationship, tolerated absolutely absurd things, all for the same reasons, I was terrified to live my life alone.
You are simply amazing. You know you got this. You made me laugh about “I know you’re ok bc you’re listing to this podcast” and not being chased by a mf lion lol. You have a gift to make people smile and laugh. So yes, you got this and I’m happy you’re in a great place. Your message of “staying in today, this moment” really got me. I am often paralyzed by fear of worrying about how my boys will fare in high school and graduate (both have significant adhd and are also on the spectrum). But I can only control what we do NOW. Helping them and supporting their education in ways I CAN control right NOW. So THANK YOU. Sending lots of love and hugs (also from Los Angeles). 💗
I found when I was dealing with divorce, I went through stages of grief. I mourned the death of my marriage. However crazy things got I knew in my heart that eventually we would be able to be great parents together, and we are. I will always love the man I married but was no longer in love. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love. (Great advise from my mother) You guys will find the right path to raising those beautiful children together. Sending love to you both. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
I went into this as a nosy person wanting to know the tea. But I watched the whole video something just kept me watching and I’m glad I did because I learned some new things. I’m going through a rough patch right now with life friends and relationships and you saying things like “I was acting from a place of fear “ really resonated with me and made me slow down and go woah am I acting in a place of fear? Fear to be a lone? And it really helped me feel more in control of my feelings that I am feeling in the now. You also talked about living in the today and not the past or future which I’ve heard before but for some reason when you said it the words kind of clicked in my brain and made me think about it. I appreciate your words and thoughts.
You have been such a huge part of my recovery, I started watching you while i was still in my addiction about 3 years ago, and i have 2 years 2 months sober. You are such an inspiration and I know you will get through this amazingly if you do what you said and just stay in today 💜
Me and my husband are separating after 10 years and I am so scared of being alone, I have disabilities so I'm constantly telling myself I can't do this on my own. We have 3 children, 2 which are also autistic. You have just said exactly what I needed to hear, thankyou! You are such an inspiration ✨️ We can do this!!! xx
You most definitely can do it I have two baby. 💖🥹
You've got this love.
I know you can do this!
You're not alone, and you've got this ♥️
❤️
Laura, if someone calls you heartless for being ok with being separated, they don’t understand. When me and my ex broke up, I felt free, I felt new. I felt guilty for feeling these things, but it’s ok. It’s normal. I accepted it was over before it truly was, and when it finally was, I knew it was the right choice. He too crossed my boundaries, and I couldn’t let him keep doing that with us having a child together. I’m proud of you both. It will be ok. It’s a new chapter. Whether you stay apart, or grow together as couple, it’s ok. It’s a new chapter. ❤️ thank you for sharing all of this. Thank you for being vulnerable.
I'm definitely living in fear. I can't afford to leave. I'm stuck. Not sure what to do. Thank you for sharing your story, I really needed to hear it tonight.
Same
Same me😔😔
I was there once. I had to find people in my network to help me move, but it boiled down to picking my hard. It was either hard to stay or hard to leave, and I left even though he was trying to be a better person. I had to accept that I was the villain. Four years later.....it's been the best decision of my life. It was hard. I was homeless for a year, but I'd do it all again to be free.
I’m currently trying to survive this same scenario and you’re right, I’m making a lot of fear-based decisions because that’s all I’ve done my whole life, but I’m finally at a place with a good support network, and I’m just trying to stand my ground instead of trying to stay because of guilt. When I made the decision to seperate I felt a huge weight lift, unfortunately my husband disagrees and thinks that it’s my anxiety/depression/chemical imbalance/antidepressants that are making me not love him and it’s causing a lot of hurt to say the least, when a lot of my symptoms are caused by me living in a state of fear. It’s so hard, but you’ve inspired me to not give in or give up. Thank you.
This randomly showed up on my feed and you have no idea how much I needed to see this today. I am so grateful to know I am not alone and to remember to stay present 🙏 thank you for being vulnerable. It will help so many including me.
I second exactly your comment
Me too! Didn’t know how much I missed her content
I can relate, it is so nice to not be walking on egg shells and being almost afraid to rock the boat. I’m glad your feeling lighter, take care of yourself, lots of love xxx
Laura, you are so grounded here and I can feel you are a kindred spirit who has been through similar traumas. You are handling this situation so amazingly and I love the headfirst vulnerability you have chosen to openly confront the messy parts of life with.
The core message you drove home with this is incredible as well. Codependency breeds codependency, and so many people are accepting less than they deserve because someone made them believe they couldn’t do it alone or that they are nothing without someone else or that they don’t deserve any better or they are ungrateful.
Florence Nightingale (mother of nursing, and I’m a nurse lol) one said, “if there were none that were discontented with what they have, the world would never know anything better.”
You are a beautiful spirit who is so bravely demonstrating grace and strength when dealing with hard, uncomfortable things.
I got married right out of high school due to religious pressures, and the decision to separate was the hardest one I ever made, but I have grown so much and learned so much about me since that time. I have never been more whole or free. I wish you nothing but love each day along your journey. Thank you for using your influence and authenticity to spread healing, even as you work to heal yourself. ❤
I feel like your true essence is on fire right now! 🔥 my lady you are glowing! I’m so happy that you are happy! This was all so well said and super helpful for me to hear. You just helped me realize that I am being driven by fear. That’s what my apprehensive anxiety feeling is. It’s fear. And avoiding change because of it. You just spoke to my SOUL Laura! Thank you thank you thank you for posting this video. You continue to change lives even in the midst of your own struggles. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. I believe in you! ✌🏼 ❤️
Children are always picking up the emotions a person have or the rooms atmosphere. When you and Steven fought your children take the energi in. You are a great mom for taking action and care for your well-being and got out of a “toxic” place in your life. Especially for yourself but also for your family. Stay strong and stay happy
I just broke down crying when you said “you’re okay, I know you’re okay”. I love your podcast and all of your material.
I did too! I'm glad I'm not alone. 🖤
"Being driven by fear" is death - I feel that one in my bones. Hugs to you and your babies. You will be just fine. 💜
This is very powerful!!! Thank you for sharing. I often feel like I need to keep things private for fear of judgement. This really made me rethink that. You both deserve wonderful things in life!
Big hugs to the both of you. Being separated doesn't mean it's over. I watched Stephen's video about the separation. Being a recovered addict myself and with mental health issues, he needs time with a professional clinician to get his head together. I have no worries about him being a great co-parent, though.
He has his own page?
That’s what I was thinking. Everyone is automatically saying sorry for the divorce, but they are saying separated and that is different.
@@irishdream78 yes he does
She sounds done... She feels so "good" about this decision... like WOW! Your husband has an addiction he's trying to overcome and shes like I'm done.
@melissa You can only do so much for someone who is an addict, and you have to have limits especially if it’s affecting your relationship. Releasing that relationship can be a huge weight off
My husband's parents divorced after over 30 years of marriage. They get along so much better now. And something they share in common is they have 2 grandchildren that they absolutely adore. Separation doesn't mean the love stopped. Sometimes it has to happen so that the love can grow stronger. I'm praying for you, Stephen, and your children. May God bless all of you always.
If you’re together for that long, LOVE IS THE ONLY thing keeping you together. The practicality of the relationship, synchronization of life, compatibility, romance, passion, respect, ambition, emotional and mental connection, and coping skills or lack there of is what’s driving a wedge. Sometimes the person you love still isn’t the right one for you. Real healthy relationships require a big mix of all that. Not just love ❤️
I have to personally thank you for being so open about this. My ex-boyfriend whom is a narcissist and put me through absolute hell with the narcisstic abuse left the home that we built up together back at the end of January early February. This has been my hardest battle to get through as I went through mental breakdowns, many medication and dosage changes, and taking care of my 16 month old daughter by myself, and a few suicidal attempts and thoughts. Even though I was going through this for years of physical and emotional abuse I didn't want to let go. It was then I found out shortly after he left that I was pregnant with my son. My ex made me realize that he didn't care to be a father and did not want the commitment. He never wanted to marry me, and he never wanted kids either. This is also the same guy that made me have an abortion when I was 4 months post partum because he didn't want another child... still kills me to this day that I let him talk me into aborting my baby. He throws it in my face all the time that he "loves" the kids but wishes he never had them with me. However, even though he said that and tells me he hates me I thank him for my two biggest blessings. Now I get to watch my two kids grow up and do amazing things, and I no longer have to worry about the safety of myself and my kids. I never have to worry about tv's being broken, chairs being thrown into walls, doors being punched and kicked, him pushing me down and telling me I was nothing but a piece of garbage, phones being broken, yelling at me over everything even when it wasn't my fault, and so much more. You know the first thing I said each time this happened? "Oh he didn't mean it, he will never do it again especially now that we have our kids." WRONG I was so beyond wrong. There were many nights that I thought I was going to die and had to walk on egg shells constantly to make sure I did not say anything to trigger him. That is not a way to live, and I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about this type of abuse for myself or my kids anymore. Want to know another thing? He had intentions of leaving before that but had no one that would take him in so he stayed for a place to say and as he says "for the kids." It was never about me or the kids, it was always what would benefit him. All the lies, cheating, manipulation, abuse, and so much more and I stayed in this for 4 years. I gave him so much money to help him get through because he promised he would help work on us. It was a lie just to get sex, money, and power. I am still so broken, especially when I found out he has a new girlfriend that he is supposedly staying with, sleeping with, and everything. This new girl has a 6 year old daughter, and I am not mad at the fact that she fell for his trap, I am afraid for her and her daughter once he gets everything he wants and he abuses and leaves like he did our family. He couldn't fix himself but he could move on with someone else. But let me tell you, this is just a pattern. They aren't treating the new supply better than you, if anything they are doing exactly what they did to you in the beginning of the relationship. It was all fake, it was all a front. These type of people are not capable of love because they can't even love themselves. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. It took me watching so many youtube videos and reading comments to realize I went through something very traumatic. Did I let it define me? Yeah I did... but now that my son is about to be born at the end of October I realized I have so much to live for, and one day a man will walk into my life and love me and the kids as we deserved all along. I won't be afraid, and I can love again. If someone else is going through something like this please reach out. Even though I cry every single day knowing I a raising two under two on my own, at the end of the day I love my kids and I am starting to love myself again. Sorry for the long comment, but I just had to get this off my chest after watching all these videos this week.
Oh Breanna, honey you're doing wonderfully! It's hard. You are wonderful, you and the kids deserve so much more than you were given. I'm praying for you!
You are an inspiration! Stay strong x
So proud and happy for you! You deserve a happy wonderful life, and I'm glad you got out! Stranger to stranger, stay safe and always put you and your kids first. Take care.
You did the right thing for yourself and your children. They will have a mom who loves herself and them more than anything. Nobody deserves to live through what you have but you now know that there's so much more happiness to come without someone destroying those times. Good luck in your journey in life everything will be fine 🙂
When the new supply kicks him to the curb (and make no mistake, she likely will because she's not going to want to put up with the real him when the mask comes off) or (when he gets bored, is feeling insecure, needs reassurance, more supply or hes trying to make her jealous/ insecure) he's going to start hoovering you, he's going to tell you how she hates you, jealous of you, how he's not happy with her because she'll never be you, he realizes what he's done wrong that he'll never do those things again & he wants to come home, that he never meant the hurtful terrible things he said to / about you & he's going to tell you how much he loves you & he will use these feelings (desire, love, loyalty, jealousy) & many other manipulations such as guilt, threats, intimidation &
fear to try to force you into accepting him back into you & your childrens lives - first with all of the empty sweet nothings but if that doesnt work he will try to guilt you into letting him come back "we HAVE to be together for the KIDS" "The kids need their mom & dad" "I threw my gf away for YOU & now I have nowhere to go" "I can't live without you guys, I'm going to end it all" "I'm so alone, I just need you & my kids you guys are all I think about" "I'm in so much pain because of your boundaries & you're ruining my life, you're so selfish for wanting to protect yourself from me , what right do you have? I matter more than you I matter more than the kids none of you have a right to feel safe secure or happy - it's all about me & MY comfort. I have to know I'm still in control of you,your feelings& your life. I want to be able to use you & everything you love against you by taking it, holding it over your head, losing it or destroying it. I want you to be my punching bag where I can cast all of my self loathing, self doubt, insecurities & blame. I want you to be available for me to dismantle, shatter & devastate daily only for you to love me while i do these things unapologetically so I can feel powerful as I weild my power over you.
You have to make me feel desirable, loved, important because you'll allow it. You have to make sure i feel big & have a sense of worth at you & the kids expense. I want, NEED these things to be this way. You HAVE TO LET ME BACK IN. IM ENTITLED TO YOUR SPACE , ENTITLED TO YOUR PEACE, ENTITLED TO YOUR person, your home, your emotional state, your property & your future.
YOURE obligated to ME & MY COMFORT -to the consequences of my actions, now LET ME IN!" ♠︎he obviously won't say these things with those words but make no mistake no matter what words he uses♧no matter what emotions he imitates♧This is exactly what he is saying♠︎ If the love bombing & guilt tripping don't work he will begin with the threats♤I'm going to get you in trouble☆im going to take the kids★I'm going to expose some embarrassing or illegal thing about you☆I'm going to break,ruin,or interfere with any & everything♣︎I'm going to make sure everybody thinks this way about you♣︎and he may certainly try to make people believe all kinds of nasty things•°○.●I'm going to take you to court°○• I'm going to have my gf beat you up⁰•°I'm going to sleep with your friends•○⁰I'm going to make sure the kids hate you○°●etc etc etc♤ and he may very well attempt to do some of these things but do not waiver. The less contact you have with him, the less control you give him. The less sympathy you have for him the safer you will be, he has no intention of doing anything other than punishing you for being brave enough to say no, strong enough to live without him & be ok... he will feel nothing but contempt for you & want nothing but vengeance no matter how convincingly he says "he understands why you did what you did" ♡I encourage you to go & stay, no contact, preferably living somewhere he can't find you but if you're co parenting (dangerous idea in my opinion as well but sometimes we have no choice) then I understand that he may have to know where you live if that's the case please get security cameras & have a plan in place (just you and 1 other person you KNOW you can trust are all that even need to know) but please have in place an emergency plan should he show up, like maybe you guys plan that if you text your person some random wixndud8w
I saw Stephen’s videos and had to come find yours. Your story has so many similarities with my husband and I. We went through a separation 5 years ago. It helped a lot for each of us to do the inner work we needed. I’m happy you guys made a choice for your mental health.
Before I watched this incredible video I would’ve said that my fiancé and I are together because we want to be but after listening to this I think I was wrong. I think we’re both scared to walk away and that just doesn’t feel good enough now. You’ve really opened my eyes and made me feel brave enough to make some changes for myself. Thank you, seriously!! 🤟🏼
Omg I was exactly where you were and my soon to be ex husband didn’t want to go to couples counseling either. I am better without him and did the same thing calling friends and spending time. Unfortunately my husband is an alcoholic and refuses to get help or even acknowledge he has an issue. I finally realized it’s not on me and when I left it’s so freeing. The feelings you are describing are exactly how I felt when I left. I didn’t realize I was going to be so happy!
When your anxiety was crippling Steven seemed supportive and loving. I know that you'll be kind and loving and supportive as he finds help for his suffering. Mental illness isn't easy. The good news is that there are wonderful effective treatments. Sometimes it's the symptoms that we live/struggle with- not the person. I've noticed that he's been struggling for awhile. He's been looking for ways to feel better. When someone is symptomatic, it takes everything and it's not the best time to sort through relationships. Maybe wait until he's stable. Don't give up on him. Or yourself. Keeping yourself safe from symptoms is so wise. Glad you're doing that. But remember separate the symptoms from the man. Because the man loves you and it was so beautiful watching him support you when you struggled. I'm glad this is opening up the conversation about mental health. One in ten people experience serious mental illness. One in four are diagnosed with a mental illness.He didn't attempt suicide to hurt you- he did it because he's ill and he's hurting. The one thing you hadn't mentioned was couples therapy. Maybe this can help- if nothing else maybe for you to understand his depression and for him to understand how his symptoms affect you. Depression affects people differently. So does anxiety. Hope. Your beauty radiates from within. You're strong and resilient. Your love for one another is so wonderful.
As one of the original administrators of your social media support group for moms, I could not possibly be LESS surprised. Not because of Laura Clery, but because of the absolutely horrible interactions I had continually running your group and having to deal with his… behaviors doing so, especially as the only Black, queer, disabled admin who was both a founder of the group, and on the team. It was a terrible experience, and I’ve spent every moment since I quite wondering if you had any idea what he was doing or how he potentially treats people such as myself, and what you would do about it if you did. I’ve got screen shots and emails to back this. It’s… bad. I could go my life without ever interacting with him again. I hope you keep your boundaries VERY strong, and you really increase the amount of femme support around you. And if you need to know about the things you weren’t told… reach out.
You absolutely made the right choice.
To put it very lightly.
I’m proud of you and wish you increasing joy as you build a new, unburdened life.
Elaborate please
Woah what?
@@paulmcgrath6118 It's absolutely none of YOUR business. Why should she tell a total stranger the details? If it's true, then she and Laura can decide what to do.
@@kassee9225 calm down woman . She just posted about it on UA-cam
Want a medal for your victim Olympics?
My situation was different from yours; my husband was frightening and kept me isolated and afraid. When I asked him to move out it felt so much lighter in the house. It was palpable! My kids didn’t have to check what mood he was in when he got home. He disappeared when he left so I had no financial help, and didn’t turn up until my son turned 18, but my kids turned out more than fine. Whatever lies up the road Laura, your future is bright. ❤️
My fiancé and I separated for a year and it was literally the BEST decision ever. We did end up working out but our lives changed for the better. I figured out who I was and he the same.
Me and my husband separated for a year and some and it was very helpful to us both!
Ugh this was very powerful 🤘🏼, you said it best living in fear is misery.
This episode resonated through and through. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Aug 25 was the 3 year anniversary of my marriage ending. I stand by having a fabulous love story just like you. I relocated my life from Los Angeles to London, so it was extra difficult when things didn’t work out because I had to pick up, leave, and start over again. But I’m also living proof that once you make the decision to not live in fear anymore, relief and freedom await on the other side. Keep sharing, Laura - you’re helping so many of us with your vulnerability.
Laura, thank you for helping me realize how to go about dealing with my severe anxiety and depression. It's so very hard for me to be present in the now. I feel like I'm always worried about the future like you said. Your truth is helping me and others in so many ways. Thank you for being so open and talking about it. ***Hugs***
I truly needed to hear this today!! Listened to this 3 times and I’m sure I will listen to it again. This is so powerful. I wish you both all the best!!
I’m going though the same thing but unfortunately finances don’t allow me to separate. Thank you for this. You just made me feel not so alone.
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm going through a nasty custody battle and boundaries have been a lifesaver. Thanks for reminding me that I am powerless and the sooner I accept that, the better. You gave me chills! ❤
I appreciate you both being open about this because it does help other people who have been through it and who are going through it. So f*** all the people that are saying you're doing it for content. They're watching it so how much could they really hate it if they're watching it LOL. And I believe like even when I talk to my followers that is very therapeutic to talk to people who genuinely actually just want to listen or care or they can relate and so many people thank me for talking about certain topics. No matter what you do in UA-cam You're going to be damned if you do and damned if you don't. And no when you're depressed you don't feel funny you don't feel motivated or inspired. Even my two UA-cam channels I've slacked off on a lot of it lately cuz I don't feel inspired anymore. I have so many autoimmune diseases that I'm just in a lot of pain and I'm just not feeling it. But what I tell people all the time marriages are difficult as hell my husband is bipolar and he's getting the help he does therapy he takes his meds thank God and he does all that but if he didn't I would still be a friend but I wouldn't be in a relationship because it's not healthy not what I went through. But if you love somebody and you're just in a rut and you're doing whatever it's good to have space apart it's healthy to do things alone. If somebody's toxic it's always best to get out of the relationship before it brings you down. But if you're both just in a rut and you know you're both just coasting through life and you're not inspired or happy then you got to take a moment take a step back and realize what did you do in your life that made you happy go back to doing that. But when you have young kids it's so hard my kids are 16 and 12. And when they were younger it was very hard on the relationship it's almost so hard to maintain a loving romantic even sexual relationship with your spouse when you have kids and you're exhausted and tired and you debate whether you should sleep shower or eat. It's a lot of strain on a relationship
I remember feeling an immense relief when I separated. I could focus on myself and my children. I didn’t have to share that focus with helping another person get through their day. It gave me space to be me. Sending so much love to you ❤️
this is so selfish, omg I can't imagine how lonely you'll be at the end if you kept behaving the same way through you life. life is sharing, not only the good parts but also the bad ones. Anyways, I don't know your story and hate to be judgemental, hope you are living your best life 🤗
@@mennamohamed5168 hiya, yes I was selfish, very selfish but I couldn’t go on feeling like my daughters death, her sisters and brother ASD diagnosis were things that had to be swept aside and just ignored. I couldn’t live like that. I couldn’t live with my husbands anger at everyone and everything rather than face the pain he was in. He was never violent but it felt like a thunder storm rumbling over us all the time. I drowned my grief in alcohol and fear of upsetting him around the children.. micro managing every moment to avoid the Autistic meltdowns from the children..which would happen regardless. We separated, I focused on myself and the children. The space gave my husband the opportunity to look from the outside in. He saw what I’d been carrying, and what he’d been running from. We did couples counselling and altogether have now been together for 20 years. Without the separation we’d most definitely would have ended up in a nasty bitter divorce. Separating allowed us space to breathe. We got back together with an agreement in place set up by our counsellor.
I genuinely appreciate your honesty and the kindness in your reply. Thank you 🙏 😊
My husband of 12 years and I separated this year. He and I are both people in long term recovery. He relapsed in 2020 when everything shut down. I tried so hard to help him and held on to hope.
After two years, we separated. He still is in active addiction. Instead of wallowing, (as I've always done) I brushed myself off. I started reflecting, working on myself and became active in the recovery community again. I even got a job with the dept of mental health as a peer specialist to help others get out of the same situations I found myself in. It's hard letting go and watching someone you love turn into someone you don't know and be on the other side of the fence. Keep your head up momma. At the end of the day, you can't change anyone but yourself. Working on myself really changed my life after my separation.
Im proud of you! Of both of you for being adult enough to realize that sometimes whats best for the family isnt sticking through the bullshit just to hang on. Sometimes whats best is to create and find that new dynamic that is truly best for your family. You can see in your eyes that yes you hurt but you also can see such a brightness coming back. You both have grown so much and all in the public eye. Alfie and Poppy are also both at an age where they wont remember the fine details but they will remember what life felt like. If life was hectic hell and toxic or if it was peaceful and positive. You guys are better friends and co parents than intimate partners. You explained everything perfectly and i hope that this peace stays with you both. Your growth, strength, and positive light are shining so bright now and lately. So i am proud of you. Just a random other mama on the internet but someone. Youre very much loved Laura. Thank you for sharing. This message will also resinate with others and hopefully help them too! Im so excited for you and whats to come! Being a single mama has been the best part of my life so far, its hard but its been the absolute best! Love to you Laura🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤🥰😍😘❤
I am so proud of you and I totally understand how you’re feeling at this moment. I had to make this exact decision 9 months ago with my ex. We weren’t married but we lived together, had been together for a few years and have an almost 2 year old daughter. It wasn’t healthy anymore, there was more bad than good, so many arguments and like you said. Our babies can feel the energy and our emotions so they know when there’s something wrong. It is scary to be alone because I also felt like I needed him but no. It will be hard, sometimes you’ll feel amazing and free and capable and some other days you’ll be sad and feel alone and miss your family but it will all pass. The important thing here is your mental health, so you can be the best version of yourself with your babies and for you to be happy because you deserve it, also ofc having a good relationship with him do you guys can be a strong team and love your babies. You made the right decision, we cannot let our babies think and grow up thinking that that’s how love is.
I can not tell you how much this has helped me. I consistently worry about any and everything and have a very hard time letting go and realizing that I don’t have control. Thank you for sharing your story🤍
What you are saying at 4 minutes in really resonates with me now as my son with mental health and addictions is in hospital going on 2 1/2 months ..he is 26 ...and this is our second summer in the exact same place only he has more damage to his body and mind from the substances and the phsyc meds ..and everyday he messes up I struggle to not blame myself ..if ONLY I HAD ...THIS OR THAT FOR HIM ..he wouldn't of ...this or that ..I cant live like this and thrive..I just cant ...and he is adopted scince birth ..so I really struggle not feeling like I have failed him as a mother as a friend ...so I really appreciated the reminder that fixing him saving him ..is not something I am capable of doing on my own ..or atall...this is huge
I hear so many addicts who have recovered talk about the load of recovery with someone they love. It’s not enough to just maintain your own well-being but you’re constantly trying to maintain their as well which then puts yours into jeopardy. So sorry you have to go through this and wishing you the best on your new journey. Nothing is cut and dry. I hope you both find the peace and health you’re looking for ❤️
Praying for you!! Keep strong and know you can make it through this one day at a time.
I’m sorry you are going through this. And frankly you’re aloud to feel the way you do about separation, and if you’re happier as friends than married that’s ok.
Allowed
Going through something similar. Not sure why this came up on my page, but I guess I needed to see this. Thank you for your transparency.
The waves of emotions you have are normal and you come through it. I used to prepare positive affirmations at night and had them in my text and notes and post its to keep me going. Each day had a different theme. I set the intention. It worked well for me. I needed them to keep going. I learned to depend upon myself again.
Hey Laura, damn girl - you always seem to come into my life when I need you! You don’t realise how much I needed to hear this UA-cam video of yours tonight. I’m Australian and moved over to UK, married a Brit and now 8 years later am sitting on my psychiatric ward bed having been admitted yesterday for suicidal ideation because I can’t see a way out after separating 6 weeks ago.
I so wish I could express myself and explain myself like you did in the video.
I literally feel the same feelings you have atm and just listening to you I felt like - man, she’s my twin!
Thank you for such a open, honest insight to what is such a crossroads for us both.
Stay in touch hon, always here if you need someone xx
Hey beautiful girl, I am so sorry for what you are going thru right now and even if i don't know you I know for sure that you will come out of this more powerful then you think! Don't let go of you! You forget that you are a really amazing woman and that you deserve so much better! Start loving yourself again because a partner that loves you can make your life better but only you make your life worth living! You are the only one you need to be happy! Head up beautiful it's only a phase and this to will pass!❤
I’d like to say I know how you feel but I don’t. I have been there in 2020 I was highly suicidal and in hospital and didn’t have much hope. I felt like I let my kids down. Somehow I’m still here. I’m closer to my kids then ever and had a lot of therapy and mostly healing time. I hope you can find something no matter how small to hold onto. 💖
@@aliceschipper7937 you go girl! You are an amazing women and mother and I am happy that you made it thru all of it! ❤
@@dianabira493 thank you so very much ♥️
@@aliceschipper7937 thank you, my kids have kept me going - I’ve got 6!
Proud of you honey. It's so, so, so much better to realize this than hold onto something and let it destroy you.
The kids are going to thrive with 2 parents taking care of their mental health and apart than together and toxic.
You will all thrive. It'll take time but you will. Better days are ahead! ❤️
how could you possibly know her kids will thrive with them apart....
@@kristennations8516 Because they're not exposed to fights anymore, their parents are going to be happier, healthier and more importantly they are fantastic parents who love their kids.
A lot of people don’t realise that relationships can be quite stressful and hard. You guys are so awesome and I agree with the comment about better coming from a “broken home” that’s full of love than one that’s not. I think it takes a lot of balls to recognise when it’s not working and then amicably discussing it.
Preach! I feel for both of you. You should feel blessed you are able to separate from each other. Many of us do not have that luxury. I very much appreciate the work that you do in sharing your content with strangers even through such a life altering event. The excitement you showed regarding the weight lifted off your shoulders after removing your stress was encouraging. I am shocked but not surprised that you found out about the other video AFTER it had been posted and viewed A LOT before you knew of its existence! The saddest part is I saw it first...grrrrr. I wish you both well. I know you will be just fine. I do hope the boys get to go camping in the near future. I think they will enjoy it as long as you and Poppy are near by. Lol. Much love to all.
You're so mindful! I have always enjoyed watching your content. I am more than here to support you through a time like this. I love you and your family ❤️ with you all the way! You're so strong and we continuously go through things we don't expect/etc. But it's about how we handle it and go through it and EMBRACE it. Plus how and what we show our kids. ♡ I am scared of sobriety and haven't reached out yet, but I am trying to make that big move. I love how silly you can be and I also love how serious and down to earth you can be. Keep being you. Always here ♡
thank you for being so raw in this sensitive/difficult time, and being so honest with everything, love you being human, love who youve grown into, the beautiful family youve created
How did those cat stickers pop up?
When u said it's freeing focusing on what u can control and surrender the rest I couldn't hold the tears back. . . I've been in a 3 year (and still going strong) downward spiral. . . I've never not felt like myself so much ever and it's all over not being able to forgive myself for not being able to do anything about shit I can't do anything about (i hope that makes sense) I wanna get high and I hate myself because I wanna get high and I don't know how to surrender anything. . . I hope things turn out as close to as well as the babies and yall deserve. I appreciate u dude.
go back to 12-step meetings and find a therapist/therapy group.
It's okay to feel relief... just because a decision is hard doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. Letting go of what we cannot control is really empowering. I wish you both the very best and honestly, I really appreciate that you share your stuff openly like this. Absolutely no question that you are helping so many, many people in their own journey.
I got divorced this morning over a conference call. Thank you for sharing your struggle. Alone is the first and greatest lie humans tell ourselves. The truth is we are in some DAMN FINE company when we are in pain.
Our trajectories in healing can take us to radically different places. Outgrowing an intimate collaboration such as marriage should be expected!
Good for you. Self care is paramount. If anyone or anything impedes that, you MUST detach/separate from it for yours and your kids better health. It's great that you are surrounding yourself with love to smooth out the rough patches 😎
I just left a toxic work environment for a new career so I'm riding out the rollercoaster too. I'm an ACA that can empathize with your journey. Today is okay! Always be kind to yourself.❤️
Sometimes parents are better off as friends than they are spouses - and when it comes to kids it’s vital that you do soul searching to figure it out. The kids will grow up happier when you both get along & parent together. Many times we hang on to the fantasy, to what we clenched on to for such a long time but eventually sometimes it isn’t the reality anymore. Best wishes to you both & I pray for both of you to find healing, closure & new beginnings & many happy memories with your children. It may not all happen immediately but if you both work towards it, it will happen.
Hi Laura! So, I'm not married, but I've had a lot of relationships. I'm just glad that both of you decided if was for the best. Not having it be one sided is one of the best outcomes possible. The fact that both of you aren't negative towards each other now is amazing. It's great for you AND Alfie and Poppy. You are so courageous for sharing this information. I know it's hard, for both of you. But you are SO strong. Both you and Steven are amazingly strong. I hope everything stays in the light, and not falling into darkness. ❤
“Stop trying to control everything and just let go!” - Fight Club
Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to just let go. I hope the best for the both of you ❤️
You heal by taking. It takes much bravery to speak your truth.
Also I feel u!! I just left a 11year relationship, and it dose feel freeing like a weight has been lifted. I was scared to make that change and live all on my own with my kid but I feel in my heart in my gut I made the right choice and I wouldn’t change it now I am happy find me again. I’m more than just a mom that clean and cooks I’m a person too.
This video was amazing and needs to be heard by many. I was in a very toxic abusive relationship for 10 years and he drilled into my head that I can’t do it without him, he makes more money than me I won’t be able to keep a roof over my head, feed my kids etc and I believed it. Thank god I finally got out and I’m THRIVING !!!! And my children are the thriving
🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’m relieved to hear from you about it, and that you’re at peace with where you are. I’ve been following him and his videos, but was wondering and hoping you were doing ok with all of this, too. ❤ glad you’re both doing what you need to do for yourselves and your kids. You’re keeping them safe and healthy by modeling this in such a mature and healthy way.
I'm so fucking happy for the person you are, the mom you are, the wife you are! You deserve to feel at peace, and light, and free. I'm so sorry life flipped upside down and continue to talk (if you feel like it) I appreciate your openness and honesty. Secrets suck! I wish both you and Stephen the absolute best. Whatever that may look like.
The word you spoke about TOLERANCE was so powerful. I think it is the root of some of the things that we go through. I like how you said that the space was the truth in how you feel. I hope for the best for you both. Melody Beattie’s Codependent no more is an old book but a good one. She also has a mediation book that is a daily affirmation. I helped me a lot when I went through divorce. Therapy is a wonderful tool as well and helpful.
Love is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. Don't give up on each other.
You are such an inspiration to keep it moving. Your strength truly amazes me. I’m so relieved you feel good about this. I’m glad you’re sharing this because if you chose not to people would find out and then blame you for not telling the world. I’ve separated too and I felt light as a feather the first night. I was sad don’t get me wrong but gosh darn it I felt really good for the first time in over 10yrs. I would much rather be lonely than miserable. And so far I haven’t experienced loneliness but I’m sure I eventually will. I’m so happy you’re okay ❤️
Oh Laura- my recovery program has definitely been on the back burner for a while now. I need to get back to my women’s meetings and I need to stay in the now. Thank you for reminding me of that and I wish you, Stephen and your beautiful babies all that is beautiful. I’ll be carrying you close to my heart.
I absolutely resonate with every word you said. I have also recently separated from my husband. And I feel so peaceful about that decision. Sometimes it's the right decision and that resonates when you feel it.
It is rare for me to watch the entire video but I have done it. It was sooo empowering. I can completely understand living in the moment. I went through a breakup with a man I cared for about a month ago and I only started to really get over my breakup and my hurt feelings when I started living in the moment. That means, stop focusing on the past, stop “marinating” yourself in the memories of how the relationship begun, what is and what is not anymore, what went wrong, and so on and so on….Because when you do that, you are re-hurting yourself, instead of healing. I agree with the idea of living in the moment….Focus on yourself, what are your dreams and goals, what is it you have always wanted to do but never done? How do you feel right now and what do you choose to preoccupy yourself with right now? Because it matters more than the past that can be never returned or relived again
The power of now - is exactly what I needed to hear! I’m incredibly proud of you for finding your bliss. God Bless and stay strong
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my husband. It sounds a lot like what we are going through. Thank you for this video. ♥️ it is so empowering to hear this from someone else. I really needed this ♥️♥️
I’m going through something extremely similar. You have no idea how much your words have helped me. It’s exactly what I needed. Thank you Laura
It’s definitely a fight to come back to your center and be present in moments when you know you should or can but the circumstances in the physical world can feel so heavy at times. Pure healing & abundance to you. ✨✨✨ We all got this, don’t give up yet. ❤️
In the exact same situation and this is the video I needed. I’m literally eating Taco Bell in my car sobbing lol. For reference our relationship is very much comparable to yours. As far as amazing love story goes.. My dad is in a motorcycle club and his dad is a cop and you can imagine we weren’t aloud to be together. And I think that’s the hardest part for me is overcoming so many obstacles, and family that disapproved of us and having 2 beautiful children and bringing our family’s together finally. But also little situations here and there started making me question it. Post partum depression, I went through it with you and thank god for you to post your real issues and thoughts. You made me not feel crazy. Your idiot book is what distracted my mind from thinking of terrible scenarios, and crawling up in a ball and hyperventilating. Your incredibly real authentic videos helped me more than he did. And I am so grateful for you. Nobody talks about how hard it is. And so far girl we need to get together cause every step of the way your life has been mirroring mine and the advise and content you create makes me feel I’m not alone. I might’ve just kept going for the sake of what we had. My gut knows we need to separate. For similar reasons it got to a point where we cannot function healthy as parents living together. Thank you. I know I probably sound all over the place but I wanted to keep it short and say what I needed to without typing a book. But honestly thank you so much. Side note : my 2 year old sings potty party and doing great with training. So you’re really covering all bases here 😂
You’re * 😂
You mentioning your morning walks makes me realize you had stopped those. And your light was dimming. But today's video you seem lighter, uplifting. Don't worry about what you say, IT'S YOUR TRUTH. It's your journey. Now, no matter what the future brings, yes, LIVE IN THE NOW. I'm proud of you. I'm proud that Stephen is getting help, I'm glad you're not walking this alone. We got ya sis...
Yes noticed this too
Wonderful message! There were some dark, judgemental threads flowing through this section (particularly on FB 🤷♀️), allowing your positive, supportive response to shine brightly where light is needed! 😊 (And I noticed the change as well.)
Love how she chose to share her stories openly because it’s so real and related to anyone of us .Maybe some people believe that they overreact or make things up for views or fame , but I support them .Life is not just happy or successful .being real and raw are more than thousands of unreal online moments 💕
There's something freeing about knowing that my problems and successes are my own and no one else's. Thank you Laura.
I've followed you both for a long time. I truly believe if you feel relieved and happy then you've made the absolute correct decision. Even though it's a sad decision to come to. I sincerely hope for the best for you both and the children in the future X