My husband and i went through something so similar that it’s almost eerie for me to listen to you and Stephen talk about what’s going on. We had to make healing ourselves as individuals our top priority. Our mindset was that even if we ended up divorcing we would be the best parents, coparents, and people we could be for ourselves and our kids at the end of the experience. It was immensely freeing to prioritize myself that way, and watching myself evolve was probably the most powerful I’ve ever felt. I feel optimistic for you both, regardless of the outcome of your marriage. Sending positive vibes to the universe for you Laura 💚
Reading this comment, and hearing Laura, has made me realize how much I put myself on the back burner. I make excuses for that. I need to save that 20$ in gas for when I drive to work. So I can't go see my friend. I have to take my son to a different city Dr appt, so I can't do anything for myself. I'm so anxious about how today is going to affect next week, I can't do the things I need to be happy. My partner of 5 years is constantly doing things that make him happy when he can, and I get upset because oh he's using our extra time and money and I can't do that. Which is unfair to him! And I'm not fair to myself. Idk why your comment really struck me, but thank you. 😊
This is such a sweet and encouraging comment to leave someone❤I really hope your proud of your empathy and love. I’m glad your experience ended with you feeling so empowered
My husband and I are going through something similar. I am trying to prioritize myself and better myself for me and not anyone else. But I also want my husband and to be with him but he wants a separation. I'm finding it hard to do better for me while being separate from him.
The eerie feeling you are having is not your imagination. This experience is happening for a lot of couples everywhere you look, to people in every category of existence, well off or not, and everything in between. You focusing on yourself, and your partner doing so as well, is shifting things in a collective way as well. Every step you take in treating yourself the way you deserve with unconditional love, compassion, and acceptance of all parts of you is literally helping others do the same. It's like a domino effect. It can't be the reason we use to motivate our journey into our Selves and all that goes on within, but it is a powerful ripple effect that goes out into the world once we start genuinely "main charactering" ourselves. Your self journey is literally making this world a better place. Thank you.
"oh shit, it's really hot outside" Said the child you were told probably wouldn't speak. When he won't quit talking, think about that. ❤️ I wish your whole family well. You make a difference. Thank you. ✌️💕☺️
Laura, your podcast saved me. I’m not even kidding. Shit hit the fan for me recently and your podcast is the one thing I look forward to the most! Thank you for reminding to stay present in the moment, and to shift my focus to the most important things in my life.
One of my best friends taught me that romantic love is put on a platform above all else, when really it should be an even playing field. Platonic love, love for community, familial love. It’s all important. It really helped me with my independence and to find happiness by myself for myself
When you get married, you agree to put that marriage above everything else. That is what marriage is, otherwise, just don't get married. It's not required. The divorce rate is too high. And I really believe it's because people don't know how to put marriage first. We have become a very selfish society. I say that having come out of a 20 year marriage. My ex never learned to put his marriage and children above his own selfish wants and we are the ones that paid for it. He's still out there somewhere being selfish.
I think Stephen is talking the talk atm I think hes great but just recently hes like oh im coming home next week where as before he was ( looking back dramatically) right we’re separated whats my new life like this is new chapter,….. this week its .I think because you are coping so well he is just doing everything you wanted him to before.been more “ oh well I’ve just not slept at the house in the week🤷♀️??? & the 30 days is up soon ???
As I have gotten older, I've recognized how much superior simple friendship often is compared to romantic love and even familial love. There's something special about having adult friendships...there's an unspoken understanding that neither party is drunk off romance and therefore expecting the other to somehow solve all of their childhood trauma while providing constant cuddles and sexual pleasure :P That's a lot of pressure for anyone. Natural camaraderie develops on its own terms...slowly...but that's how you know the connection is mutually taken care of. There's no rush or undue pressure influenced by unhealthy emotional tendencies (most of the time, anyway!). Don't even get me started on the sick twisted emotional games family members often play with each other hehe
Your podcasts are the only thing I enjoy listening to while cleaning. It's amazing how productive I am while listening to you. It's like I have a friend with me while I'm getting my life under control. And I feel like I'm allowing a friend to talk out what's going on in their life. I'm all ears for everything you need to get out and thank you for keeping me company.
OMG!! I'm laughing so hard!! Just a little podcast!! Podcast in a funny little voice!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I love you!! You've helped me off the ledge!
Thank you for these talks. I am a person that lives with a lot of people that have anxiety and tend to be negative a lot and I am always trying to "fix" everything and make everything easier for everyone all the time. Lately I have just kinda let go and what will happen will happen and it feels so much better!!! And I have noticed the people around me are starting to calm down too and realize the worry isn't getting them anything but stress.
I can’t even explain how much you sharing this experience brings me peace. My husband is autistic and we have been struggling for the last couple of years. When you said that at first it was good, then it was good with problems and then it became just problems, I felt that in my soul. I have isolated for years. Given up on me and my wants, needs and boundaries for years. These videos have really brought me a sense of peace and realization that regardless of what happens with my husband and I, I need to focus on myself as well.
Laura "Know your worth."Write it down every day.Then write every day what that means to you.Don't look back and for now, don't look ahead.Just live in the moment for now.You need and deserve a break from everything and everyone.Yes, that includes your children.And don't feel guilty for it!Just you alone in a place where you find peace.Know your worth.
5 Thing I’m Grateful For 1. My baby girls are chasing each other round & round the bedroom at the moment. At the end of next month- my Irish twins will be turning 2 & 3. I’m very grateful for these 1 & 2 moments, still. Embracing what I can before their birthdays! I love you, Lola & Frankie!!! 2. Lola used the potty TWICE yesterday, while I was home alone with them. 3. This fucking podcast!! It has shown me that my life will be so much brighter after my separation. I can feel the lightness already, just detaching myself from this toxic relationship & having to focus more on myself & my girls, without any male dominant distractions. 4. I am grateful that I made it through yesterday, my very first time home alone with my girls (my husband typically works from home, so that he can still help me.) But, he had to go into work yesterday for some mandatory training & though I did have two panic attacks yesterday, all by myself- I worked through them. I was finally able to get both girls down for a nap, eventually..(they’re both sick with RSV right now, so that made it extra hard) anyway, my amazing therapist told me how proud she was of me, especially for just being able to wake up at 7:30 in the morning, as soon as Lola woke up. That was a big deal for me, bc I’m a heavy sleeper. (I’m also sick, as well.) 5!! The last thing I’d say I’m grateful for & wow how hard it has been to write this out & to come up with 5 different things. (I’m having writers block right now & for the last 7 1/2 years..) I’m grateful that I was able to write out some shit that I am grateful for.. 😜 Thanks Laura 🙏🏽
I lost myself too. For over two decades. When you said you weren’t even smart enough to turn on a hot tub, I burst into tears - I felt the same exact way for all that time - I was made to feel incapable of making any kind of decisions, big or small, without him. It was awful. I’m still constantly triggered, and I fear I will never heal, but I will never EVER allow myself to become dependent on anyone like that ever again.
I really needed this today. We have very, VERY similar situations that I just don't have a friend to talk with that really gets it. New in sobriety, divorce, coparenting, being a mom, and feeling so lonely. The loneliest I've ever felt has been this last year and I haven't been okay. I know I'm not the only person going through this, obviously. Sometimes it feels that way and listening to you has been so helpful. Thank you, Laura💜
I know all about OCD with intrusive thoughts. I'm also a strong Empath. One thing I will say to you is, that Stephen is deeply hurting. I feel it so strong. So in THIS moment, he WANTS to be what you need and feels lost without his family. Whether y'all move past it, or move on, his pain and heart is genuine in this moment. I hope that helps even a little. ♡ Watching you both. Xx
Thank you for sharing your experience and modeling healthy coping skills! It’s easy to read all the books, attend seminars… but watching someone deal with life in the way you want to takes it up a notch. It’s beyond helpful. You reminded me today to stay in today and to do the next right thing. I used to have them up on my wall, and now I’m going to put them up on these (new) walls. Thank you again. Sending you so much love 💚✨
I had my Son at 20 and my Daughter at 22 years old. . I really wish you'd been around then as all your Mom videos and personal videos and comedy (basically everything you've done) has helped me so much and would've helped me even more when I was going through such similar things. . You're very strong and brave Laura. You're going to help so many people. I've followed you since the beginning and think you and your family are so lovely. . I think you'll have your own series on Netflix/TV as you're so talented. The times you've made me laugh when I just wanted to cry.. Thank-you for all that you do as it helps as it makes so much sense to me without going too deep into it. I can't wait to ready your book as something you said in this video really made me see something.. Thank-you 💜🌸💜
Hi Laura, 38 y.o mum of 3 kids and recently diagnosed ADHDer from Australia here. Thankyou for your vulnerability and beautiful shares qith your community. Sisterhood is so important. Connection for women in particular is SO important. If you think of it, our ancestors use to sit in tribe and dance around in circles, helped eachother give birth to their children and help eachother out in eachothers lives... it was the way it was and people, women thrived! We've lost that deep connection. We've lost ourselves in the haze and veil of our society. I can understand very deeply about the co-dependency. I struggle with it myself. When you described how codependency was for you eg: filling up the bathtub I can SO RELATE! In a way, codependency is an addiction and it starts seeping into your life in all areas. All of this is all very relative to ADHD apparently, so I've been reading. Its obsessions and impulsiveness. The casing the dopamine is from having a neurodivergent brain. Its just the way we are but we can definitely manage it with therapy and other means. Thankyou again for sharing what's on your heart with us. Take care of YOU. The rest will flow. You are enough and you are doing great! From one sister to another, sending you so much love ❤️
Laura, I love what you said about living in the “now.” Things do have a way of working out. You are young and you have time. Watching Stephen on his blog , he wants answers RIGHT NOW. I feel he is looking at his viewers for the answer. He needs to look inside. Bless you both. God WILL take care of this. Helping others and being philanthropic is an awesome way to become more powerful and STRONG.
I think it's brilliant, the people who dislike this are not in recovery or they would see the value in growth, healing, and release this processing provides. Thank you!
Laura, I have been following you since the beginning. I feel like you are my friend! I am absolutely, life- changingly , inspired by your new vibe. You have sought out ways to make sense of it all and you are becoming a new woman with exciting new spirituality and healing philosophies. It's really powerful to watch. The fact that you have this new realization that you lost yourself gives you a beautiful opportunity to find yourself. You are enchanting and I am so proud of you!
I went through something almost exactly like this recently, and you're so right it is so incredibly fucked. You are not alone Laura and you're doing fucking great. xx
Laura, I don't think you will ever understand just how much these videos are helping people. This one in particular came to me at the exact time I needed to hear all of this. So thank you 🙏
I’m really grateful for you both of you being so vulnerable and open about this season of life. My husband and I both are in recovery for going on 6 years with young children and although we haven’t gone through the same struggles that you are currently, the journey you are both on separately and together is REALLY powerful for me to have insight into. Not becoming complacent in the things the 12 steps continues to teach us is so important. Thank you so much.
I had my son in April of 2021 and his dad left almost immediately. I’ve been so focused on trying to force him to be involved in anything in our sons life and that part of my life has consumed me so much. I heard of the power of now through others, but when I watched the video you mentioned it in I bought it. That was the 3rd time that day, I knew I was meant to read it. It has greatly improved me… myself and I’m grateful for you! Every week! ❤️ You’re killing it.
As for the improvements Stephen is showing. Of course he is on his best behavior. That is natural. He wants his family and partner. Give it time. Time will tell. Don’t get too caught up in yourself and you own space. You are a mother. Your kids are actually where the focus needs to be for the time being. it is so easy to get so caught up in loving ourselves in these situations that we forget the kids are focus one for the next few years. The kids ARE NOT too young for the stuff between you and Stephen to affect them. The kids love and need you both. Never lose sight of that. I have been on this path with 4 children. They are affected. Count on it. You may not see the true repercussions for years. Don’t let yourself get so inner focused on your own healing that you miss what they need and must have to grow up whole themselves. ❤️❤️❤️
1. I’m grateful that I’m alive and fairly healthy. 2. I’m grateful that I have a child that I love more than anything in the world. 3. I’m grateful that I have a partner who supports me and loves me. 4. I’m grateful for my family, my mother, my sister and my two amazing nephews. 5. I’m grateful that I just got a part-time job after being on disability benefits for six years. Thank you so much for today’s podcast. It was very inspiring❤
One of my all time favorite quotes. “ I am not responsible for the emotions or well-being of others. “ in reference to codependency relationships. ❤️ (It’s different with kids of course.) It is SO freeing finding the power to step away from those dynamics in relationships. It is healthy to expect your partner to take care of their emotions so that they can truly meet you in the middle! Supporting one another of course is important. But one partner cannot carry the weight of trying to hold the other one up. When each person is standing on their own two feet- a balanced give and take can happen and that’s when a relationship absolutely thrives.
Laura I can’t tell you how much you have taught me to deal with my anxiety by stating my actual surroundings and what I’m doing and telling myself I’m okay. And staying in today. The mind is so powerful 🤯
My husband and I went through exactly what you guys are going through. And it was destroying me and I told my husband because he was just diagnosed with bipolar at that time because he tried to kill himself. So when he was diagnosed with bipolar I was like you can get the help and make your life better and us be happier or if you don't get help I'm walking away because I'm not going to ruin myself because you don't want to get help. So now my husband's been on meds for over a year he's doing great. He's doing a hundred times better than what he was doing before he was diagnosed with bipolar and without meds. We are actually part of a team he helps he's learning to communicate better. But because he didn't want to lose me he did whatever he could to get the help and that was a sipulation to stay married. Because when you're married you're there for each other and you're good and bad not just the good. I told them if you want help I'll be here all the time to be there for you but if you don't get help this is going to destroy me and I can't do it because I have nine autoimmune diseases and I'm terminal. So we got the help he does what he's supposed to do and it's so much better now.
Good on you girl!!! U got a glow about you!!! Do what makes you happy... youve got major spiritual awakening vibes!! I see amazing big bright things coming to you!!! ♡
My mom has been clean and sober for 13 or 14 years now, and her mantra is, "One day at a time." That's all we can manage. You are on the right track with staying in the moment and taking things as they come.
Laura, i really feel like you've got things to share with the world. I'm ready for book #3 about finding yourself with art sketches. Cannot wait! Please please please.
18 yr relationship ended... finally able to move on and live my life! I have that man my 20s and 30s! My time is now! Healing is priority for me, and this was very inspirational and the path I would like to stay on! Thank you the anxiety and that pit in your stomach IS REAL!
I think that if you go back into the relationship and keep up working on yourselves, and keep up having your own lives while having a life together as well. Because no matter what you will be a family and I think if you think of it as two strong people growing by themselves while growing alongside each other and just being there for each other but without taking on each other(like being present and loving each other but not taking on each other and each other’s struggles, just loving and helping lift each other up but not putting it into yourselves). You can have both. Knowing that you do not want to be codependent, but you can be independent and love each other. It does not have to be the whole world to you, but it is an aspect and that is okay. You just have to be aware of not letting it over power the other aspects.
Wow. Thank you for being a bit vulnerable. I can't believe how many feeling/thoughts someone else felt.. it makes me realize how similar we all are and why are we not talking about this more. The "living in today" has kept me going and enjoying the present. This podcast touches home.
It is such a hard situation. When you made the comment "Is he only doing these things to get me back?" God I hope not because that's what has happened to me so many times with my spouse. I have been watching your husband's videos as well and am worried for him. You keep looking out for you and your babies and follow your gut.
As I said in another comment ....people are SO READY to jump ship. When I got married it was for rich or poor, better worse, till death we part. To me it's selfish to just be like " oh...my husband needs help!! He screwed up!? Forget him! It's all about me!" Idk I watch Steven. It's sad. EVERYONE screws up! Just like when Laura went to a massage parlor and got rubbed out. What if Steven had done the same? They were good together. She's forgetting this. Poor kids.
@@acgray1972 I doubt that she is not concerned about him. She has to let him find his own way to heal. We can’t force someone to be happy and we can’t make them happy if they are not happy with themselves. She is doing what is best for her and her children. I have been through this. 💖
This is massively interesting and insightful, gotta say, you really are my hero of late! Hugely relate to everything you're going through, I may never make the leap, but I'm honestly finding your process of rediscovering yourself deeply inspiring. I salute you!🤩
Faith in you. Leap. Like, why NOT? Flying is just falling in control. Nobody knows THE WAY. 🕊 Believe you can, keep on keepin, and be proud of every day you feel joy. That’s how you fly like a thousand doves -GaGa lyric-
Laura, I’m new here and it’s so refreshing to hear both you and your husband talk so openly at the same time about your struggles while separating currently. It gives hope to those of us who are in relationships that no longer serve us mutually. Whether you guys get back together or not, I can speak for myself when I say this has brought me immense peace. I don’t plan on my fiancé or I ever separating, but that’s not always the case later on in life. We all change throughout our lives and sometimes we need to be reminded to step back and focus on ourselves individually. When your identity is wrapped up in being a partner we can lose ourselves in that and not be able to support one another. Love you so much and I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts. 🙏❤️
I love listening to you and I pray that you come out happy mentally and physically on the other side no matter what happens! I know if anyone can do it it will be you! ❤️
I remember your story about how you two met. The first thing you knew about each other was you were recovering addicts. You were excited that he understood you. That was an attraction. What else attracted you to him?
I am finding that listening to both yours & Stevens thinking as you go through this is helping me accept my own situation…having watched you both from the early days I just wanted to say the ‘funny’ voice at the end was a nice reminder of the fun you can find in the dark days (no grammar or punctuation there but I’m posting before I delete on the review as I usually do!) take care lovely lady you’re helping so many people by letting us into a small part of your life & mind xxxx
1) My kids 2) My family & friends/my support system 3) My husband 4) A roof over my head and for on my table 5) Freedom to be myself Thank you for always reminding us to be grateful!!! 💙🖤💙🖤💙
Wow!! So much of this makes sense. My Husband micro manages everything I do out of care and him thinking he knows best. I think he is on the Autistic spectrum, so all of this echoes. I am now trying to live more independently.i have always fought my corner but I notice the dependency creeping in and believing my husband, even if I know I am right. Thank you so much. Really helping right now. My Husband and I are strong and happy together but the constant need to fight for my independence is hard work.
Thank you for sharing so much on this. I feel a lot like Stephen and it’s hard. I love hearing your side too. It’s so helpful. It’s things I want to work on myself always and especially during my marriage. My husband and I are doing so well and even stronger together now. But with my mental illness and now severe physical illness, me finally letting him in and working on myself and who I am as a person on my own and with him. While he has been working on working on emotions and being more emotionally available for himself (I love seeing his growth with it) and me. While I’m doing the same. Idk that’s was a ramble but I appreciate how you’re sharing so much. Always appreciated you and always will 💜💚
I love you guys together but it is nice to know that y’all are not perfect. That both of y’all are so down to earth. I do hope you two get back together if you can both be happy . Rooting for you guys!!❤😊
I have a lot of trauma in my background and now as a grown woman, wife and mother - I catch myself catastrophizing and telling myself stories or scenarios that seem plausible given my history but don’t take into account change of circumstance and certainly aren’t things I can say I absolutely know to be true. They sure FEEL true in my tightened chest and queasy stomach. But I don’t know. It’s like waking from a terrible, frightening dream. The feelings I have in my body are real. THOSE are real. But the thoughts that precipitated the feelings were just ideas my brain put together that terrified me. So it sure takes a lot of deep breathing and forcing myself to think other thoughts in order to locate peace again. Glad you are taking things one step at a time. I have been watching S’s videos and he seems to be moving very rapidly. From ideas to plans to worries to decisions etc. He asks for comments but my sense is he isn’t reading or absorbing the ones he doesn’t like. So hold firm - and maybe he will be able to slow himself down and recognize that the best thing to do ESPECIALLY in times of crisis and change… IS to remain present in this moment and do the next right thing. Knowing that the future is formed by the steps we take in the present. Sending love and peace to the whole family. Stay safe and well. Still in a pandemic on top of everything else!!! I think a lot of people are struggling with loss and with grief and with mental illness. We are here to help each other. ☮️❤️🌷 PS!!!! I saw you singing SIERRA FERRELL’s ‘DREAMS’ in your stories. She’s amazing and last night they LiveStreamed the Americana Awards and she performed. It was an amazing show and had many of my favorite artists and music!!! I think it’s still up on FB and maybe YT … AMERICANA FEST AWARDS. **Hope you see at least this part!!!!! Sierra won emerging Americana artist! Also a friend and fellow musician does a Livestream on Thursday eves - here is the link to tonight’s. It was wonderful. ua-cam.com/video/0i3iuQzVCqg/v-deo.html
Praying for you Laura, continue your healing. Love the advice, keeping this very real and raw. So refreshing to hear you talk about everything you've struggled with. You got this ❤️🙏🫂
I'm quite a realist and find optimists such a clichè HOWEVER I find you incredibly refreshing to watch. I've always struggled with following 'influencers' but I realise now I struggle with fake people. You are the only person I follow and actually care about online. You know what's best for you and if you don't right now you're working towards it. Ignore everything people say negatively, as a child who's parents split up when I was younger I remember everyone asking if I was okay, I was thrilled. The torture of being kept awake at night from the screams and fights was far worse than having 2 parents seperately who are working on themselves and you. You've got this, whether it be on with your children or with Stephen. You lose yourself a drug problem, toxic environment anything like that. Stay true and always trust in yourself because you've got everything at the palm of your hands!! (Apart from normality but that's boring) ♥️
Listening to you while I cook had really helped me and my spirit the past few weeks. I’m in a toxic relationship and we have two daughters together who are 3&4, currently working on getting out of here and away from him (verbally mentally abusive for the past 3 yrs) plus just started homeschooling my 11 yr old son and the worst part… my 13 yr old baby boy Eli ended his life on 5-10-22…. Funeral on his 14th birthday six days later. So for real, these videos have really been helping me. Thank you. Especially the part about living for today. Not being sad about yesterday nor worrying about tomorrow. Thank you for being vulnerable. Oh and I’m a recovering addict 5 yrs clean. But I have a plan and hopefully will be in a new house in a month. And I can heal better without being with a toxic narcissist.
😢 your boy Eli got out of this crazy game called “life” at 13?!? He gained his wings so young 😰 my heart breaks for that but I’m uplifted that you are still being a smart mom keeping your mental health in Check 🙏❤️
I m so proud of you!!! To think clearly and know that you are stucked. Is always healthier to have big group of friends as support. Other than your husband and kids. You need that circle to protect you, your kids and your well being. That is so vital in any relationship. Never never just restrict yourself, your life just myopic to your family and husband. It isn't healthy and will become toxic if you run out of fuel and energy. You need a supportive circle be it your parents, church friends or your other close friends group. Laura, you got this. You made the right decision and the right path. Go girl!!! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻🙏🙏🙏
Yes, balance is important, however marriage partner and children come first then supportive relationships and other things to help autonomy thrive. If it's not already ingrained, it takeas trial and error to figure out that balance with grace for when not in perfect or even near perfect alignment. I think that being a unique human living on this planet is a learning process.
Something that helped me not become dependent on my partner was to live in different houses. We actually lived in different cities and met at weekends. I think it helped to keep the relationship fresh and reduce friction. Some people asked me "So you are happy to be the weeked girl?" which I didn't understand at the time. This shows the power of the norm but norms don't seem to work for many people. We need to find what is healthy for us.
I’m learning so much about acceptance through you. I went through a horrific divorce 9 years ago. I was a hot MESS!! Lost everything. But one this I gained through all the pain and trauma was ME! I found me again. I realized that I couldn’t change anything that was happening and literally lived by the words “it is what it is”, accepting that I can’t control any of it. Through that gruesome process I died to my old self and found the real me. I was in there the whole time but became lost in my partners world.
Hey Laura I am grateful for your reminders to be grateful :). Also I think you might love 5 rhythms Dance meditation - dancing meditation, started by Gabrielle Roth, back in the 70's there are groups worldwide I have found particularly all dayers to be amazing and incredibly healing! I am ADHD dyspraxic and dyscalculic, and all sorts of other things including Grandmother to 2 lovely children, a survivor of an alcoholic drug abusive and violent home, a singer, songwriter, poet and artist ( yes pick up those drawing skills again !!) but am now among those things also happily married at this time, but also am 60 next year and about to restart my Fine Art degree again after lockdown and being ill with a thyroid problem. Go well Laura, and well done on finding your sangha xxx lots of love and hope and light to you from here in the UK xxxxx
I've been on my own journey of healing and breaking the cycle of codependency. It's tough (understatement of the century), but I get so much comfort and peace from you being honest about your journey and things you're learning. Thank you Laura.
It was really shitty day today but here are my 5 things: 1) I could get time to make a new recipe even though it didn`t come out perfectly 2) I completed my work which was a bit difficult for me today 3) I am grateful to be able to talk to my husband when he is far away and is not really getting connection 4) I am grateful that my son fell asleep early and I could get some me time 5) I am grateful I listened to your wonderful podcast, Laura, and got motivation for the next day
As someone in recovery I found being in a longterm relationship a very good way of losing myself because I was afraid of myself on my own. Facing myself as an individual is easy to hide from when you are a doting wife and mother. And being a nurse means looking at other people's problems rather than my own shortcomings.
You both are already so much healthier at this moment because you are working on yourselves instead of looking towards the other to make you whole. You both even everyday look healthier/brighter. I do feel like you both are equally responsible for the state your marriage got in. It’s not so much that romantic love is all consuming, but the goal is all relationships be nurtured….not easy. Idk why I am watching/deep listening to you & Stephen through this journey…but I think it’s because you both are so damn real and beautiful. (Btw totally makes sense that Alphie is yearning for your reassurance in the middle of the night. His world as he knew it has been rocked and you & Stephen both seem to be really doing wonderfully helping him know he is still safe & immensely loved. I know you didn’t ask for my opinion but I guess that kinda just goes along with posting content. Thank you for recommending the gently through 12 steps book ~ ordering it now. (Already ordered yours). That reminds me of something else I wanted to mention….. looking back now I can see Stephen was doing the comedy gig with you completely for you. He was out of his element & was giving it his all anyway. This separation will also give him the freedom to focus more directly on his gifts….I suppose that’s the point of the separation though . It’s crazy sometimes what it takes to break bonds that grew unhealthy. It took a crisis because I don’t feel either one of you on a typical (even super problematic) day would have separated. Keep doing what your doing ~ and also please keep in the forefront of your mind you never would have married Stephen if it weren’t for him being such an amazing man…& visa versa. Thank you for taking the time to read & absorb all of these comments.
I love your podcasts, they are helping me so much and it makes me feel unified not only as a femal but a human. As someone who suffers from anxiety, ocd, and ptsd im drawn to the steps even though im not an addict. They just seem practical even from a mental health aspect. Is that weird?
Laura, I am going through a huge life change as well and I thank you for telling your story! Life is a journey and it has some interesting lessons thrown our way
I am glad you have separated. I am afraid for him; everyday he is different and comes from such a negative place. I hope you both thrive and get through this.
Oh hun I’m So sorry you are going through it right now. You are such an inspiration though, don’t ever forget that. You are doing all the things to get your life in a more healthy place. Keep trying! You got this!
I needed to hear this so much today, thank you Laura you have helped me to see my flaws for what they are and now I will take the necessary steps to heal and break free from the holds of melancholic love. Plus I am an addict and can see how codependent and isolated I made myself while in my last relationship. Sending you light and positive energy from Sydney, Australia 🇦🇺
I relate to your comment about the hot tub. I find myself creating an unnecessary dependency on my husband for simple but specific tasks around our country home. I recognize that I unfairly put the burden on him while also being resentful for the dependency. I’m learning the importance of self responsibility and on taking on the aspects of my husband that I am dependent on him for… thus stopping the dependency/ resentment cycle. Also… side note. The further I go in my spiritual journey the more I understand the concept of the world/ people being our mirror. Not specifically from a child perspective but from a higher soul perspective. I’d recommend to keep an open mind and heart around these ideas as your perspective may evolve and change over time. Much love.
You are so STRONG! I guarantee these videos are going to help many many people. I admire your courage and strength. I hate that you're going through this and at the same time I absolutely love these videos. I love self help topics ❤️❤️
Hey Laura adored the idea of loving our crafts and our communities, using what we woukd use to chase romantic love and investing it into self love and a sense of onesness in our community. I join you on this.
Thank you so much for your beautifully raw content! I've been going through it too, and am very isolated. I'm still trying to work up the courage to reach out to friends to try to rebuild my connections and your talk helped me so much to take the next steps. It's so hard to reorient ourselves after a codependent addictive relationship. I have no family and so my relationship became my everything. We're 12 years in and I'm just done pushing a boulder up a hill to stay in connection with people that won't do their own work, won't clean their side of the street. I've spent the last year culling other connections (codependent friendships, exploitative employment) for the same reasons and it looks like my intimate relationship is going in the "shit that don't work" pile too. We can love them but we can't heal them...and if they only start the work when we say "Enough" then often they stop it once we let our guard/boundaries down. Take your time! Let yourself be YOU first.
"it's this or something better"...you have no idea what a paradigm shift that made in me and my situation - thank you. It's true - being okay in the moment and listening to yourself and your higher power is so so hard sometimes - thank you for sharing your journey and teaching with your words.
Laura, I can’t put into words how much you’ve helped me through my recent breakup. I’ve known subconsciously for a long time that my decisions are fear based and that I’m codependent in many ways. Thank you for telling me again and again that this is not how anyone should live and make decisions for their life. I’m taking my life back right now and that is something I’m grateful for ❤ thank you Laura for saying the right things at the right time.
Honestly after that voice I love you more. Your message resonates so much with me. You have really made me think! Thanks for sharing these deep pieces of you. 🥰🥰🥰
You are an inspiration. Thank you for being open and normalizing being single and not co dependent. I was in a 7 year long romantic relationship and learning how to live life without depending on someone was a tough battle but I've never been more headstrong place in my life. Hang in their girl. We are all in this together ❤
You've mentioned radical love more than once so I'm assuming you've read "Radical acceptance" by Tara Brach but wanted to throw it out there if not. It's an amazing book with Buddha teaching. Thank you for putting yourself out here every week for all us to relate to, learn from and know we're not alone. See you next Thursday 😊
I love listening to your podcasts. It really brings me back to the moment I’m in instead of worrying about what’s going to happen in the future. Thank you.
I may be completely wrong, but I get the feeling from Stephen that he just wants his family back ... whereas with you Laura, I feel like you have made your decision. My ex husband wanted to work on our marriage, but I knew that I was no longer in love with him, I just loved him ... and I knew he would eventually sense that ... which wasn't fair to him and his happiness.❤
She's making decisions based on now and what is. I don't think she's looking too far ahead into the future - this is the only way to protect her mental health it seems. She is accepting the situation in the now.
For me personally, Al Anon and women's groups are a lifesaver. I'm still in my relationship but I also get to explore so many other aspects of myself and my life within these spaces. And I learn most from just listening, from repeating the mantras and applying the traditions. I am only a week in. First things first. Progress not perfection. It works if you work it and you're worth it. All sounded so silly at first but I feel it's all so powerful already. I'm working on the higher power part. Your words and experience are so timely and this morning you've helped me set the right course for my day. Thank you
My husband and i went through something so similar that it’s almost eerie for me to listen to you and Stephen talk about what’s going on. We had to make healing ourselves as individuals our top priority. Our mindset was that even if we ended up divorcing we would be the best parents, coparents, and people we could be for ourselves and our kids at the end of the experience. It was immensely freeing to prioritize myself that way, and watching myself evolve was probably the most powerful I’ve ever felt. I feel optimistic for you both, regardless of the outcome of your marriage. Sending positive vibes to the universe for you Laura 💚
Reading this comment, and hearing Laura, has made me realize how much I put myself on the back burner. I make excuses for that. I need to save that 20$ in gas for when I drive to work. So I can't go see my friend. I have to take my son to a different city Dr appt, so I can't do anything for myself. I'm so anxious about how today is going to affect next week, I can't do the things I need to be happy. My partner of 5 years is constantly doing things that make him happy when he can, and I get upset because oh he's using our extra time and money and I can't do that. Which is unfair to him! And I'm not fair to myself. Idk why your comment really struck me, but thank you. 😊
This is such a sweet and encouraging comment to leave someone❤I really hope your proud of your empathy and love. I’m glad your experience ended with you feeling so empowered
My husband and I are going through something similar. I am trying to prioritize myself and better myself for me and not anyone else. But I also want my husband and to be with him but he wants a separation. I'm finding it hard to do better for me while being separate from him.
The eerie feeling you are having is not your imagination. This experience is happening for a lot of couples everywhere you look, to people in every category of existence, well off or not, and everything in between. You focusing on yourself, and your partner doing so as well, is shifting things in a collective way as well. Every step you take in treating yourself the way you deserve with unconditional love, compassion, and acceptance of all parts of you is literally helping others do the same. It's like a domino effect. It can't be the reason we use to motivate our journey into our Selves and all that goes on within, but it is a powerful ripple effect that goes out into the world once we start genuinely "main charactering" ourselves. Your self journey is literally making this world a better place. Thank you.
"oh shit, it's really hot outside"
Said the child you were told probably wouldn't speak.
When he won't quit talking, think about that. ❤️
I wish your whole family well.
You make a difference. Thank you. ✌️💕☺️
Laura, your podcast saved me. I’m not even kidding. Shit hit the fan for me recently and your podcast is the one thing I look forward to the most! Thank you for reminding to stay present in the moment, and to shift my focus to the most important things in my life.
1) this is amazing
2) your YT handle is amazing
Thank you for your time
One of my best friends taught me that romantic love is put on a platform above all else, when really it should be an even playing field. Platonic love, love for community, familial love. It’s all important. It really helped me with my independence and to find happiness by myself for myself
Yes! I wish platonic love was prioritized!
When you get married, you agree to put that marriage above everything else. That is what marriage is, otherwise, just don't get married. It's not required. The divorce rate is too high. And I really believe it's because people don't know how to put marriage first. We have become a very selfish society. I say that having come out of a 20 year marriage. My ex never learned to put his marriage and children above his own selfish wants and we are the ones that paid for it. He's still out there somewhere being selfish.
I think Stephen is talking the talk atm I think hes great but just recently hes like oh im coming home next week where as before he was ( looking back dramatically) right we’re separated whats my new life like this is new chapter,….. this week its .I think because you are coping so well he is just doing everything you wanted him to before.been more “ oh well I’ve just not slept at the house in the week🤷♀️??? & the 30 days is up soon ???
As I have gotten older, I've recognized how much superior simple friendship often is compared to romantic love and even familial love. There's something special about having adult friendships...there's an unspoken understanding that neither party is drunk off romance and therefore expecting the other to somehow solve all of their childhood trauma while providing constant cuddles and sexual pleasure :P That's a lot of pressure for anyone. Natural camaraderie develops on its own terms...slowly...but that's how you know the connection is mutually taken care of. There's no rush or undue pressure influenced by unhealthy emotional tendencies (most of the time, anyway!).
Don't even get me started on the sick twisted emotional games family members often play with each other hehe
Your podcasts are the only thing I enjoy listening to while cleaning. It's amazing how productive I am while listening to you. It's like I have a friend with me while I'm getting my life under control. And I feel like I'm allowing a friend to talk out what's going on in their life. I'm all ears for everything you need to get out and thank you for keeping me company.
OMG!!! Yes let's just not need anything!!! Be content with what is, love what is ♥️♥️♥️♥️
OMG!! I'm laughing so hard!! Just a little podcast!! Podcast in a funny little voice!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I love you!! You've helped me off the ledge!
Same here!! I listen to this and his daily vlog. After work and doing my house chores I listen to this little podcast.
Right?! Any other Podcast I’m nowhere near as productive! She’s esp perfect for us ADHDers to “body double” ❣️
Tell me why I look forward to these weekly or bi weekly talks /rants … feels like I’m talking to a friend even tho I’m just listening.❤️💕
Me too, love this women!! 👌
Hi friend ♥️
My husband always says who is that do you know her! Um ya she's a blogger and author. He said o I thought you knew her.
Lol I do she's my friend 😂
It's your Sanga time, your community in Buddhism.
Thank you for these talks. I am a person that lives with a lot of people that have anxiety and tend to be negative a lot and I am always trying to "fix" everything and make everything easier for everyone all the time. Lately I have just kinda let go and what will happen will happen and it feels so much better!!! And I have noticed the people around me are starting to calm down too and realize the worry isn't getting them anything but stress.
I am in the same type of situation. I felt like I was reading a comment I made. m happy things are going better for you.
You are about to experience freedom and peace you have never known ❤️
I can’t even explain how much you sharing this experience brings me peace. My husband is autistic and we have been struggling for the last couple of years. When you said that at first it was good, then it was good with problems and then it became just problems, I felt that in my soul. I have isolated for years. Given up on me and my wants, needs and boundaries for years. These videos have really brought me a sense of peace and realization that regardless of what happens with my husband and I, I need to focus on myself as well.
Laura "Know your worth."Write it down every day.Then write every day what that means to you.Don't look back and for now, don't look ahead.Just live in the moment for now.You need and deserve a break from everything and everyone.Yes, that includes your children.And don't feel guilty for it!Just you alone in a place where you find peace.Know your worth.
5 Thing I’m Grateful For
1. My baby girls are chasing each other round & round the bedroom at the moment. At the end of next month- my Irish twins will be turning 2 & 3. I’m very grateful for these 1 & 2 moments, still. Embracing what I can before their birthdays! I love you, Lola & Frankie!!!
2. Lola used the potty TWICE yesterday, while I was home alone with them.
3. This fucking podcast!! It has shown me that my life will be so much brighter after my separation. I can feel the lightness already, just detaching myself from this toxic relationship & having to focus more on myself & my girls, without any male dominant distractions.
4. I am grateful that I made it through yesterday, my very first time home alone with my girls (my husband typically works from home, so that he can still help me.) But, he had to go into work yesterday for some mandatory training & though I did have two panic attacks yesterday, all by myself- I worked through them. I was finally able to get both girls down for a nap, eventually..(they’re both sick with RSV right now, so that made it extra hard) anyway, my amazing therapist told me how proud she was of me, especially for just being able to wake up at 7:30 in the morning, as soon as Lola woke up. That was a big deal for me, bc I’m a heavy sleeper. (I’m also sick, as well.)
5!! The last thing I’d say I’m grateful for & wow how hard it has been to write this out & to come up with 5 different things. (I’m having writers block right now & for the last 7 1/2 years..) I’m grateful that I was able to write out some shit that I am grateful for.. 😜
Thanks Laura 🙏🏽
I love how Alfie changes his accent! 😂 I appreciate listening to these. I am very much on a journey of self discovery after facing addiction.
I lost myself too. For over two decades.
When you said you weren’t even smart enough to turn on a hot tub, I burst into tears - I felt the same exact way for all that time - I was made to feel incapable of making any kind of decisions, big or small, without him.
It was awful.
I’m still constantly triggered, and I fear I will never heal, but I will never EVER allow myself to become dependent on anyone like that ever again.
You will heal ❤ you’ve got this & you are capable.
@@MilkshakeSnake360 - thank you 🖤
I really needed this today. We have very, VERY similar situations that I just don't have a friend to talk with that really gets it. New in sobriety, divorce, coparenting, being a mom, and feeling so lonely. The loneliest I've ever felt has been this last year and I haven't been okay. I know I'm not the only person going through this, obviously. Sometimes it feels that way and listening to you has been so helpful. Thank you, Laura💜
I know all about OCD with intrusive thoughts. I'm also a strong Empath. One thing I will say to you is, that Stephen is deeply hurting. I feel it so strong. So in THIS moment, he WANTS to be what you need and feels lost without his family. Whether y'all move past it, or move on, his pain and heart is genuine in this moment. I hope that helps even a little. ♡ Watching you both. Xx
Thank you for sharing your experience and modeling healthy coping skills! It’s easy to read all the books, attend seminars… but watching someone deal with life in the way you want to takes it up a notch. It’s beyond helpful. You reminded me today to stay in today and to do the next right thing. I used to have them up on my wall, and now I’m going to put them up on these (new) walls. Thank you again. Sending you so much love 💚✨
I had my Son at 20 and my Daughter at 22 years old. . I really wish you'd been around then as all your Mom videos and personal videos and comedy (basically everything you've done) has helped me so much and would've helped me even more when I was going through such similar things. . You're very strong and brave Laura. You're going to help so many people. I've followed you since the beginning and think you and your family are so lovely. . I think you'll have your own series on Netflix/TV as you're so talented. The times you've made me laugh when I just wanted to cry.. Thank-you for all that you do as it helps as it makes so much sense to me without going too deep into it. I can't wait to ready your book as something you said in this video really made me see something.. Thank-you 💜🌸💜
Hi Laura, 38 y.o mum of 3 kids and recently diagnosed ADHDer from Australia here. Thankyou for your vulnerability and beautiful shares qith your community. Sisterhood is so important. Connection for women in particular is SO important. If you think of it, our ancestors use to sit in tribe and dance around in circles, helped eachother give birth to their children and help eachother out in eachothers lives... it was the way it was and people, women thrived! We've lost that deep connection. We've lost ourselves in the haze and veil of our society.
I can understand very deeply about the co-dependency. I struggle with it myself. When you described how codependency was for you eg: filling up the bathtub I can SO RELATE! In a way, codependency is an addiction and it starts seeping into your life in all areas.
All of this is all very relative to ADHD apparently, so I've been reading. Its obsessions and impulsiveness.
The casing the dopamine is from having a neurodivergent brain. Its just the way we are but we can definitely manage it with therapy and other means.
Thankyou again for sharing what's on your heart with us.
Take care of YOU. The rest will flow.
You are enough and you are doing great!
From one sister to another, sending you so much love ❤️
Laura, I love what you said about living in the “now.” Things do have a way of working out. You are young and you have time. Watching Stephen on his blog , he wants answers RIGHT NOW.
I feel he is looking at his viewers for the answer. He needs to look inside. Bless you both. God WILL take care of this. Helping others and being philanthropic is an awesome way to become more powerful and STRONG.
I think it's brilliant, the people who dislike this are not in recovery or they would see the value in growth, healing, and release this processing provides. Thank you!
Laura, I have been following you since the beginning. I feel like you are my friend! I am absolutely, life- changingly , inspired by your new vibe. You have sought out ways to make sense of it all and you are becoming a new woman with exciting new spirituality and healing philosophies. It's really powerful to watch. The fact that you have this new realization that you lost yourself gives you a beautiful opportunity to find yourself. You are enchanting and I am so proud of you!
I went through something almost exactly like this recently, and you're so right it is so incredibly fucked. You are not alone Laura and you're doing fucking great. xx
Laura, I don't think you will ever understand just how much these videos are helping people. This one in particular came to me at the exact time I needed to hear all of this. So thank you 🙏
I’m really grateful for you both of you being so vulnerable and open about this season of life. My husband and I both are in recovery for going on 6 years with young children and although we haven’t gone through the same struggles that you are currently, the journey you are both on separately and together is REALLY powerful for me to have insight into. Not becoming complacent in the things the 12 steps continues to teach us is so important. Thank you so much.
I had my son in April of 2021 and his dad left almost immediately. I’ve been so focused on trying to force him to be involved in anything in our sons life and that part of my life has consumed me so much. I heard of the power of now through others, but when I watched the video you mentioned it in I bought it. That was the 3rd time that day, I knew I was meant to read it. It has greatly improved me… myself and I’m grateful for you! Every week! ❤️ You’re killing it.
As for the improvements Stephen is showing. Of course he is on his best behavior. That is natural. He wants his family and partner. Give it time. Time will tell. Don’t get too caught up in yourself and you own space. You are a mother. Your kids are actually where the focus needs to be for the time being. it is so easy to get so caught up in loving ourselves in these situations that we forget the kids are focus one for the next few years. The kids ARE NOT too young for the stuff between you and Stephen to affect them. The kids love and need you both. Never lose sight of that. I have been on this path with 4 children. They are affected. Count on it. You may not see the true repercussions for years. Don’t let yourself get so inner focused on your own healing that you miss what they need and must have to grow up whole themselves. ❤️❤️❤️
1. I’m grateful that I’m alive and fairly healthy.
2. I’m grateful that I have a child that I love more than anything in the world.
3. I’m grateful that I have a partner who supports me and loves me.
4. I’m grateful for my family, my mother, my sister and my two amazing nephews.
5. I’m grateful that I just got a part-time job after being on disability benefits for six years.
Thank you so much for today’s podcast. It was very inspiring❤
We’re going through same thing Laura, thanks for these podcasts
Hi Laura it's really inspiring i loved the podcast♥️
One of my all time favorite quotes. “ I am not responsible for the emotions or well-being of others. “ in reference to codependency relationships. ❤️
(It’s different with kids of course.)
It is SO freeing finding the power to step away from those dynamics in relationships. It is healthy to expect your partner to take care of their emotions so that they can truly meet you in the middle!
Supporting one another of course is important. But one partner cannot carry the weight of trying to hold the other one up. When each person is standing on their own two feet- a balanced give and take can happen and that’s when a relationship absolutely thrives.
Laura I can’t tell you how much you have taught me to deal with my anxiety by stating my actual surroundings and what I’m doing and telling myself I’m okay. And staying in today. The mind is so powerful 🤯
My husband and I went through exactly what you guys are going through. And it was destroying me and I told my husband because he was just diagnosed with bipolar at that time because he tried to kill himself. So when he was diagnosed with bipolar I was like you can get the help and make your life better and us be happier or if you don't get help I'm walking away because I'm not going to ruin myself because you don't want to get help. So now my husband's been on meds for over a year he's doing great. He's doing a hundred times better than what he was doing before he was diagnosed with bipolar and without meds. We are actually part of a team he helps he's learning to communicate better. But because he didn't want to lose me he did whatever he could to get the help and that was a sipulation to stay married. Because when you're married you're there for each other and you're good and bad not just the good. I told them if you want help I'll be here all the time to be there for you but if you don't get help this is going to destroy me and I can't do it because I have nine autoimmune diseases and I'm terminal. So we got the help he does what he's supposed to do and it's so much better now.
Good on you girl!!! U got a glow about you!!! Do what makes you happy... youve got major spiritual awakening vibes!! I see amazing big bright things coming to you!!! ♡
My mom has been clean and sober for 13 or 14 years now, and her mantra is, "One day at a time." That's all we can manage. You are on the right track with staying in the moment and taking things as they come.
Laura, i really feel like you've got things to share with the world. I'm ready for book #3 about finding yourself with art sketches. Cannot wait! Please please please.
18 yr relationship ended... finally able to move on and live my life! I have that man my 20s and 30s! My time is now! Healing is priority for me, and this was very inspirational and the path I would like to stay on! Thank you the anxiety and that pit in your stomach IS REAL!
Girl it’s scary how accurate you are. Like if you need someone to deep listen. I’m here. ❤
I think that if you go back into the relationship and keep up working on yourselves, and keep up having your own lives while having a life together as well. Because no matter what you will be a family and I think if you think of it as two strong people growing by themselves while growing alongside each other and just being there for each other but without taking on each other(like being present and loving each other but not taking on each other and each other’s struggles, just loving and helping lift each other up but not putting it into yourselves). You can have both. Knowing that you do not want to be codependent, but you can be independent and love each other. It does not have to be the whole world to you, but it is an aspect and that is okay. You just have to be aware of not letting it over power the other aspects.
Wow. Thank you for being a bit vulnerable. I can't believe how many feeling/thoughts someone else felt.. it makes me realize how similar we all are and why are we not talking about this more. The "living in today" has kept me going and enjoying the present. This podcast touches home.
I’m a 3 today but I’m out and pushing myself. Dealing with cancer and recovering from Covid. Man, life hits hard sometimes.
Sending love and healing vibes ❤ You got this 💪🏼
Sometimes we just gotta hold on. True strength is when we have no other choice. 🙏🏻🫶🏻
❤️❤️
I am constantly searching for community. This hits home for me. Thank you for being you.
It is such a hard situation. When you made the comment "Is he only doing these things to get me back?" God I hope not because that's what has happened to me so many times with my spouse. I have been watching your husband's videos as well and am worried for him. You keep looking out for you and your babies and follow your gut.
Absolutely all of this. She has to remain strong for herself and him. And, by that, let him heal first before he becomes codependent again.
As I said in another comment ....people are SO READY to jump ship. When I got married it was for rich or poor, better worse, till death we part. To me it's selfish to just be like " oh...my husband needs help!! He screwed up!? Forget him! It's all about me!" Idk I watch Steven. It's sad. EVERYONE screws up! Just like when Laura went to a massage parlor and got rubbed out. What if Steven had done the same? They were good together. She's forgetting this. Poor kids.
@@acgray1972 I doubt that she is not concerned about him. She has to let him find his own way to heal. We can’t force someone to be happy and we can’t make them happy if they are not happy with themselves. She is doing what is best for her and her children. I have been through this. 💖
@@acgray1972 I don't think she said any of those things.
@@acgray1972 I agree w you, I get the same impression.
I freaking love these talks with you. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. ❤️❤️ Much love and light.
I love your humor in all of this........and here I am feeling so emotional for you both. Saying that in the little voice to make you laugh too.
These podcasts are so helpful for me!! I wish you did them more times an week. I really been struggling lately and these having been helping me!!
This is massively interesting and insightful, gotta say, you really are my hero of late! Hugely relate to everything you're going through, I may never make the leap, but I'm honestly finding your process of rediscovering yourself deeply inspiring. I salute you!🤩
Faith in you. Leap. Like, why NOT? Flying is just falling in control. Nobody knows THE WAY. 🕊
Believe you can, keep on keepin, and be proud of every day you feel joy. That’s how you fly like a thousand doves -GaGa lyric-
Laura, I’m new here and it’s so refreshing to hear both you and your husband talk so openly at the same time about your struggles while separating currently. It gives hope to those of us who are in relationships that no longer serve us mutually. Whether you guys get back together or not, I can speak for myself when I say this has brought me immense peace. I don’t plan on my fiancé or I ever separating, but that’s not always the case later on in life. We all change throughout our lives and sometimes we need to be reminded to step back and focus on ourselves individually. When your identity is wrapped up in being a partner we can lose ourselves in that and not be able to support one another. Love you so much and I’ll keep you and yours in my thoughts. 🙏❤️
*_Thanks for watching send a direct message on the telegram👆 handle above, I will love to hear your thoughts on it and for more enlightenment❤️_*
I love listening to you and I pray that you come out happy mentally and physically on the other side no matter what happens! I know if anyone can do it it will be you! ❤️
I remember your story about how you two met. The first thing you knew about each other was you were recovering addicts. You were excited that he understood you. That was an attraction. What else attracted you to him?
The fact he was vegan attracted her to him too
Yes but in my experience all my patients with eating disorders are vegan ,have been 20+ years & we now know Stephen has an eating disorder
I am finding that listening to both yours & Stevens thinking as you go through this is helping me accept my own situation…having watched you both from the early days I just wanted to say the ‘funny’ voice at the end was a nice reminder of the fun you can find in the dark days (no grammar or punctuation there but I’m posting before I delete on the review as I usually do!) take care lovely lady you’re helping so many people by letting us into a small part of your life & mind xxxx
1) My kids
2) My family & friends/my support system
3) My husband
4) A roof over my head and for on my table
5) Freedom to be myself
Thank you for always reminding us to be grateful!!! 💙🖤💙🖤💙
I have so much love and respect for you both. Support and love to you and your family. ❤️ one day at a time
Wow!! So much of this makes sense. My Husband micro manages everything I do out of care and him thinking he knows best. I think he is on the Autistic spectrum, so all of this echoes. I am now trying to live more independently.i have always fought my corner but I notice the dependency creeping in and believing my husband, even if I know I am right. Thank you so much. Really helping right now. My Husband and I are strong and happy together but the constant need to fight for my independence is hard work.
Thank you for sharing so much on this. I feel a lot like Stephen and it’s hard. I love hearing your side too. It’s so helpful. It’s things I want to work on myself always and especially during my marriage. My husband and I are doing so well and even stronger together now. But with my mental illness and now severe physical illness, me finally letting him in and working on myself and who I am as a person on my own and with him. While he has been working on working on emotions and being more emotionally available for himself (I love seeing his growth with it) and me. While I’m doing the same. Idk that’s was a ramble but I appreciate how you’re sharing so much. Always appreciated you and always will 💜💚
I love you guys together but it is nice to know that y’all are not perfect. That both of y’all are so down to earth. I do hope you two get back together if you can both be happy . Rooting for you guys!!❤😊
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I have a lot of trauma in my background and now as a grown woman, wife and mother - I catch myself catastrophizing and telling myself stories or scenarios that seem plausible given my history but don’t take into account change of circumstance and certainly aren’t things I can say I absolutely know to be true. They sure FEEL true in my tightened chest and queasy stomach. But I don’t know. It’s like waking from a terrible, frightening dream. The feelings I have in my body are real. THOSE are real. But the thoughts that precipitated the feelings were just ideas my brain put together that terrified me. So it sure takes a lot of deep breathing and forcing myself to think other thoughts in order to locate peace again.
Glad you are taking things one step at a time. I have been watching S’s videos and he seems to be moving very rapidly. From ideas to plans to worries to decisions etc. He asks for comments but my sense is he isn’t reading or absorbing the ones he doesn’t like. So hold firm - and maybe he will be able to slow himself down and recognize that the best thing to do ESPECIALLY in times of crisis and change… IS to remain present in this moment and do the next right thing. Knowing that the future is formed by the steps we take in the present. Sending love and peace to the whole family. Stay safe and well. Still in a pandemic on top of everything else!!! I think a lot of people are struggling with loss and with grief and with mental illness. We are here to help each other. ☮️❤️🌷
PS!!!! I saw you singing SIERRA FERRELL’s ‘DREAMS’ in your stories. She’s amazing and last night they LiveStreamed the Americana Awards and she performed. It was an amazing show and had many of my favorite artists and music!!! I think it’s still up on FB and maybe YT … AMERICANA FEST AWARDS. **Hope you see at least this part!!!!! Sierra won emerging Americana artist! Also a friend and fellow musician does a Livestream on Thursday eves - here is the link to tonight’s. It was wonderful. ua-cam.com/video/0i3iuQzVCqg/v-deo.html
Praying for you Laura, continue your healing. Love the advice, keeping this very real and raw. So refreshing to hear you talk about everything you've struggled with. You got this ❤️🙏🫂
I'm quite a realist and find optimists such a clichè HOWEVER I find you incredibly refreshing to watch. I've always struggled with following 'influencers' but I realise now I struggle with fake people. You are the only person I follow and actually care about online.
You know what's best for you and if you don't right now you're working towards it. Ignore everything people say negatively, as a child who's parents split up when I was younger I remember everyone asking if I was okay, I was thrilled. The torture of being kept awake at night from the screams and fights was far worse than having 2 parents seperately who are working on themselves and you.
You've got this, whether it be on with your children or with Stephen.
You lose yourself a drug problem, toxic environment anything like that.
Stay true and always trust in yourself because you've got everything at the palm of your hands!! (Apart from normality but that's boring) ♥️
Listening to you while I cook had really helped me and my spirit the past few weeks. I’m in a toxic relationship and we have two daughters together who are 3&4, currently working on getting out of here and away from him (verbally mentally abusive for the past 3 yrs) plus just started homeschooling my 11 yr old son and the worst part… my 13 yr old baby boy Eli ended his life on 5-10-22…. Funeral on his 14th birthday six days later.
So for real, these videos have really been helping me. Thank you. Especially the part about living for today. Not being sad about yesterday nor worrying about tomorrow. Thank you for being vulnerable. Oh and I’m a recovering addict 5 yrs clean.
But I have a plan and hopefully will be in a new house in a month. And I can heal better without being with a toxic narcissist.
😢 your boy Eli got out of this crazy game called “life” at 13?!? He gained his wings so young 😰 my heart breaks for that but I’m uplifted that you are still being a smart mom keeping your mental health in Check 🙏❤️
Sending you so many blessings and hugs. Devastating, unspeakable loss 💔 Well done for rebuilding for your smalls and yourself.
I m so proud of you!!! To think clearly and know that you are stucked. Is always healthier to have big group of friends as support. Other than your husband and kids. You need that circle to protect you, your kids and your well being. That is so vital in any relationship. Never never just restrict yourself, your life just myopic to your family and husband. It isn't healthy and will become toxic if you run out of fuel and energy. You need a supportive circle be it your parents, church friends or your other close friends group.
Laura, you got this. You made the right decision and the right path.
Go girl!!! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻🙏🙏🙏
Yes, balance is important, however marriage partner and children come first then supportive relationships and other things to help autonomy thrive. If it's not already ingrained, it takeas trial and error to figure out that balance with grace for when not in perfect or even near perfect alignment. I think that being a unique human living on this planet is a learning process.
Something that helped me not become dependent on my partner was to live in different houses. We actually lived in different cities and met at weekends. I think it helped to keep the relationship fresh and reduce friction. Some people asked me "So you are happy to be the weeked girl?" which I didn't understand at the time. This shows the power of the norm but norms don't seem to work for many people. We need to find what is healthy for us.
I’m learning so much about acceptance through you. I went through a horrific divorce 9 years ago. I was a hot MESS!! Lost everything. But one this I gained through all the pain and trauma was ME! I found me again. I realized that I couldn’t change anything that was happening and literally lived by the words “it is what it is”, accepting that I can’t control any of it. Through that gruesome process I died to my old self and found the real me. I was in there the whole time but became lost in my partners world.
Hey Laura I am grateful for your reminders to be grateful :). Also I think you might love 5 rhythms Dance meditation - dancing meditation, started by Gabrielle Roth, back in the 70's there are groups worldwide I have found particularly all dayers to be amazing and incredibly healing! I am ADHD dyspraxic and dyscalculic, and all sorts of other things including Grandmother to 2 lovely children, a survivor of an alcoholic drug abusive and violent home, a singer, songwriter, poet and artist ( yes pick up those drawing skills again !!) but am now among those things also happily married at this time, but also am 60 next year and about to restart my Fine Art degree again after lockdown and being ill with a thyroid problem.
Go well Laura, and well done on finding your sangha xxx lots of love and hope and light to you from here in the UK xxxxx
So happy to see you to come to these realisations! You are setting yourself free! This why you are so happy. Xxx
I've been on my own journey of healing and breaking the cycle of codependency. It's tough (understatement of the century), but I get so much comfort and peace from you being honest about your journey and things you're learning. Thank you Laura.
It was really shitty day today but here are my 5 things:
1) I could get time to make a new recipe even though it didn`t come out perfectly
2) I completed my work which was a bit difficult for me today
3) I am grateful to be able to talk to my husband when he is far away and is not really getting connection
4) I am grateful that my son fell asleep early and I could get some me time
5) I am grateful I listened to your wonderful podcast, Laura, and got motivation for the next day
As someone in recovery I found being in a longterm relationship a very good way of losing myself because I was afraid of myself on my own. Facing myself as an individual is easy to hide from when you are a doting wife and mother. And being a nurse means looking at other people's problems rather than my own shortcomings.
This one hit different. Thank you for this, Laura. I needed this. Truly, thank you.
You both are already so much healthier at this moment because you are working on yourselves instead of looking towards the other to make you whole. You both even everyday look healthier/brighter. I do feel like you both are equally responsible for the state your marriage got in. It’s not so much that romantic love is all consuming, but the goal is all relationships be nurtured….not easy. Idk why I am watching/deep listening to you & Stephen through this journey…but I think it’s because you both are so damn real and beautiful. (Btw totally makes sense that Alphie is yearning for your reassurance in the middle of the night. His world as he knew it has been rocked and you & Stephen both seem to be really doing wonderfully helping him know he is still safe & immensely loved. I know you didn’t ask for my opinion but I guess that kinda just goes along with posting content. Thank you for recommending the gently through 12 steps book ~ ordering it now. (Already ordered yours). That reminds me of something else I wanted to mention….. looking back now I can see Stephen was doing the comedy gig with you completely for you. He was out of his element & was giving it his all anyway. This separation will also give him the freedom to focus more directly on his gifts….I suppose that’s the point of the separation though . It’s crazy sometimes what it takes to break bonds that grew unhealthy. It took a crisis because I don’t feel either one of you on a typical (even super problematic) day would have separated. Keep doing what your doing ~ and also please keep in the forefront of your mind you never would have married Stephen if it weren’t for him being such an amazing man…& visa versa. Thank you for taking the time to read & absorb all of these comments.
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I love your podcasts, they are helping me so much and it makes me feel unified not only as a femal but a human. As someone who suffers from anxiety, ocd, and ptsd im drawn to the steps even though im not an addict. They just seem practical even from a mental health aspect. Is that weird?
Laura, I am going through a huge life change as well and I thank you for telling your story! Life is a journey and it has some interesting lessons thrown our way
I am glad you have separated. I am afraid for him; everyday he is different and comes from such a negative place. I hope you both thrive and get through this.
Have also been listening daily. I hope he gets the support he needs and thrives in the same way Laura is.
Oh hun I’m
So sorry you are going through it right now. You are such an inspiration though, don’t ever forget that. You are doing all the things to get your life in a more healthy place. Keep trying! You got this!
I needed to hear this so much today, thank you Laura you have helped me to see my flaws for what they are and now I will take the necessary steps to heal and break free from the holds of melancholic love. Plus I am an addict and can see how codependent and isolated I made myself while in my last relationship. Sending you light and positive energy from Sydney, Australia 🇦🇺
Seriously Laura it’s helping me so much listening to you. Amazed by your strength and example.
I relate to your comment about the hot tub. I find myself creating an unnecessary dependency on my husband for simple but specific tasks around our country home. I recognize that I unfairly put the burden on him while also being resentful for the dependency. I’m learning the importance of self responsibility and on taking on the aspects of my husband that I am dependent on him for… thus stopping the dependency/ resentment cycle.
Also… side note. The further I go in my spiritual journey the more I understand the concept of the world/ people being our mirror. Not specifically from a child perspective but from a higher soul perspective. I’d recommend to keep an open mind and heart around these ideas as your perspective may evolve and change over time. Much love.
You are so STRONG! I guarantee these videos are going to help many many people. I admire your courage and strength. I hate that you're going through this and at the same time I absolutely love these videos. I love self help topics ❤️❤️
Hey Laura adored the idea of loving our crafts and our communities, using what we woukd use to chase romantic love and investing it into self love and a sense of onesness in our community. I join you on this.
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I'm not done listening. I love your cute voices! Your strength radiates. Hugs and love!
Thank you so much for your beautifully raw content! I've been going through it too, and am very isolated. I'm still trying to work up the courage to reach out to friends to try to rebuild my connections and your talk helped me so much to take the next steps.
It's so hard to reorient ourselves after a codependent addictive relationship. I have no family and so my relationship became my everything. We're 12 years in and I'm just done pushing a boulder up a hill to stay in connection with people that won't do their own work, won't clean their side of the street.
I've spent the last year culling other connections (codependent friendships, exploitative employment) for the same reasons and it looks like my intimate relationship is going in the "shit that don't work" pile too.
We can love them but we can't heal them...and if they only start the work when we say "Enough" then often they stop it once we let our guard/boundaries down. Take your time! Let yourself be YOU first.
Love is so much bigger and deeper than mere romance. Romantic love is just a small part of it. Love is all encompassing.
"it's this or something better"...you have no idea what a paradigm shift that made in me and my situation - thank you. It's true - being okay in the moment and listening to yourself and your higher power is so so hard sometimes - thank you for sharing your journey and teaching with your words.
Laura, I can’t put into words how much you’ve helped me through my recent breakup. I’ve known subconsciously for a long time that my decisions are fear based and that I’m codependent in many ways. Thank you for telling me again and again that this is not how anyone should live and make decisions for their life. I’m taking my life back right now and that is something I’m grateful for ❤ thank you Laura for saying the right things at the right time.
Struggling today. 😔
Needed this ♥️🙏🏼
These podcasts are pure gold. Every second of it is what I need to hear and it’s awesome thank you
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Honestly after that voice I love you more. Your message resonates so much with me. You have really made me think! Thanks for sharing these deep pieces of you. 🥰🥰🥰
You are an inspiration. Thank you for being open and normalizing being single and not co dependent. I was in a 7 year long romantic relationship and learning how to live life without depending on someone was a tough battle but I've never been more headstrong place in my life. Hang in their girl. We are all in this together ❤
You've mentioned radical love more than once so I'm assuming you've read "Radical acceptance" by Tara Brach but wanted to throw it out there if not. It's an amazing book with Buddha teaching.
Thank you for putting yourself out here every week for all us to relate to, learn from and know we're not alone. See you next Thursday 😊
Going thru it too. On new meds now to help me sleep - thanks so much for all your practical + helpful + soulful inspo x💚x
You can love someone so much and recognize that when you are together you are not a good combination.
Your videos are giving me liiiffee right now. It's all so relatable.
I’m proud of you. You’re doing really well! ❤️❤️
I love the tidbits about Alfie at the end 💗
You're doing an amazing job, Laura!!
Figure out your needs while you have this time. You need to use this time wisely. You have a decision to make, and it is not a light one.
I love listening to your podcasts. It really brings me back to the moment I’m in instead of worrying about what’s going to happen in the future. Thank you.
Omg the toddler talking to your face for an hour was so relatable 😩 🤣🤣🤣
WOW r u growing immensely. I pray for both u and Stephen to both come out of this journey stronger, healthy. Take care of yourself. U r evolving.
Stephen…she’s fleeing the scene. Prepare appropriately
I may be completely wrong, but I get the feeling from Stephen that he just wants his family back ... whereas with you Laura, I feel like you have made your decision.
My ex husband wanted to work on our marriage, but I knew that I was no longer in love with him, I just loved him ... and I knew he would eventually sense that ... which wasn't fair to him and his happiness.❤
She's making decisions based on now and what is. I don't think she's looking too far ahead into the future - this is the only way to protect her mental health it seems. She is accepting the situation in the now.
I think he is gay :(
For me personally, Al Anon and women's groups are a lifesaver. I'm still in my relationship but I also get to explore so many other aspects of myself and my life within these spaces. And I learn most from just listening, from repeating the mantras and applying the traditions. I am only a week in. First things first. Progress not perfection. It works if you work it and you're worth it. All sounded so silly at first but I feel it's all so powerful already. I'm working on the higher power part. Your words and experience are so timely and this morning you've helped me set the right course for my day. Thank you
THANK YOU FOR THIS IMPORTANT TALK and sharing....I needed it !! you helped others! God bless 🌺🌹♥
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