YOUR GUIDE to Staying Out of Narcissistic Relationships
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I feel blessed to have come full circle. I lived alone with my dog when I met my narcissistic husband and now that he has passed I am living alone with my dog and very very content. One and done. It is quite simply wonderful being alone after what I experienced. I do not miss the toxicity.
I lived alone with five dogs when I met my exhusband. Each time I got pregnant one of my dogs would pass. Now I live with my five children. They see their dad every other weekend. Please pray for them. I’m also one and done.
Each day, I pray for God to give me the desires that he has for me. And so far, I have no desire to be attracted to another human being for any romantic or sexual endeavors. I am happy and loving my adventure.
Karma, eh?
Same here!
I remember that feeling xxxx
Past that after a time you might want to be with a few more people more again.
I was happy me, kids, dog and best friends with cats across the Rd a lot of years.
Focus on your health and well-being. You got this.
@@stephanieurick8820what happened? Was it some illness or an accident?
A small tip I found that destroys them is to simply not look at them. Even when talking to them. Don't look at them.
This is gold. Thanks Dr
I should have trusted my intuition. I knew what was good for me. My intuition was always my guide., I should have kept assholes out of my life.
A friend/enabler called me "intolerant" when I withdrew from the narcissist early in the relationship. It hurt. But then I owned it. Yep...I AM intolerant. And I like it that way. ❤
Enabler sounds correct.
😊
Good for you!
Intolerant towards abuse? Well, they were right about that
What a joke. Let them tolerate him then.
Additional red flags...
1. Unapologetic
2. Unwilling to change behaviours
3. Actions don't align with words
4. Constantly gives excuses
5. Unaccommodating; their way or no way
6. Self-referential
Just described my husband
@@Psychiatrist-SachiBangmine too🙈
Consistently late, unaccountable and unapologetic. Even angry. At you. For their being late.
My narc husband is actually always on time, but all the narc traits fit him perfectly.
My list of red flags. Only now after going no contact and in the smear campaign phase do I recognize them. I was so ignorant.
1. She pursues you hard.
2. Vanity in clothing, car and makeup.
3. No punctuality. Everything is on her time schedule.
4. Disdain for people with lower clothing standards.
5. Disdain for people of lower education or employment.
6. She wants to become your gatekeeper...to "help" lighten your work load.
7. Super jealous of any woman who talks to you.
8. False patronizing.
9. Comes from a horribly broken home of abuse.
10. Her children disrespect and yell at her.
11. Goes ballistic if you don't respond right away to her texts.
12. Jealous of women you may have known in your past. Even if they've passed on. (Widow-widower)
This whole thing has made me completely gun shy and I can't believe I was this stupid to ignore all the warning flags. "Live and learn" takes on a whole new meaning with this experience.
You are not stupid. You cared for someone. They were not a good person. Happens to many of us. Move on with your new knowledge.
@@naspa2790 'moving on' is the hardest part. 6 months later and I'm still mentally destroyed. It's not as easy as people just like to say out loud.
@@BradleyQuerruel it’s not easy at all. Devastating to move forward after you realize what’s been done to you. It’s a very slow process. I’m still climbing out of a life I gas lighted myself about. I focus on what he did and also how badly I wanted it to work. Then realizing I was just a pawn for his selfishness. It knocked my world off its orbit. But I’m learning and analyzing and listening to Doctor Ramani’s videos. I’m starting to see things for what they really were.
@@naspa2790 I'm not cut out to last if this is a long process as everyone warns me about. This was my 2nd marriage, & it took a long time to allow myself to enter another relationship. I'm Australian & she's American & I went through all the effort to bring her here, help her get a job, only to find out that once the visa was granted, she sleeping with her grotesquely much older boss & telling him she wants to be with him all behind my back for months. We even came over to Indiana for Thanksgiving last year all the while she was sexting him without me having any idea something was up.
If by staying single means I never get close to this feeling ever again, then so be it. Mentally I'm done. It's only a matter of time before it becomes physically checking out because I cannot live with the shame, embarrassment, & humilation of being happy....
@@BradleyQuerruelsorry to hear. I don’t think you should take yourself out but getting a divorce, adopting a pet and staying alone can bring meaning to life. I speak from experience. I almost fell for a narcissist a second time and caught it and went no contact. Now it’s just me, my critters and nature. I try to avoid people as much as possible. Good luck to you.
1. Remember your reality and value your opinion, and if the narcissist questions your reality go over the original story.
2. Don't fall for charisma or charm. It might be covering their true personality
3.academic, smart people are not necessarily good. Intelligence is just a skill. Get to know them first.
4. Like no.3, don't be fooled by rich or successful people. They may be up there for the right reasons but not always. A person is still a person. Pay attention to their actions.
5. Watch how they treat other people and talk about others.
6. Learn the narcissist's reactions or "tells" eg. Watch how they behave when things don't go their way.
7. Set firm boundaries. It's okay to say no. Good people will respect your boundaries and the bad people won't. Protect yourself.
8.
8. Get rid of the enablers, they will make the narc have more access to you.
9. Dont give second chances. It just makes it more likely for it to happen again.
10. Surround yourself with good people!
@@chpcovers6560Thank you! Very helpful.
@@chpcovers6560 Thank you so much for making the checklist.
👏🏻🙏🏻💙
❤
Part of a good narcissistic repellent is knowing yourself. You know yourself better than anybody else. Stay grounded and to thy self be true. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🤔❤🇺🇸
After going through two relationships with narcissists and dealing with my two sisters, it really tests your faith in humanity and God.
God will Never Fail you. He’s the Only One you can TRUST . I know it’s hard….. I admit, it hurt my Faith. But, Stand on His Word. He is Faithful ❤
I'm thinking you and I must be magnets for the narcissists. However, 3 of mine were family, 1 late husband. Being of a certain age I realized I have no desire to complicate my life with anyone beyond my dog. I luckily have a best friend of 45 years that is not a narcissist. When I need to I just call one of my friends and talk for a while. Interestingly, all the people I connect with now no longer want or need a "mate" and the occasional outing or phone call suffices.
Agreed. I found God really showed up and showed out. I have that peace that passes understanding, now. I was not there in the beginning, though I thought I was. I encourage you to continue in prayer, read a chapter or three of the Bible each day, (3 chapters a day will get you through it in a year. Personally I can only do one a day. I recommend starting with the book of John, a book of love) and only take advice from friends who are truly honest with you (even if it hurts to hear). If you don’t have one, lean on God. He’s enough. 🙏🙏🙏
Adding… the ex slept with a lot of my friends and some family members. So I totally get the distrust. I trust 3 people. 2 completely. Lean on God.
Is that the God of no graven images?
If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by Metaspyhub@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Metaspyhub's expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.
Suggested Tips:
Distance from them
Trust your intuition
Shut them down via silence
Less is more
Give them nothing
Stick to your plan
If you are in a narcissistic relationship:
Try & find a way out when you’re ready.
Thank you
You will find that it was only a one sided relationship by shutting them down.
@@cyndim8785
Yes one-sided indeed (all about them always).
The purpose for shutting them down is to protect yourself & to create a space for peace healing & calm.
When the covert narcissist alarm bells start ringing and I'm being fed the "I'm a suffering victim" line, I say "Oh no, that sucks. All the best with that. You'll figure it out; you're smart." And I look in my handbag or look over their shoulder, or look away while I'm saying it. It signifies "No supply here." Cut it off right at the beginning. It's hard when you are a very empathic person but it is so important to keep these leaches from latching on in the first place.
How do you tell the difference between someone in genuine need?
@@annastone5624 Watching these videos and learning narcissistic abuse techniques. And learning to trust your gut. Learning to listen to your gut. You can always take a little time to observe and reassess if you have the right take on the situation.
Was going to add those who present as victims but here you are with this reality. Thanks for posting this and adding additional perspective. Appreciate that it comes down to trusting oneself. ✊🏼
4 yrs in, I found child porn on his laptop while servicing it, met him @ McDonald's 4 dinner. Broke up in the parking lot. He tried to run over me (small car) in his semi truck (no trailer), missed & chased me! Apologized, offered to get help & wanted me to stay w/him. What part of, "You tried to kill me last night." Are we missing? Apparently it didn't count cuz he missed.😂
I almost find the enablers worse, because they are people I care about more then the narcissist, so harder to set boundaries with especially when it’s family, yet their enabling is so hurtful and toxic. Inviting healthy people and experiences in my life for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
The enablers support the narcissistic people. You can't have a narcissist without enablers. I had to go no contact with both parties.
Pay attention, yes! When my kids were little, men would be all attentive to them. I’ve learned that that behavior can be bait complete with future faking. You’ll pay a high price if you miss or gloss over red flags. Pay, pay attention to actual vs performative, and don’t let them hook you by hooking your babies.
Not to mention the price your kids will pay by having a narcissist brought into their life.
Thanks for this. I'm getting out of a divorce from a covert narcissist after 20 years, and have two pre/teen kids. I appreciate your perspective!
Don’t take your eyes off a snake.
A few years ago I was speaking to a retired psychiatrist and he said to me, "we are now living in a highly predatorial society, be very careful".
I think its always been predatory its just we now know more and can share knowledge more
ⁿ@@yuu_miran
I don't even know him, but I'm taking his advice.
Thank you so Dr Ramani! Your guidance helped me a lot to get out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist. One advice I would give to potential narcissist targets is this: if your gutfeeling tells you something is wrong, listen to it. My first mistake was to shutdown that voice.
You know, it scared me when I heard a "life coach" (I think he is), Kenneth Weiss say that our "gut instinct" is part of our trauma and that (something along the lines of) we shouldn't act based on it 🥴 it was something like that and it was confusing
Too true, a big regret of mine
The lovebombing is a paradox in and of itself. On one hand if you do have good self esteem you think, I appreciate someone who sees my qualities. If they’re good at this the red flags are not there UNTIL they are. They’re a simple people, really. Creepy
Trust your gut feeling
@@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 if you have good self esteem you don't fall for the love bombing. It would gross you out and be questionable.
Gave a second chance, he came back worse. Within 2 weeks, he lashes out with yelling and screaming and then next day blamed it on he had a drink and told me to “forget” that that happened and he never apologized. I immediately knew I was cutting him out of my life.
I was only with him for 3 months thank God. 3 months was 3 too many.
My narc repellent was throwing his rhetoric back at him. And questioning his hypocrisy. I did this very early on. It was more to see how he responded because that response would tell me everything I needed to know about his mindset. And when he tried to threaten leaving, I said, “I’ll help you pack.” And helped carry his stuff out.
You need to tell yourself what you’re not going tolerate and stand up for yourself when they try to cross those boundaries. The first time they do it, let them know and see how they react and then watch their actions afterwards. A narcs words will not match their actions 80% of the time.
Trust in your discernment.
A ' boyfriend' told me I was non committal
I had only known him a few months. 😂😂
I was 28 at the time. He got two of his younger children living at his sister home.
I was at his mother home with the kids and his 4 yr old daughter told me Dad has found a house for them!
MY HOUSE
My 'non committal' self got rid of him
But before I did, I marched him to the housing people to get rehomed for the childrens sake.
Then I cut him off
Well done! 👏👏👏👏
Rule 13:
Maintaining a healthy relationship with one’s body and intuition
After yrs of being treating like shit from my siblings then my inlaws, i have finally set my boundaries. My body started giving up and i went on antidepressants. I am finally listening to myself and im not afraid to loose them and im ready to accept the unknown, i am an adult now !!!
Wow! Well done! That's how you do it!👏 ✔️ 👍
My mother, 2 husbands and maybe my son all have the tracing and have taught me these things.
1)Keep your distance. If you can cut them off, completely do so.
2) If you have to visit, keep it to a minimum.
3) Don't go alone. The more people that are around that they need to impress, the better.
That 3rd point is sooo key.
Point 3 is so good!
Blocking
Deleting
No Contact
"With narcissistic folks, an amicable split is just about as likely as a huggable porcupine." 😅 Well said, Dr. Ramani!
I love your content. Thanks for sharing!
Yep his charming super nice facade fell away and he got angry when I wasn’t able to do what he wanted for a very valid reason. It was weird. Kept my boundaries and disengaged, and he moved on to someone else. His loss. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
I am grateful for your insight and your dedication to teaching and supporting so many.
Thank you for all that you have done, and what you have yet to do for me ,
Enjoy the day,
The enablers in my family make it soooo much worse. Super heartbreaking and upsetting. Hard when it’s family. Focusing on my well being. Finding healthy safe people. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Same. My mother at head, two sisters enable/flying monkeys, not sure about brother. Dad became enabler, although possibly
in reality a victim and just gave in. ❤
Never go live with some one together again. I did run, a year ago and now I have a new job, new home, dog and nice people around me. I am Happy again and thanks to your videoos, they help to see and realize. ❤ I am 56 and was married for twelve years .
If a narcissist gets angry and begins to ignore you, ignore them back. Mirror their actions back to them. They can't take it. It is okay for them to do unto you, but you can't treat them that way. They will try to warm up to you and get you back on their side, but hold firm. They will soon start to avoid you and not even look at you. And you win. Of course, this works best with non-family relationships. But it can be done with family too.
I have always been glad of the silence. 😂
@@cc1k435 Yes, me too! It is much more peaceful without their mind games.😊
“No! Is a complete sentence.”….. Correct. It was actually saying “No” that clued me in on a new friend’s possible toxicity. It was how she responded to me saying “no” without an explanation or justification…..I set a boundary that she didn’t like. We never spoke again. Discernment played a large role. I saw some red flags which made me uncomfortable.
"No" is my friend.🙂🙂🙂
It shows me how people will react once they're told so. Especially those who are used to be told yes.
Watch out for the "I only want what is best for you" comment, especially from narcissistic parents. Because they absolutely do not, they alway want what is best for the. They may do something "nice" for you but don't be fooled, they will only do it if they have an audience.
They will advertise it later to all friends and family they can so that if in the future you are disobedient or independent youll be a bad person but not them
My favorite is, "I only want the best for you, and only you know what that is." It sounds innocent, but that second half is a sledgehammer in the wrong hands.
@@SuzannaLiessa my cousin’s favourite ‘no one else will tell you the truth’☺️🤣
@yuu_miran I'm a fan of being very gentle but blunt with the truth. I'm a therapist, too, and sometimes people need to hear the truth even when it hurts, but always respectfully. Never judgmental. If I think you need to hear a hard truth, I will put a lot of effort into making you feel safe with me when I do it. If someone is "telling you the truth" and you feel shamed, you need to take a good, hard look, because something in that picture is wrong.
@@SuzannaLiessa i know. Its been many years now and i got used to it and expect nothing, just wanted to add another phrase they may say.
don`t want to get in the details, but i wanted jus to say THANK YOU, your channel just saved my whole life. Because of you i had an opportunity to reflect on everything what happened to me
Just so tired of it all.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani
🙂💛Xx
I got taken in by rich and successful.........my therapist said "he will be used to getting his way" truer words were never spoken. Unreal......
You are spot on. They're definitely so manipulative and pathological liars. They have no moral compass and want to take you down with them and they don't care about anyone or what they do to you.
It's so opposed to primitive human decency it makes you think it's organic in nature or supernaturally wacked.
💯 Annette
Boundaries, boundaries, and more boundaries. Have your own path and stay on it - even (especially) when it displeases others. Be neutral in conversations until you know someone extremely well. Recognize the institutions of the world overvalue narcissistic traits. Look for authenticity. Remember the vast majority of wealthy people inherited their wealth. Be careful who you admire. “Success” can mean many things. Define it yourself. PS YES - learn the narcissist playbook. Once you know it, you can’t unsee it 🙃
Great advice 👍
Just remember it's boundaries from the start not part way through. If you do set boundaries too late it's going to be better to walk away because the narc won't accept them.
Are you one of those descendants? Are you affiliated?
I took my time with a guy I was getting to know, as I saw some potential red flags with him, and sure enough he suddenly had a new girlfriend . Disappointing and I wonder if I kept up too many boundaries with him, but I’d rather protect my well being and take my time then be forced into something too soon. If they can’t respect that and be patient, then they’re not for me. Being alone is for sure far better then being gaslit, pressured, or minimized. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
Consider yourself very lucky.
Bang on... Absolutely right
"If they can't respect that and be patient, then they're not for me." Applause!
Hi, Dr. Ramani. I hope you're doing well and like to thank you for this video. ❤
After the traumatic experience of 3 years in a relationship with a narcissist, I am able to say that the three most important things that help in our defense against narcissists are:
Τo pay attention to our intuition and take seriously the red flags (even the "orange" or "pink" ones) .🙂
Τo have as many (at least one) people around us, who really love, appreciate, and support us and...
(maybe the most important) TO SET BOUNDERIES Not only for the narcissist, but also for all of the people who try - knowingly or not - to take advantage of us.
Unfortunately I belong to "pleasers", feeling guilty everytime I have to say the magic and poweful word "NO" . Eventhough it's obvious that saying no to some people and their demands , we say YES to our dignity, mental health and peace of mind.
I believe I went through a mini, narcissistic relationship in one week before I even met the guy!!! he did all the classic moves: blame shifted, Gaslit, etc. What I notice is extremely helpful, no matter who the person is, watch how you feel. It’s as simple as that if you feel like your power is being taken away from you or unbalanced, this person is toxic! It was odd how was feeling completely peaceful and in one week I felt spinning out of control. So pay attention to how you feel.!!
You are 100% correct on this. If it disturbs your peace, pay attention!!! Too stressful to try and manage their demands.
I just made a grave mistake with a narcissist at my new job..Told the boss this person was giving me attitude, and the Narc found out! She came back with a rage so crazy…In front of others. She could not sit down with me and talk it out of course! She played the victim card, even the race card. Everyone else agree d that she has issues,but they don’t dare confront her!!!I cannot stay at this place for sure! I have an interview for another job this week…I’m out. Boss is codependent and the others flying monkeys to Narc-lady.😂Nope
It only takes one narcissist to ruin a whole workplace! 😢
White people love playing the race card nowadays. They love putting down that reverse card of uno. Oh wait-- you weren't talking about them. 🤣🤣 complaining about a person having an attitude to someone else that shouldn't be your concern and at a job you just got to. You sound messy
Never let someone devalue you, tell the world that you are a good person , that you are smart and brillant et the narcissist won t stay. Be more self confident , don t ask someone to tell you how to think, take your one decission, dont let people judge you by your choice , the way you look. Be pride who you are. And the more important love yourself.
Oh my gosh this is perfect timing. I recently cut off a friend who was giving so many of these signs. I ALSO cut off their best friend who was their enabler. I’m still trying to recover but this helps so much!! Stand your ground.
I am looking forward to listening to this. I’m about to start dating again and am so afraid I’ll end up with another covert narcissist. This video came out at the perfect time!
Thank you, Doc! I have found your videos a great help. Especially because I use what I've learnt from you on a daily basis.
Remember the most important trait in a person is kindness from the heart.
His true colors are coming to surface …. Yet again
He’ll never change.
The games may change, but results are the same.
I have spent 48 years, out of 62 years with Narcissists.
Non-engagement & protective Ghosting, have been my sanity..
💜🙏💜🇿🇦💜
This is the road I’m looking down now. After 38 years with a handsome, lying Narc I’m looking down a road of “maybe I should just stay alone.” Getting involved with someone else…… then finding out they could be a narc….. would be devastating. I can’t do that to myself again. Maybe I’ll get a dog. You can trust their love.
Or a kitty 😸
I agree I’m staying single . No marriage ever. Weddings are so tacky to me . I will never change my name . Why would I take someone else’s name ? Never share money and always depend on yourself for living wages . That way no one can control you.
I don't know if I can get married again either. After 20 heartbreaking and abusive years with a covert narcissist, giving full access to someone else in the areas of my kids, finances, other assets, and especially trust are terrifying.
@DoctorRamani I love the idea of discernment. Thank you for the support you share through your videos. I cannot say that enough. You (along with some amazing good friends) have helped me get through a very tumultuous divorce with a covert narcissist (with two kids). This has been the most difficult thing I've ever even imagined going through in my life. But your videos have been my rock. Someday I would like to find someone else and experience real love, but just getting through this divorce is my goal. Then continuing to work on myself in therapy and get healthy (I also have a narcissistic mother and father, so a lot to deal with). Thank you.
@@Bike4Life231 well... people don't have discernment.
I didn't fully know how important isolation is to a narcissist. That they feel threatend by my hobbies or healthy relationships...Now I get it...
Please listen to this wisdom from Dr Ramani. Never cease learning, know who you are, heal all past wounds, don't second guess your intuition ever. Life is short and we deserve to love and be happy. God Bless!😊❤
Here is one to watch out for. Don't let a person try to tell you who you are especially if they dont even have conversations with you. I had an experience with an ex roommate who was really quiet and polite, but when she did speak she would tell me who I was. She came out of her room once and told me she figured out who I was through a computer program. I thought that was odd, but because she was polite and quiet, I didn't say anything. I listened. I remember thinking, I would never try to figure someone out without listening to them tell me about themselves. I surely wouldn't use a computer program. That's odd to me. Then, another time I sent her a text, and I apologized for typos. She replied, "That happened because you sent the text emotionally." That stuck with me. I was like What?! She never had regular conversations to get to know me, but according to her knowledge, she knew me. She never had the insight to know that my eyesight is getting blurry and with age and my blood sugar variations my eyesight gets even more blurry so I can't tell on a small screen when the letter is an o or and e, or autocorrect changes a word. It has nothing to do with being emotional. It just happens. Watch out for people who are stubborn and believe what they believe. They are somewhat full of themselves.
I had something similar done to me. The Covert Narc accused me, in public when my friends where there, that I'm paranoid. I and my friend asked her, "Paranoid about what?". She shut her trap when she realised I had backup. She couldn't explain why I was paranoid. 😂
So important to identify these individuals EARLY then get out asap.
Presenting ‘well balanced genuine caring etc’ is part of their M.O.
They cannot sustain!
Narcissists often lord their credentials over everyone and therefore feel they are immune to any sort of criticism. Also, being through multiple rounds with narcissists and their enablers makes you question other people's motives and intentions. Even those who mean well and want to help don't always understand how you see things after what you've been through. The real hurt, at least for me, comes from the betrayal of those who blindly defended the narcissist and refuse to hear your side of the story.
I agree that forgiving someone doesn't obligate you to give them a second chance.
This is my situation now unfortunately and have been for many years 😢
Yep I have fallen for the charm and success, but saw their true colours eventually with how they were invalidating and treating a waitress inappropriately. It was subtle but it felt weird and off for me. Learning their tells and protecting myself for sure. ❤
Hi thank you for sharing this critical information many of people like myself needed at an earlier stage to avoid putting others into my chaotic narcissism
Dr Ramani, I love that you remind us that, "Being smart is not a virtue." We are all smart in our own areas of smart-ness, but that doesn't mean that we're kind, compassionate, a good listener, etc,.
When someone believes and lives by the idea that you are only as important as what you do and not who you are, you lose. I've seen it happen many times. Once that is gone, you're just a shiny object with nothing else going for you. Attach to others who care about themselves and their relationship with you.
Thank you again. I hang on to every sentence. I was never taught, "the right way", only the "wrong" way" of doing everything. Consequently i had to learn that what i knew was wrong, (decades), and i had to figure out what was right. U have helped me infinity. How many mistakes have u helped me NOT to make.
PRICELESS. Surely u have to know this and so i hope u live forever.
It says that if you don't risk it , then you don't win it . Well , not in the narcissist case. It's far too risky ! Definitely , not worth it 😔. I love the idea of discernment , it is crucial , almost as much as having knowledge about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
Thank you Dr Ramani for everything 🙏🏻🤗
If only I had a time machine to go back time and stop myself from falling for narcissists' toxic snares. My life would have been so so much healthier, happier and more stable if I had known you and learnt all these valuable knowledge. But I'm really grateful to finally found your channel.
Love likening charisma to heavy perfume worn to cover up the stink.
@DoctorRamani One of the 5 people on the Titan submersible that tragically imploded last week was a 19-year-old; his dad was one of the other passengers. Being a narc survivor, ever since the news broke I wondered whether the young man even wanted to go or if it's possible his father made him do it. Yesterday family came out and said he'd been terrified of going but wanted to please his father, especially since the dive was on Father's Day, June 18th... What kind of father presses his son to do something so dangerous, against his own instinct? He may have been a narcissist; pleasing the narc may have cost the poor child his life.
I'm so glad you are recommending protective ghosting, where appropriate ! Also, so correct we don't owe anyone an explanation when we say NO.
NO is a complete statement ! 💪🏼 Our own safety first !
( I taught my daughter this )
Thank you for really looking out for us, sharing is caring 💞Bless you sweetheart🌹 Lord Blesses us All🙏🏼😇❣️❣️❣️🎶🕊️💫
@user-on3xv4bw7d 🌹❣️🥰🙏🏼🎶🕊️
Thank you Dr. Ramani
I was dealing with my soon to be ex-husband for 7 years. The entire relationship was exhausting for 7 long years. I'm out now and now recovering from the narcissistic abuse.
At this point I’m highly questioning and discerning with everyone. Absolutely. And especially those with so many friends and admirer’s. I prefer seriously alone-all one souls. I feel they’re onto it and get it.
I’m 42 years old.
I’ve seen a lot of people with varying degrees of personality move very quickly, and I very much dislike it.
I prefer to be methodical, take my time, and considering my age, I’d like to take it slow even more.
I’ve seen people with terrible attitudes throughout the decades, and you have to be careful, but not afraid. It’s the same advice I gave my niece when she was little, when she and her mother were going through hardships because of her father.
I take it slow, and especially nowadays, I think of UCSF and I try to live accordingly. At least emotionally and professionally. I don’t put up with crazy, terrible attitudes, or people who exhibit horrible ethics.
Until I find somebody who has integrity, honesty, transparency, and their own ethics that they honor, I am alive and I intend to do well by UCSF.
I may be in a bit of a rut, and I don’t like how some people, even older people, have horrible ethics. For me it has really been laser focused on that for almost all my life, but especially so for the last 10 years. Magnified after I left, and my mother’s death.
I live as though she is a fixture in my life. Especially now. I try to honor her as best I can
I also know many very educated and extremely, egregiously cruel people. The qualities we, in the US anyway, are conditioned to equate with virtue, are qualities that advantage narcissists. Great advice to be skeptical and take your time getting to know someone. All this advice is ON POINT.
You are such a savior for this. I have autism and bad parents so you're giving me a chance to actually fix my life and stop stepping into the same traps. It's so much easier for neurotypicals to pick up on this stuff naturally, but here you are giving me a GUIDE. Thank you SO much.
Narcissism occurs amongst families too not only in relationships between two people
So difficult isn't it? My toxic sister in law is love bombing my husband,since I stepped away from her recently
Probably the most toxic especially if covert abuse from infancy occurs.
Thank you for this video, Dr Ramani. Some times I worry that I'm too guarded, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to be the person I was before this abuse, but I know I won't be and really I thank God for that because the woman I was before was very naive, and though she looked at the world with rose colored glasses and could see beauty in everyone, she also fell for a lie instead of understanding the truth.
I guess I also wonder, is it just me, or do others who are in recovery seem to see narcissism in almost everyone? I think it's partly because I'm still just getting out of this toxic relationship, but I worry..will I always fear people in this way now?
Thank you again for all your videos. I watch and re-watch them. They continue to help me on my path to understanding and healing from this abuse.
I also worry the same, I think I am too kind and naive, and I thought everyone would be so kind in return, or at least not destructive...
This is how I feel with some people in my life, as I get shamed blamed minimized criticized etc…for saying no, keeping my boundaries, or doing what feels comfortable and best for me. It’s not ok. I would never do that to someone else. It makes me wary of the people who shame peoples no and comfort zone for sure. Realizing it’s their issue and has nothing to do with me, but also that I have every right and ability to take care of me. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
Your videos are SO good and always seem to be just what I needed to hear, to for example, get the nerve up to finally set my boundaries and let go of toxic people who cause stress and diminish my self worth. Thank you so very much Dr. Ramani! ❤
…and if you have the horrific experience of being born to 2 narcissists? What about after they divorce, and you get trapped with just one, thousands of miles from the other? And discover over time that the internal cultures of the 2 very large families from which you are descended is founded upon narcissism? And you are the ONLY only child, on both sides, so literally no one has even the first clue of what it is to be you?
What then?
I did not listen to myself. It felt like his relationship approach was more transactional and I felt used, tried to discuss it with him and he talked me out of my own feelings and I listened to him instead of myself.
The thing is, narcissists have zero self-swareness so they believe themselves and this is a way they get away with invalidating your feelings and experiences of them.
I have no friends who do not believe how bad this situation actually is & believe I make it sound worse than it is (no understanding)
I just went running around with an acquaintance. She very often dismisses my experience... such as food choices and preferences. She often refers to X and their opinions. I just stopped responding when she did this. Suddenly there was nothing to talk about. I timed this silence at almost 7 minutes. On the way back, complaining about the curves in the road. I started wondering why she called me to go to lunch. She then told me she would head over to visit X, but ends up near me but just turns around to go visit X. So, I looked back through our chats and realized I usually reached out first and was too available. Maybe she needs to contact X! I'm still weed wacking, Dr. Ramani.
I had a similar experience with a girl that was a friend and didn’t realize a girl could be like that to a girlfriend. It was really shocking. She had said something pretty extreme about a person and I waited a week or so and brought it up. She said “I never said that.” You can’t make this stuff up… That’s when I started googling and shortly thereafter didn’t spend time with her. She was/I’m sure is still SO toxic. I feel so sorry for those around her.
In tip 10, surround yourself with good people. Where are they? I have tried looking for good people in church. I noticed that there are just as many good people as narcissists.
😂 Bad narc people are everywhere, they are in churches too😂 just be smart attentive and brave to set boundaries
💯
Consider that the narcissist you struggle to understand is often another fellow undiagnosed/late diagnosed Autistic ADHD. Understanding that disability is not a slur is the first step in recognising that anti-creative thinking, or 'refusal' to accept that some disabilities are neurobiological, is where wrongheaded thinking about eugenics starts. If the narc in your life mocks, disparages, or gets deeply offended at the slightest suggestion that an Autistic person is valuable, it is a very good sign that they view all disabilities as 'excuses'.
If you suggest helping a homeless person to the narcissist, notice how they respond, if they are 'repulsed' at the thought of having any responsibility or duty of care to someone suffering, it is highly likely that they WILL weaponise disability against you. Financial, physical, mental diagnosis, pain, distress, chest pains, suicidal ideation Anything they can use, they will use as a torture device. The things that the narc WILL NOT ASSIST YOU WITH are the things you need help with to live with any sense of comfort, joy or calm, why? They took those things for themselves, not for pathetic dirty peasants like you!
The real sinister kicker is, if the unthinkable happens...once you are dead, you are still useful for providing "supply" via attention and condolences for THEIR loss of YOUR life. Very Dark stuff.
If a narc responds to requests for help with suicidal ideation, it will not be to discourage OR listen, it will be to respond as though you are attempting to assault them. If they see you drowning, they know they don't have to save you because 'you' don't really exist. 'YOU' are just an animated toy with no soul, and therefore, disposable. If you save them from drowning, they will be offended that you didn't save them sooner or that you didn't ask consent first....They hate you, because they were taught to hate themselves and do not know any other way to love. This is not a LESSON you can teach, it is a lesson you can learn.
Everyone is a little bit autistic, some of us are more autistic than others. Many speak, but only an Autistic person knows what lurks in the hearts of other Autistic people who also are hiding a painful and corrosive injury.
Discernment so critical !
(Book of) Enoch (Noah's Grandfather when physical - now ArchAngel Metatron) tells us to always be the observer. Let your spirit being be watcher of your mind, for that's where your wounded ego is, that you must keep in check ✅until you master to eliminate it !
(that's why it is like stepping out &looking at yourself, as you described Dr.! 🥰).
Focus on your Spirit Being with purpose & relinquish the ego, calling in (surrendering to) Angels to help !
It works with daily meditation & introspection 🙏🏼😇🕊️ SET YOUR OWN INTENT 💪🏼💥🌟
Much Love 💕
Yes I was wondering who was the Observer... it was fascinating watching my mind then I realise my mind isn't me.
@@lynnemarylou7611 You are opening up to your true self ! I'm so excited for you ! No you are not your mind , your mind is like a tool, really, that we were trained to use incorrectly. You , the self sovereign empowered DIVINE ENERGY SPIRIT BEING is RISING with awareness & self LoveConsciousness ! 💥💞💪🏼
Tune into your own higher frequency! 🎶
Call in ArchAngel Metatron (Enoch, Noah's Grandfather when on earth) .He noticed when human beings started having negative thoughts they would start thinking negatively about themselves & the world & downward spiral into (self) destructive behaviours etc .
The Lord gave him power over thoughts so I surrender myself to Holy Spirit & Metatron & I find I catch my negative thinking , esp about myself, early on, as Metatron immediately helps you redirect it to reframe into a positive thought affirmation ! It's miraculous (ONLY WHEN YOU DO THE WORK, BABY STEPS still receive BIG BLESSINGS from universe !) We all have this ability in surrender to Universe for Divine guidance THOUGH WE MUST DO THE WORK, WHATEVER iT TAKES & you will receive the strength 💪🏼& new opportunities you can even envision for yourself, or remain open (Just do not surrender to people 🤢that's pagan slavery🤮, robbing your soul with pagan idol worship👹)
Much Love & Light & Big Hugs🥰💥💞🙏🏼😇🎶💖⚡🌟🌠🕊️💫 Let's SHINE BRIGHT 💥🌞✨ by FOCUSING on OURSELVES & UNIVERSAL LoveConsciousConnection💖🎶🙏🏼😇💞🕊️💫 Above all, we are our own unique self-sovereign free-willed beings, transforming , readying ourselves to receive our abundance, while developing our gifts ! ⚡💥🔥
For tip number 12, finding meaning in one’s actions/life, I can’t recommend Victor Frankl’s “Man’s search for meaning” enough! My goodness that book is… sooooooooooooooooooo meaningful
Ok ✅
You cannot always see these narcs coming. Example being my husband's brother. He is a grandiose narc. He and his wife met in school at age 14 and 15. Married after high school. Had 2 daughters. He is such a competitive jerk, that he never had friends. They bought a local business and he runs the business and does not allow his wife to work. Daughters were not allowed to have friends. Wife not allowed to have friends. He requires the family to do all things together. Daughters are both married and their families are expected to spend every weekend at mommy and daddy's. Daddy is rich so he buys the toys and pays for everything. Bought both grown daughters a home. Mommy is a stepford wife/robot. Nobody sees it as control; it's fun because daddy pays for everything. Daddy is buying their loyalty. Now a son-in-law has stepped forward to say to his wife "I want us to go off and do things alone as a couple". The wife says "I'll see you in divorce court". Sad to watch!!
I have dealt with a narcissist friend and started studying this topic in depth and now I am more aware. I am single and meet narcissistic guys all the time and many times I just call them out on it early because they start with the control, love bombing, obsessing about themselves, playing victim… narcs don’t like to be called out! When you start seeing these behaviors, cut them off early, call them out, its easier to do this earlier than later. You are right Doc, discernment doesn’t come naturally, but it’s key to protect oneself from these folks.
I think everyone needs to learn this is high school. I took a Psych Class my Freshman year and learned that my mother had NPD.
Dr. Ramani, I just wanted to thank you for the fresh air you’ve given to me. As far as the criticism you’ve received, please take solace in the fact that any person that gives you criticism has either 1) never been in a narcissist relationship; 2) they’ve spent their life honing in on their denial; or 3) they’re just complete idiots. YOU ARE AWESOME! My only complaint is WHERE WERE YOU 23 years ago????? Much love & gratitude from me to you 😘
Oh this was so in time with my life right now my narcissistic husband mother died she made up a lie about me to long to go into at his fathers funeral 7 years ago but it was horrible. It was the last straw with me actually had a stroke because of these people in his family. Of course, they all believed her and turned on me so now that she’s died I don’t have to go to her funeral. I actually can thank her for that he has not tried to manipulate me with his guilt tripping me saying well you’re my wife so you should go and take their crap he did for years force me to go and take their abuse he never defended me until that last time because if was so obvious what she everybody could see it if he wants to continue to know these toxic people that’s his problem I’m not gonna jeopardize my health, what I have left of it and I’m not forcing my daughter to go either he still try’s to blame me for it but it doesn’t work anymore because it was so I obvious, last time he tried to blame it on me. I asked him what did I do to your mother? I got right in his face. You tell me what I did because I never did anything to her. And he knows the truth so now he can’t twist it around and try to blame it on me to try to force me to do what he wants because he doesn’t care about me or my feelings. He just wants to make me go and take their crap I’m his shield, because they pick on me instead of him
Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤
Pace your relationships. Time is your greatest friend not your enemy.
Oh my answer to that is easy: I shalln't be entering another relationship for the rest of my life. There is no way I'm letting myself go through anything like this ever again.
💯
If you haven't already, can you please do more on the narcissism of content creators?? Particularly political ones? I am neither left or right but I'm extremely disgusted by the likes if Jesse Lee Peterson and the hodge twins. I don't recognize any on the left but I'm sure they exist just as much. It actually gets me really upset because of the chaos they make money over. I wouldn't ask you use actual names but maybe help me understand to tactics. And I'm going to just stop watching their videos.
I have my boundaries up ! I'm the only empath heyoke at that , it's a 16 unit community and it's a all narcissist all the way around , they conned someone into making a copy of my key and was coming and going every time they seen me leave , for a year ! Games up! They were so slick, but yet , I'm still standing , and glowing !!🎉😅💯✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
First ❤
My way of setting boundaries is:
1. Excuse yourself from getting involved.
2. Say know to the manipulation they bring on.
3. Be selected on who you date and talk to.
4 Do not live in with a man or woman with having a plan B or your own home.
5. Do not make yourself available to them.
6. Get the hell out of the relationship that isn't going anywhere
Stay alone with the most trusted friends you can count on for life and will not share your most precious secrets. A dog, cat, or any any that fits you.
And last, do not let the charmer charm you. Cut this off because it will come back to bite you
😮
Yes, and might I add. Have your own money 💰 and bank account. So that if you have to leave the narc. You can get out early without any financial issues. Money makes everything a bit easier to manage too. Financial independence is the way to go!👍
Watch actions and see if they match the words. If they have a second cell phone that isn't for work, that's a huge red flag. Do a background check. Do a background check. Do a background check.
Thanks for this. I was with a narcissistic husband for over 30 years. I left him 4 years ago after a lot of pain, abuse, manipulation, he bought over my kids with money and cars etc, but i believe that more and more people are now narcissist.....so the rest of us need to learn how to cope and not get sucked into those. Ignore, stay away not feed in. Discernment........an ongoing journey. Great stuff
The false notion that rich people are good goes back to Calvinism and the Protestant Reformation. The Catholic Church treated work like a form of punishment to atone for the inherent sinfulness of humans; the development of Protestantism coincided with the rise of capitalism, so it isn't exactly surprising that there were early Protestant denominations that taught material wealth in this life was some sort of proof of God's favor and evidence that the person was bound for Heaven. In all honesty, if those are going to be the kinds of people in heaven, I think burning in Hell would be the less painful eternity.
Yup get people out of bad relationships or workplaces, they are toxic and just learn to be you. Let no one define you.
Dr. Romanti,
Thank you so much for your educational skills and experience for advice with the narcissists and enabler.
So many people are blind that enable narcissists .
Do not want to depend on someone, but myself.
I do not want to get involved with that kind of man.
Enjoy your hard work in these podcasts and your educational experience and skills.
Happy 4th of July🎉❤
Don't tell them you know. Ever.
My tip would be if you are single, stay the hell away from anyone who has a whole long string of exes. I have a wonderful hubby, my mom and brother are the narcs. But if I was single, I'd avoid any man with several ex wives. I know women who married men who had 4 ex wives. Are you kidding me?? That screams user and taker to me.
They dont respect boundaries. Words wont match their actions. They will in the beginning praise you and tell you all about what they like about you. Later all that they will say they hate about you. Its their way or no way.