We Don't MOVE ON From Grief. We Move Forward With It | Dr. Joanne Cacciatore on We Do Hard Things

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  • Опубліковано 30 жов 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 46

  • @ameamy7776
    @ameamy7776 8 місяців тому +24

    I don't think of my daughter just everyday. I am ALWAYS thinking of my daughter. It's amazing how many of my, what I thought were close friends, were not there for me. If I even tried to talk with them about her, they always changed the subject. This was only weeks after she passed away. I have since cut my ties with those friends. I don't want my daughter's memory to die along with her physical death. It was also amazing some friends that I never thought would be supportive, became extremely supportive. What comforting people they are. They are now my closest friends. I will always grieve for my daughter and will do so for the rest of my life. I do know I will be with her again someday and everyday I wake up, I know I am one day closer to being with her again.

    • @sp5704
      @sp5704 5 місяців тому +2

      Beautifully said !So sorry for your loss ❤

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  4 місяці тому +2

      Thank you for sharing. It's good to hear that there are people who will embrace someone as they're facing such loss. And I am sorry for your loss. Mark

    • @Death-xt1ih
      @Death-xt1ih 3 місяці тому

      I went through the same thing with friends and family. I realized now that people who haven’t gone through losing a child, as we both have will never understand. I’ve done the same thing but now I’m realizing that it’s not really they’re fault and we can only teach them so much. I think we can only model empathetic and compassionate behavior. I hope that resonates with you. ❤

  • @darrelljones3382
    @darrelljones3382 6 місяців тому +9

    I feel the same exact way after loosing my wife and soulmate of 30 years. I dont want to be here without her. 😢

    • @davidemery9317
      @davidemery9317 6 місяців тому

      My wife died suddenly and traumaticly from a brain hemorrhage less than two months ago. We were born for each other and shared the best years of our lives together. If it wasn't for our seven year old son, who my wife and I lived for, I sometimes think I would not want to go on. But I have others who love me and I don't want to hurt them. The level of suffering can be too much. Good luck to you!

    • @janingham1823
      @janingham1823 6 місяців тому

      💔🥰

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  4 місяці тому

      I am so sorry for your loss. Be well. Stay strong. Mark

    • @GeoffOdom-nn4ez
      @GeoffOdom-nn4ez 3 місяці тому

      @@davidemery9317I also lost my wife suddenly 10 weeks ago. I know where you are coming from. I have to be here for our kids now. Everyday is a struggle.

  • @songsparrow4324
    @songsparrow4324 11 місяців тому +7

    She is truly wonderful and understands what Deep Traumatic Grief is and does to us, forever. So many are completely ignorant.

  • @valeriezushin9419
    @valeriezushin9419 Рік тому +9

    She’s so awesome!!! She’s 10000 % accurate! Of course we want to talk about our children!!!So many people are clueless about grief, it’s too bad!!

  • @kathryn4916
    @kathryn4916 Рік тому +11

    I have been suffering from complicated grief for over 40 years now. It is so hard and I feel as though I am living in a constant panic attack. Hearing you talk and the reassurance that grief is normal, that it’s ok to cry (something I wasn’t allowed to do), that I can stop being the happy one all the time made sense and I hope will help me the more I think about it. Bless you Joanne 🙏🏻

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  Рік тому +2

      Thank you for listening 🙏

  • @margaretmaeda2548
    @margaretmaeda2548 3 місяці тому

    I've just been listening to a young woman talking about the stages of grief. It was all very sensible, but it sounded glib and superficial. Having lost my husband ten weeks ago, this interview is so real.

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  3 місяці тому

      I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. And I'm happy if this helped in some small way.

  • @angelapage4927
    @angelapage4927 7 місяців тому +2

    Thank you ❤️ Dr Jo x

  • @laurahoffman9397
    @laurahoffman9397 Рік тому +2

    You are amazing. Thank you for this. So many need to see this. ❤❤

  • @josenoya-InspirationNation
    @josenoya-InspirationNation 2 роки тому +1

    The reference to the school shootings hit me hard and I always want to be the best dad possible, this will remind me that every time my family leave the house it could be the last time, so I always make a point everyday to say I love them. I did the same with my mum thought did not think consciously that it would be the last time I would see her! I can’t imagine what it would be like to loose a child at all, I agree this would be too higher cost as Joanne said, again when she said to live a life of meaning and she is but would give it up to get her daughter back, that’s the deepest of pain and it seems it doesn’t go away. It’s something we have to live with, such open honesty and this will help a lot of people!
    The part of feeling and living with the grief , even today did a run and went to the place my
    Mum used to love and just felt my mum was there, and that made me feel better and this is the way I’m living with my grief and how I feel about her death🙏
    I spoke to someone who was grieving recently and allowed them to talk about it , and just held the space. It’s great that Joanne says we should talk about it and not let it be the elephant in the room! I have been very open about my grief and it helped me to share and cry openly to process, and I can see already that people process grief in very different ways
    Wow that moment about the Garth Brooks song so powerful!
    Cannot believe that drug to get patients to detach from their loved one who passed away, totally agree that they would be detached from life, absolutely crazy!
    That last point of no body died we can handle it, so true other things are solvable!
    The last part about compassion, I know from my own grief I do have more compassion and it has definitely increased.
    Thank you so much Joanne and Mark for having a conversation that not a lot of people are prepared to have. Loss and grief comes to us all. Let’s all support each other. I know my mum would want me to continue my work, so that’s helping me in terms of service which definitely helps. This is meaning in my life! #wedohardthings

  • @MsPatriot420
    @MsPatriot420 9 місяців тому +8

    My husband fell dead in a restaurant bathroom 2 years ago. The way people have treated me, including my family, has not been kind or healing. Everything Dr Jo has said is completely true. Church doesn't want to deal with people like us either. Griefshare is always their answer and I don't subscribe to that format. I did Divorce Care. No. The people at church become hyper spiritual. I mean everyone wants you to be happy now or you're a weak Christian living on "old manna" and "old wine". I also need to get out of "the boat". No kidding. This was actually said to me. I received a video from someone at church by some "ministry" guy. He was so trite. In no way was he qualified or equipped to handle grieving and I disagreed with the message. His fine example of deep grief and how he handled it so excellently and spiritually was a job loss. A JOB LOSS? I am a Christian of 44 years. The only things beyond my faith that has made any difference are the words from my counselor and from watching Dr. Jo. Dr Jo makes me see I am normal and what I feel is valid.

    • @mikekatz6024
      @mikekatz6024 6 місяців тому

      My wife died of suicide almost 3 years ago, I'm still trying to get healing and still have faith in God, but it is so difficult.

    • @Mercilessnessiseverywhere
      @Mercilessnessiseverywhere 3 місяці тому

      ​@@mikekatz6024😅😅

    • @Mercilessnessiseverywhere
      @Mercilessnessiseverywhere 3 місяці тому

      Right there with you.
      -believe in God still
      okay...
      seems wise enough even though His word falls flat
      fat on its face
      and slaps us in ours and laughs that we still believe
      but we ARE faced
      with the question
      of what "kind of a God" we now have?
      Did we ever know Him?
      It no longer rings true that His mercies are new every morning
      or that He is merciful at all
      but cruel AF
      beyond comprehension
      As our "walk" becomes a crawl and we are dragging our virtual corpses across each waking moment we only despair.
      what kind of merciless God
      allows such unbearable trauma to be heaped upon mere flesh and blood so that they would rather take their own lives by hopefully fatally wounding themselves!!!
      than go on
      one more moment here
      writhing in agony with no relief, no mercy, no miracle and no grace
      Surely the God we thought we knew is now a cruel, untrustworthy stranger whose behavior matches nothing we once believed to be true about Him.
      Our foundation
      The cornerstone
      Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Son of the living God, born of the Virgin Mary, who was betrayed, tried, filleted, crucified, writhed
      - in agony died.
      Leaves us begging and pleading and crying out in deep gutteral anguish and torment
      for greater mercy for us
      or for our death.
      ua-cam.com/video/kZaaXUR7blA/v-deo.htmlfeature=shared

    • @MsPatriot420
      @MsPatriot420 3 дні тому

      @@mikekatz6024 I'm sure, Mike. That's a terrible situation to live and grieve through.

  • @leonardofernandez2230
    @leonardofernandez2230 2 роки тому +3

    in my opinion You deserve more subscribers. Keep grinding and thank you so much for making this video.

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  2 роки тому

      Thank you so much, Mark really appreciates it so keep sharing and tell everyone to come here to watch and subscribe! Thanks again for your support #wedohardthings - Jose

  • @Death-xt1ih
    @Death-xt1ih 3 місяці тому

    I swear that your book, bearing the unbearable, the heartbreaking path of grief, was one of the books that saved my life, after I lost my son to a drug overdose, after 2 years of trying to help him recover

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  3 місяці тому

      I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

  • @cathygordon-h6v
    @cathygordon-h6v 4 місяці тому

    This woman is amazing I completely agree with what she's saying I wish I could see her.

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  4 місяці тому

      I agree! Dr Cacciatore is really thoughtful and has a wealth of knowledge

  • @AshCal10
    @AshCal10 Рік тому +2

    Thank you for making this video, you are helping me through a very tough time !!!!

  • @cindyhalpern3187
    @cindyhalpern3187 Рік тому +3

    My two brothers died from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and my sister passed away from a stroke. My Mom buried 3 of her 4 children.

  • @ameamy7776
    @ameamy7776 8 місяців тому

    Thank you Doctor.

  • @Chelseacoastmaine
    @Chelseacoastmaine Рік тому

    Thank you for making this video. Really important stuff.

  • @MadddyDawn
    @MadddyDawn Рік тому

    I really needed this today. Thank you

  • @Mercilessnessiseverywhere
    @Mercilessnessiseverywhere 3 місяці тому

    I think that Jesus saying "Though he were dead, yet shall he live" and "I am the resurrection" possibly could be interpreted to mean "though a loved one's body is left for us to see"
    (in some cases but not always)
    and we call the body "dead"
    our beloved is alive
    in another realm
    where Jesus is
    and that SUCKS for us
    ROYALLY
    and we want to die also to be with THEM
    And we will...
    one day or another we will
    but often
    ...not soon enough
    28 years Dr. Jo is a longass time to be apart from your beloved child and it's been a longer separation period
    from your parents.
    Major suck time.
    What's the point time.
    Smoke a joint time.
    Why God why time.
    You have moved forward and are, in a sense, even thriving.
    You earned a doctorate and are a Zen priest and founder of both
    the MISS foudation
    and of an international NGO
    And a full professor
    May all of us
    In the midst of
    our own unbearable grief
    be delivered and forgiven for our envy first
    And then may we be granted deliverance from the all-consuming deathwish that calls out to us incessantly
    to obey its demand
    except perhaps when
    we are somehow mercifully granted sleep
    or have strong drink
    or heavy drugs
    or manage to disassociate in other ways
    Til then, helping others is a long way off for most of us
    But you get us so thanks 🙏
    I've yet to read your book.

  • @eringreene-rettig4818
    @eringreene-rettig4818 5 місяців тому

    Dr I don’t have your full story
    Have you
    Lost a child?

    • @amelitadolorico2921
      @amelitadolorico2921 5 місяців тому

      She said that she lost a daughter many years ago and she still grieves.

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  4 місяці тому

      Yes, unfortunately Dr Cacciatore lost a daughter. people.com/after-daughters-death-mom-creates-carefarm-rescued-animals-help-others-suffering-from-loss-7566275

  • @TheYazmanian
    @TheYazmanian 4 місяці тому

    Just because you don't love your animals as much as your children doesn't mean that other pet parents are the same way. I know plenty of people who say they love their dog as much as their own child. Some of us have a great capacity for love and connection with our fur babies. It's discouraging to hear invalidating statements like this on a talk for grieving people. Everyone's loss is difficult, not just when you lose a child. Even though this woman didn't feel like dying when her parents died, but she felt like dying when her child died, I don't feel the same way.
    I wanted to die when my dad died suddenly, so please, if you're gonna be talking about grief, do your best to avoid judging and comparing other people's griefs to yours.
    Categorizing grief in the manner that was done here (that losing a child is worse than losing a dog, or losing a parent is not worse than losing a child or whatever) is creating disenfranchised grief and it's extremely disempowering to vulnerable people who might be listening.

    • @MarkDrager
      @MarkDrager  4 місяці тому +1

      Hi there TheYazmanian. I really appreciate your thoughtful comment. I'm sorry if something I said, or our guest said was misinformed or upsetting. Reading your comment helped me understand your perspective. Thanks for watching and taking the time to share. Mark

    • @cashfrancios7284
      @cashfrancios7284 3 місяці тому

      Nothing .. I repeat nothing compares to losing a child small or adult .. it’s a grief on a total different level . I hope to never see this tragedy happen in my friends and family circle.