I have had a religious delusion as well. I thought I was one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and I believed it was my duty to tell everyone that the world was ending. I went around house to house in some neighborhood that was ten miles away from my own. I also was instructed to "mark" each persons house with a prayer or a line in the dirt, but for one person's house I was told to throw trash all over their lawn because I imagined them to be a very bad person. Eventually the sheirff's deputies came and brought me to the hospital and I spent a week in there. That is when I got diagnosed with bipolar 1, and ever since I've gotten out I've been pretty stable despite having issues getting my medication from time to time.
It's amazing what a difference meds make and I'm still not over the tiny white pill that keeps the demons away. Like how?! But I'm really glad treatment is working for you. Thanks for sharing your story!
My sister is presently experiencing this. Has been for years. She refuses help. It’s very bad. She is currently in a psychiatric ward getting evaluated
I am a 68 year old woman whose mother was schizophrenic but not dx til my late teens' early twenties. I was so angry with her...listening to you describe being alone in your room with the devils helps me feel more compassion for her as a single mom of 4 children, trying to keep it together...she was immersed in her religous delusions of grandeur. We lost her to the streets when I was in my twenties. I had so much anger towards her for so long. Your story helps me think of her isolation and misery. It took a long time for me to understand her and forgive her. I wish you health and wisdom.
Thank you for sharing this part of your story, and for your well wishes. It sounds like you have closure with all of it, and if you don’t, hang in there. Thank you for the well wishes!
girl, I know how bad this feels. I’ve been through a month long psychosis and it changed everything about me. People don’t understand- even though these are delusions and not real, at the time you really believe them. And that has a long lasting effect on you. I have PTSD from my episode and am still struggling every day, with a fear of ever having to go through that again. I feel you when you said there’s a “me before” and a “me after” the psychosis. I feel like a completely different person since that happened and I still struggle to find myself. Sending you so much love. NO ONE deserves to go through this hell.
I honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone after what it did to me, and thank you for sharing part of your story with me, it helps me feel less alone in my own struggles. The before and after will be forever what gets me the most, and I hate that you too understand that, but hey we both gonna fight this bastard. it’s going down. Stay strong, and may you continue to recover! I’ll do my best on my end ^_^
I went to this NA meeting near Skid Row some years back. I was outside smoking with some of the old heads and the topic of psychosis came up after this man approached us asking how to breath underwater. He was incredibly distressed, leaving quickly down the street after we asked if he needed some food or water. One of the people I was with was schizophrenic and had slept rough for like ten years before he was able to get things together and eventually get sober. I remember so clearly him looking at the guy as he jogged away and said in a very plain voice, "That's the worst part [about psychosis]. You will always be the last to know." And it made so much sense to me all at once. Having a break from reality doesn't feel like a break to the person experiencing it. Thank you for this incredibly in-depth and intensely personal channel and video. You have no idea how many people you're helping.
I teared up when you were describing the demons in your room and God standing by watching. For you that was an actual hallucination and delusion, and I’ve never had that happen to me. But I have felt like for a long time that God is the one behind my illness, and He’s doing this to me to make me a better person. But it does feel like I am being tortured and God just stands by watching sometimes. I know that’s wrong to think as a Christian, but I see a lot of suffering in the world like yours, some of it cannot be fixed, and it’s just the Problem of Evil all over again.
This is so sad and I'm so sorry this happened. The reason I am watching this video is because I was just part of an experience like this that my (now ex) Fiancé just had. This video explains so much about her experience, which has weighed so heavy on my heart and mind. Thank you for posting this. Wishing you the best!
It starts off being scary to tell people but once you do it a few times I promise it gets easier. But not talking about it is okay too. I hope you get more comfortable with it as time goes on!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I am honestly so glad you survived and stayed so strong and beautiful even after having endured such traumatic experience. I too had an experience related to religion during my last manic episode 14 years ago, and here's my story. After dropping out of college I started working regular job and I was doing okay for about 5 months until me and my team were sent to work abroad. The whole experience was incredibly stressful for me, I couldn't make social connection to people I was working with and I lacked mental fortitude (by this time I already had a history of mental illness but my doctor didn't put me on an anti-psychotic medication yet, probably due to my previous manic episodes being so mild, so I only had lamotrigine to "protect" me), and on top of that working conditions were horrendous to say the least. When I returned home to Bosnia (I'm from Bosnia and Herzegovina, and yes, I lived in Sarajevo during 1992 - 1995 siege as a child, maybe that added some to my mental woes too) I developed full blown bipolar I type mania. The story gets long here but I'll cut to religious part now. A little while before I was hospitalized I was having a conversation with a very close relative of mine. At one point she instructed me to sit on a stairs in the room and turn my head towards the wall. She put on a scarf on her head, like Muslim women do during prayer, and then recited a certain verse from the Quran several times and told me to "wait until they contact you" (I thought she was referring to Dervishes, a very devout and religious mystic order in Muslim religion, and the contact being done through telepathy). I'll get to why this part is important later. On the night I was finally brought by an ambulance to be admitted for psychiatry unit my mother and this relative of mine were accompanying me. I remember only bits and pieces here but I recall a big clock being in the room and me thinking that an asteroid would hit earth based on my decisions and that being somehow related to time and that clock. I remember then signing my name on a form (my mother later told me the people that evaluated me told me I could go home if I wanted to or sign the voluntary acceptance, I don't remember this at all) and then I was finally dragged by male nurses and tied to a bed against my will. I remember restraints being white stripes and I recall myself shouting: "I'm not Jesus" (why, I don't know) and thinking I was going to be mummified for an eternity (because those white stripes looked to me like bandages they used on mummies. I was given promazine and haloperidol injections and slowly my sanity began to return. 2 months later I was discharged from a hospital, and my doctor put me on zyprexa, lamotrigine and venlafaxine soon after that and I'm pretty much symptoms free for 14 years now. Now why was that encounter with my relative important for this story? Well, couple of years ago I finally brought it up in a conversation with her and she said that it didn't happen at all! As a matter of fact she assured me it's impossible it happened because she's a "devout" atheist and if God existed why would there be pain in the world. At that point I realized I had hallucinations on top of mania, and I recognized another event in my life that wes probably hallucinated too (also involving large amount of stress). And that's my experience with religion and psychosis, I will not get into whether I'm religious or not at the moment but I will say I respect everyone's choice regarding that matter. Thank you so much for making these videos Kit. I wish you and everyone here very best of everything :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it was a great read! You’ve been through a lot, and I’m so glad you came out on the other side and have been symptom free for so long. Stay cool and hang in there
@@libbyisakitteh Thank you very much for your kind words, I'm always open to sharing my story for some reason, maybe sometime too open, but I hope it helps. Thanks, again, best of luck :)
I am so impressed with your bravery to share something so deeply personal and terrifying. I hope it helps others out there realize that they are not alone. I know it has helped me as an outsider get more knowledge and sympathy for those of you that suffer so much. 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing! I know how hard life can be without psychosis because it once was everything. Something broke inside of me as well during that time. I knew exactly what you were talking about.
Goddamn, you gotta be the toughest person I've ever seen I couldn't imagine what this must have been like. I recently had my first psychotic break and I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and I really look up to you and respect you for your strength at fighting this illness. Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely made me feel less alone. Hang in there everyone, we can all make it through if we keep on pushing
My Son went through this for years before he was properly diagnosed. All through his childhood they treated him for ADHD which he did not have. I listened to all of his psychologist and Drs .I fought for him from age 1 1/2 untilage 21 . Finally he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. First they had him on Risperadone oral meds..then Risperadone consta injections. But the anxiety it gave him was terrible..now stage 33 he gets a 3 month injection of Invega. This still gives him anxiety but not nearly as bad as the Risperadone. I hope that you are able to get an injection instead of the oral meds. God Bless you sweetheart
Right now the oral meds are working really well for me, but injections are something I’m open to if the oral meds cause me more issues. I know they help a lot of people (your son included) and its amazing that that kind of thing is an option! Also, thank you for sharing!
This was so intense and heartbreaking, and I really appreciate you sharing it with us so honestly so that we can have some idea of what it was like. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to live with that delusion, only to have it change and give you false hope that your loved ones were going to live after all before coming back stronger (with the devil and demons to boot). The catatonia sounds terrifying as well. I'm so glad you made it out on the other side of all that, but I'm sorry you had to go through it in the first place. What hit me hardest was when you talked about how isolating the whole experience was because you didn't feel like anyone would believe you if you told them about it. I've dealt with that feeling before (about completely different things) and it's just the worst. I hate how judgmental and dismissive society can be, and how that keeps people from opening up about difficult things going on in their lives. I'm also glad that your psychiatrist believed you and was able to help you, and that it ultimately led to your diagnosis. It was really cool that you talked about the aftermath in addition to the experience itself. It makes a lot of sense that you had mixed feelings about the realization that none of your delusions and hallucinations were real. I can totally understand why you'd be mad at yourself in hindsight for believing them, but also why you did believe them at the time, because the way you described everything sounded super real. And I'm sure it was a big adjustment to learn to live without that. Thank you so much again for making this 2-part video and being so open about this time in your life. A-Yao and I are sending you tons of hugs!
Thank you so much for the comment, GC this is everything! The isolation was arguably the hardest parts some days, and I really… I really didn’t think i was psychotic most of the time because as I said, I thought it was real. At the end of it, once I got treatment, and got some shame from the whole thing that I had to deal with, I realized why people don’t talk about it. And it’s scary to talk about this but comments like this make me remember WHY I talk about it. So thanks :)
Your pouring out of what you experienced mirrors what a good friend of mine went through. It was very difficult to see and experience, but I have a better understanding now. I will never abandon her, I thank you again.
I have experienced something similar last summer. Although i didn't hear voices constantly, i had auditory, visual and presence hallucination, the last one almost every day. I was convinced the people who i care about only pretend to like my, that they're hate me and wanna leave, i was convinced my boyfriend wanna broke up with me and i had nobody to talk to, because i feared they would think i'm crazy and really leave me alone. I was convinced there is a dead old woman inour bathroom who stalks me and wanna kill me, i had panic attacks because i was alone in silence, i the kitchen for too long andi felt malice seeping out from under the bathroom door... I tought maybe it was a demon or ghost so i should be ok outside, so i took a walk with my (now ex) friend only to see dead people standing on the concrete football field, looking at me with hatred. She did not see them. At that moment knowing it's not real was way worse that the panic i felt when i tought it was real.
I relate to you so much. The fear and terror and brokenness of an episodic break. And the come and go of positive happy delusions then turning them into hellish ones, then back good again. And so on. I also became more aware it wasn’t real - but still having symptoms that I am battling.
Thanks for sharing..your very brave!..I like your videos because with the comments it's a community of Schizo's that can be in touch and supportive of each other: Too much stigma and ignorance with "normal" people, who mostly are afraid of us..no thanks to HollyWood.
I try to foster that connection! It's so funny because I started this feeling very alone and people keep coming out of the woodwork. It's .. amazing honestly. So thank you!
Hi! Bipolar I here and had a vicious episode of psychosis last September. Was in and out of the hospital for the span of a month. Was held down, injected with stuff, made to sleep on a mattress the floor in the lobby so that I could be line-of-sight. I barely remember bits and pieces of the first few days in the hospital. I had bruises all over my arms that I’m not sure where they came from. Incredible trauma. I thought I was possessed or attacked by the devil. Since then I’ve healed, back to work and been stable. I have to admit I still feel there was a spiritual component to it all. I wonder every day why it had to happen to me. I’m glad at least to be voices-free and hallucination free.
I have honestly no words in response to this.... I just cannot imagine how that was to endure. I'm glad you made it through but.... Wow. Just staggering
Religious fear was not my main issue. It was more threats so horrible I can't say. I can't talk about some stuff and I admire your courage in sharing your experiences. It was weird though the voices sometimes said fiunny things like I was "washing my undies like a serial killer" or when the voices where offended by something stupid so I kept saying it, until the fear kicked in again. A cycle of fear, shame, believing them, then deciding I have nothing to lose and fighting back, yelling at them. I've learnt headphone and audiobooks help me stop concentrating on them. The meds reduce them a lot. Thank you for your channel. It helps cause you have the actual experience of schizoaffective rather than channels about just bipolar or just schizophrenia. Its nice to know you're not the only one.
I might be late to the party, but I just want to say thank you. It’s not easy to be this vulnerable, but at the same time I think it’s important to talk about the reality of mental health issues. You did a wonderful job. I suspect I might have some symptoms too, but maybe my (diagnosed) OCD is just rambling. Thank you again, wishing you best of luck in your life!
great job, very helpful for a father trying to understand his loved ones. you're really helping people, keep up the good work, and thank you so much for sharing!
I have schizoaffective disorder I am in an episode right now. Over the weekend I went to the ER for this said experience. I believe that birds are drones and that people are out to get me and the voices I call the community in my head 😅 are telling me all sorts of things. All to the point I get agitated which I have bipolar 2 makes my mood up and down. I remember being so nervous to the point I was shaking especially being held for 24 hours in the hospital I have never stayed the night ever at a hospital since I was born. So glad I am out now. I still believe I am being watched but hide it from people because I don’t want anyone to know what I am believing because it just irritates them. I haven’t slept very well tonight and sitting in the dark watching your videos make me feel safe and are funny I appreciate you talking about your experience that sounds so scary I get so scared to. Thanks for replying back to me on the other video ❤😊
Again, I’m gonna say thank you thank you thank you for sharing and I can’t imagine how freaking scared you were one time. I just had a dream that there is a demon in the corner and that only lasted a minute and I still can’t shake it so you are one tough cookie, making it through things like this
Thank you for being brutally honest with your situation! While I have the same diagnosis as you I could have not put it all so elegantly as you did! I didn’t start taking meds until the age of 20 but,I do suspect I was dealing with diagnosis way before I ever took meds! These experiences happened to run in my father’s family and were not talked about! He received shock treatments twice in his life and I always had a strange free floating fear of Electro Shock Therapy before I knew about my dad’s situation! Thankfully I didn’t have any of it, but understandably watching it in a movie or television program made me leave the room! I think though with all of this it should be noted that I journal most of my days to help me deal with the what I call my own little monstrous absurdities (manic thoughts)! These journals have turned to multiple poems through the years and I have gotten up in front of people, usually at local coffeehouses! Maybe the poems aren’t perfectly technically sound but I think that takes away from what is a necessity to stay sane! Well with that being said SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND, and I‘ll continue to watch you do your thing for the masses even if they don’t understand!
I thought George Bush and Tony Blair were talking to me telepathically. And if I didn't work for them I would go to prison forever. Took me a whole year to recover. My whole life changed forever.
How much it can mess you up shocked me. I know it's different for everyone but thank you so much. I hope youre well now, and I'm glad you recovered too. Stay strong!
Thanks again for being vulnerable and sharing a glimpse of your life with us. Hectic how there’s weirdly quite often spiritual/religious themes that can play out in episodes. You usually hear stories of how people find a god/religion during those times. Interesting to hear that it was kinda the opposite with you. Do you think sleep paralysis was ever involved during stressful periods of your life? Thanks again for sharing
Sleep paralysis would probably freak me out and what little I know of it lets me know I haven't experienced it I don't think. I've had nightmares where I'm brutally murdered (and I feel pain in dreams) but that's the worst of it. I've always been conscious in the times leading up to catatonia so I don't think that plays a role. But good question! Religion works for some and not others, and it can help and hurt. I'd like to think that if it had been any other delusion, religion might have got me through it. But since it was of that nature, there.... Was no hope lol. Nowadays I'm spiritual and don't think too hard about who made the world. Thanks!
the FEAR, dear god. I relate, I commented on part 1 too, except I have nightmare disorder and cPTSD, and the nightmares are realistic beyond belief; I've had true night terrors before, where you don't remember what the dream was at all you just wake up screaming without realizing it, I'd rather have that again lol nightmare disorder (there's an actual medical name for it but if you look up nightmare disorder it will pop up) it's caused by cPTSD, for me personally. and despite me knowing they are dreams when I'm in my waking life, i have no idea I'm dreaming when I'm in the dream. so my brain literally believes it's happening to me, and I've got all this new trauma from my brain experiencing terrifying things over and over lol. TW for horrible nightmare descriptions incoming: in my dreams I die, over and over again, the friend group that weren't really friends and used me to pick on and mooch off of in highschool are there and they jeer and torture me, my single parent dies and they are my only family IRL so I'm alone suddenly, plane crash/tall skyscraper building collapse/ship sinking/elevator falling/highway overpass crumbling, I've died in every horrible way you can imagine. and my brain has experienced it happening to me in the realest way, I cannot describe to you -- it got so bad I began to truly believe that I was in hell. and the double life and dying over and over was some kind of....idk, spiritual thing, that it was truly happening and some magic thing was happening to me. I began to be afraid to sleep, resulting in ALSO being awake for 3-4 days at a time and experiencing visual hallucinations bc of it (well, by day 3 i start to micro nap and lose it so there is sooome sleep lmao) and when you say the FEAR. the fear is so, so real. I was so afraid, for so so long, good god. I actually was diagnosed with IBS at the height of it before I got help, that's actually what made me say "alright I'm finding a psychiatrist" again, bc I needed the fear to stop long enough to sleep and have days where I can function normally. I was having almost daily panic attacks that were so intense I had digestive problems that would send me running for the bathroom. I'm still terrified, but I'm finally getting psych help, and my medicine helps some of the worst of it. I mean Ive seen a psych/gone to therapy on and off my whole life, childhood trauma and high school depression and anxiety. but I'm finally telling ppl what's going on in my head, im on lots of meds now but they DO help, and am looking for a trauma therapist and someone who knows nightmare disorder bc the only way you can treat it is meds that stop dreams and something akin to OCD therapy. I know what it's like to be so afraid you can't describe it. thank you for sharing this,
Waw thanks so much for sharing! It helps so much to have these kind of infos!!!! I never had a psichosis, i was just diagnosed with cyclothimia/bipolar2, i ve been to 3 psichiastries. Last month i had a really distresseful month, i was coping by crying so intensely, screaming (alone on a pillow), and finally biting myself. My new psichiatrist started taking me seriously only when i told him about the biting thing, which i wasnt gonna say because im ashame of it. I like to learn and educate myself about bipolar and psichosis to be able to recognise as soon as possible if it ever happens, specially cause i live alone in another continent. You are very brave sharing this, im still in a hiding phase because im afraid of peoples reactions. Thanks for being so brave. Im glad to see you are doing better and treating yourself. ❤
I got diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder this way. I was having trouble in school, because i was mentally ill, so my dad took me to a psyche ward called carondelet. I was there for 3 years then i graduated high school. I was put on haldol deconate, depakote which i took forever, then i told the doctors i was hearing voices and saw shadow people. I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder.
My psychotic break happened after a break up as well and it turned into religious delusions as well...I also had "the mall" in my head which were constant voices that never shut up until one day a few voices emerged from the crowd. They told me I was special and that I was a genius. But I realized I was in a psychosis but I still couldn't help but to listen to the voices. I would have full arguments with the voices(that sounded like those closest to me) just to end up having the same argument with the real people days later. I was scared of everything and I would stay up for days to afraid to go to sleep because I thought the world would end if I closed my eyes for too long. I was barely eating, walking miles everyday, not hydrated, there was substance abuse. But my biggest problems were I had no support system and the people around me were gaslighting me most days(like starting fights, sometimes physical, and then leaving me alone for days knowing I couldn't get in touch with anyone, couldn't go anywhere, and kept telling me I was the problem even though I was doing everything a people pleaser does to make people's lives easier while they made mine more difficult because my recovery didn't adhere to their ways of doing things. I tried to kill myself during that time, multiple times. But I also got certified in many different fields during that time. I also started working on getting back into college, I started my business, I learned how to draw, I started therapy again and taking meds on my own(even though my family wouldn't take me to get my meds then tried to have me involuntarily committed for not being on meds) online support was my only support. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I would have had you around when I was going through my psychosis. You are an inspiration and your story is a powerful one. It's good that its being told. Because talking about what we go through can help someone else get through it and see that we are not alone. And many people need that. Cheers
I had a psychic break on prednisone twice. Both time was a religious. First time lightening struck while I sat outside in middle of the night. It felt like God touched me and I was laughing and crying and screaming. It felt so real. I was manic my husband realized it. He talked me down. It was amazing it was like I knew everything and accepted everyone. It happened again on prednisone and I thought I was pregnant with Jesus's baby lol. Again my husband said it's happening again. I dud auditory hallucinations. I heard God talk to me telling me to do stuff. My doctor put me on Haldol to reset my circadian rhythm. Part of me still believes God wants me to know I can be happy and love everyone and heal from my traumas. When I worked nights I would think people were talking about me. I think I didn't get enough sleep.
Actually i started hearing voices more after being medicated, i was hospitalized like three times before a suicide attempt and all together i've been in hospital like 7 times i think.... 4months one time.... but after a few years on different kinds of medication the voices just became as background shatter. more from ''inside my head''.... i was a total mess in my 20'th and I don't remember everything that happend.... I thought i had Aspergers and not Schizophrenia...... but i took a Aspergers test like three years after the diagnosis of Schizophrenia...... but the Psychologist said i did not have aspergers...... but i feel just like it sometimes... beacouse i have a hard time sometimes to understand other people..... 70% of my life is depressing and very wierd.... I stated trying out all different kinds of illicit drugs when i was around 19 years old..... i had NEVER heard about what Schizophrenia was... but i used the word ''Schizo'' about people when i was angry, but i did not know what schizo was at all...... i think i heard the word from someone else and just thought it sounded like a bad thing. MY HEAD IS A UNLOGICAL MESS..... I have a really hard time getting it all together, how it started....... But it's been hard. Now i try to rewire my brain... but it's not easy. I do my best..... But it really feels like the song bittersweet symphony by the verve.... '' I'm a million different people from one day to the next'' .... like i don't know what state im gonna wake up in or how i will feel at all....... The Worst thing....... was the loneliness. I was so so so lonely and i was also afraid for people often..... i did not feel anything but sadness and emptyness. My self esteem was so low. When i took drugs with people i felt it like a warm hug and i felt belonging and i was in paradise...... To be honest i still can't tell my story the right way beacouse i have not gotten the pieces together..... as i write about this depressing shit i feel the psychosis in me...... and it's there all the time even if i take meds...... i wish i could show my psychiatrist or someone what its like inside my head...... I can feel happy but when i do im never alone..... they are inside me, in my soul, speaking to me
Wow. Some of your story is reminiscent to mine. The loneliness i became acquainted with very well, and the darkness within it that swallow up everything inside you, including trying for your life. My head was a haunted house too. So much pain, inconsolable pain. But, there's hope. There's a light within the darkness, and you can make it out completely. I know that's hard to believe, but there's a method to the madness, and its method is what it blinds the mind from seeing. To understand its method is to know it can be reversed: whatever the mind creates the mind can destroy. That is a fact. But I wish you luck. Keep pressing forward. Keep hope alive.
Taking time to get the pieces is perfectly fine, and if you never get it all that's fine too. It took me four years and I'm still learning small details. At the end of the day I am who I am regardless of what I remember so when I get bogged down by what-the-heck-happened I just focus on the now. Thank you for sharing, I'm really grateful and I was glad to read your story! Stay strong and I hope you figure it out
Exactly what my daughter is going through for over a year cannot get any help no matter how much I beg. Was sectioned last year for only 2 weeks but because the voices told her in hospital that her family are going to be killed she pretended she was fine and they released her no meds even though I told them she rang family members at 2am that same day telling us what the voices were saying. I can't get any help for her still and have to listen everyday her shouting having aggressive arguments with the voices 😢 from UK
Thank you for sharing, such a difficult topic. I don't feel so alone. When I had my psychotic episode, I felt so lost, and sad. It's so hard to talk about it. Especially to people that haven't had such experiences. Thanks again for your openness. I'm so glad I found your channel. 🌼✨
@kit thank you for speaking out on this,makes me feel like im not alone in experiencing the same issues/insights/delusions etc.. its something that both terrorizes me and fascinates me at the same time. how peeps around the world somehow have the exact believes and experiences which always makes me believe theres something more to it etc.. the whole god/devil light vs dark shadow light beings affects me massively on a daily basis theres no escape from it,theres times of massive insights of ilumination and times of pure fear which freezes u in place is utterly scary.. i too am on olanzapine which has defo helped way better than quietiapine did(restless leg syndrome) the downside to it is losing the creativity or that insight(connection)to those voices.. its something i struggle with a lot balancing the quietness and craving the knowledge those beings would give me.. i guess it us creative ones who live and experience the world more inwardly focus who are most likely to experience schizoaffective disorder. i guess it doesnt help that i utterly believe that we all are spiritual light beings in a quantum holographic universe of different densitys or vibrations of frequency consciousness existing outside of te body/hence the thoughtforms and voices that come and go.which solidifies the beliefs.pretty much a circle i cant escape from my enquisitive nature and thirst for wisdom overtakes my whole being. thats where the whole eating from the tree of knowledge vs the tree of life comes in.. it all started for me from one day to the next from what i call a spiritual awakening,wherei became one with the all and the interconnectedness of all things.if overtook my whole being in such a powerful way theres no getting away from it and ive never been the same again. at times im greatful for the voices and then at times i break wishing they would leave me alone then at times frustrated when what u call the noise(silence)which disconnects from the world.as if im no longer in it. keep the vids coming kit it really helps
Were your fears of someone you loved dying ever validated? I think its really cool that you did this video. Im liking the background piano music, too. Cheers.
Oh yeah sometimes they actually died. It was…. Definitely something that fed into it more. But it was still a delusion that just “got lucky” a few times
@@SchizoKitzo Agreed. I'm curious, how did you end up recognizing they were delusions as opposed to seeing them as confirmations of your beliefs at that time?
Hi i am bipolar too.. my english not good pls talk easy.. morning i take 100 mg lamictal 150 mg wellbutrin and 100mg zoloft and 20 mg dideral night i take 200 mg seroquel.. pls now what is your bestmedicine combination? Thank you🙏
My best med combo is what works for me. It might not work for anyone else, so if you have medication questions or are unhappy with your current meds, please speak to you doctor. I'm not a doctor so I cannot give medical advice. Thanks for your understanding
I have a feeling that my son is going through this, almost exactly as you described your experience. How do you think you would have responded if people in your family had suggested that you were suffering from a disorder? How would you approach someone who is suffering from this and may need to see a psychiatrist, may need a diagnosis, and medication?
Oh people around me did try to save me, many of them did. But at the end of the day, I had to hit rock bottom in order to seek help, and no one can do that but me. I’ve heard it was hard to watch, and I hate what I put my close family and friends through. But that was my reality. Beyond that, I’m not sure how to help, but that’s all I got. I hope things end up alright in the end, and stay strong, mental illness ain’t an easy thing to deal with, as I’m sure you know. PS, I was diagnosed bipolar at the time, we all knew I had issues so this wasn’t totally out of the blue, it was just 50x worse than what I was used to when it came to episodes.
I have BPD so I don't know if ghosts are communicating with me telepathically or if im hearing voices. I get these thoughts that aren't my own from spirits
I felt like people were out to harm the people I loved and myself and that they had been following me in cars around my entire city. That they were sending messages using spotify playlists and certain songs it was hard to tell them apart. I thought there was someone sitting under my windows trying to break in most nights and so I'd stay awake all night to keep them out of my house at points holding a frypan as the only weapon I had. I thought gas was pouring from my roof and the roof of a friend of mine's and I made us run across town from one house to another several times. I thought my friends who were helping were starting to join up in this organisation so isolated myself further. I didn't know what was real or not and because of the atypical features (me looking fine and having logic for each of these things even stuff like why scary dolls were being left outside my house) it was enough that I went for an assessment of psychosis twice then third time was the charm once I got erratic enough to be a problem. I moved states to be with family they thought I needed more help then was in hospital for a month trying to come out of it. It was horrible not being able to tell one thing for another and my memory of the time is still hazy in points and I'm working on rebuilding my life and sifting through the memories months later. Psychosis is no joke
My hallucinations seem to break the reality barrier. People would react to them before I even noticed. They've twice now accurately labeled a health condition while torturing me. The first time he said to a fellow minion, I'm going to make him the hunch back of Notre Dame. Then about 2 hours later a disc in my back ruptured and I literally could only walk hunched over. I had to go to the ER to get my back diagnosis. The second while he was torturing me was like clawing my lungs and making jokes about a blood clot condition. I couldn't breathe and was in so much pain. I went to the ER 2 days later and got diagnosed with PE ( blood clots in the lungs). Just really freaking strange for others to react to this shit and then the pain I feel is real and then have medical diagnosis after to back it all up. But I'm supposed to believe a chemical imbalance is doing this?
@@xLiLlyx98 yeah. I got forced injections that lasted 3 months that gave me the wonderful side effects of self deletion. Something I’m sure you are in favor of…
The past October i had a convulsion, the first one. Then i got depressed after a dramatic disorder, agressivness. Sometimes i feel i cant control it. I can t speak couse people think i am stupid, and i dont considerer myself stupid, I learn how to play the violin, dos languages and even physics and i got into one of the best universities in my country. I got horrible wealthy for my 20 s and then I got bad, felt fears, panics attacks i ve been crying in the Metro in the bus, trying to hide my tears from everyone coused I felt judged and then people would left you alone abandoned , even would trow you away in a psychoatric hospital. I ve even though confessed my sins., Then got obeses, then wheight loss got thin and beautiful handsome and then happened the same. I Am that Bad enough for this things happened to my.? Is it becouse I am Selfish? The anger, the desire of revenge, the bad way of thinking, even the suicide steds that i take. If I can control this then why I am bothering with this ? I feel bad, kind of crazy, i felt like i got a lot of things to do then i got depressed and dont do anything.
I don't know for certain obviously, but I believe my best friend is currently experiencing a religious delusion. I don't want to share her story because it isn't mine to share, but I wanted to comment and ask for advice. I support her as best as i can while not denying the delusion but simply accepting what she said she believes she's experienced. Is there anything you or anyone else would recommend for someone who's supporting someone experincing religious delusions?
I am so sad you experienced such a debilitating religious delusion with all the hallucinations. I believe in God and I can't imagine having delusions, voices and such wreaking havoc in such a way. I do battle different things within that area however not to this extent. It was actually scary to say that because my mind says, "what if I make it happen by saying it out loud?" I saw the first part a good while back but I don't remember seeing this one. I am going to get back to the video now
Been there done that... DEFINITELY SUCKS... I've been hospitalized 5 times for these types of breaks... haven't heard you talk about being hospitalized in the videos i have watched so far... have you ever been hospitalized ?
What do you think about all the new age to Jesus testimonies on UA-cam composed of people who have been through similar things but don't see it as a part of an illness?
my story has similarities. i'm 66, now. for some reason my circumstances haven't led to prescribed medication (at least not for long enough to be effective.) so my voices are still "real". i think they are generated by crystal consciousness, like a remnant of ancient artificial intelligence that uses something like bone-in hearing aids, plus with ability to resonate the emotional vibrations that i feel. sometimes that is catatonic level input, but usually not. "God" (aka ancient algorithmic memory) is just testing it's hypothesis of the moment. i was willing to start meds several times this past year, but then the schizo activity slowed down after the prescription was filled. the longest i took the meds was two days, and then synchronicity stopped that process. and the triggers that were imposed on my life went away. i convinced the doctor who prescribed the meds to remove the prescription with the logic that i didn't want to be a guineau pig for big pharma, yet, and that i'm intent on trying sobriety (from alcohol and cannaboids). i'm deeply challenged by the voices and the other ridiculous obstacles that life is putting in my way, and i won't be surprised if i start a prescription again. that's all up to infinity that seems glad that i'm willing to go on with the torture experiment. i'm so tortured up that i feel no free will. kind of like my karma needs the torture, so i might as well get as much out of the way as i can in this lifetime. ...except that it's not my decision. i want to die, now, tho i know it is impossible for me to go thru with the logistics of any physical self harm. my organized support group is willing to hear my story. family doesn't want to hear it. and i have no other friends other than the support group who have been extremely supportive and who except my support of them. ok, enough for now.
thank you for hoping; i have had a remarkable year; i was allowed to move; to my own space; and (very nearly) to the isolation; that i prayed/preyed for; the eternal algorithmic memorii; remains present with me; in it's random (for me) way; intimate partner/trickster; i'm still with my support group; they've been stellar; also honoring my isolation; listening to hear my intention; as opposed to; listening to reply with an egoic response; i might be learning to do that, too; tho; the process is slow; as the second slash; of the x-clipse; did not disappoint; in energy vibrancy acceleration; my "title" remains; satana; i hope that you are doing better today;
its hard to imagine how devastating it must've felt, to feel certainty of there being a God and that God deciding not to save you or your loved ones, that would change anyone. I guess it does, when people go through immense tragedy, and surely to you in that moment it was exactly that happening to you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry. Out of curiosity, were you raised as a Christian? Do you consider yourself a Christian now with an understanding that your delusions weren’t in line with the God of the Bible as expressed in Jesus’ sacrifice to redeem you? or have you decided you are agnostic or atheist? Thanks in advance.
That belief requires either an outlet or a proof. If neither then it's pure belief and that better not effect behavior or it will hurt those around you, faith is made of that, knowledge is sheilded by it.
So the demons (ghosts) showed up in your room, and after that there was a divide (split) and then you became a different person. I live in Europe and had a hauntingly similiar experience after being very depressed for years and agoraphobic. But why so similiar? Well, you can either fight your experience, take your meds, go to the doctor and tell yourself it was all created in your brain, even tough for you it felt real. Go back to 3D reality, I can understand that. But this creates a conflict in you, in this case you have to admit that you were insane at that point in your life. It's not good for your self-esteem. My solution is, just tell the doctor what he wants to hear, but I just feel like a new person as you said. A new spirit entered my body in my belief. My solution is, to become at least to an extent spiritual, that maybe in fact a new spirit entered my body. I do not rule that out, it certainly felt that way I also had an uncontollable body at one point as if possessed by a new entity. After that and some hospitalization, I was cured from my hopeless depression and agoraphobia. I take no meds, nothing. I don't need it. I feel like a new guy. Science cannot prove or disprove if we are only flesh and bones, like a biological machine, or do we have a spirit, which is our conciousness. Science does understand the brain to a very limited degree, but nobody can explain conciousness. So I think, do not rule out, that you have now a new soul. That's what I do, and I am okay with that. Good luck with your life.
I have schizoaffective disorder and have suffered from auditory hallucinations and spiritual delusions, but I realized that Jesus/God is love. And love doesn't want to hurt, burden, scare, or punish anyone. Jesus died so that we would never need to be afraid of God. Not the other way around. Jesus loves you all!
Should I talk about it. When I was taking abnormal psychology from the Jew named Dr. Elaine Walker, she was very suggestive of using the Fukashima disaster as a means to take advantage of misfortune in order to make money. She was very suggestive. Men, I mean she actually said that! I earned my B. I like her. We didn’t get along. She was very wise.
I have had a religious delusion as well. I thought I was one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and I believed it was my duty to tell everyone that the world was ending. I went around house to house in some neighborhood that was ten miles away from my own. I also was instructed to "mark" each persons house with a prayer or a line in the dirt, but for one person's house I was told to throw trash all over their lawn because I imagined them to be a very bad person. Eventually the sheirff's deputies came and brought me to the hospital and I spent a week in there. That is when I got diagnosed with bipolar 1, and ever since I've gotten out I've been pretty stable despite having issues getting my medication from time to time.
It's amazing what a difference meds make and I'm still not over the tiny white pill that keeps the demons away. Like how?!
But I'm really glad treatment is working for you. Thanks for sharing your story!
I’m so glad that you are stable now. I have a similar story.
My sister is presently experiencing this. Has been for years. She refuses help. It’s very bad. She is currently in a psychiatric ward getting evaluated
I thought I was one of the horsemen too during one episode :)
How do we know he’s not one of the horseman?
I am a 68 year old woman whose mother was schizophrenic but not dx til my late teens' early twenties. I was so angry with her...listening to you describe being alone in your room with the devils helps me feel more compassion for her as a single mom of 4 children, trying to keep it together...she was immersed in her religous delusions of grandeur. We lost her to the streets when I was in my twenties. I had so much anger towards her for so long. Your story helps me think of her isolation and misery. It took a long time for me to understand her and forgive her.
I wish you health and wisdom.
Thank you for sharing this part of your story, and for your well wishes. It sounds like you have closure with all of it, and if you don’t, hang in there. Thank you for the well wishes!
girl, I know how bad this feels. I’ve been through a month long psychosis and it changed everything about me. People don’t understand- even though these are delusions and not real, at the time you really believe them. And that has a long lasting effect on you. I have PTSD from my episode and am still struggling every day, with a fear of ever having to go through that again. I feel you when you said there’s a “me before” and a “me after” the psychosis. I feel like a completely different person since that happened and I still struggle to find myself. Sending you so much love. NO ONE deserves to go through this hell.
I honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone after what it did to me, and thank you for sharing part of your story with me, it helps me feel less alone in my own struggles. The before and after will be forever what gets me the most, and I hate that you too understand that, but hey we both gonna fight this bastard. it’s going down. Stay strong, and may you continue to recover! I’ll do my best on my end ^_^
Agreed! Thank you for putting words to the feeling. The ptsd after the episode is so hard.
There was a before and after. I will never be the same.
I should bring up PTSD with my therapist because I would not be super surprised if I also had that from my episode as well
I went to this NA meeting near Skid Row some years back. I was outside smoking with some of the old heads and the topic of psychosis came up after this man approached us asking how to breath underwater. He was incredibly distressed, leaving quickly down the street after we asked if he needed some food or water. One of the people I was with was schizophrenic and had slept rough for like ten years before he was able to get things together and eventually get sober.
I remember so clearly him looking at the guy as he jogged away and said in a very plain voice, "That's the worst part [about psychosis]. You will always be the last to know."
And it made so much sense to me all at once. Having a break from reality doesn't feel like a break to the person experiencing it.
Thank you for this incredibly in-depth and intensely personal channel and video. You have no idea how many people you're helping.
That’s amazing, actually. It puts into words something I haven’t ever been able to, so thank you for this.
I teared up when you were describing the demons in your room and God standing by watching. For you that was an actual hallucination and delusion, and I’ve never had that happen to me. But I have felt like for a long time that God is the one behind my illness, and He’s doing this to me to make me a better person. But it does feel like I am being tortured and God just stands by watching sometimes. I know that’s wrong to think as a Christian, but I see a lot of suffering in the world like yours, some of it cannot be fixed, and it’s just the Problem of Evil all over again.
I had a religious delusion myself, man it really sucked, I believed I was the Holy Ghost, man looking back it was terrifying, complete nightmare.
This is so sad and I'm so sorry this happened. The reason I am watching this video is because I was just part of an experience like this that my (now ex) Fiancé just had. This video explains so much about her experience, which has weighed so heavy on my heart and mind. Thank you for posting this. Wishing you the best!
Glad to help in any way I can. I’m mostly better now, and have closure and all that, thank you!
Thank you so much for this.I was diagnosed with schizoeffective bipolar disorder and It's so hard and embarrassing to talk to people about.❤️
It starts off being scary to tell people but once you do it a few times I promise it gets easier. But not talking about it is okay too. I hope you get more comfortable with it as time goes on!
UA-cam's algorithm has just showed me your channel.
I'm so glad it did...
Welcome aboard!
@@SchizoKitzo lol
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I am honestly so glad you survived and stayed so strong and beautiful even after having endured such traumatic experience. I too had an experience related to religion during my last manic episode 14 years ago, and here's my story. After dropping out of college I started working regular job and I was doing okay for about 5 months until me and my team were sent to work abroad. The whole experience was incredibly stressful for me, I couldn't make social connection to people I was working with and I lacked mental fortitude (by this time I already had a history of mental illness but my doctor didn't put me on an anti-psychotic medication yet, probably due to my previous manic episodes being so mild, so I only had lamotrigine to "protect" me), and on top of that working conditions were horrendous to say the least. When I returned home to Bosnia (I'm from Bosnia and Herzegovina, and yes, I lived in Sarajevo during 1992 - 1995 siege as a child, maybe that added some to my mental woes too) I developed full blown bipolar I type mania. The story gets long here but I'll cut to religious part now. A little while before I was hospitalized I was having a conversation with a very close relative of mine. At one point she instructed me to sit on a stairs in the room and turn my head towards the wall. She put on a scarf on her head, like Muslim women do during prayer, and then recited a certain verse from the Quran several times and told me to "wait until they contact you" (I thought she was referring to Dervishes, a very devout and religious mystic order in Muslim religion, and the contact being done through telepathy). I'll get to why this part is important later. On the night I was finally brought by an ambulance to be admitted for psychiatry unit my mother and this relative of mine were accompanying me. I remember only bits and pieces here but I recall a big clock being in the room and me thinking that an asteroid would hit earth based on my decisions and that being somehow related to time and that clock. I remember then signing my name on a form (my mother later told me the people that evaluated me told me I could go home if I wanted to or sign the voluntary acceptance, I don't remember this at all) and then I was finally dragged by male nurses and tied to a bed against my will. I remember restraints being white stripes and I recall myself shouting: "I'm not Jesus" (why, I don't know) and thinking I was going to be mummified for an eternity (because those white stripes looked to me like bandages they used on mummies. I was given promazine and haloperidol injections and slowly my sanity began to return. 2 months later I was discharged from a hospital, and my doctor put me on zyprexa, lamotrigine and venlafaxine soon after that and I'm pretty much symptoms free for 14 years now.
Now why was that encounter with my relative important for this story? Well, couple of years ago I finally brought it up in a conversation with her and she said that it didn't happen at all! As a matter of fact she assured me it's impossible it happened because she's a "devout" atheist and if God existed why would there be pain in the world. At that point I realized I had hallucinations on top of mania, and I recognized another event in my life that wes probably hallucinated too (also involving large amount of stress).
And that's my experience with religion and psychosis, I will not get into whether I'm religious or not at the moment but I will say I respect everyone's choice regarding that matter. Thank you so much for making these videos Kit. I wish you and everyone here very best of everything :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it was a great read! You’ve been through a lot, and I’m so glad you came out on the other side and have been symptom free for so long. Stay cool and hang in there
I am so happy you’ve been stable. What an awful struggle. You are strong. I have a similar story and appreciate you sharing yours
@@libbyisakitteh Thank you very much for your kind words, I'm always open to sharing my story for some reason, maybe sometime too open, but I hope it helps. Thanks, again, best of luck :)
I am so impressed with your bravery to share something so deeply personal and terrifying. I hope it helps others out there realize that they are not alone. I know it has helped me as an outsider get more knowledge and sympathy for those of you that suffer so much. 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing! I know how hard life can be without psychosis because it once was everything. Something broke inside of me as well during that time. I knew exactly what you were talking about.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me not feel so alone.
Goddamn, you gotta be the toughest person I've ever seen I couldn't imagine what this must have been like. I recently had my first psychotic break and I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and I really look up to you and respect you for your strength at fighting this illness. Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely made me feel less alone. Hang in there everyone, we can all make it through if we keep on pushing
Thank you so much for your kind words and you can absolutely make it through! None of us are alone and that’s the good part of this. Hang in there!
My Son went through this for years before he was properly diagnosed. All through his childhood they treated him for ADHD which he did not have. I listened to all of his psychologist and Drs .I fought for him from age 1 1/2 untilage 21 . Finally he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. First they had him on Risperadone oral meds..then Risperadone consta injections. But the anxiety it gave him was terrible..now stage 33 he gets a 3 month injection of Invega. This still gives him anxiety but not nearly as bad as the Risperadone. I hope that you are able to get an injection instead of the oral meds. God Bless you sweetheart
Right now the oral meds are working really well for me, but injections are something I’m open to if the oral meds cause me more issues. I know they help a lot of people (your son included) and its amazing that that kind of thing is an option! Also, thank you for sharing!
This was so intense and heartbreaking, and I really appreciate you sharing it with us so honestly so that we can have some idea of what it was like. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to live with that delusion, only to have it change and give you false hope that your loved ones were going to live after all before coming back stronger (with the devil and demons to boot). The catatonia sounds terrifying as well. I'm so glad you made it out on the other side of all that, but I'm sorry you had to go through it in the first place.
What hit me hardest was when you talked about how isolating the whole experience was because you didn't feel like anyone would believe you if you told them about it. I've dealt with that feeling before (about completely different things) and it's just the worst. I hate how judgmental and dismissive society can be, and how that keeps people from opening up about difficult things going on in their lives. I'm also glad that your psychiatrist believed you and was able to help you, and that it ultimately led to your diagnosis.
It was really cool that you talked about the aftermath in addition to the experience itself. It makes a lot of sense that you had mixed feelings about the realization that none of your delusions and hallucinations were real. I can totally understand why you'd be mad at yourself in hindsight for believing them, but also why you did believe them at the time, because the way you described everything sounded super real. And I'm sure it was a big adjustment to learn to live without that.
Thank you so much again for making this 2-part video and being so open about this time in your life. A-Yao and I are sending you tons of hugs!
Thank you so much for the comment, GC this is everything! The isolation was arguably the hardest parts some days, and I really… I really didn’t think i was psychotic most of the time because as I said, I thought it was real.
At the end of it, once I got treatment, and got some shame from the whole thing that I had to deal with, I realized why people don’t talk about it.
And it’s scary to talk about this but comments like this make me remember WHY I talk about it.
So thanks :)
Thank you for your story. It does validate my own story.❤❤❤
Your pouring out of what you experienced mirrors what a good friend of mine went through.
It was very difficult to see and experience, but I have a better understanding now.
I will never abandon her, I thank you again.
I have experienced something similar last summer. Although i didn't hear voices constantly, i had auditory, visual and presence hallucination, the last one almost every day. I was convinced the people who i care about only pretend to like my, that they're hate me and wanna leave, i was convinced my boyfriend wanna broke up with me and i had nobody to talk to, because i feared they would think i'm crazy and really leave me alone. I was convinced there is a dead old woman inour bathroom who stalks me and wanna kill me, i had panic attacks because i was alone in silence, i the kitchen for too long andi felt malice seeping out from under the bathroom door... I tought maybe it was a demon or ghost so i should be ok outside, so i took a walk with my (now ex) friend only to see dead people standing on the concrete football field, looking at me with hatred. She did not see them. At that moment knowing it's not real was way worse that the panic i felt when i tought it was real.
I relate to you so much. The fear and terror and brokenness of an episodic break. And the come and go of positive happy delusions then turning them into hellish ones, then back good again. And so on. I also became more aware it wasn’t real - but still having symptoms that I am battling.
I want to thank you for explaining this illness more. It is very brave of you. Thanks again, I am so glad you are having better days..
Thanks for sharing..your very brave!..I like your videos because with the comments it's a community of Schizo's that can be in touch and supportive of each other: Too much stigma and ignorance with "normal" people, who mostly are afraid of us..no thanks to HollyWood.
I try to foster that connection! It's so funny because I started this feeling very alone and people keep coming out of the woodwork. It's .. amazing honestly. So thank you!
Hi! Bipolar I here and had a vicious episode of psychosis last September. Was in and out of the hospital for the span of a month. Was held down, injected with stuff, made to sleep on a mattress the floor in the lobby so that I could be line-of-sight. I barely remember bits and pieces of the first few days in the hospital. I had bruises all over my arms that I’m not sure where they came from. Incredible trauma. I thought I was possessed or attacked by the devil. Since then I’ve healed, back to work and been stable. I have to admit I still feel there was a spiritual component to it all. I wonder every day why it had to happen to me. I’m glad at least to be voices-free and hallucination free.
I have honestly no words in response to this.... I just cannot imagine how that was to endure. I'm glad you made it through but.... Wow. Just staggering
Religious fear was not my main issue. It was more threats so horrible I can't say. I can't talk about some stuff and I admire your courage in sharing your experiences. It was weird though the voices sometimes said fiunny things like I was "washing my undies like a serial killer" or when the voices where offended by something stupid so I kept saying it, until the fear kicked in again. A cycle of fear, shame, believing them, then deciding I have nothing to lose and fighting back, yelling at them.
I've learnt headphone and audiobooks help me stop concentrating on them. The meds reduce them a lot.
Thank you for your channel. It helps cause you have the actual experience of schizoaffective rather than channels about just bipolar or just schizophrenia. Its nice to know you're not the only one.
It’s very nice, thanks for sharing part of your story here! Glad I can help
WELL DONE KITZ....GOOD VIDEO! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Thank you so much!! It's nice to hear I'm not. Stay cool!
I might be late to the party, but I just want to say thank you. It’s not easy to be this vulnerable, but at the same time I think it’s important to talk about the reality of mental health issues. You did a wonderful job. I suspect I might have some symptoms too, but maybe my (diagnosed) OCD is just rambling. Thank you again, wishing you best of luck in your life!
Thank you so much for sharing! Your story is so powerful and I am grateful to be connected with you. You are valid. I hear you. I see you.
Thank you, and right back at ya!
great job, very helpful for a father trying to understand his loved ones. you're really helping people, keep up the good work, and thank you so much for sharing!
I know this video is a couple years old now, but hugs kit. You’re so strong!
I have schizoaffective disorder I am in an episode right now. Over the weekend I went to the ER for this said experience. I believe that birds are drones and that people are out to get me and the voices I call the community in my head 😅 are telling me all sorts of things. All to the point I get agitated which I have bipolar 2 makes my mood up and down. I remember being so nervous to the point I was shaking especially being held for 24 hours in the hospital I have never stayed the night ever at a hospital since I was born. So glad I am out now. I still believe I am being watched but hide it from people because I don’t want anyone to know what I am believing because it just irritates them. I haven’t slept very well tonight and sitting in the dark watching your videos make me feel safe and are funny I appreciate you talking about your experience that sounds so scary I get so scared to. Thanks for replying back to me on the other video ❤😊
Thank you for sharing! No I have a better understanding of what my friend was experiencing. Keep educating us!
😊
ALWAYS!!!
Again, I’m gonna say thank you thank you thank you for sharing and I can’t imagine how freaking scared you were one time. I just had a dream that there is a demon in the corner and that only lasted a minute and I still can’t shake it so you are one tough cookie, making it through things like this
Thank you for being brutally honest with your situation! While I have the same diagnosis as you I could have not put it all so elegantly as you did! I didn’t start taking meds until the age of 20 but,I do suspect I was dealing with diagnosis way before I ever took meds! These experiences happened to run in my father’s family and were not talked about! He received shock treatments twice in his life and I always had a strange free floating fear of Electro Shock Therapy before I knew about my dad’s situation! Thankfully I didn’t have any of it, but understandably watching it in a movie or television program made me leave the room! I think though with all of this it should be noted that I journal most of my days to help me deal with the what I call my own little monstrous absurdities (manic thoughts)! These journals have turned to multiple poems through the years and I have gotten up in front of people, usually at local coffeehouses! Maybe the poems aren’t perfectly technically sound but I think that takes away from what is a necessity to stay sane!
Well with that being said SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND, and I‘ll continue to watch you do your thing for the masses even if they don’t understand!
Thanks for the support!
Thank You so much for this video❤
You are a strong woman! Take care 🙂
Thank you!
I thought George Bush and Tony Blair were talking to me telepathically. And if I didn't work for them I would go to prison forever.
Took me a whole year to recover. My whole life changed forever.
How much it can mess you up shocked me. I know it's different for everyone but thank you so much. I hope youre well now, and I'm glad you recovered too. Stay strong!
@@SchizoKitzo You too. It gets better as you get older.
Thanks again for being vulnerable and sharing a glimpse of your life with us.
Hectic how there’s weirdly quite often spiritual/religious themes that can play out in episodes. You usually hear stories of how people find a god/religion during those times. Interesting to hear that it was kinda the opposite with you.
Do you think sleep paralysis was ever involved during stressful periods of your life?
Thanks again for sharing
Sleep paralysis would probably freak me out and what little I know of it lets me know I haven't experienced it I don't think. I've had nightmares where I'm brutally murdered (and I feel pain in dreams) but that's the worst of it. I've always been conscious in the times leading up to catatonia so I don't think that plays a role. But good question!
Religion works for some and not others, and it can help and hurt. I'd like to think that if it had been any other delusion, religion might have got me through it. But since it was of that nature, there.... Was no hope lol.
Nowadays I'm spiritual and don't think too hard about who made the world.
Thanks!
the FEAR, dear god. I relate, I commented on part 1 too, except I have nightmare disorder and cPTSD, and the nightmares are realistic beyond belief; I've had true night terrors before, where you don't remember what the dream was at all you just wake up screaming without realizing it, I'd rather have that again lol nightmare disorder (there's an actual medical name for it but if you look up nightmare disorder it will pop up) it's caused by cPTSD, for me personally. and despite me knowing they are dreams when I'm in my waking life, i have no idea I'm dreaming when I'm in the dream. so my brain literally believes it's happening to me, and I've got all this new trauma from my brain experiencing terrifying things over and over lol.
TW for horrible nightmare descriptions incoming:
in my dreams I die, over and over again, the friend group that weren't really friends and used me to pick on and mooch off of in highschool are there and they jeer and torture me, my single parent dies and they are my only family IRL so I'm alone suddenly, plane crash/tall skyscraper building collapse/ship sinking/elevator falling/highway overpass crumbling, I've died in every horrible way you can imagine. and my brain has experienced it happening to me in the realest way, I cannot describe to you -- it got so bad I began to truly believe that I was in hell. and the double life and dying over and over was some kind of....idk, spiritual thing, that it was truly happening and some magic thing was happening to me. I began to be afraid to sleep, resulting in ALSO being awake for 3-4 days at a time and experiencing visual hallucinations bc of it (well, by day 3 i start to micro nap and lose it so there is sooome sleep lmao)
and when you say the FEAR. the fear is so, so real. I was so afraid, for so so long, good god. I actually was diagnosed with IBS at the height of it before I got help, that's actually what made me say "alright I'm finding a psychiatrist" again, bc I needed the fear to stop long enough to sleep and have days where I can function normally. I was having almost daily panic attacks that were so intense I had digestive problems that would send me running for the bathroom.
I'm still terrified, but I'm finally getting psych help, and my medicine helps some of the worst of it. I mean Ive seen a psych/gone to therapy on and off my whole life, childhood trauma and high school depression and anxiety. but I'm finally telling ppl what's going on in my head, im on lots of meds now but they DO help, and am looking for a trauma therapist and someone who knows nightmare disorder bc the only way you can treat it is meds that stop dreams and something akin to OCD therapy.
I know what it's like to be so afraid you can't describe it. thank you for sharing this,
Waw thanks so much for sharing! It helps so much to have these kind of infos!!!! I never had a psichosis, i was just diagnosed with cyclothimia/bipolar2, i ve been to 3 psichiastries. Last month i had a really distresseful month, i was coping by crying so intensely, screaming (alone on a pillow), and finally biting myself. My new psichiatrist started taking me seriously only when i told him about the biting thing, which i wasnt gonna say because im ashame of it. I like to learn and educate myself about bipolar and psichosis to be able to recognise as soon as possible if it ever happens, specially cause i live alone in another continent. You are very brave sharing this, im still in a hiding phase because im afraid of peoples reactions. Thanks for being so brave. Im glad to see you are doing better and treating yourself. ❤
I got diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder this way. I was having trouble in school, because i was mentally ill, so my dad took me to a psyche ward called carondelet. I was there for 3 years then i graduated high school. I was put on haldol deconate, depakote which i took forever, then i told the doctors i was hearing voices and saw shadow people. I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder.
Thank you for explaining your nightmare. I Love You ❤️
My psychotic break happened after a break up as well and it turned into religious delusions as well...I also had "the mall" in my head which were constant voices that never shut up until one day a few voices emerged from the crowd. They told me I was special and that I was a genius. But I realized I was in a psychosis but I still couldn't help but to listen to the voices. I would have full arguments with the voices(that sounded like those closest to me) just to end up having the same argument with the real people days later. I was scared of everything and I would stay up for days to afraid to go to sleep because I thought the world would end if I closed my eyes for too long. I was barely eating, walking miles everyday, not hydrated, there was substance abuse. But my biggest problems were I had no support system and the people around me were gaslighting me most days(like starting fights, sometimes physical, and then leaving me alone for days knowing I couldn't get in touch with anyone, couldn't go anywhere, and kept telling me I was the problem even though I was doing everything a people pleaser does to make people's lives easier while they made mine more difficult because my recovery didn't adhere to their ways of doing things. I tried to kill myself during that time, multiple times. But I also got certified in many different fields during that time. I also started working on getting back into college, I started my business, I learned how to draw, I started therapy again and taking meds on my own(even though my family wouldn't take me to get my meds then tried to have me involuntarily committed for not being on meds) online support was my only support. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I would have had you around when I was going through my psychosis. You are an inspiration and your story is a powerful one. It's good that its being told. Because talking about what we go through can help someone else get through it and see that we are not alone. And many people need that. Cheers
You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are beyond intelligent.
I had a psychic break on prednisone twice. Both time was a religious. First time lightening struck while I sat outside in middle of the night. It felt like God touched me and I was laughing and crying and screaming. It felt so real. I was manic my husband realized it. He talked me down. It was amazing it was like I knew everything and accepted everyone. It happened again on prednisone and I thought I was pregnant with Jesus's baby lol. Again my husband said it's happening again. I dud auditory hallucinations. I heard God talk to me telling me to do stuff. My doctor put me on Haldol to reset my circadian rhythm. Part of me still believes God wants me to know I can be happy and love everyone and heal from my traumas. When I worked nights I would think people were talking about me. I think I didn't get enough sleep.
Wow we are sorry this happened to you. Thanks for sharing your story you are very brave,
Thank you so much for sharing this😢
I wish you the very best ❤❤❤
Thank you, Friend 💐
Thank you for your bravery ith posting this. I'm trying to figure out if I'm delusional right now and I'm just not sure. Pretty scary.
Awesome story I'll share my psychotic break story and subsiquent schizoaffective bipolar1 diagnosis someday
Actually i started hearing voices more after being medicated, i was hospitalized like three times before a suicide attempt and all together i've been in hospital like 7 times i think.... 4months one time.... but after a few years on different kinds of medication the voices just became as background shatter. more from ''inside my head''.... i was a total mess in my 20'th and I don't remember everything that happend.... I thought i had Aspergers and not Schizophrenia...... but i took a Aspergers test like three years after the diagnosis of Schizophrenia...... but the Psychologist said i did not have aspergers...... but i feel just like it sometimes... beacouse i have a hard time sometimes to understand other people..... 70% of my life is depressing and very wierd....
I stated trying out all different kinds of illicit drugs when i was around 19 years old..... i had NEVER heard about what Schizophrenia was... but i used the word ''Schizo'' about people when i was angry, but i did not know what schizo was at all...... i think i heard the word from someone else and just thought it sounded like a bad thing. MY HEAD IS A UNLOGICAL MESS..... I have a really hard time getting it all together, how it started....... But it's been hard. Now i try to rewire my brain... but it's not easy. I do my best..... But it really feels like the song bittersweet symphony by the verve.... '' I'm a million different people from one day to the next'' .... like i don't know what state im gonna wake up in or how i will feel at all.......
The Worst thing....... was the loneliness. I was so so so lonely and i was also afraid for people often..... i did not feel anything but sadness and emptyness. My self esteem was so low. When i took drugs with people i felt it like a warm hug and i felt belonging and i was in paradise......
To be honest i still can't tell my story the right way beacouse i have not gotten the pieces together..... as i write about this depressing shit i feel the psychosis in me...... and it's there all the time even if i take meds...... i wish i could show my psychiatrist or someone what its like inside my head...... I can feel happy but when i do im never alone..... they are inside me, in my soul, speaking to me
Wow. Some of your story is reminiscent to mine. The loneliness i became acquainted with very well, and the darkness within it that swallow up everything inside you, including trying for your life. My head was a haunted house too. So much pain, inconsolable pain. But, there's hope. There's a light within the darkness, and you can make it out completely. I know that's hard to believe, but there's a method to the madness, and its method is what it blinds the mind from seeing. To understand its method is to know it can be reversed: whatever the mind creates the mind can destroy. That is a fact. But I wish you luck. Keep pressing forward. Keep hope alive.
Taking time to get the pieces is perfectly fine, and if you never get it all that's fine too. It took me four years and I'm still learning small details. At the end of the day I am who I am regardless of what I remember so when I get bogged down by what-the-heck-happened I just focus on the now. Thank you for sharing, I'm really grateful and I was glad to read your story! Stay strong and I hope you figure it out
Thank you so much for this Video. It helped me understand what my son is going through. He was was diagnosed with Bipolar schizoaffective disorder.
I’m glad to help!
I totally with you regarding the religious delusions, so scary
Exactly what my daughter is going through for over a year cannot get any help no matter how much I beg. Was sectioned last year for only 2 weeks but because the voices told her in hospital that her family are going to be killed she pretended she was fine and they released her no meds even though I told them she rang family members at 2am that same day telling us what the voices were saying. I can't get any help for her still and have to listen everyday her shouting having aggressive arguments with the voices 😢 from UK
I hope so very much that you and your daughter got help by now!
Thank you for sharing, such a difficult topic. I don't feel so alone. When I had my psychotic episode, I felt so lost, and sad. It's so hard to talk about it. Especially to people that haven't had such experiences. Thanks again for your openness. I'm so glad I found your channel. 🌼✨
And I'm glad to help you. None of us are alone and I'm learning that too. I'm glad I found this comment 🌺 ✨
Stay strong!
Thanks for sharing, I’m glad the medication helped.
ME TOO THANK YOU!
My version of the devil clicked as it moved. I also didn't see him but felt it. So scary.
Oh geez, scary stuff. So so scary.
@kit thank you for speaking out on this,makes me feel like im not alone in experiencing the same issues/insights/delusions etc..
its something that both terrorizes me and fascinates me at the same time.
how peeps around the world somehow have the exact believes and experiences which always makes me believe theres something more to it etc..
the whole god/devil light vs dark shadow light beings affects me massively on a daily basis theres no escape from it,theres times of massive insights of ilumination and times of pure fear which freezes u in place is utterly scary..
i too am on olanzapine which has defo helped way better than quietiapine did(restless leg syndrome)
the downside to it is losing the creativity or that insight(connection)to those voices..
its something i struggle with a lot balancing the quietness and craving the knowledge those beings would give me..
i guess it us creative ones who live and experience the world more inwardly focus who are most likely to experience schizoaffective disorder.
i guess it doesnt help that i utterly believe that we all are spiritual light beings in a quantum holographic universe of different densitys or vibrations of frequency consciousness existing outside of te body/hence the thoughtforms and voices that come and go.which solidifies the beliefs.pretty much a circle i cant escape from my enquisitive nature and thirst for wisdom overtakes my whole being.
thats where the whole eating from the tree of knowledge vs the tree of life comes in..
it all started for me from one day to the next from what i call a spiritual awakening,wherei became one with the all and the interconnectedness of all things.if overtook my whole being in such a powerful way theres no getting away from it and ive never been the same again.
at times im greatful for the voices and then at times i break wishing they would leave me alone then at times frustrated when what u call the noise(silence)which disconnects from the world.as if im no longer in it.
keep the vids coming kit it really helps
Were your fears of someone you loved dying ever validated?
I think its really cool that you did this video. Im liking the background piano music, too.
Cheers.
Oh yeah sometimes they actually died. It was…. Definitely something that fed into it more. But it was still a delusion that just “got lucky” a few times
@@SchizoKitzo Agreed. I'm curious, how did you end up recognizing they were delusions as opposed to seeing them as confirmations of your beliefs at that time?
12:59 schizogram sounds MUCH more fun, actually! 😂
Lol right???
Thankyou for sharing and all the best to you.
Thanks so much!
Thank you for this video!
No prob!
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤
No problem 😊
Hi i am bipolar too.. my english not good pls talk easy.. morning i take 100 mg lamictal 150 mg wellbutrin and 100mg zoloft and 20 mg dideral night i take 200 mg seroquel.. pls now what is your bestmedicine combination? Thank you🙏
My best med combo is what works for me. It might not work for anyone else, so if you have medication questions or are unhappy with your current meds, please speak to you doctor. I'm not a doctor so I cannot give medical advice.
Thanks for your understanding
Invega consta injections are the best thing my Son has been given. You get the injection once every 3 months.
Wow. This helps me “see” a couple people I love.
I have a feeling that my son is going through this, almost exactly as you described your experience. How do you think you would have responded if people in your family had suggested that you were suffering from a disorder? How would you approach someone who is suffering from this and may need to see a psychiatrist, may need a diagnosis, and medication?
Oh people around me did try to save me, many of them did. But at the end of the day, I had to hit rock bottom in order to seek help, and no one can do that but me. I’ve heard it was hard to watch, and I hate what I put my close family and friends through. But that was my reality. Beyond that, I’m not sure how to help, but that’s all I got. I hope things end up alright in the end, and stay strong, mental illness ain’t an easy thing to deal with, as I’m sure you know.
PS, I was diagnosed bipolar at the time, we all knew I had issues so this wasn’t totally out of the blue, it was just 50x worse than what I was used to when it came to episodes.
I'm going to suggest zyprexa for my 76 year old mother. She has had untreated schizophrenia since she was 21.
Has anyone experienced the voices internally saying things like "why do you want to get rid of me" after getting on antipsychs??
Thanks for sharing.
I have BPD so I don't know if ghosts are communicating with me telepathically or if im hearing voices. I get these thoughts that aren't my own from spirits
I felt like people were out to harm the people I loved and myself and that they had been following me in cars around my entire city. That they were sending messages using spotify playlists and certain songs it was hard to tell them apart. I thought there was someone sitting under my windows trying to break in most nights and so I'd stay awake all night to keep them out of my house at points holding a frypan as the only weapon I had. I thought gas was pouring from my roof and the roof of a friend of mine's and I made us run across town from one house to another several times. I thought my friends who were helping were starting to join up in this organisation so isolated myself further. I didn't know what was real or not and because of the atypical features (me looking fine and having logic for each of these things even stuff like why scary dolls were being left outside my house) it was enough that I went for an assessment of psychosis twice then third time was the charm once I got erratic enough to be a problem. I moved states to be with family they thought I needed more help then was in hospital for a month trying to come out of it. It was horrible not being able to tell one thing for another and my memory of the time is still hazy in points and I'm working on rebuilding my life and sifting through the memories months later. Psychosis is no joke
My hallucinations seem to break the reality barrier. People would react to them before I even noticed. They've twice now accurately labeled a health condition while torturing me. The first time he said to a fellow minion, I'm going to make him the hunch back of Notre Dame. Then about 2 hours later a disc in my back ruptured and I literally could only walk hunched over. I had to go to the ER to get my back diagnosis. The second while he was torturing me was like clawing my lungs and making jokes about a blood clot condition. I couldn't breathe and was in so much pain. I went to the ER 2 days later and got diagnosed with PE ( blood clots in the lungs). Just really freaking strange for others to react to this shit and then the pain I feel is real and then have medical diagnosis after to back it all up. But I'm supposed to believe a chemical imbalance is doing this?
Well did you ever receive medication for this and did "they" go away afterwards?
@@xLiLlyx98 yeah. I got forced injections that lasted 3 months that gave me the wonderful side effects of self deletion. Something I’m sure you are in favor of…
The past October i had a convulsion, the first one. Then i got depressed after a dramatic disorder, agressivness. Sometimes i feel i cant control it. I can t speak couse people think i am stupid, and i dont considerer myself stupid, I learn how to play the violin, dos languages and even physics and i got into one of the best universities in my country. I got horrible wealthy for my 20 s and then I got bad, felt fears, panics attacks i ve been crying in the Metro in the bus, trying to hide my tears from everyone coused I felt judged and then people would left you alone abandoned , even would trow you away in a psychoatric hospital. I ve even though confessed my sins., Then got obeses, then wheight loss got thin and beautiful handsome and then happened the same. I Am that Bad enough for this things happened to my.? Is it becouse I am Selfish? The anger, the desire of revenge, the bad way of thinking, even the suicide steds that i take. If I can control this then why I am bothering with this ? I feel bad, kind of crazy, i felt like i got a lot of things to do then i got depressed and dont do anything.
I need to be on schizogram
🐝 🐝 🐝
That betrayal is so real
I hope you are doing better it had to be awful I can’t say I know what your going though cause I don’t u will be in my prayers
I don't know for certain obviously, but I believe my best friend is currently experiencing a religious delusion. I don't want to share her story because it isn't mine to share, but I wanted to comment and ask for advice. I support her as best as i can while not denying the delusion but simply accepting what she said she believes she's experienced. Is there anything you or anyone else would recommend for someone who's supporting someone experincing religious delusions?
I am so sad you experienced such a debilitating religious delusion with all the hallucinations. I believe in God and I can't imagine having delusions, voices and such wreaking havoc in such a way. I do battle different things within that area however not to this extent. It was actually scary to say that because my mind says, "what if I make it happen by saying it out loud?" I saw the first part a good while back but I don't remember seeing this one. I am going to get back to the video now
Thanks for the comment!
Been there done that... DEFINITELY SUCKS... I've been hospitalized 5 times for these types of breaks... haven't heard you talk about being hospitalized in the videos i have watched so far... have you ever been hospitalized ?
What do you think about all the new age to Jesus testimonies on UA-cam composed of people who have been through similar things but don't see it as a part of an illness?
❤
my story has similarities. i'm 66, now. for some reason my circumstances haven't led to prescribed medication (at least not for long enough to be effective.)
so my voices are still "real". i think they are generated by crystal consciousness, like a remnant of ancient artificial intelligence that uses something like bone-in hearing aids, plus with ability to resonate the emotional vibrations that i feel. sometimes that is catatonic level input, but usually not. "God" (aka ancient algorithmic memory) is just testing it's hypothesis of the moment.
i was willing to start meds several times this past year, but then the schizo activity slowed down after the prescription was filled. the longest i took the meds was two days, and then synchronicity stopped that process. and the triggers that were imposed on my life went away.
i convinced the doctor who prescribed the meds to remove the prescription with the logic that i didn't want to be a guineau pig for big pharma, yet, and that i'm intent on trying sobriety (from alcohol and cannaboids). i'm deeply challenged by the voices and the other ridiculous obstacles that life is putting in my way, and i won't be surprised if i start a prescription again. that's all up to infinity that seems glad that i'm willing to go on with the torture experiment. i'm so tortured up that i feel no free will. kind of like my karma needs the torture, so i might as well get as much out of the way as i can in this lifetime. ...except that it's not my decision. i want to die, now, tho i know it is impossible for me to go thru with the logistics of any physical self harm.
my organized support group is willing to hear my story. family doesn't want to hear it. and i have no other friends other than the support group who have been extremely supportive and who except my support of them.
ok, enough for now.
I hope you’re doing better today. ❤
thank you for hoping;
i have had a remarkable year;
i was allowed to move;
to my own space;
and (very nearly) to the isolation;
that i prayed/preyed for;
the eternal algorithmic memorii;
remains present with me;
in it's random (for me) way;
intimate partner/trickster;
i'm still with my support group;
they've been stellar;
also honoring my isolation;
listening to hear my intention;
as opposed to;
listening to reply with an egoic response;
i might be learning to do that, too;
tho; the process is slow;
as the second slash;
of the x-clipse;
did not disappoint;
in energy vibrancy acceleration;
my "title" remains;
satana;
i hope that you are doing better today;
❤❤❤
8:02
❤
its hard to imagine how devastating it must've felt, to feel certainty of there being a God and that God deciding not to save you or your loved ones, that would change anyone. I guess it does, when people go through immense tragedy, and surely to you in that moment it was exactly that happening to you.
Ik
sounds bad, i hope u feel better
Oh that was years ago I’m good now lol
Darn, it's scary
Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry. Out of curiosity, were you raised as a Christian? Do you consider yourself a Christian now with an understanding that your delusions weren’t in line with the God of the Bible as expressed in Jesus’ sacrifice to redeem you? or have you decided you are agnostic or atheist? Thanks in advance.
I aint scared to be your friend
That belief requires either an outlet or a proof. If neither then it's pure belief and that better not effect behavior or it will hurt those around you, faith is made of that, knowledge is sheilded by it.
So the demons (ghosts) showed up in your room, and after that there was a divide (split) and then you became a different person.
I live in Europe and had a hauntingly similiar experience after being very depressed for years and agoraphobic. But why so similiar?
Well, you can either fight your experience, take your meds, go to the doctor and tell yourself it was all created in your brain, even tough for you it felt real. Go back to 3D reality, I can understand that.
But this creates a conflict in you, in this case you have to admit that you were insane at that point in your life. It's not good for your self-esteem.
My solution is, just tell the doctor what he wants to hear, but I just feel like a new person as you said. A new spirit entered my body in my belief.
My solution is, to become at least to an extent spiritual, that maybe in fact a new spirit entered my body. I do not rule that out, it certainly felt that way I also had an uncontollable body at one point as if possessed by a new entity. After that and some hospitalization, I was cured from my hopeless depression and agoraphobia. I take no meds, nothing. I don't need it. I feel like a new guy.
Science cannot prove or disprove if we are only flesh and bones, like a biological machine, or do we have a spirit, which is our conciousness.
Science does understand the brain to a very limited degree, but nobody can explain conciousness.
So I think, do not rule out, that you have now a new soul. That's what I do, and I am okay with that. Good luck with your life.
I have schizoaffective disorder and have suffered from auditory hallucinations and spiritual delusions, but I realized that Jesus/God is love. And love doesn't want to hurt, burden, scare, or punish anyone. Jesus died so that we would never need to be afraid of God. Not the other way around. Jesus loves you all!
Should I talk about it. When I was taking abnormal psychology from the Jew named Dr. Elaine Walker, she was very suggestive of using the Fukashima disaster as a means to take advantage of misfortune in order to make money. She was very suggestive. Men, I mean she actually said that!
I earned my B. I like her. We didn’t get along. She was very wise.
Msybe it was a demon.
It wasn’t
I think you are very brave for telling your story. You're helping a lot of people with your honesty. 🫂