Men vs Women in a Breakup: Who Suffers More?
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
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Did you know that men and women respond differently to breakups? My brother Stephen and I talked about recent research that showed differences in how men and women process emotional pain, how long they take to recover from heartbreak, and how likely they are to want to get back together.
Of course, we are all individuals, and our response will also be determined by our own personality and experiences, but it's always interesting to see these general patterns of male and female behaviour and whether they conform with our stereotypes.
What do you think? Have you noticed any of these differences in your own relationships?
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The person who was the most invested in the relationship.
Facts
Exactly 💯
I couldn't said it better.
He was my whole world I invested everything, despite that breaking up with him is a relief, cant wait to sign those papers,,,
Agreed!!
"Women fall in love in a man's presence. Men tend to realize they are in love in a woman's absence."
"Women care too early and men care too late."
that's the history of my last serious relationship....nothing to save now
Oooooooh ouch🧐
We both will find someone else.We learned from our mistakes. So let’s not make the same mistake again
Happened with me, we dated for only like 2 months and we’ve been done for a about 2 weeks. Saw her at school today, texted her after and now we’re hanging out tomorrow and she knows my intentions 😏
Why did the universe design us like this? It’s so unfair.
I agree on this. He doesnt care when i tje time i care
I am a man and I felt real physically pain after my breakup... I never knew emotions could make you feel so physically ill and in pain.
Going through the same feeling now man.
@@raen3049 well I wish you the best!! it still hurts but not nearly as bad… probably doesn’t help her and I still talk on and off LOL
@@raen3049 ayy man if you need anyone to talk to, right here man. Going through the same it hurts but allowing yourself to have your own time, grieve and be vulnerable will help you to continue on and once again be back to yourself. Trust me you’re not alone, right here. 🙏
Going through the same thing as you brother
It’s been over a year for me and I still feel heartbreak and pain… it feels like grief…
I think what this discussion has failed to mention is that women have a tendency to mourn the relationship over a long period of time attempting to salvage it before coming to the conclusion of ending it, therefore, when it ends, it is not sudden, but it has been a long while coming.
Men do that too
Mmmmm stereotypically yes but not necessarily.
@@wart479 But usually happens with women than men
Also we start grieving before we end it. The actual leaving is the last straw. I for one Gave them plenty of cues and conversation about it but they weren't listening or even trying too until it's too late.
Yeah yeah yeah, he provided facts. Stop contradicting them
I think the one who cares and loves the most ,suffers the most 😥.
Yep. 100% agree.
Yep. Always me 😭
🙂
YES, this is mostly true but not for all cases.
Facts it’s not a men & women thing
I was in a relationship for 7 yrs and we broke up due to his betrayal and now its been 2 yrs and i am still not healed whereas he has moved on and married. I think it depends on how much you have invested on that person and how much effort you put into that relationship that takes longer to heal.
I’m sorry 🤗
Its really sad and difficult for ego
I completely agree. The more they invest, the harder they heal. It really depends on a person too. Betrayal is something that is hardly handle#able for anyone. So please take you time.
@@paweenuchthiangsuntia9853 Thank you hon
Hope you relief soon🙏🏻💖
As a woman I do think women suffer more at first but in my own experience once I grieved and processed everything and I'm healed I truly move on. Once I'm done I'm done for good. Never have I ever gone back to an ex. Not once in my entire life . I always feel like I mature a bit more after a brake up and I genuinely just close that chapter. I have some male friends that I have seen struggle over a brake up much later while their ex truly moved on.
Narcissist woman
I'm so proud of you. It's beautiful to grieve and move through that and be able to move on.
Same 😂
Me too, once I have broken up with someone, I don't look back
As a man, this is also true to me. Unfair assumption, we all carry our own traits
I think men suffer more long term, permanent damage because our society does not raise men to be vulnerable, introspective. They often won't seek help, process their feelings and behaviors and so they jump into new relationships, sleep around, keep busy. But they don't heal or change. Women in general will take their healing time, seek help, share with sisters, and look for change...
I wasted five years with someone who couldn't get over a breakup because she dumped him. I get why she dumped him but I wish I didn't waste 5 years
Women simply get more emotional support from friends and family, it is often assumed that men are responsible for the relationship failing too.
@@spajas8092 what? Of course woman heal better because we target the issue and not bury it with casual s3x, hate towards woman and a large etc. Just learn to speak and take care of yourself. Woman support each other, what does a man do?
Wow very interesting, that's why, we as ladies should never think we need to heal a man, it isn't our responsibility and some wounded girls think that by fixing a guy they will love them. It's unhealthy
@@sabrina9333 you didn't waste time, that was the path you had to take to learn your lessons, at this moment be done with that kind of situations and move on, get your life back as soon as possible
Wish you the best
Broke up 3 weeks ago. I am in hermit mode. Introspecting my part in the realtionship breakup. Recalling my errors.. the times I hurt her. I Have no intention of looking for another relationship. Heal, to not bring baggage to a new relationship.. Self acceptance. Self improvement.
Good to hear your conclusion about self acceptance and improvement. You will be a better lover in your next relationship ❤
@@sabinehuichinese7669 100% ! Version 2.0 of me is the best version yet
I’m with you bro! 🤜🤛
Also, women usually “have already checked out of the relationship way before she leaves it, therefore, she will be perceived as “getting over it” faster
Yes, Esther Parell talks about this.
That's not just a woman thing.
That's pretty much all the people who decides to get out of the relationship, I don't think that's a gender related thing
Oh gender plays a big role in how a breakup is dealt with. Absolutely does. It’s nothing good or bad. Just is.
@@kathysalvatori5509 no, it isn't really a gender thing. Maturity helps a lot and self reflection. Breakups are about accepting, healing and growing as a person. Which is why rebounders are the worst type of people to date.
It's always assumed that the guy is the reason for the breakup and not the woman thanks to gender stereotypes which can be a reason why breakups can be harder on men.
I was so miserable in my relationship for years, that when I finally left, it was a relief. I shed no tears. I got my life back.
Exactly how I felt when I broke up with my most recent ex. Like a weight was lifted off me.
Even though it can feel like a relief, there are still trauma that can be caused by subtle emotional abuse or neglect during the relationship. And that trauma won’t disappear by itself, until you consciously work on processing it
I am on this statment. Where I leave after been hurt for 3 years. I provide and invest more than him. I almost follow his step .... by controlling him so much because of the lost of trust in him and we live the long distance relationship before and after married.
@@leechiehchien1343 yes it is. And I still feel trauma and a bit anxiety disorder after that. Because I invest so much in that relationship.
I feel this
I think it all depends on who initiated the breakup. I feel like the dumper always feels relief/happiness after they leave, and the dumpee is left feeling worthless and devastated in most cases. The dumper will probably be excited to go out and "explore" the new options at their disposal while the person who was dumped will begin to process the breakup first. From what I've seen, the dumpee is the one that levels up after a breakup because they work on themselves and genuinely want to improve while the dumper initially fills the void with random distractions to convince themselves they made the correct choice, and maybe experiences remorse 3-4 months down the road.
Exactly! Well said 👍
Yes
This isn’t true. I broke up with my ex and I’m going through the pain. I didn’t want to, but it had to be done, but I’m not out exploring. Don’t want to, and I can’t heal, grow and learn if I’m out doing things like that. I think it also depends on the person, because not everyone is this way.
@@daughteroftheking6402I think that is also true for most people. But, it depends entirely on your intentions
If you break up because you just dont love the other person anymore, or even hate. Cheat. Or whatever negative emotion, the probability of that person to move on very quickly is high.
Now if you broke up with someone because you just felt it wasnt working, or you were both hurting each other, but you really loved each other and saw many good things in the relationship, then its going to hurt a lot. For both of you. But the one that breaks up with the other most likely will sorta move on faster as they already processed lots of things before doing it, while the other person will just get by surprise and start late, and feel guilty
There is also this thing. Lets say that you want to breakup, and you are planning to tell your partner that you will just leave him. You are totally prepared, feeling fine, and he all of the sudden, breaks up with you first. I can assure you that you will feel extremely shitty, way worse than if you broke up with him first. I guess it comes from the power one has on the couple. Because each one has the other's one heart and all the vulnerability that comes with it.
@@daughteroftheking6402 agree sometimes there is just such an incompatibility that you try so hard to put the puzzle pieces together and it just doesnt work. Or you signed up for something that was vastly different to what the future would be. You felt it would be one way and then once your in it everything changes. Or you realise your just trying to slot into his life not co creating a new life together.
The break up was a huge blindside. I was 15 weeks pregnant and he (no kidding) very abruptly walked out of my life and shut every door we ever had. I ended up miscarrying from the literal heart break. But I began to figure out how unhappy I was with him. I lost myself completely and started living through his life and he had very different goals than me. Even though losing him and my baby is hard (happened 3 days ago) I feel really strong and courages about it. I can begin into feel like myself.
I send you love and support :) youre so strong
I went through a similar experience where my ex actually wanted me to have an abortion because he didn’t want to have a child with me. I miscarried because of the stress and not once did he show any emotions for the loss. 4 months down the line, he’s now in a new relationship. Love and light to you ❤
@@thandeka8984unbelievable! Hope you’re better now!❤
I want to give you a hug.
How are you doing now
I also read in a study that men's grieving-period is more characterized by anger. Where women tends to blame themselves more. - Ruminating over things she might have done differently. - or not.
that's right
I’d say it’s more so cause men don’t actually get to express our anger often so when we can and or have a reason to, we do.
@@Thedreamer20015 You don't have a more valid reason to express anger than a woman have. She is also angry about something regarding her ex or the past relationship. Studies just show the general coping mechanism when looking at men and woman. The researchers havn't just stated it themselves. They have asked woman and men how they react after a breakup, and the pattern was that women ruminate and grieve much deeper for a while, but with men the grieving period is longer, and they tend to be more angry. I am not saying something is better than the other. But as you say the norm in society is that men are not "allowed" to show feelings. Therefore it makes it much harder to heal. Anger is just depression/sorrow turned outwards.
It is a shame. Men have feelings too, and it should be accepted and embraced the same way as it is with women.
@@aliahalissajensen2590 nice reading a comment like this from a woman I believe you can makes me get over my ex that hurt me so much . I need your little advice on how to move on I don't know if we can have a little conversation together please
@@joaquimgram9877 you are welcome to ask the question you need to ask🙂
But I can't guarantee I can help😁 But I will try🙂
I think it depends on the psychological make up of each person regardless of their gender. Being unable to heal and move on, is proportional to the degree of childhood trauma. However and Interestingly, I’m in my early 60s surrounded by unhappy lonely men, while the woman in my circle are happier staying single.
I'll be 49 in a few weeks and I'm learning to be happy by myself. I really don't think real men exist anymore. Just beta males that are poor excuses for men. I enjoy my own company and I'm happier not having to deal with the crap I dealt with but I'm still a bit lonely. So I'm looking for some hobbies to occupy my time. I just don't trust men anymore.
It does but anecdotally for me, most guys I date are messed up by previous relationships
@@rhondagrant6379 I don’t believe that. There are wonderful men out there. I just haven’t found the one who wants me for who I am as well. I prefer to continue working on me and my problems and not blaming their lack of presence on them
@Lara Hamilton, I'm right behind you in years (54), and was starting to wonder if that is how things will look amongst my friends in the future too.
@@rhondagrant6379 The whole man thing is very tough. I hear you! However, I know some really wonderful men but they are all taken! Yet, finding a mate is just not as big a focus for me as it was when I was younger. Certainly the host of the show seems like a good guy :-).
after reading the comments i feel i’m not the only one who’s in pain💔
As a woman, my self-work post-breakup was not progressing for years because I didn't have close female friends to talk to about it. Not all women have this to help them along.
Same.
Same
Same
Same
@Pacifica74 I’m someone who gets over this stuff super fast and it’s honestly all down to my best friend, sister and mom. I’d have been terribly alone and sad so many times if not for them but they won’t let me mope for too long. ❤️
I think it also depends on who breaks up with whom. It is always easier for the people that make the decision and way harder for the people that are blindsided by the break up.
@@rudifouche7406 what do you mean?
@@rudifouche7406 exactly. This is what happened to me. I broke up because of stubbornness and I simply couldn't see that he loved me, I thought he didn't so I broke up..(he god married very soon after the break up (quite surprising considering he loved me a lot). Now I regret it but what's done is done..I am trying to think that it happened for the better...
@@georgepanagiotou8673 please don't
@@jayc342009 lol I already did 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
@@georgepanagiotou8673 update? Honestly depends on reason for break up. If it was mostly compassionate and kind (and the relationship was good) i think there's no harm in wishing a happy b day.
This is spot on. As a woman, I suffered immensely after my recent break up. I am talking panic attacks, getting physically sick, quitting my job, full on depression. I’m nearing the 3 month mark of my break up and although I’m still feeling that pain... I also have processed so much of what went wrong. What didn’t work, and ultimately why it was a good choice to end the relationship. I know my ex has been dating around. He did that almost immediately and he has also tried to reach out and I have avoided all contact except for one moment of weakness when I responded to an email. But... I guess what I am trying to say is that my healing process has been all encompassing and intense. Therefore, I feel like once I genuinely get over it... I truly will be over it. I will always feel sad at the fact that things didn’t work out because it’s not like it was just a relationship that didn’t pan out and oh well. No, this was the person that I saw myself building a life, a future with, and growing old with. I will keep growing and as a woman I can say that I have been feeling all of my emotions and letting them come and go as they please and simply trying to observe them without judgment. I wish my ex all of the best, but from afar.
That’s great hun that apart of you is moving on. I’m pregnant and the man I’m having a child with we aren’t together and I’m due December 8th. Went threw a lot of depression but finally realized, he is not in my life for a reason and I feel myself no longer caring and it feels great! Be proud of yourself! Your doing great.
@@seizuregirlllll i hope you have a smooth delivery and wish you all the best in life
I'm in the exact same situation. He's moved on so quickly . I find that difficult
so sorry for you! the same case here. Now, 5,5 months after break up and still mourning and processing past in my head. it's so hard! and my ex just moved forevard the "next day" after break up, but still got in touch every week! at the beginning i was too weak not to pick up the phone, but now im trying to ignore him.. i don't think i will ever get over him compleately, as i was seeing our future together:/
You people here need to find hobbies and travel and I promise you will move on quick without even noticing. don't put my happiness in someone else's hand.
Women suffer more in the beginning, men start months later.
Months went by me living in pain and confusion and I was so relieved when my depression turned into anger, fury then slowly I let it go and moved on.
By
During my grieving period he was living the best of his life and carried on inflicting even more pain.
By the time I started to get up and to heal, he went through half a dozen women and slowed down then went into depression, regret, guilt and was begging for a second chance. Just when I finally started to let him go!
Totally messed up and dragged me down with him. The second time what helped that he called me names for not forgiving him and not giving him another chance. That immediately sobered me up and moved on so easily as the wind blows.
He is still miserable and in depression, after 1 year, and hoping to get together. Me? Totally neutral now to him, like he'd never be in my life. Guess, if he wouldn't cut that deep into my heart and wouldn't walk over me so easily and coldly, I might missed him, but now I just miss the time I wasted on him.
Wow....this is deep & personal. Thanks so much for sharing.
I feel like it's a cultural pressure. Men are taught positive messages about being single, the player, or the bach man who should play the field while women are given positive messages for being chosen, in a relationship, or getting married.
When my girlfriend broke up with me I didn’t even wanna be with my friends, I just wanted to go home and cry and listen to sad songs, I thought that was bad for me but I guess it was good? Well it’s been 2 months and it still hurts a lot, I also cried harder than I’ve ever cried in my life after I got off the phone with her
Stop talking to her
how long was this relationship for and how old are u. i recently broke up with mine and i just want to know how he feels and how he's doing.
the fact that the person is the one who courted you, but not the most invested one in the relationship is so sad
That’s what is so confusing about my breakup…I’m like your the one that forced all of this not me
This depends on the person, their relationship, their life outside the relationship, so many things... But many times it matters how they broke up: did someone cheat, did they just "grow apart", were they fighting etc. I have seen all kinds of stuff, but the worst breakups are when someone loses his/her joy for life completely and they cannot see the future. I'm not saying a person cannot be your everything, but you cannot live for someone else either. Start healing little by little, and good things will eventually come your way ❤️
I felt this
This is exactly what I’m going through. Thank you so much for taking time to write this because it really helps to read when your in this situation💙
I’m a few days shy of 2 months since my breakup and it feels like this heartbreak will never end, today has been really hard on me.
omg it hurt seeing comment like this . I don't know how to move on with my life since my gf cheated on me with my military friend while I was away rn I need someone I could talk I don't need sex and distance is not a barrier and i dont mind paying allowance if u are interested reply please
I grieved the relationship first for months after and now that I’m moving on he’s hurting. He was busy with others girls while I was crying and miserable plus found out I got cheated on.
Really? I needed to hear this. Grieving currently. Two months later still in NO CONTACT. Hurt
Hi, I’m interested to know (because I’m going through the same thing ) did you ever confront him after the breakup about infidelity ?
Same. Found out from the girl who worked at the cafe who served us, four months prior to our breakup apparently she also went to his gym, she told me when I saw her two weeks ago that shortly after her serving us that he was asking her what kind of guy she’s interested in and what’s her type and would flirt with her at the gym. I confronted him and of course even then I still couldn’t get the truth.
@@user-xv3zr4lm1j that is painful as hell. Im sorry that happened to you. Im keeping you in my thoughts. I think about if you were a friend of mine I'd have scheduled a videogame or series watching of some sort while being present for venting if needed. betrayal like that messes with the psyche, but ultimately know it was not your fault they were dragging on a relationship they weren't reciprocally invested in. I hope this pain passes as quickly as possible
@@Unknown-mo2ow thank you my friend. And I do video games lol but thank you. And yes, as painful as this was, and him being 12 years older than me, knowing he was wasting my time and had interest on what else was out there clearly keeping his options open was by far the worst pain of all. I swear you think you know someone and even then, after five years, he became a stranger overnight. It’s sad really. Looks fade. Asses sag. And here he was wanting an 18 year old waitress. While I’m working with a broken foot during that whole process. It crosses my mind a lot if I will ever get the acknowledgment, apology or notable regret or even the truth. But I know I never will.
I never heard from my ex after he SHOOK MY HAND(😂), called our relationship a day, basically said "we tried" after all the talk/discussion and 18 months, he did absolutely nothing about it. He said a relationship shouldn't have problems... (wtf 😂)
Now I understood how little he was investing and either never loved me, or/and didn't want to commit, despite all the love and marriage talk...
Stop guessing, when words aren't matched with actions, run. You'll save a lot of pain.
I was physically sick too, but from the emotional stress from the relationship, I recovered 2 weeks after the breakup though. 💪
I'm so glad you dodged that bullet- " A relationship shouldn't have problems" Lol. That's a man-child right there.
Wish you the best. Hope you are in a good place. It's so great you recovered fast ❤️
I went through the exact same. He walked out and threw the towel in after our first big fight (after almost 3 years together). Apparently I wasn’t allowed to be unhappy/struggle a bit while he was on a deployment (during a full-on covid lockdown so I was alone at home) and looking after my mental health was seen as a weakness by him and some of his family.
He also stopped taking about marriage and family after we moved in together.
@@Ayesha_F Me too, he made me cry too many times before to feel much, my love evaporated through those tears. Focusing on the lessons always helps. I am at a much better place now without him and thank you! All the best to you too!💕
@@Monntanaaxx It's crazy how long we can carry on with receiving bare minimum effort. Hope you're okay, did you move out/on? Sending love 💕
@@krisztinakobanyai yeah I started moving my stuff out the day after while he wasn’t there and then went whenever he wasn’t there over the next 2 weeks to get the rest of my stuff. I’m slowly moving on, some days I have bad moments but I think 85% of the time is positive and happy moments now.
A lot of truth has come out afterwards and I’ve seriously realised how narcissistic he and his father were (eg I wasn’t allowed according to his dad to be emotional during a 4 month lockdown alone while his son was deployed and he told me there was no need to get emotional when his son was arriving home after the 4 1/2 months away 🤨
I’ve seen a quote recently that really resonates with me “a true relationship is two unperfect people refusing to give up on each other” 💕 Sounds like we’ve both dodged a bullet in the end
I believe that the answer to this question is not gender related...those are just numbers. There are certain stereotypes that apply but the one that was most invested in the relationship suffers the most and the longest regardless of how many options that person has. An important breakup in ones life is a major personal transformation that cannot be explained.....and it is so fucked up sometimes
Not really, I knew a guy who didnt invest so much, living in regret that he didn't cherish the girl. The girl already got married and had kids 1 year after their break up.
@@jocelyncao9233 But isn't that a different form of regret?.... he had the opportunity to a great partner and wasted it, meanwhile there are people taking the opportunity, giving it their best and still it isn't enough and more than that they are left to pick up whatever pieces are left while going through a personal transformation. I am not saying that I do not understand that pain but it is on a different scale . The only metaphor that I can think of is of a shop owner: In your case the shop owner had a client that could have been THE client but the owner decided to kick out the client and regrets doing that because he could have hit the jackpot with that client. Meanwhile, the other version is that the shop owner lets the client in and does all that is need to make the client happy, yet the client breaks everything and leaves leaving the shop owner at a loss and having to clean the damage.
@@simonamuntean3107 it's just that I have never seen a man who gives their best and still it isnt enough. My ex said he tried his best, but his best was rubbish, I have seen so many better guys.
@@jocelyncao9233 Well then I hope he feels the regret of the man you were telling us about.
Numbers don't lie
Way less suffering in the breakup for me personally. I was suffering long enough in the relationship. I should have ended it a year ago. I feel so much happier now and it's only been a week since we broke up. I'm processing and more than sadness I have just felt anger. Angry at myself for staying and angry and him for disrespecting me so much. I think I was detaching myself emotionally before we broke up. I tried for months to make it work but he never reciprocated the effort. I made a clean break and I'm never looking back. I have my freedom and happiness again :)
So many guys I date are stuck on their exes. I have never been able to break through That with guys who are still stuck. I don’t want a relationship in which I’m not the one he wants and can’t have
Pami,You are beautiful 🌹🌷,You only deserves a good man
I'm with you..we never know if we are just a rebound, or if they truly wanted us
The foolish one suffers more.
Right now, my husband of 25 years wants a separation/divorce. He wants to be free to do what he wants and get all the sex he wants. He is done being tie down to this woman (me). It's a lot more of why but now I have to start over from scratch. He went out for the first time in years with his single frat brothers. I feel he does not care how I feel. I boosted him up when he had nothing. He got his PhD two months ago and his credit score rose all because of me. I spoiled a man and got nothing in return. I am mental messed up. But I have to be strong for my young child.
So many dudes want support when they have nothing and then leave when they get what they want.
Agree. I have a bunch of GF's and this is the pattern I have noticed: Women have a hard time in the beginning but quickly gather their GF's community to help her heal. By the 3rd week, they're slowly forgetting the guy and usually by the 4th week they're moving on. Men, they have an easier time in the beginning and "it seems they're cold and have moved on" but the breakup hits them later and that's when we get that text message saying "whatsup?" lol!
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you.
**whatsAzpp him☝️☝**
Ahaha
I pray it'll happen to my bf and I blocked hime
@@aneeqakhan9846did it happen
I think that the person who iniated the break up left the relationship long before the break up. They start physically and emotionally and then mentally. When they see someone as a friend it's easier.
As a man, I've taken years to move on. I've also taken months. It depends on so many things. Same goes for women.
What % of your Instagram followers are women tho? That may play a part in that result.
The study suggests @1.18 " A lot of men never fully recover from heartbreak, they simply learn how to live with it and get on with life" If you see the number of suicides and homelessness among men that may give you certain context.
That’s a good point!!
Totally agree with you Matthew. I feel my ex did run away, off the hook ! He struggled with deep emotional childhood trauma , teenage trauma, lack of empathy which I picked up with and which he told me( red flags 🚩) I feel women reflect on their past relationship and heal better. I’m going through it now from November ‘22. I am moving on and know I deserve better
The person rejected has the more shattered self esteem.
Wow, your Christmas example was spot on. When that example filtered into every day, week after week, year after year I was tired of not having an adult partner. I am truly much happier on my own, taking care of myself, doing and affording whatever I want. I do hate that I hurt him by walking away after 28 years but we did not have a partnership. I just couldn't live my last 30-35 years being that unhappy.
I'm proud of you! It's so hard to leave but healthier in the long run. Or at least that's how it's been for me, and it sounds like you too.
omg it hurt seeing comment like this . I don't know how to move on with my life since my gf cheated on me with my military friend while I was away rn I need someone I could talk I don't need sex and distance is not a barrier and i dont mind paying allowance if u are interested reply please
Not happy 😂
I think women recover faster after a break up because we give all we have to save before we give up and walk away. At least that's been my experience. I've been married 3 times. The 1st was physically abusive, the 2nd emotionally abusive, and the 3rd he ended up ignoring me. I'm happier by myself than putting up with what I dealt with. I'm currently looking for hobbies to occupy my time. As an older woman, I just don't trust men anymore. I've worked through a lot of the hurt but I think ultimately I'll be happier by myself than in a relationship.
Same experience!
Married 3 times? WTF
@@daddypoker23 Don't worry I refuse to ever get remarried. I'm tired of men trying to control me and/or trying to own me. You're safe.
@@rhondagrant6379 Why do you keep picking the wrong men?
@@daddypoker23 LMAO
Damn, I'm a guy, but I reacted more on the feminine side haha. But I have to say, going through all these emotions during the first 2 months after my breakup helped me to move forward better. Maybe women are up to something when it comes to dealing with emotions after a breakup 🤣
Not a feminine way but a healthy way n I’m proud that u actually processed vs cover it up
Haha good for you !
I just broke up with my girlfriend after 14 years and I’m hurt & trying to deal with it and move on
I'm here after a 7 year relationship breakdown, that has always been toxic and has recently become emotionally abusive. Trying to get my head and mind right again.
As a guy being dumped last month after a four year relationship I have been empty sad hurt everyday no contact makes it easy for me but asoon as I see her my love for her comes rushing back and it kills me because I miss our relationship so much
Hand on ...my ex broke up with me last April then he came back on a holiday in August .
He admitted he missed me, but it wasn't the same... I can see he was hurting too. Few months past he became an ass towards me The missing will stop gradually.. It's gets better, sometimes it's not meant to be...l finally met the one for me...we have lots to work on that l tell you it ain't easy, but we're working on things make our relationship easier.
@@kris0369 I miss the missing part got easier for me. It’s been a year and I still feel stuck and miss her.
Personally after being hurt so many times by men It brings me joy that some will never get over me what a confidence boost
❣️Is it wrong bc I'm guilty 🤷🏾♀️
I don't think so It depends
There I said it
I feel like that's a really toxic mindset. I made the really hard descion to break up with my ex and I have been regretting it every day. I didn't do it because I wanted to, but because I felt like the relationship was destroying my mental health and not benefiting her whatsoever. She is fully aware I am not over her despite the call I made, but she no longer has any feelings for me. Over the course of 4 days she lost all feelings. It's heartbreaking because yes i made the choice ultimately, but deep down I did not want to and only did because I felt it was the right call. To know she might now just see me holding on as a "confidence boost" only would serve to make me feel worse, and in my opinion, neither of us are bad people, we just did some things wrong on both ends during the relationship.
They wont stop coming bk i had to change my numbet
Not the sane if you're dealing with a narcissist. They already have their next one lined up first. So even if it was the women who had to leae/flee, although he may hang on in other ways,(none good), they have the newer victims as a distraction.
I definitely think those who were more invested in the relationship. I’m at the tailed end of processing a break up after almost 3 years together. He broke up with me 2 days after he arrived back from a 4 1/2 month deployment, but he decided sometime when he was away that he didn’t want the relationship anymore. I’ve processed the breakup, I’ve been surrounded by friends and family everyday and I’m 95% ready to date again (even just casually at first).
It absolutely sucked because I put my all in relationships, but I also know when to stop fighting and begging for the simple basics and emotional connection in a relationship.
i feel you. narcs
Update?
@@kkdream99 I’ve been in an extremely healthy and happy relationship for a little over 8 months now and it’s the best 😊 Communication is amazing, the affection is something I didn’t realise I was missing so much of in my previous relationship and the respect for boundaries is 100%. He’s 5yrs older than my ex was and honestly the difference in maturity and the overall relationship is so clear
@@Monntanaaxx Wow! So happy for you :) how old you when you broke up? Im in such a bad place. I’m 31 and honestly I feel I’m too old to find something as amazing as I had with my ex :( overall it was amazing. But he was quite avoidant during misunderstandings so he left me after 2 years :(
I think it depends on who is left with guilt (because of their bad behavior) and who is left with shame (because they feel they ignored the signs). It depends on the amount of guilt and amount of shame. It depends on how long it takes each party after the breakup to be open to heal. The more you are open to heal and make new connections the more the process is faster! Dwelling on the past can take a few days.. the bad taste a breakup leaves you can last weeks.. But if you're willing to be open to heal and to build new connections (there are so many good people out there), I think it really helps you move on quicker!!
Very well explained 👌
I feel you
One love baby ❤
I think it depends on who set the boundaries that were not met. If i was dumped because i couldn't show up properly, i would be very hurt. But if i left because i was constantly wore down over time, its less painful to leave.
Why do so many men cheat on incredible women who do so much for them?
I wonder how many men screw themselves over by dumping the woman, initially being excited about it while the woman is mourning, and then, after a month, realise they're deeply regretful of doing so but have now waited too long that the woman has done too much work disconnecting from him and the relationship is too far gone to rescue (or, like you say at 14:30, she's in a relationship with someone else by the time he's realised he seriously fucked up)
edit: to all the men here saying they're this person and they hope she takes them back: I hope she doesn't. I hope she finds someone who actually respects her enough to not run away from her. If she takes you back she'll always be worrying in the back of her mind that you will do the exact same shit again when times get bad. You fucked around with her feelings by being selfish instead of prioritizing the relationship, and now you're finding out that there are consequences when you do that.
I mean I am that person rn tbh but I believe that I can still win her back I just have to show her I’m a changed man and still be there for her it’s the little things I’m bossed up now and will fight for our broken relationship with God it’s not irreparable
It is so sad how they screw things up just to come crawling back later. Why compromise all that trust that has been built? Very few women can still love genuinely after being hurt.
I really struggle with getting over the resentment. I rejected my ex because I was not willing to give love sincerely and risk being hurt again. I don't believe in a half effort love so better to let go. He blew it.
@@treysalmon640 I think you should still try, and it sounds like you are going to. Women like men who know what they want. Plus, you’ve got nothing to loose at this point…
@@nbee6217 I agree. It’s hard to rebuild that trust. But I would rather the opportunity than for them to do what they think is best for me.
Story of my life bro
An amazing online connection that lasted for a month broke down just this week. I think she'll move on quicker. I'm heartbroken, but the heartbreak was caused by me, and especially my anxiety-induced overthinking and oversharing. I'm rationalizing it all so that I can get over it, because it hurts when we still like each other, but I crossed her boundaries, so she's not that much into me anymore.
I would have done everything for our relationship, i was invested more and loved her more. We were both suffering. I used to cry everyday because of our arguments and my insecurities, she didn’t understand me, and she was giving up on me, but i was so afraid of losing her that i suffered silently, and yet even after we broke up i still miss her, even though it was hard for me, the only thing i want is to be with her no matter how hard it was, but she moved on easily, and that makes me feel worthless, i wish i didn’t love her as much as i still do.
That is spot on right now with how
Men & Women both process breakups and emotions. Friends are exactly that way as He said. I'm going through a break-up and I've def been grieving and processing everything. It's been some hard days, but I'm trying. I bin watching a lot of your videos. I can say that My girlfriends have been so supportive. They helped Me and listened while I was crying, hurt, in pain, confusion, and sadness. They gave their advice and I need to hear it. They were there when I needed them. Friends are the Best!
We're in the same boat! We've got this! I'm so grateful for my friends, they've been so supportive!!!
I think it's exactly the opposite in my case. I was the one who discovered that she is not loyal to me, lied to me multiple times etc. I was giving her another and another change, but she was more and more disconnected and distanced every time I've tried to have honest conversation with her. I've spend months processing (yes, listening to sad love songs too) what, and why have happened. I've waited 5 months for her to agree for counselling, but she stopped it after few sessions when the background story was set, and she knew it's time for serious questions. I felt physical pain, probably was in depression, have suicidal thoughts (happily I've decided to speak with therapist). At that point we are waiting for divorce trial, I'm still suffering, but she is (probably,. as far as I know her, and her behaviours) already grooming her new guy. 2 kids, over 9 years of marriage, and all she wants from me is to disappear (her words), and she do everything to limit my contact with kids, take me every penny etc. I think she has NPD, but god, how I've allowed her to take over 9 years of my life. It hurts. Every time I think I'm done with processing it, it is back. I hope divorce will be quick (no, it won't be), and I will be able to finally move on. She insist that I'm worthless, not doing anything around the house and kids, which are all lies. I'm curious if she will realize how much I was doing for her and for our relationship. Probably not, as her parents are still around and helping her even with taking the garbage out, and she has flying monkeys around. That shit hurts.
Sorry for long, uninteresting story, had to take it off my chest after seeing this video.
hope you will get through that 💕 sending you all my support.
Be strong. Divorce is a long process. What pains more was the betrayal and treating us garbage. My partner of 2 yrs just dropped me off telling me the new cleaner is worth keeping over his airbnb business than me who had his back from the beginning. Just like that he kick me out and his rental had very good review when i did the entire thing.
Again betrayal. People used people for their own need, once you serve no ourpose, you are out.
Be string and pray for your own self.
NPD is a horrific beast to deal with. Narcissists are void of a lot of emotions and instincts the rest of us have and respect. Best wishes and luck to you. Dr ramani is a fantastic source on how to best deal with Narcs going forward. it is very different from operating with full-empathy people i know this fact to be true.
Don’t worry, pour it out and let it end.
I feel your pain! She sounds a lot like my former fiance, she devalued me just like yours does to you. Once I realized she was projecting her own insecurities and inadequacies it helped me start to move on and to understand none of this was about me. You will get there, use this time to heal, to maintain a relationship with your kids and to stay hopeful 🤗
It doesn’t matter who suffer more. What matters is that after a breakup, do your best to avoid distractions, and start processing all emotions that’s coming up. Allow yourself time to fall apart, and hold yourself through it. Find mentors on emotional healing if necessary.
Speaking from a man
Oh jeez I handle it like a women then. I can’t say I have ever broken up with someone I believe in trying to work it out. I got physically sick from my last one. Process it the same as a girl.
Really loving this dialogue format. Get to see a bit more candid side of Matthew and the added value of others' input. Thanks for this.
I am currently going through a divorce. Wife decided to leave me and it has/is extremely difficult! I feel physical pain in my heart and I legit thought I was going to get a heart attack. It had been about 4 months now and I am still trying to find ways to cope with this. I am hitting the gym and spending time with my daughters. I do wish I had a better emotional support group
God bless u dear...you will be healed soo ..May u find peace and happiness😍😊🍫
You are going good at this time I am with you
Please tell me how are you
praying for you 🙏🏼🩵
Hang in there!
I was in relationship with my ex gf for 3 years. I stayed so long because she got pregnant after the first year. I was miserable with her. My soul was screaming to leave her. In the end I stayed for the child and she monkey branched to co-worker. It hurt for 2 months but then I was over her and had my life and energy back. When I got over her she wanted to come back but that door was closed already for her. I still think of her now and then and of our family that we had but she wasn't the right person and I'm glad she cheated and left. First couple of months are always hard if they dumped you, but you will be fine trust me. Hit the gym, find new friends, do your hobbies, take care of your looks and body and do whatever it is that makes you happy. Remember that the other person can not make you happy. They can only give you companionship, but what's the point have 2 people being companions in the misery
I’m in my late 30’s and in a very happy place right now. But I remember the most traumatising heartbreak of my life in my early 20’s. I remember being head over heels for him. My world revolved around him. We were young and so passionate and intense in romance,sex and even arguments. He made me feel alive and kicking like we could climb Mount Everest.
I eventually found out he was cheating on me(texting another girl).I was devastated. The confrontation was so heated up. He tried to fix it with apologies and sex but I was too hurt and I kept hurting him with my words. It became toxic quickly and even though we stayed together we were just hurting each other. He moved out and I decided to stop pursuing him. It ruined my appetite, my sleep, my motivation to work, my ability to get out of bed. I could not imagine a life without him.I knew I was suffering deeply because we were a fiercely passionate couple for 3 years.I loved him too much but I decided that I would never contact him.
It took me almost 7-8 years to fully get over him and I had relationships during that time but I often compared his intensity with other men which I know was wrong. My dad saw the sadness in my eyes and told me one thing which became true and that was,” it may feel like the world is ending because of a break up but time is the biggest healer and eventually you will get over this.” The assurance from him that one day it will stop hurting helped me a lot.
I can’t speak on my ex’s behalf because he married another woman two years after we broke up. I don’t wish him bad. There were times when I got jealous and thought he would NEVER find what we had with someone else. Maybe we both were too feisty for each other and he has found a woman who is like a ying to his yang. It did bother me that he got married faster than I did because somewhere in the back of my mind, I wished he would apologise to me for hurting me but it never happened.
My friends also helped me by telling me I deserved better and that I shouldn’t be wasting my time grieving over a cheater. It’s not that I didn’t understand that, it’s just that I was hurting that he was going to share himself with another woman the way he used to do with me. But with time the feelings fade. Things get better so I hope people don’t get disheartened and discouraged over a break up. Life is too long and time really does heal all wounds. Spend time with positive people and loved ones, work on self-improvement and travel. Open your mind to other things, good luck 😊
I got my heart totally broken when I was 23. I spent 5 years not dating, wearing jeans and sweats, and no makeup. (Should have stayed that way.)
I can totally relate, wanted to hear this. I think the man I broke up with 2 months back was my soulmate and o can’t get over him and start dating again because I think il kesi comparing him to other men, like i always did and was addicted to this guy. I feel I’m going to be a part of those people who fear to date again for a very long time because of the feeling of their ex still hidden in them.
Just coming out of a relationship with someone, who I sense was / is looking for the same intensity as his ex from 4-5 years ago. It truly hurts to be in competition with the memory of someone else. I hope the guys you were with during that 7-8 year period have been able to heal and move on.
@@xerocup I'm really sorry that you're hurting. I know it's wrong and unfair to you. I realized what I was doing to those other men much later because at that point in my life I was still very much attached to my ex's memories. I kept comparing others to him which was very wrong. I hope your ex realizes that some day and apologizes to you.
I apologized to all those men when I decided to break up with them. I am not in touch with them but on social media they all seem to have moved on, gotten married and have children now. I learnt the lesson that it's important to heal first as to not hurt others by bringing an old baggage into the new relationship. Life is a hard lesson and we learn with experience. I hope you find the right one someday :)
@@deepalall647 Thanks for your message. I don't think he's doing it purposefully, so even if he doesn't apologize, it's ok - I'll be fine :)
It's only been a little more than a week so I'm still mourning what I thought could have been if things were different but alas they weren't.
Agreed, we learn and grow.
I hope you heal completely and find the right one too! Love and light!
I'm currently healed about 90% from my last breakup which was an intense one. But one thing to mention is, the last two relationships before this, I used to call them, text them and be very desparate to get them back. But they blocked me everywhere. But you have no idea how suprised I was when they reached out to me to literally want to meet me, wanting to get back, asking why am I angry at them after 1-2 years 🥴🤣🤣🤣🤣. I was a teenager back then so I don't care anymore about them. But they deeply do care WOW 🤣. Let's see if the current ex also wants to come back, he's an avoidant type, so it might take him 4-5 years to come back🤣
How did you heal?
I think it all depends on who invested more feelings.
I personally think the person that invests and loves more is the one that takes longest to heal.. I know I have another few years ahead of me to heal my heart from who I thought I would spend my life with xxx
My 2-year long relationship has just ended, we still have to live in the same apartment (different rooms) for some days/weeks while I'm looking for a new place to move out to.
He has turned into this cold human who does not interract with me *at all* like I don't exist, and he's been going out 3 night in a row already.
That is making the break up 1000 times worse for me and I just can't understand how a person who cared and treasured and loved me so much like 2 weeks ago can be doing this to me.
It really blows my mind how can he even have the energy to socialize and probably meet other women.0
I truly can't understand this behavior. It really f*cking hurts. Why can't he just be cold and upset? Why coming home at 4-5am?...
Same here. Its easy for them tk just move around and continuously inflicting pain to us. I have faith God listens to our cry and anguish.
I was in your exact same position almost a year ago. It was one of the hardest times of my life. He became so cold. Im in a much better place now, and with time Im sure you’ll be in a better place too. Good luck and stay strong…
Hes doing it to distance himself from you so he doesnt go insane. As a man I understand it. Hes probably feeling physical pain in his chest and feels like hes going to throw up everytime he looks at you. Hes barely keeping himself together and sane. If he tried to interact with you he would most likely crack and fall into a sobbing mess. IM going through the EXACT same thing right now. Guys just process our emotions differently. Some guys might pursue sex and gratification as a way to somehow help cure the sick feelings in his gut. Its a distraction and its not personal.
I was in this same spot the beginning of 2022. It was awful. I moved in may and it’s still so painful I can hardly stand it. I understand. The only way I can even feel normal is to hate him with everything I have. It’s exhausting. We are married ( divorcing) and 10 yrs together. There are days I wish he would d i e so this pain will go away. I can’t even stand the thought of him being happy with someone else.
i'm so sorry that is really hard.
Just got out of an 8 year relationship it was my choice, and I regretted it after but had to stay strong to just keep pushing through because in the end there was so much damage. We both betrayed each other and grew apart. Don’t get me wrong I miss him so much and loved him as who he was but I know we both deserve better. I hope he finds someone who will give him everything I couldn’t. I know I fell short but so did he. There’s a part of me that has hope that one day once we’ve both matured more and grown more that we will come back to each other… who knows. I just want him to be happy but most importantly I want to be happy.
How are you now ? I live the exact same thing (i broke up 4 months ago)
The one that had the deepest love. But sometimes the other one realizes they messed up..
Such is life forgive and try to move on.. You can’t put a Study on love every relationship is different.
I had the opposite experience. Got blindsided and dumped. She was already moving on, going out with friends and doing her own thing as if she never cared for me. I took it very hard and am still processing the pain 2 months later, even going to therapy. I've just barely started to get myself together...
You're not alone, and I think most men experience it this way. Women are out living it up right away with their girl friends or plan B, and most men are sitting alone in their room shocked.
Same here. I had crippling depression for two months and lost my job. Could barely do anything. I don’t think it phased her much at all tbh. I’m now on month three. Still not great but doing better.
@IntelligentTrent it gets better. I know everyone says this but it's true. Pick yourself up and find purpose and value in yourself. It's been 11 months for me and I'm doing great so far and I believe you can do it too. The turn around moment for me was about 5 months after the break up so who knows. You gotta keep trying no matter what life throws at you!
Wow, Matthew so spot on with women having a support system vs men and their lack of routines. I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and all of this rings true.
I think in the long run it is easier for us girls after the break up. Based on experience I don't leave a guy until I'm sure I no longer have anything to give.
did you feel any hurt after?
I have just discovered your channel and I have never seen until now this level of quality in the advices, analysis and kindness ❤️
I left my Alcholic ex 5 months ago and now he's in a relationship and engaged. I'm still here healing
Almost 7 years with her and she ended it. She said she wanted to learn to be independent and work in her insecurities. She never healed from her previous relationship. The first 4 year with her were 100+ miles away but every Friday I’d drive to her and stay with her till Monday mornings. Never missed a weekend. I invested more and more than this and what she did. I’d say I’m the one who’s hurting more. We’ll see what life brings now
I’m sorry you gave so much of yourself. You will meet someone who appreciates you the way you are meant to be valued. Love never hurt you - a person who didn’t know how to love you did. Sending positive vibes your way, my friend. You will be ok.
@@pinkcardigan3329 thank you 😊 I am doing so much better now! Just working on myself and living life!☺️
@@tonyruiz8552 great to hear!! 😊
@@tonyruiz8552 you didn't deserve that treatment.
@@samanthabustamante4525Thank you Samantha. I’m doing a lot better now😊
Men suffer more because they are culturally taught not to take care of themselves in all facets of life and solely rely on women.
In contrast women suffer emotionally (if they were broken up with) because of various manipulation tactics that men have learned to use to keep their relationships/have that constant support
The most common complaint I hear from married or committed men is not enough sex or that my wife is overweight.
The most common complaint I hear from married women are: he takes me for granted, he doesn´t help with the house chores or the kids, he expects to have all his needs met because he brings more money or all of the money, or, he expects for his wife or go to work too, but also expects for her to pick up all the domestic responsibilities and parenting, while also providing an amazing physical appearance and lots of sex without any help from her partner. He expects to be able to do anything he wants, with no questions or explanations asked because he is the man, and also, let's not forget financial recklessness, infidelity, and addictions.
Meanwhile, the woman is asking herself why in the world is she tolerating this man child, and daydreams about a future without him, and it gives her hope, inspiration, and the possibility of a new happy life...
Meanwhile, the man doesn´t know what hit him when he is served the divorce papers. He thought everything was fine, because for him, indeed, everything was fine... In fact, everything was perfect for him.
He never learned or was never invested in what it takes to be a good partner or a good father.
He only cared about finding someone who would meet his needs.
And when the divorce is final, everything is gone.
His wife, the kids, the house, the life, the meals prepped, the laundry done, the clean house, the emotional support. All of that. Gone.
And the only thing that the woman loses is the reason she was being dragged through the mud all day every day.
What really hit me starting from 15:08 was the lesson of processing and the essence of moving forward, despite your gender.
7 year relationship-I broke up with him while still in love(he was a liar and a cheater, etc)
He was in a relationship a month or two later. It took me 2 years to get over him.
BUT, he was cheating during the relationship and I wasn't.
Maybe love and loyalty have something to do with it?
Omg what absolute idiot would cheat on u? What a fool. His loss for sure.. my girl broke it off with me and here I am one year later still missing her and wanting her back. Her birthday is coming up, and I thought about texting her. Good idea or bad?
Sorry for what you went through! I understand you perfectly. Sorry for your pain. I am with you. I have not been able to process the end of my 6 year relationship. Has not been easy. All the best.
omg it hurt seeing comment like this . I don't know how to move on with my life since my gf cheated on me with my military friend while I was away rn I need someone I could talk I don't need sex and distance is not a barrier and i dont mind paying allowance if u are interested reply please
It's only been a month since I initiated the breakup, and while I can say I haven't cried more than what I needed to, I have been dealing with a lot of self-inflicted anger and stress... I have since come to realize that self love is crucial in order to maintain a healthy relationship, and yet, it still seems to be a foreign concept to so many people. I definitely feel like I've matured a lot because of me having been through 2 relationships that didn't work out; one of which lasted for 9 years in a long-distance capacity. Suffering after a breakup looks different to each and every person, so in my humble opinion at least, the suffering can definitely exist in both ways regardless of gender statistics. Some men think and feel differently from other men, and the same can be said for women.
This was remarkably balanced and listenable to a broad audience AND also useful. I could see this on the radio on country christian radio, on Ryan Seacrest, and on NPR/BBC. Remarkable job guys.
Most men don’t open up to their friends or family about how they are feeling because they don’t want to be looked down on. Truth is that talking about how your feeling inside is incredibly therapeutic. You need others to give you that reassurance in order to stay positive and prevent wasting months or years of your life dwelling on the past. Also being more open to your friends fills a void that most men seem to have which makes getting over a partner more difficult. Many men are only fully vulnerable and open with their women partners so once the relationship is gone they are stuck longing for that relationship instead of fulfilling that need from the support from their friends and family.
Yes the person most invested usually suffers the longest, because of genuine love they had for that person.
Whoever is reading this. Please send prayers my way. I feel numb tonight. Lonely and dead. I wasn't the dumb girl. I was the mindful, the sincere and the kind girl. He was a good guy. I loved him. I had to leave him due to betrayal lies and gaslighting. Nothing felt real anymore. I had to disintegrate and crumble down complelety. I'm an aries, 23 year old and an ENFJ. I was so full of life and. It was not easy to court me. And. It was much challenging to keep me. Because I was an addictive ball of energy. He worked so hard to persuade me and win me. He said over and over again that I changed him. And that I was the blessing and light of his life. We were going to get married. The families were involved he never had a perfect family but I did and. He felt lucky to run into me. All so he could break me on day. He confessed everything later on. And had the audacity to blame me for not caring. And God knows it didn't help. The ounce of respect I had for him and my faith in reality and love, just burnt down. He tried to move reach out. And then move on on. Get married and all. And I'm just lost. Two years and I didd better, i changed and loved myself, achieved so much more than I could dream of, travelled and grew and expanded and so much more. I went to therapies. I took my distance, even forgave him and myself. I still haven't healed. Like I don't miss him. Nor am I able to allow some one else in my life. Idkk when I'll heal. I'm crying rn. I'm so hurt and I didn't deserve that. And I don't know when I'll find love again. I'm offlline from socials, monotone and secretive now. I feel so dead why would someone love me even.
🥰🥰🥰🥰 im sorry that’s your story. My story and yours are the same! But guess what! No matter what family they grew up - we can’t keep making excuses for them. I’m on my 3days no contact rn. So you got this girl
I am sorry to hear your story... But it looks like you gave him too much power to control you. Please don't let him have this power over your life, emotions, your future, and happiness. He is not worth it! You are still very young and have plenty of time to turn things around for you. Start by learning to love yourself. You are amazing and you got this!
Amazing nuggets as usual, having going through a very painful break up actually a divorce of 20+ years , this hasn’t been easy for me, but I had to stop processional and move on to rebuild my life. Talking to girl friends, sharing, expressing myself was a process and the decision to live my life with self-awareness, and self- respect is my moving on moment. You couldn’t have said it better and comes as no surprise that with the absence of processing , moving on is a challenge, because regret and self-doubt can reappear any moment.
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you.
I was the opposite, he had a lot more of a community than I did, and the breakup has left me without a sense of security and home due to my inability to handle our tenancy on my own whilst he can, and his lack of communication has left me in a position of abandonment. I did a lot of the life admin, and support, and sacrifice. Needless to say on my 9th day of the break up, it’s been absolutely crushing.
Interesting...I had two experiences where I really struggled after the breakup. It took a long time to move on and not feel hurt. In both instances, the men reappeared several months after me finally being able to move on (which took a year +), hinting or admitting that they missed me. The times I wasn't that hurt and moved on very quickly, I never heard from them again.
I heard that when we are very hurt it means we are feeling what they feel, there is a spiritual connection
I very glad that these topics were discussed. It's important to understand how men and women process relationships and breakups.
I think for me a lot of things were processed before we were apart, because that process needed to happen for me to finally let go and separate. It was very difficult, and was extremely physically uncomfortable when telling my husband it was over. I’m not ready to date at this point, but think I am coping better overall.
When men break up they are on their own and they know how hard it will be to find and date someone again. When a woman breaks up she has plenty of options and her besties are always their to give her emotional support. Dating for men is like a lion on safari, they have to jump so many hoops and starve for a long time to get a catch. For the ladies, they are at Disney Land, so many rides to choose from but the queue is a bit longer for the best ones.
Very well said!
Incorrect
Ehh this is true for hookups, less so for dating
@@spikebat its the same for dating, a woman will find many men wanting to date (a lot of them simply because they want to hookup). The difficulty for her is finding a man that wants her for the "right" reasons, and fits her requirements and stays committed to her.
@@arthurvp1682 I guess so, a lot of bad options to sort past haha
My ex boyfriend broke up with me last night. I cannot explain what I am feeling right now. He said women might feel physical pain during breakups and that is true. My heart hurts. Like, it is throbbing and I know it’s because of this break up. His exact words were, “Don’t be mad okay. But I think we’d be better off just friends,” We have a long distance relationship (I have met him in person before) “
I don’t get to see you in person. I like you I really do, I’m sorry.” I didn’t know it was real at first. I feel anger, sadness, and i don’t even know what else. He asked me if I was insecure about my face, I don’t know why but he did. Then maybe 10 minutes after that he broke up with me. Love brings happiness but it also brings pain.
Everything will be alright in the end. Don't worry. In the starting it hurts like hell. But after 2-3 weeks you will feel better. I'm also going through breakup right now. I was also grieving and crying all day at first 2 weeks but now I feel better than before. Have patience 🙂
@@sanjanakharat9194 okay, thank you! Also I’m sorry
Let’s be clear, people whom have betrayal trauma PTSD are not experiencing the PTSD because of rumination and talking about the traumatic, emotional injury. The way to move beyond betrayal trauma PTSD is time and a safe place to process, ruminate, discuss, and understand the emotionally traumatic experience.
Yea not talking about mine led to a massive meltdown. Healing began when I started to mention it finally.
It's been almost 3 months now and I'm just suffering still. I have friends and family who listen to me. I cry. I let myself feel from day 1. I see a therapist. I haven't drank a lick of alcohol or hooked up or tried to suppress anything
I'm still missing her. I never wanted this and felt like I'd finally found someone I connected with. Were a few months away from our wedding. I just feel like I don't want to exist anymore
@brett how are you
Oh man hang in there, that's awesome u aren't drinking n hooking up to distract the pain. You will get thru this
I'm sorry to hear that,,I hear you ,.it takes time to slowly heal from pain of break up . I too still healing from break up , I feel you ,it's not easy, you're not alone . It is what it is . learn to live through pain. Someday you'll get over it and understand that everything happens for a reason. Stay strong . Pray it all to God 🙏
I hear you Brett. I hear you. Although your case is worse than mine, I hear you. Had a 1 year long relationship. Everything was perfect. She left me because she was "bored". As I wanted to fix stuff, it got worse and she blocked me from everywhere as I didn't exist. I'm not a marriage guy. Neither was she. She wasn't a long relationship person, neither was I. But I changed. I wanted a long relationship and actually wanted to marry her. She was fine going a year with me too. She even made me meet all her relatives etc while never meeting mine. But I'm lucky as it didn't happen towards marriage. We fell off way, way before. But I hear the pain in your "I never wanted this and felt like I'd finally found someone I connected with." sentence.
I don't know what to say. People are cruel..
❤️ Hang on, Brett.
Not all women, myself included, has a safety net and people to back them up after a breakup. It can be very lonely for women as well.
Yea my exes always had better support systems than me even though I'm the female in the situation
I felt like you guys were calling me out in this. I've done a lot of processing pre breakup in the past. But I've been post relationship ruminating for a LONG time! I definitely need to move on!
Hey how are you doing now ? I'm going through a similar situation. And I need some guidance.
Im a 26 year old guy, and my partner just broke up with me 3 days ago I’ve never felt so devastated and heartbroken, my whole body feels ill so yes the pain is real for men too
You guys make sooooo much sense! Keep it up, you guys! Been a fan for almost a decade now!
Interesting talk guys, you hit so many good points, obvs from my own experience, but i'd say men more, especially the man who invested more, actually cares and respects women, the good guy finishing last etc, i'm pretty much a loner, so guess i can get trapped in questioning my own self worth after a breakup, but it's the rejection that makes us question our self worth, oh well she didn't want me, so who else will etc, or well there must be someone better if she doesn't want me, it seems women especially with social media and bigger friends groups, can process things quicker after the breakup, where guys just shut off etc, it takes me years to get ready to start again and heal and think about being with someone again, honestly on the verge of stopping, to just stop the hurting or getting hurt again. But then again also being like i've just got to be brave and keep trying, i know im a good hearted guy etc when the next comes along, it'll work out in the end, the old saying one door closes another opens, treating every situation as a lesson, as learning and moving on being the best self we can be.
100% accurate in my way. I'm fresh out of one and feel like I'm climbing a new mountain everyday. In retrospect feel like it'll just be easier next time if I invest less.
Hugs! This gave me hope. I know I have dated a lot of men who have been broken by women. Give your heart to the one who loves you for who you are! I don’t like to think of a good hearted man being alone without someone to love all over him!
@@abby1513 I think is about removing expectations from people. We as woman also get invested, but it's your choice
Hi Alan, I can resonate with your sentiments as I share them. I am comfortable being alone but enjoy good, quality, company. I’m a woman who has experienced a break up with someone who I invested deeply. However, it didn’t work and shared your same reasoning as I was processing the pain of rejection. A break up can effect your self esteem and make you question who you really are. The great opportunity of this is that you become more self aware of your self worth, values, tolerances and intolerances, and can develop a healthier sense of self and appreciation for yourself and for the next partner you choose to be with making you a stronger, vibrant, and effervescent partner. Must take every experience as a learning lesson indeed.
I think the heartache is in tandem with the depth of love/feelings invested in the person.. and crying helps a lot too..
it has been 3 months and this is comforting to know
I am a divorced man for over four years now and was married ten years. I did walk out of my divorce into a "barren wasteland" as you mention in this video. However, mine was for a very different reason. I was a very loyal husband, to the point that I acquiesced to my ex-wife's jealousy and insecurity. I willingly left most all of my female relationships (friendships). I did have a handful of close male friends, but for the most part, she was very jealous of our time together and I neglected social life outside of marriage because of it. When I was divorced, I then had my male friends and that was it. Additionally, as was mentioned, many males do not know how to relate in a vulnerable way or demonstrate empathy.
I ended up building entirely new friendships. Many of these have been female and I have decided that going forward in any relationship, I will not cut my friends out (unless they are perhaps a threat to my romantic relationship). At the end of the day though, no one person can fill my cup no matter how wonderful they are and that is not a role my spouse will be required to fill. I will choose to value, keep, and prioritize all my relationships, especially my female friendships, because they have been instrumental in relating to me and my growth and healing at an emotional level.
My ex loved his “female friendships”. He was a serial cheater. So I’m kinda with your wife on that one.
@@Justdoinok I'm sorry you had that experience. However, I'm not your ex. I cut out those relationships willingly, didn't cheat, and was still abandoned. I'm much more happy now without her, though. I'm happily engaged to a woman (after five years of singleness) who is much more secure and we have boundaries with all our friendships and great communication.
Mathew, you are amazing, the way you define perfectly all those feelings and situations. That Christmas comparison was superb. I adore you and your work.
Such a good, honest, and heartfelt video.
I know these things are true to my soul from my own personal experience. These statements about how men and women handle and react to a breakup R So genuine and real.
Empirical evidence from a lifetime of study and observation.
i don’t think it’s a gender specific thing, it totally depends on the relationship and the specifics. i’m a female and i was relieved, and then a year later i’m feeling it.
That meme was made for a reason. Men are literally brought up not to show emotion for many years
@@mrpopo5097 women are taught not to feel emotion to. We're always called crazy for our feelings.