When I asked my parents for emotional support once, they accused me of being ungrateful because they fed me, clothed me and provided a home. The guilt tripping worked and I felt shame.
I know how you really feel cause I'm dealing it right now from my dad and siblings (we're all grown) who I felt were using me like a stress relief punching bag
I'm 27 and I just woke up to the truth of a narcissistic mother that consumed me throughout the year, blamed me for everything bad in the house although I was the provider because my dad was abusive and absent, she even always blame me for her relationship with her ex husband aka dad, always treat me like shit, accuse me of not taking care of her although she never did this for any of us, made my 2 siblings hate me, wants to make my aunt believe I'm a drug addict, lured me to give her all my savings in the pretext that she needs to pay the mortgage or else the entire family will get out of the house, never acknowledged anything I did for her and the family nor the personal efforts in my life( I'm a doctor of medicine,freshly graduated) and when I dare to say something or that I'm physically sick and I need to take care of my own self, she announces war at the house and warns everyone who can hear that I the reincarnation of evil is here to make problems and ruin the family, the irony is that. Did a lot of work and research in the psychiatry ward, dealt with all different cases of psychopaths, only to wake up to the fact that I'm the victim of an extremely vicious one. These people dont change, u just gotta escape them and never look back, they will always shame u and make u feel guilt,twist facts to make u forever imprisoned in their cosmic web of lies and madness, just run.
Oh yes its a classis one. They get a child and probably think it's going to take care of itself. You don't owe them ANYTHING! nothing. You don't need to feel guilt. If they don't apologize and try to be better please move on and cut ties.
Being a parent means providing emotional support and helping with growth. Not just providing a roof and things essential for living.. If it was so, the word parent would lose it's meaning.
I was treated as property. Well not property more like "breeding stock". My family couldn't accept that I was gay so they drugged me and "collected my semen" while I was unconscious and made an undisclosed amount of children with it. They weren't my parent or my family. I was their asset. Their property. Their investment. A genetic cow to be milked at the right time.
So sorry to hear. I can totally relate, not a single child in this world deserves my father, such a horrible human being. I wish you a good life ahead, may god bless you, and keep your head up. I believe in you
"Even the destruction of their own children doesn't move them to change their ways" Well stated. They're not going to change. Time to accept it, grieve, and move on.
@@cateyu5547 Someone I know slapped his daughter 4, or 5 times as she misbehaved so badly but it was because of their parenting she misbehaved this way as they were the ones accepting everything of her and when they told her not to do certain things she misbehaved so much that they slap her because she wasn't accepting it. I believe truly the way they used to accept everything with love they should do that exactly while saying to her this is wrong with love not by beating her as that’s nothing but trauma to her and this behaviour of her came from them so now they slap her for things they taught her she’s 6, 7 years old am I wrong? Is beating ok even if the situation is so much worse?
I realize that. I leave, change & move on at their grievances. They can’t cope that I wasn’t living my best life because they hold me back. Now I change & choose to set myself free. Never look back. Bye. My mom & other women who initially bash me down for not observing the patriarchal family system is now getting sync with their aging parents. Seeing them turning toxic like their parents pleases me! 😂
I did the “giving up” technique by mourning the loss of my idea of what a mom is supposed to be. My mom used to hurt me but she can’t anymore because I see her for who she really is. I’m grateful I rarely have to communicate with her. I sometimes forget she’s alive. Not out of cruelty but out of relief, relief that she no longer holds a place-card in my life. She’s never going to show up as a mom so she just exists, nothing more.
Same here. I continue to pray that she might humble herself before God that she could be made whole. I’m far enough removed now to be able to sincerely pray for her Salvation. I praise God He was able to reach me and rescue me from the hell I was living in🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️Thank You, Jesus!
Soooo true. I was adopted at birth and for a total of 43 years, narcissistic abuse was my daily hell. Cutting off all contact was the best thing I've ever done since 2016.
@RICHARDGRANNON Thank you for this today. I appreciate that you are helping people become more aware of this. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but being essentially "programmed" from the beginning, it's hard to see that abuse is even taking place when the abuse is something I considered normal and not realizing most other families don't function this way. Interesting and awesome things happen when one wakes up. Time and distance... especially distance... does wonders to help a person break old routines and habits.
Here is the exact response from my narcissistic father when I sent him an e-birthday card after 5 years of no contact: “Not sure what you have in mind, but thank you. Aside from balding and overweight I'm a reasonably healthy 78 today. As always, life is good and the door is always open.” . Not “good to hear from you son”, but “not sure what you have in mind…” . That was September 2016. I never responded back, nor has he. Can you imagine going to your grave (he’s 85 now…) with that response being your last words to your only son? . Obviously he was/is afraid I’d want a real relationship rather than joining him in his narcissist safety bubble. . My door is open too, dad. Has been since Sept ‘16. But Narcissists can only really care about themselves.
@@alisonwayland6057 Thanks. I’m working a program called “Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families”. Look up Arizona ACA for great resources. It’s helped me understand the core shame I feel is generational, and is allowing me to feel, grieve and move on. . The best way I can love and honor him, as every son wants to do for his father, is to let him go and focus on being emotionally sober and available for my children; to break the cycle. Life moves forward. I wish you well in your healing.
My father was an abusive narcissistic parent. As well as my mother and siblings. They constantly physically and mentally and emotionally abused me. I did everything I could to earn their respect and validation. It took me a long time to realize their truth. Now I have my own family and I try my best to be the best I can be. I hope one day I can heal and move on. I am finally cut them off
Homeless 12 times first when in grade 3 my dad beat me up dozens of times and my mom would say I had bad blood and was born bad and now I’ve earned two doctorates and still never got his love. I feel insane 24/7 and almost drank snorted and smoked weee until I almost died of OD and vomited blood many times. I give up totally on him because I’m literally going to die. I’m ashamed of myself that it took age 35 and 2 phds to figure this out
Mine are dead now, the pain is all they left me with. I hope to look back one day without sadness and anger, but for now I still feel the sharp pain inside me. I wonder what - if anything - happens to sadists after their death? Probably nothing. I have doubt that they are ever faced with the evil they committed. If they didn’t in life, why would they in death. Heaven and hell? Oh please! It’s just like Thomas Mann wrote about the winners and loosers in life. Some people are just always winners, some always loosers.
Growing up being physically and mentally abused by my father, while my mother was in denial and downplayed everything he did to me. Everyone talks about losing a girl/boyfriend, a normal friend, etc, but i dont thi k there's a worse betrayal than that of a parent hurting their child. To this day I long for the dad i never had. Im a grown man now, but part of me will probably always be that little boy who wanted a father.
I'm right there with you, brother. Your story regarding the way your parents treated you is very similar to mine. I never had a father figure. Instead, I lived with a monster who valued alcohol over his own family. Life is much harder when the foundations aren't set by your parents. Having to rely on your own will to power on and learn as you go is definitely an ordeal, but I believe it makes people like us much stronger than the rest. Keep looking forward.
“I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a dad” - Nirvana, Serving the Servants “You know you like the things you hate, yeah. You choose them a little every day, yeah” - Louis Cole, Don’t Care
Going no contact and releasing all hope of anything changing was the most painful and rewarding gift I ever had the courage to live. It is worth investing fully in your own life. You will NEVER get what you need or deserve unless you find it within yourself first
A parents abuse, teaches you everything the wrong way. Then, stamp you with mental illness and medication. But, your behaviour the same, you don't know what your doing wrong! Messed up forever! I decided 2 years ago, everything I ever learned was wrong, asked my children to help me. Told them, your not hurting me, tell me my stupid behaviours. I live my truth, though. Very understanding and communicative now, for ones, whom really care. Live in Peace & Love!
Healing means consciously making decisions and you already did the first step, you realised you messed up. And you consciously made the decision to talk with your children about it. Keep on going, Always be aware of your behaivor and if you have questions, ask them and apologize to them. They didn't chose you as a parent but you chose to have them! Being a parent can really hurt. But try to be aware and learn 💝 This is how you unlearn old patterns
Ohhh the codependent ones are THE WORST!!! TweedleDee and TweedleDum, Pain and Panic. I call mine Murky and Lurky because they stole my colors. (Hats off to you if you’re old enough for that reference!)
I have seen my mom getting beaten by my shitty father . My mom's in laws torture her but then also she think of them as her family . She never think it's abusive . It's very much abusive man. I want to die I don't want to live in this family . This is not a case in which one person is abusive that shiity dad's whole family is toxic . I wish hell for them . But god had never given them hard days. I dont believe in god . My dad say - if you do any mistake I will peel your skin . This won't be horrifying for 14 year old kid . He slap my 5 year brother hardly that his fingerprints were there 😭😭😭😭 . Why I was born here . Why . I hate god for giving me a bitchy family . Fucking mom and a moron dad .
@@rihlv1539same. My father will hit me (as an adult) and I refuse to fight back. Then he will deny having hit me and say that I was the one that hit him. So crazy
That’s the worst! Their dependent on one another to fulfill a delusion and coax each other that bullying and abusing is warranted. If one dropped the mask they’d both be forced to self reflect and it’s too painful. So as they age they’ll buckle down and get worse from self hatred and act as if you’re the source. Dangerous co-dependency isn’t something you earn affection for it’s something you run away from like the 50 yard dash.
My parents were both completely unable to show up as parents...it showed up as complete and total emotional neglect ALWAYS...it wasn't overtly cruel..it was and is devastating
It really is. And in some ways I wonder if it might be worse than having openly abusive parents because with abusive parents you might realise that it’s them, not you whereas with emotional neglect you just assume that that’s how things are and don’t understand why your self esteem ievel is at 500 below zero.
@@ishtara1177 I've had the exact same thought. I remember Russell Brand recently saying that when you have a cocaine problem you're sort of lucky in a way because you know exactly what the problem is. Might not be easy to fix but you at least know what the problem is. Emotional neglect is like a snake that silently hunts you down, you don't even know it's there but it's stalking you and it can literally ruin your life if you miss it, even if you're diligent!
I will be doing this course. I was brainwashed from birth to be the scapegoat of a malignant narc mother. Violence, everything. After going no contact I'm beginning to understand that she literally stole my brain and took me into the matrix. Unless someone has lived this they do not understand the absolute mind fuckery of this and untwisting of the entire mind that is needed. A start, for me, is understanding that I was merely a projection screen for the inner parts she did not want to face. I know they don't belong to me, but she did steal my life.
My low-level narcissistic parents did me a favor by declaring when I turned 19 that they would no longer support me in any way. It made my 20's (in the 1980's) pretty tough, but I was completely free of them forever after that.
At 44, I FINALLY went No Contact last summer after being told to “go stay at an Airbnb” when I was briefly staying with my parents while trying to find a place to rent. This was because I had the nerve to stand up for myself when they started in on the bullying. And they damn well knew I had been through a lot, needed some support and had no where else to go. I just drove back to Denver & I will never go back. I definitely need to work thru this with someone.
I'm so so glad your out of THAT situation, I did the same thing staying with my mom and the ass, was trying to get out of a very bad almost death situation, and because I wouldn't let him abuse me, he kicked me out with my 3yr son and my mom NEVER stood up for me.....so I left. Now been married for 33+ yrs to a verbal abusive spouse. So I'm glad you go away from all this abuse....it's not healthy and I wonder why I'm not dead yet. Don't let ANYBODY take your soul or heart. You go girl!!!!!!!!
Im looking into psychic severance work, there are empathic facilitators who help cut these ties like literal cables of attachment on the psycho-physical level of reality. When this is genuinely achieved there is no chance of incarnating with these same people as family again, and possibly avoiding a narcissistic family in future incarnations. There is also personal work to be done to raise your conscious awareness through right living and meditation to lift your vibratory resonance. This will attract better people into our lives, repel narcissists and any other scumbags.
@@HeartFeltGesture if you feel like that's what works for you, then I am happy you found something. Personally, I despise the thought of reincarnation or an after life. Makes me feel like even death won't end my misery. Unimaginable hopelessness.
This is why I isolate and have no friends, and prefer it that way 😂😂😂 the internet is so much more forgiving of my ranting irritation of our entire species 😂
@@lexabuckleyparsons1994 the older you get, the less u know.. That's a good old one. It means to me, you see there is more things under the sun then you can dream.. But while you are young u think you know everything..
For a parent to make you wish that you were never born is so unimaginably painful, it breaks you permanently because you'll always have an underlying desire for approval.
I'm Thai. English is my second language. It took me three years to be able to understand phycology on UA-cam. There's no therapist in my country who understands this. Most Asian countries do not aware of NPD. Phycology is something people not familiar with. The only choice I have is online. And now I'm healed. If you can find therapist or course that can really help. You are lucky.
As Patrick Teahan (recommend his channel strongly) said, there's a sense of "you have to forgive them" and "you have to love your parents". It's liberating to know you don't.
yes you don't have to.. you were a child and they were your parents. Yes, they shoul've known better and treated you better. You have to accept the fact that it happened to you and forgive yourself as a child. Then cut ties with your parents and start you journey with fully knowing they are evil, and leave them behind in the past and be finally free
I'm literally can't stop crying while finding any videos or podcast to listen to comfort me because I just literally brokedown because my mom hitted my more than once and pulled my hair and my dad slapped me several times and trying to make my lips on blood just because I was trying to explain my side and now i am trying to stop my cry while hugging my teddy bear tightly. My life is such a sorrow. My brother was once a victim too but he's lucky to left the country and I hope that I can leave this house too and I will never go back.
Hey .. I'm going through something very similar. You want to talk? 😢 I'm so sorry dear you're in my thoughts. If you want to be heard write here ❤ please take care of yourself 🙏 hugs
My dad hit me with a glass plate last night after an argument. I couldn't take the negativity and toxicity anymore so I talked back. I thought I was going to die.
@@MynameisXhynhow you doing now? I've been where you are I'm not 100% out of it but it will get better. But you're going through abuse. Physically are you hurt? Sounds serious you mentioned blood? Do you need medical attention? What country are you in?
@@becky2235 I have been dizzy and in pain since that evening. I suddenly got high blood pressure. I went to the hospital and the doctor said I don't need to undergo a CT scan or MRI. I got a huge bump and a slight melanoma, but it didn't bleed. I am honestly still traumatized and can hardly sleep. I hope I recuperate very very soon. How are you? Is there a way to contact you? Like email or Instagram?
Thank you for this video Richard. I'm 34yo, and I'm just now starting to realize the emotional abuse inflicted upon me by my narc mom and my spineless dad. They have been financially mooching off me since the time I started working. Yet I'm still never good enough even tho I pay for everything, and they constantly infantilize me. I never moved out because I believe I have stockholm syndrome due to the abuse from my "mother", but now I'm starting to get clarity. Going to make a plan now to get a job somewhere far away, possibly in a different state and never contact my so-called parents again. I'm just now starting to realize that I lost my 20s, and early 30s catering to these morons, but not anymore. I'm going to take back control of my life and my own happiness.
@@maxi4680 I'm so sorry to hear that, sending positive energy for your healing. And for those reading, narcissistic abuse damages body, mind, and spirit. It can cause illness. Save yourself while you can.
My older step brother once held a knife to my throat when I was about 7. He was 16. My parents were out at the time. When they returned I was still visibly upset and I told them what he'd done. My dad beat the crap out of my brother for doing it. My mum came in to my room crying and said to me "look what you've done!". She blamed me for my dad beating him up. I have never forgotten this.
Having my own children fills me with fresh rage for my narcissistic mother. They are so incredibly easy to love, and it comes so incredibly natural to me to love them. But, I just try to focus on my relationship with them. And it’s a fresh layer of grief that they don’t get grandparents.
@@marcieheiner3934 same here… my wife and I stopped taking our son over to my parents. Between my dad’s foul language and how he treats everyone around him… it didn’t make sense. Not to mention, he was outright scared to be around my dad. 🤷🏼♂️
I keep reading about how so many people just feel relieved after an abusive parent dies. I truly am starting to think that's how I will feel when my mom dies
For decades my mother has been revered as a martyr saint in my family. However, I was scapegoated by family enough times, with my mother's great contribution to it all by not intervening and doing nothing, that I saw in bits and clips her campaign to maintain that she was the embodiment of everything good and wholesome and anyone that challenged that was bad and evil. My mother, now deceased, was a very progressed late stage narcissist. Until the end of her life, she chose her supply requirements and her fragile cracked image over her own children. Turns out, the family scapegoat had been right the whole time.
My mother is EXACTLY LIKE that to T. She scapegoats and bullies me then plays the martyr. She’s literally ruined most of my life. I’m planning to move to another country and not tell her were I am. She’s an actual Psychopath
My parents forced me to work at their business for free since i was like 10. And in return they berated me in front of customers. Called me stupid, dumb, useless...they even told me i would die alone. This wasn't easy work either. Hard work that they fired grown men because they couldn't keep up. When i get mad about this abuse and since i wasn't allowed to have friends, i would get mad. And in return they sent me to live with my aunts family and they also called me stupid and beat the crap out of me. Meanwhile my brother got to sleep in, hang out with friends, no work requirements and always told how smart he was. I ended up joining the Army, became an Officer, got a corporate job and opened my own business. Never asked for my parents help once. My brother....he worked for my dad. Never had a job in a day in his life. He got the house when my mom died. I didnt get shit. And they have the nerve to talk down to me as an adult. Nope...they can go to hell. Cant call me for the holidays unless they need money.
Are you from Hawaii? I am. I want allowed to have friends either. My parents were the same. My Korean mom especially. Extremely small minded, superficial, motivated by greed and pride. Treated me differently from my siblings because I am half white. Beat the shit out of me, tortured and humiliated me, told me time and time again how she wished she had an abortion, etc. Same with my step dad. My siblings could do no wrong even when they did. She has succeeded only in tearing our family apart. My husband and I have a successful business and she still thinks she can hold things like presents, hostage, to get her way. Still having the nerve to talk down to me and making me apologize for leaving when I was 19 after "all they've done for me. " Now she does shit like ignoring her first born grandson's 1st birthday because I found my birth father. Got the real story from him.
I'm surprised and for the number of people commenting about their bad experiences and I'm so sorry and sad that I'm not the only one, this video from the thumbnail just gave me a reason to going back to therapy after all this years instead of thinking about ending my life. Thank you and I hope everyone get their happy peaceful lives❤
As someone who is both a victim of parental abuse and therapeutic abuse as a result of that parental abuse, I find it interesting how the therapeutic industry demands we accept our parents and their abuse rather than m9re simply and intuitively give up on them. No one should accept abuse. Instead, we should give up on the abuser being anything more.
My mom had died before I found a therapist who educated me on what had happened to me growing up with the emotional abuse I did. He showed me I wasn’t unlovable my mom was incapable of love. I was 36. Better late than never!
After my parents passed I did some ugly things. It wasn't until I hurt people and truly felt awful and lost lots of money and time did I look at my relationship with them. Mind blowing. The words and compassion I lacked then, I can only learn and use now.
10 month ago I said I’ll do it and I did it. I had an open confront with my mom, told her every what she did to me (basically gave her back the trauma) and now my life changed so much in the best way possible. Of course she got defensive and never apologized but I did it for me, not for her. I mourned her for one month but then everything changed and my life is sooo much better now 🎉
I'm NC with mommy dearest. As soon as she heard I needed a major surgery, she contacted me and later offered money for the surgery through my brother. I declined all due to knowing she only loves my pain and would love to belittle me and OWE her. She's old but hasn't changed one iota. Staying NC going on 13 yrs now. I'm better for it.
I've gone no contact. My mother and sister are wicked narcissists. My other sister is a flying monkey. The "coven" has slandered me and cost me almost all my past relationships and reputation. My narc sister has a 13 year son, my nephew, who is also now a scapegoat and is abused. They all want him to break.
I Am Looking forward To This Video. Im STRUGGLING To Disconnect I Was SEVERELY EMOTIONALLY Abused By A MALIGNANT NARCISSTIS. This Person DESTROYED MY LIFE MY SELF WORTH AND SELF ESTEEM. I Was Recently Discarded CRUELY. THE Only Comfort That I FEEL Is Isolating Myself. Narcisstic abuse is brutal
Love and respect to you Richard. 🌸 For those of us who had this, a narcissistic person in ones' life, is a battleground..until..you get yourself off their narcissistic playground. Thank You, for all you do for your fellow humans' suffering and best of all, making peace with it, and all the dynamics of that toxic relationship. Have been watching your videos for some time now. Thank You for assuring us, that we are not alone, that there is NOTHING WRONG with us!..when we have done every single thing in our power, to 'help' the sick person. Your videos are always a breath of fresh air, for me..and have helped me in my life, not only with a narcissistic parent, and some other family members, but in ALL my relationships..that i learned how to avoid the pitfalls and red flags in the initial stages of forming healthy relationships now..on top of my personal therapy that i have, (and that was a life changer as well)..i am now a highly aware, person, stronger and highly tuned in to the dangers that can befall a caring soul, that is no longer a doormat to be used/abused any longer by anyone. God Bless !🌅✝️.
Yes, you must let go of the idea that your parent or parents are actually going to show up as parents! It’s not easy but you’ll save yourself a lot of stress once you do finally let that idea go.
My mother was an absolute monster and I was no contact for the last several years of her life. No regrets. My only regret was going to her funeral to try to support my brother, who now carries her narcissistic torch. She’s still toxic beyond the grave. Her legacy lived on. But not in my life, anymore. You can’t fix them, friends. Walk away.
I always tried to paint a pretty picture of my parents , for myself and for family. I have been in denial about it. The loving image I wanted was interfering in my healing. Accepting my parents were narcissistic abusive to me. And the brain washing that I deserved it. How much I loved my dad , he was narcissistic abusive , accepting how I was always treated by both of my parents. I was in denial to avoid the hurt of the truth. Wishing everyone healing in their journey. ❤
Father was an narcissistic serial abuser, mom was an apologetic enabler. 4 children that were born in that union and all have emotional scares. How we came out able to thrive in our own lives was because we made lives for ourselves. Going through the process was difficult. I went through therapy and spoke of the abuse and started to live in my truth. Set boundaries and self protect from the dysfunctional atmosphere. I had to try to be the parent that my children deserved, hard but possible. No one is perfect and forgiveness was an important part. Not for them but for me and my own family. I had to leave the garbage behind and take the bits and bobs that I learned out of that chaos. I had to grow and stretch myself into living not surviving. Being accountable for my own actions and not using, well I didn’t have a good childhood, as an excuse to fail. Life is hard and yet can be such a blessing. Looking for your blessings in the mist of life struggles is the art of living well❤😊
Coming from a very dysfunctional family, narcissistic father who drove my mother to absolute depression. I’d try to win dad’s approval but often played the part of mother’s counselor from a very young age. As I reached adulthood, I’d begun to realize something wasn’t quite right with my upbringing and how after I’ve moved out and was independent of my parents…..I was still caught up in the dysfunction. I entered counseling and for maybe close to two years, I kept them both at arms length, seeing them only for holidays and birthdays. I needed the distance to process the abuse and in time, accept it. Forgiveness set me free, though I will be honest and admit, I still have breakthroughs of anger and resentment. Definitely professional counseling is the key. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.🙏💛💯
At 53 and left an abusive relationship, I am going to licensed mental health therapist specializing in abusive and narcissistic abuse and seeing a dr that communicates with my therapist. It was devastating to hear my dr say “ you have been in relationships and married your mom every time”. Now I am getting EMDR therapy also. She was right. It’s not easy but I cannot truly live any more if I don’t get help and heal
I was raised by a very abusive father verbally,mentally and physically . The last words he said to me just minutes before he died was I was bothering him. The thing that amazes me is not one of my siblings ever talk about it. I’m 67 now and I know I will never fully get over it. I will never understand it
It has nothing to do with you. You've been dealing with your father's childhood trauma. Whole your life. You never felt loved. A narc has no loved ones, only sources of supply. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing. You lacked love from the the person from who you expected love the most: your father. You didn't get it but that has nothing to do with you. Your dad wasn't capable to love. He could only project his misery onto you in order to feel better himself. You are fine and loveable. You know you are loveable. I know you know you are loveable. That's your answer. We are brothers.
I've learned that when people hurt judge or are cruel to others it is 100% their sickness and not the target. The target of these people can be anyone for any reason I know how it feels both my parents and relatives who raised me off and on were all sick like this since nobody wanted to love me I learned very well how to love myself and I'm in the end grateful..
DUDE! When I was going through an abusive relationship 6 years ago I found this really nice, kind, understanding and smart guy on YT that helped me deal with her and the feelings I was having. You are that guy. I haven't seen you in ages because I didn't need you anymore and now here you are again when i need help again lol.
Doc Snipes does talks on neurophysiologies of trauma on YT. Has helped me figure out what is mine to work on and what is damages that I can’t help. Gives nutrition supports on brain function that are easy and surprising. Keep seeking yourself through expert paradigms for free. Doesn’t replace RG courses. Good spoon feed of what happens to anyone so you can sort out what is unique to you.
My "Mother" was/is a sociopath/narc. After 20 years of no contact, she reached out to me after I gave birth to my son trying to "apologize for her behavior. " I'm not buying it. She's never had remorse in over 40 years since she left when I was 4 and never looked back. I am not going to allow her access to my 4 year old son to cause further harm. I am still healing from my childhood. Richard, this video made me emotional as I am grieving the loss of my best friend right now, who was killed a few weeks ago, which is brining up grief in other areas. I am interested in your course so I will check it out.
Funny the timing that bitch shows up from out of no where AFTER the fact when your son is born to "apologize." GTFOH!! Guess she was expecting for you to be stupid, and fall for it, so she could USE your son, and harm him so she could benefit. Vampires are an evil lot.
Keep doing what you're doing and don't you dare let that monster anywhere near that baby. Have yourself as best a life as you can and in turn help provide the same for that child. You both deserve no less. Good luck Mom.
As a daughter who suffered my biggest hope is for my mom to apologize. Just being able to acknowledge that she is in the wrong is huge! Forgive if she says sorry. You’re lucky. Mine never will
My parents have always been weird to me, my father never loving, always beat me up when i was a child. He forced married me to a man i didn't know as well, made me suffer for 4 years in that forced marriage. After i got a divorce he was not ready to accept me at home so he told me that i had to start earning and feed myself and fun fact i wasn't allowed to go outside of my house to work. When i started working from home they were ready to have me pay almost all of their bills yet never letting me leave the house, i have no idea what kind of mental illnesses i have built over the years. My mother did nothing to save me and sometimes she also liked to mentally torture me.
This is why I am binge watching your videos in the middle of the night. Im trying to get out, but I keep getting stuck. I'm really getting a lot out of your videos, so thank you!
Wow, infinite blessings Richard, I feel after watching this that I will have my therapist contact you. Please be careful getting into any relationships, if you are young and a survivor, as I got into a long-term relationship and was beaten every day for being me. I now have epilepsy and my broken back has never healed properly.
My father complained about the cost of me and my mother depended on me for money as soon as I got a job. I lived with her in an apartment for almost 20 years. I spent 5 years in university studying for a degree they wanted and got my mom a family home. As soon as I wanted to live on my own, she wanted me to stay with her and take care of her using guilt, threats, and mud-slinging my support group (of two friends). Thank you for the video, because I am going to try letting go of any chance my parents will be decent to me instead of being sad that they will never be decent to me.
Thank you for this perspective, a part of me feels infinite guilt I have told my Mother I have no desire to see or speak with her as I had prior to her repeatedly being unavailable for YEARS and also ruining our relationship in horrible, sad & needless ways but then I think also how much of a massive impact it's had on me along with the fact she never takes accountability or more importantly changed her ways if anything it's not much of a concern to her at all and when I realize that I feel numb.......like it's okay to give up on the very unlikely hope of her ever changing.......
Thanks for being willing to collaborate with us mental health providers. Every bit of this video is true. It’s very hard thing to learn that you cannot possibly heal from your childhood without creating distance and grieving your parents. We want to be strong enough to heal and not separate. But that’s just not the deal. Thanks for validating us “parent abandoners “.
Yeah, I was sexually abused by my father unfortunately. It's been a long road and here in middle age I was frankly holding on by my finger nails for years, decades even and I do feel a little worn out. For those who may have been through similar abuse, you'll likely flash back into your body quite early, even if you can't actually remember what happened. There's a clue there. I finally started to remember bits of the abuse at around 46 years old, several years of really good trauma informed therapy followed and yeah healing is possible, find the right therapist. The shared fantasy Richard talks about, I kind of felt it early on but considering you're a child and stuck there for a while, it can be really difficult to keep a part of yourself separate from it. Integrity in other areas of your life helps point the way. One really positive thought, for those that are going through this, you lose but you can also gain, fight, never stop and you'll find something cool inside yourself.
Similar situation! Sexually abused by my alcoholic father, mother was paranoid schizophrenic. Memories started flooding back at 45 after a major trauma involving my narcissistic boss. I was lost in my own head for several years, but always fighting to get back. Went through years of mostly unuseful psychotherapy, before I was finally able to make real progress toward healing. It takes time, energy and focus, but you can recover and be happy.
@@NANASplash It seems it can often be another traumatic event(s) that helps break through the memory barrier for this kind of abuse. Its nothing you really plan for, it just kind of happens. For me it was a relationship with a narcissistic girl, the other side of which I just collapsed into myself really. Respect, Keep going and healing.
Me, too, friend. Body memories early I didn't really understand. Memories started to manifest on my 40th birthday. I've been through EMDR and other somatic and talk therapies and a few down years the road, I'm starting to get back to something like my old normal. Thanks for speaking up because when we suffer violent sexual abuse at a young age, we don't remember and we don't understand what's going on until we see someone else talking about it.
Sending all my love to those who were abused with any kind of violence and sexual assault. You are loved, you matter and what happened to you was not fair. God sees you and the heaven belongs to you my dear friend ❤
So God sees you, but what happened was not fair, and heaven belongs to you. To you where you can be with God, who saw everything, and helped you suffer , so that in the end you could be with him in heaven. Well. Well. Well. This explains it all. Just wait until you die. It will be all better then. With Jesus.
I refused to have kids. It does help me a bit to know I have stopped the cycle. Family is a horrible word to me. If I get to Heaven one day, I hope to never run into my parents or my brother or his kids.
I'm worse, I truly believe they deserve a hellish hell afterwards, and I won't even say a word in their defense if asked. I don't believe it was not done ON PURPOSE to me as a lil baby girl, and idgaf no excuses too.
Thank you again for your videos Richard. I have been on the healing path for 35 years and feel like I am approaching the arena of loving myself and not heeding to others’ expectations. Having both parents as narcissists and also my only sibling too, has proved to be difficult. My ex-husband used to look at me and say, where did you come from. You do not fit into your family. I looked at him in awe and astonishment, some sort of validation that I am not crazy. My father has passed away and I hate to admit this, but I did not shed a tear. Ever. My mother is 84, and she continues her shenanigans of pitting my sister and myself against each and constant put downs and lies. I have decided to go no contact with my mother because it causes such distress that I disengage from the world and my beautiful children for 1-2 days. Literally. I’m absent with the pain. I cannot allow my biological mother to cause me this much pain and chaos anymore. Thank you again and please continue your work. You are a beacon of light in this world. 🙏
My mother departed this world over a decade ago and at the time I felt I was grieving for the loss of the relationship I would have liked to have with her. Yet watching this video has given me a lightbulb moment and I realise that I have never come to terms with not having had that and it is still causing me a lot of sadness which I shall now proceed to let go of. So many thanks for this insight Richard.
My father was a gambler, and my mother was an alcoholic. My childhood was like hell. I come from China, a country with a long history and tradition, where no matter what mistakes my parents made, I was expected to love them unconditionally. I am very grateful to have come to the United States and started a new life. I will never contact my toxic parents and relatives again in my lifetime. I am no longer their "colony." I don't think I will miss them when they pass away because all I have are painful memories.
My mum has been horrible and abusive to me for over ten years since my dad died. I’m scared to let her go because obviously she is my mum but it is too much for me to handle. I only have a year left until I can leave my home and I am counting the days.
Finally in 2020 I´ve found out about narc abuse in my childhood and youth - until today. Went into no contact with all those toxic people - nobody left - and now it´s time for me to mourn and heal - there are no therapists over here in Germany who really do know about narc abuse !! no joke, Richard!! - it was just a huge waste of time, hope and money for me - when I was looking for help to overcome my complex ptsd- which I do on my own now - with videos from people like you and books which are translated in german languages - just like Pet Walker´s book did. Thank you Richard for all your work here on social media.
What did it for me was realizing that no matter how much i accomplished or what i did, i was never going to be acceptable nor would i be respected as a human being by them. It greatly lessened the guilt of deciding to walk away and say screw it. I spent a lifetime trying, and i was still (literally) told they didnt care if i lived or died. Made saying so long so much easier
I gave up, age 11 with my father and age 21 with my mother. Give up. Took me a few years of therapy but I always carried a glimmer of hope that my mother at least would step up. She never will.
My mom was malignant NPD my father codependent alcoholic (but very decent man and pretty great dad all things considered). His drinking never made him cruel or angry I remember my main frustration with it as a child was that we would talk about what he gave me to read (lots of comparative philosophy and religion among other things) and have great conversations that he wouldn't remember the next day.) She was a fireball of pain and rage dominating the sky and he a quietly reflecting (and reflective; wise) moon so he wasn't able to prevent or reverse the dents she put into my psyche but wow was his gentleness and validation a needed partial antidote. The poison sickened me body and mind but without his counterbalance I would have been flat-out dead by my own hand pre-teens probably. Anyone else here a child of NPD parent/parents who feels a weird sort of survivor's guilt that they somehow learned what they needed to to successfully avoid ever getting romantically involved with a narc? Wholly by instinct and intuition in my case NOT because I'd gotten all brainy and Figured It Out. Having fallen into so many other pitfalls in a ridiculously cliched way I'm actually almost troubled by the good fortune of having managed to dodge that one - as if I don't deserve that good luck when so many others had a nature/nurture combo that set them up for abusive partnerships. Gratitude has always been foundational in my life but it so easily pitches into guilty certainty that I don't deserve the good things until we live in a world that gives those same good things to everyone. I believe we can through education get to that world. And prevent this pendulating of damage and reactivity to damage that also causes damage because our corrections so often err on the side of over-correction. We need to give children a chance to find their feet on a solid reasonable middle-ground between the poles of abusiveness and neurosis/codependency. These videos and courses are giving us a shot at that. I believe in us. 🕊️
Same, malignant narcissist mom, codependent dad, both alcoholics. He was completely fooled by her, poor man. She abandoned him after he got Alzheimer’s.
this night I had nightmare with my mother being abusive to me, I cried in that dream begging her to change. finally understood that this will never happen, and I have to move on, stop contacting her, because every fight with her makes me sick. this is not how normal relation with family look like. thank u for your video.
Over holiday season I had to turn down paid trips to london, Paris, and the Bahamas … that was the bait my mom dished on me this most recent holiday season to reel me in to her web of abuse. It makes me grieve even just writing about it here. I have support groups that I go to that are twelve step based that help me. I’ve pretty much discarded personal therapists because the transactional aspect of the relationship invalidates the healing in it for me. I also grew up in a home where therapists were used by both parents as flying monkeys and ways to triangulate.
Thank you so much for this video as you can tell I needed it today. I've commented so many times. You're helping me through today with all this on my mind and I would consider you an angel in my life today. I'm halfway through the video now and you're getting to the part where they throw you a bone to keep you coming back. Why do you keep going back.? My last comment was explaining that I would fall on my face if I didn't keep going back. They kept me like this on purpose. I'm still under control. I hate it!!! Now that I'm all jacked up, it really sucks that other people have no clue that this is what you dealt with and they can't understand why you're so strange . Our growth was stunted and they think it has to do with us just being mentally unstable. We don't even fit in with the crowds. So sad!!! The world doesn't understand this shit unless they've been through it. There will be no forgiveness that's for sure so grow the tough skin. Nobody defines you but yourself. Nobody's judgment says anything about you. You know who you are? No one is better than you. We all need to have mutual respect. Treat others the way you wanna be treated. If somebody's giving you a hard time, just tell them unacceptable and you don't have time for that. turn around and walk away. I like to see a lot of times " unacceptable! I'm responsible for my intentions and not how you interpret it." my narcissistic mom has a hard time with this one. I'm no longer stooping to her level and giving her the ammo for her to play games.
My brother found out about our father passing away, in such a traumatic way, when he arrived at the house to get our dad, to help him on a job that they were both working on. Our narcissistic mother opened the door, without the least bit of compassion, and told my brother not to park his car where he did, as "the coroner was on the way to get your dad". What kind of evil is this? Our dad passed away in the night, at the age of 57, where he went to bed the night before complaining of a headache. She even joked around about going thru his wallet, to take the money from it that she said was owed her, before the police got there. Our mother was the most hateful being I've ever known, and drove our dad to his early grave, from his reliance on the alcohol that he seemed to need, to numb him of her presence.
You're so right with everything. Thank you . I been through this with both of my parents. More my mother then my dad. Both of my parents are Narcissists. . I have gone to celebrate recovery. It has helped me out. I also have great support from Friends that are Christians since I am a Christian. I know my worth & values. My peace comes from God. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. Greater is He that is in you Than He that is in the world. 1 John 4:4 God is great all the time.
Wow! You immediately explained my situation at the beginning! Step-parent situation here but applies nonetheless. I have let go just this year. But still vacillating. I started grieving a few months ago. It’s working. I have a phycologist and a psychiatrist. It’s working. This video is accurate. Thank you.
I called them out. I walked away. Thats all i could do and they are playing a victim. Its insanity. Your right he failed and puts the blame on me and is now the victim.
It is a good real video I need to break free from my dad's grips on me. You are right to say our parents live in us unless we take steps to heal. I like your teachings. You bring an understanding very few has. Thank you Richard to be yourself and authentic. I just purchased your book "The Cult of One". Well done.
Richard,You are such an amazing person,thank You for willing to cooperate with the mental health specialists it's definitely means a lot to many people I'm sure and You do make this world better :)
Thank you for talking about this. It's exactly what I did for so many years. So thankful to not be in that head space anymore. It was so very toxic. Have been away from my mom since Nov 2020...and Oct 2018 of my dad.
They created a body for me to go into. I take comfort knowing they didn’t create “me”. I’m done with my emotionally immature l, toxic, abusive and entitled people who were no parents to me. I broke the cycle and my child will never go through what I have. As hard as it is I will never go back.
Thank you for all your content on narcissism! you're so insightful and wise. I have been no contact for 7 years ish and have started making videos about narcissism too.
I'm so broken 💔💔😢 I feel so worthless and unloved. I swear, this is the most painful rejection I'm experiencing... I fear my father will get psychically violet I'm scared 😢
Hey, how old are you? You are not worthless and unlovable. It is normal to feel like that with abusive parents, maybe you didn't get the change yet to experience real love. That doesn't mean you're not going to.. please contact authorities, i did too when I was 14 and when I got into foster care, I could experience happiness for the first time ever 💞 If you need someone to talk to, let me know.
I wish everyone here a peaceful life
I have been no-contact with my narc dad since Easter of this year, freedom from his b.s.!
thank you, likewise 🙏🏾
I wish you a peaceful life too 🌻
i cant
You too
When I asked my parents for emotional support once, they accused me of being ungrateful because they fed me, clothed me and provided a home.
The guilt tripping worked and I felt shame.
I know how you really feel cause I'm dealing it right now from my dad and siblings (we're all grown) who I felt were using me like a stress relief punching bag
I'm 27 and I just woke up to the truth of a narcissistic mother that consumed me throughout the year, blamed me for everything bad in the house although I was the provider because my dad was abusive and absent, she even always blame me for her relationship with her ex husband aka dad, always treat me like shit, accuse me of not taking care of her although she never did this for any of us, made my 2 siblings hate me, wants to make my aunt believe I'm a drug addict, lured me to give her all my savings in the pretext that she needs to pay the mortgage or else the entire family will get out of the house, never acknowledged anything I did for her and the family nor the personal efforts in my life( I'm a doctor of medicine,freshly graduated) and when I dare to say something or that I'm physically sick and I need to take care of my own self, she announces war at the house and warns everyone who can hear that I the reincarnation of evil is here to make problems and ruin the family, the irony is that. Did a lot of work and research in the psychiatry ward, dealt with all different cases of psychopaths, only to wake up to the fact that I'm the victim of an extremely vicious one. These people dont change, u just gotta escape them and never look back, they will always shame u and make u feel guilt,twist facts to make u forever imprisoned in their cosmic web of lies and madness, just run.
Ur literally typing my adult life story
Oh yes its a classis one. They get a child and probably think it's going to take care of itself. You don't owe them ANYTHING! nothing. You don't need to feel guilt. If they don't apologize and try to be better please move on and cut ties.
Being a parent means providing emotional support and helping with growth. Not just providing a roof and things essential for living.. If it was so, the word parent would lose it's meaning.
''Normal'' parents love and care for you. ''Narcissistic'' parents own you, and you are theirs to do as they please.
u said it man
Absolutely
If anyone ever says you are "disowned", let them know that nobody ever owned you in the first place!
Remind you of anyone?
I was treated as property. Well not property more like "breeding stock". My family couldn't accept that I was gay so they drugged me and "collected my semen" while I was unconscious and made an undisclosed amount of children with it.
They weren't my parent or my family. I was their asset. Their property. Their investment. A genetic cow to be milked at the right time.
I grieved when my dog died, but not when my mother did. She died 18 years ago and not once have I missed her
I’m 21, unfortunately mine hasn’t yet😭. Been waiting for the day for a long time
@@Chairman-Joseph-Stalinsame here 😢
I waiting for the day they are both gone . unfortunately they are both still around 😔
I have done so much for my mom sisters and big brother but they betrayed me. I will not drop tears when they die.
mines' the worse mother from hell ! i cried more for my 12 cats than i will for that tyrant
I isolate. I've been what I believe is abused. My father was a horrible human being. He's dead now but my physical and emotional scars remain 💔
I'm sorry 😞 may God renew ur mind n heart and u may find peace
@@anaid4718 🙏
You have to realize you didn't have a father, you had a sperm donor.
So sorry to hear. I can totally relate, not a single child in this world deserves my father, such a horrible human being. I wish you a good life ahead, may god bless you, and keep your head up. I believe in you
@frostydragon92 thank you for your kind words, may God bless you 🙏
"Even the destruction of their own children doesn't move them to change their ways"
Well stated. They're not going to change. Time to accept it, grieve, and move on.
Yes !
Right because they are just evil idiots.
Yep. This was the line that got me
@@cateyu5547 Someone I know slapped his daughter 4, or 5 times as she misbehaved so badly but it was because of their parenting she misbehaved this way as they were the ones accepting everything of her and when they told her not to do certain things she misbehaved so much that they slap her because she wasn't accepting it.
I believe truly the way they used to accept everything with love they should do that exactly while saying to her this is wrong with love not by beating her as that’s nothing but trauma to her and this behaviour of her came from them so now they slap her for things they taught her she’s 6, 7 years old am I wrong? Is beating ok even if the situation is so much worse?
I realize that. I leave, change & move on at their grievances. They can’t cope that I wasn’t living my best life because they hold me back. Now I change & choose to set myself free. Never look back. Bye. My mom & other women who initially bash me down for not observing the patriarchal family system is now getting sync with their aging parents. Seeing them turning toxic like their parents pleases me! 😂
I did the “giving up” technique by mourning the loss of my idea of what a mom is supposed to be. My mom used to hurt me but she can’t anymore because I see her for who she really is. I’m grateful I rarely have to communicate with her. I sometimes forget she’s alive. Not out of cruelty but out of relief, relief that she no longer holds a place-card in my life. She’s never going to show up as a mom so she just exists, nothing more.
You took the words right out if my mouth. I was highly neglected and abused as a child by my own mother.
Well said
You look like doctor Tox…
Same here. I continue to pray that she might humble herself before God that she could be made whole. I’m far enough removed now to be able to sincerely pray for her Salvation. I praise God He was able to reach me and rescue me from the hell I was living in🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️Thank You, Jesus!
Each person has only so much tolerance. Abuse in any form is just evil.
Soooo true. I was adopted at birth and for a total of 43 years, narcissistic abuse was my daily hell. Cutting off all contact was the best thing I've ever done since 2016.
Glad you are out of that situation, thank you for commenting
@RICHARDGRANNON Thank you for this today. I appreciate that you are helping people become more aware of this. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but being essentially "programmed" from the beginning, it's hard to see that abuse is even taking place when the abuse is something I considered normal and not realizing most other families don't function this way. Interesting and awesome things happen when one wakes up. Time and distance... especially distance... does wonders to help a person break old routines and habits.
Here is the exact response from my narcissistic father when I sent him an e-birthday card after 5 years of no contact:
“Not sure what you have in mind, but thank you. Aside from balding and overweight I'm a reasonably healthy 78 today. As always, life is good and the door is always open.”
.
Not “good to hear from you son”, but “not sure what you have in mind…”
.
That was September 2016. I never responded back, nor has he. Can you imagine going to your grave (he’s 85 now…) with that response being your last words to your only son?
.
Obviously he was/is afraid I’d want a real relationship rather than joining him in his narcissist safety bubble.
.
My door is open too, dad. Has been since Sept ‘16.
But Narcissists can only really care about themselves.
@CorePathway I feel ya. So sorry.
@@alisonwayland6057 Thanks. I’m working a program called “Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families”. Look up Arizona ACA for great resources. It’s helped me understand the core shame I feel is generational, and is allowing me to feel, grieve and move on.
.
The best way I can love and honor him, as every son wants to do for his father, is to let him go and focus on being emotionally sober and available for my children; to break the cycle. Life moves forward. I wish you well in your healing.
My father was an abusive narcissistic parent. As well as my mother and siblings. They constantly physically and mentally and emotionally abused me. I did everything I could to earn their respect and validation. It took me a long time to realize their truth. Now I have my own family and I try my best to be the best I can be. I hope one day I can heal and move on. I am finally cut them off
❤❤❤🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Homeless 12 times first when in grade 3 my dad beat me up dozens of times and my mom would say I had bad blood and was born bad and now I’ve earned two doctorates and still never got his love. I feel insane 24/7 and almost drank snorted and smoked weee until I almost died of OD and vomited blood many times. I give up totally on him because I’m literally going to die. I’m ashamed of myself that it took age 35 and 2 phds to figure this out
If your siblings was children then its the parents wrong. You cant blame children. If they was grown ups, thats different. Good you cut abusive off
Mine are dead now, the pain is all they left me with. I hope to look back one day without sadness and anger, but for now I still feel the sharp pain inside me. I wonder what - if anything - happens to sadists after their death? Probably nothing. I have doubt that they are ever faced with the evil they committed. If they didn’t in life, why would they in death. Heaven and hell? Oh please! It’s just like Thomas Mann wrote about the winners and loosers in life. Some people are just always winners, some always loosers.
Hi me too. But sometimes I cannot help thinking back, which hurt me and brings me negative emotion. It is not fair for my own family for my husband.😢
Growing up being physically and mentally abused by my father, while my mother was in denial and downplayed everything he did to me. Everyone talks about losing a girl/boyfriend, a normal friend, etc, but i dont thi k there's a worse betrayal than that of a parent hurting their child. To this day I long for the dad i never had. Im a grown man now, but part of me will probably always be that little boy who wanted a father.
I'm right there with you, brother. Your story regarding the way your parents treated you is very similar to mine. I never had a father figure. Instead, I lived with a monster who valued alcohol over his own family.
Life is much harder when the foundations aren't set by your parents. Having to rely on your own will to power on and learn as you go is definitely an ordeal, but I believe it makes people like us much stronger than the rest.
Keep looking forward.
same here
Yep!!!
“I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a dad” - Nirvana, Serving the Servants
“You know you like the things you hate, yeah. You choose them a little every day, yeah” - Louis Cole, Don’t Care
I get you!
Going no contact and releasing all hope of anything changing was the most painful and rewarding gift I ever had the courage to live. It is worth investing fully in your own life. You will NEVER get what you need or deserve unless you find it within yourself first
A parents abuse, teaches you everything the wrong way. Then, stamp you with mental illness and medication. But, your behaviour the same, you don't know what your doing wrong! Messed up forever! I decided 2 years ago, everything I ever learned was wrong, asked my children to help me. Told them, your not hurting me, tell me my stupid behaviours. I live my truth, though. Very understanding and communicative now, for ones, whom really care. Live in Peace & Love!
Healing means consciously making decisions and you already did the first step, you realised you messed up. And you consciously made the decision to talk with your children about it. Keep on going, Always be aware of your behaivor and if you have questions, ask them and apologize to them. They didn't chose you as a parent but you chose to have them! Being a parent can really hurt. But try to be aware and learn 💝 This is how you unlearn old patterns
@@rihlv1539My parents are hell
Both of my parents are abusive and they support each other as “witnesses”.
Ohhh the codependent ones are THE WORST!!! TweedleDee and TweedleDum, Pain and Panic. I call mine Murky and Lurky because they stole my colors. (Hats off to you if you’re old enough for that reference!)
I have seen my mom getting beaten by my shitty father . My mom's in laws torture her but then also she think of them as her family . She never think it's abusive . It's very much abusive man. I want to die I don't want to live in this family . This is not a case in which one person is abusive that shiity dad's whole family is toxic . I wish hell for them . But god had never given them hard days. I dont believe in god . My dad say - if you do any mistake I will peel your skin . This won't be horrifying for 14 year old kid . He slap my 5 year brother hardly that his fingerprints were there 😭😭😭😭 . Why I was born here . Why . I hate god for giving me a bitchy family . Fucking mom and a moron dad .
Me too, my parents beat me up and immediatley after they say that i did that and that they didnt do anything. SECONDS after it happened!
@@rihlv1539same. My father will hit me (as an adult) and I refuse to fight back. Then he will deny having hit me and say that I was the one that hit him. So crazy
That’s the worst! Their dependent on one another to fulfill a delusion and coax each other that bullying and abusing is warranted. If one dropped the mask they’d both be forced to self reflect and it’s too painful. So as they age they’ll buckle down and get worse from self hatred and act as if you’re the source. Dangerous co-dependency isn’t something you earn affection for it’s something you run away from like the 50 yard dash.
Thats sad, the abusive parents have lasting effects even if they die.
My parents were both completely unable to show up as parents...it showed up as complete and total emotional neglect ALWAYS...it wasn't overtly cruel..it was and is devastating
Emotional neglect is a killer.
I hear you 💚🙏
I totally empathize and agree with you about how devastating it is to be emotionally neglected, especially by both parents. Yes.
It really is. And in some ways I wonder if it might be worse than having openly abusive parents because with abusive parents you might realise that it’s them, not you whereas with emotional neglect you just assume that that’s how things are and don’t understand why your self esteem ievel is at 500 below zero.
@@ishtara1177 I've had the exact same thought. I remember Russell Brand recently saying that when you have a cocaine problem you're sort of lucky in a way because you know exactly what the problem is. Might not be easy to fix but you at least know what the problem is. Emotional neglect is like a snake that silently hunts you down, you don't even know it's there but it's stalking you and it can literally ruin your life if you miss it, even if you're diligent!
I will be doing this course. I was brainwashed from birth to be the scapegoat of a malignant narc mother. Violence, everything. After going no contact I'm beginning to understand that she literally stole my brain and took me into the matrix. Unless someone has lived this they do not understand the absolute mind fuckery of this and untwisting of the entire mind that is needed. A start, for me, is understanding that I was merely a projection screen for the inner parts she did not want to face. I know they don't belong to me, but she did steal my life.
I feel you with this.I got panic attacks at age 20 becouse of my mother and father was agressive .Like life is walking true fire every day for me.
Well said!
The communal narc mother is the worst because they fake to care about you while emotinally abusing you and enabling your self-destruction.
Mine will literally smirke when she sees me crying or she is driving me crazy she’s literally sadistic
@@Mynarcissistfamilyexposed838 fuck bro I hear ya
My low-level narcissistic parents did me a favor by declaring when I turned 19 that they would no longer support me in any way. It made my 20's (in the 1980's) pretty tough, but I was completely free of them forever after that.
At 44, I FINALLY went No Contact last summer after being told to “go stay at an Airbnb” when I was briefly staying with my parents while trying to find a place to rent. This was because I had the nerve to stand up for myself when they started in on the bullying. And they damn well knew I had been through a lot, needed some support and had no where else to go. I just drove back to Denver & I will never go back. I definitely need to work thru this with someone.
I'm happy for you that you chose yourself
@@nabilc1667 thank you ☺️
I'm so so glad your out of THAT situation, I did the same thing staying with my mom and the ass, was trying to get out of a very bad almost death situation, and because I wouldn't let him abuse me, he kicked me out with my 3yr son and my mom NEVER stood up for me.....so I left. Now been married for 33+ yrs to a verbal abusive spouse. So I'm glad you go away from all this abuse....it's not healthy and I wonder why I'm not dead yet. Don't let ANYBODY take your soul or heart. You go girl!!!!!!!!
Im looking into psychic severance work, there are empathic facilitators who help cut these ties like literal cables of attachment on the psycho-physical level of reality. When this is genuinely achieved there is no chance of incarnating with these same people as family again, and possibly avoiding a narcissistic family in future incarnations. There is also personal work to be done to raise your conscious awareness through right living and meditation to lift your vibratory resonance. This will attract better people into our lives, repel narcissists and any other scumbags.
@@HeartFeltGesture if you feel like that's what works for you, then I am happy you found something.
Personally, I despise the thought of reincarnation or an after life. Makes me feel like even death won't end my misery.
Unimaginable hopelessness.
This is why I isolate and have no friends, and prefer it that way 😂😂😂 the internet is so much more forgiving of my ranting irritation of our entire species 😂
Gonna go listen to Taylor Hawkins sing “shadow dancing” and burn some sage now 🤪😂✌️
🤣 my summation is less ladylike but equally true.. the more wisdom increases the more sorrow you feel xx
@@lexabuckleyparsons1994 the older you get, the less u know.. That's a good old one. It means to me, you see there is more things under the sun then you can dream.. But while you are young u think you know everything..
same here..
Build a tribe of isolators and start a commune
Giving up, mourning the expectations, accepting reality. Until we do, we're addicted to Hopium. Great video!
Thank you for "addicted to Hopium"!😂😂🕊️🤜🤛💪
Addicted to Hopium indeed. Thank you for your time
Hopium 🤣🤣🤣
Hopium!!!!!! Yes!!! Genius word you thought of that's exactly how it feels!!! Well done! Gotta quit my hopium addiction to my narcissistic parents 💯
Hopium. Thnx for that one. Hopium made me stay. You make me smile thinking of my misery. Go well my friend.
For a parent to make you wish that you were never born is so unimaginably painful, it breaks you permanently because you'll always have an underlying desire for approval.
I'm Thai. English is my second language. It took me three years to be able to understand phycology on UA-cam. There's no therapist in my country who understands this. Most Asian countries do not aware of NPD. Phycology is something people not familiar with. The only choice I have is online. And now I'm healed. If you can find therapist or course that can really help. You are lucky.
As Patrick Teahan (recommend his channel strongly) said, there's a sense of "you have to forgive them" and "you have to love your parents". It's liberating to know you don't.
yes you don't have to.. you were a child and they were your parents. Yes, they shoul've known better and treated you better. You have to accept the fact that it happened to you and forgive yourself as a child. Then cut ties with your parents and start you journey with fully knowing they are evil, and leave them behind in the past and be finally free
I'm literally can't stop crying while finding any videos or podcast to listen to comfort me because I just literally brokedown because my mom hitted my more than once and pulled my hair and my dad slapped me several times and trying to make my lips on blood just because I was trying to explain my side and now i am trying to stop my cry while hugging my teddy bear tightly. My life is such a sorrow. My brother was once a victim too but he's lucky to left the country and I hope that I can leave this house too and I will never go back.
Hey .. I'm going through something very similar. You want to talk? 😢 I'm so sorry dear you're in my thoughts. If you want to be heard write here ❤ please take care of yourself 🙏 hugs
My dad hit me with a glass plate last night after an argument. I couldn't take the negativity and toxicity anymore so I talked back. I thought I was going to die.
@@MynameisXhynhow you doing now? I've been where you are I'm not 100% out of it but it will get better. But you're going through abuse. Physically are you hurt? Sounds serious you mentioned blood? Do you need medical attention? What country are you in?
@@becky2235 I have been dizzy and in pain since that evening. I suddenly got high blood pressure. I went to the hospital and the doctor said I don't need to undergo a CT scan or MRI. I got a huge bump and a slight melanoma, but it didn't bleed. I am honestly still traumatized and can hardly sleep. I hope I recuperate very very soon. How are you? Is there a way to contact you? Like email or Instagram?
@@MynameisXhynAre you okay now?
Thank you for this video Richard. I'm 34yo, and I'm just now starting to realize the emotional abuse inflicted upon me by my narc mom and my spineless dad. They have been financially mooching off me since the time I started working. Yet I'm still never good enough even tho I pay for everything, and they constantly infantilize me. I never moved out because I believe I have stockholm syndrome due to the abuse from my "mother", but now I'm starting to get clarity. Going to make a plan now to get a job somewhere far away, possibly in a different state and never contact my so-called parents again. I'm just now starting to realize that I lost my 20s, and early 30s catering to these morons, but not anymore. I'm going to take back control of my life and my own happiness.
Be glad that you have a good part of your life in front of you. I am 55, have progressed cancer. It can always get worse
This is awesome 👏
@@maxi4680 I'm so sorry to hear that, sending positive energy for your healing. And for those reading, narcissistic abuse damages body, mind, and spirit. It can cause illness. Save yourself while you can.
Yea you got boomer parents.
You moved interstate yet?
My older step brother once held a knife to my throat when I was about 7. He was 16. My parents were out at the time. When they returned I was still visibly upset and I told them what he'd done. My dad beat the crap out of my brother for doing it. My mum came in to my room crying and said to me "look what you've done!". She blamed me for my dad beating him up. I have never forgotten this.
I’m sorry😢that happened….
What the HELL!! 🤯
@@michelegray5970 yes, it's true. Completely true and stuck in my mind all this time. 🤷♂️
@@jamiethomas3768 one of many traumatic experiences for me, sadly. But thank you for your message. I appreciate it.
At least your Dad protected you. As a little child, mine only blamed me for abuse by a much older sibling.
Having my own children fills me with fresh rage for my narcissistic mother. They are so incredibly easy to love, and it comes so incredibly natural to me to love them. But, I just try to focus on my relationship with them. And it’s a fresh layer of grief that they don’t get grandparents.
Exactly this. My poor children have no grandparents. It is so so cruel what our ‘parents’ have done.
Lucky. I was too scared to ever have them for fear I would be like them to my kids.
@@marcieheiner3934 same here… my wife and I stopped taking our son over to my parents. Between my dad’s foul language and how he treats everyone around him… it didn’t make sense. Not to mention, he was outright scared to be around my dad. 🤷🏼♂️
I keep reading about how so many people just feel relieved after an abusive parent dies. I truly am starting to think that's how I will feel when my mom dies
Thank you, sir. I cut off contact nearly four years ago and I've never regretted it, but the hurt's still there
Look at yourself as a reborn child now✨
@@rihlv1539I doubt he wants to look at himself as a child again, reborn or not.
For decades my mother has been revered as a martyr saint in my family. However, I was scapegoated by family enough times, with my mother's great contribution to it all by not intervening and doing nothing, that I saw in bits and clips her campaign to maintain that she was the embodiment of everything good and wholesome and anyone that challenged that was bad and evil.
My mother, now deceased, was a very progressed late stage narcissist. Until the end of her life, she chose her supply requirements and her fragile cracked image over her own children.
Turns out, the family scapegoat had been right the whole time.
My husbands story is similar. Blessings to you friend. You are telling your story and inspiring others to know they are not crazy.
My mother is EXACTLY LIKE that to T. She scapegoats and bullies me then plays the martyr. She’s literally ruined most of my life. I’m planning to move to another country and not tell her were I am. She’s an actual
Psychopath
She knows I have lost years of my life because of her shit and she doesn’t care, there is no remorse there at all …
It's tough when someone wants to be a saint- particularly a martyr
thanks for sharing
'Mom' or 'dad' is a title you have to earn.
Well put, thank you for watching 😎
@@RICHARDGRANNON Thank you for posting! 😄
I refer to them as birth parents now, they don't deserve to be called those kind words.
real
@@moscowcowboy_13 I prefer to use the terms, incubator & sperm donor.
Ironic I discovered this before Father’s Day . I think no contact is the only way to achieve peace . Thank you .
7:17 "Even the DESTRUCTION of their own children doesn't move them to change their FANTASIES." Thank you, Richard! Signing off, a 50-yr old scapegoat
My parents forced me to work at their business for free since i was like 10. And in return they berated me in front of customers. Called me stupid, dumb, useless...they even told me i would die alone. This wasn't easy work either. Hard work that they fired grown men because they couldn't keep up. When i get mad about this abuse and since i wasn't allowed to have friends, i would get mad. And in return they sent me to live with my aunts family and they also called me stupid and beat the crap out of me. Meanwhile my brother got to sleep in, hang out with friends, no work requirements and always told how smart he was. I ended up joining the Army, became an Officer, got a corporate job and opened my own business. Never asked for my parents help once. My brother....he worked for my dad. Never had a job in a day in his life. He got the house when my mom died. I didnt get shit. And they have the nerve to talk down to me as an adult. Nope...they can go to hell. Cant call me for the holidays unless they need money.
Are you from Hawaii? I am. I want allowed to have friends either. My parents were the same. My Korean mom especially. Extremely small minded, superficial, motivated by greed and pride. Treated me differently from my siblings because I am half white. Beat the shit out of me, tortured and humiliated me, told me time and time again how she wished she had an abortion, etc. Same with my step dad. My siblings could do no wrong even when they did. She has succeeded only in tearing our family apart. My husband and I have a successful business and she still thinks she can hold things like presents, hostage, to get her way. Still having the nerve to talk down to me and making me apologize for leaving when I was 19 after "all they've done for me. " Now she does shit like ignoring her first born grandson's 1st birthday because I found my birth father. Got the real story from him.
I'm surprised and for the number of people commenting about their bad experiences and I'm so sorry and sad that I'm not the only one, this video from the thumbnail just gave me a reason to going back to therapy after all this years instead of thinking about ending my life. Thank you and I hope everyone get their happy peaceful lives❤
As someone who is both a victim of parental abuse and therapeutic abuse as a result of that parental abuse, I find it interesting how the therapeutic industry demands we accept our parents and their abuse rather than m9re simply and intuitively give up on them. No one should accept abuse. Instead, we should give up on the abuser being anything more.
I'm suspicious of people who are too accepting of abusers.
And it's mainly "preachers" and "christians" that tell us to just keep being abused basically. I call bull
Realtalks that reminds me it even hits when yyr own mother is friends with a physciatrist
I'm so traumatized by therapy bc of my family now ngl
My mom had died before I found a therapist who educated me on what had happened to me growing up with the emotional abuse I did. He showed me I wasn’t unlovable my mom was incapable of love. I was 36. Better late than never!
After my parents passed I did some ugly things. It wasn't until I hurt people and truly felt awful and lost lots of money and time did I look at my relationship with them. Mind blowing. The words and compassion I lacked then, I can only learn and use now.
@@MrTwinkieeater always better late than never.
10 month ago I said I’ll do it and I did it. I had an open confront with my mom, told her every what she did to me (basically gave her back the trauma) and now my life changed so much in the best way possible. Of course she got defensive and never apologized but I did it for me, not for her. I mourned her for one month but then everything changed and my life is sooo much better now 🎉
I'm so proud of you
I'm NC with mommy dearest. As soon as she heard I needed a major surgery, she contacted me and later offered money for the surgery through my brother. I declined all due to knowing she only loves my pain and would love to belittle me and OWE her. She's old but hasn't changed one iota. Staying NC going on 13 yrs now. I'm better for it.
They want me to share my life but critique everything I do.
I've gone no contact. My mother and sister are wicked narcissists. My other sister is a flying monkey. The "coven" has slandered me and cost me almost all my past relationships and reputation. My narc sister has a 13 year son, my nephew, who is also now a scapegoat and is abused. They all want him to break.
I Am Looking forward To This Video.
Im STRUGGLING To Disconnect I Was SEVERELY EMOTIONALLY Abused By A MALIGNANT NARCISSTIS. This Person DESTROYED MY LIFE MY SELF WORTH AND SELF ESTEEM. I Was Recently Discarded CRUELY. THE Only Comfort That I FEEL Is Isolating Myself.
Narcisstic abuse is brutal
Love and respect to you Richard. 🌸 For those of us who had this, a narcissistic person in ones' life, is a battleground..until..you get yourself off their narcissistic playground.
Thank You, for all you do for your fellow humans' suffering and best of all, making peace with it, and all the dynamics of that toxic relationship. Have been watching your videos for some time now.
Thank You for assuring us, that we are not alone, that there is NOTHING WRONG with us!..when we have done every single thing in our power, to 'help' the sick person. Your videos are always a breath of fresh air, for me..and have helped me in my life, not only with a narcissistic parent, and some other family members, but in ALL my relationships..that i learned how to avoid the pitfalls and red flags in the initial stages of forming healthy relationships now..on top of my personal therapy that i have, (and that was a life changer as well)..i am now a highly aware, person, stronger and highly tuned in to the dangers that can befall a caring soul, that is no longer a doormat to be used/abused any longer by anyone.
God Bless !🌅✝️.
Yes, you must let go of the idea that your parent or parents are actually going to show up as parents! It’s not easy but you’ll save yourself a lot of stress once you do finally let that idea go.
My mother was an absolute monster and I was no contact for the last several years of her life. No regrets. My only regret was going to her funeral to try to support my brother, who now carries her narcissistic torch. She’s still toxic beyond the grave. Her legacy lived on. But not in my life, anymore. You can’t fix them, friends. Walk away.
I always tried to paint a pretty picture of my parents , for myself and for family. I have been in denial about it.
The loving image I wanted was interfering in my healing.
Accepting my parents were narcissistic abusive to me. And the brain washing that I deserved it.
How much I loved my dad , he was narcissistic abusive , accepting how I was always treated by both of my parents.
I was in denial to avoid the hurt of the truth.
Wishing everyone healing in their journey. ❤
Father was an narcissistic serial abuser, mom was an apologetic enabler. 4 children that were born in that union and all have emotional scares. How we came out able to thrive in our own lives was because we made lives for ourselves. Going through the process was difficult. I went through therapy and spoke of the abuse and started to live in my truth. Set boundaries and self protect from the dysfunctional atmosphere. I had to try to be the parent that my children deserved, hard but possible. No one is perfect and forgiveness was an important part. Not for them but for me and my own family. I had to leave the garbage behind and take the bits and bobs that I learned out of that chaos. I had to grow and stretch myself into living not surviving. Being accountable for my own actions and not using, well I didn’t have a good childhood, as an excuse to fail. Life is hard and yet can be such a blessing. Looking for your blessings in the mist of life struggles is the art of living well❤😊
Coming from a very dysfunctional family, narcissistic father who drove my mother to absolute depression. I’d try to win dad’s approval but often played the part of mother’s counselor from a very young age. As I reached adulthood, I’d begun to realize something wasn’t quite right with my upbringing and how after I’ve moved out and was independent of my parents…..I was still caught up in the dysfunction. I entered counseling and for maybe close to two years, I kept them both at arms length, seeing them only for holidays and birthdays. I needed the distance to process the abuse and in time, accept it. Forgiveness set me free, though I will be honest and admit, I still have breakthroughs of anger and resentment. Definitely professional counseling is the key. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.🙏💛💯
I feel the same as you! Can relate to this completely. My heart hurts.
At 53 and left an abusive relationship, I am going to licensed mental health therapist specializing in abusive and narcissistic abuse and seeing a dr that communicates with my therapist. It was devastating to hear my dr say “ you have been in relationships and married your mom every time”. Now I am getting EMDR therapy also. She was right. It’s not easy but I cannot truly live any more if I don’t get help and heal
Same age here, I gave up being with girls like my mom as well, been no contact 18 months, healing is slow and hard.
I was raised by a very abusive father verbally,mentally and physically . The last words he said to me just minutes before he died was I was bothering him. The thing that amazes me is not one of my siblings ever talk about it. I’m 67 now and I know I will never fully get over it. I will never understand it
It has nothing to do with you. You've been dealing with your father's childhood trauma. Whole your life. You never felt loved. A narc has no loved ones, only sources of supply. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing. You lacked love from the the person from who you expected love the most: your father. You didn't get it but that has nothing to do with you. Your dad wasn't capable to love. He could only project his misery onto you in order to feel better himself. You are fine and loveable. You know you are loveable. I know you know you are loveable. That's your answer. We are brothers.
A person who has empathy, can never understand a person who has zero empathy. You will never walk in his shoes, your feet are too big! ❤
I've learned that when people hurt judge or are cruel to others it is 100% their sickness and not the target. The target of these people can be anyone for any reason I know how it feels both my parents and relatives who raised me off and on were all sick like this since nobody wanted to love me I learned very well how to love myself and I'm in the end grateful..
DUDE! When I was going through an abusive relationship 6 years ago I found this really nice, kind, understanding and smart guy on YT that helped me deal with her and the feelings I was having.
You are that guy. I haven't seen you in ages because I didn't need you anymore and now here you are again when i need help again lol.
Man I really wish I could afford therapy. These videos are a true blessing for the lost and alone. Just had a good cry now it's back to work
@Amanda K I got a BPD workbook then I'll check that out. Thank you
Doc Snipes does talks on neurophysiologies of trauma on YT. Has helped me figure out what is mine to work on and what is damages that I can’t help. Gives nutrition supports on brain function that are easy and surprising. Keep seeking yourself through expert paradigms for free. Doesn’t replace RG courses. Good spoon feed of what happens to anyone so you can sort out what is unique to you.
Me too. They programmed me to be broke.
My "Mother" was/is a sociopath/narc. After 20 years of no contact, she reached out to me after I gave birth to my son trying to "apologize for her behavior. " I'm not buying it. She's never had remorse in over 40 years since she left when I was 4 and never looked back. I am not going to allow her access to my 4 year old son to cause further harm. I am still healing from my childhood. Richard, this video made me emotional as I am grieving the loss of my best friend right now, who was killed a few weeks ago, which is brining up grief in other areas. I am interested in your course so I will check it out.
Keep going sister
Funny the timing that bitch shows up from out of no where AFTER the fact when your son is born to "apologize." GTFOH!! Guess she was expecting for you to be stupid, and fall for it, so she could USE your son, and harm him so she could benefit. Vampires are an evil lot.
Keep doing what you're doing and don't you dare let that monster anywhere near that baby. Have yourself as best a life as you can and in turn help provide the same for that child. You both deserve no less. Good luck Mom.
Don't let her near your child. No matter how bad she wants it. Your son is healthy now, keep it that way.
As a daughter who suffered my biggest hope is for my mom to apologize. Just being able to acknowledge that she is in the wrong is huge! Forgive if she says sorry. You’re lucky. Mine never will
Thank you Richard
Seeking professional help seems like a fantasy in itself. It is always helpful to know I am not alone.
Hope and disappointment cycle. Yes.
Great video.
Richard is a hero to so many of us.
Blessings healing tribe-
It's heartbreaking to have these kind of parents. Sam and Richard make a good team together very sad I enjoy hearing you both.
You’ve brought so much food into the world Richard. Thank you for everything you do to help people heal. I can’t thank you enough.
You don't get away from abuse, you grow from it. People never change, as you can get out there and man up your life. They would never change.
My parents have always been weird to me, my father never loving, always beat me up when i was a child. He forced married me to a man i didn't know as well, made me suffer for 4 years in that forced marriage. After i got a divorce he was not ready to accept me at home so he told me that i had to start earning and feed myself and fun fact i wasn't allowed to go outside of my house to work. When i started working from home they were ready to have me pay almost all of their bills yet never letting me leave the house, i have no idea what kind of mental illnesses i have built over the years. My mother did nothing to save me and sometimes she also liked to mentally torture me.
My grandma was horribly absuive, and my dad is finally starting to get it. It's heartbreaking.
I’m going through this right now. Going to cut off my narcissistic mom from my life. I’m giving myself one month and will do it
I did it 18 months ago and have been healing ever since, you can do it! You deserve to heal.
Did you do it?
@@z4p0tekyes! And my life became so much better! It’s a blessing
Beautiful man that you are. Start doing something else. No abusers or victims. You are done with it. I see it clearly. You are free.
This is why I am binge watching your videos in the middle of the night. Im trying to get out, but I keep getting stuck. I'm really getting a lot out of your videos, so thank you!
Wow, infinite blessings Richard, I feel after watching this that I will have my therapist contact you. Please be careful getting into any relationships, if you are young and a survivor, as I got into a long-term relationship and was beaten every day for being me. I now have epilepsy and my broken back has never healed properly.
My father complained about the cost of me and my mother depended on me for money as soon as I got a job. I lived with her in an apartment for almost 20 years. I spent 5 years in university studying for a degree they wanted and got my mom a family home. As soon as I wanted to live on my own, she wanted me to stay with her and take care of her using guilt, threats, and mud-slinging my support group (of two friends). Thank you for the video, because I am going to try letting go of any chance my parents will be decent to me instead of being sad that they will never be decent to me.
Thank you for this perspective, a part of me feels infinite guilt I have told my Mother I have no desire to see or speak with her as I had prior to her repeatedly being unavailable for YEARS and also ruining our relationship in horrible, sad & needless ways but then I think also how much of a massive impact it's had on me along with the fact she never takes accountability or more importantly changed her ways if anything it's not much of a concern to her at all and when I realize that I feel numb.......like it's okay to give up on the very unlikely hope of her ever changing.......
Thanks for being willing to collaborate with us mental health providers. Every bit of this video is true. It’s very hard thing to learn that you cannot possibly heal from your childhood without creating distance and grieving your parents. We want to be strong enough to heal and not separate. But that’s just not the deal. Thanks for validating us “parent abandoners “.
Thank you for your comment, and Thank you for watching
Leaving a grown adult is not abandonment. They may perceive it as abandonment because they're still a child psychologically.
@@cateyu5547 yes. Many of us have parents who are children and perceive our leaving as betrayal and abandonment.
So true! Killing the fantasy was the hardest part for me. Hope that one day they will woke up and be loving was keeping me in that toxic system.
Yeah, I was sexually abused by my father unfortunately. It's been a long road and here in middle age I was frankly holding on by my finger nails for years, decades even and I do feel a little worn out. For those who may have been through similar abuse, you'll likely flash back into your body quite early, even if you can't actually remember what happened. There's a clue there. I finally started to remember bits of the abuse at around 46 years old, several years of really good trauma informed therapy followed and yeah healing is possible, find the right therapist. The shared fantasy Richard talks about, I kind of felt it early on but considering you're a child and stuck there for a while, it can be really difficult to keep a part of yourself separate from it. Integrity in other areas of your life helps point the way. One really positive thought, for those that are going through this, you lose but you can also gain, fight, never stop and you'll find something cool inside yourself.
Similar situation! Sexually abused by my alcoholic father, mother was paranoid schizophrenic. Memories started flooding back at 45 after a major trauma involving my narcissistic boss. I was lost in my own head for several years, but always fighting to get back. Went through years of mostly unuseful psychotherapy, before I was finally able to make real progress toward healing. It takes time, energy and focus, but you can recover and be happy.
@@NANASplash It seems it can often be another traumatic event(s) that helps break through the memory barrier for this kind of abuse. Its nothing you really plan for, it just kind of happens. For me it was a relationship with a narcissistic girl, the other side of which I just collapsed into myself really. Respect, Keep going and healing.
@@simoncrowson5740 Thank you, my friend. I appreciate the encouragement. ❤️
🙏🏾💖
Me, too, friend. Body memories early I didn't really understand. Memories started to manifest on my 40th birthday. I've been through EMDR and other somatic and talk therapies and a few down years the road, I'm starting to get back to something like my old normal. Thanks for speaking up because when we suffer violent sexual abuse at a young age, we don't remember and we don't understand what's going on until we see someone else talking about it.
Sending all my love to those who were abused with any kind of violence and sexual assault. You are loved, you matter and what happened to you was not fair. God sees you and the heaven belongs to you my dear friend ❤
So God sees you, but what happened was not fair, and heaven belongs to you. To you where you can be with God, who saw everything, and helped you suffer , so that in the end you could be with him in heaven. Well. Well. Well. This explains it all. Just wait until you die. It will be all better then. With Jesus.
I refused to have kids. It does help me a bit to know I have stopped the cycle. Family is a horrible word to me. If I get to Heaven one day, I hope to never run into my parents or my brother or his kids.
I'm worse, I truly believe they deserve a hellish hell afterwards, and I won't even say a word in their defense if asked. I don't believe it was not done ON PURPOSE to me as a lil baby girl, and idgaf no excuses too.
I finally broke the cycle…”they” will still pop up every so many years using sneaky tactics…so sick!
always happened to me to. This time i have learned that they are never going to change
Thank you again for your videos Richard. I have been on the healing path for 35 years and feel like I am approaching the arena of loving myself and not heeding to others’ expectations. Having both parents as narcissists and also my only sibling too, has proved to be difficult. My ex-husband used to look at me and say, where did you come from. You do not fit into your family. I looked at him in awe and astonishment, some sort of validation that I am not crazy. My father has passed away and I hate to admit this, but I did not shed a tear. Ever. My mother is 84, and she continues her shenanigans of pitting my sister and myself against each and constant put downs and lies. I have decided to go no contact with my mother because it causes such distress that I disengage from the world and my beautiful children for 1-2 days. Literally. I’m absent with the pain. I cannot allow my biological mother to cause me this much pain and chaos anymore.
Thank you again and please continue your work. You are a beacon of light in this world. 🙏
My mother departed this world over a decade ago and at the time I felt I was grieving for the loss of the relationship I would have liked to have with her. Yet watching this video has given me a lightbulb moment and I realise that I have never come to terms with not having had that and it is still causing me a lot of sadness which I shall now proceed to let go of. So many thanks for this insight Richard.
My father was a gambler, and my mother was an alcoholic. My childhood was like hell. I come from China, a country with a long history and tradition, where no matter what mistakes my parents made, I was expected to love them unconditionally. I am very grateful to have come to the United States and started a new life. I will never contact my toxic parents and relatives again in my lifetime. I am no longer their "colony." I don't think I will miss them when they pass away because all I have are painful memories.
My mum has been horrible and abusive to me for over ten years since my dad died. I’m scared to let her go because obviously she is my mum but it is too much for me to handle. I only have a year left until I can leave my home and I am counting the days.
Finally in 2020 I´ve found out about narc abuse in my childhood and youth - until today. Went into no contact with all those toxic people - nobody left - and now it´s time for me to mourn and heal - there are no therapists over here in Germany who really do know about narc abuse !! no joke, Richard!!
- it was just a huge waste of time, hope and money for me - when I was looking for help to overcome my complex ptsd- which I do on my own now - with videos from people like you and books which are translated in german languages - just like Pet Walker´s book did. Thank you Richard for all your work here on social media.
What did it for me was realizing that no matter how much i accomplished or what i did, i was never going to be acceptable nor would i be respected as a human being by them. It greatly lessened the guilt of deciding to walk away and say screw it. I spent a lifetime trying, and i was still (literally) told they didnt care if i lived or died. Made saying so long so much easier
I gave up, age 11 with my father and age 21 with my mother. Give up. Took me a few years of therapy but I always carried a glimmer of hope that my mother at least would step up. She never will.
My mom was malignant NPD my father codependent alcoholic (but very decent man and pretty great dad all things considered). His drinking never made him cruel or angry I remember my main frustration with it as a child was that we would talk about what he gave me to read (lots of comparative philosophy and religion among other things) and have great conversations that he wouldn't remember the next day.) She was a fireball of pain and rage dominating the sky and he a quietly reflecting (and reflective; wise) moon so he wasn't able to prevent or reverse the dents she put into my psyche but wow was his gentleness and validation a needed partial antidote. The poison sickened me body and mind but without his counterbalance I would have been flat-out dead by my own hand pre-teens probably. Anyone else here a child of NPD parent/parents who feels a weird sort of survivor's guilt that they somehow learned what they needed to to successfully avoid ever getting romantically involved with a narc? Wholly by instinct and intuition in my case NOT because I'd gotten all brainy and Figured It Out. Having fallen into so many other pitfalls in a ridiculously cliched way I'm actually almost troubled by the good fortune of having managed to dodge that one - as if I don't deserve that good luck when so many others had a nature/nurture combo that set them up for abusive partnerships. Gratitude has always been foundational in my life but it so easily pitches into guilty certainty that I don't deserve the good things until we live in a world that gives those same good things to everyone. I believe we can through education get to that world. And prevent this pendulating of damage and reactivity to damage that also causes damage because our corrections so often err on the side of over-correction. We need to give children a chance to find their feet on a solid reasonable middle-ground between the poles of abusiveness and neurosis/codependency. These videos and courses are giving us a shot at that. I believe in us. 🕊️
Wow, well written and expressed!
Same, malignant narcissist mom, codependent dad, both alcoholics. He was completely fooled by her, poor man. She abandoned him after he got Alzheimer’s.
Awesome summary! I’m sorry you had you go through that. keep up the fight
this night I had nightmare with my mother being abusive to me, I cried in that dream begging her to change.
finally understood that this will never happen, and I have to move on, stop contacting her, because every fight with her makes me sick. this is not how normal relation with family look like. thank u for your video.
Omg 0:43 is 😢exactly how I feel and I needed to hear that today thank you ❤
Thank you for brilliant advice. It is so very important to heal from the abuse we endured from our narcissistic parents.
Over holiday season I had to turn down paid trips to london, Paris, and the Bahamas … that was the bait my mom dished on me this most recent holiday season to reel me in to her web of abuse.
It makes me grieve even just writing about it here.
I have support groups that I go to that are twelve step based that help me.
I’ve pretty much discarded personal therapists because the transactional aspect of the relationship invalidates the healing in it for me. I also grew up in a home where therapists were used by both parents as flying monkeys and ways to triangulate.
Yep 2023 adapt and survive. Use the online community and material we have to heal and seal.
Thank you so much for this video as you can tell I needed it today. I've commented so many times. You're helping me through today with all this on my mind and I would consider you an angel in my life today. I'm halfway through the video now and you're getting to the part where they throw you a bone to keep you coming back. Why do you keep going back.? My last comment was explaining that I would fall on my face if I didn't keep going back. They kept me like this on purpose. I'm still under control. I hate it!!!
Now that I'm all jacked up, it really sucks that other people have no clue that this is what you dealt with and they can't understand why you're so strange . Our growth was stunted and they think it has to do with us just being mentally unstable. We don't even fit in with the crowds. So sad!!! The world doesn't understand this shit unless they've been through it. There will be no forgiveness that's for sure so grow the tough skin. Nobody defines you but yourself. Nobody's judgment says anything about you. You know who you are? No one is better than you. We all need to have mutual respect. Treat others the way you wanna be treated. If somebody's giving you a hard time, just tell them unacceptable and you don't have time for that. turn around and walk away. I like to see a lot of times
" unacceptable! I'm responsible for my intentions and not how you interpret it." my narcissistic mom has a hard time with this one. I'm no longer stooping to her level and giving her the ammo for her to play games.
My brother found out about our father passing away, in such a traumatic way, when he arrived at the house to get our dad, to help him on a job that they were both working on. Our narcissistic mother opened the door, without the least bit of compassion, and told my brother not to park his car where he did, as "the coroner was on the way to get your dad".
What kind of evil is this?
Our dad passed away in the night, at the age of 57, where he went to bed the night before complaining of a headache. She even joked around about going thru his wallet, to take the money from it that she said was owed her, before the police got there.
Our mother was the most hateful being I've ever known, and drove our dad to his early grave, from his reliance on the alcohol that he seemed to need, to numb him of her presence.
woah
Terrible. I feel so sorry..
Yup my mum is a classic description it's not even funny she doesn't miss even one trait ,she even adds more to the definition😢😂
You're so right with everything. Thank you . I been through this with both of my parents. More my mother then my dad. Both of my parents are Narcissists. . I have gone to celebrate recovery. It has helped me out. I also have great support from Friends that are Christians since I am a Christian. I know my worth & values. My peace comes from God. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. Greater is He that is in you Than He that is in the world. 1 John 4:4 God is great all the time.
Wow! You immediately explained my situation at the beginning! Step-parent situation here but applies nonetheless. I have let go just this year. But still vacillating.
I started grieving a few months ago. It’s working. I have a phycologist and a
psychiatrist. It’s working. This video is accurate. Thank you.
I called them out. I walked away. Thats all i could do and they are playing a victim. Its insanity. Your right he failed and puts the blame on me and is now the victim.
It is a good real video I need to break free from my dad's grips on me. You are right to say our parents live in us unless we take steps to heal. I like your teachings. You bring an understanding very few has.
Thank you Richard to be yourself and authentic.
I just purchased your book "The Cult of One". Well done.
Just learned it was military tactics she used, thanks for posting this
I'm literally crying, thank you so much. This video helped me a lot
Richard,You are such an amazing person,thank You for willing to cooperate with the mental health specialists it's definitely means a lot to many people I'm sure and You do make this world better :)
As long as you know you have parent who or were narcissistic that half the battle.
Thank you for talking about this. It's exactly what I did for so many years. So thankful to not be in that head space anymore. It was so very toxic. Have been away from my mom since Nov 2020...and Oct 2018 of my dad.
They created a body for me to go into. I take comfort knowing they didn’t create “me”. I’m done with my emotionally immature l, toxic, abusive and entitled people who were no parents to me. I broke the cycle and my child will never go through what I have. As hard as it is I will never go back.
Thank you for all your content on narcissism! you're so insightful and wise. I have been no contact for 7 years ish and have started making videos about narcissism too.
Go spread the word. So many are in need of it.
I'm so broken 💔💔😢 I feel so worthless and unloved. I swear, this is the most painful rejection I'm experiencing... I fear my father will get psychically violet I'm scared 😢
Hey, how old are you? You are not worthless and unlovable. It is normal to feel like that with abusive parents, maybe you didn't get the change yet to experience real love. That doesn't mean you're not going to.. please contact authorities, i did too when I was 14 and when I got into foster care, I could experience happiness for the first time ever 💞 If you need someone to talk to, let me know.
Learn martial arts… he is food
I was the ghost child. My sister was golden child. I’m 51. I got no where with them. I’m learning to let go now.
Sorry to hear that I hope u get better.
Same. My half bro is a meth head drunk who extorts money from my birth mom and her husband. They all treat me like scum. I am the black sheep.