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That one girl treating him like a human genuinely saved the lives of the very kids who bullied her for treating him like a human. Ironic how the world works.
Treating someone as a Human being needs to be the baseline for humanity, unless we ever meet beings from other planets. While needing to understand, kindness needs Symbolic armor when more Social paths are born that way, not created. Since 5 to 30 years can vary in when older people who have slowed down them down and helped them, there is a chance losing the ability to stop such people.
@@drcraby356 The worst part is that the people who bullied her for befriending him don't know she saved their lives. In fact they actively tried to sabotage the efforts of the only person who prevented them from getting unalived or hurt
@@BikZom and that's the problem why is it in the first place like is it really that hard to do your job like your not just a teacher but also a protecter and if you can't do both then they shouldn't be in that position
@@BikZom no it’s not, and saying that makes it sound like nothing can be done. Every infamous school shooter is a repeated type of person that shoots in certain type of area. Edit - never said there are schools with no bullying, I'm saying not all schools are like this guy's school. I've been bullied but my school actually doesn't punish the victim. In my city this level could never happen because people care.
@@BikZom Look at the ratio of Women and men who are teachers in all schools within all of the west. Compare it to the past 50s to 80s, and then 90s to now.
The most mind-blowing thing about the "no tolerance" rules in school is it's literally backwards from how we, as a society, understand these interactions to be; we allow people to fight back and consider it to be a human right to do so. If you are attacked and fight back, you are seen as a victim that was rightful in their actions. But at school you're an aggressor who deserves punishment. The mental gymnastics are mind melting.
Something it also plays a role your appearance, I remember an aggressive kid in school but because he is GL they say "no is just that he had a complicated life" but when it was about an ugly kid it was different and it didn't get the same response as the GL one
What did he have to lose? What are people gonna do, bully him? I'm glad he came on here because things like this need to be discussed regardless of how heinous his thoughts may seem to us. When people actually carry out vengeance fantasies we all wonder how they got there and how we could have helped. Now we know what 100% did help. I'd hang with that dude in a heartbeat. People just need to be understood is essentially the takeaway. Shutting someone down who has thoughts like that just leaves them to ruminate and dwell on those thoughts because they never got them out. Once thoughts are said out loud one can usually see the errors in reasoning that they couldn't see when the thoughts are in their heads.
I'm happy to see people responding positively to this man being vulnerable. We MUST support people when they make the right decisions even if they heavily contemplate poor or unethical ones. You can play a part in people's resilience and recovery
Joshua I totally agree with you! We put too much emphasis the appearance of right but the thing is people who think "unacceptable" thoughts can do right and do right by society all the time. We've got this and shouldn't demonize people who have these thoughts so we can show them they're not doomed to go down such a path.
@@ZentaBon it honestly kinda annoys me when people morally condemn other people for bad actions in a sort of axiomatic way. Personally, I'm a utilitarian and I don't believe people really have free will. If condemning criminals reduces the number of people becoming criminals then sure, but imo in reality no single person is ever truly "at fault". We are machines with a pre-written algorithm, designed to perceive and process and act on information in a certain way. Sometimes this algorithm perceives and processes information that makes the individual behave in a way that is undesirable for the rest of society. tl;dr If you want to reduce the number of criminals, structure the society in such a way that the individuals within it have as little risk as possible of becoming a criminal (which means working to eliminate poverty, improve education, improve healthcare, improve socialization (community), and other factors) Also, people who do immoral things are still members of the society, which means that whatever primary axiomatic ethical value we as a society set for ourselves (maximizing happiness or maximizing freedom or whatever) applies to them too, which means that EVERYONE should get as many chances at redemption (so they can be happy, or exert their freedom or whatever) as the society can afford without working against its own values. Which of course means that demonizing criminals just because of the fact that they're criminals (rather than for an utilitarian purpose) should be a no-no.
@@hannayapelekai1628 I've heard it's a very American problem to morally condemn people. I'm sure there's other countries too, but it's especially bad in America, and of course all the guns don't help either. People love being vindictive and judgemental. It's tribe instinct to shame the "other" to strengthen the bonds between your tribsemembers. It's short-sighted and ultimately destructive to a species that has colonized the world on the scale we have. We need to purge such greedy and selfish instincts from our minds as soon as we become aware of them.
Ah yes, boiling down people into robots and their most basic aspects to eliminate any personal responsibility or agency is a healthy way to structure our society. I ultimately agree with that you said on trying to improve healthcare, education, unemployment, etc. because no fucking shit.
@@dooby1445 that man can’t be held accountable for things he did not do. Humans naturally have dark thoughts and those can be amplified by human experience and maltreatment. Educate yourself, this was never about avoiding accountability. It’s about humanity
Massive kudos to JC for taking part in this interview. The only way to prevent kids from developing violent ideation is to understand how and why it does to begin with. It takes profound ego strength to be able to be this honest about such a dark past. I don't know JC, but I'm proud of him for getting himself out of that period and now contributing to our understanding of what leads to school shootings.
As someone who has worked in schools I can say with absolute certainty that the biggest causes for this sort of ideation is a bad home life and bullying. You combine those with social awkwardness and you have a powder keg of emotional and mental issues.
@@booleah6357 I worked in admissions on a psychiatric unit for teens for almost 3 years, and I could probably count on my fingers the number of genuinely good, supportive families I encountered, out of literally hundreds.
@@phren716 it's so sad and there's really only so much someone can do about it. It's like everyone knows it's a problem but we can't change it because the responsibility is on the individuals to recognize that their actions impact others.
@@user19200 Yes. However it's not just the teachers. This is clearly a bigger issue and to put blame solely on one group or person is not going to solve it.
JC is so well spoken and intelligent. I'm so glad he found his way eventually. As a teacher, it absolutely enrages me to hear how he was treated. Teachers often seem to forget that our students are just kids, therefore, they need more compassion than we as adults are sometimes uncomfortable giving.
I can say, when I was a kid growing up in the 90s, teachers didn't care about the kids. I was bullied and would go to tell one of them, and they got mad that I said anything. The kids never faced any reprocussions.
I had similar experience teachers tend to do nothing and i was bullied by mulitiple classes beauce some false rumors. I wanted to die or kill them all. Definitely ruined me for life.
I have classmates from both middle school and high school that have become teachers themselves just recently. They often share and repost memes on social media that say things like: "Teachers aren't paid enough to care and are burnt out from an overly demanding work environment and therefore justify subpar behavior in classrooms."
@GeneralHappyDeath God, that's so disappointing. Sure our pay actually sucks for the amount of work we do, especially out of work hours, but that never changes the fact that we are dealing with young people. Someone once put it as "for some of these kids, we are the only stable adult they will see in the day" and that changed what teaching meant for me. Work conditions do impact this a lot though - I'm sure if I worked at a more difficult school that lacked adequate support for staff then I would be constantly challenged to hold this view, so I both understand and am disappointed in teachers who have that approach to teaching.
I think in JC's case (and many others), "A lack of mentorship" = A lack of someone "in your corner." JC had a therapist who could "mentor" him on how to "deal." But JC lacked someone that truly looked out for him. That feeling is devastating, even to adults.
I went through this same situation as a kid and it messed me up so bad that even having good values it's hard to be a good person sometime because trauma and neglect destroys your frontal lobe
I wasn’t expecting that! Shows the level of insight professionals like Dr. K have, compared to us. I never put it tg that it can be detrimental to be singled out in such a way. Made me examine my own similar experiences.
Damn sort of amazed this guy put his face on camera in a live interview that he didn't have to do and outted himself about all this stuff.. As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone, props for sharing the story
Yeah it's disappointing to see the disenfranchisement of those who admit to thinking these kinds of things. We see all too often that only the ones that are "innocent" and "were hurt by bad people" get support but to stop those things we need to give love to the "potentially dangerous" and tbh honest you saying "As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone" shows that kind of attitude is the norm. I feel we need to give support to those that are hurt and those that DO hurt, or else these kinds of things will continue to happen. The first guy to come to my mind was the boy behind the Uvalde shooting. Terribly sad story and an equally sad shooter who deserved more in life.
The story would arguably be even more valuable to share if he had hurt someone. It would underscore the importance of the message and the weightiness of the topic.
@@itsLantikI agree. It's important that we forgive each other. Perpetrators can be just as lost and in need of help as the victims. Even if he had hurt someone he should be embraced for turning away from it.
Thank you JC and Thank you Dr. K for this extremely important video. I grew up in an abusive household and I became The Tank, defending my sister. I had an boy in high school English class that was the entire school's target. The teacher said he "kind of is asking for it" and that freaking mad me snap. I invited this kid to whatever lunch group I was in, I defended him in class, I witty quipped the bullies every time they started something to redirect their attention. This kid said during the class that I was the only good person in the class, and that made me feel better than anything. At that point, and still to this day, I believe that "all it takes is one". One friend. One supporter. One Teacher. Having even just that one person can completely change your life and allow you to survive through those 5 years.
Most definitely. For me my dad is that one. I don't know what I would do without him. Big thanks to you for being that one in someone else's life. Most people are too scared to help the "unstable" or "dangerous" but the ones that do are the real ones 😎.
@@itsLantik I actually was able to catch him before he became unstable or dangerous, but I could clearly see the potential for it if someone didn't step in right then. He was just a socially awkward, weird kid that tried too hard to fit in, and every attempt he made was met with ridicule, ostracization, and the worst bullying I had ever seen in a public setting. They TORTURED this kid until he snapped and got into trouble, just like in JC's story and they even stole his trombone, which I think was over a $1000! Filled me with rage! 😡 Actually, now that I think about it, I might have wound up punching someone before he did. 😆 I'm just glad I could help and give him that support and I hope his life has gotten much better, because he deserved it.
I sat next to a nerdy kid in high school who was bullied a lot and didn’t really have friends, but he was so funny. All I had to do was invite him at a party and the act of just *him* being there and trying it out made everyone’s night. He ended up being nominated for the homecoming court after being the schools MVP (most valuable partier). It didn’t take much and we’re still friends a decade later. 💕
Thanks for bringing up the fact that schizophrenics aren't usually violent. This interview was eye opening and I think I will consider challenging my antipsychiatry beliefs.
I feel nothing but respect for JC, the amount of reflection he's done and way of understanding life are truly fascinating. He seems very wise to me, and I'm sure he'll help a lot of people in his life.
there's a difference between acting up and school shooting and if you're getting bullied do something about it and it wont happen anymore people only bully you when u let them
@@GoodnightLando All the school shooters that have come so far are those that decided to do something when they didn't want to be bully anymore. Surely you realize that?
@@GoodnightLando You realize he did something about it and got bullied by the school right? This thought process you are advocating for is the exact process that leads to someone "doing something about it" and becoming a shooter.
Amazing conversation and very relateable story. As a teenager I myself constantly dreamed about revenge on my school bullies. Imagined bad stuff happening to them, like being victims of popular horror movie monsters. Sometimes dreamed I was that supernatural villain myself. Of course I was too helpless to go Carrie on anybody. Hated everything and everybody, myself the most, but it all stayed in fantasy realm. There was no guardian angel for me. What happened was, after all these years of boiling with (self)hatered I reached the point I could't be angry any longer. It was just too tireing. That wild beast withing me gave up and with time I grew out of it I guess. Can't say that it healed, more like became a scar. Feel glad JC managed to do better.
This is why people say if you're afraid of what a strong man can do, wait until what you see a weak man can do. I was bullied a lot as a kid, and the only reason I took it was because I couldn't fight back. But I knew for fact the moment I had the power to do whatever I wanted to them without the fear of any consequences, I'd show them just how bad I could be. It's ironic, considering my mother always told me that I was a very kind and gentle child growing up. Apparently 2 year old me was worried when my mom would stay up late watching over me when I had a fever, so I'd tell her she didn't need to worry about me and could go to sleep. Even when I became a teenager, that kindness never left; I was always kind to strangers, the people who stood up for me, and the people who stayed my friends. But the ruthlessness and viciousness was always lurking inside, waiting to be let loose on the people who victimized me. That was decades ago. It's sad that this is a such common story amongst people. I hate that we have still yet to collectively decide that we can be better.
@@AkiratheWhite literally just stated me, except I don’t even care because I know these are their best years, I can only go up, and knowing that is all I need
@@AkiratheWhiteIt's been estimated that about 5% all humans on Earth are psychopaths. WIth a population of 8 billion people, that's 400 million psychopaths in the world -- more than the population of any country in the world except for India and China. The biological reality of psychopathy is why this problem will never completely go away, but as a society, incremental improvement is possible (and has happened).
I'm so happy that this type of conversation is being had. I was bullied a fair bit when I was a kid and I can heavily relate to both JC and the "stalker" dude in the video. For years I've been wanting people to actually talk about these types of issues. I wish I could've jumped in on this convo.
Yeah I don't like the culture these days of only supporting the abused and hurt, but avoiding those who might have done anything or thought anything bad. The only way to prevent these kinds of things is by supporting the perpetrators and making sure they are loved.
@JellyrollDerp Thanks for asking. I'm doing a lot better, but tbh I still occasionally have those types of thoughts but I recognise them and and I'm working on it. Hope you're doing good too.
@Lantik I absolutely agree with you. After finding some friends I actually like in my teen years I realised if I had just one genuinely close friend that didn't join in on the bullying I probably would never have had these types of thoughts or feelings.
Sending well wishes. Glad this community can not only provide support but open and honest conversation where elsewhere on the internet you get people galloping in on their high horses with their hyper generalizations and ruining the conversation.
I related so heavily to everything around JC's homelife and school experiences as a girl. People who I thought were my friends took turns throwing me on the pavement until my hands and knees were bloody, and crushing my glasses and I am legally blind. Rage never subsides, you just get numb enough to hide it. Monsters aren't born, they're made.
This is so fucking honest, wow, I've never heard people validate those unspoken fucked up childhood experiences in the space of 2 hours... beautiful interview, it goes to show that these things manifest as either internal or external rage, like two sides of the same coin, it's like people don't realize that all this frustration and pain is what causes people to snap and see red, bruh, it's cliché but like shit, there's a reason and a rhyme fellas.... people don't just magically become monsters, everyone. Takes the genes to load the gun and the upbringing to pull the trigger, fuck it always makes me cry
I have never screamed as viscerally as I have these past 2 weeks. I was almost never expressing anger in the past and I was always submissive to cope in the past but all of it buried deep is clearly starting to show now. When I talk to therapists I sometimes scream my lungs out for minutes out of frustration and anger. Either in person or over the phone. I have had urges like never before to just be violent in some way sometimes. As soon as my main therapist made me realize anger existed in me it really did and it was buried super deep and now that it's able to manifest it's really clear just how much anger which fermented into rage was bottled in there. I am fascinated by this progression as I have never seen myself this angry and I am glad I have the proper team to figure stuff out now. But yeah speaking from that experience I definitely see how people are essentially predisposed to these tragedies and it breaks my heart. I am hoping we progress in the right direction somehow.
If you're human, you have the genes. Our ancestors did terrible, terrible things in order to survive...and because they survived, we're all here today.
@@Jenna_Talia"Evil" is just whatever the institutional gatekeepers of society happen to believe is bad at any given time. This also changes frequently.
This isn't just one of the best conversations on this channel ... This is one of the highest-value conversations ever had & published anywhere. Especially the reflection about the influence of the peer over the counselor. Wow.
school counselors at most time is basically useless... you can talk it out, but end of day everything is on you... plus counselor are most of time so far removed and not "trustworthy" in the short term of the session for you to say anything, and basically leaks like a sieve to the teacher's side IMO. peers are your worse friends and best friend to self improve and to relate. kids and teens are the often just jackasses... plus you got your own teen issues...
@@eevafgh he gave us insight into his thinking process. the internal introjects that he carries don't just go away. in the long run he will get worse. learn to calm yourself when confused.
@@jlllx What is wrong with you. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto others. No, people actually do get better. *He's* gotten better already. Pr**k
@@jlllx I disagree, and find your comments very rude; however there is no way for either of us to know for sure. JC is actively working towards a better future, and to help others who deal with similar issues as he had. He even states that he likes having his world view challenged. To me, this is great improvement, and its not like he can just unlearn any lesson that he's learned by dealing with his problems. Assuming he gets worse is totally unfair to him, especially when he put in all this effort and research. You must admit, JC is very knowledgeable about the things he discussed.
and being ignored when offering advice or input. it pretty much signals you're out of the core family unit, or at least you're not thought of in that way. You're outside and a spectator of even your own family
The feeling of having to shoulder an emotional burden for your parents and effectively "grow up early" does a lot and a young kid's psyche for sure. I know we want to rationalize that they had a heavy load to bear, but it's not fair to say that their young kid owes them something like "being extra good" when the parents are the ones who chose to birth and raise a child in the first place.
An amazing interview that I learned a lot from. I teach at a high school with far too many low performing and low functioning kids who haven’t been diagnosed and aren’t being serviced due to many reasons. This interview gave me some perspectives that I think will help me be more aware of issues that my kids face so I can get them the help they need.
Massive props to you even being here and watching this, and that you care about your fellow human beings instead of just teaching whatever's on the plan. Wish more teachers were as empathic as you.
JC seems like a very nice and well adjusted young man. Just hearing him talk I would've never suspected he would've ever wanted to act violently. Much respect to him for explaining his situation and let people better understand what can lead to violent ideation.
Truth be told he could have just struggled with "pure obsession", a subset of OCD. These people focus about and fear doing something terrible, but would never do said thing since it is the object of their fear.
Have you never heard the old saying, "It's always the quiet ones?" Haha But, no, in all seriousness, homicidal fantasies are basically normal and probably even healthy. It's why virtually everybody does it. It's an adaptive response of the human mind to its environment, a coping mechanism of last resort to deal with intolerable circumstances. And in the case of JC, it worked: he survived and so did everyone else, too. Mission accomplished! His fantasies might have felt more compelling and more powerful than those of the average person, but at the end of the day, they were still just fantasies. He never acted upon them and nobody died. The only thing that made it any more real than the idle ruminations of anyone else was his own mental percept.
When he said something along the lines "I'm bad at social skills, but I can study psychology. Psychologically, if I act in a certain way, people will like me" it hit me. There is a reason why I took communication and social psychology as my side courses in university
The idea of collective responsibility - it's something understood in the software world. Whenever production breaks, or a database is destroyed, there's usually not blame assigned. That's because there's usually so much process and checklists needed, that if someone manages to make a big error, it's because the process created by multiple people was somehow broken or incomplete. The person learns the lesson not to make that mistake again. But the team also takes responsibility (not necessarily blame) for the failure and work together to rectify it.
Ironically, I actually have a friend who missed a social engagement about two days ago because he works in IT and he told me that someone messed up a database and he was fired, which then forced my friend to fix it and miss the event. So, what you're describing may vary by company. There definitely are IT companies that will just can you immediately if you screw up bad enough.
Company VS community is important to descern as well though. Random tangent given the context, but I love working with indie devs in game development and we all learn, if there's one thing that's hard it's figuring out how to utilise github. I made a huge mistake and we lost about a weeks worth of work, but we all just kind of went lol whoops and then took the next week to app figure out how to use github, because it wouldn't have happened if we all had systems
This poor guy. I can really understand the anger and frustration. I was treated like the problem kid in school that all the teachers ignored. Even though I mostly just drew in my book instead of doing work because I had dyscalculia and social anxiety so I couldn't ask for help, the teachers thought I was refusing to do work just to be a "bad kid", whatever that means. Once you earn that reputation it never goes away, and other people start to join in on it, like how animals will attack certain other's out of the group. Me and by 2 siblings all spent time being the family scapegoat at some point or another as well.
I have never heard of the word dyscalculia until now and after looking it up, I think I may have this as well. I have struggled with math all my life and I even as a senior in college now, I had to take four math courses to "catch up" and I ended up failing calculus twice before switching majors to one that doesn't require it. I had to cheat in a lot of the college math courses to get by because I mix the numbers up and if I am ever forced to do math without a calculator, I can't do subtraction and division very well. Hell, when I work sales sometimes, I am honest to customers telling them I need the calculator because I don't want to give them the wrong change back. But yeah, I also drew a lot due to social anxiety and I tried to isolate myself from my classmates because of that too. Having to raise my hand for anything was so much pressure and I hated it. Thank you for sharing, this helped me learn more about myself. But I also wanted to say that I am really sorry you had to go through that. The adults like the teachers should be more understanding and patient with students of any age. Without their support, students like us will not be given the chance we need to thrive. I had only a select few teachers that understood me and would work with me when they knew I was struggling. Those are the teachers I will never forget. I just wish all were like that.
Dude I've been thinking about that feeling all day. Feeling like you're being treated like a problem kid. For me it was like the teachers and staff lumped me in with the actual trouble kids. I just always felt like there was an injustice going on and I didn't know exactly how to describe it
Great, a bunch of people who are going to validate their lack of effort of in math because they found a word someone made up. Imagine if a fat person justified themselves because they have an "eating disorder". Oh wait...
Yes, is a good start. If the Would be School shooters are not Emotionless minded individuals. Unsrue if any of the ones in the past were like that. One joked about doing it in the last 3 years, based on a edgy joke. That is just an example, jokes are jokes.
@@zashbot You can have guns and better gun control leading to a safer country without "giving up guns". The only ones who would not have guns would be people who should not have them. I remember someone talking about maybe Norway as a good example? But I haven't check it myself.
When Dr. K asked what kind of stuff he had in his lunch box after this guys just described his horrific event, I felt a warmth that doesn't happen often. There's a big sense of care into that question, as he's not trying to get the events that happen in this mans life, but the emotions this guy felt during his childhood. Lunch time is an important time for children, so to deviate away from the constant thoughts of bullying to a lighter more positive line of thinking what the kid had for lunch is extremely important. I believe it slows down the spiral of negative thoughts, enabling for a healing process Sometimes I think when people are reliving a tragic moment(the bullying), it's a good idea to think about the positive parts of it as well(what he had for lunch). Caring for, what us adults consider little things, really change a kids perception on their world.
The ability to articulate these thoughts, the self understanding to not continue to chastise oneself for having these plans, and the ability to be so willing to change your worldview is honestly impressive. It's also interesting hearing this story from someone who seemed to have a similar style of dissociation experience as myself while being bullied/neglected at home, but went in a different route than myself as well.
Also in gym when that one kid wouldn't do push ups so that made everyone have to run laps in the rain for that person's stupidity. Then, in real life as an adult you see people aren't punished that way so you're just like wtf?
we had one too. some girl tripped my friend on pavement for no reason (he was running past her, i was like 10 feet behind him and he had no problems with this girl) and the teacher, who was probably 15 feet behind me, watched it happen. but for some reason there wasnt an issue until my friend went over and said "whats ur fucking problem" and he got detention for using "threatening language" but shit like that happened all the time. im so glad i dropped out, never been happier
This reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I was on Omegle, and I came across a guy about 15-17 (I'm 21) and the conversation was normal until he started to show serious signs of incel mindset. Saying all the common nobody cares about me so everything is pointless, women won't date me, and then the racial arguments about certain races getting more girls etc. I could have just skipped because I Was uncomfortable, but I decided to stay there, challenge his views, and genuinely sit there and tell him that people will care, and that I care. Even though our views are extremely different and he makes me uncomfortable, I care about him and I don't want him to continue this path. I told him straight up, get out of that community you found online before it gets too deep. Because who knows what he could do to somebody or multiple people if he reaches the point of no return. I told him that he's so young and that he has his whole life ahead of him to get those experiences that he's craving. And that starting off conversations with a negative mindset, going into relationships thinking "nobody cares about me and if they do they're just lying", is what will fail you in the first place. He, obviously, was refusing to listen lol. But part of me hopes some of the long lecture I gave him helped. I hope I can be "that girl" from this video that came along and changed a perspective whether it was unintentional or direct. I hope he thinks about what I said sometimes and he takes action and steps away from the toxic mindset he has picked up from the internet. Thanks for this video. It really inspires me to be a better person because I think we should all take one for the team and reach out to people who are showing obvious signs of antisocial behaviour because y'all have no idea how far just an act of kindness can go.
That was really considerate of you, idk if I would have the patience for that honestly. But after seeing this maybe I would make a better effort to understand those kinds of people
you planted a seed. you can't change someones mind in one day or conversation, especially not someone who is not willing to change their mind. but what you said will hopefully bounce around in his head and eventually he'll reach the correct conclusion.
I applaud you for trying to be supportive to this man. I do want to mention though that showing support and doing your bit to try to help because you believe it's right, and trying to "save" someone are different things. It can be easy to be swept up in the idea of wanting to be someone's "saviour" that it ends up being problematic for both of you. Don't lose yourself trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Continue doing right by others, but be aware and honest to yourself why you're actually doing it.
You’re obviously not gonna change his mind. Because 1. He has his own experience to draw from which you don’t have. And 2 “data”. You can’t tell someone to stop a “toxic mindset”, when that’s a reality for that person. That’s not how you convince them. You know what would convince them, people actually caring without an agenda. And 2 women actually wanting to date him. If he had women wanting to date him, he obviously wouldn’t be complaining. What you are telling him are empty words that attempt to satisfy your own mind, not his. You don’t care about him.
Please let's not talk about this dating shit and "incels" under a video that has absolutely nothing to do with a guy that got bullied for absolutely no reason and potentially taking innocent lives.
Thank you so much JC it was an extremely insightful convo where i learned so much and really helped piece together alot of what we are missing. The part about a 13 year old doing something so simple as making a friend is 100x more effective than 100 police is something that is extremely important everyone understands yet i can see that 90% won't which is unfortunate. i hope people see this convo with more compassion.
I 100% empathize with JC and to an extent even sympathize, while I never reached the point of actually wanting to kill people I absolutely felt like I was trapped in a system that at best didn't give a shit about me and at worst actively wanted me to fail. Dr. K has done a lot to change my perspective on psychiatrists but I have still never seen or met someone who can change my opinion on school administrators, it's like the position is magnetic to the most lazy bureaucratic-minded people in society. The fact that zero tolerance continues to exist just so they don't have to bother finding out if a someone in a fight was defending themselves is a testament to that.
Man I can relate so much to this guy. My teachers pretty much hated me, minimized what other kids were doing to me and said I'd amount to nothing, my peers made a game out of tormenting me verbally and physically, and I was constantly in the office in trouble for simply retaliating when people did things like piss on my shoes in the bathroom or gang up in groups of 8 or more and hit me with ice balls, and shove me against walls all the time. Those fuckin kids made me feel so small and weak (I was) and I just remember thinking "man I wish I could just come here and mow these assholes down, but I couldn't ever get away with it". Obviously there was enough awareness for me I didn't ever make plans, but it always made me understand why some people snap and pump their classmates full of lead. Everyone talks about how sweet and innocent children are, but they're basically fucking psychopaths until/unless they're properly taught to behave otherwise, especially in a poverty stricken mountain town where everyone has a dysfunctional home life. Good on him for not throwing his life away or harming other people, as miserable as school can be it is temporary
It definitely fuckin sucks to get singled out and targeted by the majority, unfortunately it's usually just one or two popular people that single you out then everyone else stays complacent to go with the flow and avoid the hot seat themselves, so you end up taking shit from the "majority" just because others are glad it's not them.
What you are saying is why I started BoXing and wrestling and doing MMA when I got tougher than these bullies, I started beating them up one by one. After a year of retaliation and training, I realized no one was even saying anything about me other than don't mess with him. It felt wonderful because I realized they couldn't bully me anymore. Mr. X
I haven’t even watched this but I already highly respect it and think this is a huge step forward in the conversation. Massive props to both parties in this video. I feel hope and optimism seeing this happen.
I wasn't expecting to have a lot in common with him. My grade growing up had several kind people as the cool people. So, I didn't get bullied much, but my home life was horrible, and I am neurodivergent so still no friends. and let me tell you just having someone show up and treat you like you're normal for 5 minutes made all the difference in the world for giving me hope and keeping going.
Fantastic interview overall. The part about mentorship around 49:00 struck me. I feel like it' a big part of it is just someone giving a fuck about you. Like that one girl that stood up for JC and changed everything for him. She's a champ BTW, big respect
Mad respect for him coming on the interview and sharing his story so honestly. This is so important! I am glad that he was able to turn his life around and become such a chill and content person. Nobody should experience so much bullying and gaslighting by everyone in their life.
@@thecompareablezombie I'm not so sure about that. School shootings haven't happened but how many serial killers or criminals came from a similar place?
Right and an unsupportive school life doesn’t help either, many of these shooters have nothing to fall back on and become isolated and turn to some very disturbing ideologies online. Not saying it’s an excuse by any means, but I’m bothered that shooting up a school, club, place of worship, healthcare center, etc are part of American culture now.
His part about not being so absolutist in your beliefs, specifically the line about the hardest part of shaping his belief system is making one that lets others have theirs, really spoke to me. Thanks, didn't expect to have myself helped much out of this video since I'm not really at risk for potentially become a ss, but it helped a lot with other things. Have a good day!
@@dinosaysrawr I was bullied pretty bad at school for like 3 years, I was a black belt in karate still I was picked on because I wouldnt fight back, and I wouldnt fight back because of zero-tolerance BS. But one day someone with genuine anger issues pinned me to a locker room wall for the dumbest of reasons, (I touched their bag whilst looking for my own which had been hidden by regular bullies) It was the first time I actually fought back, and I was pinned so well in my right, and it was in a packed locker room so everyone saw it and backed my story up. I actually put my black belt to use and uppercut the fucker right in the chin between his grip and he dropped me and fell backwards. just one strike and it was over! after that I was pretty much never bullied again, and it was one of those rare situations that there were so many witnesses who clearly saw me get grabbed and thrown against the wall for practically no reason that the teachers couldn't help but accept self defence. plus I ended it in one and then left which also looked good on my part. the moral of the story is that self defence stops bullies and zero tolerance prolongs it.
@@dinosaysrawr I a million percent agree, nothing feels worse than getting punished for defending yourself against the kid that actually started the fight
@@EthanolTailor Man, I think a lot of times it also helps to have your parents in your corner. I had something else happen where some kid decided to pick on me back in middle school and when I told my parents they told me that I can fight back and then to only tell my teachers or whoever got me in trouble to call them and not say anything else. I gave the kid a bloody nose and that ended that, but when they called me in I told them to call my parents, and my dad sure enough came up to the school and told me to wait outside the principal's office while he talked to them. That was the last I ever heard of it from the school. There were other times throughout school that my parents were always in my corner no matter what happened, but they both had bad experiences with teachers growing up. It was pretty awesome to tell my teachers to go ahead and call my parents when they threatened to just to hear the teachers get chewed out on speakerphone.
Fantastic interview, I really love Dr k’s ending monologue. It seems so cheesy that kindness saved the day, but I share Dr K’s dread and terror for a life that is devoid of compassion Thank you so much for coming on JC!
Man. I was a “gifted kid” I was told I was in the 99th percentile of intelligence for my province . I thought that was a good thing but the amount of problems it has caused is so much more than the benefits. After I was tested my sister was too, she was older , and didn’t get as good scores as me , but we were both sent to a “gifted school”. I was still in elementary but my sister got to Junior high, and her homework and additional work overwhelmed her to the point of crying every day. In grade seven. So my parents decided that I probably shouldn’t stay in the program. We switched to an art school for junior high. I went from “gifted” to “art” based curriculum. I went from 15 guys , 5 girls in a class to 5 guys and 20 girls . The later I have progressed into my adulthood the more I have realized that intelligence is secondary to effort . I always thought I would be successful, simply because I was smart . But having that in my head , caused me to not care , to not try. It has payed off terribly . It’s hard being “smart” and at this point in my life I feel so much further behind a lot of my peers. Feel LESS intelligence because I took it for granted . I’ve placed so much weight on intelligence, when it comes to dating etc. to the point it feels like nobody is on my “level” which I know is wrong . God it creates such a complex when you’re told you’re “better and smarter” than everyone else. I don’t think it’s productive in most cases . It sucks I read lord of the flies for school in grade 4 or 5 for god sakes . I was grappling with social issues and power dynamics and human nature when I was 10/11 years old and I truly believe it robbed part of my childhood away.
but what are your options ? attending a school with 20th percentile intelligence. Surely it's a benefit if you get fitted in the right school with the right people. If it then leads to university, and a job? maybe the issue is the lack of effort. Nobody told you to put in effort?
@@jackperry6269 That's the problem. "Gifted kids" End up not giving effort at all. To them it's given. I had the same issue until I came to realiziation that being gifted is a talent just mere boost, Advantage. That's it and you need to put in effort to progress. Person can have talent for music. But if that person is not interested in music then the person will never be musician. He'll never use the talent. we need to stop people saying oh you have it easy you don't even have to try! you're so gifted what a amazing child! and treat is just like talent. And tell parents "Your child has talent make sure the child puts in effort and develops it!"
This is probably, to me, the best interview Dr. K has done up to this point. I was able to take away so much from this conversation. The subject matter is something that gets tackled very often, but not often does it get talked about from the perspective of someone like JC who has lived through the worst of it and is also very knowledgable. Thanks for the interview!
Man, I'm 20 minutes in and I have to say, those teachers and admin were the absolute worst. Threaten the kid with an external problem instead of helping him fix it. Is it any wonder, with stories like this, that we have as many school shootings as we do? I had some similar experiences in high school, with being bullies and feeling violent. I was lucky that I talked to the principle, and he actually listened. It didn't do anything for the bullying, but just hearing the words "what they're doing isn't right, and we'll do what we can" helped immensely. If they had just ignored the whole thing, or told me I was the problem, who knows how life would be different right now...
This was a very *important* interview. Thank you Dr K and JC for enlightening us. We had bullies back in highschool but nothing to this extent. A sad reality that happens everyday at almost all schools.
very relatable. almost makes me cry hearing this guy talk about his life. I have issues and my family doesn't understand how to deal with it, and to this day I'm told get over it, grow out of it already and its just in your mind, yet they try to push pills down my throat and get on me about everything
I have dealt with similar experiences, resonating with his oppression in school and a lack of support in home life. I feel on the tip. I really hate how putting down others is done so leisurely as if it’s a game, and the admins who claim as a helper while turning their backs when you need them.
Along with no taking accountability, how many are single parents or not able to discipline the child to teen stages of their lives to have prevented it.
@@manumaster1990 shootings yes. Violence and abuse no. Other countries have school stabbings. Just in 2015 there was one in Sweden, and if you look up the sasebo slasher that is a textbook example from Japan.
Society needs to be accountable. When these kids are helped, EVERYONE is helped. Fewer suffer, and die unnecessarily. We need to help everyone. No matter what.
So insightful. There's not anything braver than being honest about identifying with the fringe of society. It's very understandable how you would have the thoughts that you had. Thanks for showing us your humanity.
This is the kind of bullying I went through in elementary and middle school. In fifth grade, I had to change classes, and my mom would come sit with me at lunch to try to deter people from picking on me (didn’t work), and in sixth grade, I got banned from the school dance for deflecting an unprovoked punch in class. That was also the year I got in trouble for yelling at a kid for stabbing me a couple feet away from the teacher, and he didn’t get punished for stabbing me (I still have the scar on the back of my hand from that retractable pen).
I have a friend who was labled as "most likely to become a school shooter" in the yearbook and was swatted because of that, hearing about the "if I'm labled, I might as well earn it" mentality is pretty scary. My friend is a really nice person and gladly didn't do anything, but it hurts to see deeper into a lot of thoughts that could have been going through thier mind. We haven't talked about it much, because it's a touchy subject, but this is hopefully a look into their mind.
What kind of yearbook committee even took ballots for “most likely to become a shooter”? Tf? Doesnt seem like something that should even be a category. The only purpose that serves is to ostracize
"if I'm labled, I might as well earn it" This is literally the internalized stigma of black Americans. This was very explicit in the '90s, especially. It's the whole idea, "Oh, you think I'm a thug? Fine, I'll show you a thug." Internalized stigma and "earning your negative label" play a huge role in traditional racism and in other forms of prejudice.
went through very similar things thing as JC, its good to hear the story of someone who also got so close to going through with it. all i ever get to hear about are the ones who didnt pull back at the last moment. proud to see he's doing well.
When I was in 10th grade, I befirended this guy from my class who was new, didn't have any friends and was definitely odd (now in hindsight he was most likely autistic). My other firend and I were his only friends and the guys would bully him and call him autistic as an insult. He left this school at the end of the year and he came to visit one day in 11th grade and I gave him a hug (I like hugging people as opposed to kissing them in the cheek). Afterwards, this girl from our class who absolutely loves to play matchmaking most likely told him that I liked him, so he spent MONTHS messaging me on fb, even though I would give him the driest of replies because I noticed what was going on I used to think it was his doing, but now listening to JC, it made me realize how powerful someone like that girl can be to a vulnerable person like my classmate and made me hate her even more
That happened in my school too. Popular girls would tell the unpopular ones to ask out the sports guys all for the purpose of laughing at them. Its cruel and I never thought bullying happened until I heard about that. Its sad that he got so little attention that someone could convince him a clear friend likes him like that. What you did was nice though even if it didnt quite end well
Sharing those very dark thoughts is helpful. I've had those thoughts to and not bullied like you! People are mean. But not all people are mean such as that awesome girl that backed you up.
I really appreciate this conversation. I feel like one of the big issues that leads to school shooters is the extreme failure of our school system. Specifically, I think a combination of the Christian concept of original sin, along with the reductionism of behaviorist psychology led to a kind of disciplinary approach in education where children are treated as if they are fundamentally bad (original sin) and need to be beaten and punished into shape (behaviorism) before they can become half-decent adults. I also think it is extremely difficult for neurodivergent students because the rare moments of humanity are crafted to appeal to the typical person, and the punishments and expectations are also directed towards forcing a way of being that is okay for most people but hell for neurodivergent people. I think gun reform is important, but I think it is so far away from addressing the root of the problem. I really wish people would start to address the hell that school creates for many children and the fact (in my opinion) that our schools are factories for mass shooters (and to a much greater extent, suicide/self-harm victims).
Ngl, very brave of him to show his face for something like this when you consider the risk of employment or basically anyone he knows in real life seeing it.
Dr. K, you are the type of interviewer I want to be when I grow up (I'm 30+ now, but never too old to learn 😅). I admire how you were able to be such a great active listener, checking to make sure you understood, asking for clarification rather than assuming, using clarification to guide the conversation. I was amazed how deliberate you were able to make the interview. There was a flow and purpose to each segment. I imagine that is the result of years of purposeful practice. I imagine also that mindfulness/meditation is an important part of you being so successful at interviewing. Is it?
What an interview. Props to JC for sitting down being so open with the whole internet and props to Dr. K for giving JC the chance to speak so openly to his community about his experiences. Happy to hear JC didn't go further down his dark path and thank God for the girl that reached out to him. I hope people watching this (including myself) can find some time to take inspiration from that brave little girl and apply that to their everyday life.
It’s so sad that he could have gotten help by anyone very early on. When he got expelled the first time that was a very clear sign that they needed to intervene and help this kid out. He only needed ONE person to stand up for him and empathize. They should’ve re-evaluated and most importantly talked to HIM and get to the bottom of the issue. Mystery girl gives me hope for the world
I am usually a silent watcher of dr K videos, but this one resonated with me. Bullying sucks. And the aftermath also sucks. You are left resentful of those that did you wrong, but you feel stupid because those were kids and dont exist anymore.
they need to show this interview somewhere that will get more inner school publicity. Kids at certain ages don't understand the impact of their actions. Bullying is a very bad thing with very bad repercussions on someone's health and those around them. I hope JC's story is used to spread information and not be neglected by people that might want to pass judgement. Good job JC
Schools almost never do enough to prevent bullying. Some children and teens are so malicious. If I was a teacher and saw a popular kid and unpopular kid get into a fight I would always assume the popular kid is the malicious party. You'll be correct 9 times out of 10.
Honestly, the best way to reach people is to just say, "Yo, don't bully anyone because we live in a country with more guns than people, and because it's so easy to get a gun, if you piss that goofy-lookin' dude off he might just come in here and blow your brains out." I feel like that would be more effective than the touchy-feely approach with teenage boys -- speaking as someone who was once a teenage boy, a long time ago.
I’m nice to everyone and will be friends with anyone. I go out of my way to talk to people who look lonely. It’s because when I was younger I use to be that lonely kid with no one to talk to. I was never violent to anyone, I was more like suicidal. But i was saved by people who were kind and wanted to be my friend, even if I was weird or didn’t have many friends. They took me along, and so I grew up to be much more outgoing and have many friends, but I return the favor and try to uplift people who are lonely like was done for me
This video is a real breath of fresh air. I showed up expecting to hear an eager, young psychopath get interviewed, instead I heard very intelligent critical thinker.
I gotta say his story was so relatable to me because ive been through something pretty similar in school. I always felt like i was just treated like a monster, got bullied and teased because they learned that I defend myself in a heavily tempered way that would only get me in trouble because the teachers always just watched when I exploded an didn't see why. So I got treated like a monster which after a while made me think "they want a monster to poke and make fun of, so ill give them a monster to fear instead" i was always the odd one for one reason or another and instead of trying to fit in i kinda had the opposite reaction. So i started having thoughts and fantasies about getting revenge, i developed a god complex but internalized self hatred. Not because i wanted to be normal but more out of spite "Im gonna love AND hate myself the most, because im better than them" that was my mindset. I became pretty antisocial, anti the System and ESPECIALLY anti authority figures because they were supposed to help me and just shunned me instead. So i got in trouble in school for stuff i did actually do but that got blown way out of proportion (little vandalisms) it all ended with me being kinda grey zone-expelled as I call it, which was actually my savior because if id stayed in this Environment a little longer, im sure i would have comitted su1cide. But luckily i got out of there and automatically got better over the last 2 years and recently i finally graduated externally and i feel like my life quality kinda skyrocketed. Thats my story and I think it has quite a few parallels.
What I learned from this is that every kid needs to be seen and heard by others and responsible adults. Problems at home can easily escalate to a big problem outside the home, even becoming school shooter levels of troubled if left unchecked. I was bullied every year of school from K-12 in the US and honestly it makes me feel so sad for the amount of people who had to hurt just as bad as I did. It's even harder to hear that some folks considered hurting others because it was so bad and they wanted it all to end or seek revenge. If any of you have been bullied or hurt by others in the way this man shared with us, I'm sorry for how others treated you. You didn't deserve that.
I know he had thoughts about awful stuff, and was ready to go through with it. This guy's life story is literally something you could make a movie out of, there is so much emotion running through me just watching this. This guy deserves the world for how he's been able to put up with this, this video alone has 'rocked' MY world view. It's so inspiring and motivating for me to see someone like this get out alive and ok. Usually a lot of people are just going to go "oh my problems are nothing" but it just makes me feel more proud and lucky for what I have. Like genuinely, keep slaying king.
One of the major points here is that we should be the friend that reaches out. The person in pain can only do so much when everyone is against them. Try to be kind and gentle to someone who’s back is against the wall.
I would encourage everyone watching this to send it to educators, education administration, and whatever school board you're familiar with. Parents too. Everyone should see this.
This can be such a hard time in life. How do you help people understand that it will eventually pass. School is hard. This story doesn't sound to far from my own when I was a kid.
@@hv4654Your mistake is in thinking that "justification" even applies. It's not about that. It's about cause and effect. If you travel to an African country where malaria is endemic and a mosquito bites you, infecting you with malaria, is the mosquito "justified" in biting you? Is the parasite that causes malaria, itself, justified? It's an absurd question, one with no sensible answer. Mosquitoes do not care for your moralizing and neither do parasites. It is simply cause and effect. Mosquistoes will do what they must and so will malaria. So, too, with badly damaged people. It's a mechanism, like a mousetrap, that will snap shut, if the mechanism is armed and someone sticks their hand into it. If you don't like it, there is a very simple collective recourse that we all have as society: 1. Do not arm the mechanism by traumatizing people 2. Do not stick your fucking hand into the mousetrap :P (By being the one to actually draw the ire of the volatile individual) Also, if we're being fully intellectually honest, the only reason we're even having these discussions is because society has been terrorized into taking these issues seriously for the first time. There have been modern mass high school shootings since Columbine at least, yet it was not taken seriously for many years. It's only because the violence has scaled up that regular people take issues like bullying seriously. This is logically tantamount to a shocking admission: the violence worked. It is forcing pro-social change that simply would not have happened, otherwise. And that may not represent "justification", but it certainly represents efficacy, if nothing else. And how can you fault a desperate person for doing something that is proven to work?
I'm only at 46:15, but I just had to comment. JC's story is similar to my own. I had violent ideation myself due to being bullied in school, but I was in therapy from 1st grade through 12th. I also had a constant urge to self delete and an undiagnosed ED. I answered Yes to 7/10 questions on the ACE questionnaire. Sometimes therapy doesn't help (especially if you have therapists who are invalidating your concerns). Sometimes medication doesn't help (especially if you're misdiagnosed). It took a few heart-to-heart talks with teachers and my uncle and developing a dream of leaving to get me through. I'm still unpacking and healing at 33.
Really interesting conversation and really brave for this guy to talk openly about his experience. I hope a lot of people see this. What I took from this conversation was that we all need to do our best to be more supportive of others and if we see someone that is struggling to try and have their back. No one would bully people if we didn't let it happen. Like they say treat others how you want to be treated.
Showing someone compassion is easy, but having them accept your compassion isn't as easy. He said it himself, that he entered the situation with doubt and distrust. Many of the people who need help, they're not an easy nut to crack and support. I think most of us have been in situations like this where we were skeptical about someone approaching us, I know I have been. I think, a lot of people who've gone down a dark path, they had people who could have pulled them out of it, but they pushed them away from distrust. Maybe the answer is that they have to keep trying, but at some point, do they not question if its turning into harassment? That maybe they're making things worse? For the regular person, especially students, really, they're not equipped to figure out how to approach someone who's isolating themselves. For most of them, the best they can do is be a bystander or discourage others from treating their peers poorly.
What a beautiful interview and I’m so grateful for JC for having the willingness to share this experience AND how he was able to turn away from a tragedy. I hope parts of this video can get spliced into short form to entice those who may be considering violence to watch more of the video. I love how JC talks about responsibility with our society being on a sliding scale.
I constantly think about the fact that if I was a boy and a little bit more outgoing or impulsive, I probably would have sh0t up my school. Most of my life has been spent feeling very alone, even when surrounded by people who called me a friend. I relate to being very “anti- things” and not “pro- things”. I am pro-some things, but when it comes to myself and my life, I only know what I hate, and not what I really like. What I don’t want, not what I want. Always being responsible for my alcoholic father’s emotions and behaviors. Whenever I hear about another mass shooting where the shooter was a “loner type” or had gone through some sort of bullying, harassment, or other isolating experience, I always kind of think, “Yeah…I might have done the same thing. I get it.” It doesn’t make what they do okay or mean that I actually would do something like that, though. I just know that I’ve carried a lot of anger and spite toward the world and humans for a long time, and there’s very few things that make it feel any better.
I think him coming forward and being honest with his struggles and feeling is very brave and important. It helps us to understand these people more so we can address them issue before anything happens. And to help them. and also shows others who may be feeling the same, that there is a way to get help and that it doesn’t have to end in the violence they plan and that it’s okay to talk about these things with someone to resolve the issues that are going on.
Dr. K, you are a hero dude. Truly an S-Tier human. You're doing such important work and you're doing it simply because you want to help others. You just get it, man. Watching these videos is like a hard-counter to my existential dread. Thank you for all you do!
I was bullied 13 - 18 and in that age I felt like my world was over and I too had extreme revenge fantasy and desire. I brought a knife to school and tried to work myself up to use it, but never did because I kept thinking of my family. But it was in my bag every day. Authority/teachers witnessed the bullying but actively looked the other way to not have to deal with it. I blame myself for having gotten that low. But I know logically thinking that school failed me and continues to fail kids. Anti-bullying is not a priority. My experiences continue to haunt me to a degree in adult life, I have definitely not forgiven the people involved. Perhaps in some way I will find a charitable cause related to anti-bullying to partake in. I'm just sharing this because I think bullying is such a huge and important problem that does not get the attention and priority it deserves. Even though I highly doubt that HealthyGamerGG viewers are the people that should be notified... y'all the good guys...
The Healthygamergg community is drawn from people with an interest in psychology and people with an interest in psychology tend to have psychological issues, hehe. (It's a known fact that people that take psychology classes in college are more likely than the general population to have a psychological diagnosis of some kind.) I daresay that a lot of us look on with more than a passing interest and a distanced eye. The thing that hurts me is the knowledge that people that bully ultimately get off scot-free. They aren't punished as kids and they don't punish themselves as adults. I've seen documentaries where people who were savagely bullied track down their tormentors and confront them, civilly, as adults, as part of their own healing process. The shocking thing is that in almost every case, the bullies literally do not remember them. And you can tell they aren't lying; there's a look of unfeigned shock in their eyes when they are confronted, like being told that they bullied someone to the verge of suicide in high school was the wildest, most unbelievable thing that anyone had ever said to them, like accusing them of being Martians hiding among humans. It speaks to the fact that, while the fact of bullying was a soul-crushing, life-destroying event that defined the person who suffered it, for the person doling out the punishment, it was a quotidian commonplace that was so beneath notice that they actually do not even remember that it happened, 20 years after the fact. They don't remember ruining another kid's life for the same reason that they don't remember swatting a fly or stepping on an ant. It's actual psychopath shit -- the ability to do bad things and just not feel badly about it afterwards. It doesn't leave any impression on their psyches at all. There needs to be SOME kind of accountability, even if it's just naming and shaming. Like, honestly, I wanted JC to call out the names of the people that wronged him in high school. Fuck 'em, they have it coming. Because if anyone is just waiting for them to be torn up with guilt...hell is probably going to freeze over, first. Most of them are just laughing all the way to the finish.
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That one girl treating him like a human genuinely saved the lives of the very kids who bullied her for treating him like a human. Ironic how the world works.
@@_e8a How is it wrong? I don’t think it is.
@@_e8a ?
@@_e8a You can’t prove that wasn’t the factor that prevented the escalation. Whatever the case, the takeaway should be that kindness is paramount.
Treating someone as a Human being needs to be the baseline for humanity, unless we ever meet beings from other planets. While needing to understand, kindness needs Symbolic armor when more Social paths are born that way, not created. Since 5 to 30 years can vary in when older people who have slowed down them down and helped them, there is a chance losing the ability to stop such people.
@@_e8a Dude I dont think you fully comprehend the situation or whats been said
Shout out to the girl who was kind for no better reason than because she saw someone being bullied and changed a bunch of lives in the process.
I would totally watch Cheerleader Christ if it was made into a movie or anime
Yea I hope she knows that she saved his life
@@drcraby356 The worst part is that the people who bullied her for befriending him don't know she saved their lives. In fact they actively tried to sabotage the efforts of the only person who prevented them from getting unalived or hurt
His own guardian angel.
@@pandorabox5532 wild you blame other people then the would be shooter get help
The way the teachers did absolutely nothing to help him fills me with rage
this is happening in every school on earth
@@BikZom and that's the problem why is it in the first place like is it really that hard to do your job like your not just a teacher but also a protecter and if you can't do both then they shouldn't be in that position
@@BikZom no it’s not, and saying that makes it sound like nothing can be done. Every infamous school shooter is a repeated type of person that shoots in certain type of area.
Edit - never said there are schools with no bullying, I'm saying not all schools are like this guy's school. I've been bullied but my school actually doesn't punish the victim. In my city this level could never happen because people care.
@@katsikatra It is, you’re just lucky enough never experienced one
@@BikZom Look at the ratio of Women and men who are teachers in all schools within all of the west. Compare it to the past 50s to 80s, and then 90s to now.
The most mind-blowing thing about the "no tolerance" rules in school is it's literally backwards from how we, as a society, understand these interactions to be; we allow people to fight back and consider it to be a human right to do so. If you are attacked and fight back, you are seen as a victim that was rightful in their actions. But at school you're an aggressor who deserves punishment. The mental gymnastics are mind melting.
Something it also plays a role your appearance, I remember an aggressive kid in school but because he is GL they say "no is just that he had a complicated life" but when it was about an ugly kid it was different and it didn't get the same response as the GL one
@@panchofenix9912 GL? I can't keep up with these new acronyms anymore
@@megaultradamn "Good-Looking" I guess? I've never seen it shortened, though.
@@panchofenix9912 Stop coming up with acronyms on the spot, it just confuses people. These zoomers fuckin kill me.
@@baronobeefdip8075 yep
With a title like that I was not expecting him to show his face
@@_e8a I guess this time it wasn't a bad thing
Or to be so relatable.
What did he have to lose? What are people gonna do, bully him? I'm glad he came on here because things like this need to be discussed regardless of how heinous his thoughts may seem to us. When people actually carry out vengeance fantasies we all wonder how they got there and how we could have helped. Now we know what 100% did help. I'd hang with that dude in a heartbeat. People just need to be understood is essentially the takeaway. Shutting someone down who has thoughts like that just leaves them to ruminate and dwell on those thoughts because they never got them out. Once thoughts are said out loud one can usually see the errors in reasoning that they couldn't see when the thoughts are in their heads.
Same, I thought he's a highschooler currently detained because they found his threat letter or something
I don’t see anything wrong with it… it’s not like he actually shot up the school
I'm happy to see people responding positively to this man being vulnerable. We MUST support people when they make the right decisions even if they heavily contemplate poor or unethical ones. You can play a part in people's resilience and recovery
Joshua I totally agree with you! We put too much emphasis the appearance of right but the thing is people who think "unacceptable" thoughts can do right and do right by society all the time. We've got this and shouldn't demonize people who have these thoughts so we can show them they're not doomed to go down such a path.
@@ZentaBon it honestly kinda annoys me when people morally condemn other people for bad actions in a sort of axiomatic way. Personally, I'm a utilitarian and I don't believe people really have free will. If condemning criminals reduces the number of people becoming criminals then sure, but imo in reality no single person is ever truly "at fault". We are machines with a pre-written algorithm, designed to perceive and process and act on information in a certain way. Sometimes this algorithm perceives and processes information that makes the individual behave in a way that is undesirable for the rest of society.
tl;dr If you want to reduce the number of criminals, structure the society in such a way that the individuals within it have as little risk as possible of becoming a criminal (which means working to eliminate poverty, improve education, improve healthcare, improve socialization (community), and other factors)
Also, people who do immoral things are still members of the society, which means that whatever primary axiomatic ethical value we as a society set for ourselves (maximizing happiness or maximizing freedom or whatever) applies to them too, which means that EVERYONE should get as many chances at redemption (so they can be happy, or exert their freedom or whatever) as the society can afford without working against its own values. Which of course means that demonizing criminals just because of the fact that they're criminals (rather than for an utilitarian purpose) should be a no-no.
@@hannayapelekai1628 I've heard it's a very American problem to morally condemn people. I'm sure there's other countries too, but it's especially bad in America, and of course all the guns don't help either.
People love being vindictive and judgemental. It's tribe instinct to shame the "other" to strengthen the bonds between your tribsemembers. It's short-sighted and ultimately destructive to a species that has colonized the world on the scale we have. We need to purge such greedy and selfish instincts from our minds as soon as we become aware of them.
Ah yes, boiling down people into robots and their most basic aspects to eliminate any personal responsibility or agency is a healthy way to structure our society. I ultimately agree with that you said on trying to improve healthcare, education, unemployment, etc. because no fucking shit.
@@dooby1445 that man can’t be held accountable for things he did not do. Humans naturally have dark thoughts and those can be amplified by human experience and maltreatment. Educate yourself, this was never about avoiding accountability. It’s about humanity
A child shunned by its village will burn it to the ground to feel its warmth.
Massive kudos to JC for taking part in this interview. The only way to prevent kids from developing violent ideation is to understand how and why it does to begin with. It takes profound ego strength to be able to be this honest about such a dark past. I don't know JC, but I'm proud of him for getting himself out of that period and now contributing to our understanding of what leads to school shootings.
As someone who has worked in schools I can say with absolute certainty that the biggest causes for this sort of ideation is a bad home life and bullying. You combine those with social awkwardness and you have a powder keg of emotional and mental issues.
@@booleah6357 I worked in admissions on a psychiatric unit for teens for almost 3 years, and I could probably count on my fingers the number of genuinely good, supportive families I encountered, out of literally hundreds.
@@phren716 it's so sad and there's really only so much someone can do about it. It's like everyone knows it's a problem but we can't change it because the responsibility is on the individuals to recognize that their actions impact others.
@@booleah6357 teachers failing to step in is a massive part of it.
@@user19200 Yes. However it's not just the teachers. This is clearly a bigger issue and to put blame solely on one group or person is not going to solve it.
JC is so well spoken and intelligent. I'm so glad he found his way eventually. As a teacher, it absolutely enrages me to hear how he was treated. Teachers often seem to forget that our students are just kids, therefore, they need more compassion than we as adults are sometimes uncomfortable giving.
I can say, when I was a kid growing up in the 90s, teachers didn't care about the kids. I was bullied and would go to tell one of them, and they got mad that I said anything. The kids never faced any reprocussions.
@@bulletsxdame how did people feel after Columbine happened???
I had similar experience teachers tend to do nothing and i was bullied by mulitiple classes beauce some false rumors. I wanted to die or kill them all. Definitely ruined me for life.
I have classmates from both middle school and high school that have become teachers themselves just recently. They often share and repost memes on social media that say things like: "Teachers aren't paid enough to care and are burnt out from an overly demanding work environment and therefore justify subpar behavior in classrooms."
@GeneralHappyDeath God, that's so disappointing. Sure our pay actually sucks for the amount of work we do, especially out of work hours, but that never changes the fact that we are dealing with young people. Someone once put it as "for some of these kids, we are the only stable adult they will see in the day" and that changed what teaching meant for me. Work conditions do impact this a lot though - I'm sure if I worked at a more difficult school that lacked adequate support for staff then I would be constantly challenged to hold this view, so I both understand and am disappointed in teachers who have that approach to teaching.
I think in JC's case (and many others), "A lack of mentorship" = A lack of someone "in your corner."
JC had a therapist who could "mentor" him on how to "deal." But JC lacked someone that truly looked out for him. That feeling is devastating, even to adults.
It was psychological torture.
This is how I understand it as well
I went through this same situation as a kid and it messed me up so bad that even having good values it's hard to be a good person sometime because trauma and neglect destroys your frontal lobe
OMG! When Dr. K said "My condolences" when he said he was told he was a "gifted kid" hit me RIGHT in the feels!
I wasn’t expecting that! Shows the level of insight professionals like Dr. K have, compared to us. I never put it tg that it can be detrimental to be singled out in such a way. Made me examine my own similar experiences.
Damn sort of amazed this guy put his face on camera in a live interview that he didn't have to do and outted himself about all this stuff.. As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone, props for sharing the story
Yeah it's disappointing to see the disenfranchisement of those who admit to thinking these kinds of things. We see all too often that only the ones that are "innocent" and "were hurt by bad people" get support but to stop those things we need to give love to the "potentially dangerous" and tbh honest you saying "As long as you didn't actually hurt anyone" shows that kind of attitude is the norm. I feel we need to give support to those that are hurt and those that DO hurt, or else these kinds of things will continue to happen. The first guy to come to my mind was the boy behind the Uvalde shooting. Terribly sad story and an equally sad shooter who deserved more in life.
Seems like a self-enacted accountability: here I am, here’s what I went through, hold me accountable for being in control.
Agreed! This is what it takes to destigmatize the conversation. Super vulnerable of him
The story would arguably be even more valuable to share if he had hurt someone. It would underscore the importance of the message and the weightiness of the topic.
@@itsLantikI agree. It's important that we forgive each other. Perpetrators can be just as lost and in need of help as the victims. Even if he had hurt someone he should be embraced for turning away from it.
Thank you JC and Thank you Dr. K for this extremely important video. I grew up in an abusive household and I became The Tank, defending my sister. I had an boy in high school English class that was the entire school's target. The teacher said he "kind of is asking for it" and that freaking mad me snap. I invited this kid to whatever lunch group I was in, I defended him in class, I witty quipped the bullies every time they started something to redirect their attention. This kid said during the class that I was the only good person in the class, and that made me feel better than anything.
At that point, and still to this day, I believe that "all it takes is one". One friend. One supporter. One Teacher. Having even just that one person can completely change your life and allow you to survive through those 5 years.
Most definitely. For me my dad is that one. I don't know what I would do without him. Big thanks to you for being that one in someone else's life. Most people are too scared to help the "unstable" or "dangerous" but the ones that do are the real ones 😎.
@@itsLantik I actually was able to catch him before he became unstable or dangerous, but I could clearly see the potential for it if someone didn't step in right then. He was just a socially awkward, weird kid that tried too hard to fit in, and every attempt he made was met with ridicule, ostracization, and the worst bullying I had ever seen in a public setting. They TORTURED this kid until he snapped and got into trouble, just like in JC's story and they even stole his trombone, which I think was over a $1000! Filled me with rage! 😡 Actually, now that I think about it, I might have wound up punching someone before he did. 😆
I'm just glad I could help and give him that support and I hope his life has gotten much better, because he deserved it.
I sat next to a nerdy kid in high school who was bullied a lot and didn’t really have friends, but he was so funny. All I had to do was invite him at a party and the act of just *him* being there and trying it out made everyone’s night. He ended up being nominated for the homecoming court after being the schools MVP (most valuable partier). It didn’t take much and we’re still friends a decade later. 💕
I hope someone is protecting you like you are protecting others 💗
@@maggie6152 thanks bro
Thanks for bringing up the fact that schizophrenics aren't usually violent. This interview was eye opening and I think I will consider challenging my antipsychiatry beliefs.
I feel nothing but respect for JC, the amount of reflection he's done and way of understanding life are truly fascinating. He seems very wise to me, and I'm sure he'll help a lot of people in his life.
im a drug abuser i do opiods
He finally did it though, no? Isnt he the guy from virginia?
Get bullied 100 times, no problem here. Act up once, suddenly everyone cares.
They can't go to the state champions if the football team got hurt...
there's a difference between acting up and school shooting and if you're getting bullied do something about it and it wont happen anymore people only bully you when u let them
Depends how you act up
@@GoodnightLando All the school shooters that have come so far are those that decided to do something when they didn't want to be bully anymore. Surely you realize that?
@@GoodnightLando You realize he did something about it and got bullied by the school right? This thought process you are advocating for is the exact process that leads to someone "doing something about it" and becoming a shooter.
Amazing conversation and very relateable story. As a teenager I myself constantly dreamed about revenge on my school bullies. Imagined bad stuff happening to them, like being victims of popular horror movie monsters. Sometimes dreamed I was that supernatural villain myself. Of course I was too helpless to go Carrie on anybody. Hated everything and everybody, myself the most, but it all stayed in fantasy realm. There was no guardian angel for me. What happened was, after all these years of boiling with (self)hatered I reached the point I could't be angry any longer. It was just too tireing. That wild beast withing me gave up and with time I grew out of it I guess. Can't say that it healed, more like became a scar. Feel glad JC managed to do better.
This is why people say if you're afraid of what a strong man can do, wait until what you see a weak man can do. I was bullied a lot as a kid, and the only reason I took it was because I couldn't fight back. But I knew for fact the moment I had the power to do whatever I wanted to them without the fear of any consequences, I'd show them just how bad I could be. It's ironic, considering my mother always told me that I was a very kind and gentle child growing up. Apparently 2 year old me was worried when my mom would stay up late watching over me when I had a fever, so I'd tell her she didn't need to worry about me and could go to sleep.
Even when I became a teenager, that kindness never left; I was always kind to strangers, the people who stood up for me, and the people who stayed my friends. But the ruthlessness and viciousness was always lurking inside, waiting to be let loose on the people who victimized me. That was decades ago.
It's sad that this is a such common story amongst people. I hate that we have still yet to collectively decide that we can be better.
@@AkiratheWhite literally just stated me, except I don’t even care because I know these are their best years, I can only go up, and knowing that is all I need
@@yeasty8290exactly
I have similar story... I don't feel so strongly now, but after 20 years it still hurts, and I hate that these people still living in my head
@@AkiratheWhiteIt's been estimated that about 5% all humans on Earth are psychopaths. WIth a population of 8 billion people, that's 400 million psychopaths in the world -- more than the population of any country in the world except for India and China.
The biological reality of psychopathy is why this problem will never completely go away, but as a society, incremental improvement is possible (and has happened).
“You don’t have to be a doctor to save lives.. you just have to be a good human being”
I'm so happy that this type of conversation is being had. I was bullied a fair bit when I was a kid and I can heavily relate to both JC and the "stalker" dude in the video. For years I've been wanting people to actually talk about these types of issues. I wish I could've jumped in on this convo.
How are you now if you don’t mind me asking?
Yeah I don't like the culture these days of only supporting the abused and hurt, but avoiding those who might have done anything or thought anything bad. The only way to prevent these kinds of things is by supporting the perpetrators and making sure they are loved.
@JellyrollDerp Thanks for asking. I'm doing a lot better, but tbh I still occasionally have those types of thoughts but I recognise them and and I'm working on it. Hope you're doing good too.
@Lantik I absolutely agree with you. After finding some friends I actually like in my teen years I realised if I had just one genuinely close friend that didn't join in on the bullying I probably would never have had these types of thoughts or feelings.
Sending well wishes. Glad this community can not only provide support but open and honest conversation where elsewhere on the internet you get people galloping in on their high horses with their hyper generalizations and ruining the conversation.
I related so heavily to everything around JC's homelife and school experiences as a girl. People who I thought were my friends took turns throwing me on the pavement until my hands and knees were bloody, and crushing my glasses and I am legally blind. Rage never subsides, you just get numb enough to hide it. Monsters aren't born, they're made.
So sorry. All those creeps need life lessons.
This is so fucking honest, wow, I've never heard people validate those unspoken fucked up childhood experiences in the space of 2 hours... beautiful interview, it goes to show that these things manifest as either internal or external rage, like two sides of the same coin, it's like people don't realize that all this frustration and pain is what causes people to snap and see red, bruh, it's cliché but like shit, there's a reason and a rhyme fellas.... people don't just magically become monsters, everyone. Takes the genes to load the gun and the upbringing to pull the trigger, fuck it always makes me cry
I have never screamed as viscerally as I have these past 2 weeks. I was almost never expressing anger in the past and I was always submissive to cope in the past but all of it buried deep is clearly starting to show now. When I talk to therapists I sometimes scream my lungs out for minutes out of frustration and anger. Either in person or over the phone. I have had urges like never before to just be violent in some way sometimes. As soon as my main therapist made me realize anger existed in me it really did and it was buried super deep and now that it's able to manifest it's really clear just how much anger which fermented into rage was bottled in there. I am fascinated by this progression as I have never seen myself this angry and I am glad I have the proper team to figure stuff out now.
But yeah speaking from that experience I definitely see how people are essentially predisposed to these tragedies and it breaks my heart. I am hoping we progress in the right direction somehow.
Yeah it annoys me when people roll their eyes at people "snapping" or think it's foolish to become evil over a short period of time.
If you're human, you have the genes. Our ancestors did terrible, terrible things in order to survive...and because they survived, we're all here today.
@@Jenna_Talia"Evil" is just whatever the institutional gatekeepers of society happen to believe is bad at any given time. This also changes frequently.
This isn't just one of the best conversations on this channel ... This is one of the highest-value conversations ever had & published anywhere. Especially the reflection about the influence of the peer over the counselor. Wow.
school counselors at most time is basically useless... you can talk it out, but end of day everything is on you... plus counselor are most of time so far removed and not "trustworthy" in the short term of the session for you to say anything, and basically leaks like a sieve to the teacher's side IMO.
peers are your worse friends and best friend to self improve and to relate. kids and teens are the often just jackasses... plus you got your own teen issues...
I will never have the size of balls that JC here has, holy shit. I strive to be as brave as him to come on here.
He’s naive. This will end poorly for him. Good for us, bad for him.
@@jlllx literally what the fuck are you talking about
@@eevafgh he gave us insight into his thinking process. the internal introjects that he carries don't just go away. in the long run he will get worse.
learn to calm yourself when confused.
@@jlllx What is wrong with you. Stop projecting your own insecurities onto others. No, people actually do get better. *He's* gotten better already. Pr**k
@@jlllx I disagree, and find your comments very rude; however there is no way for either of us to know for sure. JC is actively working towards a better future, and to help others who deal with similar issues as he had. He even states that he likes having his world view challenged. To me, this is great improvement, and its not like he can just unlearn any lesson that he's learned by dealing with his problems. Assuming he gets worse is totally unfair to him, especially when he put in all this effort and research. You must admit, JC is very knowledgeable about the things he discussed.
Listening to family members fighting and trying to be out of the way... that hits home with me. I was that kid too
Ooof... and I was that kid who got manipulated by a pair of kids in middle school. I wish I'd known him when we were young. We could have been friends
I was lucky enough to have an intervention from school counselors
and being ignored when offering advice or input. it pretty much signals you're out of the core family unit, or at least you're not thought of in that way. You're outside and a spectator of even your own family
The feeling of having to shoulder an emotional burden for your parents and effectively "grow up early" does a lot and a young kid's psyche for sure. I know we want to rationalize that they had a heavy load to bear, but it's not fair to say that their young kid owes them something like "being extra good" when the parents are the ones who chose to birth and raise a child in the first place.
Same for me ,then I just became apathetic to that crap
An amazing interview that I learned a lot from. I teach at a high school with far too many low performing and low functioning kids who haven’t been diagnosed and aren’t being serviced due to many reasons. This interview gave me some perspectives that I think will help me be more aware of issues that my kids face so I can get them the help they need.
Fucking beautiful response
Great response .... I hope you can help others and tell ur fellow teachers this ....
Massive props to you even being here and watching this, and that you care about your fellow human beings instead of just teaching whatever's on the plan. Wish more teachers were as empathic as you.
Please do. Please also remember that the high performing, or just average performing kids can have all kinds of issues too...
Share this video with your coworkers and administrators.
JC seems like a very nice and well adjusted young man. Just hearing him talk I would've never suspected he would've ever wanted to act violently. Much respect to him for explaining his situation and let people better understand what can lead to violent ideation.
Truth be told he could have just struggled with "pure obsession", a subset of OCD. These people focus about and fear doing something terrible, but would never do said thing since it is the object of their fear.
@@stevecooper7883 THIS! Pure O!
I’m so GLAD I’ve seen someone else comment on this. It’s so greatly unknown I’m shocked.
Thank you for knowing.
Have you never heard the old saying, "It's always the quiet ones?" Haha
But, no, in all seriousness, homicidal fantasies are basically normal and probably even healthy. It's why virtually everybody does it. It's an adaptive response of the human mind to its environment, a coping mechanism of last resort to deal with intolerable circumstances. And in the case of JC, it worked: he survived and so did everyone else, too. Mission accomplished!
His fantasies might have felt more compelling and more powerful than those of the average person, but at the end of the day, they were still just fantasies. He never acted upon them and nobody died. The only thing that made it any more real than the idle ruminations of anyone else was his own mental percept.
When he said something along the lines "I'm bad at social skills, but I can study psychology. Psychologically, if I act in a certain way, people will like me" it hit me. There is a reason why I took communication and social psychology as my side courses in university
The idea of collective responsibility - it's something understood in the software world. Whenever production breaks, or a database is destroyed, there's usually not blame assigned. That's because there's usually so much process and checklists needed, that if someone manages to make a big error, it's because the process created by multiple people was somehow broken or incomplete. The person learns the lesson not to make that mistake again. But the team also takes responsibility (not necessarily blame) for the failure and work together to rectify it.
Ironically, I actually have a friend who missed a social engagement about two days ago because he works in IT and he told me that someone messed up a database and he was fired, which then forced my friend to fix it and miss the event.
So, what you're describing may vary by company. There definitely are IT companies that will just can you immediately if you screw up bad enough.
Company VS community is important to descern as well though. Random tangent given the context, but I love working with indie devs in game development and we all learn, if there's one thing that's hard it's figuring out how to utilise github. I made a huge mistake and we lost about a weeks worth of work, but we all just kind of went lol whoops and then took the next week to app figure out how to use github, because it wouldn't have happened if we all had systems
This poor guy. I can really understand the anger and frustration. I was treated like the problem kid in school that all the teachers ignored. Even though I mostly just drew in my book instead of doing work because I had dyscalculia and social anxiety so I couldn't ask for help, the teachers thought I was refusing to do work just to be a "bad kid", whatever that means. Once you earn that reputation it never goes away, and other people start to join in on it, like how animals will attack certain other's out of the group. Me and by 2 siblings all spent time being the family scapegoat at some point or another as well.
I have never heard of the word dyscalculia until now and after looking it up, I think I may have this as well. I have struggled with math all my life and I even as a senior in college now, I had to take four math courses to "catch up" and I ended up failing calculus twice before switching majors to one that doesn't require it. I had to cheat in a lot of the college math courses to get by because I mix the numbers up and if I am ever forced to do math without a calculator, I can't do subtraction and division very well. Hell, when I work sales sometimes, I am honest to customers telling them I need the calculator because I don't want to give them the wrong change back. But yeah, I also drew a lot due to social anxiety and I tried to isolate myself from my classmates because of that too. Having to raise my hand for anything was so much pressure and I hated it. Thank you for sharing, this helped me learn more about myself.
But I also wanted to say that I am really sorry you had to go through that. The adults like the teachers should be more understanding and patient with students of any age. Without their support, students like us will not be given the chance we need to thrive. I had only a select few teachers that understood me and would work with me when they knew I was struggling. Those are the teachers I will never forget. I just wish all were like that.
Dude I've been thinking about that feeling all day. Feeling like you're being treated like a problem kid. For me it was like the teachers and staff lumped me in with the actual trouble kids. I just always felt like there was an injustice going on and I didn't know exactly how to describe it
Great, a bunch of people who are going to validate their lack of effort of in math because they found a word someone made up. Imagine if a fat person justified themselves because they have an "eating disorder". Oh wait...
There's a common theme here from other would-be school shooters: showing kindness to those who need it the most
Yes, is a good start. If the Would be School shooters are not Emotionless minded individuals. Unsrue if any of the ones in the past were like that.
One joked about doing it in the last 3 years, based on a edgy joke. That is just an example, jokes are jokes.
Also school shootings happen tremendously less in countries where guns are prohibited. Society/individual theme.
@@ElCocomegawe’re never going to give ours up dude get over it
@@zashbot You can have guns and better gun control leading to a safer country without "giving up guns". The only ones who would not have guns would be people who should not have them. I remember someone talking about maybe Norway as a good example? But I haven't check it myself.
@@tymondabrowski12 generic NPC response, who decides who should not have any? The government?
This interview should be mandatory watch in schools for both students and teachers.
When Dr. K asked what kind of stuff he had in his lunch box after this guys just described his horrific event, I felt a warmth that doesn't happen often. There's a big sense of care into that question, as he's not trying to get the events that happen in this mans life, but the emotions this guy felt during his childhood. Lunch time is an important time for children, so to deviate away from the constant thoughts of bullying to a lighter more positive line of thinking what the kid had for lunch is extremely important. I believe it slows down the spiral of negative thoughts, enabling for a healing process
Sometimes I think when people are reliving a tragic moment(the bullying), it's a good idea to think about the positive parts of it as well(what he had for lunch).
Caring for, what us adults consider little things, really change a kids perception on their world.
The ability to articulate these thoughts, the self understanding to not continue to chastise oneself for having these plans, and the ability to be so willing to change your worldview is honestly impressive. It's also interesting hearing this story from someone who seemed to have a similar style of dissociation experience as myself while being bullied/neglected at home, but went in a different route than myself as well.
I had a "zero tolerance" policy at my school too and it was the dumbest shit ever
Probably one of if not the stupidest policies in schools
Also in gym when that one kid wouldn't do push ups so that made everyone have to run laps in the rain for that person's stupidity. Then, in real life as an adult you see people aren't punished that way so you're just like wtf?
we had one too. some girl tripped my friend on pavement for no reason (he was running past her, i was like 10 feet behind him and he had no problems with this girl) and the teacher, who was probably 15 feet behind me, watched it happen. but for some reason there wasnt an issue until my friend went over and said "whats ur fucking problem" and he got detention for using "threatening language" but shit like that happened all the time. im so glad i dropped out, never been happier
This reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I was on Omegle, and I came across a guy about 15-17 (I'm 21) and the conversation was normal until he started to show serious signs of incel mindset. Saying all the common nobody cares about me so everything is pointless, women won't date me, and then the racial arguments about certain races getting more girls etc. I could have just skipped because I Was uncomfortable, but I decided to stay there, challenge his views, and genuinely sit there and tell him that people will care, and that I care. Even though our views are extremely different and he makes me uncomfortable, I care about him and I don't want him to continue this path. I told him straight up, get out of that community you found online before it gets too deep. Because who knows what he could do to somebody or multiple people if he reaches the point of no return. I told him that he's so young and that he has his whole life ahead of him to get those experiences that he's craving. And that starting off conversations with a negative mindset, going into relationships thinking "nobody cares about me and if they do they're just lying", is what will fail you in the first place. He, obviously, was refusing to listen lol. But part of me hopes some of the long lecture I gave him helped. I hope I can be "that girl" from this video that came along and changed a perspective whether it was unintentional or direct. I hope he thinks about what I said sometimes and he takes action and steps away from the toxic mindset he has picked up from the internet. Thanks for this video. It really inspires me to be a better person because I think we should all take one for the team and reach out to people who are showing obvious signs of antisocial behaviour because y'all have no idea how far just an act of kindness can go.
That was really considerate of you, idk if I would have the patience for that honestly. But after seeing this maybe I would make a better effort to understand those kinds of people
you planted a seed. you can't change someones mind in one day or conversation, especially not someone who is not willing to change their mind. but what you said will hopefully bounce around in his head and eventually he'll reach the correct conclusion.
I applaud you for trying to be supportive to this man. I do want to mention though that showing support and doing your bit to try to help because you believe it's right, and trying to "save" someone are different things. It can be easy to be swept up in the idea of wanting to be someone's "saviour" that it ends up being problematic for both of you. Don't lose yourself trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Continue doing right by others, but be aware and honest to yourself why you're actually doing it.
You’re obviously not gonna change his mind. Because 1. He has his own experience to draw from which you don’t have. And 2 “data”. You can’t tell someone to stop a “toxic mindset”, when that’s a reality for that person. That’s not how you convince them. You know what would convince them, people actually caring without an agenda. And 2 women actually wanting to date him. If he had women wanting to date him, he obviously wouldn’t be complaining. What you are telling him are empty words that attempt to satisfy your own mind, not his. You don’t care about him.
Please let's not talk about this dating shit and "incels" under a video that has absolutely nothing to do with a guy that got bullied for absolutely no reason and potentially taking innocent lives.
Thank you so much JC it was an extremely insightful convo where i learned so much and really helped piece together alot of what we are missing. The part about a 13 year old doing something so simple as making a friend is 100x more effective than 100 police is something that is extremely important everyone understands yet i can see that 90% won't which is unfortunate. i hope people see this convo with more compassion.
I 100% empathize with JC and to an extent even sympathize, while I never reached the point of actually wanting to kill people I absolutely felt like I was trapped in a system that at best didn't give a shit about me and at worst actively wanted me to fail. Dr. K has done a lot to change my perspective on psychiatrists but I have still never seen or met someone who can change my opinion on school administrators, it's like the position is magnetic to the most lazy bureaucratic-minded people in society. The fact that zero tolerance continues to exist just so they don't have to bother finding out if a someone in a fight was defending themselves is a testament to that.
yes i agree that we live in a society. you mixed up empathy and sympathy by the way.
@@3jesus3christ3 Further proof of the failings of the public education system.
I'm a female and I feel like I would've been drawn to hanging out with this guy lol I might need some more mental help
That girl was an angel, sent to damn the demons within him and those bullies. God bless her.
Man I can relate so much to this guy. My teachers pretty much hated me, minimized what other kids were doing to me and said I'd amount to nothing, my peers made a game out of tormenting me verbally and physically, and I was constantly in the office in trouble for simply retaliating when people did things like piss on my shoes in the bathroom or gang up in groups of 8 or more and hit me with ice balls, and shove me against walls all the time. Those fuckin kids made me feel so small and weak (I was) and I just remember thinking "man I wish I could just come here and mow these assholes down, but I couldn't ever get away with it". Obviously there was enough awareness for me I didn't ever make plans, but it always made me understand why some people snap and pump their classmates full of lead. Everyone talks about how sweet and innocent children are, but they're basically fucking psychopaths until/unless they're properly taught to behave otherwise, especially in a poverty stricken mountain town where everyone has a dysfunctional home life. Good on him for not throwing his life away or harming other people, as miserable as school can be it is temporary
dont shoot up no school now boi
@@lemonke5341 lol don't worry, it's been like 18 years now, I think I missed the window to go postal
This guy never did anything to anyone and everyone just hated on him it's not fair
It definitely fuckin sucks to get singled out and targeted by the majority, unfortunately it's usually just one or two popular people that single you out then everyone else stays complacent to go with the flow and avoid the hot seat themselves, so you end up taking shit from the "majority" just because others are glad it's not them.
What you are saying is why I started BoXing and wrestling and doing MMA when I got tougher than these bullies, I started beating them up one by one. After a year of retaliation and training, I realized no one was even saying anything about me other than don't mess with him. It felt wonderful because I realized they couldn't bully me anymore. Mr. X
Shout out to the lil christian girl who stopped mass violence with kindness.
For real she saved lives that day
I wonder what ended up happening to her
It's heartbreaking how many times he was wronged by everyone
I haven’t even watched this but I already highly respect it and think this is a huge step forward in the conversation. Massive props to both parties in this video. I feel hope and optimism seeing this happen.
I wasn't expecting to have a lot in common with him. My grade growing up had several kind people as the cool people. So, I didn't get bullied much, but my home life was horrible, and I am neurodivergent so still no friends. and let me tell you just having someone show up and treat you like you're normal for 5 minutes made all the difference in the world for giving me hope and keeping going.
Fantastic interview overall. The part about mentorship around 49:00 struck me. I feel like it' a big part of it is just someone giving a fuck about you. Like that one girl that stood up for JC and changed everything for him. She's a champ BTW, big respect
Mad respect for him coming on the interview and sharing his story so honestly. This is so important! I am glad that he was able to turn his life around and become such a chill and content person. Nobody should experience so much bullying and gaslighting by everyone in their life.
It's not surprising bullying and a rough home life are a big part of this sort of thinking.
Indeed, and this didn't happen in the past. Only since the 90s makes ya think there.
@@thecompareablezombie I'm not so sure about that. School shootings haven't happened but how many serial killers or criminals came from a similar place?
@@booleah6357 What if I told you serial killers didn't become more common, we just got better at finding them?
@@meko98743 I'd say your right.
Right and an unsupportive school life doesn’t help either, many of these shooters have nothing to fall back on and become isolated and turn to some very disturbing ideologies online.
Not saying it’s an excuse by any means, but I’m bothered that shooting up a school, club, place of worship, healthcare center, etc are part of American culture now.
I'm glad my man is still with us. Dude is smart. He's gonna change alot of people's lives .
His part about not being so absolutist in your beliefs, specifically the line about the hardest part of shaping his belief system is making one that lets others have theirs, really spoke to me. Thanks, didn't expect to have myself helped much out of this video since I'm not really at risk for potentially become a ss, but it helped a lot with other things. Have a good day!
I absolutely despise "zero-tolerance" policies, its nothing more than an excuse by the teachers not to conduct a proper investigation.
Yes! And in that vein, I especially hate when schools default to punishing the bully and victim equally, because "fighting is wrong" or whatever BS.
@@dinosaysrawr I was bullied pretty bad at school for like 3 years, I was a black belt in karate still I was picked on because I wouldnt fight back, and I wouldnt fight back because of zero-tolerance BS.
But one day someone with genuine anger issues pinned me to a locker room wall for the dumbest of reasons, (I touched their bag whilst looking for my own which had been hidden by regular bullies)
It was the first time I actually fought back, and I was pinned so well in my right, and it was in a packed locker room so everyone saw it and backed my story up. I actually put my black belt to use and uppercut the fucker right in the chin between his grip and he dropped me and fell backwards. just one strike and it was over! after that I was pretty much never bullied again, and it was one of those rare situations that there were so many witnesses who clearly saw me get grabbed and thrown against the wall for practically no reason that the teachers couldn't help but accept self defence. plus I ended it in one and then left which also looked good on my part.
the moral of the story is that self defence stops bullies and zero tolerance prolongs it.
@@dinosaysrawr I a million percent agree, nothing feels worse than getting punished for defending yourself against the kid that actually started the fight
@@EthanolTailor Man, I think a lot of times it also helps to have your parents in your corner. I had something else happen where some kid decided to pick on me back in middle school and when I told my parents they told me that I can fight back and then to only tell my teachers or whoever got me in trouble to call them and not say anything else. I gave the kid a bloody nose and that ended that, but when they called me in I told them to call my parents, and my dad sure enough came up to the school and told me to wait outside the principal's office while he talked to them. That was the last I ever heard of it from the school. There were other times throughout school that my parents were always in my corner no matter what happened, but they both had bad experiences with teachers growing up. It was pretty awesome to tell my teachers to go ahead and call my parents when they threatened to just to hear the teachers get chewed out on speakerphone.
Fantastic interview, I really love Dr k’s ending monologue. It seems so cheesy that kindness saved the day, but I share Dr K’s dread and terror for a life that is devoid of compassion
Thank you so much for coming on JC!
I can relate to this fellow. Came to a crossroad and decided to be the good in the world... haven't quit that mission. Never will. Keep going.
Man. I was a “gifted kid” I was told I was in the 99th percentile of intelligence for my province . I thought that was a good thing but the amount of problems it has caused is so much more than the benefits.
After I was tested my sister was too, she was older , and didn’t get as good scores as me , but we were both sent to a “gifted school”.
I was still in elementary but my sister got to Junior high, and her homework and additional work overwhelmed her to the point of crying every day. In grade seven.
So my parents decided that I probably shouldn’t stay in the program. We switched to an art school for junior high. I went from “gifted” to “art” based curriculum. I went from 15 guys , 5 girls in a class to 5 guys and 20 girls .
The later I have progressed into my adulthood the more I have realized that intelligence is secondary to effort . I always thought I would be successful, simply because I was smart . But having that in my head , caused me to not care , to not try. It has payed off terribly . It’s hard being “smart” and at this point in my life I feel so much further behind a lot of my peers. Feel LESS intelligence because I took it for granted . I’ve placed so much weight on intelligence, when it comes to dating etc. to the point it feels like nobody is on my “level” which I know is wrong .
God it creates such a complex when you’re told you’re “better and smarter” than everyone else. I don’t think it’s productive in most cases . It sucks
I read lord of the flies for school in grade 4 or 5 for god sakes .
I was grappling with social issues and power dynamics and human nature when I was 10/11 years old and I truly believe it robbed part of my childhood away.
but what are your options ? attending a school with 20th percentile intelligence. Surely it's a benefit if you get fitted in the right school with the right people. If it then leads to university, and a job?
maybe the issue is the lack of effort. Nobody told you to put in effort?
@@jackperry6269 That's the problem.
"Gifted kids" End up not giving effort at all. To them it's given.
I had the same issue until I came to realiziation that being gifted is a talent just mere boost, Advantage. That's it and you need to put in effort to progress.
Person can have talent for music. But if that person is not interested in music then the person will never be musician. He'll never use the talent.
we need to stop people saying oh you have it easy you don't even have to try! you're so gifted what a amazing child!
and treat is just like talent.
And tell parents "Your child has talent make sure the child puts in effort and develops it!"
A girl befrieds him on the week he was about to actually take action... Wow, in my world view that isn't a coincidence.
This is probably, to me, the best interview Dr. K has done up to this point. I was able to take away so much from this conversation. The subject matter is something that gets tackled very often, but not often does it get talked about from the perspective of someone like JC who has lived through the worst of it and is also very knowledgable. Thanks for the interview!
Man, I'm 20 minutes in and I have to say, those teachers and admin were the absolute worst. Threaten the kid with an external problem instead of helping him fix it. Is it any wonder, with stories like this, that we have as many school shootings as we do?
I had some similar experiences in high school, with being bullies and feeling violent. I was lucky that I talked to the principle, and he actually listened. It didn't do anything for the bullying, but just hearing the words "what they're doing isn't right, and we'll do what we can" helped immensely. If they had just ignored the whole thing, or told me I was the problem, who knows how life would be different right now...
This is now in my top 3 favorite healthy gamer videos. I learned so much from this, thank you JC and Dr K.
what are your other 2
This was a very *important* interview. Thank you Dr K and JC for enlightening us. We had bullies back in highschool but nothing to this extent. A sad reality that happens everyday at almost all schools.
Another of bullying goes on and many teachers turn a blind eye.
very relatable. almost makes me cry hearing this guy talk about his life. I have issues and my family doesn't understand how to deal with it, and to this day I'm told get over it, grow out of it already and its just in your mind, yet they try to push pills down my throat and get on me about everything
Truth
I have dealt with similar experiences, resonating with his oppression in school and a lack of support in home life. I feel on the tip. I really hate how putting down others is done so leisurely as if it’s a game, and the admins who claim as a helper while turning their backs when you need them.
Me and this guy are EXACTLY THE SAME. IT IS SCARY. Only, its not football in our town, its hockey. And I'm definitely straight.
It's just so horrible that parents and schools lead kids to this. They should be held accountable
The worst part is how common that sort of stuff is.
Along with no taking accountability, how many are single parents or not able to discipline the child to teen stages of their lives to have prevented it.
@@booleah6357 only in the US!
@@manumaster1990 shootings yes. Violence and abuse no. Other countries have school stabbings. Just in 2015 there was one in Sweden, and if you look up the sasebo slasher that is a textbook example from Japan.
Society needs to be accountable. When these kids are helped, EVERYONE is helped. Fewer suffer, and die unnecessarily. We need to help everyone. No matter what.
I wanted dr. K to ask him “if you were the mentor that this kid so desperately needed, what would you say to him “
So insightful. There's not anything braver than being honest about identifying with the fringe of society. It's very understandable how you would have the thoughts that you had. Thanks for showing us your humanity.
This is the kind of bullying I went through in elementary and middle school. In fifth grade, I had to change classes, and my mom would come sit with me at lunch to try to deter people from picking on me (didn’t work), and in sixth grade, I got banned from the school dance for deflecting an unprovoked punch in class. That was also the year I got in trouble for yelling at a kid for stabbing me a couple feet away from the teacher, and he didn’t get punished for stabbing me (I still have the scar on the back of my hand from that retractable pen).
I have a friend who was labled as "most likely to become a school shooter" in the yearbook and was swatted because of that, hearing about the "if I'm labled, I might as well earn it" mentality is pretty scary. My friend is a really nice person and gladly didn't do anything, but it hurts to see deeper into a lot of thoughts that could have been going through thier mind. We haven't talked about it much, because it's a touchy subject, but this is hopefully a look into their mind.
What kind of yearbook committee even took ballots for “most likely to become a shooter”? Tf? Doesnt seem like something that should even be a category. The only purpose that serves is to ostracize
Dude should have sued whoever put that in the yearbook wtf
"if I'm labled, I might as well earn it"
This is literally the internalized stigma of black Americans. This was very explicit in the '90s, especially. It's the whole idea, "Oh, you think I'm a thug? Fine, I'll show you a thug." Internalized stigma and "earning your negative label" play a huge role in traditional racism and in other forms of prejudice.
@@thebuilder5271Fr. That actually so fucked up.
went through very similar things thing as JC, its good to hear the story of someone who also got so close to going through with it. all i ever get to hear about are the ones who didnt pull back at the last moment. proud to see he's doing well.
When I was in 10th grade, I befirended this guy from my class who was new, didn't have any friends and was definitely odd (now in hindsight he was most likely autistic). My other firend and I were his only friends and the guys would bully him and call him autistic as an insult. He left this school at the end of the year and he came to visit one day in 11th grade and I gave him a hug (I like hugging people as opposed to kissing them in the cheek). Afterwards, this girl from our class who absolutely loves to play matchmaking most likely told him that I liked him, so he spent MONTHS messaging me on fb, even though I would give him the driest of replies because I noticed what was going on
I used to think it was his doing, but now listening to JC, it made me realize how powerful someone like that girl can be to a vulnerable person like my classmate and made me hate her even more
That happened in my school too. Popular girls would tell the unpopular ones to ask out the sports guys all for the purpose of laughing at them. Its cruel and I never thought bullying happened until I heard about that. Its sad that he got so little attention that someone could convince him a clear friend likes him like that. What you did was nice though even if it didnt quite end well
The fact that JC reached out to do this already shows that he's making a ton of progress. Hope he's doing ok
This guy was an excellent, excellent, excellent guest.
Sharing those very dark thoughts is helpful. I've had those thoughts to and not bullied like you! People are mean. But not all people are mean such as that awesome girl that backed you up.
It takes a lot of courage to come on here and be so open.
I really appreciate this conversation. I feel like one of the big issues that leads to school shooters is the extreme failure of our school system. Specifically, I think a combination of the Christian concept of original sin, along with the reductionism of behaviorist psychology led to a kind of disciplinary approach in education where children are treated as if they are fundamentally bad (original sin) and need to be beaten and punished into shape (behaviorism) before they can become half-decent adults. I also think it is extremely difficult for neurodivergent students because the rare moments of humanity are crafted to appeal to the typical person, and the punishments and expectations are also directed towards forcing a way of being that is okay for most people but hell for neurodivergent people. I think gun reform is important, but I think it is so far away from addressing the root of the problem. I really wish people would start to address the hell that school creates for many children and the fact (in my opinion) that our schools are factories for mass shooters (and to a much greater extent, suicide/self-harm victims).
Ngl, very brave of him to show his face for something like this when you consider the risk of employment or basically anyone he knows in real life seeing it.
Dr. K, you are the type of interviewer I want to be when I grow up (I'm 30+ now, but never too old to learn 😅). I admire how you were able to be such a great active listener, checking to make sure you understood, asking for clarification rather than assuming, using clarification to guide the conversation. I was amazed how deliberate you were able to make the interview. There was a flow and purpose to each segment. I imagine that is the result of years of purposeful practice. I imagine also that mindfulness/meditation is an important part of you being so successful at interviewing. Is it?
What an interview. Props to JC for sitting down being so open with the whole internet and props to Dr. K for giving JC the chance to speak so openly to his community about his experiences.
Happy to hear JC didn't go further down his dark path and thank God for the girl that reached out to him. I hope people watching this (including myself) can find some time to take inspiration from that brave little girl and apply that to their everyday life.
It’s so sad that he could have gotten help by anyone very early on. When he got expelled the first time that was a very clear sign that they needed to intervene and help this kid out. He only needed ONE person to stand up for him and empathize. They should’ve re-evaluated and most importantly talked to HIM and get to the bottom of the issue.
Mystery girl gives me hope for the world
I am usually a silent watcher of dr K videos, but this one resonated with me. Bullying sucks. And the aftermath also sucks. You are left resentful of those that did you wrong, but you feel stupid because those were kids and dont exist anymore.
they need to show this interview somewhere that will get more inner school publicity. Kids at certain ages don't understand the impact of their actions. Bullying is a very bad thing with very bad repercussions on someone's health and those around them. I hope JC's story is used to spread information and not be neglected by people that might want to pass judgement. Good job JC
Schools almost never do enough to prevent bullying. Some children and teens are so malicious. If I was a teacher and saw a popular kid and unpopular kid get into a fight I would always assume the popular kid is the malicious party. You'll be correct 9 times out of 10.
Honestly, the best way to reach people is to just say, "Yo, don't bully anyone because we live in a country with more guns than people, and because it's so easy to get a gun, if you piss that goofy-lookin' dude off he might just come in here and blow your brains out."
I feel like that would be more effective than the touchy-feely approach with teenage boys -- speaking as someone who was once a teenage boy, a long time ago.
@@StochasticUniverse INB4 the parent sue the school and the teacher for indoctrinating their kids to feel bad
I’m nice to everyone and will be friends with anyone. I go out of my way to talk to people who look lonely. It’s because when I was younger I use to be that lonely kid with no one to talk to. I was never violent to anyone, I was more like suicidal. But i was saved by people who were kind and wanted to be my friend, even if I was weird or didn’t have many friends. They took me along, and so I grew up to be much more outgoing and have many friends, but I return the favor and try to uplift people who are lonely like was done for me
This video is a real breath of fresh air. I showed up expecting to hear an eager, young psychopath get interviewed, instead I heard very intelligent critical thinker.
I gotta say his story was so relatable to me because ive been through something pretty similar in school. I always felt like i was just treated like a monster, got bullied and teased because they learned that I defend myself in a heavily tempered way that would only get me in trouble because the teachers always just watched when I exploded an didn't see why. So I got treated like a monster which after a while made me think "they want a monster to poke and make fun of, so ill give them a monster to fear instead" i was always the odd one for one reason or another and instead of trying to fit in i kinda had the opposite reaction. So i started having thoughts and fantasies about getting revenge, i developed a god complex but internalized self hatred. Not because i wanted to be normal but more out of spite "Im gonna love AND hate myself the most, because im better than them" that was my mindset. I became pretty antisocial, anti the System and ESPECIALLY anti authority figures because they were supposed to help me and just shunned me instead. So i got in trouble in school for stuff i did actually do but that got blown way out of proportion (little vandalisms) it all ended with me being kinda grey zone-expelled as I call it, which was actually my savior because if id stayed in this Environment a little longer, im sure i would have comitted su1cide. But luckily i got out of there and automatically got better over the last 2 years and recently i finally graduated externally and i feel like my life quality kinda skyrocketed. Thats my story and I think it has quite a few parallels.
I am sorry you had to deal with so much stuff. I am glad you are doing fine now. :)
Glad your better now
What I learned from this is that every kid needs to be seen and heard by others and responsible adults. Problems at home can easily escalate to a big problem outside the home, even becoming school shooter levels of troubled if left unchecked.
I was bullied every year of school from K-12 in the US and honestly it makes me feel so sad for the amount of people who had to hurt just as bad as I did. It's even harder to hear that some folks considered hurting others because it was so bad and they wanted it all to end or seek revenge.
If any of you have been bullied or hurt by others in the way this man shared with us, I'm sorry for how others treated you. You didn't deserve that.
I know he had thoughts about awful stuff, and was ready to go through with it.
This guy's life story is literally something you could make a movie out of, there is so much emotion running through me just watching this. This guy deserves the world for how he's been able to put up with this, this video alone has 'rocked' MY world view. It's so inspiring and motivating for me to see someone like this get out alive and ok. Usually a lot of people are just going to go "oh my problems are nothing" but it just makes me feel more proud and lucky for what I have. Like genuinely, keep slaying king.
One of the major points here is that we should be the friend that reaches out. The person in pain can only do so much when everyone is against them. Try to be kind and gentle to someone who’s back is against the wall.
Unfortunately compassionate people are often burned for it, and that will often make them cynical. You just never know.
I would encourage everyone watching this to send it to educators, education administration, and whatever school board you're familiar with. Parents too. Everyone should see this.
So proud of JC (?) for moving past that violent period! Thanks for sharing, and thank you, Dr. K!
JC is so brave for this. I hope this helps people know they’re not alone and that they deserve to seek help
Dude seems chill tbh, glad he pulled through. Home circumstances tend to bring out the best/worst in us
This can be such a hard time in life. How do you help people understand that it will eventually pass. School is hard. This story doesn't sound to far from my own when I was a kid.
Greetings from another almost-school slasher. There's only so much cruelty, exhaustion and injustice a person can take before they snap... Be kind.
Nothing justifies murder
That's a good reason to talk to a therapist. Do you have one?
@@hv4654Your mistake is in thinking that "justification" even applies. It's not about that. It's about cause and effect.
If you travel to an African country where malaria is endemic and a mosquito bites you, infecting you with malaria, is the mosquito "justified" in biting you? Is the parasite that causes malaria, itself, justified? It's an absurd question, one with no sensible answer. Mosquitoes do not care for your moralizing and neither do parasites. It is simply cause and effect. Mosquistoes will do what they must and so will malaria. So, too, with badly damaged people. It's a mechanism, like a mousetrap, that will snap shut, if the mechanism is armed and someone sticks their hand into it.
If you don't like it, there is a very simple collective recourse that we all have as society:
1. Do not arm the mechanism by traumatizing people
2. Do not stick your fucking hand into the mousetrap :P (By being the one to actually draw the ire of the volatile individual)
Also, if we're being fully intellectually honest, the only reason we're even having these discussions is because society has been terrorized into taking these issues seriously for the first time. There have been modern mass high school shootings since Columbine at least, yet it was not taken seriously for many years. It's only because the violence has scaled up that regular people take issues like bullying seriously.
This is logically tantamount to a shocking admission: the violence worked. It is forcing pro-social change that simply would not have happened, otherwise. And that may not represent "justification", but it certainly represents efficacy, if nothing else. And how can you fault a desperate person for doing something that is proven to work?
Most of us got bullied as well. The worst that occurred was a fist fight. Murdering wasn't the option.
I'm only at 46:15, but I just had to comment. JC's story is similar to my own. I had violent ideation myself due to being bullied in school, but I was in therapy from 1st grade through 12th. I also had a constant urge to self delete and an undiagnosed ED. I answered Yes to 7/10 questions on the ACE questionnaire. Sometimes therapy doesn't help (especially if you have therapists who are invalidating your concerns). Sometimes medication doesn't help (especially if you're misdiagnosed). It took a few heart-to-heart talks with teachers and my uncle and developing a dream of leaving to get me through. I'm still unpacking and healing at 33.
Keep healing❤
Really interesting conversation and really brave for this guy to talk openly about his experience. I hope a lot of people see this. What I took from this conversation was that we all need to do our best to be more supportive of others and if we see someone that is struggling to try and have their back. No one would bully people if we didn't let it happen. Like they say treat others how you want to be treated.
Showing someone compassion is easy, but having them accept your compassion isn't as easy. He said it himself, that he entered the situation with doubt and distrust. Many of the people who need help, they're not an easy nut to crack and support. I think most of us have been in situations like this where we were skeptical about someone approaching us, I know I have been.
I think, a lot of people who've gone down a dark path, they had people who could have pulled them out of it, but they pushed them away from distrust. Maybe the answer is that they have to keep trying, but at some point, do they not question if its turning into harassment? That maybe they're making things worse? For the regular person, especially students, really, they're not equipped to figure out how to approach someone who's isolating themselves. For most of them, the best they can do is be a bystander or discourage others from treating their peers poorly.
Not this video making me cry. I don't know if a UA-cam video has ever made me cry. Thanks so much to JC for sharing his story.
What a beautiful interview and I’m so grateful for JC for having the willingness to share this experience AND how he was able to turn away from a tragedy.
I hope parts of this video can get spliced into short form to entice those who may be considering violence to watch more of the video.
I love how JC talks about responsibility with our society being on a sliding scale.
I constantly think about the fact that if I was a boy and a little bit more outgoing or impulsive, I probably would have sh0t up my school. Most of my life has been spent feeling very alone, even when surrounded by people who called me a friend. I relate to being very “anti- things” and not “pro- things”. I am pro-some things, but when it comes to myself and my life, I only know what I hate, and not what I really like. What I don’t want, not what I want. Always being responsible for my alcoholic father’s emotions and behaviors. Whenever I hear about another mass shooting where the shooter was a “loner type” or had gone through some sort of bullying, harassment, or other isolating experience, I always kind of think, “Yeah…I might have done the same thing. I get it.” It doesn’t make what they do okay or mean that I actually would do something like that, though. I just know that I’ve carried a lot of anger and spite toward the world and humans for a long time, and there’s very few things that make it feel any better.
Finally an interview and also an interview with a non-famous person. Thanks!
I think him coming forward and being honest with his struggles and feeling is very brave and important. It helps us to understand these people more so we can address them issue before anything happens. And to help them. and also shows others who may be feeling the same, that there is a way to get help and that it doesn’t have to end in the violence they plan and that it’s okay to talk about these things with someone to resolve the issues that are going on.
Dr. K, you are a hero dude. Truly an S-Tier human. You're doing such important work and you're doing it simply because you want to help others. You just get it, man. Watching these videos is like a hard-counter to my existential dread. Thank you for all you do!
I was bullied 13 - 18 and in that age I felt like my world was over and I too had extreme revenge fantasy and desire. I brought a knife to school and tried to work myself up to use it, but never did because I kept thinking of my family. But it was in my bag every day. Authority/teachers witnessed the bullying but actively looked the other way to not have to deal with it. I blame myself for having gotten that low. But I know logically thinking that school failed me and continues to fail kids. Anti-bullying is not a priority. My experiences continue to haunt me to a degree in adult life, I have definitely not forgiven the people involved. Perhaps in some way I will find a charitable cause related to anti-bullying to partake in. I'm just sharing this because I think bullying is such a huge and important problem that does not get the attention and priority it deserves. Even though I highly doubt that HealthyGamerGG viewers are the people that should be notified... y'all the good guys...
The Healthygamergg community is drawn from people with an interest in psychology and people with an interest in psychology tend to have psychological issues, hehe. (It's a known fact that people that take psychology classes in college are more likely than the general population to have a psychological diagnosis of some kind.) I daresay that a lot of us look on with more than a passing interest and a distanced eye.
The thing that hurts me is the knowledge that people that bully ultimately get off scot-free. They aren't punished as kids and they don't punish themselves as adults. I've seen documentaries where people who were savagely bullied track down their tormentors and confront them, civilly, as adults, as part of their own healing process. The shocking thing is that in almost every case, the bullies literally do not remember them. And you can tell they aren't lying; there's a look of unfeigned shock in their eyes when they are confronted, like being told that they bullied someone to the verge of suicide in high school was the wildest, most unbelievable thing that anyone had ever said to them, like accusing them of being Martians hiding among humans.
It speaks to the fact that, while the fact of bullying was a soul-crushing, life-destroying event that defined the person who suffered it, for the person doling out the punishment, it was a quotidian commonplace that was so beneath notice that they actually do not even remember that it happened, 20 years after the fact. They don't remember ruining another kid's life for the same reason that they don't remember swatting a fly or stepping on an ant. It's actual psychopath shit -- the ability to do bad things and just not feel badly about it afterwards. It doesn't leave any impression on their psyches at all.
There needs to be SOME kind of accountability, even if it's just naming and shaming. Like, honestly, I wanted JC to call out the names of the people that wronged him in high school. Fuck 'em, they have it coming. Because if anyone is just waiting for them to be torn up with guilt...hell is probably going to freeze over, first. Most of them are just laughing all the way to the finish.
It's true, sometimes teachers ignore the bullying. I've witnessed that as a substitute teacher.