Mastering the Victim Role as a Weapon
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
- In this video, you will learn how narcissists switch from villain to victim using the DARVO method and how to effectively recognize and respond to this gaslighting tactic so you can preserve your sanity.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on UA-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
#NPD #narcissism #narcissist #covertnarcissist #narcissistic #narcissisticabusesurvivor
May God bless this woman for all the suffering people she is helping.
This is one of the few particularly great channels for anyone dealing with narcissistic people. It is compassionate, makes the other person feel seen, heard, understood and brings some clarity to what actually happened. You show truly deep understanding of narcissism and how to deal with narcissistic people. I am grateful for all you do!
Amen 🙏🏼
Ageed 👍
Man I was accused of every bad action known to mankind. Yet whenever I simply questioned her about something, the adamant denial and table turning would begin.
Narcissists and all these sh1tty people depend on you.
The only thing u have to do is leave and move on and don't entertain anyone who treats u unfairly.
That's your weapon.
No point to analyze the why, just leave and have a happy life somewhere else.
I used to think my situation was unique. She had an excuse for every single instance of cheating on me. The very last time, the last straw, was when she said "I slept with someone else, can we talk it over and restore our relationship?". During the conversation she actually blamed me for making her cheat saying that she felt I didn't care about her anymore. It was such a bag of BS, and lies, and pain... This video is a spot on! People, set your boundaries and DO NOT tolerate their crap. Block and move on with your own life! There are wonderful people out there, they are loving you and waiting for you to come into their lives
She called me controlling and toxic cos I was fed up with her disappearing and not answering her phone. She also did this about her landlord who evicted her cos she wasn't paying her rent. Never her fault, landlord was being unreasonable. 🤯🤯🤯
Yeah randomly has problems with doctors and can't even go see them for blood tests.
I wish I had this level knowledge/insight back when I sorely needed it the most.
I presented the proof to my first wife that she was cheating on me, literally in her own handwriting. Of course she denied it, because she was so drunk and didn't remember writing it. The best part was the offered explanation that someone must have stolen her personal journal and forged her handwriting to set her up. The "handwriting" also included a paragraph on how our son was actually mine, which was long suspected to not be the case. She never put much thought into her "explanations", but did tell me one time later that she lies because it makes her feel powerful, and that she says whatever sounds good at the time. I really don't miss that BS...
I continue to be astonished at how easily and voluminously they. Zero moral restraint. Oblivious to how they are destroying themselves. Great book: People of the lie.
Thank you for that as it is very useful information. They are highly competitive even the covert ones, and so it's a competition not a team. If they cannot "win" they will cheat, and keep secrets to feel they know things you don't. When I confronted one with her own evidence she (rare occasion) admitted she was selfish. But she was boasting about it.
Another thing I noticed was that she boasted about imploding the relationship, because that framing made her feel powerful. Time and perspective later taught me it was her made-up character that had imploded, first, thereby causing the relationship to implode.
@@passerby6168 I watched a video here on CommieTube a while ago that featured a self-confessed narcissist who was to give the viewers a rare insight into the mind of the narcissist through an interview with the host of the channel. I watched the whole thinking that this woman (narc) was not informing or educating the viewer about anything. She was bragging about how she lorded it over everyone she knew, and played them all for fools. It was like she was taking delight in playing the audience for fools. That was the most education part about the whole video. They're so full of themselves, it's a miracle they haven't exploded. But, like you said, their fake personas implode; and they try to take as many of us with them as they possibly can. Then they simply move on to the next sucker, leaving the rest us to pick up the pieces and to try and make sense of their shenanigans...
@@DarthIckus Yeah, they can't help bragging, and they will change rules on a sixpence, without letting you know (till it's too late), to whatever suits them.
Your channel has saved my live. I spent last few years trying to accept that I’m a narcissist because that’s what I’ve been presented. After therapy, it was found that I have just been fighting fire with fire on a loosing game just to try and prove hypocrisy and lies etc. by playing that same game. I never actually carried the actual patterns, cycles, and lack of empathy etc. really required in abusive NPD. I’ve found I’ve just had all these hurtful narc “skills” from being raised by a female covert narcissist. I did find a trick for non contact you’ve just explained. This past relationship with a severe FCN opened my eyes to the thing I actually wasn’t as well. I calmly took all the abuse, got all the ducks in a row, months of slowly getting all possessions and ties taken care of and never ever letting her know I figured it out. In the end I told her that I am an abusive narcissist and I’ve learned that it cannot change, like an alcoholic…. In order for her to start healing, I cannot engage because I will only be tempted to do it again… never telling her what it really is. When she calls all sweet, and wants to come see me or my kids, I tell her that if that that were to happen I already know that I will repeat that behavior again and I will manipulate her into loving me. This may only be a tactic is men can use in this dynamic because it will make it that any time they want to try to use sex or attraction, I can just say, I see why non contact is so important if I still have this effect. Dirty game I understand but please let me know if there is something terribly wrong with this if in the end Non contact has stayed successful. So far, it’s worked like a charm.
I found your tip of ending the relationship particularly effective. Even when her flying monkeys tried to blame me I simply say “ yes I am so bad I had to divorce her because that is what a happily married man does”. Also doing my homework by watching videos like there also helped me understand myself much better. As well as finding a good councillor. Leaving her was both the hardest and most rewarding thing I had ever done for myself. Thank you Lise for sharing this type of content!
Your channel has helped me navigate interactions with certain people in my life, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Thanks so much for taking the time to share this feedback, I appreciate it!
I'm a narc and I am completely offended by this video... lol, jk
Pure Gold
You nailed it! This perfectly describes what they do. It's easy to tell who has genuine experience with these people vs. those using "narcissist" to attack someone they dislike. You must have some first-hand knowledge, unlike some UA-camrs who just recite DSM symptoms or label anyone they disapprove of a narcissist.
One of the most interesting things about them is how initially unpredictable they seem - hurtful then affectionate, attacking you without reason. It's stressful and damaging, even if you don't realize it. But then once you understand their disorder, you see they're almost robotic, running on a script. It's a relief to see that predictability, and it makes sound decision-making much easier afterwards. The shift from chaotic to robotic is fascinating to me, even long after the relationship ended.
Learning about her made me re-examine the past ten years - so many confusing moments suddenly made sense! Her best friend whom I collaborated with when learning about NPD, had the same experience - things nobody understood before became clear to her friend. Her family can tell something is there, especially when it flares up, but ultimately dismisses it as "quirks".
Discovering someone I knew well was secretly running on a totally different operating system changed how I see people. We really overestimate our ability to read tone and expressions, and don't focus enough on the facts and big picture. Our own insecurities and neediness are a huge liability here, if you haven't already learned how much damage they can do if you're blind to them. Thankfully, I now feel capable of making any difficult but healthy decisions in the future if needed. I'll take early warning signs seriously and have a little more confidence I won't miss them.
Thanks for sharing your experience! You clearly have a deep understanding of narcissism, which you obviously learned the hard way. A relationship with someone with NPD can be extremely damaging, but it can also bring a lot of growth and wisdom for those who are open to these tough lessons. Definitely sounds like you've gained clarity, confidence, as well as the ability to make healthy relationship decisions. Happy to hear that you won't be missing or ignoring warning signs in the future!
I completely agree with your sentiments re a lot of people use it as a label for people they don't like I even heard someone say the other day that they thought over 80% of the population is narcissistic which is just preposterous; sure traits run in the general population but I'd say the statistics as a mental health prof are much lower for someone with full blown NPD. Unfortunately I was stalked by someone who'd meet criteria for ASPD so psychopathy with narcissistic traits which nearly caused me to end my life. It was 2 years of absolute hell. I didn't even know this person & they preceded to hack my phone, all my accounts etc it was a complete mind f*ck I'm sure the ultimate goal was just to have power over me & life or death.
As I said to him at the end, "you have stabbed me in the heart and blamed me for bleeding". I don't think he got it.
“You could slit my throat and I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt”
This is so true! Denial ain’t a river in Egypt but man can they deny! They will even deny denying.
I was always said that I was "making myself" to be out the victim! Any time she needed to put me on the defensive, or if called out her toxicity
sheesh..i called out my narc wife for screaming random hateful things about me at the top of her lungs while she was showering...her response.. "what are you talking about? I was just singing." nuts. Been 15 years and two kids later..WHOOPS! lol told her id give her a week to get therapy, or its gonna finally be over. wish me luck!!
I've learned to jump to your step six. I don't even bother talking about it anymore. I just leave. "Working it out" just leads to "punishment" I.e. she picks my "friends", tells me how to dress and no sex. I would rather have peace in solitude than be beleaguered by company,
Easier said than done my friend, easier said than done.
@@fredericksharon6908 It is. I've been doing this for 30 years. It's getting easier all the time. I liken it to quitting a habit i.e. smoking, overeating, drinking, and such. One just has to accept that you no longer have what you want. It takes discipline to control want and not conflate that with need. Need is necessity. Want is excess.
dont become emotional - best advice !
Truly truly helpful. Not a wasted word. Your offering is like a laser for me. Thank you
You've perfectly described my ex-wife, who made my life a living hell. The question I have that I'd like answered is "How does NPD develop?" My ex was born an innocent baby girl, without her her victim mentality, self-centeredness and narcissistic "personality" but was born to very negligent, immature parents. How does NPD develop and how can it be treated, if at all?
Goes hand in hand with bdp maybe?
You just explained EXACTLY how my wife acts.
Thank You Lisa more protective ammo moving forward.
Thank you. After hearing this I was not crazy. I am recovering from being married 6 months to a female covert narcissist who I had been friends with over 17 years. Never saw this other side until after we got married on Day 1. I went through everything you described. Big Red Flag. Got an annulment and finally at Peace!!!
This channel helped me a lot after my "friend" left me the day after job loss and mushroom trip that went wrong. Took a mushroom chocolate bar to try and open up and the batch was bad. I had partial paralysis, face was totally paralyzed. I just though I was tripping really bad but she made it seem like I was some big weirdo. The memories I do have are that I tried to talk and couldn't move even my eyebrows, telling her she looked scary at one point and her freaking out about that and saying im scared of her and realizing it like I had seen god. "Oh my god im scared of you lol, it's so simple. Like day to day im scared of how youre going to fuck with me". I didn't say all that but what an eye opener.
The other thing was I did a contour drawing of her face. It's something I did in school. I must've had a crush on the girl I drew in school, or maybe she had one on me. Because when I did it in school, I felt a rush of emotions. But when I did with this psycho, I felt literally nothing. There was nothing in her eyes telling me "this person is enjoying our time". Just a fucking arachnid.
The contour drawing thing happened much earlier than the mushroom
"Arachnid"...spot on! 🕸🕷
Please add DARVO, to the UA-cam headline. Because people need to find this your information about DARVO.
Oh my god I've watched a few of your videos so far and oh my god it's like you're describing the person I'm with right now and this last week has been extremely stressful for me and I've felt beyond worthless and incapable of doing anything right no matter what I do.
I can even do what she asked exactly how she asked and still somehow there's a problem with it, I've legit asked what do you want or expect from me so many times I've lost count.
I mean how did I figure out ultimately that she is the narcissist. Has never apologized or taken accountability for their bad choices. No I'm not perfect and have some narcissistic failings of my own but yeah as long as they can control you they are happy
spot on again Lise. you youngsters out there . listen to this Lady . she knows her stuff. oh how i wish … that i had heard this 30 years…..and Lise , congratulations on the youtube plaque in your wall 😎. you deserve it 👍🏼
Thanks for giving solutions while simultaneously raising awareness. 🙏🏻
Not to be pedantic, but when you said "Being emotional only benefits the narcissist" I think it's SUPER important to add that once you're in a safe environment it's really important to re-establish a connection with your emotions. They CAN benefit you, just not in the presence of a narcissist.
It was like she read the script and you told my story. She quickly started losing interest in me after confronting her about this betrayal and then not falling for her gaslighting or baiting anymore.
Good much appreciated a great way of explaining things❤
If you don't have a "supply" , feeling abandoned, want the person back but also wants to alone, you are NOT the narcissist.
Im just happy she understands that not all narcissist are males. I always think my ex watched all these narcissist videos and said, "HEY! I think ill live this life style!!" :)
I just had an interaction that mirrors this method yesterday with my ex. Thank you Lise, while it’s not the entire solution - hearing these events play out and be described in such a succinct manner such as yours goes a long way in regaining sanity.
Lissinin to this made me think of my past relations i had with them. Im happy i made the good chooses back when i was 19🐣
Spot on!!
Thank you for validating the narcissism issue.
This is spot on. 🤦♂️
Thank you.
Your strength and wisdom is inspiring
This is refined gold.
I’m going to start calling you Momma Lise. Thank you for everything you do. God bless you.
So accurate and revealing. Always so helpful. Thank you, once again. 🙏
Great explanation with very helpful steps. I started taking copious notes when these issues started happening and I'd send her an email after any argument with the important points. Oh how she hated (still does) my notes and emails! It's tedious but what a help it is.
Love this video😊
AWESOME TEACHING ABOUT "DARVO"! YOU DO TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS! SALUD!❤❤❤
Ken, you're inside, please use your inside voice, turn off your caps lock....
Good video. I experience this almost daily - glad to know I'm not the only one. NOT going crazy!
We not alone boys!!
During the love bombing phase my narcissist has definitely been vulnerable, definitely feigned empathy, definitely taken accountability, definitely acknowledged her faults and flaws.... especially vulnerable covert narcissists..... I think you need to be careful about misinforming people..... narcissists can definitely put a mask on and act the part, and play pretend, depending who their target is...
The tree of life? Or perhaps knowledge?
Good clear explanation.
one of the most useful videos ever !!
To some people, relationships are power games. Disordered people cannot have genuine conversations because it would mean they would have to become vulnerable to accept their flaws.
They do not see you as a human being that wants to be an equal to them. its truly heartbreaking.
Thank you for this. It cleared up a lot. Respect and thanks...
Very helpful message.
Thank you for the very helpful information.
be warned narcissists use the journal/document method as well where they will record the incident using role reversal. They will log that their behaviour was your behaviour and your behaviour was their behaviour. Eg She journals that you went out partying all the time and spent the money for food for your daughter and bills on alcohol/drugs.. When the truth was she was the one engaged in these behaviours. This is from personal experience.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. For those who have experienced this interesting relationship with your partner. Don't waste your time talking reason with your soon to be X. Because they are already dating someone new. Let them go. Break up with them ASAP.
My ex wife exactly...made my life a living hell..and after we divorced. I ended up trauma bonded with ptsd.
My narcissist wife is currently playing on my emotions with bringing up things about my deceased mother…I have to breathe deep before responding to text or talking to her
Thanks 😊
You're welcome!
In the geo-political arena, this sounds like how Israel is acting, the Victim yet as we can clearly see, the Abuser
100% accurate
Every video tells my story! I went through 26 years of being married to a covert narcissist. The discard and divorce was extremely damaging. This channel opened my eyes to what I went through. Thank you!
The covert ex was a master at flipping the narrative..no matter what happened it always ended up being my fault...of course I had to accept the verdict..
Not related to the video, but I have a question: How do you tell the difference in yourself between insecurity that comes from c-ptsd that leads you to looking for external reassurance that things are ok, and a narcissistic wound that leads you to look for constant validation? Are they functionally even different?
This happened with my boss. Expect, I recorded it all. It plays out 100% like stated here. Unfortunately, it happened 2 years ago. Which I know this then.
3:00, 7:50, 9:20, 10:20 dokumentuj
💯 my narcissistic ex
Well, wait a minute.... dont narcissists take accountability sometimes? If it serves a bigger purpose? In order to get what they want or during the lovebombing phase?
100% my ex-wife!
For you to say that narcissists WILL NEVER EVER take accountability under no circumstances.... thats kind of wrong lisa... because they most certainly WILL during the love bombing phase.....
Story of my life! But I’m out🎉
if this is happen to you got to get out in my case she played the vic in fishkill ny they give them knives and tell them to stick the abuser she cut me so bad i lost so much blood i had a stroke once this darvo thing is going on==get out dont play games with your life
Democrats
Islam in a nutshell
Leftism and Z-ism
🤣 Only beaten by their creators - Zionism.