5 Signs Your Narcissistic Husband Is Secretly Gay
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2024
- Book You Slot for the online workshop on "How you become trauma bonded and how to break free in 5 powerful steps": emotionalabuserecovery.com/ev...
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:07 Sex always feels artificial, forced, robotics or inexperienced
03:02 They obsessively notice male bodies
03:54 He May bring a random men home
04:38 He has strange and questionable history of romantic relationship
05:18 He has toxic shame round his identity
06:13 He has wried grooming and dressing habits
06:57 You always feel there is something hidden in the expression
Whether they're straight or gay, they will start an argument just so they can storm out and be with their lover.
😁😆😅🤣😂😉🙃😆.
Absolutely True
I think everybody has a right to stop out on their lover of the m************ lying
I meant storm out I hate auto speak if anyone that's called after all the s*** I've been through I don't know what the f*** anything is LOL
Always
As a woman, go with your instinct. If you think he's gay or bi, he is.
Gut doesn't lie.
@@halae2552 Yes, they purposely give clues. Like the bi or gay male narcissist might refer to another man as a "beautiful man", or things like that. It's like they're purposely trying to give you a hint.
@@peacheedandee then if you confront head on they deny, it's all a big game
@@halae2552 I would have never asked. Wasn't married to him anyway. But it became crystal clear. It saddens me because so far it looks like Satan's demons are winning. The plague isn't cured.
YOU BET!! Exactly my experience!
Do not ever, ever tell a man like this that you know he's gay. Do not ask him if he's gay. RUN.
YES AND YES!!!
This!!! I've already been assaulted for confronting him last year, now that I figured this out he's totally blocked on everything. No confronting or exposing someone who could be dangerous. He's already threatened me twice too
If he is threatening you to share your secrets, then can you threaten him to expose his sexuality?
I did......
@cynthiamckenzie1034 they just laugh and deny it like everything else and say you're crazy. Don't change nothing
The ones in the closet should stay single rather than marrying, producing, and destroying the lives of others.
Yah I suspect my neighbor now of being a closet homosexual and he has a wife and 3 kids.
That would not be any fun for them
@@cherylsavage6178 Exactly. Cluster B types seek and destroy for fun.
@TrustedSilver1987 they have kids to prove to the people that they not gay... but in reality they are closet gay.
For some “traditional “ reason, their families and themselves have to have a family vs being happy with a gay partner.
I was married to a man for 20 years that stoped all physical intimacy early in, right after our son was born with severe physical and mental disabilities. I was consumed with raising him, had to leave work and care for him full time, and so needed my husband’s help. I don’t have family.
We lived in the heart of a forest off-grid. I was totally isolated. The nearest village was an hour away.
My husband would tell me at first, that it was just all the stress. He worked 16 hours a day for a company we had built together. Over time, his excuses started changing to nitpicking my appearance. I wasn’t attractive enough. I didn’t have enough curves. I was too fit, to strong, because I lived a pioneer lifestyle of heavy, manual labor. I was also too feminine. It was stupid that I wore make-up. I didn’t dress “like a woods woman,” yada. I tried to ignore him and just be me. I know you can’t force someone to feel attraction and who would want to? He always denied that he was gay. He always said he loved me, but there was just always an excuse.
So then he tried to hide behind a feeder fetish. He told me he was only attracted to morbid obesity. He tried to force feed me. He refused to buy me any nutritious foods. He would pinch and measure me. He put up pictures of obese women on the walls that I tore down. He put stickers of them on his truck, etc.
I fought it all for 8 years before he really started eroding my self-esteem. I never gave in. I told him that I was disturbed that he’d want me to be unhealthy to satisfy him sexually. I accepted his non-interest but stayed faithful and focused on my kids and animals. I had built MY life at that homestead.
Then, I got critically ill. I spent years sick, ending up fully-paralyzed with a differential diagnosis of ALS. I was not expected to live. My online friends, the only ones I had, organized a fund raiser to help me get to Mayo Clinic. My husband had to work, and my oldest daughter brought me. I was trying to keep it together as I was wheeled in to the first exam-only able to move my head, terrified, and my husband chose that moment to text me that he had been having an an emotional affair.
I did everything in my power not to cry or act afraid in front of my kids, but that was the lowest moment of my life.
When I got back, we started talking about it, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have other priorities. I expected I had months left of life, at most.
About a month later, he was getting ready for the company Christmas party and dropped it on me casually that he’d never been sexually attracted to women and had known it since he was a kid. He’d been cheating on me for our whole marriage with many men. It wasn’t something he tried to tell me with any amount of concern for how I might take it. That I had feelings wasn’t something he seemed to recognize, ever. Then he walked out the door to go party and left me sobbing on the couch. He expected me to STILL stay faithful. He said he didn’t want a divorce.
I started getting better. I divorced him. When he left, he abandoned all parental duties.
I largely recovered my health, physically and mentally, moved across the country with my son, changed my name and married a brilliant and compassionate man. Life is fabulous, now!
Wow, incredible story! Love that you are happy now ❤
@@Merbella , thank you!
Yours is a real miracle story! Isn't it wonderful when you find out it can be so different? So happy for you!
@@RC-eb5hq , thank you!
I’m not the type to believe in miracles, but I sure appreciate how fortunate I am to have survived and am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life, now. They make all the difference.
@@TheCompulsiveCreativeyou really are impressive...and inspiring.
I hope men who are doing this to their wives are reading this! Stop it! We don't deserve this and neither do our children!
Did u ignore sh*** out of ur husband too ? I have yet read comments that says... I didn't ignore my husband After babies, I didn't turn into a asexual plant to never have s** again.... I'm just a mother now not a wife...I look like shhhh all day every day, gained 500lb and don't care....u women r crazy.
They don't care
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Agreed ❤
Don't worry. They will end up in hell.
So on point! It's sadistic how they will deceive a women's entire life all because they cannot face who they are.
They are repulsed by women and female anatomy. Imagine pretending to be aroused by an activity that makes you physically nauseous. But if you dont do it society will abuse you and ruin YOUR life and god will send you to hell.
When they are cowards full of shame, they will blame their “feminine” tendencies on being molested, or being raised by a single mother. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION! It will never steer you wrong.
Yes. I'm starting to think that so-called straight men who blame all of society's ills on women, particularly single mothers, are just closeted ghey men. There are so many of these men online, that's for sure. One can't possibly be a straight man if one also despises women so much.
I think my narc ex-husband was like many narcs and was bi-sexual. I think he would have sex with anyone who flattered his ego. He actively pursued women, but he spent a LOT of time on 'camping' or 'fishing' trips' with his guy friends and they seemed a little 'too close' in their friendships. Sex was mechanical and without passion right from the get go. I once asked him if he were gay and he denied it.
God help us to one day know the true real love we deserved. Amen
Exactly the same for my husband
The narcissist I was involved with would sleep with anyone who smiled at him because he believes that's what a smile means. Nothing about that is normal and it makes my stomach hurt thinking about the nastiness.
The same here, wow! What an eye opener! Thank you.
I completely agree! My ex always wanted to have anal sex and once tried to force it on me. He couldn't have an orgasmunless he maturbated or had anal stimulation. We were separated and when l came back briefly he had a PAIR of buttplugs. Once he told me he was meeting " a man" at our home. No explanation, but when l stopped home the bathroom smelled strongly of bleach and there was no explanation. When he introduced father man to him he strangely stated " this is Susanna", as if the man already knew something about me-very strange! Then when the man left, he walked him out to his truck and had a long goodbye. He gave no explanation as to who the man was, and why he was there. My gut was screaming at me-i am certain they had sex and were lovers.
I wonder about mine. Sorry to say it. I have no problem with gay people. I do have a problem with deceit and lies though. If you are gay and know it, don’t ruin another life by pretending you aren’t.
This!
Thay Come to ruine.
yes or at least do not waste 40 years of someones life...
I understand that a lot of men get with a woman first just to get children.....
Thats fine then bugger off and let her have a new happy life....
Exactly. I have no issues with my gay friends. Difference is they are honest about their orientation.
I have a problem with cheating....if you want someone else, male of female, leave and let your partner move on.
Thank you for posting this. My ex-husband hated women, avoided sex and EVERY form of intimacy. Sex was as you said, robotic artificial, terrible. He was auto-erotic, had only one turn-on: feet. He rejected me sexually and in every other aspect. Passive-aggressive, full of rage, shy, and ashamed, a classical cerebral narcissist. He always exhibited extremely abnormal "disgust" towards homosexuals. I suspected he was gay. This video helped me realize I was not crazy :)
It's so sad mam
Tell me ur husband is rude?
My ex of 27 years was almost exactly the same way. They are wicked freaks and will get what they deserve.
@@Ghanshyamtiwari19r😂⁵⁵ 22😂😂😅😅
This is the narc I'm divorcing I told him after the way he treated me I believe he is gay
You just described my ex husband. He was a very religious Muslim who would avoid having sex with me and constantly tell me I was sick for wanting sex so much. He also would say hateful things against gay people, but was obsessed with the male body and followed tons of muscular men on Instagram. When I told him that it was something a gay men would do, he almost punched my face.
He would spend a long time in front of the mirror obsessing about his physique and wouldn’t leave the house until he looked perfect. He was extremely secretive and lied constantly even about little things. He also talked down on his exes and called them crazy, but I was becoming crazy during the relationship because of how controlling, critical and emotionally unstable he was.
It was the worst relationship I’ve had in my life! I’m just glad I was able to escape alive.
I hope he burns in hell for the way he treated me.
You do not know what hell is if you did you would not wish for your worst enemy to go there
Girl you just described my life 😢That’s Crazy, These people are the devil ! So glad I’m bossing up on him 💸
Forgive and love him from a distance if need be anyway. In order for us to be forgiven by God we must forgive others. We need to forgive ourselves as well for what we chose to not know and for what we chose to accept. We need to choose to forgive ourselves for choosing to settle.
@@Android-ds9ie - Do you know?
S
It makes no difference if you are gay or straight. Bringing home diseases to your partner is a big risk. These guys will put their pregnant wife and unborn child at risk of severe illness without a second thought too. Pure filth.
Pure filth was my husband of 50yrs.
Exactly....and they dont care😒 puting at risk the women😔
Exactly when I had my first herpes outbreak during my second pregnancy. So painful and stressful. Was pregnant back to back so I didn’t have the time to catch it myself. I had a son to care for. Odd I got it at that time.
My husband gave me genital herpes. A real winner.
Since they are selfish, it means nothing to them
I believe Narcs will sleep with anyone male or female who desires them. It is a massive ego boost for them as well as the psychological thrill of control and domination over the person.
This makes so much sense you're absolutely right!
💯
I totally agree with this, what worries me are the promiscuous very young ones and once that's had I worry that it just gets addicted and they go further into sexual addictions of all sorts,
Well said!
They have no morals
My ex-husband spent 10 years torturing me because of his hidden identity as a gay man. I could be having a wonderful day and he'd always come home and spoil it by picking fights with me over really stupid stuff. He also lied to me about mutual friends thinking I was an embarrassment to be around because in his words, I was "too fat and ugly to be seen in public with." I felt quite worthless and contemplated ending my life.
Discovering that he'd been hiding his true sexuality from me was quite difficult to learn. But it was my ticket out of my marriage and a chance to rebuild a life of my own. My ex also hated kids and denied me children that I am grateful I didn't have with him. I'm a single mom, but my daughter, now 12, showed up in my early 40s when I didn't think I'd get pregnant so easily. She is such a gift; I'm thrilled I don't have to share her with him.
You are not alone, ladies, if this has happened to you. Get a good therapist and surround yourself with supportive people. Some of my biggest champions who also worked to help me heal were my friends in the LGBTQIA community. I was grateful to have them and still feel that way. My life isn't perfect, but at least I don't have that evil albatross around my neck anymore.
You could catch the fool in the act and he would still say "I'm not gay, I have a Wife/GF"
My narcissistic gay ex husband used another tactic: he made me believe I was at fault for our poor sex life, that I was frigid and cold... The truth is that after some time I lost interest in him physically... He was clumsy and inexperienced, sex was boring and a routine, and only once a year at most... But it "was my fault".
After our divorce, I discovered I did have a healthy sex drive, enjoyed and craved it normally... All those years, 23, thinking it was my fault.
You hit it dead on, clumsy and unnatural. I know the truth now. I think the trick to freeing your mind is to understand that “I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Now I can let go…”
Mine blamed me for his erectile dysfunction at age 50.
Over 22 years for me. Being contacted by his first wife, I found out a lot of things as he went crawling back after 26 years. The endless phone calls, people coming to their house and numerous UTIs for her. He wanted her to watch pornography with him the same as me. Videoing was always mentioned. He wanted to see his work.
Same. Mine had severe erectile dysfunction and blamed it on the color of my night gowns, my shampoo, the bed sheets, and finally location of the clock in our bedroom😉
Narcs swing both ways, all of them.
They do indeed. I've heard him use the expression "more homo than hetero" in reference to another male. And he would know.
Mine said " the pendulum swings both ways" when confronted.
🎯🎯🎯
@@scorpiolove674 they love to see us in horror an delight in admitting their sick cheating ways... especially on the discard when they *think*they have us bonded to them
Hum not sure i like this comment
“ Sex always feels artificial, forced, robotic, or inexperienced” 💯. Absolutely spot-on. My short-term narcissistic boyfriend was in all those categories. I have never seen this written about anywhere else.
They are repulsed by women and female anatomy. Imagine pretending to be aroused by an activity that makes you physically nauseous. But if you dont do it society will abuse you and ruin YOUR life and god will send you to hell.
Sad but true..I was married to one for 18 years. He hid it from everyone....he is such a horrible selfish person. Thankfully he confessed which released me from him..I was done trying to save him & I finally chose to save myself!
I still have not met a formerly-married-to-a-woman-and-with-children gay man who is not highly narcissistic. They expect a pat on the back for their “bravery” in emerging from their straight lives and live authentically as gay, while conveniently forgetting that many gay men their generation did not cave to heteronormative expectations as they did.
Gay men don't understand the devastation they cause to women by pretending they are straight.
Very well put! If they had difficulty confronting the orientation to either themselves or to their family, they should have at least not dragged people down by deceiving them and, more importantly, not by treating them so lowly. It's just inexcusable.
@@ST-yc7ujthe Young gay men don’t care. They believe women are meant to be used and discarded, as if we are cheap therapy animals, housemaids and surrogates.
💯💯 Facts. They had the choice of being truthful to themselves and others before ruining the lives of innocent people (women and kids.)
They had 2 choices....get with a man or stay single. Nah, they chose to get with a woman, ruin her chance at experiencing true love and good sex, ruin her, ruin children (if any) and now the whole house is one big depressing dark hole. The only one getting moments of happiness is him when he goes with the side piece.
But yeah, they want to be called "stunning and brave" for having sex with men on the side, duping a woman into marriage, mistreating her (as noted in the video and comments) and exposing her to std's.
And you know what? These days, they are likely to get that applause from others. It's sick.
@@somethingelse-vm8rs Sounds horrifying, and people wonder why younger women are remaining single and childless. How can one guarantee that one is marrying a man who is legitimately straight, and will remain so for life? Once a man claims he is "bi", one can be certain he will go 1000% "ghey" within a short period of time.
I was married to one for 9yrs!! 😭 it was horrible. The worst, loneliness, time of my life.
In 9 years u did know?? How??
@lisapayne2352 I understand your loneliness. It is such a hard thing to go thru, especially when you marry so that you don't have to live life alone and be with the one you love. Sad...
❤a big big, me I resisted 5 months
I only lasted 6 years, but it was hell….I left and took my two daughters with me and that was 28 years ago! He was always going on camps with mates, and fishing…🙄 he gaslit, put me down and literally was cold in bed so I stopped sleeping with him years before I left. When he got his mother involved, that was it. At the end he got a little violent, picked me up by the scruff of my shirt and lifted me up in the air with his fist drawn back to smash my face. I stared him in the eye and said “ do it”., that I’d call the police. I called his bluff as I knew how weak and cowardly he truly was. I felt the strongest at that point in my life than I’ve ever felt. I left with my daughters, aged 13 months and 3. I would recommend anyone living in a fake, abusive relationship, leave early…don’t waste your life and years putting up with a moron. Gay or straight or Bi….respect and honesty come first.
Red flags I saw:
1. When we spent time together, he often wanted other men around, his male friends. My company as a woman was not good enough.
2. Extremely disrespectful and rude to women, including female strangers on the street, and even his own mother.
3. Many others who met him told me they think he is gay.
4. Reputation as a womanizer, and male gold-digger who preys upon older women.
5. HIGHLY flamboyant sense of fashion.
6. HIGHLY flamboyant way of talking.
7. Sexually, 90% of the time he only wanted oral. On the rare occasions he gave me sex, it was brief, he wasn't into it, and I had to do all the work. He rarely touched my breasts or private areas. I don't think female anatomy turned him on. He was sexually violent with me, not loving or passionate. As time went on, he even started refusing oral from me.
8. And the final clue... he once had me peg him, and it was the best sex we ever had. Because he was TOTALLY into it, like a pornstar. It definitely wasn't his first time taking it.
He always denied being gay though.❤️🌈
@we7534
"Coochy safely locked away"...🤣
Yeah. It's tough when you fall in love with a gay man. I wouldn't have fallen in love, had he been openly gay. But him portraying himself as straight, made me feel like I had a chance.😩❤️
I won't ask what "peg" is but I can guess. God help us heal.
Do you think they can act like womanisers, as "one of the girls," gossip alot with both genders and yet be mysogynistic secretly hating on and denigrating women and weaker men yet expect women to behave like men, prop them up, provide for and support them? There's been a few who have called him gay. It's a weird mix I know but that's exactly why it has me wondering. 🤔
It makes me wonder if most men are gay…it seems that way to me 😢
@Katrn30
I think that most men are bisexual to some extent, just like most women. Only difference is that one is more accepted in society than the other.
My ex husband of 28 years was gay. You are spot on with this. There are more unpleasant aspects of this to their behaviours than the lack of sex in a relationship.
Well this one really made sense of my marriage. 32 years and I always always felt something was off, but having grown up in a toxic family environment where everything was off, it was hard to know the difference. He was definitely a narcissist and a massive bully, but also extremely homophobic to the point of ridicule. He would pretend to vomit if he even saw gay men on tv and verbalise how disgusting it was. I always found this difficult to deal with because I’m simply not homophobic, and we would argue about it. Yet when we found ourselves in the presence of gay men, not only did they ply him with attention and were clearly attracted to him (he was very handsome and athletic) to my amazement he responded and encouraged and seemed completely at ease with these men. So alien to what he constantly preached. I once told him he protested too much and I think it was the one time he came close to hitting me. Sex with him was either non existent or so sporadic I can count the times on fingers. The last 7 years of our marriage were totally barren of any intimacy. This of course he blamed on me because I had put on a little weight. We are divorced now, he made the process excruciating of course. He had used me to finance his life and even told me he needed to squeeze more money out of me. I’ll end this with …. Life is so much better now
So happy for you 🥰
Holy shitttt that’s so sad .. Proud of you for being unbelievably strong 💪🏻 very happy to hear you’re doin well now !!❤
I was married and was getting more attention from platonic male friends than from my husband. He displayed half the topics you discuss., Thanks for the confirmation 😅
/hug im happy that you are free of him
God bless you always ⭐ congrats on your freedom deary 💪💪🏻💪🏿
This resonates totally! My ex narc husband first act of violence towards me was when I caught him sleeping with another man. I was heavily pregnant with our first child. I was patient and understanding his shame being it was the early 90s and people were not as accepting of bi or gay men. He used women as a means of financial support, and for his sexual deviant behaviour. Fast forward almost 30 years and he admits to a few that he would like a relationship with a man. He still uses his charm to gain favours from women, but ultimately does not like them. He sees them as competition for attention. I still wouldn't trust him, and still vomit a little in my my mouth when I think of the intimacy we shared. He was thinking of men, not me. There's not enough soap in the world to wash that feeling off.
Yes! My husband is trying to out complete me. At first, I thought he was being over protective of me when guys would look but NO, this man was trying his hardest to divert attention away from me to himself. So, so crazy.
@@clarsand10 it's kinda funny when you realise how desperate they are for attention. Something inside them needs intense healing. They will never understand true self love and acceptance. Keep shining, it pisses them off, but that's not your fault or problem 💜
Ummm wow! My thoughts are with you
The early 90s? You've had an HIV test since then, right?
@@kdphotos4691 of course. Seems he was lucky, lucky for me.
Thank you for making this video. The narc does not want sex with me. I am in good shape, beautiful, sexually healthy, and empathetic. He avoids me. When he rarely tries he can't keep his erection or ejaculates prematurely. He then gets up and walks away. He never talks to me about any of this. He avoids any physical intimacy. I truly believe he is gay.
Run.
Same history here, and in my case he sees his body in mirrors everytime and like androgyny so much.
- waited till we were married until we had sex. On our wedding night, he “had a headache”
He would not sleep in the sane bed as me, even use the same closet or shower.
When I talked about intimacy, he would say it’s me or well get back on track.
He would create “fake” arguments so he could leave for a weekend to stay at a hotel. He would say, “he doesn’t want to be accused of sex & porn as he’s gone”
Bottom line is, he only married me to have an instant family with my 2 sons & I as he took us to church every Sunday. I’m so blessed to not be with him anymore. It took me awhile to heal. Love to all 💛
Yikes! Was he grooming your children?
personally, I think this is probably one of the main reasons why narcissists are narcissists. I'm not saying all narcissists are in the closet, but a lot of these people live double lives, and usually would be labeled as bi sexual, one gender is sexually favored over the other, but one is more naturally organic mentally and emotionally. but most of these people "choose " the opposite sex over the same to eliminate the risk of being the black sheep of society.
I think it’s more appropriate to refer to them as “asexual”, as they are not genuinely attracted TO anyone. They can be, however, more repulsed by one gender.
Brett Miller - No that is inaccurate. That does not create Narcissism. It's the other way around. It's the result of Narcissism. Any hole will do as long as it provides fuel - Narcissistic supply.
I never meant to say that was the main reason for narcissism, I said it was one of the reasons. I never said there aren't any straight narcissists, I'm just saying that "at least in my experience as a gay man myself ", this is what I have experienced with these particular males
It’s demon possession for both.
Thank you! My husband of 34 years is a closeted gay man. I finally put the pieces together about 7 years ago, but I always knew. He is deeply misogynistic. Very sneaky. He always made me feel like a nymph for just wanting a normal sex life.
Omg yes! He had sex randomly with anyone that’ll have him but calls me a nymph for wanting a normal sex life with the guy I married 🥴
"I always knew", ...so why pursue a relationship and then complain about what you suspected.
@@yasinradee yup, same thoughts here
I'm sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve it.
wow..too many stds, hiv and monkey pox ...i cant
People that destroy the lives of others to hide being gay should be charged with a felony. Thats abuse and abusers should be in jail.
Years ago, I had a Muslim BF in the middle east who early on displayed signs of being a gay covert narcissist. He had not married by age 33 and shared no history of relationships/friendships with me except for men (which is part of the culture, but he expressed no interest in women, as he had mommy issues). And though he worked very hard in his career, he was unable to save money enough to buy anything substantial. I began to piece together that our relationship was his meal ticket to get out of his situation by marrying me, having a baby and moving to the West which he often mentioned. (btw homosexuality is forbidden in Islam). As we grew closer, I could not get him to linger and share deep, intimate moments with me despite his eagerness to give and receive nightly massages. Still, I sensed anger, frustration and moodiness when I was with him, as he started to persuade me to convert to Islam (which I did not do). After just 6 months, he asked me to marry him. Though very nervous about his reaction, I let him know that I was unable to, as I had serious concerns about our having an open and honest life together. He went silent for a week but then returned thinking all was well, and that I would change my mind. Fortunately I had the foresight to know what was happening and soon thereafter left the country. He never raised a hand or his voice to me at that time,, but his silent treatments (no phone calls or messages for over a week) and acts of disdain and condescension (cerebral narc) were just as hurtful. I dodged one of the fatal bullets of my life, and thanked God for that! Thank you, Danish, for this and all your other essential presentations on narc abuse. Many are painful to relive but important reminders. I appreciate all you do!
He probably spent all his spare money on male lovers. Wealth, and obvious displays of wealth, is a huge factor in their man-on-man subculture.
Damn! Whilst dating a narc guy, I had two thoughts cross my mind: 1) Is he a narcissist? 2) Is he bi/gay? (my friend suggested this). Turns out he is both! He is so misogynistic, makes fun of homosexuals, disgustingly critical, competitive/jealous of capable women, and refused sex by saying that my face wasn't attractive enough. You guys, what is going on!!? Sending all the positive energy to anyone who has felt the effects of this!!
Been there also. When guys refer to all women as , bitches, sluts, and Whores . And he has lots of gay friends, there's your sign. I'm still trying to wash the disgusting reality of all the lies that I was told and the truth of his depravity.
you didnt look masculine enough .....take it as a compliment.
Sending you all the strength to put the entire experience aside, protecting your mind. Be selfish and only consider yourself and your needs to move forward!
This sad y’all got me thinking my ex was like this n I believe he was gay.
I questioned this as well and wouldn't you know my suspicions were right. I was always told I was a sex addict for simply just wanting to make love. Love we never made. It was always super rough and primal like especially when I'd turn him down for anal. Which happened to be all he ever wanted anyways.
My daughter is bi and all he did was down talk her and about how women are stupid and shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I pray karma catches up with him for all the people he's put threw this!
Bingo!
My former husband asked a friend over very early in our marriage. I decided to ask my single girlfriend over to meet him.
Later that night i mentioned to my husband that introducing him to my girlfriend didn’t go very well.
He said: no kidding, he’s gay! I yelled back and said: why would you allow me to ask her over if you knew that. …. Well, we know why, don’t we? I wasted over 20 years to a man who was a GAY narcissist. Dear God! I better get rewarded in heaven
Dear friend...I am in divorce preparation now. No contact. It happened to me too! 18 years...marriage...but I left at 17 year mark. Once the closet was no longer closed. God revealed my covert narc true motives and lifestyle. He used me as a cover. I found myself reeling with emotions I thought I never had. Ups and downs over the past 15 months like a roller coaster. It has finally become more level for me. Total no contact with moving out of state for my own protection. Lost all posessions. Thought I would never be able to actually talk about the betrayal, hurt, and pain. But once I did....my heart began to heal. I am wiser...stronger...and better prepared with new eyes in life. Evil does exist. People use, hurt, and betray...the covert narc could win an academy for their acting. He had many many people fooled....and still does. God speed.
You will be. These people are so ugly and evil and take everything they can get. I know what you've gone through. It's the absolute worst. Wishing you all the best in life now. You deserve it.💗
Did he ever call you frigid and other deogetory things, etc. Mine used women for money,etc. Because they tend to be more manipulated and he used his ' christian line ' to ring in women.
My marriage was 5 years thank God I didn’t let this continue! May God Bless You with unlimited abundance!!!
I’m sorry u had to endure that betrayal..that shit is devastating and ruins lives..this is one of the reasons I just rather remain single because these DL (closeted) men will have u on an episode of Snapped!
Thank you for making this video. After 22 years of almost no sexual contact and being pushed away, I finally know that it has not been me that has been the problem.
How can man married to a beautiful woman like you be gay
I feel the same.
My narcissist ex-husband did all of this! We were married 25 years, and I just thought he hated me. You are right, this is very enlightening and needs to become part of the conversation. He did remarry as soon as the ink was dry on our divorce papers. I've spoken to his ex-wife and she filled in some of the blanks I could not understand. Today, he lives with a male friend in Arizona. He ruined my life.
You ruined your own life for staying with someone that long who treated you that way.
@@gd7022 I understand it is difficult to communicate the whole story in a few sentences. You need to understand that there is so much more to the story. You are absolutely correct in that I should of left in a year. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 28. By the grace of God, I made it through the treatments and surgeries. He was good then. We enjoyed a life of world travel. I had my own interior design business and worked full-time for the Federal government. He was a nuclear engineer. We custom built four homes. Together, we made alot of money to afford an above average lifestyle. His gaslighting and control were not on the top of my list. What I couldn't figure out, until the very end, was his sexual conduct. His love for younger men and brief engagements. I assumed they were simply close friends. Until, I filed a restraining order and they broke into the property and cut my power to the outside lights. After calling the police and reporting a break-in, I crawed to the garage, locked the door and turned on the electricity to the back pool area. The police found him and his friend having sex on the pool deck. I saw them and I was beyond shocked. He actually blamed me for the incident, spouted every profanity toward me and was taken to jail. See, no one knows the whole story, not even me! About 4 years of therapy and I am in a good place. No plans to marry again.
Ive just had one do that to me and im not coping very well at all at the moment. What do you suggest i do ?
@@kailenedunston7557 Do you need a relationship so bad that you have to keep interacting with someone who doesn't have a shred of honesty or caring?
@@gd7022 You don't know what her circumstances were, he might have pushed her into being a stay at home mother with no income.
I believe my husband of 30+ years is a closeted gay or bisexual man. In the process of divorce at present. He is also a malignant narcissist. (My extremely studied but not officially diagnosed opinion). To the best of my memory, we have been physically intimate 6 times in our entire marriage, once being right on the edge of being violent. He used every excuse in the book, from being "tactilely defensive" to " it'll disturb the cat" sleeping in the middle of the bed to aches and pains.You name it, he'd use ANY excuse. A former friend of his told me that my husband would frequently stroke his arm and tell him what great shape he was in. The friend would get mad but that didn't stop my husband, who would then complain that I was getting in between the two of them as friends. The last "intimacy" I had with him was 14 months into our marriage. Sex was wholly unsatisfying and alienating. A couple of times I told him of my loneliness regarding sex. His reply was "all you have to do is climb on" which revolted me. I wanted the emotional intimacy more than the physical intimacy. I stayed because I was afraid of his off-the-wall rages that would happen out of the blue. I often times had no idea why he was enraged. There has been physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse. Everything was my fault. Gaslighting was common. He lies as easily as he breathes, about anything and everything, even stuff that makes no sense. But making a move to leave put me at a level of risk I was scared would happen. The divorce was brought by him shortly after my Mom died. He was well aware that there would be an inheritance involved. He and his lawyers are hot to get that inheritance, even though it's not legally mine yet.I still cannot wrap my brain around what kind of deviant he is to be screaming about that before the estate is even out of probate. I don't think I'll be able to introduce in court the possibility that he's gay or even that he's a narcissist since it's only my opinion and not a clinical diagnosis. Bottom line...the narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy you in every way possible.
You can have your lawyer require him to be psychologically evaluated for NPD or other personality disorders. But, the bad news about that is a lot of the therapists are narcissists too. If I were going to have my lawyer require he be evaluated, I would make sure the therapist specializes in NPD. It would be to your benefit to prove he's mentally ill.
@@HonestyIsAVirtue7 Meredith,
Would the court have to be petitioned for an order? There is a problem I can already foresee. Husband has been "in the system", he has told me in the past that he familiar with the questions psychologists will ask and that he knows how to answer. Which means he will lie. He will be affable and friendly and calm and relaxed. He is an expert con man and an expert scam artist.
It would be great if Danish could do a video on NPD parents and leaving inheritance in their will
Omg praying so hard for your healing and this fight Deb
@@deb8442 I would schedule a consult with your lawyer. See what your lawyer thinks you should do. I mean, that man you were married to is a predator. He's a criminal. He singled you out to destroy you intentionally. It was premeditated. He planned in great detail how he would abuse you. He has abused you for a very long time with no remorse. He's a threat! And, he's dangerous. And, he should have to be held accountable for all of the damage he has caused to you. They all need life in prison in my opinion. Hopefully, your lawyer can prove that the narc is mentally disturbed, unstable, and dangerous.
Also, your lawyer can request that you be evaluated by a therapist to prove that you suffer from PTSD from all of his abuse. This is how you beat the narcs at their own games. Flip the tables! I'm just saying that they crumble under that kind of pressure. It catches them off guard. They don't know what to do. And, they freak out. They're COWARDS. They collapse when they are exposed. The first thing he'll do is start revealing his psychosis. His mask will fall completely off. He will most likely show rage, and then attempt to run and hide. Let him show the system who he really is. They need to see the monster behind the mask.
I'm just suggesting things, and trying to help you see your options. You do what you believe you need to do. Don't feel pressured by my comments. I'm just thinking out loud concerning your situation with him. If he's malignant, or psychopathic, then he's very dangerous. Just proceed with great caution with narcissists. They are all evil. I've dealt with them my whole life. It's absolutely ridiculous the things they say, and do. I'm not scared of them. My mother is a Malignant Covert. She's the most evil creature ever. And, my ex husband is the same creature. My mother set me up to be preyed on by predators.
You are spot on when you say the Narc will lie about it all. Absolutely! That's exactly what he will do. Lying is his native language. It's the only language he knows, understands, and speaks. And, he's a professional at being a pathological liar. That's why you can't breathe a word to him about your business. Whatever you do, don't let him know your plans. If he knows you're going to have him evaluated, he will plot and scheme to beat the test, and the system.
I hope the best for you. You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders by your comments. Just remember to leave your feelings out of this, and focus on survival. Don't feel sorry for him. He's a fake. He's a phony. Remind yourself that he is empty. He doesn't have an ounce of empathy. He hates you. He always has, and always will because he's evil to the core. Mirror his actions with the same emotions right back to him. That will bust him in the gut. Don't feel sorry for him whatever you do. My heart breaks for you. It's not fair what they get away with. They will stand before God someday, and have to answer to him. Blessings to you. Stay strong. Keep looking up. God Bless ❤
Everything you listed, you are EXACTLY describing my ex-husband😔 Word for Word. I'm in tears, I was in SO much Denial. The devil comes as EVERYTHING you ever wanted, but there is NO substance. Just the Facade.
I'm sorry my Dear, devil is a liar in Jesus name. God will provide a soul mate for you one day. Same here
We can only trust God to heal our soul ❤️
You're not alone.
I'm a single and childfree woman. Reading these comments makes me weep inside bc a lot of women endured some tough things that one like myself have never encounter and hope not to ever cross in any of my lifetimes. I'm beginning to believe those " butterflies in the stomach" on the the day of one's wedding is God's last and final warning not to go through with it. I pray for healing and an exdous plan if one is still going through it their narc spouse.
I think you're right about the butterflies.
I don't blame younger women for remaining childfree and single. If these younger guys don't eventually come out as ghey, and most of them seem to be ghey on some level (they are constantly exposing themselves to p0rn ograp hic images of men when they consume p0rn).... the time is coming when the straight men will discard women for femme-robots. Either way, we will lose if we try to get involved.
This makes perfect sense as his “best friend” has been a source of major conflict in our marriage from the start. I started to wonder if they were secretly lovers…both have mommy issues, narcissist traits, raised deeply religious and both exhibit macho man personalities and outright contempt for gay men and not much reap for women other than what they can be used for. It’s been ringing alarm bells for years. Also had no idea what to do with a woman’s body that is remotely sensual.
Wow! I needed to see this video. I always questioned my exhusband’s sexuality. Coming from a conservative, Catholic, Cuban family I couldn’t speak about this subject with many people. I am still the only one divorced in my entire family and it includes extended family members. These are the red signs I saw while married to this man. I now questioned why I lived with him for 10 years. Thankfully, I came away with 3 sons who are now grown and I have 3 beautiful granddaughters . They are the world to me so I am proud of that accomplishment despite what we went through.
1. I dated him in college for 3 years before we got married and he was nothing but a gentleman. He was a great actor during that time. As soon as the ring was placed on my finger his true identity was discovered. Treated me with such disrespect and told me I would have to get use to it.
2. This man is misogynistic. Hates woman. Specially educated, strong, successful women. He talks about how bad woman are constantly. In public to add. Constantly degraded me in public. Always trying to attract other woman in front of me. Always having extramarital relationships with other woman and blaming me for his actions. Made me feel like a maid or degraded servant.
3. Loves his male friends and puts them above anything. Will go on secret outings. Always keeping me out of his escapades.
4. Is extremely homophonic. Speaks openly about how much he hates gays and the LBGT community. But mostly gay men. Always talking about how manly he is.
5. Sex with him was horrible. Always, always wanting to have annal sex. It was always about his so called pleasure. As time went on it was hard for him to keep an erection and he was only in his early 30’s. He always blamed me. I always wanted to seek assistance with counseling or get a doctor’s advise and he would always say for me to go get help. He refused. It is so difficult to even write this.
I left my exhusband like I was escaping from a communist country. I had to secretly take my children run and hide. My 3 sons are grown and doing well. I never remarried. I was to afraid to get stuck in another bad relationship. I prefer to surround myself around my family and friends who are positive and loving.
Thank you for validating what I knew was actually occurring. Thank you for your channel. I have been divorced for 30+ years and I am only now finding closure and healing. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. ❤
Hugs, you are strong! ❤
I'm so happy for you and I wish you continued healing and lots of 💜...You SO deserve this 🙏💌
God bless❤️ thank goodness you got out of this horrible "marriage"..💥🙏🏾
You are the absolute best through all that hell. Do your sons know who their father really is?
Here for you, celenrating your victoriies - he is gone!!!!😆
Wow I had to do the same leave with the clothes on my back and 20$ it’s crazy on how I look back and wonder how I stayed in something so bad 8 years. I left and stayed on skid row for 2 months paying 300 a week but 3 years later and I’m back in my feet so I agree with you in saying I don’t want to be stuck in another bad relationship that really sucks.
Unsatisfactory is an understatement. Devoid of intimacy, hollow, shallow, I could go on…like acting…a show…Not worth it at all. RUN.
When I was 24, I married a handsome, highly educated man. I eventually realized that he was a narcissist, a misogynist, and a homosexual. He routinely engaged in sexual interactions with men. We divorced, but he married another woman several years later. He never came out of the closet, and he is by now dead.
That's terrible. May God STOP the rest of them before allowing them to go on like this.
He's gonna ruin more women's life
I really appreciate this episode! My first husband of 31 years was a closet homosexual and made me feel inadequate! I found out after I’d divorced him and he died that he had been seeing other men! You described him exactly! Thx
Yep it always felt like he was very inexperienced
My ex narcissistic/alcohol husband showed all these traits in one way or another. I never could put my finger on it, UNTIL, I found him soliciting for sex with men on Craigslist. I wasn't shocked, but saddened by the lie/s. I had always felt his alcoholism was a way to hide something. Thanks for posting this.
It's either alcohol, weed or other...it's just 💔
Devastating 🤯!!! Wasn't it ? Isn't it so strange to be distrustful and suspicious of what one would hope is a sacred and ultimate form of intimacy? I'm reminded of the all red flags experiences watching this video!😕😉 I can kind of laugh about it now - years have passed ... I can relate to a number of the items you listed. To me, it just goes to show how ultimately powerful the real act of intercourse is.
More importantly, that recovery from such a relationship IS attainable 🙏
They seem to be a mess of addictions.
Good point about the use of alcohol to run from the impulses
Wow! The sheer number of comments make this problem seem huge! This seems like a widespread crisis😮!
Its probably 50% of marriages.
They are repulsed by women and female anatomy. Imagine pretending to be aroused by an activity that makes you physically nauseous. But if you dont do it society will abuse YOU and ruin YOUR life and god will send you to hell.
I will always love gay men ❤️❤️❤️
I will always love straight men❤️❤️❤️
I will always love bisexual men that respect their spouse and children with their consenting life goals❤️❤️❤️
For instance “i am gay i know i am completely gay but YOU are my absolute favorite female on earth and my heart ALSO wants a traditional home with a wife and children. I am not sexually attracted to you but you are my best friend and i genuinely love you in my entire soul. I will always be gay i will never stop but i want you to be my wife and raise my children.”
Healthy consenting people should be allowed to live freely as they feel ❤️❤️❤️
Unfortunately people are too proud and desperate for power and control. They can never agree to a society like this. It must always be control and deceit and distruction❤️
He would look in the mirror at himself constantly, checking his hair especially. He was a storyteller too. I felt something was missing about him but couldn't figure it out.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. It took me a few years to figure out what was actually going on in my marriage. I thought I was the most ugly wife ever as my husband only touched me a handful of times in 7 years. We even had to go to the gay church. He should have just been honest with himself and me. It would have saved us both a lot of emotional pain and suffering. "Don't touch me" was the phrase I heard on a daily basis. He was obviously repulsed by me and of course I thought it was my fault for not being thin and pretty enough. It took me a long time to heal. My heart goes out to anyone in this type of marriage. It's is very traumatic.
Hopefully you now see that it was his broken-ness and not your attractiveness that was the problem. After all, how twisted and self-serving is it to marry someone you're not attracted to (due to gender preference)? He did that.
@@finnsya8054 thank you.
@@wendytimms4515 You're welcome. ❤️
Don't blame yourself because it had nothing to do with you honestly. 🤗🌹
That was exactly what my husband said to me.
Doctor karl menniger said abusive men were latant homosexuals
Wow interesting
My dad was a stark raving narcissist and constantly male bonding everywhere we went even to the gas station. My mom said once she was surprised they ever had children.
A number of ppl told me my ex is gay… I actually thought about this while still in the relationship… I confess the intimacy was very scarce and for (according to him) a variety of ways. I’m the beginning he “didn’t feel good about himself”; then “he works a lot, doesn’t have the time or the mindset”. Then it became “You’re too fat”… then he signed up to a gym and started taking hormones and yet, no intimacy because now it was all about me not being attractive enough… whenever it happened he needed to be under alcohol influence and it was very unsatisfying…
He had this best friend who was with him all the time… and he is known for being bissexual…
I’m so confused… they leave us in such a confusion state that we don’t know anymore what’s real, Whats not…
This is very, very powerful and not discussed enough! My Dad is like this. We grew up suffocated with his hoarding and as his last child left home, he moved straightaway to sleep in a different place to my mother. He accidentally left my mother a voicemail meant for a man he'd met online (he has tons of gay friends online and we know he watches gay porn as my mother found it in the internet history) yet she lives in denial and when I brought it up recently, she completely denied it ever happened and said that it was ME who found the porn on the computer! Needless to say, I have little contact with them both.
Your Mom knows but does not want to get a divorce
I am very sorry to read of your experience. I understand that it can be difficult and confusing as well. The narc/sociopath that I know is also a hoarder and when married for twenty years, he slept in another room and rarely came out of his room, (from what his ex wife and four children have told me).
Thank God!! I had the discernment to recognize the signs..I called it out ...Now he'll never speak to me again.....I Am free of such BS. Disgusting crap.
I'm seriously thinking about writing a book on my crazy experience. I was so duped,,, I to found the porn on his laptop...Lady boy website . The shame on his face was terrible....So sad being in the closet and spending a life time duping woman... He had 3 failed marriage...now I know why...
So unfair dragging unsuspecting women into your web of lies....
@@dutchessofcatshire my ex sociopathic BDP Narcissistic friend literally opened up to me and told me women found him to be gay, cause he would give them the impression that he wants to have sex with them and he wouldn't have sex with them, he would play these weird games that don't make sense to a regular dude , , most of all he would display an act of manliness by lecturing his male friends about women, and when we were alone he would ask me if I think he has a lot of women. When I finally ask him if he was, he Darvo on me and make me believe he was crying.. that I made huge a mistake accusing him. Even though he had other gay friends, and one ask him for a kiss..
I seriously thought this about my ex. I thought I was the only one that this could have happened to!
Me too.
Me too! It was so weird!
No! I made sure I got checked when I could for HIV and other stds
Nope you are not alone
I was 45 and married to a druggy narc. I fought to get sex 5 times a year. "People our age just have sex anymore. Quit pressuring me." Enough said. File immediately. Don't wait as long as I did.
Good advice. These men are never truly married in their hearts.
My narcissistic, alcoholic ex actually said to me once when he was drunk or maybe he was not as drunk as he seemed. He said “maybe I’m gay” it was so random and out of context.It has always stuck with me. And I’ve always had this feeling he could be a pedo.
Or he was deliberately trying to be cruel to you by planting that one on you because it would be short of suggesting that he played you for a fool and every moment of intimacy was a lie and only you were a sucker for it while he was a predator setting you up. He might be just trying to get your goat in a hostile moment. Tell him that you prefer girls.
@@dano3952 thankfully I figured him out and we’re no longer together.
Many have that tendency.
Please take heed in this message..I found out about my Narcissistic boyfriend 7 years into our relationship. He's on the DL...I was only in his life as a cover.
Me too, 6 years, wtf
for those who don't know..........DL is on the "down low" = secret gay...........amirite? I had a white male friend who was gay and living with a black doctor who pretended to be straight while all the while going to mexico and recruiting young mexican guys for sex. no one in their black church suspected a thing, and the black guy was sought after by all these older black women, fawning all over him. just pretended. I think this is what is called, the "down low". am I right? my white gay male friend told me all this, is how I know about this. I felt sorry for him (my friend) as he and all his siblings were gay and had a closeted gay dad who wouldn't come out but all his kids came out gay. honest. true story.
Same 6 years
This happened to me , he used religion to hide his lack of attraction to women , treated me horribly but slobbered over men , I found a strange man's wallet and jacket in his car after a " business trip" and also found a viagra on his floor after he declared " sex is for procreation only" . Destroyed my life and our kids .
How did he use religion?
@@missmysanity7093 he said the Bible forbids sex outside of procreation and that gay marriage is a sin .
Yes! I’m always suspicious of the ultra right wing Christian fundamentalist male.
@@HollyMurphy3 it’s like they hate women and use a christian spiritual platform to maintain superiority while pointing fingers and judging without mercy at all the unrepentant sinners, which is you and everyone that’s not them. Aghh!
I had forgotten about this, but I had found missing viagra as well, during a time when there were a few gay men who showed to be attracted to the narc/covert sociopath that I know/knew. These men were at his place of employment and I was also instructed to make an extra sandwich for him to take to work everyday so he could give it to one of his gay friends. (Up until then he would always split his sandwich with this gay gentleman).
Yes my ex was very misogynistic and over the top masculine. He often brought random “friends” home and disappeared for hours and days. He worked in a prison and told me once that one of the inmates grabbed his private parts. I was wondering why he choose that story to share, it was revealed 10 years after divorce that he was having sex with his co-workers. 😮
I strongly suspect my ex was a narcissist. He kept wanting to do a threesome. I would get angry and then he would say it was just a joke. And then he would keep doing it.
They sometimes have subtle effeminate mannerisms.
manucurred nails or perfectly shaped nails and eyebrows is another sighn
My ex would shave his ENTIRE body!! I mean legs, arms, private, eyebrows and even nose hairs😭😭. I remember going with him once to get his eyebrows done and there were only women and gay men in the salon 🚩🚩🚩
Yes!! And I brushed aside the high pitch voice and occasional weak wrist flourish attributing it to his personality and him being a flamboyant chef!!
6. They go on month long “golf trips” with their “best friend” 🤣😏
😂👏🏼
...a hole in one! 🧏🏾♀️
How about softball trips
I was with someone and caught him at the gym acting very submissive when with men. Head down and eyes up nibbling on a hoodie string while talking. Then saw me and straightened up and stopped nibbling. Is odd that a stranger asked me if I was married and I responded yes but soon to be divorced. He looked shocked and made me promise to check a book called The Invisible Life by E.Lynn Harris. It's something when a stranger tells you in subtle ways that ones hubby is gay. Then a family member asked me "don't you think that your spouse is a little effeminate"? Yep, an effeminate jock who went to an all male school.
Just borrowed that book from the library. Thanks for mentioning it.
My ex came out of the closet as trans. Later, he admitted to being bisexual. He was this way before we married and kept it a secret from me. Needless to stay it ended our marriage.
I’m sorry to hear your marriage ended. We need to be true to ourselves and to those we love dearly. Sometimes if the relationship is strong and healthy, couples can survive finding out differences in sexual identity. People are feeling more able to discuss these intimate realities now with the hope of not losing their loved one. My best to you as you proceed on your life’s journey.
@@infiniteinfinity9802 I'm very glad for this woman that she's out of a marriage with a narcissistic pervert.
@@infiniteinfinity9802 sincere disclosure is a blessing ❤️❤️ many times its never intended for a resolution or mutual respect. Its only a weapon to bait and abuse your sympathy and compassion while they slander you and plan against you in their private life
This man I married has not touched me in almost 7 years because he ‘does not want to do all the sex work’. He moved out of the marital bed 10 years ago, because it was uncomfortable sleeping next to a pregnant woman. I have finally had enough after he told me my opinion means f@£&all. I am cutting ties and running.
Run!
I actually find narcissts physically repugnant due to their aloofness arrogance and contempt for almost everyone. I cannot imagine them coming down enough to be intimate with anyone gay straight or otherwise
LMAO...that's funny! But I believe it to be true!
You probably haven’t met a covert narc. They appear so humble but are not.
What percentage of the population do u think is narcissisistic? Judging from this comment section, i m afraid quite a lot. Speaking of Lot, i got reminded of a certain people/followers of the prophet with the same name!
They are the true asexuals and prostitutes
@@Jesusandcoffee3382 not true. My sister in law bullied me to the point of suicide - yeah she had a mask of humbleness but the cold ugliness seeped through - they are spiritually ugly no matter how much they try to mask it. Don’t patronize me
So true...my ex was a narcissist, 10 years married, caught him with his best friend. I left right then and there.
I once had a friend who got engaged to a man that seemed like a total mismatch. I would sit opposite them at dinner trying to figure out how those two got together. Fast forward 13 years my friend left her husband when she unexpectedly walked into their bedroom and found him in bed with another man. I saw big red flags without knowing anything about him. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut. I’ve finally learnt to trust myself, if I see red flags I no longer question anything, I’m outa there.
I am just really saddened by the fact how many women in comment section were lied to and taken advantage of...😐😲
A 10-, 20-, 40-year marriages...
I suspect my husband is narcissistic but he also cheated on me with men. And sex has been always mechanical and robotic. So I guess he is a narcissistic gay. My heart is sore...
The craziest story I heard was a man taking his “friend” on trips and vacation and then finally taking his wife but he had her sitting alone on the plane while he sat next to his “friend”. When the wife got upset about it, she got guilt tripped and shamed. 🙄
My ex boyfriend was very strange and after the first few months then he started saying that he would have sex soon and that lasted a year. He would make fun of me and make a teasing joke in a baby voice Cathy wants some sex. Awww and pinch my cheek. It was not funny. Then he started showing strong affection in public but in private we were like 2 platonic friends. Sleep over. He really crushed me. Took me a while to recover. I felt so unattractive. I'm better now.
My ex used to withhold sex as a way to try to control me. For a while I hoped that we could bring about mutual healing through marriage counseling. However, he found ways of weaponizing whatever I said in the sessions, and he would later claim that the therapist clearly agreed with his point of view. Mutual friends helped him move after I had initiated our divorce and moved out. They discovered, in a corner of the basement, a box of clothing that looked like cross-dressing outfits in his size. He made feeble excuses for those outfits. I suspect that he was bisexual and deeply ashamed, and there were incidents that indicated he practiced partial asphyxiation on his own.
Finally somebody answers my question I have been looking for videos about homosexual narcs for the longest while, I’m married to a narc whom after 17yrs of marriage I’ve come to uncover a secret that was happening right under my nose in my house and I had not the slightest clue that my husband liked men until I saw some messages on his phone having sexual conversations with men and not ONE sexual conversation with any of the many female friends he had, I screamed when I read some of them and was in total shuck, I still ask myself to this day where was I when all this was going down, he has ruined my life and my thinking toward men, relationships and marriage he robbed me of having a decent normal relation of my choice by telling a lie
These type are also very heavy handed towards women and emotionally cold. They also act the same way as jealous women do toward other women they feel intimidated by. So wild! I 🤯Overall they are walking nightmares. I've met 3 in my life. And each one seemed to be just a tad bit more vile than the other. Now I know the signs. I also sometimes feel sorry for them. Because it has to be torture not living in your truth.
R Kelly, Nick Cannon?
They are the most discussing thinks that walk this earth
i've met two in my life, both ''christians'' who were looking for wives as cover....in both cases they start arguments for no reason and when they are no arguing you can feel the comptempt they have for your presence. thank GOD it didnt work out in both cases.
This is so true cause my ex narcissist was most definitely jealous of me and my success
It’s not torture for them
I dated a narcissist. In the beginning, during love bombing, he would mention quite strange things regarding men in his life. He said once, "A homeless guy begged me to let him give me a blowjob." Throughout the relationship, he constantly talked down on gays, transgenders, etc. Even accused me randomly of wanting to be a "dyke". During the last weeks of our relationship, I found transgender porn in his phone history. Now that I'm away from him...he is following transgender men and women. I'm so confused...nothing wrong with sexual orientation, but he went out of his way to trash talk the LGBTQ community, every chance he could. I really think he may be bisexual...makes sense. He used to accuse me of the same.
Accusations are often confessions when the accusation does not fit.
I have asked him many times if he's gay.
No emotional connection during sex, no effort to satisfy me, telling me sex is not that important,I felt like he was scared to explore my body. If he meets a new male friend,he doesn't stop talking about him.
This has got to be the most accurate video I've watched yet. I'm still stuck in this but I'm working on the disconnecting phase now. I've watched my bf completely act as if I'm not even their when his next door neighbor would be over. I would travel an hour and a half to come see him to completely be ignored when his neighbor came out. It was if they had a secret relationship. When I said something to him about this he completely flew off the handle about it so I left it alone. One day I needed to get a shirt out of his closet and for 2 years these 2 condoms sat in his closet untouched in the same place one day they were both gone. I inquired about them and he said he liked to jerk off in them. Then flipped out on me about minding my own business. Well I knew that was a lie bc they sat there for so long. About a week after that he told me his neighbor was moving to another state and he was just down right depressed and couldn't even function. Which pretty much was the red flag, until the day came his neighbor was actually leaving and he broke down and cried all afternoon for him even begged him to come say goodbye to him at the job we were at before he left. Needless to say the neighbor just kept going. Which is exactly what he deserved for stabbing me in the back and keeping me around to appear normal. On another occasion he must have forgotten he left his huge rubber dick in the shower that eventually became his new go to for sex. After i wouldnt give him anal because he was just to ruff and didnt care about hurting me.
He has turned me cold and I hate it I hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel that I will be able to trust someone else in the future. I've gone threw so much I could write a novel, but yet I'm still trying to escape......
Take care of yourself. Write that novel if it helps you to alchemise the grief and find your bright light again.
Jesus Christ will help you to escape if you Trust/Ask Him.
Narcissists like sex their way. It’s not something that’s necessarily gay or straight. They might like sex where they dominate some male, or other female, or enjoy the control of forcing them to do stuff. It’s not necessarily as simple as gay or straight but it’s still worth noting. Thanks for your thoughts on this. Seems rarely touched on if at all.
Yup, he would get mad at me for getting into sex ya know throwing it back. , I told him he wanted me to play dead. Don't think he wanted me to play at all. Just dead!!!!😢😂
You covered this topic so well and it is so needed. I feel for the women that are married to gay men and are clueless about it blaming themselves.
I’m sure I dated one of these for two years. Never caught him w another man but he wasn’t into sex with me. The sex was awful, too. Very rushed and unsatisfying. I had to instigate it almost always. He’s joke about it like, “ DANGER, Will Robinson!” when I tried to initiate sex. And he was really mean overall, but also very attached to me and wouldn’t let me go when I tried to leave. He wanted to marry n have kids w me and even took me to Hawaii to meet his mom and family. Thankfully I got out but I still feel so gross and repulsive to men. Narc abuse takes a while to heal from. That guy was form twenty years ago and it still feels awful.
This is a very ignored facet to being involved with a narcissist. The narcissist in my life was perhaps one of the most physically attractive men I've ever met. The type who everyone notices when he enters a room. Oozing sexual energy & fully smugly satisfied with his looks. I'm gay & will never know his true sexual orientation, so many mixed messages & actions from him. It was clear that his interest in me was because I was attracted to him, not him being genuinely interested or attracted to me. Swore he was straight but always surrounded by other men. Openly hostile to his mom, sister, & random women in public, often referring to them using the "C" word. Gorgeous on the outside, despicable on the inside.
A pretty face don't mean no pretty heart.
"Gorgeous on the outside despicable on the inside" describes the narcissist I was involved with too. Insisted he was straight, seemed to despise women, revered men, and had an absentee father.
@@finnsya8054 So sorry you experienced this also. Hope you're recovery from this him is finding you in a happier place.
@@trainattendant5810 Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.❤️
I've been no contact for 8 months now and working on my healing.
Sounds like my ex husband. I have been taking Spiritual baths, doing yoni steams and balancing my chakras to rid my body of the bad energy and trauma from him.
Using his peen as a weapon with no regard to my or his own health MF safety. Ugh! 🤢
All 5 signs. I read a while back that the eyes go to what they are attracted to, so I started watching my ex's eyes. If an attractive couple walked down the street passing us his eyes would focus on the man. Briefly tho, because he didn't want it to be obvious in front of me, but he never even gazed at the woman for a second. He would always say something about the man. For example, liking the color of his shirt or some other "innocent" comment. Trust. Your. Gut!!
that confusing feeling or gut that always make you wondering" is he gay or narcissist ? " that make you end up watching this lol 😅
1. Sex feels robotic, unsatisfactory
Avoids sex with you, uses excuses, finds female body repulsive
Wants anal sex
2. Obsessively notices male bodies
3. May bring random men home
May go off for hours with no excuse
May become sneaky
4. Has strange history of previous romantic relationships
Won’t let you dig into his past
5. Shame, embarrassment, and belittles homosexuals
6. Has weird grooming and dressing habits that don’t make sense
7. You always feel there is something hidden in behavior
8. His clothing may have residue of male to male sexual behavior. You may wonder if he has Crones disease.
Especially point number 5 I have noticed in men I suspected...
#8 😂crones disease 🦠 😂. I can’t stop laughing 😂. This is ridiculous. I have witnessed behavior like this in so many of my friend’s relationship. I even knew of a male gay couple, One husband was a closeted straight man. He was sleeping with so many women, but married to a guy. It was really bizarre. 😂 I had friend, whose husband was having sex everynight with his gay employees. They got caught when the wife one time came back for her cell phone at the workplace, they were recording videos of it live. Her family found out. It’s really sad and humiliating for anyone to suffer because of deception.
And it’s weird cause her husband always had the stare. Pretending to be present but secretly somewhere else. I’m a combat veteran and I know the look. Everyone can see what everyone is doing anyways. At this point in existence, your going to exposé eventually everything about who you are. “Narcissistic people” isn’t really an accurate description. We are dealing with “darkness of the heart” evil. Like an Abyss of a Hungry Creature, starving on “dark sexual energy”. A (state of low life vibrational being). These concepts about these types of individuals are so much more deeper than what we think & know about psychology and society and how our culture can create these types of individuals on so many levels and variations. I truly have witnessed marriages ruined, relationships destroyed,children becoming like their “vain parents”. What’s interesting I have witnessed a lot of women be “succubus” jezebel narcs. What I believe is one of the worst things about these situations, is when it involves children witnessing & being influenced by the narcs behavior. The narcs does one of the most dangerous things in our existence. It can rob the light from the child’s divine heart. Sons & daughters get confused by these behaviors, especially if they do not have the wisdom/knowledge and critical thinking skills to actually discern what they witness, in 99.9% cases most children don’t.
I was briefly involved with someone, many years ago, who exhibited some of these traits. I did suspect it, but we got along in other respects. Years after we stopped seeing each other, I saw him in public with a guy, exhibiting pda, and I knew my suspicions were right.
@MATRICULAT3D AGREE with you. I am a successful, attractive & empathetic narc magnet. I dated a gorgeous, masculine military contractor who deployed overseas with very attractive, young men. We once hung out with his 2 gay marine friends (also gorgeous) and I caught him kissing one of them - he denied he was gay/bi and said he was only drunk. Ha! He would leave and need to be "alone" for days and didn't have sex with me when he could/should and it felt cold. He was mentally somewhere else when we were together. Gripped my hand tightly and without stopping in front of other people ~ it didn't match what he did in private. Like he was using me for appearances for others. Glad I bailed. He got married to a girl soon after and I feel sorry for her because it's a cover. Trust your gut!
Omg... I thought this for sooo long
It is just like Omar Mateen, who killed over 50 people in a gay club in Orlando, FL. He was a narcissist, secretly in the closet, married, and did all these things you mentioned. These men are sad and dangerous.
They are menace to society.
Thank you for posting this. 3 years after I left my ex husband, he said he wanted to talk. He came to visit and asked to "fix" our marriage for the children. However, he slept with a man and enjoyed it. He said He will allow me to date others as long as the children never meet any of the men I date. He just feels that it is important for the kids to grow up with "both" parents around. Naturally I declined. It showed me that he was so selfish and ashamed of his sexuality that he thought of using the children and myself as a front for him to hide his being gay and still have the best of both worlds. I told him to get out of my house... He then messaged me 3 weeks later saying it was a joke and I was stupid to believe him. We are now all in no contact for about 5 years now. He hoovers every so often but gets no responses and he hates it.
This REALLY needs to be discussed more! Thank you for bringing this out into the open. So many really weird things make sense now.
More recently I was involved with a narcissist that wouldn't touch me. He refused to perform oral sex, but loved it when I did it. It was the most hurtful and bizarre thing that I've ever experienced. I got the idea that he liked boys.
Bingo. I had the same hurtful experience. When I asked him if he liked men he said he just didn't need sex in general. But he masturbated 3-4 times a day and proudly informed me about that, while we haven't had sex for months though he knew I wanted it. Omg.. I am so ashamed of it...
@@alinavolchkova4914 don't be ashamed, for 37 of the loneliest years of my life, he took care of himself, as I died daily, cried daily. I feel so stupid for not knowing. My mother and daughter both told me he was gay, or really displayed those tendencies, I just thought he was faithful. I asked him if he was gay, toward the end, and he screamed with veins popping out of his temples, 'I'd rather be dead than gay'. I lost my youth. Don't feel ashamed.
@@lynnettemccreery3937 oh, I am at a loss for words... 37 years.. I won't ask the stupid question "how could you not leave". It's the same as with everybody who reads and dig in narc abuse topic. It is just that when a woman feels disregarded or neglected in bed it is self-esteem killer. Literally. I hope you are better now leaving without this devious person and you can breathe. Do surround yourself with people who value you. This is the best cure, I speak from experience.
most straight men don't like giving oral sex to women and the ones who do they do it it be fair
I dated a man whose father was like this. Classic narcissist & very abusive. He always went on “vacations” with handsome young men & was often spotted in gay parts of the town. The family begged him to come clean about his sexuality but he always swore he was straight as an arrow.
Deep in denial
Yep...its all true! 19 year marriage and sex 7 times...unfulfilled with him not being intimate...was demeaning to me but when in public, he would act like a caring husband...especially in church! I cried and cried for intimacy at home and eventually had my own room. He had sex in gay bar on our wedding weekend and didn't consummate for 4 months afterwards. I didn't know he was gay until my honeymoon. I was young and tried to live my dream life but it never became a reality. Divorce after 20 years and the heavy reality was lifted off of me!
I am so sorry.
Same with me. 12 years. Sex 4 times
@@ButterFly088 hello! Hope your life situation is better, now!
This information was so real that I feel triggered, I needed to hear it and the truth hurts like nothing else.
Man, I could write my whole marriage here…I’ve always known. Was indeed shut down when asked about it in any way, even when I showed him love and that it didn’t matter to me if he was. He’s the kind to use religion and act overly homophobic. Sex was weird from the beginning, okay at some times but in our 14,5 years of marriage there are some years where we maybe did it three times or so…I felt terribly unloved and he still managed to blame me for the lack of sex. He also played off his disintrest in woman as loyalty and I must admit I was fooled. In this past half year I started to find out things, like him going to a sex shop and having dating apps on his phone, and in his “desperation” he told me that he struggled with gay feelings and that he even experimented on his little brother when he was little and that was why he felt so ashamed. I just said I knew. He thought his confession would keep me from divorcing him, he thought I would feel compassionate, and for one day I did, but then it just dawned on me how his lies broke me over these years…my whole marriage played over and over in my head but with this new perspective, it’s the worst betrayed and hurt I’ve ever felt…worst thing is our daughter that’s now hurt as well because of the divorce
I went through the same thing. My ex waited until afterward we were married to tell me that he experimented on his little brother when he was younger. He said he lied to me because he knew I would have never married him. I was crying and hysterical and he just stared at me and said “ I had to do it to get what I want, you wouldn’t marry me”. He also told me I should have had stronger boundaries with him. He wouldn’t have treated me this way if I did. Lesson learned.I found out that he was abusing animals too. His behavior was so obvious that when our daughter was 13. She asked him if he was bi sexual. He of course got mad at her. Needless to say she doesn’t have anything to do with him because he was abusing her cats. This guy was a nightmare..I have been HAPPILY divorced for 5 years.
Wow our stories are the same.... Just heart breaking.
Same here he will leave in the evening and then comeback when I’m asleep
So glad you guys escaped!!
Oh dear, I’m hugging you - you did the right thing.
My ex narcissist husband was this to the tee.The last time I saw him he was wearing clear nail polish on his toes & fingers.I didn’t say anything but I guess he saw the look on my face & said,” I treated myself”. 🤔
My brother is like this, he was very sadistic towards me growing up, I’m going through the trauma from growing up with him.
He said when we first dated: " I will perform for you" He said it just like that. That was my first red flag. I was hurt. I wondered why he had to as he called it "perform" for someone he supposedly shared a close emotional bond with. He said later that it was just a figure of speech. After over a decade with him and fewer and fewer sexual experiences every year. I knew his statement was prophetic. Every intimate moment felt forced an fake after a while. He would also cross dress but he had learned improv and acting in NYC so I assumed that he was just acting or playing a part because a lot of improvisation explores themes of gender. He fooled me for so long. I am struggling now with the effects of years of this (crazy making) abuse! I think I may have the symptoms of nervous system exhaustion.
Thank you for discussing this topic - I didn't suspect anything strange about narcissist ex-husband until after I escaped and went no contact. He definitely had "close" relationships with certain men in his life, weird grooming habits, and made it very clear that he hated women.
This was not made for me. I’m single and a straight male. But oh boy did it make me feel thankful. Was feeling down driving home because I wasn’t looking forward to being alone. But now I’m seeing how things could be way worse. I could be with a partner that I think is cheating on me! Good luck everyone!
This happend to me. Used for cover, cheaper than a nanny and house cleaner and once I had been used up he came out and left. Single with 6 kids before 30 and a 6mo baby and he was nagging to have more babies until the very end. Made so sense to me 🤷🏼♀️
Omg they're evil I'm so sorry
Wow. My condolences
As an LGBT person, we definitely need to talk about narcissism in our community more. It's always presented in hetero contexts but the worst Ns I've ever seen are "gay men who hate women" (and are really mean to their own, usually much younger, male partners) and the notorious abusive butches (that we don't talk about but all know are there).
"The community" is a really toxic place because those are the only two groups that get any airtime and most of the rest of us are abused by them, starting from a young age, because we've been cut off from our families and many young people don't have income and rely on the older narc partner.
The narcissism in the lgbt community hides even more than hetero domestic abuse narcissism because of the various layers of oppression making it hard to talk about (can't discuss your relationship with anyone) or know what's normal (can I criticize a gay person? Maybe they're just upset because they're oppressed and I shouldn't expect happiness because the world hates us anyway? Am i betraying the group by being critical of it?--that sort of thing).
By the way, for anyone reading this, as Danish said, being gay is fine and there are nice gays out there. So please don't go "oh yeah those horrible narcissists and also those horrible gays". Being a self hating gay person is a real thing, that often goes hand in hand with narcissism. It hurts the rest of us gays too. It's just an added later of complexity around narcissism. Sorry your husbands sucked and hurt you. They would have sucked no matter whose husband they were, because they are narcs. :(
Oh definitely that stereotype is everywhere
Spot on.
Yes, in talking to some ghey men at work, it seems that they themselves admit there are a lot of narcissists and "users" in their own community. What I feel is super tragic is how many young men probably get exploited and keep silent when older men abuse them-- it's as if they think they "deserved it" because they were ghey in the first place. The wealthier ghey men seem to be more predatory and abusive.
I've encountered a passive-aggressive butch, too. She was ironically the female version of the male discussed here-- she married a man knowing she was a lesbian in the first place. She eventually divorced after having three children with him. He was no saint, but it was clear she had zero interest in men in the very beginning, she just wanted US citizenship. She was a smothering/controlling type of person who would hover over you, and if you were her friend-- she would go berserk if you didn't respond to her thousands of texts...
I think it would benefit a lot of ghey and les bian people to read the domestic violence books written by Lundy Bancroft-- at least for those of us who are prone to being bully targets, those who are quieter, less likely to put up a fight, etc..
He himself admits in his book that his discussions can be sex-reversed, but he uses the male-as-abuser and female-as-victim dynamic for ease of conveying his message across. Abuse dynamics are often consistent regardless of sex or the orientation of the relationship. I could identify a lot of my parents' behaviors in those books as well.
Closeted folk aren't a part of your "community"...
Wow 🎯 shedding light is the answer.. sometimes it takes 1 person to begin that movement for healing. Light and Love to ALL ❤️🩹