Ive spent over a decade healing trauma and becoming a human being, i got burnt out and now im slowly getting back on the grind. No one is coming to save you, get up and fight
Same. For 2 years work burned me out bad. Unfairness. Nepotism. Gender discrimination under the tables. Gas lighting. You name it. Even if it all were true….. What am I gonna do about it? I can’t control any of that bulls**t I love what you said, “No one is coming to save you. Get up. And fight.”
As a guy who has had a bit of physical health issues in life (53 surgeries, 27 concussions, right leg amputee 2021, Trigeminal Neuralgia diagnosis 2023, etc) I'm learning that life is truly what you make of it. Today, I woke up like usual. In excruciating nerve pain. Shaved my head, my balls, and my neck. Had a shower and took my son to hockey with a smile on my face. Life is a choice. I have almost made the final choice so many times, but I'm not a quitter. Not when my son needs me.
Damn. I needed to hear that. Sometimes I let my physical problems bog me down too much and then I get reminded that other people carry on with their lives enduring way more. Thank you for sharing.
"It is possible to commit no errors and still fail" - Jean Luc Picard Sometimes you just gotta keep grinding even when it seems futile, but also don't forget to reconsider your strategy and try different things. Repeated failures are the ONLY way to succeed. Never quit.
Good advice and that's a great quote too. Don't want to be that guy, but this quote is from Jean-Luc Picard to Data, not from Spock, but you got the show right so I'll see myself out.
The guy was smart. He quit football because the coaches are maniacs. He didn’t go through with the military because the recruiter lied. And he doesn’t trust women because they lied too. He’s doing good. He has a Condo!
@@connorgreenwell5731 You’re welcome. The reason why I remember is because this is such a great quote. It teaches us that failure may happen no matter what you do, even when you do everything right. You need to accept that to be able to handle it when it happens and grow from the experience.
Jocko, thanks for being such a great role model to me. Currently going through a divorce, got 4 kids and assets to go with it. Hardest shit I’ve ever dealt with. With all your knowledge you’ve put out I have learned to handle ALL of it with ease. From training jiujitsu instead of poisoning myself, playing her game and looking at life from detaching it’s just been that much easier to deal with. Thank you so much.
I'm going through a divorce as well and can agree with you it's really helpful to have strong role models in these painful times of life. I hope you can find peace on your journey and find new meaning going forward. Thank you for all that you do jocko. I really love your podcasts! So grateful to have found your content when I did. You've inspired me to change and grow up and I can't thank you enough. Especially with the victim mentality stuff..
Too many guys seem to have this same story. Don't get married ever again. Enjoy your life now the best way that you can. But do not fall for the marriage trap a second time. Wish you all the best.
@@Jay15523 honestly there is no reason to be married under the government. It just makes it a fucked up business transaction at the end of it. Not salty by any means but it has been a headache. Only because she is not being cooperative.
I had an interesting conversation with my older sister. She was excited to inform me I wasn’t in our mother’s will. I informed her she doesn’t owe me a damn thing nor you. I think she was in shock that it didn’t bother me.
I had my parents write me out of there will. I have 5 brothers and sisters. I don't want to deal with it. I made my own. I told them give my half to the Grand kids. They are doing that. Now I feel even more free!
I was in a bad place 4 years ago. Under pressure, after years of struggle we broke ground on our house build and lockdowns added a year to the build. I worked, cared for our kids and worked alone on the house to save money and keep moving forward. I had previously been diagnosed with PTS and had previously listened to JBP. I decided to listen to his lectures while I worked alone and stumbled across his podcast with Jocko. Then I listened to the Mac VSOG guys and was blown away by what they'd endured and still had their good humour and faith. So slowly but surely I read the books and Jockos Extreme ownership. Now I working in my yard before a night shift and am in a totally different place mentally, emotionally, physically and in my faith. Gratitude for what I have and am able to do have lead me to signing up to an online course having volunteered for an extra job at work. I've embraced it and am working on developing myself to be a better work colleague, father, husband and son. Thanks Jocko and Echo Charles. I do appreciate it.
@@Theendman42 Preach? Here's the real preaching then. God sent his son to come and save us, you forget this as most people do, including myself for so long. We have already been saved, everything else is our choice on how to react. Remember this blessing.
Great advice! My parents rarely punished me. They instead let me learn from and navigate my failures. Failed classes, expelled from high school, fights and injuries. It was always "who's fault is this?" "how did this happen" "how do you fix this?" "what do you do in the future to not let this happen". I was quick to realize I was at fault for everything, why it happened. I was also quick to realize that I need to be the one to fix this and learn from this. I went back to school. Graduated with great grades. Joined the trades and became an electrician. Bought my first house in 2012 at 22. I make $150,000 Per year. Save and invest a minimum of 10% of my income. Currently working on a degree in business management and on becoming a plant operator. I work out everyday and do Kickboxing multiple times a week. You are 100% correct you are going to get what you deserve and work towards. I was voted most likely to fail, I was written off by everyone except the people closest to me and myself. When you accept that maybe not everything bad that happens to you is your fault but it is your responsibility to respond your life changes. Love the content and the books!
Jocko thanks for BJJ I'm 42 almost two years in closing in on that blue belt. I was with 1 AD 1-37 ARBT the Bandits. Thanks for what you did for my brother's in Ramadi then and thanks now. Bandits do not fail those with whom they serve
Wisdom is understanding that people who struggle to take responsibility often carry childhood trauma, whether from being scapegoated or having parents who couldn’t own their own mistakes and blamed them instead. When dealing with individuals like this, it’s crucial to begin by acknowledging that they’re not at fault for everything. Clearly point out what isn’t their responsibility, then gently shift the conversation by saying something like, “Yes, these people wronged you, BUT here’s what you can do to turn their actions into something that benefits you.” After all, if life always went according to plan, it would be a trip, not a journey.
The next time you're dealing with someone who seems helplessly at the mercy of someone's apathy (or even malfeasance), ask if they've tried telling them "no". A lot of the time the stress over lack of control comes from the belief they'll be "punished" if they push back. Unfortunately, it's not the sort of thing you can just "conclude yourself." Someone other than you needs to "give you permission" to show that society isn't just gonna be a macro version of how your parents treated you when you talked back.
@@AnonYmous-mc5zx The first person who needs to give me permission is myself. There's nothing wrong with a helping hand and heart in dealing with trauma, however nobody can heal the person who _wants_ victimhood over healing, health, and freedom.
"But it's, all right now I learned my lesson well You see you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself" Chorus to "Garden Party" by Ricky Nelson He wrote and released this song after reappearing to the public at a music concert at Madison Square Garden in 1971, and was booed off the stage while playing his hits from the '50s and '60s.
To anyone going through a dark time, please remember: You are NOT alone. Other people feel the same right now, and many more have felt the same in the past. The same unpredictability, complexities and random chance that threw you into a dark situation may very well throw you into a better one next, or eventually. You might even be able to climb or fight your way out on your own or with the help of other people. Or the *combination* of your efforts, help from others and random chance may ultimately be your ticket to salvation. I doubt suicide really brings relief. Relief itself is a feeling, and only living things can experience feelings. Even "feeling nothing" (in the sense of numbness) is probably different from literally "not feeling" (from not being conscious). The whole world is currently going through difficult times. We're in one of history's low points. So please don't blame yourself. Your struggles aren't your fault even though we all make mistakes we need to learn from. Do you best to choose a better way forward, or at least keep searching for better options and solutions! Find the right people to team up with and build a strong community. Remember this poem: "My strength is that I’m not alone in this big world. The world and its people are no secret in my heart, no mystery in my science. Calmly and openly I took my place in the great struggle."
Going through divorce with 3 small kids... seriously struggling so hard ... before this I was doing amazing minus my stbxw. This has broken me... how the fuck do I build myself back up when I feel like this massive failure?
@@dougieegan7661 Awe, man, that's brutal! I went through a divorce, too. Dragged out for 2 years. We didn't have kids, and I'm sure that makes it all the more difficult. I strongly recommend relying on any friends and family who can help you get through this. Just remember that this is naturally one of the hardest things in the world that anyone can experience, so don't blame yourself. Focus on surviving for now so that you'll be alive and well enough later to thrive again with your new life. Try to make sure all your coping mechanisms are as healthy as possible, like using exercise and not alcohol, quality time in conversion with friends, family or a therapist and not staying too isolated for too long. Try to set some small positive goals to focus on and keep you oriented, like improving the nutrition of your diet. Tell your kids how much you love them and don't let them feel like any of this is their fault. They'll feel the love just from seeing you surviving and doing your best *for them.* Let their wellbeing be part of your sense of purpose and a source for your strength. It can keep you motivated to take good care of yourself, too. Good luck, my friend!
I don't know if you will ever read this. You had a profound impact on my life. Your ideas changed how I view myself and the world. I just want to say thank you. I read a book when I was 13 years old that changed my life. At that time my parents were separating, my mother and my older brother were leaving my world, my other brother was having mental health issues, I was struggling with friendships and realizing how much it truly sucks to be poor, my family moved into a cramped apartment, and I was going into my freshman year of high school. I didn’t have control over almost anything in my life. I didn’t realize that I was creating bad habits to cope with my life. I didn’t eat good food, nor did I ask for it because I knew we were too poor. I ate cereal and peanut butter sandwiches for almost every meal that wasn’t at school. I didn’t know that an addiction to video games, to cope with stress, would result in a deep depression my first two years of high school. I didn’t know that watching porn for a hit of dopamine would result in erectile dysfunction the first time I tried to have sex. I didn’t want to hate myself. I didn’t become the person that I wanted, that I knew I could be. But I knew that it wasn’t anyone else's fault that these things happened. I knew that my parents didn’t do the best job, but they didn’t deserve to be blamed. I knew that it was on me to change those bad habits and that no one else would do it for me. I knew that I did have control of my actions. I knew that I could change myself for the better. I knew that it was possible to become someone that would make myself proud. I read a book when I was 13 years old that planted an idea which sprouted into a belief that has shaped the way that I see the world. That book is called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willnick. I'm 20 now and I now I've made my younger self proud.
Your turnaround is rare for a teenager with no support system. Bravo Zulu. Celebrate your accomplishments, and _"Keep Moving Forward"_ I recommend watching "Meet the Robinsons" by Disney. Not kidding. It has a powerfully moving story behind the silly characters and plot.
You made a video about “being in a storm waiting for it to pass “ a while back. It got me through one of the darkest times in my life and I listened to it daily. I’m still here today, and the storm passed like you said it would. Thank you
I really dig your comment about denial and ownership. I spent the first part of my life in and out of jail (mostly in). During the last few years in prison, I listened to how the convicts kept blaming everyone but themselves for why they were there. That's when my eyes began to open to taking ownership. I've been free for over 36 years now and I've never looked back. I've been married to the same woman since 1988 and we have 3 healthy children. I will be following you because I like what you're saying. I have Admiral McRaven's commencement speech on bookmark and I watch it from time to time because it's awesome. I will be sharing this.
Shouldn't assume that everyone who's having a hard time blames others. Some don't get what they deserve because the world isn't always fair man. Some take responsibility but still have a hard time. Difference is, those people won't be asking others for advice usually.
Taking responsibility doesnt mean life gets easy, it gets EASIER, it also doesn't mean that other's actions have no impact (fair or otherwise) on your life, it's just acknowledging and internalizing that you have a hand (even if just a tiny part) in EVERY outcome in your life and redirects your focus inward on the thing you have the most control over, YOURSELF, you can control your actions and reactions and that's a more productive and effective strategy for improving your life in the long run as you hone and harden yourself, if you attribute life's setbacks to outsides forces (real or imagined) you also start externalizing solutions on factors you have little to no influence over (Government, charity, luck, etc), Life IS "fair" in so far as its universally indifferent, you get what you deserve, if there's a mismatch between what you expect and what you get, then check in on your approach, tweak your plans/attitudes and actions and also reassess your expected outcomes, its a never ending process of trials, errors, review and course corrections.
Im a newly graduated Data Scientist.. I have gotten straight rejections for 2 months.. I know its not long but it sucks so bad not even getting a interview.. I want o start grinding but currently im just spinning my wheels getting nowhere...Just yesterday the youtube gods decided to show me a soldier who had gotten he face blown off who was still grateful to be alive and then a young woman with a brain tumor with maybe 11 years to live also grateful to be alive...Did make me feel a little silly about feeling sorry for myself...
Took me over a year to get my first engineering job out of school. Worked for $14 an hour making covid masks in a factory. Dont give up and don’t waste the time. Get after it.
@@jessebibby Wow, that's so inspiring. I'm having the same problem! I can't find a job as a software engineer. I was really depressed, doubted my self worth. Thank you so much of your story.
I'm having the same issue, I can't find a job after march. Got CS degree. Literally depressed. I need to work harder and find a way to get into the industry.
I'm also in the same boat with data science currently working on my masters and looking for internship opportunities. Maybe we can collaborate in some way on a project or something in the mean time if you're interested. Best of luck with the search.
“You’re gonna get what you deserve” is either a terrifying threat for someone that has never taken accountability of their own life and success, or (I’m hoping) reassurance to someone like me who has fought for years to break out of poverty, to better myself, to have a meaningful career where I can be challenged and help others.
Right there with ya. I believe that as long as you got your head down and are kicking ass (and know it in your gut that you’re not leaving anything off the table), I don’t see why you won’t reach that full potential. Wish you the best 👊🏻👊🏻
No master, and I have a difficult time. At the last minute things changed and I have to see how I can manage them. Thank you for all the support. I hope you and your team are doing well...
It's one thing growing up a healthy human being in a somewhat normal family and then making your way in the world it's another thing to have your mother die at age 10 and your father become a dysfunctional alcoholic and you get an autoimmune disease that messes up your brain . We're not taking ownership of the same things here. And I've fought to get to here with many mistakes and misfortunes and alienation from the world, I'm still alive. I don't deserve anything but sure as hell I didn't deserve to have my early life go the way it did. Now I don't have savings, no relationship, currently no job, living in a third world country but I'm trying to stay afloat. I'm going to the gym, I'm learning every day, applying every day for jobs. "You get what you deserve"... I almost want to get mad with Jocko for saying that but I know he's coming from a good place and trying to help.
It took me the better part of 30 years to come to the realization that it's OK for me to push back against the things that I perceive as "unfair". Previously, my reaction would be similar to the guy in the story. Avoiddance. I was never allowed to stand up for myself, and it turned into an overglorification of the "turn the other cheek" principle. People who had decent upbringings where there was a healthy relationship between respect and confrontational behavior won't think of this being the problem when faced with someone who's struggling. Oftentimes the advice is being allowed to stand up for yourself, to look at your coach who doesn't like you, or that recruiter who lied to you, and calling him a jackass before still going for what you want. There'll always be conflict. If you can't get what you want from the situation with cordial behavior, then you'll have to get it through rude behavior, with the smug satisfaction that your pushback is warranted. I got lucky (or I suppose I can thank my passive programming). I like my job and the social situation I find myself. All I needed was permission to say "fuck you" to those who disrespect me. Maybe sometimes it's all that's needed.
First off, Hello and Thank you Jocko Willink. 🇺🇸😎 Somone asked me hypothetically regarding, what if I ever crossed paths with you. My rebuttle was, well hopefully my Ego wouldn't be an issue at that point, and I might say, something like, "Big money is loud, and Large money is quiet" ...and leave it at that. .................................................................... Lincoln, N.E. 🇺🇸😎
I will say there are many things out of your control and sometimes no matter what bad things happen and something is holding you down. Regardless we are each responsible for our journey. I am going through tragedy in my life right now and hard hard times, but I am blessed and grateful for the good things in my life. I am trying and I feel there are forces in the way blocking me, I often feel like junk, I been given bad cards, but I still need to keep playing, keep trying, keep going. I do look and think WTF man, and realize how crazy things have been and I do feel bad but also realize how good I am despite it all. I know I am stuck and need to figure things out but even knowing some of the things I need to do I am still stuck and not even sure how to move forward or even if forward is the direction. Quitting is for losers and quitting is a choice. I may be losing but I refuse to be a loser.
I need this more than you know jocko. Lately just been taking care of the problems 1 at a time being proactive where I can. And most importantly EMBRACING THE SUCK
You have to own up to your mistakes and even though I do, I'm on a downward spiral and I can't see an exit. I just want to help other people. I know what to do but I'm not doing it, and that makes me feel like a pathetic fool. Thanks for this Jocko, I accept it my own fault and I don't blame anybody else. I just feel trapped, and it pisses me off because I use to be a strong person with a " I will get up and make it" attitude.
This was an eye open for me. I think sometimes as men we just try to plow through things, when we need to work and identify our emotions better. It can be tough especially how you’ve been raise. My dad was Special Ops in the military and Vietnam Vet who didn’t like to chat much anything deep. I think I’ve been grinding too hard and tend to lose focus on my family life. My wife just let me know she wasn’t going to sign the lease and wants a separation. I took it pretty hard. It felt like a huge slap in the face. Now I have to reconfigure how I’m gonna approach this. Taking ownership for my actions that lead to this, but I’m willing to fight for my marriage. I’m gonna commit to therapy to make sure my mental health doesn’t get worse. My issue is I need to learn how to balance my life, and it can be very tough. Need to put my life in better perspective.
Every situation isn't like what he says, most are. My situation was different. I would love to sit down with Jocko and tell him what happened to me in the military, and hear what he has to say. I was in a select unit in the SF Air Force.
I acknowledge my mistakes (plural) and I really can't blame anyone. My mindset has been tormented and has switched to a negative mindset and I'm the one that keeps that keeps dragging myself down. Unfortunately I have a bipolar issue that reinforces it. It's not someone I recognize. I'm not who I recognize.
Something bad, not if but when it impacts your life. Pause, Breath and then step forward like another spin on the gameboard we call life. Right roads and wrong roads... just own it! Make a difference and start with YOU. Best from Arizona! Drop me some Jocko Greens for dinner.... off to Refuge for Jitz.
This will probably get some flak but within a two year period I got into two car accidents, one a wreck, lost a job and lost all my savings and got evicted (yes I am serious) and I am the only household income at 30ish. Couple of lessons. #1 whining wont fix anything #2 there are other people who yet have it much worse #3 God has a plan and will help me through this. Think of Job #3 gave me and my family a roof over our heads which is in a better area, a vehicle to get me to my new job which pays better than the one I had lost before. No matter the mistakes you make or the unjust that is done to you. trust and obedience in God is the most powerful tool to make you prosper. trust the good Lord.
Your post uplifted me. I’m sorry you went through that but I am glad you and the family are ok now. I also posted a message on here a few minutes before you and I feel almost hopeless about my current situation. I pray God helps me, not for me but for the ones who will need me
i had a shitty job, lived in a shitty apartment with my bitchy girlfriend. that's what i thought at the time I lost it all, now years later im back at my parents house, no job or any relationships. I dont call anyone, no one calls me my birthday was yesterday, im 25... halfway to 50. i celebrated it with a bag of chips and a coke. surely there is more to all this looking back, I would do anything to be back where i was.
Shit man I'm 29. I spent this past year unemployed, still haven't found another job yet. Low points in life are not wasted time. They teach you lessons.
I’m 23 this is very relatable. I let my demons get the best of me and I lost my relationship and had to move back in with toxic family. Feeling purposeless and trying to rebuild.
I know where I messed up in my first BIG job, but after that I have messed up again & again because I have a TBI and have a problem getting along with others.
I have seen you online and I know you are an accomplished and strong person. I respect what you have accomplished. I feel like your comments were harsh truths / tough love. Fair and true. This guy might also need some compassion and encouragement, not just punitive judgement. I think American masculinity is sometimes based in a puritan, hero, machismo that alienates rather than empathises. What am I saying can be summarise by be kind, be open. We’re not all navy seals! Cheers 👍
Ive definitely met people like that. I tried to help them but they were the type that was like,"it is what it is. My situation will never change". Stuck in his own prison.
Things are still hard now but I am glad that if nothing else I was able to take ownership of my crap life and what happened to me and make a plan. I haven't ever been shy about taking ownership for the past but I forgot to take ownership of the future too. I am doing that now and things are a little better, I feel less hard done by, and a little more hope for the future. It takes a lot of patience
This is what happened to me ..I was on fire and did not know about it.. Jock is so right , the devil will crawl into you , and will pollute your bloodstream, Take ownership and change your path !
Alot of people speak this way because it was the last time they were a part of something bigger then themselves in life. Its sad how many stagnate and give up
People understimate how damaging lack of support and an unhealthy environment during childhood years can be to a person. Sounds like this guy hasn't been able to bounce back from his early struggles that had a lasting impact. I recommend learning about complex trauma. Tim Fletcher and Pete Walker are good resources
Yes very true & I love tim Fletcher but even getting help for complex trauma comes from the starting point of I AM making bad decisions. honesty & accountability instead of blame & shame. Everyone screws me over is defense mechanism for I make poor choices. Trauma is a snowball rolling down a mountain, the only thing that stops it is rock bottom or the sunshine of truth.
@cg5471 I would say getting help for trauma just comes from a little bit of trust and a willingness to ask for help. Everything else comes with time. Many people might not even have the awareness that they're making bad decisions. They may just be trying their best and see that things aren't working out. Certainly, our parents are to blame for our trauma. As adults, we're responsible for dealing with it, but that shouldn't stop us from acknowledging that they are the source of it (assuming the trauma is not from other sources. You can also make the claim that society is partially to blame as well) My main point is that this person likely needs a compassionate approach along the lines of therapy. We can't discipline our way through every problem. Jocko is great, but his approach probably isn't the one for this guy. He's clearly read his books and is still having issues. He likely never had a healthy relationship with his mother being that she was a single mom and had to take all the responsibility putting her in more of a masculine role and he was likely seeking to get what he never got from his mother from the women he was dating, which would potentially explain his failed relationships. Anyway, that's my analysis
I say this as someone who has gone through more childhood trauma than most. Acknowledgement of the pain inflicted by a caregiver or the neglect, abandonment, abuse is part of healing but it doesn't start till you practice some sort of radical honesty of how your actions impact your future. Your claims are exactly what jocko, peterson & even people like Fletcher advocate against. Blaming. That is textbook victim hood. Honesty doesn't mean pull up yourself by your bootstraps, it means understanding that until I take accountability even with something as simple as self honesty only then can I see that I need to change, either through something like cognitive behavioral therapy or by healing the root of the trauma. I know & we all know people like this man. It's self deception & this was jockos way of pointing it out hence his title on the video. You may be right we are all just victims of our circumstances however as a society we need to embrace the change we can affect.
@cg5471 Why is it wrong to blame your abusers for your trauma when they caused it? There is a difference between blaming them for your trauma and blaming them for your life situation. I could be wrong about this, but Im gonna continue looking into this topic
Hey you'll get through it! My last boss has had at least 4 tumours taken out of his head and 2 from his liver that I know of. All separate times a year or 2 apart. His mother was stuck in a wheelchair for 15 or 20 years because of a brain tumour and she eventually passed away from another. He also has a brother that's blind from a tumour in the brain. He's still one of the most positive guys I know. He told me he figures sooner or later one is gonna get him but there's not much he can do about it so he prefers to treat them like a minor inconvenience and just enjoy life for all its worth.
My girlfriend almost lost me because of her anger issues, she lost partners before me because of it. She began to make a lot of effort when it began to turn me into a shell of my former self, she is changing because of the pain it causes. I hope you take the lessons learned into your next relationship, the one that is meant to be.
Booooy you said a mouthful with trade school. I was med deekd prior to 9/11, went to trade school and became an AWS certified welder, moved into a career in 07 welding in the defense industry (didn’t fail an x ray test, passed a 6 week course in 4) and got to lend my skills to IOF, GWOT and Ukraine conflicts. Bravo for your advocation to college alternatives
To summarize: Engage in honest self reflection, recognize your own mistakes and hold yourself, not external forces, accountable for your mistakes. Something tells me that the types who cast blame on everyone and everything but themselves won’t be able to absorb this advice. On a personal, anecdotal note, this method works! My baseline self image is that I’m a lazy stupid moron who can’t do anything right and that its my fault when things don’t go my way. Yet somehow I’m married, own a house, and have had a stable career for 15 years. And Jocko is right, it’s a painful, not fun way to live, but it sounds like the alternative is painful too…so why not choose the pain that at least comes with an upside instead of a spiral that just keeps going deeper?
Many people seem to take this like when Job's buddies in the Bible told him he did something wrong to deserve all the bad things that happened. Jocko is talking about a mindset, a way of looking at things, you can't expect things to get better and pointing the finger will get you nowhere, the only thing you can control is what you do about it. Jocko isn't blaming you, he's actually blaming himself for people not understanding this concept, this is why he keeps talking about it. No, one can tell you to take ownership, we have to tell ourselves.
I may have had horrible things happen to me, and let those things make me a victim for the past four years, but no more. I’m starting at rock bottom (maybe a bit lower) but I’m going to fight for myself and my sanity & to create a better future. No more vices. No more doom spending. No more unkept promises, being late, being lazy, and avoiding my trauma. I’m going to face it. I’m going to fight it, and hopefully a year from now, on October 4th, 2025, I won’t even be able to recognize the addicted, broke, unhealthy, homeless, emotionally unstable, clusterf*ck person I am right now at 27. I don’t care if I have to work three jobs, I’m going to get my life together. My mom didn’t raise me this way, and I’m going to make my family proud again…. Hell. I’m going to make me proud again, and someone I’d feel proud to know.
About to run out of money, in a few days I won’t have rent, gas or food. I have a disabled sister and a mother who will need my help. I couldn’t qualify for unemployment because my last company was 100% commission and I barely got any leads, so I didn’t contribute enough to the economy for help. No luck with the job searching. If I don’t give an update to anyone reading it’s because I might be behind bars. Wish me luck, I wish you all well
Get better at selling (always can get better). Find something else to sell. Cars, etc. Andy Elliott can help improve your sales. Don't let your mind limit you. Go!
One thing to remember, things always change. If you're not in a good place, you will get through it, you have no choice. What you have to do is learn to weather through. You can't always fight your way out of everything, but you can learn to get stronger through learning how to "take it like a man."
Thank you. There is a line in the first Matrix movie where Trinity punches through a window and hesitates laying at the bottom of the staircase, guns drawn at the agents coming for her. "Get up Trinity."
Some plants grow in full sun, some grow in the shade! Sometimes the enviroment and people were surrounded with are just toxic and bad, as hard as we try.
then you remove yourself from the environment and try again in fresh soil. surround yourself with better people. Is it hard? yes, is it guaranteed success, no, is it a better strategy, absolutely yes.
I wanna be human again. I wanna feel again. Since getting out of service I’ve struggled with feeling emotion and being caring. Relationships are hard. I expect too dam much since I keep my expectations high for myself. But I’m trying.
I made way too many mistakes that led me to the situations I was in, I chose the women and prioritize them over me. I had lots of money, yes I have health issues but I MADE BAD CHOISES
One question comes to mind from these types of messages. Does every homeless deserve what they get? Isn't luck a huge factor in every life including Jockos own? This just seems so one minded but in a way I agree. You have to take the resposibility and carry on, but it is still only one answer to the billions of different lives to consider.
Life is horrendously unfair. You WILL be victimized by circumstances absolutely out of your control. And often. But the most brutally unfair part? The only way to get ahead is to move ahead as if you WERE responsible. You have to claim responsibility. Otherwise you’ll wind up like the poor guy being discussed.
"The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape with point horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for."
Learn to not want anything in life, checkmate devil
He comes as a Zionist wearing a tiny hat
@@AverageAnthony
The devil’s been playing chess for a long time bring yo A game😂
The devil wants me to bitter, hate God, and give up hope. Go back to Hell Satan.
The devil comes in the form of an ex wife.
Ive spent over a decade healing trauma and becoming a human being, i got burnt out and now im slowly getting back on the grind. No one is coming to save you, get up and fight
Same. For 2 years work burned me out bad. Unfairness. Nepotism. Gender discrimination under the tables. Gas lighting. You name it. Even if it all were true….. What am I gonna do about it? I can’t control any of that bulls**t
I love what you said,
“No one is coming to save you. Get up. And fight.”
Jocko loves this, repeat customer
I tried to reconcile. It wasn’t happening. I eventually took responsibility for my injuries. That allowed me to reconcile with myself.
I have an infection in my neck and it’s causing me to have a fever.
@@NickWixxgood, you'll get new antibodies after you beat the infection
As a guy who has had a bit of physical health issues in life (53 surgeries, 27 concussions, right leg amputee 2021, Trigeminal Neuralgia diagnosis 2023, etc) I'm learning that life is truly what you make of it.
Today, I woke up like usual. In excruciating nerve pain. Shaved my head, my balls, and my neck. Had a shower and took my son to hockey with a smile on my face.
Life is a choice. I have almost made the final choice so many times, but I'm not a quitter. Not when my son needs me.
Someone who came back from war told me, "You don't have to win, you just have to finish."
Damn. I needed to hear that. Sometimes I let my physical problems bog me down too much and then I get reminded that other people carry on with their lives enduring way more. Thank you for sharing.
Truly a good statement. Your life is not your own. We forget this.
TMI
Stay strong!! Thank you for sharing what you are going through!! Makes my stupid shit feel so trivial!!
"It is possible to commit no errors and still fail" - Jean Luc Picard
Sometimes you just gotta keep grinding even when it seems futile, but also don't forget to reconsider your strategy and try different things. Repeated failures are the ONLY way to succeed. Never quit.
Good advice and that's a great quote too. Don't want to be that guy, but this quote is from Jean-Luc Picard to Data, not from Spock, but you got the show right so I'll see myself out.
@@WarHammerWH Spock was probably quoting Jean-luc, Star trek is so unoriginal.
The guy was smart. He quit football because the coaches are maniacs. He didn’t go through with the military because the recruiter lied. And he doesn’t trust women because they lied too. He’s doing good. He has a Condo!
@@WarHammerWH I looked it up. You are right! I remembered incorrectly. I will make the proper adjustments. and thank you.
@@connorgreenwell5731 You’re welcome. The reason why I remember is because this is such a great quote. It teaches us that failure may happen no matter what you do, even when you do everything right. You need to accept that to be able to handle it when it happens and grow from the experience.
Jocko, thanks for being such a great role model to me. Currently going through a divorce, got 4 kids and assets to go with it. Hardest shit I’ve ever dealt with. With all your knowledge you’ve put out I have learned to handle ALL of it with ease. From training jiujitsu instead of poisoning myself, playing her game and looking at life from detaching it’s just been that much easier to deal with. Thank you so much.
I'm going through a divorce as well and can agree with you it's really helpful to have strong role models in these painful times of life. I hope you can find peace on your journey and find new meaning going forward.
Thank you for all that you do jocko. I really love your podcasts! So grateful to have found your content when I did. You've inspired me to change and grow up and I can't thank you enough. Especially with the victim mentality stuff..
Too many guys seem to have this same story. Don't get married ever again. Enjoy your life now the best way that you can. But do not fall for the marriage trap a second time. Wish you all the best.
@@Jay15523 never again lol
@@michellecadogan9177 hell yeah love hearing it. Hope the best for you too!
@@Jay15523 honestly there is no reason to be married under the government. It just makes it a fucked up business transaction at the end of it. Not salty by any means but it has been a headache. Only because she is not being cooperative.
This comment section is full of good vibes and wholesome people. Really a refreshing community compared to most!
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour
1 Peter 5:8
Josh. Jocko was really talking about the spiritual battle eh.✊🏻🙏🏻
Why do they keep equating the devil to a lion? Lions are noble creatures, and the devil certainly isn't.
you sound like my father ive heard this my whole life its so stale
Remember, you only need to win once to change the game.
Great coment and nice Johnny Bravo profile pic
Every single decision that you have made in your life has lead you to this moment.
Fact!
If only they told you this at the start
I had an interesting conversation with my older sister. She was excited to inform me I wasn’t in our mother’s will. I informed her she doesn’t owe me a damn thing nor you. I think she was in shock that it didn’t bother me.
I love that man. Maintain that stance with her at all times and don’t slip. That’s some BOSS stuff right there!!
Here’s your crown king 👑
Do you think in time, it will crush your soul?
I had my parents write me out of there will. I have 5 brothers and sisters. I don't want to deal with it. I made my own. I told them give my half to the Grand kids. They are doing that.
Now I feel even more free!
@@heatherelizabeth3389I think his soul broke the soul crusher.
I was in a bad place 4 years ago. Under pressure, after years of struggle we broke ground on our house build and lockdowns added a year to the build. I worked, cared for our kids and worked alone on the house to save money and keep moving forward. I had previously been diagnosed with PTS and had previously listened to JBP. I decided to listen to his lectures while I worked alone and stumbled across his podcast with Jocko. Then I listened to the Mac VSOG guys and was blown away by what they'd endured and still had their good humour and faith. So slowly but surely I read the books and Jockos Extreme ownership. Now I working in my yard before a night shift and am in a totally different place mentally, emotionally, physically and in my faith. Gratitude for what I have and am able to do have lead me to signing up to an online course having volunteered for an extra job at work. I've embraced it and am working on developing myself to be a better work colleague, father, husband and son. Thanks Jocko and Echo Charles. I do appreciate it.
No one is coming to save you, you need to get going
Preach!
@@Theendman42 Preach? Here's the real preaching then. God sent his son to come and save us, you forget this as most people do, including myself for so long. We have already been saved, everything else is our choice on how to react. Remember this blessing.
Exodus 14:14
"you will get what you deserve"...
This was really good for me today it spurred me on.
This hit my soul.....Im 40 and this hit my soul.
I'm 61 and it hit me too.
Just turned 50. 🫶
Great advice!
My parents rarely punished me. They instead let me learn from and navigate my failures. Failed classes, expelled from high school, fights and injuries. It was always "who's fault is this?" "how did this happen" "how do you fix this?" "what do you do in the future to not let this happen". I was quick to realize I was at fault for everything, why it happened. I was also quick to realize that I need to be the one to fix this and learn from this. I went back to school. Graduated with great grades. Joined the trades and became an electrician. Bought my first house in 2012 at 22. I make $150,000 Per year. Save and invest a minimum of 10% of my income. Currently working on a degree in business management and on becoming a plant operator. I work out everyday and do Kickboxing multiple times a week. You are 100% correct you are going to get what you deserve and work towards. I was voted most likely to fail, I was written off by everyone except the people closest to me and myself.
When you accept that maybe not everything bad that happens to you is your fault but it is your responsibility to respond your life changes.
Love the content and the books!
The difference between school and life: School prepars you for tests through lessons. Life teaches you lessons through tests.
👊💯👍
Jocko thanks for BJJ I'm 42 almost two years in closing in on that blue belt. I was with 1 AD 1-37 ARBT the Bandits.
Thanks for what you did for my brother's in Ramadi then and thanks now. Bandits do not fail those with whom they serve
Wisdom is understanding that people who struggle to take responsibility often carry childhood trauma, whether from being scapegoated or having parents who couldn’t own their own mistakes and blamed them instead. When dealing with individuals like this, it’s crucial to begin by acknowledging that they’re not at fault for everything. Clearly point out what isn’t their responsibility, then gently shift the conversation by saying something like, “Yes, these people wronged you, BUT here’s what you can do to turn their actions into something that benefits you.” After all, if life always went according to plan, it would be a trip, not a journey.
The next time you're dealing with someone who seems helplessly at the mercy of someone's apathy (or even malfeasance), ask if they've tried telling them "no". A lot of the time the stress over lack of control comes from the belief they'll be "punished" if they push back. Unfortunately, it's not the sort of thing you can just "conclude yourself." Someone other than you needs to "give you permission" to show that society isn't just gonna be a macro version of how your parents treated you when you talked back.
@@AnonYmous-mc5zx
The first person who needs to give me permission is myself. There's nothing wrong with a helping hand and heart in dealing with trauma, however nobody can heal the person who _wants_ victimhood over healing, health, and freedom.
@@HuntingTarg This is presuming the individual is looking to be better, I do see your argument however.
"But it's, all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see you can't please everyone
so you've got to please yourself"
Chorus to "Garden Party" by Ricky Nelson
He wrote and released this song after reappearing to the public at a music concert at Madison Square Garden in 1971, and was booed off the stage while playing his hits from the '50s and '60s.
@@HuntingTarg It's important to serve onesself. It's equally important to self reflect.
To anyone going through a dark time, please remember: You are NOT alone. Other people feel the same right now, and many more have felt the same in the past.
The same unpredictability, complexities and random chance that threw you into a dark situation may very well throw you into a better one next, or eventually. You might even be able to climb or fight your way out on your own or with the help of other people. Or the *combination* of your efforts, help from others and random chance may ultimately be your ticket to salvation.
I doubt suicide really brings relief. Relief itself is a feeling, and only living things can experience feelings. Even "feeling nothing" (in the sense of numbness) is probably different from literally "not feeling" (from not being conscious).
The whole world is currently going through difficult times. We're in one of history's low points. So please don't blame yourself. Your struggles aren't your fault even though we all make mistakes we need to learn from. Do you best to choose a better way forward, or at least keep searching for better options and solutions!
Find the right people to team up with and build a strong community.
Remember this poem:
"My strength
is that I’m not alone in this big world.
The world and its people are no secret in
my heart,
no mystery in my science.
Calmly and openly
I took my place
in the great struggle."
Going through divorce with 3 small kids... seriously struggling so hard ... before this I was doing amazing minus my stbxw. This has broken me... how the fuck do I build myself back up when I feel like this massive failure?
@@dougieegan7661 Awe, man, that's brutal! I went through a divorce, too. Dragged out for 2 years. We didn't have kids, and I'm sure that makes it all the more difficult. I strongly recommend relying on any friends and family who can help you get through this. Just remember that this is naturally one of the hardest things in the world that anyone can experience, so don't blame yourself. Focus on surviving for now so that you'll be alive and well enough later to thrive again with your new life.
Try to make sure all your coping mechanisms are as healthy as possible, like using exercise and not alcohol, quality time in conversion with friends, family or a therapist and not staying too isolated for too long. Try to set some small positive goals to focus on and keep you oriented, like improving the nutrition of your diet. Tell your kids how much you love them and don't let them feel like any of this is their fault. They'll feel the love just from seeing you surviving and doing your best *for them.* Let their wellbeing be part of your sense of purpose and a source for your strength. It can keep you motivated to take good care of yourself, too.
Good luck, my friend!
"you're gonna get what you deserve. And it's based on you" JHEEEZUS. Cold
I don't know if you will ever read this.
You had a profound impact on my life.
Your ideas changed how I view myself and the world.
I just want to say thank you.
I read a book when I was 13 years old that changed my life. At that time my parents were separating, my mother and my older brother were leaving my world, my other brother was having mental health issues, I was struggling with friendships and realizing how much it truly sucks to be poor, my family moved into a cramped apartment, and I was going into my freshman year of high school.
I didn’t have control over almost anything in my life. I didn’t realize that I was creating bad habits to cope with my life. I didn’t eat good food, nor did I ask for it because I knew we were too poor. I ate cereal and peanut butter sandwiches for almost every meal that wasn’t at school. I didn’t know that an addiction to video games, to cope with stress, would result in a deep depression my first two years of high school. I didn’t know that watching porn for a hit of dopamine would result in erectile dysfunction the first time I tried to have sex. I didn’t want to hate myself. I didn’t become the person that I wanted, that I knew I could be.
But I knew that it wasn’t anyone else's fault that these things happened. I knew that my parents didn’t do the best job, but they didn’t deserve to be blamed. I knew that it was on me to change those bad habits and that no one else would do it for me. I knew that I did have control of my actions. I knew that I could change myself for the better. I knew that it was possible to become someone that would make myself proud.
I read a book when I was 13 years old that planted an idea which sprouted into a belief that has shaped the way that I see the world. That book is called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willnick. I'm 20 now and I now I've made my younger self proud.
That book helped me at 29. Its good for all ages and should be mandatory reading for everyone.
Your turnaround is rare for a teenager with no support system. Bravo Zulu. Celebrate your accomplishments, and
_"Keep Moving Forward"_
I recommend watching "Meet the Robinsons" by Disney. Not kidding. It has a powerfully moving story behind the silly characters and plot.
You made a video about “being in a storm waiting for it to pass “ a while back. It got me through one of the darkest times in my life and I listened to it daily.
I’m still here today, and the storm passed like you said it would.
Thank you
can you link to the video plz?
When ever i am facing any problem, your video pops up and boom my problem solved, thanks ❤
I really dig your comment about denial and ownership. I spent the first part of my life in and out of jail (mostly in). During the last few years in prison, I listened to how the convicts kept blaming everyone but themselves for why they were there. That's when my eyes began to open to taking ownership. I've been free for over 36 years now and I've never looked back. I've been married to the same woman since 1988 and we have 3 healthy children. I will be following you because I like what you're saying. I have Admiral McRaven's commencement speech on bookmark and I watch it from time to time because it's awesome. I will be sharing this.
He wrote a book on that speech, it's on my reading list (not near the top yet though).
Shouldn't assume that everyone who's having a hard time blames others. Some don't get what they deserve because the world isn't always fair man. Some take responsibility but still have a hard time. Difference is, those people won't be asking others for advice usually.
Taking responsibility doesnt mean life gets easy, it gets EASIER, it also doesn't mean that other's actions have no impact (fair or otherwise) on your life, it's just acknowledging and internalizing that you have a hand (even if just a tiny part) in EVERY outcome in your life and redirects your focus inward on the thing you have the most control over, YOURSELF, you can control your actions and reactions and that's a more productive and effective strategy for improving your life in the long run as you hone and harden yourself, if you attribute life's setbacks to outsides forces (real or imagined) you also start externalizing solutions on factors you have little to no influence over (Government, charity, luck, etc), Life IS "fair" in so far as its universally indifferent, you get what you deserve, if there's a mismatch between what you expect and what you get, then check in on your approach, tweak your plans/attitudes and actions and also reassess your expected outcomes, its a never ending process of trials, errors, review and course corrections.
Im a newly graduated Data Scientist.. I have gotten straight rejections for 2 months.. I know its not long but it sucks so bad not even getting a interview.. I want o start grinding but currently im just spinning my wheels getting nowhere...Just yesterday the youtube gods decided to show me a soldier who had gotten he face blown off who was still grateful to be alive and then a young woman with a brain tumor with maybe 11 years to live also grateful to be alive...Did make me feel a little silly about feeling sorry for myself...
Is there a chance of working for yourself instead? That's a constant drive and you don't have to put up with somebody else' bullshit.
Took me over a year to get my first engineering job out of school. Worked for $14 an hour making covid masks in a factory. Dont give up and don’t waste the time.
Get after it.
@@jessebibby Wow, that's so inspiring. I'm having the same problem! I can't find a job as a software engineer. I was really depressed, doubted my self worth. Thank you so much of your story.
I'm having the same issue, I can't find a job after march. Got CS degree. Literally depressed. I need to work harder and find a way to get into the industry.
I'm also in the same boat with data science currently working on my masters and looking for internship opportunities. Maybe we can collaborate in some way on a project or something in the mean time if you're interested. Best of luck with the search.
“You’re gonna get what you deserve” is either a terrifying threat for someone that has never taken accountability of their own life and success, or (I’m hoping) reassurance to someone like me who has fought for years to break out of poverty, to better myself, to have a meaningful career where I can be challenged and help others.
Right there with ya. I believe that as long as you got your head down and are kicking ass (and know it in your gut that you’re not leaving anything off the table), I don’t see why you won’t reach that full potential. Wish you the best 👊🏻👊🏻
Thank you for this. Seriously, thank you.
No master, and I have a difficult time. At the last minute things changed and I have to see how I can manage them. Thank you for all the support. I hope you and your team are doing well...
Damn. I’ve never felt so called out in my whole life. But it’s true, every last word of it. At the end of the day, we’re gonna get what we deserve.
Jocko … spot on inspirational, thank you.
FACTS. PURE FACTS and TRUTHS spoken here. Thanks to both of you.
FACT!
Thank you for this Jocko
Thank you 🙏🏼 my Brothers! Thank you for the truth, thank you for the tough Love!! 👊🏼🤙🏼
Jocko and Echo are going off!!!!!
He's on fire and he doesn't even know it.... love that analogy
New subscriber here. Found you on Tom's podcast. You're amazingly inspiring, and so down to earth!
It's one thing growing up a healthy human being in a somewhat normal family and then making your way in the world it's another thing to have your mother die at age 10 and your father become a dysfunctional alcoholic and you get an autoimmune disease that messes up your brain . We're not taking ownership of the same things here. And I've fought to get to here with many mistakes and misfortunes and alienation from the world, I'm still alive. I don't deserve anything but sure as hell I didn't deserve to have my early life go the way it did. Now I don't have savings, no relationship, currently no job, living in a third world country but I'm trying to stay afloat. I'm going to the gym, I'm learning every day, applying every day for jobs. "You get what you deserve"... I almost want to get mad with Jocko for saying that but I know he's coming from a good place and trying to help.
Love you Jocko❤ Finding discipline
It took me the better part of 30 years to come to the realization that it's OK for me to push back against the things that I perceive as "unfair". Previously, my reaction would be similar to the guy in the story. Avoiddance. I was never allowed to stand up for myself, and it turned into an overglorification of the "turn the other cheek" principle.
People who had decent upbringings where there was a healthy relationship between respect and confrontational behavior won't think of this being the problem when faced with someone who's struggling. Oftentimes the advice is being allowed to stand up for yourself, to look at your coach who doesn't like you, or that recruiter who lied to you, and calling him a jackass before still going for what you want. There'll always be conflict. If you can't get what you want from the situation with cordial behavior, then you'll have to get it through rude behavior, with the smug satisfaction that your pushback is warranted.
I got lucky (or I suppose I can thank my passive programming). I like my job and the social situation I find myself. All I needed was permission to say "fuck you" to those who disrespect me. Maybe sometimes it's all that's needed.
First off, Hello and Thank you Jocko Willink.
🇺🇸😎
Somone asked me hypothetically regarding, what if I ever crossed paths with you. My rebuttle was, well hopefully my Ego wouldn't be an issue at that point, and I might say, something like,
"Big money is loud, and Large money is quiet"
...and leave it at that.
....................................................................
Lincoln, N.E. 🇺🇸😎
10:15
You're wrong there, Jocko.
Ppl been telling me my whole life that X gon give it to me.
#valid
"Whuuut!"
11/10 comment.
@@teIekid 😂😂
Peak comment
I needed to hear this today. Thanks Jocko!
I will say there are many things out of your control and sometimes no matter what bad things happen and something is holding you down. Regardless we are each responsible for our journey. I am going through tragedy in my life right now and hard hard times, but I am blessed and grateful for the good things in my life. I am trying and I feel there are forces in the way blocking me, I often feel like junk, I been given bad cards, but I still need to keep playing, keep trying, keep going. I do look and think WTF man, and realize how crazy things have been and I do feel bad but also realize how good I am despite it all. I know I am stuck and need to figure things out but even knowing some of the things I need to do I am still stuck and not even sure how to move forward or even if forward is the direction. Quitting is for losers and quitting is a choice. I may be losing but I refuse to be a loser.
Jockos wisdom is a religion.
I need this more than you know jocko. Lately just been taking care of the problems 1 at a time being proactive where I can. And most importantly EMBRACING THE SUCK
Lmfao if you were "EMBRACING THE SUCK" like the bad ass you tell yourself you are, you wouldn't be whining and crying on the Internet to strangers 😂🤡
Thank you
Spot on
You have to own up to your mistakes and even though I do, I'm on a downward spiral and I can't see an exit. I just want to help other people. I know what to do but I'm not doing it, and that makes me feel like a pathetic fool. Thanks for this Jocko, I accept it my own fault and I don't blame anybody else. I just feel trapped, and it pisses me off because I use to be a strong person with a " I will get up and make it" attitude.
You're not a pathetic fool, you're human. Take it easy on yourself ❤️
I feel like I could have written this. You're not alone. All we can do is figure out what's the way forward and go for it.
This was an eye open for me. I think sometimes as men we just try to plow through things, when we need to work and identify our emotions better. It can be tough especially how you’ve been raise. My dad was Special Ops in the military and Vietnam Vet who didn’t like to chat much anything deep.
I think I’ve been grinding too hard and tend to lose focus on my family life. My wife just let me know she wasn’t going to sign the lease and wants a separation. I took it pretty hard. It felt like a huge slap in the face. Now I have to reconfigure how I’m gonna approach this. Taking ownership for my actions that lead to this, but I’m willing to fight for my marriage. I’m gonna commit to therapy to make sure my mental health doesn’t get worse.
My issue is I need to learn how to balance my life, and it can be very tough. Need to put my life in better perspective.
I love how jocko gets so sad for this fella. Keep it up jocko!
Been awhile since I heard jocko. Thank you
Man every time Jackk takes a deep breath in size I hold my breath... Lol . That pause for emphasis just hits different.
Thank you guys and ladies!
Chris J Lydon
Every situation isn't like what he says, most are. My situation was different. I would love to sit down with Jocko and tell him what happened to me in the military, and hear what he has to say. I was in a select unit in the SF Air Force.
I acknowledge my mistakes (plural) and I really can't blame anyone. My mindset has been tormented and has switched to a negative mindset and I'm the one that keeps that keeps dragging myself down. Unfortunately I have a bipolar issue that reinforces it. It's not someone I recognize. I'm not who I recognize.
Thank you. I needed this.
Something bad, not if but when it impacts your life. Pause, Breath and then step forward like another spin on the gameboard we call life. Right roads and wrong roads... just own it! Make a difference and start with YOU. Best from Arizona! Drop me some Jocko Greens for dinner.... off to Refuge for Jitz.
This will probably get some flak but within a two year period I got into two car accidents, one a wreck, lost a job and lost all my savings and got evicted (yes I am serious) and I am the only household income at 30ish. Couple of lessons. #1 whining wont fix anything #2 there are other people who yet have it much worse #3 God has a plan and will help me through this. Think of Job
#3 gave me and my family a roof over our heads which is in a better area, a vehicle to get me to my new job which pays better than the one I had lost before. No matter the mistakes you make or the unjust that is done to you. trust and obedience in God is the most powerful tool to make you prosper. trust the good Lord.
Your post uplifted me. I’m sorry you went through that but I am glad you and the family are ok now. I also posted a message on here a few minutes before you and I feel almost hopeless about my current situation. I pray God helps me, not for me but for the ones who will need me
Fact!
He’s the one who set me up to be a piece of shit
Thank you, sir.
i had a shitty job, lived in a shitty apartment with my bitchy girlfriend.
that's what i thought at the time
I lost it all, now years later im back at my parents house, no job or any relationships.
I dont call anyone, no one calls me
my birthday was yesterday, im 25... halfway to 50.
i celebrated it with a bag of chips and a coke. surely there is more to all this
looking back, I would do anything to be back where i was.
Shit man I'm 29. I spent this past year unemployed, still haven't found another job yet.
Low points in life are not wasted time. They teach you lessons.
I’m 23 this is very relatable. I let my demons get the best of me and I lost my relationship and had to move back in with toxic family. Feeling purposeless and trying to rebuild.
@@nalufig1815 yeah man. Don't get stuck feeling sorry for yourself. Even if you did have some fault, it's not your fault anymore.
Thanks brother, can only take accountability and move forward.
Happy Birthday 🎂
Thank you
I know where I messed up in my first BIG job, but after that I have messed up again & again because I have a TBI and have a problem getting along with others.
I have seen you online and I know you are an accomplished and strong person. I respect what you have accomplished. I feel like your comments were harsh truths / tough love. Fair and true. This guy might also need some compassion and encouragement, not just punitive judgement. I think American masculinity is sometimes based in a puritan, hero, machismo that alienates rather than empathises. What am I saying can be summarise by be kind, be open. We’re not all navy seals! Cheers 👍
Ive definitely met people like that. I tried to help them but they were the type that was like,"it is what it is. My situation will never change". Stuck in his own prison.
Narcissism.
Things are still hard now but I am glad that if nothing else I was able to take ownership of my crap life and what happened to me and make a plan. I haven't ever been shy about taking ownership for the past but I forgot to take ownership of the future too. I am doing that now and things are a little better, I feel less hard done by, and a little more hope for the future. It takes a lot of patience
"The TV Broke", love the face Jocko made when he said that.
This is what happened to me ..I was on fire and did not know about it..
Jock is so right , the devil will crawl into you , and will pollute your bloodstream,
Take ownership and change your path !
Thanks - true!
Replay!!! Fantastic message and truth.
48, and you're still thinking about high school football? Pro athletes don't even think about what they did in high school. It's high school. . . . .
Possibly this individual was/is a narcissist. Very tragic loop, really.
@@saintjabroni dead on & it is sad cause they are virtually incapable of seeing it.
@cg5471 dude is in need of watching napoleon dynamite. Maybe if he sees Uncle Rico he'd see a little of himself 😀
Alot of people speak this way because it was the last time they were a part of something bigger then themselves in life. Its sad how many stagnate and give up
People understimate how damaging lack of support and an unhealthy environment during childhood years can be to a person. Sounds like this guy hasn't been able to bounce back from his early struggles that had a lasting impact. I recommend learning about complex trauma. Tim Fletcher and Pete Walker are good resources
Yes very true & I love tim Fletcher but even getting help for complex trauma comes from the starting point of I AM making bad decisions. honesty & accountability instead of blame & shame. Everyone screws me over is defense mechanism for I make poor choices. Trauma is a snowball rolling down a mountain, the only thing that stops it is rock bottom or the sunshine of truth.
I came here to stay the exact thing. When parents don't believe in you , or nobody believes in you , its really hard to be confident in your pursuits.
@cg5471 I would say getting help for trauma just comes from a little bit of trust and a willingness to ask for help. Everything else comes with time. Many people might not even have the awareness that they're making bad decisions. They may just be trying their best and see that things aren't working out. Certainly, our parents are to blame for our trauma. As adults, we're responsible for dealing with it, but that shouldn't stop us from acknowledging that they are the source of it (assuming the trauma is not from other sources. You can also make the claim that society is partially to blame as well)
My main point is that this person likely needs a compassionate approach along the lines of therapy. We can't discipline our way through every problem. Jocko is great, but his approach probably isn't the one for this guy. He's clearly read his books and is still having issues. He likely never had a healthy relationship with his mother being that she was a single mom and had to take all the responsibility putting her in more of a masculine role and he was likely seeking to get what he never got from his mother from the women he was dating, which would potentially explain his failed relationships. Anyway, that's my analysis
I say this as someone who has gone through more childhood trauma than most. Acknowledgement of the pain inflicted by a caregiver or the neglect, abandonment, abuse is part of healing but it doesn't start till you practice some sort of radical honesty of how your actions impact your future. Your claims are exactly what jocko, peterson & even people like Fletcher advocate against. Blaming. That is textbook victim hood. Honesty doesn't mean pull up yourself by your bootstraps, it means understanding that until I take accountability even with something as simple as self honesty only then can I see that I need to change, either through something like cognitive behavioral therapy or by healing the root of the trauma. I know & we all know people like this man. It's self deception & this was jockos way of pointing it out hence his title on the video. You may be right we are all just victims of our circumstances however as a society we need to embrace the change we can affect.
@cg5471 Why is it wrong to blame your abusers for your trauma when they caused it? There is a difference between blaming them for your trauma and blaming them for your life situation. I could be wrong about this, but Im gonna continue looking into this topic
Good timing, just got scheduled for an MRI so the drs can figure out how they are going to remove the tumor in my head.
Hey you'll get through it! My last boss has had at least 4 tumours taken out of his head and 2 from his liver that I know of. All separate times a year or 2 apart. His mother was stuck in a wheelchair for 15 or 20 years because of a brain tumour and she eventually passed away from another. He also has a brother that's blind from a tumour in the brain. He's still one of the most positive guys I know. He told me he figures sooner or later one is gonna get him but there's not much he can do about it so he prefers to treat them like a minor inconvenience and just enjoy life for all its worth.
Just lost my girlfriend of two years because i was way off the path and couldnt control my anger
My girlfriend almost lost me because of her anger issues, she lost partners before me because of it. She began to make a lot of effort when it began to turn me into a shell of my former self, she is changing because of the pain it causes. I hope you take the lessons learned into your next relationship, the one that is meant to be.
On my bathroom mirror I have some goals I want to accomplish then underneath in capital letters I WILL DO IT MYSELF! 🎉
omg, i needed this today
Booooy you said a mouthful with trade school. I was med deekd prior to 9/11, went to trade school and became an AWS certified welder, moved into a career in 07 welding in the defense industry (didn’t fail an x ray test, passed a 6 week course in 4) and got to lend my skills to IOF, GWOT and Ukraine conflicts. Bravo for your advocation to college alternatives
To summarize: Engage in honest self reflection, recognize your own mistakes and hold yourself, not external forces, accountable for your mistakes. Something tells me that the types who cast blame on everyone and everything but themselves won’t be able to absorb this advice.
On a personal, anecdotal note, this method works! My baseline self image is that I’m a lazy stupid moron who can’t do anything right and that its my fault when things don’t go my way. Yet somehow I’m married, own a house, and have had a stable career for 15 years. And Jocko is right, it’s a painful, not fun way to live, but it sounds like the alternative is painful too…so why not choose the pain that at least comes with an upside instead of a spiral that just keeps going deeper?
Many people seem to take this like when Job's buddies in the Bible told him he did something wrong to deserve all the bad things that happened. Jocko is talking about a mindset, a way of looking at things, you can't expect things to get better and pointing the finger will get you nowhere, the only thing you can control is what you do about it. Jocko isn't blaming you, he's actually blaming himself for people not understanding this concept, this is why he keeps talking about it. No, one can tell you to take ownership, we have to tell ourselves.
I may have had horrible things happen to me, and let those things make me a victim for the past four years, but no more.
I’m starting at rock bottom (maybe a bit lower) but I’m going to fight for myself and my sanity & to create a better future.
No more vices. No more doom spending. No more unkept promises, being late, being lazy, and avoiding my trauma.
I’m going to face it. I’m going to fight it, and hopefully a year from now, on October 4th, 2025, I won’t even be able to recognize the addicted, broke, unhealthy, homeless, emotionally unstable, clusterf*ck person I am right now at 27.
I don’t care if I have to work three jobs, I’m going to get my life together. My mom didn’t raise me this way, and I’m going to make my family proud again…. Hell. I’m going to make me proud again, and someone I’d feel proud to know.
Best podcast ever. It should be broadcast daily into every home and school.
About to run out of money, in a few days I won’t have rent, gas or food. I have a disabled sister and a mother who will need my help. I couldn’t qualify for unemployment because my last company was 100% commission and I barely got any leads, so I didn’t contribute enough to the economy for help. No luck with the job searching. If I don’t give an update to anyone reading it’s because I might be behind bars. Wish me luck, I wish you all well
Get better at selling (always can get better). Find something else to sell. Cars, etc. Andy Elliott can help improve your sales. Don't let your mind limit you. Go!
listening to this while dealing with VA bs 😂🔥
One thing to remember, things always change. If you're not in a good place, you will get through it, you have no choice. What you have to do is learn to weather through. You can't always fight your way out of everything, but you can learn to get stronger through learning how to "take it like a man."
Hi Jocko and Echo. Boston here
Thank you. There is a line in the first Matrix movie where Trinity punches through a window and hesitates laying at the bottom of the staircase, guns drawn at the agents coming for her. "Get up Trinity."
Some plants grow in full sun, some grow in the shade!
Sometimes the enviroment and people were surrounded with are just toxic and bad, as hard as we try.
then you remove yourself from the environment and try again in fresh soil. surround yourself with better people. Is it hard? yes, is it guaranteed success, no, is it a better strategy, absolutely yes.
I wanna be human again. I wanna feel again. Since getting out of service I’ve struggled with feeling emotion and being caring. Relationships are hard. I expect too dam much since I keep my expectations high for myself. But I’m trying.
Jocko looks like hes missing sleep for days and this poor guy just mhmm everything to stay alive.
The recruiter definitely lied to him. He definitely made the intelligent decision.
The answers lie within.
I wish I could have this audio as my morning alarm clock.
Interestingly enough-read that title hearing jockos voice in your head…and suddenly question IF you are or aren’t lmfaooo
How do you know when it is over?
Job, friendship, relationship, familiar bond.
When is enough?
Winners make adjustments, losers make excuses!
And this is why most politicians are losers.
This type of rhetoric is a blanket statement and not productive. It's new age garbage.
I made way too many mistakes that led me to the situations I was in, I chose the women and prioritize them over me. I had lots of money, yes I have health issues but I MADE BAD CHOISES
Ya. I've known that for a while now
When theirs doubt theirs no doubt.
One question comes to mind from these types of messages. Does every homeless deserve what they get? Isn't luck a huge factor in every life including Jockos own? This just seems so one minded but in a way I agree. You have to take the resposibility and carry on, but it is still only one answer to the billions of different lives to consider.
Life is horrendously unfair. You WILL be victimized by circumstances absolutely out of your control. And often. But the most brutally unfair part? The only way to get ahead is to move ahead as if you WERE responsible. You have to claim responsibility. Otherwise you’ll wind up like the poor guy being discussed.
I can't remember discussing this with you Jocko 😂