And he's right. Jacko didnt listen or understand. we know people dont listen to logic/reason. So why is it so hard to believe that his complaint is legitimate.
Crazy how this kid's honest question and jocko's honest response to him made me realize how alike i am to the kid and how compelling jocko's words are.
Great comment. I feel like in some aspects I'm like the kid who wrote that. His answers were actually pretty helpful with some of my thoughts. I feel like I got a little bit out of this video at the very least.
I'm over 30 and I realized around college that people don't want solutions or advice, most of the time they just want to talk about themselves, seek sympathy, or just wan to be listened to. Since then I've stopped giving advice unless asked for, and even if I give it then I'm not expecting it to be followed. On the flipside the issue is that: - my expectations of people are lower now - it's hard to care about their problems since they themselves do not care enough to actually solve them - how to differentiate between the people that just want to talk about their problems vs people that actually seek help? - some people do not want help at all, they feel like they need to find a solution on their own. So what do you do with these people that refuse help, but are doing something wrong that is hurting themselves and their colleagues?
I’ve just come from a job that I quit because of my boss harassing me and not appreciating or even accepting any of my solutions. Well… there’s always a bigger fish. That fish called me and I’m now training to take over my previous boss’ job. Moral of the story: take risks and if no one is there to appreciate those risks; you fall forward and move on to bigger and better things
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
This is so true. I have to consciously make sure I don't do this in order to speak with credibility. And sometimes, people really don't want you to fix their problem. They want someone to empathize with them and just listen. And through listening those people talking tend to find their own solutions. They just needed to "hear" - from themselves....and the only thing we are required to do is reinforce the solutions they come up with and suggest a different path when you know they are going to injure their cause.
I agree. Honesty can be given tactfully. Especially if the aim is for the person to improve themselves. It makes no sense to give good advice but give it in a way that demeans the person youre giving the advice to. Does being rude make the truth easier to digest? In my opinion, it doesnt.
Some people don't want help, some people just want someone to listen to them while they vent. Knowing when to give advice and when to shut up takes tact and patience.
The way it probably got interpreted by the concerning individual might just be: Jocko doesn't respect me! I articulated that question so well, and he had to come in and disrespect me at every sentence! Damn him and his stupid podcast! I'll never listen to him again! That individual might be going on a daaaark mofo-ing road, man...
You probably dont care at all but does anybody know a tool to get back into an instagram account..? I somehow lost my login password. I would appreciate any assistance you can give me
I have an immense amount of respect for people like Jocko, who get a letter that would be so easy to just laugh off, but he actually has the patience and spine to answer with sound advice. Such level headed people are extremely rare nowadays.
Jocko respects the questioner enough to be bothered to act, as in answer... The questioner is hurting, and Jocko cares without caretaking... great example of self control...
I can attest that I fell victim to this mindset. It's taken me a while to look at myself honestly and scrutinize the worst of my character traits. Listening to this was therapeutic and reassuring that I'm on the right track. The straight talk from Jocko cuts through all the drama and crap that my mind thinks.
I'm glad he had the courage to ask that question. Can you imagine being so insecure, and you come to a man like Jocko with that. It had to be intimidating. I guess I know because I feel some of the same things that guy was saying.
I’ve gotten to the point that if people don’t want to listen, I say “f**k it” and walk away...let the world burn. Of course, I’m an old, bitter curmudgeon. (lol)
This was me yesterday and I'm in my 30's. I was aware I'm doing something wrong but couldn't pin point what. Today I try to be less ego-driven and focus on fixing what's lacking in my life instead of trying to compensate by "helping" others. I still have the "I'm right" mentality at times, but am smartish enough to keep my mouth shut now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Victim mentality works until it doesn't.
When others don’t listen, it means stop talking and start acting. I used to give out all the fitness advice I learned from college and it felt like no one ever listened. Little did I know, I wasn’t even listening to myself. Eventually I stopped sharing, and focused only on implementing. I got in great shape, didn’t share anything I did because no one asked. Kept working hard, kept getting great results. Eventually I started to get asked what I was doing. Then I would share. Then they didn’t listen. But it didn’t matter, I just kept putting in the work. Let the universe do it’s thing and teach them the lesson that only life can teach. When they want help with the answers, they’ll eventually come. But keep putting in the work yourself, despite what others think, say, or listen to
This past winter I coached my old High school swimming team, as a 20 y/o you don't get much respect from them. The route i chose for coaching was to show them I was capable of coaching by swimming with them, and asking them if they wanted my advice before giving it. By getting them to verbally accept my help, they would listen intently and improve. After a while they learned that What I was showing them was helping them improve, so they learned to respect me as a coach and the information they were getting from me. I found you cant demand respect without showing you're capable of leading and participating in what you expect from your peers.
"By getting them to verbally accept my help, they would listen intently and improve." Yes, yes, yes, yes. All I can say is, that I wish all of teachers followed that quote.
"What you're saying is right, but what you're doing is wrong" Actually the most insightful sentence in this discussion. Before "correcting" or lecturing someone, ask yourself if there's any meaning to it for the situation, and more importantly does anyone actually care.
That was the podcast that made me stop on the side of the road and think a lot. I started this video because i had the same problem as the guy who wrote the email. It is the opposite of what I have expected lol. I felt kicked down in the mud mentally but from a guy like him it was an honour and truly helped a lot. And also got a lot of empathy and good advice. That was more than a year ago, and now everything goes way better than before. Thank you, wish you all the best 👍
Being nowhere near as bad as this guy but hearing the extreme version of this, I think there were some things in this clip I needed to hear. I can definitely be that guy who’s a bit too ready to give his advice or solve a problem when stepping back and having intentions to help rather than fix is the best way to go.
1. "Insist you be heard not obeyed" - Gen James Mattis 2. Be the advise you want to give. If they don't want to follow it, their loss. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
HAHAHAH this is why I had to understand logos and logic. I was one of these guys. Still am, just learned how to calm down my reactions and humble myself. I massage their egos and give them the knowledge with a smile 😃 hahaha
That’s it broski, people will recognize themselves and might ask you for opinion or advice if they find you competent... no need to dash out advices, that way you probably look like you’re covering up for ur own shortages.
Beat comment! IMHO. As a sports fan I always liked the guys and gals who went out and wore their heart on their sleave and lead by example. Ty 4 this. 🙏
I appreciated this talk a lot. Made me realize that it doesnt matter how hard I try to follow the leadership principles Jocko preach if I dont have a genuine confidence to work from. And seeing how I can relate to the way this guy thinks, must mean I share in his insecurities aswell. Ill work on my confidence. Thank you Jocko and Echo.
I might refer to insecurities: there are always 10 other logical deductive thruths beside your own. Have you considered reflecting on that? Try finding your own truths by listening on truths of others?
This is amazing. These words are as if I said them myself. As a single parent raising three kids, this hit ground zero, at the same time your kids see people responding to you this way when your kids don’t understand because they’re noticing action loader than words. “Your perception of me is not my reality” is what you have to tell your self over and over and over, every time. Because that is the REALITY.
I've both been that guy and met that guy. Humbled plenty of times before I learned that it is not my job to dispense advice but to take my own and live it so I can be a model of that advice. When we hit that point, people seek us out for advice and we are given the opportunity to share and impart wised and experience and allow them to identify the advice in that conversation.
The second letter gave me the creeps a lot, such a controlling mentality. Many domestic abusers think this way - everything is a slight, an insult, and a threat. It’s a recipe for a miserable, lonely life and chronic victimhood. Well done for the advice I hope you got through to them
had some female content creators perceive everything I said as a slight, an insult and a threat, labeled me aggressive and blocked me since they didn't like I opposed them what they said in their video you can easily spot this personality by checking how they interact with comment section - giving a heart to comments that praise them and ignoring comments that have a different opinion or outright delete comments, like it happened to me
OMG! I love this video. I was laughing most of the time because I could see myself in the scenarios they were talking about. I could have given Jocko endless examples of what not to do. I was that person who was unknowingly the proverbial bull in the china shop. I burnt so many bridges until I began to delve into the psychology of people (and myself). I have matured, albeit painfully slowly, and I have gained much insight from my mistakes. As I was growing up, my mother use to always tell me that "I was an acquired taste". This video offers such wonderful advice. [two thumbs up]
The way I see it, care for yourself, don't find validation from others and if you have valuable information of any sorts, do NOT give it away, make them EARN it or they will never value it.
OwaitoKing make them earn it!! To many times I’ve wondered why they never value it then come to realize bc I was casing pearls before “swine” harsh but true. And it was doing them a disservice in the end too bc had they worked for it, the gravity would’ve set in much better
people don't want to be told what to do, they want people to listen to them complain. they don't want their problems fixed, they just want to be heard. The skill is allowing people to come to their own decisions - that's what a good counselor does
Youre right, adults don't want to be told what to do because its like an attack on their personal freedom subconciously. You have to "facilitate" their learning process, guide them to come to their own conclusions!
Isn't that unfair though? What is the point complaining when you don't want a solution? If you need to let off steam or offload pick up a hobby etc. Constantly complaining to the same person over and over again can actually drain the person who you keep running to. So you come to the person, offload your negative energy then leave feeling refreshed while the person you just offloaded to has been weighed down a bit.
@@TheQueenIsWithin Just tell them what you wrote right there. Either they actually start working on their problems or they'll figure "you just don't get it" which is great for you because they'll leave you be.
This ! I had to learn that lol you can tell people the perfect solution but they just want a co sign to some bs 🤷🏽♂️ but life is the greatest teacher. A lot of people have to learn the hard way, myself included lol I️ think it’s human nature to be hard headed. Let em learn
@@TheQueenIsWithin I don't give advice unless someone specifically asks for it. Otherwise I just listen and at the end I ask 'so what do you think you might do about this?'. If they say they don't know, I offer sympathy and say 'don't worry, you'll figure it out.' But it also gives them an opening to ask you for that advice and follow with 'what do you think I should do?" At which point I unleash my solutions that I've been dying to give 🤣 And because they are the ones who decided to ask you for the advice, they are primed to be receptive to it. Sometimes what people need is a sounding board. By listening alone you can often help people gain perspective or untangle their thoughts and solve their own problem. Sometimes it just helps because having someone hear them lightens their heart. So don't feel like it's always on you to hand over a practical solution whenever someone tells you they have a problem. That's a frustrating feeling, and we all have enough problems of our own without feeling like we need to take on everyone else's.
Looking at my own behavior and speech over the last few months... I need to humble myself and shut my mouth (stop complaining). I needed this. Thank you "CRAZY PERSON" and thank you Jocko.
I really feel for the person who asked the question. Ignoring advice based on who gives it is just how some people are. It's impossible to help some people, so let them suffer for their attitude. The best option is to live a good life so they can either see that you're walking the walk and start listening, or keep suffering.
Some people really are resistant to any and all advice and have that vibe of getting some sort of kick out of being victimised, the 'oh woe is me' type who show no real interest in solving their problems, but it's by no means everyone. If everyone around you is reacting negatively to you, at some point you have to start looking inward and asking yourself if maybe your approach is off. I think this guy is one of them.
Yeah, exactly. The whole time he was responding to the first letter I was like "Yeah but that actually really happens though." Some people literally don't listen based on who, even with the same choice of words and tone. You can see it. It's important to hold yourself accountable and look inward to make sure you can't improve upon yourself but if you blame yourself for every single thing that happens to you, you'll be miserable.
I thank the person who asked this question and I thank Jocko’s and Echo’s response to it. This has come at a perfect time for me, as I feel I may have lacked the humility in recent days just trying to cram every problem into my own solution. My solutions do seem to work for me, but that might change, and that also doesn’t mean that every other person could apply my solution to their problems and get the same or better results. I have been arrogant in this regard at least. I’m going to think about this more and be more mindful of my words and actions.
Taking the time to listen and being open minded allows you to be objective and as a result grow and learn. Ironically enough, this is precisely what leads a person to being ignored by those who know less. There is nothing wrong with realizing you know more and understand more deeply than others. The problem lies in trying to point this out to others and trying to convince them of what they are not capable or uninterested to know. Never give anyone advice without being asked for it specifically. It is like, as someone once said to me, giving cheese to a thirsty man in the desert.
Wow. I'm sitting here listing to this and realizing, I often have this same outlook that no one is listening, lol. Thank you for this perspective Jocko. I didn't realize how arrogant I was being. I guess it's easier to see my own mistakes pointed out in someone else.
I was going through some drama with a coworker once and they say us down with a counselor to talk things out. She mentioned to me: weather or not someone is actually talking badly about you, it's exhausting to be on defense mode at all times and it can cause you to be an issue to others due to built up animosity and frustration toward that person which makes you bitter long-term to people that don't really deserve it. Thats detrimental to your job or whatever you could be doing. I'm still working on that, it's hard when you feel disrespected in the moment.
The single biggest piece of advice I can give the anybody everything so personally. The vast majority of the time somebody behaves in a way towards you that you consider disrespectful or defensive in some way, they are not specifically targeting you or intending explicitly to hurt you, most commonly they are wrapped up in their own shit.
Yes they are🙄. Because you picked up on THEIR NEGATIVE disrespectful energy that you did NOT GIVE them. They ARE making you a target, signed someone who is followed harassed & gets into fist fights. Please get a clue people cannot STAND when they are in your presence and they are IRRELEVANT to you🙄.
I have felt this same way countless times, but hearing the question come from someone else has made me think differently. I am the one who needs clarity, not them. I am the one worrying, not them. This helped me, just not in the way I thought it would. Thank you!
Man, Jocko I love listening to you and your style of delivering information and the way you dissect it all and explain the situation from multiple angles, well done. Communication between people is an art, therefore can be really complicated sometimes to understand and to explain to others
"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. For if you hate me, I will always be in your head. If you love me, I will always be in your heart." -William Shakespeare
Ha. I had this issue when I was younger. “It was everyone else’s fault and nothing I could improve.” Not until, I started to get so frustrated that “they” weren’t getting it, I started to consider maybe it was the way I communicated the content. I accepted the challenge and decided to level up the ways I communicate because I can control that. Effective communication seems to be rather challenging for most because it makes us realize how effective communication has nothing to do with you. Cheers to the people working on the communication skills!
You got a tip or two when it comes to working on communication skills? I don't feel frustrated like your past self or the dude who wrote the letter did, but I still would love to improve.
Wow, what's crazy is that I told my wife about this and she said that I do alot of the same things. Not to the extreme of this guy but similar. Thanks Jacko I didn't realize it.
I’ve been this person, in my first real management position in my mid twenties. A few lessons I learned: to be persuasive, you need to treat others the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. If you speak to people the way you want to be spoken to, you may find no one is listening. No such thing as “obvious logic”.
Questioner: "I give excellent advice, nobody listens. What do you think?" Jocko: "Oh - here comes little Darren. Humble yourself. Stop trying so hard. Jiu Jitsu. Gain some self confidence." Jordan Peterson: "Don't cast pearls before swine. ...well you know it depends how you define pearls... and you know maybe you're not all you could be! Maybe you missed the mark, buck-o!"
I felt myself feeling like that at one point in time, my best guess would be in high school, but it definitely boiled down to me wanting to be right more than wanting to help somebody else because of feeling ignored as a kid. It was a tough thing to grow out of, because I really had no clue that I was doing it and I genuinely thought that I was being helpful, but anytime your help turns into an argument or telling someone they’re wrong on an opinionated matter, especially one that is pertaining to their own life and not yours, chances are you weren’t being too helpful in the first place.
Person: "I don't bake as well as my grandma..." Jocko: you wanna bake as good as your grandma? Go train Jiu Jitsu..." 😂I couldn't help it. Truly, I am a big fan @jockowillink and my kids have your book. My son is special needs and he would love to meet you one day.
Oddly enough I recognize myself by that person's attitude. I sadly have a tendancy to act that way. And I must say that Jocko just opened my eyes wide on most of my problems. It all start with my confidence in myself. And I cruelly lack confidence. Thank you Jocko for opening my eyes and giving me a way to solve this issue.
Let people come with their own plan for their problems. They will be much more motivated to put it in practice, and also adjust it as the problem unfolds if it doesn't fit their needs. They will take more responsibility and will be more happy to do it than if you force a plan of your own down their throats.
I noticed I was starting to lose confidence in myself through life after my best friend committed suicide and slowly began to become arrogant on some subjects. Listening to you guys and thoroughly explaining why this happens and what to do definitely pushes me to better myself. Not only for me but for my family and my best friend who passed. To prove I can be a better man than I am right now. Thank you
I recognise so much of this from both perspectives. I stopped giving advice about 20 years ago, because I learned that people will do what they want regardless. However I'm still weening my way out of interjecting with "facts and logic" as quite often it's the only input I feel I can have in most conversations. I've never been as insecure as the guy who wrote the letter, but there are certainly elements I can relate to.
(1) I've been in the position where nobody has listened. (2) I've offered logic reason and evidence. (3) Sometimes you have to accept you are the lowest in the food chain. (4) Sometimes you have to accept "No body likes you" (5) Learn that sometimes people only want to hear an echo (6) Learn even if your 100% right...S.T.F.U (7) Let them fail. (8) Let them fail. (9) Let them fail. (10) some people sincerely do not want advice (11) Some people just want to complain. (12) Spend your energy building your self (13) I wasted many years on people who did not listen (14) Save your self first before you save the planet. (15) Maybe you are not wrong (16) Maybe you have to find a new group of friends (17) Maybe its family you where talking about... (18) Build a new family! (19) Giving advice takes energy (20) life is short spend your energy on yourself.
You're right and I sometimes forget that I need to pay more attention to myself, help myself rather than help others. I think what is needed are stronger personal boundaries because even though I have close friends for years I only recently got through to them and have been able to open their eyes. For me it is not about being right it is about enriching another person's life. Regardless at some points I will have to accept that even they may not be ready.
So true. Jacko is making presumptions about his tone and attitude. And then jacko contradicts himself several times. He went full bro meat head on this. Jacko doesnt know what its like to be the black sheep. The ugly duckling. The second class citizen.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." - Hanlon's Razor In most cases, people aren't out to get you. Think ignorance before malicious intent. Something that is hard to practice, but will have life long benefits.
A woman goes to the doctor in great distress. She says, "Doctor, every bone in my body is broken! See, it hurts when I touch any part of my body!" The doctor says, "Ma'am, I believe your index finger is broken"
It's not his ego. It's the ppl's ego who think his one is below them so everything he says is that too. And yah. When u see ppl from outside in their mess too far up their own butts, then u see the obvious, simple solutions they dont wanna acknowledge bc they're too proud for that
You dont know the people around him. Fuck knows what situation he is in. Maybe its some guy without education that is small and weak so people perceive him as useless. The power of Jockos presence is in like the 0.1% so everyone will listen to him. Somebody like Jordan Peterson people will listen because he is educated intelligent and articulate. Someone like Elon Musk here we go again they will listen to him because he is successful and rich. But some poor small uneducated guy? No matter what a dude like that does or says nobody gives a shit what they say even if he is right this is just sad facts of human nature.
Ego?? Eh .or maybe just a frustrated individual trying to give a solution to a problem some ones steady complaining about yet when presented with a possible solution no one listened
A best friend is someone: *Trustworthy. * Cares about you. * Understands & Gets you. * Helps you. * Explains why you'll benefit from what they're saying to do. * They would physically defend you if they were with you & someone was trying to physically attack you & you were unable to defend yourself. * They are Respectful, Honest Genuine, Truthful. * Honorable. * Humble. * Explains What To Do How To Do.& Take Action. * Is A Special, Positive 😇 Blessing In.Your Life. > Is Loving,.Loyal, 😎. * You ARE Safe With Them. * You're Secure With Them. * They Enhance & Improve You and Your Life. * They Don't Unfairly or Wrongly Misjudge You. * They're FUN to be around.
This is real!!! I learned so much from this. Thank you to the person who wrote that letter. That takes humility to admit that. Jocko...wow!! A lot of pearls of wisdom here. ✨️🙌 James 4:10
Frustrated person:"Im rite every one else is wrong!" Jocko: "At the very least your approach is wrong." So good! I have been the frustrated person often, this will help.
Im glad i came across this. I got to learn new vocabulary! Me and my father butt heads constantly on very personal levels, and it's become an obsession of mine to 'solve', as being a perpetrator myself breaks my heart every single time without fail. My family can unanimously decide he's the "my way or the highway" kinda guy, and doesn't like to discuss his reasoning very often... and thats not to disparage his keen leadership, logic, and irrefutable charisma. Just extremely stubborn. A new way for me to take lead in this situation is by building MY confidence in HIM, and figuring out how i can get him to be more confident in my reasoning and decision making (a passive process, requiring a truly challenging amount of patience and faith). And for that to happen, i need to un-f*ck my resentful attitude toward him first... I love my father more than he'll ever understand. My biggest fear is being pushed to the point of weening him from my life entirely, as my one other sibling has... we're all born with the right to the pursuit of happiness, and want to see my family happy. Thank you for ripping in to this individual, as it applies to myself in many, many ways across multiple contexts. Pertaining to my father, I've known for a little bit now how insecure i am. In my insecurity, I've discovered a blindspot, home to a fear-powered lack of confidence. I'm grateful for the ability and opportunity to work on this!
My advice comes from the heart When I know it's going to turn out bad because I've done it. As I get older I learn knowledge is not for everyone. Some people have to learn on their own. As I did. I didn't listen at one time either.
Best thing I learned for social awareness is don't give advice to someone who doesn't ask for it, even if your method or solution to the problem is sturdy and you may have personal experience with it. Your accomplishments will draw people into asking for your opinion. Silent confidence is your turn key here.
I was already like damn, listening to how this guy is sounding in the letter, but when I heard he wrote the word "people " in quotes......that took the cake
Sometimes just listening with empathy to a person’s issues giving 100% attention is best solution, their mind set is not on a logical base, all we can do is comfort them.
I deal with this on a regular basis. Deep down they are weak and around you they are reminded of what they are not. This is an odd realization bit it is a real thing. Keep growing and use social media to find others like you. Remember.. "Most pepeople are operating at 30%" David Goggins
he tells me i am not an empath and that my barbie size furniture isnt going to sell and some of the chairs i can make into cell phone holders for desks, he is too negative not supportive and puts me down, turns out he got mad cause i have never wanted a room mate and he wants to live here, he got upset and on started an argument and as i told his unsupported butt to pleae leave he trashed everything from my computer room to the front door knocked down wood projects for making doll houses and i had baseball cards he threw down and he is angry because i wont do what he wants and let him move in he is homeless and desperate, i dont do any thing for the wrong reasons, he's lucky i let him in cause i have a guy that said he wanted to date me but is healing and has some things to take care of and he says i am in a fantasy, the guy doesnt like me and that he isnt going to come around, fact is, no he wont cause i tell this guy he cant spend the night and he just disrepsects me anyway, and ruining my twin flame realtionship, the guy i met he was working 3 times i met him and had been studying me for close to a year, before i knew of him, and i asked the twin flame to leave a message to help me out and he did and the same disrespect of the other guy sabatosher is making me look bad, and this guy randy said " see he doesnt like you and is telling you to leave him alone," and i said "that is not what i am hearing" i hear he will be here in one week, so he is gone now after keeping the disrespect and put downs, negative and dismissing everything i tell him is nothing to him, and its not his reality, he says its a fantasy and he doesnt exist, so he wants to be that guy, now he trashed my house on the way out. no more miss nice girl, i gotta stick to my guns for sure. he wrecked it, making me look like i got someone and i just dont want someone who is unsupportive and negative dismissing me and not listening to what i say. he got argumentative to control, no good, why would i want to be pushed into no support nope, now maybe the other guy will see he is not here and come around, i have no money no job trying to do what i do with homemade barbie size furniture and he puts it down, not my type, he makes me feel like i am not important no listening skills, so bomboyash to him
I stopped giving advice to friends or co-workers who won't listen to advices. I just do what I have to do and mind my own business. I prove I'm right through action by doing what I advice others to do. An other thing is I learned to identify and differentiate people who just want to complain and people who sincerely search for a solution. Of course, all of this has to be done after you have checked that you are not the source of the problem. If you have a problem with 1 person then there might something wrong with that person. If you have a problem with 2 person then there might something wrong with these two persons. If you have a problem with everybody then there is a high chance you are the problem.
A system I helped invent was recently funded in the hundreds of millions of dollars. My new company with no experience in the domain called me negative pessimistic and close minded when I tried to communicate the chief problems and kicked me off the program. Will waste dozens of man years. Humiliating experience. Certain personalities were using what I said out of context to cut me down and make themselves look better. Tons of gossip, backstabbing, etc. This situation is painful for a bunch of reasons. Could I have failed to communicate? Yes. Could they have not been receptive because they weren’t familiar with the system? Sure. Could there just be organizations where mob mentality reigns supreme? Sure. I have a really hard time standing up for myself. I left the rumor mill about me go uncontested, and I think managers took it as fact not opinion. I’m struggling because I feel it’s a really toxic environment. I just wonder - wouldn’t a company want to go out of their way to understand everyone’s opinion? To try and find the right answer even if it wasn’t communicated as well as the last persons?
Yeah not everyone is asking for advice. Sometimes people are actively fixing the problem and need to vent about it. They might not need or want advice so just listen.
There is such a thing as workplace bullying where you're not necessarily the problem but co workers have their own agenda and unfortunately you're in the middle of it.
"If you have a problem with everybody then there is a high chance you are the problem. " not necessarily, if people don't want to tell you that they aren't looking for an advice, don't like your tone and actually list you reasons why your specific advice isn't relevant to them, then you are not the problem but the people who don't want to verbalize they don't want your advice and don't like your tone and just expect you to be a mind-reader
I used to have multiple people in my life who would make these exact complaints. I can appreciate the commentary here, because each of them was a stagnant person with no job, no prospects, no ambition and did not live off their own means. One of them literally said to me once “No one listens to me!” And it was physically impossible to get it through to them that no one wants to or should listen to someone like that.
I put up with a lot of anger, isolation and being alienated throughout my childhood and growing up, was always confused by it, so I had this mentality for a while as well, but it always came from people telling me what a subhuman I was, and shit like that. Friends teling me how scary of a person I was, etc, when I did nothing but be their friend. I knew part of it was because of my birthmark, but I realized over time that it was also my reaction, my behavior, my attitude because of that which made problems and situations worse for myself. I still deal with that conflict, especially at places that I work, or dealing with people in general, but I step back and reflect on my attitude more and make sure that I'm not the one being the asshole.
Oh crap, this is super insightful for me. I was listening to this, and was initially laughing at the guy who sent in the question, then I started to realize that I do some of the same crap to others. I'm going to listen to this several times and work on fixing my own issues. I know that people don't want unsolicited advice, but time and time again, I give it and regret it later. When Jocko said that listening to people takes confidence, that really hit me hard. I gotta learn to shut up. Thank you for this Jocko!
This sounds like a personal internal issue when you are really worried that people won't take your advice. The person is seeking something from others instead if being the source of something.
The letter was full of arrogance and self importance...I would bet my last tenner that the biggest issue is, in fact, that his tone is so bullish, despite what he claims. People probably feel his righteous condescension from a mile off. He sounds as if he feels he's 'above' the people he's trying to help, and perhaps then he is helping for the wrong reasons...to prove himself right rather than out of a place of caring. People sense this and actively don't want to give you the satisfaction of being right, it activates the stubbornness switch and they would rather suffer than risk giving you confirmation that you are 'better' than they are. Humility goes a long way in warming people to you and making them want to listen to you.
@@gemlouise1260 " People sense this and actively don't want to give you the satisfaction of being right, it activates the stubbornness switch and they would rather suffer than risk giving you confirmation that you are 'better' than they are." so people are emotionally immature kids
It amazes me that Jocko always has the perfect advice. He has a true understanding of how the human brain works and knows how to relate to different personalities.
Geez... Jocko... what a genuine bit of leadership and thoughtful commentary. I truly appreciate that you took the time to put this together. You do work on behalf of all good humans. Keep at it man. You are absolutely doing a service to the future of human kind.
There’s a reason people in marketing make more money than the rest of us. It’s really hard to get people to try new things or be open to unfamiliar concepts. If you’re just ok at communicating don’t expect people to look to you for unique ideas/solutions until they’ve had about a a hundred hours of interaction with you to judge how you conduct yourself. If people really start reaching out to you for advice it’s probably going to be about something serious, personal, or both and the only way to help that person effectively is with humility as a guide. I got none of that from the guys letter.
Wouldn't it be ironic if the guy who asked this question completely ignored Jocko's advice?
Lol
That is a terrible reference to the definition of "irony"
The way Jocko started by talking about how ignorant and clueless the guy was I don't think he would.
@@Breatheable Haha that's also ironic!
@@TurnOntheBrightLights. IKR, did he even watch the video lmao
The guy is probably in his room right now thinking, “Woooow even Jocko didn’t listen to me!!”
And he's right. Jacko didnt listen or understand.
we know people dont listen to logic/reason. So why is it so hard to believe that his complaint is legitimate.
@@mctow8554 it's not that the complaint isn't legitimate, it's that you need to own your inability to get through to them and read the room.
😂
Pffffff. Yes! lol
😂😂😂
A guy : “Hey Jesus, I keep giving pearls to pigs, but they don’t appreciate how valuable they are.”
Jesus : “yeah don’t do that.”
Golden comment.
Better wisdom than anyone else could give.
The kind of person who wrote this letter probably thinks he is Jesus in that analogy
Yes. A word to the wise is usually sufficient...or from the other end, you cant beat sense into a fool.
@@galdvir7190 but i am Jesus
Crazy how this kid's honest question and jocko's honest response to him made me realize how alike i am to the kid and how compelling jocko's words are.
Yeah this is a letter I would send in anger and I'd be pissed till the mod point tbh
Great comment. I feel like in some aspects I'm like the kid who wrote that. His answers were actually pretty helpful with some of my thoughts. I feel like I got a little bit out of this video at the very least.
It's probably not even a kid, there's so many adults like that in western society, so full of ego and always wants to prove he or she is better.
Good on you. Realizing that you have a strong external locus of control is a good start. Time to change that.
same thing with me
always assuming the worst when meeting new people
I'm over 30 and I realized around college that people don't want solutions or advice, most of the time they just want to talk about themselves, seek sympathy, or just wan to be listened to.
Since then I've stopped giving advice unless asked for, and even if I give it then I'm not expecting it to be followed. On the flipside the issue is that:
- my expectations of people are lower now
- it's hard to care about their problems since they themselves do not care enough to actually solve them
- how to differentiate between the people that just want to talk about their problems vs people that actually seek help?
- some people do not want help at all, they feel like they need to find a solution on their own. So what do you do with these people that refuse help, but are doing something wrong that is hurting themselves and their colleagues?
I’ve just come from a job that I quit because of my boss harassing me and not appreciating or even accepting any of my solutions. Well… there’s always a bigger fish. That fish called me and I’m now training to take over my previous boss’ job.
Moral of the story: take risks and if no one is there to appreciate those risks; you fall forward and move on to bigger and better things
God helps those who help themselves.
And God sends His strongest soldiers through hell to get to Heaven.
You still asking a lot of me to listen to them vent and I really don’t care about them at all. GGs homie be strong blood 🩸
@@sterlthepearl1000 best advise ever.
Jocko: "how many times have you heard me say I KNOW IM RIGHT"
*As he points a Knife at echo*
Echo without missing a beat: "NONE"
That's a literal knife. :/
Haha I was about to write this in case no one else did
Reminds me of Nathan Explosion sometimes
@@JungleEd17 Oh, really? I thought it was a metaphorical knife.
Scrolled down to see if anyone else said this, lol. That was the exact moment I noticed he had a knife in his hand, holding Echo hostage, lol.
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Jordan Peterson says something very similar to this
This is so true. I have to consciously make sure I don't do this in order to speak with credibility. And sometimes, people really don't want you to fix their problem. They want someone to empathize with them and just listen. And through listening those people talking tend to find their own solutions. They just needed to "hear" - from themselves....and the only thing we are required to do is reinforce the solutions they come up with and suggest a different path when you know they are going to injure their cause.
Great one. Also, "be interested, not interesting."
yes. all of that. just don't try this with con ppl trying to sell you snake oil :P, bc what's "behind" is gross. haha
that quote is beautiful
"I use facts and logic."
"Honesty without grace can be brutality." is what my mom told me
Damn I needed to read this, I think this is the problem I’ve been having lately
I agree. Honesty can be given tactfully. Especially if the aim is for the person to improve themselves. It makes no sense to give good advice but give it in a way that demeans the person youre giving the advice to. Does being rude make the truth easier to digest? In my opinion, it doesnt.
hey guys i am klutzy how do i get grace, i dont think your talking about me but i need to be more graceful kinda klutzy
@@LionVictorious yeah cause if your made not important with no compliments its not worth it
My grandma used to say the same! But shes said "is", not "can"
Some people don't want help, some people just want someone to listen to them while they vent. Knowing when to give advice and when to shut up takes tact and patience.
They dont believe in him as a leader
"Even Corvettes that aren't Corvettes start looking like Corvettes." -Jocko
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one 😂😂 it hits too deep
Jocko listened to you. That surely is a good start! :D
@Ordinary Pete relax
@@danielc.5724 Ironic. The videos main message and Paulo's comment.
"Jocko doesn't wear masks! I'm right!"
K buddy
The way it probably got interpreted by the concerning individual might just be: Jocko doesn't respect me! I articulated that question so well, and he had to come in and disrespect me at every sentence! Damn him and his stupid podcast! I'll never listen to him again!
That individual might be going on a daaaark mofo-ing road, man...
Lol RIGHT!?!
You probably dont care at all but does anybody know a tool to get back into an instagram account..?
I somehow lost my login password. I would appreciate any assistance you can give me
I have an immense amount of respect for people like Jocko, who get a letter that would be so easy to just laugh off, but he actually has the patience and spine to answer with sound advice. Such level headed people are extremely rare nowadays.
Agreed. 80% of the comment section just ripping this guy a new one.
I was going to comment something similar but no need you said it well!!
Confidence i reckon, he's gotta have real confidence in who he is.
Jocko respects the questioner enough to be bothered to act, as in answer...
The questioner is hurting, and Jocko cares without caretaking... great example of self control...
Yes!! Agreed! Jocko is sharp. On point
guy: "nobody likes me"
jocko: "do some jiu jitsu"
I bet it would be Joe Rogan's advise too XD
Joe “do some jiu jitsu” Rogan
Something Eliot Hulse would say
@@utamatheus1998 I bet Joe Rogan would send you on a elk hunt
It's not a strange response lol
I can attest that I fell victim to this mindset. It's taken me a while to look at myself honestly and scrutinize the worst of my character traits. Listening to this was therapeutic and reassuring that I'm on the right track. The straight talk from Jocko cuts through all the drama and crap that my mind thinks.
I'm glad he had the courage to ask that question. Can you imagine being so insecure, and you come to a man like Jocko with that. It had to be intimidating. I guess I know because I feel some of the same things that guy was saying.
Reminds me of a quote I heard once “unasked for advice is criticism “
In the words of Two Chains, "Truuue".
No, unasked for advice is being an asshole.
I know you didn't ask :(
It's criticism to those uninterested in learning, those who already know everything.
Respectfully, if no one is listening, stop talking.
Great Awakening Coach 👍👍👍live your own life. Ppl don’t like advice.
why is this ldiot even trying to make anyone listen. Let people fail. They'll search for stuff if they have enough brains, on their own
I’ve gotten to the point that if people don’t want to listen, I say “f**k it” and walk away...let the world burn. Of course, I’m an old, bitter curmudgeon. (lol)
I like the way Jesus put it:
"Do not cast pearls before swine."
Oh I like that, imma steal it :)
"If you smell sh*t everywhere you go, check your shoes."
I like this. I'm stealing it.
@@marcusyoung2870 proceed.
Writing that down.
This was me yesterday and I'm in my 30's. I was aware I'm doing something wrong but couldn't pin point what. Today I try to be less ego-driven and focus on fixing what's lacking in my life instead of trying to compensate by "helping" others. I still have the "I'm right" mentality at times, but am smartish enough to keep my mouth shut now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Victim mentality works until it doesn't.
When others don’t listen, it means stop talking and start acting.
I used to give out all the fitness advice I learned from college and it felt like no one ever listened. Little did I know, I wasn’t even listening to myself.
Eventually I stopped sharing, and focused only on implementing. I got in great shape, didn’t share anything I did because no one asked. Kept working hard, kept getting great results. Eventually I started to get asked what I was doing. Then I would share. Then they didn’t listen. But it didn’t matter, I just kept putting in the work.
Let the universe do it’s thing and teach them the lesson that only life can teach. When they want help with the answers, they’ll eventually come. But keep putting in the work yourself, despite what others think, say, or listen to
Jocko’s mocking voice is exactly how I expected Jocko to sound normally when I first saw a picture of him
it's gross and a sign of deep insecurity
exposed him for the little boi he actually is
Dose the guest sound like a Mike Tyson?
This past winter I coached my old High school swimming team, as a 20 y/o you don't get much respect from them. The route i chose for coaching was to show them I was capable of coaching by swimming with them, and asking them if they wanted my advice before giving it. By getting them to verbally accept my help, they would listen intently and improve. After a while they learned that What I was showing them was helping them improve, so they learned to respect me as a coach and the information they were getting from me. I found you cant demand respect without showing you're capable of leading and participating in what you expect from your peers.
"By getting them to verbally accept my help, they would listen intently and improve."
Yes, yes, yes, yes. All I can say is, that I wish all of teachers followed that quote.
"What you're saying is right, but what you're doing is wrong" Actually the most insightful sentence in this discussion. Before "correcting" or lecturing someone, ask yourself if there's any meaning to it for the situation, and more importantly does anyone actually care.
That was the podcast that made me stop on the side of the road and think a lot.
I started this video because i had the same problem as the guy who wrote the email. It is the opposite of what I have expected lol.
I felt kicked down in the mud mentally but from a guy like him it was an honour and truly helped a lot. And also got a lot of empathy and good advice. That was more than a year ago, and now everything goes way better than before. Thank you, wish you all the best 👍
Being nowhere near as bad as this guy but hearing the extreme version of this, I think there were some things in this clip I needed to hear. I can definitely be that guy who’s a bit too ready to give his advice or solve a problem when stepping back and having intentions to help rather than fix is the best way to go.
Listening is hard. Asking am I listening to help solve a situation, or am I just listening?
1. "Insist you be heard not obeyed" - Gen James Mattis
2. Be the advise you want to give. If they don't want to follow it, their loss. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
"Fix your own house" - Jordan Peterson. This guy needs to fix himself first before trying to fix others.
“Marcus Aurelius he’s a good reference point” 😂🤣
"One of the classic stoics, you might wanna check him out!!!" 😂 😭
HAHAHAH this is why I had to understand logos and logic. I was one of these guys. Still am, just learned how to calm down my reactions and humble myself. I massage their egos and give them the knowledge with a smile 😃 hahaha
“Sus”😂
Stoicism for the win
"BE" the advice.
Sometimes, the best advice is action....it gets you further where words cannot take you.
That’s it broski, people will recognize themselves and might ask you for opinion or advice if they find you competent... no need to dash out advices, that way you probably look like you’re covering up for ur own shortages.
Beat comment! IMHO. As a sports fan I always liked the guys and gals who went out and wore their heart on their sleave and lead by example. Ty 4 this. 🙏
I appreciated this talk a lot. Made me realize that it doesnt matter how hard I try to follow the leadership principles Jocko preach if I dont have a genuine confidence to work from. And seeing how I can relate to the way this guy thinks, must mean I share in his insecurities aswell.
Ill work on my confidence. Thank you Jocko and Echo.
Reletable bro
I might refer to insecurities: there are always 10 other logical deductive thruths beside your own.
Have you considered reflecting on that?
Try finding your own truths by listening on truths of others?
This is amazing. These words are as if I said them myself. As a single parent raising three kids, this hit ground zero, at the same time your kids see people responding to you this way when your kids don’t understand because they’re noticing action loader than words. “Your perception of me is not my reality” is what you have to tell your self over and over and over, every time. Because that is the REALITY.
If you don’t listen, I don’t listen.
This guy needs to lead himself and forget about these other people.
I will forever refer to my kitchen as “the refrigerator room.”
Did he say that in the video?
@Lemon Tree 😂
This is jokes dude!!
roger that
😂😂
I've both been that guy and met that guy. Humbled plenty of times before I learned that it is not my job to dispense advice but to take my own and live it so I can be a model of that advice. When we hit that point, people seek us out for advice and we are given the opportunity to share and impart wised and experience and allow them to identify the advice in that conversation.
The second letter gave me the creeps a lot, such a controlling mentality. Many domestic abusers think this way - everything is a slight, an insult, and a threat. It’s a recipe for a miserable, lonely life and chronic victimhood. Well done for the advice I hope you got through to them
i’m realising i’m kinda like this dude
That’s an example of classic paranoia disorder symptoms though.
had some female content creators perceive everything I said as a slight, an insult and a threat, labeled me aggressive and blocked me since they didn't like I opposed them what they said in their video
you can easily spot this personality by checking how they interact with comment section - giving a heart to comments that praise them and ignoring comments that have a different opinion or outright delete comments, like it happened to me
OMG! I love this video. I was laughing most of the time because I could see myself in the scenarios they were talking about. I could have given Jocko endless examples of what not to do. I was that person who was unknowingly the proverbial bull in the china shop. I burnt so many bridges until I began to delve into the psychology of people (and myself). I have matured, albeit painfully slowly, and I have gained much insight from my mistakes. As I was growing up, my mother use to always tell me that "I was an acquired taste".
This video offers such wonderful advice. [two thumbs up]
The way I see it, care for yourself, don't find validation from others and if you have valuable information of any sorts, do NOT give it away, make them EARN it or they will never value it.
OwaitoKing make them earn it!! To many times I’ve wondered why they never value it then come to realize bc I was casing pearls before “swine” harsh but true. And it was doing them a disservice in the end too bc had they worked for it, the gravity would’ve set in much better
This is a good point
Interesting take. What does "earning it" look like?
people don't want to be told what to do, they want people to listen to them complain. they don't want their problems fixed, they just want to be heard. The skill is allowing people to come to their own decisions - that's what a good counselor does
Youre right, adults don't want to be told what to do because its like an attack on their personal freedom subconciously. You have to "facilitate" their learning process, guide them to come to their own conclusions!
Isn't that unfair though? What is the point complaining when you don't want a solution? If you need to let off steam or offload pick up a hobby etc. Constantly complaining to the same person over and over again can actually drain the person who you keep running to. So you come to the person, offload your negative energy then leave feeling refreshed while the person you just offloaded to has been weighed down a bit.
@@TheQueenIsWithin Just tell them what you wrote right there. Either they actually start working on their problems or they'll figure "you just don't get it" which is great for you because they'll leave you be.
This ! I had to learn that lol you can tell people the perfect solution but they just want a co sign to some bs 🤷🏽♂️ but life is the greatest teacher. A lot of people have to learn the hard way, myself included lol I️ think it’s human nature to be hard headed. Let em learn
@@TheQueenIsWithin I don't give advice unless someone specifically asks for it. Otherwise I just listen and at the end I ask 'so what do you think you might do about this?'. If they say they don't know, I offer sympathy and say 'don't worry, you'll figure it out.' But it also gives them an opening to ask you for that advice and follow with 'what do you think I should do?" At which point I unleash my solutions that I've been dying to give 🤣
And because they are the ones who decided to ask you for the advice, they are primed to be receptive to it.
Sometimes what people need is a sounding board. By listening alone you can often help people gain perspective or untangle their thoughts and solve their own problem. Sometimes it just helps because having someone hear them lightens their heart. So don't feel like it's always on you to hand over a practical solution whenever someone tells you they have a problem. That's a frustrating feeling, and we all have enough problems of our own without feeling like we need to take on everyone else's.
Looking at my own behavior and speech over the last few months... I need to humble myself and shut my mouth (stop complaining). I needed this. Thank you "CRAZY PERSON" and thank you Jocko.
I really feel for the person who asked the question. Ignoring advice based on who gives it is just how some people are.
It's impossible to help some people, so let them suffer for their attitude.
The best option is to live a good life so they can either see that you're walking the walk and start listening, or keep suffering.
Some people really are resistant to any and all advice and have that vibe of getting some sort of kick out of being victimised, the 'oh woe is me' type who show no real interest in solving their problems, but it's by no means everyone. If everyone around you is reacting negatively to you, at some point you have to start looking inward and asking yourself if maybe your approach is off.
I think this guy is one of them.
Yeah, exactly. The whole time he was responding to the first letter I was like "Yeah but that actually really happens though." Some people literally don't listen based on who, even with the same choice of words and tone. You can see it. It's important to hold yourself accountable and look inward to make sure you can't improve upon yourself but if you blame yourself for every single thing that happens to you, you'll be miserable.
I thank the person who asked this question and I thank Jocko’s and Echo’s response to it.
This has come at a perfect time for me, as I feel I may have lacked the humility in recent days just trying to cram every problem into my own solution. My solutions do seem to work for me, but that might change, and that also doesn’t mean that every other person could apply my solution to their problems and get the same or better results.
I have been arrogant in this regard at least.
I’m going to think about this more and be more mindful of my words and actions.
Dude, this was super informative/eye opening. Take the indirect approach, “join their team”, “play the game”. LEGIT....
Taking the time to listen and being open minded allows you to be objective and as a result grow and learn. Ironically enough, this is precisely what leads a person to being ignored by those who know less.
There is nothing wrong with realizing you know more and understand more deeply than others. The problem lies in trying to point this out to others and trying to convince them of what they are not capable or uninterested to know.
Never give anyone advice without being asked for it specifically. It is like, as someone once said to me, giving cheese to a thirsty man in the desert.
Wow. I'm sitting here listing to this and realizing, I often have this same outlook that no one is listening, lol. Thank you for this perspective Jocko. I didn't realize how arrogant I was being. I guess it's easier to see my own mistakes pointed out in someone else.
I also had this problem, im going to dedicate 2020 for selfhelp.
To take responsibility and to focus on my own problems and not other peoples problems
Knowing something like this can be turned around is awesome.
I was going through some drama with a coworker once and they say us down with a counselor to talk things out. She mentioned to me: weather or not someone is actually talking badly about you, it's exhausting to be on defense mode at all times and it can cause you to be an issue to others due to built up animosity and frustration toward that person which makes you bitter long-term to people that don't really deserve it. Thats detrimental to your job or whatever you could be doing. I'm still working on that, it's hard when you feel disrespected in the moment.
You and Jordan Peterson helped me talking action on improving my life in a effective manner.
The war path changed me.
Thank you
God bless Peterson. I hope he's having a great recovery.
@@manictiger he's back let's gooooooooo
God bless ❤
The single biggest piece of advice I can give the anybody everything so personally. The vast majority of the time somebody behaves in a way towards you that you consider disrespectful or defensive in some way, they are not specifically targeting you or intending explicitly to hurt you, most commonly they are wrapped up in their own shit.
Yes they are🙄. Because you picked up on THEIR NEGATIVE disrespectful energy that you did NOT GIVE them. They ARE making you a target, signed someone who is followed harassed & gets into fist fights. Please get a clue people cannot STAND when they are in your presence and they are IRRELEVANT to you🙄.
For every Jocko in the world, there is an Echo who understands Jocko’s inner self. Shout out to Jocko/Echo, stay strong brothers.
I have felt this same way countless times, but hearing the question come from someone else has made me think differently. I am the one who needs clarity, not them. I am the one worrying, not them. This helped me, just not in the way I thought it would. Thank you!
Man, Jocko I love listening to you and your style of delivering information and the way you dissect it all and explain the situation from multiple angles, well done. Communication between people is an art, therefore can be really complicated sometimes to understand and to explain to others
"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. For if you hate me, I will always be in your head. If you love me, I will always be in your heart."
-William Shakespeare
Good thing "indifferent" is also an option
@@PantsofVance irrelevant
Jocko: "There's some things I'm pretty knowledgeable about"
*weaves a knife in front of him*
Echo: "Yeah yeah"
😂😂😂😂
Ahhahah
Ha. I had this issue when I was younger. “It was everyone else’s fault and nothing I could improve.”
Not until, I started to get so frustrated that “they” weren’t getting it, I started to consider maybe it was the way I communicated the content.
I accepted the challenge and decided to level up the ways I communicate because I can control that. Effective communication seems to be rather challenging for most because it makes us realize how effective communication has nothing to do with you.
Cheers to the people working on the communication skills!
You got a tip or two when it comes to working on communication skills? I don't feel frustrated like your past self or the dude who wrote the letter did, but I still would love to improve.
that's not what the thing is
amazing how people apply their own trauma to someone else and then dismiss them
get a clue
Wow, what's crazy is that I told my wife about this and she said that I do alot of the same things. Not to the extreme of this guy but similar. Thanks Jacko I didn't realize it.
I’ve been this person, in my first real management position in my mid twenties. A few lessons I learned: to be persuasive, you need to treat others the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. If you speak to people the way you want to be spoken to, you may find no one is listening. No such thing as “obvious logic”.
Jocko is so on point about overcompensating for insecurities I was exactly like this emailer til very recently
People don't always want their problems solved, or know the solution but lack the strength to carry it through.
Questioner: "I give excellent advice, nobody listens. What do you think?"
Jocko: "Oh - here comes little Darren. Humble yourself. Stop trying so hard. Jiu Jitsu. Gain some self confidence."
Jordan Peterson: "Don't cast pearls before swine. ...well you know it depends how you define pearls... and you know maybe you're not all you could be! Maybe you missed the mark, buck-o!"
Orange Banana JP came into mind as well
I heard Jordan Peterson's voice when reading this
@@dinninfreeman2014 hahaha me too
Orange Banana you are a banana indeed.
It is always possible that there is something that he has done separate from all of this that makes them resent him and not want to listen
I felt myself feeling like that at one point in time, my best guess would be in high school, but it definitely boiled down to me wanting to be right more than wanting to help somebody else because of feeling ignored as a kid. It was a tough thing to grow out of, because I really had no clue that I was doing it and I genuinely thought that I was being helpful, but anytime your help turns into an argument or telling someone they’re wrong on an opinionated matter, especially one that is pertaining to their own life and not yours, chances are you weren’t being too helpful in the first place.
It helps when a kid learns there are possibilities they haven't thought of even if they don't choose those alternatives.
Powerful. Insightful. Quality. Loving the advice here and will use it for my life and content creation practices! Great stuff!
Person: "I don't bake as well as my grandma..."
Jocko: you wanna bake as good as your grandma? Go train Jiu Jitsu..."
😂I couldn't help it. Truly, I am a big fan @jockowillink and my kids have your book. My son is special needs and he would love to meet you one day.
Oddly enough I recognize myself by that person's attitude. I sadly have a tendancy to act that way. And I must say that Jocko just opened my eyes wide on most of my problems. It all start with my confidence in myself. And I cruelly lack confidence. Thank you Jocko for opening my eyes and giving me a way to solve this issue.
Let people come with their own plan for their problems. They will be much more motivated to put it in practice, and also adjust it as the problem unfolds if it doesn't fit their needs. They will take more responsibility and will be more happy to do it than if you force a plan of your own down their throats.
Could not even tell you how well this relates to me recently. Thank you Jocko
I noticed I was starting to lose confidence in myself through life after my best friend committed suicide and slowly began to become arrogant on some subjects. Listening to you guys and thoroughly explaining why this happens and what to do definitely pushes me to better myself. Not only for me but for my family and my best friend who passed. To prove I can be a better man than I am right now. Thank you
I recognise so much of this from both perspectives. I stopped giving advice about 20 years ago, because I learned that people will do what they want regardless. However I'm still weening my way out of interjecting with "facts and logic" as quite often it's the only input I feel I can have in most conversations. I've never been as insecure as the guy who wrote the letter, but there are certainly elements I can relate to.
(1) I've been in the position where nobody has listened.
(2) I've offered logic reason and evidence.
(3) Sometimes you have to accept you are the lowest in the food chain.
(4) Sometimes you have to accept "No body likes you"
(5) Learn that sometimes people only want to hear an echo
(6) Learn even if your 100% right...S.T.F.U
(7) Let them fail.
(8) Let them fail.
(9) Let them fail.
(10) some people sincerely do not want advice
(11) Some people just want to complain.
(12) Spend your energy building your self
(13) I wasted many years on people who did not listen
(14) Save your self first before you save the planet.
(15) Maybe you are not wrong
(16) Maybe you have to find a new group of friends
(17) Maybe its family you where talking about...
(18) Build a new family!
(19) Giving advice takes energy
(20) life is short spend your energy on yourself.
m listen, man. Everyone's full of crap. Don't listen to em
You're right and I sometimes forget that I need to pay more attention to myself, help myself rather than help others.
I think what is needed are stronger personal boundaries because even though I have close friends for years I only recently got through to them and have been able to open their eyes. For me it is not about being right it is about enriching another person's life. Regardless at some points I will have to accept that even they may not be ready.
The children of narcissists often exhibit narcissistic traits. Some families do exactly what the writer has written.
So true. Jacko is making presumptions about his tone and attitude. And then jacko contradicts himself several times.
He went full bro meat head on this.
Jacko doesnt know what its like to be the black sheep. The ugly duckling. The second class citizen.
Ah yes, the typical bro meathead mantra: be humble, respect others and subordinate your ego.
People will follow you if they want to. No words are needed really.
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
- Hanlon's Razor
In most cases, people aren't out to get you. Think ignorance before malicious intent. Something that is hard to practice, but will have life long benefits.
"Everyone is stupid except me."
funny
Lol that was literally Homer Simpson’s quote before he accidentally set his house on fire in one episode
agreed
you also have tiny hands
Im also a bit like that i'll admit it
A woman goes to the doctor in great distress.
She says, "Doctor, every bone in my body is broken! See, it hurts when I touch any part of my body!"
The doctor says, "Ma'am, I believe your index finger is broken"
"Literally solving people's problems..." Check out the ego on this guy.
Nobody likes unsolicited advice
It's not his ego. It's the ppl's ego who think his one is below them so everything he says is that too.
And yah. When u see ppl from outside in their mess too far up their own butts, then u see the obvious, simple solutions they dont wanna acknowledge bc they're too proud for that
You dont know the people around him. Fuck knows what situation he is in. Maybe its some guy without education that is small and weak so people perceive him as useless. The power of Jockos presence is in like the 0.1% so everyone will listen to him. Somebody like Jordan Peterson people will listen because he is educated intelligent and articulate. Someone like Elon Musk here we go again they will listen to him because he is successful and rich. But some poor small uneducated guy? No matter what a dude like that does or says nobody gives a shit what they say even if he is right this is just sad facts of human nature.
Ego?? Eh .or maybe just a frustrated individual trying to give a solution to a problem some ones steady complaining about yet when presented with a possible solution no one listened
I feel dudes pain 2certain extent. But it erks me when people ask me for help/ advice. Then don't listen 🙊🤷♀️.
A best friend is someone:
*Trustworthy.
* Cares about you.
* Understands & Gets you.
* Helps you.
* Explains why you'll benefit
from what they're saying
to do.
* They would physically
defend you if they were
with you & someone was
trying to physically attack
you & you were unable to
defend yourself.
* They are Respectful,
Honest Genuine,
Truthful.
* Honorable.
* Humble.
* Explains What To Do
How To Do.& Take Action.
* Is A Special, Positive 😇
Blessing In.Your Life.
> Is Loving,.Loyal, 😎.
* You ARE Safe With Them.
* You're Secure With Them.
* They Enhance & Improve
You and Your Life.
* They Don't Unfairly or
Wrongly Misjudge You.
* They're FUN to be around.
Jocko f**** rules and Echo has a heart of Gold.
Sometimes you just have to let people fail to prove to them that you're right.
This is real!!! I learned so much from this. Thank you to the person who wrote that letter. That takes humility to admit that. Jocko...wow!! A lot of pearls of wisdom here. ✨️🙌
James 4:10
Frustrated person:"Im rite every one else is wrong!" Jocko: "At the very least your approach is wrong."
So good! I have been the frustrated person often, this will help.
except that's not at all how it was, that is what Jocko turned it into so he could be superiorily dismissive
gross
@@zerpblerd5966Agreed
3:56... This is why I love you, always putting #truthToPOWER!
This man is one of the few gems on the internet, must be protected at all co- nevermind, he can literally break anyone's neck.
I know a guy like this. He taught me many important lessons, mostly without knowing what he was teaching.
Teaching through example is much more powerful than lecturing. Big facts.
Mostly about what not to do in life, I bet.
This was a great discussion. I couldn't help but think that this is literally every parent experience when you have Toddlers! Lol
so true :D most people are indeed stuck in the mentality of a toddler
Im glad i came across this. I got to learn new vocabulary! Me and my father butt heads constantly on very personal levels, and it's become an obsession of mine to 'solve', as being a perpetrator myself breaks my heart every single time without fail. My family can unanimously decide he's the "my way or the highway" kinda guy, and doesn't like to discuss his reasoning very often... and thats not to disparage his keen leadership, logic, and irrefutable charisma. Just extremely stubborn.
A new way for me to take lead in this situation is by building MY confidence in HIM, and figuring out how i can get him to be more confident in my reasoning and decision making (a passive process, requiring a truly challenging amount of patience and faith). And for that to happen, i need to un-f*ck my resentful attitude toward him first...
I love my father more than he'll ever understand. My biggest fear is being pushed to the point of weening him from my life entirely, as my one other sibling has... we're all born with the right to the pursuit of happiness, and want to see my family happy.
Thank you for ripping in to this individual, as it applies to myself in many, many ways across multiple contexts. Pertaining to my father, I've known for a little bit now how insecure i am. In my insecurity, I've discovered a blindspot, home to a fear-powered lack of confidence. I'm grateful for the ability and opportunity to work on this!
My advice comes from the heart
When I know it's going to turn out bad because I've done it. As I get older I learn knowledge is not for everyone. Some people have to learn on their own. As I did. I didn't listen at one time either.
Best thing I learned for social awareness is don't give advice to someone who doesn't ask for it, even if your method or solution to the problem is sturdy and you may have personal experience with it. Your accomplishments will draw people into asking for your opinion. Silent confidence is your turn key here.
I was already like damn, listening to how this guy is sounding in the letter, but when I heard he wrote the word "people " in quotes......that took the cake
Sometimes just listening with empathy to a person’s issues giving 100% attention is best solution, their mind set is not on a logical base, all we can do is comfort them.
I think I'll let them bother other people and just hang out doing nothing all day.
Yeah, be their emotional punching bag. Have a nice day 😂👍
Silence speaks volumes...let them ask you or say nothing.
I deal with this on a regular basis. Deep down they are weak and around you they are reminded of what they are not. This is an odd realization bit it is a real thing. Keep growing and use social media to find others like you.
Remember..
"Most pepeople are operating at 30%"
David Goggins
Respect is earned not demanded
Dude sounded like a narcissist, I wouldn't listen to him either.
Exactly. I know a couple at my job lol. No self examination or ownership.
he tells me i am not an empath and that my barbie size furniture isnt going to sell and some of the chairs i can make into cell phone holders for desks, he is too negative not supportive and puts me down, turns out he got mad cause i have never wanted a room mate and he wants to live here, he got upset and on started an argument and as i told his unsupported butt to pleae leave he trashed everything from my computer room to the front door knocked down wood projects for making doll houses and i had baseball cards he threw down and he is angry because i wont do what he wants and let him move in he is homeless and desperate, i dont do any thing for the wrong reasons, he's lucky i let him in cause i have a guy that said he wanted to date me but is healing and has some things to take care of and he says i am in a fantasy, the guy doesnt like me and that he isnt going to come around, fact is, no he wont cause i tell this guy he cant spend the night and he just disrepsects me anyway, and ruining my twin flame realtionship, the guy i met he was working 3 times i met him and had been studying me for close to a year, before i knew of him, and i asked the twin flame to leave a message to help me out and he did and the same disrespect of the other guy sabatosher is making me look bad, and this guy randy said " see he doesnt like you and is telling you to leave him alone," and i said "that is not what i am hearing" i hear he will be here in one week, so he is gone now after keeping the disrespect and put downs, negative and dismissing everything i tell him is nothing to him, and its not his reality, he says its a fantasy and he doesnt exist, so he wants to be that guy, now he trashed my house on the way out. no more miss nice girl, i gotta stick to my guns for sure. he wrecked it, making me look like i got someone and i just dont want someone who is unsupportive and negative dismissing me and not listening to what i say. he got argumentative to control, no good, why would i want to be pushed into no support nope, now maybe the other guy will see he is not here and come around, i have no money no job trying to do what i do with homemade barbie size furniture and he puts it down, not my type, he makes me feel like i am not important no listening skills, so bomboyash to him
@@angelaevans6580 Are you talking about the guy that asked the question? Or just a narcissist in your life?
@@angelaevans6580 "bomboyash", huh.
yeh
I stopped giving advice to friends or co-workers who won't listen to advices.
I just do what I have to do and mind my own business. I prove I'm right through action by doing what I advice others to do.
An other thing is I learned to identify and differentiate people who just want to complain and people who sincerely search for a solution.
Of course, all of this has to be done after you have checked that you are not the source of the problem.
If you have a problem with 1 person then there might something wrong with that person.
If you have a problem with 2 person then there might something wrong with these two persons.
If you have a problem with everybody then there is a high chance you are the problem.
A system I helped invent was recently funded in the hundreds of millions of dollars. My new company with no experience in the domain called me negative pessimistic and close minded when I tried to communicate the chief problems and kicked me off the program. Will waste dozens of man years. Humiliating experience. Certain personalities were using what I said out of context to cut me down and make themselves look better. Tons of gossip, backstabbing, etc. This situation is painful for a bunch of reasons. Could I have failed to communicate? Yes. Could they have not been receptive because they weren’t familiar with the system? Sure. Could there just be organizations where mob mentality reigns supreme? Sure. I have a really hard time standing up for myself. I left the rumor mill about me go uncontested, and I think managers took it as fact not opinion. I’m struggling because I feel it’s a really toxic environment. I just wonder - wouldn’t a company want to go out of their way to understand everyone’s opinion? To try and find the right answer even if it wasn’t communicated as well as the last persons?
Yeah not everyone is asking for advice. Sometimes people are actively fixing the problem and need to vent about it. They might not need or want advice so just listen.
There is such a thing as workplace bullying where you're not necessarily the problem but co workers have their own agenda and unfortunately you're in the middle of it.
"If you have a problem with everybody then there is a high chance you are the problem. " not necessarily, if people don't want to tell you that they aren't looking for an advice, don't like your tone and actually list you reasons why your specific advice isn't relevant to them, then you are not the problem but the people who don't want to verbalize they don't want your advice and don't like your tone and just expect you to be a mind-reader
I used to have multiple people in my life who would make these exact complaints. I can appreciate the commentary here, because each of them was a stagnant person with no job, no prospects, no ambition and did not live off their own means. One of them literally said to me once “No one listens to me!” And it was physically impossible to get it through to them that no one wants to or should listen to someone like that.
I put up with a lot of anger, isolation and being alienated throughout my childhood and growing up, was always confused by it, so I had this mentality for a while as well, but it always came from people telling me what a subhuman I was, and shit like that. Friends teling me how scary of a person I was, etc, when I did nothing but be their friend. I knew part of it was because of my birthmark, but I realized over time that it was also my reaction, my behavior, my attitude because of that which made problems and situations worse for myself. I still deal with that conflict, especially at places that I work, or dealing with people in general, but I step back and reflect on my attitude more and make sure that I'm not the one being the asshole.
Oh crap, this is super insightful for me. I was listening to this, and was initially laughing at the guy who sent in the question, then I started to realize that I do some of the same crap to others.
I'm going to listen to this several times and work on fixing my own issues. I know that people don't want unsolicited advice, but time and time again, I give it and regret it later.
When Jocko said that listening to people takes confidence, that really hit me hard. I gotta learn to shut up.
Thank you for this Jocko!
This sounds like a personal internal issue when you are really worried that people won't take your advice.
The person is seeking something from others instead if being the source of something.
Good point.
The letter was full of arrogance and self importance...I would bet my last tenner that the biggest issue is, in fact, that his tone is so bullish, despite what he claims. People probably feel his righteous condescension from a mile off.
He sounds as if he feels he's 'above' the people he's trying to help, and perhaps then he is helping for the wrong reasons...to prove himself right rather than out of a place of caring. People sense this and actively don't want to give you the satisfaction of being right, it activates the stubbornness switch and they would rather suffer than risk giving you confirmation that you are 'better' than they are. Humility goes a long way in warming people to you and making them want to listen to you.
@@gemlouise1260 " People sense this and actively don't want to give you the satisfaction of being right, it activates the stubbornness switch and they would rather suffer than risk giving you confirmation that you are 'better' than they are." so people are emotionally immature kids
It amazes me that Jocko always has the perfect advice. He has a true understanding of how the human brain works and knows how to relate to different personalities.
That's why he's a leader..
Geez... Jocko... what a genuine bit of leadership and thoughtful commentary. I truly appreciate that you took the time to put this together. You do work on behalf of all good humans. Keep at it man. You are absolutely doing a service to the future of human kind.
I like how Jocko casually waves around a pocket knife to make gestures and guide his reading, true warrior
There’s a reason people in marketing make more money than the rest of us. It’s really hard to get people to try new things or be open to unfamiliar concepts. If you’re just ok at communicating don’t expect people to look to you for unique ideas/solutions until they’ve had about a a hundred hours of interaction with you to judge how you conduct yourself. If people really start reaching out to you for advice it’s probably going to be about something serious, personal, or both and the only way to help that person effectively is with humility as a guide. I got none of that from the guys letter.