I've come a long way to realize that I don't need to be responsible for how other people feel ( even if they are my parents or siblings ), how they feel is actually their responsiblity, not mine. I am only responsible for how I feel. Most importantly, I am not a bad person for doing this. Self-care and self-love is not a bad thing, it is our first priority. Thanks for reminding me of that!
this is soo true. these thoughts of what others talk about, what others thinnk of you only bother you because you are very self conscious, you are too critical of yourself, in these things, give yourself less important, don't take youself too seriously.
the power of bullies, is when you give them a response. ignore them means you retain your power. Bullies have power when you give them attention. Best response to haters? ignore them.
But there were times when you have haters BUT the problem is REALLY with you and it's YOU who's inappropriate/ problematic to begin with 😂So did you continue not caring what others think of you, thats how bullies put narcissist and the toxic behavior in their place
I was jealous of everyone for years because of my insecurities and weaknesses. But then I made a New Year resolution to end it, because I realized something. I do not believe in society anymore. I say two words to ultimately eliminate the self-doubt that tries to attack me: screw norms. I'm 27, still live at home, having _never_ moved out. I have never had a girlfriend or a date, and I don't even have a driver's license. I have both a learning disability and ASD, and sometimes I say unfiltered things or act weird in social moments. I assume my ASD makes me "less normal." I don't have too many friends now that I've graduated from college and most of my friends have left town. My coworkers all seem to fit in; I usually stand out. I used to feel like a misfit at work, but now I realize that it's not a big deal. It's just they're not my people, they're each other's only. If my ASD makes them not like me enough, that's their problem. Sure, I don't have a great filter, but it doesn't define me; nobody is perfect. I don't care if people find me weird or annoying. I don't care that my both my sisters have boyfriends and started dating at 16 while I've always been single. I don't care that I can't drive. I don't care that I appear dopey because of my learning disability. I don't care that I graduated high school at _TWENTY._ I don't care that I seem slow and helpless and do better with a guide than by myself (my boss basically said that to my face). I don't care that I still live with my mom. I don't care that I went to a small charter school than the "superior" public school that has many more activities, adventures, and organizations. I don't care about any of my weaknesses; I still have confidence in myself. It doesn't matter what others think of me, it's what I think of myself that matters. I will never fall for society's tricks again; society is buIIshit, and that would explain our government and political leaders. I say "SCREW NORMS!" I am absolutely fine the way I am, I say confidently. I am not a loser. A disabled man who doesn't match standards, yes, but not a loser. There is nothing wrong with being different. Different is good. Normal is boring.
@@msdri98Thank you. Someone actually replied before you did. Wrote, "WTF could you be proud of? You're 27, you still live with your MOM, you've never dated, you have no DRIVER LICENSE, and you're on the AUTISM SPECTRUM. Your type of people prove that "Normal" ISN'T a subjective word. Autistics are WEIRD. So tell me, you disabled 27-year-old mama's boy...what do you feel so confident about?" And then the stereotypical coward deleted his comment.
This was incredibly Valuable! I recently adopted a saying that feels so good to me! “If one’s opinion can’t pay my bills, then it’s worthless to me.” It’s like a penny with a hole in it… no value!
I'm Army. My roommate tried telling me my "problem" is that I don't care what others think. I told him caring what others thought is what caused me to chronicslly depressed and waste my 20s.
If you are inappropriate to begin with, then the problem could really be with you and it is YOU who might need to change. When I was in the army, we have a whistleblower guy who's causing inconveniences and trouble upon other mates breeding their contempt and displeasure. So collectively, they put him in his place. If he is the problem (whistleblowing) and can't get along with us all, can we teach him to not mind what others think of him now? 😊because his action will only magnify the intensity of the bullying directed upon him
Everybody cares what others think of them. Your level of self confidence determines how much it affects you. People aren’t born with self confidence. No amount of therapy sessions can provide it to you. True self confidence, true belief in yourself is only gained through overcoming adversity including doing what you need to do over what you want to. Discipline and responsibility. Parent yourself in that aspect and prepare to be amazed how much mental fortitude you gain.
@@IlvaIgnatovicaNot really. What do we "need" to do? What is being "responsible?" That is still indoctrination that someone is acting out from conditioning rather than forging their own path. And they claim that everyone cares what others think of them. Being curious? Maybe. Caring implies being concerned about it. That comment was very contradictory and I don't agree with it.
@@lemurianchick Fair questions that are hard to answer briefly in a YT comment but I'll give it a shot: Being responsible: That's taking ownership of your role in what's happening in your life, the good, but more importantly, the bad. It sounds so simple but you'd be amazed how many people stick to pointing their fingers at outside sources for their unhappiness. Responsible means you identify where you could have done things differently or at least acknowledge your role in what went wrong and you focus on adjusting your behavior accordingly. If you make that a practice you'll experience growth and with that, a strong sense of self confidence in realizing you can handle adversity. So your "conditioning" comment is actually 100% correct. But it's you yourself that's doing the conditioning. With regards to caring what others think: Noone survives completely alone, human beings are social creatures. We're pretty much hard wired to care how others view us because we need others to survive, mentally and physically. Look no further than Covid lockdowns for proof of that. Deprive us of social interaction and we whither mentally. Hence trying to convince yourself you don't care what others (haters) think is silly. However, the level of actual, earned (responsible) sense of self worth you have directly determines how well you handle that. Needing to do over wanting to do: Developing the ability to choose longer term benefit over instant gratification is another huge self worth booster. You can apply that to diet, education, relationships etc.. All of the above is hard for most of us, and likely a life long struggle in some aspects. It's the "forging" part in what you called forging your own path. You'll never reach a point where all this is very easy, forging is effort, but I promise you, you WILL 100% see great improvements to your life, overall well being and sense of self worth if you commit to actively forging.
Out of all the tips that were given in this video, I feel like what I needed to hear the most was the quote that was mentioned in the end.... Who I give my energy towards, whether the person is aware of it or not, is my responsibility! Thank you for that reminder 💝
Yes self love over self sabotage/ hate! I think the world is tough on us enough, why beat up ourselves for doing the best we can. Especially when there isn’t any competition 💗🧘🏽♀️
I'm battling depression and an awful family that disrespects me and treats me like shit. I realize that it's because I care too much what they think of me (people pleaser as you say). A lot of the points you made in this video do apply to my situation; I found this video very helpful, so thank you. Also, I can tell you're a beautiful and amazing person inside and out, so kudos on that.
I am a peoaple pleaser, I totally understand what you said about the guilt that we feel. I realised that everything change after we are aware of it, this is why it helps to discover and be kind with yourself. Knowing that I have this behavior, I’ve created a Tiktok account to expose myself in a kinda controlled environment and I am learning day by day that most of the mean comments are not about me and maybe about how they feel with themselves(in a compassionate way) Thanks for the video! ☺️
Spot on! My social media is also my experimental playground. Putting yourself out there in a “controlled environment” as you say, is a great way to train yourself to care less!
This video popped up in my recommendation list. I do feel this way lots, and I do believe it's because the way I was raised and rejection sensitivity. Growing up when we are young, we care less about what others think, but as we get older and develop, we start to care. I believe that it's because we care about belonging and not being excluded from the group. Thank you, nice to meet you Llva.
I have been on such a LONG road to self love and letting go of other’s opinions of me. It’s so hard as I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life, always wanting everyone to feel happy and not have them feel sad or hurt.
Thanks so much Ilva for this very succinct presentation of your core belief, which I think is in line with a universal truth. To be free from the fear of judgement by others - whether praise or blame, is a great liberation and emancipation.
My problem of absorbing other peoples emotions and opinions is actually crazy. If i really really like smth, but say a close family member calls that thing cringe or weird, i dont even argue with them or defend it, im like "heh, yeah i guess it is" even if i love it. Like i rly like certain dramas, but now i cant watch them cuz my sis and dad made fun of them, so now when i watch the drama i watch it through their eyes and start finding stuff theyd call "cringe" rather than enjoying it. Its so weird and its ruining my life. I still cant understand how to just be me and stoo absorbing others opinions
WOW the point you made around the 9:00 mark is SO profound to me!! That totally IS the greatest lie, I always thought the same as you, that if I started loving about myself I would not be motivated to make positive change. Thank you so much for saying that, I definitely needed to hear it!
Through out my whole life i always wanted to be free. Like freely free, but I didn’t know how. Thank you so much for this video i am super grateful for it you are going to change my life in a good way thank you
I have bpd so I really struggled with self worth and others opinions how I'm perceived. I'm going through therapy to get help to manage it & becoming more self aware of my behaviours. I used to be guilty of people pleasing to a detriment to myself. You soon realise their opinions dont matter and it helps you to create stronger boundaries for yourself. I was being toxic by people pleasing to a fault. I found your video really helpful 😊 thank you ❤
“Other people’s opinions change absolutely zero about who I am. While words are powerful my choice to give them more power is even more powerful. They can only affect me if I allow it.” Thank you. ❤ I also recently learned that if others opinions are causing me to overthink it or pain, then maybe I do not have enough going on: aka purpose so… I try to turn my attention to my purpose. A walk in nature, my work, or a good book. Even one small chore that leads me toward my purpose. Action to prevent reaction! Still working on it…one step at a time.
I can't believe my eyes, You're right. Yes, It happens sometimes, but I want to change my life. I'm learning English and I'm improving my vocabulary. You don't know how much I appreciate this, Thank you for teaching me. 😊🙂💪👍
...... I need a woman like you in my life TERRIBLY. I tend to be the motivator AND not the motivated, wich I dont need for the most part, but when days ara a partner with the same mind set would be a blessing, I salute you soldier all the way from México, keep up the good content 💪🏻❤️
Others opinions of you are really a reflection of how you feel about yourself. When we are young and impressionable, those we look up to plant seeds of thought, knowingly or unknowingly and that plays a role in our early life experiences. An example is that as a child I was told over and over by many adults how life is unfair and people were spoken about in ways that weren't really true but those were the views of the one's who raised me and left impressions. As a result in my early years a lot of things occurred to make this seem true. I was told a lot by many adults in my life that I should be ashamed of myself. I was very ashamed of myself and that invited experiences that were very undesirable and led to me feeling dirty and less than others. I found myself wishing I was someone else and that I was pretty and this followed me into early adulthood. Also because I felt this way about myself, it invited experience to confirm what I believed. In school I would walk past others whispering about me and laughing, I was the target of bullies, and had a many fake friends who entertained themselves with my constant humiliation. As I got older and began to question life, I did a lot of reading and concluded that I wasn't an unfortunate victim of other people being mean but that my beliefs had brought all of those experiences to pass. I decided to experiment by changing my thoughts and identifying harmful beliefs. That took some work but I was able to alter my experience and now I am respected and praised at work, people are always pointing out the good things about me and I no longer have the feelings of being less or ashamed. I don't feel like folding myself up and hiding before I enter a crowded room, I don't even think about it anymore in that way. Anyone can change their outer experience by changing their inner thoughts and belief system. I recommend a book called Change your thoughts, Change your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. There are many reading materials available if you seek it you will find it. Hopefully this long babble reaches someone who can benefit ❤️
I really enjoyed this video! The way you explained the concept of caring about what others think and how it relates to people-pleasing really resonated with me. One specific part that stood out to me was when you talked about setting healthy boundaries. That's something I've been working on in my own life, and your advice about being clear on what makes us happy or unhappy is spot on. Learning to say "no" without feeling guilty is a journey, but it's essential for our well-being. Your three ways to increase self-love were also fantastic. I especially liked the idea that we don't need to love our current reality to love ourselves. It's a powerful reminder that self-acceptance doesn't mean we're complacent; it means we're giving ourselves the love and support we need to grow and change from a place of self-worth.
Thanks for your help. I had (have) a covert narcissist "mother" who made me the family scapegoat. She instilled existential guilt by telling my sister and I numerous times how we had interrupted her promising sports career (by being born). A long list of other abuses of course, all leading to a crippled self-image and self-worth. Developing Self-Love is the only way to healing. "Other peoples opinions are worth zero" - Got it!
am a security guard unarmed 23$hr but i have my weapon and all licenses good i do bodybuilding i have a fat all gold omega watch 26k$ but have haters in the store of me always talkin trash. this ppl get in my mind i know am a good nice guy badass like u say but sometimes they bring me down. always telling me to get an iphone seriously i hate apple am a samsung guy and always giving me looks my coworkers its a fruit market. 1 cashier tells me ur our guard stop caring wat dose idiots say or think. my grama said if they talk trash about u that means ur ahead of them thats all. and i do love myself itake cold showers always since 5yr old to stay strong. thank u for the video. ur gorgeous pls give more positive videos.
oh girl , you are so clear . your ways is so practical. I allways think I m selfish that left my familly to do my things abroad , that family is not other people , they are family , but you told it so true that I can tell no to them too , sometimes,
Exactly. When we do choose to help other people, we should do it because we want to not because we are fearful to say no. There’s a big difference and with selfcare and time we can learn how to find that balance
Well done: really like how you presented yourself and the aesthetics of your video. More importantly, I like how you conveyed your ideas on this topic; the one idea that really stood out for me is when you explained how we love others in our life while accepting them with there "quirks"; why would we treat ourselves any different? Thanks for your upload!
Your words strongly resonate with my vision. I have been learning English for a while and quite by chance I have come across your video. It makes me feel really happy. You incredibly clearly express your point of view. Thank you so much)
Well, that was pretty good. Thank you for sharing. The one thing I have always done to respect and love myself is to respect and nourish my 'mind'. Learning new fields of endeavor and constantly improving and growing my mind keeps me on track. This is how I landed on this channel today, constantly researching and learning new things and listening to different points of view.
I’ve been going to groups and seeing a therapist here lately trying to heal from my drama and have learned a lot ..very glad I found this video you explained very well ..thank you ✌🏻
This popped up in my recommended at the perfect time and wow girl, I love your energy! You carry a lot of wisdom and I found the video really helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great editing too!! Subscribed
What a great video! I loved every single piece of the content. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences… I has made me reflect and expand my perspective towards healing
I really like your accent, as someone who still learn english I enjoying your content and how you convey your ideas is interesting. Also the video is not too long so I didn't get boring, then i choose to subscribe! hehe
This video discusses the struggle of caring about others' opinions. It advises healing people-pleasing tendencies, practicing self-love, setting boundaries, and realizing that others' opinions hold no power over your identity.
Ilva this was motivating to hear; finding your purpose and meaning will help you define who you are and it can definitely help see value in yourself rather than being defined by what others think of you
Girl years ago I used to be a people pleaser. Since I left high school I have established been a people pleaser is meaningless cause you will be judge whether you do wrong or right. I live for God and myself.
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 6 months ago about self development. Now I have 501 subs and > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
@@IlvaIgnatovica I sincerely appreciate such kind words! When I was a kid, all I wanted was to have a career that pays well so I can buy whatever I want but now that I’m grown up and went through tons of setbacks from losing tons of people in my life, getting lost in the world with full of life traps, being ridiculed for pursuing my dreams, and so on, I can say that long-lasting happiness can’t be bought or earned because it comes from within us. Continue to grow as a person and I’m so glad that you’re part of this journey! I’m hoping to upload my next one this month, which is more than an hr long. I’ve been working hard for many months now to present it in the best way I can while keeping in mind that I can never make it perfect. I hope that you’ll enjoy it! Thanks so much for your support!
You gave me a new perspective in regard to people pleasing. I hated that part about myself because I always thought it came from a place of low self esteem. Which I still believe to be true to some degree. But you gave me a moment of clarity and comfort when you stated that people pleasing can be the result of worrying about others emotions. Unfortunately i deal with HSP. Some may say it’s a gift but I felt the need to mask it my entire life. Thanks so much❤️ By the way…it’s hard to focus on your obvious intelligence when your sooo darn pretty! Lol
You DO care what people think and that's OK! It doesn't mean you have to agree with them or try to appease them; but letting yourself feel the emotions that come on when someone has a negative opinion of you is what's gonna make you stronger and give you thicker skin. Because now your brain knows how to deal with it. Sweeping them under the rug and pretending you "don't care" is never good idea, and it's terrible advice. Emotions aren't something you can ignore. They always have a funny way of manifesting themselves even years later. You could be depressed today and not know why, because you ignored an emotion you should have dealt with 3 years ago. It doesn't even have to be traumatic. It could something as simple as someone saying they don't like the sweater you're wearing
You can absolutely come to place where you hold the power to care or not care. And it is not the same as “sweeping under the rug”. Sweeping under the rug entails caring but just pretending you don’t. But not caring means you are choosing to not take that opinion to heart. You can’t ignore emotions, yes, but what you can do is work with them, work with yourself and understand why, for example, the opinion of society and how you want to pursue your dreams affect you. If someone says something mean about you, you can choose to be hurt or you can understand that it is not about you and let it go. Letting go is a real thing and once you learn it, it’s beautiful! Learning to not care about other people opinions does not mean learning how to be a fake robot, it simply means you learn to be in control of your emotions, not the other way around. It gives you the power and responsibility to live your life authentic to you!
I thought all people are gonna die anyways so every single things they said didn't matter to me. So all the words they say are going to vanish one day. So what is the point on thinking about it. Then I saw something that actually made sense to me: everything you hear is people's opinion and everything you see is people's perspective. So it's better to let those things go which are out of our control. You your self is the creator and destroyer of you. This is what I learned.
❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂Soooo happy I found your video. Thank you for this useful information. Yes, no one & I mean absolutely no one has authority over another person by empty or deceitful philosophy, only if we allow them to. I read recently that only hurting people use hurtful words to attack others. 💔. I have to learn to tell people NO without saying sorry because always saying yes to people & kissing ___ because at the end of the day, you learn that you were the sucker!!!. I refuse to be used!!!! THANK YOU 😊 & I AM DEFINITELY WILL BECOME A NEW SUBSCRIBER. GOD BLESS
Hello Ilva, thank you so much for those helpful tips! It shows how amazing and beautiful your heart is. You are literally perfection. Much love and success on your journey, your dreams do come true! Enjoy xo
I've come a long way to realize that I don't need to be responsible for how other people feel ( even if they are my parents or siblings ), how they feel is actually their responsiblity, not mine. I am only responsible for how I feel. Most importantly, I am not a bad person for doing this. Self-care and self-love is not a bad thing, it is our first priority. Thanks for reminding me of that!
other poeple are not responsible for your low self esteem
let them dislike you if they want. set them free
this is soo true. these thoughts of what others talk about, what others thinnk of you only bother you because you are very self conscious, you are too critical of yourself, in these things, give yourself less important, don't take youself too seriously.
the power of bullies, is when you give them a response. ignore them means you retain your power. Bullies have power when you give them attention. Best response to haters? ignore them.
I agree with you
But then the more you ignore them the more they bully you more
When you child best decision when adults stop them
But there were times when you have haters BUT the problem is REALLY with you and it's YOU who's inappropriate/ problematic to begin with 😂So did you continue not caring what others think of you, thats how bullies put narcissist and the toxic behavior in their place
@@SourGravityWhat the commenter meant is when they say only in their mouth,but don't hesitate to fight back if they hurt you physically
I was jealous of everyone for years because of my insecurities and weaknesses. But then I made a New Year resolution to end it, because I realized something. I do not believe in society anymore. I say two words to ultimately eliminate the self-doubt that tries to attack me: screw norms.
I'm 27, still live at home, having _never_ moved out. I have never had a girlfriend or a date, and I don't even have a driver's license. I have both a learning disability and ASD, and sometimes I say unfiltered things or act weird in social moments. I assume my ASD makes me "less normal." I don't have too many friends now that I've graduated from college and most of my friends have left town. My coworkers all seem to fit in; I usually stand out. I used to feel like a misfit at work, but now I realize that it's not a big deal. It's just they're not my people, they're each other's only. If my ASD makes them not like me enough, that's their problem. Sure, I don't have a great filter, but it doesn't define me; nobody is perfect. I don't care if people find me weird or annoying. I don't care that my both my sisters have boyfriends and started dating at 16 while I've always been single. I don't care that I can't drive. I don't care that I appear dopey because of my learning disability. I don't care that I graduated high school at _TWENTY._ I don't care that I seem slow and helpless and do better with a guide than by myself (my boss basically said that to my face). I don't care that I still live with my mom. I don't care that I went to a small charter school than the "superior" public school that has many more activities, adventures, and organizations. I don't care about any of my weaknesses; I still have confidence in myself. It doesn't matter what others think of me, it's what I think of myself that matters. I will never fall for society's tricks again; society is buIIshit, and that would explain our government and political leaders. I say "SCREW NORMS!" I am absolutely fine the way I am, I say confidently. I am not a loser. A disabled man who doesn't match standards, yes, but not a loser. There is nothing wrong with being different. Different is good. Normal is boring.
Idk you but I’m so proud of you 🥹
@@msdri98Thank you. Someone actually replied before you did. Wrote, "WTF could you be proud of? You're 27, you still live with your MOM, you've never dated, you have no DRIVER LICENSE, and you're on the AUTISM SPECTRUM. Your type of people prove that "Normal" ISN'T a subjective word. Autistics are WEIRD. So tell me, you disabled 27-year-old mama's boy...what do you feel so confident about?"
And then the stereotypical coward deleted his comment.
Proud of you man, that was a really heartfelt read. And also a lil scary, because it's like I'm reading about myself, almost word for word..
recognize what is relevant, ignore the rest. ignore the noise.
This was incredibly Valuable! I recently adopted a saying that feels so good to me! “If one’s opinion can’t pay my bills, then it’s worthless to me.” It’s like a penny with a hole in it… no value!
i need a sugar mama to pay my bills
I'm Army. My roommate tried telling me my "problem" is that I don't care what others think. I told him caring what others thought is what caused me to chronicslly depressed and waste my 20s.
Good job for standing up for yourself! ❤️
If you are inappropriate to begin with, then the problem could really be with you and it is YOU who might need to change. When I was in the army, we have a whistleblower guy who's causing inconveniences and trouble upon other mates breeding their contempt and displeasure. So collectively, they put him in his place. If he is the problem (whistleblowing) and can't get along with us all, can we teach him to not mind what others think of him now? 😊because his action will only magnify the intensity of the bullying directed upon him
@@Tonytayloring ok boomer
OHH thats jus a sharing on my part. There's no need for that, but good guess anyway. Keep up with IDGAF 😂 See where it gets you @@jackcarraway4707
So go oon.. Dont care about what others think.. & do as you liike with anyone everyone ☺keep it up@@jackcarraway4707
Omg girl! I have NEVER met anyone who could literally describe to me EXACTLY how I am as a people pleaser. Just WOW!
OMG, LITERALLY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!! 😮😮😮😮
We all care what others think. We’re social creatures. I’ve adjusted to the fact that I just can’t make friendships. I say weird stuff
Everybody cares what others think of them. Your level of self confidence determines how much it affects you. People aren’t born with self confidence. No amount of therapy sessions can provide it to you. True self confidence, true belief in yourself is only gained through overcoming adversity including doing what you need to do over what you want to. Discipline and responsibility. Parent yourself in that aspect and prepare to be amazed how much mental fortitude you gain.
Beautifully said!
Authenticity to me is essential to self worth
@@IlvaIgnatovicaNot really. What do we "need" to do? What is being "responsible?" That is still indoctrination that someone is acting out from conditioning rather than forging their own path. And they claim that everyone cares what others think of them. Being curious? Maybe. Caring implies being concerned about it. That comment was very contradictory and I don't agree with it.
@@lemurianchick Fair questions that are hard to answer briefly in a YT comment but I'll give it a shot:
Being responsible:
That's taking ownership of your role in what's happening in your life, the good, but more importantly, the bad. It sounds so simple but you'd be amazed how many people stick to pointing their fingers at outside sources for their unhappiness. Responsible means you identify where you could have done things differently or at least acknowledge your role in what went wrong and you focus on adjusting your behavior accordingly. If you make that a practice you'll experience growth and with that, a strong sense of self confidence in realizing you can handle adversity. So your "conditioning" comment is actually 100% correct. But it's you yourself that's doing the conditioning.
With regards to caring what others think: Noone survives completely alone, human beings are social creatures. We're pretty much hard wired to care how others view us because we need others to survive, mentally and physically. Look no further than Covid lockdowns for proof of that. Deprive us of social interaction and we whither mentally. Hence trying to convince yourself you don't care what others (haters) think is silly. However, the level of actual, earned (responsible) sense of self worth you have directly determines how well you handle that.
Needing to do over wanting to do:
Developing the ability to choose longer term benefit over instant gratification is another huge self worth booster. You can apply that to diet, education, relationships etc..
All of the above is hard for most of us, and likely a life long struggle in some aspects. It's the "forging" part in what you called forging your own path. You'll never reach a point where all this is very easy, forging is effort, but I promise you, you WILL 100% see great improvements to your life, overall well being and sense of self worth if you commit to actively forging.
Not everyone does 😅
Out of all the tips that were given in this video, I feel like what I needed to hear the most was the quote that was mentioned in the end.... Who I give my energy towards, whether the person is aware of it or not, is my responsibility! Thank you for that reminder 💝
Yes self love over self sabotage/ hate! I think the world is tough on us enough, why beat up ourselves for doing the best we can. Especially when there isn’t any competition 💗🧘🏽♀️
Exactly 💜
I'm battling depression and an awful family that disrespects me and treats me like shit. I realize that it's because I care too much what they think of me (people pleaser as you say). A lot of the points you made in this video do apply to my situation; I found this video very helpful, so thank you. Also, I can tell you're a beautiful and amazing person inside and out, so kudos on that.
I’m in the same boat- they never change- that is the sad reality.
I am a peoaple pleaser, I totally understand what you said about the guilt that we feel. I realised that everything change after we are aware of it, this is why it helps to discover and be kind with yourself. Knowing that I have this behavior, I’ve created a Tiktok account to expose myself in a kinda controlled environment and I am learning day by day that most of the mean comments are not about me and maybe about how they feel with themselves(in a compassionate way) Thanks for the video! ☺️
Spot on! My social media is also my experimental playground. Putting yourself out there in a “controlled environment” as you say, is a great way to train yourself to care less!
This video popped up in my recommendation list.
I do feel this way lots, and I do believe it's because the way I was raised and rejection sensitivity. Growing up when we are young, we care less about what others think, but as we get older and develop, we start to care. I believe that it's because we care about belonging and not being excluded from the group.
Thank you, nice to meet you Llva.
i never cared what others think, it is a better way to live and walk your own designed path, than to adopt group think.
I have been on such a LONG road to self love and letting go of other’s opinions of me. It’s so hard as I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life, always wanting everyone to feel happy and not have them feel sad or hurt.
Thanks so much Ilva for this very succinct presentation of your core belief, which I think is in line with a universal truth. To be free from the fear of judgement by others - whether praise or blame, is a great liberation and emancipation.
My problem of absorbing other peoples emotions and opinions is actually crazy. If i really really like smth, but say a close family member calls that thing cringe or weird, i dont even argue with them or defend it, im like "heh, yeah i guess it is" even if i love it. Like i rly like certain dramas, but now i cant watch them cuz my sis and dad made fun of them, so now when i watch the drama i watch it through their eyes and start finding stuff theyd call "cringe" rather than enjoying it. Its so weird and its ruining my life. I still cant understand how to just be me and stoo absorbing others opinions
WOW the point you made around the 9:00 mark is SO profound to me!! That totally IS the greatest lie, I always thought the same as you, that if I started loving about myself I would not be motivated to make positive change. Thank you so much for saying that, I definitely needed to hear it!
Keep making more of them
Through out my whole life i always wanted to be free. Like freely free, but I didn’t know how. Thank you so much for this video i am super grateful for it you are going to change my life in a good way thank you
I’m so happy to hear this. Wishing you all the luck in your journey! ❤️
I have bpd so I really struggled with self worth and others opinions how I'm perceived. I'm going through therapy to get help to manage it & becoming more self aware of my behaviours. I used to be guilty of people pleasing to a detriment to myself. You soon realise their opinions dont matter and it helps you to create stronger boundaries for yourself. I was being toxic by people pleasing to a fault. I found your video really helpful 😊 thank you ❤
I just discovered you this morning. You are such a beautiful free spirited woman, and a excellent speaker. Have a wonderful day and I’ll be back 🙏❤️🌈!
Thank you so much! Have a beautiful day as well ❤️
“Other people’s opinions change absolutely zero about who I am. While words are powerful my choice to give them more power is even more powerful. They can only affect me if I allow it.” Thank you. ❤ I also recently learned that if others opinions are causing me to overthink it or pain, then maybe I do not have enough going on: aka purpose so… I try to turn my attention to my purpose. A walk in nature, my work, or a good book. Even one small chore that leads me toward my purpose. Action to prevent reaction! Still working on it…one step at a time.
You truly inspire me, I feel so motivated after watching this video. Thank you
That makes me so happy! Thank you, dear ❤️
I can't believe my eyes, You're right. Yes, It happens sometimes, but I want to change my life. I'm learning English and I'm improving my vocabulary. You don't know how much I appreciate this, Thank you for teaching me. 😊🙂💪👍
...... I need a woman like you in my life TERRIBLY. I tend to be the motivator AND not the motivated, wich I dont need for the most part, but when days ara a partner with the same mind set would be a blessing, I salute you soldier all the way from México, keep up the good content 💪🏻❤️
I’m so happy I can motivate! Thank you for watching :)
Others opinions of you are really a reflection of how you feel about yourself. When we are young and impressionable, those we look up to plant seeds of thought, knowingly or unknowingly and that plays a role in our early life experiences. An example is that as a child I was told over and over by many adults how life is unfair and people were spoken about in ways that weren't really true but those were the views of the one's who raised me and left impressions. As a result in my early years a lot of things occurred to make this seem true. I was told a lot by many adults in my life that I should be ashamed of myself. I was very ashamed of myself and that invited experiences that were very undesirable and led to me feeling dirty and less than others. I found myself wishing I was someone else and that I was pretty and this followed me into early adulthood. Also because I felt this way about myself, it invited experience to confirm what I believed. In school I would walk past others whispering about me and laughing, I was the target of bullies, and had a many fake friends who entertained themselves with my constant humiliation. As I got older and began to question life, I did a lot of reading and concluded that I wasn't an unfortunate victim of other people being mean but that my beliefs had brought all of those experiences to pass. I decided to experiment by changing my thoughts and identifying harmful beliefs. That took some work but I was able to alter my experience and now I am respected and praised at work, people are always pointing out the good things about me and I no longer have the feelings of being less or ashamed. I don't feel like folding myself up and hiding before I enter a crowded room, I don't even think about it anymore in that way. Anyone can change their outer experience by changing their inner thoughts and belief system. I recommend a book called Change your thoughts, Change your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. There are many reading materials available if you seek it you will find it. Hopefully this long babble reaches someone who can benefit ❤️
thx a lot !!
I really enjoyed this video! The way you explained the concept of caring about what others think and how it relates to people-pleasing really resonated with me.
One specific part that stood out to me was when you talked about setting healthy boundaries. That's something I've been working on in my own life, and your advice about being clear on what makes us happy or unhappy is spot on. Learning to say "no" without feeling guilty is a journey, but it's essential for our well-being.
Your three ways to increase self-love were also fantastic. I especially liked the idea that we don't need to love our current reality to love ourselves. It's a powerful reminder that self-acceptance doesn't mean we're complacent; it means we're giving ourselves the love and support we need to grow and change from a place of self-worth.
Thanks for your help. I had (have) a covert narcissist "mother" who made me the family scapegoat. She instilled existential guilt by telling my sister and I numerous times how we had interrupted her promising sports career (by being born). A long list of other abuses of course, all leading to a crippled self-image and self-worth. Developing Self-Love is the only way to healing.
"Other peoples opinions are worth zero" - Got it!
am a security guard unarmed 23$hr but i have my weapon and all licenses good i do bodybuilding i have a fat all gold omega watch 26k$ but have haters in the store of me always talkin trash. this ppl get in my mind i know am a good nice guy badass like u say but sometimes they bring me down. always telling me to get an iphone seriously i hate apple am a samsung guy and always giving me looks my coworkers its a fruit market. 1 cashier tells me ur our guard stop caring wat dose idiots say or think. my grama said if they talk trash about u that means ur ahead of them thats all. and i do love myself itake cold showers always since 5yr old to stay strong. thank u for the video. ur gorgeous pls give more positive videos.
oh girl , you are so clear . your ways is so practical. I allways think I m selfish that left my familly to do my things abroad , that family is not other people , they are family , but you told it so true that I can tell no to them too , sometimes,
Exactly. When we do choose to help other people, we should do it because we want to not because we are fearful to say no. There’s a big difference and with selfcare and time we can learn how to find that balance
Ppl. with high self-esteem don't care re to what others think about them or their personas. It's essentially a mindset. Really liked the video.
Well done: really like how you presented yourself and the aesthetics of your video. More importantly, I like how you conveyed your ideas on this topic; the one idea that really stood out for me is when you explained how we love others in our life while accepting them with there "quirks"; why would we treat ourselves any different?
Thanks for your upload!
Your words strongly resonate with my vision. I have been learning English for a while and quite by chance I have come across your video. It makes me feel really happy. You incredibly clearly express your point of view. Thank you so much)
I really enjoy the UA-cam community so much and how some show others so much love
I really needed to hear everything from 6:00 onwards. 6:50 was very needed.
Well, that was pretty good. Thank you for sharing. The one thing I have always done to respect and love myself is to respect and nourish my 'mind'. Learning new fields of endeavor and constantly improving and growing my mind keeps me on track. This is how I landed on this channel today, constantly researching and learning new things and listening to different points of view.
I’ve been going to groups and seeing a therapist here lately trying to heal from my drama and have learned a lot ..very glad I found this video you explained very well ..thank you ✌🏻
This popped up in my recommended at the perfect time and wow girl, I love your energy! You carry a lot of wisdom and I found the video really helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great editing too!! Subscribed
That’s so kind of you to say. Thank you! ❤️
You have a good energy. Thanks for the tips.
Thank you so much!
I needed this so bad today - thank you ❤
I’m so glad you found it helpful! ❤️
I’ve gotten in the habit of not saying “sorry”. Just saying no works.
Absolutely valuable video. Bothering about other people have caused lots of harm and anguish in my life.
great video thank you. i'm a people pleaser and you nailed it.
So glad you found it helpful!
What a great video! I loved every single piece of the content. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences… I has made me reflect and expand my perspective towards healing
This is perfect! I wish I didn't have to wait this late in life to learn it and apply it.
I really like your accent, as someone who still learn english I enjoying your content and how you convey your ideas is interesting. Also the video is not too long so I didn't get boring, then i choose to subscribe! hehe
I stopped pleasing ppl since 2020!
This video discusses the struggle of caring about others' opinions. It advises healing people-pleasing tendencies, practicing self-love, setting boundaries, and realizing that others' opinions hold no power over your identity.
Ilva this was motivating to hear; finding your purpose and meaning will help you define who you are and it can definitely help see value in yourself rather than being defined by what others think of you
So glad you found it motivating! Thank you for watching :)
Girl years ago I used to be a people pleaser. Since I left high school I have established been a people pleaser is meaningless cause you will be judge whether you do wrong or right. I live for God and myself.
Dont care what people who aren't you make you stoo loving who you are, loves ❤️
The best starting any of the video
Your video can be great example💝
At 59. I thank you.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Struggling with this a lot today. Thanks for the video. I'll try to take it to heart.
You’re one of the real ones in UA-cam!
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 6 months ago about self development. Now I have 501 subs and > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
I’m so happy for you! Keep going
@@IlvaIgnatovica I sincerely appreciate such kind words! When I was a kid, all I wanted was to have a career that pays well so I can buy whatever I want but now that I’m grown up and went through tons of setbacks from losing tons of people in my life, getting lost in the world with full of life traps, being ridiculed for pursuing my dreams, and so on, I can say that long-lasting happiness can’t be bought or earned because it comes from within us.
Continue to grow as a person and I’m so glad that you’re part of this journey! I’m hoping to upload my next one this month, which is more than an hr long. I’ve been working hard for many months now to present it in the best way I can while keeping in mind that I can never make it perfect. I hope that you’ll enjoy it! Thanks so much for your support!
This was genuinely so very helpful. Thank you for this.
I'm so glad! 🤍
You gave me a new perspective in regard to people pleasing. I hated that part about myself because I always thought it came from a place of low self esteem. Which I still believe to be true to some degree. But you gave me a moment of clarity and comfort when you stated that people pleasing can be the result of worrying about others emotions. Unfortunately i deal with HSP. Some may say it’s a gift but I felt the need to mask it my entire life.
Thanks so much❤️
By the way…it’s hard to focus on your obvious intelligence when your sooo darn pretty! Lol
You DO care what people think and that's OK!
It doesn't mean you have to agree with them or try to appease them; but letting yourself feel the emotions that come on when someone has a negative opinion of you is what's gonna make you stronger and give you thicker skin. Because now your brain knows how to deal with it.
Sweeping them under the rug and pretending you "don't care" is never good idea, and it's terrible advice.
Emotions aren't something you can ignore. They always have a funny way of manifesting themselves even years later. You could be depressed today and not know why, because you ignored an emotion you should have dealt with 3 years ago. It doesn't even have to be traumatic. It could something as simple as someone saying they don't like the sweater you're wearing
You can absolutely come to place where you hold the power to care or not care. And it is not the same as “sweeping under the rug”. Sweeping under the rug entails caring but just pretending you don’t. But not caring means you are choosing to not take that opinion to heart.
You can’t ignore emotions, yes, but what you can do is work with them, work with yourself and understand why, for example, the opinion of society and how you want to pursue your dreams affect you. If someone says something mean about you, you can choose to be hurt or you can understand that it is not about you and let it go. Letting go is a real thing and once you learn it, it’s beautiful!
Learning to not care about other people opinions does not mean learning how to be a fake robot, it simply means you learn to be in control of your emotions, not the other way around. It gives you the power and responsibility to live your life authentic to you!
great advice. Way to go!
Wow so insightful, powerful, Thank you for putting it out there. it will help so many people. Best wishes from Dublin Ireland.
Thank you for watching! 🤍
Thanks scarlet johansson 🙂
You are right and you speak from the heart 👏 True and motivating words
Wonderful video. All your words were meaningful and hit the nail straight on the head.
I needed this ❤thank you
Thank you for watching! ❤️
You deserve a million subs
Great video Ilva! Thank you for sharing!
I thought all people are gonna die anyways so every single things they said didn't matter to me. So all the words they say are going to vanish one day. So what is the point on thinking about it. Then I saw something that actually made sense to me: everything you hear is people's opinion and everything you see is people's perspective. So it's better to let those things go which are out of our control. You your self is the creator and destroyer of you. This is what I learned.
Awesome and amazing video
Thank u for just being u and sharing it with the world
Needed to watch this. This da best video I've come across so far 👌🏾💯
I realised that people started to hate me more after I became more selfish
That’s a really good pointer of knowing that you have stopped caring what they think
wow this sentece from the last point really helped me
wow hating a part of me in order to change was something I strongly believed in! Guess I will be overthinking this...
drop the haircare routine pls 🥺
This really helped IIva, thank you so much
I’m so glad! ❤️
I don't know how to thank you. I reallyy needed it.🥺
I’m so glad I could help! :)
Thank youu for this ❤️
Ok THis totally answer everything I want
this is helpful for me, thank you
Glad to hear that!
Cool, very well said, thank you!
loved this so much , needed to hear this
I’m so glad!
Amazing, thank you 😊
Very good video thank you
Thank you for watching!
Absolutely loved this and will put into practice thank you!
Thanks so much for watching! 💛
This video has spoken to me.
Best video I’ve saw all month thank you 💚…
I love this video, I could connect with you and understand this beautiful teaching. Thank you so much.
I really like your content. It is valuable. I appreciate your work. I will work on this. You inspired me. Thanks
❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂Soooo happy I found your video. Thank you for this useful information. Yes, no one & I mean absolutely no one has authority over another person by empty or deceitful philosophy, only if we allow them to. I read recently that only hurting people use hurtful words to attack others. 💔. I have to learn to tell people NO without saying sorry because always saying yes to people & kissing ___ because at the end of the day, you learn that you were the sucker!!!. I refuse to be used!!!! THANK YOU 😊 & I AM DEFINITELY WILL BECOME A NEW SUBSCRIBER. GOD BLESS
Thank you for this. I will follow your advice, I think it will really help me.
thank you so much for this video ❤❤❤
Excellent video thank you.
Hello Ilva, thank you so much for those helpful tips! It shows how amazing and beautiful your heart is. You are literally perfection. Much love and success on your journey, your dreams do come true! Enjoy xo
Thank you so much, dear!
Thanks for this video
Thank for this vdo💝
Watching this coz I can't stop caring too much to others. 😢😢😢
You look so graceful ❤