Took me 23years to complete my BA, 2 more years to get my MFA. I was running a business and raising 5 kids but refused to give up. 5 years later I ended it with my husband of 22 years. I did go through this, thinking I wasted so much time but came to the realization that no matter what I still grew and learned from my experience and that I was bound and determined not to spend another 22 years of my life miserable. Regarding my degrees, I knew I had to finish what I started and be a role model to my kids.
Now that's a great example of wisdom found in endurance, motivated by the fear of slipping further into a desolate place and avoiding it, and then also simultaneously moving forward with those experiences and lessons learned, to do what you can to salvage the ruins and work towards a better place. Just goes to show that moral character can see you through regardless of status. It's not about what you have or don't have, but how you respond in spite of that. Thanks for sharing Sandra!
@@juliakristinamah empowering is the first thought that comes to mind. Also good to keep the promise I made to myself. And then very rewarding to have completed what I started. :)
My Grandmother once told me "Everything in life happened the way it was supposed to happen". I believe in the grieving process of the past, and also to learn from it.
I’m 25, and I was “supposed” to have finished undergrad by age 22. I had to withdraw from classes multiple times, failed one or two courses (due to mental health issues), and took a brief leave of absence. And on top of all that, I became a part-time student, only prolonging the amount of time spent in undergrad. It sucks to still be in undergrad while watching my 2018 classmates finish masters programs already. But at the same time, I’ve done an immense amount of healing, self-discovery, starting new treatments, and I also started building my own business. Even then, I can still feel bad about it sometimes. But I’m so glad that I haven’t let it bring me to the point of quitting.
Perhaps all the struggles you've been experiencing are the Universe's way of telling you you're on the wrong path. Education in no way guarantees success... although we've all been brainwashed into believing that is so. Lot's of hugely successful people never even went to college. You need to figure out what makes you feel Alive. What Energizes your soul? If you can figure that out, then you'll have found the right path for yourself. Don't pay attention to what the masses are doing. Just do you. Wishing you success and happiness!
What Bradley G says is correct. I'd like to add on to their comment. 1) Make sure that the degree that you choose leads to something other than over-educated barista or fry jockey. I've worked both of those jobs and didn't need a degree for them. 2) If you just want an education to be more enlightened or prove something. Get a vocational degree and take the adult continuing education classes. You'll be way ahead most people. Good luck!
The past is gone, dwelling on it is not helpful. We only have the present moment to create a better future. Mindfulness is a wonderful tool for work and relaxation.
I don’t know how this suddenly came up on my feed. But i was literally falling down the self blame/regret rabbithole (for the 1000th time) as I saw this. This is for me one of the hardest things i’ve had to deal with. Everytime I think i’m over it, then suddenly something triggers it again. It’s truly hard. The feeling that you ruined your own life, didn’t reach your potential. But yes in all of that we forget to see that there is still so much of life ahead. And we should be 100% present for that. Thank you for this video, great tips and insights, and overall good wake up call.
After my divorce and followed relationships with a sociopath, I was devastated and discouraged. I was only 27, but I thought I was old and worthless and would never be loved again. Six months later I met the love of my life, we’ve been together for 10 years, 8 years in marriage. So when I start having these thoughts about my life not being like the one I envisaged, I console myself that maybe it’s gonna be even better than any plans.
I don’t know why but your comment filled me with a sense of hope. I’m decades older and had abusive relationships, waiting to date again, so there are differences but it’s heartening to hear it worked out so well for you. A testament to your healing
I left a cult that i was part of for 24 years.i am now 46.all my friends and family still in the cult are now shunning me.trying to rebuild my life but feel sad time i wasted.this really help me.thank you.
No matter what you do or say life will happen to you whether you want it to or not. I am 64 had a stroke that stopped me at 63 , coming back from being in a wheelchair chair , unable to talk , I got back to work and discovered it wasn't for me. I had all the problems in life that we all do. Payment of bills , mortgage, doctors appointments learning to cope and so on. The only thing I can say is just do what you can and circumstances and situations will arrive when you least experience them. The idea of" fulfilment" interests me because whatever you do all will be swept away by life . Be happy each moment you can. As Winston Churchill used to say , and I paraphrase " when you go through the valley of death learn to run . . . "
For years i felt behind on life, feeling that im not good enough because im not where i want to be in life and feel like im running out of time, and no matter how hard i tried i felt as if im getting knocked 5 steps back after the 1st step take i take each time. Im trying to break my mind from this cycle of shame, unfulfillment, and guilt. These videos help me but i know it will take time to internalize it
Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling this so much lately! It’s a genuine struggle to remind yourself that it’s okay if your journey is different from everyone else’s. That just proves that you’re a unique person different from others.
At times it's easy to feel stuck or behind. Then you see all of the people who rushed into a degree, marriage, or situation that didn't work out for them. I'm 28, single and little to no college. But I'm working on persuing my dreams as a voice actor. I've seen friends and family divorced because they rushed a marriage, people unemployed because they chose the wrong career. Ect. It's hard to be patient, but it's better to be patient than miserable. I almost rushed into the military last year because I thought it would bring me closer to the girl I was perusing. Than I thought "Am I doing this for me? Or for her?" And have since stopped talking to her. It takes time to yourself to really look at your own path. Good luck to everyone on their journey!
I'm just a lil bit younger than you, but SAME! I got married young and ended up leaving the marriage when I was 27, and last month, the man I planned to marry and finally start a family with dumped me and now I'm left with nothing. Also, I had a miscarriage last year and since being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in August, I feel like having kids is definitely out of the question!
@@saramiles3621 you keep your head held high, and you find whatever it takes that helps you to feel better and cheer you up and hold onto that feel good feeling, I don't know why all this happened to you but one things for sure, there is something and someone so much more amazing out there for you, and nothing is gonna stop that from coming into your life xx
I also started grad school at 28!! I went to school with a few ladies that were 50+ with kids, so I didn't really feel like the odd one out, but I definitely felt out of place in terms of not being married yet or finding that life partner, but I've learned to let go of these expectations of myself.
You are speaking to me big time today! I am 50 years old and I am still working on my BA. I have made so many mistakes and I never thought I would be in this place in my life at this age. Regret regret regret.
I'm a 48 year old male. I have a law degree and practiced for 10 years. I'm a bookkeeper at a transportation company now. I am actually happy but feel like a complete failure in my professional life. I am a hard worker and probably of average intelligence. Also, I probably have some weird social disorder since I have never had close friends.
Thank you for this. I have been comparing my life and myself to almost everyone around me. From the people I see outside (the way they spend money, the way they wear stuff, the job they had, the money they had, the normal experience they had, almost everything!) Sometimes, I had to stop and tell myself to stop comparing because that'd would make me unhappy.
I was often told my parents that I’m behind in life cuz others have done their driving and I haven’t, others have gone to uni earlier than me and all sorts. I realised that God’s timing is more important than social media timing. You look in the mirror and you see yourself, not others. Stay blessed everyone 💜❤️💙💛
I’m 56 too and working on healing, recovery and moving toward wholeness. I ❤️ your videos Julia and I have so many “Aha” moments in them. I’m going to a counselor in my hometown but you are instrumental in my recovery too!
I'm 24. I've never been in a relationship and I've been living with my parents for the past year after the pandemic shut down my school during my senior semester. I don't know that I actually need a relationship or my own apartment. I really just need to stop being angry and upset that life didn't hand me everything that I wanted.
I understand how you feel. It's okay, sometimes to be angry and it's a normal feeling when life keeps letting us down. However you are still very young, 24...( I think I've got age envy...... ). I don't know where you live in the world, but you can search for something called working holidays....as you're still under 30, you could be eligible. That will allow you to travel, live and work in another country for either 1 or 2 years - that also depends on your passport and the visa you apply for. Good luck.
Recently turned 40 and realised I haven't accomplished anything. Never learned to drive, never had a proper relationship, no kids, no job, no idea who I am or what I want to be. I don't know what my goals are, what I want in life. I'm quite introverted and the idea of going out and doing things and interacting with other people is so scary that I basically sat in my room and let my thirties pass me by. I want to do something about it, figure out what and who I wanna be but I don't know how, and am so afraid of what it will take to do it.
I'm 60 years old. I went on disability 4 years ago after a nervous breakdown and 5 hospitalizations. I was going to work 4 more years, retire and take my pension, and go into the counseling field full time. Suffice to say, I was unable to work my plan, and achieve my goals. I essentially lost two careers and now I spend my days keeping house, reading and spending time with my dog while my wife works. It has been very hard to make sense of this "new normal."
Brother Rocco Rubino- Thank you for sharing🙏🏾💫 I can identify with what your saying; Illnesses/Ailments/Breakdown etc, can really put a spanner in the works & knock one for six!!... You are strong and awesome (remember that!)- for being able to get through all of that and still be here & share your story is an achievement in itself (respect to you and your wife!) As the saying goes ‘everything happens for a reason’ even if the reasoning doesn’t match our plans! Even in these uncertain times, you can still create a quality reality and find your purpose! Believe in yourself and your creativity & mental power!... You will be successful! 🙏🏾✨
@@JdaPhoeniX9 You made my day, even if perplexity is the tenor of my life right now. If I was strong, I would not have had a breakdown. I would have had the resources to meet the challenges.
@@roccorubino6288 Strong people have break downs. Strong people take care of their mental health- and you did that. Give yourself credit. I am happy you are here with us and sharing your story. Again- that is strength Sir! Truth to power. Sending you love and support. I speak from experience- not judgement. Take care of yourself 😊🙏🏽
@@JdaPhoeniX9 thank you for these kind words! Even though they are not directed to Me, I FEEL INSPIRED BY THEM!! Your words has given me some hope!!👍👍👍
so powerful and so very much needed in my life. your heart shines through your words, your tone, your eyes, body language. I swear I can even hear a slight stammer in your voice at times of deep empathy for your audience... it catches my heart in my throat and resonates profoundly. thank you for your being a healing voice, sharing your heart and your wisdom 💗
Yes!! I am one of the members in the Shift Society that has struggled with this. It's like this video was meant for me. If I can encourage anyone watching this and are struggling with these thoughts about life and not achieving goals at a certain age, just remember those lack of accomplishments doesn't mean you are not worthy. You are worthy regardless. I had struggled with that thought. That was my one of my first biggest and most important shift. I am shifting my mind to believe I am worthy and deserving of my goals. That takes the pressure off. Now, I am gonna move on towards goals. Thank you Julia for this video and for the pdf file! I am glad that I am trusting you to help me with this work. See you tonight for the Q&A #SeniorShifter
I'm 41 now and I thought I would be over what happened from the age of 9-13. I buried my mom, dad, grandad, brother and uncle during that time. I've been beating myself of physically and mentally since then. I've relived all their deaths EVERY NIGHT in my dreams since mom died (she was the first.) I've watched her die over 11,000 times.
This really got me thanking how I use to be thanking. Every day is new the past is the past. Thank you so much. So I was not into reading books when I was 19. I’m 20 now and I’ve read 3 books this year and also started to write my own music. I should be happy but I keep going back to comparing my self to every one and not staying Focus. I’m starting now! 😃
This was a wonderful video. I think one of the things we often don’t do enough of is giving ourselves more credit for what we have accomplished and what we have learned from our past positively and negatively. We all have different areas of opportunity and setbacks. And as famously stated, “a setback is a setup for a comeback.” And that comeback is not age-dependent.
I’m 40 years old, stuck in a toxic relationship and don’t know how to get myself out of it. I’ve always struggled financially and don’t have any college degree or career. I’ve always been dependent on someone else to support me. I think it stems from my family who all live in poverty and don’t have any college education. They all live in mobile homes or shack houses. They are negative and made me have low self esteem and belief in myself. I struggle with depression and self sabotaging behavior. I always talk negative about myself like I’m not worth anything. I just wish I could turn things around but don’t know how or what to do. I enjoy watching your videos.
I think it's a mixture of both goal setting and timeline setting. We need deadlines as a place to measure our progress and failures and to see where and how we can improve, rather than use it to demolish and hate yourself - it's not supposed to be used to whip yourself, and you're conceptualising and using it incorrectly if that's what you're getting and feeling from setting timelines... because they're not static... it's just there as a hypothesis for potential to get you progressing and moving. With goals, don't set them too ambitiously where it's too outside of your current capabilities... why? Because it's so large that you can't even comprehend it and so you'll give up on it understandably. So take them down a notch, and set them high but situate it just a bit outside of your current competence level, but then set small micro-goals from that goal and focus on them... why focus on the small steps of that goal? Because one, the goal can change as you engage in those small steps. And two, it's within your realm of optimal motivation, balanced between comfort and challenge, to go out and do them. And if you've fallen behind... there's only one way to solve this without being naive and cynical about it. Do what you can to fall less behind... salvage what you can and work from there, one step at a time. That's the best option you've got, to increase the likelihood of saving yourself from damnation (or further damnation), and from there, with more progress iterated over time, perhaps you can work towards and reach a place that's better and successful to your evolving ideals... maybe even better and not what you thought it was to begin with.
You're amazing! I can't tell you how much you've impacted my life! I am so thankful for you. You always seem to put out what I need, when I need it..and wow I needed this. 🤗💕
Jesus loves you! Matt 7:7-8 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Don’t lose hope. Ask Him genuinely With a repenting heart He will provide as make a way for you.❤️
Redefine your situation. Think of whatever therapy and/or medicinal regimen you are on as your "work". Your job is to get better so you can have a regular job in 6 months (obviously the time lag might be less or greater, but you get the idea).
You are not worthless. You never were worthless, and you never will be. You are an individual creative human being with your own DNA, your own fingerprints and your own unique identity, personality and personhood and gifts. You have your own strengths and your own capabilities that are different from anyone else’s. Sure you have some weaknesses, but that is because you’re human. Just like the rest of us. You’re human. So you do your best, but sometimes you stumble and fall down. Everyone has mental health. Sometimes it is good and great and sometimes it is bad and awful. Whatever you need to do, get yourself with a trusted mental health therapist, a good one, and get yourself, if needed to a primary care MD who is knowledgeable experienced to assess the need for any medication‘s. Last but not least, don’t give up. Don’t you ever give up. We are all in this boat together. We’re here, You just can’t say yes, but we are here. And we are all trying to stay in the boat and keep smiles on our faces and see the beauty wherever we can find it. If you believe in a creator or a higher power or God or whatever, then talk to him, however, whatever and ask for wisdom in guidance and mercy. But don’t ever give up. Take care of yourself. And talk to yourself like you would someone else that you love and that you care about very much. You are that person.
Thank you for this, Julia. I've been feeling so behind from my peers lately. I'm 21 and still a sophomore in college. I failed a sem's worth of classes and it can feel terrible while i watched my peers move from one course to the next pretty easily. My university has this really competitive environment and I'm really struggling. I'm also trying to get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm so thankful for your videos because they really had brought me to some important realizations. Now, I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm currently working on understanding myself, creating a bond with myself, forgiving myself. I stared at a photograph on the wall of me at 7 year old and i just burst out crying, i can't even look me in the eye because i feel like I've failed that little girl. But then I tooked a deep breath, tuned in to my emotions and realized that it's not too late for me as i am young. Then suddenly i felt powerful at that moment, suddenly i want to do better, for us. I'm making myself emotionally stronger. But that could really be hard as I am an HSP. But the weird thing and i guess this is a good thing, is that now, I believe I can actually do it.
HSP struggle with emotions of shame guilt and inferiority the thing is also stare at my childhood photo and instantly I feeel oh god I was so sensible how did my life turn out to be this but life moves on even if someone is mentally ill people don't care so people like you and me need to stop caring about people and focus on ourselves
Dear Julia, I cannot explain how much your example in 3:00 was encouraging and relieving to hear. I am currently 22 and starting my bachelor's in Accounting. I was trying to figure out what my career would be for the past 5 years. I always struggled with this issue for a long time. And your example made me cry. I now know that someone has been where I am now and there is hope. I hope if there is anyone else in a similar situation, please take heart there is hope and stay strong 👍💪
I feel like I put the "pause" botton on, when I was 25. I feel that I took a very wrong turn in my life and remained functional, on a practical level, but became really mixed up on many other levels.
As always your advice is great. One thing I find difficult to deal with is the number of people who seem to think they know what kind of life you need to live. I'm 51 divorced for nearly 3 years now & have 2 kids 10 & 16 & self employed. All the usual problems that go along with rotten divorces, financial, emotional, an ex, etc. I am happy doing my own thing & being the best dad I can be to my kids. People seem to think I need their advice about everything. Vacations, relationships, money, & the list goes on. It seems everyone is so plugged into social media these days that it is becoming abnormal to not want to be involved in everyone's life. I think if you need help you should seek it. If you want to be happy unplug.
I am 22 and never had teenage experiences. I want to experience them now and I feel moreso 17-18 than 22. So I guess I am just going to act 17-18 for a while, not gonna lie about my age ofcourse.. I do feel like I wasted a lot of time in the past, and it can become a verry deep pit if you stay in it too long. Best way i can explain this feeling is that it feels like you have been in a coma for sevaral years, and you woke up older with no experiences to show for it. Her saying the she used to tell herself 'I'm behind 4 years' really hits home for me. I am not really worried about my carreer being behind some of my peers, I have a degree already but I started a diffrent one that fits my goals, ideals, and prefered work inviroment a lot better. I mostly regret not having had experiences with friends yet. And yes that might be due to a background of bullying and all sorts of other stuff, but It's hard not to tell myself that its my fault or, even more so, that it's too late...
Yup, I did this every single day of the year last year before I turned 40. Just turned 41 a couple weeks ago, this year was much better, but it still dogs me. Love how you said that it is "indulging" those thoughts. Interesting way of thinking about it. But yes, these thought spirals totally steal my energy and drive to make the changes I need to make to stop going down the same path that got me here. Imma check out your journal. Thanks Julia!
Follow-up. Went for a walk with a couple good friends last night, they are both doing great in their careers and I'm super happy for them both, but boy that triggered my "feeling behind in life" thought loop again - BUT, employed what I learned in this video and was able to stop the cycle before it dragged me down to the depths of darkness - yay! Thanks Julia.
Great video. Not comparing yourself to others is key. My inherited disease, and the choices I have made based on my religious believes has made my journey different. The one thing that has helped me in this regret thing is knowing I can set goals and change my path to wherever I want. I just have to set the intention and start doing something.
Been feeling behind everyone else (even those younger than me) long before my teen years. I was never (consistently) accomplished on the outside. Hate to admit that I was only considered "cool" when someone else needed to vent and feel less like a loser than myself in comparison. Tbh, I still wonder what it might have been like if I was actually talented or charismatic. I struggle to be competent and normal as I type this. There are days where I feel like I have faith when it comes to my potential, but those days come and go. I hope I can keep the faith more often going forward.
I’m currently 27 years of age, still living with my parents. My girlfriend that I have been with for 6 years as well still lives with her folks. Her and I want that future of marriage, children, great careers, just as that simple life. I personally feel so stuck in the mud with only a high school diploma and no college experience, and a job that pays $12 an hour. I see so many of my friends going on with that life and dream that I want to achieve right in front of my eyes and it sometimes brings me down so low cause I wish I was on that same pace to my success as well. This is currently a thought is just constantly pacing through my mind that I can not seem to shake off until I watched this video. From a scale of 1-10 with 1 being my downfall I’m currently at an 8, thank you for the wake up call on this one. Still have more healing to go through but this definitely is an uplift for me so far. 🤟🏼
It helps to understand this. We all have our own success story. Not everyone comes up with that bright idea that makes us millionaires at 25. Some people spend years working at this job they don't like and then quit, then do something else any finally become happy. This is called a second chapter. There are also stories of people who had it all and died young. So maybe it's good that you're falling behind because it might be the thing keeping you alive.
Wish this video was an hour long. It's "my" topic. I've felt "behind in life" since 2011, and still do now. However, you've made me realise that despite my negativity and wallowing, that in my last 3 very difficult years I HAVE taken positive actions, I AM trying to better my life. I'm just not "there" yet. For once, I know exactly what "there" is and I gained one of the pieces to get there today. I will push on to the next.
My dad was a narcissist and I feel like his bitterness created this cycle of punishing people by taking things away. We moved away from family, and the divorce happened as I was entering high school. So I was without a father figure at the most pivotal development period in my life. He had successfully taken away the tools I needed to grow properly. It also doesn't help that I've had some kind of anxiety where I'm afraid to be seen. I compared myself to others and developed bad habits. I didn't get into any vices, it was just a long directionless dive into the void of depression, which I seem to have a strong tolerance for which is probably why I don't act on problems in a timely manner. This has been my deepest wound. I want to be a writer and an artist and I feel shame when saying it out loud. I feel like someone was supposed to have the tools and resources and be on a path since a young age. I will not give up on my goals because I know I have taste and talent, and when I have something in front of me to do I will do it. It is not a lack of dedication, it is the overwhelm of the unknown. I wish it could as simple as someone visualizing the steps in front of me and encouraging me on my path. The two main counselors I've seen were men and both seemed to consider me their break of the day. We never got anywhere and I could tell from the first session for both counselors. I hate the insecurity of subconsciously thinking experiences in life are for other people and I'm immediately disqualified. I would be doing so much better with the help I need. I know I can do it, but it's ridiculous the years of feeling "too late" that has caused me damage.
I turned 28 a few months ago and i feel super depressed and just anxious about everything in my life. I keep telling myself everything will pan out just fine and that i should be grateful for what i have (my loving partner, roof over my head, healthy food, non-toxic job etc) but i cry every now and then at night when im by myself. Just thinking about finances, the fact i cant save money as easily these days, my weight gain, feeling like a horrible person who can't take criticism etc feeling like a teenager stuck in an adult body. I struggle with self loathing and i ruminate about where i am vs where i would have been if i had done things differently. "I know" it's not too late, "i know" everything happens for a reason, "i know" no one cares how i live my life... so why do i keep overthinking...
My family and I were immigrants from Mexico. I grew up in Chicago most of my life. I always felt so behind compared to all my classmates. Everyone here already had established families with money, cars, and college money. I got married at 18 out of love and the need to build together with a financial partner. I am 25 now and recently divorced. I felt so behind seeing everyone graduating on social media, taking extravagant trips, and going to expensive restaurants. I’m here barely paying my own house. But at least I have my own house and everyone in my family is healthy. Can’t compare yourself to others. I deleted all of my social media for that reason.
I'm 33 and not married with children despite having relationships that could've enabled that. Instead I squandered them with my poor self-esteem. Thank you for the video.
I am 30 years old pursuing dance and I oftentimes find myself comparing in auditions. I oftentimes regret that I wasn’t given the opportunity to take dance lessons as a young kid and started formal training as an adult. I just feel super behind in such a cut throat industry. On top of that struggling to find a job to help while I train and also not being where I’d want to be relationally. It’s super difficult but I’m trying to see everything as purposeful. That there’s a purple to everything and if it seems like there isn’t, I’ll try to make it meaningful
My beloved Julia, hello. Actually you surprised me by your opens and truthful .. For answering your question I'm behind in life for 25 years old.. Your videos are as valuable as such a close to the heart ,keep it up Doc wish you all the best ♥..
I feel you ! I did my BA in English and American literature and all the time, I knew I wanted to study psychology. But I calmed myself down. Due to bullying and other issues, I knew I had to get my 1st in English. I did. I knew, knowing the language very well, would help me massively with psychology. I'm now "starting all over again" as some people would say with psychology. I know in 3 years time, I would've been starting my PhD in English if I wanted to. But no, psychology is my field and my passion. No matter how long it takes, I'm gonna make it. The point is - you have to find your purpose, it's timeless. It will take long time to become what you want to be, that's what I've been telling myself. I've got time. I can still learn everything and use my maturity to become even better psychologist, because I'm starting "later". Everything is about perspective. Believe in yourself and KNOW the REASON why you're doing whatever you're doing. In years time, you will realize, you've been lucky and you've got a BIG advantage just because you have been working hard and been patient. Good luck everybody! :)
This is how I have felt all my life. I know I can't change the passed .ive made so many changes lately by cutting all my friends I had out because I was under the impression those were not my friends. So now Ive got no one in my life that cut included some of my family as well. And now I am alone with my self . not too fun
My situation is similar and I relate to what you are saying. At 58 and agoraphobic it's not easy for me to make genuine connections. However, it is much easier to be alone and learn self love than it is to be surrounded by those who are toxic or don't have your best interests at heart. Hang in there and stay discerning and in time you will find genuine connections. Much love and blessings :)
@@freespirit2194 thank you for your kind words if hope . I have always had many friends around me. So as advised by councilors I made a decision to cut out all toxic people to my life that's going to include some family members . now I have no councilors no friends and family so all alone we will see how well this works . i believe the whole world is crazy now and IM about the only sane one left. And how does one become agoraphobic?
You are most welcome. The agoraphobia came as a result of CPTSD and being stalked. I am improving slowly and am able to now go to the local store. I totally get what you mean by the world being crazy. It is hard to know who to trust. I too have cut out family it's really hard but for our sanity sometimes we have to do what it hard. To be honest I think we would be surprised at just how many are in our situation as more people are waking up to toxic people its not that rare.
I'm an obese 31 year-old man who still lives at home with my mother in the UK. I'm out of work and nobody wants to employ me, in fact I've only ever had one paid job in my entire life. This causes a lot of friction between me and mam and we argue almost every day, mam is brutally honest which doesn't help. I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago but I'm always looking for work. I always wanted to be married, have kids and have my own place by the time I was 30, but none of those things have happened. I feel like things such getting my own place and owning a car are so unrealistic right now. I just sleep and surf the internet a lot as I feel I have nothing to live for. There is just no point in trying.
I'm turning 44 got my two year degree, currently working on BSCS, saw the world in my 20's in the Navy, worked as an aircraft technician, yet I'm not accomplished per my father's standards.
I’m 21 and the pandemic has only made my fears about falling behind worse. I’ve wanted to study abroad since I was a kid, but my university won’t allow me to go to my desired country because of the Covid levels there. Meanwhile, my cousin is able to have this opportunity since she goes to another university. However, ive decided to become an au pair once I graduate so I can still have an immersive international experience, and even make a little bit of money while I’m doing it. If you’re not where you want to be for things out of your control, get creative! There are many routes to your dreams
Just in time I needed this the moment at this time...thank you so much...you are so wonderful and a God's gift in my life...❤️you will achieve great success with all the blessings you are having cz of the help you are providing 🙏🙏🙏
Two masters degrees and a good job given up to become a full-time parent, and now I'm 47 and have been stuck in retail for 5+ years with seemingly no hope of ever getting out. People are always telling me it's not too late to forge a new path, and I want to believe them, but it's been very difficult...especially when I'm often in the company of 20-somethings who are getting jobs left and right and having a grand old time. I know the comparison trap is real, but when you're *constantly* being reminded that everyone around you is succeeding and you're not, it's disheartening.
I so agree how hard it is to actually not compare yourself... it is so easier said then done..I guess just practice and patience... I am working on this.. But we need to remember is what we are not being reminded of....how people are struggling, or have failed ....we never hear the full story of what happen before that success or what else is going on....sending virtual 🤗❤
I’m 25 and this is my last year finishing my 2nd diploma in a different career but I don’t want to work after this and starting a business. Just did finishing this schooling for my parents peace of mind.
Thanks Julia for inspired words..much needed in this time space we find ourselves in right now with so much going on one can very quickly lose sight of what is important and what is an energy drain. We struggle with being with ourselves and find it hard to deal with things that we may have buried in the past and we now have time to process it .Allowing for where we now are seems a good starting point as I believe we have been given this opportunity to see where we are and begin to live a more fulfilling life..
Hi started graduate school at 45yrs old. Completed my MS in Mental Health Clinical counseling at 50_ Now it’s taking me 5 yrs to pass my licensing exam!!!
I'm an electrical engineer - I bought a house in Silicon Valley. I came from a very dysfunctional and financially poor family - but I got out. Today, I have no family, no friends and no love. If I were to disappear tomorrow only the bill collectors and employer would notice.
I have felt like that. Of course it doesn't help that my mother always compared herself at my age saying she had already done this, this and that at my age.
OMG! Okay I haven't gotten to the end of this video, yet telling me you started grad school at 28 is like a knife in my gut and brain right now because I'm 51 with a bachelor's degree and I just spent the last ten years in a daze and doing basically nothing at all with my life including not even working particularly much other than Gig jobs that never really paid well but now are completely unsustainable with gas prices. I am so behind in my dreams and ambitions and so incredibly miserable and in mental pain and anguish that I wonder if I can even go on sometimes and yet I really want to turn my life around but feel it's much too late. So just FYI that little anecdote is completely unhelpful to someone like me. Keep watching the video to see if I can garner some Hope from it
I've felt behind because I didn't get my license at 18 and 19 years old during my graduation. Now I have a place now I'm working on getting my license and certificate to work at a bank and have my own online business.
I have recently lost a lot of weight due to hard work basically. I have been overweight a lot in my life. Sometimes I see others doing really well and are happy. I don`t think I am envious but I would like to be in a better place. I seem to have been behind most of my life.
I just turned 30 and I definitely feel exhausted from overthinking and comparing/feeling like an underachiever
This is so relatable...feelings of regret, shame, anger at myself, comparison to others, repeat cycle...
Took me 23years to complete my BA, 2 more years to get my MFA. I was running a business and raising 5 kids but refused to give up. 5 years later I ended it with my husband of 22 years. I did go through this, thinking I wasted so much time but came to the realization that no matter what I still grew and learned from my experience and that I was bound and determined not to spend another 22 years of my life miserable. Regarding my degrees, I knew I had to finish what I started and be a role model to my kids.
Now that's a great example of wisdom found in endurance, motivated by the fear of slipping further into a desolate place and avoiding it, and then also simultaneously moving forward with those experiences and lessons learned, to do what you can to salvage the ruins and work towards a better place. Just goes to show that moral character can see you through regardless of status. It's not about what you have or don't have, but how you respond in spite of that. Thanks for sharing Sandra!
@@BrotherTree1 thank you!
GOOD for you Sandra. How did it feel to never give up?
@@juliakristinamah empowering is the first thought that comes to mind. Also good to keep the promise I made to myself. And then very rewarding to have completed what I started. :)
@@MsK-pt4kc GOOD for you.
My Grandmother once told me "Everything in life happened the way it was supposed to happen". I believe in the grieving process of the past, and also to learn from it.
Thank you for this...it helped me realize things that everything do happen for a reason...
I beg to differ
As a 25 year old who dropped out of college at 20 and is looking to go back and redeem myself, I really, really needed to hear this. Thank you.
I’m 25, and I was “supposed” to have finished undergrad by age 22.
I had to withdraw from classes multiple times, failed one or two courses (due to mental health issues), and took a brief leave of absence. And on top of all that, I became a part-time student, only prolonging the amount of time spent in undergrad.
It sucks to still be in undergrad while watching my 2018 classmates finish masters programs already.
But at the same time, I’ve done an immense amount of healing, self-discovery, starting new treatments, and I also started building my own business.
Even then, I can still feel bad about it sometimes. But I’m so glad that I haven’t let it bring me to the point of quitting.
Cheer up! I was 31 when I graduated undergrad, and 37 with a grad degree. My grandma was 56 when she got her B.A. You can still do it.
Perhaps all the struggles you've been experiencing are the Universe's way of telling you you're on the wrong path. Education in no way guarantees success... although we've all been brainwashed into believing that is so. Lot's of hugely successful people never even went to college. You need to figure out what makes you feel Alive. What Energizes your soul? If you can figure that out, then you'll have found the right path for yourself. Don't pay attention to what the masses are doing. Just do you.
Wishing you success and happiness!
What Bradley G says is correct. I'd like to add on to their comment. 1) Make sure that the degree that you choose leads to something other than over-educated barista or fry jockey. I've worked both of those jobs and didn't need a degree for them.
2) If you just want an education to be more enlightened or prove something. Get a vocational degree and take the adult continuing education classes. You'll be way ahead most people. Good luck!
feel motivated by this comment
Thank you so much for this comment, I'm going through almost the same exact thing
The past is gone, dwelling on it is not helpful. We only have the present moment to create a better future. Mindfulness is a wonderful tool for work and relaxation.
I agree
if only God knew
God knows your heart! God created it all, from galaxies to multiple factual versions to the atom! @@ReynaldoAbasr
I don’t know how this suddenly came up on my feed. But i was literally falling down the self blame/regret rabbithole (for the 1000th time) as I saw this. This is for me one of the hardest things i’ve had to deal with. Everytime I think i’m over it, then suddenly something triggers it again. It’s truly hard. The feeling that you ruined your own life, didn’t reach your potential. But yes in all of that we forget to see that there is still so much of life ahead. And we should be 100% present for that. Thank you for this video, great tips and insights, and overall good wake up call.
After my divorce and followed relationships with a sociopath, I was devastated and discouraged. I was only 27, but I thought I was old and worthless and would never be loved again. Six months later I met the love of my life, we’ve been together for 10 years, 8 years in marriage. So when I start having these thoughts about my life not being like the one I envisaged, I console myself that maybe it’s gonna be even better than any plans.
I don’t know why but your comment filled me with a sense of hope. I’m decades older and had abusive relationships, waiting to date again, so there are differences but it’s heartening to hear it worked out so well for you. A testament to your healing
I left a cult that i was part of for 24 years.i am now 46.all my friends and family still in the cult are now shunning me.trying to rebuild my life but feel sad time i wasted.this really help me.thank you.
Sending you courage and strength am familiar with leaving a cult and leaving them - Plymouth brethren.
@@pebblesmiller9026 thank you for your kind words.
You are so brave ❤️🏆🎖️
@@Jeb9221 thank you for your kind words.
Good for you brother ❤
No matter what you do or say life will happen to you whether you want it to or not.
I am 64 had a stroke that stopped me at 63 , coming back from being in a wheelchair chair , unable to talk , I got back to work and discovered it wasn't for me.
I had all the problems in life that we all do. Payment of bills , mortgage, doctors appointments learning to cope and so on.
The only thing I can say is just do what you can and circumstances and situations will arrive when you least experience them.
The idea of" fulfilment" interests me because whatever you do all will be swept away by life .
Be happy each moment you can.
As Winston Churchill used to say , and I paraphrase " when you go through the valley of death learn to run . . . "
For years i felt behind on life, feeling that im not good enough because im not where i want to be in life and feel like im running out of time, and no matter how hard i tried i felt as if im getting knocked 5 steps back after the 1st step take i take each time. Im trying to break my mind from this cycle of shame, unfulfillment, and guilt. These videos help me but i know it will take time to internalize it
Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling this so much lately!
It’s a genuine struggle to remind yourself that it’s okay if your journey is different from everyone else’s. That just proves that you’re a unique person different from others.
At times it's easy to feel stuck or behind. Then you see all of the people who rushed into a degree, marriage, or situation that didn't work out for them. I'm 28, single and little to no college. But I'm working on persuing my dreams as a voice actor. I've seen friends and family divorced because they rushed a marriage, people unemployed because they chose the wrong career. Ect. It's hard to be patient, but it's better to be patient than miserable. I almost rushed into the military last year because I thought it would bring me closer to the girl I was perusing. Than I thought "Am I doing this for me? Or for her?" And have since stopped talking to her. It takes time to yourself to really look at your own path. Good luck to everyone on their journey!
Spot on, hit the big 40 in September and don't have my own home, no partner or kids, certainly never thought I'd be 40 and not to have all that
I'm just a lil bit younger than you, but SAME! I got married young and ended up leaving the marriage when I was 27, and last month, the man I planned to marry and finally start a family with dumped me and now I'm left with nothing. Also, I had a miscarriage last year and since being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in August, I feel like having kids is definitely out of the question!
@@saramiles3621 I'm so extremely sorry that this happened to you, you didnt deserve any of that
@@mellissagalgey8879 Thank you
@@saramiles3621 you keep your head held high, and you find whatever it takes that helps you to feel better and cheer you up and hold onto that feel good feeling, I don't know why all this happened to you but one things for sure, there is something and someone so much more amazing out there for you, and nothing is gonna stop that from coming into your life xx
40 hit me soooo hard too.
I also started grad school at 28!! I went to school with a few ladies that were 50+ with kids, so I didn't really feel like the odd one out, but I definitely felt out of place in terms of not being married yet or finding that life partner, but I've learned to let go of these expectations of myself.
You are speaking to me big time today! I am 50 years old and I am still working on my BA. I have made so many mistakes and I never thought I would be in this place in my life at this age. Regret regret regret.
God will redeemed your lost time here.
I'm a 48 year old male. I have a law degree and practiced for 10 years. I'm a bookkeeper at a transportation company now. I am actually happy but feel like a complete failure in my professional life. I am a hard worker and probably of average intelligence. Also, I probably have some weird social disorder since I have never had close friends.
Thank you for this. I have been comparing my life and myself to almost everyone around me. From the people I see outside (the way they spend money, the way they wear stuff, the job they had, the money they had, the normal experience they had, almost everything!) Sometimes, I had to stop and tell myself to stop comparing because that'd would make me unhappy.
I was often told my parents that I’m behind in life cuz others have done their driving and I haven’t, others have gone to uni earlier than me and all sorts. I realised that God’s timing is more important than social media timing. You look in the mirror and you see yourself, not others. Stay blessed everyone 💜❤️💙💛
I feeel very awkward behind the wheel I feel like I will bump into someone walking on road
I’m feeling somewhat behind in life for several reasons, this is something I truly needed!!! Thank you so much 🙏🏻💕
Glad it connected - I always appreciate your comments Admir.
@@juliakristinamah I am really happy to hear that, thank you! :) I’m always grateful for having your videos and being able to learn from them
Dont worry girl I'm 31 and trying to finish my bachelors
i finished at 40 .. my paper weight is totally useless. so it makes little to no difference in my career
I just want to drink on the weekends, work and watch Mad Men.
I’m 22 and I feel like this already 🥲. I wish I did more things when I was younger.
@@EricaxvWhen you were younger? You're in your 20's! Now is the time to have that fun, take risks, travel. Take care!
@@Well-PutI am also 22 I feel like I no time to get forward in life
Oh my goodness...this is so where I am at right now.
I get it. Common humanity.
what was one of your takeaways from this video?
Me to
I am 55 and starting fresh on my own now. So much to learn.
I’m in healing at 56 never to late
AMEN!!
I’m 56 too and working on healing, recovery and moving toward wholeness. I ❤️ your videos Julia and I have so many “Aha” moments in them. I’m going to a counselor in my hometown but you are instrumental in my recovery too!
Thank you for saying that.
I am 51 and trying to figure it out.
Me too, at 57. 🌞
I'm 24. I've never been in a relationship and I've been living with my parents for the past year after the pandemic shut down my school during my senior semester. I don't know that I actually need a relationship or my own apartment. I really just need to stop being angry and upset that life didn't hand me everything that I wanted.
I understand how you feel. It's okay, sometimes to be angry and it's a normal feeling when life keeps letting us down. However you are still very young, 24...( I think I've got age envy...... ). I don't know where you live in the world, but you can search for something called working holidays....as you're still under 30, you could be eligible. That will allow you to travel, live and work in another country for either 1 or 2 years - that also depends on your passport and the visa you apply for. Good luck.
Recently turned 40 and realised I haven't accomplished anything. Never learned to drive, never had a proper relationship, no kids, no job, no idea who I am or what I want to be. I don't know what my goals are, what I want in life. I'm quite introverted and the idea of going out and doing things and interacting with other people is so scary that I basically sat in my room and let my thirties pass me by. I want to do something about it, figure out what and who I wanna be but I don't know how, and am so afraid of what it will take to do it.
Same here in my 30s
everything you said but I am 22
I'm 60 years old. I went on disability 4 years ago after a nervous breakdown and 5 hospitalizations.
I was going to work 4 more years, retire and take my pension, and go into the counseling field full time. Suffice to say, I was unable to work my plan, and achieve my goals. I essentially lost two careers and now I spend my days keeping house, reading and spending time with my dog while my wife works.
It has been very hard to make sense of this "new normal."
Brother Rocco Rubino-
Thank you for sharing🙏🏾💫
I can identify with what your saying; Illnesses/Ailments/Breakdown etc, can really put a spanner in the works & knock one for six!!...
You are strong and awesome (remember that!)- for being able to get through all of that and still be here & share your story is an achievement in itself (respect to you and your wife!)
As the saying goes ‘everything happens for a reason’ even if the reasoning doesn’t match our plans!
Even in these uncertain times, you can still create a quality reality and find your purpose!
Believe in yourself and your creativity & mental power!...
You will be successful! 🙏🏾✨
@@JdaPhoeniX9 You made my day, even if perplexity is the tenor of my life right now. If I was strong, I would not have had a breakdown. I would have had the resources to meet the challenges.
@@roccorubino6288 Strong people have break downs. Strong people take care of their mental health- and you did that. Give yourself credit. I am happy you are here with us and sharing your story. Again- that is strength Sir! Truth to power. Sending you love and support.
I speak from experience- not judgement. Take care of yourself 😊🙏🏽
@@happylindsay4475 Miss Lindsay, much thanks for your response and the incredibly kind words. I truly appreciate your support and I kindness.
@@JdaPhoeniX9 thank you for these kind words! Even though they are not directed to Me, I FEEL INSPIRED BY THEM!! Your words has given me some hope!!👍👍👍
Woah I needed this today!! I’ve been struggling with “doing it all”, being great at everything, and having it together on time and as planned.
so powerful and so very much needed in my life. your heart shines through your words, your tone, your eyes, body language. I swear I can even hear a slight stammer in your voice at times of deep empathy for your audience... it catches my heart in my throat and resonates profoundly.
thank you for your being a healing voice, sharing your heart and your wisdom 💗
Yes!! I am one of the members in the Shift Society that has struggled with this. It's like this video was meant for me. If I can encourage anyone watching this and are struggling with these thoughts about life and not achieving goals at a certain age, just remember those lack of accomplishments doesn't mean you are not worthy. You are worthy regardless. I had struggled with that thought. That was my one of my first biggest and most important shift. I am shifting my mind to believe I am worthy and deserving of my goals. That takes the pressure off. Now, I am gonna move on towards goals. Thank you Julia for this video and for the pdf file! I am glad that I am trusting you to help me with this work. See you tonight for the Q&A #SeniorShifter
I'm 41 now and I thought I would be over what happened from the age of 9-13. I buried my mom, dad, grandad, brother and uncle during that time. I've been beating myself of physically and mentally since then. I've relived all their deaths EVERY NIGHT in my dreams since mom died (she was the first.) I've watched her die over 11,000 times.
Damn sorry to hear that
This really got me thanking how I use to be thanking.
Every day is new the past is the past. Thank you so much.
So I was not into reading books when I was 19. I’m 20 now and I’ve read 3 books this year and also started to write my own music.
I should be happy but I keep going back to comparing my self to every one and not staying Focus.
I’m starting now! 😃
Stumbled upon this lovely channel. Thanks for existing! 💖💖
This was a wonderful video. I think one of the things we often don’t do enough of is giving ourselves more credit for what we have accomplished and what we have learned from our past positively and negatively. We all have different areas of opportunity and setbacks. And as famously stated, “a setback is a setup for a comeback.” And that comeback is not age-dependent.
Perfect timing for your message. 59
Many regrets to where I should be.
I still know I have some blessings but I'm going through regrets right now.
I’m 40 years old, stuck in a toxic relationship and don’t know how to get myself out of it. I’ve always struggled financially and don’t have any college degree or career. I’ve always been dependent on someone else to support me. I think it stems from my family who all live in poverty and don’t have any college education. They all live in mobile homes or shack houses. They are negative and made me have low self esteem and belief in myself. I struggle with depression and self sabotaging behavior. I always talk negative about myself like I’m not worth anything. I just wish I could turn things around but don’t know how or what to do. I enjoy watching your videos.
Needed this. Feel really behind because I haven't finished college in the usual four years.
I think it's a mixture of both goal setting and timeline setting. We need deadlines as a place to measure our progress and failures and to see where and how we can improve, rather than use it to demolish and hate yourself - it's not supposed to be used to whip yourself, and you're conceptualising and using it incorrectly if that's what you're getting and feeling from setting timelines... because they're not static... it's just there as a hypothesis for potential to get you progressing and moving. With goals, don't set them too ambitiously where it's too outside of your current capabilities... why? Because it's so large that you can't even comprehend it and so you'll give up on it understandably. So take them down a notch, and set them high but situate it just a bit outside of your current competence level, but then set small micro-goals from that goal and focus on them... why focus on the small steps of that goal? Because one, the goal can change as you engage in those small steps. And two, it's within your realm of optimal motivation, balanced between comfort and challenge, to go out and do them. And if you've fallen behind... there's only one way to solve this without being naive and cynical about it. Do what you can to fall less behind... salvage what you can and work from there, one step at a time. That's the best option you've got, to increase the likelihood of saving yourself from damnation (or further damnation), and from there, with more progress iterated over time, perhaps you can work towards and reach a place that's better and successful to your evolving ideals... maybe even better and not what you thought it was to begin with.
BrotherTree1- thank you! You are wise🙏🏾 All the best✨
You're amazing! I can't tell you how much you've impacted my life! I am so thankful for you. You always seem to put out what I need, when I need it..and wow I needed this. 🤗💕
I've had this exact feeling every single day for many years now. I'm 27 and I can't work because of mental illness. I feel worthless.
Jesus loves you!
Matt 7:7-8
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
Don’t lose hope. Ask Him genuinely With a repenting heart He will provide as make a way for you.❤️
Redefine your situation. Think of whatever therapy and/or medicinal regimen you are on as your "work". Your job is to get better so you can have a regular job in 6 months (obviously the time lag might be less or greater, but you get the idea).
Good Bless You
You are not worthless. You never were worthless, and you never will be. You are an individual creative human being with your own DNA, your own fingerprints and your own unique identity, personality and personhood and gifts. You have your own strengths and your own capabilities that are different from anyone else’s. Sure you have some weaknesses, but that is because you’re human. Just like the rest of us. You’re human. So you do your best, but sometimes you stumble and fall down. Everyone has mental health. Sometimes it is good and great and sometimes it is bad and awful. Whatever you need to do, get yourself with a trusted mental health therapist, a good one, and get yourself, if needed to a primary care MD who is knowledgeable experienced to assess the need for any medication‘s. Last but not least, don’t give up. Don’t you ever give up. We are all in this boat together. We’re here, You just can’t say yes, but we are here. And we are all trying to stay in the boat and keep smiles on our faces and see the beauty wherever we can find it. If you believe in a creator or a higher power or God or whatever, then talk to him, however, whatever and ask for wisdom in guidance and mercy. But don’t ever give up. Take care of yourself. And talk to yourself like you would someone else that you love and that you care about very much. You are that person.
I am also mentally ill and unemployed 😑
Thank you for this, Julia. I've been feeling so behind from my peers lately. I'm 21 and still a sophomore in college. I failed a sem's worth of classes and it can feel terrible while i watched my peers move from one course to the next pretty easily. My university has this really competitive environment and I'm really struggling. I'm also trying to get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm so thankful for your videos because they really had brought me to some important realizations. Now, I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm currently working on understanding myself, creating a bond with myself, forgiving myself. I stared at a photograph on the wall of me at 7 year old and i just burst out crying, i can't even look me in the eye because i feel like I've failed that little girl. But then I tooked a deep breath, tuned in to my emotions and realized that it's not too late for me as i am young. Then suddenly i felt powerful at that moment, suddenly i want to do better, for us.
I'm making myself emotionally stronger. But that could really be hard as I am an HSP. But the weird thing and i guess this is a good thing, is that now, I believe I can actually do it.
HSP struggle with emotions of shame guilt and inferiority the thing is also stare at my childhood photo and instantly I feeel oh god I was so sensible how did my life turn out to be this but life moves on even if someone is mentally ill people don't care so people like you and me need to stop caring about people and focus on ourselves
Dear Julia, I cannot explain how much your example in 3:00 was encouraging and relieving to hear. I am currently 22 and starting my bachelor's in Accounting. I was trying to figure out what my career would be for the past 5 years. I always struggled with this issue for a long time. And your example made me cry. I now know that someone has been where I am now and there is hope. I hope if there is anyone else in a similar situation, please take heart there is hope and stay strong 👍💪
I feel like I put the "pause" botton on, when I was 25. I feel that I took a very wrong turn in my life and remained functional, on a practical level, but became really mixed up on many other levels.
As always your advice is great. One thing I find difficult to deal with is the number of people who seem to think they know what kind of life you need to live. I'm 51 divorced for nearly 3 years now & have 2 kids 10 & 16 & self employed. All the usual problems that go along with rotten divorces, financial, emotional, an ex, etc. I am happy doing my own thing & being the best dad I can be to my kids. People seem to think I need their advice about everything. Vacations, relationships, money, & the list goes on. It seems everyone is so plugged into social media these days that it is becoming abnormal to not want to be involved in everyone's life. I think if you need help you should seek it. If you want to be happy unplug.
Couldn't have timed this better! We can't change the past but we can always change the thoughts about our past!
I am 22 and never had teenage experiences. I want to experience them now and I feel moreso 17-18 than 22. So I guess I am just going to act 17-18 for a while, not gonna lie about my age ofcourse..
I do feel like I wasted a lot of time in the past, and it can become a verry deep pit if you stay in it too long. Best way i can explain this feeling is that it feels like you have been in a coma for sevaral years, and you woke up older with no experiences to show for it.
Her saying the she used to tell herself 'I'm behind 4 years' really hits home for me. I am not really worried about my carreer being behind some of my peers, I have a degree already but I started a diffrent one that fits my goals, ideals, and prefered work inviroment a lot better. I mostly regret not having had experiences with friends yet. And yes that might be due to a background of bullying and all sorts of other stuff, but It's hard not to tell myself that its my fault or, even more so, that it's too late...
bullying and social anxiety ruin things happened with me
Yup, I did this every single day of the year last year before I turned 40. Just turned 41 a couple weeks ago, this year was much better, but it still dogs me.
Love how you said that it is "indulging" those thoughts. Interesting way of thinking about it. But yes, these thought spirals totally steal my energy and drive to make the changes I need to make to stop going down the same path that got me here. Imma check out your journal. Thanks Julia!
Follow-up. Went for a walk with a couple good friends last night, they are both doing great in their careers and I'm super happy for them both, but boy that triggered my "feeling behind in life" thought loop again - BUT, employed what I learned in this video and was able to stop the cycle before it dragged me down to the depths of darkness - yay! Thanks Julia.
Hi! I am new. I can totally relate!
Thanks for the video. I've been thinking like this for the past several years.
What did you find helpful in this talk?
Great video. Not comparing yourself to others is key. My inherited disease, and the choices I have made based on my religious believes has made my journey different. The one thing that has helped me in this regret thing is knowing I can set goals and change my path to wherever I want. I just have to set the intention and start doing something.
Been feeling behind everyone else (even those younger than me) long before my teen years. I was never (consistently) accomplished on the outside. Hate to admit that I was only considered "cool" when someone else needed to vent and feel less like a loser than myself in comparison. Tbh, I still wonder what it might have been like if I was actually talented or charismatic. I struggle to be competent and normal as I type this. There are days where I feel like I have faith when it comes to my potential, but those days come and go. I hope I can keep the faith more often going forward.
I’m currently 27 years of age, still living with my parents. My girlfriend that I have been with for 6 years as well still lives with her folks. Her and I want that future of marriage, children, great careers, just as that simple life. I personally feel so stuck in the mud with only a high school diploma and no college experience, and a job that pays $12 an hour. I see so many of my friends going on with that life and dream that I want to achieve right in front of my eyes and it sometimes brings me down so low cause I wish I was on that same pace to my success as well. This is currently a thought is just constantly pacing through my mind that I can not seem to shake off until I watched this video. From a scale of 1-10 with 1 being my downfall I’m currently at an 8, thank you for the wake up call on this one. Still have more healing to go through but this definitely is an uplift for me so far. 🤟🏼
It helps to understand this. We all have our own success story. Not everyone comes up with that bright idea that makes us millionaires at 25. Some people spend years working at this job they don't like and then quit, then do something else any finally become happy. This is called a second chapter. There are also stories of people who had it all and died young. So maybe it's good that you're falling behind because it might be the thing keeping you alive.
I've listened to you for years. Your content is very helpful and encouraging
I feel so sad and I really need this. Thank you so much.
Wish this video was an hour long. It's "my" topic. I've felt "behind in life" since 2011, and still do now.
However, you've made me realise that despite my negativity and wallowing, that in my last 3 very difficult years I HAVE taken positive actions, I AM trying to better my life. I'm just not "there" yet.
For once, I know exactly what "there" is and I gained one of the pieces to get there today. I will push on to the next.
My dad was a narcissist and I feel like his bitterness created this cycle of punishing people by taking things away. We moved away from family, and the divorce happened as I was entering high school. So I was without a father figure at the most pivotal development period in my life. He had successfully taken away the tools I needed to grow properly. It also doesn't help that I've had some kind of anxiety where I'm afraid to be seen. I compared myself to others and developed bad habits. I didn't get into any vices, it was just a long directionless dive into the void of depression, which I seem to have a strong tolerance for which is probably why I don't act on problems in a timely manner. This has been my deepest wound. I want to be a writer and an artist and I feel shame when saying it out loud. I feel like someone was supposed to have the tools and resources and be on a path since a young age. I will not give up on my goals because I know I have taste and talent, and when I have something in front of me to do I will do it. It is not a lack of dedication, it is the overwhelm of the unknown. I wish it could as simple as someone visualizing the steps in front of me and encouraging me on my path. The two main counselors I've seen were men and both seemed to consider me their break of the day. We never got anywhere and I could tell from the first session for both counselors. I hate the insecurity of subconsciously thinking experiences in life are for other people and I'm immediately disqualified. I would be doing so much better with the help I need. I know I can do it, but it's ridiculous the years of feeling "too late" that has caused me damage.
I turned 28 a few months ago and i feel super depressed and just anxious about everything in my life. I keep telling myself everything will pan out just fine and that i should be grateful for what i have (my loving partner, roof over my head, healthy food, non-toxic job etc) but i cry every now and then at night when im by myself. Just thinking about finances, the fact i cant save money as easily these days, my weight gain, feeling like a horrible person who can't take criticism etc feeling like a teenager stuck in an adult body. I struggle with self loathing and i ruminate about where i am vs where i would have been if i had done things differently. "I know" it's not too late, "i know" everything happens for a reason, "i know" no one cares how i live my life... so why do i keep overthinking...
Hi I'm Alex from Zimbabwe. I've been going through this, thank you I found this video helpful
You always provide us some very useful inputs as how to access our lives better
My family and I were immigrants from Mexico. I grew up in Chicago most of my life. I always felt so behind compared to all my classmates. Everyone here already had established families with money, cars, and college money. I got married at 18 out of love and the need to build together with a financial partner. I am 25 now and recently divorced. I felt so behind seeing everyone graduating on social media, taking extravagant trips, and going to expensive restaurants. I’m here barely paying my own house. But at least I have my own house and everyone in my family is healthy. Can’t compare yourself to others. I deleted all of my social media for that reason.
This message really spoke to me, I've been struggling with this all year. Thank you for all the great content Julia ❤️
Really glad it connected Mickayla
7:27 okay thank you. Feeling sad about the past = grieving it, is okay. I do grieve it but I need to get out of that cycle.
I'm 33 and not married with children despite having relationships that could've enabled that. Instead I squandered them with my poor self-esteem.
Thank you for the video.
I am 30 years old pursuing dance and I oftentimes find myself comparing in auditions. I oftentimes regret that I wasn’t given the opportunity to take dance lessons as a young kid and started formal training as an adult. I just feel super behind in such a cut throat industry. On top of that struggling to find a job to help while I train and also not being where I’d want to be relationally. It’s super difficult but I’m trying to see everything as purposeful. That there’s a purple to everything and if it seems like there isn’t, I’ll try to make it meaningful
My beloved Julia, hello. Actually you surprised me by your opens and truthful .. For answering your question I'm behind in life for 25 years old.. Your videos are as valuable as such a close to the heart ,keep it up Doc wish you all the best ♥..
Thank you so much. ❤️ I was just saying this to myself the other day. !!! Crazy !!!
It’s kinda crazy how literally every video you make, I hear at just the right time. I needed this. Thank you. 💕
I just downloaded the journal! Thank you, ur videos really help me!😊
Great Michelle - I think you're going to love it. Glad you're here.
I feel you ! I did my BA in English and American literature and all the time, I knew I wanted to study psychology. But I calmed myself down. Due to bullying and other issues, I knew I had to get my 1st in English. I did. I knew, knowing the language very well, would help me massively with psychology. I'm now "starting all over again" as some people would say with psychology. I know in 3 years time, I would've been starting my PhD in English if I wanted to. But no, psychology is my field and my passion. No matter how long it takes, I'm gonna make it. The point is - you have to find your purpose, it's timeless. It will take long time to become what you want to be, that's what I've been telling myself. I've got time. I can still learn everything and use my maturity to become even better psychologist, because I'm starting "later". Everything is about perspective. Believe in yourself and KNOW the REASON why you're doing whatever you're doing. In years time, you will realize, you've been lucky and you've got a BIG advantage just because you have been working hard and been patient. Good luck everybody! :)
This is how I have felt all my life. I know I can't change the passed .ive made so many changes lately by cutting all my friends I had out because I was under the impression those were not my friends. So now Ive got no one in my life that cut included some of my family as well. And now I am alone with my self . not too fun
My situation is similar and I relate to what you are saying. At 58 and agoraphobic it's not easy for me to make genuine connections. However, it is much easier to be alone and learn self love than it is to be surrounded by those who are toxic or don't have your best interests at heart. Hang in there and stay discerning and in time you will find genuine connections. Much love and blessings :)
@@freespirit2194 thank you for your kind words if hope . I have always had many friends around me. So as advised by councilors I made a decision to cut out all toxic people to my life that's going to include some family members . now I have no councilors no friends and family so all alone we will see how well this works . i believe the whole world is crazy now and IM about the only sane one left. And how does one become agoraphobic?
You are most welcome. The agoraphobia came as a result of CPTSD and being stalked. I am improving slowly and am able to now go to the local store. I totally get what you mean by the world being crazy. It is hard to know who to trust. I too have cut out family it's really hard but for our sanity sometimes we have to do what it hard. To be honest I think we would be surprised at just how many are in our situation as more people are waking up to toxic people its not that rare.
I'm an obese 31 year-old man who still lives at home with my mother in the UK. I'm out of work and nobody wants to employ me, in fact I've only ever had one paid job in my entire life. This causes a lot of friction between me and mam and we argue almost every day, mam is brutally honest which doesn't help. I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago but I'm always looking for work. I always wanted to be married, have kids and have my own place by the time I was 30, but none of those things have happened. I feel like things such getting my own place and owning a car are so unrealistic right now. I just sleep and surf the internet a lot as I feel I have nothing to live for. There is just no point in trying.
I'm turning 44 got my two year degree, currently working on BSCS, saw the world in my 20's in the Navy, worked as an aircraft technician, yet I'm not accomplished per my father's standards.
I’m 21 and the pandemic has only made my fears about falling behind worse. I’ve wanted to study abroad since I was a kid, but my university won’t allow me to go to my desired country because of the Covid levels there. Meanwhile, my cousin is able to have this opportunity since she goes to another university.
However, ive decided to become an au pair once I graduate so I can still have an immersive international experience, and even make a little bit of money while I’m doing it. If you’re not where you want to be for things out of your control, get creative! There are many routes to your dreams
I am 21 I can go abroad but I feel lagging behind as if nothing can be changed now.
Just in time I needed this the moment at this time...thank you so much...you are so wonderful and a God's gift in my life...❤️you will achieve great success with all the blessings you are having cz of the help you are providing 🙏🙏🙏
Story of my life, especially NOW!!!
I thought i was alone 🥂
Two masters degrees and a good job given up to become a full-time parent, and now I'm 47 and have been stuck in retail for 5+ years with seemingly no hope of ever getting out. People are always telling me it's not too late to forge a new path, and I want to believe them, but it's been very difficult...especially when I'm often in the company of 20-somethings who are getting jobs left and right and having a grand old time. I know the comparison trap is real, but when you're *constantly* being reminded that everyone around you is succeeding and you're not, it's disheartening.
I so agree how hard it is to actually not compare yourself... it is so easier said then done..I guess just practice and patience... I am working on this..
But we need to remember is what we are not being reminded of....how people are struggling, or have failed ....we never hear the full story of what happen before that success or what else is going on....sending virtual 🤗❤
It’s scary because I know how real it is
Thank you again”
I’m 29 still haven’t graduated college yet and still have a lot to go and feel like I’ll never get anywhere in life
Give the middle finger to your doubts.
You can still make it.
I mean it.
Thank you so much for this - it's the kind of practical advice that I need
I’m 25 and this is my last year finishing my 2nd diploma in a different career but I don’t want to work after this and starting a business. Just did finishing this schooling for my parents peace of mind.
I wish you were my Counsellor! Love all your videos, definitely what I need atm 💕
Super relatable! Great video 🙏
Really glad it resonated with you Nena.
Julia Kristina Counselling ♥️
Love the Intentional Self Journal! Filling it in now. Can't wait to get started!
The final words cured me. 💕💕💕
Thanks Julia for inspired words..much needed in this time space we find ourselves in right now with so much going on one can very quickly lose sight of what is important and what is an energy drain. We struggle with being with ourselves and find it hard to deal with things that we may have buried in the past and we now have time to process it .Allowing for where we now are seems a good starting point as I believe we have been given this opportunity to see where we are and begin to live a more fulfilling life..
Thanks always for helpful videos
Julia, you are simply the best! You are soo soo good at what you do 😊
Hello ! This is exactly the problematic and the issues I am facing right now... thank you!
Hi started graduate school at 45yrs old. Completed my MS in Mental Health Clinical counseling at 50_ Now it’s taking me 5 yrs to pass my licensing exam!!!
I'm an electrical engineer - I bought a house in Silicon Valley. I came from a very dysfunctional and financially poor family - but I got out. Today, I have no family, no friends and no love. If I were to disappear tomorrow only the bill collectors and employer would notice.
You speak directly to me I feel.
I have felt like that. Of course it doesn't help that my mother always compared herself at my age saying she had already done this, this and that at my age.
I'm thankful to reconnect to the wisdom you're shining through and thank you for continuing to do so.
OMG! Okay I haven't gotten to the end of this video, yet telling me you started grad school at 28 is like a knife in my gut and brain right now because I'm 51 with a bachelor's degree and I just spent the last ten years in a daze and doing basically nothing at all with my life including not even working particularly much other than Gig jobs that never really paid well but now are completely unsustainable with gas prices. I am so behind in my dreams and ambitions and so incredibly miserable and in mental pain and anguish that I wonder if I can even go on sometimes and yet I really want to turn my life around but feel it's much too late.
So just FYI that little anecdote is completely unhelpful to someone like me. Keep watching the video to see if I can garner some Hope from it
I've felt behind because I didn't get my license at 18 and 19 years old during my graduation. Now I have a place now I'm working on getting my license and certificate to work at a bank and have my own online business.
You’re amazing thank you for everything you do
I have recently lost a lot of weight due to hard work basically. I have been overweight a lot in my life. Sometimes I see others doing really well and are happy. I don`t think I am envious but I would like to be in a better place. I seem to have been behind most of my life.
Thank you so very much for the help you give to so many people. What a good soul you have