It's not you - it's me. Actually....
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- Опубліковано 4 вер 2022
- It's not you it's me.
Have you ever heard that when you were dating someone? I might have some bad news for you.
-The Love Chat
Work with me: www.thelovechat.net/coaching
Professional Therapy: www.BetterHelp.com/Rory
(You receive a discount with this link - I am sponsored by BetterHelp!) - Навчання та стиль
I was broken up with four months ago because I had became complacent in the relationship, though I had every intention of picking up the pace. It wasn't until after the breakup that I realized I had become complacent with myself as well... Probably even before I became complacent in the relationship.
This is me. I do think this breakup is what I needed to learn to value myself and fight complacency. The relationship you have what yourself is the most important one because it sets the foundation for every other relationship. I still believe my ex has every quality I want in a man and I’m still very much in love but I needed this breakup as a catalyst to get back on track with investing in my wellness and not allowing myself self to have too many idle days. When you genuinely value yourself, you may allow yourself to rest when needed but you don’t allow yourself to have too many idle days w/o growth, don’t get lazy. I’ve always been conscientious about going to work but my career is only one aspect of my life. Now I have gotten back to putting physical activity, cleanliness, and I have invested in learning the guitar. I’m really trying to build the relationship I have with myself first but i can’t deny I hope that I can get my ex back so we can have a renewed and sustainable relationship.
I'm in the same situation.
I love my ex, as much as ever, but I needed something to push me out of my comfort zone, to realise how much I had let go of myself. I really hope that I'll be able to re-attract the woman I love. Right now I'm somewhere in between emotionally broken and and determined to improve. In the last month I've focused on my mistakes, on my shortcomings, and tried to become an even better person, than what I was when we got together.
I don't think that I'm all-knowing, but I can clearly see the mistakes of both of us. And even with that in mind, I want to give this relationship another go.
Rory, u literally described my entire self. Why are you the only/best relationship advisor on UA-cam or even social media❤️
Thank you for these different points of views. I would have never thought about or reasoned about this question/thought. Really helps on my self improvement journey
You're so welcome!
Rory!!! You have helped me so much with this channel thank you so much!
Happy to help!
Yeah, for the last few years (out of 9) of the relationship i was depressed and addicted. She took care of everything.
I got clean 2 weeks before the breakup (before i knew anything). She had ended up emotionally cheating on me and left for him.
I have turned my life around for the past 2 years, like completely. I feel great.
She has gone down the opposite road where shes been with multiple dudes, didn’t work out and has messed with my head and has taken intentional jabs at me because she hates that i turned my life around while she has recently became depressed.
I get why she left, nobody should have to take care of their partner and do everything for them. But the way she went about it all… its embarrassing that I’ve allowed her to treat me with such disrespect all because I’ve blamed myself for too long.
Congratulations on turning things around, Nathan. You are strong, and wise. And I am very proud of you.
I don’t like that term “we deserve to be dumped” we should self reflect but we also shouldn’t blame ourselves for something that didn’t work out
We all like who u r today & We are all proud for who u r today!! We all been through so much pain ufff!! Just because In the whole wild world,there is no creature more desperate than a Human being ,who is on the verge of losing LOVE....,We try to save our LOVE by killing ourself from inside! Uffff 😢
I know where I went wrong. I cared to much. I gave him to much lee way. He don whatever he wished. He was the cheater. But I let him back.so I know I was to blame. To easy going. Thank you. Very true. Yes sometimes it's us. .❤️💜💓🎵🎶
You just described my relationship
Hey. Enjoy all your videos. Just wanted to ask. My ex and I (He's avoidant and I'm anxious) we broke up last year. He was in another city for work. Built some rapport via text while he was there. And we reconnected 1 yr to our break up when he came back. We've met around 8 times in the last 4 months. From this last month, he has started a very demanding new job in our hometown. I haven't seen him in a month and we barely talk these days. He doesn't prefer small talk so it's tough to be conversational.
I'm losing motivation in this pursuit in this gap period. I don't know when I am gonna see him next. Can you make a video on how to manage anxiety and keep going at times like these when things are so static, stagnant and uncertain?
What would you say is the ideal way of moving forward when a partner who is avoidant keeps their issues to themselves until they explode about it, therefore never allowing the other to know if things needed to be changed or not? Since you mentioned sometimes it is the dumpees fault which I agree, how do you go about strengthening emotional issues when communication is lacking?
Hi Rory, can you make some videos in the position of the dumpee who caused the relationship to fail? (In my case it was emotional cheating from saving pictures of people we knew)
Rory, I saw your video too late.
Ex dumped me 1.5 months ago. A week ago, she came over and pick her belongings up. I asked her to coffee. She asked me when and she mentioned she needed more time, don’t wanna be awkward when we see each other and don’t think we could be friends.
I told her maybe in 3 weeks that I’ll text her. Now that I understand the no contact rule, should I tell her I changed my mind or still text her or leave it be?
Thanks
Let her reach out to you?
Yep!
Hey Rory! Is your discord still available?
Here you go: discord.gg/9jtk3bpmzu
My long distance ex reached out 4 weeks ago and we agreed to meet up once i go to her city. I didn’t talkt to her since but she reached out a few hours about my broken car that is at her place. I have not resonded yet bucause i dont really know how. How long can i wait before answering? It has been a little over 3 hours now. From the breakup and for her to reach out the first time it took just about 1 month and the same thing now. (She doesn’t know that i am going to her city in 1 week)
Respond to her. Behave casually and normal. If you want to get her back, dont ignore it
My advise is... listen to recent TLC episode "Ex Reached Out During No Contact! I didn't answer..."
I believe you'll find the answers you seek there.
I don’t necessarily think No Contact is appropriate here. She may genuinely want or need you to make other arrangements for your car storage. Be responsible and respond to the issue only. If you don’t turn It into an opportunity to beg or even mention the breakup then you’re not breaking No Contact. You are showing basic courtesy. I wish you luck.
no more advice show?
Just taking a lil break from that part
Hi Rory, is the love chat discord still a thing? All links are expired 🥲
Here ya go: discord.gg/9jtk3bpmzu