i guess Im asking the wrong place but does anybody know of a trick to get back into an instagram account?? I was dumb lost the account password. I love any help you can offer me
This made me cry. I have a partner with anger issues and this video made me realize how unfair I've been in dealing with her anger. This really changed my perspective. Really appreciate what you did here..
Our personal attachment styles can make it difficult to show the empathy we need when things get heated BUT as we see the what the good DR say we can be more mindful in the moments of clarity.
We are best to be left alone. The reason we are angry is because there is other people around us And he just hate being around people. Because we have to see them every fucking day
I can agree, I have anger problems and the first thing I say is if I get Angry just wait till I'm calm or try to calm me down if you know how to but never try to diskuss something with me
Ha, so it sounds like it did work for the situation, but I definitely never claimed that this would change people's personalities.... And I agree with you that being around people who feel extreme entitlement can certainly be challenging.... But please remember: We can only ever control ourselves! Sending you all the best and much peace!
While this is true, it's much more difficult in environments where you are forced to live with someone mentally ill. Luckily, they're being evicted as they're incapable of controlling themselves. Woohoo! I did not sign up to live in a therapeutic group home. I signed up to live in an apartment rooming complex.
Watching this video has made me believe that children should never have to be a safe space for their parents. It's too much to handle and too much responsibility. If a parent has anger issues they should create their own safe space before having children.
Akhlas Saeed I am a 12 year old child, and my dad suffers from extreme anger issues. It got so bad today that me and my mom had to leave the house for a bit. I'm scared. No child should have to go through this. He is insane
Please persuade your mum to seek refuge with you at a domestic abuse shelter. Or call child protection if she won't. You do not have to live in fear or put up with abuse. This video is not a solution to anyone's anger and can only offer temporary peace if at all. With extremely toxic people the only solution is to leave until they get the help they need. Your Dad is responsible for his behaviour. No one else. Best of luck and courage 🙏
That's great advice sylvia warry! And @egg whatever you're going through is not your fault at all. Once you leave that toxic environment you will get to relearn all the things that make you happy and will live a full life regardless of your past. Praying for you and your mom's safety and prosperity!
@@egg527 Sorry to hear about your situation, but please don't necessarily follow advice from anyone on UA-cam. They can't possibly understand the specific dynamics of your situation. Seek out someone that you know and trust for advice.
It is easy for him to patronize and to pontificate about angry people - because he is born as white heterosexual male. With his white straight male genitalia, his life will be much easier and with better quality than the rest of us: - he will get job easier and quicker - his paycheck will be higher than the rest - he will experience less abuse and bullying in school and at work So this is Jane Elliot exercise "Brown Eye Blue Eye" where special group of people have privilege and special status in life - where it appears as if they have better skills than the rest of us. So it is easier for him to explain life in really superficial way that does not work in real life. What works for him is not skills, but his pee pee that gets hard on on vagina. That is the only secret. - At first, the minority group, brown-eyes, resisted. Elliot told them that the blue-eyes children were smarter because of their blue-eyes. Children stopped resisting. Brown-eyes became timid and obedient. Jane Elliot - Blue/Brown Eye Exercise (1968)
This is all really nice in theory. And true, angry people are really just hurting deep down. But they need to get to the bottom of this themselves, that is THEIR responsibility. Shouting at someone is wrong. And the nicest thing you can do to that person is leave them alone until they have figured out what is really at the bottom of their anger. Don’t put up with someone’s anger. Yes they ARE hurting so the more you put up with it the more they hurt you AND themselves (abuse is hurtful both ways). Maybe in RARE one time cases, someone will stop being angry and realise they are just hurting. But in my experience this can only happen when you stand up for yourself and tell them ”no, I will not put up with this yelling/anger you are directing towards me, stop or I will leave”. But just being ”understanding” works with CHILDREN, not adults. There is also a major difference between anger as just an emotion and hitting, saying hurtful things or yelling at someone due to anger. Those people who do that are lost in their own delusions and does not need any justifying their behaviour. The video seems to tell us you need tools to put up with someone directing anger at you. The only tool you need is saying no. Everyone has a right to FEEL angry but not to hurt anyone by directing their anger towards them.
Thank you so much for this video! I'm an emergency room nurse and I come into contact with angry and hurting people every shift and after watching this video 8 times I feel much more confident in being able to deescalate situations. Thank you again, please keep doing what you're doing because it's making a difference!
hy ldubs and I would like to thank Him again. after reading your text ill defiantly watch it again. its really an amazing video big Kurdish Love to you all I'm from North Iraq.
A funny thing to do to someone being angry is to pretend not to realise that they are angry. They expect you to act in a certain manner to their anger but if you act as if you don't notice it then it totally bamboozles them.
Yeah I think this would only make someone angrier. Because your ignoring them, not listening, and most people don’t like that. Most people want to be heard. But I guess it could work for some.
The problem is when you starts reacting and explaining your side about the situition the more they get angrier... if you let them talk and listen to them they get mad because you dont say your opinion... thats hard.
I am going to listen and take notes on this series. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I work in a hair salon with one other woman. I am pretty sure that she is a high functioning alcoholic that is in denial. She is rude and sarcastic to me and to customers. I am willing to listen to your presentations, talk to her about her grievances for the next 3 months. If we are not able to work things out or if I am still going home sick to myself then I will find a new job. By the way, my anxiety centers around my job. Things are getting better and better in other aspects of my personal life.
I have some videos on anxiety, specifically, too, so I hope they can be helpful for you. Anxiety sucks so badly. Please be easy on yourself through it. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace.
@Sharpie Clark @@miki7300 Very true, in hindsight it's one of the best things i've done. it's not worth being around someone like that, tbh even being alone is better then being in toxic friendship like that. because even if you ''tolerate'' it, you'll just foster resentment. you're really not doing anyone any favors and you'll meet new people, especially since you have extra time since you dropped a friend and even if you don't, that's fine :) be at peace with yourself and search for happyness. and i can tell you, having an aggro friend is not the path to happyness.
You're right.... Anger is permissible for sure. The WAY you REACT towards someone else in Anger can be Hurtful. Like you said....don't take it personal...But what if someone is hurting you in Anger because they personally have a habitual problem. Lives are RUINED for generations with the consequences of Anger dealt poorly.
100% anger can have a generational impact. You are absolutely right! Learning to set boundaries is crucial. There's a vast difference between understanding and condoning or tolerating. For example, I frequently say that it's my job to explain behavior, it's not my job to excuse it. If you have relationships/connections in your life that are habitually angry, it's wise to set clear boundaries, but it's most important to make sure you are safe. Every person has a right to feel safe around the people they're around. Thanks for watching! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Of course we want to have boundaries! This is a great question though, and it's something I can answer on my radio show tonight. Would love for you to call in and talk if you'd like. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thank you so much. Man it sounds like you're doing awesome work. You're really impacting people's lives who genuinely need your support. Keep up the great work! Sending you much peace!
Wow this perspective worked wonders and saved my brotherhood today! A major foundation to create the safe space, I found was to take care of myself as best as possible in my alone time this morning before the meeting (sauna, cold exposure, meditation, yoga, clean food, water etc.).. Because if one is not in a clear ressourceful and patient space, it will be VERY hard to stay quiet at times and just let the other person speak their minds. Remember.. at the United Nations, with conflicts of major proportions, there are always breaks in between sessions. There won't be a resolution in one sitting. If things become too tense and their tone starts to shout, take a breather. Tell them that you have to take care of something real quick and we'll talk again in a few minutes.
I feel my anger is stemming from anxiety and depression. my depression stems from self loathing as well as my feeling of not being heard and always looking like the bad guy when i know i am misunderstood. My anxiety stems from insecurities in my relationship and about myself. Can you please give me some advice on how to manage these things? i need help because it is affecting the people I love around me.
Yes, definitely. I would really encourage you to work on letting that shame go. Your core is divine, and when you can tap into that, you can see the potential in you that others can see. The next time you feel misunderstood, I would invite you to step back, take a breath, and say to the person, "I'm really sorry, but I want to communicate X, and I feel like maybe I'm communicating Y, so is there something I can do differently to help you hear what I really want to say? In that way, you take full responsibility for the part that you play in the interaction, and you can get to your real message, which might otherwise be lost in translation. Remember that people tend to shut down if we are aggressive when we speak, but they tend to listen more if we can express hurt. Also, if we can take full responsibility for the part we play, people are more likely to listen to what we have to say. I hope this helps brother. Sending you much peace for sure.
Dr. Christian Conte is there any way we can communicate more privately? Rather than over a comment section. I feel you can really help me, and I really need it.
Raydivision I've been there same exact feeling bro. your gonna get through this. everything Dr. said I've been doing and demonstrating with a hurtful situation. you will get better
Step one walk away politely Step 2 keep walking Step 3 wait for the apology. But seriously the calm down thing is a good point. I do it all the time and it never works. Thanks
Dear Doctor Conte, I saw this video after being yelled at by my partner and feeling really disgusted and messed up. I couldn't do my work. I was thinking of staying away from her at least for a period. But watching your video totally changed me around in just 5 minutes. It is like now I get it. I see the pointlessness behind my misery, and now want to go back and be there for that person. This is the most valuable 5 minutes and I can't thank you enough!
Thank you Dr Conte. It really shows through your videos that you really care about what you do and want to help people. Your professional approach and empathy is greatly appreciated. Please, don't stop making these videos. You've really helped me and others. Godspeed brother.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I put my heart and soul into what I do, so I genuinely appreciate hearing that my videos are helpful. Sending you much gratitude and peace!
Your voice and speech patterns sound very similar to Obama (and vice versa). It is calming and helps with the material you are presenting. I don't think you need the special sound effects, as your voice and timing are great and can stand alone. Thanks for the videos.
Glad I found this again. I need to keep reminding myself that it is not about me. It can be dreadful but it does help to remember it is coming from hurt. But it is tough to take the verbal abuse. However often I remind myself where it is coming from.
best thing you can do is just walk away and ignore angry people. Anger is a negative emotion and you dont need that spilling into your life. the only thing in life you can control is YOU so dont try to control others and life becomes sooooo much easier
Unless you are responsible for making them angry and don't want to take responsibility for your actions. If you have done nothing to warrant a explosion then yeah.
Spiritual Connections & Peaceful Solutions But with all due respect, when someone doesn’t respect you, that’s not the time to be understanding. If I can mitigate the situation: by all means I’ll do it. But there comes a time when logic will not work and walking away is the best thing unless they become violent.
pantherfan 4055 Depends on who is the problem-and even then depends on the situation. If they are starting to become physical, turning away will set them off.
Thank you so much brother. The work you're doing is so powerful, and it's much more difficult than most people realize. Thank you for the work you do. Definitely sending you (and those you work with) all my best and tons of peace!
@@K777D we all could have benefited from learning these kinds of things when we were young, so you’re not alone in any way. All we can do is work from where we are. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
What i would do is just try to remain calm, take deep breaths (easier said then done, it gets easier as you get used to the sound of another person/people yelling, even easier if you know the person well) and don't agree or disagree with them because you may get tangled in their logic, which if they are very angry they may not even understand themselves. This may sound like it would make he situation worse, but I'll say two things to that. Firstly would you rather they yell more, or escalate the situation by accidentally turning it to a different, potentially more emotional and heavier topic? Secondly, I've found that the only one that can truly calm someone down is themselves. While anger is not a choice, hatred is, and hate stems from prolonged anger (otherwise known as a grudge), which is a result of never seeing the other person's side and never coming to an understanding each time anger is present.
@@GarlicGrinder9 great comment, except, anger, along with every other emotion IS A CHOICE! We CHOOSE to get angry or not, it isn't something that just happens to us, it is completely within our control. Just because something outside of us is unpleasant, does not mean we have to make the inside of ourselves unpleasant. There is a such thing as inner peace in the presence of turmoil. You shouldn't be telling ppl that their anger is not a choice. That takes away accountability and power.
"Acknowledge their anger" seems like a useful first step because it can help you determine who you're dealing with. But, depending on the results of Step 1, I'm not sure how helpful the rest of the list is. An angry but emotionally mature person will appreciate your observation - "Hell yeah I'm angry." A mature person who isn't actually angry will use it as an opportunity to share their true feelings - "I'm not really angry, just worried and frustrated". In that case, proceed with the rest of the steps. *But what if acknowledging someone's anger gets them even more angry?* Maybe they're not aware of how scary they're acting, or they're not aware of their feelings. That means you're the only mature person in the room. Proceed with the rest of the steps, with caution. Because maybe they're not playing fair. Maybe there is vindictiveness, sadism, Machiavellianism, or narcissism involved. In this case the anger actually IS about you. It's a performance to dominate, intimidate, or diminish you in order to stoke or preserve their own ego, or for material gain. In this case, they're far more concerned with wounding you than having their emotions seen/heard. They don't want you to see anything except what they're presenting in order to get the reaction they want from you. Trying to help will get you slaughtered. Anything you do will get you slaughtered, because no amount of validation, comfort, or care will match the dopamine rush they'll get from seeing you crying or cowering. I grew up believing that angry people are hurt people - and I've had Dark Triad personalities take advantage of that.
This was wonderful. Understanding and compassion is the key to resolving the issue. Your podcast with Ray is highly beneficial. I am from Baltimore (born 1946) and grew up in the inner city. My father was a master of your approach. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so, so much. Ray and I love being able to do that podcast together, and we certainly try our best to bring people inspiration, motivation, and personal growth. It's a gift to be able to do that show with him. Thank you again for your kind words! Much peace!
As soon as the outburst starts I grab my headphones 🎧 put some worship music and walk a way ✌️and pray for that spirit to leave in Jesus name ...but there are days when I’m just so tired of it
Working customer service on the phone this was so valuable to me. Also this made so much sense, I can't wait for my next shift to try it. Thank you for this well made, informative video! Well done!
This makes so much sense now. I understand I have been angry and because if my anger I have done and said things that I regret. And I understand that there is no way to not be angry ever, but I need to help control my anger also. Thank you Dr Conte.
- [0:00] 🗣 "Don't yell at people" and "You need to calm down" are ineffective responses to anger. - [2:02] 🛑 Don't take angry outbursts personally; recognize they're about the individual's emotions, not you. - [3:35] 💔 Understand that anger often stems from underlying hurt and pain. - [5:11] 🤝 Approach angry individuals with empathy and offer to be a safe space for them to express their feelings.
I’m in a relationship with a guy who is always mad at me. I always push the situation and make it worse but it’s hard for me to back down and let it be. I have issues myself with anger and my way of dealing with it is to take it out on myself or others. The thing that hurts most is I don’t want to loose this guy because he means everything to me...I’m going to try these and hope they work out and that I can save our relationship 💜
Wow!!! I found your channel at a time I really needed this advice. I once heard someone say”. When the student is ready the teacher will come “. Thank you . My anger style is more passive aggressive. I go silent in anger or walk away or end a call abruptly. I shut down I realize because my father was explosive when angry. Cursed and screamed and cut deep with his words. You are giving me the missing link... an action plan and a new language. Thank you 🙏🏻
It sounds like you have tremendous awareness of where your anger comes from, which puts you farther along in healing that most. Of course it still takes time, and it's definitely not easy, but I believe in the human spirit to overcome so much. I do believe that things happen for a reason in life, including what we come across and when we find it. Feel free to call my radio show on Monday nights if I can ever be of help. Definitely sending you all my best and much peace!
Seriously every single time I say no to my friend she start yelling at me and doesn’t think of the fact that I might not just want to do that thing, thank you for this video, this helped me deal with her
*First, like many emotions, the term "anger" comes in a range/spectrum, and is context dependent. An angry person that happens to be a stranger in a bar, vs your teenage daughter at your home, vs a regular customer at work, and what they are angry at, you, someone else, a situation, etc, may all have different solutions with different potential outcomes based on the intensity of their anger. Therefore, to suggest one set protocol to deal with all angry encounters may not yield the best results.* *As for the solutions that can be tailor fit to individual situations, I'll just say that it is a true study and practice, that a single video could never handle.* *Laslty, the majority of advice on this subject that I've heard over the years is pure theory/supposition and until you have real street experience with the most intense anger (which is all the counts for verification) it'll only result in a false sense of security and get you killed, or at least your butt kicked.* *Liberty = Peace & I pray we always enjoy both!*
I can use this and I will share this video with my peers at work. I believe this may help us with our daily calls that we get. Thank you for this videos.
it's sure easier said than done . But it's indeed very useful tip . Just gotta remember it the next time someone gets angry Thanks for the video loved it !
It’s been my best experience to say as little as possible but say what absolutely has to be said. If they go off the chain, I say nothing and prepare myself if they become physically hostile. Sometimes walking away is your best move-only if needed.
The hostile phase with my brother ended with my learning to use my elbows to inflict rib injuries & practicing Yoga to become flexible to any position i'm in.
Excuse me for commenting. I don’t think we can apply this with someone angry when he’s wrong. If I do this, I’m encouraging him to shout again, even if he’s mistaken. In my opinion, if this type of person is angry and you need to talk to him, you should act as he acts and prove to him his mistake.. we have wisdom in my Country that says: The only way to break iron is iron.
Well done, this helped me by the way I speak when I’m angry and how to listen to someone else who is angry at me. Some good ideas. I am going to try with a current issue that hasn’t gone away.
First time viewer to your channel. I really APPRECIATED your insight and wisdom. I will take heed to what you said and shared. Joyce Meyer says "hurting people hurt people"....Same thing you said....I will not take it personally. Thank You,
How about narcissist person?they are always angry towards others esp.if they are envious and oftentimes they are mean and insult, embarrass their victims.what to do?thank you doctor.
Hi Virginia, Great (and very important) question! Experience has taught me that people struggling with narcissism often try to use anger to "force" others to see things their way. Remember, narcissism comes from a deep fear of being in a world that cannot be controlled, so people struggling with narcissism work in very manipulative ways to try to control their worlds. The key is to understand that their anger is not about you: It's about them. Once you recognize that a person is trapped in narcissism, it's really important to be mindful that almost everything they say has an "end goal" in mind. The more aware you are of that, and the more you realize that it comes from a place of their own fear, the less angry you have get around them (and the more you can avoid getting sucked into their anger trap). I hope this helps. I'd really appreciate if you'd be willing to share my videos with others who you think might benefit from them. Thank you! Sending you all the best and much peace.
The angry person bears responsibility for their reaction and actions. It’s a sign of maturity/immaturity when they can’t acknowledge “Hey, I’m ticked off right now, give me space.” When they can’t own it, I lose all respect, because that’s what’s demanded of me.
Love your videos but please remake this video without the sounds effects. It is so annoying and your speech is not as effective. It's hard to listen and absorb what you are saying because you are waiting for the next silly sound to pop up! Not trying to be negative just honest....thank you.
Hey Jan, Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it. Just trying different ways to reach people, and I definitely know that not all of them are effective. I get mixed comments on these silly sound effects: for some people, they work well, for others, they're terribly distracting. I probably won't take this particular video down, but I will continue to make videos without sound effects (I do have several videos without sound effects and certainly plan to make many more). Thank you for taking time to watch this video and give me helpful feedback. I will definitely take it to heart. Sending you all the best and much peace!
I'm so glad you acknowledge anger is a normal human emotion. Many look at you like you're crazy if you're angry like a robot that has malfunctioned. I just have a dilemma about it. In a lot of situations i feel the angry person will not back down until they get a rise or reaction out of you. It can be someone in your social circle you see during the week. Each week they keep tossing more anger onto you. Eventually one might have a verbal explosion toward them as a reaction. Then that person backs off a little. This process leads to me thinking that this reaction is a good way to solve angry people. But it's not. It ruins relationships and is what you said is feeding into the anger. But at times the other persons anger can be so much to take on and sometimes you cannot escape it. I will try to utilize the analogy of imagining the person in pain and hurting inside. But sometimes reacting appropriately feels like being a doormat. And it hurts the ego especially if peers are around.
I've been in the midst of a 3/4 life crisis and total reset. On my visits to Thailand I've been touched by the warmth of the Thai people and have found myself in turn exploring Buddhism. What you said about being a "safe space" really resonated with something I read by Mingyur Rinpoche (yes, he's Tibetan, not Thai). In understanding happiness he discusses first the causes of unhappiness. He lays the foundation by saying "all people want two things. Two be safe and to be happy". It's easy to overlook the part about being safe because we take it for granted. In turn, that made me think of a certain airline near-disaster a few years ago. An Aloha Airlines 737 had it's roof completely ripped off inflight. I thought about how the many people were all in one moment living in their own little bubbles with their own concerns of the moment. When that roof ripped off, not one person was thinking about anything else but....safety. So, now as i think about my fellow man, i tell myself that. "That person, like me, wants to be safe and wants to be happy". Without exception. What you said in your video reinforced that notion.
Thank you for sharing. What about when they lash out at you? How do you deal with the energy they send out when your an empath, and cant seem to get rid of that anger energy that came from the other person. I had a situation where I wrote in a group email and asked about the person if they were able to provide more context and bc I miss some information that I was not aware of they called me first time speaking to them, on defensive. I was calm and proceeded to understand them and explained to them it was a misunderstanding, so they calmed down and even asked my opinion on something, I answered and they realize that I was kind to them and not trying to argue. However, I held on to their anger energy and now dont know how to release well I do but I would like to do it in the moment when its happening. So I was thinking is it best to maybe not pick up the phone right away, maybe have them on speaker? As I was on the phone i had my headphones on and could feel and hear the vibration and attack towards me. Thanks
Appreciate the content. If I may make a suggestion, I think your message would be better received without the interjecting noises. Honestly, we're here for your deep understanding and knowledge :) if you have a longer video on this topic I'd be super interested to watch!
Thank you for your kind words. I really believe that leading with compassion can significantly change so much. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I disagree. I write this to help others who are victims of other people's rants and raves...save your Self. I tried the Compassion, the Love, the Space....it will not work on them if they are not interested in helping themselves.....this peace love harmony is very misleading and pollyannish...it isn't for the real world, for those who choose to use intimidation, bullying, verbal beating, manipulation, control and non-empathic ways to destroy another human being. It is because of poor advice such as what is offered in this video that kept me hoping for over ten years now that there was a way to have this work. Well, there isn't...it is for a small percentage of persons who are willing to make a change in their lives and for the rest...it will not work...it will make things worse and perhaps borderline dangerous. Do your Self a favor...shift your concerns over to YOU instead of the other person. Don't worry about them, don't put your self-care after theirs...prioritize YOU. If your gut feeling indicates that you are not in a safe space with a person treating you this way then follow your gut feeling and plan your leave. Don't waste your precious life trying to resolve or work with someone else's "stuff", it is their responsibility to identify what they are doing and to address it with therapy that THEY are interested in doing...if they choose not to heal then it's on them. Live your life, don't waste it.
Hello Dr Conte!!!!! Man I need that!!!! Best 5 Minutes and 28 Seconds of my life!!!!
Thank you! Much peace!
i guess Im asking the wrong place but does anybody know of a trick to get back into an instagram account??
I was dumb lost the account password. I love any help you can offer me
Agreed completely ❤
This made me cry. I have a partner with anger issues and this video made me realize how unfair I've been in dealing with her anger. This really changed my perspective. Really appreciate what you did here..
Gabby Dooo yes i have the same issues and she dont c it😢
Whipped
Gabby Dooo same :')
Our personal attachment styles can make it difficult to show the empathy we need when things get heated BUT as we see the what the good DR say we can be more mindful in the moments of clarity.
@@teekaytrailers2270 no , It's called emotional maturity!
Angry people don't listen in my experiences.
Same here. They don't stop yelling long enough to hear what you're actually saying.
We are best to be left alone. The reason we are angry is because there is other people around us
And he just hate being around people. Because we have to see them every fucking day
Thats because you've been mollycoddled all your life and you don't understand people even though you think you do...
@@andrewvernon4664 So true!
I can agree, I have anger problems and the first thing I say is if I get Angry just wait till I'm calm or try to calm me down if you know how to but never try to diskuss something with me
Tried this, didn't work. The anger calmed, but their extreme entitlement to treat people like shit never did. Ugh.
Ha, so it sounds like it did work for the situation, but I definitely never claimed that this would change people's personalities.... And I agree with you that being around people who feel extreme entitlement can certainly be challenging.... But please remember: We can only ever control ourselves! Sending you all the best and much peace!
While this is true, it's much more difficult in environments where you are forced to live with someone mentally ill. Luckily, they're being evicted as they're incapable of controlling themselves. Woohoo! I did not sign up to live in a therapeutic group home. I signed up to live in an apartment rooming complex.
Same problem here!
Nevertheless, thank you Dr. For the advice
Life.
Lux Chevis Yeah...
They're still Don't want to admit their fault...
When anyone starts yelling at someone in my home, our jack russell terrier will bite them on the back of their leg.
😂😂
that's very good solution
Lisa C May I please borrow your dog? Thanks friend!
Funniest comment yet.
Nice. I dont want my pitbull to do that tho
Watching this video has made me believe that children should never have to be a safe space for their parents. It's too much to handle and too much responsibility. If a parent has anger issues they should create their own safe space before having children.
Akhlas Saeed I am a 12 year old child, and my dad suffers from extreme anger issues. It got so bad today that me and my mom had to leave the house for a bit. I'm scared. No child should have to go through this. He is insane
Please persuade your mum to seek refuge with you at a domestic abuse shelter. Or call child protection if she won't. You do not have to live in fear or put up with abuse. This video is not a solution to anyone's anger and can only offer temporary peace if at all. With extremely toxic people the only solution is to leave until they get the help they need. Your Dad is responsible for his behaviour. No one else. Best of luck and courage 🙏
That's great advice sylvia warry! And @egg whatever you're going through is not your fault at all. Once you leave that toxic environment you will get to relearn all the things that make you happy and will live a full life regardless of your past. Praying for you and your mom's safety and prosperity!
@@egg527 Sorry to hear about your situation, but please don't necessarily follow advice from anyone on UA-cam. They can't possibly understand the specific dynamics of your situation. Seek out someone that you know and trust for advice.
It is easy for him to patronize and to pontificate about angry people - because he is born as white heterosexual male.
With his white straight male genitalia, his life will be much easier and with better quality than the rest of us:
- he will get job easier and quicker
- his paycheck will be higher than the rest
- he will experience less abuse and bullying in school and at work
So this is Jane Elliot exercise "Brown Eye Blue Eye" where special group of people have privilege and special status in life - where it appears as if they have better skills than the rest of us. So it is easier for him to explain life in really superficial way that does not work in real life.
What works for him is not skills, but his pee pee that gets hard on on vagina. That is the only secret.
-
At first, the minority group, brown-eyes, resisted. Elliot told them that the blue-eyes children were smarter because of their blue-eyes. Children stopped resisting. Brown-eyes became timid and obedient.
Jane Elliot - Blue/Brown Eye Exercise (1968)
This is all really nice in theory. And true, angry people are really just hurting deep down. But they need to get to the bottom of this themselves, that is THEIR responsibility. Shouting at someone is wrong. And the nicest thing you can do to that person is leave them alone until they have figured out what is really at the bottom of their anger. Don’t put up with someone’s anger. Yes they ARE hurting so the more you put up with it the more they hurt you AND themselves (abuse is hurtful both ways). Maybe in RARE one time cases, someone will stop being angry and realise they are just hurting. But in my experience this can only happen when you stand up for yourself and tell them ”no, I will not put up with this yelling/anger you are directing towards me, stop or I will leave”. But just being ”understanding” works with CHILDREN, not adults. There is also a major difference between anger as just an emotion and hitting, saying hurtful things or yelling at someone due to anger. Those people who do that are lost in their own delusions and does not need any justifying their behaviour. The video seems to tell us you need tools to put up with someone directing anger at you. The only tool you need is saying no. Everyone has a right to FEEL angry but not to hurt anyone by directing their anger towards them.
In the end, anger is just thoughts and energy running through the body. Everyone can learn to deal with that, if they want to.
All this sounds like is suggestions to help you cope with a angry person while you bottle up all your frustration while dealing with said person
Thank you so much for this video! I'm an emergency room nurse and I come into contact with angry and hurting people every shift and after watching this video 8 times I feel much more confident in being able to deescalate situations. Thank you again, please keep doing what you're doing because it's making a difference!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words!
hy ldubs and I would like to thank Him again.
after reading your text ill defiantly watch it again.
its really an amazing video big Kurdish Love to you all I'm from North Iraq.
A funny thing to do to someone being angry is to pretend not to realise that they are angry. They expect you to act in a certain manner to their anger but if you act as if you don't notice it then it totally bamboozles them.
Okay...i will take your advise..thanks
Yeah I think this would only make someone angrier. Because your ignoring them, not listening, and most people don’t like that. Most people want to be heard. But I guess it could work for some.
Im always doing these. I dont want to succomd to their negative energy if they want to drown in them always let them. And I enjoy it.
Alex Bowman this has worked for me
The problem is when you starts reacting and explaining your side about the situition the more they get angrier... if you let them talk and listen to them they get mad because you dont say your opinion... thats hard.
I’m writing this while I’m angry and I’m watching this to talk to myself in my mind
that is brilliant
This IS how I deal with ANGRY calls at work. So cool seeing I'm doing this right! This video confirmed it. Thank you!
I am going to listen and take notes on this series. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I work in a hair salon with one other woman. I am pretty sure that she is a high functioning alcoholic that is in denial. She is rude and sarcastic to me and to customers. I am willing to listen to your presentations, talk to her about her grievances for the next 3 months. If we are not able to work things out or if I am still going home sick to myself then I will find a new job. By the way, my anxiety centers around my job. Things are getting better and better in other aspects of my personal life.
I have some videos on anxiety, specifically, too, so I hope they can be helpful for you. Anxiety sucks so badly. Please be easy on yourself through it. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace.
i got a friend that regularly gets angry, i'm tired of it. think i'm just gonna ignore him
Tentaclator did it end being the best decision? I’m in the same boat atm
Why did you say friend when he's clearly not your friend???
DIVAD291 he is he’s friend but he just has anger issues which isn’t really a healthy friendship
@Sharpie Clark @@miki7300 Very true, in hindsight it's one of the best things i've done. it's not worth being around someone like that, tbh even being alone is better then being in toxic friendship like that. because even if you ''tolerate'' it, you'll just foster resentment. you're really not doing anyone any favors and you'll meet new people, especially since you have extra time since you dropped a friend and even if you don't, that's fine :) be at peace with yourself and search for happyness. and i can tell you, having an aggro friend is not the path to happyness.
@@Zercias Shut the fuck up! fuck you
You're right.... Anger is permissible for sure. The WAY you REACT towards someone else in Anger can be Hurtful. Like you said....don't take it personal...But what if someone is hurting you in Anger because they personally have a habitual problem. Lives are RUINED for generations with the consequences of Anger dealt poorly.
100% anger can have a generational impact. You are absolutely right! Learning to set boundaries is crucial. There's a vast difference between understanding and condoning or tolerating. For example, I frequently say that it's my job to explain behavior, it's not my job to excuse it. If you have relationships/connections in your life that are habitually angry, it's wise to set clear boundaries, but it's most important to make sure you are safe. Every person has a right to feel safe around the people they're around. Thanks for watching! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
loving the energy 🙌 👏 👌 ✨️ 🎉 new sub here from Down Under !
@@Lilly-Lu Thank you! Sending you much peace!
Dealing with angry and entitled people probably a big reason why I have anger issues this video helped me view them differently im so glad I found you
What if they're a family member that constantly winds up cursing you out. I think I should be allowed to have boundaries as well
Of course we want to have boundaries! This is a great question though, and it's something I can answer on my radio show tonight. Would love for you to call in and talk if you'd like. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
i work with people with mental health issues I appreciate this as it might come in handy
I work as an abuse intervention facilitator here in Hamilton, New Zealand. This advise is superb!
Thank you!
Thank you so much. Man it sounds like you're doing awesome work. You're really impacting people's lives who genuinely need your support. Keep up the great work! Sending you much peace!
Wow this perspective worked wonders and saved my brotherhood today! A major foundation to create the safe space, I found was to take care of myself as best as possible in my alone time this morning before the meeting (sauna, cold exposure, meditation, yoga, clean food, water etc.).. Because if one is not in a clear ressourceful and patient space, it will be VERY hard to stay quiet at times and just let the other person speak their minds.
Remember.. at the United Nations, with conflicts of major proportions, there are always breaks in between sessions. There won't be a resolution in one sitting. If things become too tense and their tone starts to shout, take a breather. Tell them that you have to take care of something real quick and we'll talk again in a few minutes.
And BREATHEEE, Slow and rhythmic. Your heart rate will become harmonic and create the safe space from an energetic stand point!!! Cheers
I feel my anger is stemming from anxiety and depression. my depression stems from self loathing as well as my feeling of not being heard and always looking like the bad guy when i know i am misunderstood. My anxiety stems from insecurities in my relationship and about myself. Can you please give me some advice on how to manage these things? i need help because it is affecting the people I love around me.
Yes, definitely. I would really encourage you to work on letting that shame go. Your core is divine, and when you can tap into that, you can see the potential in you that others can see. The next time you feel misunderstood, I would invite you to step back, take a breath, and say to the person, "I'm really sorry, but I want to communicate X, and I feel like maybe I'm communicating Y, so is there something I can do differently to help you hear what I really want to say? In that way, you take full responsibility for the part that you play in the interaction, and you can get to your real message, which might otherwise be lost in translation. Remember that people tend to shut down if we are aggressive when we speak, but they tend to listen more if we can express hurt. Also, if we can take full responsibility for the part we play, people are more likely to listen to what we have to say. I hope this helps brother. Sending you much peace for sure.
literally crying, thank you so much
Dr. Christian Conte is there any way we can communicate more privately? Rather than over a comment section. I feel you can really help me, and I really need it.
Raydivision I've been there same exact feeling bro. your gonna get through this. everything Dr. said I've been doing and demonstrating with a hurtful situation. you will get better
👍
Step one walk away politely
Step 2 keep walking
Step 3 wait for the apology.
But seriously the calm down thing is a good point. I do it all the time and it never works. Thanks
Bruh I missed two days of school in a row and my dads gonna find out in a few, so ye
that def gonna make someone angry
😂😂😂
_oof_
Sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but it's my mom
I’m curious, how did it go over😂😂😂
Dear Doctor Conte, I saw this video after being yelled at by my partner and feeling really disgusted and messed up. I couldn't do my work. I was thinking of staying away from her at least for a period. But watching your video totally changed me around in just 5 minutes. It is like now I get it. I see the pointlessness behind my misery, and now want to go back and be there for that person. This is the most valuable 5 minutes and I can't thank you enough!
I neeedd this video to grow in my communication. Thank you Dr. Conte for taking time to share these truths you have realized.
Sending you much peace brother!
This is useful for working with clients. Front line is not always easy.
Thank you Dr Conte. It really shows through your videos that you really care about what you do and want to help people. Your professional approach and empathy is greatly appreciated. Please, don't stop making these videos. You've really helped me and others.
Godspeed brother.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I put my heart and soul into what I do, so I genuinely appreciate hearing that my videos are helpful. Sending you much gratitude and peace!
I need this send this to me later. Maybe I'll just look it up again
Your voice and speech patterns sound very similar to Obama (and vice versa). It is calming and helps with the material you are presenting. I don't think you need the special sound effects, as your voice and timing are great and can stand alone. Thanks for the videos.
Hitler had special speaking lessons too.
Glad I found this again. I need to keep reminding myself that it is not about me. It can be dreadful but it does help to remember it is coming from hurt. But it is tough to take the verbal abuse. However often I remind myself where it is coming from.
best thing you can do is just walk away and ignore angry people. Anger is a negative emotion and you dont need that spilling into your life. the only thing in life you can control is YOU so dont try to control others and life becomes sooooo much easier
Facts. Learning this!
Unless you are responsible for making them angry and don't want to take responsibility for your actions. If you have done nothing to warrant a explosion then yeah.
Spiritual Connections & Peaceful Solutions But with all due respect, when someone doesn’t respect you, that’s not the time to be understanding. If I can mitigate the situation: by all means I’ll do it. But there comes a time when logic will not work and walking away is the best thing unless they become violent.
but when its your job you cant walk away
pantherfan 4055 Depends on who is the problem-and even then depends on the situation. If they are starting to become physical, turning away will set them off.
I work in an acute psychiatric unit and your videos have helped me tremendously communicate more effectively with clients! Thank you!
Thank you so much brother. The work you're doing is so powerful, and it's much more difficult than most people realize. Thank you for the work you do. Definitely sending you (and those you work with) all my best and tons of peace!
Since when is Triple H giving anger management classes?🤔
🤣🤣🤣
Lmaooooo
Needed to find this 8 years ago when I was 19 but now at 27 I'm glad I found this, Thank You😌
@@K777D we all could have benefited from learning these kinds of things when we were young, so you’re not alone in any way. All we can do is work from where we are. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Is it possible to calm angry person if I myself have anxiety problem?
What i would do is just try to remain calm, take deep breaths (easier said then done, it gets easier as you get used to the sound of another person/people yelling, even easier if you know the person well) and don't agree or disagree with them because you may get tangled in their logic, which if they are very angry they may not even understand themselves. This may sound like it would make he situation worse, but I'll say two things to that. Firstly would you rather they yell more, or escalate the situation by accidentally turning it to a different, potentially more emotional and heavier topic? Secondly, I've found that the only one that can truly calm someone down is themselves. While anger is not a choice, hatred is, and hate stems from prolonged anger (otherwise known as a grudge), which is a result of never seeing the other person's side and never coming to an understanding each time anger is present.
Take care of your stomach and your anxiety will go away.
@@toordog1753 How?
Dark Vulcan that’s hard to do if you have anxiety
@@GarlicGrinder9 great comment, except, anger, along with every other emotion IS A CHOICE! We CHOOSE to get angry or not, it isn't something that just happens to us, it is completely within our control. Just because something outside of us is unpleasant, does not mean we have to make the inside of ourselves unpleasant. There is a such thing as inner peace in the presence of turmoil. You shouldn't be telling ppl that their anger is not a choice. That takes away accountability and power.
Seems like I am recieving advice from slightly naive on how crazy the world is, but I still found it worth listening too.
"Acknowledge their anger" seems like a useful first step because it can help you determine who you're dealing with. But, depending on the results of Step 1, I'm not sure how helpful the rest of the list is.
An angry but emotionally mature person will appreciate your observation - "Hell yeah I'm angry." A mature person who isn't actually angry will use it as an opportunity to share their true feelings - "I'm not really angry, just worried and frustrated". In that case, proceed with the rest of the steps.
*But what if acknowledging someone's anger gets them even more angry?*
Maybe they're not aware of how scary they're acting, or they're not aware of their feelings. That means you're the only mature person in the room. Proceed with the rest of the steps, with caution.
Because maybe they're not playing fair. Maybe there is vindictiveness, sadism, Machiavellianism, or narcissism involved.
In this case the anger actually IS about you. It's a performance to dominate, intimidate, or diminish you in order to stoke or preserve their own ego, or for material gain. In this case, they're far more concerned with wounding you than having their emotions seen/heard. They don't want you to see anything except what they're presenting in order to get the reaction they want from you. Trying to help will get you slaughtered. Anything you do will get you slaughtered, because no amount of validation, comfort, or care will match the dopamine rush they'll get from seeing you crying or cowering. I grew up believing that angry people are hurt people - and I've had Dark Triad personalities take advantage of that.
sounds like NPD or BPD
Thank you Dr. Bless Up
Love to see someone just wonting to help everyone I love this man and his family amazing people!!!!
I may be wrong, but you've probably literally the most peaceful responses I've seen. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much. Sending you much peace for sure!
This was wonderful. Understanding and compassion is the key to resolving the issue. Your podcast with Ray is highly beneficial. I am from Baltimore (born 1946) and grew up in the inner city. My father was a master of your approach. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so, so much. Ray and I love being able to do that podcast together, and we certainly try our best to bring people inspiration, motivation, and personal growth. It's a gift to be able to do that show with him. Thank you again for your kind words! Much peace!
Hey Dr. Conte. Teacher here. I'll be using what you said here in the classroom.
...when we get back INTO the classroom someday! 🤣 Be safe!
Thank you so much brother! I appreciate you a ton. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
As soon as the outburst starts I grab my headphones 🎧 put some worship music and walk a way ✌️and pray for that spirit to leave in Jesus name ...but there are days when I’m just so tired of it
Working customer service on the phone this was so valuable to me. Also this made so much sense, I can't wait for my next shift to try it. Thank you for this well made, informative video! Well done!
Thank you! Sending you tons of peace!
Best advise on the subject I heard until now.
Thank you so much brother! Sending you all the best and much peace.
This makes so much sense now. I understand I have been angry and because if my anger I have done and said things that I regret. And I understand that there is no way to not be angry ever, but I need to help control my anger also. Thank you Dr Conte.
- [0:00] 🗣 "Don't yell at people" and "You need to calm down" are ineffective responses to anger.
- [2:02] 🛑 Don't take angry outbursts personally; recognize they're about the individual's emotions, not you.
- [3:35] 💔 Understand that anger often stems from underlying hurt and pain.
- [5:11] 🤝 Approach angry individuals with empathy and offer to be a safe space for them to express their feelings.
aww thank you kindly for the time stamps cheers 😊
I’m in a relationship with a guy who is always mad at me. I always push the situation and make it worse but it’s hard for me to back down and let it be. I have issues myself with anger and my way of dealing with it is to take it out on myself or others. The thing that hurts most is I don’t want to loose this guy because he means everything to me...I’m going to try these and hope they work out and that I can save our relationship 💜
Wow!!! I found your channel at a time I really needed this advice. I once heard someone say”. When the student is ready the teacher will come “. Thank you . My anger style is more passive aggressive. I go silent in anger or walk away or end a call abruptly. I shut down I realize because my father was explosive when angry. Cursed and screamed and cut deep with his words. You are giving me the missing link... an action plan and a new language. Thank you 🙏🏻
It sounds like you have tremendous awareness of where your anger comes from, which puts you farther along in healing that most. Of course it still takes time, and it's definitely not easy, but I believe in the human spirit to overcome so much.
I do believe that things happen for a reason in life, including what we come across and when we find it. Feel free to call my radio show on Monday nights if I can ever be of help. Definitely sending you all my best and much peace!
Seriously every single time I say no to my friend she start yelling at me and doesn’t think of the fact that I might not just want to do that thing, thank you for this video, this helped me deal with her
After 7 years living with a bipolar partner and anger.. I'm tired ..
You are a bold human being.. stay on and help come out
*First, like many emotions, the term "anger" comes in a range/spectrum, and is context dependent. An angry person that happens to be a stranger in a bar, vs your teenage daughter at your home, vs a regular customer at work, and what they are angry at, you, someone else, a situation, etc, may all have different solutions with different potential outcomes based on the intensity of their anger. Therefore, to suggest one set protocol to deal with all angry encounters may not yield the best results.*
*As for the solutions that can be tailor fit to individual situations, I'll just say that it is a true study and practice, that a single video could never handle.*
*Laslty, the majority of advice on this subject that I've heard over the years is pure theory/supposition and until you have real street experience with the most intense anger (which is all the counts for verification) it'll only result in a false sense of security and get you killed, or at least your butt kicked.*
*Liberty = Peace & I pray we always enjoy both!*
Love this video! Great point of View!!
Thank you! Sending you much peace!
@@DrChristianConte your welcome. Different video love the sounds in the background. Makes it fun to watch and interesting. Good luck sir.
Angry people want empathy. When you tell them to calm down, you're saying, "you're doing something wrong." That's the last thing they want to hear.
Brilliant! Now, I need an angry person to practice on.......
Lol
Try me lmao I have intense anger issues
you can make one!
just kidding
I just practiced with my father lol.
I can use this and I will share this video with my peers at work. I believe this may help us with our daily calls that we get. Thank you for this videos.
Very good, especially how you explain that an angry person is expressing being hurt.
I didn’t want this video to end
it's sure easier said than done . But it's indeed very useful tip . Just gotta remember it the next time someone gets angry
Thanks for the video loved it !
Thank u so much!!! Helps me in so many ways
This is a great video, I needed to hear this
You look like someone who gives really good hugs.
The deepest and sincerest thank you. Your have the experience man that why you have succeed in UA-cam.
Thank you so much. Much peace, brother!
It’s been my best experience to say as little as possible but say what absolutely has to be said. If they go off the chain, I say nothing and prepare myself if they become physically hostile. Sometimes walking away is your best move-only if needed.
The hostile phase with my brother ended with my learning to use my elbows to inflict rib injuries & practicing Yoga to become flexible to any position i'm in.
I really enjoy listening to your advice. Thank you.
Love this! Thanks for sharing.
Excuse me for commenting. I don’t think we can apply this with someone angry when he’s wrong. If I do this, I’m encouraging him to shout again, even if he’s mistaken. In my opinion, if this type of person is angry and you need to talk to him, you should act as he acts and prove to him his mistake.. we have wisdom in my Country that says: The only way to break iron is iron.
Well done, this helped me by the way I speak when I’m angry and how to listen to someone else who is angry at me. Some good ideas. I am going to try with a current issue that hasn’t gone away.
Great video- great content. Helped me a lot, thank you!
Thank you for taking time to express kindness. Sending you tons of peace!
Simple concepts, but this is the first time I am learning them. Thank you for putting this out here.
First time viewer to your channel.
I really APPRECIATED your insight and wisdom. I will take heed to what you said and shared. Joyce Meyer says "hurting people hurt people"....Same thing you said....I will not take it personally.
Thank You,
Thank you! Sending you much peace!
Thank u so much for this
It will help me dealing with people in my life who get very very angry....
WOW. Thank you so much. Very useful. 100 thumbs up.
Thank you so much! Sending you all the best and much peace!
UA-cam WHY CAN'T I LIKE AGAIN!??!?!
I LOVE THIS, GOD BLESS YOU MAN
How about narcissist person?they are always angry towards others esp.if they are envious and oftentimes they are mean and insult, embarrass their victims.what to do?thank you doctor.
Hi Virginia, Great (and very important) question! Experience has taught me that people struggling with narcissism often try to use anger to "force" others to see things their way. Remember, narcissism comes from a deep fear of being in a world that cannot be controlled, so people struggling with narcissism work in very manipulative ways to try to control their worlds. The key is to understand that their anger is not about you: It's about them. Once you recognize that a person is trapped in narcissism, it's really important to be mindful that almost everything they say has an "end goal" in mind. The more aware you are of that, and the more you realize that it comes from a place of their own fear, the less angry you have get around them (and the more you can avoid getting sucked into their anger trap). I hope this helps. I'd really appreciate if you'd be willing to share my videos with others who you think might benefit from them. Thank you! Sending you all the best and much peace.
Yep...there’s a LOT of those. And they NEVER apologize lol
That helped me a lot, some really good points thankyou.
Thank you. Always useful information.
I have been married to a very angry man for 40 years. I am his outlet and it's been extremely damaging. He has one emotion.
I'm sorry! it's not too late to run away to the police department and tell them what is going on.
My friend has anher issues so i watch this everyday
How did your friend do?
The angry person bears responsibility for their reaction and actions. It’s a sign of maturity/immaturity when they can’t acknowledge “Hey, I’m ticked off right now, give me space.” When they can’t own it, I lose all respect, because that’s what’s demanded of me.
Love your videos but please remake this video without the sounds effects. It is so annoying and your speech is not as effective. It's hard to listen and absorb what you are saying because you are waiting for the next silly sound to pop up! Not trying to be negative just honest....thank you.
Hey Jan, Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it. Just trying different ways to reach people, and I definitely know that not all of them are effective. I get mixed comments on these silly sound effects: for some people, they work well, for others, they're terribly distracting. I probably won't take this particular video down, but I will continue to make videos without sound effects (I do have several videos without sound effects and certainly plan to make many more). Thank you for taking time to watch this video and give me helpful feedback. I will definitely take it to heart. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Same to you and thank you! Keep up the good work (without sound effects...lol)
Jan Wainright agreed👍
Jan Wainright fuck off negative
Yeah, these sound effects are tacky, otherwise video is good
I'm so glad you acknowledge anger is a normal human emotion. Many look at you like you're crazy if you're angry like a robot that has malfunctioned.
I just have a dilemma about it. In a lot of situations i feel the angry person will not back down until they get a rise or reaction out of you. It can be someone in your social circle you see during the week. Each week they keep tossing more anger onto you. Eventually one might have a verbal explosion toward them as a reaction. Then that person backs off a little. This process leads to me thinking that this reaction is a good way to solve angry people. But it's not. It ruins relationships and is what you said is feeding into the anger. But at times the other persons anger can be so much to take on and sometimes you cannot escape it. I will try to utilize the analogy of imagining the person in pain and hurting inside. But sometimes reacting appropriately feels like being a doormat. And it hurts the ego especially if peers are around.
Hmmm, whenever I've been angry and someone tries this, it feels manipulative and I get even more angry.
Need your videos a lot right now. Thank you thank you
Thank you so much! I learned so much and I can finally talk to my brother for once!🤣😂🤣😂
I've been in the midst of a 3/4 life crisis and total reset. On my visits to Thailand I've been touched by the warmth of the Thai people and have found myself in turn exploring Buddhism. What you said about being a "safe space" really resonated with something I read by Mingyur Rinpoche (yes, he's Tibetan, not Thai). In understanding happiness he discusses first the causes of unhappiness. He lays the foundation by saying "all people want two things. Two be safe and to be happy". It's easy to overlook the part about being safe because we take it for granted. In turn, that made me think of a certain airline near-disaster a few years ago. An Aloha Airlines 737 had it's roof completely ripped off inflight. I thought about how the many people were all in one moment living in their own little bubbles with their own concerns of the moment. When that roof ripped off, not one person was thinking about anything else but....safety.
So, now as i think about my fellow man, i tell myself that. "That person, like me, wants to be safe and wants to be happy". Without exception. What you said in your video reinforced that notion.
Thank you for sharing. What about when they lash out at you? How do you deal with the energy they send out when your an empath, and cant seem to get rid of that anger energy that came from the other person. I had a situation where I wrote in a group email and asked about the person if they were able to provide more context and bc I miss some information that I was not aware of they called me first time speaking to them, on defensive. I was calm and proceeded to understand them and explained to them it was a misunderstanding, so they calmed down and even asked my opinion on something, I answered and they realize that I was kind to them and not trying to argue. However, I held on to their anger energy and now dont know how to release well I do but I would like to do it in the moment when its happening. So I was thinking is it best to maybe not pick up the phone right away, maybe have them on speaker? As I was on the phone i had my headphones on and could feel and hear the vibration and attack towards me. Thanks
Awesome video, awesome content and very simple too. Thanks Dr. Conte.
Thanks brother. Sending you much peace!
u r great man 👍👍👍👍👍👍.May God bless u
Thank you for your kind words. Sending you much peace!
Thanks for the great advice. I'm going to implement it
100% my brother. Sending you much peace!
Appreciate the content. If I may make a suggestion, I think your message would be better received without the interjecting noises. Honestly, we're here for your deep understanding and knowledge :) if you have a longer video on this topic I'd be super interested to watch!
Thank you ❤ this helped reminding me of why I'm angry, i really am hurt because of stuff that's going on around me
True. And your awareness will lead to you being able to better navigate it all. Definitely sending you much peace.
You’re so right thanks a lot! Now I know how it feels.....thank you so muchhh!
Ive done some research this is the best video i have ever seen
Thank you. :-) Compassionate, Love, and Space. I understand where you are coming from. That's the cure.
Thank you for your kind words. I really believe that leading with compassion can significantly change so much. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I disagree. I write this to help others who are victims of other people's rants and raves...save your Self. I tried the Compassion, the Love, the Space....it will not work on them if they are not interested in helping themselves.....this peace love harmony is very misleading and pollyannish...it isn't for the real world, for those who choose to use intimidation, bullying, verbal beating, manipulation, control and non-empathic ways to destroy another human being. It is because of poor advice such as what is offered in this video that kept me hoping for over ten years now that there was a way to have this work. Well, there isn't...it is for a small percentage of persons who are willing to make a change in their lives and for the rest...it will not work...it will make things worse and perhaps borderline dangerous. Do your Self a favor...shift your concerns over to YOU instead of the other person. Don't worry about them, don't put your self-care after theirs...prioritize YOU. If your gut feeling indicates that you are not in a safe space with a person treating you this way then follow your gut feeling and plan your leave. Don't waste your precious life trying to resolve or work with someone else's "stuff", it is their responsibility to identify what they are doing and to address it with therapy that THEY are interested in doing...if they choose not to heal then it's on them. Live your life, don't waste it.
Fantastic! Amazing tools, amazing techniques. Thank you so much!
Thanks brother! Sending you much peace!
Thank you for this video brother!!
Blessings ~
Thank you for watching! Sending you much peace!
Thank you this was very helpful and informative 👍👍
Thank you! Much peace!
Cracked me up. Good stuff, very entertaining. Perfect combo.
Thank you so much!
You may have just restored my faith in psychologists, thank you. Subscribed.
Thank you! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!