3 Secrets for Responding to Rude People Like a Boss | Shut them up for good

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  • Опубліковано 20 чер 2024
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    Using these 3 Secrets for Responding to Rude People like a boss, You'll learn to shut them up for good. In this professional communication training video, communication coach Dan O'Connor gives you three of his secrets for making certain that people don't aim their rude comments at YOU. You cannot change people, but you can create boundaries so that they do not bother YOU. They will have to take their meanness elsewhere--to people who have not been trained how to handle them. #handlingdifficultpeople #shuttingdownrudebehavior #rudecomments #difficultpeople #communicationtraining
    0:00 Intro
    2:21 Secret #1: Navigational Phrases
    2:50 Secret #2: Unidirectional Signals
    6:50 Secret #3: The A-C-B to Deflect
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    Dan can be reached at dan@danoconnortraining.com

КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,2 тис.

  • @TheWizardOfWords
    @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +32

    HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!

    • @keplermission4947
      @keplermission4947 10 місяців тому

      No ... I mean if the bosses are ignorant none of this nonsense would help, you're either for them or against them and you know, I didn't find this video AT ALL helpful.

    • @hayleyb467
      @hayleyb467 10 місяців тому

      I love this channel & find it super helpful and effective in my life!

    • @michaelwhite880
      @michaelwhite880 8 місяців тому

      @@keplermission4947 he maid a point to not make it personal!!

    • @michaelwhite880
      @michaelwhite880 8 місяців тому

      @@keplermission4947 How could you pick sides? Honestly bosses always have bosses.... your either the type that speaks up or the type that gets rolled over..... I'm not the roll over type GRRR

    • @michaelwhite880
      @michaelwhite880 8 місяців тому

      Darn right!

  • @kathleenthompson3140
    @kathleenthompson3140 Рік тому +47

    My boss said something derogratory to me once. My back was to him at my desk. I paused a moment, stood up. turned to face him looking in his eyes. I said Don't you ever speak to me that way again. He got all red and apologized.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +14

      Excellent--desire to maintain boundaries and appropriate office comments outweighed fear of retaliation. Indicative of a very strong person. Kudos.

  • @AimeeLiz
    @AimeeLiz 5 років тому +483

    Recurring issue for me is being bullied in the workplace. I just stay true to myself, allow my values to guide me, demonstrate integrity and remind myself that no one can rob me of my authenticity... which only seems to infuriate the bullies more. Why can't we all just leverage each other's strengths and work together?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  5 років тому +87

      Absolutely Aimee. All communication begins with remaining strong and true to yourself. In families, in cities, in schools in geo-politics--in EVERYTHING we should be appreciating one another's strengths and virtues rather than being frightened of differences. Being number one is not nearly so important as being one.

    • @AimeeLiz
      @AimeeLiz 5 років тому +15

      @Ange Lom I think we may have a few things in common... previous two partners were extremely narcissistic. But apparently highly sensitive, empathic people attract them so I put the responsibility on my own shoulders to educate myself. Then I can work on the things I do that send the message to these people that I'm an easy target. Each experience teaches me something. Only thing is, I find that it is like playing a video game... when you level up, the boss you need to defeat at the end is smarter, quicker and stronger than the last!

    • @chilloften
      @chilloften 4 роки тому +22

      Media & TV & movies teach that hate, minute by minute. It's a very sick world.

    • @HONEYEYEZZ22
      @HONEYEYEZZ22 Рік тому +43

      Going through the same thing. Boss is so jealous that now she cant use, "She doesnt have a degree". I just got my Bachelor's last May and God Willing will graduate with my Master's this May. To rub it in instead of just being happy for me, she says, "Maybe I will go for my PHd". She doesnr want me to be equal ro her education wise because she always used it against me and now she is doing it to other co-workers. She is not a nice person

    • @angham3829
      @angham3829 Рік тому +21

      @@chilloften
      James 1:19-20 ESV
      “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

  • @storihagen6866
    @storihagen6866 Рік тому +12

    I've always used: I've been called worse by better. Works like a charm. And it always takes them a minute to realize they've been insulted back, tenfold.

  • @ttllW-lx5mi
    @ttllW-lx5mi 6 місяців тому +9

    The workplace has become a dark alley. Managers love it.

  • @freakinhilariousful
    @freakinhilariousful 4 роки тому +29

    I need to get some glasses so I can take them on and off for dramatic effect. This is awesome

  • @bankseuros6884
    @bankseuros6884 4 роки тому +42

    Some coworkers are just disgusting, I guess controlling one's temper is just the key,

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  4 роки тому +6

      Banks Euros !!! I guess that's one of the keys, yes. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and I hope to see more of you.

    • @iqbal715
      @iqbal715 3 роки тому

      @@TheWizardOfWords It's Ironic you said in your video never say d word I appreciate to anyone, and yourself not following

    • @Louise-ko7ux
      @Louise-ko7ux Рік тому

      I'm nice all the time mostly and let myself get treated poorly because I'm not confident etc.
      I had one outburst due to someone being awful (long story in a comment above lol).
      She kept going so I let slip Mum had died (pathetic anyway as not the point). and she still wouldn't stop. I called her a name (remarkably restrained I thought) and banged a door.
      Well the scheming bully must have realised I may have a case together (don't know if she's been pulled up but she does it to others..this is a nurse who works with people smdh). Despite being upset and wanting to take her to HR I wouldn't have done it. I expected us to sort it ourselves.
      Long story shortish, evil genius involved the CEO and is sending me to HR with backup from 2 others, one a surgeon. She said I hit her but it's bullshit (not the point as point blank would never happen, I haven't heard of bruises etc ..touch wood she didn't already have). Put aside all the reason it is so ludicrous I'm still reeling, I'm clumsy with health problems so I'm dizzy and weak. I'm in by cleaners and kitchen staff, patients, families etc for being friendly and we (staff) agree we are invisible to some nurses and doctors so they know. Shit thing is, my outburst will be judged and a lying bully will get sympathy and even the cleaners etc may be turned.
      So many come to work cranky and get away with it. I have a stupid but human response once and I'm screwed
      Sorry for rant...seems to be nice people here that get it.

  • @snnysnflwrgrl3835
    @snnysnflwrgrl3835 Рік тому +13

    Finally someone that gives real useful tools to help. I work with very toxic people.

  • @queenofqwerty
    @queenofqwerty Рік тому +11

    This channel is a ray of HOPE and SUNSHINE after 3 years of covert bullying from 2 people at an otherwise great workplace. In public these 2 women are all smiles b/c they know I have allies and support. In private they call me incompetent, give brutal critiques, and the latest was a poison pen letter (private of course) accusing me of massive improprieties ahead of being publicly acknowledged for my success on a project. I've cried my eyes out for the last time. IT STOPS NOW. I'm SO DONE. I'm practicing the techniques daily and am "locked and loaded" for the next bullying attack. Thank you again for making the world a better place one conversation at a time. Much love and blessings to you.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +3

      Many thanks for your taking the time to write, Queen. I hope these words help you going forward.

  • @darthzounds4889
    @darthzounds4889 4 роки тому +151

    When Tony Stark gives life advice.

  • @Dr.CorneliaKratzer
    @Dr.CorneliaKratzer 5 років тому +15

    Excellent tactics! Having dealt with narcissist people they will try anything to put you on the defensive and that is a losing position! PLUS,I like your humor :)

  • @ladyashephd727
    @ladyashephd727 Рік тому +7

    Finally, a crash course on Office Politics, Haters and Difficult People. Thank You !

  • @SydMountaineer
    @SydMountaineer 2 роки тому +15

    Yes, don't ever feel rushed to respond to anything. Taking time, rather than immediately responding has power, it allows us to discern what is happening, and to not allow our emotions to respond, but it also allows others a few seconds to see through the rude comment just made, and some silence often gives the rude person pause to realize what they've just said, and also kind of gives them a "wonder warning" - especially if they're used to people reacting immediately to their rudeness - give them a few seconds or more of silence as a warning. It's like when someone says something really odd and everyone just stops, like, 'what just came out of your mouth'?

    • @connie10000
      @connie10000 2 роки тому +2

      Enjoyed reading your comments. Excellent summary

    • @SydMountaineer
      @SydMountaineer 2 роки тому +1

      @@connie10000 Thank You, that's nice to hear. I make my sentences too long though, I need to use more periods.

    • @connie10000
      @connie10000 2 роки тому

      @@SydMountaineer you do wonderful. You throw in some dashes & quotation marks which helps divide. On desktop compute, I'm better at catching my longer sentences--- removing some words. These silly cell phones...I need to PAUSE more before send >> to re-read. 😆

  • @kayceeday569
    @kayceeday569 Рік тому +6

    “You don’t exist to me…let’s stay on track.” 😂😂😂😂😂! That is so powerful! I will however engage you if you are being constructive and respectful. Soooooo GOOD!

  • @donnariggs4747
    @donnariggs4747 Рік тому +9

    Silence is golden just walk away regardless there's no one there to argue or listen it leaves them irritated and usually speechless 😶.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +3

      However sometimes you want to address the comment head-on.

  • @ilovemybeard3394
    @ilovemybeard3394 3 роки тому +15

    There are some toxic workers out there that will literally take what you say and twist it around through shady gossip

    • @fazbell
      @fazbell 3 роки тому +1

      Media jobs are home to "The Impossible People". When mixed with a public sector environment such as a university setting, you have situations that defy any of the categories you talk about.

  • @louisianaeu828
    @louisianaeu828 4 роки тому +19

    I have learn the hard way; when you control and manage yourself the rest of the world go to hell! For me it works to remain silent, don’t react , give them a quick confident look and focus back on your work; it cracks them!

  • @AudraT
    @AudraT 5 років тому +9

    My boss has been practicing bully for years. You can use these wonderful counterattacks against her but then suddenly, bam! she comes out with a whole new bully tactic. I am going to have to do a lot of research so I am properly armed for any aggressive/passive aggressive behaviors she tries to throw at me.

    • @kdiamond3623
      @kdiamond3623 2 роки тому

      My former boss was a bully. Add to that the fact that he was 6' 9" tall and the intimidation factor was huge. (No pun intended)
      It finally drove me to early retirement because nobody in the corporation would help me.
      Finally, after so much turn over of good people at that location he was fired.

  • @lepke279
    @lepke279 9 місяців тому +8

    This guy is legit funny. Advice was good but the humor made it great.

  • @xena6443
    @xena6443 Рік тому +16

    I love this channel! Why am I just discovering this? I have difficulty defending myself without being confrontational; the phrase "Let's stay on track" is brilliant.

  • @user-pd1oc2zs9q
    @user-pd1oc2zs9q 3 роки тому +8

    In a lifetime I could not find clear examples on specifically how to defend oneself or a group from aggressive behaviours. Why? Virtually all mentors advise us to tell the aggressor how the attack makes us feel. I have tried that approach and not only does it not work on real bullies, but it reassures them their attacks are working. It is like telling a physical attacker that you don’t appreciate being knocked down. Sure, that works great. (Sarcasm.) Unchecked bullies can destroy a defenceless person’s self-esteem, damage their reputations, interfere with their career advancement, and make working a miserable affair. You provide doable behaviour options that some of us have desperately needed. Your teachings could on some levels save a person’s life. I admire and appreciate what you bring to all of us.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 роки тому +2

      Wow, thank you for your story and your kind words, Prairie Dog. I'm doing my best, as most of us are and trying to make a positive difference--as most people do. We just need a little help from one another along the way.

  • @LaughingDisciple
    @LaughingDisciple 5 років тому +115

    I'm glad I found this guy he's really going to make me an alpha coworker

  • @linettelow
    @linettelow 3 роки тому +7

    I honestly believe horrible bosses need to take responsibility for their own insecurities, aggressions & actions. I refuse to put up with passive aggressive attacks or statements insinuating untruths. It’s better to let go and move on to greener pastures, everyone has a right to work in a respectful and safe environment. Thank you for sharing, Dan. Keep well.

  • @peanutpaula3100
    @peanutpaula3100 Місяць тому +6

    Sometimes, that powerful pause doesn't work when you are speaking to someone who talks non-stop, cuts you off incessantly, and won't even allow for a pause...

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Місяць тому +2

      Then perhaps a hand gesture is in order--and I am referring to the full-hand stop gesture, combined with "I am still speaking."

  • @jpelfrey325
    @jpelfrey325 Рік тому +7

    Dude has great points and his delivery is cracking me up🤣🤣

  • @Renee_N
    @Renee_N 5 років тому +10

    I wish I could remember these in the heat of the moment

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  5 років тому +6

      Practice practice practice. These are learned phrases/techniques/responses and they require practice.

  • @esmereldapinchon1422
    @esmereldapinchon1422 3 роки тому +11

    Wow. Great video. I have made the mistake of talking about how hurt I felt, making myself vulnerable. Huge mistake. Trying to come back from that now.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 роки тому +2

      Thanks, Esmerelda; I hope this video helps.

    • @vovelasquez
      @vovelasquez 2 роки тому +2

      True ppl are work see it as weak…. Sucks but that’s corporate life. Now one should be ur therapist at work but ppls feeling so matter so let’s say “it’s troubling”

  • @helloitsme9808
    @helloitsme9808 Рік тому +6

    I work with the public and it helps to remember a lot of people have personality disorders. I go into robot mode and explain things like a script I'm reading. I never respond to their excuses or reasons they're exceptions to the rule. Just repeat the script. "Sure, I'll get the manager." Luckily, management has my back.

  • @Viv8ldi
    @Viv8ldi 3 місяці тому +8

    Memo: do not defend anything in public ever

  • @rachellewalters8111
    @rachellewalters8111 5 років тому +10

    EXCELLENT ADVICE! Some people really feed off of trying to push your buttons, and get under your skin. To stay calm, and not allow them to manipulate your emotions and reactions is excellent advice!

  • @sunnysmiles8211
    @sunnysmiles8211 2 роки тому +6

    I like how you deflected the negativity and simultaneously didn’t validate/take the bait of the asshole at the same time. Very brilliant. You are demonstrating how to be human Teflon!!

  • @herastudio543
    @herastudio543 Рік тому +8

    Thank you , this was a good reminder. Get very frustrated when toxic people keep coming back and don’t let go even when I try to deflect. Need to keep practicing, feel stressed when someone comes at my boundaries.

  • @jrav5998
    @jrav5998 3 роки тому +7

    Thank you so much! I’m a sensitive person. Finding the right words can be hard in the moment. This helps me find my power.

  • @moviebuff6490
    @moviebuff6490 Рік тому +5

    I'm a bartender. I can use this to handle drunken misbehavior by my customers without damaging my place of works good reputation. Thank you.

  • @grandjette
    @grandjette 2 роки тому +5

    "Never defend anything." My boss often gets fixated on giving negative criticism about me during performance appraisal. As the boss relates past situations to point out those negatives, my boss gets lost in commenting about my other co-worker's negatives. I end up analyzing the situation with my boss and giving ideas how to understand others and even suggest possible solutions.
    My initial anxiety turned to a sense of relief! I wasn't really the problem. It's my boss who needs someone to help solve problems.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому +1

      Happy you discovered that the problem is not you, grandjette.

  • @marylinsadventures1677
    @marylinsadventures1677 Рік тому +6

    Ouch.. the eye went up and “let’s stay on track”. I love it

  • @Jewelkraft.
    @Jewelkraft. 4 роки тому +23

    I love your advice.. It's so classy

  • @jayesimond9301
    @jayesimond9301 5 років тому +10

    That’s one of O’Connor’s best tip bc it can be applied anytime i encounter toxic people ;)

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  5 років тому +5

      Thank you Jay. Maybe I should call these "O'Connor's Tips." Yes, I think I will.

  • @judithnelson1228
    @judithnelson1228 5 років тому +5

    Many thanks. I will adapt this approach to deal with the misogynistic, narcissistic bully, in the retirement home, who is extremely worried about his image - rushes about doing nice things for people ,when he has an audience, and is verbally abusive and insulting for no apparent reason, to some females.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  5 років тому +1

      I hear this so often from the medical community and people who work with the vulnerable. It is truly discouraging to see bullies anywhere, but ESPECIALLY in this environment.

  • @lncarnold
    @lncarnold 2 роки тому +5

    I want him to follow me around and speak for me for a day! I can learn 'during' the issue, not prior to. He is amazing and fun to listen to. I would hate to be on the other end of his 'disappointment' though!

  • @franhenderson9176
    @franhenderson9176 Рік тому +5

    As an autistic person I find this idea very helpful for communicating with others. I normally practice scripts for day to day interactions with normal people I come into contact with. Thank you for your sharing these tools

  • @dawnstephenson6210
    @dawnstephenson6210 Рік тому +4

    High respect for the stunning response: pause, sip of drink...raised hand (no eye contact)...now what was I doing?..Lets stay focused. This content is GOLD. Thank you! Thank you!...Especially with the holidays coming....

  • @SH-fb7gw
    @SH-fb7gw 2 роки тому +6

    Man I love this guy.. so quick, so witty !

  • @DivaDivine88
    @DivaDivine88 Рік тому +8

    I need a videos like this for dealing with a narcissistic BF.. ASAP... THIS is SOOO GOOD!

    • @annekincannon-kf3hx
      @annekincannon-kf3hx Рік тому

      You may have a narcissist or you may just have unhealthy boundaries. One clue is how often you seem to run into narcissists.

    • @nicolecarnevale3226
      @nicolecarnevale3226 Рік тому

      Excellent advice when dealing with people who are narcissistic. Keep in mind some have Autism spectrum conditions and they might appear rude, they just are honest ( most part) and are transparent.
      This video shall teach people how to deal with difficult persons

  • @angelasanchez4413
    @angelasanchez4413 Рік тому +7

    This is so very helpful to me. I have had a very difficult time as i am autistic and i just found out at 53. My work relationships have always been extremely problematic as my bosses have used my "hyper-skills" and then my coworkers seem to hate me for it. All the while i have kept thinking it would help further me socially 😢
    I am finally learning ❤

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +1

      Very happy to help, Angela :)

    • @maylin1986
      @maylin1986 Рік тому +1

      When you say "hyper-skills" do you mean? Do you overachieve in the workplace due to getting more done than your co-workers and that's why they hate you for it?
      Do you do more work because the boss noticed you're ahead of the team and then the boss abused the situation and has given you additional work to get done? Then turns around and uses your spurt of work "energy" against the co-workers because you have a strength the others do not?
      I had this happen to me in the workplace. One girl had so much energy for one night drawing labs, that she expected and put pressure on the rest of us, why couldn't we get 9 lab draws an hour?
      Needless to say, I never once hated the girl that was able to achieve 9 draws an hour in just that one night. I was impressed. I was sourly disappointed in the manager for holding such an extreme standard for the rest of us to achieve. That was terrible.

  • @dadada70pp
    @dadada70pp 5 років тому +4

    I could listen and watch you all day😉

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  5 років тому +1

      Boy I wish I had YOU for a mother (or father?) !!! :) :) :)

  • @jenniferklekamp677
    @jenniferklekamp677 4 місяці тому +7

    I’m gonna go into work and take four drinks to my coffee and sigh before I respond back to anybody on Monday lol😂

  • @JazzGaming26
    @JazzGaming26 3 роки тому +4

    I look at it like this. If someone has a problem with me and they won't tell me what I did to upset them then it's their problem not mine.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 роки тому +3

      Yes, rude comments are always the problem of the speaker. However, people who are on the receiving end need tools to deal with these comments, if they cannot just walk away--and many times they can't.

  • @palestallion_tm
    @palestallion_tm Рік тому +9

    I had a boss that would come off condescending... It was only my 2nd or 3rd week there, but in general she was a rude one. She told me "If employees work the way you do none of us would have jobs."
    I told her "You're Site Coordinator... so how about you start coordinating your site?"
    She replied "How about you dont tell me how to do my job!"
    I replied "I'm doing a shit job but at least I'm doing it."
    She gave the nastiest look. I didnt see it but I sure as hell felt it 😂😂😂😂

    • @jennypink7464
      @jennypink7464 Рік тому +3

      I mean it’s also in her name description.Some people think they are more than that and end up not doing their own job title. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and taught her a lesson.😊

  • @kristabell5107
    @kristabell5107 5 років тому +6

    You are my spirit animal. Best advice ever. I actually love it when people try it on with me. It’s like sport.

  • @cleonemusician217
    @cleonemusician217 11 місяців тому +6

    The Wizard of Words is simply on ANOTHER level. Certainly among my TOP recent discoveries!

  • @beautifulsunrise6881
    @beautifulsunrise6881 4 роки тому +6

    I am freaking out. I am transitioning into a management position at my job. I will be managing the most lackadaisical people to ever walk the earth. I've been working with them for 2.5 years and rather than improving, they remain stagnant. They have so much potential, but I am not really sure how to get them to find value in their work and understand how impactful their contributions are to the team. I've subscribed to your channel because I think you can help me be an effective manager. Thank you for sharing your tricks of the trade. 👍🏻👏👍🏻👏

    • @shonazef7351
      @shonazef7351 4 роки тому +1

      Francesca Charles try to read John C Maxwell leadership books

    • @beautifulsunrise6881
      @beautifulsunrise6881 4 роки тому

      @@shonazef7351 Thank you. I will pick up a copy this week. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

    • @coolcat6341
      @coolcat6341 4 роки тому +2

      Work on them. Individually,,, find each person button

  • @HisWordisLife4U
    @HisWordisLife4U 4 роки тому +12

    Hey Dan...Would you please consider making a video about confronting workplace gossip both when people are gossiping about you and how to discourage it in others? Thank you.

    • @honesty777
      @honesty777 Рік тому +2

      THAT IS A VIDEO MUCH NEEDED.but even a believer in God it's never gonna work on the devils playground.my work is so abusive I have no choice and gods answer is clear.bide my time then do what is needed.inflation is why I'm stuck.or I'd of left.today I was attacked scratched choked with my shirt and everyone gossips and it's always my fault.not a victim....but this drama I'm up against all men who do not act right.drinks at lunch.i mean help god.

  • @clarissaduran6195
    @clarissaduran6195 4 роки тому +14

    I love 💕 this! I’m soft spoken and want to learn more about how I can express my feelings without being emotional and be more professional. I’m setting my bell 🔔 on! Hehe Thank You 🙏🏼

  • @freedom915
    @freedom915 Рік тому +7

    If I am dealing with a very difficult person I will alway look them dead straight in the eyes and proceed to tell him/her what I think then I walk away 💯👍

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +2

      If you've found what is effective for you, by all means use it :)

  • @verojohn39
    @verojohn39 Рік тому +11

    How to avoid conflict with a narcissist family members

  • @coltonmoore6574
    @coltonmoore6574 5 років тому +8

    Thank you for this excellent video! I’m always learning how to better express my feelings in a professional but firm way and in practice your strategies work 99.9% of the time. As a younger manager who usually has to manage people who are significantly older than I am sometimes they don’t respect my position and your magic phrases along with lots of other strategies that you have talked about have helped me settle a lot of issues and shut down inappropriate language. Keep up the excellent work!!

    • @kristinamullen4066
      @kristinamullen4066 4 роки тому

      As an older person, it is very difficult to respect being ordered to do things by someone who could be your grandchild.You'll understand one day.But it also depends on the person.If you are rude and on a power trip, no one respects you , no matter what age you are.

  • @R1mahem1
    @R1mahem1 Рік тому +6

    I really appreciate this. And it does work in any situation or conflict. Don’t make it personal. Make it about the person displaying the bad behavior.

  • @licksnkicks1166
    @licksnkicks1166 Рік тому +8

    My boss and workplace were so toxic I had to take a disability leave for 4 months.

  • @ellenahs5911
    @ellenahs5911 Рік тому +6

    Yes very logical responses to someone who is rude but a lot of these bullies are first rate narcissists or worse and this will have no affect on them . They will listen and state point blank something that has nothing to do with reality.

  • @sharlene3848
    @sharlene3848 4 роки тому +5

    Somehow my phone knew my co-workers pissed me off today and recommended your video to me. I want to learn how to stop letting their collective misbehavior affect my mood so drastically. As the only female on the team, I sometimes wonder if I'm just too sensitive, but I can not keep up the energy to joke around and banter all the time.

    • @cookiecutie88
      @cookiecutie88 4 роки тому +1

      It is likely their (your co-workers) toxic energies that are making you feel drained...You don't have to joke around and banter all the time. So don't feel initimidated or allow them to plant seeds that the negative or wrong going ons that you perceive are not real...They (and are) feeding off each other's mood and projecting onto you. Smoke and mirrors...You stand to defy that simply by not participating in their shenanigans. Just know that you are at the right place at the right time...Your integrity speaks volumes. I highly recommend that you find and print some affirmations regarding your integrity/responsiblites are...Keep them with you at work to say out loud (even quietly to yourself) and believe those things about yourself...Truth always prevails! BTW-If it helps, I work in a large car dealership that is mainly male-dominated.

  • @Urshi9
    @Urshi9 4 роки тому +4

    OH WOW! Finally I have confirmation that saying “I appreciate that...” is the worst ! It flicks a switch in me when someone says it and yet so many are using it!!😡 Start the revolution! ✊

  • @LorelLa22
    @LorelLa22 Рік тому +3

    Another great example of this is an interview with Russell Brand, where he demonstrates the manners he wishes to also be shown. He transforms a moment of controversy into a proactive flip of the script. Brilliant!

  • @ozzyfur8307
    @ozzyfur8307 2 роки тому +4

    This guys communication skills are off the charts.
    They should teach this stuff in Schools.
    Love the phrase communication freeloader lol 😂😂😂

  • @jeannemarie3704
    @jeannemarie3704 5 років тому +6

    I love you!! 😆I needed this so much!! Thank you!!! A stop and a block.. Yes!!

  • @2davivadiva
    @2davivadiva 4 роки тому +8

    You killed this shit man!!!! Omg so helpful. Like that biting yet polite demeanor that impresses onlookers and stops the bad guy in his tracks. Been looking for this

  • @AnnaMBanana
    @AnnaMBanana Рік тому +4

    I wish I had this in my tool belt a few weeks ago. The sales manager implied that one of my coworkers was problematic because he's gay. I was taken aback by his comment to me and didn't know how to respond. My coworker does have many problems, but it's certainly not because he's gay. I wish I could go back and say something like this to him to make him very aware that what he said was not okay. I know for the future at least!! Thank you!

  • @DB-dw5gz
    @DB-dw5gz 6 місяців тому +8

    I just discovered this channel today. You are amazing!!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  6 місяців тому +2

      Thanks. I hope you subscribed and then pressed the "join" button.

  • @victoriagibson411
    @victoriagibson411 Рік тому +4

    I have had to leave so many jobs because of bullying and harassment. I'm so glad for your channel! My current boss is not scheduling me for the hours l was hired in at. It's a nightmare.

  • @royalc3996
    @royalc3996 Рік тому +4

    You are the King of putting people in check...professionally. #Love

  • @commanderkitten9954
    @commanderkitten9954 Рік тому +2

    My fantasy of telling a coworker off has always began with "I'd APPRECIATE!"...thank you for correcting me!

  • @rachaelcaruso7096
    @rachaelcaruso7096 9 місяців тому +3

    Oh my gosh, you are my hero! I had horrible role models throughout my childhood, who used violence to communicate. As soon as I learned that others don’t behave that way, I KNEW I didn’t want to do what I learned. The sad thing is that I never learned the right way to replace my old patterns. You actually have the precise lessons I’ve needed forever!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  9 місяців тому +1

      Many thanks, Rachel. And for a deeper dive into this type of communication, go to danoconnortraining.com and check out the courses.

  • @tammieparrishmiller3669
    @tammieparrishmiller3669 5 років тому +4

    This is beautiful! I've had the luxury of being my own boss all of my life, thank goodness! These are still good things to remember in general. There's always going to be someone, somewhere who displays behavior that needs to be called out or put in their place. Thank you!

  • @jasonito1723
    @jasonito1723 Рік тому +7

    Some of these tactics seem passive aggressive. But they are good tools to combat rude people. Be careful of not turning this into normal conversational patterns you will turn into the rude person that you hate

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +5

      I hope they are not passive-aggressive. I don't want to throw more darkness at darkness. They may be strong, but there's nothing passive about them, Jasonito. :)

  • @mimihernandez9413
    @mimihernandez9413 Рік тому +3

    Fantastic video. I was harrased at work by my boss. Ended with a heart attack, hair loss. Changed jobs I am happier and hair came back.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому

      Omigod, I hope I can help going forward--if you ever have similar challenges again--which I hope you don't.

  • @KimitaDom
    @KimitaDom 3 роки тому +2

    I'm a non-native English speaker, and I'm loving your videos because the advice is so good but also because you speak in a clear and eloquent manner. I want to learn from that. 💕💕💕Thank you

  • @yakopro49
    @yakopro49 2 роки тому +6

    How... well I’ll tell you how...
    “Meet me outside I got something interesting to tell you”

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому +1

      Sure and you've never done that in your life have you, Rami?

  • @rebekah518
    @rebekah518 3 роки тому +4

    It’s concerning that I wouldn’t have found you earlier knowing how much I needed these skills to deal with the a**holes in my life.

  • @terrikelly5290
    @terrikelly5290 3 місяці тому +3

    The moment when you take a drink... the look afterwards. Priceless!!❤

  • @ilrgawarncke314
    @ilrgawarncke314 2 роки тому +2

    I love this channel because when your going to college online. It can be amazing how rude younger people can be so it's nice to have an appropriate come back.

  • @ro-landocalrissian4633
    @ro-landocalrissian4633 Рік тому +5

    Easier said than done. People will always take sides with the a-holes in life as opposed to the few who are good..

  • @chocolatejellybean2820
    @chocolatejellybean2820 2 роки тому +4

    Kick ass. How to handle narcs that behave like self entitled brats and put others down?

  • @xx_Joker_xx
    @xx_Joker_xx Рік тому +3

    I like this style! The best part about doing things the way that as described here is that you don't stoop to the level of the rude person. Other people will notice that also. Remain calm, keep your wits... and win with self control. That's the biggest insult to someone who is trying to bring you down. Your response is their power. Don't let them have it.

  • @ShaniTheBurningTree
    @ShaniTheBurningTree Рік тому +3

    The fact that UA-cam knew I had an interaction at work yesterday by recommending this today is sending me 😂 I love everything you brought.
    The woman brought up my perfume, which I wear everyday and was never brought up. Not ever. Before she mentioned it, she was giving me dirty looks throughout the day and I just acted very neutral. After she came to me I was was pleasant and just walked away.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +2

      I hope you subscribed Graffiti, because there is much more to come :)

  • @puneetasadani8923
    @puneetasadani8923 Рік тому +6

    Or can I just break out and sing Donna Summer’s ‘She works hard for the money so you BETTER treat her right!’ ?

  • @TreasureForeverOfficial
    @TreasureForeverOfficial 4 роки тому +5

    I have two managers and they both talk very fast when they are trying to correct people. I say trying because they usually have no idea what they are talking about. My natural reaction is to talk very calmly about things. So when I have been approached by them to be reprimanded their fast talking really does catch me off guard. They spit out three things at me before I can even open my mouth to say one thing back. It’s childish to me and shows how weak they are as leaders. If you want to communicate, let’s communicate.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  4 роки тому +1

      I totally agree that frequently people who have no idea what they're talking about spit it out rapid-fire, thinking the rapidity of their speech will make up for the emptiness of their words. Watch for this when members of Congress are interviewing people. The people who are speaking rapidly are generally being snide and aggressive, while more deliberate speakers actually appear to be trying to arrive at the truth.

  • @paulhongwu
    @paulhongwu Рік тому +5

    Action will speak louder than words

  • @lessoeursdecoeur6185
    @lessoeursdecoeur6185 4 роки тому +2

    Thank you so much for existing. I feel equipped now.

  • @miriamgonzalezsiegel6478
    @miriamgonzalezsiegel6478 2 роки тому +4

    Today a staff member was disrespectful and referred to me as an old thing. The shock of the inappropriateness shocked me. Thank you for help.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому +3

      Within your hearing??? Or was this repeated to you? Unbelievable.

    • @rosedevereux2391
      @rosedevereux2391 2 роки тому +1

      @@TheWizardOfWords "
      Online Communication Skills Training Courses
      "Within your hearing???" I would not be surprised if it were within her hearing. Some people are rude and quite bold about it!!

  • @medeaendor3706
    @medeaendor3706 3 роки тому +4

    If you talk in an inappropriate way you don't exist to me "let's stay on track"

  • @brightpage1020
    @brightpage1020 2 роки тому +2

    Love that your work skips the blah blah blah explanations, excuses, justifications, labels, and background drama - You’re just like “Handle that, Honey. Here’s how:”
    Thank you!!
    It’s like being able to fast forward through genuinely otherwise valuable psychobabble and just get the desired effect in the moment without wasting time getting lost in a backlog of post-offense analysis.
    Seriously. Thank you!

  • @katielewis6128
    @katielewis6128 Рік тому +3

    Wow. These are the practical phrases i needed. I just defended myself at work last week when a coworker was rude and i walked away feeling somehow like I managed to look worse than the rude coworker. Thanks for the tips!

  • @luisathexplorer
    @luisathexplorer 2 роки тому +4

    I am shook. I LOVE the head shake. And then stay on track. You MUST make a video series with other actors so we can see you shine on screen !!!!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 роки тому +4

      Naaaaah. Other actors might upstage me. Easier just to play all the parts. :) :) :)

  • @verchu10
    @verchu10 4 роки тому +6

    Oh this is by far my favourite. I’m storing that in my brain. Thank you thank you thank you!

  • @mandycarter1
    @mandycarter1 Рік тому +2

    This is the first video I’ve watched from you, and am eager to binge watch your entire catalog. You have no idea how much this teaching helps people - I can’t even express how thankful I am over a message.
    I am dealing with a targeting and bullying boss - I am very passive by nature, and need to learn how to deal with confrontation and be confident.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Рік тому +2

      Thank you for the encouraging note, Mandy. I sincerely hope you find what you need as you watch my videos.

  • @terryc4883
    @terryc4883 3 роки тому +5

    I do not have a Rudy but a two cents. It’s troubling. I have to practice. I am a recruiter with an assistant who has a know it all attitude. I did address it but I am going to shift my response and stay focused.

  • @carolinebesinger8611
    @carolinebesinger8611 4 роки тому +5

    Where have you been all my life Dan O'Conner, this is Absolutely Invaluable information, Thank you looking for 2 more.

  • @mystic6302
    @mystic6302 Рік тому +4

    We only defend what feels vulnerable so powerful and trueee 👌🏻

  • @Luci_pur
    @Luci_pur 4 роки тому +3

    Your deliverance is everything!! So glad I listened to this, thank you!

  • @SydMountaineer
    @SydMountaineer 2 роки тому +2

    I love the phrases & words Dan uses to describe certain things like "Duct Tape Phrases" and the names like Rudy for rude people - so fitting & appropriate. Plus, it truly makes these techniques easier to remember, and also helps to identify & discern situations.