Dr. Conte I love your videos. You are a contradiction! You look like a badass but are a super nice guy willing to teach peace! LOL That is so awesome. I'm so glad I subscribed. Anger is definitely trying to ruin my life but I am trying to stop it before it gets out of hand. Thanks for all you do!
I guess im randomly asking but does anyone know of a tool to get back into an instagram account? I somehow lost my login password. I appreciate any help you can give me
I work security and a tip I will give is do not take it personally, 90 % of the time the anger is directed at the situation or the rules you are trying to enforce not you personally.
So, as I understand... 1: Acknowledge how somebody feels and help them feel heard to the point of a release where they feel listened to. 2: Go over the options and consequences of, starting with what they were going to do. 3: Let them really, actually decide what they will do, legitimately and truly.
I work at a level 5 max secure juvenile facility and we house 2 units of high profile juvenile criminals that have gun charges and are from the streets through and through and I'll be sharing this video with my coworkers and supervisor. This video will be very helpful for new hires or current employees that have no de-escalation training or skills. Keep up the good work 👍
I’m a security officer at a hospital training to be a police officer and this video helps me so much with deescalation and crisis prevention. Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom!!!!!
I'm so grateful to hear that. And I will be posting a new updated de-escalation video soon, so I would love if you could stay tuned to the channel. And thank you tremendously for the work you are doing to keep others safe. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Good luck with the PD!! I work Armed Security for a private contractor and wish I knew this info when I started. A lot of people on drugs where I work so they are very unpredictable. This advice is better than what I got from my company.
Worked at a juvenile detention center and we had to do training like this. It was called motivational interviewing. If it's done well it does work. I went almost 2 years without getting punched which is the most amount of time anyone went without getting assaulted out of everyone who worked there
Thank you so much. Yes, 100% we all need to be mindful of the energy we bring to every interaction. The more we can bring peaceful energy to other people's anger and chaos, the better chance we have to truly help the situation. Sending you all the best and much peace! And thanks for the great work you do!
Nk Bushoven in other words, it works for YOU in the moment. but, it puts a bandaid on your clients real issue. and so does the endless professionals that client sees. congrats! you did your JOB. ENJOY your paycheck.
Nk Bushoven I was a nurse..I worked to validate afraid, apprehensive patients..now I have a different job where ppl.treat us like crap ..we're easy targets..I won't validate bad behaviour
@@danab172 I hear you, and yet it is better than being abused and traumatized by psých staff, is it not? At least a good intervention breaks the bad cycle and hopefully helps one turn to the light, activate resources and see what constructive one can do. Many have been more helped by a 12-step program...! for free
Number one is the most important. Keeping your cool and not running your mouth off rip is the best piece of advice I know. When dealing with people who are emotionally charged and unreasonable even then it can be very different so if you cannot de escalate the situation even when you've respectfully listened and spoken your minds sometimes you have to leave the situation before it escalates. Some people cannot be reasoned with especially in the heat of their anger.
I’m also an armed security guard and just found this video. Kinda late to the party, but this is wonderful information. Here in Tennessee we’re about to be required to have certification in de escalation techniques and CPR as of January 2023, so this is very helpful. Thanks brother!
This is awesome. I've worked in the New Zealand Corrections system for over 25 years and when I hear this and look around me to see who's still in the job, it's the people who done these techniques naturally. Done with compassion and authenticity. Keeping your stance almost always led to force or violence being used. Violence is easy, I boxed and done martial arts all my life so getting physical was an easy option but I guess martial arts taught me to look at other options and boxing gave me confidence. I always look at it as if that was one of my children in distress and than work it out from there. Thank you again, brilliant advice.
Thank you so much. Wow, I love what you are saying. In Pennsylvania, we now train all our corrections officers in my Yield Theory, and we strive to emulate the incredible system you have over there. You and your colleagues are an inspiration to the world. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I am dealing with my mum who has alzeimers and she was the sweetest person ever, now she will sing to the top of her lungs really loudly for hours and hours, not letting my dad, who is very old and only 6 stone, get any sleep, and when I am trying to keep her with me to give him some rest, she will non stop dribble sarcasm, dirty words, name-calling. I have lost it a couple of times and I, obviously cannot afford to do that. Her behaviour provokes it, but I have some stress of my own because I have serious responsibilities that I have abandoned to keep my parents going until we find the right kind of help. Thank you for posting this video and I will try validating her anger, see if that works. 😪 Thank you so much
My family always escalates situation and I sadly learned it from them too throughout my whole life thinking it’s normal to freak out in a high pressure situation. I am sick of seeing every issue in my house turn into mountains when they are just mole hills.
I feel this hella hard. My family is the same way, emotions control them, and outcomes are usually bad. Anger especially creates flash decisions - escalations for them. On another note, I took psychology in college and stuck on that path. I can whole heartedly say, everything can be changed and improved.
This is awesome! Thank you for this! I am a female who lives in a neighborhood where the homeless population has quadrupled in the past year, the police response times are 3+ h and its VERY difficult to get people the mental health help they need. I was sexually assaulted 4 times when I was younger, and have learned to de-escalate from experience. These are basically the techniques I've learned. Every time I go out by myself, I am approached, but have learned how to talk to people (who are suffering homelessness/mental illness/substance abuse, etc..) in a helpful and empathetic way and as a result a lot of the staples in our homeless community have gotten to know me and are very kind and protective of me when I go out. I've met some wonderful people in the process and, more importantly, I feel SAFE going going out by myself- because I always have friends around/looking out for me! There is no better feeling than encountering someone who is upset/scared/angry, being able to talk them down and knowing that no one will get hurt. It's a win-win.
How I view de-escalation : it just means to be nice to a person, to send a positive energy to a person for example, if one day my neighbor asks me to help him carry heavy bags if he is smiling to me, and speaking to me in a nice way, I will help him because he sent me a positive energy if he isn't smiling to me, and speaking in an obnoxious way, I won't help him because he sent me a negative energy. If you are nice to a person (aka sending a positive energy), the person will comply If you are not nice to a person (aka sending a negative energy), the person won't comply when you watch american police videos, cops are doing it wrong, there is a person that is holding a knife, and you have police officers yelling loudly and obnoxiously "DROP THE KNIFE !!" they say that 50 times and the person never complies, cops are not being nice to the person, therefore, the person never complies, but now, if the cops talk nicely and quietly with a smile and say "we understand you have problems in your life, tell us your problems, you and us can make something together" here, they are being nice to the person, the person is going to comply
@@Zo-hc2fn Not that simple. When the knife wielder is on drugs and or mentally ill, anything could happen, QUICK ! I agree on training is outdated and has to change.
@@DrChristianConte thank you as well! I work in Portland Oregon doing outreach work on our transit system, I need all the informational power I can get.
1. validate until signs ogf releief show. 2. Point out relevant options . 3. Provide total acceptance and have the attitude of yes to their free choice. I think that therapist Barbara de Angelis' emotional scale (from "The secrets of Love") is relevant here too: 1.) Anger, hatred, aggression, resentment, accusation. 2.) Hurt, sadness, 3.) Fear, uncertainty, insecurity, 4.)regret, one's own part and responsibility, 5.)Intentions, Needs, goals, wishes for the future, 6.) acceptance, understanding and forgiveness, 7.) appreciation, well wishes, love. Valuating/confirming (was that the right word of empowering the person?) feelings in that order is probably helpful . adjust to the relevant relationship and situation, of course.
While this could in theory work when I apply to my situation. I find it very difficult to de-escalate once someone is in a blind rage and get verbally abusive.
This literally actually works use it almost every shift at work I’ve personally sat through 24 hours of one of his classes it is my go to tool on my belt at work best thing I have ever learned
also stories of kill your son to prove you believe in me, oh just kidding, call someone a baldy so have a bear maul a bunch of kids, or marry your sister because of the apocalypse, or stone others because they have multi color cloth. This "word of god" was written by men over hundreds of years translated by many and its historical context loses meaning, its a guide with good examples, but it is not a literal instruction book.
The world NEEDS more of you. Great content and very relevant in today's angry world of crazies and violent outbursts. Hopefully this will reach the mind of everyone.❤
This was my first exposure to your work, Dr. C., and I am thoroughly impressed and inspired. What I found most appealing was that you are encouraging behaviors that create an environment hospitable to personal growth. It's a solutions-based approach that will most likely benefit everyone involved, including the de-escalator. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!!
Dr. Conte-- This is a must see video for everyone! We never know when the skill of de-escalating will be required. Thank you for your clear, concise, and practical message. You are a difference maker.
Idk how many others can relate but I'm here after the police were called to my home and ESCALATED the situation TWICE so I felt I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world
I shall thank you for this knowledge, and I shall use it whenever needed. (I looked up how to deal with an angry person since I live with someone who is seemingly always angry at every little thing in this world.. and they blame everyone for it when in reality its their own actions and behaviour (or lack of) that make their own lives a living hell.. I'm mainly doing this so I can stand being in this household until I move out.. there's been one too many times where I let their awful words and cruel actions get the better of me.. even if I knew it wasn't my fault.)
Could you please create a video about how to deal or deescalate a hostile person that are intoxicated. I think a lot of people find themselves in difficult situations like this.
Ive been a social worker for 24 years and I must say this is one of the best de escalation technique Ive ever had. Short, to the point, and effective. Thank you.
Anger is contagious. Depending if it’s aimed at you or someone else. If it’s aimed at you and it’s chronic, I’ve always walked out. I know myself, so walking out is always a good choice. If it’s aimed at someone else, for me, even if it’s as dangerous, it’s been easier to confront and de-escalate.
If i've learned anything from being the manager that people ask for whenever they're mad at one of our frontline call center workers *I work for apple*. These are literally all of the things we teach for every single one of our agents. We perform what's called Triple A's, Acknowledge their situation restating it back to them in a way that demonstrates that it makes sense in your head., align with their feelings providing empathy and validation, and then Assure them that you're going to do everything possible to make sure you can help them with that. Called a commitment to assist. One really helpful tip when you feel like things are going off the rails is to ask for permission to ask them questions about their situation to understand better. By agreeing they're essencially agreeing to allow you to control the conversation and the direction that helps your resolution to their issue feel like a logical and obvious decision. Like if somes order was canceled, the first thing i'll ask them is "do you have a store near you? oh you do thats awesome. Then when you circle back to it you can even reference back to having said it earlier. " you mentioned that you had a store near you, i was checking while we were talking and it looks like they have the item you're looking for in stock".
I just came across your videos. This is like the 4th or 5th one I've watched. I just subscribed. Passing on this knowledge is so helpful to anyone that watches. Thank you. I appreciate and benefit greatly from this.
Will be using these tips at work. I'm a lunchtime supervisor for Year R - Year 2's. i see part of my job as helping the children to deal with conflicts and that things that aren't fair.
This is so true. I was invalidated while angry yesterday regarding a work place conflict and it ended with me refusing mediation. Told them that there is no point if I'm not believed or validated. They missed that opportunity to show respect from me.
Anyone who chooses to conceal carry, or even open carry, needs to learn these things. Violence isn't ever off the table, but it should be the very LAST tool you reach for. This video needs to be shown to everyone.
How to validate, dr Conte ? I ' foreign and I was raised in exact oppused of all that you' re advices us here ! I love you' re video ! I love the way you explein the things. Thank you ! 🤗
INFP-A and I am really digging your videos! Recharging my brain, and taking in the best info/advise I've had in some time. Totally subscribing to your awesome channel! I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up.
Dr Conte, I've completed your anger management courses to receive my cert and I discovered it was I that needed to course first now I can really relate it to others. I also work with inmates.
Got it. I have a list that I keep compiling from ideas people are sending me, and this is definitely going on it. Thank you so much for watching brother. Sending you much peace!
I happened onto This ..this is great ..at work a few try really hard to make me angry ..ignoring jealous stabs ..so I got a little annoyed ..I voiced my anger and another person said to me ...I don't blame you .forget them you're a great person..immediately I went back to smiling .:) Happy I saw this ..im around many angry people ..that take it out on me . this is great .:) I will share it. ... Sometimes I just listen when people are angry..because most of the time it was their first interaction with an unhelpful person at the hospital ..so I say ...well I'm gonna help you find the person you are looking for .and they clam down and feel better ...:)
What should you do when the person is angry with someone else, and that someone else is firing up, too? Problem is, when both parties are unwilling to accept their own mistakes or shortcomings, trying to help them cope with each other and talking to them after they calmed down is pretty fruitless...
Great question! I will actually talk about this on my radio show tonight. Would love for you to call in if you can to talk more! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I love the content. It’s really hard to listen to because the sound effects are way louder than you, so I turn up the volume to hear the good stuff, then get BLASTED by the lasers
I'm sorry that this video was like that, but I appreciate you sticking with it anyway. My other videos do not have that same sound issue. Thank you so much. Sending you much peace!
As a youth counselor we were taught in mindset training to ask the person "what's three things you could do differently?". This is supposed to allow the person to come up with their own ideas vs us coming up with ideas for them. Thoughts?
I have found that when a person is a patterned perspective, fresh thinking is often not available. Offering examples, (not solutions) can help open that up again.
I am working with people who feel and act 'out of control' on a daily basis and these three steps do apply in the big picture but as long as you are humble, genuinely trying to come to the same level of the person and sometimes distract their 'narrow minded focus' by doing or saying something really out of the context. For example during one of these outbursts of one of my clients I acknowledged their feeling and saying its okay to feel like this but after realising that spoken words didn't come across then I decided to just sit on the sofa with a cup of coffee and some biscuits and chill untill the person would see that in contrast to their anger/fear/sadness that I was just chilling there and inviting the other person to join me. If a physical encounter would of not been able to prevent then de-escalating also means that you should always choose for your own safety. So always KNOW your positions, know your surroundings and ways to escape. Sometimes only time can bring back the calmth. And afterwards you just step back in with a complete neutral attitude.
i Love this . Its a very good description of listen validate and options . I can only warmly recommend his book walking trough anger. this books is full of good reflections on why to use this method how to use it and reflections on were you can go wrong . Its probely the most prepare thoroughly book i ever have read . In order word . You will have a great guide with this book if you want to learn to deal with anger and help other people do the same
I am always de escalating people, almost professionally, since seeing your video. I almost enjoy it though reconciling warring parties is hard. But it's possible and Godly
Thanks for your video. I'm new to your channel and I like what I see so far. I'm curious about descalating passive-aggressive behavior. That is one thing I have a hard time with. It's nearly impossible to communicate with some who shuts down and withdraws. At least the angry person is talking. I never had a lot of official training but because most of my working career was customer service/health care related. I saw a lot of people when they were sick and having a bad day. I can calm some people down because I listen. Then come the passive aggressive behavior and the silent treatment and it hard to listen to someone who's angry but not talking.
Dr. Conte is a perfect example of Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. He LOOKS like he'll start some sht. 🤣🤣 Ironically, he has by far ,the best advice on youtube on dealing with anger, rage and out of control people. Salute. ALL states should adopt his advice on training Correction Officers.
Dr. Conte I love your videos. You are a contradiction! You look like a badass but are a super nice guy willing to teach peace! LOL That is so awesome.
I'm so glad I subscribed. Anger is definitely trying to ruin my life but I am trying to stop it before it gets out of hand. Thanks for all you do!
King ofHeat it's great that you own it and are trying to change for the better.
I feel the same . 👏😀
If you get through the anger, I guess you can change your name to "The king of cool"
Hehehe Ok goodbye I suck.
I guess im randomly asking but does anyone know of a tool to get back into an instagram account?
I somehow lost my login password. I appreciate any help you can give me
@Johnny Aydin Instablaster =)
I work security and a tip I will give is do not take it personally, 90 % of the time the anger is directed at the situation or the rules you are trying to enforce not you personally.
Absolutely, and this gets taken home from work as well. Seen it at the gym, a real crashout trying to lose it all over his sister 😂 0:52
Understood.
As an armed security officer this video should be standard for all Security and Police training. This video is good. Good stuff man.
Any advice or tips
Thank you so much. I wish I would have seen this comment sooner. I hope you still see this. That means a lot to me. Sending you much peace!
So, as I understand...
1: Acknowledge how somebody feels and help them feel heard to the point of a release where they feel listened to.
2: Go over the options and consequences of, starting with what they were going to do.
3: Let them really, actually decide what they will do, legitimately and truly.
I work at a level 5 max secure juvenile facility and we house 2 units of high profile juvenile criminals that have gun charges and are from the streets through and through and I'll be sharing this video with my coworkers and supervisor. This video will be very helpful for new hires or current employees that have no de-escalation training or skills. Keep up the good work 👍
I’m a security officer at a hospital training to be a police officer and this video helps me so much with deescalation and crisis prevention. Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom!!!!!
I'm so grateful to hear that. And I will be posting a new updated de-escalation video soon, so I would love if you could stay tuned to the channel. And thank you tremendously for the work you are doing to keep others safe. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Wishing you every success. We need more police like you. 🌹
I’m a security guard a a college campus great info
Good luck with the PD!! I work Armed Security for a private contractor and wish I knew this info when I started. A lot of people on drugs where I work so they are very unpredictable. This advice is better than what I got from my company.
Stay alert, aware, conscious and take great self-care. ❤
Validate
Find options
Respect their choice
Thanks!
But what if they are choosing to not comply? Your supposed to just respect there choice and let them continue?
If their choice is violent, we are supposed to respect that?
Thank you this is all I wanted
@@Alittlebitsour6 respect it, but you don’t have to accept it “ I see you’re choosing violence, I present to you consequences”
This helped me see how to deal with a narcissistic sibling. Thank you.
I'm grateful to hear that it helped, but I'm sorry to hear that you have that experience. Definitely sending you much peace.
Worked at a juvenile detention center and we had to do training like this. It was called motivational interviewing. If it's done well it does work. I went almost 2 years without getting punched which is the most amount of time anyone went without getting assaulted out of everyone who worked there
I never knew John Travolta made these videos, but I'm glad I found them.
A soft answer turned away wrath but grievous words stir up anger.
This is really great...I am a psych nurse...these things really work if you keep yourself calm.
Thank you so much. Yes, 100% we all need to be mindful of the energy we bring to every interaction. The more we can bring peaceful energy to other people's anger and chaos, the better chance we have to truly help the situation. Sending you all the best and much peace! And thanks for the great work you do!
Thank you
Nk Bushoven in other words, it works for YOU in the moment. but, it puts a bandaid on your clients real issue. and so does the endless professionals that client sees. congrats! you did your JOB. ENJOY your paycheck.
Nk Bushoven I was a nurse..I worked to validate afraid, apprehensive patients..now I have a different job where ppl.treat us like crap ..we're easy targets..I won't validate bad behaviour
@@danab172 I hear you, and yet it is better than being abused and traumatized by psých staff, is it not? At least a good intervention breaks the bad cycle and hopefully helps one turn to the light, activate resources and see what constructive one can do. Many have been more helped by a 12-step program...! for free
Number one is the most important. Keeping your cool and not running your mouth off rip is the best piece of advice I know. When dealing with people who are emotionally charged and unreasonable even then it can be very different so if you cannot de escalate the situation even when you've respectfully listened and spoken your minds sometimes you have to leave the situation before it escalates. Some people cannot be reasoned with especially in the heat of their anger.
I’ve taught de-escalation for years. This video is good stuff 👍
Can you teach me ?
What are a few tips or books i can read
I use many techniques in my daily life working in a Max Security Prison and applying your techniques is very sound! Thank you, Dr. Conte!
Thank you! Sending you much peace!
I’m also an armed security guard and just found this video. Kinda late to the party, but this is wonderful information. Here in Tennessee we’re about to be required to have certification in de escalation techniques and CPR as of January 2023, so this is very helpful. Thanks brother!
This is awesome. I've worked in the New Zealand Corrections system for over 25 years and when I hear this and look around me to see who's still in the job, it's the people who done these techniques naturally. Done with compassion and authenticity. Keeping your stance almost always led to force or violence being used. Violence is easy, I boxed and done martial arts all my life so getting physical was an easy option but I guess martial arts taught me to look at other options and boxing gave me confidence. I always look at it as if that was one of my children in distress and than work it out from there. Thank you again, brilliant advice.
Thank you so much. Wow, I love what you are saying. In Pennsylvania, we now train all our corrections officers in my Yield Theory, and we strive to emulate the incredible system you have over there. You and your colleagues are an inspiration to the world. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I am a middle school teacher and I teach quite a few students who have anger issues. I hope that I can use these principles when working with them.
I am dealing with my mum who has alzeimers and she was the sweetest person ever, now she will sing to the top of her lungs really loudly for hours and hours, not letting my dad, who is very old and only 6 stone, get any sleep, and when I am trying to keep her with me to give him some rest, she will non stop dribble sarcasm, dirty words, name-calling. I have lost it a couple of times and I, obviously cannot afford to do that. Her behaviour provokes it, but I have some stress of my own because I have serious responsibilities that I have abandoned to keep my parents going until we find the right kind of help. Thank you for posting this video and I will try validating her anger, see if that works. 😪 Thank you so much
My family always escalates situation and I sadly learned it from them too throughout my whole life thinking it’s normal to freak out in a high pressure situation. I am sick of seeing every issue in my house turn into mountains when they are just mole hills.
That sucks, I hope you're in a better place now.
I feel this hella hard. My family is the same way, emotions control them, and outcomes are usually bad. Anger especially creates flash decisions - escalations for them.
On another note, I took psychology in college and stuck on that path. I can whole heartedly say, everything can be changed and improved.
That's wisdom right there
This is awesome! Thank you for this! I am a female who lives in a neighborhood where the homeless population has quadrupled in the past year, the police response times are 3+ h and its VERY difficult to get people the mental health help they need. I was sexually assaulted 4 times when I was younger, and have learned to de-escalate from experience. These are basically the techniques I've learned. Every time I go out by myself, I am approached, but have learned how to talk to people (who are suffering homelessness/mental illness/substance abuse, etc..) in a helpful and empathetic way and as a result a lot of the staples in our homeless community have gotten to know me and are very kind and protective of me when I go out. I've met some wonderful people in the process and, more importantly, I feel SAFE going going out by myself- because I always have friends around/looking out for me! There is no better feeling than encountering someone who is upset/scared/angry, being able to talk them down and knowing that no one will get hurt. It's a win-win.
Show me your ways!
How I view de-escalation :
it just means to be nice to a person, to send a positive energy to a person
for example, if one day my neighbor asks me to help him carry heavy bags
if he is smiling to me, and speaking to me in a nice way, I will help him
because he sent me a positive energy
if he isn't smiling to me, and speaking in an obnoxious way, I won't help him
because he sent me a negative energy.
If you are nice to a person (aka sending a positive energy), the person will comply
If you are not nice to a person (aka sending a negative energy), the person won't comply
when you watch american police videos, cops are doing it wrong,
there is a person that is holding a knife,
and you have police officers yelling loudly and obnoxiously "DROP THE KNIFE !!"
they say that 50 times and the person never complies,
cops are not being nice to the person, therefore, the person never complies,
but now, if the cops talk nicely and quietly with a smile and say "we understand you have problems in your life, tell us your problems, you and us can make something together"
here, they are being nice to the person,
the person is going to comply
@@Zo-hc2fn Not that simple. When the knife wielder is on drugs and or mentally ill, anything could happen, QUICK ! I agree on training is outdated and has to change.
Thanks.Much Appreciated 👍😁❤️
I watch this over and over to keep it fresh in my mind for when the real thing occurs! Thanks for this invaluable tool for my arsenal.
Thank you so much for your kind words! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte thank you as well! I work in Portland Oregon doing outreach work on our transit system, I need all the informational power I can get.
this is great information but when the out of control person will not listen and has crossed into my physical boundary it's too late.
1. validate until signs ogf releief show.
2. Point out relevant options .
3. Provide total acceptance and have the attitude of yes to their free choice.
I think that therapist Barbara de Angelis' emotional scale (from "The secrets of Love") is relevant here too:
1.) Anger, hatred, aggression, resentment, accusation.
2.) Hurt, sadness,
3.) Fear, uncertainty, insecurity,
4.)regret, one's own part and responsibility,
5.)Intentions, Needs, goals, wishes for the future,
6.) acceptance, understanding and forgiveness,
7.) appreciation, well wishes, love.
Valuating/confirming (was that the right word of empowering the person?) feelings in that order is probably helpful . adjust to the relevant relationship and situation, of course.
While this could in theory work when I apply to my situation. I find it very difficult to de-escalate once someone is in a blind rage and get verbally abusive.
It works best when you're emotionally uninvolved... Depending on your involvement level, you may not really be able to de-escalate as easily.
This literally actually works use it almost every shift at work I’ve personally sat through 24 hours of one of his classes it is my go to tool on my belt at work best thing I have ever learned
This is true...even with drunks...the most emotional.
Well the Bible teaches “a smooth tongue turns away wrath...” I’ve done it and it works.
King James Version: a soft answer turneth away wrath. It’s more about speaking the truth in love than being conniving.
also stories of kill your son to prove you believe in me, oh just kidding, call someone a baldy so have a bear maul a bunch of kids, or marry your sister because of the apocalypse, or stone others because they have multi color cloth. This "word of god" was written by men over hundreds of years translated by many and its historical context loses meaning, its a guide with good examples, but it is not a literal instruction book.
@@komradkyle woah there bud. It's ok, we validate your feelings. We all respect your choice here. No need to get aggressive 👍
If you quote the Bible to try and calm me down, your gonna get hurt lol
@@komradkyle and you never undertook the context on anything
The world NEEDS more of you. Great content and very relevant in today's angry world of crazies and violent outbursts. Hopefully this will reach the mind of everyone.❤
You are truly a master of your trade
Thank God for this video !
Thank you for watching it! Sending you much peace!
Wow, I really needed this after an incident earlier today. Thank you!
Awesome! Thanks for your comments! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Dude first video I’ve seen of yours. Ty for posting this man. I listened to every word and know your speaking truth. Thanks for taking the time.
An invaluable skill to have.
This was my first exposure to your work, Dr. C., and I am thoroughly impressed and inspired. What I found most appealing was that you are encouraging behaviors that create an environment hospitable to personal growth. It's a solutions-based approach that will most likely benefit everyone involved, including the de-escalator. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!!
This was so clear and extremely helpful. Thank you!
Dr. Conte-- This is a must see video for everyone! We never know when the skill of de-escalating will be required. Thank you for your clear, concise, and practical message. You are a difference maker.
Thanks brother! I appreciate you!
Idk how many others can relate but I'm here after the police were called to my home and ESCALATED the situation TWICE so I felt I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world
Thank you for helping all of us, much joy love and strength your way brother!!
This seems super useful this summer in particular. Just shared via FB!
This is the most helpful video I've ever seen on youtube.
I shall thank you for this knowledge, and I shall use it whenever needed.
(I looked up how to deal with an angry person since I live with someone who is seemingly always angry at every little thing in this world.. and they blame everyone for it when in reality its their own actions and behaviour (or lack of) that make their own lives a living hell.. I'm mainly doing this so I can stand being in this household until I move out.. there's been one too many times where I let their awful words and cruel actions get the better of me.. even if I knew it wasn't my fault.)
An instant follower..Greetings from Colombia South America.
Could you please create a video about how to deal or deescalate a hostile person that are intoxicated. I think a lot of people find themselves in difficult situations like this.
Ive been a social worker for 24 years and I must say this is one of the best de escalation technique Ive ever had. Short, to the point, and effective. Thank you.
This is awesome!! Where have you been all my life...
Lol. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
This was super helpful! I’m currently discussing aggression in my nursing class and I found this video very useful! Thanks for sharing your advice :)
Anger is contagious. Depending if it’s aimed at you or someone else. If it’s aimed at you and it’s chronic, I’ve always walked out. I know myself, so walking out is always a good choice. If it’s aimed at someone else, for me, even if it’s as dangerous, it’s been easier to confront and de-escalate.
SO basically be like Goku or understand the situation quick enouhg to address it the proper way.. YEAH thats not reallistic thats by chance lol.
If i've learned anything from being the manager that people ask for whenever they're mad at one of our frontline call center workers *I work for apple*. These are literally all of the things we teach for every single one of our agents. We perform what's called Triple A's, Acknowledge their situation restating it back to them in a way that demonstrates that it makes sense in your head., align with their feelings providing empathy and validation, and then Assure them that you're going to do everything possible to make sure you can help them with that. Called a commitment to assist. One really helpful tip when you feel like things are going off the rails is to ask for permission to ask them questions about their situation to understand better. By agreeing they're essencially agreeing to allow you to control the conversation and the direction that helps your resolution to their issue feel like a logical and obvious decision. Like if somes order was canceled, the first thing i'll ask them is "do you have a store near you? oh you do thats awesome. Then when you circle back to it you can even reference back to having said it earlier. " you mentioned that you had a store near you, i was checking while we were talking and it looks like they have the item you're looking for in stock".
I just came across your videos. This is like the 4th or 5th one I've watched. I just subscribed. Passing on this knowledge is so helpful to anyone that watches. Thank you. I appreciate and benefit greatly from this.
Wow I never really thought it would be this hard but I'm glad I'm doing this it's better myself thank you doctor
Thank you, I tried this today and it did work! (Had to go back at step 1 once, guess I had rushed it the first time)
Thanks brother, great tips 👍🏻 I'll put this on practice! Regards my man! Keep giving us wisdom and Thank you!
Will be using these tips at work. I'm a lunchtime supervisor for Year R - Year 2's. i see part of my job as helping the children to deal with conflicts and that things that aren't fair.
Nice. Thank you! And thanks for the work you do with young people!
This is great. I am going to use this in my restorative justice class.
Great video! I am a therapist and this is really helpful and in a nutshell! Great job!
I like this video its clear and easy to follow and understand . I agree with doing the first two steps then # three will be a good outcome .
This is so true. I was invalidated while angry yesterday regarding a work place conflict and it ended with me refusing mediation. Told them that there is no point if I'm not believed or validated. They missed that opportunity to show respect from me.
Much Appreciated. Thank you. Nice Video .Very Instructional and Realistic!!!❤👍
Thank you so much. Sending you much peace!
What I was taught in sales when handling escalations
Acknowledge
Empathize
Reassure
Anyone who chooses to conceal carry, or even open carry, needs to learn these things. Violence isn't ever off the table, but it should be the very LAST tool you reach for. This video needs to be shown to everyone.
You are a great teacher, thank you for this verbiage extremely useful!
How to validate, dr Conte ? I ' foreign and I was raised in exact oppused of all that you' re advices us here ! I love you' re video ! I love the way you explein the things. Thank you ! 🤗
Excellent advice, especially if you are raising a toddler
are you talking about a kid or a husband? bwhahahaha
INFP-A and I am really digging your videos! Recharging my brain, and taking in the best info/advise I've had in some time. Totally subscribing to your awesome channel! I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up.
Thank you Dr. Conti!
Very good points and discussion!
Looooooooooooving it! I needed to hear that! That was one of the things I was most scared of not knowing how to deal with it.!
Dr Conte, I've completed your anger management courses to receive my cert and I discovered it was I that needed to course first now I can really relate it to others. I also work with inmates.
Wow, so helpful at my work! Actually in life too😊thank you so much 💝
Great work! Your videos and your book on parenting have helped me so much. Thank you.
Colleen Ann Thank you so much!
Christian love the videos, can i suggest we change the sound for the transition? Piercing my ears in the office! Much appreciation for the posts
Ha! Thanks! I'm learning about editing as I go for sure! Sending you all the best and much peace brother!
Currently one and this will be helpful
Dr. Conte, you should put out a video that has anger, relationship, depression, and desolation tie in to one.
Got it. I have a list that I keep compiling from ideas people are sending me, and this is definitely going on it. Thank you so much for watching brother. Sending you much peace!
I happened onto This ..this is great ..at work a few try really hard to make me angry ..ignoring jealous stabs ..so I got a little annoyed ..I voiced my anger and another person said to me ...I don't blame you .forget them you're a great person..immediately I went back to smiling .:) Happy I saw this ..im around many angry people ..that take it out on me . this is great .:) I will share it. ... Sometimes I just listen when people are angry..because most of the time it was their first interaction with an unhelpful person at the hospital ..so I say ...well I'm gonna help you find the person you are looking for .and they clam down and feel better ...:)
These things can be used on yourself with a creative mindset.
Great video. Helped me understand on how to engage with an upset individual.
What should you do when the person is angry with someone else, and that someone else is firing up, too? Problem is, when both parties are unwilling to accept their own mistakes or shortcomings, trying to help them cope with each other and talking to them after they calmed down is pretty fruitless...
Great question! I will actually talk about this on my radio show tonight. Would love for you to call in if you can to talk more! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Great breakdown. This is the formula, as I see it
Well said. New sub ❤️
That cassette tape rewinding is mindflooding. Great pointers I can’t wait to employ them.
here's an option. calm down. Love your video.
I love the content. It’s really hard to listen to because the sound effects are way louder than you, so I turn up the volume to hear the good stuff, then get BLASTED by the lasers
I'm sorry that this video was like that, but I appreciate you sticking with it anyway. My other videos do not have that same sound issue. Thank you so much. Sending you much peace!
It's BEYOND BEING HEARD ITS ABOUT BEING RESOLVED AND VINDICATED PERIOD
This is really good! Thank you!
As a youth counselor we were taught in mindset training to ask the person "what's three things you could do differently?". This is supposed to allow the person to come up with their own ideas vs us coming up with ideas for them. Thoughts?
I have found that when a person is a patterned perspective, fresh thinking is often not available. Offering examples, (not solutions) can help open that up again.
@@hughparker3971 can you please give some examples of examples vs solutions?
I am working with people who feel and act 'out of control' on a daily basis and these three steps do apply in the big picture but as long as you are humble, genuinely trying to come to the same level of the person and sometimes distract their 'narrow minded focus' by doing or saying something really out of the context. For example during one of these outbursts of one of my clients I acknowledged their feeling and saying its okay to feel like this but after realising that spoken words didn't come across then I decided to just sit on the sofa with a cup of coffee and some biscuits and chill untill the person would see that in contrast to their anger/fear/sadness that I was just chilling there and inviting the other person to join me.
If a physical encounter would of not been able to prevent then de-escalating also means that you should always choose for your own safety. So always KNOW your positions, know your surroundings and ways to escape. Sometimes only time can bring back the calmth. And afterwards you just step back in with a complete neutral attitude.
What should you do if the person decides they want to hurt you anyway? Even after following the steps?
Where should my eyes be directed at when de-escalating an angry person? And what else about my eyes in that situation?
Great video! Great sharing - thank you
i Love this . Its a very good description of listen validate and options . I can only warmly recommend his book walking trough anger. this books is full of good reflections on why to use this method how to use it and reflections on were you can go wrong . Its probely the most prepare thoroughly book i ever have read . In order word . You will have a great guide with this book if you want to learn to deal with anger and help other people do the same
Thank you so much brother! I appreciate you!
You are awesome!
Great and professional video
I am always de escalating people, almost professionally, since seeing your video.
I almost enjoy it though reconciling warring parties is hard. But it's possible and Godly
Thanks for your video. I'm new to your channel and I like what I see so far.
I'm curious about descalating passive-aggressive behavior. That is one thing I have a hard time with. It's nearly impossible to communicate with some who shuts down and withdraws.
At least the angry person is talking. I never had a lot of official training but because most of my working career was customer service/health care related. I saw a lot of people when they were sick and having a bad day. I can calm some people down because I listen.
Then come the passive aggressive behavior and the silent treatment and it hard to listen to someone who's angry but not talking.
I always wanted to know how to do this, THANK YOU!!
Marcelle Beech 💯 Sending you much peace!
Great advice, thank you🙏
Dr Conte really liked your video. Blessings for your good work.
Dr. Conte is a perfect example of Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. He LOOKS like he'll start some sht. 🤣🤣 Ironically, he has by far ,the best advice on youtube on dealing with anger, rage and out of control people. Salute. ALL states should adopt his advice on training Correction Officers.