You've Been Lied To: The Real Reason Most Relationships Fail
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- Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
- Why Good Relationships Turn Bad
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Today, I want to share with you what I think is the biggest reason that good relationships turn bad and I'm doing this because I want to help you because I get a lot of messages and I've experienced this myself of the pain when you are in a relationship and it is struggling. Or sometimes, even worse, when you wish hadn't ended; it can be very devastating. And so I want to share what I've sort of seen and learned in order to help you if you're in a relationship and perhaps navigate down a different path. And if you're not in a relationship, in your next one, hopefully, you can get it started on the right foot because what I'm sharing with you I see as the underlying reason that relationships go bad is, yes, there's cheating, there's distrust, there's resentment, and all that stuff builds up but I think it comes from a soil - the wellspring
The myth that someone can come make us happy, which is so powerful, because we start from a place of feeling a deep black wouldn't be something that was at all able to be sold to you if you didn't feel like you were incomplete to start with.
04:10 A marketed myth in America about relationships
07:13 And Charlie's answer to that
09:45 Epic relationship questions you should check out
10:52 Action guide whether you're dating and in a relationship or just had a breakup
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So do you think your current relationship is your everything? Also, can you imagine an old you not having a romantic partner and still be happy? Any thoughts on this will help lots of other people! :D
Mmmm, that's a very interesting idea but I think it's missing a very important point. I also do believe that if you are unhappy and the reason that you want a relationship is to change that, it's obvious that it won't work. But I do think that the reason most of us want a relationship it's because we share a common goal in life: having your own family with our partner, having kids. If for you that's not a priority, then I think your analysis is pretty accurate. But if you it is a priority, then I think we have to be more realistic. A man can live with this kind of mindset: living his life without worrying about finding a partner in a concrete and limited period of time. But if you are a woman, and you want your own family, you know that if you don't have kids before you are in your 40's, the chances of achieving it are really low.
No, I don't have one
Charisma on Command
My current relationship with myself is everything. Haha.
To the point where when actually considered a boyfriend I caught myself thinking: ‘will he add value to my life? what exactly do I like about him?’. I felt genuine concern by the threat of someone (albeit, the wrong guy) coming into my life and “ruining” how good and happy I was with my life.
I think the same could have been said for me when I was dating though. I was dating my ex for 6 years and I remember I thought I couldn’t possibly find happiness if he wasn’t in my life... but alas... see my story above. Haha.
Everyone’s different, and everything we go through changes our perception and understanding of this. I think it all depends on where we are in life. 🤔
Charisma on Command it is true! I see people going from relationship to relationship and being miserable thru each one. I might try a relationship again at some point in the future but most people I've met out there suck so I don't even want to spend time with any of them. I have Zero self love so I know I'm not going to get any back til I fix that too. Maybe one day... U have great videos, keep em up.
i think it also has to do with whether you felt 'complete' and independent BEFORE going into a relationship. As you said, you cannot rely on the other person to make your life vision a reality. This can give you an excuse to become despondent. And no, you don't necessarily NEED anyone, but eventually you might want to have that person to start a family with.
If you take a step back, it's astonishing how much our culture revolves around romance.
Hmm..
Well it's how our species survives, reproduction under optimum circumstances.
Jay Arre
Well, more like the mechanism for continued existence of biological systems, therefore their prime directive.
But still - you'd certainly expect that interest in art, philosophy and science could at least make up the majority of culture. But nope, boobs! :D
...understandable, of course...
Not anymore. This video is the first one where I disagree. Romance is dead. What Charlie's saying might have been true in the 50s but since the 60s "romantic relationships" now have no commitment or even "romance" involved and are now just a time to have oxytocin released and when that's gone people move into someone else. And the next. And the next. Also the divorce rate only proves this further. Charlie's not interpreting the stat correctly.
What Charlie's saying is applicable for a platonic friendship. Which is another problem that is people treating a romantic relationship like a friendship which isn't how to view it. Romantic ones fall apart because one or both don't want to maintain it and want to take an easy route.
ReportThemAll Can you elaborate on the bit about treating a romantic relationship like a friendship?
1.self reflect
2. Be honest with yourself and your partner.
3.learn self love
❤️❤️❤️
Don't take your relationships for granted! They take work from both parties to last.
Why are you everywhere
Michael Jay - Value Investing Sounds easier said than done. 😒
You have literally passed more information in two sentences then this guy in 15minutes! This requires some serious skill great job.
Not really. It's mostly men that have to do most of the work. Sad truth.
dont take ur eyebrows for granted
And a relationship ending doesn't mean it didn't work! Maybe it did exactly what it was supposed to for the person you were at the time. Relationships don't have to last forever to be a success x
Steph Campbell “Relashionships don’t have to last forever to be a success” I’ll take that advice with me. Thanks!
Steph Campbell “people are in our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime”
Steph Campbell so true!! Sometimes people just drop by to teach you a lesson
This! I always get so sad with people implying relationships are only worth anything if they are everlasting...
Well, of course it's not going to last if you go in with the idea that it's only temporary! I think perhaps you are confusing romantic relationships with casual friendships based on shared circumstances. Humans are hard-wired to mate for life. If you don't see that, or feel that, then something has turned you into an emotional cripple. If you're not looking for forever, you have no business looking for a romantic relationship. That's immoral. That's being a user. Take a good look at yourself and be better than that!
My relationship with this channel can never go bad... right?
andrew bishay all relationships can go bad I believe
Right.
If charlie quit or he never upload. Well. Our relationship with this channel suck
Except we tend to ignore or forget good advice. Besides, all you need to do to screw things up is to do too little or too much of something.
andrew bishay anything can happen
You can obviously be happy by being single. It's being *ALONE* that leads to depression.
Theres other ways to fulfill that need besides a romantic relationship, it's just the most practical given our societal structure.
Pinnacle Of Man TM Being lonely leads to depression. Being alone is the key to happyness. :)
Imo that's a very, very unfortunate societal structure. There should be more appreciation of friendship and more communities and groups that evoke a sense of being in a family in our society.
If you feel lonely when alone, then you're in bad company.
@@ArtlantisDE being alone is terrifying
Thanks fam for confirming my self isolation leads to depressing thoughts.
I'm currently in the most honest, healthy and longest relationship i've ever been. Since the very beginning we talked about what we liked, what we disliked, even past relationships (band and good ones). Even about jealousy, the only time we both felt the slightest threatened, we talked about it and worked it out and it never happened again, we are both confident on our own value and the effort put in our relationship. IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING HONEST.
Celia Maldonado preach
Sadly that is very rare and hard to find. I thought we had that in my 3yr relationship. Sadly it just ended and has became a big drama fest.
You both have to be honest but it won't work if either of you are sabotagers
I'm happy for you 😆
Celia Maldonado very happy for you!!
Often I feel it comes down to the fact that relationships stagnate. If you take it for granted, rather than having gratitude, then it won't last
Yes gratitude, kindness, honesty, sincere work and not taking anything for granted is absolutely necessary to make a relationship last.
And cultivating self love is the first of all priorities, after that the love for our partner (provided we chose one wisely).
I learned this one the hard way
We just need to be independent from our partners, we can't glue to them and make our world all about them
That's only somewhat true - not all people (and by extension all relationships) work the same. It's generally good advice and something many, many people need to hear, but its not a ubiquitous truth.
You have to make them apart of your world
Superficially legit advice, hallow in the core
It doesn't matter if brutal honesty makes you "queasy", vomiting in your mouth a little is much better than living a lie. I told my then fiancée now wife straight up things I didn't like her doing. She didn't like hearing them, but over a few weeks she adjusted her behavior. She did the same with me. Speaking 100% about your thoughts and feelings are the key.
True but unlike men, women don’t operate completely on logic.. and if you are a red pilled man you would know a woman can never love a man the way a man wants to be loved. Men love for the sake of loving. Women love because of what the man can offer her. “ read the book : the rational
Male” .
Godson - Clash of clans - Clash royale I disagree.
I told my ex things to improve on, not cause I didn't like her as she was, but I think a person should always be growing. She took it as criticism of her base self and did not like it. Brad you must either be a high status male or the best your wife can do, because women typically don't take kindly to criticism.
@@GodsonCoC Humans in general don't operate on logic, usually. But that's not an excuse to avoid responsibility or refuse to change damaging behaviors. We're never really taught how to deal with conflict, in general from what I've seen. Its not a gender thing.
@@GodsonCoC mgtow actually helped me develop a self-development mentality that guided towards healthier relationships.
the problem of mgtow is that at its base is a hate for the feminine and the feminine energy. and a lot of men get stuck on these baseline of negative preconceptions that it basically poisons every interaction with every woman.
if we both genders had enough empathy, we would be able to see the toxic women that mgtow talks about, is prevalent on both genders.
we are all just stuck in this mentality of us vs. them when it has always been "we".
I just kinda noticed this, and although I feel like I've always known this inherently, I just want to point out that I feel that the continuity of the talking and filming of the videos on CoC really gives them a sense of authenticity and realness. In the age where most youtubers can't speak a sentence without cutting it 4 times, it's really refreshing to have Charlie talk to you unbroken for 15 minutes straight. It's kinda like you're getting advice from a good buddy over beers. Always loved the content on this channel, but really coming to a place of appreciation for the delivery as of late.
dot0verdrive he didn’t even cut out the spit at 8:57
Yes! I've been single all my life and craved a relationship until I got older and realized how much I had to mature before getting invested in someone. I'm happily single now and I feel complete and if someone ever comes along I'll also be happy and I feel like I'm actually ready now since I learned to love myself
Me too, I believe that being alone is not extremely bad as a lot of people think. They don't even distinguish between being alone and being lonely. Just because someone is in a relationship it doesn't necessarily mean he is not lonely. Because loneliness is something associated with dependending on others emotionally if someone doesn't get what they expect from them they becomes lonely so.
However. Self-love and compassion don't let someone feel lonely even if they are alone.
*Be Sweet* i am similarly forever single. Sometimes it bothers me, but at the same time, i also realize that as i get older, i just am who i am! I am not frigging changing for any one! What they see is what they get. But that also means i realize that i am likely too set in my ways to give some one else what they deserve in an intimate relationship. :)
Me being in a healthy relationship is a great ADDITION to my life. If it falls apart I have many other things in my life that are special and important. The only thing I leaned on my relationship for ( at least initially) was the fact that I had no friends just before it started and I missed companionship. Then I got a new job and finally made some work friends which I'm very happy to have in my life. But you are right. I've always said to people you need to love yourself before you get into relationship otherwise you'll bring your own issues into the fray and it could potentially mess things up. You don't have to be perfect but as long as you're working towards a happy medium you should be fine :)
👏🏻 Well said, this might help some people! It will definitely help me.
A relationship should enhance your life, not be your main goal of life. Look and understand the goals youre looking for. Hop on that horse and ride towards the sunset boys.
Ynf
So F*cking true! I use to be under the illusion that I NEEDED someone in my life to make it better. But after a while I realized the only real person I needed was myself and that the only person that could better my life was myself.
Reason why I feel like people should not be in a relationship if they have so much they have to fix/deal with. Too many people look at a partner like the solution to everything, which is never actually the case!
great minds think alike
Seeking a partner to resolve your own issues is a really bad foundation for a relationship, I agree. It should be something you value in your life, not something you hope will make your life of greater value
Good point, sir. I have to thank people like you for helping "beginners" like myself avoid such mistakes. However, to slightly alter your advice for people like me, who like to take things to the extreme - you can fix yourself and have a relationship at the same time. You don't have to be perfect. You just need to be open to criticism and willing to improve. In fact, your partner might speed up your self-improvement process (for example, by pointing out the shortcomings that you can't or don't want to notice/recognize).
@@MegaUchihaSaske ehhhh that can get a little messy. I broke up with one of my exs because he had me under a microscope; always pointing out things I didn't do or say quite right in his opinion. Left me feeling like I had to be perfect or have my guard up all the time.
Yep just happened with my last relationship. She depended on me to make her happy, when the only person that can make you happy is yourself. I went through just as much as she did growing up, but I grew to appreciate myself and my experiences and my purpose in life--its a shame so many people out there are unhappy with their lives.
This is a brilliant observation. Bless up.
~ Appreciate it :-)
This was my outlook exactly. I found someone I was ready to be married to, and felt miserable that things weren't moving fast enough for my liking. I had to let go of the idea that I needed this person for my peace and happiness. We've now been married for 6 months, and I've never felt more balanced. My expectations are different, and if they aren't met, my reactions are not as escalated.
How did you change your thoughts and expectations?
Relationships shouldn't complete you but I think they play a massive role in making you a better person and leading you to more happiness within yourself - by revealing your areas of weakness, areas where you may have been overly dependent and so on x
As a person with anxiety disorder I sometimes really don't know what would I do without my fiance because he is helping me a lot and he is my best friend. But also I'm working on my mental health and I don't rely on him. I think the key to good relationship is : honesty, respect, also when you are in quarreling which happens sometimes, don't hurt the person on purpose, treat them with respect even in that situation..
Dude you're freakin awesome "Of you dont have happiness inside you dont have happiness to give"
I never thought that my current relationship is my everything, but recently my husband noticed that we've started to drift apart from each other. So yeah... It is crucial to talk your way through everything and be honest. The line between being to close and drifting apart is not big and bulky and you might just trip over it. And loving yourself is a foundation to respect and love for anybody else.
Hands up if you're still single
"Celebrating" 3 whole years of single life next month...
👐
👋 :c
Become single 2 hours ago 😫😡
Suraj ss hey there😂. Single and happy
Very nice video Charlie! How I got it, this was not only about relationships, but about not being too attached to things, people and images, packaged in something everyone can understand! Brilliant!
~ Glad you're digging it!
Y’all’s relationships go bad because you went into them with no real intention of staying forever. Simple as that. Y’all stay until the fuzzy feeling wears off then you’re like ‘I fell out of love oh no how did this happen it used to be different’ and it’s onto the next one.
Rogue also, a lot of people go into relationships where neither partner actually know each other in anyway. Once they get to actually know this person, they find that they don’t actually like them.
You don’t need to intend a relationship to last forever- but both parties should be honest about that. If one or both people expect it to be a long term relationship but one or both people don’t intend for it to be one, thats when issues arise.
Similarly, if other expectations don’t match up issues arise.
If actions don’t line up with expectations its also a problem.
It all comes down to being honest with oneself and others- and surrounding oneself with people that do that to.
I have no idea how people that don’t do this get by.
@Bargert lmao
What if a person just changes their mind years later? They realize forever is kinda long and they arent down anymore
I hope you took some time in the last year to wake up for once, Rogue.
I really appreciate your message here. I'm a middle-aged woman and have come to the same conclusion as you. We have been conditioned to seek fulfillment in a relationship - in "another flawed human being" - rather than to seek fulfillment in ourselves and our own life first.
Thank you! This literally came JUST IN TIME
Good Luck mate :D
Same with me its funny how some things in life come right when we need it the most
For me it came just too late... my gf broke up with me 2 days ago...months of trying to fix it. It was all for nothing. Now I hit rock bottom.
same here...
same.
I love how I was able to recognize the steps I took in my own life that made me relate to this video so much to the point where I thought “oh, that’s exactly what I believe”. When I was around 17 years old I had this certainty that my relationship at the time was going to last forever and it was DEVASTATING (to the point of depression) when reality hit me in the face and proved me wrong. I did a lot of self-reflection then and realized the problem was my expectation, and the fact that I loved the person (and the idea) more than myself. So I focused on myself, on growing, on learning who I was so then I could enjoy whoever that was. Now I’m 24 and only now I’m in another relationship, but - although I do hope it will have a long run - I don’t lean on ANY expectations of forever. Forever doesn’t exist. And I’m extremely happy, I love him like crazy, but it’s healthy now cause he’s not my ANSWER. He’s just my partner for the ride. Amazing.
I love your advice about being honest! I am seeing a lot of my friends relationships fall apart because they were not honest with their partner in regards to what they needed and wanted from a relationship. They were also not honest with themselves with what they needed and they tried to compromise with things they should not have.
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS lol you're here too
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS Yeah and on the other spectrum we have relationships falling apart - because the guy was honest about what he wanted.
creemyice haha yeah :)
I love this channel.
Gives some real life honest advice.
I have been preaching this since my breakup! Good job! Also worth noting, any resentment or victimization you bring upon yourself after the fact will only drive you further away from self love and empathy towards other. Self love breeds empathy because your gas tank is already full from you taking control of filling it, you have plenty to go around. Lastly that’s what creates truly magnetic people. People love feeling wanted and engaged, and when you do that, WITHOUT expecting anything in return, you will be amazed at how people respond. If you are a dude suffering from ANY resentment or victim mentality I highly recommend you read or listen to “no more Mr. Nice Guy”. Changed my life. Peace, and thanks Charlie.
You are 100% spot on. I'm 36 and have been through pretty much the best and the worst there is to experience in relationships (not exaggerating, I mean that and wish I didn't for the latter). I've learned these things sometimes the easy, sometimes the hard way. But you're totally right. Thank you so much for using your position to spread such positive and important knowledge, man. Mad props to you! ;-)
~ Happy to share it Phil!
This helped me get some immensely valuable perspective into myself, thank you.
My current girlfriend seems to have this figured out in some way. She doesn’t connect with me that much, we don’t talk nearly at all unless we run into each other in person. I’ve always been a rather anxious and attached type, and I enjoy being very involved in my relationships. But she’s quite contrary to this. It’s as if she is very secure in herself and sees me as secure in the same way, so we have fun when we’re around each other but otherwise we connect next to none. I did discuss it with her, but all she told me was that my anxiety probably stemmed from a bigger problem within myself. I don’t think she could be more correct.
It’s very peculiar, but it’s taught me I need to be more self-reliant, and videos like these are helping me realize that. Even if she does break up with me at some point, I’m getting closer and closer to coming to terms with myself and the value of my life apart from her.
Thank you Charisma On Command, you are some excellently wise people.
How's it going 👁👁
I really appreciated this. It made me realize that we have a lot of undoing to do from being inundated by such intense scripts of what romance _needs_ to be. This was very powerful!
This is so good. I always appreciate your perspective especially on stuff like relationships. This channel has been super helpful! It inspired me to vlog daily this month! Would love to hear more about non Romantic relationships.
Ruslan KD non romantic stuff would be interesting.
Congrats on the daily vlogging.
Does this video only apply to romantic relationships?
Man, you need to write a book, and call it charisma on command
These days people dont read. Maybe he could make an audio book.
@@thedollofthemonthseries way easier to concentrate on reading a book than someone talking.
Isn't there a book called charisma on command written by Charlie?
Angel Jeya yeah he put out a book. My hope is that OP was being sarcastic lol
I don't know if he is trolliing 😂😂, yes Charlie wrote a book called Charisma on Command
The thing I hated the most on relationships is when the other person would tell me that I was their everything. Like, one person shouldn’t be everything you need, that’s such a huge burden to dump on someone
Well said. I've done this myself and I feel bad about it.
Thank you. It's nice to know I'm not a terrible person for not wanting to be another (adult) person's entire life.
My ex made me her world and had to spend almost every minute of free time with me and kinda suffocated me to the point where I wanted to leave every now and then
I've been a single virgin for 26 years now.... And I'm doing just fine! 😄 great video!
Cool!
DANCERcow so why were you watching this video?
@@jaredb4922 It never hurts to validate your own experiences.
Ohhhh! I needed this, I am so happy you did this video, Charlie. Literally, yesterday morning I did a thorough search on UA-cam for "Why do relationships end badly", and I am glad none of the videos I saw gave me a satisfactory answer, cuz what you've said here... You've basically provided an anchor for my mind. It's like you have given me permission to be happy on my own, to fill my life and live it! I feel so blessed. Thank you!
Totally agree. My current relationship is the best one I've ever been on, because we expect nothing of each other, take care of ourselves, and never assume it's forever. I have been genuinely happy in this relationship every day, with no inclination to cheat.
My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. I think summer is the season for breakups
same here brother...
Summer u get a girlfriend and next summer it’s over
Purplefabian exactly! That’s been my summer for 4 years now.
Look up mercury retrograde. A lot of breakups happen during that time period 😂
Tanja S
Are you serious or ...
I love you man. You have helped change my life and perspective so drastically in the healthiest way. Your knowledge is irreplaceable.
Excessive Romanticism can be lethal. Did we learn nothing Romeo and Juliet??
Haha but seriously on point again Charlie! Love your work!
Thank you
Incompatible values, belief the other is there to make their dreams come true at the expense of their own, no idea or interest in managing money to ensure a secure future, belief that 'love' is unconditional, let's see...
Great video for people who are dating. Having that mindset definitely improves your chances of having a long lasting relationship. But when you have kids and get married, EVERYTHING changes. At least if you take it seriously. Because when you have a child, your happiness and needs no longer revolve around you.
I love how he had everything written out in the description, thank youu ❤❤
Mine is great! We started off with RESPECT and everything else stemmed from that
Respect is fundamental in all relationships, not just with a partner. You're right, it can often stem from there
Respect whamen
This is so spot-on! The romantic myth of ‘incomplete individuals needing another to complete themselves’ is just misleading and makes someone emotionally dependent on others. Everyone should be independent and complete in itself, and relationship should be a union, not an intersection.
I really needed this today. I get super jealous, because I see other girls as competition, because I don't feel good enough
Nox Nekori And whose fault is that 🤔
Max Lakhman what is that supposed to mean? We are raised and born to be the best we could poosible become in any aspect of life such as wealth and status. Jealousy is one of many things we all have experienced And something people are aware about. So whos fault is that?
I just can't stop comparing myself to others and not feel less than them. It sucks.
I feel it's important to try and not look too much at others and focus on the self. Jealousy can be normal, but it has damaging effects on your health if not controlled.
You shouldnt be. Sure feeling somewhat jealous in certain situations is "normal" and can occur. But there is no reason to be unless you fear your partner might be or do sth unfaithful. It is best to talk about it to let the other person know. A lot of "selfmade problems" are really just that, because you might fear sth that does only exist in your head
I see this as the determination to make the best of the relationship. Doing your best but definitely also doing what must be done to give your relationship every opportunity it can possibly have to be long-lasting and happy.
Thank you so much for this video, it was amazing! The last year I am on similar path of self-love and learning how to feel complete by on my own.
Being in a healthy relationship of two years, I disagree with this video. Certain people enter and stay in relationships for the wrong reasons, while others are seeking long term friendship and companionship. At first a relationship can seem constricting and overwhelming- we can say dramatic bold statements, and rely heavily on our partner- sure. Both my boyfriend and I met at a very difficult time in our lives, where we did in fact need someone to lean on and keep us going. This is the reason we are still together. We have since grown past that stage of our lives, and we continue to rely on one another for somebody to talk to, laugh with and experience with. We have grown not just as a couple, but as individuals as well and are always working on bettering ourselves. We are best friends. We enjoy each others presence in our lives. We communicate and always resolve problems that arise. We help each other out in times of turmoil and share excitement in progress. We are teammates. We do not match 100%, and share different hobbies and perspectives. Unanimously, we are reaching for the same end goal and would prefer to do it together. Some people prefer to focus on themselves solely and believe success and happiness comes from within. These people are so committed to making sure that all of their needs and dreams are met- that they forget the part of life that can be enhanced by letting others in. This works for some. Completely focusing on our own little universe in my experience, leaves us empty and unfulfilled. You can live a successful and meaningful life with a partner, it is possible to have both. Relationships fail because of too much pressure to find exactly what we need, not embracing flaws, two people unwilling to put in the work, or our personality is focused too much on self... It takes two to tango, and nothing will feel forced if it is truly meant to be. Finding the right person will make all these concerns simply fall away.
Definitely agree!
Are y’all still together?
9:42 “Look to your own relationships...”
Haha! My relationships. That’s a good one!
Your partner isn’t supposed to make you happy, you have to be happy by yourself so you can share your own happiness with your partner and your partner will do the same. I have read a lot of things like “my mood depends on you”, and that’s not how it should be, you gotta be happy alone, because if you need someone else for that, then when they leave you will be miserable and empty, love yourself more, guys, because at the end, the only person that we can truly trust to be by our side forever, it’s ourselves, so we must start loving that company!
Today I have turn 29 and you are right I don`t need anybody to complete me, I am away from my family and feeling lonely and,
although this maybe not be the exact point of the video, it helps me to realice that I love them and maybe I used to lean to much on them and now I am starting to see that I am the full cake, even if I have more than the half of the cake in the fridge and nobody to eat, it I will be ok I have me
where are you from? i want a peace of cake too :P
If you think the person is everything to you
Be ready to get punched so bad....It'd hurt you terribly. Matter of time
Principle: Love yourself first, be a grounded person.
“Apple was the biggest; not sure if it’s the biggest today...”
I assume you shot this video before the milestone headlines were printed
I don't know how they're doing but I assume well. In Silicon Valley I've noticed virtually every vacant property and office building is getting snatched up by Apple! There's an Apple monopoly on real estate! How many office buildings do they need?!
The main thing is that you mustn't expect receiving something from a person. You must give, and not expect something in return. If two people give to each other, both of them will get profit from it
So I think you hit the nail on the head in identifying that a key component to a healthy relationship revolves around establishing self-love and furthermore individual identity and wholeness. However, I don't think that desiring a relationship is at fault for the lack of a good one. Relationships like all areas of our lives take daily work, commitment, and growth and I think advertising/movies/etc. is more marketing the idea of the happiness you gain from achieving an optimal level of companionship more so than the requirement that you need another individual to make you happy; although I do think the media plays a significant role in promoting the concept inadvertently. Overal I think there isn't anything wrong with looking for love to add happiness, I think it just goes back to your mindset as you spoke about and understanding the difference between looking to your partner to be your happiness rather than a source to share or grow your happiness with.
You are 100% right, and it's nice to hear someone else voicing this opinion. This is the same exact thing I've told people I know for years. When people have an external locus of self-worth, they think that having someone love them will complete everything in their life, and it doesn't. Self-worth and actualization have to come from within to be genuine. And while I'm not opposed to the idea of a relationship in the future, I'm perfectly happy and satisfied being single. If you ask me, there's no better company than myself.
Your channel is really are one in a million. Thank you so much for all this great advice. Thank you for your channel. Thank you for simply existing.
I am one of those fortunate people who has found the love of their lives in their spouse and I can truly attest to the validity of the idea you have brought to the forefront in this video. It is too much pressure on another human being to expect them to 'be everything you need.' This is highly marketed like you said but ironically is what ruins relationships because you are constantly thinking something is amiss even when things are great and all you need to really do is own your stuff - Your feelings, your goals and of course embracing the idea that nothing outside of yourself can bring you lasting joy. Thank you very much.
How come I didn't discovered your channel earlier? Did I live under a rock? Thank you for creating such inspiring and intelligent content 👍 Much appreciation from Germany
I expect a relationship to make me happier than i am without it. Not perfectly happy, but happier.
And i seek it because i want to be as happy as possible. Even if it's just a small improvement, any improvement is worthwhile to me
*first leaned mostly on relationship*
*second leaned mostly on friendship*
WELP BOTH SINKING
Charlie your videos are so valuable. Thank you for working so hard to bring honest and helpful content to your viewers. You are wise beyond your years!
I need this right now. He left me this morning. 😫😩😡
M. Harrison oof
I understand...right now going through pain too. The girl suddenly changed 180 degrees and decided to just cut off contact. Funny how you never have a say in this.
Damn.. press f in the comments bois..
Same man, women... their minds are a fucking anomaly to mankind
sorry to hear it. we’re all going through it b
I just travelled abroad for the first time in my life, and holy heck did you hit it on the nail! Miserable, stressed, different food, different people, different language! even when I thought I was prepared and did research, my expectations were absolutely crushed. And yet I look back on it and feel pretty happy. Spot on.
Thank you for all of your vids man. Been watching a ton of them lately and they're all super helpful, really make me think!
~ Glad you're finding them helpful!
For the ones out there looking for happiness, this video is absolutely true! If I didn’t wake up to this truth then I would never have been able to make the most important relationships when I needed to.
Great video as always Charlie! But where is Ben? I remember Ben was doing videos every week so we had 2 videos per week. I feel like the reason why he stopped doing videos is because of criticism from this community, and if that’s actually the case please tell Ben that he is a great content maker as well! Don’t make people stop Ben from what he wants to do:) (if he actually wanted to make videos on Charisma)
Yeah i was wondering where Ben was.
I am a breakup coach working with helping women going trough difficult breakups and I totally support this message! Always make sure to love yourself before trying to love someone else.
Wonderful video!
Despite never being in a romantic relationship, I, too, have come to the same conclusion you have.
I loved this video and this topic. I love how you in this (and other videos about self love) are clear, compassionate and relatable. I also want to share a book on self love on the topic of expectations in relationships, why so many fails and what kind of tools we need to prevent that and instead build lasting intimacy. I've been MIND BLOWN over this book and has been one of the most life changing books I've read. It's called "You are the one you have been waiting for" and even though the title is cliche it really lives up to the name.
I disagree that today’s society puts importance on relationships. No one wants the responsibilities of having a relationship nowadays. Society has moved away from having labels thus muddying what defines being a couple. No one is willing to work at it because they feel it’s not “worth it”.
Mallika Banerjee thank you. I think people nowadays give up too easily
In my opinion he is totally right and u are just misinterpreting it. Its not about responsibilty why they brake up. Them are looking for something better because relationships are so important in ur society. People wanna get the best, which u dont get by staying around one person as they believe. (Not quite sure about some words so hope u dont mind, german)
@BrotSupport
Like you said "people want the best" and they can't get that by staying with one person. That’s essentially the problem. No one wants to work at making things better. We live in a culture where it is easier and to replace something than it is to fix it. (I’m not talking about toxic relationships, I’m talking about normal relationships where people refuse to let go of their own egos).
The assumption is that they are perfect on their own and shouldn’t have to compromise for love. After all, what incentive does anyone have for wanting to be in a committed relationship anymore? Sex? Kids? Financial stability? Companionship? People can get all of those things without being in a relationship. That’s why no one wants to get married and those that do often end in divorce.
BrotSupport i think blaming society here is unnecessary. I believe is depends more on your values and preferences whether you decide to give another chance or not. Ah, and due to a hormone called OXITOCINE! We are biologically programmed to stay around each other
Its not exactly blame on society, but values and preferences are defined by the society, there is no way around. It differs in degree, region and family but ur effected. And its a good think for living in peace together.
And about that oxitocin. Its just in the beginning and more so for woman. If it were as u decline we wouldnt have any break ups. Wouldnt that be nice ;)
As someone who comes from a past history of codependent relationships and experiencing abuse because of it, this makes way too much sense! Thanks for the impartial and well rounded presentation!
Why am I watching this if I'm hopelessly single?
same
Ditto
Michael Rud Same, just keep waiting brother, that's what I always repeat to myself
Michael Rud to better yourself
Because a relationship will end up popping up when you least expect it. Start getting out more and be more social and stop expecting to get into a relationship.
I used to believe that and it destroyed me. Thankfully I had a realization, I am in charge of my own happiness
Relationship Gang????
oh my goodness, this is genius. So much much sense. I already think like this but now feel even more validated.
10:04 I literally say this to my cat on the daily. 😕
I've found that the more I push, the more she resists. The more I back off, the more she moves toward me. So I'm actually happier being more myself, and she moves towards that. Win-Win-Win.
This was a great analysis! I kind of miss the silent background, tbh
Ben Olivier he did keep the music low however. I appreciated that what he was saying did not have to compete with annoying background music.
Susan Sauls Yeah that's true
Ben Olivier I didn't even notice but I was very engaged
YESSS!! This is incredibly important and true, at least for me and learning from my past relationships. I CAN NOT agree with this any less. People who are still maturing definitely need to watch this before jumping into that beautiful complicated mess we call relationships.
Thank you.
Find value first and foremost in yourself. Good video!
No, great video!
Completely agree with this! Put your own HAPPINESS in your own HANDS ♥️
My relationship is going great so far. She and I love eachother very much. We’ve been together for 14 years so far. We live in the same home. There’s this other guy though.. he lives in the same house as us. He joined in, and loves the girl very much, and in time, I learned love him nearly as much as the girl.
I love my parents..
I've been told that my ideology about relation will one day deteriorate my life. I always have problems with relationships until one night I understood why. I have always thought that I will never be happy with anyone until I achieve the expectations I have for myself. I realized that dating is something that will never fulfill the emptiness I have. I understood that there'll be someone who will love me the way I am until I become the person I want to be.
Charlie dropping truth bombs
I'm 24 and been with my girl for 5 and a half year now, married for 1 year. It's been great 🌼. We both have our ambitions and dreams and work hard towards them, but it's important to always listen to each other, care, trust and enjoy the free time and holidays together.❤
Damn that was thought provoking
Going through a bad breakup and it's amazing how much my perspective has changed from the first time I watched this. Goes to show you're making good content if there's wisdom in it that I needed to go through a shift in mindset before I could really absorb it. Thanks for your content, king
I think certain personality types need a spouse while others can be fine with or without one.
This is Charlie's best video imo. The content, the music and the delivery is amazing. I nearly cried.
I've started liking your videos before I watch them, you never disappoint!
This is exactly how I've been feeling lately, the feeling that no matter how much my partner gives me, I'm going to need more and more.
Apple says 'it just works'
Video Says: "It just works"
...
Bethesda has entered the chat
My dude just explained my entire life, and many of my most important decisions. I'm still in the process, but I thoroughly believe I've found the one for me. I've been such an insecure person, and me trying to feel worthy enough has been a long journey, but I thank you for helping me along along the way. My advice for others: enjoy the journey, sometimes you won't reach for your goals, but you can choose to become the best person you can be, and it starts now so don't ever hesitate, always perservere to be greater, it will help you a ton in the end, even if you aren't set with good people at first. Keep going
Amazing stuff bro 👌🏽🙏🏼
~ Thanks Jonah! Appreciate you watching. :-)
"There is nothing outside of yourself that can bring you lasting fullfillment"
Keep this on your wall, people. I live by it, and no matter what my life lacks at times - money, friends, success - I rarely ever have a sad day. When you're ok with yourself you have almost everything.