Ask This Question To Make Someone Feel Truly Special
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
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Oprah Winfrey has a superpower. For over 30 years, people who speak to her have not been able to help but to open up, sometimes crying, expressing joy, or just showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves. That ability propelled Oprah to a net worth of four billion dollars not to mention launching books to the top of the bestsellers list and Dr. Phil's television career. So in this video, we are going to explore how and why Oprah is the best connector that I have ever covered on this channel. And you're gonna learn how to live so that people will naturally find themselves opening up and connecting with you. First off, Oprah sets the stage to connect literally.
Unlike many other TV show hosts, she is famous for walking the aisles of her studio audience and for sitting on the same couch as her guests. Later on, she would actually go into their homes for intimate interviews. Now, the lack of physical barriers such as a desk tends to make two people feel more connected and that's why you are more likely to find a spark on a first date if you sit adjacent to your date rather than being separated by a table.
0:33 Set the situation so connecting is easy
1:17 Connect physically and emotionally
2:58 It's easier to open up if there's eye contact
3:29 Actively listen and paraphrase accordingly
4:38 Call out whenever there are commonalities
Oprah makes James Corden cry:
• Oprah Can Make Anyone ...
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"'People won't remember what you said or did but how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
This is so relevant because Maya Angelou was a close friend to Oprah. She believed in her before other did and Oprah reciprocate the same energy. They are both women who suffers great trauma and manages to turn those tears into gold. So, in someway, I feel like this quote was indeed talking about Oprah.
@Late to the Game So by who is it then? Every source I find cites Maya Angelou.
Late to the Game Maya said it long before that.
Favourite quote 🥰
Best Quote ever
She makes people feel important. She makes people feel heard.... the key point is this: people dont always remember what you say, they remember how you MADE THEM FEEL.
Wrong, i remember both.
you're absolutely correct
that's why i record by writting every conversation i have with my crush
yeah thats a bit wrong lol, of course you remember what others say, otherwise you are just not listening or dont care
@@halolime117 men vs women.
TEDTalks but does TEDListen?
CheesecakeLasagna daamn
😂
midblown
Bio, those of science which would often claim too be this world's universal truth, rarely are willing to listen...
Based upon their perspective, now ask yourselves: Why should they? What can they learn from you, which they cannot learn from their tools, perspective and intellect? Or even already know so well?
*Everything* else, which in my world view is endless of worth, a deep infinite ever changing seanof possibility for great joy and the advancement in human nature.
Very true
Biggest takeaway:
- genuinely try to understand someone’s experience with compassion and love
watch oprah's interview of meghan / harry , it is not genuinely at all - it was so fake both sides.
❤️
Which she seems able to do with most people, with one big exception. Even when corrected, she is convinced that atheists are incapable of feeling awe. She seems to view us as some miserable creatures, rather than someone who just isn’t convinced that a god exists, particularly those posited by early humans. People who often first became disillusioned with their religious group because they couldn’t square their compassion for others, with the brutality and bigotry in the scriptures.
@@katelynnehansen8115 Most christians aren't convinced a god exists as well. If they were they wouldn't sin.
The Bible isn't a book, it's a compilation of books from different writers so there's no consistency in the message. That's why I call myself christian again after years of being atheist. I sympathize with the knowledge of Jesuschrist spread out across the four gospels a lot more tĺhan with the Old Testament'book.
I don't care about what Oprah thinks of atheists becase wheter we are all atheists or we are all christians
@@marcospina162 I understand where you’re coming from. However, there are several issues I see.
The gospels have differing and contradictory stories that were all written many decades after when Jesus was supposed to have lived, and I have no way of distinguishing what of it, is actually true.
In some gospels he comes across as more of a gentle preacher of kindness and forgiveness, or a miracle worker. I must note that in modern day, we see “miracle workers” with thousands of avid supporters, who are consistently proven to be frauds.
In other gospels, he is a death cult leader, telling people to turn on their family and follow him, because the world was going to end in monstrous Armageddon even before all of his disciples were passed away.
I have learned enough about mythologies and their history, origins, and evolution, to understand how the major religions came about. How religion started out as nature and sun worship. As we became more aware and dominate as a species, we started imagining gods as more powerful versions of ourselves, and for some regions, it became a singular powerful being.
It was our best way back then of explaining reality. Of course a raging storm, erupting volcano, or crippling disease, without the tools, time, or reasoning skills to understand it, would seem like powerful angry god/s doing it on purpose.
So theism has evolved like languages. You could call Christianity and Islam, daughter religions of Judaism, which itself was influenced by the Zoroastrianism and Sumerian myths that came before it.
Trouble is, from back to ancient Egyptian days, conmen claimed that they and their family were from the gods, or that they could speak to god, or their group was chosen by gods. And many groups got progressively more brutal to those who didn’t accept their tales and allow them rule.
I would argue that the Abrahamic religions spread not because they were true or good, but because they were brutal. They spread through bloody war, horrific torture, colonization, and intense indoctrination.
They did and do, deny reality to maintain faith, sometimes to the extent of killing or imprisoning a clever human that learned something new about our universe, which happened to disagree with the accepted mythology.
It’s impossible to quantify or describe the amount of suffering inflicted in the rise to power. The loss of knowledge and progression as a species. The loss of empathy and ability to have a reason based morality, rather than what some dude said a god said. Those that converted and survived seem to have Stockholm.
So to sum up, if there’s a slim chance you read this far: I think it’s highly unlikely that most of the Bible is anything more than a collection of folklore spread by the sword and through oppressive tactics, and I believe it’s caused irreparable harm to humanity.
If you already don’t really accept the bulk of the Bible, if you already have to use your own senses to choose what you follow, and if it’s pages are stained red with all the blood shed in its name, why continue to stand by it? Why only divorce yourself from the OT when I’d argue the NT is in many ways more disturbing?
1. Proximity: stand or sit close to people
2.Touch: touch them in non sexual way
3. Prolong eye contacts: keep the eye contact for like 90%.
4. Ask for sensitive questions: don't be afraid to rock the boat
5. Share the similarities: we all love people that are similar or like us so tell people where you share similarities
6. Never diffuse when people cry infact validate.
7. Be human being who sincerely loves to connect with other people, not just to influence or liked by other people.
Welcome, it's 2021
Cool
OFC NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY IMAGINE SOMEONE OPENING UP TO YOU SO YOU PUT UR HAND ON THIER PRIVATES 😭😭
Summary comments are the best
Sitting too close is uncomfortable tho
Do this to me and I'm gone lol
A lot of those tips are person-centred counselling. I would warn people trying this that the risk of this approach of relating is while people will feel understood, heard, and known (things we all crave) it can also create a power dynamic where people turn to you for support without reciprocity.
Absolutely agree with you Laurie.This has certainly been my experience.
Someone mentioned up in the comments that they don't believe Oprah is an introvert. Which made me scoff. Very CLEARLY she is an introvert, because she UNDERSTANDS people and their struggles and doesn't ask for anything back. When you're the one doing the listening, of course you're an introvert. And of course none of these people reciprocate back to Oprah and ask about HER. I'm very similar. I can listen to people all day long and people feel very connected to me because I'll listen to them, but they aren't my friends because the relationship will always be about them. I'm very certain I was a therapist in my past life, but I try very hard to force myself to not make that kind of connection with every person I meet because it's extremely emotionally exhausting.
Even when I've seen Oprah on Ellen, she ALWAYS mentions how she doesn't have any friends, and I feel like nobody ever listens to her say that or believes that because she is Oprah and a billionaire she must have hundreds of friends. But I know she doesn't. It's a very lonely life being the one everyone turns to when they want to talk and that's all people want from you. Oprah also tells Ellen that she is one of her only real friends, which makes me sad. But I also relate because I really only consider a couple of people to be my friends.
That is so true. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with that dimension. Sometimes I think that once you've opened up that space, you also have to take responsibility for the fact that that moment is really about the other person.
I dont mean to Talk myself up but ive been this type of person since i was a kid. You are 100% correct. I learned the hard way. but i still appreciate that people feel comfortable and safe around me to open up/be themselves.
Skyler Love wow ok hi soul twin, same. I feel like therapist type people often have soo many people who trust them but very few true friends, and even with those they still rather focus on their friend's problems then voicing their own. It can def feel very lonely when you think that your closest friends dont truly know who you are, because that leads to the questions, so how can they really love you?
Oprah is the original guru of making people feel comfortable
*Vulnerable.
Silver Knight I don't think she makes them feel vulnerable, they look like they feel safe opening up to her.
my son draws and did a picture of oprah. we want to give it to her. how do we meet her?
Her ability goes far beyond comfort, we taught her how to bring and lead towards ecstasy
except when she interviewed the olsen twins - she was rather rude there
I can litterally FEEL the connection with her.
As an INFJ, these skills come naturally to me. I suffer in making small talk but if the other person makes an effort to ease my tension then I leave a lasting impression by showing real empathy
Oprah is an INFJ too! its a wonderful gift INFJ's have :)
I am also an INFJ and I concur.
Agreed
Agreed! The problem is we become everyone's therapist without any reciprocity. 😕
@@pinkdiamond007 I think Oprah is an ENFJ
I think her childhood trauma, and more importantly overcoming it, made her really empathetic. What she understands about people wanting to be heard, is what she herself needed. Now she knows, she can create this immense love for people.
I also realized that when you look at the eyes of the speaker in a group conversation the person speaking looks toward you more
I can confirm this lmao, i always look at my boss eyes while hes talking to all of us and he mostly turns to look at me at that moment. It could be because they feel they are being heard
omg my teachers always do this with me
Help people because you care about them. That's how you get remembered forever. There is no greater power than love. It's a lesson that I've known since youth. Simply put no one expects someone to actually care. So the moment you truly want the best for someone in that moment the world changes. It's a simple truth.
That's a beautiful message. It goes back the other way too, by giving and loving others, you feel happier about yourself.
I'm Glad for you, I've been that way with a Family Member, Putting My Full Faith in them, Loving Unconditional and giving my Full Attention but it back fired! Now I get "Your Too Caring and Spoil Me". Now I get No credit, there is no winning.
Caring for others is a common trait among humans. Be very careful about calling an act of care for someome as love. Love takes time and effort, investment worth great rewards. But, love is a privelege. Caring for stangers, is very very different from investing into the people you might not like all the time, but you choose to be there for them, even when they don't appear to be in pain, or needing your genrerosity, which is when we normally 'care' for strangers.
@ True. We come with nothing, and go with nothing. Some say there is freedom in that fact.
Generic Scout You are so right 🙌🏾
I think the key is a genuine interest in people and their stories. All these things come naturally when you truly value hearing someone's story and feel honored that they are willing to share it with you.
I used to be this way and it can be very overwhelming to take on everyone else’s baggage. I don’t know how to separate myself from it so now I just close myself off.
Oh I hear that.. It's so draining. Impossible to not care but so hard to be affected so long.
It's important that you also have someone who cares about you and listen to you
Yes, I feel other people's feelings so much that for my own sanity I do at times have to close myself up or wall myself up.
I have to remind myself of this all the time: just like you listen to other people and their emotions, listen to yourself and your emotions so you feel seen and heads and can take care of yourself and your needs
There is a distinction between:
1. getting a person to open up to you (which is one-sided), vs.
2. opening yourself up to another person (also one-sided), vs.
3. mutually connecting with a person.
In a given situation I'm usually good with #1, and occasionally #2, but really struggle with #3.
Having this amount of self-awareness I think is a huge step towards #3
#3 requires trust and effort on both sides. ❤
U have the most important skill then in my opinion because u can do what other people really need and doing what others can't give to most. Congrads bro, u have a skill to be proud of.
You have a superpower!!! The ability to analyze, educate and inspire.
uve said it
calm voice !
It's warmth and genuine interest. Everyone responds to that.
I immediately cried when I saw Oprah told James that "Every father has a dream for his children".
Eye contact is tricky. A lot of Asian cultures find it very aggressive, rude, or presumptuous. I'm Filipino and the prolonged eye contact that is normal and expected in western society is really off-putting if I don't know someone well, but engaging in casual platonic touch during conversation is very normal and much more welcome.
I agree this video is not universally applicable. Eye contact and touching can come off as rude and aggressive in many cultures
Touching? Absolutely not. I don't want a stranger touching me...
eye contact is not aggressive or rude or presumptuous in asian cultures - if anything, touching is. i’ve never heard of eye-contact being off-putting in filipino culture at all.
A lot of the things he says in his videos sometimes apply to the USA but not to a lot of European countries. So the gap with even farther cultures may be bigger.
I think this video is more catered to America, in some countries it’s still extremely common for people to touch you in conversation, from my experience at least in the Arab world and the Spanish world people do it all the time
Ever since I was a child I've had the trouble of connecting with others while it is the thing I want the most. I just didn't know how to but growing up I figured out that I do some things wrong in communication. And this video just taught me the path to communicate correctly. I so happy I came across this video.
Exactly would I commented in another video similar to this one I hear you but the only thing we could really do is try and see where what happens if we fail we keep trying
You are not alone. I too had to work on my socialization skills after realising that there's too much misunderstanding than I'd like in my life. Hope you're doing better now!~
1. oprah is more touchy than Chris hemsworth. Use it in your advance. Get physically closer, avoid tables. Sit adjacent on dates.
2. 100% eye contact. Don't hide with your body. Focus your body towards the person you talk to. Be confident.
3. Exploit what moves the person emotionally. Hit close heart. Hardship, Family, Things we're ashamed of. Family is pretty hard for most of people. And they'll open up. Because you'll listen.
4. Don't diffuse the tension if someone cries. Go with the flow. Encourage them. Be empathetic. Amplify their emotion no matter if good or bad. Actually this is psychological exploitation at its finest XD.
Brilliant. Thank you for identifying all these insights for Oprah's master skill in an excellent way! I will definitely practice this.
I took Causative Communication workshop by Ingrid Gudenas and she teaches many of these concepts. It is great to see such a great example of these concepts. Thank you!
Interpreting what you've just seen as "exploiting" says a lot about you, my friend. Authentically caring about others vs. "exploiting" them becomes apparent quickly. All good things in this world have a shadow side, the biggest lesson will be learned when you find yourself alone without long-lasting, enduring friendships because you believe your intent to "exploit" will pave the way for success and riches. It may happen, but the suffering you cause and the cost will be equally great.
I let the first “exploit” go but the second is just slightly sus.
@@janiceshayne8193 all narcissists think they’re clever. They only play themselves and end up alone.
I agree with everything except touch, I hate being touched unnecessarily, unless it's my family or man.
Sometimes I wonder if these really charismatic people are doing these things consciously or unconsciously. Like are they psychology masterminds or do they just do it naturally...
Mill S that’s a great question. You can easily fake things like confidence and power, but genuine interest in others is almost impossible to fake. And genuine interest is unfortunately something that so many people lack.
Zisha Stilitz Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense! Thanks for the insight!
If they're genuinely charismatic then they will be genuine in their behaviour. I focus quite a lot on non-verbal communication on my channel and one of the key things is that there's so much subtlety in how we communicate that it's insanely hard to fake your charisma. That's why even actors when acting will get so invested in a part or think back to personal experience to convey emotions.
I think they have an unconscious ability, but when you do this for work, you may hone your abilities consciously. My whole life people have always opened up to me, even when it was unwanted. Can't tell you how many times I've been standing at a bus stop and some random person ended up telling me their life story and struggles through tears. I've always been a patient listener. I don't compete for attention or just wait my turn to talk. I've also been told I have a "kind face" and approachable demeanor so I think some of it may be related to looks that are outside our control. I've had homeless people tell me they were surprised by the fact that I didn't act afraid of them or ignore them. Treating people with respect goes a long way. As well as being non-judgemental. Just allow people to vent, don't judge, and try to be empathetic. Some people say that victims have a certain "aura" that other victims (and perpetrators) can sense. Like you just intuitively understand this person has been through a lot and will understand your suffering. I don't know if I believe that, but I do seen to be a magnet for these kinds of people. Not being easily aggitated when people get emotional also helps. If you can appear moved, yet still calm, it strikes that balance of being emotionally-impacted yet still grounded enough to be a stabilizing force for the person breaking down.
Heather Bryant oh wow that’s interesting. Do you like having that ability to talk to people like that or do you ever feel like it’s just too much information?
if oprah ever say a simple hi to me id probably bawl my eyes out. that's how powerful she is.
my best friend has this effect on people. it makes you feel very important but as the years have gone by, I've noticed it can be self serving for her too. she sometimes cares more about the other thinking she's caring and kind than she actually cares about you. I see the way she is especially when she Mets someone new. it's all about the charm and people pleasing. when i got chronically sick I saw this, when she saw me in person she would say all the right things and listen but then go away and leave me in the dark for ages, never offering actual help or checking in. ask yourself WHY you want to connect with everyone so immediately and intently.
I simply want to connect to others so I’ll be able to help everyone.
One thing I noticed is when people talk about their passions, I tend to remember them for a long time.
I remember when people talk passionately about what interests them.
you did a wonderful job capturing her greatness, i'm her fan and you've got it. thank you
You know the sitting opposite facing one other, it really works. After watching this, I realised how many people have opened themselves up, especially when you make storing eye contact. Which I often do when I talk to someone. But when I immediately look away, somehow the other person will feel rejected and won't be as comfortable or safe to express.
This makes a lot of sense. My mother had this gift, and it was for many of these same reasons; touch, eye contact, and just really being present and genuinely curious.
Oprah biggest strength has been her ability to make you feel comfortable. People open up to her becoz she just walks up and talks and she makes people happy. She genuinely likes making people happy which is what I love about her way of communicating.
She literally CARES and LISTENS to her guests. That is the best way to connect with people!
Love it brother
Winny Films It makes me very uncomfortable that your profile pic's wink is on the right eye but the emoji's is on the left😂
Unova 777 hahaha lol! Damn it!! I fudged up!! 😂😂😂
She is a great actor. You should be on as the guest on the show to know how grest of an actor oprah is.
Shawno 7 😂
no, she is crap
Oprah is amazing indeed but dude you're channel and knowledge you share here is freaking great. What is amazing about you Charlie is that every personality you describe here seems unique and is so indeed and that's why I find you yourself unique! Great Charlie! Keep on going!
Thanks!
Great comment on the platonic touching. Guys who are buddies will put their arms on each others shoulders, slap backs, shake hands, etc. Women friends often hug or even kiss on the cheek. These gestures are only shared among people that are close.
Nepthu ive also witnessed de clapping of de cheeks amongst guys.
It's beyond ridiculous how good this channel is... I'm blown away at how much I'm learning from you, and how much of an insight in to my own insecurities I'm gaining, as well as figuring out ways to battle and overcome them. Thanks a million!
Great points throughout the video! I think it's also very important to stress out what goes on (presumably) in Oprah's mind during an interview. When she's listening to someone, she's not just making eye contact and furrowing her brow for outward effect, she's also listening and comprehending what the other person has to say. She doesn't just look the part, she puts her undivided attention into the conversation. That's why she naturally comes up with those meaningful personal questions. That's huge and surprisingly rare. My point is, she's mindful during an interview, and mindfulness is a big part of any person's charisma.
She’s empathizing, that’s her superpower.
Can u make a video on how to make people forget about you instantly 🤔
Ha I think that is probably the default
Charisma on Command hahah thanks 😂👌
@@InvestingHustler sounds like you have a new stalker you're trying to get rid of? 😂
Hypnosis would be the key that I know the most...
Idk if this was a joke but just lol’d
Oprah is a person everyone should study.
Absolutely.
She's VERY intuitive.... and she "reads" people well. It's innate to her: she does it naturally.....it is NOT just coming from theoretical learning.
She has honed her "active listening skills".... BUT she also knows when (and IF) to reflect ideas back to the person. She knows which people NOT to push too hard for information or reactions.... she knows intuitively when to pull back as well as when to lean into a particularly difficult conversation.
She's OPRAH!!!
She's one of the best interviewers "out there".
@@blondwiththewind2598 absolutely she is my mentor
I read this one article that shared you can ask 20 questions and get someone to become attracted to you. I didn't believe it at first, but the questions were personal and deep enough to where sharing such information would make you more likely to like a person. I think Oprah did that technique, but it was televised.
Heck yeah.. she's the wealthiest woman in the US
YES!!! I'm a marriage and family therapist and Oprah is amazing and does what many of us strive to do!! I think I also have this gift. I learned early on as a student how much people just want to feel understood. They just want someone to listen and validate them. So when I felt like, "how can I help them I'm just a student!!!' and their story of trauma seemed overwhelming, I just reminded myself of the quote (someone else shared it in the comments) "People won't remember what you say, but they will remember how you MADE THEM FEEL." so I knew it was more important for me to focus on making sure they felt heard and understood instead of what treatment/theory/psychoeducation I used. She's such a great example of "actions speak louder than words." GAHHHHHH I'm almost 35, so my mom (who's also black) watched Oprah ALL THE TIME growing up. I did sometimes but not much. My mom physically resembles Oprah... I wish her communication style did as well.
As a licensed therapist, I couldn't love you more.rigbt now. Not only did this short video teach people how to connect, it also explained why it's ihemportant.
It ends by directing folks to counseling to help unpack the stuff preventing them from real connections and relationships. The world could be better and kinder if people would follow these easy steps.
Much love and respect brother! 🤗
One thing I noticed about Oprah in this video was how she always looks extremely calm and comfortable. I think that adds a bit of an effect to her touch.
Honestly, I watch her videos on UA-cam just to study her amazing talent lol
New habit of mine as well
Man I see you every where!!!
He is trying to market his channel. You will see this jackass on Vox videos as well.
That's a great idea! I'll try that.
Neeraj Jadhav that's true
1. Setting the stage to connect - lack of table actually makes it easier for developing intimate relationships - also engage in constant physical touch (high-five, handshake, hug...)
2. Strong eye contact - just don't gaze at them - truly be in the present moment to feel their presence and emotion
3. Listen and summarize what the other person just said back to them - it makes them feel like they are being understood
4. Point out the commonalities - Verbally say it out loud on what is common between two of us - feeling similar to someone is one of the six most powerful factors in persuasion - easiest way to point out commonalities is to finish each other's sentences
5. What would be the most important factors in moving relationship forward? The ability to move people emotionally - Ask questions that provokes emotion
6. What makes it even better than just touching them emotionally? The ability to lean into more of their emotion without trying to diffuse the emotion - if someone is feeling sad and frustrated, ask more question in detail to dig more about their emotional core - Don't try to change the subject and redirect - Imagine yourself as being in their situation and sympathize with them.
* I have to focus primarily on what I share rather than on how I differ. I have to be able to open myself first so that they will be also comfortable opening themselves up. (Deep)
I’ll definitely practice everything you said 🙏🏾
I was so charismatic to a girl and other girls, this one girl said your literally a magnet and are so good with people aha
She is just very authentic. She seems good person. 🤗✨
Epstein says otherwise
@@compilationgems2237 Yeah I was thinking about that. O find it hard to believe but sometimes it's the people you expect least.
I've learned a lot by watching this video. Thanks! What I find most interesting in Oprah Winfrey's charisma is her "going there, too" and then being comfortable there. Being able to comfortably endure the tension. This is a Higher Status trait I've always associated more with being comfortable in awkward situations, facing uncomfortable truths and critique or staying relaxed under a cold shower, etc. But by showing/communicating her comfort with the strong emotional tension it feels like she is giving permission to her guests to be comfortable with the emotions as well. And that's a very liberating feeling.
I actually hate when I am talking to someone and the person is intensively staring at me. I mean, I know it means that they are paying attention, but I have the constant fear that something is wrong with me 😂😂
Ziky 👁_👁'
Saaame 😂💀
Odds are they're doing it wrong in that case.
It's not just about eye contact, it's first about letting yourself seem like a non-judgmental and open person yourself. Once you've shown that there's absolutely nothing to fear about you, listening with eye contact gets massively stronger at actually getting people comfortable talking to you.
Ziky maybe youre insecure
Ziky Sounds like they make you aware of your insecurities. That means your job is to figure out what those are, and figure out how to be more accepting of yourself.
you need such a rare mindset, heart and soul to be a person like this. It's admirable
Look at others. Give them your full attention and eye contact. Turn your body towards them. As you speak to them, keep your eyes focused on them. Listen. Don't think of what you'll say next. Seek to discover what you share in common with these people. Listen, and you'll find what emotionally drives each and every living soul.
I think Lindsay Lohan longed all of her life for appreciation and recognition from her loved ones and she didn't get it from them as she needed it or not at all, that's why people become so emotionally when someone sees their achievments
You give the purest content ever. So extremely useful and positive. I absolutely love your channel.
I can get ANYONE to open up to me. Funnily enough I call it a gift. I think it’s cause I’m a very kind, warm and open person (this is what I’ve learned over the years) (I’m 55). I also love people in general. I’ve never made a penny out of it though 🤷🏻♀️ Oh well.
Extroverts should always post something on social media
THIS is what I've been missing. Thank you so much CC, I understand now, and hope to be able to embark on more meaningful relationships in the close relationships I already have now! ♡
~ Best of luck. :-)
Why are my eyes in tears after every few seconds??!!
i appreciate all of your videos more than you could ever imagine. i deeply struggle with social anxiety and my entire life i’ve just let it completely define who i am because i don’t know how to break the cycle, but your videos make me realize that *i* control myself, i control my mind, i control my body and my thoughts. your videos are like the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and i appreciate that and YOU more than you’ll ever know.
1. Have no objects in the way
2. PLATONIC Touch
3. Strong eye contact
4. Listen and summarize
5. Empathize with others
6. Open up yourself
Just wanted to comment to express my gratitude and appreciation for your videos.I have realized how important charisma really is.As an introvert i have some problems expressing my self and talking to people is not my strong point,but i would love to get better at it.I probably will join your University when i can afford it.
Only found your channel through the appearance on Leo Vader’s channel but wow. What an amazing case study. Oprah Winfrey is like the maternal figure that so many of us need, whether we realise it or not.
This is what I'm trying to learn. Especially, because I'm an introvert and autistic woman. The most uncomfortable and PAINFUL for me is eye contact to others. Maybe because of my autism spectrum disorder too, I couldn't express what I really want to others properly. And when I talk to people, I could feel the muscles in my throat almost broken. That's why, I wanted to learn to communicate properly
You can look briefly at some one then look down and nod in a yes yes. Ugh huh positive way. That way you don't have to make as much eye contact.. Use the nodding positivity gestures so people feel accepted.
Also showing open hands ..etc. Look that up.
There are ways to make people comfortable when YOU can't make EYE contact.
This helped me realize why complete strangers will tell me their life story…being genuinely present, empathetic, and intense eye contact. I have cried with strangers, who are now friends!
Amazing video, I think this is one of the best I've seen in a while (all of them are great, I just loved this). Oprah is really one of the most inspiring people I can think of, I've heard about where she came from and what she had to go through as a child and seriously that story alone leaves people in tears. However, what's remarkable is while many wouldn't have had the strength to drive themselves away from that, she's not only got her life on track, but she's become one of the most successful people imaginable and she does it by helping others. She's just amazing!
From my personal experience, Charlie, I would recommend to NOT go with this approach as our default approach when we’re looking to build long-term relationships that tend to have lower sense of boundaries, like friendships, romantic relationships and with relatives, as they may put us on a pedestal and expect the same level of understanding ALL THE TIME, without considering that we’d like it to be reciprocated sometimes.
People may often not reciprocate as they'd believe we are an EXCEPTION, and they, simply, are not capable of giving that much. They might not dig deep to believe that it takes efforts for us to give. This can create a huge imbalance, where we're expected to act as their therapist, mentor, parent, apart from the relationship we already share with them.
I've had people who'd come to me at any incidence of emotional imbalance, to talk about their childhood trauma, bothersome office politics, relationship woes, detached parents, mean siblings, self-centred friends. All of this is okay until we're bombarded with their woes so much without receiving any respect of our time and preference, that can leave us feel CONSUMED.
I've been burned by this many times. It's only recently I realised that this only works better in two ways.
One, when we aren't expected to share an intimacy with a person; we can easily chuck away the small talk, get to know each other and build a deeper connection.
Two, when we build strong boundaries from the start (or at least NOW), so we don't become the 'go to person' for every ordeal, and we aren't being demanded to keep up with this approach often, just because we're more of a giver.
I relate so much with what you're writing. My struggle is right now that I am feeling egoistic or narcistic when I don't give on the same level as before. But I learned when I connect so deeply with a person and the pure their heart out but it's one sided and I can't do the same, the relationship won't last, or at least at some point I loose the will to give the same again again. So the relationship is not equally shared and the other person is kind of fooled by the level of connection they think you share, but they opened up so much and you gave room for that, and in the end you don't do that same and can't go on the same level of intimacy or connection. It's so complex and I didn't understand that fully but I will hopefully. I want to have balanced formes of connection and not just me being like Oprah and not getting the credit that it may deserve... Haha don't know if it makes sense to anyone
This seems like good advice. However, it’s not as easy as “Just start caring about others.” I personally find it most challenging when I have to find meaning and connection in what others are saying. All too often I find myself feeling apathetic to others situations, because they’re blowing it out of proportion, and it’s really not that deep. It feels fake for me to pretend to care, and I know others can sense when I don’t.
in February this year 2019
I watched a video of one of Oprah's old clips and found myself in tears.
she got superpowers
I love how you breakdown talk show host styles. I would love a video on Ellen’s hosting style. I’m really curious how she gets actors to play games and how she’s able to scare actors on her show and they still come back to the show another time!
Lol I'm curious too
Because they love Ellen , she is funny and likeable
I think because Oprah experienced extreme pain in her past making others open up too.
Air Elegant Its literally a topic in this video :P
Her life story is actually pretty horrific when you look at what she's been through. Your right, I think personal experience is how she's developed such empathy.
True So True
Not everyone who's experienced extreme pain in the past has that skill though. It's more innate, IMO. She probably had to work on it too.
Air Elegant
It's not that simple. Traumatized people (who haven't been able to work on it) are very likely to misinterpret others in "familiar situations" because their psyches are going off the rails at the hint that something bad is going to happen again. She must have worked on it a ton.
Don't ever try to hint that anyone is better off experiencing something truly awful again, thanks.
Man I've got to say you're videos are some of the absotute BEST I've ever seen!And you really deserve like 10+ million subscribers
As somone with social anxiety i just wanna say these videos really help me understand alot of what's going on in conversation and interactions with people. Thank you dude!
When I was in med school, during the intro to clinical medicine section on interviewing, we were specifically directed to observe Oprah's technique. What was specifically praised was her ability to get people to open up. Unfortunately not such was discussed in the way of specific methods, just that she was especially good at it.
“I am an introvert” she says
She probably is. I'm really comfortable with words, people and public speaking now; but when I was 15, I had a lisp and no one could understand me, it was so fustrating. When I finally got my voice back...all the words just came out, you know. She has the empathy, quiet stillness and just...thoughtful, authentic demeanor of an introvert. I do believe, with a little help and time; they can be among the most charismatic people.
@@rocketassistedgoat1079 No she is not an introvert, she is actually an extrovert ( ENFJ) to be more specific
Charisma on Command should be a college
@@PracticalExperts lmao
it's so cool because this was how my best friend and i became best friends. We started talking on the school bus, so we were basically forced to sit on the same side and we made a lot of eye contact and we've asked each other really deep and meaningful questions. We're both really open with our emotions :D
Hello! I don't usually make comments on UA-cam and this video is pretty old, but I just wanna say that your channel has really helped me not only develop a more outgoing persona, but recognize my own character and how I act. I realize how capable I am of being the person I want to become, and while im sure thats different for everyone here, you help a ton of people discover this too. Keep up the good work
~ Thank you, Zahra! Glad the channel is making a positive impact. :-)
This is such a great video. I would argue it's one best explanations of how to make true friends. So many videos focus on the surface BS like "go do some activities", "join a club", "be loyal"...etc. But this video gets to the heart of how to create intimacy.
WHY DID I CRY AT THE END? I SAW HER HIGH FIVE SOMEOME FOR BEIG SOBER I WELLED UP OMG
This is amazing- the best gift you can give and take, the interest in people's problems and to feel their feelings. Its MAGIC because I cried just *looking* at her compassion and nurturing interactions.
Watching these during a pandemic is crazy bc I’m like why are they touching so much
Oprah is the kind of woman I strive to be in life. You can just tell she’s inherently good. ❤️
I cried during this video. Damn you Oprah
How to get people to open up!
Nuanced Touches
Eye contact
Calls out their Commonalities
Relate with the person
Question them on their hardship, family and dreams
Don't diffuse their emotional feelings
I never really understood why Oprah was so special until this video, thanks
She’s an introvert but she’s also a good communicator that’s exactly how I wish to be I learned a few things from her The key point is she really makes people feel heard
Thank you for this video. I'm crying half way through myself Lol. Especially at the Lindsay Lohan part. I grew up watching her rise and fall, and it broke my heart to see how she broke down to Oprah's empathetic response to her question about being sober, because I have seen so many people asking Lindsay that same question but judging her and looking down on her.
She lets people feel their feelings and says they’re real and valid and acknowledges them. It’s powerful
Great listeners are gifts from heaven. From the clip with Rihanna, Lindsay and the guy after her who asked himself "why am I crying on Ophrah?" (don't know his name, sorry lmao), I can almost feel how vulnerable they are and how good Oprah really is.
Oprah was my first exposure to international television as a kid and it's interesting to see how much I turned up like her conversationally.
Met her once and got to spend a great deal of time with her on the day I met her this is spot on. I will never forget our conversation.
Omg you've nailed Oprah! She truly does have a gift. And love her or hate her, you can't help but notice that she really does have the gift of drawing people out and allowing them to feel safe enough to be their TRUE genuine selves around her. I hope to be more like that with my close family and friends. :)
Notice how she "Yes And"s every interaction!:)
She's a pro. I would say to figure out your own style of communication and master that, like Oprah has.
I think it’s tht feeling of not being judge. Feeling accepted. Maybe respected even
Oprah has felt the worst of pain, her surviving resilience touches others who are surviving and resilient, it connects.
Oprah has such a warm personality. With that kind of a person beside you or around you is certainly unforgettable.
Oprah is a powerhouse with a beautiful soul.
I have this gift , seeing people (near or far) as they are without judgment , desiring to always celebrate others , that healing and happiness can come. ~ Watch I will see this among wolves attention seekers. Always be yourself thou. Give to those who will honestly execute and pay it forward , even unto you. Beware of people that reject love , sincerity, and security , they worry me , actually scare me.
my Grandma is an opra personality. She can talk to anyone and asks the best questions because shes truly interested. Its a gift
“Love to hide in a bathroom”
WHEN I TELL YOU I AM LITERALLY HIDING IN A BATHROOM
she’s aquarius... as aquarian’s this is one of our best qualities. we connect with people naturally
I'm pretty sure if someone started touching me like Oprah did I would remember them forever in a very weird way.
Well I disagree after all a good way to touch a person is to make sure the other person doesnt tense up.
It depends on who it is and how they do it. I actually noticed the HR director at the company I work for does exactly the same thing, but again, there's no awkwardness in the way she does it because of the skills she has to connect with people.
I have a friend who does that. He does it to everyone even waitresses. You can see them take a mental step back and in 3 seconds decide if he's harmless or not. On more than one occasion I've wandered off to the ladies room but really took a detour to find the waitress and let her know he is harmless. I also slip them an extra tip. I really wish he wouldn't do it, it's getting expensive for me. I'm not comfortable being touched by strangers and I can see the war going on in some of these people's heads. His wife is oblivious, my husband is pretty oblivious too. Maybe I'm just more tuned in but not everyone welcome physical contact even if it is only putting your hand over another's.
Sharon Martin maybe he's just like Chris Hemsworth.
Sharon Martin I would go so far as to say the majority of people dislike being touched by anyone they don't know on a personal level, the only reason why it's considered acceptable here is because it's in front of an audience, and the people being touched basically signed up *in order to get attention*
Here’s the big question for me. How do you relate to people and try to commiserate with people in a genuine way without looking like you are “one upping” them? If someone says “I’m an introvert” and you say “Me too!” And then you both go on to talk about it, I end up feeling like I took their moment from them. Does that make sense? I didn’t realize how amazing Oprah was at this. She’s not my cup of tea politically but, she’s powerful with people! She made ME cry by saying “every father has a dream”. Omgosh. Thank you.
Ok but why did I actually cry watching this. Even though the words Oprah had were for her guests somehow it felt like she was talking directly to me as well. Some things you really don't know you need to hear until it's spoken. Thank you so much for the video. And thank you Oprah!!!!
Ok the girl i take my class with is Oprah then, i talked to her for the first time and she really got my to open up to her, she does the high fives really connects with just anyone she talks to.
Give everyone you meet a free car.
Awww and not pay the gift tax... Lol I remember hearing about that incident. It was the epitome of the saying 'No good deed goes unpunished' lol
@@RoxanneGutierrez010
Someone grants you a brand new car and you deem them criminals because the gift tax is not included?
Forgive me for saying, but right now I just pity you...
Or BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
*David Dobrik*
mr beast