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7 Red Flags In Dating You Should Never Ignore
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- Опубліковано 16 сер 2024
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7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore
One of the difficult things about dating is that sometimes people put a version of themselves forward that doesn't correspond to who they really are. So you can start a relationship, think you're dating this wonderful person and find out after several months that that's in fact not the case. And that's why in this video, I want to give you seven red flags that you absolutely need to be aware of to avoid dating someone that you don't want to be with. And this is true of both men and women and I'm gonna focus on things that aren't so obvious and not just jealousy or clinginess - things that might be happening that you're not noticing that if you did, you could save yourself a lot of pain.
So the first thing is that if the person that you are dating has friends that you don't like, chances are the person you're not like. dating is someone you eventually will Now, of course you want to treat them as an individual, right? You're saying, "They're not like their friends. They don't have these qualities so why should I ascribe to them qualities that I see in these other people?" And if that's a wonderful feeling but the truth is we are all products of the five people that we hang out with the most. We're like our friends especially if we spend a lot of time with them.
0:37 Check out the friends of the one you're dating
1:20 Check out how they treat waitstaff or service people
2:17 Be wary when they tell secrets that aren't supposed to be told
3:18 They're heavily engaged in social media
4:33 They had short-lasting relationships
5:38 They put all the responsibility onto their ex when they broke up
7:05 They have the idea of their partner being perfect
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Red flag number 8... they cheated on someone else to be with you
I feel like that's an obvious one
chaosawaits not really. My ex told me how he never loved anyone like that to the point that he left his gf ( of 2 years ) the next week we met that's how i was convinced of what he said but now we aren't together anymore ig he fell out of love
Whoever cheats with you will just as easily cheat on you.
@@jessealvarez779 if they cheat FOR you they will cheat ON you
Ellie Johns it’s an obvious one even if you didn’t realise it at the time. Once a cheater, always a cheater, regardless of whether they had cheated on someone else with you at first.
8. People that are unable to admit fault or apologize.
Tiffany Lawrence omg exactly its so important
Isn’t that part of #6: putting the blame on someone else and not on them
@@Fahrenheitluverxoxo That is.
OR , apologize for something they didn't do , yet they don't apologize for something WRONG they did.
sounds good ?
@@Macilious No. Your comment didn't make sense. Your statement contradicts itself.
I have never heard an "um" from him... I have never met someone so good at public speaking
Ever heard of editing, retakes and him not actually seeing the audience?
Minute 8:44 doesn't count? Lol.
It’s called a script and practice lol
Have you ever attended one of his lectures?
public speaking? where? lol
"If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals" - Sirius black
What if I treat my inferiors better than my equals?
@@user-kb8qw7dy4t Idk, you’re nice
@@user-kb8qw7dy4t turn to page 394
My abusive ex was very nice to people he considered socially inferior, but aggressive and combative with everyone else.
@@JessicaPandino sounds like he was very manipulative, sorry you had to go through that
People who are rude to waiters are an instant turn off.
Always thought about how this never happened to me... maybe i was delusional with some girls, but I never actually registered degrading behaviour of them towards staff. Can someone give me an example, so I might spot it in the future?
Miles Janlo
* blaming or getting frustrated with a worker about rules when they don’t make the rules.
* Not saying please and thank you or smiling.
* Pointing at them or at what you want on the menu rather than waving to get their attention and saying what you want
* passing them the menu before they’ve finished writing
* acting like the food being bad is their fault
@@Amateur_Pianist_472 thanks man, feels like there is a micro cosmos to these things, gonna be more wary now.
Miles Janlo I’m a chick haha but yeah I just have found these things working in takeaway.
Wondering Spirit As someone who has worked as a server & barista for many years, I completely agree.
These don't just apply to dating, they also apply to making new friends.
amen sister
Yep! My best girlfriend disposed of me quite unceremoniously over some silly squabble. I was devastated, but then again she had done the same thing to at least half a dozen other people in the time that I knew her, including one husband. She had a pattern of inability to deal with conflict in a healthy way, no amount of patience and accommodation from me could change that.
James Green no toxic friends* :)
Facts!
Any social/professional relationships, really.
I broke up wiht a girl that had all of these signs, and no matter how much i tried to be patient and be on her side, it was never enough. Seeing this takes a huge weight of me.
"off"
Block & have no contacts with her for she,s not worth being in your life
@@christianbenn316 Exactly,fortunately i got out of there long time ago, there are worse things than being alone
Same
Red flags for friendship/Dating:
1)Check out the friends of your partner/friends.
2)Look out how they treat the lower status people.
3)Reveal the secrets of others.
4)They're heavily engaged in social media.
5)If they don't have long lasting relationships than get rid off.
6)Victimization of themselves.
7)If they have the idea of Perfect personality then they are faking you just get rid of them.
All of these are true!!!! In this situation now!!!
Victimization of themselves, oh boy, this would have helped me 8 to 10 years ago yes it's very true.
This is all signs of narcissisim
Thank you 😊
Having no friends at one stage in life does not mean the person is fake. They could just be going through a rough time or law school.
Another bad sign if you're young and dating someone: if you tell them you need to sleep or do homework and they beg you to stay and talk to them & encourage unhealthy habits just so they can spend more time with you, they obviously don't care enough about your wellbeing. I've had both friends and a partner like this, and in both cases the relationships ended unpleasantly.
Recently broke up with my bf because he wanted me around all the time. At first I thought it was just in the beginning of the relationship because we were in the 'it's new and exciting'-stage but after two months without any improvement even after talking about it I just couldn't do it anymore.
Thats something that just happened with me today
Thank you for bringing that up, i can also vouch fthat all those fiendships relationstips ended for me as well and Im really happy becuz i wanted to ditch their egotistic arses anyways. One guy called me in the middle of the night from another country landline just because i had not answered his text message within the same day, i should have sen that as a major red flag and not continued, but i have him chance after chance and it was a complete disaster, i just get disgusted by the thought of thinking of him and his ignoramus ego persona. He incorporated exactly EVERYTHING that is dislikable.
finpin agree
Thank you! I just cut off friends that were just like this in the past year. After high school, I moved away to go to college. My family’s not rich, and it was the only one I could afford to work myself through while only putting in the standard four years. There was a three hour time difference between home and college. I kept in touch with some high school friends, but it was hard to find time between school and work. I tried to keep in touch, but they were never really satisfied with the time I carved out. They wanted my undivided attention for hours at a time, and I barely had enough time for myself. I took on full course loads, worked a part-time/ full-time job, helped a suicidal roommate, and graduated a semester early.
Cut to graduation, I move back home while job hunting. I text my friends to pick a day to hang out. One is passive-aggressive, giving me backhanded compliments about finishing college and finally being present. It should have been a red flag, but I just sloughed it off and kept texting them about plans. They never picked a day, and every time I ran into them, they gave condescending comments about taking a “shortcut” with college and not putting in any actual work like them... Months later, relationships fall apart, and all I can feel is relief that it’s over. I missed the friendships and the people I thought they were when we were young, but people grow apart.
Never be with someone who isn’t supportive of your self-improvement or acknowledging of your accomplishments. They may call you self-centered, but it’s not your job to “fix” them or to put your life on pause for them.
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross)
I can't believe I never came across this before! Whoah! My mind is blown in all sorts of ways, thank you for sharing!
Wow, that's so beautiful!!
damn!
Yooo that’s deep af
Paulino Sensei that is beautiful wow
my last gf was PHYSICALLY perfect but oh man was she a mess inside.
i learned what a mess *I* was from that experience.
4 years clean never again.
You kinda sound parallel to what’s going on with me, I just hope I can find a way out of feeling so alone being around with all these people and SO’s
@@HotMochaCake semen retention, vigorous exercise, and therapy. not even kidding. develop love and respect for your own body and energy. harness your energy and raise it upwards. you have the power to feel whole and intimate with yourself. then you will be prepared to be with another
Sounds like my ex fiance from nearly 5 years ago. OCD, Depression and Anxiety, though physically she was short, thin and blonde which I always wanted.
I think a lot of people echo this, same lol, I've analyzed, I think it has to do with beauty makes them treated different by others, as if they are special just for looks, so when somebody tries to coax something deeper out of them or expects something deep from them, they immediately break down and behavior goes awry.
Clean u mean not in a relationship?
When you stay single
Your pockets will jingle!
😂
Lmao
I think, therefor I am single.
hehehe
Also if your partner is married is a HUGE red flag.
Well, I mean, it's not a red flag if they're married to you...
@@user-jk4jj4nm1q maybe a red flag if you have just started dating though?
indeed :)
Unless everyone involved like that kind of thing.
If you're married and have to resort to "date night" instead of just "eating dinner together" it does tend to imply that there is at least some issue, but it also implies you're communicating about it and trying things, so maybe it will be OK.
1:32 "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals" -Sirius Black
I love that quote! I wrote it down after I first read it!
funny because sirius treats kreature (the house elf) like garbage
Prasanna Janakiraman Good point. Although I don’t think Kreacher was too kind to Sirius either. I think there is a lot of history between them that we just don’t know. (And tbh I hope we never know)
I remember hearing an interview with Kurt Cobain and he's naturally kind to the waiter.
@@prasannajanakiraman5832 You're right, this was actually a quote by Dumbledore about Sirius
I'm good at recognizing fake people and living actors. It's a big turn off to me. Real is much more attractive. And that doesn't mean that someone should be a jerk or jerkette just to "be themselves." Real people still know how to be polite and don't have to disagree on everything.
Coach Lee tbh i do disagree with a-lot of things, nearly everything, but I am just myself.
It's super annoying when I know people who genuinely act like a jerk but others play it off as "That's just how they are". It's just mind boggling.
I am highly empathic. Almost supernatural, really. Sometimes I hope I am wrong, and have been some, but rarely.
I am real but I'm a funny character, I have fun making people laugh ,and some malcontents think I'm a phoney but I am not I'm very real ,I'm just very funny
As a 50-year old man, I giggled inside when you mentioned a mistake you made when you were "young." That term is relative. I enjoy your tips.
I was dating a swiss girl...if that is a red flag, it has a plus...
Good one, lad
I wish someone would actually say that to me once, id die laughing and would actually go for a drink😹 greetings from🇨🇭
did you see fruitbags comment first?
@@EMScott-le7vu no, but there exists a joke about living in switzerland and the flag beeing a plus...so that was my Inspiration
is it red on white or white on red?
I was dating a chick who was really into communism, was that a red flag?
fruitbag I see what u did thar
but yes that's a really bad sign if she's an adult and believes in such a ridiculous economic theory
Up you go :)
at least she'll share her food with you
!PlatypusDude! It's easy to share when you're sharing nothing...
fruitbag it just means she's easily satisfied (doesn't need to be rich), and wants everyone to be happy. She might just not have really thought it through. It's not a bad idea in theory, and a bit of communism works well in many european countries. It's full communism that doesn't work well in practice.
Dude nailed it when the person you are seeing always talks about how bad their ex’s are and I had what was your part in the relationship decline? Just about every women I spoke to would act like they were perfect when later I learned they are not
Just broke up, best decision of my life as of now if I dare say so myself, because I came to 7/7 of these points and conclusions. Some of them were not only present in my ex but also in me. So thank you!
Did you also break up with yourself?
@@barrydworak You know what, yes :DD I learnt from my mistakes and became a better person
@@Nemamka Very cool! The last year for me was a similar journey. And in a way, I actually DID break up with myself as I was, or parts of me anyway. :)
Bold of you to assume I have five friends.
lmao. true.
Are you an introvert? Then don't worry. It's totally fine to maintain 1 or 2 friends and not more. :-)
Your right, in your life that means you will never be able to use both hands!
Bold of you to assume I have 1 friends.
Actually, no one assumes a degenerate like you would care enough to watch vids like this.
When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags
Damn that’s me nooooooooooo
OMFG WOW WOW WOW THIS IS AMAZING
This is 100% true. I can tell you from experience
Yep my problem right here
bojack horseman reference 😂😂
I really like the secrete part, there is enormous difference between blabbing and confiding, confiding I think requires time
Best thing I ever did is NOT date in 5 years, don’t really miss it.
Agreed. Happiest, most peaceful years of my life.
Another Red Flag, if a woman says she hasn't dated in X years what it really means is that they've been having one night stands for X years
A 5yr vacation!!! Congrats! I'm on my 9th yr!
Nepu-Tech USA that’s absolutely true. That’s a major major red flag. They been sleeping around like no tomorrow. At least my current girlfriend has had long relationships.
@@Zeriel00 hoeing around and having fun isnt a red flag. its a personal choice
your secrets are safe with me ill forget them an hour after you tell me
This is me
That is so me. I don’t if that is good or bad though.
@@cecee7095 I mean you already forgot so what can you say?
Here's a quick summary to copy and save...but don't skip the video!
Dating Red Flags:
1. Their friends are people you would not like or admire.
2. They are disrespectful to waitstaff or service people.
3. They don't keep their word and spill their friends' secrets.
4. They value their social media image over their true character.
5. They lack solid, long-lasting relationships with friends or family.
6. They blame others instead of owning their faults or setbacks.
7. They already see you as perfect, instead of supporting your imperfections and self-improvement.
thx skipped it anyway
Gary Lowell T Thanks for the summary. I see you have done it on quite a few of his videos. I always watch the video but its nice being able to screenshot your comment.
Thank you!
Robo276 the ultimate rebel
Robo276, ha...well can't blame you if you're busy! And COC probably still gets a little boost in ad revenue from your click-through, so there's that...
"Before you move in with someone see how they react when their internet goes down."
This is why I live alone. 🤣
I've watched three videos from you and i gotta say, i really agree with your points and they make sense especially after you justify them. These videos not only lets us look out for red flags in people but also identify red flags in ourselves so we can make changes. Good content!
8. If someone has been married 6 times then it’s pretty much 100% their fault
It takes two to tango
@@wyattbailey3092 but only one factor in common 6x over
It couod be that they're bad inside relationships or that they're bad at CHOOSING partners.
My father has been married 3 times and it's not because he's a bad guy, it's because he chose the wrong women.
Divorced
Beheaded
Died
Divorced
Beheaded
Survived
King Henry had six wives
(Aka he's a big red flag lol)
@@wyattbailey3092 nope, it certainly does NOT take two to destroy a relationship. Grow up.
When someone says their exes were crazy
Is a huge red flag usually it’s always the other way around
Except she was man! I went to the psychiatrist at her insistence and they told me that she's the one that needs to be there!
Kevin c oh man so sorry!
I hope you got away
gretchen baker unless you give an explanation then yeah but people will usually take someone for their word
"Usually it's always" That's an oxymoron. It's either "usually" or "always". It can't be both.
I once briefly dated a guy who had a “crazy” ex. Turns out he was still living with her. I told him we were done and blocked him on social media. He kept creating new profiles trying to contact me.
I feel like this applies to all kinds of relationships as in with family and friends, not just romantic relationships. I had a friend who used me and I wanted to help her. She had lost a number of friends and she gossiped a lot. In fact, all of the red flags listed in the video remind me of the difficult "friendship." It hurt and I was blamed, put cutting her off released the emotional strain.
Sounds like your friend is a narcissistic sociopath
As someone who had abusive parents and doesn’t want to be close to their family but doesn’t think that devalues me as a person, I understand but feel so defeated and frustrated by people’s attitudes about it.
Sorry you had to deal with abuse by parent. Im feel for you my friend. Not your fault tho either. Take care ❤
Yes, also for many introverted ppl, we sometimes attract unstable ppl because they're the only ones who will make the constant massive effort to socialise with us. This can end badly
This advice is great for friendships in general, not just dating. I've had to "break up" with some toxic friends
Totally agree, you might not care, but had a friend that would almost "workship" healthy relationships and consent and tell us abouvoir it, had ton of values and criterias... but would apply no such things into her friendships, idk for her "true" relationships but her friendships all turned to vinegar and she was definetly toxic. Someone called her out for it and she took it wrong, telling her now ex-friend, too bad you believe i am the person you need to remove from your life... so yep agreed 100%
Yep.
Maroua Yous SJW “friends” are the worst.
@@fatuusdottore thank you, now I can finally put a word on it that isn't "plainly" toxic XD
yes people who drag you down psychologically, emotionally and financially aren't friends. Keep crappy people away from for safety and sanity reasons
I think very important about no. 3 is that not only the people who tell others' secrets are bad, but also the people who pressure you to tell them the secrets of others and get very offended and upset when you refuse to tell them.
That's not a red flag, that's just an asshole.
People who gossip get let go very quickly in my world
True
I just don't like secrets in general. Infact idk why anyone even tells me any of their secrets. I never give them away cause that's their information and if somebody wants to know they can ask that person, not me.
People who would get upset for you not telling people's secrets are probably narcissists. They think they're entitled to whatever they want.
I've never thought of anyone as being perfect till I met him. Honestly he's just so admirable and funny, I know he has flaws but its hard not to think of someone as perfect when they have all the qualities you admire. I'm glad this video mentioned that.
The real question should be: “how do i get a date?”
You talk to people, always try to enjoy yourself and have fun and don't be scared to take risks. Has been working well for me
ask for it, might be an idea
Djbustanut attraction is not a choice. If a woman likes you she’ll gladly setup a date with you. If she’s not interested she won’t.
@@TheBb6prelude no one is attracted to me tho.....
@@mainne97 bad advice
Dude, where were you 30 years ago? You could have saved me 21 years of marriage.
When did you know it was all wrong?
gaston0770 Probably not born yet.
@@Lescouflair
He's 32 i believe
Could have saved me exactly 365 days of marriage. Should have known she was selfish and self absorbed by the way she treated people in the service industry.
Press F to pay respect for our fallen brother.
Some more Red Flags for everyone to consider:
-The Canadian flag
-The Swiss flag
-The Chinese flag
-The Turkish flag
Crazy
The Soviet flag
The Vietnam flag
Japan's flag?
Moroccan flag..... xD
I loooove number 7! This has happened to me so much. It's honestly really messed up when you are dating someone who is dating an idea of you. Whenever someone gives me that glossy look and calls me "perfect" early on, I run for the hills. Trust me, you dont want that - it's a cage which will be painful to shatter and a complete waste of time.
Damn, man. I find myself a bit skeptical before watching advice videos, but your advice is so damn solid. It seems like common sense, but we haven’t necessarily heard it from someone before, so your videos are super refreshing and needed. I find myself nodding when you make points. Anyway, been watching your videos and just subscribed about a week ago, but am a fan of your advice. Keep up the good work!
Also a red flag: They don't respect your feelings, and responds "you are too sensitive", or they change the subject and start to talk about what you did wrong instead...
Your mind might be deceiving, but your body will tell you the truth about the other person. If you feel nervous or anxious, or you just can't trust the other person... run.
Lost Translation Gaslighting. Dump them. Quick.
First part was mostly about narcisstic people, we should avoid them at all cost for our mental stability
Day 7 of running away from my ex... I think she has a machete
Had a girl I use to talk to like this she was awful. She started unnecessary drama and constnakty blamed me for "over thinking" when I brought up if she still liked me still cause she would flirt with other guys all the time and I even told her i don't want to be in a love traingle.. I finally drawed my self away from her she made me seem as though I was at fault resulting in my friends leaving. All ik know is im intrested in one girl now but yeah i don't mind being single honestly. It's not worth it imo
Maybe you are too sensitive and insecure.... If you are, you will drive someone crazy.
8. People who constantly compare themselves to others and try to keep up.
9. People who incessantly speak negatively about others... especially people they don't even know (and they try to draw you in to their negativity), i.e. "eww, what is he/she wearing?" "why would anyone spend money on that?" "Isn't he/she ugly?" Beware.
yikes, my ex to a t
Good advice!😇😇
nah I always say sth negative of other persons, but in a joking way because nobody is perfect. Still doesn't stop her/him to be sympathic.
@rebecca triggered You should never compare yourself with others. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday. Having good examples is a must, trying to copy good actions and others, but not comparing yourself. I did this a lot and it doesn't help, it's only a waste of valuable time.
9 is a clear indicator- and an immediate turn off! Its a shame anyone would waste their time negatively criticizing others peoples appearances and lives- its so terrible to judge!
I just want to expand on one of your points:
I grew up with an absent father and in an abusive household with emotionally manipulative/abusive extended family. As I grew up I hadn't been taught self respect or self love or what boundaries are so I pushed away anyone healthy (because they mistakenly felt boring) and I attracted and accepted anyone toxic, abusive, manipulative (because they felt like a roller coaster, drastic highs, drastic lows, I was taught that this is love) This goes for intimate relationships as well as friendships.
The only 'long term' relationship I've had was an extremely narcissistic one. I've had to cut friendships and family ties over the years to remove toxic people from my life and I now find dating a mine field because I still attract toxic men and I'm paranoid about anyone who seems genuinely good. - This is an on going process and I'm almost 30!
But. I've been in counselling, I'm so much more aware of myself and other people and I'm working really hard to love myself, respect myself, set myself boundaries and actively practise all this in dating and with friends so I can weed out the losers.
My point is... Despite my story, which is a pretty intense one, I am an absolute catch and it breaks my heart that I can't attract anyone who see's that, wants me and who deserves me. That despite my story I am deserving and worthy of love.
You can't always judge someone on their past. I'm terrified of potential partners judging me for that which was out of my control.
What you need to look out for is: Do they take responsibility for themselves? Are they self aware? introspective? Or, are they a 'victim'? A 'poor me'? Do they still have a lot of inner work and growth to do to the point where their behaviour will unknowingly destroy the relationship?
Peace, love and respect, for yourself and others - not everyone is actively trying to hurt you but you are in control and you can do the right thing
Man you hit the nail on the head with the "trashing the ex" and "rudeness to service providers". Back when I was dating, I would be sooo disappointed whenever either of these occurred because I knew it wasn't gonna work. Oh well 🤷🏾♂️
I actually kind of found it annoying when my ex blindly saw me as perfect because I knew I was anything but that. I wanted them to tell me things that I could work on but they refused, saying I was perfect. Your partner should be able to help you become the best version of yourself while accepting you, not accept you and refuse to acknowledge any of your downfalls so you don't grow and improve yourself.
Maybe your ex did see you as perfect in their eyes. If you have low esteem about yourself you shouldn't be looking at anyone to fix that other than yourself. You know what your own faults are so why aren't you doing something about them? They aren't your mother or father so have no obligation to fix you in any way.
Also telling your partner that they are wrong for thinking you are perfect to them is dismissing their feelings and emotions so no wonder they are your ex. Stop being a whiny baby and work on yourself.
Peace
MrEvilWasp If the person has nothing to gain, why should they fix their flaws?
Ignoring your flaws as a person IS dismissing your feelings.and emotions.
Plus you might want to watch the video again, especially when he talks about people that always put the blame on someone else.
Had the same experience. I feel you..
You sound like my ex boyfriend. The issue is that for me, I didn't feel like it was my place to try and change them so early in the relationship. Especially since that early on you don't really know anyone that well. I just came into your life, who am I to tell you who you should be? If I found something that really bothered me, of course I'm pretty chill and didn't need to nitpick at everything.
hmmm who were you? Maybe... his girlfiend? I understand that early in the relationship it's a bit awkward... but I also know that a relationship should be lasting, and for that to happen, one should try to make it last since day 1... or just don't call it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, more like sleep budy and friend on the meantime.
I once heard that a lower tier red flag is if they use Internet Explorer.
Chris Pfannenschmidt lol
Yeah that’s like a pink flag
Casually Explained quote, I see you’re a man of culture as well.
Yes, that's where I heard it lol.
Lol!
I was once with a man who said that I had to keep reminding him of what I need in the relationship. Basically he needed to be nagged for him to meet my needs, especially my primary love language. Found out real quick that's a bad system. 🙄
It remind me of the saying “when you wear rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags”
8. if they cheated on a past partner, they're gonna cheat on you
bella pritchard not if she promise not no
bella pritchard
not necessarily?
Not a guarantee but yes, highly likely as soon as they feel like the have a "good reason"
Robin L hahaha
yea he says he skipped the obvious ones
"having someone who can't live without you is like having a puppy that can text you. What you want is someone who doesn't need you in the least, but chooses to be with you, because they love you."
Yes!. Doesn't even have to be love. They can just like you and that's enough
But they DO need you in a way. It's not a bad thing. Don't listen to crap videos like that who say this. If someone doesn't need you whatsoever they're not going to hang around. Period.
So true and SO CUTE!
Bro I’ve seen relationship like this, a woman who don’t need the guy, but chooses to stay but as time goes by the woman felt no more love to him and just dumped him in a heartbeat like for real.
Couldn't agree with this more. Choose somebody independent in their own right! Unless you are the type that needs constant attention I suppose.
I wish I learned stuff like this a long time ago. I didn't realize my insecurity literally made me create fake versions of myself in order to appeal to others. I did it for so long that I didn't even know who I really was anymore. I kept pushing the real me down more and more until I didn't even know who it was.
I'm still learning but at least I now know i'm aware of my past behaviors of always trying to be what others wanted rather than what I actually wanted.
Not only using this to date others. This video was AMAZING at helping me to identify red flags within myself and was the real life advice needed that others are too afraid to admit. Thank you so much for this!❤ it’s so good to see how we can present our own red flags and grow
Same for me! I got some stuff to work on!
Why am I even watching this? I will never leave my room
Lol
Go for a walk.
Yeah but what about the voices in your head?
put that dart out
Ikr
when I actually get a date, i'll get back to this video...
Wise move ;-)
I actually just got my first girlfriend a few weeks ago and I was hoping this video wasn't going to worry me. Luckily everything looks good thus far! I waited until we went on a few dates to watch this too! Haha I totally get that
Same.
😆
Same
Very Good compilation. Would like tog add One:
If person you date want to isolate you from other people. Want to keep you in a bubble, always obstructing when you want to do things like invigning friends, collegues or neighbours for dinner. Thats a major one too.
That’s a narcissist
The vast majority of people deny they are influenced by the people around them. Little do they know that they pick up little habits and behaviors and beliefs from those people. For some reason, they cannot admit to it. Out of ignorance or defending their ego("I'mnot a follower,I'ma leader" mentality),who knows.
The comment about how they treat wait staff is dead on. I always use that as a marker to determine the level of humility
O’ generation of vipers... zombies...watch their reaction walking by the homeless. All this crap in the video pertains to things within the matrix. Consider things out of the matrix. Like agape. By this standard most already lost. This generation is living dead. Romans 10:9-12
A woman I dated was into hardcore punk from the 80s. That was a Black Flag.
Then she got plastic surgery...... and it was a disaster!
@Strudel It is also the brand of an insecticide.
Assassins Creed 4 anyone
Nice
Just perfect, dude
Hahahahaha!
When someone tells you who they are, believe them
I'm a carrot
One thing, that just came to my mind, and which I strongly appreciate: you start yozr videos right away. One introductional sentence and go. Perfect! I grew so tired of people talking and talking without even getting started. You are great, guys ❤
Damn you made me red flag myself with the "not having long relationships" part lol
Hey, hopefully you can gain some understanding from what I wanted to say to Charlie regarding that:
Charlie - Hopefully you do realise that people who get repetitively screwed up relationships 100% have messed up families. You might not even realise the harm and think there's nothing wrong with the family - but everyone can't tell even it's right in front of their eyes before they learn about just how many things can be harmful to a child and damage their personality. Stop blaming the person, there is never anything wrong with anyone, only what's wrong with what they have been through.
Me: "I swear I'm not gonna enter another another another relationship for a while. They're too exhausting."
Some girl that needs help to move away from her terrible parent(s): Heyyy
I just noticed I have the red flag hahahhaa
@@a.n.6131 I partially agree with this. I have this red flag myself, I haven't had a lot of long lasting relationships though I am 18 so duh. But I feel like my childhood has messed up a lot of things about me. Trust issues, problems opening up, showing or even feeling emotions, sometimes pathologically lying. But these are in fact problems with me, and it's my responsibility to change them regardless of my history. Especially for much older, more mature people who have had plenty of time to search themselves, there is no excuse for letting yourself be awful when you're free to change yourself however you see fit. There are absolutely things wrong with people, and blaming the person is perfectly reasonable. It's definitely a bad and horrible thing for Gail to cheat on me, and it's absolutely her fault, and her problem to deal with. Even if it was because I wasn't a great boyfriend, she's the one that cheated, and that is not right. Even if she was raised to think that's okay or even if she's done it many times before, that doesn't make it right, and she is the one to blame, nobody else.
relationships apply to friends, family, and partners. So if you can't stay close to any of the following: than yea that might be a bad sign tbh.
Is it a red flag that I went into this video hoping for a reason to break up with my current partner?
Fishbiene Yep
Yes
Oh shoot, dude, if you feel like you want to break up, you need to break up tho, make your life easier
Fishbiene so like you guys still together lol
Fishbiene
At least you're honest and aware now 😂
Great stuff man! Definitely a great review of some basic things to look out for. It is also important to assess ourselves and be sure that none of these traits exist in us. If they do, then find the root of the problem and dig it out.
I understand the logic of all of these, but I have a question about number 5: I had an ex-gf like this, she was constantly feeling 'betrayed' by her friends, family, me, and anyone who was close to her - she would be close to someone, something would upset her, she would cut them out of her life, then they would gradually come back into her life for a while and she would love them again so long as they behaved in a way that she approved of, until something set her off again............and she would go through this cycle endlessly. It was impossible.
Obviously, the common thread was her, and equally obviously, she refused to acknowledge this. HOWEVER - what about that poor girl herself? Should she be isolated and ignored, and never have any love in her life? As upset as I would get with her for her intransigence, I always felt terrible for her, that she was incapable of maintaining relationships. She was a good person (sincerely kind to wait staff, for example), which made it all the worse somehow. I don't know where she is now, but I pretty much guarantee she's not in a happy relationship.
Excellent video, great advice. I'll die single.
I967 join the club
😂
Exactly. This video describes 95% of humanity.
I967 XDDD
I967 same here 20yo and never with anyone yet :P but I do have 3 really close buddies :D
Also, someone is quick to interrupt you when you speak. If they do that then they have no concern for you and what you have to say.
toneman335 i literally never let my gf finish a sentence, i should stop doing that
It depends. People with mild adhd often get excited about wanting to participate in a conversation, or share an idea - and can often interrupt.
Of course, some people are just rude and interrupt - just more information to consider.
I’m guilty of that too.. I need to listen more and speak less.. I’m getting better now that I know my flaws ..💯💯
It could also mean that the person was so excited about the topic/person that they forgot they were interrupting!!!
It depends because if we are both energetic and wanna talk sometimes we speak over. Just gotta read the situation and respond appropriately
Dude has THE widest smile I have ever seen
My wife just asked why I'm listening to "Dating Advise " videos 😆
I told her "so I know how to better impress you my love 💘" The truth is that psychological learning is very interesting to me. Also, just because I'm learning traits about dating doesn't mean the traits disappear when working with people.
Avoid people that go out of their way to separate u from their personal life... They never intended to make u part of their personal lives too.
My ex literally had all these red flags. Young dudes take these all to heart! If you see even one of these get the f* out and run!
sooo... you're saying it's all your ex's fault?
... noted.
Fr
hummm thats a red flag
You kinda sound like you're doing number 6 right now, sorry to break it to you :o
Great pieces of advice! Especially number seven! It happened to me once that a boyfriend was so infatuated by me that eventually he just ended things without me noticing that he had a completely fake idea of me. So now I'm really turned off by being overly admired early on.
Damn I possess all these bad qualities, I’ve got some work to do
More power to you my guy
Beware of people who always blame other people or groups of people for their problems.
Feminists..... All the feminists.....
Beware of moaning people all round! If they're like that on the first date it sure won't get any better....
Beware of people who slander others incessantly.
@@prettz9742 yup women can't responsibility and all of them are crazy sooo...
All good points.
Be careful about number 5 though.
If a person has not had access to positive relationships in their life then the worst thing that you can do to them is blame them and cut off any possibility of them having a good relationship with you.
Yeah I've had bad luck but I don't think I'm a bad person.
A simple demonstration of accountability such as "I made a stupid choice. I should have done a better job in screening that shitty person before bringing the person into my life." is enough to conclude that there is no red flag.
Bonus point: If the accountability goes above and beyond into "I will take responsibility for my poor choice." then that is definitely a GREEN FLAG.
Yeah. You may need to be a bit stronger person though, because they are probably gonna have problems, problems they get over with if they work on it without expecting you to make their life perfect, but problems others wouldn't have nonetheless.
Although I shouldn't make assumptions like that because I don't know. I mean, people probably make a lot of assumptions about psychosis patients and schizophrenics for example, like they're the Norman Bates who stabs you in the shower lol, but 99% of us are just like you, except that our reality has a few different things when our thing triggers. Most of the time we hear voices or anything, you wouldn't know.
People who don't have long-lasting relationships are often poor judges of character, or take things at face value, or are naive in some ways. These traits do not make you a bad person by any means, however, if they continue to get taken advantage of and don't display a willingness to improve, then that's a huge red flag. The idea of 'saving' other people can be alluring, but trust me, trying to help out a person who can't take care of themselves is a huge mistake.
@@ManiaMac1613 I recognize my (former) self being like that, always had the wrong people with me. Not saying those people were bad in any way, just that I don't think they belonged to my life long-term.
It's hard to improve when you don't know what's wrong with you and the step to go to a psychologist or something can be big first time or two. And it doesn't help when you've not learned to open yourself up to others, let alone to yourself.
People have great potential but are so often stuck on things like these in base level. If you can't unstuck them, it's better to walk away while you can.
The first one! Never thought of that, but a lot of truth to it.
Good to know. I am in this Journey of self improvment and haven' t told many People. Probably I'm in the right path
So glad you are keeping it to yourself. Ppl who go on about their voyages of self discovery often leave no chance for the recipient to go on about their self discovery either. Boring!
You're most likely not going to read this, I still want it out in the universe: It's very refreshing to see someone so genuine doing UA-cam and personal development
I appreciate the kudos :-)
👍
true
and the universe thank you for putting this out there
Huge ones for me have been:
- Social media habits / motivation behind using it in certain way
- Seeing person as perfect. SO EASY to fall into an infatuation trap on someone who is "better' in some dimension than people you've dated in the past, so you feel like you've "leveled up" in your dating life and thus this is the new pinnacle, "nothing could be better." Causes all sorts of issues!
Thanks so much for sharing with us
@Epic gardening, didn't know u watched this channel, love ur content😅
@@demonwiper9434 absolutely floored to see this interaction
This is an incredible video. I just started dating a girl and I don’t know what I think. She’s not perfect or gorgeous, but she is pretty and seems good enough. I’m glad to know that it’s actually a good sign that I see her that way. It also makes me be careful about all those bad gold-digger thots on Instagram.
Awkward when you’re watching the video to learn about red flags and realise that u are a red flag
Worst thing imo: If a person is constantly talking about their ex-partners and wants you to tell them about yours. It kind of indicates to me that relationships are something casual to them. If it's something extraordinary, sure. But i don't care who you saw which movie with...
That would send me packing, personally. It's one thing for a movie to remind them of an ex, however it's another to see the sequel with someone new and blab on about how they saw the first with their ex. Some details or conversations are just unnecessary. "Ok..." Weird!
Why would anyone ever feel the need to talk about his/her ex? I had something similar but not quite and I just use it as a learning experience. Bringing up my ex would just be insulting to the person im currently dating.
I also consider it a red flag when someone really wants you to go in depth about your ex. Like they want to know every single detail of why your past relationships haven't worked out
Talking about your ex constantly imo just means you are not over him/her yet and asking about your partner's ex can mean being insecure if you are doing the right things in the relationship, kinda like wanting to learn from your partner's past instead of yours. Yes, it is not healthy, but it can be dealt with communication.
After 5 years of relationship with a guy I broke up with him and shortly after I got back in contact with a friend and we decided that we like each other and we should give it a try. I warned him that I don't know yet if I am over my ex and he said that's fine and that we were gonna take it easy. We did that, but I was talking about my ex a lot, without even noticing that it's too much, especially when it was about what am I used to in a relationship. My current boyfriend told me that it's bothersome how much I talk about my ex, so I promised I'd do it less, and he was understanding that I needed some time to get used to the new relationship and to get over having so much history with my ex. Eventually he started talking about his ex a bit too and now we are both doing that from time to time but in healthy ratios and with healthy attitudes. We are having a happy 6 months relationship now and we see a bright long time future for us.
My point is that this one shouldn't always be a deal breaker, unless the person refuses to stop talking about their ex all the time even after you told them to... or if she/he asks you to talk about your exes and gets mad and jealous at it.
Sometimes your ex partner is a true nightmare, and you ask about the others last partners because it can be very telling as to who they are. That's just my 2 cents.
My girlfriend hooked up with the entire wait staff on our first date and that was when I knew she was a keeper.
Wha
Was the meal on the house? I think it would only be fair because the house was on her.
She must've owned the restaurant.
Well, you can't accuse her of treating wait staff poorly, I guess.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
1:26 bro I worked in service industry for a bit and now I have mad respect for those people. And often, you won't know if they're having a bad day and just putting o na good face because you're the customer. Just be nice. They have it hard enough dealing with all of us.
Every time I see any kind of video like this one, I am thankful once again that beautiful (and often at least somewhat unstable) people have never had the slightest romantic interest in me. It makes it so much easier to make healthy, mature decisions in this arena.
Another red flag: if u'r partner always returns home late, they're a seriel killer
I'm sorry is this about Hannibal? 😂😂😂Something familiar there hahahahahahah
No this was not inspired by Hannibal's joke but the context is surprisingly similar.
Or batman
Or they're cheating on you.
Haha
Bro... your 6th point is perfect. When it comes to relationships, the responsibility is on both people in the relationship, not just one person. Couldn't agree more.
And your 7th point on viewer the person you're dating as perfect. Nobody is perfect! Everyone (including myself) has flaws! That's much needed for people to be aware of!
Well, mostly times I agree that the 6th is a huge red flag. Like 99'999999% of times.
But, what about those cases in which one partner was abusive or was a cheater? I wouldn't say that both are responsible. One is responsible for being a dick, and the other person is responsible for...Maybe for choosing the wrong person? It's feels like blaming the victim, but I guess that's the only thing.
You did something, didn't you?.... something horrible...
Haha I didn't do something horrible. But I know that there are things I've done in my past relationships I wish I could have done better for sure.
I don't know. The biggest relationship I had, I really feel it was about 80/20 her behavior that was the problem. My role was minor, provide her a living space, get out when she had boyfriends over, be there when they dumped her.
I think it's still good that you recognize that there is that 20% you did. It's easier to say it was all someone else's fault. So it's good you see that.
A smart person would take this advice and apply it to someone, a wise person would listen and question if they ever do this themselves before questioning the other person.
I honestly watched this to see if I had any of the red flags he was going to list. Surprisingly, not a single one.
This hits home... Even if I broke up recently, it's still hard to hear this things, because it just reminds me of how blind I was or worse, how blind I ACTED just to avoid it all falling apart.
Great video
PREACH....Right there with you
@zheng neww it's hard but be strong, only you know what's right for you, don't let him tell you otherwise
So your single😎 i hope your a female or your gona give me a red flag realy quick.
you good now bro?
@@walterwallman3566 rn I am in a ''forest'' of green flags so I am very, very, very happy!!!
Funny to see the difference 2 year makes!!
Thank you for asking
#1 I don't have friends
#2 I never go to restaurants
#3 Nobody tells me secrets
#4 see #1 but applied to social media
#5 see #1 but applied to relationships
#6 I self-reflect too much
#7 I don't date people
Claire _ aw, luv. You really need to get out more.:(
Claire _ you are me lol
Claire _ i love you
she doesn't date people. she dates bank accounts lol i kid
loool same
Number 4 is absolutely something I always held personally as a standard when dating.
I've been asked so many times "Hey you got Insta? Snap? Etc." I say out right 'Ha ha ha! No. I'm not out to please others.'
Hi, I'm a writer writing a novel and I've been studying your videos not for myself, but for as to how to write my characters. Especially since two of my characters are in love with each other, so dating advice videos like these are very helpful.
One of my best relationships definitely showed red flag number 7....
I was in a very bad place in my life when I met him, and he helped me up, gave me back my confidence, and was just the best human being alive... I will forever be grateful for him being there...
But at some point in our relationship I started to notice he didn't see any flaws in me... I could do or say whatever, and he'd just follow me...
I don't think I've ever heard him voice his opinion about anything, most definitely not about my bad qualities (and I assure you, I have plenty)
Not ones did he disagree with me, want something else or did I have to compromise.
Surely that sounds nice... But also... He deserved better, and frankly, I needed someone to voice his opinions from time to time.
We broke up... And it was hard at the time to explain why I felt we had to part... A huge part of me loved him, still does I think... But I was young and also didn't know how to verbalize these thoughts and feelings. We just weren't ready for each other.
We're both in different relationships now. And good for him. He has a lovely wife who takes better care of him then I ever could.
And I'm with a man who can help me through ruff patches in life while telling me I shouldn't be letting everything get to me so much.
Sometimes you have to figure out what you need from your relationship...
AppleCore360 thank you for your honest story
blauerninja thank you for sharing!
I hope he did see my flaws honestly. But like you said. First the exam, then the lessons. I probably should have communicated my needs. Looking back I think I can see my reasons for finding it very difficult... He was very insecure about a lot of things. And he put me on a pedestal I didn't belong on... Telling someone who is so very good and trying to be good, that he's doing it wrong... It seemed unfair.
And sadly that was my mistake... The issues I was dealing with (rape) took a lot of care and while he was taking care of me... Who was taking care of him? He needed someone too. His (now) wife is a better more balanced person I feel. And though I don't know the in's and out's of their relationship... His brother tells me she's an incredible match for him. And I just don't even feel an inch of jealousy. I'm just very happy he's got someone who he deserves.
My current relationship knew me as a friend for the longest time before we started dating. Our communication just came easily. He tells me what he needs. I tell him what I need. And there is no feeling of injustice when we tell each other those things. And he still get's me through the harder times in life, and I get him through the harder times. This relationship in general is a lot more balanced. And of course we love each other dearly
earth ocean - not realy...
Imagine a relationship where one person is only receiving and the other is only giving.
There is nothing fair or healthy there.
Being on the receiving end seems nice. But when you don't feel like you are deserving of those things and the communication between yourself and the other is not really developed like it should... It can only end poorly.
I didn't just "not need it anymore". My problems weren't resolved when we parted. I needed professional help in the end to deal with those issues. But he did help me get back to feeling stronger and better. And I will forever be grateful he was a part of my journey to recover.
No one wants a doormat that just smiles and says yes to everything. If you have no opinions, no counter-thoughts, no criticism to give.. it just seems like you're not genuine or you don't have a real personality.
Huh. Im kinda dating this one girl at the moment who doesent have high confidence. She always talks down her day and achievements, doesent have much self worth but is the kindest person I have ever seen. She recently told me that she wasnt like I thought she was and started listing her bad qualities. I told her I'd gladly work around her worse qualities to be by her side. I honestly dont think of them as really bad qualities and I said as such, since im a polar opposite to many of her bad qualities and it wouldnt be too much of a problem for me to balance them out. Now im scared she's going to have the same reaction as you and leave me because I didnt criticise her and admittedly sort of idealized her with words since I thought it would help her confidence. Im not making myself illusions and dont see her as perfect but I see her as a wonderful human who I want to be with and to hell with her worse qualities, I'll deal with them. But maybe I give off that impression. Im not in her position and have high self esteem, and on top of that am a guy so maybe some if you could help me here. Did I do something wrong?
Red flag number 8 when that person try to change you and the things that makes you who you are. (Eg. Religion, Appearance, Lifestyle)
For sure
Just broke up with my gf because she wants me to change religion so its a little bit closer to home haha
What about being fat? all the guys I know would never date fat women.
@@MichaelStories religion is a bit different than changing clothes.
They are trying to save your soul...from eternal hellfire. Imagine you could see the future and could see your gf walking infront of a truck and getting killed... you would do anything to stop thay right? That's kind of how many deeply religious people see it. They want to save you from what they see as your upcoming fate.
@@thepatriarch6144 wanting someone to not indulge in unhealthy habits isn't bad
No. 4 3:14 reminds me of a saying "At best our outward journey reflects our inward journey, at worst it replaces it." Filling our lives with physical experiences can be a distraction of our personal development if we are unaware.
Two more Red Flags:
8) Anything they are willing do "for" you (such as cheat on their partner to be with you) they're willing to do to you.
9) Never get involved with anyone who has more problems than you have.
Number 9 Sounds silly if she have no problems and you have one she should leave you?🤣
What if you are the red flag? fml
I have absolutely been there haha. I think a lot of these come from low self esteem. Check out 6 Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Knowing you have a problem is the first step in correcting it.
avoid all mirrors
Then you clean your room.
lmao this is exactly why I consciously decided not to date anyone at the very long moment.
"We are all products of the 5 people we hang out with the most."
I don't even have 5 people to hang out with lol. The best I can do is 4. And three out those 4 don't like each other. :DD
I have...my big sister...and she lives in a different state from me and we dont talk as much so I have none ?
THAT'S A HUGE RED FLAG
doing better than me. I have erm well my girlfriend, my errrrrrr friend, and that is about it apart from family. but I don't hang out with them.
Perfect.
I have no friends LMFAO
Red Flag: They resort to insults when you don't agree with them. Childish behavior.
Avoid people who compare, compete, complain.