here's what actually made me NOT want kids | childfree life
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- Опубліковано 3 кві 2023
- I'm back with a childfree video. If you're new here I'm Janie, I am happily married and in a childfree by choice relationship. Today I want to talk about how family vloggers/mom content creators helped me decide that having kids was just not for me!
#childfreelife #childfreebychoice #childfree
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Nursing school and being a hospice nurse affirmed my decision to be child free. The multitude of ways that pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood can affect your body, health and mind. Not for me, thanks. Thanks so much for your honesty ❤
Same! Being a pediatric nurse was really the thing that led me to make the childfree decision. I just see what can all go wrong with pregnancy, childbirth, and just the kids in general that there's no way I would take a chance with that. Also I see how miserable parents are with their kids in the hospital and I really really don't wanna have to do that. It's my job and I couldn't think of having to go home just to do it all over again.
Seeing my own mother struggle her way through raising me, my father was there financially but emotionally she was the only parent that was all in. She gave birth via c section when i was TEN months and I was a very heavy baby 😭 she struggled with her weight post birth and has only Just began her first diet after 16 years because she has been so utterly consumed with me, and my life, and my mental health issues. I feel so sorry for her because all she wanted was a normal family and she thought she was genuinely getting one, but mostly it's just been the two of us the whole time. She's so strong but my biggest fear is making a decision that could lead me to live one like hers after she had me.
i can totally relate...watching both of my parents struggle mentally and financially while raising my sister and me played a HUGE part in my decision to be childfree. they did the best they could with the tools they had (thank god for amazing grandparents!), but probably would've had a much better life/marriage had they never had kids.
Actually, if a pregnant person is significantly overweight it can lead to bigger babies that are harder to birth. So that part wasn’t actually your fault. I’m sorry your mom had such a hard time of it. But also sorry for you because it seems like you are holding a lot of guilt for simply existing, no child should have to feel that way.
Yes that is the choice we have to make. Good for you.
I can definitely see how the toxicity of family vlogging and showing the realities of parenting makes you CF. Also family vlogging should be illegal at this point, or at the very least kids faces should be blurred.
I agree. Child actors live by strict rules, children in these videos need to be protected.
I decided not to have children when, after over two years of introspection, I realized I have absolutely no need to have them. Before, I was just socially conditioned to have a family. Growing up in a traditional society (in Poland), where everyone just tells you are going to have children, just like them, you think this is what your life is going to be like. I was single for many years before I met my ex-boyfriend at 32, and this is when I started asking myself if I really wanted to be a mum. Took me so much time to get rid of feeling guilty for not wanting to do it, I finally accepted my childfree life. I am 37 now, single, and I don't even spend a minute thinking whether I should or not have a child. Even if I wanted to, I would not have the option.
I knew I didn't want to have children when I was 5. My parents never listened to me of course. Now 38 and I have not changed my mind for a second. I want to live my life the way I want, and that doesn't involve any children of my own.
Yeah if a 5 year old told me something like that I would shit bricks laughing my ass off
@@Saberking875 I would definitely shit bricks laughing my ass off if a 5 year old told me that they wanted kids.
Vanity is 100% a valid reason. I choose to eat healthy and workout because I don’t want my body to change in a way that I won’t like. It’s the same with having a baby, I don’t want my teeth to fall out, my hair to fall out, my stomach to turn black, etc. Your body is your temple. It’s your choice don’t downplay that.
PREACH! I ❤ ME too much to do that to myself in order to please dumb people.
If anyone is lonely...get a cat. Much better 🐈 😻 🐈⬛️ ❤
Perfect! People get offended by others prefering their health, wellbeing and beauty instead of a child as if we are suposedly hurting someone with that totally sane choice.
OMG when have you heard this stuff happening?
Yeah, in the “good” old days when we didn’t have decent nutrition, and unfortunately in many foreign countries.
I have a 20 year old, and my body didn’t change until now in my early 40s, which makes me think changes are more from age than one or two kids.
And I’ve never met any of his friends moms dealing with this, even when we lived in Germany and Jordan 🤔
Fact is, it DOES happen and not worth the risk for some of us. @@Carmen88888
@@Carmen88888
Happened to my mom. Her teeth lost a lot of calcium and are very delicate now. Her abdominal muscles never reattached themselves. She can’t laugh without peeing. She got an infection so bad it almost killed her and she’s a nurse and knows how to clean everything, it just happens sometimes. She ripped from her vagina all the way to her rectum. Gave her horrible ulcers and hemorrhoids. When she got minor surgery to fix the hemorrhoids the medicine really fucked up her blood pressure.
While getting all these might not be common, one or two very much is. I’ll pass.
It gets better over 30. People start to accept your decision and you start to really enjoy the life- financialy and emotionaly.
Really? I noticed exactly the opposite. After 30 you become a real target for those morons.
Yeah the switch from “you’ll change your mind when you’re older” to “GOD you are so lucky…DONT have kids… unless you want them. You don’t? Don’t do it then. You are so lucky”
30s for the win 🙌
I wish that were true. My wife & I are 46 & there are still arseholes harassing us about having kids!
It's very simple for me. The human society does not have a support system that helps each other in times of need. Most of the time your on your own. That's my greatest reason for not wanting to have kids.
agree! i honestly believe that unless you're super emotionally.mentally healthy AND super rich, you should really deeply and very carefully consider (or reconsider) having kids.
Yup and the pandemic really showed that. People were literally fighting over toilet tissue. Who knows WHAT they'll do over actual food if a similar event happens? There's no way I'm bringing a child into this world. I'm a pretty optimistic person, but I don't think it's morally right with how the world is now.
Yes. This Selfish and Cruel human species does not deserve my 🧬
agreed@@EadsB7002
@@EadsB7002 Agreed
One of my friends teeth fell out. All of her top teeth. She had to get fake ones. So intense.
dear jesus that's terrifying... pregnancy and childbirth always grossed me out and were a hard NO from A&P class when i was about 16!
😮😮😮
Wasn't aware there was such a thing. I guess it has something to do with the baby needing loads of Calcium to develop inside.
@@abcdabcdoops that and usually the mother is suffering from periodontal disease to start. We usually recommend frequent dental cleanings while pregnant.
I also don't want to deal with the fear of sending my kid to school every single day where they can get shot by a monster in a split second!
Yes. I assume you live in the US, like me? On top of the more universal reasons to be childfree, the US offers a lot of additional reasons not to have children.
No paid parental leave. Baby formula shortages. Insanely expensive healthcare for parents and kids. Daycare being completely unaffordable. Schools controlled by right-wing zealotry (book bans, "don't say gay.") Governmental apathy about gun violence as the #1 cause of childhood death. College debt. Housing crisis. Prejudice. This country does NOT actually value children, no matter what they say. (And yet, we're losing our legal rights to choose if we want them...)
or they can be mobbed
There are innumerable reasons why I’m child free. To name a few; Tocophobia, no money, anxiety and mental health issues, the state of the world.
I don’t have any reasons too have them! I’ve never wanted to be a mother nor have children.
Also to me honestly:
Having a child is making a pact with Death. You promise to bring this new innocent life into the world to suffer and someday die.
No I don’t think so. I’m not bringing a whole human into THIS world to suffer.
I’m to realistic. I see the reality of all that can and will go wrong.
I care too much to do so.
For me it was cost of living getting higher, Inflammation, I get stressed out easily & social anxiety
yo! 30+ childfree in nyc here. we're everywhere but also tough to find lol much support on your decision 🙏🏾
What's wrong with not wanting our bodies to change? Why is that deemed bad in our society? Knowing what you want for yourself and body are so valuable and people should know what they want to do with their body. Yes children are expensive and things are different. We shouldn't have to fit ourselves in a mold.
And it's such a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. If your body does change from pregnancy, people might say you've let yourself go. Or that you're vain and selfish for focusing on it.
Super Nanny showed me I wanted to be child free
Woman you’re so cool, you’ll find your new group of friends in no time. NYC seems like a place where there’s a ton more child free kind of people?! Just my hunch.
In nyc you see kids and parents with kids everywhere. It’s fun with friends in nightlife. But, many people fear regretting never having kids being an elder and not having that special piece of love and meaning in your life. Relationships can come & go but your relationship with your child is forever.
@@Chunlialways unconditional love or even a good relationship is not a guarantee when having a child
@@Chunlialways Yeah, a lot of tourists families. Its quite selfish of you to have a child just so your emotions be validated by someone who has no other choice.
I think it’s very wise to know you don’t want the consequences of having children, from the effect on your body to finances, autonomy, and freedom. There are way too many children in the world, and the less born, the better. I had two, my daughter is one and done, and my son doesn’t want kids, and I’m glad. Kids are a huge responsibility, and a big commitment. Children deserve to be loved and wanted. People too often have them for selfish reasons, then they are terribly disappointed and resentful when they don’t turn out to be what they wanted or expected. Not having children is a great idea, and we need to normalize it.
The thing about your friends going away because of having children or changing has always been on my mind. Since my early 20s even. Like you said you’d be happy for them and respect their choice but it’s a bit isolating if everyone starts that journey and you don’t. It’s something I’ve had to come to terms with.
is anyone here a Highly Sensitive person who has an incredibly low pain tolerance? I will never be able to go through pregnancy. It's my nightmare and biggest fear. I also never had the desire. Before I was really a person, at 6, I KNEW. I don't think that was random. I think we are born knowing what we SHOULD NOT do. At least, I always had that inner knowing. Not just with pregnancy- with many things. Sigh. I hate having to grow up. I am not looking forward to dating. I want to get married. I have dreamed of finding my person. I hope I find him
The girl with the list on tiktok def contributed it for me
I totally related to everything you said! i am now in my 40's and have no regrets about being childfree! i think one of the biggest reasons i chose this for my life is that I in no way wanted to struggle the way my parents did while raising me (& my sister). Life can be hard enough...and to have to struggle mentally and financially like they affected me more than i realized. I knew from about age 16 that being a parent wasn't going to be the right choice for me... i have a verrrrry long list of reasons, but my own upbringing is at the top of the list.
tbh everyone who contemplates having kids thinks their kid is going to be something special, amazing and "whole". In reality, you could have a kid and that child could have absolutely life changing medical issues that upend your existence. Then you just sit around for years miserable or even if you are happy -
if that child is one of the types that will never be able to care for themselves and you do not have the finances, you will be feeling stressed/guilty as you age and they stick around... because you know when you are gone they will be subjected to the inadequate care systems.
@@MadFlourish agree. There is no way I would have ever wanted to take that risk either. Too much unknown and uncertainty with child-rearing. And it’s only more difficult in today’s climate/economy. Im forever relieved I don’t have a child to worry about growing up in all of this.
I just found you from this video and I gotta say, thanks for sharing. I actually felt the opposite when I first started watching family vloggers - as in I too wanted to be a super young and cool mom - but when I dove into those thoughts a little further, it was more from a "competition" standpoint (like wanting to be a mom sooner than everyone else) rather than truly wanting a child. Because I never actually did. And I'm thankful for not doing it out of impulse back then. Also, thank you for making this video, you just got yourself a new subscriber - it's great to feel validated like this when everyone seems to be pushing the same idea down your throat. OK rant over.
We recently fostered 2 puppies for a week and now I permanently hate dogs. The whole experience made me think: holy shit this is what having toddlers is like but for 3 years. It definitely has me second guessing my originally strong desire for 2 kids to having 1 or maybe even none being totally fine
😂 puppies are cute dirty terrorists. I had a 1 year old golden doodle for 3 months and that was enough. Got him a new home with another golden doodle. Senior dogs are the sweetest. I love my 15 year old chihuahua ❤
@@healingwithart1352 god idk how you lasted 3 years. If we ever get another dog I want it fully trained before we get it bit that's a huge if 😂
Puppies are hard work and I wouldn’t do it again but don’t put off fostering older dogs. There are so many out there that need some love and care.
Right I see more parents complaining how they want a break from their kids rather then bragging about how wonderful parenthood is
Seeing my parent struggle raising me mostly due to moving apartments because they're not in great conditions and another reason is I used to help a babysitter and I was so tired, then I did homework, I realize I didn't do all the work like the babysitter yet I was tired and still had to do homework (I was in middle school if I remember). I'm going to the childfree side as well. I want to focus on my career, hobbies and find a partner that has similar interests with me and just enjoy life together.
Good for you
People who are always trying to convince women to have children should offer or prepare to help financially. Also, it is not a child's responsibility to "retire their parents". Sitting at home all day is not as wonderful as it's made out to be (though that's not the main reason that children aren't responsible for their parents' retirement).
Lol I relate to this completely. Especially the living in a big city part, the parents are immigrants part and the not being able to retire your parents part. Omg thank you 😂
I have issues as well with my body and I personally don't think I will have children. I'm planning on adopting when I am ready for a child. There are so many things that can occur during pregnancy and after some women are lucky and don't deal with the affects that occur while others do. I don't know everything in that area but it's somewhat luck of a draw. Children are a lot positive and negative; I'm a teacher and while I don't have any kids yet I can see the amazing things with children and the things children do that can be disheartening. Becoming a parent I a lot and it should be a choice because not everyone is cut out in taking that job. I hope you are and become who you want to be: if that is having a family with or without kids or running solo.
Great video 😃
Having kids is a waste of time and money
Yeah , I had a friend and her teeth fell out . Not all of them but quite a few , that was one of the many reasons why I didn’t want kids.
The everyday struggle I watched my mum go through by herself, I knew then I didn’t want any kids can’t imagine being some man’s baby mother 🤮
Beautiful philosophy of childfree 🎉
I’m conditionally child free. I love kids enough to be mindful of who I choose to father them. I’m happy without kids, and if I had kids I’d be happy WITH them . Life is what you make it. You’ve gotta do the best with what you have. I don’t judge parents unless they’re putting their kids in danger.
Also life 30 years ago was a hell of a lot more affordable than it is now.
The world is an awful place to bring kids in.
My own mental health is the reason why I don't ever want children. Even adoption is out of the question because the child will eventually learn from adoptive parents the truth and you don't know how the child will react to such news. Especially if the child came from abusive and/or neglected homes. I have tremendous respect for parents and adoptive parents but that respect goes out the window when their entitlement gets in the way of rational thinking.
Edit: I also don't carry the breast cancer gene and I don't want to play Russian Roulette with that. It was a VERY emotional New Years Eve in 2015 when I got the news.
The special parent love is technically a lie - you can see that by how many kids end up neglected and abused. Woman naming their children directly after the father in an effort to make them more invested in the child. Pass. So many other beautiful ways to live a life and leave an impact if that's your intention.
What's a mother's love like? Mine hated me & the old prick still does! The feeling's mutual, of course!
Finally someone said it
I don't want kids either and I'm 31 years old. People have given me so much backlash over not wanting any children. I can barely afford myself.
Me having tokophobia and loads of physical, mental and childhood trauma did it for me. I’m so glad I could experience parenthood (raised many siblings) before I could even have kids myself. Couldn’t be me 😂❤
I had a bisalp because I wanted to erase all avenues for temptation 😂😂😂😂😂
Anything can be considered family a couple dateing a few close friends what is considered family
No one talks about the one reason many have kids - to create a life with someone they love. Out of love. What about that? Eva Mendez said she didn’t think about kids until she met Ryan Gosling.
And also its just so much harder to raise kids now.. The bullyin is worse with Social Media they cant get a break so you have to be monitorin their phones too. And now all kids are confused they dont even know if theyre male or female or idk it looks too stressful
Yup and it seems to be getting worse with inflation, wars, politics, tik tok LOL,
i know I'd be in jail or prison if I was a parent .
IT’S YOUR LIFE!!!
Bravo! a lot older than you in an era where we were still supposed to get married have kids...never wanted that life...never wanted to be a wife...and same didnt want my body to change did not want to go thru childbirth and i am screwed up so i don't want to pass along any genes...great video...women should not be seen only as breeders
Make sure you don't end up accidentally getting pregnant. I've known a lot of gals who have said they don't want kids and end up having kids (Ooops!) then saying "Oh, I didn't realize how wonderful it is" Gag me!! Don't be one of those!!
Being a teacher and during my journey of becoming one confirmed and made me realize I was childfree when you gotta deal with children of all ages for 8 hours a day and their parents. That and seeing films of horrible and traumatic scenes of women giving birth. Didn't help.
Yup same
Do keep in mind, cause I am childfree myself, but in my research, women such as ourselves (and in studies with nuns) find increased cancer risks because of estrogen not being used and breast cancer (because nursing alleviates the glands or whatever). So while women who have babies develop bodily problems, so do childfree women in their later years. Alot of positives still, yes. But many childfree women online are only talking the positives, which is fine, but like you said about women's experiences 'affirming' your decision, might you be affirming someone elses to join a childfree life. Which means you should probably share the downsides as well. But, up to you of course. I'm just sharing :)
The best source of happiness to my soul is Holy Spirit and kids are meant only to boost the economy. If one cares so much about countries economy and generate taxes to the government , then go ahead and have kids. But real happiness is found only in Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. I am 44 now and my soul loves freedom in Christ.
If your friends have kids, you’re not child free, you’ll be fine lol
Girl it’s not your job to retire your parents that’s their job not yours
Hello no entiendo sus razón de que los niños cambie su cuerpo...aunque no lo creas tu cuerpo cambiará con el tiempo tus dientes se caerán su cabello no tendrá el mismo vigor y menos tendrás la juventud perdone esa no son excusas usted tendrá cambio con o sin hijos se respeta su deseo de no tener hijos pero esa excusa que dio no ayudara en nada contra el tiempo todos iremos por ese camino y cuando llegues ahí usted se dará cuenta lo que digo...cuídese.
At least you have a husband.
As a married woman, I can honestly tell you I should have stayed single. You are not missing a thing unless you have a unicorn of a husband.
@@Childfree334 :)
@@Childfree334, why do you say this?
@@nessparadis6948she wants you to be single and miserable
If you have kids because you want them, it’s not because you think it will be butterflies and rainbows. It’s not because of “the love of the child” or whatever. Having kids is hard. But it’s also GOOD. I imagine what I want my life to look like at 60-and I want to be surrounded by family and be able to celebrate having grandbabies. This is obviously an ideal, but it’s much better than being alone. Even if it was just me and my husband-I know I would eventually be unhappy with him if my entire focus was selfish all the time. I watch these childfree videos just to see what people say-and generally it’s just “I’m selfish”. Good for you, I guess. I’m glad you aren’t having kids that you will resent.
You can't be selfish to kids you don't have. Also, kids are no guarantee because some are very ungrateful. There are many Moms and Dads who are placed in nursing homes who barely get a visit from adult children who have to priortize their own family.
@Gaza Gxrl \x/ Someone who is alone can be selfish--it has nothing to do with who you have around. And kids learn to act from their parents--they model behavior, with the exception of having some sort of mental disorder, parents are responsible for how their kids turn out.
@@orchadorkification Anyone can be selfish. However, stop acting like becoming a parent automatically makes someone a better person. Nope! You can't always blame parents if their kids turn out to be shxt! I've heard quite a few parents say they barely even get a call since their children moved out (not mentally ill). When they're young and dependent it's easy to feel that way, but they will grow into their own person that may clash with how you see the word. Please consider that and also don't get mad if any of your hypothetical children turn out to be CF 😀. Happy Sunday
@Gaza Gxrl \x/ Being a parent doesn't automatically make you a better person, but trying to be a good parent does. And I will absolutely blame myself if my kids don't like me when they're grown--that means I'm probably rather unlikable lol
You're projecting a lot. You just said if it was just you and your husband, you know you'd be unhappy with him??
How's your marriage lol??
What about all the infertile couples? You can't just say "it's good" and justify it like that.
There's tons of "trying to be good parents" who have kids that turn our horribly. Not to mention, politics, social media and all these outlets that can affect how kids behave and think since they're so impressionable.
I'm studying to teach right now and I see it every day. Middle schoolers are suffering. A lot of "good parents" have given up because their child has seen/heard too much they can no longer discipline them. Then those kids drop out, get pregnant, have kids and the cycle repeats.
It used to be maybe 3:17 of "bad" kids to "good" kids in a class, and that is the opposite now, lol.
Life is not linear and I wish people like you would stop thinking it's so black-and-white because it's now. Trust me, if someone says they don't want kids accept that. I've seen TOO many parents who didn't want kids, end up having them and their household is miserable. Don't call us selfish, stop projecting your fears of loneliness unto and works on your marriage.
I would be disappointed if my husband said that he'd be unhappy if it was just him and I.
My dream is to find good wife that will give me four kids at least.
And yet you are here on the channel of a CHILDFREE young woman. This is the wrong place to look for a breeder. 😅
you won't find one here
And my dream is to find another atheist woman to marry, and have cats with.
Oh my lord. I could write a book of thoughts in response to this video. I was fine until your last comment. 🤦🏽♀️ have we really gotten to this place in society- where ‘there’s nothing like a mothers love’ is deemed obnoxious???? You just named the millions of things mothers go through, including your own parents FOR NO REWARD, humans only do ALL of this because parenthood deeply transforms you to be able to love in a way that you could have never fathomed before parenthood . That’s why women say that. They would instantly take a bullet in their heads for this little kids who is likely barely able to comprehend appreciation. Is pure unconditional love, just remember this, EVERYone on earth who had kids knows what it’s like to be a person with no kids, not one of the people who don’t have kids commenting on parents knows what it’s like to be a parent. Rihanna said it best, when you become a mom it’s not a new chapter, it feels like you’re handed a new book. Please know that you physically literally and actually cannot begin to understand the drastically transformative nature of parenthood, it’s a complete paradigm shift
That's exactly why I don't wanna experience it, lol plus why would I want to bring a kid into this world with all this danger that seems to be getting worse? Bible says we are not to fear but I think it's a wise decision to make in this time.
@@notgonnaargue8986 trust me I have no care for you or this UA-camr having kids. Couldn’t care less, I just want you not be make statements about mothers like she said. Just recognize that you don’t have a clue what it’s like to be a parent, understand that the human race would cease to exist without the few of us left willing to make the immense personal sacrifice that motherhood entails, and respect that or at the very least don’t call us obnoxious for expressing how deeply we’ve learned to love through this transformative journey
@@notgonnaargue8986 and to add one more comment- there is a part of human existence and development that you will simply never reach without having children. The act of creating and birthing a human being teaches you more about other people and life than ANY experience on this earth. It’s no worry if you don’t want to have this -please don’t actually - but also please don’t be ignorant that on our death beds you were the one who lived the more note worthy life- because you didn’t. You simply included in fully actualalized self centeredness
We don't need to have kids to understand the meaning of parenthood and what happens when one becomes a parent and that it becomes all about the child. Sadly, most people have children for selfish reasons and most of them are not fit for being parents. Also, that unconditional love doesn't always happen. There are many parents that regret having had children and even abuse their children.
@@tristybrooke33 the world is over populated. The few of you left... No, the majority of people still want kids, which is a pity because most of them are unfit parents. The human race is not at risk of extinction. I don't people who irrationally procreate without thinking of what it really means to raise a child and to guide a child to become a well-adjusted human being. Giving birth doesn't make you special.