In my 50’s now, do I regret not having kids?
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Good question! I’m happy to share my experience and some wisdom as a Filipino woman who chose not to have kids.
#GenX #womenover40 #womenover50 #childfree #childfreebychoice #parenting #climatecrisis #health
My husband and I never wanted children and now we are in our 70s have never regretted the decision. I have spent many years volunteering for a local community charity, as well as working in some specialised areas of law that particularly impinge on poorer people. You don't need to create new people to benefit your community.
Thank you for your service 🙏
Bravo! You are NOT stupid, and I admire you for what you do. I also admire men like your husband. I know many men who never wanted children, including the love of my life, and it was for the best, just as my decision was. May you and your husband enjoy many more years of health, joy, and success together! 👌🌟
Well said.
Thank you for this. I'm in my 30s and still pondering the question, but leaning more and more towards not having any kids for precisely how you phrased your last sentence.
Until the moment where you are in a hospital bed and everyone you know is gone. Then you see there are families coming to visit but going in other rooms. That is the moment you start thinking about your life, asking yourself what was the point of living a child free life because you start realizing the patience in other rooms with family are still going to live on when they die but you will be gone. Your youth, smile, laughter,,,, is gone.
Heaven and hell exist during the time we are still alive. We will only live in that moment at the end of our life.
Thank you for making this video. I am Filipino and 35 now so I am starting to feel that pressure. I have never wanted to be a parent and I honestly have never wanted kids. My mom though will not stop pressuring me and trying to guilt trip me. My brother is also single (no kids) but she doesn't pressure him. It's so unfair.
The stupid double standard is still around! I'm not surprised. Btw, please tell your mother in no uncertain terms that your decision stands, and that she has to learn to accept it once and for all. Please tell her also that just because she did it, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do it, too, and that the more she pressures you, the more into the ground you'll dig your heels. Wishing you well from Montreal, Quebec. 🙂🌻🇨🇦
@pisswobble what's your problem?
People are so hot and bothered that we live the way we want and not to satisfy them. So pathetic.
@pisswobble "we are born to procreate" cant imagine having such a bloody miserable existence. I wish you luck in life with *that* kind of ideology. You certainly need it.
@@nightshade2826 you are absolutely correct! I have been saying the same thing, myself. They think their way is the ONLY way to live. No the hell it isn't! 🎯🌟😊🇨🇦
I'm 29 and childfree! The older I get the happier I am with that decision. My husband and I are always looking at each other saying "thank god.." 🤣🤦♀️
Thank God is right!
Be grateful you found a man who ALSO doesn't have/want kids! apparently, they're hard to find.
@@B0BBYJ4CKIf you're on dating sites, put that you're childfree in your bio and I can guarantee it will filter a lot of people out. My sister met her current fiancé on Bumble that way.
Slippery slope CD hole
Just be cautious if any one of you starts changing your minds about it. I'm sure it can then become complicated.
I’m 39…. My life has its ups and downs but 0 regrets about not having kids and being unmarried. ❤❤❤❤
I'm 39 too happily unmarried and childfree, we're awesome and very privileged as women in this world to able to live like that ❤❤❤
Sorry to hear that
@@werewolfking2249sorry that others are happy? Yeah you breeders would like to drag us into sharing your misery with you
The older women get the less the world will care about you other than family.....a lot women aren't honest with themselves....old men can accumulate money and be attractive to women and be respected by other men....when your looks go you've got tough times ahead.
@@misemefein100lol did u just say poor u for not participating in patriarchal bs? Cuz those “unwanted” women are the happiest people if u bother research. But what do I know, go back to dreaming about being respected by other men and becoming rich old man who attracts young women, like most of men would even get close to that 😭 seriously u killed me with that comment
I'm in my 60s now. Married for 40 years. No children, by choice. No regrets. In fact, lately, a week doesn't go by that we say we're glad we didn't have kids. We have lots of siblings who have children and their worry is constant.
One thing I do not relate to is the pressure to have kids. My parents, my in-laws, my family, and my friends never pressured me to have children. I have 2 high school friends (also in their 60s) that I still talk to and neither of them had children. I've never heard them say they felt pressure to have children. I'm shocked that this generation seems to be experiencing so much pressure. My siblings and friends aren't pressuring their children. They see that their children don't have the same advantages that they had, and their potential grandchildren will likely inherit an even bleaker world.
I have no desire to have children too. My mother died of breast cancer when she was 37 years old leaving three very small children. I was 9, my sister was 6 and my brother was just a newly born baby. This happened in 1992, and within a short period of time my father married to another woman and I suffered a lot in her hands including my sister but myself was the worst!! She abused me every single day! I'm going to be 40 in a few months time and although I'm married to a wonderful man and living a good life now (I'm very grateful for this kind and loving man), but after what happened to me in my past.....I really have no desire to have children because I don't want them to suffer like I did in my childhood. Also, I think I'm not mentality fit to be a parent because I get stressed out too easily.
Smart move. 👌
🙏
I’m so sorry for what you went through.
Your Father remarried quickly because he didn’t want to be a single parent to 3 young children. Didn’t take the time to properly make sure he was choosing the right partner that would also be a great parent to you and your siblings. That’s so devastating..
It seems she didn't have nothing against the brother just the girls . 😔
@@LuvDaSkinUAreIn you are absolutely right. She was just jealous of the girls....but she treated my baby brother really good thinking in her mind that he will take care of her when she is old...it's an Asian thing that the son will take care of the parents when they are old....but I heard from my sister recently, that my brother is not in a good shape mentally (he is an adult now) and threatened to harm the step mom ...she couldn't stay in the same house with him anymore thus she had to leave....I believe in karma.
If you do NOT want children, do not have them. Children deserve loving parents.
I want children the men is what I don’t want
Thank you for this. I am 34, married for a couple years now, and have been getting so much pressure from family and even just acquaintances that I need to have children. There were a few times in my 20's when I felt that "urge" and thought maybe I wanted to after all, but it always vanished after I remembered just how much time and work would also be involved. Now that I'm older and finally finding out who I am as a person I've realized I really, really do not want to be the parent of another human being. I don't want to drag a soul from the ether and force a person into existence because of a fleeting biological urge only to make them live in this insane world and also just knowing who I am and where I came from. I wouldn't want my kids to ever go through what I went through and what I'm still healing from as an almost middle-aged woman. I get so tired of being called selfish for it too! Like how the heck is it selfish to make the decision to not create another human to join in the suffering on this already morbidly overcrowded planet? How am I more selfish than some crackhead who pops out another kid because "I already had 3 so why not?" No, I think my decision is a wise one and one of the most difficult I have ever made.
Sorry for the rant, your video was just very validating!
I am a 64 2:51 year-old man with two adult children and I agree with you 100%. I’m so tired of seeing these homeless drug attic’s popping kids out it’s mine blowing. And I agree with you this world is sometimes a very hard place to be in. I agree with you you made the right decision. Try to live your best life because you’re already Already here. You could do a lot more to make this planet a better place than bringing another human being into the world.
I'm 57 and don't have any children and still people call me selfish. I don't think as it being selfish I see it as being responsible. I knew I did not want to have children and stuck to it regardless of what people thought. The same people who are calling you selfish is the same people who are going to call you foolish when you are struggling to raise a child that you did not want to have.
You’re 100% spot on
@@jonniehickson5599 it’s not selfish. And whoever is judging you like that is just projecting their ignorance and jealousy onto you.
I agree with you.
Great message 👏🏽 I’m 36 and my partner 38 and neither of us have the desire to have children. Happy with it :)
Bravo!
I’m 33, child free, husband free and getting my tubes tied very soon. I’ve never had one regret! I’m not cut out for motherhood.
Thinking about having kids gives me stress. But I'm worried I'll regret it
You are 33, you are pretty much done
@@bolatbobo8521😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 who cares she don't care why you care😂😂😂😂
@bolatbobo8521 you are wrong. Most women in my country start having kids after 32.
@@bolatbobo8521 Why are men so triggered?
I have ONE! I'm a man who likes my money. Im in my early 40's, own a business, live in a upscale home, got 2 luxury cars & more money in my savings than i kno wat to do with. My MALE friends and family who've had multiple kids are practically homeless & struggling financially due to child support. I wouldn't be living the life I live now if I had more kids.
I have only one and I get so much pressure to have a second. How did your son do being the only child?
Amen 🙌
I got my tubes removed last year at 27. I felt this way since I was 14. I grew up poor and my sisters had many kids and I was always the baby sitter whether I wanted to be or not.
Absolutely happy that I was smart and strong enough to not get swayed by others opinions and do it at 27. It’s been a year since my surgery and I every passing day I feel better about my choice. Amazing video ❤️
27......
@ who the fook is that guy stevens
Yes 27…your point is?
@@Sarah-dq1fm you don't know shit but 🤷
I feel like your sister robbed you of your choice... I am happy that you are happy though.
@afreecanbomaye5283
In a way yes but I’m ok with it! I’m happy that I get to live my life on my own terms now and had those experiences with my nieces and nephews. I wouldn’t change a thing ❤️ Thanks stranger and God bless you 🙂
I'm 42. Am a parent to one 13 year old. I love it! With that said, not everyone feels called to be a parent. I never regret my decision to be one. No one should regret, or feel shamed, for not being one.
Thanks for this kind message. 🙂🌻🇨🇦
True. And it doesn't stop with the childfree. For example, someone could ask you if you regret not having more than one child. And if you did have two children, someone could ask you if you regret not having three, and so on.... Based on your reply, I imagine that your reply would be the same as you replied here. Some people will never be happy, no matter what we do.
@@thedeal9526 🎯
Or for being one. There are pros and cons to everything in life.
@@favour3319 I have yet to see what the cons would be about being childfree. Being alone? I'm not. I have friends, and a support system. Not "fitting in"? I would rather be a 1st rate version of myself than a 2nd rate version of myself. Discrimination in the workplace? I'm self-employed. I have a massotherapy studio, not a day care center. You give me any lip about my lifestyle, you take the door. I won't lose sleep. I'm hunky dory over here. 😉🌤️🇨🇦
I'm 49 and regret not having a family for sure. I'm alone every Holiday as most of my family has passed. I have sisters who are busy with their lives and families. I one hundred percent regret not having a family.
Sorry for that. Your feelings are valid, all people are different and prefer different things
Thank you for your honesty.....my grandaunt had similar regrets at the end of her life at 93.... luckily she had lots of nephews and nieces and their kids who took an interest in her life.....stay close to your family....in the end that's all we have
You know, sometimes people having children are also alone because things do happen. Did you try getting a dog? Not 100 cats 😁, but a good dog.
Pkease Adopt an orphan girl 🩷
@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke - Where should someone adopt an orphan child from? - I would like to know.
My family used to pressure me to have kids, until my older cousin had hers and started bringing her over to my family to care for her. Then it was all "I'm glad you don't want kids, I'm tired of raising kids that ain't mine!"
i grew up raising my 2 younger siblings since our parents couldnt be bothered with responsibility. I learned very quickly what its like to parent without any financial or social support. My siblings were destructive, loud, sticky. I was always cleaning up after them, cooking their food, keeping them from climbing the shelves and offing themselves. All since they were born when I was 7. Most of my belongings were either sacrificed to them or destroyed by them. My parents even had the audacity to say "kids dont need to worry about money, so you dont need any" while also not buying us food, clothes, and school supplies. Its not even like we didn't have the money either, they had jobs and we got welfare, they just wanted to spend it all on themselves.
After 11+ years of that BS, I knew I never wanted to be a parent again. I didn't want the stress again and I didn't want the risk of continuing the cycle of abuse with my own kids.
I'm so sorry that you were (not) raised by your parents. Neglect is a form of abuse. Hope you're doing well in life now
I am 66, no regrets about not having kids. I have travelled extensively, had a successful career, long marriage. I have nephews that I am close to, but have never regretted my choice. I did wonder who would care for me when I am old, but that's not a reason to have a child.
Your last stand will be your last bed ⚰️
there is absolutly no assurance any kid out lives the parents at any stage in history the sooner people realise this the better of the stupid comments oh how will look after you and of course most are selfish or live abroad or cant due to work pressure
I'm in home healthcare. I had a patient live to 104. She wanted marriage and children but through no fault of her own didn't marry until her 70s. She had step kids, but it was a wonderful neighbor who watched out for her and arranged her home care in her golden years. I have a current patient who is 90. One of her daughters lives like 45 minutes to an hour away. She's incredibly grateful for us aides because she and her mom would butt heads if she was to do hands-on care. The daughter is actively involved, but from a distance.
I work in a field that has me around many elderly people--couples and widowers (70's-90's.) In most cases, their adult children are seldom seen. Most live in another state, so the geography tends to be a convenient excuse. And even those that live nearby, well, good luck with that. If there is interaction, it's often an emergency. Otherwise, these folks may as well not be related----the elderly have closer relationships with the employees at Dollar Tree.
No thanks, no kids for me, I'm not selfish enough to force someone to suffer and die.
Same.
Not everyone lives miserable life like you do lol
@@f1shze4lot HEY! Who the hell are YOU to judge someone's life? Stay in YOUR OWN lane, you piece of CRAPOLA!
@@f1shze4lotnot everyone wants annoying children the way you do
@@f1shze4loteveryone suffers at least a bit and dies in the end though
Loved that you shared your experience as it offers value to the world, to women that being a parent comes with a lot of sacrifice + responsibility A LOT. I think part of the problem is it is so romanticized to have a kid or children, it's seen as a MUST + if you do not there is something wrong with you. That is false. I myself get overwhelmed quickly + find it hard to manage myself so I have no business transitioning into a parenting role. I'd probably lose it on my kids or take up a drinking problem from the pressure. Thank you one again for sharing your viewpoint on it. It is much needed.
As a 33-year old woman with a teenage daughter, I think not wanting children is perfectly normal AND justified. I love my daughter, but my life would definitely be easier and potentially more exciting if I hadn't had a child. It is a huge responsibility and it's a no-brainer that some people don't want this kind of commitment. It's fine, just be honest with yourself.
Also, your hair is beautiful ❤
True
I’m 43 & I have no plans for children. I fractured my pelvis in a car accident. I am an aunt to a wonderful niece. There is no need to justify why you do not want kids.❤
What plans
You can't any more 😂
My parents also support me not having kids. Inflation happens and i just dont want kids even a husband
Given the dire nature of the circumstances we as mankind find ourselves in right now, the last thing the world needs right now is more kids.
I think it’s better that women who feel that they don’t want children don’t have them. It’s important that children have parents who actually want to be parents.
Yes and are able to be good parents
Man I wish I could hug you. I've been at war in my mind trying to decide what I want to do about having kids. I grew up with severe mental health issues and I, admittedly, don't have the best genes physically, either. Not terrible, but not amazing. I'm scared that I would pass my OCD onto my kids or my depression. I'm almost 24 and I feel pressure already. It's so scary. I call myself selfish because I don't want the financial burden (amongst other things, this is just an example). Like, is money worth more to me than the joy of kids? I was a nanny and I liked being around kids. I just don't know if I want them. I go back and forth. I want my mom to have grandkids. She never pressured me and she let me cry to her about why I am scared to have kids. She told me it's okay. But I still feel guilty knowing she wants them deep down. Not sure if my sister will ever have kids. My amazing bf doesnt talk to his family much, so my odds of being an aunt or godmother might be slim. I fear what will happen when I am older and people around me pass. Will I be lonely? I am someone who needs people in my life. Who will be with me when I pass? When I am sick and old? Will I end up in a depressing, lonely care home? I cry about that.
I want my bf to be a dad if he wants to be. He is fine either way, but I feel like he leans towards wanting kids. I feel like I can't talk to my therapist about this. Or friends. I have nobody to discuss this with. I wish I had older women in my life, but I don't.
Thank you for touching on this. I am filled with fear that I will look back in despair at my choice when I am older and cry that I cannot do anything about it. But at the same time, maybe I will be happy because I will be traveling or working on hobbies. But again...maybe not. Maybe I wont be doing all the nice things I think I will be doing without kids and will just be sitting on a couch. The unknown is SCARY!
Anyways- I'm sorry this is such a negative comment, but I am glad I found your video. It gave me some comfort. Sending love.
you still have time to decide. you're young and if you give yourself a couple or three years you might know better what you really want. there's no rush.
@@margaretjohnson6259 thank you
Mental illness, IS hereditary. It has ruined 2 generations in our "family". Even a half sister's child, is an adult, with the mind of a child. The pateral person, had OCD aka Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, The daughter, has "lazy eye", mild dyslexia, introvertedness, anxiety, depression, Avoidence Personlity disorder, processing disorder, and severe memory disorder, which she sees as a blessing, as she's had a horrible life and she would rather not remember it.
Her son, has ODD, aka Oppositional Defiant Disorder, apathy, ADD, explosive rage, memory disorder, procrastination, and a refusal to do anything they don't want to do, and total self centeredness.
I would have rather never been born, then been born to suffer, be shunned, be isolated & ridiculed. At least I have empathy, & determination. There's no real point to my existance.
Think of when the kid grows up, and need to be competant & get a job & live on their own. Look at the lack of jobs and housing.
Having a kid is FOREVER. How will you do, with potty training, diaper changing, projectile vommit, getting up every 2 hours to feed, making sure the kid can't have a terrible mishap, from ordinary things, education, disipline, diet, finding safe childcare, affording diapers, crib, stroller, dance/karate classes, child insurance, college expenses.
What will you do, if they turn out the opposite of what you hope for, or are born with a chronic disability?
@@shaelastrata1584 sorry you are dealing with that. i never said I am having kids, just that I worry about both sides of the decision... just needed to have an outlet to talk about my feelings.
Men: wait until you’re 70 and alone and unhappy.
Women: I’m 70 and happy and still don’t regret not having kids.
Men: wait until you’re 100.
Cope
No, they are like "you are below 40, your opinion is irrelevant cause you are too young. Come later" and then "you are older than 40, you can't have kids anyway and probably just couldn't, you are a loser and your opinion is irrelevant".
They will find an excuse to have childfree people no matter what. Probably the only way to cope with their misery 😂
@@gwnbenyou are coping, and other breeders
@@KateeAngel breeders 🤦🏽♂️ you have to be kidding me right?
Lol men are funny 🤣
Honestly, choosing not to be a parent doesn't mean you have to be without children.... almost any family member or friend would LOVE to let you spend time with their kids so that they can get some childfree time! lol :) As for me, I did not have kids and I spend my time on whatever I choose to do... I have some interests and hobbies I'm passionate about for instance... everything from reading to gaming to studying various courses and hopefully a trip to Egypt in the next 2 years! I can go to bed and wake up when I want to (allowing for any appointments/work schedules of course) and generally decide where I want to spend my energy. I have a niece and nephew I love so it's not like I have no children in my life but I have never envied my sister's role as a mother... I've seen everything she went through and still continues to go through and while there are wonderful things about motherhood, I don't think it was for me. I remember coming home from her house and being sooooooooooo glad I could come home and relax.
There needs to be more understanding on BOTH sides. Nobody should pressure anybody to have children. It's a personal decision and if you don't want to be a parent you definitely shouldn't do it. For the child's sake as well as yours. However, when you are 'justifying' this (if you ever feel you have to, which you don't) please be careful of the language you use and the way you talk about it. Try not to attack the concept of having children in general, which some of you do.
The fact is your life style has many advantages in terms of personal freedom and finances. But like many lifestyles it's only valid because not everybody does it. I won't patronise anyone by explaining what your life would be like in the future if absolutely nobody had kids. But there is even a knock on effect now of the fact that fewer couples are choosing to have kids. If in the future taxes steadily go up and the retirement age gets higher whilst the value of your pensions fall it is because of the age imbalance of a population in which the young workforce providing taxes is falling as the number of older people not working is growing. This is happening in rich countries across the world and they are slowly facing up to the fact that they need immigrants to fill the gaps in the workforce. These will mostly come from poorer countries who are now bleeding their young talent to richer countries.
Don't get me wrong, it would be better for the human race to die out than for people to be forced to have babies. But the drop in the birthrate in developed countries is coming at a price we all have to pay and as I said your lifestyle can only be enjoyed because not everyone does it. And to answer the question someone asked below about having worries about who will look after you in old age. The answer is other people's children.
I never wanted kids. If one of my sisters has kids, I'll be the cool auntie. I like my life child-free😌
I have a Filipino, childfree friend. She never had kids & she never wanted kids. She's happy being childfree. She's in her 50s, too !😊
Thank you so much for sharing this! You said it perfectly - not “do I want kids” but “Do I want to be a parent?”
Bang on point.
I'm 62 and knew since I was 17 kids weren't for me. I like them, just didn't want the responsibility or cost. Just didn't see a reason to have them. A lot of people my age are financially helping their adult kids or raising grand kids.
I’m 46 and I don’t want to have children, specially in this crazy world we are living.
I'm 52 and childfree. I'm very happy. I am an aunt but if my sister didn't have children it wouldn't have changed my mind. I'm really glad I never had kids. It was not for me.
I'm 56, and I'm glad that I never had children either, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life being responsible for taking care of somebody else, and I admit that I'm a selfish person who enjoys being able to do anything that I want to do without worrying about taking care of somebody else!!! No thanks I'm good!!!
@@scorpionqueen66 it's not selfish to want to live your life unhindered.
They be so mad when we say we don’t want kids because they regret theirs 😂
Exactly 😂
I have a sister and a daughter that never had kids. I respect their decisions.
One of my coworkers just told me the other day she regrets not having kids. But I know her first marriage was an awful relationship and I'm sure to some extent she's happy she didn't have kids with him. But her current spouse I think she met later in life and didn't get the opportunity to have kids with him either. She has lots of nieces and nephews and spends lots of time with them all and it makes her happy, though it's also a reminder of what she missed. She told me she'd adopt my kid if I ever decided I didn't want him after all. I know she meant it jokingly, but I also know there was truth in it for her
My family consists of my soon to be husband and our stuffed animal 🧸 collection because we’re in lower socioeconomic class that we can’t even afford pets, yet.
👍no need to regret choosing not to have kids
37, no kids, no pets (anymore), just a boyfriend and I’m loving it.
More time, less stress and more free will.
I get her point. Having a child is ALOT I mean ALOT OF WORK and sacrifice. You need to be prepared psychologically
My parent’s generation thinks that having kids so then they will take care of you when you are older. However nowadays, the kids can’t even take care of themselves nor their own children let alone their aging parents. It’s time we put a rest on putting pressures on women to have children. I rather be the fun aunt 😄
Wow Stephanie, you look great…probably because you decided to pour into yourself…I love it!😊
ZERO REGRETS HERE... Cannot imagine life WITH children.
Me neither!!! I can't stand to be around them tbh!!!
@@scorpionqueen66ur 56 if you had kids they would be grown by now... You could've had a family really close to you and possibly be a grandma but u ruined it and you could never get that anymore... How do you really feel about that?
@@gwnbennot everyone wants kids or likes kids. It's not that serious
@@gwnben Why are you so bothered by the fact that some men and women don't want to have kids and are childless by choice? Get over yourself. Happiness comes in all kinds of ways. Some people find happiness by being single and never having kids. Some people find happiness in being in relationships but never having kids. Worry about yourself, not what other people are doing.
@@arabicmusiclady1428 I'm not
I want my family and friends to understand It's not that I don't want kids I just don't want kids now, I've seen too many unplanned pregnancies and yes the hype is nice but I've seen these women struggle financially and emotionally to raise their kids so why can't I wait until I'm ready and actually plan when I want my kids why does my life have to revolve around someone else's timelines this is my life and when I'm ready to enter the motherhood phase I'll do it just let me enjoy my me time now
Truly respect these women for knowing what they want and they are contributors to the world. I have very little respect for those who have kids despite not having the means and mental make up to invest in them.
She needs to say that to herself and to you.
Its like once you are a parent you’re always a parent you cannot just undo it….even if you wanna get divorced or even die you cannot coz u have to think about them as u r responsible for them
Thanks for not having kids.
You're welcome! Thanks for having kids & lots of expenses keeping you working until you're elderly. Someone has to work & run the economy while us child free people retire 20yrs early.
I’m 23 and a lot of my friends and family are having kids and everyone around me seems to be wanting kids and I’m like hell no! I would love to adopt a child one day if I am financially and mentally stable enough to do so. But I cannot imagine myself being pregnant and having a child “of my own”.
Really my only worry with this type of decision is I’m scared I won’t find a man who DOESNT want to have kids. I’m scared one day I will find someone and maybe we get married and then he wants to have kids and the family is pressuring to have kids..that type of scenario is what I’m scared of.
Though I wouldn’t necessarily mind raising children that aren’t “my own” per-say.
I think I’d be very happy to be a wonderful stepmother to a child one day and be the GOOD KIND of stepmom.
I also am okay with still being an auntie to my awesome nephews and nieces.
Does anyone have any advice about this?
37 right now. Knew when I was 9 I didn't want kids. At this point, I have no regrets. When I am 50 who knows, but then again, I might not live to 50.
It's good you decided not to have kids then.
Thank you for putting it into the words the way I felt. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Everyone should not be pressured for anything whether it's pressure to have children or not have children. Fulfillment is, after all, entire subjective and on a person to person basis. I'm 34, my wife 32, been together for nearly 14 years and our daughter is 17 months old. We have not felt as much fulfillment as we do now.
You do you. Take care of you. Find whatever fulfillment that suits you.
I’m a young man struggling with this issue. My partner wants to have kids and I’m unable to make that commitment now. Thank you for showing us the other side of this issue that is seldom discussed.
I'm young too and struggling with this. Sending love! We will figure it out
Please have babies...they are a pure joy
Not always. I absolutly wish that was true, but for some, it isn't true. Look into, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, as well as explosive child, ADHD, etc. @@CelideeBudoromyi
@@CelideeBudoromyiI think birds are a pure joy! Go and have pet birds, otherwise I will endlessly bombard you with "you'll regret it" comments 😂
You can make a choice for yourself. You may need 10-20 years more, who knows. But be honest and let your partner go and find another one to have children with. Or else she will do it with you and ... nothing good.
This was very well put! You can hear the sincerity in her voice! Women don't have to live in society's "normal". Everyone should live their life as they please as long as it doesn't harm themselves or others in any way
I think my dad wanted to be a grandad, but they could only have me, and were married 15 years. I think my mother could have done without them, as it wasn’t her first choice in life. But I’m autistic, with adhd, so it didn’t happen. I kind of like my space, as I’m artistic and enjoy writing. I belong to churches and groups, and have contributed there doing work with children. I can strongly identify with my childhood, and myself as a child, remembering my thoughts and feelings, I find it interesting, and do have an interest in them. But I do believe some people have them out of pressure, and don’t give it enough thought, and that’s when many marriages break down, and you get irate parents, affecting relationships with them, kids ending up in foster care, sometimes with people doing it for financial gain. Having another bad experience. People should really do what their hearts tell them to do. Some people were meant to assist with children, others were meant to do other things.
23 year old dude. I'm opting for a childfree life going forward. I don't feel excited about bringing kids into this world and that's a good indication that I shouldn't have them.
There’s no real sure fire way to know for sure if you would be happier one way or the other. You need to just be happy with whether you have kids and happy with whether you don’t. The grass is greener where you water it.
Trial run. Babysit a baby by yourself, for a week, & see how it goes.
Having your own children is a gift. However, if you can’t have one, there’s a lot of kids that needs love & proper guidance - adoption - the best unselfish thing you can do as a human being. We just don’t live for ourselves.
I say this only if & when . . you are financially & emotionally fit for the calling.
You said it the best.
You're younger than your age even though you have health issues, no is no if I don't want to have kids. Thanks a lot for making videos like this for people like us that have chosen to be child free by choice even though we're young.
This is helping a lot, no need to go and discuss or explain it to anyone cos I know what I really want.
Amen to everything that you said for not wanting to be a parent.
I've heard someone say Filipinos are some of the most non-problematic people out there... I'm startin' to believe it. 😂
being free shouldn't be a problem and yet it is. 😣
Sounds like a lot of fears about the world and responsibility, but to each his own.
Well said!
Everybody dies alone is the spoiler
Thank you for the video. You are a blessing!
No woman who regrets will ever admit it.
her filipino parent/s a different breed 😳 i'm in my late 20s and when i talk about how i'm not marrying anyone and will not have kid/s, my mom just tells me "who will take care of you when you're old? that's not good"
Yes climate crisis, you're right, we're aunties and don't need to have our own kids to enjoy parenting.
I really pitty parents for many reasons.
I'm just turned 45 n still get crap for not wanting them.
I regret being friends with people who have kids, because they want nothing to do with me anymore
I agree that culture and feminism has changed women’s opinion on having kids, but most who don’t have kids do regret it. The fact that they say I don’t want the responsibility is really just saying my parents taught me to be selfish and narcissistic
People who have kids also regret having kids. Especially if they only had them because of pressure from people.
The grass is always greener on the other side 🤷♂️
Or they want to end the cycle of narcissism in their family by choosing not to have kids
Short and straightforward 🧡
I would rather regret not having kids than regret having them #childfree
Beautiful way of putting it, thank you mama 🤍
I'm 42, no kids never been married. My mom does Nothing but try to push me toward marriage and kids. Its getting annoying, and I don't care anymore.
In our modern society, It’s a personal choice that could become also a couple choice. The real issue is we are not eternal and women need to decide before 35 if they want a family when a lot of have not settled down. The limited timeframe is really and issue. I had a son and he was really and deeply wanted as we go through almost 8 years of fertility cycles. But i can certainly tell, for my personal case, that I am a way better confident mom in my 40’s tha. In my 30´s. If women fertility cycle last forever, i would rather have my family in my 40´s. But people who loves you know that window frame is limited and urge to to not regret it.
She did regret it
She said:when I was 39 I said I wanted to have a baby now But she didn't find the right partner
(they rejected her)
❤
Disidi with. LovatakeapictureofaAziahart
I just want to say that there is generally this misconception that only women "have to have kids". If you really think that men don't get any pressure from their parents or generally their relatives into starting a family, *especially* in traditional and family oriented countries, then you are gravely mistaken. Perhaps the main difference is that we get this kind of "pressure" at an older age, because we are fertile for a longer period than women.
Many blessings for your message . It has helped me so so much ❤
I'm 33 yo & want to have children so badly, but I feel so broken from childhood, I have cptsd & social anxiety, single and never been in a serious relationship out of severe fear ...also struggle with codependency & negative thinking...& I dont know who I am ...progress is there but very slow (even with therapy) ...I think if I'm healed for the most part its to late 💔💔💔 I also had to cut out my entire (abusive) family, so I'm all alone (so no support for raising a child on my own ..and I dont want to without a good partner and finding a good partner is another topic and can take a while..)... future children should grow up in a healthy environment ...maybe its just not in the cards for me in this lifetime, but it HURTS 💔 if there is a God: why does he place the desire in my heart, if its unrealistic to achieve💔 ...maybe I'm blessed with stepchildren later on ... or find a meaning in my life elsewhere (e.g. helping (abused) children)
Some of us were put on Earth to do more important things than breeding. 62, & thank god I never spawned 🤮.
No kids 45+. No regrets 😊
40 years old... My husband died and all alone...
And now rather than "Do I wanna be a parent?"
It's "Do I want to be alone?" now...
That is what I’m afraid of… :(
i hate kids. 😂
Same here!!!
I'm happy when I DON'T see or hear them. I can't stand it when I find myself on the bus or metro train, or at the mall, or the pharmacy, and suddenly, there is a child either talking like a waterfall, or too loudly, or whining the same thing over and over again, or being aggressive! I have to either move to another seat, or, if I can, I leave!
Same.
I’ve never wanted to be married and have kids. I wanted to be single and have a dog. Im now 55 and happily single with my dog.
I have no wife and kids or any related misery. I am 59 and getting ready to retire and sell my townhouse for $400,000. Waterfront property on the Miramichi here i come. Oh ya...according to religion i am a selfish person but i look at it as this way.....i didn't take a chance on a 75% divorce rate and involve children in the equation. I will never understand how adding more worry and sorrow to your life enhances it in a good way. There's a reason why men on average die 10 to 15 years earlier than females....it's called wifeandkidsitis.
0:54 - 1:02 wow those sentences from your parents are so beautiful and needed 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
That’s amazing and insightful ❤
As a 24 year old man I’m glad to be single and child free. I can’t imagine how financially recked I would be as a parent.
@@lizblanco8294 They're living the dream!
Im sorry but some people might not agree with me and i can careless but i feel some people just have kids because its like the " rule of life" i don't want kids and i also feel that some people shouldn't have kids especially if they aren't even going to take care of them
There's no right or wrong to this question, really comes down to what you want personally.
Asking 'do you have regrets' is once again going to differ from person to person. There should be no stigma attached to 'having' or 'not having' kids either way
I never thought I wanted to have kids. In fact I was perfectly happy without one until I had one. It's one of those things that you can never know until you do it. Having my daughter is the BEST thing alongside meeting and marrying my wife, they both add so much joy and "texture" to my life. But, it's impossible to explain to someone who is childless what it is like. I know a big part of it for me was finding the right partner. And you will never find the right partner, until you become the right partner.
I am 27. Single. Still don’t have desire to married. But, I wish I will find a man who understand me about the reasons why I don’t want to have kid, even one. But I live in Asian. A lot of people will pressure me ofc.
It's one thing if you are an aunt, or have friends with kids you get to hang out with. But if you're all off on your own completely isolated with no chance of a family for the rest of your life, you may want to consider building something with someone.
Nah I'm a total loner by choice tbh. Just having a husband alone is a big no no for me
Correction: You don't make the decisions, WE do! Plus, how we choose to spend the rest of our lives is 0% your business, understood? Leave well enough alone, and worry about yourself!
@@victoriasegall3404 it was just something to consider...coming from a woman who made it to age 40 as a single woman and realized that I was isolated, bored and miserable. If I had to do it over again, I might try for a family earlier, but you're right...we make our own decisions
@@KS-md3uj you need to mind YOUR OWN business, and to STOP with the guilt-tripping + the lecturing! Who the hell are you? You're NOBODY! You have ZERO right to tell us what to do or not do. We don't get out of bed + out the front door to make you happy, and if you don't like how we live our lives, then DON'T look at us, DON'T talk to us,, and, last but not least, find ANOTHER pastime! We owe you ZERO, and we're NOT budging! We ARE NOT hurting you, stealing from you, or cheating you, or anyone else, for that matter. Our lives are OURS, and ours ALONE! If anyone must apologize, it is YOU and your lot, for assuming we could (or would) be followers! SHOVE IT! 👿
40 child free and happy ❤
Same here, but I'm 56, and HAPPILY single and childfree!!!
My brother and his gf don’t want kids, well my brother does but he’s with her so I guess he’s decided he won’t but they’re the most selfish, spoiled, entitled people I’ve ever met.. it’s like they’re desperately trying to prove they’re important and special and interesting but they’re not at all.
It depends
@@omaralkayal7598 sure, but when you live your entire life only caring about your own needs and wants I think you miss out of a deeper meaning of life.. a shallow existence is not even really existing. I waited til I was 30 to have kids, I thought I was gonna be ok not having kids… oh boy, my life began when I had kids. I wasn’t even living til my first kid was born. Hard to explain
@@BrandyTexas214 People are different. No one is forced to have children or like it.
@@dion5804 nobody said they were.. but life is about more than ourselves and our own wants and needs.. whether you believe in god or not, LIFE has a deeper meaning than just being born and doing what you want then dying alone.
@@BrandyTexas214 First, you don't decide for others what life is and what it's all about. This is private and personal. What is good for you may not be good for someone else. Second, reproducing and bringing more people into this difficult world just so you don't die alone, besides selfish, is extremely stupid. Everyone knows about the millions of old people who die alone having children and grandchildren. Reproducing is not a guarantee of anything, not even a biological legacy because no one can predict the future and what their descendants will do for good or evil. And third, thinking that the only way to contribute to society or have a fulfilling life is to have children demonstrates how narrow and uncreative your view of human civilization is.
Having children is an "ego" trip. Me, me, and more me.