A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Rogue
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Special Guest Puffin Forest: / @puffinforest
Joseph makes a dumb Dungeons and Dragons guide for dumb people
intro/outro music is original piece by JoCat
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![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Sorcerer](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EHJGJL40cQs/mqdefault.jpg)
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![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Character Sheet](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IVAJrYOOtwI/mqdefault.jpg)
![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Paladin](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ch5vWBPCrl0/mqdefault.jpg)
![A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Fighter](/img/n.gif)
Hey you lumped Mastermind and Inquisitive into one thing and I don't approve because I love both of those subclasses equally
my bad, guess I'm cursed to never have a single video without at least one mistake
My inquisitive rogue is crying the the corner... Whilst interrogating this living shizz out of his enemies
You can say, inquisitive makes you sherlock holmes and mastermind makes you Moriarty
tomoyuuki nue stolen comment?
I mean, it is a crap guide, don't beat yourself up over it
I'm a rogue player and all those edgelord jokes would really hurt my feelings... if I had any.
There's an edge on your edges.
@@Hersatz
Yo dawg...
That happens when growing up all alone and without any assistance on the harsh and brutal streets
I just parody Spiderman
My friend got me to make an edge stat for his rouge monk and give him knife chucks
I had a rogue in a short campaign, and I showed the DM the character sheet before the first session. The character was designed to LOOK like a stereotypical rogue, tragic backstory, black hood, hidden glove blades, you name it. He groaned but allowed it because everything was legal. Cut to the first session. While the other characters are talking at a table in a tavern, I describe my character being in the darkest corner of the tavern, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. The entire party is like “oh boy it’s one of these dudes” so they approach my character to just get it over with... only to find that my character is snoring. He’s FAST asleep while still somehow standing up, so they shake him awake which leads to him screaming like a girl and falling to the floor in surprise. They find out this rogue isn’t as dark as his appearance would lead you to believe. He just really loves the color black, but he’s one of the goofiest, nicest guys out there. Honestly it was more like a bard put on a cloak and tried to be a rogue for a day. Probably one of my favorite characters to date
Cool
Me
This is amazing.
Happy rogues are the best to roleplay. Been theorycrafting a "trap and lock" rogue who plays out like an excited youtuber who solves puzzle boxe- *Yes like Mr. Puzzle you figured it out good job now sod off!*
Mind if I tweak this for a campaign villain
My DM: "You're making yourself almost impossible to hit."
Me, a Tabaxi Arcane Trickster: "That's literally my Job Description."
Jagged Hill, is that you? (Same exact situation, just a swashbuckler I think)
I'm in a campaign with a tabaxi arcane trickster rouge
he has +11 to stealth
Ayyyy!
Except I'm a halfling Thief, but still!
You don’t need armor if they can’t hit you in the first place lol
This is gonna get hella buried but best way to backstory a rouge is "I don't want others to go through the hell I did" and have a local orphanage, family or etc that you keep from living on the streets
I'm making my character by a orphanage
I have a fighter who grew up in the mob after being orphaned, and that's his plan as soon as he comes back from the war. It's made for some fun rp
Not far off what I did. He's got this "I lost everything, my new family taught me how to make something new" attitude.
I ran a rouge that was part of a small city law enforcement department, used his talents to investigate stuff (often places he shouldn't be, no search warrant, no problem, I was "never" there), did typical rouge stuff in fights by "running to get help" and popping up behind the baddies to do backstab stuff and detain them.
So I went the complete opposite route for my rouge, I wasn't dark and brooding, I didn't have some tragic backstory, I was just a sneaky boi that was good at thieving ,and by extension, catching thieves.
Yep
merchant: "selling potions!"
rogue: "how much?"
merchant: "XXX gold"
rogue: "how about free?"
DM: (ಠ_ಠ)
(Edited note: this is a joke to add to Robbie Garber's joke. Please don't take it seriously. )
Merchant: "No, only XXX gold"
Rogue (player): **Rolls 20** "Crit 20"
DM: **sighs** "That is now it wo-"
Rogue (player): **Rolls damage dice** 23 slashing
DM: Really?!
Rogue: **Takes potions** "Nice doing business with you" **Walks out the door**
The rest of the party and the DM: **Facepalm**
@@Blue2x2x it's the job of the DM to call rolls, not the players', just saying
"I have the bad reputation feature, it'll be fine."
Later at the prison, the paladin asks "And just why should we post your bail?"
Then the rogue's player forgets your bard is a College of Whispers creepy clown animatronic° and asks your character to flirt with the guard so the warlock can get the keys off of him with Mage Hand.
_°The higher his Char score, the creepier he became. Because irony._
blue2x2x That’s when you know you have a player who doesn’t care about the rules and just wants to play murderhobo.
@@Blue2x2x
They won't let me be a Lizardfolk, they kept suggesting Dragonborn. So I gave myself a gun. Now I am God, and my name is Raptor Jesus. Pronounced how it looks, SPANISH.
DM: No bard, you can't lay that girl. She has a chasity belt, and it's locked.
Chaotic bro rogue: Locked, you say?
Bros b4 hos
Eiffel tower!
DM: Grrr... fine. Have your fun. Just do it safely.
Don't you mean
*brouge*
And this is why an aarakocra rogue is referred to as "the Wingman"
I once made a rouge drow elf who looks like the edgiest edgelord who ever edged, but he acted like a frickin disney princess, and the only reason he wore black was because it complemented his dark grey skin tone.
Yeah, I’m stealing this now
Alex Stapleton damn rouge...
Damn, I have the same thing going on with my rogue. Half Tiefling, half Sun Elf (High Elf) Soulknife rouge who wears a lot of darker colors but is super sweet and is actually a sea shanti.
I had a Drow rouge elf who was an assassin to pay alimony but he really liked people l, he also had a crippling fear of holes and spiders
My favorite rogue I ever played was named Jack Hood, a mix of jack sparrow and Robin Hood, and that’s exactly how he played XD
my favorite rogue ive played was the anti-edgelord. he was actually a noble with loving parents, but wanted to get away from the hoity toity pompous lifestyle of the affluent, so he learned to sneak because he wanted to ditch his bodyguard and avoid the other security detail from the estate as he wandered out amongst the commonfolk. he learned to pick locks because he was bored and wanted to know what was behind all the doors his parents kept locked. fencing lessons were mandatory as he was growing up. his pickpocket skills came from planting items in the estate's guards' pockets as pranks instead of stealing. he was a generally cheery fellow, got along great with the group, and was well liked. he did have to dodge guards often, but the party thought it was because of him being a rogue and in trouble with the law instead of the fact that they might recognize him and take him back to the estate.
Damnit you had the idea first. time to go rewrite my character
Sounds like that wood elf archer from the Skyline thieves guild
Putpocketing
"I couldn't trust anyone"
Proceeds to join a party of adventurers and trust them
Also, Yay Ben!
A two hour long diplomacy skill challenge ruined as the rogue player decides to stab the king because thats what his character would have done.. Trust?
Assuming that the rogue trusts the party?
@@Nerazmus He trust them to act blind when he acts chaotic stupid right in front of them. :P
Thanks to Puffin Forest for being a big bro helping me out with this series as well as lending his voice.
This episode is dedicated to all the lurkers hiding in the shadows passively watching these videos, you make up the backbone of the channel and I appreciate you even if you dont talk much
Oh thanks! This is definitely me!
-Gregor (an arcane trickster)
Ahh yes.. i have also silently appreciated this series.. until now
YAY Puffin Forest. Cool video.
Great video but I think you missed Inquisitive
This is the best team up in history!
How my party deals with a locked door:
Rogue: Hiding to gain advantage on attacking the lock
Bard: Already using his best pickup line on the lock in an attempt to seduce it
The Wizard: *Has literally been searching her spellbook for the last fifteen minutes for a good spell to use against the lock*
The Ranger: *Crying because she has no relevant features*
The Cleric in the back: "Hello good sir lock, do you have some time to talk about our lord and savi-"
The Fighter: "Ah shut it dwarf! I'll defeat this lock with my +34 assless chaps"
The Paladin: "Why are we even attacking the lock, it didn't do anything to us?"
The Sorcerer: "I cast fireball on the lock"
-The cleric and wizard, being the only characters with an Int higher than 6, run for cover and the rest of the characters lose their eyebrows. The lock still has a few hp though. (High quality Mithril reinforced locks that were hard to pick)
Me, an intellectual who happens to be Moon Druid, "I wildshape into a bear and maul the lock"
The Barbarian: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
The Warlock: *On a business call with his patron and telling us to be quiet*
The Monk: *Meditates*
The DM: wondering why a lock was a more interesting encounter than the goblin shamans they murder-hoboed three rooms ago
What even
Once my party started to debate whether or not we should have kept some of the cultists alive as proof of our deeds, and not just being murderers. For so much time the DM started telling us to move out. At the end of the fight, my WIS 4 Wild Magic Sorcerer, who happens to HATE cultists, stabbed the last one in the heart in front of everybody, making 30-40 minutes of debate completely useless. Man, that was so satisfying U_U
Doors...why is it always doors...
Assless chaps lmfaoo
The Artificer: Casts shape water to ice the lock, then Catapult.
I once had a friends who's rouge wasnt edgy or lonely. He legit said he was middle class and got bored one day so he picked up a knife and joined a party. This was the canonical explanation for why he was so SHIT at combat, because he never had training.
I too murder people when I'm bored
@@rainbowthedragoncat6768 … something tells me you’re the quiet kid in class
@@Tinygingerplant_ r/woooosh?
@@rainbowthedragoncat6768 at least I’m a meme
I have a tabaxi rouge who was abandoned at age 6, picked up by a circus, raised by a couple of clowns who were married and infertile, later in his teens the circus was burnt in a freak accident, leaving a clown named "Whiskers" out on the streets, he learned thief stuff for stunts, and later distracted a troll by juggling on a unicycle, and scared the bbeg so his minions thought he was weak and left him
"Oh look a locked door"
*rogue emerges*
"GUESS ILL JUST KICK IT DOWN"
*rogue sadly leaves*
*Trap set by Rogue "just in case" explodes on Barbaria*
*Barbarian doesn't even notice*
*Paladin DOES notice, gives Rogue the stink-eye*
*Ranger gives Rogue a sympathetic pat on the back*
Ah yes... the "universal key"
Hey either way, it saves my spell slots
Florp My rogue would just stab the barbarian.
Lockpicking - picking a lock and smashing it
Rogue but you don’t sneak, you just have such high charisma that you walk past the guards and tell them they didn’t see you
I am making a changeling ninja who is basically going to be that
Orc or Half-Orc Rogue with such high bonuses in intimidation, that he can just scream at people "YOU DIDN'T SEE ME!!!" instead of actually sneaking, if your DM allows that.
@@ThorsShadow I AM FUCKING INVISIBLE
*Laughs in Swashbuckler*
@@ThorsShadow YOU NO SEE KROD
I'm just waiting in the five second Warlock video.
"... Eldritch Blast. Now you know how to play Warlock, you're welcome"
Now you spoiled the joke and he has to get creative xD
this.
Followed by the outro for a few seconds, being interrupted by "Wait no I need to make an actual video"
Eddiemate obviously
My first ever dnd campaign was as a warlock that didn’t know Eldritch Blast - and didn’t even have any damaging cantrips until level 4 - so my play through in that campaign was filled with regret.
"Expertise upgrades your skills to anime level"
*me at 1st Level with +7 in Acrobatics:* Sounds about right
*Me at first level with a +8 in intimidation and sleight of hand:* Definitely right
me when i have a 30+ in stealth at 13th level: absolutely right. (without a magic items help its just 15+ fyi)
Managed expertise in persuasion at 1st as bard through vampirism... +8
Me at first level with a 24 PP
me, having +10 at sleight of hand at 5th level:
Ah I love playing rogue~ After you've finished all the classes would you make a crap guide to races as well? Would be super dope.
"You're an orc, you smash stuff, you hate stuff and you smash stuff because you hate stuff. Welcome to a Crap Guide to D&D."
+
I'd watch it.
Aasimar
If a game *ever* has the option of being a big, strong reptile that has halitosis every other day, then name one fucking reason why you shouldn't be a big, strong reptile that has halitosis every other day.
Welcome to a crap guide to D&D.
Dragonborn.
If you are dragonborn, chances are, you don't give a damn about the DM, the campaign, the fact that dragonborn canonically don't have tails, or the other people you convinced to have a session with you.
And why should you?
You're a goddamn lizard who decided to venture out of your hidden mountain village that nobody knows about, and therefore, doesn't have any records in any point of history outside of a rumor or legend, meaning that "yes DM, there are indeed Dragonborn in this campaign of humans vs elves only, and there's nothing you can do to stop it."
The traits of the dragonborn are being strong and confident like a highschool star athlete, and like highschool athletes, you have an ace up your sleeve in the off chance that you bite off more than you can chew in a fight: odor.
Where highschoolers have body odor whenever they forget to take care of themselves, you have dental odor that grows to physically lethal degrees no matter how many times you pick your teeth with your greatsword.
You have a breath attack that deals elemental damage to all enemies in a small cone in front of you, and recharges after a quick nap or good night's rest.
Much like how you can't avoid body odor when standing within proximity, creatures within your breath range can't avoid your attack and must make a saving through to hold their breath and take only half the damage.
Your breath's element comes in five types: fire, cold, lightning, acid, and poison, and the element is dependant on your inherited ethnical scale color.
As a dragonborn, you have modifiers to your strength and charisma, which means your an idiot if you pick the Cleric, Druid, Monk, Ranger, Rogue, or Wizard for your primary class.
Just remember that the best kind of dragonborn, and the only kind you should ever be, is a tanky melee class or a sorcerer who was banished from their clan for reasons you are too ashamed to talk about, and so you lived your life as a hermit, acolyte, or an outlander until you met the sorry sacks of shit that make up the rest of the party.
And now you know how to play dragonborn, you're welcome.
I can't believe I recognized puffin forest voice right away.
Same!
If you've watched his videos, who wouldn't?
YOU NOTICED TOO!
I didn’t catch that at all lol
Yeah, it only took me like 1 second to ask myself: "Holy shit, is that actually puffin?!"
Main rule of rogue:
Your knives must be sharp, but you must be edgier
My rouge character: I like shopping!
My friend's sorcerer character: You mean shoplifting?
My rouge character: Yeah, that!
It's not stealing, it's a unilateral redistribution of wealth.
Also the shopkeeper likes me so much he gives me a five-finger discount. :)
@@dyciefisk2535 Shopkeep gives out five fingered discounts.
I suppose Rouge the Bat *is* a Rogue, come to think of it
@@TheTdroid Yours and Comment above are somehow connected
"try not to cut yourself on that edge while you're at it"
funny story, during my first DnD campaign, we did a future version of my friends' other campaign. book in our campaign described the adventure of the other characters, so, sensibly, we decided to look at how they died, and our DM made it up on the spot. one of my friends had a really edgy character and for his death we said he "was mysteriously cut by an unknown source". we said he cut himself on his own edge. that was a fun day.
"Accidentally kicked the guard in the genitals while trying to seduce them"
HOW DO YOU EVEN *DO* THAT?!
You roll a 1
A little late but
Mechanical: rolled natural 1.
Story: Using the foot to caress the guard at the tavern and the leg had a twitch causing the leg to kick the guard in the genitals.
Roll a nat 1
Rolled a 0, somehow
I actually kicked my now girlfriend in the crotch on our first date...
Rolled a 1 in real life.
Hey rogue why you stealin from other party members?
It'S WHaT My ChaRActER WoUlD dO
Saying a thief would steal from the party because they're a thief is like saying the fighter would fight the party because they're a fighter.
Hey player, why are you constantly wisecracking, mistrusting and outright refusing to interact with the other players?
DUH! IT'S WHAT MY CHARACTER WOULD DO!
Ugh yeah I hate that excuse. At least when I take gold meant for others it’s just hiding some of the gold before dividing it up among the party, and then I usually use it to bail my party out of messy situations anyways. Multiclass bard/rogue so I’m constantly getting the chaotic aligned barbarian and sorcerer out of prison.
Chaotic neutral rogues attract so much My Guy syndrome. Make a character that's actually fit for group play and is fun for other players to have around, if you're such a great roleplayer you should have no issues making a mechanically relevant and non-irritating character interesting.
played with a guy who made a half-orc barb, and it was the usual 'You meet in a tavern' opening. He said 'I FUCK A WHORE!!!!! HAHA' literal first words out of his mouth
JoCat: Rogues have dark and depressing backstories. My goblin rogue, who was raised by a wizard and had nothing depressing happen to him yet: *nervous sweating*
My half-elf rogue who is only with the party to get money because her rich daddy is gonna cut her off if she can’t make her own money: *rich sweating*
My halfling rogue who just wants to get paid for bringing some stuff over to somewhere: -
Is the Wizard's name "Gorion" by any chance?
My human rogue who is just a village's militia-scout who started adventuring to rase some money to pay for his son's carpenter's education: nervous laugh
My drow rogue, a cinnamon bun who's adventuring to aid her ma: *nervous whistling*
Awwww, the Bard's not trying to practice sword swallowing with the Paladin's Holy Avenger anymore!
This is a very funny euphamism simply because I'm not sure if it actually is a euphamism or not.
The paladin may be a girl, but the bard would still be the sheath to her sword
UltimateMustacheX *vigorously taking notes on this to use it later*
@@UltimateMustacheX With magic, anything is possible. ;p
@@cryw1092 The bard casts Bigby's Wang on the paladin. The bard takes 10 points of piercing damage.
......Did the Rogue go on a date with the Barbarian?
Damn, slipping in that character interaction. Makes me kinda wanna see a story out of these fantastic idiots.
I would totally pay to see that!
I believe so!
Also wow Rogmesh you really are kinda racist.
I mean it's goblins so who cares.
The bard is also obsessing over the paladin
Paladin and Cleric are siblings.
Jocats rouge: dark and mysterious and good at being a rouge
My party's rouge: bright colors so loud even a blind person could see them and the only to fall a stealth check, and we had a barbarian
Color me impressed.
barbarians should have a good dex... ENOUGH THINKING BARBARIAN ARE TERRIBLE AT STEALTH!
Other rogues: Brood brood angst.
My rogues: I have rent to pay, and some rich neighbors, it's go time.
Joe Many Spahs ah yes... the Garretts of the rogue world. While everyone is off worrying about some revolution or some undead horrors...
“Meh. I have a tavern bill to pay.”
This reply needs more likes
My latest rogue is kind of both of these guys
@@recklessabandon5678 All the comic relief of a bard, and all the edgy backstory of a God damn razor blade, best of both worlds XD
Basically the "crouching moron, hidden badass" trope
@@InsanityVirus well actually it's more like: has a razor edge(literally and figuritavily) but just has a lot of shit to pay off:depts, the several bounties on his head you name it,he knows someone who wants money for it, he's also extremely sassy because of course he is
"Doesnt drink cause they can only do cheap shots"
HAH
It says "doest". I liked the joke but :|
I’m gonna make a Rogue Scout whose personality can be summed up as “friendly yeehaw man” just to spite you
So Matt off Demolition Ranch?
That would be hilarous.
This was almost literally my previous character
He was a positive, gung ho young man whose catchprase was "wheres ya sense of advencha?" (In a thick celtic accent)
Im making a kobold thief who does it for fun, is squeemish around blood and such, and sneaks up behind party members to scare the shit outta them.
be careful or matt mercer will come to your room and throw foam noodles at you
If Fjord Tusktooth's life had taken a different path...
Other Player: "So you're a Rogue, huh?"
Me: "Yep."
Other Player: "Parents dead?"
Me: "Nope."
Other Player: "Um... rough childhood?"
Me: "Nope."
Other Player: "Then why are you edgy?"
Me: "I'm not edgy, I'm happy as hell. I only left home cuz the b**** I was betrothed to is beyond any hope of redemption to think for herself, and my parents and her parents wouldn't break it off. Otherwise, I'm just your regular happy-go-lucky guy."
Other Player: "....what's your name?"
Me: "It's Steve."
Tiger Warrior Steve the Anti-rouge
@@void1824 I was thinking more of a DnD version of James from Team Rocket.
@@tigerwarrior1787 does he have a very short Tabaxi friend?
@@Geostelar4920 Yes, and a Bard Urchin plutonic girl friend, named Fran, instead of Jessica.
I've created a dragonborn bard named Douglas and an aaracokra fighter named Jacob.
Tfw your pathetically low INT score made you choose to play as a ROUGE instead of a ROGUE
*SEDUCE POWERS ACTIVATE!*
... sonic the hedgehog headcanon alert...
Max charisma rouges ftw. The bond blond to make those enemies fond so you can steal their wand and then escape through a pond.
Darn it I was the 69th like
I bet you're red in the face
My INT is a massive 6, which is why I messed up and ended up playing as a ragu.
I got a cut from all the edge in this video
I got slit in fucking half from all the edginess in the video.
Building a rogue: "I was born into a world that didn't want me in it. I had to fight for survival and in the process I learned that everybody is only out for themselves"
Playing a rogue: "I'm going to drink three gallons of ale and then wear a chicken on my head"
Ah good ol' chaotic neutral. The only alignment when you rp a rogue. Chicken hats for everyone.
Can confirm, I have a bugbear rogue with an ever burning candle mounted to their head. God bless Nalt, the blind idiot savant she is. I’m going to miss her when I inevitably get critshit into the ground due to having shit stats and hp.
I play a rouge and yes, his mother died and he lives on streets, but he’s literally only an assassin because there were fortunes being told for free in a shady ally.
The fortune teller basically said “Your future will brighten when you’re hit on the head”. So, my dear boy goes on his way, and while he’s walking, there’s a couple fighting in a house above him. They’re throwing things, and a poisoning kit and thieves tools land on Alphie’s head (They were in a bag). Taking this as a sign, he became an assassin. A fairly good one at that.
Holy crap, that's hilarious.
Ooh puffin! Ive been waiting for this vid!
Edit: woohoo more romantic subplots!
Seriously, I *need* to know what happened with Bard and Paladin.
@@thor30013 same
@@thor30013 1:14 Pause at the close up and I think you'll get an idea of the situation.
Maxwell Johnson did Paladin reject her?
@@moonyasnow36 that or its an ongoing struggle
My rogues deep and brooding backstory was I learned to steal on the hard streets of my home when my parents would only give me 1 dessert at night
My rogues backstory is she really likes stabbing people.
My only rogue's deep and brooding backstory was "Am lizardman, grew up learning to craft because am lizardman in happy tribe, but one day tribe died so now I do lizardman things with new fleshy things tribe" so I don't get the whole dark and brooding thing because that character was awesome
My rogues deep and brooding backstory was "my grandfather was a priest, my father was a paladin scarred by being touched by the priests, i was orphaned at birth and learned of this then went and killed my grandfather by accident because i assumed he was the one who did it, i was then exiled and sent to hang but escaped in a miraculous tragedy where undead hordes raided the town and killed everyone, i found a way to escape my cell and wandered into the forest, i stared at my reflection in a great pond in the moonlight and heard mother night say, that was pretty fucked up what you did, why dont you, go rogue and let me adopt you. Thats when i woke up and realised i was talking to a 10 eyed demon, instinctively saying sure? And the demon taught me how to harness illusion magic and junk, now i quest to find my birth mother so i can bring her to my demon mother although im not sure its a mother, it has 3 penises the size of short swords. But im sure this will make a happy family? Yeah, it sure will"
@@alphacritter5398 So... Your character thought he was molested by a priest so he kill his grandfather. Adopted by a demon and now looking for his mother, to probably to sacrifice her to the demon "as a blood sacrifice or become a slave." To regain a family again. I'm I close or something?
@@junebug4004 no no no, he thought he was orphaned because of his grandfather selling his father into sex slavery to a corrupt order of priests and learned his father eventually killed himself and put 2 and 2 together wrong, wrongfully killed his grandfather according to the town who beholds him as a great prophet of their people, and the demon chose him to be his child since he lost his wife to a tragic kayaking romance trip. So he believes he can cure his depression by finding his mom and taking her to meet him, but again, this demon can manipulate thoughts and emotions so yeah, basically in reality he wants a blood sacrifice
1:20
aww, the paladin and cleric siblings are enjoying Christmas together
that's actually super cute
And the fighter got a mighty Grabuljean stuffed animal.
DON'T STEAL! XD
Joseph did confirm in the Paladin video (in the comments section) that they are siblings.
The noogie （＾∇＾）
Most people playing rouge: E D G E
Me playing rouge: POCKET SAND, SNEAK ATTACK
Why is that more terrifying to me than me hearing “hi sisters!” At night
Jekyl and *HIDE*
@@Tinygingerplant_ Because imagine you're a bandit, You're going about your day and then suddenly feel a harsh stinging in your eyes followed by a stabbing pain in your side, You swing wildly until you get the sand out only to be met with another handful. This cycle of blind helplessness and pain goes on until you pass out from blood loss and eventually die.
Tragic Backstory: Check
Daggers: Sharpened
Gold: Eaten
Yep, its rogue time.
How much gold did you eat?
@@gregorymckenzie7511 Enough that I count as being a bank.
wait wouldn't the first line be better as "Backstory: Tragic"
@@Gatoras_Blade Okay, I think you'll need a mortician more than you'll need some dice.
@@gregorymckenzie7511 Mortician: "You wouldn't BELIEVE how much gold if found in this one guy today."
Remember: Don’t steal from the party.
Do steal for the party.
Or steal succesfully from the party without anyone noticing. Ir try to steal things to check if theyre guard against pickpockets is up
*steals Artificer's Vibe-rater*
For fun, reverse pickpocket bizarre trinkets onto your friends!
Paladin: that porn isn't mine, I swear! I don't know how it got into my rucksack!
cymond "Really, Paladin? 'Wicked Warlocks and Their Temptations'? That's not to say it's wrong or anything, I just didn't expect it to come from _you."_
If I ever end up using my aarakocra rogue, they'll have a bit of trouble trying not steal from the party lol
hOLY SHIT FINALLY! Rogues! Us slutty knights can finally learn how to play the game.
"Harder to pin down than if that banter with your friend actually hurt their feelings."
Wait.
What happened to the Bard Paladin Love Story?!
I NEED TO KNOW!
THIS
THANK YOU! What would a tiefling and a half elf even make?
@@Aulumos42 Either another tiefling or another half elf from memory in xanathar's guide, but I would put my bet on another tiefling with the whole cursed bloodline thing they have going on
looked up the dress and saw a penis
@@SuperUnhappyman That's probably a plus by bard standards... I doubt that even a tentacle would disuade the thrist of a bard.
Puffin REALLY does collab with all new D&D animators
It's like only more publicity to add to all the fun stuff that he does as it is. It's like how Google got everywhere early on and hinged all it's bets on just being considered a staple search engine nobody knew it wanted but now everyone needs.
Where is puffin in here?
@@elgatochurro When Jocat stops his monologue in the beginning.
@@elgatochurro he was the guy in the tavern who walks away
@@elgatochurro He's the guy at the very beginning listening to the rogue wiggler.
See, if I made a rogue, I’d actually make them the most chill dude ever, someone you’d never expect to be a psycho, and have them be a relentless killer.
That’s waaaaay more terrifying
That is basically my dnd character
Yoshikage Kira
@@scoopitywoop5665 Killer Queen would mean arcane trickster.
So you basically made Ted Bundy into a DnD character?
Gotta fear 'em when they just do this shit for fun, and really got nothing to lose cause of it xD
JoCat: talk about how edgy rogue are
Me: wants to make a energetic, pink rogue that literally does not know what the word stealth means.
That is an awesome idea.
Do it, and give us an update
DAMMIT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BARD/PALADIN SUBPLOT?
Mr.Ironic Vlogs The party had to forcibly separate them for a little while and added an unremovable enchanted choker to each that repels the other.
Pala-tin shot down Bard-chan.
Bard-chan didn't take it well.
The rogue hid it.
She's goin after that RANGER BOOTY!
JoCat: rogues are OP edgelords
My rogues: always somehow end up as squirrels. Literally.
Is there always a druid or a mage of any kind in your group? XD
Not always, but my rogues usually run into something or steal from the wrong person eventually. It’s just a running gag now in my group.
Slightly disappointed that you meant they wind up transformed into squirrels, but now I wanna see a Rodent-kin player race that's literally bipedal mouse/rat/squirrel people at the same size as their respective animal.
Crimson Wizahd funny you mentioned that. I’m actually in a campaign where I’m playing a sentient vampire squirrel.
@@StarlightMischief Yes. Aaaaall of this.
Dodging having to pay the bill on the first date is definitely the best part of being a Rogue.
i love the amount of people talking about their non-edgy rogues here because i, too, have a non-edgy rogue lol. they're a goblin rogue who grew up with a nice loving family and steals bc they really like shinies lol. my dm also likes to give each party member a "borderline useless magical item", so i got a dagger that can cast Light on itself lol
I managed to pickpocket someone's underwear off them as Rogue once. I love my DM.
Pickpocket 100: Perfect Touch.
The class with Maximum ANGST
Oof
I don't know about 'Maximum' Angst. There's still the warlock.
@@antaresmaelstrom5365 There's also blood hunters. Oof.
Warlock, Blood Hunter
Not the case for me, lol. My rogues are butt monkeys xD
My angstiest character is a freaking Paladin. And maybe a Bard, but she's had her revenge.
So, figurines for your characters we can buy effin' when?
My rouge is still the comic relief. She stabs anything in combat, is absolutely insane, and legit just tried to attune with the aboleth so she could base a character in her fantasy novel after it.
Where's the obligatory CRAWLING by Linkin Park audio drop???
Lol yeah
Banished by copyright?
Crawling in my *CRAWWWWWWWWL*
Still picking its way over the spiked floor the Ranger set up.
Barbarian: Who needs some nerdy rouge when you can INtiMiDatE thE lOcK
Bard: Who needs that when you can SeduCE tHe LoCk
WarLoCk : SEDUCE ME
What not intimidatingly seduct/seductively intimidate it?
Druid: Who needs that when you can AsK ThE TrEEs tO OpeN ThE LOcK
wizard : uses mage hand to unlock the door , gets out , then close the door behind to let these idiots suffer.
PUT YOUR WAND IN THE LOCK
I absolutely love playing Rogues, you just make ridiculously long setups and then release any anime protagonists catchphrase:
"I use my Misc Action to throw some rope underneath my enemies foot."
"Okay."
"I also use my Bonus Action to attack with my offhand and intentionally miss to form a distraction."
"Uh.. sure?"
"YOUR NEXT LINE IS: 'YOU MISSED ME IDIOT!'"
"YOU MISSED ME IDIOT... *NANI?!* "
"I use my remaining action to grab and pull the rope on the floor to snare their feet and restrain the enemy."
True story.
Don't forget the edgy backstory!
And then the part where he crashes a plane into an active volcano
@@EHyde-ir9gb or crashes plane in general
And sends a car to space
Best comment.
"Why are you in the corner of this tarverne? Do you want to be mysterios?"
"No. I only didnt like places with many people and didnt want to be seen.".^^
This video really caught me off-guard
*I love it*
You could say... it's a sneak attack
I like the idea of a rogue that's quiet and mysterious not because they're a brooding edge lord, but because they're so socially awkward they can't gather the courage to speak their mind most of the time, while also being so susceptible to peer pressure that they just do whatever the party tells them to.
me
Yeah,thats my type if i going play Rogue,lol
I keep imagining the idea of a Rogue that has all the hallmarks of the edgy variant, but they're not really malicious. They're just an introvert who likes to stand alone and be silent
I steal his pants!
(sigh) Roll it.
[clatter]
I cannot BELIEVE you got that one!
Followed by backstabbing a thicc boi with a ballista.
(swipes off guts)
Cool!
The gamers?
@@ldragondeity correct
Ultimate gamer pickup strategy.
The way I flavored my rogue was that while she did grow up on the streets (I know, stereotypes) she did so in a large group. She was taught to help other members of the group when they needed it, and in turn had people to turn to herself. That's why she's now ride or die with her current adventuring party and will stick with them no matter what.
Played a Rogue Swashbuckler. I was the happiest ball of sunshine and happy murder death
That's my legacy character and I love it
i once played a Rogue scout, and i had to stop using her because i hit a point where i would sacout ahead...and kill everything...and the DM was getting depressed because whenever i played as Darsa, i never rolled lower than 18...EVER...
I have made quite a few rogues, and might I say they aren't always edg... *Intense thoughts about my character story choices...* Ok I see your point...
Swashbucklers can avoid the edge by basically being jack sparrow, and scouts aren't *forced* to be edge, but everyone else, yeah.
I thought my serial killer little girl wasn’t edgy. Then I remembered even if she’s sweet and adorable.
A: a serial killer
B: her first memories are being drowned by her mom
C: Carries a fuck ton of knives.
So yeah edgy as shit.
John Smith That is eerily similar to my little girl rogue character in 3.5, though it was her dad that tried to drown her. I must ask, was your character also a 12 year old tiefling?
@The Kitty Cat King reminds me of Hiord my goblin rogue.
He has a glaive. Can he use it? No. Can he easily carry it? Also no. So why does he have it? It is shiny and he hasn't realized he can remove the head. he also has some chain mail he can't wear for the same reason, and some shiny ettin hair beads, and some worthlessly small amethysts, and a dagger he doesn't need or ever use instead of a bow.
veggiedragon1000 No mine was an 18 year old human (due to my group’s strange hangups about underaged characters.) Though she did look 12
the anime at 1:08 is: The Irregular at Magic High School
Sebastian Laforest thanks!
Sebastian Laforest thanks man
Thank you
Thanks
Tf
I play a rogue at the minute and went out of my way to make his backstory as un-unpleasant as possible while still having just enough stereotypical tragedy to justify that criminal life.
His parents weren't murdered; they just got sick and died.
He didn't learn his skills on the streets; he just kept running away from his orphanage until his improving escape and stealth skills got him noticed by some guild members who took him in and gave him a new home and family.
He isn't an amoral kleptomaniac; the whole reason he's adventuring was that one of the seemingly ordinary jobs he did for the guild resulted in him impulsively murdering somebody who he knew didn't deserve it and he's trying to redeem himself.
And with all that, he's the most outwardly positive person in the party, to the point that right up until he flat out told them he was in the guild, the party members (in character anyway; the players all knew my sheet said rogue) just thought he was another travelling marksman for hire because that's how I roleplayed him :P
Dude I want to see stories with this character so badly,this hits the backstory sweetspot for me.
My first rogue assassin got into roguery because he couldn't his sad pathetic type of alcoholic father, which made him spend time in the streets to be away from his dad and to help his family out.
And also because he couldn't stand the smell of working at a tannery (his father was a tanner). And so he became a skirmisher/flanker/scout for a mercenary because he had the skillset for it and it paid quite alright.
Tragic yeah, but not a ridiculously turbo tragic edge factory.
"Hey that sounds like Ben from Puffin Fo-"
"IT IS BEN FROM PUFFIN FOREST!!!!"
"HI BEN!!!!!!!!!!!! XD"
This rogue is a Gnome.
*WE'VE BEEN GNOMED.*
PiranhaTheSpacePrince ”You’re gonna say that to every gnome we meet, aren’t you?”
Yuanti Mastermind Rogue anyone?
not a Gnoblin..
They're gnot a gnelf, and they're gnot a gnoblin...
@@Rytonic69 They're a gnome!!!
Jocat + Puffin Forest = Instant watch.
Still one of my favorite dnd character designs, a teenager/ young adult who doesn't have any deep dark backstories but instead their mom said they weren't allowed to sit around all summer and do nothing
(best part about arcane trickster is when you're playing a tabaxi... so many things to knock off shelves... so little time)
Oh boy! New ship to the list
So far the ships are:
Paladin + Bard
Bard + every single character
Cleric + their god
Druid + ranger
Rogue + barbarian
Please JoCat, bless us with more -ships- content
Deston Night If Warlock + Cthulhu isn’t a thing I’ll be very disappointed.
@@spacemandavid_2122 you know what? You're very right
Deston Night I can’t wait to imagine the ships he’s gonna make for the magic classes
Wizard and their own IQ anybody?
Rogue + bardbarian = ultimate chaos
Goddammit my DM hates rogues and I love being rogues. He's expecting me to be the know-it-all with a troubled past stereotype, but I just like being sneaky.
Honestly I love all of your example characters, I'd watch a series about them all being a party cause they legit seem interesting and fun
Mastermind is more like Moriarty. Inquisitive is like Holmes.
We started from a lonely barbarian and now most of the squad is here.
John Dayguy only thing missing is a little bit of magic
@@spacemandavid_2122 do you believe in the arcane arts? Ponders intensely, i guess you could lap around the Arcanist
warlock
Alpha Critter Nah I believe in being born with magical powers like a fantasy superhero
And having the blood of dragons in my family
Ok, can I just say that the Christmas scene is utterly adorable?
“Ever since I was a child I had to grow up on the streets. Wrestling ally bears for food, and fighting guards for my own freedom. It was in those streets that I knew I couldn’t trust anyone but myself. The only thing for sure, was that I had to find the monsters who put me there; to exact my revenge, and finally put my restless hunger for blood at ease”
“That’s great sir, would you like fries with that?”
Of course it's Puffin Forest a.k.a. Mr."Oh look a DND related channel so here I am".
Jk, I love him and his animations :D
“Who could be grumpy on Christmas?”
Me: Dads.
me.... honestly I'm just a couple years from dying my fair green and cosplaying as the Grinch for Christmas.
Yeah but that's just for the morning~
GET IMMEDIATELY ALL OF THE GIFT WRAP IN ITS SPECIFIC BAG RIGHT NOW AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT
My aunt.
2:32
"BOOM, I GOTTA BOW AND I'M CAPPING YOUR INTEL!"
I've never played D&D but if I ever get the chance, my first character is going to be a comedic relief rouge. He's gonna have the personality of Moon Knight but like the meme versions of him
"Alright Dracula, you big fuckin nerd, where's my goddamn money?"
Yeees
The character interaction at 1:20 between the Stoutbough siblings warmed my heart :3
Love the little touches like that.
2:09 is that diath form dice camera action?
It sure fucking is
Yessss!
Didn't recognise him because he wasn't killing off a lot of people by accident at that moment.
@@whiskeyhound OOF
Yep, I’m glad I’m not the only one who picked up on that.
Any plan to do a Crap Guide: Dungeon Master when you finish the classes? That'd be amusing.
TheMightyDM Yes he is he said so a while back in an update video.
Nobody mentioning that baby Jocrap was abandoned with a baby sword and shield. Both of said items also being in diapers, and the shield somehow wet itself.
Can't forget the 8 int rogue with expertise in intimidation:
Rogue: "YOU CAN'T SEE ME"
goblins: "AHHHH WE CANT SEE YOU"
rogue: *sneak attack*
rogue having a dark edgy backstory
*Laughs in human-fighter*
Lol
I've prepared a rouge for an upcoming campaign and he's a fluffy goofball who is also a deadly hunter and a nerd who likes studying rocks. He has 8 charisma and is bad at speaking common. I love him already. (His name is Mumble)
Although I have played rogue many times, I have never dabbled in (much) edge for them. I think the darkest/edgiest one I've made was a soldier. It was a Lord of the Rings style campaign and I was a half elf, so the elves tolerated me because I was more skilled than the other elves enlisted (Race bonus), long enough to rise to the rank of captain. I managed to earn respect from many of the men I commanded, but other than them, elves stayed away as much as they could for the same reason he could be classified as edgy. My rogue was in a 1 v. 3 with some bandits, unarmed except for the chains that normally were attached to his daggers (Basically turned them into climbing hooks). Knocked the first one out cold with a critical success uppercut, picked up that one's weapon (war hammer) and bludgeoned the second as he rushed towards me after failing his attack, and the third one decided to try and leave after seeing his buddies almost die immediately. He would have been able to get away on account of pure speed, but...
He tripped. He had fallen face first onto the ground before he could get away, and before he got a chance to run again I had the chain around his neck. DM had me roll strength, I rolled a 17 and had +4 modifier because of my 18 in strength. My character snapped the bandit's neck before he could begin to struggle. Some bystanders were standing there, frozen from shock. From that point forward, Cipher (My character's common alias) was known as 'Strangle Chain'.
Wait, waitwaitwait.... was that "Theif Archetype" dude Diath Woodrow?!
I think we might be seeing ProJared in our future.
Edit: well that didn't age well at all. I'm just gonna pretend it's Ezra Lockwood from TFS At the Table
“Oh hello my boy, mmmhmm” - shameshka
fuck that guy
I was literally just getting on UA-cam to watch Crap Guide and found a new video too. It's Christmas in March.
You forgot to mention how rogues can't fail a stealth check at higher levels, and wHy IS thE rOGuE sO poWeRfuL
Bard: hay your that rogue guy right?
Rogue: yep!
Bard: so what's your deep and interesting backstory?
Rogue: oh I grew up extremely wealthy never had any problems of any kind and then one day I stabbed and robed a guy and really liked it.
Bard: oh....
Rogue: literally stabs bard in the back grabs his wallet and runs away laughing hysterically.
Bard now dieing: oh.
Had a noble born assassin once. He was the courtier/diplomat of his family.
I think that you would have had a lot of fun with the Shadowdancer Rogue, which can straight up teleport everywhere that's dark. It's extra edgy
And extra OP
I had one like that. name of mr tea tray. did this one thing where he would fall into his own shadow and attack from his enemies shadow before teleporting away.
You are all missing the most important thing!
2:09 "It me, Diath!"
That was totally Projared's Diath Woodrow wasn't it? Good taste.
EDIT: Well. This didn't age well, did it?
I thought so too
Diath wasn't only a rogue but also a cheater, HaHAA 4head
@@SovietRipper Haaaaaa yeaaaaaaaaah... Never seen a dude ruin his own career so quick.
The edit has aged poorly..
I have a Rogue that is a City Watch Investigator, who learned the skills he's seen criminals use to better catch them. He's also strength-based, has expertise in Athletics, and took the Grappler feat.
In 3.5 I had a similar rogue. A former bailiff.
I kinda have a BBEG like this. A city watch captain who infiltrated a thieves guild, and steers them away from anyone of any importance, in exchange for allowing them to operate, while arresting anyone trying to work outside the guild.