13 Signs You Are Having Sex with a Narcissist and how to leave them. A Psychologists perspective.
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Dr. Becky Spelman is a top Psychologist in London, Becky is the Clinic Director for Private Therapy Clinic which has clinic's based all around central London including; Harley Street, Wigmore Street, Bank, Earls Court & Canary Wharf. Becky uses Psychodynamic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mindfulness to treat a range of difficulties with a particular interest in Borderline Personality Disorder and the difficulties that go with this condition such as relationship difficulties, anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, social anxiety, fear of public speaking, fear of intimacy, interpersonal difficulties, anger, body image issues, eating disorders and addictions.
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The only healthy relationship with a narcissist is no relationship. Zero contact.
Thank you for your comment
No contact period
@@Gemini-sb8mv 💯
👍👍👍
This is true
If all their exes are crazy and they always seem to be the victim, RUN!!! You’ll be next😢
Happened to me.
4 divorces and none were her fault. No accountability and never wrong.
Yes, my husband told me he mother of his child was crazy, then later on I was as crazy as the mother of his child
Yes! I was the red flags, still got me hooked 😢💔
people like you suffocate some of the realest victims ever with your psychobabble bs
My favorite narcissistic apology: "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Gosh yes.
Wow
Yes yes yes!
😂 oh my gosh 100000%%%
Exactly! What I don't understand is how all narcs behave exactly the same no matter from which part of the world they are from!
It was hard for me to leave a narcissist, but I finally did , it felt so good
Please don’t go back if they try to Hoover you. It only gets worse, and you’ll eventually leave anyway.
I'm working on the same thing. I'd love to know how you did it.
Going through separation now from her
Same here
"The reason why the Narc decided to leave you is because they couldnt control you"
So true. They didnt "reject" you nor that you were not "good enough" You were too strong for them. Be proud.
Kudos to us.
Yup
@@pares7 lkoo
❤️🙏🏾❤️❤️
This
Dealing with a narc is so draining, one minute everything is great and they telling you they love you . The next minute your being ignored 🤦🏽♀️ I hate it here ‼️
Sorry to hear this, we can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our practitioners to discuss this further please email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book
Wow, same thing I went through.
It's spiritual warfare. They're trying to keep you from using the gift God gave you to do His will here on earth. Don't they seem like an alien hybrid that's demonic at the core?
A narc pretends to love you but they don,t & raise potential red flags
@@ecaddy73 yes exactly what I mean
33 years married to a narcissist? Now nearly divorced? Cannot believe it took so long to realise?? Now on my own enjoying my quiet life it's amazing
I feel the same way after 30 years.
Same here over 30 years with a narc. marriage was the saddest time of my life. So peaceful now and thankful for no more chaos.
I need friends that can talk to me to continue fighting and healing.
My 40th wedding anniversary is in September. I’m just realizing it. I wish I couldn’t say that I have you beat.
Narcissists are charismatic manipulative trainwrecks...thanks lovely lady!
Narcissists don't make you feel safe.
Thank you for your comment
If only I'd trusted my gut feelings all along xx
Why would another person need to make you feel safe the only person truly responsible for your safety is yourself.
@@mariotibbrine1 facts
@@mariotibbrine1
So, do you fear your house burning down with you in it?! Or do you think the smoke detectors will alert you, and the fire department will put out the fire?
Every human being alive places a certain amount of trust into the people, and institutions around them. If you can't trust your partner to help maintain the safety of your children and yourself then what do you have?
If you are a nice kind person who cares about others, you are bait for these types
Such a messed up world.
Ohwow that's late today so I'm sure he would bring the 0oópp0p00p0pp0ppppppp0ppppppppp lol 9pplppp
Olp00 pp pop 0 LOL pp ooo9 imk
They will use you kind empathetic heart in a way that they will make you feel sorry for them even when you know they did you wrong. They will twist it around using other toxic people who will also manipulate you to believe that the 3rd party disrespect and his behavior was your fault. Toxic and manipulative but trust me their comes a time when you must say enough is enough and walk away for good.
YES great comment .
STOP making excuses for abuse .
STOP forgiving the unforgivable .
@@astroemerald3175 absolutely
They don't discard you they set you free.....
Amen ♥️
Things to do. Number 1. Love them from a distance. Number 2. Walk away ,Block and Delete them. Continue working on yourself and let go of what didn't serve you. Amen. God Bless you all. Stay strong. God is with you all.
Best advice!! ❤🙏
Don’t look back!
What if they’re your neighbor
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏Amen God bless you too 💖✨️🕊
I swear you just described my entire marriage from day one!!!!22 years of misery and all sorts of abuse but I’m divorced 6 months now!!!
I'm sorry for what you went through! It's hell on earth. I'm still in it! It's many years for me.
Congrats on your courage! You already inspired me!
I pray your in peace...and have joy...🤗
21 years... filing for divorce next week, Lord’s willing... he’s a Pastor
@@ao2864 You can do it girl! And the worst thing to do is keep in contact and if you have to just nice and short conversations! If you need anything you let me know! I am so proud of you and I know you can do it!
@@francinacapers5491 I pray in the name of Jesus that he guides you and pray before every move, when you talk to him he listens and then you have to listen as well! If you need anything you let me know as well! Much love sister! God is good!
@@wendyn3531 thank you! I really appreciate that. It's a blessing to be around folks that are going thru very similar things. Meaning the traits of a Narc, are the same. Most don't understand, or say then leave...
I'm proud of you.
Sending love 🤎 hugs
1) They perceive sex differently
2) They need to be idealized by you
3) They are right and you are wrong
4) They believe that they know you better than you know yourself
5) They don't want to communicate about sex
6) Your needs and emotions don't matter
7) There is something wrong with you
8) You will get devalued, ghosted or ignored
9) They want to be in control at all times
10) They will lie
11) They are not kind people
12) They will never apologize
13) You won't connect with them emotionally
Thank you for sharing
100% correct
@@latinaalma1947 👍👍👍
Spot on
All of them in my ex only 4 sexual dates and I run 🏃♀️ from him so crazy
I was with someone who stopped saying I love you, stopped talking about us only about work. He only ever was talking about work. Never about us. No more dates. No more salutations except to the kids we shared. Had a business, bought a house, never married me. It was all about him and his life and his outlook. I was just a passenger in HIS journey.
I felt same... It's all about them.. my views, priority, choices, pleasure nothing matters
What does it mean when someone tries but no matter the effort it is never good enough
Yup its a severe mental illness
My ex gf was the exact same.
That last sentence
Watch for pushing your sexual boundaries early on. The last Narc I was with was constantly asking me for sexual things that were insanely inappropriate within weeks of knowing him. I never once felt close to him. Also watch for how quickly they move away from you or turn their back on you after the deed is done. They are lazy, demanding and mechanical. He was all over dating apps the moment I couldn’t offer complete focus on his needs. He was completely empty inside.
They demand sexual favors They themselves are not doing
Married 10 years, divorced now. There was never a birthday gift, or Christmas gift, Nothing celebrating valentines day. Or our anniversary. He never once said I love you. He would be asleep within a minute after sex at night, never did he coddle, hold my hand, or hug. So so glad that nightmare is over
Was his name Jamie?
@@hopefully2224 no, Rory.
@@missminti sorry you went through it. They're demons
From the narcissists I've known they appear to me as people who never really matured in emotional feelings and in relationships with others. They are controlled by their own insecurities.
PERFECTLY Said. MY OPINION Completey same !!! My mom is one and as her parents abandoned her at her Grandparents who Obviously did not Care to Raise her with Love and Teach them GOOD values and all=NON, I believe she started HATING from young age and bc of the Emotional Trauma may have been VERY hard she NEVER has Matured and is now just passed 70 !!! And she abandoned me when I was 12 with my Stephfather who used to spank us, when Mom wanted him to...
Exactly. Behave like jealous toddler forever
Perfectly said
You are sooooo CORRECT..
There's an actual understanding about them, that that is the case.
"arrested development."
Trauma bonding is actually a spell from hell.
So True.
Agreed. I found out that I'm trauma bonded with my current gf snd I am desperately trying to cut the cord
@@junkyjoe11 praying that you will 🙏🙏
Legit spawns of Satan
@@junkyjoe11 You can and you will....the more you go back and find YOURSELF....The person you really truly are....they less hold she will have on you.Much success to you.👍🏾👏🏾
This video absolutely nails it. It’s unbelievable. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday after she withdrew intimately, physically and mentally. It’s been one of the most painful months of my life. Everything was going completely fine then wham…the light shut off. She didn’t have time to see me, didn’t want to talk over the phone and her text messages were limited to ‘morning’ and ‘good night’. This is someone who ripped my clothes multiple times a day for the first six months then pulled it all away gradually. Now I’m the one to blame.
On a positive note, I’ve found God again. It made me realize that I need to build the foundations of my life on rock vs sand. To feel unconditional love and acceptance and can’t seem to find anywhere else. Tears were shed but I felt whole. I felt loved. Thank God.
You got this, man. Same thing happened to me.
@cbeers21 Thank you for sharing this. I noticed how the narcissist pulls us away from God.
Working on self love is worth every second. I was abused for over a year by a narcissist. Never again. Most painful period of my entire life
The Lord has restored me I finally caught the courage to tell him to leave for good after 20 years of marriage. It's been so much. But I know God has my back. God bless you.
28 years here.
Its been 16 yrs for me of abuse
I hope you're out now.@@suewalker4903
Never tell anyone about your past, it's behind you. I only look forward.
A narc will make you feel safe and get you to open up about your past and then later on, use it against you. Somehow.
You’re right. Leave the past behind and move forward.
They want you to be submissive to them . Or to humiliate you. Or control you .
Run away . Fast please!
Thank you for sharing
Agreed
Thank you.
Truth.
Majority of men are like this 🤓
So true and thank you for this reminder
Four years of chasing the carrot on a stick, only to be rejected, cheated on, shoved out of the relationship and our home, and rather than showing any empathy for the massive hurt that she caused she then tried to assassinate my character where we both worked, filed court orders against me without cause, filed charges against me, sought to have me fired and jailed, and was almost successful. And it took me 14-years to finally come to grips with who she was and what she was.
Wow, you are not alone.....you described my life. I fell deeply for the love bombing, the extreme sex, the no feeling after sex, then the devaluing, threats every year to leave me, and finally discarded me.....moved out. Told me it was always her plan after 14 years together. Now, I have been dragged to court, being lied about, character dragged out in social media for 2 years. When does it stop? You think you are in this relationship for life, until 1 day they leave, threaten you, call you names, and assasinate your character!!! Its like a whole different person appears.....or is it just the same person and you didnt let yourself realise it? Its great to hear this is not a new thing....only happening to me. Its not great it happens to other people but at least we all can hear that we are not alone.
5 years for me dude you’re not alone
I’m really sorry you had to go through all that and I’m happy for you that you got free…
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Wow your story really resonates with me, I was in 10 year relationship just like that, now it ended because i started feeling like i couldnt take it anymore and was worried i would cheat. Youre supposed to break up if you feel like you might cheat right, thats the right thing to do...but no, it didnt matter. Because i didnt wait long after,(we werent married) he started telling everyone that i left cause i cheated. I now cant trust anyone anymore cause he is so good at talking and i know they all believe him. He was a nice a guy narcisisst. And the worst thing is im now with another one, but just a normal narcissist this time. Im almost starting to worry that im the narcissit, cause he will twist things i said that bothers me around as if i am the one doing it.
scammer
TO HELL WITH THEM !! 👿 ---- Be very careful Ladies
Thats a lot of words just to say youre a bot
He viewed you as his mother that's why he didn't want sex. That's what prof. Sam Vaknin said, he helped me a lot to understand narcissistic behavior.
No empathy, No humility, Not able to take ownership for their behavior and consequently not willing to do the real work.🙏
So true.
Amen 🙏
BOOM- nailed it
Facts
My narcissist partner was a wonderful lover. To himself.
To me, was the worst I ever had.
This 😂👍🏻
Too funny 😂🤣😅 they do believe that
What I couldn’t figure out is why he thought it was a turn on for me…when he put his hand down his own pants 😂…I’m sorry but that’s not a turn on for me..he also tried telling me that if I wanted sex, it made him feel bad because he felt his ex had sexually abused him by acting like he hurt her…ummm…ok? So no wanting sex…got it…now I just avoid it all lol..I’m single and it’s so.much less confusing and destructive
That is funny 😂 (and sadly true) 🤨.
😂
I was in trauma bonding cycle for 12 years. It was very hard for me to leave. I was love addicted, and lonely for most of that 12 years. Luckily I was able to leave and escape unscaved. The reason for this whole ordeal was childhood trauma and growing up with a narcissist. I am free quite few years and my life is so much better. I am healing and I am thankfull to be alone.
So after 23 years of living with a narcissist, my soon to be ex-husband and having a small child with him, I have realized within the past few years what has actually been going on this entire relationship. So much emotional abuse, cheating, the micro affairs with younger women who stroke his ego, the gaslighting, blame shifting and stonewalling. It is like waking up from one nightmare into another, and I started thinking about sex, and how that has always been something that has been a very strange topic with us and also some thing we are never able to really discuss. I realized a lot earlier on in our relationship sex was different, but it slowly changed. He is attentive in bed and will make sure that I am satisfied but as soon as it is over, he is gone. He leaves the room. He goes out to watch TV or play video games. He needs to almost detach from what just happened. There is no cuddling there is no snuggling there’s no spooning no kissing no sweet talk pillow talk nothing at all. There is absolutely no emotion and it’s almost like a robot. I always thought that I was lucky because he paid attention to me but then afterwords I would always feel empty like something was just not right and now I’m realizing that this is what has been going on and I don’t feel so alone anymore.
there something about narcs and physical thouch i was friends with a narc female she told me once she hates physical thouch she even once told me her friend who gave birth was acting weird because she was kissing her baby too much
micro affairs? shut up!
I could have written this comment myself- almost word for word. In bed, he was very attentive, but I had such a starnge feeling of being alienated. I realize now that is really was all about him feeling good about himself pleasing me- it wasn't about intimacy, bonding, or caring how I personally felt. The lying, the cheating, the office emotional affairs, gaslighting, stone walling, and relentless smear campaigns. He isolated me from everyone, including his entire family by picking fights over nothing just before we were supposed to go to a family event. Just found out he told them I wasn't interested. I feel so broken from this. I gave everything I had, and after 20 years, he abandoned me and told me to go to a shelter. Now he is running after a new supply, and pushing intimacy prematurely as he always does.
With all the talk about being his "soul mate"and idealizing me, especially in bed in the early days, I really thought sex was a mutually bonding experience. But it really is about getting satisfaction in themselves as being a great lover. That's a powerful thing for them, but there is no emotional bonding at all.
@@nikiyoussef55 yes! And I’m an empath, apparently (several therapists have mentioned that) and my love language is touch. I think that’s why it’s doubly saddening and frustrating because he will say “I don’t know what more you want from me” and I will say well what about foreplay and he acts like it’s this huge chore. It’s really awful.
You just described my ex wife..
Anyone who is kind and giving is bait for the narcissist. RUN don't walk away.
Thank you for sharing
That's what happened to me. My kindness and compassion is what got me trapped. I never imagined a female could be so heartless and cruel, It's still a hard pill to swallow that there's millions of them out there.
@@7x779 don't do what some of us have and go back to these people after they do the love bombing again. I now completely understand the psychopathy. But unfortunately he trapped me once more and it's now a battle. Threatening my livelihood and where we live together. Always a third party or a triangulation. I don't understand why he would have to have a gaggle of men around him constantly but he does. I believe these people are demons or are possessed.
@@7x779 Male lol. I don't know why it typed female
@@petraselah7152 I appreciate the response and support. I wish I had known these things from the beginning. I did succumb to the fake repentance, Love bombing and good deeds. It has grown to an entangled mess and and going to be difficult.
They get you with the lovebombing and you are always trying to chase that, always trying to get back how they used to be.....it never comes back except in crumb form. It's so twisted. The only way you will ever rid yourself of them is if you block them on everything so you can move on & heal. If you do not do that...they will come back over and over and the whole vicious cycle happens again, without the lovebombing/golden period. Trust your intuition, you know when someone isn't good for you. Disengage from them and do not ever look back. I promise you, you will heal and get better if you do.
Thank you for sharing
Zebras do not change their Stripes...
Only the Power of God can bring Deliverance only if the seek it, which is very rare....
I went through this for 8 years,, a vicious cycle,,,
Trust your gut. It is leading you right.
I think I recently met one. He stumps me. Im going to run away
My son’s father is a narcissist and I was with him for 8 years. After chasing something so unattainable for so long you lose yourself. It took a lot to free myself and I’m still recovering every day.
Having sex with a Narc was the most unclimatic and simply the worst experience I have ever had.. it started me thinking about who this creature really was. IT WAS THAT BAD!
Same, totally robotic & empty
@@cyberninjasworld and they are very selfish and make you feel alone next to them in bed.
Coldness.
Agree!
After I realised that she really didn't love me and was just using me for sex, it made me feel like a prostitute and I hated it. But I carried on because I didn't want to leave my children in her sole care. The total lack of any emotional connection was obvious every single time.
@peaceofmindofpeace1650 I don't think that's a narcissist, that made merely a person who's just using you for sex.
A narcissist will never give you dull sex, it's detrimental to their success at being narcissistic.
Now if you get great sex you have an okay time afterward hanging out and then they leave and just disappear that's a different story.
Sadly that's the way life is, not everybody is seeking long-term, and not everybody is super compassionate.
Being cold after sex is not a narcissist's forte after the person leaves yes but not right after.
You just dated a lame duck, a person who got what they wanted and showed it right away.
Narcissist has an agenda, it's in their best interest to give you everything you want at the time they want to give it it's why they're there.
They get validation by seeing you hurt..... They know they hurt but don't care....
They feed off of that; it's fuel for them.
Exactly. It's pretty sad. It has taken me 7 years, but I'm getting out finally. I lost my first spouse to cancer and end up marrying into this nightmare which was the total opposite of my late spouse who was the love of my life!! 😭
@@Mea_Davis That's heartbreaking. The only regret in leaving a narcissist is not doing it sooner. Wishing you well. 🤍
@Ilir Cami He was very gentle, respectful, honorable, compassionate, and patient with me . He didn't try to change to me to fit his mold or what he thought I should be. He helped to shape me and only added value to my life. He didn't criticize me and put me down. He didn't try to compete with me, but celebrated me. I was the same with him. We just fit well together with no force. Within a couple of months meeting him I knew he was the one. I felt it in my soul! However, it was short lived. 5 years wasn't enough. We were not perfect by any stretch, but we bonded very well. We had so many plans, but as it goes with life interruptions happen. I'm grateful for the time spent with him. Now I am in the process of truly healing and living for me as that is what he would want me to do.
@@VioletJoy you are absolutely right!! Having a child in the middle of it all definitely make it harder to fully break away.
My early life would have been so different, if I’d had this knowledge. I was a narc magnet.
Knowledge comes from the experience. You could watch a hundred videos on UA-cam, yet still go out & make the same mistake.
But the information can put your experience into context.
I was an empath who wanted to help others and was vulnerable after my divorce as a single mother looking for love. I was a narc magnet for years and it's hurt me so much that I'm alone at 40 years old now .
Thanks Rachel!! Thought it was just me! Sorry you went through it too! We are strong though!! Moving on!
Princess it just wasn’t time yet ,now you have the knowledge God has blessed you trust his timing.
Healthy vs abusive relationships needs to be taught in school right along with health class
PEACE IS PRICELESS
I've been done with narcissists for about 8 years now. I'm no contact with my narcissistic parents and quit my job as a security guard since I kept getting one after another narcissistic managers who were usually ex cops. My body couldn't tolerate the toxicity anymore. After 8 years of no contact I've healed in so many ways it's beyond what I could have imagined.
Ex cop coworker. Yeah. I had to file sexual harassment charges against one. Luckily, he quit soon after.
Wow it seems the industry attracts the controlling overt type Narcs. I too had 2 Narc parents and was in an abusive marriage for almost 23 yrs. Take 1 guess what I'm currently doing for a living? Campus Safety Officer. Also worked in contract and federal security and you're right about the narc management situation. I'm miserable in my current post because of this and am looking to leave the industry. Security Protection Services definitely attracts that personality disorder.
They do affect your body. Had PTSD after 7 years with an evil pedo ex. Also grew up with narc mother. These people have trained us well. I'm finally realizing I have to put up stronger boundaries and protect my soul.
The guy I’m “seeing “ now that I suspect has some narcissistic tendencies was a cop and DEA agent. It must go along with the job.
That's crazy wow
Moral of the story is : narcisst has childhood trauma that he/she shall never get over 👍✨
Thank you for your comment
That's what it seems like!
Excuse
Seems to ring true with the last one I met.
That translates into a narcissist has childhood trauma that YOU won’t ever get over, if you stay.
I used to have the impulse to cry right after sex, for "no reason". I had no idea this was a common thing with people in narcissistic relationships.
Yes this is actually quite a common feeling after having sex with narcissists, as woman we store a lot of emotions in our pelvises and these emotions get released during sex, when we have sex we are our most vulnerable with someone and to not feel safe in this space and no true emotional connecting can trigger lots of feelings of despair, sadness, anxiety, we can feel very alone and lost in those moments.
Alice C 🌺, 🥺🖤 I'm sorry you had to go through that... thanks for sharing. I don't think I've ever talked about that to anyone... same - I took it as if there was something broken in me, and they gladly went with that because they don't have the capacity to safely look at their dark side.... It all stems from trauma. literally every high npd trait I've personally encountered- in me or in another- could directly be traced back to traumatizing abuse that person suffered as a child. almost everyone in my family on both sides have various high narcissistic traits, passed down from generations, like genes 🧬... how is it for your family , if you don't mind me asking ?
is my question is too forward 🙏 ?
@@lilithjesus7718 I have the tendency to attract abusive narcissistic people. People pleaser since I was little because I was raised to be a good girl and I would suffer before expressing any discomfort I was feeling. Working hard every day to change this.
Interesting, so you knew he was a bad boy but had to sleep with him anyway? I have seen that syndrome in many women.
Having sex with a narcissist was the most lonely experience ever. Love bombing phase ended quickly and then it became a sexless marriage. When I was 5 months pregnant, he said “You are not attractive to me anymore.”
It’s happening the same with me…
Yup. Mu ex hit on a friend of mine while I was in the hospital having our baby. Because I was out of commission.
4 mos after I had my baby we went to a Xmas party. When dancing my husband said “ you don’t feel like my wife anymore. This after I was pumped up on fertility drugs to have our daughter.
What a pos. Women deserve better
I was married to a woman who has narcissistic personality disorder. When she was pregnant, I told her, “You are profoundly beautiful when you are pregnant.” She didn’t believe me.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Can you actually track movements on phone/who they talk too? It seems like it’s necessary in order to prove my suspicions
I'm the girl with a narc man and I know I have to get away, but it has to be planned so he cannot find me, ever!!
Hello , thank u so much for all u kind support , much needed at this time !
God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️
Wow hope u get out of this safely 🙏🏽@@user-fo2dk5xg6v
These people are all scammers please don't fall for it. It's also illegal
They leave you feeling alone and disconected
No kind of intimacy just emptiness
Run for your life !
Sorry to hear this, thank you for sharing. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with a member of our team to discuss this more and some psychological treatment options? Please email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book
1. They perceive sex differently--it is a conquest/control. 2. They need to be idealized and adored by you--best you've ever had, etc. 3. They are absolutely right, and you are absolutely wrong. Your point-of-view does not matter. (My parents) 4. They believe that they know you better than you know yourself. Tells you what you are, what you think. (My Mom) 5. They won't want to communicate about sex. No two-way communication. 6. Your needs and emotions do not matter. (My husband) 7. There's something wrong with you. (They will have you committed, too.) They are top dog. 8 You will be devalued, invalidated, and ignored. (And ghosted) They are not getting the same high from you as before, and so they distance themselves......draw you in and drop you. 9. They want to be in control all the time. They will drop you permanently when they see that they cannot control you. 10. They will lie. 11. They are not kind. They do not care about pleasing you. They will distance themselves after sex. True intimacy is not possible for them. 12. They do not apologize. Their apologies will feel insincere. 13. You won't truly connect with them emotionally, no true intimate emotional connection.
1) You might become addicted to them. 2) Trauma bonding has a role to play--most often seen in individuals who have experienced abuse or neglect during childhood. 3) They do not change.
We all have some narcissistic traits.
4) A codependent needs to be needed.
Negative emotions are never negative. They are warning you to get away. (This is why I have disengaged from my sisters, daughter, and parents).
Thank you!
OMG your summary of this video is so awesome, 🙏🏽 thank you!
Factd
Thank you!
Thank you for saving me some time!
Remarkable how long one’s arms can stretch when keeping a distance from these people. Too much time and energy invested, our humanity, gentleness, and soulful growth ebbs away. Images and symbols replace beliefs and action. Spectator replaces engagement. I nurture myself back to love with a walk in the woods, eyes set on trees, the sky, and water. Helps regain balance.
okay, after all the comments I read, your almost poetic one made me cry. I can fully relate to you sister. Patching up the wholes in my heart, dignity and self worth. Finding love and nurture in nature. As my soul is still whole even after all his attempts to tear it apart. Even after he disappeared. He couldn't reach it, couldn't find it, as he hasn't any.
Why didn't I have UA-cam 30 years ago! I spent 30 years with a Narcissistic and was abused physically and emotionally! In the first 2 years of marriage I tried to commit suicide 4 times because he devalued Me so badly. I'm on the healing journey now and he is far away from Me now. I will never trust anyone again! Its going to take the rest of My life to get over this. Thank you for the valuable information. 🙏 ❤ 🙌 Praise God for opening My eyes to the abuse and getting Me out!
Sex is a weapon to them. My ex partner has withheld it from me to punish me. I've felt so unloved for so many years.
Same
The same happened to me. Exactly the same. I have felt so unloved for years. I am in a sexless marriage 😞he punished me because l still don’t want to have children with him yet, so he decided that we were not going to have sex at all UNLESS l wanted to try to have children. It’s horrible. It backfired on him because now l don’t even want him near me. We sleep in separe rooms and l don’t want anything to do with him anymore. I am considering divorce, and planning on moving out soon. Can’t take this anymore.
@@MR-mv6hd my ex gf did me the same way
@@ASE_Avenue l am glad she is your “ex”. It is all abuse and manipulation. I didn’t know what l was dealing with. Don’t go back to that. It’s so toxic and dysfunctional. It kind of makes you feel “crazy” too. I developed sever depression and anxiety. I just want out. Take care and stay out of it for your sanity.
@@MR-mv6hd if you need a friend contact me. God bless you sweetheart. Please I beg you to get out.
A really good breakdown of what it's like being in a relationship and having sex with a narcissist.They will use sex as a control weapon against you, ie I didn't like how you behaved this weekend, so I didn't have sex with you. The love bombing also accompanies the sex. Beware the rush to intimacy and premature talk of love, marriage, moving in right away, soul mates, promises to buy you stuff. The trauma bond is tough to break. Treat it like an addiction.
Yeah, I feel like I'm in the middle of this rush right now. So confusing. We've known for two months and he wanted to get engaged, move in, telling me I'm his first ever love for the first sight and so on.
I noticed he has brought all of his stuff here and said we should slow down, because I can't go on this fast and get panicked.
I have had very traumatised relationships before, so I want to be careful and go on step by step... So for few weeks he's been very cold for me since I told this. Although I told it very gentle and kind way so that I wouldn't hurt his feelings.
So let's see how this goes... He says he still loves me and want to be with me, but his actions are sooooo cold. And he said he gets cold when he has to use the breaks now 🤷🏼♀️. I don't feel loved or cared anymore anyway. Ahhh, so confusing, so confusing... 🤦🏼♀️
I talked about coldness 👇and here was talked adout distance. That's the same thing, I guess... Might be that I experience it coldness then... 🤔
@@fitsu3 They do seem to withdraw and get distant quickly when you try to slow things down. She would press me on if I loved her, talked about marriage and moving in within 3-4 months of dating and when I would say I need more time, I have strong feelings but this all seems too fast, she would push back for some type of guarantee and/or withdraw for days at a time.
I think an emotionally mature and stable person would respect your decision and boundary while still being there for you and available.
To me, it seems like they rush things to both feed their need for control and security, once they have you trauma bonded or locked into a joint living situation, then the abuse and manipulation intensifies. Be careful.
@@kennethsilvestri5874 Yes, I feel like now I have to protect myself and be careful.
I also told him if I got my things to your place and you told me to slow down, I would say oh I'm sorry and I didn't mean to push you. And I would show him that despite of his wish to slow down I still loved him 🤷🏼♀️.
Of course it would be easier to control when living together, I guess.
I will be careful and be kind of aware... Thanks 🙏
I happened into the interaction as impromptu sex work, we were making a film, then after one she decided no film just rehearsal. the only time she was able to behave rationally is when it was like that, good behavior first then payment. that dynamic accidentally supplies what the narcopath (who is sexual in an object/property kind of way) is looking for. the problem is that they experience a falloff of the reward chemistry, so they have to up the stakes. they have to start pissing you off, using threats or similar, etc, in order to keep it up. they cannot be content in a stable ongoing sexual relationship. the weird thing too is that they warn you you don't want them as a person. they tell you you only wanted the pretend person the stripper and later hold it against you like you were a bad person for wanting a sex worker to be your exclusive sexual partner. it was weird. I was never able to reinstate the working schedule / pacing structure despite believing it could have worked if she would see that I would never ever allow any other form of contact due to the toxic behavior
Constant adoration is what I had to give my father. I can't even fathom how many times I had to say "wow" or "thank you" to him for what he just did for me that I neither needed or wanted or could even barely tolerate anymore. Thank you for the awareness.
Absolutely reckognize your remark, my 'mother' so often told me 'You (me/brother) could be a bit more gratefull for all I do" and with dinner she would always say; "Is it tasty?" "You have to tell me more then once". She actually wanted us to say it several times. Always found that bizar. She was often angry and with those remarks, indeed, she wanted constant adoration. She was a true monster...
so im not trying to be dismissive nor minimize your experience... it's just... the topic in this video and your comment may not be like... the best combination...
People, I had to learn the hard way learn from my mistakes. This video is so comprehensive, take notes. At age 48, I was “love bombed”, “Idealized”, “future faked” (Sure, we built our dream, $1 million dollar home, but 70% was my money), Buy me the $10,000 engagement ring, had a sweet wedding, had family gatherings. Two weeks after the Honey moon, he verbally abuse me in a grocery parking lot and demanded the wedding ring back. That was the beginning of “sorrows”. After that he continually devalued with me for seven years. Then I found all these videos on narcissism, and I was able to put the pieces of the puzzle together. When I stopped the validation, and set boundaries to stop the verbal abuse, he decided he needed a Wife that was more agreeable, less “militant”. He started looking at UA-cam videos and found that women in the Philippines are “easily dominated”. So he bought an airline ticket for his birthday and is heading to the Philippines tomorrow. He wants me to drive him to the airport, to search for his new wife there. I know for sure he has three connections there already. Yes…it’s heartbreaking, but I know God is taking him out of my life for a reason. I have let go. I’m anxious but grateful for him to be gone now. I’m in the process of filing for divorce of course. But it’s still incredibly painful. Heed the warning signs, I never knew about this disorder, and it almost destroyed me. “But there go I, but by the grace of God”. I am 61 now & can’t run fast enough.
May the good Lord make you stronger,you are a strong lady and a winner for letting go of the narc.
You sound very strong I applaud you! I'm 58 and had never heard or understood narcissism either. I get mad sometimes because if you talk about it with the younger gens they say "everyone is a narcissist these days" eye roll. Sadly they are not listening and dont seem to understand WHY this is so. Narcissism is rampant because our culture in this country is a huge mess. Broken families, neglected and abused children that is now multi generational. Narcissists are thought to be born of trauma, a dysfunctional behavior associated with an inability to cope with abuse and neglect. Its certainly true in my ex who tortured me for 5 years. 2 of which I spent trying to get out. I guess no one will see the flags until they themselves get burned while those of us who escaped but suffer from the trauma scream WATCH FOR RED FLAGS AND RUN IF YOU SEE ANY. DONT GET OVERINVOLVED WITH SOMEONE LOVE BOMBING YOU. TAKE YOUR TIME TO SEE HOW THEY REALLY TREAT YOU WHEN THE HONEYMOON PHASE IS OVER.
If you keep your independence the narc will pass you buy, they are looking for an empath who doesnt have healthy boundaries. They are vampires who will suck you dry and drag you down until you are drowning in dispair. And once you are there it is so hard to get up and get away from them. They dominate and control with lies, abuse and manipulation. And worste of all they dont know HOW to love so they will not and cannot fulfill your dreams.
You go, Girl! Stay strong!
Yes. My experience followed a similar course. Good for you for ending it. I’m still there but knowing the reality saves your sanity. Narcs are scary people - they hide it so well until they seal the deal.
God bless you, sending prayers in Yeshua's Name
I’m beginning to understand that self love will not attract a narcissist because self love puts up boundaries you won’t cross for them because you love yourself. They can’t be in that situation because they need every fiber of your being to be on them.
Thank you for sharing
This makes me happy and sad.
When I first met my narc, I was a practicing Christian. We dated but I wouldn't sleep with him. After 2 months, he just stopped answering my calls. It drove me crazy, I was obsessed with finding out what happened for months.
Then I found out he got back with his ex & figured that was the reason. But he dropped me because he couldn't get to me thru sex.
Cut to 10 years later, he's going thru a divorce and I am not longer a Christian, no boundaries. We reconnect and he dives in head first. He saw what a bad place I was in and started his process.
Makes me sad to think I got suckered in all because I had no boundaries.
Yup. Which is the exact reason my ex loved toxic women. Most of the time, toxic people are unable to love themselves properly.
@@Ciupanezu1923 Lol! Says the narcissist who doesn't understand normal people.
If you are trying to express your opinion which is always wrong.... you're accused of starting something and even instigating. It's a reality check when a 50 year old tells you that you started it first by trying to start something by expressing how you feel...not allowed
Nailed It! “Talking about sex isn’t sexy”. “No, I’m not in love with you. We don’t really have anything in common” (after living together for 2 years!)
Thank you for making this video, just experienced in the last situationship. My needs were not met nor respected. He became angered when I asked for my needs to be met. He also blamed me for his anger. He ignored my wants and desires. And at that moment I knew I can’t continue being involve with a narcissist.
I briefly got back with my ex. I realized he was a narc. As a young woman I didn’t know but as a middle aged woman, I saw the signs clearly. Talked about himself, didn’t want to hear my POV, sexually selfish and was rude. Talking to him went nowhere, so I stopped talking to him, period. No regrets.
We offer free 15 minute phone calls with members of our team, just email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your call if you wish to discuss this with someone
Same
Good 4 u👍
Lee, my ex, (whom I discarded) was very selfish about sex. Only wanted his needs met. He was AWFUL, but I didn't care anymore. The damage was already done.
Is this anyone else's favourite past time? Watching these vids? I love it better than netflix lol
Wow that’s so kind of you to say thanks so much. Becky
Yes!
Yep!! I needed it though! I was missing a lot of information somehow!
Yes!
Yes, a bit too much. Addicting, & I find something new.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 21 years, divorce for 2 years and couldn't, for the life of me, understand why I could not let her go! She treated me horribly! Then a very close friend of mine suggested that perhaps I would benefit from watching a video. WOW! Someone actually put into words, the way I felt! It all came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks! Dr., this video describes my relationship with her about 98%! Thank you very much for sharing this with me!
-D
Im so sorry to hear that you went through all that.
This video hit home. And although these traits go way beyond sex, sex is def a top weapon used by the narcissist.
PAY ATTENTION to these signs!!! This pretty much sums up my last relationship! I had no idea what narcissism was. In the end I ended up feeling completely devalued, unwanted and dejected by the whole experience
I'm going threw that now he left on a bad time everything went to crap sex stoped kissing stoped holding hands everything and now I stayed for to long he left bad and I'm hurt angry disappointed I want to scream I don't no I'm angry to 😢
@@kaydencegauthier3857 no nu NJ
Very accurate video! This is my current marriage
I recommend taking a sociology class in deviant behavior early in life.
Engaging with a narc when you don't realise they are a narc is like walking into a minefield thinking it's a meadow
This is exactly why I will never have sex before marriage again! Had my heart ripped out. If I had gotten to know him, before being so intimate, I would have saved myself a world of pain. Sex creates powerful bonds that are not easy to break. Perfect for keeping a health marriage together during difficult times, but an absolute disaster when it bonds you to someone who doesn’t love.
This is how I feel as well!!
Hear hear. In Britain our culture (I'm generalising, here) is 3rd or 5th date. Too soon. Too soon.
Don't believe you would have found out before marriage. It was a couple years into the marriage when the transformation took place.
Isnt Marriage already exposed? Why is beeing married stil viewed as some kinda safety? Why are so many divorce then? ( sry for my bad english)
marriage is yet again only a word that can be filled diffrently and can even be a hook cause it´s something especially women are raised to see as an echievment. so it can be part of the gaslighting tools to lock u up. i am glad i have no will to marry whatsoever cause i feel like i dont need a label for my relationship. love is not less cause u dont follow social labels. my narc played that proposing-card when shit got already rough n i was about to leave. future faking didnt work with me. but getting married was nothing tht was part of my dreams he or anybody can "fullfill". n he never understood. cause he thought: but a "real" woman wants that. u get what i want to say
My wife has all of this. We went to a therapist to decide whether she could help us have a better relationship. When the therapist asked my wife "So what have you done wrong in this relationship?" My wife went red in the face and did not reply. After the interview my wife said she would not work with that therapist. Nowadays she prefers to have secret sex with women and blame me for why we are not having sex, amongst other things. Yes it can really be this bad with a narcissist.
And you are still hanging around to see what will happen next !!!
@@davidhosni2655
Booom! Truth bomb
the depths of their depravity is astounding. my wife slept with a bestfriend of mine from HS. The day after his wife gave birth. He said he would split a blunt with her if he could have her in his back seat because his wifes p***** was "busted"... Or the time she "accidentally" texted me pictures (of her with another man) and incredibly explicit messages instead of her boyfriend. Orrrrrrr the night she slept with between 5-10 guys one night. A visiting college sports team. Unporotected. But she did all of this because I hadn't invited her to my mothers funeral. ... ... .. because obviously you get invited to your mother in laws funeral...
@@davidhosni2655 There can be many reasons. Amidst all the bad things one is enduring through, the narcissist and the whole situation can still be extremely interesting. Like studying a broken device to understand how it functions, even when constantly getting cuts and burns while doing it.
@@davidhosni2655that's not really fair, these people are very hard to get away from especially if you have children or assets with them.
If you want to know if he’s a narcissist just say no to something he asks you to do. If he gets angry or very disturbed by your no response he may be a narcissist.
Also put up any kind of boundary like I don’t want to be talked to like that or something like I can’t see you on certain days of the week because I need to have some time to myself. Narcissists don’t care for that.
I personally haven’t ever felt like the N was looking down on me or making me feel uncomfortable on the first date. They were always charming and attentive in the beginning.
"Don't feel bad if you crave their attention and affection."
Thank you for explaing what neurotransmitters are released and how it affects the mind and body. I wondered what was wrong with me, but as it turns out, this is completely normal. Now I feel empowered to continue to learn the healing process.
Thank you for sharing
I always felt bad for craving my ex's attention and love, always. He made me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting his affection and love. I was so in love with him, that of course I wanted his love reciprocated! But he only wanted to give and receive love on his terms.
Seriously I was feeling pathetic
@@mariahsisneros7572 I'm in this situation now and I need to get away from hime asap
I just had to turn him down today and it was soooo difficult. I told him that I can't get over him if I'm under him.
At 66 years old and having seen phychologists, this is the first time that I understand what had been happening to me and why. Thank you so much.
@A M most narcissist I know are women
I’m 65 and have spent the last 18* yrs with a NPD individual!! I am a high level Empath and did not know about any of this until I got away from it and his older brother and his wife (adore them both) brought it to my attention! The last 4 months have been the most enlightened for me & the absolute worst for him! I have been freed!! Thank You, Jesus!
I wanted to tell you that that I am almost 70, and until about a year ago, I still blamed myself because I was unknowingly rejected by a narcassist who fooled me into thinking our relationship was ruined by me, and I didn,t know what it was. And because I was honest and insecure I didn,t even ask him what it was. I was totally confused and keep trying to get that really nice loving feeling back. it didn,t work and left me emotionally scared. Finally, I realized, it wasn,t anything I said or did, it was his fear of emotional Intimacy. It took me almost 40 years to finally realize this. Good for both of us, lets just keep getting more peaceful and happy!!
@A M And women can never be narcissists, only men with large penises can be, right?🤔🙄
Much 💕 love.. me tooooo
The moment I started listening to professionals, I have just realized that I married a Covert Narcissists and everything Dr has explained is what I'v been going through for Five years now. Everything that has been said is what I go through in my Day to Day life and It's life draining
"Negative emotions, are never negative! " ❤ It!!
I'm literally crying right now. You just unlocked me from this prison I've been suffering in. Omgosh.... I have been trapped in hell addicted to a narcissist. Every single point you made she had. You have saved my life.... Thank you thank you thank you for helping me let go
Thank you for sharing
Stay strong 💪
I feel your tears . me too and she was very unfaithfull with multiple partners even one night while I slept 2 guys each came at different hours and she dod them while I slept I placed 2 recordes. As far as I know and when I began to get suspicious 5 different guys in my apt and those times that she would pick a fight and leave for days sometimes weeks and then come back only she and the One knows how many more young guys she did she a 54 year old woman very sexy and beautifull on the outside inside she has no Soul nor Heart nor Concience
Now that you are 6 mos healed how are you feeling? You will be better able to use your hard found knowledge to weed out women high in neuroticism eg narcissists. Women are higher in neuroticism than men so get to know them before you fall in love...there ARE wonderful and healthy loving men and women in this world...just take it slow and easy and be gentle with yourself.
Wishing you all the best in your life journey...
Sybil Francis PhD clinical psychologist/professor
This is some good stuff . I thought I was crazy and stop asking for much because I felt was selfish asking for a back scratch
Devalued, ghosted and ignored= right on point. This is the most hurtful ❤
Thank you for watching
Not to me. I wish my narc would ghost me instead of harassing, stalking, and threatening me
Everything you say resonates. Went through all 12 signs for 5 long years...finally broke free. Yes it's an addiction. Never again will I put myself through it. Thank you for sharing.
BRAVO !!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This is the most explicative and comprehensive video about a narcissistic relationship.
First timer with a narcissist, never ever experienced anything like that, I’m in shock, aware of the trauma and yet suffering for the detachment.
You described word by word what I went through for three years.
Please explain me how to heal now that I found the strength to leave 🙏🏻🙌🏻
Thank you for sharing your guidance to us.
Lol this is so wrong..
She brings lots of fakeness and nonsensical things
Look à Prof Sam Vaknin ypu will get à real deep and very relevant sourced knowledge abput narc in all psychology and more fields with all consensus and novelty...this includes all tge greater research
Trauma bond is the worst addiction I've felt. And I think it's worse for anyone has addictive behaviour
I can attest to this. Been almost 5 months since it ended and still mentally healing.
Absolutely
Yup!
I'm in recovery from addiction ad this isthe WORST addiction I've ever had 😰
@Sara Martinez HD Tudor provides free yt videos. He's helped me past 2 Months
You have to separate emotional thinking vs logical thinking..
"well they abused me why do I care about them.. Let them go"
"yeah but.. HOWW can they be sooo nice and amazing to me and then.. Maybe it's soemthing I personally did.. What did I do wrong.."
You may make excuses for them. Bad day, frustrated, I'm clingy etc.
The fact is, anyone who abused or abuses you, could and can't even truly love you. You're sold an illusion covered in honey and sugar to become addicted to them so YOU won't leave THEM. You're both afraid of abandonment, but u may become boring and stale. Better for YOU to hurt than them. This is why typically THEY leave YOU. Withdrawn into a stranger as if you're mearly 2 people sitting across each other in a lobby for the first time.. It's very eerie and HD Tudor talks about it on his channel. Might want to have a look as he lists EVERYTHING that will help you. It definitely is getting me by.
Most important line in this entire video: Narcissists never change. And if you can get a narcissist into therapy, the therapist will usually tell the narcissist, "sorry, I can't help you." If that doesn't say it all, then nothing else ever could.
Yeah, but apart from that, narcissism is *never* healthy in adults. That's a modern (capitalist) myth, mindlessly perpetuated by some professionals. Narcissism is ONLY healthy in infants. Part of the healthy human development is to overcome the primary narcissism (with the help of attentive and kind parents) in childhood. Secondary narcissism is always a pathology and never healthy.
It's true that most or almost all human beings can have some narcissistic traits if they're not living consciously or mindfully, but that's _not_ something to embrace, it's something that has to be challenged by every individual within themselves in order to *become* healthy and decent human beings.
Yeah none of these things that anybody's talking about in these threads necessarily apply to narcissism. Sounds to me like a therapist that just fails to be a good therapist wants an excuse to blame the patient.
@@Astrochronicyou are quite mistaken i have a therapist friend who refuses to counsel NPDs because they cannot take any accountability you cannot work with someone who has no conscience or only blames other people - they waste your time in therapy sessions and its a revolving door and will drain you mentally - even therapists need to monitor their well being and stress
@@overcomerbtbojesus right you have friends who make excuses for why they are failures as psychologists. And then they project onto their patients. It sounds like your friends are probably as narcissistic as anyone.
@@Astrochronic ok you try to sit down with a narcissist and counsel them while they refuse any accountability “ well here’s why nothing is ever my fault” - get back to us when you’ve successfully treated a narcissist
Everything you say is spot on!! This is exactly my experience with unfortunately many narcissists in my life. I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. Thank you so much for your videos!! God Bless you!!
Very helpful video. I will be watching one of my family members closely now. You are a beautiful woman Dr. Spelman. Keep sharing!
31:48 yeah that uneasy uncomfortable feeling is exhausting they just constantly judge and critique you
Looks like he messed up to me pretty gal dumb shit
Spot on 👍
I got the distinct feeling that he was simply going through the motions with his glib charm and manners on the first couple dates. I was correct because 2 months later he’d outright ignore questions I’d ask straight to his face, like I was invisible. I keep chasing him until one day I realized, I didn’t actually like him at all. He was really fucking mean and cold.
I felt like I was being tested and judged
So sad Sweet Heart..you should meet up with someone 4 coffee 😊😁😊😎
Empaths seem to attract narcissist. We have to learn to not just care about others but ourselves. Freedom comes when we respect and love ourselves.
Lots of highly sociopathic people are born from narcissists due to not getting any form of real love or affection. They just don’t develop the correct processing skills for feelings like love and attachment- because it was something they seriously lacked. A sociopath in my opinion is not a bad person- and can actually want to have these feelings and recognise something is missing. They want to feel that way and they could try to feel that way. Because they really do want to- they just can’t or struggle to process emotions which they seriously lacked. They are not bad people really, they just lack the ability to process emotional response. It does not mean they do not want to have those feelings, because I believe often they do.
This is a really good video on so many levels - im going to save this in my downloads. Thank You
Very balanced and excellent analysis from a professional! Thank you! 🙏🙏
A good mental twist that I´ve learned is to understand that you percieve intimacy with a narcissist, you don´t recieve intimacy. There´s a difference between those two.
Yes!
Thank you for sharing
Very good point!
Absolutely! 💯
Everything your saying is true. I was with a narcissist for 5 years. I had low self esteem. I thought I was in love because like you said at the beginning of our relationship he was overly lovable. Then after a while he started mentally & emotionally abusing me. He did what ever he wanted & I was not allowed to. He did almost everything to be & I thought that if I leave him I wouldn’t have any friends because he was so nice to other people. Even when I told my best friend she couldn’t believe it. I finally fell out of love with him & had had it & I just walked away. I hope people notice this because it’s just a waste of time. 5 years wasted. There’s a lot more to it. Every kind of abuse with this person. Hope this helps someone.
I like u
Really
I love u
I m alone 👧👧👧👧😍😍😍😍❤❤❤❤🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🙋🙋🙋
Thank you! I’ve been involved in a 26 year marriage with a narcissist who is 64?and I’m 54. For the past year he won’t come home and keeps lying to me as why he don’t come home. This video has empowered me to seek to move on!
Girl you are 54. Get out before u turn 60 plz. Let him grow old alone.
Only a few minutes in and already think this is a fantastic analysis with some really good real world examples. Nice work.
Feeling really sick while listening to this, its over but looking back I was blind.
Gosh that’s really nice nice, sorry to hear that David. Becky
@@dr.beckyspelman Wow thank you Dr.Becky for your personal reply. It would be great if this was recognised in a court to protect children.
@@radiocontrolledshopireland it’s very difficult when it comes to family court matter as parenting capacity assessments often aren’t carried out sadly and even if they are narcissism might not always be detected.
@@dr.beckyspelman that's because it's more of a money racket than it is about justice.
Same!!🤦♀️
My experience is that we all allow these people within our lives, so take responsibility. Set boundaries, with all of relationships.
Sadly.
Agreed🌹🌹🌹♥️♥️
correct. Boundaries
Don't blame the victimized
And heal childhood trama
My narcissist husband calls me a snowflake because I cry over everything. Learning about narcissists, I understand its not me now.
You are a hero to me to enlighten me in this way. Being rescued is an experience where someone actually cares about your pain and it is not something you can give yourself. Caring is a gift that you can not initially give yourself. It is the ultimate vulnerability that we have to have someone else care first. We have to have someone else give us our value before we can work to grow that feeling in ourselves by further good exchanges throughout a lifetime.
My ex would say that! "I know you better than you know yourself ". Who says that? Who thinks like that? How horrible and controlling.
My husband!
My ex too, and the worst part is I believed all his bull masked as romanticism.
To be fair, in some situations sometimes you do. There's a particular privilege of being able to observe your friends or loved ones from outside their head. When me and my best friend in high school were at out closest I did often genuinely know her better than she knew her self. I knew what typically scared her in a new situation, I knew what might worry her. I knew what would bother her if it wasn't addressed. She would consistently ask me for advice which I'd give and then she'd proceed to do the exact opposite and come back to me and admit she should've just done what I advised her to do.
Is that necessarily the case always? No. The only reason I got to a point where I could know her as well as I did was because I always observed her closely for how she would physically react to everything in order to master an understanding of her mannerisms, and how they linked to her headspace. That takes a lot of time, experience and genuine inquiry. It is possible for someone to know you better, or just as well as yourself, but getting there is a long trip requiring a lot of input and long night chats.
😂
Yes! Now I know I am not alone.
When she said a good therapist will tell the narcissist I can't help you is when it really hit home
Thanks so much, I have had a few narcissists come in to my clinic but it would have felt so wrong for me to let them keep coming back each week to give me money, it would feel like theft as I knew they weren’t listening to a word I was saying, well maybe they were listening but they weren’t respecting what I was saying.
You women will call us narcs if the sex blows your mind Well I walk on water. I levitate in perform a baptism in your holy water, leave you in a coma and levitate out! I guess I’m a narcissist because I’m confident and sex is insane. What’s my diagnosis?
@@jhonwayne1003
Psychotic ...
@@jhonwayne1003 Your good in bed? Doesn’t make you a descent person. It depends on how long your girlfriend will keep dealing with your shit. Mine was fantastic in bed and you couldn’t pay me to be with him again. NO THANKS. You can levitate out of here now 👋
@@shellyg5705 I’m kicked her to the curb she was cheating, harem garage narcissist. I’m just always told I’m a narcissist because I’m super confident in my abilities and they feel as if I sucked their soul out of them during. Loyalty and consistency is key with me. 95 percent of women can’t do either. How dare you lol, don’t get scared because I want to bless you with my presence!
Understanding helps, a lot. It feels like finally one is able to make sense of all those things you couldn't really articulate. And you explained things in a way that I didn't hear before and the penny dropped a few times. Thanks for this great explanation.
This is the best explanation on the subject that I have ever heard. Thank you so much! Very valuable information. 👌
Trauma bonds are very weird. I had one. You have an insane craving and loyalty to a person who damaged you. It is kinda insane. No contact 200%
Thank you for sharing
35 years of marriage and he started denying me sex after 1 week of marriage and then I spent 35 years begging for sex. He said he didn't want sex because he was worried about poor preformance so it was easier not to do it because he didn't want to take a chance he might fail. I did know he cheated and questioned why he wasn't worried about failure or performance with them but still I always forgave and tried harder to please him. Oh how I Wish I had seen this video years ago. I left 19 months ago when it was no longer safe for me to stay. Leaving was the most incredibly painful thing I have ever done. I thought sure I wouldn't survive and yet now not even 2 years and what healing God has done in me and what peace fills my mind and life.
Hi Heidi, , how's your day going with you?
I lived the same exact life you described x 15 years.
Early days, finally parted recently. Difficult days for me, truly low point for me. I hold on to hope that peace will come. Thank you for sharing.
Sort of weird I cut narcissist off lmao 😂😂😂😂
Yes. I can’t understand how a man can find pleasure in denying you sex? Surely a healthy man would want to enjoy regular sex
Everything we own is his ,mine never ours . He always says . His his his .
I'm so happy I came across your feed; thank you. You nailed my X to a "T" and put more things into perspective for me 🙏❣️
I once expressed to my ex that I wasn't feeling good enough for her. I tried to be open about how I was feeling.
She burst into tears and proceeded to change the topic to about how she was feeling. Saying things like "that means I'm not doing good enough for you. I'm not doing a good enough job"
At first I thought I struck a nerve and tried to comfort her and assure that she was. Felt incredibly guilty for masking her cry. But I didn't realise what was happening.
We went to sleep after.
And I never even had my feelings acknowledged.
This nearly happend every time I tried to express how I was feeling. About anything.
They copy what you are saying and feeling in order to completely distract from the topic in the first place.
I was to kind and to thoughtful.
My biggest warning is, do not fall for the tears. They are incredible actors.
When it came to sex I rarely felt any connection. And was most of the time uncomfortable. Towards the end of our relationship I couldn't even be in the same bed as her and had to sleep in other bedrooms of the house.
I am Still recovering from an ugly relationship after 7 months.
Don't beat yourself up on the things you should of said or could of said.
There are no right or wrong when it comes to somthing like this.
A healthy couple should be able to rationalise and consult with one another with a great amount of trust. Find someone you can do that with. Love you. Sending peace fellow soldier.
Thank you for sharing
Stay safe 🌹
Are you dating now? It can be DEVASTING ...you are SMART N STRONG!!👍👍
the pain is so real the tears when conflicts Arise mine punched herself in the face when I spoke about not feeling safe in the relationship 7 months in and I have more PTSD then I have from a relationship then a very bad Afghanistan war I hope time has brought you peace my friend 🤗
Yes! Every time I tried to tell my ex boyfriend about something he did that upset me I always ended up having to explain something that had nothing to do with the original topic. He always flipped it around
I was with a narcissist for 36 years and married for 33 of them. I’m much much better now than I was before. There were good times of course, especially since I stayed so long, but the bad ones were heartbreaking and lonely. If you meet a narcissist or with one now, run don’t walk and get away while you still can!!!!!!
I'm very well studied on Narcissists and Cluster B Personality Disorder traits and I can honestly say you hit the nail on the head with this video! You earned yourself a new sub! Keep up the good work!!
Awh thank you so much, I’m glad to hear my you found my video accurate. Thanks for watching.
A very healthy breakdown of the attitude and perspective of the narc, as well as the likely emotional tells when in a situation with one. Thank you.
Great video. When you realize you’re an accoutrement, maybe a trophy or prize, you realize there is no “relationship” and they can’t help you realize your dreams and potential.
Thank you for sharing, pleased you enjoyed the video
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years and it was hell!! To the point where I wanted to kill myself luckily he went to prison for 10 yrs and I was freed. He got released 3 years ago and tried to use the kids to get me to go back to him but he no longer had control over me and I am so happy alone I’ve gotten to know me and work on myself. Never again!!!!
Thank you for sharing
Amen. I'm glad you got out alive.
Yea I know how you feel I been dealing with him 6 year's now we have a baby together n treated me wrong n he stay living in the past n I told stuff happening to me as well he told all my business n I felt like just ending my life because I don't Open up n tell anyone my business n I did with him now im trying get out n it's not easy @ all so I feel you on end your life because I was at that point I wanted give up on everything n I have other kids too ... I keep playing inside my head is it worth it doe ... I thought he was my soulmate n also twin flame throw that shit into the trash ...
Happy you're safer now
I understand . Same as me . Trying to finally leave now after filing for divorce on three separate occasions . So scary
Fantastic video! I Couldn’t understand how the bedroom activity could be so great and everything outside of it was horrendous. I heard numerous videos before yours regarding NPD but those few sentences you mentioned regarding the subject really hit home.
I was addicted to a narcissist. I thought were in monogamous relationship, but we were in a situationship of 2.5 intense years. Trauma bond. Yes. When I was discarded my identity fell apart, but it was a blessing in disguise. Now I have a chance to build it all anew and better.
Thank you for sharing and sorry to hear about this experience
Your identity is yours. You are still you. Nobody can take that from you except maybe brain damage. you were defeated but you are still alive. If you must walk away from all your material possessions to be free then just do it. Your happiness isn't worth giving in to your fear. You can make it on your own. The idea that you can't was implanted by your abuser. It's not true.
You are still yourself. Bruised and bloody but wiser by far. Chin up hummingbird, live your best life and never look back
@@MediaEnslavedNation Thank you! So true. This is the issue of self-identity. I realised I had no identity. Had no boundaries. That was one of the reasons, I let it happen. Now I have a much better understanding of who I am, what is my worth and what I am seeking in relationship. I am thankful to this guy, actually.
@@hummingbirdoffical4082 I hear your words reflected in my own experience, but I have trouble giving the narc bastard the credit. The best I can give him his long distance pity. You don't thank the shark for eating your leg, even if some happy thing occurs afterward because you're missing a leg. You used to have two legs (or trust) and now you don't. He stole x number of years of your life that you can never get back and he soiled your innocent faith in humanity. Thank yourself for being strong enough to survive, thank the family/friends who refused to be driven away by the narc (or at least came back when you called for help). Or even this wonderful online community of survivors that stand with you and validate your experience, but don't give gratitude to an abuser.
Same here - completely addicted to him. I thought he felt the same until that first discard. He said he'd "never spent so much time with someone before." Mind you, he initiated all of our time together. Go figure!🤷🏾♀️For the fist time in 6 years, I found the strength to discard him. It's only been about a month of no contact but my battered, broken heart beats again.💕
Here’s one: I was deep in passion, love making, I looked into her eyes and there was nothing there….
WOW BEEN THERE WITH MY EX NARC GIRLFRIEND AS WELL
Yup,My Ex wife was altruistic and affectionate in the eyes of others..but I couldn't see compassion, friendship, or genuine loving desire during the most crucial times!
Been there their eyes are just dead
I didn’t notice this about my husband until we were trying to reconcile, “I looked into his eyes and it was so creepy, like someone I never knew”. Creeped me out
they have a blank stare and it is as if something is over their pupils. but not constantly. sometimes they have a normal view. I think it comes to them at times when they pretend to be normal people.