@@alexisluvboo1130 I would just be honest with your therapist. The relationship with your therapist is like none other- it's one where you can be 100% honest. They aren't there to judge you, but to help you. Then you can process and get to the root of the purpose behind your cutting. Usually it's just a coping skill that can be worked on to replace it with other coping skills. Good luck!
I love how professional yet transparent you are in your videos, Kati. Your videos are compassionate and informative, we really appreciate your work in the community
I really like the way you approached this. A few of the therapists I’ve had in the past would constantly respond to my anger by saying “Anger is a secondary emotion. What are you really feeling?” And I’d get so upset and more angry because, well, I’m feeling angry! What am I supposed to do about that!? I’m clearly here seeing a therapist because I’m not good at understanding or controlling my emotions so it sucks when you just brush it off like that. Conversely, my most recent therapist who does EMDR with me (Katie has a great video on that too) once said to me “You have this awesome anger within you! Use it!” Which was a wild concept to me. Just for a little background, I have five separate cases of PTSD having to do with every category of abuse you can imagine. At this session I was mad at the way I’d been treated. It wasn’t fair. My therapist was telling me that, in this case, that anger was good. I had fight in me. I wanted to get better and I could use the anger as a motivator. I asked what I was supposed to do with that anger when I felt it toward a specific person. He said “nothing. Just feel it and let it go”. Acknowledge it, maybe even tell my husband when I’m feeling it, and try to let it pass (mindfulness is helpful for this). I don’t really have a resolution to this because I’m still a work in progress, but I thought I’d share.
My problem still is that even after I control my anger, I still want those people to pay or to know what they put me through. I still want them to hurt for me.
That's a really common response. For bigger things tho avoidance can often make the problem seem bigger and more difficult to deal with. Managing it otherwise is easier said than done though.
I also avoid anger and confrontation at all cost. And as you can see by my profile pic, I’m a sassy redhead who is at her limit! You can only poke a bunny for so long, until it will show its teeth and claw you! 😠
I read somewhere that anger can be a form of grief alongside with sadness, verbal ventilation and feeling emotion. Self-righteous anger is a form of grieving I read about in Pete Walker’s CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. To use self-righteous anger now as a form of self-protection and preservation for your values. I’m not a mental health professional btw (I’m a huge fan of your channel).
@@xeniax8013 Go to the little gear icon on the bottom right of the video, click "subtitles" and then "add subtitles", you will be redirected to a new page where you can choose which language you want to add. You'll have every sentence of the video so you can transcript it, then you send it and wait to pass the revision xoxo
@@ribbit444 hmm I dont find the "add subtitles" when I click on subtitles.. And the settings for me are on the top right. I guess I can't add them, meh 😅
I go on “angry runs.” I will go for a run, and will have my headphones on and run hard during the choruses of songs. The feeling of the pressure of my feet hitting the pavement, heavier breathing, the repetitive motions of my body physically running, etc all help with releasing the pent up energy.
Kati Morton- If you are reading this by chance. I never knew Anger was a protective mechanism. Or a secondary emotion. I never got shown how to express anger growing up either. Thank you for this video. If I get angry again I may try your emotion collage thing.
I absolutely love your videos! You inspired me many years ago to start my own UA-cam channel on mental wellness. I too am a therapist and this is such a great way to share tips, insight, and a place to breath for others. Thank you for all your inspiration
"anger is a protective friend" just changed my perspective and life and current agitation level. I've also read "'anger is a response to the violation of boundaries" which is huge for me.
Too funny. Good work! We all need a break during the holidays. I think sometimes we hold ourselves to this crazy standard that we don't, when reality is, we do
Finding different outlets for anger makes a huge difference. I really believe in people helping people and we can offer support because no one should suffer silently or alone!
Brittany Schank not having the right outlet for anger leads to abuse and possible suicide. Dedicated myself and my channel to suicide awareness. People should not have to feel alone and support is huge.
@@EricBZink I just subscribed to your channel. I am a mental health therapist as well and am always looking to learn more, hear more stories, and gain insight into suicide. My cousin passed from suicide almost a year ago (January 7th). It struck us all so hard. We have lost a good good soul
Screaming into a pillow for starters works well on me. 😂 😂 😂 But seriously, thank you so much for the video, great info! What always helps me (after I'm done screaming) is to remind myself I decide what mood I want to be in. It is hard as hell, but it works if I am persistent. Changing my focus is doing miracles!
Thanks, Katie. I sometimes talk to my cat Jasper. He listens while I pet him and never interrupts or judges. His purring really calms me down. I strive to be more carefree like him and not worry and get angry about things I cannot control.
I actually can't remember the last time I felt anger, like actual anger but I know I was an angry kid and always got into trouble for it but now I just use music to help me with everything.
I have ADHD and have struggled with strong emotions my whole life, ESPECIALLY anger (ruminating over resentments/repressing it/internalizing it into depression/etc). It's so helpful to take this approach of befriending it and seeing it as a protective ally rather than a terrifying out-of-control beast that I need to stuff away at all costs. Thank you for this & all that you do
This video has taught me to view my anger/rage as my protector....instead of getting upset with it & becoming anxious when I feel it building up... rather figure it out & what its protecting me from...🙏🏻 thank you!
This is really helpful Kati, thank you so much! Today I got really angry (because I felt hurt and jealous) and started slapping the pillows in my bed and IT FELT SO GOOD. I’m glad that’s something healthy I can do. Also I listened to loud music, it’s crazy but that always calms me down.
Heres a phrase that I just read last night that really gave me a lot of insight on my anger issues. “I realized that my anger was pain.” In my case, a lot of the time my anger flares up really intensely or makes me feel like I want to explode, its usually because someone in particular hurt me. Ive been trying to figure out how to calm myself down in situations like that.
I never really had a problem with anger until I experienced narcissistic abuse and this person somehow brought this emotion out of me, all roots of being very hurt. I think journaling is something I need to do. Leaving that relationship made me suffer physically and emotionally but I feel like I’m turning a corner, validating my feelings and setting boundaries
Kati, how do I let go of anger or hurt when someone has done something really terrible? How do you move on past people who did horrible things? Examples: Someone who bullied me as a child, a backstabbing friend, an abusive parent for ruining your childhood, etc. I don't want these people to have brain space or take up my emotional energy years after these incidents are over.
It sounds like you are struggling w/ forgiveness. Kati has several videos on that and I’ll link a few at the bottom to get started. I always try to keep in mind that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that I am “OK” with what they did, or that I’m giving them a pass. It’s more for my own benefit then for theirs. ua-cam.com/video/hdf2G61iPl4/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/e61B2i6bpgk/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/e61B2i6bpgk/v-deo.html
Hey I'd just like to say I've been there too and I'm slowly getting out if it which is great 😊 i use to ruminate so much and it sucked but it's because I felt hurt and other stuff. Just saying you'll get through this but a tip is to take little steps and to take time with yourself, acknowledge how you feel and that it's ok and also like those videos below as well could be helpful to climb out if your problem. Good luck! Also have a great year and years to come!
I have certain albums I listen to when I'm angry that help me, usually with a lot of percussive instruments like drums and stuff. Music is one of the most helpful things to me when I'm feeling strong emotions. I get to feel them in a safe way, and it's like I'm expressing it by listening, singing along, or dancing.
I'm so glad that I found your channel because i need to get this anger thing under control, don't wanna lose the women in my life and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep Tricia Roberts! So thank you Kati for all your videos and the knowledge you spread weekly. I do appreciate your time!!
being home is so much harder than i thought it was going to be. so i took your advice and reached out to a therapist, bc i’m not sure i can wait until the end of January to see someone. do you think it’s ok to go to a therapist for a few sessions before going back to college or should i have waited? have you ever done this with anyone before?
I did something similar. My opinion: If you need help NOW. Get help NOW. It can get you started working on yourself anyway and keep you going. The flipside of the coin is, that you have to build another relarionship with another therapist. But well, that's good practice for 'real life'.
Anger is just one emotion that wasn't modeled well when I was growing up. Logically, I should be able to use these methods to learn to do them all healthfully. Thanks Kati!
Hi Kati, this knowledge has been so life-changing for me. I've been struggling with sleep for a good year, from my "anxiety," and then I realize that it's from shoulder pains/emotional stress. I'm learning how to not stuff my emotions anymore and to just let it out in a healthy way.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've watched like 4 of your videos in the last half-hour. I've never felt more understood. It's night time where I live now, and a whole lot of my suppressed anger towards an alcoholic parent is cascading out of me. I know and I've realized that when I get mad, I am self-destructive a lot of the time. I unconsciously pick at my skin and its been like this ever since I was a little kid. But this time around, I felt the need to learn how to 'constructively' deal with all this anger, instead of falling into old habits. I just want to thank you for these videos. I am still upset, but I feel like I have a better understanding why I feel the way I feel and how to manage it. I know you may get this a lot, but I really think it's important to let people know when they've impacted or in anyway contributed to your life. Thank you again. :)
I've been struggling with anger all day today. From almost the moment my work day started, something sparked it off and I haven't been able to let go. When trying to find something to distract myself, I suddenly thought about your guest appearance on Always Open, and that you talked about writing a book. So I downloaded it. I've been reading it on my breaks today, and listening to your videos during my work hours. They have made an enormous difference and have helped me chill out. Thank you, not only for that, but also for the wonderful information you are sharing and the help you are providing for others.
Kati, thank you for being there and making the world more aware about everything that is going on in their minds and how it affects our body. Your videos are a treasure trove for anyone trying to understand themselves better. Thank you :)
Perfect! I call the person I know will help with the hurt behind the anger and I play video games. Since life is going well at the moment, anger isn't something I feel so intensely so often. Thank you Kati!!!! xoxoxoxox
Having trouble with a fear of saying stuff that might get me in trouble. This also builds up emotion inside me and it makes me so self conscious of everything. This really effects my love life and just emotion life in general.
My therapist is always asking me "what triggered that" ( my emotional in that moment ) my homework is to find my trigger. These are great ideas to find my trigger to any emotion. Angrier is the hardest to pinpoint. Definitely going to be doing the emotional collage! Thank you Katie!
I love your videos. I always watch your videos when I’m having a hard time between therapy sessions. I’m so thankful that I found your channel! Thank you for making these videos!
Excellent advice. Thank you. I used to be quite shut down emotionally. It got to the point of me being very rigid, un-empathetic, and detached from myself and others. Then when practicing relaxation exercises I discovered, much to my surprise, that all I really need to do with anything I feel is to embrace it and to feel. I discovered that if I embraced, owned and deeply felt whatever I might feel, I no longer HAD TO understand them or even DO SOMETHING about them. Emotions no longer had to make sense or call me to action. If it is possible to understand, then great. If it is possible to do anything useful, then wonderful. But bottom line, I did have to at the very least feel what I feel. Keeping that promise with myself that I will embrace and own all my emotions as mine brought me back to life, back to myself and back to others.
Excellent foundational video on anger. Thank you. Took many notes and will work on journaling and understanding it’s activity in my life from an early age and what it is trying to speak to me about now. Thank you.
How my therapist taught me to better understand my anger is an anger iceberg. Your anger is the iceberg and that’s what people see. Below the iceberg is all the other emotions you mean feel while you’re angry or what emotion maybe caused you to become angry. It was one of the first skills she taught me and it has been in the front cover of my journal ever since
This video is brilliant Kati, so helpful. Anger scares the life out of me and I tend to hold it all inside, because I'm scared I won't be able to control it if I let go. I find hitting a cushion (hard! ) with a tennis racket or even a rolled up newspaper helps to release some of my internalised anger or at least bring it up so I can recognise that that's what it is. Thank you. ♥️
Hi kati im from South Africa i recently discovered your channel im suffering from severe depression,GAD & insomnia i am a self harmer but there is days i go with out doing it tnx for great content your videos help me a lot
I'm lucky to live near a series of natire trails, so I keep a supply of wrinkly soft apples on and (the ones that havent gone bad but no one ever wants to eat) and so when I start feeling destructively angry, I just go out into thw woods and chuck them at trees as hard as I can. The local deer and other wildlife get a little snack, I get to hear the satisfying sound of fruit exploding.
I've heard that tennis is good to vent anger. You get to smash tennis balls, and be very aggressive towards your opponent. The way my mom wanted us to handle anger was to take a nap. When I was little we had to get away from our friends for two hours every afternoon, because she didn't want us to get angry towards our friends.
Thankyouu so much for this video i grew up in a very nagry household so as i result im a very angry person and i cant control it well and it led to self harm so thankyou so much for this i love you and your videos so mucb you dont understand how much your videos have helped me 💖💜
I rarely feel angry but when I do it's out of control. I think I feel vulnerable like when I'm sad. My dad was violent when he was angry so I'm sure that wasn't helpful. I have found journaling helpful. I don't cry or show my angry easily. I found this video helpfully. Especially using physical activity part and calming your system through meditation, deep breathing, etc. I think I will try that stuff.
also something that helps me when i get angry is before i say anything i don't mean i step out of the situation and take deep breaths and usually after i'm done the urge to say something i don't mean goes away
since i’ve gotten treatment for my mental illnesses, i’ve been really excellent at regulating my emotions EXCEPT anger! it’s frustrating because i feel like i can easily talk myself through any other emotion but anger trips me up and it makes me feel very negative
This comes at the perfect time for me. I recently told my parents about my ED, and I've found myself really angry at them because of some comments they make. These tips are exactly what I need. 💘
Love your videos Kati, this was really helpful. Anger is a strong emotion I feel every day and I never know how to deal with it so usually end up shouting at people and then feel crappy after. Your videos are always informative and helpful. Thankyou for everything you do xoxo
This is definitely something I need to work on. Anger doesn’t make me mad at other people so much as I get angry about bad situations and it can be very self destructive for me (excessive drinking, hitting things made of solid metal until my hands are covered in my blood, etc,) Recently a friend of mine helped convince me to work on this when she found me in a really bad state and I think I can incorporate your advice (as well as my friend’s encouragement) into ways to manage my anger better. Thanks for the new video Kati.
It really wasn't safe to express anger or frustration growing up so somehow it got redirected inward towards my own self. Working on "rewiring" that appropriately and giving myself permission to feel it.
Thanks Kati for those ideas and just being you. You come across very much like a former therapist that I had and I mean that in a good way. She helped me a lot! It's not only that you really feel genuine or sincere to me, but also the sharing that you do at times such as "I have struggled with _______ too." or the way you talk that makes me not feel so different or alone for having feelings that I express or struggle to deal with. I hope you had a great Christmas.
Wow I really loved and needed to See this. I have no clue how to deal with anger I anger in cause I hate anger lol. I am definetly doing these things. I always thought anger was bad because I had melt downs and felt hurt then felt guilt. Thank you so much for making these videos they are incredible
Thank you so much for making this video Kati! It's always been difficult for me to handle anger. I'm a peaceful person so it's rare to experience intense anger, but when I do, it feels like some kind of poison running through my vein and it makes me extremely sick. Usually I just bury it down in my heart and not tell anyone, but recently it came to the point where I have to talk to my coworker about it or I might get sick or might end up leaving my job. I want to be mindful and calm when I talk, so I've been journaling a lot. This video gave me great tips and I cannot thank you enough
I really value your videos; thank you for making them!! I’m in psychodynamic therapy where the m.o. is more blank screen and silence rather than overt psychoeducation and tool development. I connect with my therapist wonderfully and it is unquestionably beneficial. But, I’m a scientist by nature and profession - my brain makes sense of the world with logic, mechanisms, and pathways. Psychodynamic therapy is effective precisely because I can’t logic my way through it, which is often frustrating. Your videos are like an informative little snack between sessions, and have given me helpful tools and information that add to my growth. You rock.
I didnt expect you put subtitles un your videos im amazed with this you join all kind of people like me im mexican but i wach your vídeos before the subtitles thank you for all you doing to help people grettings from México city
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS Fuck yeah! Couldn’t have said it better myself! Anger gives me so much fuel to exercise day till night! Sometimes I get out of hand tho and I forget to eat and drink and then.. yeah ..
Thanks so much for this video! Something happened recently to one of my friends with her ex, and I found myself really angry at him without feeling like I had a way to deal with it. So thank you for giving advice!
i like the idea of word collages! we did a lot of art therapy when i went to the hospital for my suicidal ideation and it was really helpful and therapeutic. also rage rooms sound so cool!! i have also used journaling and then ripping up the paper when i was angry with my abuser. i love you kati!! my mom said i can most likely go to vidcon this year so there is a good chance i'm meeting you!!
Anger feels like a deep infection in my life. I couldn't express it, so it bled into aspects of my life where I wasn't aware, and figuring that out terrified me. I would be in a gathering of strangers where everyone was mingling and having a good time and I would feel every emotion shut down while I had these bizarre urges to manipulate these strangers into liking me just so I could eventually have the power to hurt them. It felt like an alien had possessed my body while I watched from the outside, wondering who the hell this person is. It was seriously scary. No matter how much you try to deny an emotion, it never goes away just because you decide it's not worth dealing with. Rather to let it out in a controlled environment than let it creep up on you in a really detrimental way.
Thank u so much kati for this video beause i i feel alot and i am 15 year beacuse i get my anger make my sister feel sad and some of the thing u said i do to like clean my self down i love you're veiods so much and thank u for the advanced i love u so much 💖💚
Actually I journal online, and pretend the screen is the person I'm talking to, writing by hand makes my tendonitis act up, I also notice I start writing poetry after the venting, and I save them, it's also just as cathartic. Thank you for your book! I love it BTW!!!
I really love your videos. I watched the neglectful parent one and absolutely related! It’s a bit hard to go to therapy right now but this is a great start for me thank you ❤️ I’m understanding myself more and more.
Dang, that was really helpful! Knowing its a secondary emotion and seeing it as a protective friend will help me decide if I want to and how to act on that anger. I think most emotions dealt that way, as indicator friends, would be really helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and perspective with this channel. This was super timely. I needed some sort of help in this direction.
I get angry really easily so this is a really useful video. I'm really thankful for your videos, they help a lot. I also have a question: my sister can get very annoyed sometimes at me, her kids and other people. I try really hard to help her but she won't accept. What can I do? X
I have so much anger all the time nowadays. It’s much like a volcano, it’s never gone, just dormant with a beautiful mess left from the last time it erupted. 😣
Most of my young life I spent in the middle of a nasty divorce. Growing up with an emotionally abusive mother, I never learned how to cope or handle my anger because I was always told I was wrong for what I was angry about. Bottling everything up for years turned a lot of anger into self mutilation at about 13 years old. I love that you mentioned games. The one thing that helps me relieve some of my anger was, and is, video games. I'm able to zone out and just kill things and it helps. I've met some amazing people through them as well. Typically if I let to go to long I end up doing something that causes physical harm to myself. Very loud music is my other go to. Im 26 now and still struggle releasing anger in a healthy way.
Some of your videos somehow helped me deal with my emotions and thoughts better. I even took notes myself on a paper haha. Such a nice way to journal in the evening.
I hate feeling angry, because I'm afraid of hurting people by saying something I don't want to. And using a journal helps me a lot. I can get this feeling out of my chest and calm myself down and help me figure out why I'm feeling that way. But it's nice to know more ways to deal with anger. I definitely want to try them! :D
I love my anger moments dearly. If there’s something to do while I’m angry I will not stop th task until it’s just tidy thing of it is done. Which is not me I could care less if it’s any percent done but when I’m angry it’s 100, 110, 150 percent done or it’s nothing.
thank you so much, finding your videos has let me see that i might be able to recover after all
Kati what should I do if my counselor wants to see my wrist and I have fresh cuts?
@@alexisluvboo1130 I would just be honest with your therapist. The relationship with your therapist is like none other- it's one where you can be 100% honest. They aren't there to judge you, but to help you. Then you can process and get to the root of the purpose behind your cutting. Usually it's just a coping skill that can be worked on to replace it with other coping skills. Good luck!
I love how professional yet transparent you are in your videos, Kati. Your videos are compassionate and informative, we really appreciate your work in the community
Agreed💛💛💛
I love her for that she did that for sure
I totally agree!
I really like the way you approached this. A few of the therapists I’ve had in the past would constantly respond to my anger by saying “Anger is a secondary emotion. What are you really feeling?” And I’d get so upset and more angry because, well, I’m feeling angry! What am I supposed to do about that!? I’m clearly here seeing a therapist because I’m not good at understanding or controlling my emotions so it sucks when you just brush it off like that.
Conversely, my most recent therapist who does EMDR with me (Katie has a great video on that too) once said to me “You have this awesome anger within you! Use it!” Which was a wild concept to me. Just for a little background, I have five separate cases of PTSD having to do with every category of abuse you can imagine. At this session I was mad at the way I’d been treated. It wasn’t fair. My therapist was telling me that, in this case, that anger was good. I had fight in me. I wanted to get better and I could use the anger as a motivator. I asked what I was supposed to do with that anger when I felt it toward a specific person. He said “nothing. Just feel it and let it go”. Acknowledge it, maybe even tell my husband when I’m feeling it, and try to let it pass (mindfulness is helpful for this).
I don’t really have a resolution to this because I’m still a work in progress, but I thought I’d share.
I am curious how EMDR worked for you. I would like to find a therapist that deals in it.
I suppose anger is secondary to pain, but it is a genuine emotion. Delegitimizing anger is poor council.
I’d love to know if you found a way of dealing with anger?
@@summastar2902 DBT distress tolerance skills!
My problem still is that even after I control my anger, I still want those people to pay or to know what they put me through. I still want them to hurt for me.
Then forgiveness is your answer. Its a decision. Ask God to be the judge instead
@@atinele1986that’s very easy to say
I use a lot of avoidance to handle my anger. Sometimes it serves me well, and sometimes it doesn't.
That's a really common response. For bigger things tho avoidance can often make the problem seem bigger and more difficult to deal with. Managing it otherwise is easier said than done though.
I also avoid anger and confrontation at all cost. And as you can see by my profile pic, I’m a sassy redhead who is at her limit! You can only poke a bunny for so long, until it will show its teeth and claw you! 😠
Thanks for making this video. Anger is one of the things I really struggle with and you explained how to deal with it really well.
I am so glad it was helpful!! xoxo
I read somewhere that anger can be a form of grief alongside with sadness, verbal ventilation and feeling emotion. Self-righteous anger is a form of grieving I read about in Pete Walker’s CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. To use self-righteous anger now as a form of self-protection and preservation for your values. I’m not a mental health professional btw (I’m a huge fan of your channel).
I just submitted spanish subtitles, I hope they pass the revision quickly so many people can learn from you, thank you so much!
noaibananas
Thank-you:)
Thank you!!
How do you do that? I'd like to do it too for another language
@@xeniax8013 Go to the little gear icon on the bottom right of the video, click "subtitles" and then "add subtitles", you will be redirected to a new page where you can choose which language you want to add. You'll have every sentence of the video so you can transcript it, then you send it and wait to pass the revision xoxo
@@ribbit444 hmm I dont find the "add subtitles" when I click on subtitles.. And the settings for me are on the top right. I guess I can't add them, meh 😅
Ahhhhhh! Knowing how to Express anger in trauma therapy is so important! Especially when trauma already makes you feel out of control!
I go on “angry runs.” I will go for a run, and will have my headphones on and run hard during the choruses of songs. The feeling of the pressure of my feet hitting the pavement, heavier breathing, the repetitive motions of my body physically running, etc all help with releasing the pent up energy.
Same! 😎😁
Kati Morton- If you are reading this by chance. I never knew Anger was a protective mechanism. Or a secondary emotion. I never got shown how to express anger growing up either. Thank you for this video. If I get angry again I may try your emotion collage thing.
I absolutely love your videos! You inspired me many years ago to start my own UA-cam channel on mental wellness. I too am a therapist and this is such a great way to share tips, insight, and a place to breath for others. Thank you for all your inspiration
Yay!! So glad you started your own channel!!! It's so important that more people talk about mental health :) xoxo
I'm not going to lie- I might of just had some butterflies that you responded to my comment :) Thanks for the inspiration and confidence
"anger is a protective friend" just changed my perspective and life and current agitation level. I've also read "'anger is a response to the violation of boundaries" which is huge for me.
A rage room?!!?! That sounds so much fun...I know a few coworkers I can picture in there. Lol!
I have GOT to find one of these.
Years ago, a client recommended the grievance gallery. I’m definitely going to visit one! I’m never going to be a doormat again!
also i love the holiday playlist!! i binged watched it instead of talking to toxic people
Oh yay!!! So glad you found it helpful!! xoxo
Too funny. Good work! We all need a break during the holidays. I think sometimes we hold ourselves to this crazy standard that we don't, when reality is, we do
Way to go girl!!
Just turned in my application for a Masters in Mental Health Counseling!
YAY!! Woot woot! xoxo
Kati I just want to tell you that you have added a positive result to my life, do not pay attention to anyone who would say otherwise.
Finding different outlets for anger makes a huge difference. I really believe in people helping people and we can offer support because no one should suffer silently or alone!
I totally agree with this!
Brittany Schank not having the right outlet for anger leads to abuse and possible suicide. Dedicated myself and my channel to suicide awareness. People should not have to feel alone and support is huge.
@@EricBZink I just subscribed to your channel. I am a mental health therapist as well and am always looking to learn more, hear more stories, and gain insight into suicide. My cousin passed from suicide almost a year ago (January 7th). It struck us all so hard. We have lost a good good soul
Screaming into a pillow for starters works well on me. 😂 😂 😂
But seriously, thank you so much for the video, great info!
What always helps me (after I'm done screaming) is to remind myself I decide what mood I want to be in. It is hard as hell, but it works if I am persistent. Changing my focus is doing miracles!
Quick Fix - Thought Provoking Videos I did that alot
Try playing drums! I loooooove playing drums, especially when I can hit the tom-toms with my drumsticks...a musical way to deal with anger! ;-)
Thanks, Katie. I sometimes talk to my cat Jasper. He listens while I pet him and never interrupts or judges. His purring really calms me down. I strive to be more carefree like him and not worry and get angry about things I cannot control.
Ray Wood animals are great! My cat knows all my secrets 😹
this is so sweet
I actually can't remember the last time I felt anger, like actual anger but I know I was an angry kid and always got into trouble for it but now I just use music to help me with everything.
I have ADHD and have struggled with strong emotions my whole life, ESPECIALLY anger (ruminating over resentments/repressing it/internalizing it into depression/etc). It's so helpful to take this approach of befriending it and seeing it as a protective ally rather than a terrifying out-of-control beast that I need to stuff away at all costs. Thank you for this & all that you do
Talking about your anger with a trusted person can be very helpful at getting to the root of it.
This video has taught me to view my anger/rage as my protector....instead of getting upset with it & becoming anxious when I feel it building up... rather figure it out & what its protecting me from...🙏🏻 thank you!
This is really helpful Kati, thank you so much! Today I got really angry (because I felt hurt and jealous) and started slapping the pillows in my bed and IT FELT SO GOOD. I’m glad that’s something healthy I can do. Also I listened to loud music, it’s crazy but that always calms me down.
Heres a phrase that I just read last night that really gave me a lot of insight on my anger issues. “I realized that my anger was pain.” In my case, a lot of the time my anger flares up really intensely or makes me feel like I want to explode, its usually because someone in particular hurt me. Ive been trying to figure out how to calm myself down in situations like that.
Same for me
It’s just about 3 in the morning and this video is helping me cope with my anger. If only I could fall asleep now.
Hey kati, you released that at a perfect time. I’ve been crying and your videos are always something I look forward too 🤧❤️
Chloe Osborne i hope you feel better 💗
I never really had a problem with anger until I experienced narcissistic abuse and this person somehow brought this emotion out of me, all roots of being very hurt. I think journaling is something I need to do. Leaving that relationship made me suffer physically and emotionally but I feel like I’m turning a corner, validating my feelings and setting boundaries
Thank you for helping me to understand that anger isn't trying to hurt me.
This really helped. I have a hard time expressing my anger and when that happens I end up punching things like walls or myself.
Kati, how do I let go of anger or hurt when someone has done something really terrible? How do you move on past people who did horrible things?
Examples: Someone who bullied me as a child, a backstabbing friend, an abusive parent for ruining your childhood, etc.
I don't want these people to have brain space or take up my emotional energy years after these incidents are over.
It sounds like you are struggling w/ forgiveness. Kati has several videos on that and I’ll link a few at the bottom to get started. I always try to keep in mind that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that I am “OK” with what they did, or that I’m giving them a pass. It’s more for my own benefit then for theirs.
ua-cam.com/video/hdf2G61iPl4/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/e61B2i6bpgk/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/e61B2i6bpgk/v-deo.html
Hey I'd just like to say I've been there too and I'm slowly getting out if it which is great 😊 i use to ruminate so much and it sucked but it's because I felt hurt and other stuff. Just saying you'll get through this but a tip is to take little steps and to take time with yourself, acknowledge how you feel and that it's ok and also like those videos below as well could be helpful to climb out if your problem. Good luck! Also have a great year and years to come!
I have certain albums I listen to when I'm angry that help me, usually with a lot of percussive instruments like drums and stuff. Music is one of the most helpful things to me when I'm feeling strong emotions. I get to feel them in a safe way, and it's like I'm expressing it by listening, singing along, or dancing.
I'm so glad that I found your channel because i need to get this anger thing under control, don't wanna lose the women in my life and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep Tricia Roberts! So thank you Kati for all your videos and the knowledge you spread weekly. I do appreciate your time!!
Thank you for helping me see that at times anger can be helpful in recognizing a boundary. During these moments, it's ok to welcome it.
being home is so much harder than i thought it was going to be. so i took your advice and reached out to a therapist, bc i’m not sure i can wait until the end of January to see someone. do you think it’s ok to go to a therapist for a few sessions before going back to college or should i have waited? have you ever done this with anyone before?
I did something similar. My opinion: If you need help NOW. Get help NOW. It can get you started working on yourself anyway and keep you going. The flipside of the coin is, that you have to build another relarionship with another therapist. But well, that's good practice for 'real life'.
marisa swanson lol ofc that’s ok 😂
Anger is just one emotion that wasn't modeled well when I was growing up. Logically, I should be able to use these methods to learn to do them all healthfully. Thanks Kati!
Hi Kati, this knowledge has been so life-changing for me. I've been struggling with sleep for a good year, from my "anxiety," and then I realize that it's from shoulder pains/emotional stress. I'm learning how to not stuff my emotions anymore and to just let it out in a healthy way.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've watched like 4 of your videos in the last half-hour. I've never felt more understood.
It's night time where I live now, and a whole lot of my suppressed anger towards an alcoholic parent is cascading out of me. I know and I've realized that when I get mad, I am self-destructive a lot of the time. I unconsciously pick at my skin and its been like this ever since I was a little kid. But this time around, I felt the need to learn how to 'constructively' deal with all this anger, instead of falling into old habits.
I just want to thank you for these videos. I am still upset, but I feel like I have a better understanding why I feel the way I feel and how to manage it. I know you may get this a lot, but I really think it's important to let people know when they've impacted or in anyway contributed to your life.
Thank you again. :)
I've been struggling with anger all day today. From almost the moment my work day started, something sparked it off and I haven't been able to let go. When trying to find something to distract myself, I suddenly thought about your guest appearance on Always Open, and that you talked about writing a book. So I downloaded it. I've been reading it on my breaks today, and listening to your videos during my work hours. They have made an enormous difference and have helped me chill out. Thank you, not only for that, but also for the wonderful information you are sharing and the help you are providing for others.
Kati, thank you for being there and making the world more aware about everything that is going on in their minds and how it affects our body. Your videos are a treasure trove for anyone trying to understand themselves better. Thank you :)
Perfect! I call the person I know will help with the hurt behind the anger and I play video games. Since life is going well at the moment, anger isn't something I feel so intensely so often. Thank you Kati!!!! xoxoxoxox
Having trouble with a fear of saying stuff that might get me in trouble. This also builds up emotion inside me and it makes me so self conscious of everything. This really effects my love life and just emotion life in general.
My therapist is always asking me "what triggered that" ( my emotional in that moment ) my homework is to find my trigger. These are great ideas to find my trigger to any emotion. Angrier is the hardest to pinpoint. Definitely going to be doing the emotional collage! Thank you Katie!
I love the way she say welcome :)
kati your videos have helped me so much to understand myself and my emotions better, thank you so much❤️
I love how well you break down the topics of your videos. You make everything easy to digest and put into practice. Thank you!
I love your videos. I always watch your videos when I’m having a hard time between therapy sessions. I’m so thankful that I found your channel! Thank you for making these videos!
Excellent advice. Thank you.
I used to be quite shut down emotionally. It got to the point of me being very rigid, un-empathetic, and detached from myself and others. Then when practicing relaxation exercises I discovered, much to my surprise, that all I really need to do with anything I feel is to embrace it and to feel. I discovered that if I embraced, owned and deeply felt whatever I might feel, I no longer HAD TO understand them or even DO SOMETHING about them. Emotions no longer had to make sense or call me to action. If it is possible to understand, then great. If it is possible to do anything useful, then wonderful. But bottom line, I did have to at the very least feel what I feel. Keeping that promise with myself that I will embrace and own all my emotions as mine brought me back to life, back to myself and back to others.
Excellent foundational video on anger. Thank you. Took many notes and will work on journaling and understanding it’s activity in my life from an early age and what it is trying to speak to me about now. Thank you.
I’m gunna go make a collage now, thanks kati ❤️
Yay!! I hope it helps :) xoxo
How my therapist taught me to better understand my anger is an anger iceberg. Your anger is the iceberg and that’s what people see. Below the iceberg is all the other emotions you mean feel while you’re angry or what emotion maybe caused you to become angry. It was one of the first skills she taught me and it has been in the front cover of my journal ever since
This video is brilliant Kati, so helpful. Anger scares the life out of me and I tend to hold it all inside, because I'm scared I won't be able to control it if I let go. I find hitting a cushion (hard! ) with a tennis racket or even a rolled up newspaper helps to release some of my internalised anger or at least bring it up so I can recognise that that's what it is. Thank you. ♥️
So glad it was helpful :) xoxo
I have been watching your videos for a couple months now. I'm so thankful for all I'm learning! You give such great explanations and tips.
Hi kati im from South Africa i recently discovered your channel im suffering from severe depression,GAD & insomnia i am a self harmer but there is days i go with out doing it tnx for great content your videos help me a lot
Exercising has been the best remedy for me along with meditation, thanks!
I'm lucky to live near a series of natire trails, so I keep a supply of wrinkly soft apples on and (the ones that havent gone bad but no one ever wants to eat) and so when I start feeling destructively angry, I just go out into thw woods and chuck them at trees as hard as I can. The local deer and other wildlife get a little snack, I get to hear the satisfying sound of fruit exploding.
This is a good one!
I put on music and scream along to the lyrics and bang my head to the beat and it feels so good!
I've heard that tennis is good to vent anger. You get to smash tennis balls, and be very aggressive towards your opponent. The way my mom wanted us to handle anger was to take a nap. When I was little we had to get away from our friends for two hours every afternoon, because she didn't want us to get angry towards our friends.
Thankyouu so much for this video i grew up in a very nagry household so as i result im a very angry person and i cant control it well and it led to self harm so thankyou so much for this i love you and your videos so mucb you dont understand how much your videos have helped me 💖💜
I rarely feel angry but when I do it's out of control. I think I feel vulnerable like when I'm sad. My dad was violent when he was angry so I'm sure that wasn't helpful. I have found journaling helpful. I don't cry or show my angry easily. I found this video helpfully. Especially using physical activity part and calming your system through meditation, deep breathing, etc. I think I will try that stuff.
also something that helps me when i get angry is before i say anything i don't mean i step out of the situation and take deep breaths and usually after i'm done the urge to say something i don't mean goes away
I just submitted greek subtitles. I hope they pass the revision quickly. Great video! Thank you a lot.
since i’ve gotten treatment for my mental illnesses, i’ve been really excellent at regulating my emotions EXCEPT anger! it’s frustrating because i feel like i can easily talk myself through any other emotion but anger trips me up and it makes me feel very negative
I always do selfdistrutive things when angry
That's so common.. but i hope my ideas are helpful :) xoxo
Same
This comes at the perfect time for me. I recently told my parents about my ED, and I've found myself really angry at them because of some comments they make. These tips are exactly what I need. 💘
Love your videos Kati, this was really helpful. Anger is a strong emotion I feel every day and I never know how to deal with it so usually end up shouting at people and then feel crappy after. Your videos are always informative and helpful. Thankyou for everything you do xoxo
I went to my first session with a counselor and tried to discuss this and it didn’t go well at all. And then you posted this video! Thank you Kati ❤️
This is definitely something I need to work on. Anger doesn’t make me mad at other people so much as I get angry about bad situations and it can be very self destructive for me (excessive drinking, hitting things made of solid metal until my hands are covered in my blood, etc,) Recently a friend of mine helped convince me to work on this when she found me in a really bad state and I think I can incorporate your advice (as well as my friend’s encouragement) into ways to manage my anger better. Thanks for the new video Kati.
It really wasn't safe to express anger or frustration growing up so somehow it got redirected inward towards my own self. Working on "rewiring" that appropriately and giving myself permission to feel it.
Thanks Kati for those ideas and just being you. You come across very much like a former therapist that I had and I mean that in a good way. She helped me a lot! It's not only that you really feel genuine or sincere to me, but also the sharing that you do at times such as "I have struggled with _______ too." or the way you talk that makes me not feel so different or alone for having feelings that I express or struggle to deal with. I hope you had a great Christmas.
Wow I really loved and needed to See this. I have no clue how to deal with anger I anger in cause I hate anger lol. I am definetly doing these things. I always thought anger was bad because I had melt downs and felt hurt then felt guilt. Thank you so much for making these videos they are incredible
So glad you found it helpful :) xoxo
Needed this today, often feel overwhelmed with anger and deal with it in lots of unhelpful ways, love the video 😊❤️
Thanks for these tips... they are healthier options than cutting.
Thank you so much for making this video Kati! It's always been difficult for me to handle anger. I'm a peaceful person so it's rare to experience intense anger, but when I do, it feels like some kind of poison running through my vein and it makes me extremely sick. Usually I just bury it down in my heart and not tell anyone, but recently it came to the point where I have to talk to my coworker about it or I might get sick or might end up leaving my job. I want to be mindful and calm when I talk, so I've been journaling a lot. This video gave me great tips and I cannot thank you enough
I really value your videos; thank you for making them!! I’m in psychodynamic therapy where the m.o. is more blank screen and silence rather than overt psychoeducation and tool development. I connect with my therapist wonderfully and it is unquestionably beneficial. But, I’m a scientist by nature and profession - my brain makes sense of the world with logic, mechanisms, and pathways. Psychodynamic therapy is effective precisely because I can’t logic my way through it, which is often frustrating. Your videos are like an informative little snack between sessions, and have given me helpful tools and information that add to my growth. You rock.
I like the different expressions you make that go along with the topic of your videos.
I’ve finally got a minute to sit down and watch your video! Super excited to watch, and keep up the good work!
This is something I want to work on in 2019. I especially want to work on my road rage! Could you do a video on this topic?
This video means the world to me, thank you so much!
I didnt expect you put subtitles un your videos im amazed with this you join all kind of people like me im mexican but i wach your vídeos before the subtitles thank you for all you doing to help people grettings from México city
Thank You Kati! Such a great video and amazing information! I hope you have a great new year! Love the ideas! Over 663,000 Subscribers!! Woot
Awe thanks Sandra!!!! xoxo Wishing you a Happy New Year too!! oxo
Anger can be used as fuel to better yourself and make sure that whatever made you angry to begin with never happens again.
UNLEASHING POTENTIAL - PSYCHOLOGY VIDEOS
Fuck yeah! Couldn’t have said it better myself! Anger gives me so much fuel to exercise day till night!
Sometimes I get out of hand tho and I forget to eat and drink and then.. yeah ..
Like starvation or bioindustrie or war etc? I'm much to powerless to "make sure...never happens again"
Thanks so much for this video! Something happened recently to one of my friends with her ex, and I found myself really angry at him without feeling like I had a way to deal with it. So thank you for giving advice!
i like the idea of word collages! we did a lot of art therapy when i went to the hospital for my suicidal ideation and it was really helpful and therapeutic. also rage rooms sound so cool!! i have also used journaling and then ripping up the paper when i was angry with my abuser. i love you kati!! my mom said i can most likely go to vidcon this year so there is a good chance i'm meeting you!!
This video is perfect for.me. I have so much angry, I journal all the time and it helps.so much!
Anger feels like a deep infection in my life. I couldn't express it, so it bled into aspects of my life where I wasn't aware, and figuring that out terrified me. I would be in a gathering of strangers where everyone was mingling and having a good time and I would feel every emotion shut down while I had these bizarre urges to manipulate these strangers into liking me just so I could eventually have the power to hurt them. It felt like an alien had possessed my body while I watched from the outside, wondering who the hell this person is. It was seriously scary. No matter how much you try to deny an emotion, it never goes away just because you decide it's not worth dealing with. Rather to let it out in a controlled environment than let it creep up on you in a really detrimental way.
Thank u so much kati for this video beause i i feel alot and i am 15 year beacuse i get my anger make my sister feel sad and some of the thing u said i do to like clean my self down i love you're veiods so much and thank u for the advanced i love u so much 💖💚
Actually I journal online, and pretend the screen is the person I'm talking to, writing by hand makes my tendonitis act up, I also notice I start writing poetry after the venting, and I save them, it's also just as cathartic. Thank you for your book! I love it BTW!!!
I really love your videos. I watched the neglectful parent one and absolutely related! It’s a bit hard to go to therapy right now but this is a great start for me thank you ❤️ I’m understanding myself more and more.
Dang, that was really helpful! Knowing its a secondary emotion and seeing it as a protective friend will help me decide if I want to and how to act on that anger. I think most emotions dealt that way, as indicator friends, would be really helpful.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and perspective with this channel. This was super timely. I needed some sort of help in this direction.
I get angry really easily so this is a really useful video. I'm really thankful for your videos, they help a lot. I also have a question: my sister can get very annoyed sometimes at me, her kids and other people. I try really hard to help her but she won't accept. What can I do? X
Hey girl, just love her. We can't change other people, but can send them love and hope they will be able to work through their struggles
I have so much anger all the time nowadays. It’s much like a volcano, it’s never gone, just dormant with a beautiful mess left from the last time it erupted. 😣
Most of my young life I spent in the middle of a nasty divorce. Growing up with an emotionally abusive mother, I never learned how to cope or handle my anger because I was always told I was wrong for what I was angry about. Bottling everything up for years turned a lot of anger into self mutilation at about 13 years old. I love that you mentioned games. The one thing that helps me relieve some of my anger was, and is, video games. I'm able to zone out and just kill things and it helps. I've met some amazing people through them as well. Typically if I let to go to long I end up doing something that causes physical harm to myself. Very loud music is my other go to. Im 26 now and still struggle releasing anger in a healthy way.
One of the lovely UA-camr I have ever seen.
Thank You KATI :)
Some of your videos somehow helped me deal with my emotions and thoughts better. I even took notes myself on a paper haha. Such a nice way to journal in the evening.
I had to watch a lot of crappy useless videos to get to this one. Thank you Katie for explaining and presenting strategies for coping. Bless you!
I hate feeling angry, because I'm afraid of hurting people by saying something I don't want to. And using a journal helps me a lot. I can get this feeling out of my chest and calm myself down and help me figure out why I'm feeling that way.
But it's nice to know more ways to deal with anger. I definitely want to try them! :D
I love my anger moments dearly. If there’s something to do while I’m angry I will not stop th task until it’s just tidy thing of it is done. Which is not me I could care less if it’s any percent done but when I’m angry it’s 100, 110, 150 percent done or it’s nothing.
can you talk about ASPD spectrum? like when you don’t meet every criteria of ASPD but still have aspects of it in your life