Reasons: 2. Low self esteem 2. Low self esteem 3. Critisizim 4. Jealous of you 5. Helps them feel important, liked, and like the bigger person. 6. Control. 7. Mental illness, 8. Trying to spread their problems to others, or transfer their problems to others. Coping methods: Imagine shield around you. 2. Humor. 3. Honest blunt truth, calling them out on problems and behavior. 4. Realize where they are and should be in your life. Please excuse my mistakes.
I can't stand people that put others down. I'm dealing with someone at work who i can see puts others down but since i have more skills than him he respects me but for his own benefit, to learn from me but i can see he has slipped at times and disrespected me. I realized the type of person he is and i decided to not show him what i know and trying to get rid of him from my field. I feel at times I'm wrong but then I think of my standards of the type of ppl i want around me
This was really helpful. A new "friend" who really isn't. At least anymore. Insulted me at least 5 times. I knew she was acting out but didn't like it. I stood up for myself in her last comment saying "I don't think you should make a sweeping judgment with this one little thing". The other one is my hair dresser. She insulted me, in a friendly way. That one I left her a message that I really want to relax when getting my hair done, I pay a lot of money for it, and would prefer not be put down. For these reasons it's hard for me to find true friends.
One of the best ways to remedy the situation is to approach the person when they are alone, away from anyone else and let them know you want none of their shit. Usually they crawl away since they don't have their audience.
I've done what you said in your comment. I politely, but directly, tell that person what she's done wrong and try to put myself in the shoes of a person she's talked down to. Instead of admitting she did something wrong or understanding, she just acted like a "know it all" and insulted me. Some people just need to be corrected in front of others so that they know what they're doing wrong and that we all aware of her behavior.
I have dealt with this a few times. I had a friend I served with during the military. I thought it was a strong friendship. I even ignored the obvious insults. After I got out. I started to notice the insults and belittling alot more. I also dealt with rotten people more frequently on the daily. I tried to help him when going through issues and give the best advice I could. If I didn't have advice on the topic, then I was just honest with him. I went through a traumatic event of sinking on a boat during a hurricane and had to swim to shore. I also had to save my step dads life in the middle of that. Well I told him afterwards and he blew me off like it was nothing and was overreacting. He didn't have to pitty me, but being understandable wouldve been nice. Well he got out of the military and went through a break up. I can't really give advice on relationships because I only been through one and it wasn't a bad breakup. Well he was trying to find a job and I didn't know he got a job. I called him to see how he is doing and got insulted right off the bat because he was at work(I didn't know he got a job). I was done after that. Its not being soft. I just didn't deserve that and it wasn't going to end. I have a few examples. This was just one.
This video is an instruction manual on how to attract abusers. When someone puts you down, you need to hit back twice as hard to show people that you don’t tolerate abuse. That’s the only way bullies leave you alone. When you try to take the high road, it shows abusers that you won’t fight back, and that they can dump their toxicity on you with no consequences. A simple “shut the fuck up” delivered in a calm tone works 90% of the time.
I strongly believe that you are very much correct. Bullies, A-holes, alpha males refuse to understand politeness and logic. Their minds are brain wired to understand force. So, you're right: you have to respond with DOUBLE their force in order to leave you alone.
My family criticizes me often, im college educated and most of them are not. I dont have children, certainly out of wedlock. They always put me down. Saying i dont know what to do with a baby. Many other things. It hurts and it just wants me to go as far away from them as possible
It sounds like they might ne envious of your college education and are putting you down to make themselves feel better. I'm also college educated and don't have children either and I think a lot of people find it harder to relate to. I hope you find some good people to be around soon, there's nothing wrong with your life choices.
Deep down they envy you honestly. I think they actually hate the fact that you’re turning out to be the exact opposite of them, reminding them of what they couldn’t do themselves. Just be you and keep shining.you’re certainly doing something right!!!!
If you're Black or a minority, I understand you. Many Black people think that when you become educated, that you want to be White and separate yourself from them. But you and I know that this is not true that you're trying to separate yourself from them. Or, that you're trying to be White. All you want to do is be a better person.
I used to be the type to put others down, now I'm the one watching these videos to tell others to stop putting me down. I don't know what's going on with your lives, but, please, have a wonderful day, and may your dreams come true. You are the master of your own sails.
I can’t speak for others, but in my situation, my parents and other people have put me down and I have blown off steam at my husband because he was the only one around. In fact,at the time, I thought he was just like them. I became suicidal after talking with my therapist because she was just as bad too, and I couldn’t live in a world where everyone was against me. This made my husband do a complete 180 and prove to me that he loved me and that he still wanted me in this life. My life is still hard, and we still have our disagreements and trouble being around each other because we have both gone through some serious trauma. So I guess I hope this explains why I sometimes take my frustrations out on him. But more often than not, I appreciate him. I definitely don’t have that good of a relationship with my family or anyone else , but I do with him. Usually. Sometimes he still has his bad days, and it’s hard for me to withstand his meanness. But that is very rare and usually when he is exhausted. The reason why everyone else has put me down is still a mystery. I wanna say, “ I guess I deserved it.” But I didn’t. Actually, I think it’s because I know I don’t. They still don’t know how valuable they are. Humans are valuable just for existing, but most of them don’t know that. ❤
Just wanted to say that this video was the first one that really made me feel better. There's this guy who goes around saying all this negative stuff to people on Facebook - then tells people they're reading too much into it. He's the kind of guy who loves those memes about being attacked on FB because everyone's just too sensitive to his demeaning comments. It's almost as if he gets off on it. Most likely, he does. Nice video. Very calming at a time when I needed it the most. Subscribed :)
A few years ago in a bar I met an old ex friends. During the chat he made fun of me that my black shirt was faded. I got upset. After that I decided to stop communicating with him. Two years later he text me and sent me a photo on myself taken years before. I texted back stating that the shirt I was wearing in the photo was faded and needed dying. His response was "I get the message". I responded with a thumbs up emoji. End of. He ended the friendship at the point he showed me what he is and I believed him the first time. You don't bring your friends down.
It's rooted within insecurity. Instead of removing, change the person by invoking feelings of acceptance for him. Usually doing those things like rejection causes far more harm, to you and him, even though it may be pleasure (schadenfreude). That's how we fix people who put others down. The more you resist, the more they retaliate. The more you let in, the more they'll give up, and change. Usually that's not the case for people who are too far gone. What you've done is created more hostility. Just say it isn't acceptable, what if ive done it to you? Empathize, compassion, are the key drivers. It doesn't mean approving their negative behaviours. It means transmuting their behaviours into positive ones. The further we isolate and tribalize morality, the further the social divide we make of our own doing. So we are much to blame as they are for their... faults.
It's rooted within insecurity. Instead of removing, change the person by invoking feelings of acceptance for him. Usually doing those things like rejection causes far more harm, to you and him, even though it may be pleasure (schadenfreude). That's how we fix people who put others down. The more you resist, the more they retaliate. The more you let in, the more they'll give up, and change. Usually that's not the case for people who are too far gone. What you've done is created more hostility. Just say it isn't acceptable, what if ive done it to you? Empathize, compassion, are the key drivers. It doesn't mean approving their negative behaviours. It means transmuting their behaviours into positive ones. The further we isolate and tribalize morality, the further the social divide we make of our own doing. So we are much to blame as they are for their... faults.
It's happening to me at work. I literally did most of the things you have suggested by common sense. I observed that he is hoping I change my new behaviour. He even tries to upset me by throwing rude comments thinking I will react. Which proves this is the way to deal with such people
My friend married and 2 years later gave birth to a boy. I was thrilled for both of them and sent a bunch of flowers with a card congratulating them, they put the flowers in the bin, don't know why? I was invited to the christening, but due to work commitments, I was unable to attend and sent a present for the baby, they ripped up the card and discarded the gift. For over 18 years they have destroyed my belongings whenever I visited, put me down and I can only think it's because I was unable to attend certain celebrations. Sad bitter people never change
You don't deserve to be treated like this, don't meet up with or invite over anyone like that. Putting someones gift in the trash is abusive, extremely strange behavior.
This is a great informative video. What I find so surprising is the people doing this don’t understand or at least aren’t willing to change their behavior. It’s as if they think that what they do has no effect on anyone else or that people deserve to be belittled (to them). It’s basically like taking the whole ship down with them, and that is extremely selfish and counter productive. These people need to get therapy and do the work to be better. It’s hardest to be the bigger person against this primitive behavior but the other option is either being like them, of which I could never consciously allow myself to do. The feeling alone makes my skin crawl. I’d imagine the health of these people and overall well being can’t be good. If they just did better towards themselves and others, they would do so much better. I feel like this is in a way, karma because the way these people act does not ultimately end well, I’ve seen it time and time again. I don’t know why there are so many people like this, with mental health issues-could be narcissism, bipolar, anxiety, trauma, etc. I wish we had better mental health access and less stigma but still accountability for people. It creates a very bad ripple and rift in our communities when we have people who have this mindset and behavior. We need to think of how to improve our communities better and what we can do.
Thank you for this very helpful video and I liked your delivery! I knew all the info in it, but needed to hear it again this morning, due to the fact that I've met a lot of people over the past few years and most have ended up putting me down, which happened again last night. It seems to me that most people are this way inclined though, especially nowadays, and it's getting worse. 😥
I love the Castle analogy, very helpful thank you. I've noticed a lot of people online tend to act like this, they seem to feel horrible inside and want to spread that, rather than facing up to and healing their own pain. I always think it must be difficult for celebrities to deal with all these troubled, somewhat crazy people. You're right in that they're like toddlers in how they behave.
I’ve heard, “it’s their stuff, it’s not yours,” or some kind of similar phrase before like, “they were only thinking about themselves and their situation.” And in that context, it’s being justified as if “ they never meant to hurt you, they weren’t even thinking about you. They are in a bad situation. Give them a pass.” And I hate that, because they either SHOULD have been thinking about you, (should have taken your feelings into consideration) or they should have kept their mouth shut! I have trauma and bad situations of my own and I don’t need to take on theirs as well. And I believe that is what you meant when you said that they try to “ offload” these things onto me. 3:30 And again with “ It’s their stuff, it’s not yours.” Yes, sir, it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That means that I can refuse to receive any negativity or trauma from it. And it means that they need to deal with their own issues instead of taking it out on me. I will no longer receive or accept it. Thank you so much for the freedom that comes from this little phrase! I wash my hands of it! 😄
I have noticed self obsessed people love being perfect but lack respect. Or as soon as someone embarrassed themselves they will make a joke or snide remark. Or even show people up by being perfect if the person makes a mistake . Or they will belittle or criticize people if they are being rude. I have noticed its also the good loooing or successful people that act like they are above people. They also are disdainful to people they have no time for or admire and respect. They only care if it is in their interest and Are not in tune with other people. Or dismiss what people say or do . Or say what are you talking about I don't understand. Or they will get rid of people. Or say I don't care. And are so conceited and enjoy upsetting people and just smirk or laugh proudly if they upset people. They like to control people with politeness and say excuse me. If you try and stand up to them. If people show disrespect they lack respect. If we ignore drama we will feel calmer. We will be less stressed if we care less.
What about in a group setting where people start copying the one putting someone down. I personally find someone putting someone else down embarressing (and I think less of them in general) but its seems those around me join in with the bad behaviour.
This is to fit in and not get excluded, Wolfpack mentality, but if you look any of them in the eye confidently I bet they’ll look to the side if they aren’t confident in backing up that person putting you down.
Thank you so much for such great content Doc, so true!!! I also noticed that people who try to put you down have a big big inferiority complex. I learnt this from these other two ladies I sang with at a Community choir. No matter how nice I was to them they just seemed to hate me and I couldn’t understand why at all. Until one day I caught them mimicking my step and how I sit down, then there I had it!!! They were actually jealous that I’m more feminine than them which they translated and saw as if I was acting better than them. It got so bad that at some point I even thought I was the problem and wanted to leave the choir but I told myself that I was going to continue singing with them but ignore them at ALL COSTS!
I really enjoyed your video I am in New Zealand and have someone in my circle who always feels it necessary to put others down including myself I was told years ago by a close mentor to pay no attention to these types of people but being a typical Scorpio I feel I have put up with this for too long so I have sent this particular person your video hoping it will outline to her the type of person she is you are right I believe she has serious self esteem issues she needs to deal with ❤
My sister has been trying to put me down for years now. We share a room about 9 years now. 5 years I use to be happy with myself and active. She started to feel the same way about 3 years age. At the same time I stopped to feel that way. Years ago she started to hide my things. She so that she doesn’t get in trouble or get caught, she acts like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Now that things has gotten a little better. She has my 6 year old brother helping her. Sometimes when I feel good about myself my bother try’s to put me down just so that she can feel good about herself. Other times she put me down. Where they put me down they both starts smiling or laughing. They both do other things to me. I try so hard to ignore my little brother. Sometimes it works and sometimes times it get to much for me. And with my sister it get better and bad. I also try telling but my sister makes it’s seem like I’m just making it up. I’m special Ed and my sister and brother are not.
I have put up with this from a friend for years...I figured there was no point as they do not care how you actually feel and will deny that's what they meant. Overtime, I have learned to laugh and see that she is constantly doing it because she is jealous of any progress I make. So its insecurity. I put it to the test. I let her know my new job came with a very healthy bonus structure and within two days i received a text that she is now getting the largest bonus that her company has ever give anyone ever...hahah...I hope that's true...but...I think not. When that wasn't enough, she stated, that she's really "proud of me" and that she is astonished that I have been able to push forward regardless of my learning disability. I do not have a learning disability...although I am not downing anyone who does or diminishing anyone's ability to get where they are going., its not a true statement and put on me to make me feel less than in her eyes. So i called her out. I said...Oh....i think you are getting me mixed up with your issues. I have never had a LD and only have had to push past narcissists' and cruel people but that's a skill I have become a master at. Let me know if I can help you get past any problems you have at work. I noticed that you were having difficulty understanding the architecture of your role and I did that years ago as a junior. Lets set up a date and time but I have to run right now to shop for a new outfit for a work trip. I have not heard from her since...ha If you can do it once..it becomes a board game of delight. Enjoy!
If they perceive you as doing better, or looking better than them, this activates the negative belief and associated emotions they have about themselves. By biting at you, it is an effort to displace their sense of inadequacy.
Good advice. Dealing with manipulative bullies gets to me, even after I respond without giving their drama power. I feel afterwards like I was hungover and that sick feeling can last a few days. I think this is due to cortisol release. How can I stop that?
Hello Dana Any exercise you do which activates the parasympathetic nervous system will be helpful. Such things as diaphragmatic breathing or mindfulness are proven ways to do this. Another way is using a calming visualisation, such as I have placed at the following link: ua-cam.com/video/NizVehwXD6I/v-deo.html
My mum sounds anger and frustration and put me down and make me feel so small and I feel sad and hurtful and how can I say to her to stop we all make mistakes In our life we aren’t prefect and It all too much for me to take and causing stress and anxiety and depression comes to me and all I want Is a peaceful life and I had enough of abuse and the other person wins because I am a weak person and that that person can walk all over me I Just stay quiet well think again and been put down and let her win and stamp all over me people have It In for and I don’t have anyone on my side any longer I feel so lonely and why should they care I am a robot with out feels that how I feel at the moment they want someone to hurt and It has to be me In the long run they hurt me as a part of the family used as a black sheep In the family
Not seen my bf in two weeks, I know I had glow about me looking forward to see him, done my hair new top etc, then he said....hi I looked a mess...What..Narricrism I think, are has he done summat?🤔confused...
Assuming some one is putting you down because they're jealous is a little narcissistic in itself no? Somtimes being reminded to not take yourself so serious isnt a bad thing
Reasons:
2. Low self esteem
2. Low self esteem
3. Critisizim
4. Jealous of you
5. Helps them feel important, liked, and like the bigger person.
6. Control.
7. Mental illness,
8. Trying to spread their problems to others, or transfer their problems to others.
Coping methods:
Imagine shield around you.
2. Humor.
3. Honest blunt truth, calling them out on problems and behavior.
4. Realize where they are and should be in your life.
Please excuse my mistakes.
1. Neglect of self, others, past/childhood neglect.
Coping 9. Agree to disagree, live and let live.
I can't stand people that put others down. I'm dealing with someone at work who i can see puts others down but since i have more skills than him he respects me but for his own benefit, to learn from me but i can see he has slipped at times and disrespected me. I realized the type of person he is and i decided to not show him what i know and trying to get rid of him from my field. I feel at times I'm wrong but then I think of my standards of the type of ppl i want around me
This was really helpful. A new "friend" who really isn't. At least anymore. Insulted me at least 5 times. I knew she was acting out but didn't like it. I stood up for myself in her last comment saying "I don't think you should make a sweeping judgment with this one little thing". The other one is my hair dresser. She insulted me, in a friendly way. That one I left her a message that I really want to relax when getting my hair done, I pay a lot of money for it, and would prefer not be put down. For these reasons it's hard for me to find true friends.
Thanks for sharing.
You can always find true friendship in Jesus Christ of course ❤❤
Best answer is to ignore them. Same with family.
One of the best ways to remedy the situation is to approach the person when they are alone, away from anyone else and let them know you want none of their shit. Usually they crawl away since they don't have their audience.
I wanna do that but my bsf like takes it too heavily like as if im breaking my friendship with him or sumthin
Their flying monkeys.
I've done what you said in your comment. I politely, but directly, tell that person what she's done wrong and try to put myself in the shoes of a person she's talked down to. Instead of admitting she did something wrong or understanding, she just acted like a "know it all" and insulted me.
Some people just need to be corrected in front of others so that they know what they're doing wrong and that we all aware of her behavior.
Never stops my husband
I have dealt with this a few times.
I had a friend I served with during the military.
I thought it was a strong friendship. I even ignored the obvious insults.
After I got out. I started to notice the insults and belittling alot more.
I also dealt with rotten people more frequently on the daily.
I tried to help him when going through issues and give the best advice I could. If I didn't have advice on the topic, then I was just honest with him.
I went through a traumatic event of sinking on a boat during a hurricane and had to swim to shore. I also had to save my step dads life in the middle of that.
Well I told him afterwards and he blew me off like it was nothing and was overreacting.
He didn't have to pitty me, but being understandable wouldve been nice.
Well he got out of the military and went through a break up.
I can't really give advice on relationships because I only been through one and it wasn't a bad breakup.
Well he was trying to find a job and I didn't know he got a job.
I called him to see how he is doing and got insulted right off the bat because he was at work(I didn't know he got a job).
I was done after that.
Its not being soft. I just didn't deserve that and it wasn't going to end.
I have a few examples. This was just one.
This video is an instruction manual on how to attract abusers. When someone puts you down, you need to hit back twice as hard to show people that you don’t tolerate abuse. That’s the only way bullies leave you alone.
When you try to take the high road, it shows abusers that you won’t fight back, and that they can dump their toxicity on you with no consequences.
A simple “shut the fuck up” delivered in a calm tone works 90% of the time.
I strongly believe that you are very much correct. Bullies, A-holes, alpha males refuse to understand politeness and logic. Their minds are brain wired to understand force.
So, you're right: you have to respond with DOUBLE their force in order to leave you alone.
thanks bro people been putting me down since a kid
My family criticizes me often, im college educated and most of them are not. I dont have children, certainly out of wedlock. They always put me down. Saying i dont know what to do with a baby. Many other things. It hurts and it just wants me to go as far away from them as possible
It sounds like they might ne envious of your college education and are putting you down to make themselves feel better. I'm also college educated and don't have children either and I think a lot of people find it harder to relate to. I hope you find some good people to be around soon, there's nothing wrong with your life choices.
Deep down they envy you honestly. I think they actually hate the fact that you’re turning out to be the exact opposite of them, reminding them of what they couldn’t do themselves. Just be you and keep shining.you’re certainly doing something right!!!!
If you're Black or a minority, I understand you. Many Black people think that when you become educated, that you want to be White and separate yourself from them. But you and I know that this is not true that you're trying to separate yourself from them. Or, that you're trying to be White. All you want to do is be a better person.
I used to be the type to put others down, now I'm the one watching these videos to tell others to stop putting me down. I don't know what's going on with your lives, but, please, have a wonderful day, and may your dreams come true. You are the master of your own sails.
This is a serious question why you use to put others down in general I want to know why.
I can’t speak for others, but in my situation, my parents and other people have put me down and I have blown off steam at my husband because he was the only one around. In fact,at the time, I thought he was just like them. I became suicidal after talking with my therapist because she was just as bad too, and I couldn’t live in a world where everyone was against me. This made my husband do a complete 180 and prove to me that he loved me and that he still wanted me in this life.
My life is still hard, and we still have our disagreements and trouble being around each other because we have both gone through some serious trauma. So I guess I hope this explains why I sometimes take my frustrations out on him. But more often than not, I appreciate him. I definitely don’t have that good of a relationship with my family or anyone else , but I do with him. Usually. Sometimes he still has his bad days, and it’s hard for me to withstand his meanness. But that is very rare and usually when he is exhausted. The reason why everyone else has put me down is still a mystery.
I wanna say, “ I guess I deserved it.” But I didn’t.
Actually, I think it’s because I know I don’t.
They still don’t know how valuable they are.
Humans are valuable just for existing, but most of them don’t know that. ❤
I work with someone who is constantly on my case! Whatever I do, say, wear or wherever I go she always has something negative to say about it.
Looking good queen
I’m telling you have to call him out either nicely or rudely whatever works for you. But sometimes it only the rude way that works . Happened to me😮
Same boat
One day say to them
If I didn't know better I would think you admire me and simile 😊
Just wanted to say that this video was the first one that really made me feel better. There's this guy who goes around saying all this negative stuff to people on Facebook - then tells people they're reading too much into it. He's the kind of guy who loves those memes about being attacked on FB because everyone's just too sensitive to his demeaning comments. It's almost as if he gets off on it. Most likely, he does. Nice video. Very calming at a time when I needed it the most. Subscribed :)
A few years ago in a bar I met an old ex friends. During the chat he made fun of me that my black shirt was faded. I got upset. After that I decided to stop communicating with him. Two years later he text me and sent me a photo on myself taken years before. I texted back stating that the shirt I was wearing in the photo was faded and needed dying. His response was "I get the message". I responded with a thumbs up emoji. End of. He ended the friendship at the point he showed me what he is and I believed him the first time. You don't bring your friends down.
Like a boss ;)
Especially family, when someone is putting you down in front of your face, you privately talk to them that wasn't ok at all.
Well done 😂
It's rooted within insecurity. Instead of removing, change the person by invoking feelings of acceptance for him. Usually doing those things like rejection causes far more harm, to you and him, even though it may be pleasure (schadenfreude). That's how we fix people who put others down. The more you resist, the more they retaliate. The more you let in, the more they'll give up, and change. Usually that's not the case for people who are too far gone. What you've done is created more hostility. Just say it isn't acceptable, what if ive done it to you? Empathize, compassion, are the key drivers. It doesn't mean approving their negative behaviours. It means transmuting their behaviours into positive ones. The further we isolate and tribalize morality, the further the social divide we make of our own doing. So we are much to blame as they are for their... faults.
It's rooted within insecurity. Instead of removing, change the person by invoking feelings of acceptance for him. Usually doing those things like rejection causes far more harm, to you and him, even though it may be pleasure (schadenfreude). That's how we fix people who put others down. The more you resist, the more they retaliate. The more you let in, the more they'll give up, and change. Usually that's not the case for people who are too far gone. What you've done is created more hostility. Just say it isn't acceptable, what if ive done it to you? Empathize, compassion, are the key drivers. It doesn't mean approving their negative behaviours. It means transmuting their behaviours into positive ones. The further we isolate and tribalize morality, the further the social divide we make of our own doing. So we are much to blame as they are for their... faults.
It's happening to me at work. I literally did most of the things you have suggested by common sense. I observed that he is hoping I change my new behaviour. He even tries to upset me by throwing rude comments thinking I will react. Which proves this is the way to deal with such people
My friend married and 2 years later gave birth to a boy. I was thrilled for both of them and sent a bunch of flowers with a card congratulating them, they put the flowers in the bin, don't know why? I was invited to the christening, but due to work commitments, I was unable to attend and sent a present for the baby, they ripped up the card and discarded the gift. For over 18 years they have destroyed my belongings whenever I visited, put me down and I can only think it's because I was unable to attend certain celebrations. Sad bitter people never change
18 years??? why are you still presenting yourself to them??? like on a platter to emotional devour and abuse...
@@supernova2897 Exactly, what are you thinking you are going to recieve?
Leave this relationship already.
You don't deserve to be treated like this, don't meet up with or invite over anyone like that. Putting someones gift in the trash is abusive, extremely strange behavior.
This is a great informative video. What I find so surprising is the people doing this don’t understand or at least aren’t willing to change their behavior. It’s as if they think that what they do has no effect on anyone else or that people deserve to be belittled (to them). It’s basically like taking the whole ship down with them, and that is extremely selfish and counter productive. These people need to get therapy and do the work to be better. It’s hardest to be the bigger person against this primitive behavior but the other option is either being like them, of which I could never consciously allow myself to do. The feeling alone makes my skin crawl. I’d imagine the health of these people and overall well being can’t be good. If they just did better towards themselves and others, they would do so much better. I feel like this is in a way, karma because the way these people act does not ultimately end well, I’ve seen it time and time again. I don’t know why there are so many people like this, with mental health issues-could be narcissism, bipolar, anxiety, trauma, etc. I wish we had better mental health access and less stigma but still accountability for people. It creates a very bad ripple and rift in our communities when we have people who have this mindset and behavior. We need to think of how to improve our communities better and what we can do.
Thank you for this very helpful video and I liked your delivery! I knew all the info in it, but needed to hear it again this morning, due to the fact that I've met a lot of people over the past few years and most have ended up putting me down, which happened again last night. It seems to me that most people are this way inclined though, especially nowadays, and it's getting worse. 😥
I'm glad to be of some help.
I love the Castle analogy, very helpful thank you. I've noticed a lot of people online tend to act like this, they seem to feel horrible inside and want to spread that, rather than facing up to and healing their own pain. I always think it must be difficult for celebrities to deal with all these troubled, somewhat crazy people. You're right in that they're like toddlers in how they behave.
I’ve heard, “it’s their stuff, it’s not yours,” or some kind of similar phrase before like, “they were only thinking about themselves and their situation.”
And in that context, it’s being justified as if “ they never meant to hurt you, they weren’t even thinking about you. They are in a bad situation. Give them a pass.”
And I hate that, because they either SHOULD have been thinking about you, (should have taken your feelings into consideration) or they should have kept their mouth shut! I have trauma and bad situations of my own and I don’t need to take on theirs as well. And I believe that is what you meant when you said that they try to “ offload” these things onto me. 3:30 And again with “ It’s their stuff, it’s not yours.”
Yes, sir, it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That means that I can refuse to receive any negativity or trauma from it. And it means that they need to deal with their own issues instead of taking it out on me. I will no longer receive or accept it.
Thank you so much for the freedom that comes from this little phrase! I wash my hands of it! 😄
I have noticed self obsessed people love being perfect but lack respect. Or as soon as someone embarrassed themselves they will make a joke or snide remark. Or even show people up by being perfect if the person makes a mistake . Or they will belittle or criticize people if they are being rude. I have noticed its also the good loooing or successful people that act like they are above people. They also are disdainful to people they have no time for or admire and respect. They only care if it is in their interest and Are not in tune with other people. Or dismiss what people say or do . Or say what are you talking about I don't understand. Or they will get rid of people. Or say I don't care. And are so conceited and enjoy upsetting people and just smirk or laugh proudly if they upset people. They like to control people with politeness and say excuse me. If you try and stand up to them. If people show disrespect they lack respect. If we ignore drama we will feel calmer. We will be less stressed if we care less.
What about in a group setting where people start copying the one putting someone down. I personally find someone putting someone else down embarressing (and I think less of them in general) but its seems those around me join in with the bad behaviour.
This is to fit in and not get excluded, Wolfpack mentality, but if you look any of them in the eye confidently I bet they’ll look to the side if they aren’t confident in backing up that person putting you down.
Thank you so much for such great content Doc, so true!!!
I also noticed that people who try to put you down have a big big inferiority complex. I learnt this from these other two ladies I sang with at a Community choir. No matter how nice I was to them they just seemed to hate me and I couldn’t understand why at all. Until one day I caught them mimicking my step and how I sit down, then there I had it!!! They were actually jealous that I’m more feminine than them which they translated and saw as if I was acting better than them. It got so bad that at some point I even thought I was the problem and wanted to leave the choir but I told myself that I was going to continue singing with them but ignore them at ALL COSTS!
Experienced this from toxic family
Thank you so much for this!!! I needed it and will watch this when I feel down
Thank you for uploading, this did help 👍👍
Fantastic video. Thanks a lot.
Love this video, "Thankyou, I will enjoy proving you wrong" was funny as.
I'm sadly going through this with my own ... HUSBAND right now sadly
Thank you so much !
Thank you Doc ,I'm going to use that advice indeed since I'm going through that situation.
Loved the video validated my understanding about such people 👍✌️
That’s no excuse for your parent to abuse or consistently use you as an emotional punching bag.
Or for anyone actually...
I got this from my parents throughout my life..
My dad pushes, shouts, name calls, swears and provokes me overall. I need job and money to move out or something.
Do it bro, do it.
Hope you're ok! It's very difficult to deal with toxic behavior at your own house. You should feel safe there.
Thank you
I really enjoyed your video I am in New Zealand and have someone in my circle who always feels it necessary to put others down including myself I was told years ago by a close mentor to pay no attention to these types of people but being a typical Scorpio I feel I have put up with this for too long so I have sent this particular person your video hoping it will outline to her the type of person she is you are right I believe she has serious self esteem issues she needs to deal with ❤
Thank you!
Thank you for this.
Great help thankyou
You are on point,with this video.
Amazing informative video
Thanks doctor.
My sister has been trying to put me down for years now. We share a room about 9 years now. 5 years I use to be happy with myself and active. She started to feel the same way about 3 years age. At the same time I stopped to feel that way. Years ago she started to hide my things. She so that she doesn’t get in trouble or get caught, she acts like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Now that things has gotten a little better. She has my 6 year old brother helping her. Sometimes when I feel good about myself my bother try’s to put me down just so that she can feel good about herself. Other times she put me down. Where they put me down they both starts smiling or laughing. They both do other things to me.
I try so hard to ignore my little brother. Sometimes it works and sometimes times it get to much for me. And with my sister it get better and bad. I also try telling but my sister makes it’s seem like I’m just making it up.
I’m special Ed and my sister and brother are not.
Great video!
I like your talk, makes sense to me thankyou
Great video. Very helpful
Dr Michael Paterson OBE _____ The Man _______ The Myth ______The Legend !!
I have put up with this from a friend for years...I figured there was no point as they do not care how you actually feel and will deny that's what they meant. Overtime, I have learned to laugh and see that she is constantly doing it because she is jealous of any progress I make. So its insecurity. I put it to the test. I let her know my new job came with a very healthy bonus structure and within two days i received a text that she is now getting the largest bonus that her company has ever give anyone ever...hahah...I hope that's true...but...I think not.
When that wasn't enough, she stated, that she's really "proud of me" and that she is astonished that I have been able to push forward regardless of my learning disability. I do not have a learning disability...although I am not downing anyone who does or diminishing anyone's ability to get where they are going., its not a true statement and put on me to make me feel less than in her eyes. So i called her out. I said...Oh....i think you are getting me mixed up with your issues. I have never had a LD and only have had to push past narcissists' and cruel people but that's a skill I have become a master at. Let me know if I can help you get past any problems you have at work. I noticed that you were having difficulty understanding the architecture of your role and I did that years ago as a junior. Lets set up a date and time but I have to run right now to shop for a new outfit for a work trip. I have not heard from her since...ha If you can do it once..it becomes a board game of delight. Enjoy!
It may be because their feel bad about themselves? or they are jealousy about us, honestly I don't know, but it is annoying.
If they perceive you as doing better, or looking better than them, this activates the negative belief and associated emotions they have about themselves. By biting at you, it is an effort to displace their sense of inadequacy.
@@MichaelPatersonOBE great explanation!
A good case of Schadenfreude can bring some pain. But at least we know it's all a projection of their disowned self.
@@UserwithNoname-ds1ri Yes.
Good advice. Dealing with manipulative bullies gets to me, even after I respond without giving their drama power. I feel afterwards like I was hungover and that sick feeling can last a few days. I think this is due to cortisol release. How can I stop that?
Hello Dana
Any exercise you do which activates the parasympathetic nervous system will be helpful. Such things as diaphragmatic breathing or mindfulness are proven ways to do this. Another way is using a calming visualisation, such as I have placed at the following link: ua-cam.com/video/NizVehwXD6I/v-deo.html
I think as a joke it's not so terrible. But when someone is rude and then gets harmful then yes it can be terrible.
My mum sounds anger and frustration and put me down and make me feel so small and I feel sad and hurtful and how can I say to her to stop we all make mistakes In our life we aren’t prefect and It all too much for me to take and causing stress and anxiety and depression comes to me and all I want Is a peaceful life and I had enough of abuse and the other person wins because I am a weak person and that that person can walk all over me
I Just stay quiet well think again and been put down and let her win and stamp all over me people have It In for and I don’t have anyone on my side any longer I feel so lonely and why should they care I am a robot with out feels
that how I feel at the moment they want
someone to hurt and It has to be me In the long run they hurt me as a part of the family used as a black sheep In the family
2:05-2:55
1:42 They don’t like that. On the money. Let me get my bill fold out, how much? 🇺🇸🕰⚖️
❤️❤️❤️
I was getting a promotion and girlfriend was upset and put me down
i got a aunt that always puting others down.
My daughter cuts me down all of the time
But its my sister who bought me up. She had no choice so she coud be bitter.. But ive had enough... Grateful but not going to stand for it
Not seen my bf in two weeks, I know I had glow about me looking forward to see him, done my hair new top etc, then he said....hi I looked a mess...What..Narricrism I think, are has he done summat?🤔confused...
Walk away and not spend another minute entertaining their idiocy.
Assuming some one is putting you down because they're jealous is a little narcissistic in itself no? Somtimes being reminded to not take yourself so serious isnt a bad thing
It would depend on what/how they put you down. Or you notice, it’s only/mainly you they put down, but don’t exhibit the same behavior to others.
If it's a constant thing it's usually more malicious and insidious than that.