1. Want to fix partner 2. Ignoring impact of the past 3. Expecting partner to be everything 4. Minimising partner's values 5. Unintentional about intimacy 6. Lack of premarital counseling This is useful. Thank you, Steph
@@kmoney1007 to be honest that is what the truth does, division is a result of truth. I know of no man that wants to fix his wife but many marriages were wrecked by a woman that wanted to change her husband, if he changes she leaves and if he does not change she leaves, and this goes for all the 6 points, i only see women doing these things. Let us not focus on dividing or not but can you say that i have not written the truth?
@@kmoney1007 I agree that both men and women can do this. However, "women's liberation" and the feminist movement have altered this statistic more so in women's favor. Women are WAY more likely to be the one who separates the family more than men today. 70% of divorces filed, that is 7 out of 10, are initiated by women. And the top 3 reasons have NOTHING to do with infidelity, or abuse. This number jumps to 90% of divorces filed, 9 out of 10, are initiated by women when they become college educated. Statistics show that men are MORE LIKELY to stay in a marriage, even if they are unhappy, than women. Men also think that everything is fine and are caught off guard by their wives desire for divorce. Again, since the women are not 100% filing for divorce, 30% of men file for divorce, 3 out of 10, and 10% of men who are college educated, 1 out of 10, we don't wholly put a blame on women. Or are we seeking to be divisive. Yet, these numbers are alarming and need to be further investigated as to why women are so freely and willing to just divorce not simply their husbands so quickly, but divide their family and leave their children behind. Top 3 reasons women are filing for divorce are: not feeling happy, emotional needs not being met, and lacking a feeling of independence. That alone is SCARY! Those are based on EMOTIONS and not sound logic! EMOTIONS! Not financial issues, not physical abuse, not infidelity, EMOTIONAL REASONS! This current "emotionally offended" world may have a large part to play in why women are doing this, or maybe it's just made up? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, 70% of divorces in the USA and 62% in the UK are filed by women at no fault, and the process is getting easier and quicker to do it and men are reporting to being caught off guard by it. Something is VERY WRONG! And the statistics are HEAVILY leaning to one side and one side only!
I noticed that when I was the only one doing individual therapy along with couples therapy, I was the only one talking in couples therapy. My husband didn’t have the language or practice talking about his feelings, so he would just agree or go along with what I said. We stopped couples therapy and both did individual therapy, and that greatly improved our communication. We have been able to make huge improvements on our own and only see a couples therapist when we’re not able to resolve a conflict on our own. We found out the problem was we had different coping and communication styles.
@@StephAnyacould you make a video about couple's therapy during dating please? I'm curious how it looks for couples that are not married. As you said in this video, premarital counselling is important. Personal example: I was dating a great guy 5 years ago and was a Psych major, so I knew about the inportance of counselling. I wanted to do premarital counselling and was told by friends that if we need therapy before marriage, we probably aren't meant to be and I should let it go. I took their advice and haven't been able to find a good partner since
Ah, sometimes the childhood pattern thing feels so hopeless because it's overwhelming to know how deep those old scars go. Thank you always for these insightful videos.
My therapist always reminds me that we work on our issues in layers so I've started celebrating when I notice my patterns quicker versus being angry I still have them 🙏🏼
Celebrated our 32nd anniversary last June. Around year 3, after the birth of our only child, we hit a rough patch. I went to counseling on my own and it was a game changer. I still have some of the things she we talked about in my mind. We did go to couples counseling as well. That person was awful! She was pushing her books, telling us to read them and never really asked us things, or so we felt. We ended up laughing so hard after the sessions, grabbing dinner together and REALLY communicating. That made the difference. My parents also have said over the years how important being your own person is and being able to talk with each other.
@@StephAnya thank you! My wonderful parents were married for 60 years. My in-laws divorced and FIL married the babysitter. My husband says he’s the apple that fell of the tree, took one look around and kept on rolling. He’s done some great work and is a wonderful father and husband. Much love from SW France from a crazy American expat!
It's sad that a huge chunk of the time we spend in this world is to trying to connect with another human but once we've got each other we don't know how to keep each other...
I've learned it's because we've been conditioned to hold on so tight to something that we hope for vs what exists. Looking at history of marriage, how the fairy tale was added and the religious aspect, keeps people getting married only to discover it wasn't the best idea.🤷
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Right, every relationship is different. Each one has different perceptions and beliefs of what a marriage should look like. My spouse and I went through tremendous trials. Trials that made you question God or the universe. According to statistics, and today’s standards, we should be divorced. However, love, empathy, perseverance, kindness and consideration saw us through. It’s been over 35 years and we both don’t want to be the first to pass away. We’re not perfect. We pick our battles and don’t worry about the small stuff. We also give each other space and grace when one of us is having a difficult moment and talk about the situation within 24 hours.
I've been saying it for years. Before I was in the business, I would hear that finances were always the major issue. Now that I am years in, finances are rarely the issue. Not that it doesn't become a problem. But I can tell you, time and time again, respect is a core issue.
Finances is not the top reason, but it us one of the top reasons for the breakdown of the marriage. And there is a difference "between breakdown" of a marriage, and "reason for the divorce". And for the most part, people only focus on the reason for the divorce. The breakdown was money issues, but the divorce was due to domestic violence. The couple arguments and stress over the finances, loss of revenue, overleveraged their gross income, arguments begins, arguments escalate, one or both parties become verbally and physically abusive. So a person has to wonder if this so-called therapist even listens to her clients.
I’ve always been shocked by friends who don’t know about their spouses childhoods or young adult experiences and traumas. It’s been so key in understanding how my husband and I communicate and perceive things and in turn how we have a successful relationship
I would love if you could talk about compatibility and how to choose the right partner. I feel like often times these issues just come from choosing the wrong people.
As long as there is a common goal and value, marriage is an *intentional commitment* which requires compromise in almost every aspect of the journey. If you can’t marry your sibling or your parent, compatibility is useless … you are both different people with different upbringing, so.. what are you looking for?
Moon 🌖 sign compatibility and life path number compatibility are very helpful. Even when reading about your own moon sign, you’ll be shocked on how accurate it’s describing you. I personally believe sun sign descriptions are vague and not the greatest for judging compatibility. Happy couples that have been married for decades more than likely have a compatible moon sign and life path number.
Yes, please discuss how to find a compatible partner! I try to date people who I consider to be smart, funny, and kind, yet I keep running into the same issue of incompatibility. Many people likely face the same issue. @@StephAnya
I could not stop staring at how beautiful your hair is.... 😍 My husband and I are coming up on 5 years and I really appreciate your tips on not making the other person your "everything". I'll be doing some reflecting on that. ❤
Premarital counseling is so needed. My husband and I had a lot of conversations ourselves that we were on the same page with but as you said we couldn't think of everything. So now we're in therapy to mend out those things as they come up. We did do premarital counseling with a pastor but it was one session and it wasn't thorough.
Because of the way my husband and I were raised, we both do everything we can to create a healthy family dynamic now and breaking generational curses. Not just with the kids, but between us too. We went in feeling like we're partners and if we can't be on each other's side then who can be? It can be hard, but we try to talk about everything to make sure we stay in tune
I like what you said about wanting to change your partner instead of looking at yourself. I think we live in a narcissistic world now and people only think of what makes them feel good! Very good video.
I believe that it all started from a place with good intentions. Things like learning the importance of taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. However, somehow we’ve ended up in a place where we’re not dependable anymore and have lost the importance of community. Thanks so much for watching!
Beautifully said, Steph. I think every couple at the altar should receive a copy of The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. John and Julie are the real deal; pretty under appreciated, if you ask me.
Can’t wait! I’ve been checking your channel everyday for an upload. Your videos along with therapy have greatly improved the relationship with myself and others. Thank you for taking the time to make them! ♥️
Yup. My ex and I fell into the Money and Solutions based (me) and the Hobbies based (ex). I got tired of thinking about our future while he thought of video games and wrestling and TV shows. Our values did not align and I realized it was unfair to try and change him. I left and now with a partner who shares my values.
So glad you touched on the importance of premarital counseling. I did a research paper of the effectiveness of it and the correlation with divorce and it’s much lower for those who attend premarital counseling! Great video!
I'm really glad my husband and I talked about everything by ourselves before we got married! We got married pretty young (I was 19 and he was 21), but we told eachother when we were dating all of our past when it comes to other relationships and how we grew up, we told eachother what our parents did in their relationships that we didn't want to repeat, we talked about how we would raise our own children. When I was pregnant with our son, we talked about what would happen if he were to pass away, which he sadly did, and now we have plans to talk about another child after we build ourselves back up both emotionally and financially. We constantly tell eachother how were doing, we always talk about our problems and never go to bed angry at eachother, and we've been doing great together. January, we will be married 6 years and celebrating our angels 2nd birthday, and even though we're in a dark place emotionally, we're doing pretty good 😊
0:00 The interesting thing about this list is that money's not even on here" Yet you also said: 8:59 "A common classic dynamic that I see happen is you have the partner who is very money focused and very solution focused and the partner who is more emotionally in tune and more focused on experiences and memories" 16:25 "You should talk about how you're going to organize your money. So many people ignore the financial conversation before they get married." Money is not the only thing that matters but don't shy away from talking about it :)
The being vulnerable about past relationships. Hit the nail for me. Iv never heard this topic before. Thank you! For sharing your knowledge. I appreciate you. ❤
The resistance to talking about ex partners is so real. Even the subtle ways it comes up like having to say "my ex" instead of using the persons name. In theory, I understand the insecurity, but it's frustrating to be met with this idea of having to basically omit parts of your history.
Hey Steph thx u for the vid. Is it possible to talk about how a sick family member can change relationships? Like how marriages sometimes end after child death or sickness, or how sometimes a partner leave when the other gets sick.
Thanks. Excellent video. Excellent advice. Found myself doing some of those things, before it got out of hand and before my wife even memtioned it. Made a conscious effort to change. We can tell when our spouse feels a certain way before they even have to mention it, if we are paying attention. Enjoyed this video. No bashing one or the other, real "couples" advice. Continued blessings and growth 🙌 👏
Great video! I'm really proud of my husband and i, we definitely reevaluate our relationship as we evolve and i feel like we do alot of these. Premarital counseling was so helpful, i love your advice about individual therapy in addition to couples, didn't do it but currently started therapy and i agree that it would've definitely helped❤
I’m binging your content and forgot to comment haha. It’s good to have perspective. I find that a lot of us don’t look at our partners as humans we see them and imagine that they’ll be the answer to all our problems or always have the perfect lines like we see in the movies. In reality they are people too.. they also fall short of expectations, they are also insecure and they also are a work in progress. It’s nice when your partner is actually your friend and confidant as well.
After dangling the carrot of exclusivity in my face for the entire relationship, my ex and I broke up soon after I suggested premarital counselling. I mentioned it to show that I took him and us VERY SERIOUSLY. If it isnt too much to ask, can you do a video on premarital counselling and how couples can prepare for it? I'd like to share with my friends and church members. Thank you Steph for always telling it like it is with kindness. Once I can afford it, I will definitely consider therapy. God bless.
My close buddy and his wife are going through what maybe a divorce and everything you say is so true, he's financially focused while she's emotionally focused. He came to this country with a $100 in his pocket and she grew up without a father, both are very stubborn as well. I'm trying to do my best to keep them from splitting but it maybe to late.....😢
I used to think it was a sign that a couple wouldn't last if they had to get pre-marital counseling... jokes on me because we didn't and will be getting divorced after years of things getting worse and worse 😵💫
I let go of a good partner because I wanted to try pre-marital counselling and everyone around me told me that if we need therapy before marriage, we aren't meant to be smh 😢 Five years later and I regret it.
Can you or have you done a video on building trust in new/emerging relationships, for someone for whom sex isn’t on the table immediately? It seems difficult to navigate in a world where physical intimacy up front or sooner is an expectation.
Hello! From the bottom of my heart! I hope you will review the season 1 of LIB UK! We miss you so much. I am checking everyday your channel to if there is any update. I hope your are just waiting the end of the season and if they will make it at the altar or not. Kindly. Marvin 🇨🇵
Great advice as usual! I know that each person and each relationship is too nuanced to be able to cover every single base, but I feel like the fact that our generation has so much access to "other people" via social media channels, i.e. "instagram models, only fans etc" that infidelity has become a sort of expectation; regardless of the conversation(s) had prior or during a relationship or marriage, it feels like society excuses men (and women) from consuming content and even being in contact with people outside of the relationship ('m not talking about merely a man being friends with a woman; I'm talking about a partner being friends with someone who decides to suddenly post their sexy pics to the whole world for whatever reason). So when we are told "You should just trust your partner" or "Jealousy is abusive behavior to your SO" it's kind of like well, damn, I was raised to believe if I wasn't quick to call it "like I see it" then I'm a door mat and allowing bad behavior... I would love to hear how to address ALL of the ways social media makes infidelity even emotional infidelity so accessible and where the line is drawn for a partner who has had to address this throughout a relationship. (sorry for the novel) Thank you for your content!!!
Not too far into the video, but will say as a married man of 6 years and just starting therapy. I’ve learned a lot about myself as a partner and doing work on myself for our relationship. I definitely thought I had to fix my wife to bring her back. In reality we needed to identify our issues. Love the video
You talked about everything that is going on in my relationship and I need more of this to understand him because I want us to make it and I really love him
Oh wow, you've really touched on something important here. I have to admit, there was definitely a part of me that wanted to "fix" my partner too. But really I want to express my gratitude for your content. Listening to you gives me such valuable insights and inspires me to reflect on my actions in the best way possible. Thank you so much!
These type of videos is why I subscribed! Just a reminder on how I can better connect w my partner because some of the examples you have of questions I need an update on because we change as people. Premarital counseling is a nonnegotiable for me … idc how “good” we think we are lol
I just got an ad for the Josh Hudson method on this video 🙄 it's got all the hallmarks of a typical scam course, but I would love for a qualified therapist to break down the advice he offers, why it appeals to many desperate men, and how it might actually play out in real relationships.
People have to share the same goals and values. It is as simple. It applies to peaceful times and crises alike. As soon as you're no longer on the same page, the couple will gradually fall apart. Because for therapy to be successful, both partners have to want to reunite.
That's first point is very relatable lol its always the thing that attracted you in the first place that irritates you down the line 😅 is there a way to combat this feeling?
Good points, my brother and his gf recently broke up largely due to reason #2. So it was interesting to hear about this one. Do you have any videos discussing the impacts of being an inexperienced dater? I would love to watch something like this. Thank you for making this video! ✨
All the reasons really come down to one or both partners are selfish and self centered and are only concerned with what they want at the others expense. If you want a marriage or any relationship to work both have to put the other first. When you get married through out the idea of me and focus on the idea of us. There is no longer two individuals there is one new organism called us.
Hi Mrs. Anya, you mentioned learning more about our partner , I would like to know more about what questions can we ask to build intimacy. By the way love this video. Thank you. 🙏🏽
Hi Steph! I know you don’t have kids but i was wondering if you would make a video with ideas on how to connect as a couple after having a baby? I’m due in 2 months and am a little nervous about the change to my relationship with my partner after becoming parents Great video as always! i love that you go deeper than just the surface level reasons
At the risk of getting too vulnerable with strangers on the internet, I recognize many of these as things my husband and I successfully navigated early in our marriage by each of us feeling like we compromised too much but just letting go of the rest (probably the sign of a good compromise - haha). But life changes, kids grow, and I have always thought that it's both partners' responsibility to adapt and grow with each other during these phases, especially if both partners have committed to the idea of a lifelong marriage. So TL/DR: Do you have any scripts to communicate to your partner why counseling might be a good idea and what we would expect to get out of it? I've already tried framing it as "helping us / facilitating communication with each other to get to a better dynamic" but he disdains the whole counseling / therapy profession so he shuts that down entirely.
Can you do a video about ways you can support friends/family even if you're not a relational professional/mental health coach? And can you do a video on how you got into the career please?
Can you do a video on the single perspective? Particularly singles who want to be in a relationship but they keep running into people are not sincere or get friend zoned?
Anya, do you have videos on how to deal with toxic in-laws? This seems to be a issue between me and my fiancés family and I am always wrong in their eyes. If you are wondering how is my fiancé reacting to this; He is tired of it and he wants me and his family to work it out but I genuinely do not see that happening if they can't take accountability for their poor behaviors.
@@StephAnya That's understandable! You are a phenomenal person, and I know your existing clients are blessed to have you! Such an insightful person, some videos I play every morning as a reminder as I go through life!
The past relationship topic resonates with me. My current bf and I have each only been in one previous relationship and we’ve talked about what we learned from them, the length, and how and why they ended but that’s it. What other things should we talk about related to them?
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1. Want to fix partner
2. Ignoring impact of the past
3. Expecting partner to be everything
4. Minimising partner's values
5. Unintentional about intimacy
6. Lack of premarital counseling
This is useful. Thank you, Steph
Thank you 🙏🏾
All the things she has mentioned are things women do.
All people are capable of doing this regardless of gender. lets not invitw division, @thehebrewrapoholic
@@kmoney1007 to be honest that is what the truth does, division is a result of truth. I know of no man that wants to fix his wife but many marriages were wrecked by a woman that wanted to change her husband, if he changes she leaves and if he does not change she leaves, and this goes for all the 6 points, i only see women doing these things. Let us not focus on dividing or not but can you say that i have not written the truth?
@@kmoney1007 I agree that both men and women can do this. However, "women's liberation" and the feminist movement have altered this statistic more so in women's favor. Women are WAY more likely to be the one who separates the family more than men today. 70% of divorces filed, that is 7 out of 10, are initiated by women. And the top 3 reasons have NOTHING to do with infidelity, or abuse. This number jumps to 90% of divorces filed, 9 out of 10, are initiated by women when they become college educated.
Statistics show that men are MORE LIKELY to stay in a marriage, even if they are unhappy, than women. Men also think that everything is fine and are caught off guard by their wives desire for divorce. Again, since the women are not 100% filing for divorce, 30% of men file for divorce, 3 out of 10, and 10% of men who are college educated, 1 out of 10, we don't wholly put a blame on women. Or are we seeking to be divisive.
Yet, these numbers are alarming and need to be further investigated as to why women are so freely and willing to just divorce not simply their husbands so quickly, but divide their family and leave their children behind. Top 3 reasons women are filing for divorce are: not feeling happy, emotional needs not being met, and lacking a feeling of independence.
That alone is SCARY! Those are based on EMOTIONS and not sound logic! EMOTIONS! Not financial issues, not physical abuse, not infidelity, EMOTIONAL REASONS! This current "emotionally offended" world may have a large part to play in why women are doing this, or maybe it's just made up? Who knows? But one thing is for sure, 70% of divorces in the USA and 62% in the UK are filed by women at no fault, and the process is getting easier and quicker to do it and men are reporting to being caught off guard by it. Something is VERY WRONG! And the statistics are HEAVILY leaning to one side and one side only!
would love a video on pre-marital counseling questions to discuss if you don’t have one already!
That’s a great idea! Thank you!
Ooo yes please! It's always great to get things on the table in the very beginning
@@bluebutterfly5062 i agree!!
Oh yes!! I would love that too.
Yes!!!
I just had to comment… HAIR! Ok now I can watch the video 😂
Haha thank youuu!
💯💯 THIS!! The locs are locing
The hair is great
Her hair is always on point fr I get inspired every time I watch a video ❤
@@zeezy17those are boho braids 😅
I noticed that when I was the only one doing individual therapy along with couples therapy, I was the only one talking in couples therapy. My husband didn’t have the language or practice talking about his feelings, so he would just agree or go along with what I said. We stopped couples therapy and both did individual therapy, and that greatly improved our communication. We have been able to make huge improvements on our own and only see a couples therapist when we’re not able to resolve a conflict on our own. We found out the problem was we had different coping and communication styles.
I love that you found what works best for you!!
@@StephAnyacould you make a video about couple's therapy during dating please? I'm curious how it looks for couples that are not married. As you said in this video, premarital counselling is important. Personal example: I was dating a great guy 5 years ago and was a Psych major, so I knew about the inportance of counselling. I wanted to do premarital counselling and was told by friends that if we need therapy before marriage, we probably aren't meant to be and I should let it go. I took their advice and haven't been able to find a good partner since
Ah, sometimes the childhood pattern thing feels so hopeless because it's overwhelming to know how deep those old scars go. Thank you always for these insightful videos.
I feel that. There are many things that we’ll never get over, but we can work on lessening their power over us. Thank you for watching ♥️
My therapist always reminds me that we work on our issues in layers so I've started celebrating when I notice my patterns quicker versus being angry I still have them 🙏🏼
Yes some of my childhood patterns, I felt like took a long time to get to the root of but don’t give up.
Celebrated our 32nd anniversary last June. Around year 3, after the birth of our only child, we hit a rough patch. I went to counseling on my own and it was a game changer. I still have some of the things she we talked about in my mind. We did go to couples counseling as well. That person was awful! She was pushing her books, telling us to read them and never really asked us things, or so we felt. We ended up laughing so hard after the sessions, grabbing dinner together and REALLY communicating. That made the difference. My parents also have said over the years how important being your own person is and being able to talk with each other.
Wow! Congratulations on 32 years!!
@@StephAnya thank you! My wonderful parents were married for 60 years. My in-laws divorced and FIL married the babysitter. My husband says he’s the apple that fell of the tree, took one look around and kept on rolling. He’s done some great work and is a wonderful father and husband. Much love from SW France from a crazy American expat!
It's sad that a huge chunk of the time we spend in this world is to trying to connect with another human but once we've got each other we don't know how to keep each other...
this one hit hard..
I've learned it's because we've been conditioned to hold on so tight to something that we hope for vs what exists. Looking at history of marriage, how the fairy tale was added and the religious aspect, keeps people getting married only to discover it wasn't the best idea.🤷
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Right, every relationship is different. Each one has different perceptions and beliefs of what a marriage should look like. My spouse and I went through tremendous trials. Trials that made you question God or the universe. According to statistics, and today’s standards, we should be divorced.
However, love, empathy, perseverance, kindness and consideration saw us through. It’s been over 35 years and we both don’t want to be the first to pass away. We’re not perfect. We pick our battles and don’t worry about the small stuff. We also give each other space and grace when one of us is having a difficult moment and talk about the situation within 24 hours.
I've been saying it for years. Before I was in the business, I would hear that finances were always the major issue. Now that I am years in, finances are rarely the issue. Not that it doesn't become a problem. But I can tell you, time and time again, respect is a core issue.
Finances is not the top reason, but it us one of the top reasons for the breakdown of the marriage. And there is a difference "between breakdown" of a marriage, and "reason for the divorce". And for the most part, people only focus on the reason for the divorce.
The breakdown was money issues, but the divorce was due to domestic violence. The couple arguments and stress over the finances, loss of revenue, overleveraged their gross income, arguments begins, arguments escalate, one or both parties become verbally and physically abusive.
So a person has to wonder if this so-called therapist even listens to her clients.
I’ve always been shocked by friends who don’t know about their spouses childhoods or young adult experiences and traumas. It’s been so key in understanding how my husband and I communicate and perceive things and in turn how we have a successful relationship
I would love if you could talk about compatibility and how to choose the right partner. I feel like often times these issues just come from choosing the wrong people.
Agreed. Just because you love or really like someone doesn't mean you'll be compatible as life partners.
That’s a great idea! Lifestyle compatibility specifically!
As long as there is a common goal and value, marriage is an *intentional commitment* which requires compromise in almost every aspect of the journey.
If you can’t marry your sibling or your parent, compatibility is useless … you are both different people with different upbringing, so.. what are you looking for?
Moon 🌖 sign compatibility and life path number compatibility are very helpful. Even when reading about your own moon sign, you’ll be shocked on how accurate it’s describing you. I personally believe sun sign descriptions are vague and not the greatest for judging compatibility. Happy couples that have been married for decades more than likely have a compatible moon sign and life path number.
Yes, please discuss how to find a compatible partner! I try to date people who I consider to be smart, funny, and kind, yet I keep running into the same issue of incompatibility. Many people likely face the same issue. @@StephAnya
I could not stop staring at how beautiful your hair is.... 😍
My husband and I are coming up on 5 years and I really appreciate your tips on not making the other person your "everything". I'll be doing some reflecting on that. ❤
Aw thank you!! & I’m glad that tip resonated. I appreciate you for watching!
Premarital counseling is so needed. My husband and I had a lot of conversations ourselves that we were on the same page with but as you said we couldn't think of everything. So now we're in therapy to mend out those things as they come up. We did do premarital counseling with a pastor but it was one session and it wasn't thorough.
I’m glad you two have a system that’s working to mend things when needed
Because of the way my husband and I were raised, we both do everything we can to create a healthy family dynamic now and breaking generational curses. Not just with the kids, but between us too. We went in feeling like we're partners and if we can't be on each other's side then who can be? It can be hard, but we try to talk about everything to make sure we stay in tune
I like what you said about wanting to change your partner instead of looking at yourself. I think we live in a narcissistic world now and people only think of what makes them feel good! Very good video.
I believe that it all started from a place with good intentions. Things like learning the importance of taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. However, somehow we’ve ended up in a place where we’re not dependable anymore and have lost the importance of community. Thanks so much for watching!
Beautifully said, Steph. I think every couple at the altar should receive a copy of The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. John and Julie are the real deal; pretty under appreciated, if you ask me.
I love them!
Can’t wait! I’ve been checking your channel everyday for an upload. Your videos along with therapy have greatly improved the relationship with myself and others. Thank you for taking the time to make them! ♥️
This makes me so happy! I’m really glad that the videos have been helpful for you
Yup. My ex and I fell into the Money and Solutions based (me) and the Hobbies based (ex). I got tired of thinking about our future while he thought of video games and wrestling and TV shows. Our values did not align and I realized it was unfair to try and change him. I left and now with a partner who shares my values.
I love that you realized that before moving forward with marriage!
Your hair looks so dreamy ✨‼️ love these points especially childhood trauma being relived in adult disagreements. I’ve seen it mirror too many times.
So glad you touched on the importance of premarital counseling. I did a research paper of the effectiveness of it and the correlation with divorce and it’s much lower for those who attend premarital counseling! Great video!
Wow!!
I feel like A LOT of people break up due to reason #2. A lot of people need some individual counseling, badly.
I'm really glad my husband and I talked about everything by ourselves before we got married! We got married pretty young (I was 19 and he was 21), but we told eachother when we were dating all of our past when it comes to other relationships and how we grew up, we told eachother what our parents did in their relationships that we didn't want to repeat, we talked about how we would raise our own children. When I was pregnant with our son, we talked about what would happen if he were to pass away, which he sadly did, and now we have plans to talk about another child after we build ourselves back up both emotionally and financially. We constantly tell eachother how were doing, we always talk about our problems and never go to bed angry at eachother, and we've been doing great together. January, we will be married 6 years and celebrating our angels 2nd birthday, and even though we're in a dark place emotionally, we're doing pretty good 😊
Great advice. My husband refused to go to couple therapy, so I just did individual therapy. It helped me a lot, also in my marriage.
0:00 The interesting thing about this list is that money's not even on here"
Yet you also said:
8:59 "A common classic dynamic that I see happen is you have the partner who is very money focused and very solution focused and the partner who is more emotionally in tune and more focused on experiences and memories"
16:25 "You should talk about how you're going to organize your money. So many people ignore the financial conversation before they get married."
Money is not the only thing that matters but don't shy away from talking about it :)
The being vulnerable about past relationships. Hit the nail for me. Iv never heard this topic before. Thank you! For sharing your knowledge. I appreciate you. ❤
I appreciate you for watching ♥️
The resistance to talking about ex partners is so real. Even the subtle ways it comes up like having to say "my ex" instead of using the persons name. In theory, I understand the insecurity, but it's frustrating to be met with this idea of having to basically omit parts of your history.
I had never thought about it this way, but you are so right.
As a newlywed, this was insightful and informative. You hit the hammer on the nail with all of these.
Just here to say: your're fantastic. Thank you for your incredibly helpful perspective
Thank you so much for introducing paired in my relationship! And thank you for being you! I love watching your content, thank you for you insight
watching even tho i'm single because research
Hey Steph thx u for the vid. Is it possible to talk about how a sick family member can change relationships? Like how marriages sometimes end after child death or sickness, or how sometimes a partner leave when the other gets sick.
yeah i would love a video on this topic!
Thanks. Excellent video. Excellent advice. Found myself doing some of those things, before it got out of hand and before my wife even memtioned it. Made a conscious effort to change. We can tell when our spouse feels a certain way before they even have to mention it, if we are paying attention. Enjoyed this video. No bashing one or the other, real "couples" advice. Continued blessings and growth 🙌 👏
I love that she didn’t even have to mention it ♥️
Great video! I'm really proud of my husband and i, we definitely reevaluate our relationship as we evolve and i feel like we do alot of these. Premarital counseling was so helpful, i love your advice about individual therapy in addition to couples, didn't do it but currently started therapy and i agree that it would've definitely helped❤
I’m proud of you too! ♥️
I’m binging your content and forgot to comment haha. It’s good to have perspective.
I find that a lot of us don’t look at our partners as humans we see them and imagine that they’ll be the answer to all our problems or always have the perfect lines like we see in the movies. In reality they are people too.. they also fall short of expectations, they are also insecure and they also are a work in progress. It’s nice when your partner is actually your friend and confidant as well.
I’m an introvert and Ive noticed that in relationship it is my extroverted partners that need my time, I prefer to be left alone.
After dangling the carrot of exclusivity in my face for the entire relationship, my ex and I broke up soon after I suggested premarital counselling. I mentioned it to show that I took him and us VERY SERIOUSLY. If it isnt too much to ask, can you do a video on premarital counselling and how couples can prepare for it? I'd like to share with my friends and church members. Thank you Steph for always telling it like it is with kindness. Once I can afford it, I will definitely consider therapy. God bless.
Kindly review live is blind UK I Want to see something
Was just going to comment this same thing!!
This hair is so pretty on you.
Thanks so much 🥰
My close buddy and his wife are going through what maybe a divorce and everything you say is so true, he's financially focused while she's emotionally focused. He came to this country with a $100 in his pocket and she grew up without a father, both are very stubborn as well. I'm trying to do my best to keep them from splitting but it maybe to late.....😢
I used to think it was a sign that a couple wouldn't last if they had to get pre-marital counseling... jokes on me because we didn't and will be getting divorced after years of things getting worse and worse 😵💫
At least you can see it ave learn from it
I let go of a good partner because I wanted to try pre-marital counselling and everyone around me told me that if we need therapy before marriage, we aren't meant to be smh 😢 Five years later and I regret it.
@@aquaabundance4077 regret letting go? Or counseling? Or both?
Can you or have you done a video on building trust in new/emerging relationships, for someone for whom sex isn’t on the table immediately? It seems difficult to navigate in a world where physical intimacy up front or sooner is an expectation.
Hello! From the bottom of my heart! I hope you will review the season 1 of LIB UK! We miss you so much. I am checking everyday your channel to if there is any update. I hope your are just waiting the end of the season and if they will make it at the altar or not. Kindly. Marvin
🇨🇵
I’m definitely reviewing this season! I miss you too ♥️
@@StephAnyaamazing, can’t wait 😊
This is EXCELLENT! ❤Thank you for sharing these points.
Thank you for watching ♥️
I absolutely love your content
Thank you so much for watching!
Love your videos so much! So personable, educating, and engaging
Great advice as usual! I know that each person and each relationship is too nuanced to be able to cover every single base, but I feel like the fact that our generation has so much access to "other people" via social media channels, i.e. "instagram models, only fans etc" that infidelity has become a sort of expectation; regardless of the conversation(s) had prior or during a relationship or marriage, it feels like society excuses men (and women) from consuming content and even being in contact with people outside of the relationship ('m not talking about merely a man being friends with a woman; I'm talking about a partner being friends with someone who decides to suddenly post their sexy pics to the whole world for whatever reason). So when we are told "You should just trust your partner" or "Jealousy is abusive behavior to your SO" it's kind of like well, damn, I was raised to believe if I wasn't quick to call it "like I see it" then I'm a door mat and allowing bad behavior... I would love to hear how to address ALL of the ways social media makes infidelity even emotional infidelity so accessible and where the line is drawn for a partner who has had to address this throughout a relationship. (sorry for the novel) Thank you for your content!!!
Excellent video.
Thank you, Dr. Anya! Also, the hair is the glory of this video)
Girl You look stunning!❤
Thank you, Chelsea! You’re sweet 🫶🏽
You look gorgeous! Ok let me watch the video :)
Straight gold! 🏆
Thank you for sharing this wisdom with the collective 🙏🏾💕✨
Talking about my past relationship in my last relationship didn't work well for me. My ex would use my past relationship against me.
Red flag. I’m glad they’re your ex
Use it against you How?
Not too far into the video, but will say as a married man of 6 years and just starting therapy. I’ve learned a lot about myself as a partner and doing work on myself for our relationship. I definitely thought I had to fix my wife to bring her back. In reality we needed to identify our issues. Love the video
This is such a great video Steph! Thank you for your insight! ❤
Thank you for watching ♥️
You talked about everything that is going on in my relationship and I need more of this to understand him because I want us to make it and I really love him
Oh wow, you've really touched on something important here. I have to admit, there was definitely a part of me that wanted to "fix" my partner too. But really I want to express my gratitude for your content. Listening to you gives me such valuable insights and inspires me to reflect on my actions in the best way possible. Thank you so much!
These type of videos is why I subscribed! Just a reminder on how I can better connect w my partner because some of the examples you have of questions I need an update on because we change as people. Premarital counseling is a nonnegotiable for me … idc how “good” we think we are lol
I just got an ad for the Josh Hudson method on this video 🙄 it's got all the hallmarks of a typical scam course, but I would love for a qualified therapist to break down the advice he offers, why it appeals to many desperate men, and how it might actually play out in real relationships.
People have to share the same goals and values. It is as simple. It applies to peaceful times and crises alike. As soon as you're no longer on the same page, the couple will gradually fall apart. Because for therapy to be successful, both partners have to want to reunite.
Great video! Thanks for this.
I love your channel! A little off topic but I love your hair & jewelry! ☺️
Thank you so much!
Thank you for the insights Steph, very helpful! Love your hair ❤
That's first point is very relatable lol its always the thing that attracted you in the first place that irritates you down the line 😅 is there a way to combat this feeling?
Damn, I be watching your videos thinking how do I get you to be my therapist lol.
Good points, my brother and his gf recently broke up largely due to reason #2. So it was interesting to hear about this one. Do you have any videos discussing the impacts of being an inexperienced dater? I would love to watch something like this. Thank you for making this video! ✨
I love your insight ❤ I’m in my first relationship and your videos help put a lot of things into perspective.. Thank you 🙏
I think the second point is the reason why I realized couples counselling wasn’t working for us and I’m seeking individual counselling
I hope that helps you more!
All the reasons really come down to one or both partners are selfish and self centered and are only concerned with what they want at the others expense. If you want a marriage or any relationship to work both have to put the other first. When you get married through out the idea of me and focus on the idea of us. There is no longer two individuals there is one new organism called us.
Hi Mrs. Anya, you mentioned learning more about our partner , I would like to know more about what questions can we ask to build intimacy. By the way love this video. Thank you. 🙏🏽
So spot on! I see the same issues in with my couples, as well! ❤
Hi Steph! I know you don’t have kids but i was wondering if you would make a video with ideas on how to connect as a couple after having a baby? I’m due in 2 months and am a little nervous about the change to my relationship with my partner after becoming parents
Great video as always! i love that you go deeper than just the surface level reasons
could you make a video about questions couples can ask each other to deepen emotional intimacy?
I would LOVE to see you break down the ultimatum!! I had so many thoughts
exceptional video! Just subscribed! Great job!
At the risk of getting too vulnerable with strangers on the internet, I recognize many of these as things my husband and I successfully navigated early in our marriage by each of us feeling like we compromised too much but just letting go of the rest (probably the sign of a good compromise - haha).
But life changes, kids grow, and I have always thought that it's both partners' responsibility to adapt and grow with each other during these phases, especially if both partners have committed to the idea of a lifelong marriage.
So TL/DR: Do you have any scripts to communicate to your partner why counseling might be a good idea and what we would expect to get out of it? I've already tried framing it as "helping us / facilitating communication with each other to get to a better dynamic" but he disdains the whole counseling / therapy profession so he shuts that down entirely.
thank you more!
Loved this video! ❤ Ps.: I also loved your new hair style!
This was interesting to hear, delve deeper into this, I’m curious!
wow, that's exactly what happened to me I used to work too much.
love your hair!!!
Can you do a video about ways you can support friends/family even if you're not a relational professional/mental health coach? And can you do a video on how you got into the career please?
I definitely needed to see this video! Thank you
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for watching♥️
Great video. Very helpful.
Great video.
Thanks, Steven!
Can you do a video on the single perspective? Particularly singles who want to be in a relationship but they keep running into people are not sincere or get friend zoned?
You should have a conversation with James Sexton! Would love to hear both your insights together.
Guilty of some of your explanation. Im learning.
1:36 of intro filler and ads? That’s criminal
Will you talk about the UK version of Love is Blind?:) Would love to hear your thoughts!
Great video. ❤
This was amazing
Thank you, Rickesha! I’m so glad that you think so ♥️
You are such a sweet and well mannered lady😘❤️.
Safia
Great video!
Thank you!
This was good 😊❤
Will you be covering Love is Blind UK?
Yes!
Anya, do you have videos on how to deal with toxic in-laws? This seems to be a issue between me and my fiancés family and I am always wrong in their eyes. If you are wondering how is my fiancé reacting to this; He is tired of it and he wants me and his family to work it out but I genuinely do not see that happening if they can't take accountability for their poor behaviors.
I just had to say your videos are so insightful! How does one go about having you as their individual or couple therapist?
Hi, Joseph! Thank you so much!! Unfortunately, I am not able to accept clients online.
@@StephAnya That's understandable! You are a phenomenal person, and I know your existing clients are blessed to have you! Such an insightful person, some videos I play every morning as a reminder as I go through life!
I got caught up with making my partner my everything during my grad school program. I felt abandoned because she would go weeks without seeing me.
The past relationship topic resonates with me. My current bf and I have each only been in one previous relationship and we’ve talked about what we learned from them, the length, and how and why they ended but that’s it. What other things should we talk about related to them?