This is the one I noticed the most with my narc . Also when ever we were in a public place, always staring away from me, trying to trick me into thinking he was staring at women and no one was there.
My narc mother monitors me like a prison guard. She also attempts to illicit emotional responses so she can scan my face like I'm a bug in a glass. It's soo creepy. Occasionally I catch her staring unblinkingly with a seething hatred.
Oh yeah, I remember the look when they are trying to see if their victim is watching what they are doing when it's not good. Say, it's a man checking out another woman in your presence, they will give you the peripheral sneaky look to see if you see them doing the cheating thing. They are horrible and don't deserve to be around decent people.
One of the creepiest ones is the blank stare (with a touch of poorly hidden contempt) as you’re telling an engaging story. Normal people sort of smile and nod along, laugh at the funny moments, gasp at a shocking part…you know: emote. Not these people. Flat. Like a crocodile. Calculating. If you watch them watching their target you can see them sorting out information…looking for the dirt in the story or something they can twist or intentionally misinterpret to weaponize against them. I feel like this one is often missed because our attention (rightly so) is on the person telling the story.
Intentional misinterpretation! Oh, this is the one that just grinds my coffee! Then, the innocent " I did not understand" so as to not have accountability! 😬😝
I felt it too, completely not interested in whatever speach coming from me, like I am again waring his time from using his phone. In addiction, he liked to stop me quite soon after I started telling something, and he would start telling some sayings, parables, old tales supposedly on the subject - but in fact they are not related to what I spoke about at all. He simply wanted to show off and shut me up with his wisdom on each and every topic, he literally had examples, parables for anything under the sun. But that's just quite silly childish memorizing of what he heard or read just with the only reason to recite later in the public and shine. That's so boring to listen to such contributions of his because he acts like a teacher or a preacher
Huh i didnt know that was s thing. My friend who recently i visit and she made me feel like crap..when i would start speaking she would do that stare blankly and then look at her phone witha frown... and id talk and then just find myself chuckling to myself with this silence ..it was horrible.
Yeah, I still feel anger to these types of blank expressions people, makes me want to kick their face. Something amazing and exciting seems dull and annoying with them. Gets on my nerves.
@@user-em8on8py9zyou will not fall into the same trap dear in the mighty name of Jesus amen.... don't worry..... I can understand your pain dear😢 Blessings and Love
Narcs shame you even while petting your dog. I’ve got it on video of my narc wife petting our dog while saying over and over “I thought your daddy (me) said he brushed you.” What she was really saying is that either I’m a lying liar and/or I’m incompetent. They never miss a chance to demean, demote, degrade, and devalue you-even when petting a dog! Think about that! Love to you all my fellow survivors!!! Great job Danish!!!
Yes, but please do not fatalise it or give an unnecessary poetical glorification - it's what a narc loves and would do. Think of it as transient emotional cognitive distortion. Like a passing thunderstorm. Do not wale in your misery, do not identify with your pain - do something about it.
This is my narc man. It's hellous!! I'm always belittled to my face and in public. Everything you said on here describes him to a T. Trying to find a way out.
Oh yeah, it's all coming back. The disgusted looks. The dismissive looks. The glaring eyes. The eye rolls. Almost eight years narcissist free and thankfully with healing comes the fading of memories.
Ohhh yes eye rolls. How about looking at you as if you have a secret together? And she will do that to you later with someone else. There is something about eyes. So predatory!
@@anniematheson426this is going to be hard to tell them. In trying to help myself I’ve learned there’s only one way. Run. There isn’t anything you have or treasure that they won’t ruin or take, give away or throw away….it will be an ‘oops’ moment. Leave everything. This is long, but it’s important that they understand that the narc will do things that only a crazy person would do. The things they think up are beyond beliefI went through 43 years of marriage, had 4 children and moved over 14 times. Two places in Canada and 9 states. Some places were for 10 months or less. That meant no further education and no job. The worst was landing in Utah for the divorce. Utah doesn’t recognize emotional or intellectual abuse. No marks no police report = no abuse. The narc caused a no fault, no child, divorce out for 3 years. I’ve had to pay for my own housing because he told the court he has a home office. Utah is very backwards. They assumed he had a real office like selling insurance, Amway or Nuskin or something. I kept trying to make them understand he was only working remotely. Even my attorney didn’t understand it. The kicker is that he could’ve been staying in a premiere hotel with food and laundry included if he had left the house. His company would’ve paid because he’s working remotely. In his mind he was the WINNER because I had to leave the home. So much more went on it’s just too mind blowing to remember or write about. I’ll leave you with the truest phrase I read. When satan can’t tempt you to fail, he sends a narcissist. Good luck😊
They also have this constant state of surprise, looking at you with a surprised face as if you are disgusting or stupid. They will stare at you whenever they see you, trying to shame you.
Near the end of the relationship---when HE knew that I had disconnected from him emotionally---he refused to make eye contact with me AT ALL. It was as if he felt naked and ashamed because he knew that I knew the truth about him.
I have had ADHD for all my life, 67 years. People didn't understand it back when I was young, and my narcissistic mother was always annoyed and disapproving of my very existence. She always had her eyebrows raised up, either to catch the attention of someone more interesting and adoring of her, or to accentuate the dramatic eye roll at anything I said, accompanied by a huge "pshhh" sound out of her mouth like I was "just making her life a miserable he'll", as you said. It was truly "daggers to my soul" and "killed my voice" for many years. Now Mom has Alzheimer's. I am the only person that she cannot understand, even though others do. When I would speak, she'd just frown at me, do the eye roll, and then ask someone else "What did she say?" I've gone No Contact now, and I am very happy and recovering well. I'm glad I found your channel. Thanks!
My mother put me through hell as A child . She ended up with Alzheimer . Her husband was also a narcissist. Drove my brother and I nuts . On top of her behavior. We put then in assisted living for 4 years . She died there. I do not miss her at all .
@@SUSIEQZ55 My narcissist mother is 93 years old. I don't care anymore if she dies. She was a good mother until she married my stepfather. He was very narcissistic and she was spoiled and entitled. They made a great team. I was sexually, emotionally and financially abused by them. Recently I found out my mother and brother have been lying to my face for at least 5 years. That's not love. That is plain evil. Good riddance to both of them. What kind of people hurt the people who love them ? Very sick people indeed.
disapproving of my very existence and killed my voice - you can not describe narc better than this. I noticed they often end up with demencia or Alzheimers
I resonate to your experience so much. I lost my voice for many years too, even now approaching middle age, I'm still quiet. Just recently wondered why? But put it down to something my mother was saying or as normal dismissing and ignoring me. I don't have any contact for many years now and don't regret. But some memories still there. All the best. 🧡
I caught the smirk often. It was (I'm hiding things from you and you don't know it "ha ha ha") and I hated that stupid smirk and I thought 1 day you will tell on yourself..
Exactly. Straight up. Husband's mother every time I'd be around her that side evil eye smirks. I refused to look into her eyes. She also gets up turns sideways and walks away dismissing me
Exactly, I've seen the sideways and downwards eye movement with a smirk. He (Erik) introduced himself on Facebook, said he wanted to get to know me. But before that he was smirking, then got serious, then delivered his speech saying that he wanted to get to know me, then turned away with a smirk. I saw another one of his as another person but he was in disguise, because he is an actor and wears disguises, and he looked tormented, and always looked away and down so that I couldn't see his eyes. He looked twisted and writhing. He was so angry that I couldn't look at him.
I've been through both physical abuse and narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is worse. I used to tell me ex-narc that I would rather have him just beat the shit out of me rather than put me through psychological torment.
@@annelikriek6294 Thank you! Yes, he's been gone for over a year, and I am getting better day by day. I do have a much harder time believing in myself or seeing my self-worth after seven years of hearing how I did everything wrong and constantly living under threats, but I'm getting there. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust someone and date again, but right now I don't even want to! Just being at peace and enjoying family time with my kids and pets with nobody harassing me constantly is WONDERFUL! =) He actually was jealous of my kids and pets, as if they were supposed to just disappear so he would get 100% of my attention. He actually tried to get me to get rid of both, but that's a whole different story! Luckily, my kids were not with him, so I was able to just cut him out completely. I can't imagine what people go through when they can't go no-contact after realizing what they are dealing with, so I feel extremely lucky in that regard.
You mean like her pupils or? Because it's physiologically impossible for someone's iris to change color like that, especially to black. Nobody has pure black eyes unless they got them tattooed
Early in our 6 year relationship, I felt that disgusted look towards me when our faces were very close. I told her she was “the eye of Sauron”-an evil figure in Lord of the Rings. She didn’t like that at all, but it was such a huge relief to say how I felt about her look that I started to laugh and couldn’t stop. It was the perfect way to defend myself in that moment.
Sometimes they are so silly it’s funny. When I laugh at my narcissistic family members they get so angry, which makes it even funnier. I try not to laugh, but sometimes I fail. 😂 Once I stopped taking them seriously, my life felt lighter. They don’t drag me down anymore.
@@freetruth123bruh for real they do hilarious shit all the time and I feel like that actually makes it harder to leave because after a while you just don't take them seriously anymore and you see them as kind of stupid and helpless. Idk it's like I kinda look down on them but also feel bad for them.
5 most later & just found your post, and had a good belly laugh envisioning you doing this! I HAVE to borrow that! Hope you're doing well, have escaped, and so far enjoying a great New Year! Take care.
very insightful. "The body never lies" this makes sense because I have family that I think everything is okay with, but then when I am with them I catch them rolling their eyes at what I say or giving contemptuous smirks and huffs and it always confuses me. If I look back I literally just wasted years of my life enmeshed with people that were bringing me down.
Oh, yes-- I know exactly what you mean. I had that from my mother first-- until she died, but she always managed to just slay with a look, an eye roll, the way she would twist her mouth in derision, and EVERYTHING I said would have to be proven or backed up by someone else before she would relent. Even when I would have the "right friends" as an adult-- doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, accomplished, educated people-- she would just say, "well, you've always managed to find people just as weird as you". It definitely affected my adult life in relationships, too-- I would end up in relationships with men who behaved just as she did, and ended up in a severely abusive relationship that was all the emotional abuse plus physical abuse, as well, that I had to escape from. That was 3 years ago. I studied everything I could about disorders, etc, spending a lot of time trying to understand those toxic people in my life, but I only began to really heal until I began examining myself and realizing I had a lot of issues that had to be addressed, such as people pleasing, my sense of self-worth based on how others viewed me, and codependency issues that led to my feeling I had to "fix" other people. I had to learn I could only "fix" myself, and it's taken a LOT of time, work, self-awareness and self-reflection along with brutal honesty. Recovery is possible-- not one of us has to remain other people's victims. We're all stronger than we realize, and it's one hell of a journey. All my best to all of you-- big hugs to everyone and know you're never alone. ❤
Or when people talk in front of you, too soft for you to hear but they giggle just to let you know they are making fun of you right in your face like young teenager at the school yard. Actually, I sometimes call them the people who never left the schoolyard 😂
I my experience with narcissist ..when I pass smile to her or want to show a good gesture at that moment they make a very dry rude face or turn their face and don't make eye contact either start looking straight or just show that u r not there and start pampering to someone else like her own daughter..
Keeping your eyes closed when talking to someone, even your own sister, for me it means : you are nothing, you don't exist. Very weird talking to someone who thinks that you do not exist by keeping their eyes closed
@@CherrysJubileeJoyfully I know the emotional abuse is harder over the long run, but never wish for physical abuse! I've been in the hospital after a blow that could have killed me and wandered around after a blow to the head. Instead, get away. Plan your escape stealthily. Even if you think you can't do it financially, find a shelter, find a way. I stayed far too long, and it cost me all my hopes and dreams and family and friends. LEAVE. You owe it to yourself. Get a therapist, a lawyer, whatever. Learned helplessness and codependency are real. Don't let it make you think you can't do it.
@@Me-mn4nw get out, darlings. You deserve better. Take control of your life. Do it safely and stealthily. You will think you can't do it. That is the unfortunate effect of chronic abuse. But that is conditioning. Find a shelter. Get a therapist. This is important. Life can be better.
Another thing to notice is the way they stare at you when they think you aren't aware, or when they want you to pay attention to them and resent you for placing your attention elsewhere. The stare is malignant, poisonous. I once met the eyes of a cougar at a zoo. I was potential prey and the animal was sizing me up, looking for an angle. It chilled my blood. My MIL often looks at me that way. She is wondering how to get what she wants from me. It feels purely evil.
Ohhhh that is for real. My husband does exactly the same and when I try to catch him looking at me he is soooo damn fast that let me always wondering if he does or not looks at me. Demon
Oh, but if you stare at them, then you are the most mean person. They know the difference between worship and seeing reality and become very uncomfortable when they know you know.
A cougar is not meant to be caged in a zoo. Maybe is why he looked at you in a weird way Please don't compare such a beautiful animal with such destructive beings as Narcs. ❤
Yes, I lost almost all of my personality. Didn't know myself anymore. Became 😭 co-dependent ! Trying always to please him, which is impossible.... Narcs are ingrates.😢
Yup , I dealt with all of that crap for 26 years. I will never do it again. I'm quite happy living alone in solitude. And if I die alone, I'm OK with it.
Other than being married to and raised by a narcissist…. As a server I have dealt with this behavior from dining guests. I just stared back or smiled as they tried to make me feel bad. I have been fired for not kissing their a$$ and I don’t feel bad not one bit. I’m sick of these people walking around thinking they can treat us any way they want. It’s a win win. They never have to deal with that “horrible waitress” and I don’t have to see their sh$tty face anymore. 😊❤
One thing I remember is the micro-wince when there was a very minor narcissistic injury. Barely perceptible, but there. Also very hard to hold their attention; they are always looking around to see if anyone new is looking at them.
Yes iv noticed him looking to see if he's catching attention from other women & makes me think wow I am just about done,I love you I'm your biggest cheerleader I'm tired of being the only encouraging one I love myself I will not live with lies & deceit bc he makes me feel so small to him when I know that's not normal my ex was not a narcissistic man so I still compare how can I not?yeah I feel like he's communicating with other women since I grabbed his phone to test him he was willing to almost ywist my wrists to breaking point & head butted me,his Harley has become his attention getter its almost goodbye.
We victims of narcissists should all get together and form a separate society where we are all friends and have our own way of buying and selling, living without the narcissists. We are the hunted and it is because we have light that threatens these demonic people.
What's worse is society preys on and tests the narcissistically abused. Those with lacking self-esteem are further abused, until they're not, and learn and mature in their self love and confidence.
My experience is that they are doing kind things and saying kind things but are looking at you with thinly disguised hatred. It creates confusion and if you say to them I don’t think you like me at all they will tell you you’ve got that totally wrong. SEE THE RED FLAGS. This is one 🚩
I had this. He said "Oh its just my face, I dont even know I do it sometimes". I think both times where based on something to do with me too, so like it was his true feelings through the guise of care/listening. Full on 🙄 too lol .
@@helenmcclay2622oh. My. God. He literally said the same thing to me, “it’s just my face” with a 😂 emoji when I asked why he shot me such a glare as I looked back getting out of his car. It sent chills down my body, so much that I texted him immediately asking what it was for.
It’s not so much eye-movement that I’ve noticed, but how a curtain seems to drop over the eyes and face when a narcissist’s rage begins. There is a physiological change in the face and eyes in that moment. And there’s no way to end it.
*You are literally arguing with demons. Their pride and other vices (vanity etc.) have brought unclean spirits in. I know a church lady who I have to break curses and bind her spirits, then she acts totally different and normal.* Vengefulness, Discord, Mincommunication, Misconception, Obtuse, Vanity, and Contentious are just a few of the spirits names. This gets tiring to do everytime we interact (in the same house) but it really works. The Lord brought me here to endure this cross. She is the Krampus to my soul. In due time I will be set free. There is no sanity in such a relationship.
My marriage to a Covert. Narcissist, almost finished me. He was extremely cruel and refused to consummate the marriage because I was too fat. I was 5’8” and weighed three pounds less than Miss America who was also 5’8” ( 123). I was told every day how stupid I was yet I finish college in 2 1/2 years and had a doctorate at age 24. I stayed 20 years with this man. I barely survived his abuse.
These eye movements were spot on, my mother is a narcissist and my entire childhood was filled with these looks. The one that was the worst was the side eye smirk where shed seem to be amused by my "stupidity" or how annoying I was to her. Thank you for your videos!
This is SO true!!! You’re helping me unpack the silent abuse that is impossible to explain to others or to myself. Healing from a covert narc mom feels like fighting hidden spider webs.
@@alfredapierce9731 I think it's the hardest thing of all to heal from. No one else sees it and it's impossible to describe... If they actually hit you, you could have something tangible to respond to.
Yes.... I called it. I had to learn the language of silence at home with my narcissistic parents my entire life. At 65 years old I need alot of therapy & help
Having had multiple family members on the narc-sociopath spectrum, the trick is to never respond as they expect. Trying to make you feel bad? Smile or even laugh. Trying to intimidate or condemn with a stare? Stare back, longer and through them as if at the wall behind, with either no expression or a barely contained smile. Picture in your mind committing violence upon them and let that joy show on your face. Do the actual thinking so that your expressions are honest and because it gets your heart rate up-feel like you want at lunge at them not out of rage, but out of joy. Be relaxed, show you aren't emotionally affected in a way they can manipulate (if you show anger, they will use that to make you look crazy and violent-they are the wussy bullies who poke you until you hit them and then the run to the teacher for help to play the victim) and say little to nothing. They are weak ambush predators who are abject cowards inside and they are consumed by keeping people from finding out. Be the active hunting predator they run from lest their truth be revealed. Sure they'll still talk shit about you behind your back, but the people that believe them without thought are idiots that aren't worth your time, anyway. Having grown up with them, I can ID them from an anecdote told by someone else that barely involves them and they avoid me like they're fugitives avoiding a Marshal. If you're an empath, I guess it will be a tough road for you as you're their prime prey and intimidation and ignoring emotional manipulations seem to be extremely difficult from the ones I've known (which is why I hate narcs so much-I've liked too many empaths and seen the damage they've done to them). I guess maybe it would help to keep in mind that they are merely hollow pantomimes of a living being. They are already hurt, so it won't be your fault if they are in pain (even if they try to make you feel that way) and they cannot be saved-one can only save oneself and even if narcs weren't too weak and lacking in self-awareness to pursue improvement, there isn't enough there to be saved. However, this can't help you with existing narc contacts who already know you're an empath. Only thing to do there is get away from them. There is no relationship worth having with a narc or their blind followers, for that matter.
Exactly. They have to know you are willing to remind them that they are the prey victim because you know they aren’t real predators. That’s why they hate themselves so much. They are predating prey, not predating predators.
I have experienced this, I quit talking because I couldn't say or do anything right in his eyes. He used his eyes as weapons many times. The worst is when he gave me the look like " wait till we get home " . That's the one I would brace myself for. Also the dismissive look. Spot on Danish.
I was with him for a very short time. His eyes had no light in them. Sometime I felt like it was the Devil himself glaring at me. It was scary. I imagine that it is what the victims of serial killers see as the are being tortured and killed. He was a very charming snake 🐍... with a very dark dark side.
I have experienced the bulging eyes. I saw this in my narc mom and other family members. They bulge their eyes out as if to make a point either if they are mad or trying to convince others of lie/story and the nose flares a little too. They dont blink when they do this and they cam kind of move their had as if scanning the room to make sure everyone is aware of their "story, emotion"
My Narc Mom does the angry look. Especially when I'm talking to someone she wants to impress, and she gets mad that I'm taking the spotlight off her. I'm in my 60's and she's in her 80"s She's always competing even tho she has no chance. LOL.
Right!? This look is also very intimidating. My ex used to give me the bulging eyes while looking down at me with flared nostrils. Many times just to intimidate me.
All of these are so true. I also experienced the 'dark black' eyes..pupils fully dialed when he was in a rage or the evil stare. He would glare at me and say through his eyes 'im gonna kill you' and he meant it. Thankfully it never got to that point cuz you learn to defuse the situation or the narc leaves to 'cool off'. AKA sneak away to their secondary supply's place.
In my marriage he only threatened to hurt me once. I left.... which is not to say he never did other threatening things or just straight out try to choke me. He knew I would leave easily if he ever cheated. I don't know if that's why he never did, but he never did. And frankly, it got to the point where I wish he would leave and go anywhere.
The weirdest one I ever saw was when I told my ex-boyfriend about how someone had once physically hurt me, and his eyes got sparkly (hard to explain), and then he almost, *almost*, got an expression in them as if it turned him on sexually, along with *almost* a smile. That creeped me out so badly, and some 30+ years since I dumped him it still gives me the shivers to remember it.
One of the most horrific things that I seen in the narcissist eyes that I dated was his eye color turned black. It sounds off the wall but it's so true. I witnessed this a handful of times over our 8 year relationship. Always with a smirky ass look on his face.
I will never forget the day I saw my covert narcissistic mother’s eyes turn black. Very frightening experience. I quickly left the room she was in and went into another room. I’ve also seen her face morph into a wolf, like the evil wolf in ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ that too scared me. I would also feel a sense of dark, heavy energy coming from my ex narc. Sometimes my ex narc eyes looked glazed and very vacant. I believe narcissists are demons. I’ve found so much peace in my life by staying clear of my narcissistic parents (my father is an overt narcissist). They’re very wicked, purposely triggering entities.
My sister always had the death glare. All I saw was emptiness, coldness and pure hatred. But, it was my physical body that made me aware of it cuz I couldn't pinpoint what made me so feel so weirdly disturbed. Sometimes she would never look at me but talk to me. I realized she was baiting me and trying to lure me into revealing something personal. Oh yes definitely the smirk and rolling eyes.
I've gotten so sick of the weird looks when I speak that I just started calling him on it. But of course "I can't help how my face looks." "I didn't do that" I've been searching for this exact thing online. Thus is the only video where someone has talked about the body language. I wanted to know I wasn't crazy. It's like I'm disgusting to him when I speak. He even waves his hand as though I'm taking to long and wasting his time. Thank you for talking about this.
@catherinedonnelly1025 My husband would do that to me all the time, and I would snap at him for being so rude. Never took 💩 from him. Married to him 51 years now. He does treat me good. Maybe he was spared the deep Dark traits.
My strongest memory of a wierd eye look was when I looked into my narsissistic husbands eyes and I felt like I was looking at a brick wall, you couldn't see into his soul, there was a wall that I couldn't penetrate.
🙄😵💫 This is pertinent to any situation when a narcissistic person is deeply into their attack against your character to shame, hurt, and negate you. It makes a person feel unhappy and vulnerable, like being invisible 💔👀
Holy smokes!!! You described my dad perfectly with the I rolls. My dad rarely got past one or two minutes of me talking to him. I only talked to him if absolutely necessary. He scared the hell out of me. Definitely started eye rolling after a couple minutes it was so boring for him. I was so boring to him. Finally have gotten some healing from it Thank God!!!
Bing Crosby...can't stand to hear his songs...once I read his son' s bio. He treated his son's this way..and also extreme physical abuse. My father was the same. Both. But one is enough...and only the strong endure.
I always thought of it as shark eyes, just as they go in for the kill. Thank you for acknowledging this phenomenon. It is the weirdest thing, that most people not being victimized, would never pick up on. There are currently three of them at my art studio right now. They do this to everyone at the studio, but because I am the strongest and most naturally positive person, I am usually the most severely targeted of all. I grew up with the Queen of Narcissists for a bio-mother. In addition I was in Foster Care and Indian Residential School 🇨🇦, which was filled to bursting with people like these. I have plenty of experience with this phenomenon. Your description for this is so accurate, you are gifted in your exposure of these peoples' number one foibles and characteristics. Thank you so much for this. I am not imagining it, as they so love to gaslight you into believing if you catch them at it, and call them out. It just helps a lot to know that it's not me who is just imagining these things in my vivid imagination, as they are so often apt to say. Your words help me to feel better that I am not wrong about how I am feeling about what I am experiencing.
Yep seen them all! The worst thing is they just target ‘you’. Nobody else in the group notices the looks they are giving you. It makes you so alone. Watching your impressions of the looks made me smile, thank you so much 😊
I've experienced every one of those expressions from my family and the frienemies they set me up with. But there's one more narcissists use when they gauge enough attachment from you and it often precedes the others briefly: the predatory gaze. They lower their head slightly and look at you nearly through their eyebrows. That's when they become more brazen with their abuse.
@@99nanan-- Maybe you should return-serve with the "Up, down, eye-roll, head flick"! But if he's a dangerous individual, a different solution of course.
Thank you for another great video, Danish. I noticed all these eye moments from my ex.I also noticed another one with him. I used to call it "laser beam eyes" He would hold eye contact with me really intensely for a long time, sometimes if he did it for long enough his eyes would go very dark. Has anyone else had this?Much love to everyone 🙏🏴
That's the narcissist stare. What your actually seeing baby is the demon looking directly at you. Be careful.. this is when they are not themselves and will hurt you. This is when the demon that controls them is in control of their body, including mouth and their muscles. Yes all their muscles, even that love muscle. That's normally why narcissist prefer to $@!( you from the back p because the demon in them is actually ravishing and consuming you. It's sound crazy but think about it. If you had a fetish, would you want somebody watching you while you indulge grossly I in your fix? OK. Same thing. It's better that way anyway because you don't have to let the demon stare into your soul. Now I will tell you What to do to stop them starting at your like that. Blink your eyes real fast. It confuses the demon and for a moment, if you look, they will turn back into themselves or the demon will look away from you. Simple as that. If they ask you why you blinking like that, just respond like something got in your eye and shrug it off and change the subject like they do all the time. They make up excuses all the time to excuse their bad behavior so do the exact same thing to them. They play crazy so game on. My narc husband was trying to start a fight with me so I blocked him. Needless to say he didn't come home that night , you know, to teach me a lesson and punish me with him discarding me like I'm not his whole wife with a house and kids and jobs and trucks and everything. When he finally comes back, bcuz they always do once they done indulging in their nasty habits and secret lifestyle, I will let him know I didn't even notice he was gone. I must be tripping, you know. I will throw some bullshit in the game like that, like he does, and go on with my life. Absolutely nothing changed about my life because he didn't come home! Except I didn't have to smell him! Anyway, also I found it helps me not to get caught up in his emotions when he's raging by just not really looking at him. It's crazy but it helps so much. They control situations and environments and people with their bully energy. But you have to give a bully attention in order for them to engage with you. They use fear tactics that's what's going on with the cold dead stare and empty eyes. It helps me to not take him serious. I barely listen to him and don't look at him and I find it helps me soo much not to get caught up with his emotions. That's how they trap you and manipulate you is with emotions. So if you don't respond like you heard them and you don't see them , they won't be able to entangle you in they mess or it sure makes it hard for them to bully you when you can't see them or hear them. It's crazy but it works. God bless you and you this
At a leaving dinner for me as I was taking a plane journey the next morning, I could feel two lazer beams boring into me from somewhere behind, I turned to see the narcissist staring at me from across the room because i was the centre of attention. I actually FELT the stare. Uncanny!
I've noticed my covert narc sister in law giving me the up and down my body stares as well as glares and dirty looks. My husband said that she watches my every move at family gatherings as well. Ive since gone no contact with the toxic witch. She can stare at someone else now.
What I noticed about my narc (ex business partner) was that in photos he never smiles and has a very harsh, glaring, serious look...or he'll have some sort of smirk on his face. There was never a genuine, relaxed, happy smile. I remember specifically the "head twitch" or the "shock of recognition" when I called him out on something. It was actually quite comical...and very predictable. I also noticed hypervigilance on numerous occasions. This NPD thing is VERY real. Don't let you mind mess with you. It is evil incarnate.
Rolling their eyes and acting shocked that you don't want a hug after days of silent treatment, then they have 'hurt feelings' because they thought YOU needed their hug. They are the victim. So ridiculous! So over it!
I've noticed the narcissist distant glare while talking to me. I've seen the eyeroll. Most of the problem was his constant criticism, all the time. An explanation that there is no such thing as perfect was met by a blank stare. If i would tell him some that he has not done right was met with anger. The only way to fix the situation was to leave. I never had met such a creature before.
I haven’t heard anyone talk about this before. Thank you! My ex would look at other people when answering a question that I asked. He wouldn’t look at me, but scan around to see who was listening. I never understood this.
May I add one? It's not strictly an eye movement, but I think it's related: Looking at you out of the corner of their eye while talking to you, accompanied by talking to you over their shoulder. It is a very dismissive posture. It's as if they can't be bothered to spend energy facing you. It is often followed by looking away quickly and talking to you but facing away. Very debasing behavior.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Wouldn’t face me to talk. just with back to me, turn the head and talk over the shoulder. Like I’m annoying and such a bother. Yes, it’s dismissive plus I’m a bit hearing impaired and he knew that facing me helps a great deal and would speak facing away. A lot.
Yes! or talking to you when walking away from you into another room or across the street expecting you to trot after them to keep listening. Oftentimes I missed what was being said, then faced the fury of "I TOLD you this already, you should pay attention then I wouldn't have to repeat myself over and over again"
Their eyes get this ravenously hungry look when you’re upset. Like they’re drinking it in, and thoroughly enjoying it, but never quite satisfied. They will always need more.
One I've experinced in more than one narcissist I've encountered is the "stare." As they talk to you, they almost don't blink, eyes widened like a coyote, as if looking through you when talking to you. It's one of the telltale signs that whatever they're saying, it's not truly to you as you are, but this imaginary character they create of you to tear down or manipulate as they wish - it is indicative of their fundamental disconnect from the shared social reality of others. The "scanning" mentioned in the video I liken to a coyote, sort of like a predator looking for prey.
I’ve also noticed how loud they talk when they’re trying to get attention from others. It’s not enough that 2 or 3 people are listening, let me speak loudly to draw more people in. 🤦♀️ Even the tone of voice changes to a more polite tone than the darker tone they use with you.
I just want to let you know how proud I am of you! You are an intelligent and insightful man who has an obvious talent for educating others about a very difficult and uncomfortable life situation. Well done and keep going, you’re very good at this and the world is a better place with you in it.
You can always tell with the disapproving eyes from the moment they walk into a room, whether a customer or someone part of a social group. The raised eyebrows, the side eye as if you insulted their mother the last time you saw them (or something). They LOVE setting the pretence of shame and making themselves the royalty that you have to walk on eggshells around.
yes! I immediately said "the side eye" before you said it. I see them do that all of the time but never had and idea what it meant. It makes sense that they are scanning the environment.
Wow totally spot on. Great video. I'll be going on 16 year of this narcissistic abuse. I know the eye roll very well and side eye also the looking down. Won't even look at you when your talking right at him. Someday I'll be free of this and hope when that comes I can get my old self back.
What I used to fear most was the look of disgust. My family combines it with telling me in an aggressive tone that I’m the burden of the whole family and that this is why I have (alleged) problems with so many people whereas they live in peace with each other. They combine it with big drama: You’re killing your mother, our mother, our father, our parents…I wish I had a normal sister etc. They get loud and aggressive when I address what they have said or done. They claim that I can’t leave the past in the past when I have recovered a little after their attack and try to talk about it. NO talk is possible. They, on the other hand, go back to my school days again and again to “prove” that I have always been a burden, but even back then that burden was just me speaking up against their nastiness, or my falling sick because of it.
Wow thank you! Next time I see these signs I will not feel bad or shamed because a loving person does not look at you like that. Someone who is purposely trying to shame you doesn’t care about actually healthy ways of developing you to grow and have better communication with them. You summed up their way of thinking so well at the end. “Come on, you’re expected to be a doormat.” Get with their program. As if they’re also saying “You’re starting to have independent thought again, cut it out and let me abuse you properly.”
It is very telling to me that, as you described each of these behaviors, I could picture it being done by my abuser, that every time you talked about the thoughts behind the eye rolls, I grimaced at the memory of those exact phrases being thrown in my face over and over.
he would close his eyes for a long time while I was explaining something or talking or answering a question. I found it strange, so one evening I just tried it out myself. While he was talking I held my eyes closed for 10 to 20 seconds. after that he never did it again.
I wish I had known some of this information years ago when dealing with a narcissistic person, but it helps me now to recognize the patterns and avoid them before they can trap me in their web of lies.
I’ve noticed the automatic ‘glazed over’ look when someone is talking to them about something that doesn’t interest them (anything that does not provides them with supply or is about them).
Yes and they are totally tuned out too, when you tell them a story and suddenly ask them something, they can't answer because they weren't listening...
I always knew when my ex was lying because he would get this "deer in the headlights" look because he was desperately trying to think of a way to deflect his behavior. I would call him out and it would really push him off. So much fun. 😂
My mother, my sister and my grandfather was a narcissist. When I got a child I got it hard. He became a narcissist as well. I just found out recently. Devastating. I went no contact, but it’s so hard. I’m a Heyoka empath my self. The eyes you talk about here are so accurate it’s scary. My son was all I had left from my family. I’m strong and carry on…❤
Glaring as well. Once we got strong enough to understand that we were being used, we stood up to it. That brought on intense hatred and glaring and walking out slamming the door and then trying to tarnish our reputation. Truth always wins eventually.
I was married to a narcissist. I remember the eye roll to dismiss me. The other big one I experienced was this intense, unblicking stare boring straight into my eyes. I now know he did that when he was pulling off some his biggest lies. At the time, I though it was a look of earnest honesty and that noone looking straight into your eyes like that could be lying. I think I have heard this called ' the pathological stare'.
It's the eye movement of people they been talking to that I noticed first... All of a sudden they lock on w hard eye contact and hold eye contact longer than they use to... It's difficult to explain. It's a suspicious or even disdainful look they give like all of a sudden you've become some kind of monster.
They also do not like you looking at them , or staring at them. I remember when my father was mad (which was alot), he would yell "don't look at me!!" & send me out of the room. And my ex husband would always say the same thing to me. I have recently found your channel & have subscribed, you are helping me alot. Thank you 😌🙏
Their eye movements are perfected over decades and decades of putting passive aggression into practice to elicit certain emotions and responses in the victim
Slightly squinting, eyebrows slightly raised, cheeks slightly raised. Wide eyes, raised eyebrows and tight lips. Rapid blinking. Not blinking at all. Not maintaining attention/eye contact. Turning their body the other way. Staring at the floor. Going silent mid conversation (mini silent treatment) Making a confused face. Furrowing eyebrows. Frowning slightly. Sighing, coughing, rubbing eyes/face. Itching head/nose. Yawning. Sudden need to urinate, drink. Making excuses to abandon conversation. The list is almost endless in their meta communication but the purpose is to dismiss and devalue you and whatever you're doing/saying
Actually I'm almost in tears reading your list because I experience every single thing on your list . If I hadn't lived through it I wouldn't believe it myself. Thank God he gave me the strength to leave that Warlock.
@@delaw2xoxo269 The most frequent is an ever so slight raising of the eyebrows. Gives a deer in the headlights kind of look. Like they're on alert. But not connecting or engaging. Everything they do in their communication with you is to prevent a true connection. Either because they are afraid of true connection, or because they are withholding attentiveness from you to devalue you. I might make a comprehensive list of things and come back here to post them. I made a better youtube comment ages ago on the ways they devalue and avoid, but it was ages ago
One that I’ve seen is they look down their nose at you, whether subtle or overt. Either paired with narrow, contemptuous eyes or a smug dismissive look
You forgot the emotionless stare as they try to learn your all your weaknesses. It is also used to intimidate you.
This is the one I noticed the most with my narc . Also when ever we were in a public place, always staring away from me, trying to trick me into thinking he was staring at women and no one was there.
My narc mother monitors me like a prison guard. She also attempts to illicit emotional responses so she can scan my face like I'm a bug in a glass. It's soo creepy. Occasionally I catch her staring unblinkingly with a seething hatred.
Emotionless blank stare with a blink once in awhile. Most younger federation and almost all agency workers do that
Eeep🗣
Oh yeah, I remember the look when they are trying to see if their victim is watching what they are doing when it's not good. Say, it's a man checking out another woman in your presence, they will give you the peripheral sneaky look to see if you see them doing the cheating thing. They are horrible and don't deserve to be around decent people.
One of the creepiest ones is the blank stare (with a touch of poorly hidden contempt) as you’re telling an engaging story. Normal people sort of smile and nod along, laugh at the funny moments, gasp at a shocking part…you know: emote. Not these people. Flat. Like a crocodile. Calculating. If you watch them watching their target you can see them sorting out information…looking for the dirt in the story or something they can twist or intentionally misinterpret to weaponize against them.
I feel like this one is often missed because our attention (rightly so) is on the person telling the story.
Intentional misinterpretation! Oh, this is the one that just grinds my coffee! Then, the innocent " I did not understand" so as to not have accountability! 😬😝
I felt it too, completely not interested in whatever speach coming from me, like I am again waring his time from using his phone. In addiction, he liked to stop me quite soon after I started telling something, and he would start telling some sayings, parables, old tales supposedly on the subject - but in fact they are not related to what I spoke about at all. He simply wanted to show off and shut me up with his wisdom on each and every topic, he literally had examples, parables for anything under the sun. But that's just quite silly childish memorizing of what he heard or read just with the only reason to recite later in the public and shine. That's so boring to listen to such contributions of his because he acts like a teacher or a preacher
Huh i didnt know that was s thing. My friend who recently i visit and she made me feel like crap..when i would start speaking she would do that stare blankly and then look at her phone witha frown... and id talk and then just find myself chuckling to myself with this silence ..it was horrible.
Yeah, I still feel anger to these types of blank expressions people, makes me want to kick their face. Something amazing and exciting seems dull and annoying with them. Gets on my nerves.
Tucker Carlson looks like that.
Worst thing about narcs is: even when those filthy maggots are out of your life, it's very hard to ever trust anyone again.
Yep. I am much more guarded.
So s true.
I'm alone because of this abuse. Afraid to trust anyone. I don't want to be alone but Iam so afraid I will fall into the same trap again.
@@user-em8on8py9zyou will not fall into the same trap dear in the mighty name of Jesus amen.... don't worry..... I can understand your pain dear😢 Blessings and Love
Narcs shame you even while petting your dog. I’ve got it on video of my narc wife petting our dog while saying over and over “I thought your daddy (me) said he brushed you.” What she was really saying is that either I’m a lying liar and/or I’m incompetent. They never miss a chance to demean, demote, degrade, and devalue you-even when petting a dog! Think about that! Love to you all my fellow survivors!!! Great job Danish!!!
Or...use your dog to hurt you. Be unkind to it, neglect to feed or give water. Ect...😮
That's how they talk to themselves deep down.
Yup negative self talk due to defining life as a performance or competition @@ST-yc7uj, which results in self hatred.
Amen!
My husband uses the dog to hurt me. He doesn't even care about the dog. It's just another source of supply.
When they look straight through you.
Looking straight at you but not seeing you. Blank, hollow eyes with pupils like pin heads. Souless eye stare.
Mine has peircing blue eyes but in all his pics looked dark. Like a glazed over look.
@@helenmcclay2622 my exactly the same shows up in photos.
Shark eyes
What an exact description!
Thats the one makes me feel intimidate.
Yes, “narcissistic abuse breaks your soul” ❤
THIS
Yes, but please do not fatalise it or give an unnecessary poetical glorification - it's what a narc loves and would do. Think of it as transient emotional cognitive distortion. Like a passing thunderstorm. Do not wale in your misery, do not identify with your pain - do something about it.
@@borg-borg-2015👍
This is my narc man. It's hellous!! I'm always belittled to my face and in public. Everything you said on here describes him to a T. Trying to find a way out.
@@conniemiller5125
You can do it. You have to. They eat away at your soul if you stay. I know.
Now I’m trying to help my daughter do the same. 😞
Oh yeah, it's all coming back. The disgusted looks. The dismissive looks. The glaring eyes. The eye rolls. Almost eight years narcissist free and thankfully with healing comes the fading of memories.
Yay for you! It is fantastic to start to have these memories as distant ❤️ ❤❤
Ohhh yes eye rolls. How about looking at you as if you have a secret together? And she will do that to you later with someone else. There is something about eyes. So predatory!
How in the world do you get away from a narcissist? I have a loved one that is trapped.
The worst is when they look at you as if you are a thing and not a person.
@@anniematheson426this is going to be hard to tell them. In trying to help myself I’ve learned there’s only one way. Run. There isn’t anything you have or treasure that they won’t ruin or take, give away or throw away….it will be an ‘oops’ moment. Leave everything. This is long, but it’s important that they understand that the narc will do things that only a crazy person would do. The things they think up are beyond beliefI went through 43 years of marriage, had 4 children and moved over 14 times. Two places in Canada and 9 states. Some places were for 10 months or less. That meant no further education and no job. The worst was landing in Utah for the divorce. Utah doesn’t recognize emotional or intellectual abuse. No marks no police report = no abuse. The narc caused a no fault, no child, divorce out for 3 years. I’ve had to pay for my own housing because he told the court he has a home office. Utah is very backwards. They assumed he had a real office like selling insurance, Amway or Nuskin or something. I kept trying to make them understand he was only working remotely. Even my attorney didn’t understand it. The kicker is that he could’ve been staying in a premiere hotel with food and laundry included if he had left the house. His company would’ve paid because he’s working remotely. In his mind he was the WINNER because I had to leave the home. So much more went on it’s just too mind blowing to remember or write about. I’ll leave you with the truest phrase I read. When satan can’t tempt you to fail, he sends a narcissist. Good luck😊
They also have this constant state of surprise, looking at you with a surprised face as if you are disgusting or stupid. They will stare at you whenever they see you, trying to shame you.
Staring/Glaring at me is at the top of my list!
I stare back 👀 😊
The surprise look is to hypnotise you.
So true
Very true...
Near the end of the relationship---when HE knew that I had disconnected from him emotionally---he refused to make eye contact with me AT ALL. It was as if he felt naked and ashamed because he knew that I knew the truth about him.
I observed that just recently in the ex. He absolutely would NOT look me in the eye.
I have had ADHD for all my life, 67 years. People didn't understand it back when I was young, and my narcissistic mother was always annoyed and disapproving of my very existence. She always had her eyebrows raised up, either to catch the attention of someone more interesting and adoring of her, or to accentuate the dramatic eye roll at anything I said, accompanied by a huge "pshhh" sound out of her mouth like I was "just making her life a miserable he'll", as you said. It was truly "daggers to my soul" and "killed my voice" for many years.
Now Mom has Alzheimer's. I am the only person that she cannot understand, even though others do. When I would speak, she'd just frown at me, do the eye roll, and then ask someone else "What did she say?" I've gone No Contact now, and I am very happy and recovering well.
I'm glad I found your channel. Thanks!
My mother put me through hell as A child . She ended up with Alzheimer . Her husband was also a narcissist. Drove my brother and I nuts . On top of her behavior. We put then in assisted living for 4 years . She died there. I do not miss her at all .
@@SUSIEQZ55 My narcissist mother is 93 years old. I don't care anymore if she dies. She was a good mother until she married my stepfather. He was very narcissistic and she was spoiled and entitled. They made a great team. I was sexually, emotionally and financially abused by them. Recently I found out my mother and brother have been lying to my face for at least 5 years. That's not love. That is plain evil. Good riddance to both of them. What kind of people hurt the people who love them ? Very sick people indeed.
I am so sorry 😢 you endured so much pain and abuse ❤
disapproving of my very existence and killed my voice - you can not describe narc better than this. I noticed they often end up with demencia or Alzheimers
I resonate to your experience so much. I lost my voice for many years too, even now approaching middle age, I'm still quiet. Just recently wondered why? But put it down to something my mother was saying or as normal dismissing and ignoring me. I don't have any contact for many years now and don't regret. But some memories still there. All the best. 🧡
The 'sideways and downwards' eye movement with a smirk is spot on, their way of displaying contempt.
I caught the smirk often. It was (I'm hiding things from you and you don't know it "ha ha ha") and I hated that stupid smirk and I thought 1 day you will tell on yourself..
Spot on
Exactly. Straight up. Husband's mother every time I'd be around her that side evil eye smirks. I refused to look into her eyes. She also gets up turns sideways and walks away dismissing me
That made my stomach churn. You are right.
Exactly, I've seen the sideways and downwards eye movement with a smirk. He (Erik) introduced himself on Facebook, said he wanted to get to know me. But before that he was smirking, then got serious, then delivered his speech saying that he wanted to get to know me, then turned away with a smirk.
I saw another one of his as another person but he was in disguise, because he is an actor and wears disguises, and he looked tormented, and always looked away and down so that I couldn't see his eyes. He looked twisted and writhing. He was so angry that I couldn't look at him.
I really do feel for the people stuck in relationships with narcissists. It is pure abuse, nothing less and maybe even worse than physical abuse.
I've been through both physical abuse and narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is worse. I used to tell me ex-narc that I would rather have him just beat the shit out of me rather than put me through psychological torment.
@@Jen-nc7fg I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are now safe and healing
@@annelikriek6294 Thank you! Yes, he's been gone for over a year, and I am getting better day by day. I do have a much harder time believing in myself or seeing my self-worth after seven years of hearing how I did everything wrong and constantly living under threats, but I'm getting there. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust someone and date again, but right now I don't even want to! Just being at peace and enjoying family time with my kids and pets with nobody harassing me constantly is WONDERFUL! =) He actually was jealous of my kids and pets, as if they were supposed to just disappear so he would get 100% of my attention. He actually tried to get me to get rid of both, but that's a whole different story! Luckily, my kids were not with him, so I was able to just cut him out completely. I can't imagine what people go through when they can't go no-contact after realizing what they are dealing with, so I feel extremely lucky in that regard.
You can kind of call it physical abuse, in that, over time your body will physically begin to break down due to prolonged periods of emotional stress.
The psychological abuse is worse......
Watched my narc mum's eyes turn black.
She was enjoying watching me suffer at that moment...
Pure evil.
Ditto
This!!!! I experienced this as well!!
What color are their eyes normally?
You mean like her pupils or? Because it's physiologically impossible for someone's iris to change color like that, especially to black. Nobody has pure black eyes unless they got them tattooed
yes! i notice the coldness no matter what their eye colour. Same as a room goes cold when they walk into it.
Almost 10yrs relating/studying a narcissist and I’m still amazed at how the devil is hidden in plain sight.
Early in our 6 year relationship, I felt that disgusted look towards me when our faces were very close. I told her she was “the eye of Sauron”-an evil figure in Lord of the Rings. She didn’t like that at all, but it was such a huge relief to say how I felt about her look that I started to laugh and couldn’t stop. It was the perfect way to defend myself in that moment.
Ive told my narsister many times that she can not turn me to a pillar of salt matter how hard she tries.
Sometimes they are so silly it’s funny. When I laugh at my narcissistic family members they get so angry, which makes it even funnier. I try not to laugh, but sometimes I fail. 😂 Once I stopped taking them seriously, my life felt lighter. They don’t drag me down anymore.
That’s so scary
@@freetruth123bruh for real they do hilarious shit all the time and I feel like that actually makes it harder to leave because after a while you just don't take them seriously anymore and you see them as kind of stupid and helpless. Idk it's like I kinda look down on them but also feel bad for them.
5 most later & just found your post, and had a good belly laugh envisioning you doing this! I HAVE to borrow that! Hope you're doing well, have escaped, and so far enjoying a great New Year! Take care.
very insightful. "The body never lies" this makes sense because I have family that I think everything is okay with, but then when I am with them I catch them rolling their eyes at what I say or giving contemptuous smirks and huffs and it always confuses me. If I look back I literally just wasted years of my life enmeshed with people that were bringing me down.
Oh, yes-- I know exactly what you mean. I had that from my mother first-- until she died, but she always managed to just slay with a look, an eye roll, the way she would twist her mouth in derision, and EVERYTHING I said would have to be proven or backed up by someone else before she would relent. Even when I would have the "right friends" as an adult-- doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, accomplished, educated people-- she would just say, "well, you've always managed to find people just as weird as you".
It definitely affected my adult life in relationships, too-- I would end up in relationships with men who behaved just as she did, and ended up in a severely abusive relationship that was all the emotional abuse plus physical abuse, as well, that I had to escape from.
That was 3 years ago. I studied everything I could about disorders, etc, spending a lot of time trying to understand those toxic people in my life, but I only began to really heal until I began examining myself and realizing I had a lot of issues that had to be addressed, such as people pleasing, my sense of self-worth based on how others viewed me, and codependency issues that led to my feeling I had to "fix" other people. I had to learn I could only "fix" myself, and it's taken a LOT of time, work, self-awareness and self-reflection along with brutal honesty.
Recovery is possible-- not one of us has to remain other people's victims. We're all stronger than we realize, and it's one hell of a journey.
All my best to all of you-- big hugs to everyone and know you're never alone.
❤
Or when people talk in front of you, too soft for you to hear but they giggle just to let you know they are making fun of you right in your face like young teenager at the school yard.
Actually, I sometimes call them the people who never left the schoolyard 😂
I my experience with narcissist ..when I pass smile to her or want to show a good gesture at that moment they make a very dry rude face or turn their face and don't make eye contact either start looking straight or just show that u r not there and start pampering to someone else like her own daughter..
@@scooterpatooter9484happy healing ❤️🩹 xx
Keeping your eyes closed when talking to someone, even your own sister, for me it means : you are nothing, you don't exist. Very weird talking to someone who thinks that you do not exist by keeping their eyes closed
The up-down with the smirk was standard behavior for a psychopathic/malignant narcissist ex.
Yes, omg I would almost wish he would just hit me instead of fearing what emotional abuse was coming
@@Me-mn4nw it's scary when physical abuse hurts less.
@@CherrysJubileeJoyfully I know the emotional abuse is harder over the long run, but never wish for physical abuse! I've been in the hospital after a blow that could have killed me and wandered around after a blow to the head. Instead, get away. Plan your escape stealthily. Even if you think you can't do it financially, find a shelter, find a way. I stayed far too long, and it cost me all my hopes and dreams and family and friends. LEAVE. You owe it to yourself. Get a therapist, a lawyer, whatever. Learned helplessness and codependency are real. Don't let it make you think you can't do it.
My 85 yo dearly evil mother also
@@Me-mn4nw get out, darlings. You deserve better. Take control of your life. Do it safely and stealthily. You will think you can't do it. That is the unfortunate effect of chronic abuse. But that is conditioning. Find a shelter. Get a therapist. This is important. Life can be better.
Another thing to notice is the way they stare at you when they think you aren't aware, or when they want you to pay attention to them and resent you for placing your attention elsewhere. The stare is malignant, poisonous. I once met the eyes of a cougar at a zoo. I was potential prey and the animal was sizing me up, looking for an angle. It chilled my blood. My MIL often looks at me that way. She is wondering how to get what she wants from me. It feels purely evil.
Ohhhh that is for real. My husband does exactly the same and when I try to catch him looking at me he is soooo damn fast that let me always wondering if he does or not looks at me. Demon
Oh, but if you stare at them, then you are the most mean person. They know the difference between worship and seeing reality and become very uncomfortable when they know you know.
@@DistinctiveThinking OR...they turn physically violent. Be warned, they ARE evil, and dangerous.
Because they’re demon possessed@@DistinctiveThinking. It runs because if you know, then you may come to know that it needs to be cast out.
A cougar is not meant to be caged in a zoo. Maybe is why he looked at you in a weird way
Please don't compare such a beautiful animal with such destructive beings as Narcs. ❤
Yes, I lost almost all of my personality. Didn't know myself anymore.
Became 😭 co-dependent !
Trying always to please him, which is impossible....
Narcs are ingrates.😢
Yup , I dealt with all of that crap for 26 years.
I will never do it again.
I'm quite happy living alone in solitude. And if I die alone, I'm OK with it.
💚
Their eyes are often 'empty' as well, like there's no soul there. Good video! Thank you.
‼
Other than being married to and raised by a narcissist…. As a server I have dealt with this behavior from dining guests. I just stared back or smiled as they tried to make me feel bad. I have been fired for not kissing their a$$ and I don’t feel bad not one bit. I’m sick of these people walking around thinking they can treat us any way they want.
It’s a win win. They never have to deal with that “horrible waitress” and I don’t have to see their sh$tty face anymore. 😊❤
❤you're not horrible . U probably pretty sweet and kind .
Maybe this is why I could not see myself serving food. The arrogance because they're "paying".😏😶No! Step off!
😆😘
One thing I remember is the micro-wince when there was a very minor narcissistic injury. Barely perceptible, but there. Also very hard to hold their attention; they are always looking around to see if anyone new is looking at them.
Yes. It seems they never look you square in the eye. That is definitely a "tell."
Yes iv noticed him looking to see if he's catching attention from other women & makes me think wow I am just about done,I love you I'm your biggest cheerleader I'm tired of being the only encouraging one I love myself I will not live with lies & deceit bc he makes me feel so small to him when I know that's not normal my ex was not a narcissistic man so I still compare how can I not?yeah I feel like he's communicating with other women since I grabbed his phone to test him he was willing to almost ywist my wrists to breaking point & head butted me,his Harley has become his attention getter its almost goodbye.
Yasssss!
Smirk...the sneaky smirk, dead give away with sideways dead eyes.
We victims of narcissists should all get together and form a separate society where we are all friends and have our own way of buying and selling, living without the narcissists. We are the hunted and it is because we have light that threatens these demonic people.
What's worse is society preys on and tests the narcissistically abused. Those with lacking self-esteem are further abused, until they're not, and learn and mature in their self love and confidence.
Thats amazing, thank you!
True. Thank you. Sometimes you get scared when you look into some people’s eyes.
For real! My mother n law eyes are creepy n evil
My experience is that they are doing kind things and saying kind things but are looking at you with thinly disguised hatred. It creates confusion and if you say to them I don’t think you like me at all they will tell you you’ve got that totally wrong.
SEE THE RED FLAGS. This is one 🚩
My favorite is them saying maybe you need to change your perspective😂😂
The author of confusion is Satan. Coming to steal, kill, and destroy, by transforming into an angel of light.
This is a perfect description. The thinly disguised contempt is always there no matter what they are saying or doing.
I had this. He said "Oh its just my face, I dont even know I do it sometimes".
I think both times where based on something to do with me too, so like it was his true feelings through the guise of care/listening. Full on 🙄 too lol .
@@helenmcclay2622oh. My. God. He literally said the same thing to me, “it’s just my face” with a 😂 emoji when I asked why he shot me such a glare as I looked back getting out of his car. It sent chills down my body, so much that I texted him immediately asking what it was for.
It’s not so much eye-movement that I’ve noticed, but how a curtain seems to drop over the eyes and face when a narcissist’s rage begins. There is a physiological change in the face and eyes in that moment. And there’s no way to end it.
It’s definitely a spiritual transformation; demonic. Just evil.
I know how to stop that look but UA-cam won't let me say it 😅
@@m998hmmwv7How? Seriously how? Say it in code. Please.
*You are literally arguing with demons. Their pride and other vices (vanity etc.) have brought unclean spirits in. I know a church lady who I have to break curses and bind her spirits, then she acts totally different and normal.* Vengefulness, Discord, Mincommunication, Misconception, Obtuse, Vanity, and Contentious are just a few of the spirits names. This gets tiring to do everytime we interact (in the same house) but it really works. The Lord brought me here to endure this cross. She is the Krampus to my soul. In due time I will be set free. There is no sanity in such a relationship.
I get up and move away.
My marriage to a Covert. Narcissist, almost finished me. He was extremely cruel and refused to consummate the marriage because I was too fat. I was 5’8” and weighed three pounds less than Miss America who was also 5’8” ( 123). I was told every day how stupid I was yet I finish college in 2 1/2 years and had a doctorate at age 24. I stayed 20 years with this man. I barely survived his abuse.
He was gae
Same here …it took me years/decades to get back to myself after being abused for 24 yrs by the narc !!!
Butt…I’M BACK BIATCH !!!
@@ST-yc7uj-I thought this as well !!! Because of the disdain towards me
@@catherinedonnelly1025 any too close male friendships that he had?
❤❤❤
These eye movements were spot on, my mother is a narcissist and my entire childhood was filled with these looks. The one that was the worst was the side eye smirk where shed seem to be amused by my "stupidity" or how annoying I was to her. Thank you for your videos!
Look up Duper's Delight smile in body language
This is SO true!!! You’re helping me unpack the silent abuse that is impossible to explain to others or to myself. Healing from a covert narc mom feels like fighting hidden spider webs.
" the silent abuse that is impossible to explain to others or to myself". Exactly!!!! Went through this with my father.
@@alfredapierce9731 I think it's the hardest thing of all to heal from. No one else sees it and it's impossible to describe... If they actually hit you, you could have something tangible to respond to.
Yes.... I called it. I had to learn the language of silence at home with my narcissistic parents my entire life. At 65 years old I need alot of therapy & help
Yeeees!
Interesting you mention creepy crawlies. They EAT THEIR YOUNG. No "coincidence" there, believe me.
Having had multiple family members on the narc-sociopath spectrum, the trick is to never respond as they expect. Trying to make you feel bad? Smile or even laugh. Trying to intimidate or condemn with a stare? Stare back, longer and through them as if at the wall behind, with either no expression or a barely contained smile. Picture in your mind committing violence upon them and let that joy show on your face. Do the actual thinking so that your expressions are honest and because it gets your heart rate up-feel like you want at lunge at them not out of rage, but out of joy. Be relaxed, show you aren't emotionally affected in a way they can manipulate (if you show anger, they will use that to make you look crazy and violent-they are the wussy bullies who poke you until you hit them and then the run to the teacher for help to play the victim) and say little to nothing. They are weak ambush predators who are abject cowards inside and they are consumed by keeping people from finding out. Be the active hunting predator they run from lest their truth be revealed. Sure they'll still talk shit about you behind your back, but the people that believe them without thought are idiots that aren't worth your time, anyway. Having grown up with them, I can ID them from an anecdote told by someone else that barely involves them and they avoid me like they're fugitives avoiding a Marshal.
If you're an empath, I guess it will be a tough road for you as you're their prime prey and intimidation and ignoring emotional manipulations seem to be extremely difficult from the ones I've known (which is why I hate narcs so much-I've liked too many empaths and seen the damage they've done to them). I guess maybe it would help to keep in mind that they are merely hollow pantomimes of a living being. They are already hurt, so it won't be your fault if they are in pain (even if they try to make you feel that way) and they cannot be saved-one can only save oneself and even if narcs weren't too weak and lacking in self-awareness to pursue improvement, there isn't enough there to be saved. However, this can't help you with existing narc contacts who already know you're an empath. Only thing to do there is get away from them. There is no relationship worth having with a narc or their blind followers, for that matter.
Exactly. They have to know you are willing to remind them that they are the prey victim because you know they aren’t real predators. That’s why they hate themselves so much. They are predating prey, not predating predators.
As soon as I was in the pressenc of a narcc my energy was sukedout of me and I was drained as ifavampire had a feed
I have experienced this, I quit talking because I couldn't say or do anything right in his eyes. He used his eyes as weapons many times. The worst is when he gave me the look like " wait till we get home " . That's the one I would brace myself for. Also the dismissive look. Spot on Danish.
I hope you can go straight to the police when the eyes are saying 'wait till we get home.' Wouldn't be an overreaction at all in some situations.
“Angry eyes.” What I called the piercing venomous stare.
I was with him for a very short time. His eyes had no light in them. Sometime I felt like it was the Devil himself glaring at me. It was scary. I imagine that it is what the victims of serial killers see as the are being tortured and killed. He was a very charming snake 🐍... with a very dark dark side.
The cold stare was what I remember most.
I have experienced the bulging eyes. I saw this in my narc mom and other family members. They bulge their eyes out as if to make a point either if they are mad or trying to convince others of lie/story and the nose flares a little too. They dont blink when they do this and they cam kind of move their had as if scanning the room to make sure everyone is aware of their "story, emotion"
Right!?!❓ literally bug-eyef!😅 so creepy!
Ohh that add on slight smirk !
Oh my dad can do that one!
My Narc Mom does the angry look. Especially when I'm talking to someone she wants to impress, and she gets mad that I'm taking the spotlight off her. I'm in my 60's and she's in her 80"s She's always competing even tho she has no chance. LOL.
Right!? This look is also very intimidating. My ex used to give me the bulging eyes while looking down at me with flared nostrils. Many times just to intimidate me.
All of these are so true. I also experienced the 'dark black' eyes..pupils fully dialed when he was in a rage or the evil stare. He would glare at me and say through his eyes 'im gonna kill you' and he meant it. Thankfully it never got to that point cuz you learn to defuse the situation or the narc leaves to 'cool off'. AKA sneak away to their secondary supply's place.
You are so right.😮
I experienced this as well! Extremely scary
In my marriage he only threatened to hurt me once. I left.... which is not to say he never did other threatening things or just straight out try to choke me. He knew I would leave easily if he ever cheated. I don't know if that's why he never did, but he never did. And frankly, it got to the point where I wish he would leave and go anywhere.
That is demonic possession. Only Jesus can help us with such people
You too ? The dark black eyes .. you've seen this as well. I'm convinced they are possessed. 😯
The weirdest one I ever saw was when I told my ex-boyfriend about how someone had once physically hurt me, and his eyes got sparkly (hard to explain), and then he almost, *almost*, got an expression in them as if it turned him on sexually, along with *almost* a smile. That creeped me out so badly, and some 30+ years since I dumped him it still gives me the shivers to remember it.
One of the most horrific things that I seen in the narcissist eyes that I dated was his eye color turned black. It sounds off the wall but it's so true. I witnessed this a handful of times over our 8 year relationship. Always with a smirky ass look on his face.
That is so true. I knew a narc with hazel eyes, almost grey... but when he revealed his true colors, his eyes turned black, like the pits of Hell
Absolutely my ex narcs beautiful blue eyes turned black especially toward the end of our marriage
@@LadeeBugg81me too! Experienced the true changes also!
That’s a person with no soul!
I will never forget the day I saw my covert narcissistic mother’s eyes turn black. Very frightening experience. I quickly left the room she was in and went into another room. I’ve also seen her face morph into a wolf, like the evil wolf in ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ that too scared me. I would also feel a sense of dark, heavy energy coming from my ex narc. Sometimes my ex narc eyes looked glazed and very vacant. I believe narcissists are demons. I’ve found so much peace in my life by staying clear of my narcissistic parents (my father is an overt narcissist). They’re very wicked, purposely triggering entities.
I've seen it. It comes after the eye roll. ❤️🩹
My sister always had the death glare. All I saw was emptiness, coldness and pure hatred. But, it was my physical body that made me aware of it cuz I couldn't pinpoint what made me so feel so weirdly disturbed.
Sometimes she would never look at me but talk to me. I realized she was baiting me and trying to lure me into revealing something personal. Oh yes definitely the smirk and rolling eyes.
I've gotten so sick of the weird looks when I speak that I just started calling him on it. But of course "I can't help how my face looks." "I didn't do that"
I've been searching for this exact thing online. Thus is the only video where someone has talked about the body language. I wanted to know I wasn't crazy. It's like I'm disgusting to him when I speak. He even waves his hand as though I'm taking to long and wasting his time. Thank you for talking about this.
Flashback-he would waive me on like get on with it or OK I understand or shut up..& wouldn’t even let me finish what I’m saying
@catherinedonnelly1025 My husband would do that to me all the time, and I would snap at him for being so rude. Never took 💩 from him. Married to him 51 years now. He does treat me good. Maybe he was spared the deep Dark traits.
" Get to the point!" " Forget the details, was what I would hear. Arghhh. And I'm the opposite. I need details to fully understand and get it right.
They can starred at you for a long time without blinking, it is so freaky!
My strongest memory of a wierd eye look was when I looked into my narsissistic husbands eyes and I felt like I was looking at a brick wall, you couldn't see into his soul, there was a wall that I couldn't penetrate.
I use to say, it was like talking to a brick wall😢
I see emptiness in the eyes of the narcissist. I see fake love. I see unkind thoughts & mockery.. list could go on & on.
Yes and they will stare you in the face wide eyed so they can see your reaction to their outlandish lies.
Staring straight ahead while you’re talking.
The Smirk.
🙄😵💫 This is pertinent to any situation when a narcissistic person is deeply into their attack against your character to shame, hurt, and negate you. It makes a person feel unhappy and vulnerable, like being invisible 💔👀
Holy smokes!!! You described my dad perfectly with the I rolls. My dad rarely got past one or two minutes of me talking to him. I only talked to him if absolutely necessary. He scared the hell out of me. Definitely started eye rolling after a couple minutes it was so boring for him. I was so boring to him. Finally have gotten some healing from it Thank God!!!
I relate. I hope you are healing. ❤️
@@whatsupdoc84 💜🙏
Bing Crosby...can't stand to hear his songs...once I read his son' s bio. He treated his son's this way..and also extreme physical abuse. My father was the same. Both. But one is enough...and only the strong endure.
I always thought of it as shark eyes, just as they go in for the kill. Thank you for acknowledging this phenomenon. It is the weirdest thing, that most people not being victimized, would never pick up on.
There are currently three of them at my art studio right now. They do this to everyone at the studio, but because I am the strongest and most naturally positive person, I am usually the most severely targeted of all.
I grew up with the Queen of Narcissists for a bio-mother. In addition I was in Foster Care and Indian Residential School 🇨🇦, which was filled to bursting with people like these. I have plenty of experience with this phenomenon.
Your description for this is so accurate, you are gifted in your exposure of these peoples' number one foibles and characteristics.
Thank you so much for this. I am not imagining it, as they so love to gaslight you into believing if you catch them at it, and call them out.
It just helps a lot to know that it's not me who is just imagining these things in my vivid imagination, as they are so often apt to say. Your words help me to feel better that I am not wrong about how I am feeling about what I am experiencing.
Yep seen them all! The worst thing is they just target ‘you’. Nobody else in the group notices the looks they are giving you. It makes you so alone. Watching your impressions of the looks made me smile, thank you so much 😊
Mine would give me the stare of pure evil from across the other side of the room, nobody else would notice.
I've experienced every one of those expressions from my family and the frienemies they set me up with. But there's one more narcissists use when they gauge enough attachment from you and it often precedes the others briefly: the predatory gaze. They lower their head slightly and look at you nearly through their eyebrows. That's when they become more brazen with their abuse.
This very one here💯evil
@@judithunaegbu3776 my boss does that
Living with this type of particular gaze for 43 years from my narc husband.
@@99nanan-- Maybe you should return-serve with the "Up, down, eye-roll, head flick"! But if he's a dangerous individual, a different solution of course.
That’s exactly what the look is of the narc I’m married to.
Thank you for another great video, Danish. I noticed all these eye moments from my ex.I also noticed another one with him. I used to call it "laser beam eyes" He would hold eye contact with me really intensely for a long time, sometimes if he did it for long enough his eyes would go very dark. Has anyone else had this?Much love to everyone 🙏🏴
Oh yes...the soulless eyes I used to call them...
That's the narcissist stare. What your actually seeing baby is the demon looking directly at you. Be careful.. this is when they are not themselves and will hurt you. This is when the demon that controls them is in control of their body, including mouth and their muscles. Yes all their muscles, even that love muscle. That's normally why narcissist prefer to $@!( you from the back p because the demon in them is actually ravishing and consuming you. It's sound crazy but think about it. If you had a fetish, would you want somebody watching you while you indulge grossly I in your fix? OK. Same thing. It's better that way anyway because you don't have to let the demon stare into your soul. Now I will tell you What to do to stop them starting at your like that. Blink your eyes real fast. It confuses the demon and for a moment, if you look, they will turn back into themselves or the demon will look away from you. Simple as that. If they ask you why you blinking like that, just respond like something got in your eye and shrug it off and change the subject like they do all the time. They make up excuses all the time to excuse their bad behavior so do the exact same thing to them. They play crazy so game on. My narc husband was trying to start a fight with me so I blocked him. Needless to say he didn't come home that night , you know, to teach me a lesson and punish me with him discarding me like I'm not his whole wife with a house and kids and jobs and trucks and everything. When he finally comes back, bcuz they always do once they done indulging in their nasty habits and secret lifestyle, I will let him know I didn't even notice he was gone. I must be tripping, you know. I will throw some bullshit in the game like that, like he does, and go on with my life. Absolutely nothing changed about my life because he didn't come home! Except I didn't have to smell him! Anyway, also I found it helps me not to get caught up in his emotions when he's raging by just not really looking at him. It's crazy but it helps so much. They control situations and environments and people with their bully energy. But you have to give a bully attention in order for them to engage with you. They use fear tactics that's what's going on with the cold dead stare and empty eyes. It helps me to not take him serious. I barely listen to him and don't look at him and I find it helps me soo much not to get caught up with his emotions. That's how they trap you and manipulate you is with emotions. So if you don't respond like you heard them and you don't see them , they won't be able to entangle you in they mess or it sure makes it hard for them to bully you when you can't see them or hear them. It's crazy but it works. God bless you and you this
I call it "Owl Eyes"
Yes. Exactly what my ex did to me. "Death Stare" I call it.
Yes! It was a GLARING/Starring look in their eyes followed by very dark eyes.
At a leaving dinner for me as I was taking a plane journey the next morning, I could feel two lazer beams boring into me from somewhere behind, I turned to see the narcissist staring at me from across the room because i was the centre of attention. I actually FELT the stare. Uncanny!
The look of pure hatred in their eyes when you call them out on their shit they give u a chilling glare it's frightning
Wow. Nailed it. I spent twenty years with one. That’s one thing nobody has brought up. Amazing.
I've noticed my covert narc sister in law giving me the up and down my body stares as well as glares and dirty looks. My husband said that she watches my every move at family gatherings as well. Ive since gone no contact with the toxic witch. She can stare at someone else now.
I have an aunt like this.
What I noticed about my narc (ex business partner) was that in photos he never smiles and has a very harsh, glaring, serious look...or he'll have some sort of smirk on his face. There was never a genuine, relaxed, happy smile. I remember specifically the "head twitch" or the "shock of recognition" when I called him out on something. It was actually quite comical...and very predictable. I also noticed hypervigilance on numerous occasions. This NPD thing is VERY real. Don't let you mind mess with you. It is evil incarnate.
Rolling their eyes and acting shocked that you don't want a hug after days of silent treatment, then they have 'hurt feelings' because they thought YOU needed their hug. They are the victim. So ridiculous! So over it!
I've noticed the narcissist distant glare while talking to me. I've seen the eyeroll. Most of the problem was his constant criticism, all the time. An explanation that there is no such thing as perfect was met by a blank stare. If i would tell him some that he has not done right was met with anger. The only way to fix the situation was to leave. I never had met such a creature before.
This is pretty amazing. I never thought this was true of all Narcs, I thought only my husband has these weird stares and side eye movements
Same here
No, mine does it too.
I haven’t heard anyone talk about this before. Thank you! My ex would look at other people when answering a question that I asked. He wouldn’t look at me, but scan around to see who was listening. I never understood this.
May I add one? It's not strictly an eye movement, but I think it's related: Looking at you out of the corner of their eye while talking to you, accompanied by talking to you over their shoulder. It is a very dismissive posture. It's as if they can't be bothered to spend energy facing you. It is often followed by looking away quickly and talking to you but facing away. Very debasing behavior.
It's usually done by people who wants to belittle you and your talents.
Spot on- good observation
Yes! Yes! Yes! Wouldn’t face me to talk. just with back to me, turn the head and talk over the shoulder. Like I’m annoying and such a bother. Yes, it’s dismissive plus I’m a bit hearing impaired and he knew that facing me helps a great deal and would speak facing away. A lot.
My ex would do this. It was awful.
Yes! or talking to you when walking away from you into another room or across the street expecting you to trot after them to keep listening. Oftentimes I missed what was being said, then faced the fury of "I TOLD you this already, you should pay attention then I wouldn't have to repeat myself over and over again"
Their eyes get this ravenously hungry look when you’re upset. Like they’re drinking it in, and thoroughly enjoying it, but never quite satisfied. They will always need more.
One I've experinced in more than one narcissist I've encountered is the "stare." As they talk to you, they almost don't blink, eyes widened like a coyote, as if looking through you when talking to you. It's one of the telltale signs that whatever they're saying, it's not truly to you as you are, but this imaginary character they create of you to tear down or manipulate as they wish - it is indicative of their fundamental disconnect from the shared social reality of others. The "scanning" mentioned in the video I liken to a coyote, sort of like a predator looking for prey.
I’ve also noticed how loud they talk when they’re trying to get attention from others. It’s not enough that 2 or 3 people are listening, let me speak loudly to draw more people in. 🤦♀️ Even the tone of voice changes to a more polite tone than the darker tone they use with you.
I just want to let you know how proud I am of you! You are an intelligent and insightful man who has an obvious talent for educating others about a very difficult and uncomfortable life situation. Well done and keep going, you’re very good at this and the world is a better place with you in it.
Thank you, I must add a big "yes, for real!", Danish!!
“There are no words used, but they are daggers to your soul” - I’ve never had a more perfect explanation of it. It’s my step-father to a T.
You can always tell with the disapproving eyes from the moment they walk into a room, whether a customer or someone part of a social group. The raised eyebrows, the side eye as if you insulted their mother the last time you saw them (or something). They LOVE setting the pretence of shame and making themselves the royalty that you have to walk on eggshells around.
Interesting observations. Imagine mirroring them back simultaneously. 😂😂
Eyes look empty without emotion.
yes! I immediately said "the side eye" before you said it. I see them do that all of the time but never had and idea what it meant. It makes sense that they are scanning the environment.
Wow totally spot on. Great video. I'll be going on 16 year of this narcissistic abuse. I know the eye roll very well and side eye also the looking down. Won't even look at you when your talking right at him. Someday I'll be free of this and hope when that comes I can get my old self back.
Gasp. So true. You try to explain how hurtful it is and then you are in their trap. It literally made me suck in my breath. Validating.
What I used to fear most was the look of disgust. My family combines it with telling me in an aggressive tone that I’m the burden of the whole family and that this is why I have (alleged) problems with so many people whereas they live in peace with each other. They combine it with big drama: You’re killing your mother, our mother, our father, our parents…I wish I had a normal sister etc. They get loud and aggressive when I address what they have said or done. They claim that I can’t leave the past in the past when I have recovered a little after their attack and try to talk about it. NO talk is possible. They, on the other hand, go back to my school days again and again to “prove” that I have always been a burden, but even back then that burden was just me speaking up against their nastiness, or my falling sick because of it.
I hope you can leave🙁 not all ppl are so heartless.
❤
You were given the role of the scapegoat in the family.
@@ms.construed1305Yes, I went at a big distance.
@@lengyelkatalinlukacsne4074 ❤
Wow thank you! Next time I see these signs I will not feel bad or shamed because a loving person does not look at you like that. Someone who is purposely trying to shame you doesn’t care about actually healthy ways of developing you to grow and have better communication with them. You summed up their way of thinking so well at the end. “Come on, you’re expected to be a doormat.” Get with their program. As if they’re also saying “You’re starting to have independent thought again, cut it out and let me abuse you properly.”
Dead on. I saw all of this! The “up-down- with a smirk” made me laugh because I never even realized that combo - but I remember it.
It is very telling to me that, as you described each of these behaviors, I could picture it being done by my abuser, that every time you talked about the thoughts behind the eye rolls, I grimaced at the memory of those exact phrases being thrown in my face over and over.
he would close his eyes for a long time while I was explaining something or talking or answering a question. I found it strange, so one evening I just tried it out myself. While he was talking I held my eyes closed for 10 to 20 seconds. after that he never did it again.
Oh wow!
I wish I had known some of this information years ago when dealing with a narcissistic person, but it helps me now to recognize the patterns and avoid them before they can trap me in their web of lies.
Me too. I could have saved myself from 20 years of anguish.
I’ve noticed the automatic ‘glazed over’ look when someone is talking to them about something that doesn’t interest them (anything that does not provides them with supply or is about them).
Yes and they are totally tuned out too, when you tell them a story and suddenly ask them something, they can't answer because they weren't listening...
I always knew when my ex was lying because he would get this "deer in the headlights" look because he was desperately trying to think of a way to deflect his behavior. I would call him out and it would really push him off. So much fun. 😂
It's always fun to get the best of them. They hate anything out in the open.
My mother, my sister and my grandfather was a narcissist. When I got a child I got it hard. He became a narcissist as well. I just found out recently. Devastating. I went no contact, but it’s so hard. I’m a Heyoka empath my self. The eyes you talk about here are so accurate it’s scary. My son was all I had left from my family. I’m strong and carry on…❤
narcissism is passed down by DNA, the household can help build it, but it is familial.
@@jet4415 I know this all too well
I have a similar situation
Glaring as well. Once we got strong enough to understand that we were being used, we stood up to it. That brought on intense hatred and glaring and walking out slamming the door and then trying to tarnish our reputation. Truth always wins eventually.
Wow! Yes! the weird side eye look, I've never heard anyone address this. A very dominant aspect of the narc I was with.
Oh ya, the side glance, how important are they!
One famous narcissist look is of utter calculation. The other look is when they stare through you when you talk.
I was married to a narcissist. I remember the eye roll to dismiss me. The other big one I experienced was this intense, unblicking stare boring straight into my eyes. I now know he did that when he was pulling off some his biggest lies. At the time, I though it was a look of earnest honesty and that noone looking straight into your eyes like that could be lying. I think I have heard this called ' the pathological stare'.
Staring into the corner of the room or refusing to look at me as i get more an more anxious while im talking...i feel like a speck of dust.
I sometimes catch her staring aimlessly at space as if she's empty ...
It's the eye movement of people they been talking to that I noticed first...
All of a sudden they lock on w hard eye contact and hold eye contact longer than they use to... It's difficult to explain. It's a suspicious or even disdainful look they give like all of a sudden you've become some kind of monster.
They also do not like you looking at them , or staring at them. I remember when my father was mad (which was alot), he would yell "don't look at me!!" & send me out of the room.
And my ex husband would always say the same thing to me.
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Creepy, in one moment avoiding your stare completely, and even expressing discomfort, to the next, looking into your eyes directly without problems.
Their eye movements are perfected over decades and decades of putting passive aggression into practice to elicit certain emotions and responses in the victim
Slightly squinting, eyebrows slightly raised, cheeks slightly raised.
Wide eyes, raised eyebrows and tight lips.
Rapid blinking.
Not blinking at all.
Not maintaining attention/eye contact.
Turning their body the other way.
Staring at the floor.
Going silent mid conversation (mini silent treatment)
Making a confused face.
Furrowing eyebrows.
Frowning slightly.
Sighing, coughing, rubbing eyes/face. Itching head/nose. Yawning.
Sudden need to urinate, drink. Making excuses to abandon conversation.
The list is almost endless in their meta communication but the purpose is to dismiss and devalue you and whatever you're doing/saying
Actually I'm almost in tears reading your list because I experience every single thing on your list . If I hadn't lived through it I wouldn't believe it myself. Thank God he gave me the strength to leave that Warlock.
@@delaw2xoxo269 The most frequent is an ever so slight raising of the eyebrows. Gives a deer in the headlights kind of look. Like they're on alert. But not connecting or engaging. Everything they do in their communication with you is to prevent a true connection. Either because they are afraid of true connection, or because they are withholding attentiveness from you to devalue you. I might make a comprehensive list of things and come back here to post them. I made a better youtube comment ages ago on the ways they devalue and avoid, but it was ages ago
Danish, I think you should add a number 5 to that list: narcissist can never look you straight in the face.
the eye stare-screening up and down with a smirk of enjoying the experience of discomfort, entrapment, and helplessness.
Cold , soulless, theatric and proud expression in eyes
They give a blank stare at times, i tend to catch when they look but since their eyes are creepy, I rarely give them any contact.
One that I’ve seen is they look down their nose at you, whether subtle or overt. Either paired with narrow, contemptuous eyes or a smug dismissive look