Dear Danish, I'm divorced since 2018 it was hell since 1998. And I was so stupid to let my ex in the house all 5years of divorce he almost left me last year for another woman, she couldn't stay with him so stayed with me Instead and I took him back. Now living in spain, I'm Dutch and I'm trapped. No income. My job should start soon after training a remote online job. I'm very afraid to not get detached from him to leave. How,must I deal with his evil demotivational behavior against me? He wants,me to fail ofcourse. I hope you have a video about it cause I don't know you for long. I need advice to break free. Thank you for your love and your wisdom to us victims. Thank you ❤🙏
I learned that after 50 years of chasing after my mother for approval. I am so slow, not stupid, just slow. Several people I have done thoughtful things for never showed appreciation. It took me a lifetime to figure it out. 🙄
@@christinalw19 At least you DID figure it out, many never do. Everyone learns at their own pace. Yes, it would be nice to learn things more quickly sometimes, but everything in due time 😊.
@@christinalw19aren't you sweet, covert mom would say "Never look for thanks and you'll never be disappointed" a weird phrase none the less, ok, listen up, many people (not all,like the good ones) see our generosities as a given (truth), they think they're doing us a favour by swallowing up our kindnesses but, sometimes that they have a chance to reciprocate but instead throw us under the bus is our chance to escape, better late than never!
@@joseenoel8093 Ironically, this is pretty much my outlook on life. Don't expect much and you'll never be disappointed, and you'll be pleasantly surprised when things go well. I'm the kind of person who's always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and guess what....it ALWAYS does.
Everything you said is true. The narcisists infect the brains of their targets and take total control over them. Getting out of a narcisistic trauma bond is a major life challenge. Thank you Danish. God bless you❤
Yes it is a fight for your life,I'm still in it,I reach places of peace but what he done to me and his child is so low down dirty that I'm triggered most weeks,they make me so mad with their stupid mind games and smirks that all their flying monkeys are too thick to pick up on.
@@KaarinaKimdaly it's awful,my ex 6s now right back in with all the other narcs and horrible people,right where he was when I first met him. He came some way in understanding with me and his child but then discarded us with them backing him up,we gave four years of support and love,just for him to repay us with disloyalty and another child over there,the most hurtful act you can do to a person aside from murder. They are all absolute devil followers,all following a possessed person who should have got spiritual help but instead they supported him in abuse.
@@karriesaunders8597Your experience is 100% valid. Keep saving your money and trying to keep the lines of communication open with your child. I had no one to help me protect mine. I did excellent with raising her with what I was up against. She’s out and self sufficient. It took everything I had and I’m still stuck, but gathering my strength and will to escape. ❤
So true! Looking back, i would apologize for questioning my husband, he was cheating, he was lying, he was future faking...yet he made me feel at fault for having doubts and trust issues. I never understood the silent treatment at the time neither. Thanks for this video, I will NEVER doubt my God Given Intuition again
The 'tongue eating louse' is a very good metaphor for how a narcissist hijacks your true intentions and broadcasts lies that you did not actually say. Dereliction is when they fail to reciprocate kindness with you and instead blame you for something you didn't do. It gets even worse when they start speaking lies for you. The definition of dereliction is the shameful failure to fulfill one's obligations. And they are guilty of dereliction.
I watched my mom devolve into this person you described. Her Husband was a narcissist, and I told her over and over again. She died on March 11, after years of this man. He had 30 years to destroy her. It remains the most horrifying experience of my life. NPD is serious, and not easy to maneuver. There's a reason why every therapist says RUN. LISTEN! THIS would be my advice.
My mother passed on March 11, 2020, kidney cancer, she was also narcissistic, my father is a women hater and also hated on my brother...dysfunctional issues in home. My brother and I are both also realizing that not only do we have C-PTSD, but possibly ADHD, maybe also autistic spectrum. Sorry for your loss. Our mothers are now in peace and away from the abuses.
Thank you for repeating the "RUN, escape" word. Although few people told me to, I still lack the courage to do so. But, I do hope to listen to your advise and desire to learn from the mistake that your mother made so that I can live to help other victims like myself and your mother.
Thank you for your candor and vulnerability, Danish. I know it can't be easy to talk about all this in public. It's astounding how many of us have been abused by narcissists, both as children and as adults. And then people wonder why mental illness is so common!
I'm entrapped with narcissistic parent, I'm an adult...they malicious and unlawfully obtained my son, so I'm around here for him...we both endure narcissistic abuse, not by choice. my mental health is actually quite healthy considering things, but it gets slandered often, also these people even resorted to record tampering at times to make certain FALSE things appear as not false. Do have c-ptsd and that's all mental health issue wise that still remains. I manage it quite well considering, having to be around one of it's various causes...one can only heal so far when their environment includes someone and or something that contributes to it, in the first place. -💜-
@@gracegwozdz8185 That would require that I go live in random woods, and leave my son behind?... know you didn't mean that but that would be what would have to do...predator is karmic narcissistic parent and step parent, maliciously/unlawfully obtained custody of my son from corrupt judge...Don't have drivers licence/transportation because years ago it was stolen here, while was sleeping, which forced me to go get duplicate, they gave me one, not to long after, reported false have history of seizures, also someone added it my medical record behind my back..got paper doctor had to fill out, no doctor would fill it out, I tried, well lost my licence/transportation over it. Have had only two seizures my entire life, and know exact cause of both. Trust me I know about the no contact, have prayed and cried, many times about need it so can finish healing. This is basically wound being torn open over and over. my son is miserable, entrapped because they obtained custody. They been pretending to be me since stole identity way back when was 16...since 2007 their cell # shows my name from my first marriage and even told them that's illegal, because that is not my number..said "Got news for you, I get to pretend to be you forever" also at times seem quite sadistic. love my mom, do forgiver her, but just want out of this nightmare 🙏 -💜-
The narcissist I was with literally took over my life. I later realized he was not so much attracted to me as to my life. I had a great friend circle, was happy, lived in a nice house in a good community, had a close family. He moved in and took over my home, a friend group I had, mesmerized members of my family, including my mother. I became secondary to him. Eventually I moved out and left that life to him. He moved onto a new victim.
@@marka.8535Thanks! It took me nine years but, thank God, I did finally get out. I didn't know anything about covert narcissism then. It's the worst type, imo.
It can be doubly hard trying to find out your authentic self when moving from Narc Parents to Narc Relationship. It has taken many years of work to accept myself, and like myself for who I am. It has come at a cost though, and this makes me sad.
@@AmberKR-xg9ugEverything you said is true for me, the Truth hurts in my womb, my whole body tenses up. That last line however, I understand you're afraid, so am I, (almost don't know how to finish this sentence>the overwrite of the demonic entity,) it's not true. Words starting with F: fear equals failure; F that! Okay I understand I tried and tried and you tried endlessly getting exhausted f the world f me... Angrily ranting to connect with what's inside you see. A while back I realized and understood one must step into the perceived aggression to heal. I'm just not giving up. Holding on and go forward, goal is to get relaxed and let joy prosper infinity in my heart, let the pouring of Truth shine through ☝🏽🌌💖💫
This is crazy, I painted furniture and was a certified Kitchen and Bath Designer, I have a lifetime membership I achieved. My mother was only proud of me when she could take the lime light. Pretty soon I had people telling me she was such a talented furniture artist and the Kitchen she designed was amazing. Ummmm, I felt paralyzed to correct people. My daughter asked her why she would take credit, for something I did. All hell broke loose. I was kicked out of a family home, and I was actually severely disabled at the time. All for confronting her falsehoods, and it took me 45 years to figure out she wasn't normal. Then she proceeded to interject herself in my "new life". I finally learned to cut her off. I have severely deep issues of self worth, doubt, and nagging recollections of my mind racing due to years of narcissism, attacks on appearance, physical and mental abuse. She denies everything. I am basically a recluse now to protect myself from people. I only trust my daughter.
Yes everything is about control for the Narcissist. I started to wake up to this when he was devaluing me constantly - barely making time for our relationship but trying to hijack time I'd planned to spend with friends and persuade me to spend it with him instead. He even tried to persuade me to go from full time work to part time so we could have some child free time together. He would never even take a day's leave to spend time with me, just lie to his manager and take a sick day. That was the last straw for me. He would have had me impoverished to prove my loyalty to him. What a sicko.
I remember the times too when my narc husband made me resign my job and drive him around to his train station and buy and cook food for him and do all the chores at home single handedly while he was " working hard" with his friends and colleagues at the 44th floor of the most expensive restaurant in London eating and dancing along with them late night. Only that he would come home to accuse me what a trash wife and mother I was.
My Mom was at the end of her life. She came home from the hospital and had develeoped Stockholm syndrome, wanting to be with the narc Dad. I think she knew she was dying and wanted to spend the last days close to him. When her time came, she crawled out of bed to sit up on the floor to breathe. Narc came in and saw her, knew she was dying, and never lifted a finger to call 911. Demonic is right.
My brother was this kind of narcissist. He would keep talking until he got me angry and then would say things like " I got your mind"; he would read my journals to the point that I stopped writing them, he would open my letters, he would do things and then claim it didn't happen or that he never said it. He made me feel bad for being an " emotional bookkeeper" , meaning it got to the point that I wrote EVERYTHING down on paper and kept it hidden... day, time, etc of things he did... just so I KNOW that I'm not the crazy one.
It's a God gift for me to know you Danish. You expressed each and every pain I have gone through with the narcissistic husband .Thank you so very much for being there.
Lol I won't Re-marry mine because I know eventually I'll divorce him too when the time is right. Say after 10 years and take him through the cleaners. 😅
The worst part of this (my mom and spouse of 30+ years are both narcissists), is how you don't get to be yourself. It's embarrassing and it's a prison. I have to hide things I study, efforts to make extra income, etc. It's exhausting. I had a horrible event on Sunday, where my spouse pretended to "play" but actually injured me, and then tries the "if I had wanted to hurt you, I would have knocked you onto the stone tile, not the carpet", " the other person said you're not athletic and don't know how to fall", "you know I didn't mean to hurt you", but never said he was sorry. Thanks to you and a couple of other narcissistic abuse recovery experts I've listened to, I was ready for him to say that. It was actually dumb of me to give him the opportunity to pull that on me. I knew he would try to pull something because I've told him I'm moving and that we need to sell the house. I knew he would have to do something punishing.
@@bladeguru6358 Thank you, dear. I'm hoping he will be moving near his side of the family soon and am trying to convince him how much they miss him and would benefit from his presence there, so it will look like he's doing them a favor. He treats them much differently from me. And one of his relatives will put the brakes on his garbage if he starts with them. I need distance for sure, but I don't want to provoke him by embarrassing him with moving out rashly. Convincing him he will be honored I think is a safer approach.
Yes, they all do this.. this is why I identify as a helpful, loving & supportive member of society. Actually, everything I am is what the Narc can’t be-
I just ended a talking stage bc I was getting narc vibes. Further confirmation came from this man copying my hobbies, my words and he even began copying my appearance. This was a 3 week talking stage, no hooking up at all, and he was already trying to become ME! Very creepy
That makes sense. I recently "punished" myself for making mistakes by taking things away from myself. I realized thats how my parents treated me. I deserve love and compassion, not punishment from myself.
Have you ever realised that an employer/employee relationship is more often than not a covert narcissist/co-dependent affair especially in small companies?
I worked at a County Hospital, worked with a nurse who was a complete narcissist,she knew I knew her.She left me alone,I could see tru her like a glass bottle, a true control freak.
@@MattyNelson-rs3ik Narcs are everywhere in healthcare. No one would ever suspect it. Perfect cover for them to abuse as they please and then be praised for it.
A Real Estate CEO from Australia has recently said that they have to make unemployment rise at least 50% worldwide so employees know who are the bosses. Yes, and not only small companies. Even people who who work for corporations and multinationals have problems to pay rent and get their needs met. It's the new slavery fashioned as neoliberalism.
My husband made me think my culture is of low value and his culture is famous all over the world and if i cant see this fact i am just an Idiot. He tought me everything about his culture, i had to learn his language and act as if i am one of their women, also to please his narcissistic mother. I transformed in someone else over the years and it took me years to realize that not i was the failure,but him. He could not find one of their own women bec they knew how he is as a person.
Great video! Basically it took time to become a victim of brainwashing and it will take time to become un-brainwashed.. this is where we learn to know ourselves and shatter the false parasitic narc dialect that has been hijacking our intuition our authentic selves!. Taking back our peace within is key to our liberation!! Thank you kindly for this life saving infomation Danish and God bless you and yours!! ❤❤❤❤
As a survivor who’s been healing for years now, I can say this is spot on. Danish, you’ve once again pointed out a subtle and hidden aspect of narcissistic abuse patterns and so eloquently articulated it so healing and future defending can happen.
The clarity of this explanation is liberating. It is so hard to explain to people what narcissistic abuse is like, or to even understand what you've experienced when someone constantly tells you that you simply have different communication styles. You desperately try to make yourself heard not knowing that their only goal in the conversation is avoidance. To keep you on the merry go round until they exhaust you.
Gotta gird my loins before watching this one... YIKESARAMA. (I have known about this tongue replacing fish parasite...And I unfortunately have survived a true energy vampire...The very worst one in a string of them....)
This is helping me understand why this is so complicated for me to find who I really am. I went from a covert narc mom directly to a covert narc spouse and have only truly been free from any of it for about 8 years. But when was I ever truly myself since I have been under this influence since day one? I am happy to say that I have always kept a portion of myself that they were not a part of so I am searching in those places and going back to age 16 as that was a good time in my life. I really think journaling is a missing piece I need to start doing to nurture my healing
I seriously thought I had borderline personality disorder, but after years of hearing voices in my head, I finally realized the voices were never in my voice but in my abusers voice. The self doubting wasn't from me but rather from all of them
i think the best defense against narcs is to be genuinely happy, not doubt urself, not get emotionaly invested with people, and not engage in risky behavior and dating styles....
They are so messed up that just by being around them, before you understand what is going on, you will automatically be infected with their dysfunction. I actually believed the problem was me, and our problems were because I did not love him enough or correctly. Later I realized I was well-prepared for this catastrophe of a relationship by having an abusive, narcissistic father.
This video triggered me. I had to stop it halfway through to journal some of what I was feeling. The being that brought me into this world has been doing all of the things you are saying in this video. It makes me feel RAGE. I want to destroy her but I just leave instead. I believe she is mentally ill. She is 76 & will probably not change. This year I decided to go no contact because of all of the above issues in you video. I want to forgive & move forward but just knowing this being did this to her own children makes me furious. Thank you for this content. Your words clarify my life experience with psychological & physical abuse.
A tongue eating louse, a purely parasitic relationship. I' ve never heard of this, but it is really a good picture for the abuse in narcissistic relationship. Thank you for your explanations and the exercises to get a clear mind and break free from mindcontrol. The truth will set us free. 🙏💛
In the fish analogy, the fish does not benefit. The fish does not choose the parasite, invite it in, love it, feed it and then panic at the thought of the parasite moving to another fish. A codependent (fish) feeds the narcissist (parasite) knowingly.
I used to work with my narcissistic ex and she went absolutely mental when I told her I was changing jobs. It wasn't long after this that she started to really start controlling the rest of my life, but I have never really made the connection before. This channel is scary man, I appreciate your words.
You are addressing some stuff that I haven't heard anyone else talk about. It's really appreciated, as I am experience so much of what you are declaring. I appreciate your information, you are helping me to heal.
You're told you're ungrateful for asking nicely of what should come naturally in a Normal relationship. But if you complain you're told well you're just ungrateful.
My ex used to try to do this! Omg I never understood what that was. He was angry I was on disability and he was (secretly) in debt. He would say that I was denied or Social Security terminated my SSI 11 years prior and I was like why is he stuck on that and believes it so hard?! While dating I told him I hadn't been intimate with anyone in 11 yrs and my SSI was stopped the year he and I met. Danish, thank you for this validation/clarification.
Thank you for validating what so many of us have been through. Especially thank you for giving us a wonderful tool/exercise to help us maintain and come back to who we truly are! Much love and light to you!
I literally texted my child father a text and he repeated back with the same text and energy, it’s like man be original. I’m convinced these people live in fear. He didn’t like the fact that I got off the phone before him. Ridiculous.
The worst part in my case is my narcissistic gf is a student of psychiatry😢... I meant *Ex gf* She really made me feel I got some mental issues. There was no peace. Now I feel so good.
Thank you for this incredible video❤ I am always left with shock every time I think about how my narc family distorted my reality even though I had tangible evidences which proved them wrong. It's so painful to even think about bc the truth was so obvious. They made me believe that I can not survive without them even though I have always been at the top in everything I did (school, college, work etc). Its insane how their manipulation works!
I never had to argue with my husband, because he would hold both sides of our supposed arguments in front of me. He never asked my opinion; he simply told me what my opinion was in his mind and argued with it. He had me believing I had no right to speak up with any opinion or need or want. He was all sufficient to do both sides of our relationship without my ever saying a word.
Like a logic fallacy they accuse you of, such as 'red herring' or 'straw man', they arrogantly pointed out any 'errors' of my criticism, unable to accept my opinion. Over time, constantly demeaning my thoughts and words became an abusive weapon.
They hate when you point at their fallacies; they think only them know them and can use them. Same when you quietly point at their incoherences or don't comforme with their ambiguities. We all should learn how to detect them...💃👏👏..óle. 😊
@dakoderii4221 lol, right. Their whole life is a 'slippery slope'. Instead of excitement and courage needed to pursue ambitions, they use college level logic and think they can outsmart anyone. 🤣🤣
A quick way of gauging whether u r in a relationship w a narc is whether u notice that your life and social circle is getting smaller or the partner celebrates and is genuinely happy for your achievements and connections.
I used to tell my ex of 20 plus yrs that I didn't know where I ended and she began. I was apart of her facade. I would feel so alone even if she would be right beside me. I finally see what's behind her mask
Absolutely right .Wonderful and deep study of this subject .Great Danish ,great going . I will try ur ideas to come into my real self against my narcissistic husband.
That was my experience I got so wound up in my family dramas mostly created by them and neglected my needs to meet their selfish goals. I lost sight of my own ambitions, hope and dreams and as a result I lost my identity too. Narcissists never see you as an individual your are an extension of their self to meet their needs and desires. It’s very twisted if you think about it. One of my healing goals was to build strong boundaries, speak my truth and seek healthy relationships outside my family that support me instead of tearing me down.
Worst thing my narcissistic ex did was tell people he was the Father of my son who passed away - all for sympathy from strangers who don't even know me. How low can you go ?
Thank you once again Danish for the great advice and help. Write it down - put in the effort - and slowly but surely things will start to improve. Practice, practice , practice....
This is sooooo mind blowing, I am experiencing this right now. This guy on my job is copying me, stealing my personality, its the strangest thing. They some weird ass people.
Going through the process of breaking the trauma bond with my mom and sister for the past six months now and it's been amazing but exhausting. They are sociopathic codependent narcissists. They always need all the attention on them, but because they do it through acts of kindness and generosity, no one else sees it but me. They want to lock me in a cage for the rest of my life. They treat me like a pet. And my mom has been so covert and subtly vulnerable that I haven't fully realized until now, when I'm 31. And now I feel like I'm in a horror movie! Yikes. But now I know I'm not the crazy one.
What you're describing regarding the "savior complex," while torturing you, not only describes my narcissistic boomer parents, but also the evil Heebz who are doing this on a societal level.
The men i try to date always mirror me and act like im the crazy one while im grieving .. i choose healing and then they turn it around like im hurting their healing and choosing myself and they make me feel bad that i do .. thank you for this ❤
Don't grieve or show any emotions before them; they love it like the finest wine. You'll see it better with distance. If you are not ready to discard him, find an excuse to get away for a while if possible. Spend the least amount of time with him. It's a way to get the fog out of your thoughts. It's hard to see it if you are sharing the same space.
You give the best analysis of these experiences of anyone else I’ve heard. I had this exact experience with my ex, it confused me so much and I thought I was a horrible person who didn’t love him enough, even though I didn’t know how to try harder. He would literally force me to stay up all night and listen to him curse me out on the phone over and over, until I felt completely brainwashed. Even though I have been no contact for almost four months now, I feel so much pain and guilt still.
"The secret to success in gaslighting: False concern for you." Great insight, Danish. It makes victim feel guilty and vulnerable. Screwing with someone's feeling to damage them is pure evil.
That false concern for me was one of the biggest bafflements to me! What i learnt is that, instead of listening to their words, i should have watched their patterns. When i look back at the talk vs the patterns of behaviour, i see now that he never behave ld in congruence with his words: in other words, HE WAS A LIAR 😂 Sor, keep up the good work 🎉
I think that joy escapes them and is very fleeting for them. Their defense mechanism is to not allow the joyful people to have what they don't really have or understand...JOY. They are emotionally under-developed by choice. No pity! No self-sacrifice! Karma is gonna be a real bitch for these people, and if you don't get out of the way and elevate yourself, karmic lessons come your way to teach you to honor yourself. You are not here by accident. So, daily spiritual practice (journaling, meditation, yoga or exercise, and inspirational reading and videos) is your saving grace, truly.
I think it's called an 'introject', not 'interject'. It's a very interesting concept, also explained well by Sam Vaknin, and food for thought. Thanks for your videos, Danish!
That’s what I was thinking of too. Sam Vaknin “Serpent’s Voice” video on UA-cam in particular, on reconnecting to your authentic voice (which, according to him, is often the quiet one) and weeding out the thoughts and words that live inside you from the Narc.
Many narcs have tried... All have failed. I often wondered how I managed to avoid being impressed with people who really have nothing to sell that's relevant to my personal life. I find it difficult to be impressed by someone who literally does nothing all day but sit on their a$$, flap their gums and worship themselves... It's pretty pathetic. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around some lame @$$ like that. Due to my humble and monk like lifestyle choices, narcs simply cannot replicate it because it's the polar opposite of what they all want... Money, power, status, blah f#ckin blah... Good luck trying to hijack someone who really doesn't give a damn about any of those things. The road to enlightenment doesn't involve greed, lust, and climbing corporate ladders. It's about telling the world rat race to f#ck off and leave me alone. Good luck trying to fein humility. It doesn't work very well when the whole of society is obsessed with their 'public image' I couldn't care less. 🥋 👊 ⛩
Another great video brilliantly explained the subtle techniques they use in manipulation. I recalled so many memories on that! Every time I tried to explain their control over me to others, it was so hard to articulate (as they are subtle and injected over time), then even the outsiders started to tell me I was "overreacting". But I still felt a strong control over me, even if I couldn't explain. It was so invalidating! In the end I decided to keep everything myself and simply live my life in my way. I know I was mistreated and I don't need others to validate my feelings!
Every time I see one of your videos I just start to cry because it just confirms for me my truth. It's so hard for me to stay in my truth and not doubt myself. Two narcissistic parents and sister plus narcissistic friends and then narcissistic husband who is soon to be ex-husband. They stole so much of my life away and I'm in the process of trying to take it back. I'm a writer and I love art. I've been writing these songs for years and years and they're all the same really. They're all about being abused but not knowing it. All these songs confuse me for a long time because I thought everything was my fault. Once I saw my ex for who he is my songs became a little more clear to me. They have been helping me heal. I even put them on UA-cam because I was hoping it would help other people heal and know that what they're feeling is real. That's what your videos do for me. Thank you for your help. I'm crying the whole time I watch your videos because every time I do some of my self doubt washes away. That's the biggest gift I could ever be given. You're helping so many people 💜
Danish, again, brilliant topic and explanation. besides wanting to "be" me and lying about me behind my back - complains about how she does all these things for me, blah blah when they have no idea what I experience - a lot is this current narc's fear that I will meet anyone she knows. or knew. when I have confronted a narc (just telling the truth or making a comment about the reality of their behavior, they RUN LIKE THE WIND. since they want control over everything (you) they of course do NOT want you to meet anyone who knows them outside of you. maybe by meeting me the other person would figure out they lied about me and it might expose their true nature, tarnishing their image, making them look bad, I went thru this with several narcs. my mom isolated me, tried to keep others away from me by not inviting me to family functions, etc. my roommate never introduces me to anyone and I think it's because she fears they will find out she has been lying about me. losing control over them, me, etc. thanks Danish, again, you are GREAT at this!
Yes you’re right, the more I tune in, the more I begin to understand. Yes when I was with the Narcissist, I was consumed, everything was about pleasing him forgetting myself. I got to the point where I Lost touch with myself. I could not recognize who I had become. I was a very happy and Bubbly person, some people would say the life of the party. But all that was gone through Out the yrs with My X husband, Who is the Narcissist.
She tried to take over my life arenas. First, she wanted to be me or anybody else but the abandoned/molested little girl she still emotionally was yet totally embraced the predator role. Then, while wearing my shoes, she tried to destroy me in the eyes of those who knew me and those that didn't so she could make it "look like" they wanted her in their life instead. Then she could falsely claim that that's why I hated her because I was jealous and insecure of her. Like she was trying to reverse identities.
Is there a "How to be a beast" somewhere out there that these people goto? Everything u say is word to word true in my experience.When the rest of us are trying more and more to be good, they are actually getting worse and worse and heartless and soulless
Unfortunately, I was raised by a narc father, and married 2 narc husbands. I didn't know what was happening in my first marriage cause I was so young. I saw it more in my 2nd marriage especially the early love bombing and later telling others that they owned MY business or MY home and was trying to ruin my reputation behind my back! Just evil craziness. My 1st husband, I had enuf and divorced. The 2nd one, God took care of him. I've been single now 4yrs, but was so messed up that I'm just starting to heal. Ur lessons r really helping me heal and I am passing them on to my sons and daughters. Thank u so much and I thank God fore finding u.
I remember when I started to relive a traumatic event that happened to me when I was 8. The only support I had was my therapist and sister. The craziest thing the past person was living with me.....alone in my own home. 🏡
Danish I would like to apologise to you. When i watched your first video, i thought you were someone who watched a few utube videos and decided to make their own channel. I was wrong in my assumptions. This is one of the clearest explanations i have come across. Thank you,and blessings to you.
Interesting that you cover and clarify what left me puzzled in my prior relationship. Understanding these tactics, I believe, is essential to processing and moving on. Otherwise, I've found I, being affected by their word salad, take on too much of the blame. It's frustrating that my therapist doesn't see the value in decoding these experiences and wants to work on the near-PTSD aftermath of a narcissistic relationship by just processing the emotions. While that's important, it's helpful to learn from your videos as we must heal both the head and the heart to avoid making the same mistake in the future and to quickly recognize this destructive pattern of behavior... Thank you!
I cant thank you enough for thus amazing insight. Ive gone through years of this narc abuse. Ive learned about these things but youve confirmed so much more to You have been gifted with kych knowledge and wisdom. Thank you and may you be blessed for all you do. ❤️❤️❤️
Here is the link to all my best resources:
beacons.ai/narcabusecoach/
Dear Danish, I'm divorced since 2018 it was hell since 1998. And I was so stupid to let my ex in the house all 5years of divorce he almost left me last year for another woman, she couldn't stay with him so stayed with me Instead and I took him back. Now living in spain, I'm Dutch and I'm trapped. No income. My job should start soon after training a remote online job. I'm very afraid to not get detached from him to leave. How,must I deal with his evil demotivational behavior against me? He wants,me to fail ofcourse. I hope you have a video about it cause I don't know you for long. I need advice to break free. Thank you for your love and your wisdom to us victims. Thank you ❤🙏
We keep wasting time trying to please unpleasable people and we will end up being controlled by them
I learned that after 50 years of chasing after my mother for approval. I am so slow, not stupid, just slow. Several people I have done thoughtful things for never showed appreciation. It took me a lifetime to figure it out. 🙄
@@christinalw19 At least you DID figure it out, many never do. Everyone learns at their own pace. Yes, it would be nice to learn things more quickly sometimes, but everything in due time 😊.
If we were willing to live in a box we'd never have noticed anything off, nope 🙅🏻, not happ!
@@christinalw19aren't you sweet, covert mom would say "Never look for thanks and you'll never be disappointed" a weird phrase none the less, ok, listen up, many people (not all,like the good ones) see our generosities as a given (truth), they think they're doing us a favour by swallowing up our kindnesses but, sometimes that they have a chance to reciprocate but instead throw us under the bus is our chance to escape, better late than never!
@@joseenoel8093 Ironically, this is pretty much my outlook on life. Don't expect much and you'll never be disappointed, and you'll be pleasantly surprised when things go well. I'm the kind of person who's always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and guess what....it ALWAYS does.
Everything you said is true. The narcisists infect the brains of their targets and take total control over them. Getting out of a narcisistic trauma bond is a major life challenge. Thank you Danish. God bless you❤
Yes it is a fight for your life,I'm still in it,I reach places of peace but what he done to me and his child is so low down dirty that I'm triggered most weeks,they make me so mad with their stupid mind games and smirks that all their flying monkeys are too thick to pick up on.
@@karriesaunders8597 Yes, their minions are thick and willfully blind themselves.
@@KaarinaKimdaly it's awful,my ex 6s now right back in with all the other narcs and horrible people,right where he was when I first met him. He came some way in understanding with me and his child but then discarded us with them backing him up,we gave four years of support and love,just for him to repay us with disloyalty and another child over there,the most hurtful act you can do to a person aside from murder. They are all absolute devil followers,all following a possessed person who should have got spiritual help but instead they supported him in abuse.
@@karriesaunders8597described it perfectly
@@karriesaunders8597Your experience is 100% valid. Keep saving your money and trying to keep the lines of communication open with your child. I had no one to help me protect mine. I did excellent with raising her with what I was up against. She’s out and self sufficient. It took everything I had and I’m still stuck, but gathering my strength and will to escape. ❤
So true! Looking back, i would apologize for questioning my husband, he was cheating, he was lying, he was future faking...yet he made me feel at fault for having doubts and trust issues. I never understood the silent treatment at the time neither. Thanks for this video, I will NEVER doubt my God Given Intuition again
@@mixedmediaartgirl300 they are predators and NOBODY deserves their abuse regardless of the lessons learned 💯
The 'tongue eating louse' is a very good metaphor for how a narcissist hijacks your true intentions and broadcasts lies that you did not actually say. Dereliction is when they fail to reciprocate kindness with you and instead blame you for something you didn't do. It gets even worse when they start speaking lies for you. The definition of dereliction is the shameful failure to fulfill one's obligations. And they are guilty of dereliction.
I watched my mom devolve into this person you described. Her Husband was a narcissist, and I told her over and over again. She died on March 11, after years of this man. He had 30 years to destroy her. It remains the most horrifying experience of my life. NPD is serious, and not easy to maneuver. There's a reason why every therapist says RUN. LISTEN! THIS would be my advice.
My mother passed on March 11, 2020, kidney cancer, she was also narcissistic, my father is a women hater and also hated on my brother...dysfunctional issues in home. My brother and I are both also realizing that not only do we have C-PTSD, but possibly ADHD, maybe also autistic spectrum. Sorry for your loss. Our mothers are now in peace and away from the abuses.
Thank you for repeating the "RUN, escape" word. Although few people told me to, I still lack the courage to do so. But, I do hope to listen to your advise and desire to learn from the mistake that your mother made so that I can live to help other victims like myself and your mother.
Thank you for your candor and vulnerability, Danish. I know it can't be easy to talk about all this in public. It's astounding how many of us have been abused by narcissists, both as children and as adults. And then people wonder why mental illness is so common!
I'm entrapped with narcissistic parent, I'm an adult...they malicious and unlawfully obtained my son, so I'm around here for him...we both endure narcissistic abuse, not by choice. my mental health is actually quite healthy considering things, but it gets slandered often, also these people even resorted to record tampering at times to make certain FALSE things appear as not false. Do have c-ptsd and that's all mental health issue wise that still remains. I manage it quite well considering, having to be around one of it's various causes...one can only heal so far when their environment includes someone and or something that contributes to it, in the first place. -💜-
@@flamekeeper-oracle13, you can only heal if you sever ties with your predator. Go no contact.
@@gracegwozdz8185 That would require that I go live in random woods, and leave my son behind?... know you didn't mean that but that would be what would have to do...predator is karmic narcissistic parent and step parent, maliciously/unlawfully obtained custody of my son from corrupt judge...Don't have drivers licence/transportation because years ago it was stolen here, while was sleeping, which forced me to go get duplicate, they gave me one, not to long after, reported false have history of seizures, also someone added it my medical record behind my back..got paper doctor had to fill out, no doctor would fill it out, I tried, well lost my licence/transportation over it. Have had only two seizures my entire life, and know exact cause of both. Trust me I know about the no contact, have prayed and cried, many times about need it so can finish healing. This is basically wound being torn open over and over. my son is miserable, entrapped because they obtained custody. They been pretending to be me since stole identity way back when was 16...since 2007 their cell # shows my name from my first marriage and even told them that's illegal, because that is not my number..said "Got news for you, I get to pretend to be you forever" also at times seem quite sadistic. love my mom, do forgiver her, but just want out of this nightmare 🙏 -💜-
@@flamekeeper-oracle13 If you're in the UK, emotional abuse is now illegal
The narcissist I was with literally took over my life. I later realized he was not so much attracted to me as to my life. I had a great friend circle, was happy, lived in a nice house in a good community, had a close family. He moved in and took over my home, a friend group I had, mesmerized members of my family, including my mother. I became secondary to him. Eventually I moved out and left that life to him. He moved onto a new victim.
How did he stay,and you left your house?why?
@@MattyNelson-rs3ik I was only renting. I realized I had outgrown him, those friends and everything else. It was a good decision!! 🥰🙏❤
Unbelievable,,,, same here,,, couldn't care less about their own family members but totally engrossed in ours..
Wow , I’m glad you got out alive. it’s not hard to believe if you’ve been in a so called relationship with one of these entities
@@marka.8535Thanks! It took me nine years but, thank God, I did finally get out. I didn't know anything about covert narcissism then. It's the worst type, imo.
EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAID I WENT THROUGH WITH MY NARCISSISTIC MOTHER!💯💯
Me too ........and then some!!!!!
Me three! I'm so sorry.
It can be doubly hard trying to find out your authentic self when moving from Narc Parents to Narc Relationship. It has taken many years of work to accept myself, and like myself for who I am. It has come at a cost though, and this makes me sad.
I'm in the same boat. I don't really know who I am at 31 but glad I finally saw why.
@@AmberKR-xg9ugEverything you said is true for me, the Truth hurts in my womb, my whole body tenses up. That last line however, I understand you're afraid, so am I, (almost don't know how to finish this sentence>the overwrite of the demonic entity,) it's not true. Words starting with F: fear equals failure; F that! Okay I understand I tried and tried and you tried endlessly getting exhausted f the world f me... Angrily ranting to connect with what's inside you see. A while back I realized and understood one must step into the perceived aggression to heal. I'm just not giving up. Holding on and go forward, goal is to get relaxed and let joy prosper infinity in my heart, let the pouring of Truth shine through ☝🏽🌌💖💫
This is crazy, I painted furniture and was a certified Kitchen and Bath Designer, I have a lifetime membership I achieved. My mother was only proud of me when she could take the lime light. Pretty soon I had people telling me she was such a talented furniture artist and the Kitchen she designed was amazing. Ummmm, I felt paralyzed to correct people. My daughter asked her why she would take credit, for something I did. All hell broke loose. I was kicked out of a family home, and I was actually severely disabled at the time. All for confronting her falsehoods, and it took me 45 years to figure out she wasn't normal. Then she proceeded to interject herself in my "new life". I finally learned to cut her off. I have severely deep issues of self worth, doubt, and nagging recollections of my mind racing due to years of narcissism, attacks on appearance, physical and mental abuse. She denies everything. I am basically a recluse now to protect myself from people. I only trust my daughter.
Matthew 10:36... "Your worst enemies will be members of your own family"
So sad, but true!
Stay strong and blessed everyone! 🙏
It is an awful awakening.
You can heal from narcissistic abuse. I pray for your healing.
I hear you Rach. prety much the same here. Your self worth is imesurable..wisdom and strength are found in humility.
Yes everything is about control for the Narcissist. I started to wake up to this when he was devaluing me constantly - barely making time for our relationship but trying to hijack time I'd planned to spend with friends and persuade me to spend it with him instead. He even tried to persuade me to go from full time work to part time so we could have some child free time together. He would never even take a day's leave to spend time with me, just lie to his manager and take a sick day. That was the last straw for me. He would have had me impoverished to prove my loyalty to him. What a sicko.
I remember the times too when my narc husband made me resign my job and drive him around to his train station and buy and cook food for him and do all the chores at home single handedly while he was " working hard" with his friends and colleagues at the 44th floor of the most expensive restaurant in London eating and dancing along with them late night. Only that he would come home to accuse me what a trash wife and mother I was.
My Mom was at the end of her life. She came home from the hospital and had develeoped Stockholm syndrome, wanting to be with the narc Dad. I think she knew she was dying and wanted to spend the last days close to him. When her time came, she crawled out of bed to sit up on the floor to breathe. Narc came in and saw her, knew she was dying, and never lifted a finger to call 911. Demonic is right.
heartbreaking- may her soul be at peace
😢
This is so horrible. May she rest peacefully 😢
Thats horrific.
This is exactly what happened to my grandma
My brother was this kind of narcissist. He would keep talking until he got me angry and then would say things like " I got your mind"; he would read my journals to the point that I stopped writing them, he would open my letters, he would do things and then claim it didn't happen or that he never said it. He made me feel bad for being an " emotional bookkeeper" , meaning it got to the point that I wrote EVERYTHING down on paper and kept it hidden... day, time, etc of things he did... just so I KNOW that I'm not the crazy one.
It's a God gift for me to know you Danish. You expressed each and every pain I have gone through with the narcissistic husband .Thank you so very much for being there.
Lol I won't Re-marry mine because I know eventually I'll divorce him too when the time is right. Say after 10 years and take him through the cleaners. 😅
Child support. Like judge Judy says... he's supposed to pay cs.
The worst part of this (my mom and spouse of 30+ years are both narcissists), is how you don't get to be yourself. It's embarrassing and it's a prison. I have to hide things I study, efforts to make extra income, etc. It's exhausting. I had a horrible event on Sunday, where my spouse pretended to "play" but actually injured me, and then tries the "if I had wanted to hurt you, I would have knocked you onto the stone tile, not the carpet", " the other person said you're not athletic and don't know how to fall", "you know I didn't mean to hurt you", but never said he was sorry. Thanks to you and a couple of other narcissistic abuse recovery experts I've listened to, I was ready for him to say that. It was actually dumb of me to give him the opportunity to pull that on me. I knew he would try to pull something because I've told him I'm moving and that we need to sell the house. I knew he would have to do something punishing.
You need to be careful. 💕
@@bladeguru6358 Thank you, dear. I'm hoping he will be moving near his side of the family soon and am trying to convince him how much they miss him and would benefit from his presence there, so it will look like he's doing them a favor. He treats them much differently from me. And one of his relatives will put the brakes on his garbage if he starts with them. I need distance for sure, but I don't want to provoke him by embarrassing him with moving out rashly. Convincing him he will be honored I think is a safer approach.
Yes, they all do this.. this is why I identify as a helpful, loving & supportive member of society. Actually, everything I am is what the Narc can’t be-
I just ended a talking stage bc I was getting narc vibes. Further confirmation came from this man copying my hobbies, my words and he even began copying my appearance. This was a 3 week talking stage, no hooking up at all, and he was already trying to become ME! Very creepy
That makes sense. I recently "punished" myself for making mistakes by taking things away from myself. I realized thats how my parents treated me. I deserve love and compassion, not punishment from myself.
I have never heard anyone explain this so precisely, so beautifully. Thank you!
Have you ever realised that an employer/employee relationship is more often than not a covert narcissist/co-dependent affair especially in small companies?
I have certainly worked with a lot of narcs ! They control and terrorize in sly covert ways in the office!
I worked at a County Hospital, worked with a nurse who was a complete narcissist,she knew I knew her.She left me alone,I could see tru her like a glass bottle, a true control freak.
@@MattyNelson-rs3ik Narcs are everywhere in healthcare. No one would ever suspect it. Perfect cover for them to abuse as they please and then be praised for it.
A Real Estate CEO from Australia has recently said that they have to make unemployment rise at least 50% worldwide so employees know who are the bosses.
Yes, and not only small companies. Even people who who work for corporations and multinationals have problems to pay rent and get their needs met. It's the new slavery fashioned as neoliberalism.
Amen to that
My husband made me think my culture is of low value and his culture is famous all over the world and if i cant see this fact i am just an Idiot. He tought me everything about his culture, i had to learn his language and act as if i am one of their women, also to please his narcissistic mother. I transformed in someone else over the years and it took me years to realize that not i was the failure,but him. He could not find one of their own women bec they knew how he is as a person.
Great video! Basically it took time to become a victim of brainwashing and it will take time to become un-brainwashed.. this is where we learn to know ourselves and shatter the false parasitic narc dialect that has been hijacking our intuition our authentic selves!. Taking back our peace within is key to our liberation!!
Thank you kindly for this life saving infomation Danish and God bless you and yours!! ❤❤❤❤
Agree Heather 💯
As a survivor who’s been healing for years now, I can say this is spot on. Danish, you’ve once again pointed out a subtle and hidden aspect of narcissistic abuse patterns and so eloquently articulated it so healing and future defending can happen.
Each time I called her out on her cheating she said I gotta stop living in fantasy land n join reality with her
Every time I called out her cheating she’d accuse me of cheating. Even if I was with one of my brothers.
The clarity of this explanation is liberating. It is so hard to explain to people what narcissistic abuse is like, or to even understand what you've experienced when someone constantly tells you that you simply have different communication styles. You desperately try to make yourself heard not knowing that their only goal in the conversation is avoidance. To keep you on the merry go round until they exhaust you.
Gotta gird my loins before watching this one... YIKESARAMA. (I have known about this tongue replacing fish parasite...And I unfortunately have survived a true energy vampire...The very worst one in a string of them....)
It's like you are a fly on my wall! This validation is both healing and exhausting.
Very exhausting, my Covert Husband discarded me in May & im still exhausted on my healing journey. I wish you wellness ❤
This is helping me understand why this is so complicated for me to find who I really am. I went from a covert narc mom directly to a covert narc spouse and have only truly been free from any of it for about 8 years. But when was I ever truly myself since I have been under this influence since day one? I am happy to say that I have always kept a portion of myself that they were not a part of so I am searching in those places and going back to age 16 as that was a good time in my life. I really think journaling is a missing piece I need to start doing to nurture my healing
I seriously thought I had borderline personality disorder, but after years of hearing voices in my head, I finally realized the voices were never in my voice but in my abusers voice. The self doubting wasn't from me but rather from all of them
i think the best defense against narcs is to be genuinely happy, not doubt urself, not get emotionaly invested with people, and not engage in risky behavior and dating styles....
They are so messed up that just by being around them, before you understand what is going on, you will automatically be infected with their dysfunction. I actually believed the problem was me, and our problems were because I did not love him enough or correctly. Later I realized I was well-prepared for this catastrophe of a relationship by having an abusive, narcissistic father.
This video triggered me. I had to stop it halfway through to journal some of what I was feeling. The being that brought me into this world has been doing all of the things you are saying in this video. It makes me feel RAGE. I want to destroy her but I just leave instead. I believe she is mentally ill. She is 76 & will probably not change. This year I decided to go no contact because of all of the above issues in you video. I want to forgive & move forward but just knowing this being did this to her own children makes me furious. Thank you for this content. Your words clarify my life experience with psychological & physical abuse.
Matthew 10:36... "Your worst enemies will be members of your own family"
So sad, but true!
Stay strong and blessed everyone! 🙏
A tongue eating louse, a purely parasitic relationship. I' ve never heard of this, but it is really a good picture for the abuse in narcissistic relationship. Thank you for your explanations and the exercises to get a clear mind and break free from mindcontrol. The truth will set us free. 🙏💛
In the fish analogy, the fish does not benefit. The fish does not choose the parasite, invite it in, love it, feed it and then panic at the thought of the parasite moving to another fish. A codependent (fish) feeds the narcissist (parasite) knowingly.
I used to work with my narcissistic ex and she went absolutely mental when I told her I was changing jobs. It wasn't long after this that she started to really start controlling the rest of my life, but I have never really made the connection before.
This channel is scary man, I appreciate your words.
You are addressing some stuff that I haven't heard anyone else talk about. It's really appreciated, as I am experience so much of what you are declaring. I appreciate your information, you are helping me to heal.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy 🧚🏻♀️ has a great technique for getting the pain out.
You're told you're ungrateful for asking nicely of what should come naturally in a Normal relationship. But if you complain you're told well you're just ungrateful.
I was told " your talking garbage" when I expressed concern over our relationship. 😢
My ex used to try to do this! Omg I never understood what that was. He was angry I was on disability and he was (secretly) in debt.
He would say that I was denied or Social Security terminated my SSI 11 years prior and I was like why is he stuck on that and believes it so hard?!
While dating I told him I hadn't been intimate with anyone in 11 yrs and my SSI was stopped the year he and I met.
Danish, thank you for this validation/clarification.
Thank you Danish, for the advice. I am getting stronger every day. I wish I knew this 13 years ago... wow!!!! 😂
Thank you for validating what so many of us have been through. Especially thank you for giving us a wonderful tool/exercise to help us maintain and come back to who we truly are! Much love and light to you!
😢 this is brutally honest but so helpful towards my healing time-line 🎉 thank you
❤🙏 you describe the entire thing so clearly. Thank you. You are a special kind person and a life explainer to clarify what was really happening.
I literally texted my child father a text and he repeated back with the same text and energy, it’s like man be original. I’m convinced these people live in fear. He didn’t like the fact that I got off the phone before him. Ridiculous.
The worst part in my case is my narcissistic gf is a student of psychiatry😢...
I meant *Ex gf*
She really made me feel I got some mental issues. There was no peace. Now I feel so good.
Double wammy!a true case.
Yikes
You helped me realize how much time I have wasted and how wrong I was in what I believed she was…. Or is.
Thank you for this incredible video❤ I am always left with shock every time I think about how my narc family distorted my reality even though I had tangible evidences which proved them wrong. It's so painful to even think about bc the truth was so obvious. They made me believe that I can not survive without them even though I have always been at the top in everything I did (school, college, work etc). Its insane how their manipulation works!
Matthew 10:36... "Your worst enemies will be members of your own family"
So sad, but true!
Stay strong and blessed everyone! 🙏
I never had to argue with my husband, because he would hold both sides of our supposed arguments in front of me. He never asked my opinion; he simply told me what my opinion was in his mind and argued with it. He had me believing I had no right to speak up with any opinion or need or want. He was all sufficient to do both sides of our relationship without my ever saying a word.
Thank you for finding the words for what I have lived. You are the Bestest Danish!❤
Very well explained. You have deep knowledge. You r a great healer. Your words comfort us .
She keeps trying but the attempts are enough to send chills down my back.
Like a logic fallacy they accuse you of, such as 'red herring' or 'straw man', they arrogantly pointed out any 'errors' of my criticism, unable to accept my opinion. Over time, constantly demeaning my thoughts and words became an abusive weapon.
So and so did something bad. He had a haircut. You got a haircut. Therefore, you are guilty of what he did.
They hate when you point at their fallacies; they think only them know them and can use them. Same when you quietly point at their incoherences or don't comforme with their ambiguities.
We all should learn how to detect them...💃👏👏..óle. 😊
@dakoderii4221 lol, right. Their whole life is a 'slippery slope'. Instead of excitement and courage needed to pursue ambitions, they use college level logic and think they can outsmart anyone. 🤣🤣
@@Lyrielonwind Ole! Exactly 💯. When you can easily prove them wrong, they get confused and rattled. 🤣
Absolutely true!! Thank you for your guidance and supportive videos you are definitely a blessing in many lives. God bless you.
A quick way of gauging whether u r in a relationship w a narc is whether u notice that your life and social circle is getting smaller or the partner celebrates and is genuinely happy for your achievements and connections.
I used to tell my ex of 20 plus yrs that I didn't know where I ended and she began. I was apart of her facade. I would feel so alone even if she would be right beside me. I finally see what's behind her mask
Absolutely right .Wonderful and deep study of this subject .Great Danish ,great going . I will try ur ideas to come into my real self against my narcissistic husband.
That was my experience I got so wound up in my family dramas mostly created by them and neglected my needs to meet their selfish goals. I lost sight of my own ambitions, hope and dreams and as a result I lost my identity too. Narcissists never see you as an individual your are an extension of their self to meet their needs and desires. It’s very twisted if you think about it. One of my healing goals was to build strong boundaries, speak my truth and seek healthy relationships outside my family that support me instead of tearing me down.
Worst thing my narcissistic ex did was tell people he was the Father of my son who passed away - all for sympathy from strangers who don't even know me. How low can you go ?
My x had a son that just passed away at 28. He never had that much to did with him but I'm sure he's soaking up sympathy now.
I wish I could like this video a thousand times!! This is spot on! Thank you for this thorough analysis followed by guidance to reclaim ourselves.
Thank you once again Danish for the great advice and help.
Write it down
- put in the effort
- and slowly but surely
things will start to improve.
Practice, practice , practice....
EXACTLY. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW. - The 3rd and Major Alteration. You summarized this so well.
Yes! Also, it went BOTH ways with my ex. He teared up and told me something I had only told him, but professed it as his struggle.
This is sooooo mind blowing, I am experiencing this right now. This guy on my job is copying me, stealing my personality, its the strangest thing. They some weird ass people.
Going through the process of breaking the trauma bond with my mom and sister for the past six months now and it's been amazing but exhausting. They are sociopathic codependent narcissists. They always need all the attention on them, but because they do it through acts of kindness and generosity, no one else sees it but me. They want to lock me in a cage for the rest of my life. They treat me like a pet. And my mom has been so covert and subtly vulnerable that I haven't fully realized until now, when I'm 31. And now I feel like I'm in a horror movie! Yikes. But now I know I'm not the crazy one.
When there is no concern moving on and staying focused on to self improve pray 🙏🏼 for them
What you're describing regarding the "savior complex," while torturing you, not only describes my narcissistic boomer parents, but also the evil Heebz who are doing this on a societal level.
The men i try to date always mirror me and act like im the crazy one while im grieving .. i choose healing and then they turn it around like im hurting their healing and choosing myself and they make me feel bad that i do .. thank you for this ❤
Don't grieve or show any emotions before them; they love it like the finest wine. You'll see it better with distance. If you are not ready to discard him, find an excuse to get away for a while if possible. Spend the least amount of time with him. It's a way to get the fog out of your thoughts. It's hard to see it if you are sharing the same space.
You have to ask yourself, why do you keep attracting those types of men
@@Lyrielonwind i block and go no contact.. thank you
Its taking literally years to stop hearig his voice in my head and seeing the world through his twisted eyes. 🤢
You give the best analysis of these experiences of anyone else I’ve heard. I had this exact experience with my ex, it confused me so much and I thought I was a horrible person who didn’t love him enough, even though I didn’t know how to try harder. He would literally force me to stay up all night and listen to him curse me out on the phone over and over, until I felt completely brainwashed. Even though I have been no contact for almost four months now, I feel so much pain and guilt still.
I'm sorry that you are going through this and I hopeful that things will get better. They already have to some degree.
Thank you 🙏 one day at a time, I feel myself healing
The descriptions of the narc's behaviour & words in this video proves to me they really are evil.
"The secret to success in gaslighting: False concern for you." Great insight, Danish. It makes victim feel guilty and vulnerable. Screwing with someone's feeling to damage them is pure evil.
That false concern for me was one of the biggest bafflements to me!
What i learnt is that, instead of listening to their words, i should have watched their patterns.
When i look back at the talk vs the patterns of behaviour, i see now that he never behave ld in congruence with his words: in other words, HE WAS A LIAR 😂
Sor, keep up the good work 🎉
Thank you for the videos, we definitely need to educate the public
Thanks a lot for this video. I was so confused and this is exactly what I needed to hear. My partner has done this damage to me. M broken.
I think that joy escapes them and is very fleeting for them. Their defense mechanism is to not allow the joyful people to have what they don't really have or understand...JOY. They are emotionally under-developed by choice. No pity! No self-sacrifice! Karma is gonna be a real bitch for these people, and if you don't get out of the way and elevate yourself, karmic lessons come your way to teach you to honor yourself. You are not here by accident. So, daily spiritual practice (journaling, meditation, yoga or exercise, and inspirational reading and videos) is your saving grace, truly.
I think it's called an 'introject', not 'interject'. It's a very interesting concept, also explained well by Sam Vaknin, and food for thought. Thanks for your videos, Danish!
That’s what I was thinking of too. Sam Vaknin “Serpent’s Voice” video on UA-cam in particular, on reconnecting to your authentic voice (which, according to him, is often the quiet one) and weeding out the thoughts and words that live inside you from the Narc.
Many narcs have tried...
All have failed.
I often wondered how I managed to avoid being impressed with people who really have nothing to sell that's relevant to my personal life.
I find it difficult to be impressed by someone who literally does nothing all day but sit on their a$$, flap their gums and worship themselves...
It's pretty pathetic. Why the hell would anyone want to hang around some lame @$$ like that.
Due to my humble and monk like lifestyle choices, narcs simply cannot replicate it because it's the polar opposite of what they all want...
Money, power, status, blah f#ckin blah...
Good luck trying to hijack someone who really doesn't give a damn about any of those things.
The road to enlightenment doesn't involve greed, lust, and climbing corporate ladders.
It's about telling the world rat race to f#ck off and leave me alone.
Good luck trying to fein humility. It doesn't work very well when the whole of society is obsessed with their 'public image'
I couldn't care less.
🥋 👊 ⛩
Good example. He was taking my identity and wanted all the benefits I was getting
Correct and I can burst out crying any second but not any more because I took back my power
Another great video brilliantly explained the subtle techniques they use in manipulation. I recalled so many memories on that! Every time I tried to explain their control over me to others, it was so hard to articulate (as they are subtle and injected over time), then even the outsiders started to tell me I was "overreacting". But I still felt a strong control over me, even if I couldn't explain. It was so invalidating! In the end I decided to keep everything myself and simply live my life in my way. I know I was mistreated and I don't need others to validate my feelings!
Every time I see one of your videos I just start to cry because it just confirms for me my truth. It's so hard for me to stay in my truth and not doubt myself. Two narcissistic parents and sister plus narcissistic friends and then narcissistic husband who is soon to be ex-husband. They stole so much of my life away and I'm in the process of trying to take it back. I'm a writer and I love art. I've been writing these songs for years and years and they're all the same really. They're all about being abused but not knowing it. All these songs confuse me for a long time because I thought everything was my fault. Once I saw my ex for who he is my songs became a little more clear to me. They have been helping me heal. I even put them on UA-cam because I was hoping it would help other people heal and know that what they're feeling is real. That's what your videos do for me. Thank you for your help. I'm crying the whole time I watch your videos because every time I do some of my self doubt washes away. That's the biggest gift I could ever be given. You're helping so many people 💜
Danish, again, brilliant topic and explanation. besides wanting to "be" me and lying about me behind my back - complains about how she does all these things for me, blah blah when they have no idea what I experience - a lot is this current narc's fear that I will meet anyone she knows. or knew. when I have confronted a narc (just telling the truth or making a comment about the reality of their behavior, they RUN LIKE THE WIND. since they want control over everything (you) they of course do NOT want you to meet anyone who knows them outside of you. maybe by meeting me the other person would figure out they lied about me and it might expose their true nature, tarnishing their image, making them look bad, I went thru this with several narcs. my mom isolated me, tried to keep others away from me by not inviting me to family functions, etc. my roommate never introduces me to anyone and I think it's because she fears they will find out she has been lying about me. losing control over them, me, etc. thanks Danish, again, you are GREAT at this!
Yes you’re right, the more I tune in, the more I begin to understand. Yes when I was with the Narcissist, I was consumed, everything was about pleasing him forgetting myself. I got to the point where I
Lost touch with myself. I could not recognize who I had become. I was a very happy and Bubbly person, some people would say the life of the party. But all that was gone through Out the yrs with My X husband,
Who is the Narcissist.
They can get you to hate yourself as well, not just mistrust for yourself....
You talked everything about Narcissist is quite right.
She tried to take over my life arenas. First, she wanted to be me or anybody else but the abandoned/molested little girl she still emotionally was yet totally embraced the predator role. Then, while wearing my shoes, she tried to destroy me in the eyes of those who knew me and those that didn't so she could make it "look like" they wanted her in their life instead. Then she could falsely claim that that's why I hated her because I was jealous and insecure of her. Like she was trying to reverse identities.
Stealing your social security card!!! Gaslighting is horrible!! I’m getting out!!! He tried to convince me of one thing when I knew was another.
Is there a "How to be a beast" somewhere out there that these people goto? Everything u say is word to word true in my experience.When the rest of us are trying more and more to be good, they are actually getting worse and worse and heartless and soulless
Yes ! I have been hijacked but now i know.Than'ks for helping me .Feel much better now❤. Petra❤
Unfortunately, I was raised by a narc father, and married 2 narc husbands. I didn't know what was happening in my first marriage cause I was so young. I saw it more in my 2nd marriage especially the early love bombing and later telling others that they owned MY business or MY home and was trying to ruin my reputation behind my back! Just evil craziness. My 1st husband, I had enuf and divorced. The 2nd one, God took care of him. I've been single now 4yrs, but was so messed up that I'm just starting to heal. Ur lessons r really helping me heal and I am passing them on to my sons and daughters. Thank u so much and I thank God fore finding u.
Sounds like my X. I bought the house, paid for it, decorated it before he was in the picture but would take credit for it.
Wow... This is such an incredible video really showing what the narc psychological abuse feels like🙏
I remember when I started to relive a traumatic event that happened to me when I was 8. The only support I had was my therapist and sister.
The craziest thing the past person was living with me.....alone in my own home. 🏡
Thank you for ALL your advice. To me you are the most powerful and thorough adviser on healing from Narcissism
Thank you, Danish. You are such a blessing and helping to reveal these things. It is much needed.
This video is 100% correct with my husband narc.
Danish I would like to apologise to you. When i watched your first video, i thought you were someone who watched a few utube videos and decided to make their own channel. I was wrong in my assumptions. This is one of the clearest explanations i have come across. Thank you,and blessings to you.
Spot on. Been there for years with this type of person. Recovering now. Wow.
Interesting that you cover and clarify what left me puzzled in my prior relationship. Understanding these tactics, I believe, is essential to processing and moving on. Otherwise, I've found I, being affected by their word salad, take on too much of the blame. It's frustrating that my therapist doesn't see the value in decoding these experiences and wants to work on the near-PTSD aftermath of a narcissistic relationship by just processing the emotions. While that's important, it's helpful to learn from your videos as we must heal both the head and the heart to avoid making the same mistake in the future and to quickly recognize this destructive pattern of behavior... Thank you!
I cant thank you enough for thus amazing insight. Ive gone through years of this narc abuse. Ive learned about these things but youve confirmed so much more to
You have been gifted with kych knowledge and wisdom.
Thank you and may you be blessed for all you do. ❤️❤️❤️
I nevar knew abaut this thing before. But this info makes me feel so scared that narcissistic person can destroy our life.
Thank you, giving small exercises to do is helping me. My shoulders aren't as tense as they usually are.