Why We Lose our Head in Limerence
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- Опубліковано 7 сер 2024
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followingfenna.com
Together we will make a plan how to beat limerence.
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fenna@followingfenna.com or on followingfenna.com
Followingfenna.com for my help in your limerence
Thank you, I wish I had done things differently.
We all did, bit dont be too harsh on yourself, addictions make us behave differently than we normally wood.
Limerence is a one sided love affair fueled by oxicontin drip. Which fuels the illusion. It is a high that goes no where.
Thank you sgain and again Fenna i have to come to terms of what i did when limerent.
PLease us a lot of self compassion. Everyone wants to love and be loved.
Thank you for sharing. I am grateful for clear mind even though I am a betrayed spouse.
Be kind to yourself. My h is in limerence and he has no idea. He thinks it's love. Now you can move forward with a clear mind 🙏 ❤
What an uplifting letter. Thank you Fenna, and thank you to the viewer for sharing their insights. What helped me a lot was knowing what was coming - the withdrawal, grief, and finally relief. It was comforting to know that what I was going through in the first few weeks was normal and actually a good sign of detatching, and to know that I would produce my own dopamine after 2 weeks was something to look forward to. It has been 6 weeks of no contact and I'm finally starting to feel like my old self again. R.I.P Limerence 😄
... well done... wish I could do it. 13 years of my life= pain, tears, heart attack...he lives too close.. Im 65 now and still in love with an illusion... wish all the best
I'm sooo happy to read this pomchi !!
And yes knowing what's comming does not make it less painfull but makes it more predictable 🙄
@@vodacoma1747 Don't lose hope. If I can do it and others on this channel can, then I see no reason why you can't either. It is just a matter of watching every single one of Fenna's videos and following it to a T. The pain you'll go through is so worth the life waiting for you on the other side.
Thank you very much Fena. 5 months ago my Wife told her mother that she was "fed up with her LO and wanted to end the affair and return home. Shortly after, they did break up. My Wife ran back to him after 3-4 days. Now she has cut all contact with Everyone. Our 3 sons know she is in limerence and truly believe she will return.
I'm so sorry this happened, I hear stories like this so often . Good luck to you and your 3 sons !
@followingfenna thank you. 20 months so far. I do see hope for our marriage.
@@royrodgers567may God watch over you and your children. May your children never think they caused this. I’m sorry :(
I don't tell myself that I love my LO but that it is just me being an addict. It is easier to mess up when you tell yourself you do something out of love. But when you see things for what they are an addiction, you can control yourself easier in the interaction.
Good one ! Thank you
Thank you so much, Fenna. You're amazing!
Thank you so much :)
Thank you for these videos, it’s helped me understand my partners actions better. He turned into a different person and rewrote how much he had loved me.
“The strong feelings are because of the obstacles”.
Exactly! Not because the other is "better" .
I took so terrible decissions.
I have lost thousands of euros, one apartment and health due to limerence the past 5 years.
It is taken time to recover properly.
I will never take limerence as something possible to control.
I'm so sorry, good luck with the recovery.
Thank you for sharing. I'm happy you are out of limerence.
Thank you Fenna. I love the support on your channel. I think we all can learn and prevent so many heartbreaks if this is taken seriously. I like the phrase "awareness creates choice". Yes and like you say and you read on the letter that 'no contact works' :) Thank you God for Fenna and please bless her always. Amen.
Fenna is fantastic! 💖
Dana is Fantastic
Please, Fenna, do a video with the topic "How to PREVENT limerence from developing when getting to know a new person (and feeling it coming) ... " 😫😣😖
I did a few on how to prevent limerence.
If you feel the glimmer make rules for yourself. No Flirting no unnecessary interaction. No fantasising.
@@followingfenna Thaaaank you!
Thank you
You are very welcome
I've just watched a film with the perfect representation of this- hastily leaving spouse and kids for LO. The LO didn't even intend on being with him, was just using him. Couldn't imagine how tough it is to go through in real life 😔
What's the name of the film Tre?
Movie name please.
@@followingfenna
The film 'Nymphomaniac' but honestly you can just find a clip here on UA-cam, searching under 'Mrs. H'. Only a small portion of the film but powerful. Uma Thurman plays the bitter wife and takes her children along to confront her husband and the LO. Really shows the damage these affairs can produce.
@@wrezziiIt's just one portion of the film 'Nymphomaniac'. You can just search for 'Mrs. H' to find a clip with Uma Thurman. No need to watch everything else in the movie if that's not your cup of tea lol.
@@wrezzii Nymphomaniac but it's only a portion of it so you can find a clip if you search under 'Mrs. H.' Clip with Uma Thurman. No need to watch everything else in the movie if it's not your cup of tea lol.
Thanks a lot for your excellent presentation professional & healing 🌻
Thank you very much 😊
Great advice through your strong points of insightful facts. Thanks, and Cheers Fenna. 😊
Thank you Viking! 😊
Limerence is a oxicontin rush. It is all the mind.
Thank you Fenna. Always on point. Unfortunately my h is in limerence and it's 18 months since bd and he moved out and left me and our son. We now live in another country. It's a long story. I pray he wakes up soon 🙏 ❤
I'm so sorry. I hope you are okay ish
Great letter, thanks
You are very welcome
Paradigm - the g is silent, so it sounds as Para-dime, “dime” the same as the American coin.
Generally how long does Limerence last ?
Some people say it lasts between 3 months to 48 months. I have seen people been in Limerence for 10 years..
So whats the truth ?
If you regard it as an addiction, it’s like asking how long does being an active heroin/alcohol addict last. That depends on the actions of the person involved. Do they continually feed the addiction or push themselves to resist its pulls and break free from it?
That depends on the circumstances of you form a couple with LO or go nc it lasts up to 3 years . If you are not in a relationship with lo but the limerence is still 'fed' it can last forever.
@@followingfenna do you mean 3 years after breakup and 3 years after NC ?
Hi Fenna, you said Hope is the one Ingredient for Limerence, and the other one?
Thanks for your work
Hope and obstacles.
Thank you Ivan 😊
@ivanrioshernandez1583: hope vs.uncertainity.😢
My wife went limerent 19 years ago, she said she wasn't much interest in sex, her LO wore her down and then date raped her. I guess angry that she wasn't chomping at the bit to have sex with him, but everything else was strong. She said that I didn't love her anymore and that our marriage was bad. My love for her and our marriage was strong enough to withstand this limerent affair. The whole thing was crazy and it's as if she had lost her mind. I've just recently discovered the whole limerence thing, and it all makes sense now. We are still together and still very much in love, I loved her enough to not show her the door (I wanted too) but didn't for her safety. I was upset and disappointed with her, but I didn't want her going back to him ... probably abused, maybe ended up dead. Understanding it now maybe not, but ending up all alone and having to deal having thrown everything away .. she has suicide idealization (maybe a result of this limerence)... I said all that to say, over time I can calculate the financial loses at between a 1/4 and 1/2 million dollars. The jobs we both lost were a direct result of this limerence, which lead to us losing 2 homes, We planned on having children but what kind of a fool has children with a wife that cheated on him, so children were also lost. We eventually financially recovered in time for retirement, but we have to skimp by on a just above the poverty level income. Without the limerence we would be in a much more comfortable retirement..
Oh I'm so so sorry.
That's why I think limerence should be a diagnosis, the damage it can do. If you want me to read this on my channel please let me know.
@@followingfenna it's okay if you like
@@followingfenna a little background this happened at a hotel she worked at and when I started hanging out in the lobby when she worked nights. She was told if I continued to do so they would fire her. They knew and probably thought violence would happen if he showed up. I got lucky and was offered a promotion to an odd shift, I agreed to take it if they would give my wife a job working under me, same shift. They agreed, they didn't know what happened. I was so hot under the collar that one day I lost it and walked out the door and took her with me. I was first told she met someone that she had feelings for. I thought she was trying to break up with me. I told her you are free to leave, then I thought I have plenty of places I can go to, so I told her or stay if you want to stay, and before I could get out and I go somewhere else. She stopped me went in the other room and messaged him we are through. Came back gave me a big kiss and led me to the bedroom. When I asked what was happening, she said I broke up with him. A minute ago I just lost my wife and now I have her back, questions can wait. A few days later I started asking questions and found out it was a lot more than feelings. When she told me there was a lot of kissing but sex only happened twice. I was just about to say, give him a call its only been a few days. She told me about how violent the second time was, I couldn't send her back to him. For the next month I didn't eat, sleep (much) or stop shaking. On the plus side I lost 35 pounds. I was so messed up in my mind I made some bad financial choices. We ended up finding work as a couple, and did well. She doesn't want to be apart from me still, she's afraid of men and she doesn't trust herself that this might happen again, I won't go thru that again.. I'm 68 and she's 45 we've been a couple for 25 years .. and very much in love still
Thank you 😊 🙏
So the song "Wicked Game" is basically about Limerenence yes?
A lot of songs are about limerence indeed :)
@followingfenna "Something" and " Layla" are about George Harrison's and Eric Clapton's respective Limerenence for Patti Boyd, then 🤔🤔. It is all making sense, thanks toe the like and response by the way 😄😁
“limmerence” is just another word short-term decision making that is emotionally-based and without empathy (for those they betray). Events which expose this character in certain people is simply there to show who the person really is: Highly selfish people who are driven to resolve their own personal issues (and baggage) by hurting other people. At the end of the day, these people will always choose their own emotions and hedonism over protecting others and staying true to their commitments and responsibilities.
True in majority of cases but I've also seen limerents who choose their spouse and integrity quite often.
Because she told me once that everyday she saw me was a good day and I believed her. 🤦♂️
Hi fenna I bumped into the guy I was infatuated with. He talked to me and went out later for a drink now I am thinking about him its been 3.5 years of being limerant fir him.
Omg Isqbelle, know that's its quite common to have a slip up / relapse.
Good luck to you ! 💓
Do you believe Fenna that we have some sort of brain defect those of us that have experienced limerence? I am like is this something from childhood that we just want to be super loved? Did you ever both hope to never see LO again and wish to see and speak? It’s like purgatory. Thank you again!
No we don't have a brain defect.
It's a normal human need to love and be loved, we just picked the wrong person and due to the intermittent rewards we got addicted, yes we probably have some attachment wounds, adhd or trauma in our family history, but than again, who hasn't.
@@followingfenna well said.
How can we talk to you?
Followingfenna.com or email me directly at fennavdberg@hotmail.com :)
Can I stay friends in limerince?
Unfortunately you can not.
Are you Dutch by any chance?
Absoluut
Limerence is a modern word for lust
Absolutely not
@@followingfenna good to know that.
@@followingfenna but what is the difference between limerence and lust?
@@irinab.pavlikovska3465 if we would only lust after someone we will not get limerent, we get limerent when we ( our nervoussystem) wants to pair bond / be in a relationship. Our nervoussystem thinks LO is our life partner. We don't want only sex with them we want to love them and be with them. Besides not all limerence is romantic. It'swanting attachment when we can not.
@@followingfenna thanks for clarifying ☺️
Every dissmissive avoidant on the planet
True :)
Fearful- Avoidants, too.