life update + thoughts on seattle after 2.5 years | closing 20s confessions
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
- getting more intimate... fighting loneliness, coping poorly, a moment with a stranger, being messy and needy,.. my vlog revival!!!!!
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0:00 - shirking my responsibilities
1:39 - i’m socially needy
3:02 - thoughts on my 3rd year in seattle
5:47 - am i using people as a cope
8:48 - getting more intimate
10:49 - asking for help
13:10 - alone again
15:31 - a stranger rescued me
18:22 - being a fool
19:25 - losing my desperation
21:38 - seattle makes me feel so fortunate!
she/her.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: katherout@gmail.com - Навчання та стиль
I really like how you talked about intimacy here. It is so important to be intimate with other people in many different ways! I feel like in our sex & romance-focused culture it can be a radical act to create intimate relationships that have nothing to do with that. Friendship is revolutionary.
connecting with people and loving others is truly the purpose of life!! loved hearing those sweet stories of the kindness of strangers at the end, the universe for sure loves you!!
Riding the 55 Bus in Chicago, I helped visitors from Argentina figure out which stop they needed to get off at. When we later off-boarded at our respective stops, we gave each other a little smile and a head nod.
Flash forward to 4 hours later when I got back on to head home, they got on 2 stops after me and we literally pointed at each other and laughed because what are the odds?? We ended up talking the rest of the commute and shared our stories and it was so beautiful.
When they got off, we didn’t exchange numbers or names but wished each other well. I still think so fondly on our conversations and moment of connection :,)
BEAUTIFUL SERENDIPITY
It’s interesting to me to hear different perspectives on the benefits of socializing. I was somewhat drained by socializing when it was a priority for me. When I stopped, and started generally spending my time alone, I became more mindful, fulfilled and relaxed. I think it’s important to have quality friendships, but seeing friends is more the exception than the rule for me.
i recognize that my social needs are a lot higher than most lol
100% agree. Feel so much better hanging out with people with a few days in between.
5 years later, my brother is carpooling to their shared job with his college orientation buddy and they’re going to vegas this weekend for a bros trip. truly inspiring
holy hell
I watched your hs/usc videos when I was also an anxious overachiever and it's been so uncanny to feel the same parallel connection as I also unlearn patterns of unhealthy ambition that I absorbed from the environment around me. Moved to NYC from Seattle in the past year and this video made me miss it so much. The Hudson Valley is not even close. PNW I love you forever.... welcome to spring!!!!!!!!!
omfg long time viewer HELLOWWWW. the rest of your comment got cut off but curious to hear about the hudson valley
lol i somehow befriended the first three people i met during my orientation (my roommate, a girl in my orientation group and her roommate), and they became my closest friends! we all lived together for most of college, and we now take turns visiting each other since we've graduated 🥲
WOWWWWW ok damn you have me way beat
I think you borrowing your friend's car to bond with him is an example of the Ben Franklin effect - it's a psychological phenomenon in which you like someone more after doing a favor FOR them. So theoretically your friend will actually like YOU more now that he's lent you his car. The idea is your brain assumes you wouldn't do a favor for someone you didn't like, so you end up liking the person more afterward.
Surveying as an art and performance I'm here for it!
✋🏾 in my third year of my phd on friendships and (digital) intimacy, ur sharing here is v much aligned with the literature
o m f g if you ever wanna chat i'd love to learn more
@@Katherout yesss! for sure, i would love to, always open to sharing my research
@@temikeita pls dm me on IG or twitter or wherever would love to follow up!
@@Katherout I tweeted @ ya
@@temikeita DMed you!
yaaaay for the vlog revival!!!
just moved to LA back in June 2023 and wrote the exact same thing; i feel incredibly safe and protected being here! wild that you used the same wording too!
this video is so well made
I love love love the reflections and realizations you have here. Still a total stan for you and your channel 🩷
thank u for being here
I got so much out of this! So happy for you - it's inspiring to listen to someone who feels so aligned with where they live and has good little cosmics happening to them. I really admire how aligned with your energy / how intentional you are! I'm inspired to get out of my house more/ put myself in public places and embrace the random connections with strangers versus hiding behind my phone or feeling awkward being alone in public... that's something I always struggle with but I love the reminder that connections with strangers don't have to have a follow-up, they can just be what they are. There are so many social interactions out there waiting to be had if I just open myself up a bit more 💖
you only get these lil casually magical moments from putting yourself out there it's true!
I want to steal the phrases "texture of trust" and "an exercise in building intimacy" for song lyrics haha! So poetic!
I loved those lines too
you're one of my favorite people on the internet. you remind me of the parts of myself that i really love and cherish
😭😭😭🫶
omg polls in the comment section! cmon UA-cam it’s a genius feature idea
RIGHTTTT
I ❤ synchronicities
what makes the world go round
great video, as always!! i grew up near seattle and i love it there (
Enjoyed this video! I’m moving to Seattle this summer for work and hearing about the ‘Seattle Freeze’ is discouraging. So hearing that you’ve begun to build community and find friendships is reassuring and inspiring :) I’ve enjoyed following you along your journey.
Also, I LOVE that you refer to your third year there as your junior year. I’m gonna steal that lol. Here’s to my freshman year in Seattle 🥂 😂
GL in Seattle!
The Seattle Freeze is all a matter of mindset!! I've been here going on over two years and everyone here is very kind -- my mantra is that if you've made one friend, you've met the whole city. Don't listen to people who say it's hard to make friends here! Join groups, try new hobbies, go out and talk to people, and you won't have any trouble meeting people :) Best of luck!!
@@profannaty that’s a really good point!
Katherout, I missed ya - & im a relatively new subscriber too
Hearing you talk about your extrovertism and high social needs/capacity makes me feel so seen and understood. I feel like all I hear and see online are jokes about cancelling plans, never wanting to go anywhere, not wanting to talk to anyone, etc. Love that the introverts are feeling seen and vindicated, but damn - between the huge wave of that content and the covid of it all it feels like I'm the only one that has close to unending capacity and need for companionship and intimacy and connection. My more extroverted friends here already have their default go-to people. It makes me feel needy which makes me feel desperate which makes cultivating and deepening my relationships feel harder and more stressful. Logically I know that I'm not alone in this and the way I'm wired is perfectly valid/normal/healthy but damn are there so many layers that have created the perfect storm of loneliness despite having friends and activities, etc. Anyway...THANK YOU.
Mixing up the Showbox venues is a true Seattle rite of passage. If you go to shows in Seattle, it'll happen to you at least once. I've for sure been there haha.
So glad it ended in a good connection for you!
reframing it as earning my stripes love that
Your positive spirit is so refreshing! I bought tickets to go to a concert alone and backed out...on my bucket list! I'm WAY older than you and you are brave and wise and you soul is refreshing! Thank you
@@Katherout that's a great tip, thank you!
Actually when I was 18 and checking out colleges, I really connected with the orientation leader/tour guide of a college I was visiting. I ended up going to another college but me and her remained good friends and reguarly check on each other. I'm 30 now and she's 36.
wait that’s amazing
Wow Kathy you are scaring me but I am glad you're protected
A warm hug in video form as usual
omg ok VERIFIED noran now 🫡
One of my college Orientation Friends whom I did keep up with until they transferred schools recently told me he may be coming to where I live for Law School! Nurturing this relationship has been fulfilling and now hopefully continues to be so and in an even greater capacity.
omggg i love when grad school plops people in your area
Excellent video…
not orientation, but someone I met in my first year of uni is still one of my best friends to this day. We haven't seen each other in almost 3 years cause I moved away but she's coming to visit me and I could not be more excited! I didn't think someone would like me that much to remain my friend all these years :) I would like to develop friendship intimacy with more people but being vulnerable is so hard!! I love your positive approach to the things that happen to you, but I can't say the same for myself! Also yes, to going to concerts alone, it's so much better than going with someone that is not into the music.
i get ENFP vibes from you (i am and mbti nerd) but i explain my quest of intimacy seeking to people in the same exact way. it is one of the many roots of who i am. it seems like the purpose of being here.
Your point about talking at/over a concert brings back memories from a Nickel Creek show I went to. This couple next to me would *NOT* stop. 😵💫 They eventually left halfway through the show. It’s an unforgivable concert sin.
i'm like why did you come?? just go to a bar??
Hi! I enjoy watching your videos. I’m also thinking about moving to Seattle sometime this year or early next year. At my current apartment, my fiancé has left his keys on the door multiple times and every time someone knocks to let us know!! It’s crazy to think that there are still good people out there!!
omfggg glad ppl are caring!!
Nicki's concert was a whole vibe.
I met one of my very best friends on college orientation day! She’s officiating my wedding later this year 🥰
a friend sent me one of your podcasts and i listened to them while doing dishes for a few days straight and you spoke about the artists way in every one. I am an illustrator who has been feeling the loss of passion lately so the book sounded really interesting. literally a week later i was house sitting and the guy had left out some books he was letting go of that he said i could take and the artists way was one of them! one of those lil cosmic moments
omfg the synchronicity of it all. i really will not shut the fuck up about it!
I’ve been wanting to work through that book for years, if you get started I hope it goes well. Maybe I’ll look into it again too ❤
@@sarahkowalski2300 Thank you! i haven't gotten around to it yet either but I am hoping to this year, even if I approach it casually it seems there will be a lot to get out of it. Hoping you find your way to it as well and find something for you in it 💛
I got good vibes
my. orientation leader in college is now one of my best friends. we met on the first day of my freshman and his senior year and have been two peas in a pod ever since. another one of my orientation leaders is also super close with me still. maybe it was just the culture of my uni, but so many of my friends throughout college came from that time!
love a first year - last year friendship that only needs that one year to bud!! means u were just so compatible you didn’t need all four
ooph so aligned with you on loneliness and human connection being the high point of my life. if not that then what tbh? hang out with your friends!
Hello Kath,
I went to college and had orientation almost a decade ago. I graduated from Undergrad in 2019. Im still friends with some of the people I met at orientation, and we all became pretty close and tight knit. I was a lot closer to the girls than the guys in my orientation group, and I still talk to my female peers mainly to this very day, and hung out with them. We haven't been able to hang out because of the pandemic and all.
omg this is incredible
Also almost three years in Seattle, and I couldn't relate more to the emotionally regulating commentary. I've gone through ebs and flows (academic performance was at one point one of the ways I would self regulate), for a while it was also physical goals (lost a bunch of weight), for a while it was becoming people, but I'm going to be completely honest, having friends and relying on them for emotional regulation was a very difficult thing for me to deal with. It was very unstable and I don't know if I was just doing it wrong or what, but I'm trying my best to keep those people in my life while not relying on them for that purpose... anyway, now im self regulating with physical goals again (gym and bodybuilding) and financial goals (saving a bunch of money through frugal living). Love your videos, hope you enjoyed my camaraderie rant lol
it would be soooo cool if emotional regulation just happened
I met two of my closest friends at college orientation. We were inseparable since day 1 and moved into together the following year. We all lived together for 3 years and still keep in touch post college and make efforts to see each other despite all of us living across the world. I feel so lucky that we met and connected so quickly! No one I know stayed close with their freshman year friends, let alone orientation buddies.
yes i feel like it's really rare but really impressive!!!
The Showbox Sodo really messed up a bunch of us old-timers, too. Also, people who talk during concerts are infuriating. Was at the Wolf Alice show at the Showbox (proper) two years ago and shocked by how much gabber was going on while the band was playing.
ahh love wolf alice!! feel like i haven’t experienced the talking as much at neumos or the neptune so maybe it’s the venue idk
@@Katherout Well, I'm gonna find out if it's still bad. The Last Dinner Party is coming to the Showbox (Sodo) next month!
Daughter met her best friend from USC during orientation during the first 5! minutes. This was 7 years ago,
While I am not friends with my orientation friend group, I am still friends from my second year of college.
Friendships are good, but they are not the main part of your life, I have seen a couple of videos a while back and just came back to check how you are doing, your analysis is great, my take is those friends are going to start getting interested in creating families and that's the moment you will start feeling a bit lonely, that's why it is best to have friends but try not to feel totally reliant on them for your happiness. I haven't seen any of your videos in about a year or so, glad you are doing ok.
💖
Do they have In n Out burger in Seattle?
Still loving your channel and very lovely to hear of your good luck in loosing cards and wallets. I am a big believer in what you put out , you get back, and I believe the world is fucked up and waiting to fuck me over, I feel as if it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. I once left my COMPUTER against the ticket podium in Iceland, boarded the plane to SF and some way, somehow I received it back! A very nice gentlemen who worked at the airport contacted the women I came with and flew with it to SF where I treated them to lunch as he handed me my computer in person. ❤
You did turn me onto Exploration Live! I really do appreciate your videos although it does feel a little bit parasocial and sad sometimes 😅 That being said. I do get something out of it every time.
I don't usually comment but I felt called to write something since I related to this video so much! I am 23 and I have already moved 9 times, and I have always felt a extreme need to make friends and prioritize my social life. Without my friends and the community that comes with it, life truely feels so dark and it's always a struggle moving to new places. When I was a kid with a forced social structure it would take about 6 months to feel stable in terms of friendship, but as a adult it seems to take much longer and it's closer to 1-2 years. However, like you I have battled between trying to prioritize friendship while also wondering if it's a unhealthy coping mechanism. My family is very introverted so for a lot of my life I wondered why I'm so different, and why I feel so lost without constantly socializing. Especially since I moved so much as a kid, I was always wondering if there was a way to stabilize my moods without relying on social interaction to give me energy and happiness. As a adult in my early twenties sometimes I still struggle with the idea of being so dependent on my friends, but honestly they make my life so much better so I am not sure it's worth analyzing.
I am so happy you feel a connection to Seattle and feel like you belong! As a person who has moved to many different cities I can tell you that feeling is not common and it's not something you should take lightly.The city I'm currently living in is amazing and I always feel like there is new exciting things to do, and people to meet who have similar values to me. Life is truely so much better when you live in a city that you feel like you belong and are ment to be there.
I love this series and I always love your thoughts since we seem to have the same ideas on a lot of topics, so it makes me feel more normal lol.
Thanks for sharing
appreciate u!
I relate to this comment and this video sooooooo much ! Also a huge extrovert with a lot of social needs. I struggle with loneliness and being comfortable by my lonesome. I also love love interrogating, being curious and analyzing my self in the way u did at the beginning of his video. I’m 23 and newly living alone in sf and learning to figure all this stuff out. Recently I realized my relationships are what make me feel Alive. Glad to know I’m not alone. Like u said. We are never ever alone
i love how you edited this! im gonna be honest i dont think we need to be that concerned abt how people are coping unless they are harming themselves or others...we're little creatures floating on space on a fking giant rock for no reason...some of us wanna hang out w people all the time some of us prefer being alone...the human experience is varied...next??? just think this dichotomy has gotten out of hand and people are taking it too seriously. anyways, i have one friend from college orientation who I speak to annually. btw your hair looks awesome!
hahaha the 2 girls i befriended during orientation are still my besties 10 years later
WTFFFFF it seems like everyone in my audience has kept these up but me lmfao
"Oh, guys, I"m worried that long-term there are going to be consquences and bad effects to me hanging out with my friends." Kinda depends on your friends, doesn't it? And what you're doing with them.
`I went to Nicki's concert. and I talked with this random at the pharmacy about mental health and it was a whole pill.
I do not keep up with anyone I met during orientation except my boyfriend of 6 years
WTFFFF orientation boyfriend
Original Talented Mr. Ripley? The one with Alain Delon or is there another?
the one with matt damon n jude law n gwyneth paltrow n cate blanchett!! 1999
I met my platonic soulmate at our transfer orientation in college and we are still best friends and roommates going on seven years now.
She’s in your Artist’s Way bookclub. Also, thanks for the regent coat. We’re big stans in this house lol
OMGGGG wow glad it fits and glad you have a fulfilling orientationship
+1 cope
Straight mane hair was better than friz
While I agree the meaning of life is to connect with others, I do wonder if you even feel the difference between being alone and being lonely. These are not equal terms.
yes def. there's times where i feel like i'm just living alone and there are times where i'm living lonely
Idk your messy abode is causing me anxiety. I don’t know how you can relax surrounded by the chaos.
You're such a cutie...
GET A FULLTIME JOB NOW!!!
u hiring or ?
One of my favorite videos you’ve made❤️🩹 all of us crave connection and it makes me so happy to see you grow your community and find beauty and humanity in your interactions with others🤍 i do think our world would be so much happier if we prioritized geniune connection.
My wallet slipped out biking around Lake Union andI had my wallet returned to my apartment building by another cyclist . Nowadays I live in a very conservative area with lots of religious types. I miss Seattle .