asking strangers how many friends they have
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
- how are people making their friends in these modern times??? which city should i run a census in next?? and what questions should i ask…
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previous video on making friends: • how i made new friends...
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time stamps:
0:00 - friendlessness is rampant
1:11 - how many friends do you have
2:20 - how did you meet the last friend you made?
4:23 - do you feel lonely?
6:10 - how much of your friendship is long distance?
6:48 - do you feel like you have a friend group?
8:21 - how often do you need social plans?
9:09 - do you have enough friends?
10:06 - advice for friend making?
11:58 - more census making...
she/her.
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"Music washes away the everyday dust of life" I LOVE THAT 🥺💖
It sounds like a lyric from a yet-to-be-released Taylor Swift song.
It’s defo validating to hear that a lot of people are open to making new friends. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one, and I hate feeling like I’m pestering others to be my friends 😅
exactly why i wanted to ask that question!!
I would be your friend, you seem great
I volunteered one singular time at a food bank and traded Instagrams with a girl. 4 months later, I posted a picture reading alone in a library. she messaged, "I know you probably have a lot of friends, but would you want to be friends with me" For the next few months we had a hard time scheduling a friend date but both kept trying. A year after meeting at that food bank we were best friends. She made my final year living in that city absolutely amazing. It's hard to believe how many stars aligned and how many times we had to put ourselves out there and keep trying but we did it. I live across the country now but we still talk all the time. Friends are out there keep trying and putting yourself out there its worth it!!
Super cool story; I’m also in a food recovery group
This is inspiring!
My strategy for making friends is to join something that meets regularly and show up to that thing. I recognize that there is inherent privilege in being able (physically, mentally, financially) to, in my case, join a choir that rehearses once a week so I know it's not open to everyone, but I do think it can work well! I like this approach because it takes a lot of the stress out of meeting new people since I'm doing something I would enjoy doing even if I don't make any friends!
this is such a reliable way to deepen connections w ppl
what kind of choir?
I was not expecting this, but it's so lovely. I think making friends is easy, but keeping them is the hard part
and i am the reverse!! diversity of friendship thought is robust
clicked immediately!! I love conversations about friendship
I didn’t know I did until now lol
The older lady is so amazing and I think we’d be great friends 😂
i love how much energy you are clearly getting from doing these interviews! queen of friendship theory
need to pursue a funded PhD in friendship theory but instead i'll just pitch my ideas online first
I haven't had a real friend group since pre-pandemic. When I'm around people who seem really secure in their groups, the loneliness can be really hard and almost suffocating. Sometimes I end up making friends with random people, and then after we've been friends for a while, we discover we both felt similarly lonely. The closest people in my life are the ones who don't get tied down into smaller groups and are truly open - I'm still working on how to find them in big crowds, but usually, I do.
This ❤ I’m so glad I’m not the only one that feels that way with small very secure groups it just feels like I’m intruding or something 😅
I've realised how much happier I've been with one REAL best friend than 20 fake "friends" who just made me a side character in that group. It was actually boring. I remember hanging out with 20 people in high school and most the time, it was just them typing to an ever larger group chat of friends, taking pictures with each other and a lot of talking over each other. It was actually an experience that could make you miserable. The lack of attention i received from the only group i hung out with made me feel unwanted. Then when i finally had the guts the next year, i dropped them all and made friends with someone else. We hung out and it was SO much easier. Rarely talking over each other, easier to pay attention while having a conversation, less screen time, genuine laughs and just a purely great time!
i love this! This is exactly my outlook on friendship. It is just so much more comfortable for me to have 1 best friend, whom I share everything with, and they do the same. For me, it doesn't matter how many friends you have, what matters most, is how much they make you feel and give you importance; and in my experience, 1 best friend has fulfilled that for me, and I do the same
damn
literally have had the same experience as you!! the feelings of being miserable in a larger group of people, in my case it was a "music scene", is so relatable. I felt soo miserable being around people that didn't care to get to know you on an individual level. it was draining.
i dont think most of us struggle with meeting people, its keeping the friendship alive that is the most difficult part. its very difficult to find time to meet up with friends and make memories, most of my friendships are now just random meme-sending back and forth and yeah, sure i have many messages and feel like i have many friendships but when it comes down to actually having someone to rely on or to talk to or reach out to, i have 0 friends. no one checks up on me, i dont check up on anyone because i am too much in my head, and no matter how hard i try i cannot fix this.
I felt like I wrote this.
THIS is exactly how I feel. Idk how to fix it. I do but I don’t. It’s confusing yet not confusing at. Idk if that makes any sense.
Love this video! I think it’s worth noting that the people you talked to were people who were out and about with plans during the day and therefore might be more extroverted and more likely to have more friends 🤔
i'll only ever be able to show people that are down to be on camera which definitely limits the full spectrum of opinions but such are the constraints i work under!
I'm introverted and I go outside during the day. We're not vampires.
It also felt like more college students who would naturally have more friends than someone who has graduated
@@shttc900 yes we are.
I really like the vibes of this video. The people you interviewed seemed pretty good, and it made me wanna be friends with some of them lol. I really need to dedicate myself to making more irl friends, but it's kinda hard when at the moment I'm pretty depressed and working from home.
no me too i regretted not getting some of their numbers afterwards
Real friends, real drama, real action. All right here on Katherout!
Aww! Love this. Next one you should end with "Do you want to be my friend?" and then invite them all to a lil gathering in the park or something :) All these people seemed so sweet and maybe they would get along with each other!
WTFFFFF GENIUS
This video was so healing. Especially as an adult, it makes me feel normal! A part 2 would be awesome :)
Bumble BFF was the best way for me to make a solid friend group. I also got into bouldering/rock climbing which brings together a great community of people to meet friends.
I think this is an interesting dialogue. I’ve been thinking about friendships a lot. I moved across the country with my partner a year ago to Washington state (about an hour and a half north of Seattle) and have found that it is more difficult to make friends than I thought. I’m really introverted and have a lack of practice because all of my friendships are from high school (ten years ago). Some questions I think would’ve been interesting is “what defines a close friendship?” “Why do you think friendship is important?” “Have you had phases in your life where friendship was more or less important to you? How was this impacted by external factors?” Interested to hear more on the topic!
I would like to see a video with couples talking about making friends, i find it harder as a couple to make friends because i'm usually always with my partner, making girlfriends is hard when you're with your partner, but you won't really go out without your partner... you also can't really make guy friends because if it clicks too much it might get bad
Very relatable!! Moved to ATX with my partner 2 years ago and making friends has also been harder than expected. I have some close girlfriends I can hang out with but have specifically been craving a friend group or mutual friends that my partner and I can both hang out with. Its hard because we tend to vibe with very different people - me being extroverted and him very introverted. I find myself unfairly comparing my social life to my single friends that live with roommates which is unhelpful as well. Glad to hear other people are facing this dilemma as well
I too have found that it is so much more difficult to make friends when you are in a relationship. Maybe people perceive you as a pair and not as much "in need" of another connection. I've met new friend groups through older friends but never felt they were even considering that me and my partner might be interested in becoming friends because "we have each other". Meeting people of the other sex is also defenitely a topic, although we are a very relaxed couple concerning those types of friendships
“Would you like a bite of my ice cream?” Hahaha love her
kooky angel
@@Katherout this is how i want to be described when I'm old hahaha goals
An interesting question I was thinking of is "what does friendship mean to you" or "how much value do you place in friendship" because I know some people who treat their friend group like family and caring for their friends is everything to them, where as I (I have a tight knit blood-related family) don't always put as much emphasis on friendship.
Thoroughly enjoying this concept & its execution here
I have so many acquaintances but not really any friends. I can go out and make friends for one evening, but I can't seem to maintain any... people are flaky!! I wish I could have a dinner party crew but it hurts to try to organize and not get a reply. It was so much easier having friends when I had a partner- I think it can be difficult as a single woman to have friends who are partnered. Third wheeling. And friendships with single women often turn into nights out that are focused on finding a partner. I'm having a hermit summer and enjoying my pets, crochet, and gardening. Not lonely, but also imagining what my ideal friendship might look like in the future. Right now I only have my immediate family.
something so healing about watching this video in Seattle of all places. it's so easy to feel lonley here, and it was so fun to hear from all these beautiful people!
I love this! I feel like it’s important to say yes to things when trying to make friends. It’s easy to hide away in the comfort of your home but say yes to new experiences that someone may bring up or invite you to and it’s a good way to connect with others!
that was so great! I loved the way you led those conversations and interacted with the people. everybody looked like they had so much fun talking to you and I too was smiling throughout the video. thank you!
Great video! I've lived in Seattle for 10 years, moved here in my early 20s, and I've found the best way to make friends is consistent casual contact - whether as workmates in a service industry/retail type job, or both being regulars at a neighborhood coffee shop or bar (or befriending the workers there), or meeting at a comics/game shop that has playing tables to play games regularly, or something like that.
This is a good video Kath!!! Everyone was so friendly, receptive, and you learn lots from them!!
ice cream grandma is so chill about her parasocial relationships
A funny and lighthearted video! Loved it! It's great to see you tackling this subject again and I would love to see more on this topic!
Loving this new video format Kath! I moved to a new city to be closer with a few friends from college. I am an extroverted introvert so I don't always go out of my way to meet people but they do bring me joy and energy! Most of the people I have met through meetups/social groups and have a solid friend group (4) and about 10 people that I hang out with semi-regularly. I see my small group of friends 1-3 times a week and the larger group maybe 1-2 times a month and this feels about right for me. I do have 2 long distance friends that I check in with pretty regularly, but time zones are hard sometimes...Overall I do feel pretty fulfilled socially (love that question by the way!) and I would say this might be the first time in my 25 years of living that I can actually say that.
This was delightful to watch! Thanks!
awesome video! i live in seattle and managed to convince a large chunk of my friend group to move within a 3-block radius of me. maintaining these friendships have gotten so much easier because of the convenience, however, it has made me guilty of neglecting friends that live further away, whether they're out-of-town or even in a different neighborhood.
Its funny how you always have videos just when I need them! I remember watching your USC videos when I wanted to see what dorm life entailed and now im a 25 yr old teenager wondering how people making friends. Love our parasocial relationship!
Love this katherout on the street content
Great vibes! The way you are able to make people comfortable sharing their lives with you is awesome
I fell that as you grow as a person you come to realize that is okay to need different things from different people.
In your teens there's this belief that you need one best friend. Your 20s are this transitional moment, you grow in different directions at different times. Paths change.
I found very healing to think that, in life, you make friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And you have yet to meet all the people you will love in your life.
So, some tips from a twenty-something:
Cultivate your interests. The more secure you are in what you like and what you need, the more you can build healthy connections.
Attachment styles matter. Being aware of what we are giving and receiving is key to self-regulate and keep the guilt at bay (this goes to the codependent gang).
Ps: WAIT BUMBLE BFF???
I know I have social anxiety when just watching this video makes me heart rate go up. Ive started saying yes to more things this past year and its paid off so I will keep pushing myself even though it brings a panic every time. I want more meaningful relationships but the fear of being known is an equally strong feeling
I don't often comment, but when I do it's because I really like a video, thank you for this!
I thought the "how often do you need social plans?" question was an interesting one. If I could, I'd have some sort of social event every day of the week. They usually revolve around competitive group activities (softball or bar darts), but I truly cherish those times I get to connect with a friend one-on-one.
Gosh! Loved this so much!
Love this video!! Another video concept which would be cool to explore (and I believe you've covered this on Tik Tok before) is how to become closer to friends. I feel like unless they are someone I work with or regularly see at the gym, it's hard to take a friendship to the next level if you only meet twice a month.
omg WHAT AN ICONIC VIDEO KATH. Also I am OBSESSED with your embroidered denim vest. And the EDITING *chefs kiss*
You should do this more. I think this video will do really well.
This video warms my heart so much. Thank you
greatttt questionsss loved this videooo :)
This is so fun! Just subscribed
such a cute video 🥺 the lady with the ice cream was so wholesome bless her
Friend? Icecream is my friend lol
Meeting friends through shared interests has really worked for me. Met my best friends through my kids... their friend's moms.
Now raising my grandaughter, I've met some really great young moms, too.
I'm an older lady (old enough to be their mom usually), but we've found common ground in parenting, then the friendship progressed from there. I learn so much from them!
This style of vid fits you so well!
What a fun video! Smiled the entire time 😊
more Kath on the street!!!
also did not realize how tall you are
9'7 and a half!!
I love that you're doing a video like this because you can meet good friends anywhere. My best friends are from highschool but I met another close friend walking my dog, others are neighbors, some are mom friends, and my husband has started making new friends playing Tarkof online.
such a cool concept! love to see this type of content :))
The older lady eating ice cream just gets me
I love the emphasis on creating community. I do not relate to the “I don’t need friends” type of videos at all
not one bit!!!
i think if someone doesn't need friends, then they find peace and solace with themselves, then there is nothing wrong with that. I have a few friends, but I can see how someone might not need or want friends because their family fulfills that social aspect for them, or they find they are most comfortable in their own skin, when they are by themselves. So yeah, in case someone does relate to that feeling, just know, that is a-okay 🤍
As an adult, I realized that the number of friends you have do not matter, as long as you feel comfortable and fulfilled, socially. I have 1 best-friend who I share everything with and vice versa, and I have 3 others who I'd consider as just friends. So even though it is not a lot, and even though those friends of mine have MUCH more friends themselves, I feel fulfilled. I am a homebody and can be shy, so I don't let social media or my friends having many other friends bother me, because this is what I can keep up with and can be the most comfortable with
yes i agree with you, I was so shocked watching this because I had thought it was normal to only have 1-3 friends. I guess not LOL, but thats the result of being a homebody and honestly It's a peaceful life, not for all tho.
@@psycho5815 yes and after you graduate college/finish school and these school friends start getting married, moving away, having kids, people start to realize that having a few friends is much more realistic.
how does this not have more views??? so so good!
Loved this video honestly
Making friends and defining what friendship is, these are my biggest life questions. At the back of my head, I think you're friends with someone you talk almost everyday and can show up to your house quite often and ask you to do stuff together. I never had that.
A deep dive on best friends would be really cool 🤭 i really enjoyed this one!
I moved to a new country a year ago (but I have the priviledge of speaking fluently the language). I do have a few close friends here now that I've mostly met through work or through classes (like yoga). However I've recently come to realize how important it is to be part of a whole community network - I know people to help me if I need it and who know I would help them if they needed. Just people who care: neighbours, members of my volunteer group, etc. And there's something so conforting to know that those people care, and they've stepped in the the past when I've needed them, and vice-versa. It's not friendship as I would usually define it, where womeone knows you deeply and where you want to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with them. But with this community around me, I don't feel lonely, I feel safe and included.
I LOVE this video, I live a city that sounds like it has a similar rep to Seattle in terms of difficulty to make friends (Canberra, aus). I’ve made most of my friends as a adult through volunteering, work, and mutual friends. I love bringing different friends together and find scheduling regular things can work well (going to weekly trivia night, regular pot luck dinner etc).
Dear Katherout, your channel always makes me feel good
great video. Breaking the myth of the outdated Seattle Freeze. Loved the energy and spontaneous vibe of the video. Smiled all the way through
THE OLD LADY UM IM CRYING SM
Love hearing so many people open to friendship 😅 may be a biased sample though, asking only the people who are out/with friends... could be interesting to try to find/reach out to the people who you wouldn't find outside as much and ask them questions
Love this! So far (also in Seattle) I've 3-4 people who are on the way to becoming friends. Been here for almost 3 months now. Apps are the way I've met people in the area, but I'm beginning to meet more people through others. I think it's super important to create the conditions in your life where friendships can thrive. That and when you meet someone be curious!
which apps have you used to meet friends?
and i love when you said, "I think it's super important to create the conditions in your life where friendships can thrive." That is KEY!
the favors thing is so real! i often feel really weird about asking for favors even from my boyfriend but it really helps people feel that you are actually in their lives and that you can count on them. obviously important to also do the same for them lol
i loved this SO MUCH
thank you miss CARRIEEEE
One question is "What makes you more open to being friends with someone you just met?" / seeing them again even if you're not like, ready to "be friends" haha
2:00 I completely agree with only being able to have like a couple close friends but I wide social circle.
great video. SF snd Chicago next!!
This video had me smiling the whole way through.
this is so wholesome. i love the friendly people of bridgetroll city! it might be interesting to ask if people have a "best friend" or if they think that is a real thing after childhood. how do you know if someone is a best friend? how is that different than a regular friend. i'm just brainstorming here lol this video was inspiring.
Omg loved it!
One of my most fav kath videos as of recent yes ma’am
Put yourself outthere! It’s really difficult at first but especially at uni I found it to be so precious to have someone you can go to uni parties or gatherings to and maybe they’ll know someone and you can get to know people as well through them and it’ll turn to a great cycle that way! And give it time! I befriend so many people that I’ve known for a year but never got close to them and suddenly it just happened
This was so warm and lovely and hopeful! I'd love to see a friendship census in the Northeast during hibernation season aka winter -- are Bostonians all lonely, or does that notorious gruffness mask some deep love and generosity? Another question I'd have asked: how long do you think it takes for someone to go from an acquaintance to a really close friend?
Hi! I really love your friendship content - i can't stop thinking about friendship myself :D I especially loved the how often do you feel lonely (it made me feel less alone:D) & how often do you want to be social question. I'd like questions about how close friendships are, if they have categories like "best" friends, how they would define those categories & also how often that changes. Also maybe what makes them feel most connected to your friends? I feel like I have friends, but sometimes i struggle to feel connected with them, and also i think the concept of best friends and friend groups doesn't really work for me, but I still really crave it and get sad & jealous when others "have" this, especially when they are also my friends.
I've been living in the same city for 18 years, and I used to have a good amount of friends, but we've mostly grown apart and many have moved away, so in my city now I literally only have 4 friends, and not a group of friends to hang out with. Most of my closest friends (emotionally) live in other states and even countries.
love this video! loved the part about music washes away the dust of everyday life :,)
I love that you got different people with different ages
Such a fun video❣️😌
The way I make new friends is from going to events eg, summer schools, talks, workshops etc. You get to me varied people which makes life interesting!
It's never ever too late to make friends in your life!!!
I'd be SO intrigued with a friendship census in Washington DC
The unicycle zoom lol
Ice Cream Lady was so real, love her
CHICAGO NEXT!
Mixing friends at birthday parties is so funny and relatable.
Also im glad we asked the question "how many people have friends long distance vs local friends?"
Ive moved alot and this is a real issue. Also after highschool everyone leaves and its hard to find friends as an adult.
Day made!!! Thanks!
I think there definitely is a loneliness problem in our generation though.. you wouldn't be meeting them outside because most of them are homebodys.. so it would be hard to find those people and get their perspective and stories... but this video is so lovely and positive and it makes me want to invest in my friendships even more! I believe you never have too many friends, but the degree of friendship is different, and it's hard to keep long term friendship with too many people. My advice would be to become at peace with yourself to be your most authentic self, and the right people will find their way to you! (or you will find them)
Solo travel this summer on coaches was such a great experience for me to make friends ! not ones you necessarily keep or see again but in the moment it's amazing
Ugh. I just moved to Sarasota from Des Moines and I have zero clue how to meet people -- and I'm fairly socially adventurous, too. This was helpful! p.s. you seem even more confident than usual!
Loved this video, thank you. Would love to see you do something like this again. Asking what activities they like to do with and without friends, how often they talk or see their long distance friends, etc. would be interesting questions
noting these down!!
I would looove the elderly person with ice cream to be my friend. :') Such badass energy!
The grandma is soon cute she just like us ' I don't plan I procrastinate '
Most of my friends are local, but that’s because I live less than an hour from where I grew up and went to college. The new friends I’ve made in the last few years have been my neighbors and someone I met through a common hobby.
Grams was FEELING that ice cream
That older woman is my soul sister lol
a free ass thinker
She reminds me of a mix Sophia Petrillo and Dorothy from the Golden Girls in the best way possible 😁. Just a pleasure to be around
that lady is so relatable😄
Come do one in LA!! It can definitely be hard making new friends here.
Ice cream lady is an icon ☀️