6 Ways Your Childhood is Affecting You Now
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- Many of us went through difficult or painful things in our childhood that we may not realize have had a negative impact on us as adults. Although these weren't necessarily severely traumatic experiences, there are still many ways that your childhood affects your lifestyle and ways your childhood is affecting you now. These harmful experiences in childhood can lead to thing like self-abandonment, emotional enmeshment, people pleasing, being emotional disconnected from yourself or others, identity struggles, or unhealthy relationship patterns... to name a few. And here we're going to learn what some of those experiences were and how to heal, grow and move past the unhelpful effects they may be having.
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#ACE #problemsinchildhood #effectsofchildhood
My name is Robin and I will be 55 this year and I am now discovering that I am codependent and found your channel and ready to clean up my brain.
I was an obedient child. So to this day i m obedient like "Ella Enchanted". People treat me like a doormat. Being an obedient child made me a pushover. Does this resonate with anybody?
Yes! I have such a hard time saying no, and I can’t put up any boundaries for myself
Wow is that painful when you're an adult. Here you are a good, hard-working employee. No one notices you, no one cares. Or people take advantage of you because you won't say no to doing some of their work as well.
@@mikshin9825 yes it's very painful. It's like i m under a spell. So helpless! But good news is I'm working on that.
I rehearse situations where I will say no or ask people to treat me with respect.
In my home, we had no choice! Of course I carried that over in marriage, jobs, relationships....
Yes, absolutely. I love that movie. I feel the same, but I am slowly getting more confident. Being too obedient / submissive brings up a lot of anger for me because you get taken advantage of when you approach the world this way. Ugh!
This needs to be talked about way more! Most of us have a wounded inner child that needs attention.
I agree - we all have healing to do. No one rides for free.
@Ggirl Thank you
All these 3 connected:
1) responsible for a parent’s emotion
2) fulfill a parent’s dream
3) a sibling’s hijack of all the care
We are all at a variant degree messed up. It's our personal responsibility to work through that junk in our lives to thrive in life.
100%
😇
The last one, sort of. My story is being brought up by parents in a steady home, clothed, fed, material needs met, but they were not able to show affection or love and I learned to feel I didn't deserve it. All I wanted was a hug, that wasn't available and I felt so unworthy I couldn't ask for it.
... I know exactly what that feels like... As adults we in most cases end up feeling inadequate, not belonging. Unlovable. Like there must be something wrong with us...selflessness. Sad that a childhood (in these patterns) is in fact setting the child up to form an adult that will need to spend a great part of their life recovering from childhood !!!! 😶
❤️❤️❤️
I dream about a time when all children grow up loved and supported. They understand their value in the world and internalize a clear sense of their significance. What a world we would have then, and it could be ours in one generation if we all could see that love is the greatest gift a child can receive.
Amen to this.
Grownups who are doing their work to heal make it so their kids won't have to (at least as much).
being responsible for how others are feeling
BIG one, right?
I recognized something that we do with our kids now and will stop it immediately. Thank you SO much
THIS fills my heart. Thank YOU!
So true...parents are just older people.
Yup. I find that truth both sobering and liberating.
That quote hit home for me. ♥️
My mother definitely pushed me to fulfill her dreams. Sent me to college 800 miles from home after I repeatedly said I didnt want to go. Told me i had cold feet at my first wedding when i said i couldn't go through with it. I always felt she favored my brother growing up. My childhood was chaotic, she had PMDD and little to no emotional regulation at times. I routinely feel I dont know who I am, that no one loves me, and that I'm alone. Your videos are helping me to put a finger on issues I couldn't explain. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Being told, “You ruined my day” as a child by my Mother. Then moving into a marriage with the same treatment from my spouse (X) meaning I was responsible for their emotions. I have made peace with these people, have set healthy boundaries and reject their harming words when necessary. Thank you, Julia, I learned all these skills from you! 💜
I see you and I see you doing the work. You are amazing.
Very happy to hear that, makes me feel more encouraged to do the same
I'm 62. Been working on this on many levels since I was 19. I raised my Mom and was blamed for her alcohol drug addiction. Thank you for sharing.
Sending you love.
I am a seventy three year old daughter, mother and grandmother. Listening to this video I can see the unhealthy copying mechanism that I installed to deal with my mother's mental health issues. I therefore had mental health issues. I can see the same pattern in my daughter and my grandaughter. The issues are different but the root problems are the same. I am going to send this to my grandaughter, at twenty two she is already searching for the answer to overcome these problems. She understands 'it didn't start with her'. I thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏❤
At 16... Had a nervous breakdown.. went to hospital.. came home.. and kept keeping on... because that's what you do...
I was just thinking about this today, my dad would always scream at me for not doing things perfect or as he would say “halfassed” and now that I’m grown I can’t motivate myself to do anything because I don’t do anything unless I do it perfect and that’s a lot of effort, yesterday I realized he was wrong, a step forward even if it’s not the whole journey in one go is better than nothing at all
One step. One shift at a time - that's all it takes. The difference between nothing and one is EVERYTHING. You are doing it friend. GOOD for you.
Julia Kristina Counselling thanks Julia for all your hard work!
Good job! Being able to see that is amazing
Yes ditto.. i got screamed at man I still can hear it.. has screwed me up.. Im 63 11/23 and I will always be affected but I keep fighting back with therapy and self help main goal to heal.. thanks Alex in Henderson Nv
Thank you for this comment. I got in trouble for doing things "half-assed" too. Something I haven't thought about in a long time, but I do the thing where it has to be perfect or nothing at all. I also realize that I get angry at my husband for not doing things the way I think they should be done and thinking "why does he always do things half-assed". Thank you for pointing out where that's coming from and I will be more mindful of how I think about what my husband is doing.
Thank you for being here - I'm grateful for you.
I have repeatedly said my parents brought me up the best they could and were generally supportive and stable. But now realizing just how much shadow work I need to do. Went from an ultra sensitive child, rebellious teen, matronly adult to now just being me
I think its just "Thinking Outside the Box", and blocking out negativity, remembering the good pleasant aspects of childhood and using the past as a reference for good things and more importantly, the mistakes that were made, and to not repeat them.
I had every single one that you mentioned and then some. Affected my life in very awful ways. Worked through much of the worst of it over the last 2 decades but still working on residual abandonment, anxiety, and neediness issues.
I see you friend. And I see that you are doing the work.
I love my parents and I know they love me, but it was hard for to realize that they aren't perfect. Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stuff that stems from my childhood and this video came up at the right time.
I'm glad it connected. And yes, you can absolutely love your parents and acknowledge your pain at the same time.
8:04 parents making excuses instead of actually apologizing for their mistakes that affected you
9:20 parents manipulating you to fulfill their dreams
I relate with these two so so much and this opens my mind so much thank you
my mom never apologized for anything.. if i ever asked her, my request/question came with an agression from her end.
I experienced all above, but the last one affects me the most. I am 64 and in the last 5 years I am working on myself. I have notebooks where I was writing every time I understand something about myself. I am in network marketing business which helped me to work harder on myself to became who I want to. I am thankful to God who is guiding me to meet great people like you. You are helping this healing process for me. Thank you, may God bless you and your family ❤️🙏🏼💐
My dad was a farm kid and I very much was not. He pushed me into things like 4H and hunting that I had zero interest in. He wouldn't let me quit 4H even after some strong protesting and guilt tripped me whenever I opted out of a hunting trip. I feel like this made me question my value as a son and to this day I can't stand letting people down even when I have no control over it. I'm 33 and just now realizing my dad wasn't perfect.
I think I speak for all of us when I say thank you for doing this instead of professional figure skating. I don't see how taking that path of life would've helped me with the crap that holds me back.
Thank you. Soooooo many people need this to get to their root.
Thanks Angela - I'm grateful you found this helpful. Understanding many of these have really helped me along my journey too.
Yehap! And I agree with Julia, helping others help with our own problems!
My dad to me: “shame on you for upsetting your mother!” This is what I was raised with.. he said this to me two years before he died. We did not have a close relationship, he never showed any interest in spending time with me so it wasn’t possible with his dynamics. I didn’t and still haven’t cried for his passing because it was a relief actually, wouldn’t have to hear it ever again from him. Humans... many should never reproduce and pass on their poison. Because my experiences were nothing compared to many others.. this is not a socio-economic, race or ethnic issue. We have accepted shame based dynamics in our culture, unfortunately this is being used today in a big way to achieve compliance.
“Fulfilling your parents dreams” resonates with me. I definitely felt pressured into doing a number of activities that I had no interest in when I was younger.
It's tough, isn't it? And then often we feel bad for not wanting to what they want for us - as if we're doing something wrong. It can be all very confusing.
I feel like my father is trying to control my life. I'm trying to connect with my authentic self so I can move forward in a healthy way.
I cant believe how you just described my childhood... I really feel that I can identify my situations for what they are.. I really want to get a hold of my life... I'm hooked I want more....
Good for you Adam! 👍😊
I am in the same boat.
Trying to do what i need for me too. Not always easy... but want to keep at it to live a mentally & physically healthy life 😉
Goodluck to living the life YOU want 👍
Shout out from Perth 🇦🇺✌
Me too, Adam! She perfectly explained my childhood traumas and I never really understood why I instinctively try to help people getting way out of my comfort zone and embarrassing myself.
@@suzeb7005 thank you for your kind words I really appreciate the love shot out from USA Ca
I'm really glad you're here Adam. Are you new to my channel?
@@juliakristinamah yes I am I really I'm in to this I fell in love with this field. I want to go to school to be a counselor one day. So I look up counselors and I study and and you are really good at keeping my attention and leaving me wanting to hear more
My dad used to tell me I was why he was not getting better because I wasn’t there for him 100 percent . Thankfully - I did have support in my life that said - no - you are not responsible. But - it’s your parent and deep down I struggle with saving everyone because I couldn’t save him .
My parents always put so much pressure on me as a kid to go to college because neither of them got any education beyond high school, and eventually when I realized in high school that I didn't want to go to college, I got so stressed out and depressed I could barely make it through the day. I'm better now, but the pressure is still there from them.
I think sometimes parents get so anxious about their own regrets that they forget to see that their children are not extensions of them. They are their own people.- and as adults, need to make their own decisions for their own lives.
I describe how I grew up like an episode of "Cops without the tube top, Marlboro included!" Mom addicted to pills and bi-polar and OCD, and dad 3x Vietnam vet, alcoholic abuser.
Ironically, I helped raise my little bro at the age of 8, changing diapers, getting up w/ him at nite to get bottles and changing diapers, staying home from school to care for mom and brother, digging change out of dads pocket while he lay in his own vomit passed out, in order to walk to the corner store and
p/u bread and bologna so I could feed both brothers...
Everything you've said here is true, is me and I'm grateful!!
I find you clear, direct and sooooo helpful! I'm most grateful for your time and effort. I'm in the midst of separation with my 28 year old narcissist and angry spouse and I've accidentally landed on u and realized how deep my homelife IS directly involved with these marital issues too.....blessings! #strugglinginoklahoma
For me, it was shame and emotional neglect. I started attending Celebrate Recovery meetings for shame and narcissistic abuse a few months ago, which is a 12-step program like AA, but for Christians. Churches around the world host these meetings on their campuses. To dig deeper in this program, you can do their 11-month Step Study class, which challenges you to examine your core beliefs and such. It has helped me so much already, along with videos such as yours. Thank you for helping others in this way!!!! ❤️❤️
Helping hurts, habits and hang-ups. CR is a beautiful thing!
GOOD for you for doing this work and taking your mind and your life seriously. This is everything.
CEN affects so many of us. The most well meaning of parents can still impact a child tremendously. Jonice Webb is trying to make CEN a household name. Not to shame or criticize anyone, but to shed a light on the darker areas of our past. Real understanding of this field would make such a huge difference in 20 years time. Keep doing what you're doing Julia. ♥️
The attention to the chaotic one and having parents who never apologized - these two resonates with me quite well. I still feel that sometimes I have a hard time getting out of some ill behaviors that I was forced to have throughout my childhood.
When I was growing up my dad had a temper problem and I also had a depressed mom. I grew up on a very stressful farm and my parents argued a lot. Usually one parent at the moment would come to me when I was trying to hide in my room trying to avoid the fighting. They always talked about their problems to me like I was a therapist. Eventually I would try telling them I didn't want to listen anymore. Their response, "I listen to your problems, why don't you listen to mine". As an adult I understand I am a highly sensitive introverted person. So back then I had to carry this emotional baggage that I didn't know how to process.
My mom has always battled with extreme depression my whole life. She has always turned to me for comfort and belonging. My dad is very insecure about his intelligence so if I ever unintentionally challenged that he would put me down to feel better about himself. I cried when I watched this video.
I know I learned to stuff my emotions as a child which led to a life of depression & anxiety. Nursing, meditation & Yoga healed oh and Julia Kristina are healing me.
Removing the responsibility to make parent happy - huge. My mother has passed, but this still relieves pressure. Thank you.
Hello, My name is Jennifer and I have recently found your channel and have been watching a lot of the videos to help me mentally. This video really resonated with me because although it wasn't a specific one that you mention but parts of each. I recently realized that although I was not neglected in the manner that you speak of, but I spent my entire childhood watching my siblings make mistakes and saying to myself "ok, that made my parents mad and upset, I will make sure not to do what they did." I realized this because I have started a new job and I have to keep reminding myself that I am able and capable of making my own decision and not just "not doing" what other people are doing that I don't agree with. Thank you for your videos!!!!
All of these, except for the unrealized parental goals. I’ve been working with my therapist and am finally in a place of healing. I know my parents meant well. I can understand that they experienced their own childhood issues and never dealt with them. I love my parents, but have had to put some firm boundaries in place. It is hard, but my happiness is important. Thanks for sharing this video! 🙏🏼💙
Never being heard or seen for that matter -mental /physical abuse and the apology is “god forgives me “-I am resolved that there will never be a relationship with my mom, I am on the path to healing from this and moving forward -thank you Julia
I was called a dummy and felt rejected as a child. Still triggers me today when i feel im being judged....anxiety kicks in big time.
I most closely realte to the child who was always making his parents mad, sad, upset, and just about every negative emotion possible.
I definitely resonated with being there emotionally for my mom when i was only a child. Especially when it was because of my dad. The last one resonates so much with me and where i am now. My dad was an alcoholic and my parents were so toxic towards each other.
Julia - thank you so much for making this video. It is 100% the story of my life. My father died when I was 7 and my mother sought to use me to fill the void in her broken heart and life. I was told right after hearing about my father's death that I was "now the man of the house!" I was 7!!! That morning I learned to live with fear. Today I am 65 and still living in the fear that invaded my life on February 20, 1963. This video answers so many of my questions. Thank You so much! Norm
All of these are issues I faced growing up. I believe that this is why I am cursed, I don't matter, that I don't know who I am or what I want in life.
My childhood was spent being ridiculed, teased and laughed at, not only by classmates but by my parents.
Mom would tease and laugh whenever I would try and improve myself. My dad would ridicule when I couldn’t do something.
But the worst was the pressure to have a family. To have a son to carry on the last name. Not only from my dad but aunts, uncles, cousins and family friends.
Over 40+ years of this pressure. I just realized a couple of months ago what they did and that it was wrong of them to put this on me.
I get it. They didn’t know any better. I don’t blame them. But I just feel so lost now. That my entire mindset has now shifted and I just don’t know what to think or believe anymore.
Every single one of these things happened to me as a child. My parents used to leave me and my siblings alone starting when I was just 6, from what I can remember. SO many other horrible memories. SO many other issues that went on. Thank you so much for all that you do. This video quite literally pulled me out of a panic attack. Thank you, thank you, you're saving me from myself a little more every day. ⚘
Damn I hit the jackpot with all of them 😂😂
Whish I would be this lucky in real life...
I am with you!!! Good news: we are likely super empathetic with others. It blows that we were knee deep in crap to work through, nothing I can do to alter my past. Hugs 🤗!!!!
I'm a 36 year old in recovery.. I find that my core beliefs have impacted my drug abuse... I would love to learn more....
Glad you're here Adam.
That's why I agree that is so important to be aware about your behavior and action when you have children. In Brazil there are a few people who don't believe in it. They only will realize it doing therapy. In Brazil there are a few parents who says " I gave it for my son and he didn't die" for me it is crazy. Because the way that you will raise your kids it will makes the differencie in all their life.
This brings tears to my eyes because my mother was severely depressed, and addicted to alcohol.
She is the sweetest person, sensitive and loving, but was 'so very unable' to take care of herself. And my father too is so kind and loving, but used alcohol and had (has) severe psychological problems.
All of our family eventually abandoned us, because they could not deal with the problems anymore and had their own lives to manage. I as a child filled that gab (tried), especially of my mother.
When I look at it now, I see I sort of merged myself with her. Sensing and knowing everything she felt completely and deeply. And responding to that always. As if we were one being together.
I remember even thinking as a child, that I was born to take care of her, that it was my mission as a soul to do to that. I believed I had no other purpose in life and that she would die if I did not do it. (which was actually true)
I was sort of willing to give 'myself' up for preventing that.
I remember that when I was about 10, I was being sort of aware that 'I' was dissapearing, as the person I am.
But I believed I would be ok later.
I was an empath, I sort of suspect and feel I am absurdly good at sensing other peoples emotions and wellbeing. Which is a lovely thing in itself, but I of course became a codependant. I think pretty severely.
I am only realizing now (I am 38 now) how much this is true. I still sort of unconsciously do the merging thing, all the time.
The idea of having to 'unlearn' that is so daunting. I have no idea how to do that. Because I am 'so petrified and scared' of not 'doing' what other people need. Whenever I try to have a boundary, I panic immediately afterward and pull it back.
I realize now that the panic attacks I have in my life are caused by this. Its like a fobia. It can become true panic with trembling, hyperventilation and everything.
Thank you for your videos. I just found them today. It really helps me to see all this more clearly within myself.
12 step Recovery in ACOA support groups helped me remember & UNDERSTAND how & why my parents mentally damaged me & their parents damaged them & on & on - back in time..BUT also, how I can overcome that mental damage NOW. It's astonishing to see just how many adults are still affected by early childhood conditioning & don't even KNOW IT! Thanx for offering some help dealing with early damage & trauma. ❤
Hello. I'm Andrew. Thank you very much
Hey Andrew, welcome. Glad you're here.
The part I identified with is my mother yelled at me a lot with the words, youre an ignoramous, and other things negative. Also , the “ you’re just like your father” and as far as I could tell she really didn’t like him. So this video explained some things about my behavior. Thank you very much!
Shame ,neglect , abandonment both to my kids and what I experienced
Totally experienced the ‘chaotic sibling’ cycle in my family. I didn’t feel seen or heard, or validated. As a result I have a poor idea of my identity, not much confidence, and lots of shame around my emotions. I’m working through it and trying to process, learn, and grow. It’s nice to understand why I’m the way I am. I feel like I will be a healthier person in the long run for acknowledging this. Thank you for the awesome video!😊
I grew up in the era of children should be seen and not heard and never being allowed to express anger in any form or fashion. This is a great follow up video from the last one I watched about figuring out who I am.
My mother had all 9 markers for NPD with low empathy. My sister was BPD. I connect will all of these.
My name is Ross Evan Jennings, I am 23 years old and I was faced with a few of these issues that you have pointed out. Just four months ago, I have experienced an out of control chaos from my step father when he got into my business. This lead him having to beat the shit out of me. Luckily, I called the police on him, that resulted for him to be arrested and to settle a restraining order to never harm me or my mother and siblings. It was hard to explain with my biological father of that event, because I’m going through the repeated cycle of not opening up to him or my mother. They were divorce for nearly eighteen years. It effected me because: for one my Dad would get married, but have a temporary flinging relationship behind her back. He puts all of his insecurities on why he’s still hurt, like I’m supposed to support him. I avoided contact with him, even if he wanted to have dinner with me or happy hour. I hate him, I hate the behavior he displayed. Because in that sense, it was like seeing that I can’t handle any single relationship between me and a girl I want to have the courage to be honest. With my mother, she would have to be with a person that would love and fill her emotional and supportive needs in return. I think that most of the time, they both never grew out of the stage for having their own individual needs, self-love. It’s a heavy burden, because it affected my self confidence/esteem from growing up. I didn’t like football, and yet my Dad wanted me to have something of a calling in order to get noticed as one of the popular kids. He wanted to enlist me to go to a HBU, I wasn’t interested at the time but he tried so hard for me to learn about black history, nearly shovel down throat. I wanted to learn for my own sake. I never asked for him to be a tour guide for my life. He really does manage to be a good father no matter what. Right now, I’m facing to continue the struggle as a independent filmmaker, and I am doing to best that I can to get my stories out. I still haven’t told him about the time I was orally raped and that I was harassed. To top it off, I want to say thank you for being on my home page whenever I need a video to keep in mind there is a better path to self love. I’ll do what ever it takes to get to that inner goal, so that I don’t have to be afraid anymore
This was one that definitely hit home for me . I’m 40 and my mom still tries to make me feel responsible for the way she feels. Though through learning about emotions among other things I can now identify what she is doing and am able to either point it out in a manner that lets her know I’m not responsible for her feelings and emotions without doing harm or just let it roll off my back. Another one I found that relates to this is being responsible for raising another persons children when you are still a child yourself. Having that put on me as a child definitely made me believe taking care of others was on me and if they weren’t happy with something then I was to blame . Also being told that sexual abuse that went on for a lengthy period of time from the age of 8 or 9 until I was 11 was my fault and I was a whore was another one that really caused lasting damage and made me question myself as a person . This happened just because I didn’t want to relive all the details for that guardian. Thank you as always for your great words and insight . It’s becoming easier and easier to let go of the past that has haunted me for so long each and every day .
I grew up with the chaotic person who got all the attention and I was just trying to keep the peace all the time. Lots of damage but I'm learning who I am, making boundaries and learning from people like you. ❤️
I personally experienced all of these things, and many that are recognized as even more traumatic in my childhood. I have always struggled with my emotions and never learned what a healthy relationship was for me. I have lived with unrealistic expectations of myself and have only recently begun exploring who and what I am. Both of the half siblings I grew up with are in medicine, and I have been surviving on disability for nearly 2 decades after failing to hold any paid job for a year, and failing to complete any certification process other than my GED, which was just passing some tests (I did nearly 3 years in a 2 year college, but fell slightly short of a degree). Now that I am a grandma, and working towards my life dreams, I am finding that healing can be a very painful process, and I have a long way to go
I never learned to say no, never was allowed to say no. Felt like it didn’t matter at all what I think. Worked myself out of these patterns through my kids, but every now and then I still struggle. Thank you 💖
It's very hard to deal with parents that are stuck emotionally.
Yes for the awareness boost! Thank you Julia Kristina. Your videos has helped me so much❤️ I have made a comment before on another video probably last year, and your response was so uplifting and positive. No judgement. Been a subscriber now for probably almost 2-3 years, and I love your content. You’re helping so many different people, and it’s so appreciated‼️ Being a adopted, brown gay man growing up in a predominantly white country, culture and society here in Norway, to a ethnic white Norwegian couple in a conservative Christian (protestant/state church) home I’ve been dealing with all of these. At age 32 I finally managed to take the courage to break off from my family for good. Couldn’t handle the verbal, and mental abuse anymore as well as the constant stress, as I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 6-7 years due to being bullied my whole life by my own family, friends, school, colleagues etc. basically my whole life, until I couldn’t take it anymore and everything just went down hill. Like a mental and physical breakdown. Burnt out. I quit my job, and have been unemployed as well thanks to back injuries, and tendonitis in both arms, which makes it impossible to do what I do as a hairdresser and MUA, besides the mental health issues I’m dealing with, plus food and pollen allergies... I became obese (Cushing Syndrome) and suffer from Alopecia. I’ve also been suicidal since age 13, when I started dieting and developed a eating disorder. I alao took a BOD test which I scored extremely high on, which made my whole life make sense. But thanks to you and many others who seek to help people, I managed to become aware of it all, how it all started etc, and now I’m on my way to self heal. Due to the depression I lost 99% of all my previous “friends”, and my partner for the past 13 years cheated on me, and dumped me the day before my 28th bday. We are still together as I decides that we’re both responsible for shit to hit the fan, tho not excusing what he did, but he’s not a bad guy, nor are we perfect. I didn’t want to throw 13 years out the window, and give it a go when we clearly knew why, how and when it went wrong, and what we needed to fix it. It was also what I needed to pull me out of the depression bubble, and wake me up. I still have my days, weeks, months, years, but I’m slowly moving forward. I’m working on making clear boundaries, communication, and say no, and mean it w/o feeling guilty as I have fear of abandonment, so I said yes even if I didn’t want to in fear of people leaving me or stopped liking me, and all my life I’ve been put down, shamed, and told no, or that I couldn’t, wouldn’t be able to do it, and that I was dumb. As a result I lack confidence, and doubt my self, even if I’m good at what I do, and I never listen to my gut which proves to be wrong time and time again. Everything I thought was normal growing up, I now realize as an adult wasn’t. I’m the black sheep of the family. The shame. The son who became a failure. The son who is gay. The son who wasn’t good enough at anything. Only art. The son that was more like a daughter than his macho straight little brother who is the golden boy. Constantly compared, and put up against each other from skin tone, physique, intelligence etc. My mom even told me that my happiness wasn’t important. Only that I fulfilled my role in society and payed taxes, had a job... and that they didn’t adopt me so that I could whore around, and cause them so much shame and hurt, as I’m an awful son, who’s going to hell. So I was always envious of those who’s parents was open and accepting. I even wished to be thrown out onto the streets because they wouldn’t let me go. My boyfriend was my savior. W/o him and the friends at the time, I’d be long dead. My only dream growing up, still is, was to become happy. To not be bullied, harassed, ridiculed and discriminated against anymore, but I still do to this day experience this in various degrees each and every day as a POC and openly gay man. I’ve gotten beaten up, and had garbage and food waste thrown at me in high school. But all this made me stronger. I learned that family is everything you make it out to be. So my friends and boyfriend became my family... sorry for the long comment😰 Thank you again for all that you do🥰🥰🥰
Thank you Julia 🧡 The work you are doing is amazing!
Shared this with many! Very helpful! Thank you!
You are so right. Thx for posting
Thanks Julia.
Thank you so much for this!
This helped so much ❤️ thank you 💌
Wow. This is so spot on
Thank you for sharing your gifts❣️
This makes everything so clear!!! Thank you so much 💖
As usual you have fantastic timing. Nearly all of these things that have naturally been coming up for me during this time.
Julia, I just want you to know how much I appreciate the ability that I've had to listen to your excellent communication skills for what I believe is about 5 years now. I could not be more grateful that you do this pro bono. I've also introduced to some of my closest friends and relatives. You definitely help keep me inspired, and I'm extremely grateful I was fortunate enough to find you. Stay well stay safe stay hopeful.
Thank you so much for this video!! Mind boggling for sure!
Thank you.
Thank you Julia! You helped me change my perspective of my toxic alcoholic father with bipolar disorder who never apologized
There's no excuse for his behaviour, but know it had nothing to do with you. He was in deep shame (likely from his own unaddressed trauma) and had no idea how to handle it.
That was good Julia! Now I can see how we develop thoughts of shame or guilt, "something wrong with me or I'm not good enough" based on our childhood. I can see also how we can pass this mindset down to our children. Thank you for reminding us that the work has to start with us and our children will reap the benefit of a healthy development. Thank you.
Yes, it’s not about blaming. Years, I felt like blaming…but I have to be the change…..it’s unfortunate….your videos are awesome and I thank you….I am worthy, I am good enough, NO is a complete sentence and I can take care of myself, set clear boundaries, and understand that I don’t cause other people to feel how they feel. Moreover, that the cycle will NOT continue because I apologize, speak about my emotions and am accountable for my own emotions not my children, I take responsibility when I don’t handle my own emotions responsibly. When
I know better I DO better.,..I vow to do better as I learn new things about my
Childhood….very eye opening….so again I thank you.❤️🙏🏾
My childhood was not good now I'm 52 years old I don't have to worry about the past for the rest of my life if the best of my life Hallelujah for that
Thank you 🙏
Thank you!
Love your energy and message. Thanks for sharing.
I love this video Julia. I've watched it several times now, and it evokes so many emotional things. It's made me realise how much happened in my formative years, which I have carried through my life and relationships, and still carrying it with me.
I think I may have a lot of work to do to get through all of it, that's if I am able to? Love your video talks though Julia, they're very encouraging. Bless you. ❤
This is me.... thank you so much for clearing that up for me, this makes so much sense!
So relatable. Still fighting my own battles with this and hope I can figure it out along the way. The biggest lesson is that there's no way in hell you can help others help themselves, and it's almost a virtual certainty especially if you can't learn to help and be responsible for yourself first (because there's not enough for you to show for). Whatever it is you think, feel, plan, intend, or do, it's vital to develop these two ideas so that you're not continuing to increasingly suffer unnecessarily; one, making matters less worse, and two, approaching the matter voluntarily/consciously in small steps (and include experimenting and making unintentional mistakes along the way because they're the most important experiences that you can study and learn from to improve yourself from those experiences) so that you can steadily chip away abd and solve the problems associated with lack of motivation or crippling sense of overwhelm in anxiety or depression (and no wonder because too much suffering compounded for extended periods of time, alongside unhealthily learned coping strategies from involuntary instincts, can grind oneself down to a hopeless and nihilistic halt... and/or result in behavioural issues that continue you down a destructive/self-destructive path without even being aware of it, let alone care about it). And if other people continue to flaggelate you for past mistakes even though you're learning or have learned from them to become a better, more stable, kinder, wiser person - then honestly, lay forth your boundaries to maintain politeness/respect and stay away (or limit contact) from them so that you're not continually drowning in cynicism.
My children suffered.. over taking care of the family... And not just them... So, so bad
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This video was soooo insightful! It's really made me reflect on a lot of things.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on unresolved issues I have from my childhood and this is a video I really needed right now!! I don’t recall everything that happened, but it’s definitely keeping me hurt even to this day. I hope you’re having an amazing week so far ❤️
I am having and amazing week - I hope you are too Admir. Glad you're here.
Julia Kristina Counselling I am really happy to hear you’re having a really good week! Thank you so much, it truly means a lot. :) My week has been fairly great also
Thank You 😁
Thank you so much..this is really hard work.
This was so incredibly helpful, thank you for posting it for me. Fulfilling my parent's dreams and being emotionally neglected are the ones that resonate with me and I will begin to look inward whenever I start overreacting outward.
I was told I was a bad kid, my father told me that I wasn't worth a s t. Imagine being told that as a kid. I felt shame when I was around other people because I thought they was saying the same of me but thank God they my uncles's actually took me under there wings and showed me what I needed as a kid. After learning about narcissism I learned that he was projecting onto me how he felt about himself. The strangest thing is I still thought of lot of him. He passed away when I was 16 and that bothered me so bad because I didn't get a chance to know him even though we lived in the same house.
Thank you. You are doing awesome work. 😉
Thank you very much for articulating it so beautifully, I have probably dealt with 5 of the things you mentioned, hearing you say it made feel like crying.
I want to commend you on not only the excellent material you are presenting, which I LOVE, but the professionalism in presentation. You obviously prepare very well, you stay focused and don't get off track, and also the sound is great which is such a neglected thing on youtube. I like to use my ipad, and the audio on it is less than great but your videos are just perfect, I can do other stuff and wont miss anything you say!!