I feel the real secret that nobody wants to talk about is detaching emotionally a little bit. I don't know about y'all, but when I'm madly in love I can't help being a little clingy. Practicing detachment really helps keep you emotionally independent. Everything has its downside tho. You can't be madly in love AND fully independent emotionally. If you are, you have to not be madly in love. You can't have it both ways.
I always get insecure and paranoid in relationships. Constantly afraid that they will cheat on me or hurt me. Find someone better etc. I hate it. It has literally ruined all my relationships. I don’t even know if I have any valid reasons to feel this way. I want to change so bad 😭
For the most part I trust my partner, he’s really patient with me too. Not gonna lie I do still have anxiety at times but what helps me personally is just knowing that I can’t control everything. You really just have to trust them. No choice. And know that whatever he does is on him. I think I’m a bit of a control freak though or I like having the sense of control and learning to just say “well I can’t control it if he does something behind my back” and just trusting is the best route. It’s a learning battle though I still struggle with my anxiety but it’s manageable and I try not to take my insecurities out on him. Hope that helped
I used to be this way, and I can honestly say that I’m not anymore. The more I’ve found a sense of self-worth in God and the more I’ve come to appreciate who I am, the less I feel like I rely on my partner to validate me if that makes sense.. it’s helped so much in my relationships bc there are no longer unfair expectations on who I’m with. I’m not paranoid and don’t worry as much about what life would be like without someone bc I trust that God is going to provide for me and give me what I need, and I also know that I’m wonderful no matter what my relationship status is- which is something I’ve struggled with in the past. Hope this helps (: You’re wonderful, girl!
Please read up about attachment styles. You are probably like me an anxious attachment. You can change this with hard work. I'm on my journey. You are not the only one.
I know what you mean, its okay to feel that way. Its okay to feel like its hard to take care of yourself. You’re allowed to ask for help, but often depending on someone can worsen your depression. Its a long journey to take care of yourself and be “independent”. It will take time, but i’m sure you can do it❤️
So beneficial when you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, I think just knowing you’re not the only person who needs to hear these things makes you feel less insane!
When someone says love yourself they don’t mean be happy or content with all your goals and achieve them, they mean love yourself as you would someone else: unconditionally. Give yourself the same love and attention as you would a loved one. Care for yourself
It's easy to "love yourself first" it's bullshit and this is the mistake that 21 first modern narcissist society has made people think about, in other words, The way we learn to love ourselves is through other people and the relationships we have with them. We are literally designed to learn, grow, and love through other people. We are tribal creatures. Not meant to do life alone. As social beings, humans are born into a group that exists because the love for offspring and for partners is part of the blueprint that has made the survival of the human species possible. In other words, as was widely understood until the beginning of the modern era, the group is prior to the individual. An individual is created within the context of a community. The love that we feel, the love that we experience, the love that we give takes place in the interaction between and amongst people. Hope its helpful take it easy to yourself
I hate this saying. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else” it makes those who struggle with loving themselves feel unworthy of love and that’s totally not true.
Oo yes, so true. I'm coming up on 4 years with my husband (who is also my best friend) and we spend a lot of our time together, but we still have our own interests and hobbies and are happy to do things alone or with our own group of friends. He is my first serious relationship and there were definitely growing pains as I learned that I couldn't rely on him for fulfilling my every need. Our relationship is so much better now that we take care of ourselves first but still support each other as much as we can!
You are so right! I am learning it right now. Sometimes, I just want to rely on my husband. But I realized that I can not even handle a good relationship or even marriage without learning how to be alone first! You are so beautiful honey! Good luck and love to you!
This was made just for me. Went through a break up after being in a relationship for almost 5 years. I’ve really discovered how important it is to be independent and I’ve become very in-touch with myself. I get nervous with the idea of dating because I don’t want to lose this new part of me!!! Love this video a lot. Thank you for this.
Am so excited right now ! I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
This has helped me open my eyes to my current relationship. It's a very nice relationship and I think it has a future, and this video helped me realize that we need to slow down the dependency and live our own lives, and work on ourselves so that we can continue to thrive as a couple. Thank you for this, it's exactly what I was looking for !! :)
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we need breaks to just go hangout with friends or family without each other for a while and that’s fine. You don’t have to be together 24/7. it makes you appreciate each other more
OMG!!!! how is this so ON POINT. Literally on time to my life. This really speaks to me. My best friend is in a co-dependent relationship and its really scary and sad. Her whole life is dependent on him. She only wants to talk about her boyfriend and always cancels on us if her boyfriend wants to hangout with her. This is greatly needed for young women today. Im working on not being co-dependent and desperate. Thank you so much!!!!
Am so excited right now ! I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
I just want to put this out for the general public since it wasnt mentioned ( amazing video by the way as always!!!) Comparing your relationship is not healthy, every single relationship (between sexual, family, friends, coworkers) is different. Everyone has different love languages, learning them goes with her point communication. Privacy is very important. Your best friend doesn't need to know everything about your relationship with your SO. Take a look at what you have with that person and see if you like how you are treated, dont compare with how other are treated in their relationships. Xo
I totally agree; I would go even one step further. I believe that your best friend SHOULD NOT know about things going on in your relationship, until there is an abuse and you really need to tell someone. Your friend is forming an opinion about your loved one, which could be based on your moment of anger and your perception of this person while you were not completely happy. Even if things go back to normal, people will do remember that your boyfriend made you unhappy ONCE. Every relationship goes through ups and downs and I believe that the majority of the things should stay between the couple. As long as you are not blessed with a friend that you trust completely and that will love both of you as long as you are happy - than cheers to that
Am so excited right now ! I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
Allegra, you have no idea how helpful this was for me, right now. I just broke up from a 6-year relationship. The only one I had as an adult. I'm trying to analyze what went wrong. I'm starting to see that I stopped caring about myself and expected him to care for me and then I would get super frustrated and feeling not loved if he didn't do it the way I would like to. I never saw myself as a dependent person, people actually praised me for being so independent in many areas of my life. I guess I'm only like that to the person I'm with. Thank you, once again, for this video.
Am so excited right now ! I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
i've been really dependent on my boyfriend and hearing this made me think a lot of things and gave me clarity of a lot of things. i also wanna ask, the impression i got was that you don't NEED your significant other to fill voids or what you're lacking but you CHOSE to be with them because you feel as if you're ready to share your life with someone else while keeping your own person.
1. Work on your mental health (take care of you) 2. Maintain previous relationships (friends, family,...) 3. Maintain your life and your own hobbies (spend time apart) 4. Communication*** (able to talk openly about anything)
I feel like I have to watch this video many times because thats exactly what I need to learn. I'm in a relationship since nearly two years and I'm just as clingy and as dependent as in the beginning. Also I can't think about what would happen when we broke up because I feel like I can't be alone. That's like my biggest fear, being lonely and I hope this video helps me being more independent.
@@niara6 Yes, I did. We broke up a month after it, to be honest, but I was much more independent in the next relationship. I guess, the way he treated me made me clingy and afraid of losing him, but I am way happier now. :)
This is a great video idea. Thank you . Just got out of a very toxic narcissistic relationship. Everything I did and accomplished went down the drain and in the end I was living to please him and I gave up on so much that I'm now trying to gain back . This was a good video to hear for the future
ELeigh SWood same girl! I feel you! Take your time and take care of yourself. It can be hard at times, because you’ll probably have to rebuild yourself. It all gets better and you will know when you get what you deserve in a relationship. Wishing you the best xxx
Idk why I'm seeing this two years later but thank you so much 😭😭 Here's me saying life is way better and I am way stronger and more confident now 💃💪 building my dream life
I wish I could find more girlfriends who genuinely enjoy the same things I do. I always feel like I have some friends, but I never feel like they are my friends who I could share and tell everything to. I feel like if I could find that, I would be a less anxious person
Allegra this is exactly what I needed, just got out of a 2 year relationship and I have been feeling so lost. Thank you so much your words and advice are so helpful
I think the first question is answered by the second. Feeling hurt or left behind by your partner needing their own time is your projection of your own feelings onto him. If you are feeling insecure due to that, it is so important to look at yourself and question why that's making you feel that way and go from there. No two people are the same, so it's not enough to say "i want to be with you 24/7 and so it hurts when it's not reciprocated" is too simplistic a way to view it. Work on yourself and your time and the security of your relationship to feel more sure about him having his own time
Had this conversation to my partner yesterday and I cried a lot because i felt so bad to tell him. But he listened to be and he was honest. Before the relationship i had to do everything by myself and it was ok. But it was such a beautiful feeling to share my time with somebody that i dont want to do everything alone anymore..
This video opened my eyes so much and probably saved my relationship. Thank you so much ❤️ defiantly cutting out the toxic behavior. I rely on my partner way too much. To the point to where i get anxiety attacks when he leaves the house for just a couple hours... not good at all. For sure going to start taking care of myself and try and help my situation 😊
this is crazy i was literally thinking about my relationship last night and how i needed to work on my insecurities, thanks allegra, you always come through!! xxxx
i think it's because my heart has been broken too many times, but i often find that when i'm interested in someone, and i think that someone is interested in me, i'm still scared about what they tink of me. when i see them online, but haven't replied to my text from 4 hours ago, it makes me feel very uneasy. despite everything being completely fine the day before, i still feel insecure that i'm being too clingy. i hear that guys like "the chase", and will kind of forget about the girl once he makes her fall in love with him. this is a constant struggle in every potential relationship. can anyone give me some advice on how i can work on this?
First you should take a serious decision 2 stop getting in a relationship for a while..... It's too fine 2 get interseted in some one whether this interest is mutual or not "it's a living being nature",,,just never forget about the decision you already made..... Through this time you should concentrate all your focus on yourself & start literally know more about you ,practicing things you never done before ,enhancing every positive side of you and working on every negative side....(its ok you can take all the time it needs and belive you gonna realize that it deserves every bit)... *** eventually one day the right person who will literally support you before loving you will show up surprisingly in your life........ ""Always remember there is still some really good and kind people in this world but they are rare & you need to really love your self before starting to love others""" .......Hope the best for you......
i am too dependent on my bf...like i wanted him to talk to me 24/7 but he doesn't do that anymore coz he is too busy with his ppts.we barely talk one hour only now, and that hurts. idk if i am being too clingy or should i leave him coz he is not giving me time?
I recently broke up, and I was scared of listening to this, cause I thought, what's the point? But now I see that, I really never had my own life. I mean, I work, but that's about it. I've always been busy, working, studying... But when I was with him, he sort of became my hobby... Now I see I should have my own stuff! Other than working, I'm really excited about having my own stuff and routine for me! :)
i can honestly say that im quite dependent on my boyfriend (we’ve been together 3.5 years), im still learning how to deal with it as i have separation anxiety - haven’t yet found a therapist - im an only child and all of my friends have drifted apart after graduating high school so i don’t really have anyone to hangout with besides my boyfriend which causes me to be so dependent on him and my separation anxiety makes it extremely difficult for me to be alone. ive tried going out and making new friends but i find it so difficult to keep those relationships going. has anyone else gone through this? how did you better yourself?
As a guy, I think that if he hasn't said anything about it then maybe it isn't a problem in the relationship. Does he know that you feel this way and that you have separation anxiety?? Something that would help is to have a job where you interact with people, it will give you some space away from each other for the day and you can also make friends there. Another one would be to try making new friends with people who are couples.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to drink alcohol. Find friends who will accept it and don't try to pressure you into anything. I've had friends like that too and you will realize that you are better off without them if they can't understand the choices you make.
Sometimes I think I'm clingy, but, to be honest, after seeing this video I realized me and my boyfriend have been doing everything right, so thank you! Your video really helped me, not in the way it was supposed to, but it helped lol.
omg. i knew a couple friends who were sooo dependent on their bf. They basically only called me up when their bf was busy so they dont have to be alone or when they needed something from me. Rest of the time they ignored me. Eventually I had to distance myself from these so called "friends". This sounds harsh to say but they were useless. They were like babies. and I was like ok. I can't carry them anymore. I want to be friends with other adults.
The comment you made regarding knowing that you and your partner will be ok if you aren't together is TOO REAL. Glad to know other people think this way as well
True... i am in a relationship since 5 years so we are together my whole teenage age. I love him and really enjoy spending time with him but I feel that I am not priority no 1 for me anymore. I have to learn a lot and while he is out with his friends and has fun I am home alone learning...
My dad has been a recovered alcoholic since I was 7 - so for the past 16 years of my life. Just last month I noticed a change in him and my mom and I discovered he'd began drinking again. It nearly destroyed my family when I was little and all I can do is hope that he finds the clarity to stop again like he did all those years ago. Its so good to hear from another person who had gone on to be so successful despite her 'daddy issues' which, when it comes to alcoholism, is so much more damaging and far reaching than that term implies. I feel a little less alone and hopeful, thanks babe. ❤️
I had the same thing happen. My dad was sober from when I was 4-17 and then he relapsed for about a year. Happy to say he’s been sober for 7 years again now. Not sure what type of alcoholic your dad is but I definitely know what you’re going through and it’s so hard. Highly recommend talking to someone when you feel it’s time, it really helped me work through my emotions. I still definitely have some scars but it was super helpful. Just know you’re not alone and sending my thoughts and prayers for your dad and hope he can fight the fight to get sober again xo
thank you so much for sharing this. Its also so reassuring to know that your dad's now recovered. Alcoholism has really showed me how its possible to hate someone while loving them just as much. Your words really make me feel less alone, thanks love
So much yes. We are not responsible for each other’s happiness. Conversely, we are also not responsible for their anger, pain, etc. I struggled a lot with being codependent. Now i feel so empowered taking on the responsibility of my own emotions.
I LOVE THESE TIPS. It's so true that it'S healthy not to spend every waking minute together, but to make room for the things that light you up as an individual. That way you actually have something to give.
Girl I feel you, that’s my current problem, it’s so hard to make friends especially when you’re an adult and you’re busy all the time, I think having 1 or 2 gfs I could generally be around would make a big difference
Same. For me, its just I havent really been in a place where I can really meet people who are near my age and similar to me. I would be very useful and helpful to have at least one or two girlfriends to hang out with from time to time. But, I do have my cousins that I have known since I was young so maybe I can start there. ❤️ Wish everyone well with their journey on making friends!
I’m going through this now. I’m a lil anti social but still work a lot. I’ve become too dependent and jealous of other friends. Not healthy. I really needed this video tho
Wow this video was wonderful! I have been in a relationship for 4 years now and my partner and I have just moved in together. Thank you for reminding me that maintaining my own independence is super important for maintaining our relationship! Love what you're doing! 💞
SO important to feel like you would both live your lives and you wouldn't just wither away if you two were to ever break up. I think that should be a crucial part of every relationship - it's better to want each other to enrich already full lives than to feel like you need each other as if you aren't whole on your own. 💛
I agree with what she says. I have been using these tools and I am a happily married man for 24 yrs. My wife still likes me and simply adores me and the ground I walk on. She is my queen I put on a pedestal. We as humans need our own "space". To this day I buy her flowers and a bottle of wine for no special reason other than I love her. ~Thanks for sharing Angel from The Bay
I love that you pointed out that we need to have our own hobbies and friend groups that we see and experience by ourselves, and your comment about “you will have more to talk about” but, since I’m new to learning all of this changing my habits and behaviour, if I am still trying to get used to this independency after all this time together, how do I become okay with him telling me fun things about his day without feeling jealous? I hate that I get those feelings because he deserves to have a good time, but I do have them and it’s not nice or healthy for either of us, so I guess I’m just looking for some advice on that. If you see this and reply, thanks, I appreciate it
As a guy watching this video hit home hard for me because I used to be so independent and that’s all I wanted. When I dated someone who was independent it was awesome but then I somehow became dependent on that person and started arguing because I didn’t realize I was becoming “needy.” Thanks for the video.
This is something I'm actively working on right now! It hasn't been easy but I'm getting better at gaining back my independence. Thank you for your insight 💕
Thank you 🙏 It was getting to a point where my insecurities and worries were tearing our relationship apart through lack of trust. Taking a step back now has made me realise that I need to work on myself.
i really needed this. me and my person got back together and we're in long distance relationship. i'm really clingy and needy. i want her to talk to me 24/7 but sadly everytime she has a free time she doesn't talk to me
Thank you for this! I learned so much from this! I was devastated when I found out I was being needy towards my boyfriend and he asked me to work on not being needy. I'll use some of the tips in this video to work towards being less needy (because I also need my space just as much he needs his).
A question for the next video: how do you know when to work on a relationship and when to give in and realise it’s not working and the better thing would be to break up? I lived with my ex for almost three years, and since ending that relationship I have been feeling almost guilty for leaving him. My friends tell me - and I’m starting to see some of the things they are talking about - the relationship was toxic, and he was pulling me down in some ways, but this is the scary part. I can’t tell the difference between if it’s Stockholm syndrome or if I miss him and really think it could be fixed if we worked on it. At the moment, it’s been about six months since the breakup, and we tried having contact but that really didn’t work, so currently there’s radio silence, and the reason I’m asking this question is because I miss him. Almost every single day. (Should also add that he was my first real, serious relationship, so this breakup thing is very new to me.)
I lost the person I love the most because of my dependency and inability to let him breathe. I’m learning now to be independent and be a better person and make sure that the next person I am with will be happy with me. I just wish I had acknowledged back then that I had unhealthy behavior. And that one day he will talk to me so that I can apologize and perhaps be friends.
this is so great! It is so refreshing to see an influencer partner with a sponsor that has such a good cause and support for people!! Thanks girl, you're such an amazing soul!!
how can i actually be independent and happy on my own? like i get it: we have to love ourselves first before we should be in a relationship in order to not get too attached and stuff. i know that emotional attachment isn't healthy, i know i should put myself first. and i know there are all these tips like "set boundaries. don't settle for less. make yourself a priority." but i just sometimes wonder... how will it actually help me? all my life ive been emotionally attaching myself to people out of reach. all my life ive been feeling like i cant be happy on my own. its not that i hate myself so all this "start loving yourself" doesn't help me either. i know there are probably some deep rooted childhood wounds that affect my relationships and my behavior regarding relationships. but i just dont feel like there is anything i can do to stop myself being so needy for someone to fulfill me. like sure, i could set boundaries and not text that one person anymore. i could tell myself that i am better off without them, i could try to represent myself as this independent version of myself. but it wont make me feel any better. all it does is that i will set boundaries outside of me - still hoping for them to reach out and give me the love i so deeply crave. i have read so many tips on how to get emotionally independent, how to get over a break up and how to not get too emotionally attached anymore. and in a way i get what they are saying. but it's easier said than done. all these tips dont really make me feel happier on my own, they just make me represent an independent version of myself that i deep inside just am not. i am craving love so much, i am craving these deep connections where i can just a hundred percent let my guard down and get accepted / loved for who i am. i crave attention and even writing this makes me feel like im just attention seeking but i just really dont know what to do to not crave it anymore. i really, really wanna be able to say that i dont care about my ex anymore and that i am happy on my own but i just cant. and in a way i even know that its not him that i miss so much - but more so the love and attention he gave me. he filled that void in my heart and i just cant seem to accept that i have to let go. i was in love with someone for almost five years and even though he never returned my love, i still held onto him so badly. i just dont want that to be the case with my ex too. long story short: i really appreciate all the advice out there and i am happy for people who can do something with it. but for me it seems easier said than done. i feel like all these tips dont actually make me feel better about myself. i so deeply wish they would though.
Thank you so much for this! I have always felt unwanted whenever he asked for space or a break to regenerate our relation but now im seeing it from another angle
I can definitely feel this right now. I can feel that I’ve put myself in this whole and I am ready to get myself out of it. Going to sit down and write my goals and a vision board (something I’ve always wanted to do). Currently I have sat at the park for about an hour and have listened to videos like this and just cried to myself. I think this is good because I am putting an emotional attachment and purpose for why I want better for myself. Spread love. xoxo
I was so confident and independent before until I was cheated on.. i am doubtful easily freak out,afraid and jealous but i don't wanna let go. I become more needy and dependent.. thank you.. i am in need of this.
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. Every word you said was music to my ears and brought tears to my mental eyes. I like how Joey contributed to the Q&A too. This will definitely help a lot of girls/women, including the ones with daddy issues and communication issues. I only started to understand and practice self love last year and I’m the happiest I have ever been today, while still practicing it daily. We can do it ❤️❤️❤️
I been in my relationship for about 3 years mows and I have been codependent most of the time but before covid I had more hobbies more things to do I was happier with myself but after covid having to stay home i couldn’t go away for college it really made me unmotivated so instead of being my own person and getting through it. I let my boyfriend feel my voids and let him be the reason I was happy instead of myself it’s something I had to learn to be independent again bc he told me he needed space but before I never heard or thought it was an issue till now I know it is and I do want to change it’s just a little hard to be motivated and independently when I am not very happy with my own life right now I will start therapy soon but thank you for the video it gave me the insight I really needed
my partner and I are college lovers..we are very different people..i hv worked out many things in this 8 yr long relationship..but there is still this one thing..he almost never shares vital stuff with me considering we work and have studied together for 8 yrs now...like he would know that our exam forms are out, he would share it with his friends (even fill their forms) but not me. today i was asked to conduct a meeting on his behalf he would share the information about the meeting with the superintendent and asked me to chill that it is easy (i finally had a fight with him to tell me what i had to do in that meeting)..i am so tired with this attitude of his.. earlier he had no time for me..he would binge sleep for 13-14 hrs straight..after repeated fights and me asking to breakup with him and trying to move on with another partner(who turned out be a narc😅)...i do not know if i am a bitch or he is just an emotionally absent partner.. what would you guys have done if u were in my place??
I wish I could explain to you how badly I needed to hear this. It sort of gave me a reality check. So thank you for speaking out about this and just being honest about it.
I love how she discussed everything i been feeling like i have had conflict mentally since i been in my relationship. I realized its been me and i need to change my perspective on being alone and being okay by myself. Its not required for my boyfriend to be with me or talk to me all the time. This video makes me feel alot better ❤❤ Thank you
I needed this so badly. Recently I have been feeling like my relationship is very dependent and I really don’t like that but my parter does Watching your advice really helped me in this hard time
Could not have said it better. So glad that the ideal relationship goal is no longer "give everything". Love this, thanks for spreading the loving and positive, ass-kicking vibes.
Thank you this is really help, i'm the kind a person who always thinks about what people feels and forget to take care my own, that takes me to the point how i always feels guilty everytime things not worked out, and i strugle with my confidence to start a new relationship, but thanks to you now i found my confidence again to start maintain myself and be independent.
What if you started off doing everything wrong, like hanging to much, it talking to friends etc. Is it to late to redo everything? Like how would that work
My friend needs to watch this video. She is very consumed in her relationship. She can’t do anything without her boyfriend. I can’t ask her to have a girl’s night without her asking if her boyfriend can come. She’ll commit to girl’s night but then tell me she can’t go because of her boyfriend. I’m constantly struggling to get some alone time with her. And I struggle within myself to decide if I want to keep the friendship going or just slowly separate myself from her.
Maybe she just likes to spend time with her partner. What is your version of a girls night?? If it's going out and getting wasted drunk, then her man is not going to like that.
Gooz mah She spends ALL her time with her bf. She never MAKES time for me. She only wants to hang out when her bf is busy. She can't expect me to only hang out when she's free ya know? and my version of girl's night is getting dressed up and going out and having a couple drinks. Just to spend time together. When we hang out it's always the same thing: shopping, eating or watching movies. Also, I know plenty of girls in relationships who go out with their girlfriends. All my girlfriends are in relationship and their bfs don't mind them having a girls night. And I don't ask her to go out every weekend, but I've gone out with her and her bf and his not so nice friends countless times and when I ask her to come out with my friends she refuses or flakes. She never puts in the effort to do what I want. And i don't only suggest going out as spending quality time. I've asked her to go to the lake, local show, gym. I feel like trying different things together is how your friendship grows. rather than sticking to the same things and being comfortable. We should be challenging each other and pushing each other to do different things. But she just can't. And it's very frustrating.
I recently got in a new relationship after being single for about a year. I struggled with being needy and insecure in my previous relationships and vowed I would not carry it into a new relationship with me. I did so much work when I was dating to not be like this, now as soon as I got in a relationship I can feel it creeping back up on me. It doesn't only effect me, but also my partner and I hate it! Thank you for this video I really needed it!
Hello girl. Thank u so much to filmed this video. I am not with my boyfriend anymore for a week now. We were together over a year. We were in a very good relation ship but for a year we « « lived » » togheter. We were stuck together all the Time and i liked it. I do my studies in belgium but live in France with my family so this summer i came back without him and... it was so much fun to be Alone a little bit. The problem was that our relationship went to a bad journey u know and he didnt have and trust in myself anymore and was so fucking jealous for anything. The day before i was supposed to come back in belgium we had a very big fight and we broke up. The reason was that he is so selfish because he cannot live without me and cannot understant WHY i can have fun without him. He was so mean to me with his words (not The first Time) that i didnt know What to say so i said nothing. And he broke up. Its so weird to be able to hate someone this much and love him at The same Time. Thank u for ur video. Now i know how to passed this trial..
I’m going to let go of this in the comments: I used to be a confident person and loved how I looked and loved being me. My boyfriend came in my life and I allowed him to be my crutch, 24/7. So when he’s not around I’m lost, sad, anxious, and depressed. I ft him when I go To sleep and I’m anxious when we can’t do that. But now I’m going to work on myself work to get back to that place. I’m trying to Let go of this.
I know this is an old video but I hadn't seen it. I have an alcoholic dad and divorced parents too. I've been legit having the same issues where I have really unhealthy relationships where I end up dependent and insecure. I needed to hear this. Thank you!
BF would barely respond to my messages during the day, then he gets annoyed and said I'm too needy. Now I'm just looking for advice on how to stop being needy and get over him while we're still together.
im a man and struggling in this too with my lovely girlfriend, i love her so much im not giving the space she needs i always want to be with her. but ill try to work on that for her. and thank you your words really helped alot.
I'm going thru this as well with my boyfriend. It will get better :) I hope your relationship flourishes and we will also learn to be less dependent on the people we love and have a healthy sense of individuality
@@kiddev6868 the thing is i don't want that, why whenever someone wants something there is always something different. why just the other person dont feel like he wants you always like you want them and needs you like you do. why we cant have that amazing feeling all the time and share it together it hurts so bad u know, when you really want ur lover like now for so long times and you just can't and you have to wait i hate that feeling it hurts so bad it sucks i get really overwhelmed.
When you said that you had daddy issues I felt that pain and then when you said that your dad was alcoholic mine was two and still is till this day. Relatable asff 😌
I’m too dependent on the guys I date. I tie my self-worth to them and when they never validate me it hurts. If I don’t find myself pretty, I always feel like neither does the guy I’m dating.
I've been feeling really lost because I understand that I cling onto my boyfriend a lot. Like what u have mentioned in the video, I distant out from my friends after I got into a relationship, and felt as though my world literally revolves around him ths entire time. Being around him makes me happy, and I guess that's where I became dependent on him for everything. I realised that I didn't have a "life" outside of him and would feel really depressed after we parted. He can't stay with me 24/7 too because he has his own friends and needs his own breathing space. I respect that, but I can't help but to feel insecure at times... I felt as though I've created a mess and it would take a while for me to clear things up. I wanted to talk to my boyfriend about anything and everything but because I've been feeling so down lately, I didn't want to spread to him the negative vibe I've been feeling (because I know it would last for a period of time) so I kept it all to myself... I tried hanging out with my friends again but it just feels... Off... Maybe it's because I've closed myself off to my boyfriend only.. And even during my free time when I should be doing other things, I find myself looking back at our old conversations instead :( I've gotten into some deep shit and I really needed this video (T＿T)
I just want my next relationship to work . I hate being needy and clingy even though I know when to give space especially try not to talk about myself too much either . Dating has been definitely hard but I did have one good relationships that lasted a long time but dating after that has been difficult. You where very informative.
“The person that you’re dating shouldn’t be your hobby” that one hit hard
Same for me.
Same for me
Same for me.
Same for everyone lol
Vivienne Bennett oath
I feel the real secret that nobody wants to talk about is detaching emotionally a little bit. I don't know about y'all, but when I'm madly in love I can't help being a little clingy. Practicing detachment really helps keep you emotionally independent. Everything has its downside tho. You can't be madly in love AND fully independent emotionally. If you are, you have to not be madly in love. You can't have it both ways.
Oh the accuracy of this comment
2:39 starts.
You're welcome
Thank you😩
Thank you •v•
THANK YOU
thanks
Thx
I always get insecure and paranoid in relationships. Constantly afraid that they will cheat on me or hurt me. Find someone better etc. I hate it. It has literally ruined all my relationships. I don’t even know if I have any valid reasons to feel this way. I want to change so bad 😭
For the most part I trust my partner, he’s really patient with me too. Not gonna lie I do still have anxiety at times but what helps me personally is just knowing that I can’t control everything. You really just have to trust them. No choice. And know that whatever he does is on him. I think I’m a bit of a control freak though or I like having the sense of control and learning to just say “well I can’t control it if he does something behind my back” and just trusting is the best route. It’s a learning battle though I still struggle with my anxiety but it’s manageable and I try not to take my insecurities out on him. Hope that helped
I used to be this way, and I can honestly say that I’m not anymore. The more I’ve found a sense of self-worth in God and the more I’ve come to appreciate who I am, the less I feel like I rely on my partner to validate me if that makes sense.. it’s helped so much in my relationships bc there are no longer unfair expectations on who I’m with. I’m not paranoid and don’t worry as much about what life would be like without someone bc I trust that God is going to provide for me and give me what I need, and I also know that I’m wonderful no matter what my relationship status is- which is something I’ve struggled with in the past. Hope this helps (: You’re wonderful, girl!
Mary Morris thank you for writing this x
I dont feel bad iam the same and a lot of women t same dont worry ❤
Please read up about attachment styles. You are probably like me an anxious attachment. You can change this with hard work. I'm on my journey. You are not the only one.
It’s hard to take care of yourself when depressed
Orangepeels936 Peels just do it ✅
Kris S It’s not that easy
I know what you mean, its okay to feel that way. Its okay to feel like its hard to take care of yourself. You’re allowed to ask for help, but often depending on someone can worsen your depression. Its a long journey to take care of yourself and be “independent”. It will take time, but i’m sure you can do it❤️
11 months later and I can honestly say I’m feeling much better. Thank you for the encouragement 🥰😍
@@Xoxucantfinme1 how’d you do if
So beneficial when you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, I think just knowing you’re not the only person who needs to hear these things makes you feel less insane!
Shannon-maria Johnson ikr i thought i am the only one who becomes dependent on bf
ahhh i hear that "love yourself first" all the time and i literally dont know how to do that. can you make a video just on that topic? love you
Someone else, I relate to what you said. A video on that would be fantastic 😂
When someone says love yourself they don’t mean be happy or content with all your goals and achieve them, they mean love yourself as you would someone else: unconditionally. Give yourself the same love and attention as you would a loved one. Care for yourself
It's easy to "love yourself first" it's bullshit and this is the mistake that 21 first modern narcissist society has made people think about, in other words, The way we learn to love ourselves is through other people and the relationships we have with them. We are literally designed to learn, grow, and love through other people. We are tribal creatures. Not meant to do life alone. As social beings, humans are born into a group that exists because the love for offspring and for partners is part of the blueprint that has made the survival of the human species possible. In other words, as was widely understood until the beginning of the modern era, the group is prior to the individual. An individual is created within the context of a community. The love that we feel, the love that we experience, the love that we give takes place in the interaction between and amongst people.
Hope its helpful take it easy to yourself
Probably to be able to care and step up for yourself. Not projecting your needs you have to fulfill yourself on another person:)
I hate this saying. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else” it makes those who struggle with loving themselves feel unworthy of love and that’s totally not true.
Oo yes, so true. I'm coming up on 4 years with my husband (who is also my best friend) and we spend a lot of our time together, but we still have our own interests and hobbies and are happy to do things alone or with our own group of friends. He is my first serious relationship and there were definitely growing pains as I learned that I couldn't rely on him for fulfilling my every need. Our relationship is so much better now that we take care of ourselves first but still support each other as much as we can!
Happy for u 🌸
You are so right! I am learning it right now. Sometimes, I just want to rely on my husband. But I realized that I can not even handle a good relationship or even marriage without learning how to be alone first! You are so beautiful honey! Good luck and love to you!
You give me hope
This was made just for me. Went through a break up after being in a relationship for almost 5 years. I’ve really discovered how important it is to be independent and I’ve become very in-touch with myself. I get nervous with the idea of dating because I don’t want to lose this new part of me!!! Love this video a lot. Thank you for this.
this was the slap in the face that i desperately needed... thank you
sameeee
SAME
Same
Same
Am so excited right now !
I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
This has helped me open my eyes to my current relationship. It's a very nice relationship and I think it has a future, and this video helped me realize that we need to slow down the dependency and live our own lives, and work on ourselves so that we can continue to thrive as a couple. Thank you for this, it's exactly what I was looking for !! :)
living-ded-gurl I know exactly what u mean!!! True !
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we need breaks to just go hangout with friends or family without each other for a while and that’s fine. You don’t have to be together 24/7. it makes you appreciate each other more
OMG!!!! how is this so ON POINT. Literally on time to my life. This really speaks to me. My best friend is in a co-dependent relationship and its really scary and sad. Her whole life is dependent on him. She only wants to talk about her boyfriend and always cancels on us if her boyfriend wants to hangout with her. This is greatly needed for young women today. Im working on not being co-dependent and desperate. Thank you so much!!!!
Send her this video.
Am so excited right now !
I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
The biggest question is whether she is ok with that. If that's what she wants to do then that is totally fine.
I just want to put this out for the general public since it wasnt mentioned ( amazing video by the way as always!!!) Comparing your relationship is not healthy, every single relationship (between sexual, family, friends, coworkers) is different. Everyone has different love languages, learning them goes with her point communication. Privacy is very important. Your best friend doesn't need to know everything about your relationship with your SO. Take a look at what you have with that person and see if you like how you are treated, dont compare with how other are treated in their relationships. Xo
This is such a great point!! I totally forgot about that this is an issue! I completely agree with you :)
I totally agree; I would go even one step further. I believe that your best friend SHOULD NOT know about things going on in your relationship, until there is an abuse and you really need to tell someone. Your friend is forming an opinion about your loved one, which could be based on your moment of anger and your perception of this person while you were not completely happy. Even if things go back to normal, people will do remember that your boyfriend made you unhappy ONCE. Every relationship goes through ups and downs and I believe that the majority of the things should stay between the couple. As long as you are not blessed with a friend that you trust completely and that will love both of you as long as you are happy - than cheers to that
YES
Am so excited right now !
I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
I totally agre
Allegra, you have no idea how helpful this was for me, right now. I just broke up from a 6-year relationship. The only one I had as an adult. I'm trying to analyze what went wrong. I'm starting to see that I stopped caring about myself and expected him to care for me and then I would get super frustrated and feeling not loved if he didn't do it the way I would like to. I never saw myself as a dependent person, people actually praised me for being so independent in many areas of my life. I guess I'm only like that to the person I'm with. Thank you, once again, for this video.
Im in the same situation. Im currently living with him. He's a really good person. I dont know what to do.😔
Literally the exact video I needed today so tysm
xo
Am so excited right now !
I had trust issues with my WIFE and knew very well she would have some secret relationship outside. so I decided to hire a professional hacker from Instagram @westhack000 without physical access to the phone his good and legit try him out.....
i've been really dependent on my boyfriend and hearing this made me think a lot of things and gave me clarity of a lot of things. i also wanna ask, the impression i got was that you don't NEED your significant other to fill voids or what you're lacking but you CHOSE to be with them because you feel as if you're ready to share your life with someone else while keeping your own person.
1. Work on your mental health (take care of you)
2. Maintain previous relationships (friends, family,...)
3. Maintain your life and your own hobbies (spend time apart)
4. Communication*** (able to talk openly about anything)
This video helped me realize what bad relationship habits I have and I’m gonna try and be stronger
I feel like I have to watch this video many times because thats exactly what I need to learn. I'm in a relationship since nearly two years and I'm just as clingy and as dependent as in the beginning. Also I can't think about what would happen when we broke up because I feel like I can't be alone. That's like my biggest fear, being lonely and I hope this video helps me being more independent.
Clara hi, did u overcome it?
@@niara6 Yes, I did. We broke up a month after it, to be honest, but I was much more independent in the next relationship. I guess, the way he treated me made me clingy and afraid of losing him, but I am way happier now. :)
@@clari5768 wow that's really good
@@clari5768 how would you say he treated you that made you be so clingy?
This is a great video idea. Thank you . Just got out of a very toxic narcissistic relationship. Everything I did and accomplished went down the drain and in the end I was living to please him and I gave up on so much that I'm now trying to gain back . This was a good video to hear for the future
ELeigh SWood same girl! I feel you! Take your time and take care of yourself. It can be hard at times, because you’ll probably have to rebuild yourself. It all gets better and you will know when you get what you deserve in a relationship. Wishing you the best xxx
I’ve been there too.
Idk why I'm seeing this two years later but thank you so much 😭😭 Here's me saying life is way better and I am way stronger and more confident now 💃💪 building my dream life
I wish I could find more girlfriends who genuinely enjoy the same things I do. I always feel like I have some friends, but I never feel like they are my friends who I could share and tell everything to. I feel like if I could find that, I would be a less anxious person
I just got into my first relationship but I wish I could go back to my life as before my relationship . It’s just too complicated
No waaaay do tell me, I'm about to get married and basically about to be in A real relationship for the first time.
Same boat
I feel you sissy
Same broo
I wish things could’ve been different for me as well
Allegra this is exactly what I needed, just got out of a 2 year relationship and I have been feeling so lost. Thank you so much your words and advice are so helpful
I think the first question is answered by the second. Feeling hurt or left behind by your partner needing their own time is your projection of your own feelings onto him. If you are feeling insecure due to that, it is so important to look at yourself and question why that's making you feel that way and go from there. No two people are the same, so it's not enough to say "i want to be with you 24/7 and so it hurts when it's not reciprocated" is too simplistic a way to view it. Work on yourself and your time and the security of your relationship to feel more sure about him having his own time
Had this conversation to my partner yesterday and I cried a lot because i felt so bad to tell him. But he listened to be and he was honest. Before the relationship i had to do everything by myself and it was ok. But it was such a beautiful feeling to share my time with somebody that i dont want to do everything alone anymore..
This video opened my eyes so much and probably saved my relationship. Thank you so much ❤️ defiantly cutting out the toxic behavior. I rely on my partner way too much. To the point to where i get anxiety attacks when he leaves the house for just a couple hours... not good at all. For sure going to start taking care of myself and try and help my situation 😊
Lauren D'Water hi, what helped u in that situation?
this is crazy i was literally thinking about my relationship last night and how i needed to work on my insecurities, thanks allegra, you always come through!! xxxx
i think it's because my heart has been broken too many times, but i often find that when i'm interested in someone, and i think that someone is interested in me, i'm still scared about what they tink of me. when i see them online, but haven't replied to my text from 4 hours ago, it makes me feel very uneasy. despite everything being completely fine the day before, i still feel insecure that i'm being too clingy. i hear that guys like "the chase", and will kind of forget about the girl once he makes her fall in love with him.
this is a constant struggle in every potential relationship. can anyone give me some advice on how i can work on this?
I'm legit going through what you just said. Wow.
First you should take a serious decision 2 stop getting in a relationship for a while.....
It's too fine 2 get interseted in some one whether this interest is mutual or not "it's a living being nature",,,just never forget about the decision you already made.....
Through this time you should concentrate all your focus on yourself & start literally know more about you ,practicing things you never done before ,enhancing every positive side of you and working on every negative side....(its ok you can take all the time it needs and belive you gonna realize that it deserves every bit)...
*** eventually one day the right person who will literally support you before loving you will show up surprisingly in your life........
""Always remember there is still some really good and kind people in this world but they are rare & you need to really love your self before starting to love others"""
.......Hope the best for you......
My problem right now :(
i am too dependent on my bf...like i wanted him to talk to me 24/7 but he doesn't do that anymore coz he is too busy with his ppts.we barely talk one hour only now, and that hurts.
idk if i am being too clingy or should i leave him coz he is not giving me time?
Niara R just know that he still loves you and always will, as long as you give him space
I recently broke up, and I was scared of listening to this, cause I thought, what's the point? But now I see that, I really never had my own life. I mean, I work, but that's about it. I've always been busy, working, studying... But when I was with him, he sort of became my hobby... Now I see I should have my own stuff! Other than working, I'm really excited about having my own stuff and routine for me! :)
i can honestly say that im quite dependent on my boyfriend (we’ve been together 3.5 years), im still learning how to deal with it as i have separation anxiety - haven’t yet found a therapist - im an only child and all of my friends have drifted apart after graduating high school so i don’t really have anyone to hangout with besides my boyfriend which causes me to be so dependent on him and my separation anxiety makes it extremely difficult for me to be alone. ive tried going out and making new friends but i find it so difficult to keep those relationships going. has anyone else gone through this? how did you better yourself?
As a guy, I think that if he hasn't said anything about it then maybe it isn't a problem in the relationship. Does he know that you feel this way and that you have separation anxiety?? Something that would help is to have a job where you interact with people, it will give you some space away from each other for the day and you can also make friends there. Another one would be to try making new friends with people who are couples.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to drink alcohol. Find friends who will accept it and don't try to pressure you into anything. I've had friends like that too and you will realize that you are better off without them if they can't understand the choices you make.
just because its maybe not a problem for him does not mean she shouldnt do something about it. It abviously makes her feel bad/ anxious.
mary elizabeth Hey! Hello! Honey, I think I have the same problem. And I want to deal with it too. Wanna talk? Or email?
Have you figured this out? How are you feeling now, 11 months later?
Sometimes I think I'm clingy, but, to be honest, after seeing this video I realized me and my boyfriend have been doing everything right, so thank you! Your video really helped me, not in the way it was supposed to, but it helped lol.
I saw Allegra wearing a canadian tuxedo with a black aritzia belt, so I bought a canadian tuxedo and a black aritzia belt.
I feel you.
me^
Lmao mean girls reference love it
Maggie Smith wowww
omg.
i knew a couple friends who were sooo dependent on their bf. They basically only called me up when their bf was busy so they dont have to be alone or when they needed something from me. Rest of the time they ignored me.
Eventually I had to distance myself from these so called "friends". This sounds harsh to say but they were useless. They were like babies. and I was like ok. I can't carry them anymore. I want to be friends with other adults.
Ok I need you as a friend
You sound "needy" watch the video again.
The comment you made regarding knowing that you and your partner will be ok if you aren't together is TOO REAL. Glad to know other people think this way as well
True... i am in a relationship since 5 years so we are together my whole teenage age. I love him and really enjoy spending time with him but I feel that I am not priority no 1 for me anymore. I have to learn a lot and while he is out with his friends and has fun I am home alone learning...
My dad has been a recovered alcoholic since I was 7 - so for the past 16 years of my life. Just last month I noticed a change in him and my mom and I discovered he'd began drinking again. It nearly destroyed my family when I was little and all I can do is hope that he finds the clarity to stop again like he did all those years ago. Its so good to hear from another person who had gone on to be so successful despite her 'daddy issues' which, when it comes to alcoholism, is so much more damaging and far reaching than that term implies. I feel a little less alone and hopeful, thanks babe. ❤️
I had the same thing happen. My dad was sober from when I was 4-17 and then he relapsed for about a year. Happy to say he’s been sober for 7 years again now. Not sure what type of alcoholic your dad is but I definitely know what you’re going through and it’s so hard. Highly recommend talking to someone when you feel it’s time, it really helped me work through my emotions. I still definitely have some scars but it was super helpful. Just know you’re not alone and sending my thoughts and prayers for your dad and hope he can fight the fight to get sober again xo
thank you so much for sharing this. Its also so reassuring to know that your dad's now recovered. Alcoholism has really showed me how its possible to hate someone while loving them just as much. Your words really make me feel less alone, thanks love
I thought I couldn't love you more but clearly I was wrong!! So much appreciation for you, thank you so much girl
When you got kids very different though to couples without kids.
1. You look SO beautiful!
2. I love this background
3. I love this advice and will use it in the future.
Stay focus😖
So much yes. We are not responsible for each other’s happiness. Conversely, we are also not responsible for their anger, pain, etc. I struggled a lot with being codependent. Now i feel so empowered taking on the responsibility of my own emotions.
I LOVE THESE TIPS. It's so true that it'S healthy not to spend every waking minute together, but to make room for the things that light you up as an individual. That way you actually have something to give.
What if you don’t have friends ?lol literally
Girl I feel you, that’s my current problem, it’s so hard to make friends especially when you’re an adult and you’re busy all the time, I think having 1 or 2 gfs I could generally be around would make a big difference
Same. For me, its just I havent really been in a place where I can really meet people who are near my age and similar to me. I would be very useful and helpful to have at least one or two girlfriends to hang out with from time to time. But, I do have my cousins that I have known since I was young so maybe I can start there. ❤️ Wish everyone well with their journey on making friends!
I think now you have to search for some ! :)
@Karina Acosta I feel you so much girl! And i'm scared bc it affects our relationship quite a bit nowadays
I’m going through this now. I’m a lil anti social but still work a lot. I’ve become too dependent and jealous of other friends. Not healthy. I really needed this video tho
Wow this video was wonderful! I have been in a relationship for 4 years now and my partner and I have just moved in together. Thank you for reminding me that maintaining my own independence is super important for maintaining our relationship! Love what you're doing! 💞
you seem to have the best kind of relationship there is... you’re both so smart and aware. you are an inspiration ❤️
its hard to love yourself when you're depressed. i wanna know how
Force good thought about yourself into your mind
Try not to think...go to movie or to eat something good ...
SO important to feel like you would both live your lives and you wouldn't just wither away if you two were to ever break up. I think that should be a crucial part of every relationship - it's better to want each other to enrich already full lives than to feel like you need each other as if you aren't whole on your own. 💛
Totally agree 💕
you know.. i always saw better help and never thought anything of it. i didn’t think i needed it. but now.. i feel like i do.
I agree with what she says. I have been using these tools and I am a happily married man for 24 yrs. My wife still likes me and simply adores me and the ground I walk on. She is my queen I put on a pedestal. We as humans need our own "space". To this day I buy her flowers and a bottle of wine for no special reason other than I love her. ~Thanks for sharing Angel from The Bay
I love that you pointed out that we need to have our own hobbies and friend groups that we see and experience by ourselves, and your comment about “you will have more to talk about” but, since I’m new to learning all of this changing my habits and behaviour, if I am still trying to get used to this independency after all this time together, how do I become okay with him telling me fun things about his day without feeling jealous? I hate that I get those feelings because he deserves to have a good time, but I do have them and it’s not nice or healthy for either of us, so I guess I’m just looking for some advice on that. If you see this and reply, thanks, I appreciate it
this video made me feel a lot better about my current relationship, i noticed i’ve become really dependent on him but that’s not healthy at all.
i am barely 18 and this pandemic has hindered a lot of the things i had planned for myself but i still need to do more than just be around him
As a guy watching this video hit home hard for me because I used to be so independent and that’s all I wanted. When I dated someone who was independent it was awesome but then I somehow became dependent on that person and started arguing because I didn’t realize I was becoming “needy.” Thanks for the video.
Same lol...how'd you fix it?
This is something I'm actively working on right now! It hasn't been easy but I'm getting better at gaining back my independence. Thank you for your insight 💕
How did you start?
Thank you 🙏 It was getting to a point where my insecurities and worries were tearing our relationship apart through lack of trust. Taking a step back now has made me realise that I need to work on myself.
i really needed this. me and my person got back together and we're in long distance relationship. i'm really clingy and needy. i want her to talk to me 24/7 but sadly everytime she has a free time she doesn't talk to me
Beyond ironic that this video popped up on my recommended. God is really looking out thank you so much for this.
Thank you for this! I learned so much from this! I was devastated when I found out I was being needy towards my boyfriend and he asked me to work on not being needy. I'll use some of the tips in this video to work towards being less needy (because I also need my space just as much he needs his).
A question for the next video: how do you know when to work on a relationship and when to give in and realise it’s not working and the better thing would be to break up?
I lived with my ex for almost three years, and since ending that relationship I have been feeling almost guilty for leaving him. My friends tell me - and I’m starting to see some of the things they are talking about - the relationship was toxic, and he was pulling me down in some ways, but this is the scary part. I can’t tell the difference between if it’s Stockholm syndrome or if I miss him and really think it could be fixed if we worked on it. At the moment, it’s been about six months since the breakup, and we tried having contact but that really didn’t work, so currently there’s radio silence, and the reason I’m asking this question is because I miss him. Almost every single day. (Should also add that he was my first real, serious relationship, so this breakup thing is very new to me.)
Julia Nyström that's a very good topic
Andi same, i am so confused rn
Andi are u still in relationship?
Andi how did u overcome the situation?
Ik this is supposed to help and idk why but this lowkey bothers me.. and Ik im the only one who feels this way
I lost the person I love the most because of my dependency and inability to let him breathe. I’m learning now to be independent and be a better person and make sure that the next person I am with will be happy with me. I just wish I had acknowledged back then that I had unhealthy behavior. And that one day he will talk to me so that I can apologize and perhaps be friends.
I watched this because I’m always so paranoid about my friends thinking they talk behind my back and this helped
this is so great! It is so refreshing to see an influencer partner with a sponsor that has such a good cause and support for people!! Thanks girl, you're such an amazing soul!!
BetterHelp is an incredible resource and platform. Thanks so much for being a mental health advocate.
Do you know if they work outside US? Thanks
Angela J. Yes, anywhere in the world!
how can i actually be independent and happy on my own? like i get it: we have to love ourselves first before we should be in a relationship in order to not get too attached and stuff. i know that emotional attachment isn't healthy, i know i should put myself first. and i know there are all these tips like "set boundaries. don't settle for less. make yourself a priority." but i just sometimes wonder... how will it actually help me?
all my life ive been emotionally attaching myself to people out of reach. all my life ive been feeling like i cant be happy on my own. its not that i hate myself so all this "start loving yourself" doesn't help me either. i know there are probably some deep rooted childhood wounds that affect my relationships and my behavior regarding relationships. but i just dont feel like there is anything i can do to stop myself being so needy for someone to fulfill me. like sure, i could set boundaries and not text that one person anymore. i could tell myself that i am better off without them, i could try to represent myself as this independent version of myself. but it wont make me feel any better. all it does is that i will set boundaries outside of me - still hoping for them to reach out and give me the love i so deeply crave. i have read so many tips on how to get emotionally independent, how to get over a break up and how to not get too emotionally attached anymore. and in a way i get what they are saying. but it's easier said than done. all these tips dont really make me feel happier on my own, they just make me represent an independent version of myself that i deep inside just am not. i am craving love so much, i am craving these deep connections where i can just a hundred percent let my guard down and get accepted / loved for who i am. i crave attention and even writing this makes me feel like im just attention seeking but i just really dont know what to do to not crave it anymore. i really, really wanna be able to say that i dont care about my ex anymore and that i am happy on my own but i just cant. and in a way i even know that its not him that i miss so much - but more so the love and attention he gave me. he filled that void in my heart and i just cant seem to accept that i have to let go.
i was in love with someone for almost five years and even though he never returned my love, i still held onto him so badly. i just dont want that to be the case with my ex too.
long story short: i really appreciate all the advice out there and i am happy for people who can do something with it. but for me it seems easier said than done. i feel like all these tips dont actually make me feel better about myself. i so deeply wish they would though.
Thank you so much for this!
I have always felt unwanted whenever he asked for space or a break to regenerate our relation but now im seeing it from another angle
I can definitely feel this right now. I can feel that I’ve put myself in this whole and I am ready to get myself out of it. Going to sit down and write my goals and a vision board (something I’ve always wanted to do). Currently I have sat at the park for about an hour and have listened to videos like this and just cried to myself. I think this is good because I am putting an emotional attachment and purpose for why I want better for myself. Spread love. xoxo
I was so confident and independent before until I was cheated on.. i am doubtful easily freak out,afraid and jealous but i don't wanna let go. I become more needy and dependent.. thank you.. i am in need of this.
Exactly the key is to be happy and fulfilled all by ourselves. We are already complete.
This is exactly what I’ve been doing in my relationship. Just relearning myself. Thank you so so much 💞
“they can’t fill voids for you” DAMN.
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. Every word you said was music to my ears and brought tears to my mental eyes. I like how Joey contributed to the Q&A too. This will definitely help a lot of girls/women, including the ones with daddy issues and communication issues. I only started to understand and practice self love last year and I’m the happiest I have ever been today, while still practicing it daily. We can do it ❤️❤️❤️
I been in my relationship for about 3 years mows and I have been codependent most of the time but before covid I had more hobbies more things to do I was happier with myself but after covid having to stay home i couldn’t go away for college it really made me unmotivated so instead of being my own person and getting through it. I let my boyfriend feel my voids and let him be the reason I was happy instead of myself it’s something I had to learn to be independent again bc he told me he needed space but before I never heard or thought it was an issue till now I know it is and I do want to change it’s just a little hard to be motivated and independently when I am not very happy with my own life right now I will start therapy soon but thank you for the video it gave me the insight I really needed
my partner and I are college lovers..we are very different people..i hv worked out many things in this 8 yr long relationship..but there is still this one thing..he almost never shares vital stuff with me considering we work and have studied together for 8 yrs now...like he would know that our exam forms are out, he would share it with his friends (even fill their forms) but not me. today i was asked to conduct a meeting on his behalf he would share the information about the meeting with the superintendent and asked me to chill that it is easy (i finally had a fight with him to tell me what i had to do in that meeting)..i am so tired with this attitude of his..
earlier he had no time for me..he would binge sleep for 13-14 hrs straight..after repeated fights and me asking to breakup with him and trying to move on with another partner(who turned out be a narc😅)...i do not know if i am a bitch or he is just an emotionally absent partner..
what would you guys have done if u were in my place??
Such an inspirational theme Allegra! Awesome job! And important message to link with this kind of sponsor! ❤️😘
The one thing that really made me feel better, energized, and determined to reach my goals was Forwago. Thank you so much !!!
I wish I could explain to you how badly I needed to hear this. It sort of gave me a reality check. So thank you for speaking out about this and just being honest about it.
I think the point when you realize you don't need a relationship to be happy or complete is the point where you're ready for one.
Therapy for the win!!
I love how she discussed everything i been feeling like i have had conflict mentally since i been in my relationship. I realized its been me and i need to change my perspective on being alone and being okay by myself. Its not required for my boyfriend to be with me or talk to me all the time. This video makes me feel alot better ❤❤ Thank you
THRILLED for this, thanks allegraaaa
I needed this so badly. Recently I have been feeling like my relationship is very dependent and I really don’t like that but my parter does
Watching your advice really helped me in this hard time
Could not have said it better. So glad that the ideal relationship goal is no longer "give everything". Love this, thanks for spreading the loving and positive, ass-kicking vibes.
Thank you this is really help, i'm the kind a person who always thinks about what people feels and forget to take care my own, that takes me to the point how i always feels guilty everytime things not worked out, and i strugle with my confidence to start a new relationship, but thanks to you now i found my confidence again to start maintain myself and be independent.
This was a great video, I love that you are giving the people who follow you an option for help if they need it.
What if you started off doing everything wrong, like hanging to much, it talking to friends etc.
Is it to late to redo everything? Like how would that work
My friend needs to watch this video. She is very consumed in her relationship. She can’t do anything without her boyfriend. I can’t ask her to have a girl’s night without her asking if her boyfriend can come. She’ll commit to girl’s night but then tell me she can’t go because of her boyfriend. I’m constantly struggling to get some alone time with her. And I struggle within myself to decide if I want to keep the friendship going or just slowly separate myself from her.
Slowly separate girl, unfortunately seen this too often
Tell her how you feel and if she wont get it then slowly separate yourself from her
Maybe she just likes to spend time with her partner. What is your version of a girls night?? If it's going out and getting wasted drunk, then her man is not going to like that.
@@chuck1052 then it's the wrong man because you can go out with girls and get drinks and still be in a relationship
Gooz mah She spends ALL her time with her bf. She never MAKES time for me. She only wants to hang out when her bf is busy. She can't expect me to only hang out when she's free ya know? and my version of girl's night is getting dressed up and going out and having a couple drinks. Just to spend time together. When we hang out it's always the same thing: shopping, eating or watching movies. Also, I know plenty of girls in relationships who go out with their girlfriends. All my girlfriends are in relationship and their bfs don't mind them having a girls night. And I don't ask her to go out every weekend, but I've gone out with her and her bf and his not so nice friends countless times and when I ask her to come out with my friends she refuses or flakes. She never puts in the effort to do what I want. And i don't only suggest going out as spending quality time. I've asked her to go to the lake, local show, gym. I feel like trying different things together is how your friendship grows. rather than sticking to the same things and being comfortable. We should be challenging each other and pushing each other to do different things. But she just can't. And it's very frustrating.
I recently got in a new relationship after being single for about a year. I struggled with being needy and insecure in my previous relationships and vowed I would not carry it into a new relationship with me. I did so much work when I was dating to not be like this, now as soon as I got in a relationship I can feel it creeping back up on me. It doesn't only effect me, but also my partner and I hate it! Thank you for this video I really needed it!
🤍 sending you strength
Love that you are so realistic in this youtube video and thank you for saying that you can be independent in a relationschip.
Hello girl. Thank u so much to filmed this video. I am not with my boyfriend anymore for a week now. We were together over a year. We were in a very good relation ship but for a year we « « lived » » togheter. We were stuck together all the Time and i liked it. I do my studies in belgium but live in France with my family so this summer i came back without him and... it was so much fun to be Alone a little bit. The problem was that our relationship went to a bad journey u know and he didnt have and trust in myself anymore and was so fucking jealous for anything. The day before i was supposed to come back in belgium we had a very big fight and we broke up. The reason was that he is so selfish because he cannot live without me and cannot understant WHY i can have fun without him. He was so mean to me with his words (not The first Time) that i didnt know What to say so i said nothing. And he broke up. Its so weird to be able to hate someone this much and love him at The same Time. Thank u for ur video. Now i know how to passed this trial..
I’m going to let go of this in the comments:
I used to be a confident person and loved how I looked and loved being me. My boyfriend came in my life and I allowed him to be my crutch, 24/7. So when he’s not around I’m lost, sad, anxious, and depressed. I ft him when I go
To sleep and I’m anxious when we can’t do that. But now I’m going to work on myself work to get back to that place. I’m trying to Let go of this.
I know this is an old video but I hadn't seen it. I have an alcoholic dad and divorced parents too. I've been legit having the same issues where I have really unhealthy relationships where I end up dependent and insecure. I needed to hear this. Thank you!
BF would barely respond to my messages during the day, then he gets annoyed and said I'm too needy. Now I'm just looking for advice on how to stop being needy and get over him while we're still together.
im a man and struggling in this too with my lovely girlfriend, i love her so much im not giving the space she needs i always want to be with her. but ill try to work on that for her. and thank you your words really helped alot.
I'm going thru this as well with my boyfriend. It will get better :) I hope your relationship flourishes and we will also learn to be less dependent on the people we love and have a healthy sense of individuality
@@kiddev6868 the thing is i don't want that, why whenever someone wants something there is always something different. why just the other person dont feel like he wants you always like you want them and needs you like you do. why we cant have that amazing feeling all the time and share it together it hurts so bad u know, when you really want ur lover like now for so long times and you just can't and you have to wait i hate that feeling it hurts so bad it sucks i get really overwhelmed.
When you said that you had daddy issues I felt that pain and then when you said that your dad was alcoholic mine was two and still is till this day. Relatable asff 😌
How did you know that this was exactly what i needed right now? you’re the BEST
I watch this video everytime i get insecure, so i saw it at least 10 times now lol. Thank you so much
I’m too dependent on the guys I date. I tie my self-worth to them and when they never validate me it hurts. If I don’t find myself pretty, I always feel like neither does the guy I’m dating.
Same
So glad you went with this topic! Also loving your hair in this 💕
I've been feeling really lost because I understand that I cling onto my boyfriend a lot. Like what u have mentioned in the video, I distant out from my friends after I got into a relationship, and felt as though my world literally revolves around him ths entire time. Being around him makes me happy, and I guess that's where I became dependent on him for everything. I realised that I didn't have a "life" outside of him and would feel really depressed after we parted. He can't stay with me 24/7 too because he has his own friends and needs his own breathing space. I respect that, but I can't help but to feel insecure at times... I felt as though I've created a mess and it would take a while for me to clear things up. I wanted to talk to my boyfriend about anything and everything but because I've been feeling so down lately, I didn't want to spread to him the negative vibe I've been feeling (because I know it would last for a period of time) so I kept it all to myself... I tried hanging out with my friends again but it just feels... Off... Maybe it's because I've closed myself off to my boyfriend only.. And even during my free time when I should be doing other things, I find myself looking back at our old conversations instead :( I've gotten into some deep shit and I really needed this video (T＿T)
Eziel i can completely relate to this
I just want my next relationship to work . I hate being needy and clingy even though I know when to give space especially try not to talk about myself too much either . Dating has been definitely hard but I did have one good relationships that lasted a long time but dating after that has been difficult. You where very informative.
Also an only child, LOVE my alone time. I currently live alone and it's pretty fantastic.
Until the madness slips in that is