A rant on self love
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2022
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The thumbnail is evil Louis
The struggle everyday 😂
@@ts757arse unless it's a mirror view
Self self love hate
Darth Louis. Everything is unfolding as I have FOR-seen.
I thought it was Kitboga
The host of a food show was sharing his weight loss journey and he said something like "You won't be motivated to work out until the pain of being overweight outweighs the pain of working out." Sometimes you need to dislike yourself or your situation enough to want to change.
Yep, some things you just need to hit rock bottom to really get it in your head things need to be different
@@llamamusicchannel7688 exactly. And that's the problem with the modern "self love" and "everyone's a winner" mentality. There's no more incentive to improve one's self.
I agree with the sentiment, although for me personally I word it as "I hate the thing you're doing to yourself" or "I hate what you've allowed to happen to you". I know, I'm playing the semantics game, but it matters for my own internal dialog. It helps me to realize where I need to focus my attention so I don't work against things that are working for me.
This makes sense!
@@rossmanngroup Tagging onto the semantics game, I was actually going to mention that I would just call it “hard love”. Like you mentioned in the case of addicts, “hard love” would be dropping the connection until they get help quitting.
You can act harshly out of love because sometimes it’s the only thing you can do to support those you love. However, this is also just semantics and wordplay, but it could have potentially been a more convincing phrasing.
@@draxnos506 this is not hard love, its literally love. 'Love' that focuses on instant gratification and feeling good in the moment is not love, I'd actually argue its purest shape of hatred imaginable, since the results it leads to are perpetual suffering and at the end of it, a miserable death. Love that isnt focused on long term improvement and quality of life isnt love, period.
We're looking at the evolution of Louis.
From Laptop repair, to right to repair activist, to real estate market enthusiast, and now self-love/self-improvement speaker. I'm really enjoying this character arc.
Right to repair yourself
@@iheartlreoy8134 Damm that's actually pretty catchy
I wish you would have told me this a few years ago.... a few weeks ago, when my wife broke up with me after being married for 10 years to get somebody else, I realized that I actually hate myself in my current condition. Since then I lost 10kg of weight while doing workouts for 1 hour 3 times a week. I started to get socialized again by getting some hobbies and I'm already feeling way better.
You seem to have similar principles than I have, but I just helps to get them spoken out from you. It let's me realize what I have to do. Thanks Louis!
I'm glad you're feeling better!
This thumbnail is self love.
I remember the first time I got in front of the camera to make a UA-cam video, I was intimidated. I couldn't look straight into the camera without looking away. It's amazing what one can do and achieve when there's a will. You can lift more weight then your max if the brain communicates that. That's why you see people listen to music while working out to force a more intense workout. The brain is a powerful thing.
Hey, nice vids!
Hey NF! Nice seeing you here! Cheers! And good advice btw.
Nice vids, I learned much from you
By hating myself for doing bad, I am in fact loving myself by pushing myself to change.
We dont feel hate and negative emotions for no reason. A lot of the self love that makes its rounds on the Internet is the same bite sized advice that ends up having little meaningful impact on people.
What's important, is self acceptance. Not necessarily self love. Accept that you arent someone you love. Accept that you hate what you are the moment, and accept you need to start to change in order to come to some peace. This is part of what's made Louis himself successful.
Acceptance is not complacency, its not turning a blind eye, its the opposite.
Cool video as always
Self love does not mean loving yourself to a fault, it's self acceptance that prevents a self destructive spiral of hatred. Maslow categorized different ways of living in relation to what motivates us, the deficiency realm and the being realm. When one is focused on their deficiencies they are more worried about defending their security and their appearance, but when one embraces being they look outward towards growth, being who they truly want to be, and want to make a positive difference in the world. It is certainly a privilege to get to exist completely in the being realm, as many people need to be more defensive of their social status and keep a crazy "grindset" in the face of such a competitive society, but people don't need to have self hatred to change, they just have to BE the little parts of themselves that they love the most and desire to cultivate that inner self towards openness, conscientiousness, etc. All of that said I hate myself, and self actualization is really difficult to get a handle on. What I can say for sure is that my self hatred usually doesn't favor just being and doing in spite of my flaws, it's self destructive and reverts me to a primitive way of living, telling me it's safer if I don't go out and risk making mistakes, and looking like a failure.
Well said, loving yourself for being stuck/miserable is not actually self love, it's toxic optimism. Discipline can actually come from a place of love, like parents do to their children
I've really heard self love being talked about in terms of what kind of love you might have for a close friend or a partner, where you want the best for them and want to steer them towards their potential, to be the best version of themselves. and sometimes it means you actually have to criticise them harshly when they're doing something bad or stupid or just not living up to their potential. but unlike when it comes to hate, where its selfish and you leave it at that, instead you think of what's best for them and then help them get back up and you'll be there with them on their journey. I think it makes sense to think of self love ad accepting the things about you that you can't change, and the fact that you have flaws, but also making sure you work to better yourself and tell yourself off when necessary. And of course, wanting the best for the person you could become.
The issue is when you do hate yourself and even that isn't enough of a motivator so you wallow in your self destructive tendancies.
All the self hate in the world isn't going help when your mind is busy thinking of reasons to hate yourself more than thinking of solutions.
Your method stopped, eventually, it was a pivot to trying something else. Often when people get to "I hate myself" they stay there and repeat the patterns that make them hate themselves. Or try to do something once or twice, it's ineffective or slow going, so they cynically stop trying and again wallow.
Not a bad tactic, I agree with the basic gist of it, but it has a rather massive downside if one fails after that part. You reinforce and cling to this notion of self hatred as a part of you more than using it to inspire change.
Just the opinion of someone who also hates themself
This also does not work with traits that you cannot change like attractiveness or intellect. You can of course do certain actions that improve the traits that you are lacking, but its often impossible to reach the goal you would be emotionally satisfied with.
I agree. Personally, the most positive change happened when I stopped hating myself and broke the cycle you mentioned
Personally I don't like hating yourself is better,
but telling somebody to love themselves when they very much hate themselves
kind if feels very jarring and offensive.
Also I don't think you should feel good about things that physically harm your body like
being overweight.
The whole reason pain exists is to *keep you alive and healthy*.
We shouldn't be trying to bypass pain like that.
What helps me a lot about hate & anger is to use it to get over childhood trauma.
Via my mother and others I know that as a young child I used to be super-social, always happily chatting with people, getting along with everyone and making friends every single day. Then at the age of 5 years that literally changed overnight. From a happy, open child I turned into this reclusive child who sat in a corner, didn't want to go outside and meet people, and who'd reject a simple hug or other affectionate gesture from their own mother.
I don't know exactly what happened to this day, but I do know that whatever was done to me as a child affects me even today. Not being able to just pick up the phone, or contact someone is a crippling handicap as an adult. You're literally fighting against something in your own mind every time you *must* do something, and the impetus is to let things be until there's no way around it. Even if that's absolutely not the person you want to be, because it's a miserable existence.
Using the energy of the hatred and disgust I feel for this person that childhood trauma has made me, I can improve myself. Hurl some hate at the whining voice in the back of my mind that tries to convince me not to do something. Forget doing that with 'self-love'. Just burn it all to the ground, because you don't need trauma and the best way to fight darkness like that is with fire.
Feeling hate and channeling its energy into something productive is what differentiates someone from being a victim of circumstance. Hate yourself, but use the energy to improve yourself. Hate those who hurt you in the past, but use the energy to take revenge by living the best life possible.
Then, once the fires burn down, and the darkness has been cleansed I can start thinking about self-love. But it will be because of what I accomplished, of what I changed and did. Because that's the only moment when you can be proud of yourself.
Louis, you're better than a therapist. AKA more therapists should give the advice you do. You've helped me a ton with these life advice videos and I watch them anytime I need to set my head straight.
He's helped me more than my therapist ever has
I second that. He is way better than any therapist, because he has much more common sense and much better understanding of life than therapists.
my favorite depiction of greed is from FMAB, where the character who is the physical embodiment of greed eventually realizes that the best thing anyone can have is friends who care about you. He says that everyone wants something, and whether its money, women, or wanting to help others, it ain't that bad to want things.
Your assessment on "pride" is spot-on. People get stuck in that position because they're valuing self-righteousness over actual righteousness.. and it's scary when you're in that mental state to consider anything else.
Spoiling your child isnt a right form of love to your child, the same can apply to self love
Yup I agree 100% . Sometimes a kick in the nuts is the love you need to make change happen.
Whether it is from the outside coming in, or you kicking yourself... the result is all that matters. There is no win without sacrifice.
The immediate jump to self-love invites complacency. Although I dwell too much into the self-hate side of things, I at least know what I can do to improve some aspects in my life, and resign myself to accepting some of the things that can't be changed.
Most emotions can be used for good and evil. Anger and hate got me through battle school, while love and patience keeps me being a good dad. Like I teach my kids, be confident, not cocky, and always lead by example with humility and humbleness.
Sending this to my 14-year-old son. I think your message is fantastic advice. I'd never thought of this idea quite like this but you've framed it so well. Thank you.
When I was around 14 I told myself that qualifications were just bits of paper that prove nothing but that you can do as you are told. After all, I knew I was smart and everyone had always told me that I was smart so what did I need to jump through hoops for??? In fact why even participate at all????
I kept up this self constructed belief for years, partly as a self defence against the genuinely crappy situation that I was in and that I was powerless to change, but also to justify my decision to not try to even make the best of things or to repay the faith that others had shown in me or that I had in myself, deep down, by trying my best to apply myself. I understand why I did what I did but have regretted it a whole heap of times over the next 30 odd years that followed, as not only would having done well at school have given me many more options later on, but I would have developed a much more robust level of self respect than the thin veneer of pride I tried to use to shield myself against later knocks.
I wish I had someone tell me that I was making a mistake back then. Even though it would have hurt a little to admit it, it might have helped me change direction and take the better path. Good luck with your son.
@@canadaisruledbyclowns7188 Being an introvert isn't a bad thing. For me personally, people tend to bring negativity to my life. I am much happier without other people's drama. You can still live a full filling life while being an introvert. With your son being smart I'm sure talking to teenagers probably isn't mentally stimulating to him. As an adult he'll be able to find people who are more like himself. Even if he doesn't really want to hang out with people as an adult it's ok as long as he's actually happy.
@@canadaisruledbyclowns7188 I'm in the UK so didn't have Valedictorian system but I too was top of my class and regularly scored 98s and 99s in our end of term exams. It was effortless for me. However our final grading was coursework based, not exams and my homelife was not conducive to producing homework and so I knew I was going to find it impossible and rather than do my best I opted out. I continued to teach myself the subjects that interested me as I had been doing since my early years and so managed to convince myself that I was still progressing.
I'm an introvert by nature and always found adults easier to communicate with than other children. Whilst I had constant praise on a surface level from teachers and such, what I lacked was actual encouragement at home. I think I needed to be fully engaged with challenges that put my abilities to the test and had me experiencing the satisfaction of doing the best I could possibly do. At least that's what I think now.
Mind you... I say all of this to hopefully help you to better understand your son but I'll also caution that traditional success isn't necessarily the answer either and my current perspective is somewhat born out of middle aged regret at what seems to me to have been a shameful waste of talent. On a basic level, I at least survived this far which some of my closest and most highly accomplished friends didn't manage for one reason or another though it seemed for all the world that they'd done everything 'right'. One was lost to a car crash and the other took his own life after struggling with something invisible to the rest of us...
A balance, then perhaps of challenge, encouragement, support and above all else... compassion. Different things work for different people.. some are inspired by adversity and others from nourishment... if one thing doesn't work, try the opposite and see if that does!
All the best!
man your words just struck me like charged capacitor! this is all i need right now. thanks man.
Louis throwing plastic all over everything before his self-love session
I see the plastic for a while now and still wondering what it is for?
@@radfaraf Keeping the soldering equipment for repair workshop sessions dust-free while not in use.
For a second I thought this was a Fresh and Fit take on Right To Repair thumbnail.
The douchy-security style glasses made it to the cover and I am getting recommended videos on bodyguard. Gotta love youtube AI recommendations. Same reason as when watching orange old Eli videos I get all criminal justice related videos to watch LOL
The best approach is probably not to go either the extreme that you are a horrible person or that you are the most amazing person ever but to instead be willing to see yourself the way you actually are and identify what you need to work on.
I feel you're describing not self hate but self criticism, cause I've seen lots of folk who really di hate themselves and that does nothing to change them.
As for your idea on self love, again I feel what you described was toxic positivity, ie "Everything is good! Don't feel bad for who you are right now! It's all good!"
Change I feel does not come from a place of self flagelation which I see a lot of, but from ironically being nice to yourself and honestly believing one can change.
My experience is that there is a real difference between saying 'I love myself' and actually being compassionate to yourself. The last one is pretty hard for me sometimes. And I think, love doesn't want to change you, and does not need to. Maybe love is the change itself. I don't know if that makes sense. It is making a hard decision, perhaps, but one that is done consciously. I suppose it cannot be controlled. Maybe it can be invited.
Sometimes being compassionate to oneself invites a slower more gradual change, as one deeply realises how destructive certain learned patterns within are.
But I think it's important to sometimes pay attention not to misuse the concept of self love to actually just avoid doing what would need to be done (for the good of oneself and others)
Everything can be misused and distorted.
And I don't think hate towards oneself is always the opposite of being compassionate/self loving. Sometimes we need to be compassionate towards ourselves while we're hating ourselves for something. For me in the end I saw this as the best practice for me, accepting that I will feel all kinds of things towards myself and I need to discern when to protect myself from something and when to just carefully supervise the negative feelings I am having and potentially using as fuel for change.
Ultimately I guess it's best to fuel change with love too, not only hate.
Don't take this the wrong way but honestly I see all of this as just another way to cope with the usual stressors in life. But the ugly truth is that theres no shortcuts for real self improvement and conditioning, you can't change what evolution created over a time span of billions of years. This whole stress and anxiety thing is supposed to be there. Life isn't supposed to be easy and yes every person will have his own set of deficiencies, otherwise there wasn't anything that would need improvement. The only real way to deal with it is with repeated exposure to stressors. One great personal example I can give is taking cold showers. In my past I made my life way too comfortable with as a consequence that I would never ultimately fulfill my desire and dreams because that would involve going outside my comfort zone. To gradually increase tolerance to- and become more comfortable with the feeling of stress I decided to take cold showers. Really highly recommend anyone to try this! I also used to be highly socially awkward and now I'm just plain boring sometimes. I wouldn't say I lack personality, but more due to the fact that people stress me the hell out (but really in irrational ways). My past guardians weren't the most stable of people either so that might have something to do with it buuuut it's not gonna change the fact that if you wanna be successful, you inevitably have to deal with people. So... Same story applies here. I try to get in contact more with others even though it feels highly uncomfortable and ironically due to this it sometimes makes me feel more lonely than truly being alone. But I know that if I keep going I will reach a point where people generally don't bother me anymore. Well sorry if this has kind of turned into an essay/rant but it's also great to sometimes write what you think about in a random comment section on UA-cam to strangers you've never talked to. Never stop grinding and let nothing stop you from pursuing your dreams. (I just love how cheesy it sounds but it doesn't get simpler than this)
@@elfferich1212 Thanks for your long answer. I think what you are describing sounds a lot like courage to me, and that is a good thing to me. Yes, stuff like physical activity, exercise, and so on can go a long way. When talking about 'self-hate', I think it is important to see who it is that you are 'hating' and for what. It certainly can be destructive. Maybe 'self-encouragement' would be a better approach. If you are not feeling well, this may indicate that a change is necessary, but I suppose a change requires responsibility, and that may be different from 'hate' I think in essence it is more like Louis says: looking at things how they are and at what you really want. This requires disregarding the things that you don't want, and that seems to be the painful process to me. Hate is also not a shortcut, at least not one that works for very long and it can also be addictive. I think in the end, we want to be at peace with ourselves.
Just wanted to hop in here and tell you this is a really cool thumbnail. Props to whomever made it.
I think this is a really interesting view - and like anxiety, a little bit can be a good thing! (Like anxiety… that’s the thing that stops you getting hit by a car!)
It’s like with self care - making a doctor’s appointment that you’re worried about, calling and asking for help… they’re all self care too!
I'd argue that self care is indeed an expression of true self love. True self love is telling yourself the truth so that you can get better. As you mentioned, fake love is telling yourself what makes you feel better so that you can continue living with the delusion that you're alright and don't need to change. Those who love truly love themselves, try to better themselves because they care about themselves. It's like a parent-child relationship. Parents who truly love their children tell them what they need to hear not what they want to. Then there are parents who spoil their children because they, themselves want to feel loved by them. This is selfish and not love.
this sunglasses pic is fkin gold
Man I love you so much! You're helping lot of people with your words, keep the good work!
Thank you for telling your experience! I really hope that this video will reach whoever needs it the most, and will help them!
you’ve been killing it with thumbnails lately!
I have always looked at what i was bad/worst at and taken direct steps to alleviate it. Love the advice videos. Thank you for your right to repair work so important. Be well. Have a good one.
Yet again, Louis brings a message I needed to hear. Thank you Louis.
Tough love is self love in my book. Smearing fake happiness and cheer about an unwanted situation does not improve anything. Getting real with yourself, as harsh as you need to be, is the disciplinarian side of love. Thanks for the video, it really is 💯.
It is at that moment your about to break, is when you find you biggest strengths. Credit, Chris Fenton.
There is such a thing as toxic positivity... the "everything will be okay if we just stay positive" or "we will get everything we want if we just really want it hard enough". This kind of approach to life is defense mechanism that just fosters inaction. This is a great video
I self hate often. It's one of the few things that actually motivates me. Loving yourself should be something left for accomplishment.
Man that thumbnail is some good stuff. Catches attention immediately
Too bad the video is just him in front of a bunch of shit covered with plastic 🤣
I love your rants :) thank you for sharing!
Keep up the great work, Louis. You are helping more people on many levels than you might know!
idk why im paying $400/hr for my therapist when i can just watch your videos
400 an hour??? Bro
Love makes you want to lay down on grass looking at the beautiful sky. Hate makes you want to get out there and do something.
(Incoming wall of text... apologies xD)
The main issue though is that the best advice for you may be the worst advice for me. For example, someone who used to struggle with anorexia and bulimia should probably NOT take the advice of hating themselves to heart XD.
I agree with you about the fake self-love. All the books in the world tell you "love yourself! Love yourself, love yourself!" That's fine and dandy and all.... but HOW MUDDER FUDDER, HOW!????!?!? They never tell you how to do it, they just tell you to do it. That's how you know 99% of self-help books are pure inspirational BS, they tell you what to do but never how.
Here's the answer to how: One. Step. At a time. If telling yourself to brush your teeth 3 times a day is something that will make you give up, then F it, make it once a day. Or one tooth a day. If that's still too much effort, shoving some Listerine in there and nothing else. The biggest small step that is an improvement on your current situation, that's what you need to do.
I have a lot of invisible disabilities (mostly dyspraxia, ADHD, depression and anxiety). I can't force myself to "love myself", but I CAN learn to just throw away two empty water bottles before getting another one. I CAN place an empty garbage bag to later throw away stuff laying around on my kitchen table. It's what I've been doing this whole year. I'm finally becoming able to wash my own dishes instead of paralyzing in place just at thought of it. I'm finally able to pick up garbage that I left laying around on the floor. You have to go according to your own abilities. You have to be honest with yourself and ask "what is a goal that if I set for myself, I might actually get out there and try to do it?"
Taking your time and procrastinating aren't the same thing, if you start by walking 5minutes everyday, and you've been a literal couch potato during the last two years, then that 5min walk is still a significant improvement. Just don't forget to make it 7min in month, then maybe 10min in two months. Just be slightly better than you were, on average, in the previous two weeks.
i hate that terms can become so coopted by extreme people. I have always viewed self love to be more akin to self care, because i think love implies care and a desire to improve. However people take self love to be something more along the line of self glorification. When youre in a relationship, you can love somebody and still be critical of their flaws, because love opens the door to improvement.
Thanks, Louis. I actually needed this exact advice.
The problem with to much selfhate is that the some people start to hate other people to feel better, rather than change. But you are right, i think that could give me notch in the right direction
You are doing great work Louis. Thank you.
This couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me. Having a perspective other than the trite mass-consensus is invaluable for formulating ideas that work for me and help me to live happier. So thank you.
I went for my first jog all year this morning. For most of the issues I feel create the most suffering for me, self-image is a large portion of, if not the entire, center. It is, just as you said, very hard to push myself toward a version of myself I'm happy with when the steps to do that are essentially bullying myself. Something had to give in that mental model, and I very much feel that you gave me the missing piece of the puzzle to be able to frame my own dissatisfaction in a way that is well balanced between healthy and productive. Here's hoping I can hate myself enough this time. 🍻
What a good human being you are, thank you for sharing
god mode Louis. Nice brief explanation of life experience. Cannot let negativity roam around us. Gotta let that go and become a better person. Achieve your life and pursuit of happiness.
I think the key is changing for the better, and embracing whatever let's you do that.
Hatred is what keeps me moving. I hate being without, and I hate not having enough skill. As a result I learn extremely quickly because I do not like myself as I am.
Very astute Louis. Thanks for that. Having worked closely with a master hypnotist and pioneer of hypnotherapy for many years with that person producing seminars, books and radio programs and group sessions, I became profoundly aware of in others, just what you described you finally confronted in yourself and what I eventually confronted in myself. That primarily being and angry and resentful lie my father imparted to me, about what he saw me to be. My Father's rather was from from a generation that survived and thrived on anger and greed. He victimized my father with that anger and greed because that's what he survived on. My father became a very successful, well-know, unhappy, bitter and eventually died from the anger he inherited.
I believe there is a righteous anger that comes from passion, compassionate and forgiveness Louis that comes from suffering and trials as you have endured. Applying an unrighteous, anger, an anger that is based in fear, judgment, greed, and the self-loathing that results from the loser's emotion of resentment. Resenting one's self leads to depression. Getting righteously angry (not resenting) to change, will result in change. Resenting one's self or others believing that will divest them or one's self from unrighteous anger is... Well questionable if not madness.
New Yorkers seem to have have the survivors anger, some apply it positively others apply it in toxicly. Forgiveness and the passion to bring about good in one's self and others may be the difference.
3:49 I did the exact same thing in high school and man was it one of the worst decisions of my life. I'm still recovering from it but I'm definitely doing better than back then. Your story gives me even more determination to improve, thx for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
5:10 LOL! "I LOVE MY SELF!".
Awesome video and on point. This is why some say "positivity" is over rated... because of the same reason of self love/hate... similar in effect.
Good advice, change is difficult but sometimes necessary!!
I knew it! Soon the sunglasses will merge with him, and we will have another Super Saf!
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment of this video, but I disagree with the language used. I know other people have already pointed out that this is just a semantics argument yadda yadda, but I do think it's important to refrain from using such a strong, negative emotion like hate. This is a very personal point to me, but I used to hate myself but it didn't do anything to motivate me to improve, it made me want to commit no breathe lol.
I think it's important to frame your argument using criticism and self-improvement. It's OK and encouraged to look at yourself in the mirror and dislike something; seek improvement, but "hating" yourself can lead down a darker path. See what you want to change, something you wish was different, and work towards it. Do not hate yourself.
I think most people can, even if they don't, entertain more than one idea or feeling at the same time. I have some intensely mixed feelings about myself and people and things in life. There's also the difference between the long form version of our feelings and what we are feeling in any given moment so that we can fundamentally love ourself or someone or something else and still experience hate at the same time. For me, I feel like if you don't love yourself then you probably feel like you deserve the bad things and don't deserve anything better.
Needed this, thank you
You are really getting your mileage out of that picture huh
Edit after watching: This is going in my favorites playlist. Nice job.
Thank you Louis. This is really inspiring in a weird way.
Whoever does the thumbnails has cranked it up a notch lol
I enjoy your other content. But your videos like this are why I subscribed.
Valuable stuff there, Louis. Thanks 👍
I've always loved myself even at my lowest points. Self hate may work for you but for me it just makes me less likely to make positive change. I've found for me personally I had to learn to love myself even with my flaws before I was able to get myself to work on changing those flaws. I had to accept that I have things I need to work on but I still love my brain and I love how I care about people. I love technology and how I understand it, and while I don't like some of the things going on in my life I love that I'm making measurable progress towards my goals.
Doing all those things that "suck" would make me love myself for being disciplined enough to push through 🙂
This is a compelling topic and thumbnail, I am always interested in what you think on topics like this
That was one of the best motivational speeches I've ever heard, about 6 months ago I made a big change to my eating habits, I used to get up around 7 times during the night due to severe insomnia and eat then lay down and repeat. At my worst I weighed 109kgs I looked like I was giving birth to twins, I was so down on myself I never done any sort of exercise mainly due to my constant back pain. Then all of a sudden I started to go for short walks as it was all I could do due to suffering excruciating back pain, every week I made it a priority to walk just a little further while putting up with the pain. Now 6 months later I can walk 5 times the distance compared to when I started, I have stopped eating during the night which was one of the hardest things to do, I must say that I am now proud of myself for what I have accomplished which is loosing 14kgs I now weigh 85kgs which is what I weighed some 35 years ago. Now all I have to do is join a gym to build up some muscle mass, and get my Testosterone levels back to normal or close to it. So happy with myself but there is still work to be done.
Failing and making mistakes is essential part of the learning process, but only if you own your failures and mistakes and learn from them. I know from personal experience. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, just remember to learn from them.
If you weren’t overly abused or traumatized as a child you’ll have a certain amount of baseline self love that doesn’t ever vacate you and the occasional “self hate” is healthy as you describe it because that baseline self love provides the correct motivation to want to change. The problem comes for people who were heavily traumatized, neglected or abused as a child since that can totally destroy the innate self love, described as self love deficit disorder and the extreme symptoms are narcissism where the person must extract love from other people at any cost, usually without even realizing they are doing it since it’s basically a coping / survival mechanism since they are dealing with constant thoughts of self hate... Sadly these people have taken over as our “leaders” and social influencers of all kinds since legal parental child abandonment has become the norm and standard practice since we’ve been forced to have two incomes just to pay mortgages, and daycare & government school is seen as no big deal... it’s no wonder we are where we are.
Agreed! When you've faced trauma, it's important to heal first because rest assured, there's already low self-esteem. Survivorship bias is also something to consider when taking advice from anyone who has succeeded.
I self love on average 3 times a day. 🤣
Very interesting video and perspective of self love and self hate, I actually really related to that, I just never realized what I was doing but you put it into words and now I have a better perspective, thanks for your thoughts Louis, they’re unique and great!(most of the time 😜)
I like the definition of self esteem as realistic self assessment.
While your point stands you have a lot of self love within what you call "self hate (the belief that you're able to do much better and that you do deserve to treat yourself Better).
Real self hatred is something vicious and delusional. Nothing good comes from it and that is usually what people are talking about when they say that you need more self love.
Real self love doesn't lead to laziness and stagnation. Real self hatred leads to suicide both figuratively and sometimes literally G-d forbid.
I agree but I think some people are so sold on the constant push for relentless positivity that they use it as a mantra to justify avoiding difficult truths.
Agreed, wording is important. Hate yourself and hate what you do are entirely different. If you hate yourself you believe you deserve nothing but the worst.
It usually comes down to childhoods, if you were yelled at and told very negative things about yourself constantly by your parental figure(s) chances are you’ll have self love deficit disorder to some degree and have the vicious and delusional self hate symptoms. Children with relatively healthy upbringing won’t be so susceptible to continuous thoughts of self hate from the momentary self hate we all experience. On the other end of the spectrum are people who are overly sheltered from any criticism in an effort to “maximize the love” and they tend to be delusional towards the perception of their own talents and skills and wind up being entitled turds.
@@SchwaAlien Yes and individuals can respond to their environments completely differently too. Some bullied become bullies while others will become downtrodden.
When i was young i got a job in hospitality, it really helped with learning to talk with and deal with customers and strangers. Not a massive fan of hospitality, but i'm glad i did it.
Way I see it you need both, in moderation. Too much self love can lead to narcissism and denying the needs of those around you. Too much self hate can lead to extreme depression or even suicide.
Balance. Balance makes all the difference. Shift it more in the favor of self love, because it is important to your own growth, but don't let either dominate your life.
Thanks for the commentary, Louis
I think this is a really interesting view - and like anxiety, a little bit can be a good thing! (Like anxiety… that’s the thing that stops you getting hit by a car!)
It’s like with self care - making a doctor’s appointment that you’re worried about, calling and asking for help… they’re all self care too! Even down to paying those bills you’ve been putting off.
If it’s your default to hate yourself, and it becomes something you believe regularly though - that’s not a good thing, and please make sure you tell someone and get some proper advice
I don't think I've ever heard this described as self-hate before lol but yeah I agree with the idea, gotta be honest with yourself on why you're not where you wanna be in life. Nobody to blame but yourself.
Always great content. Always.
You weren't kidding about the thumbnails. Love it
We're not perfect.
It's always good to work on yourself and see parts of yourself you don't like, to change.
You can't evolve yourself if you just love yourself as is. There are many times you will see parts of yourself.
Strive to be a different man every 10 years. I'm sure the Louis today. Is not the same Louis from 10 years ago.
Striving for more is human.
I feel like many people want their outter appearance to be perfect, which is easy.
Yet, no one wants to take the time, dig deep and really take a good look at themselves. Most people rather look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime outside and be weak on the inside.
The goal is to work out MENTALLY. If it means hating yourself to get there then USE IT!
I did just that Louis, I did that bro. Was pushing 300lbs, out of shape. Could barely talk to women nor did I even care.
Dude I put this into practice. I worked out, lost over 70lbs in a span of 2 years. Read up about women and learning to talk to them.
Learned about myself. After that, I found a woman. I've been with her for close to 5 years. Dude I was single for Nearly 12 years!
I married her last year. Before that I worked on myself more.
Laws of attraction, understanding myself.
Men's group. Everyday finding a balance, everyday finding a way to be better than I was a month ago.
It doesn't stop Louis. It NEVER stops.
I gained my weight almost from what I lost, but I gained a lot more mentally.
I hate how I got fat again, but I'm married, happily married. I'm trying to be the best husband.
Man, you have to love yourself and hate some things. I'm glad you're aware of yourself. Most people aren't.
To me, you're being loving to yourself by being honest about the difference between where you are and where you want to be and using that as motivation to change it's just a slightly different way of seeing it.
✨definitely learned something!✨
Self hate is often rewarding but a double edged sword. I want to destroy the things I hate, but you have to use that hate to not destroy, but to mold it into a thing you love.
This is exactly what I took from David Goggins book can’t hurt me and I fully agree
When I was 14 I weighed 270 pounds. I hated myself and I was constantly coming up with excuses for why I was so fat but when entered highschool and wasn’t happy with who I was, I forced myself to change and I lost 90 pounds over the course of 7 months and I will gladly promote that I pursued that change cause I hated myself. Hate and anger for yourself can be very motivating and casting them aside can and will ruin a person
The thing is, love is what motivates yourself to change. When you love yourself, you know you deserve better. What you're hating is your current situation and love is the one motivating you to change.
For example, you look yourself in the mirror and see that you're overweight. You hate being overweight but you love yourself enough to know you deserve better than that and it motivates you to go to the gym, eat healthy, etc.
Most people confuse "love yourself" with "accept whatever situation you're in, you don't need to make any effort". It's toxic positivity basically.
On the other hand, hating yourself will do the opposite. "I'm overweight, I'm an idiot who will never lose weight so I'm just gonna stay here in my self-pity".
I hope this is clear enough
No, not really.
Your re atill blaming your circumstances instead of the real probl
@@ieaatclams I said that you hate the situation, not that you don't know you're responsible for it. That's two differente things. You can hate that a cat broke a mug without hating the cat
I used to write lists of what's pissing me off, including things about myself. Thanks for the reminder. I think the word hate can be too strong for some, though.
Spite is also a wonderful motivator
*Welcome back ROSSMANN!*
Good talk Louis.
This is very individual, I have been hating myself for 6 years and I do not change. I know I should, I know I could, but I dont do it. Neither "loving" or "hating" myself will change that
As always I enjoy hearing about your unique pov
I can kinda see what you're saying, but it would really depend on the person
I am very awkward an avoided interacting with strangers if I could, but it wasn't really affecting me and I didn't really feel a need to change
My trigger was shortly after I started working for a small company, I needed to start and maintain relations with vendors and manufacturers because I'm the mechanical designer and we don't have someone dedicated for buying parts
The first few times I tried to have someone with me to make sure I didn't mess up, but I couldn't always rely on my coworkers and waste their time, so I quickly sucked it up and and exchanged with the manufacturers alone, thou after 2 years I am still drained after more than 1h in person meeting with so I barely know
And man has it been beneficial, after a year I was more confident on the phone or in person for personal matters too, and I'm less hesitant to go see a store klerk 😆
I just wanted to share because it was close to what you did, minus going through the self h phase, but I have always been open to change my view if I feel a need to without putting too much pressure on myself, and I feel like self h could only make things worse for my case
EDIT :
I got to your diet and exercise, there too I've made improvements, not enough but I am losing weight or stagnating (in still trying to find training I enjoy, for now biking is the only thing), but I didn't start because of hate, I just didn't want it to get worse
I feel like hate is a strong emotion and for me it's just that I don't feel confident with my overweight and I need to lose at least 20 kg to feel completely satisfied
I wonder if that's what you mean by self h, or of some people just need a stronger emotion to trigger change
Looky you! You're like the most extroverted-introvert that I know now! I guess you're kinda inspirational... especially introvert swho go out out of their comfort zone (their shell), mingle... make stuff out in the world. #Introverts👑
I think what many people miss is that you can't force self love. I'm not even entirely sure it can be cultivated. Sometimes saying "I hate you." to the face in the mirror is simply an honest phrasing of your sincere emotions. Above all else, I would say it's important to recognize how you _actually_ feel about yourself - which is not within your control at all - instead of dwelling on how some subreddit told you that you _ought_ to feel about yourself.
I almost died earlier this year. My heart was failing and I thought I was just really out of shape due to a lack of exercise and poor diet which was exacerbated by coronavirus restrictions. So I kept going to work and trying to suffer through it. I couldn't walk up steps. Eventually I couldn't walk more than 100 feet without being completely exhausted, so I left work early and went to the emergency room. They kept me in the hospital for 4 days. My resting heart rate never dropped below 125 the entire time. After I got out my cardiologist said she was surprised I was able to walk into the ER on my own.
That was 4 months ago. After getting on some medications, taking a little bit of sick time off, and working towards being more physically active again, my resting heart rate is down to about 97. I can walk up steps like normal again, and I can actually walk for 30+ minutes at a time. More importantly, I can actually breathe when I lay down to go to sleep. I feel really good! I still have some weight to lose and muscle to build up, but I am trying not to push too hard too fast. I have started to use some light weights while walking and will soon start doing some strength training. I don't have a personal trainer, so I'm just sticking to the easy stuff for now.
I was literally days away from dying and I had no idea. Talk about hitting rock bottom!