Why Forgiveness is Unnecessary | Carmelle Kemp | TEDxBearCreekPark
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- Everything you've been told about forgiveness is upside down and backwards. In this emotional and personal talk, Spiritual Teacher & Medicine Woman Carmelle Kemp takes us on a journey to the heart revealing a shocking truth about forgiveness that will change your life.
Carmelle has trained with Shamans in the Amazon, Gurus in India and has been initiated as a Nagual Shaman in the lineage of Don Miguel Ruiz. She is passionate about liberating the human spirit and helps people shift from overwhelmed and unfulfilled to fearless and free. Carmelle Kemp is a Spiritual Teacher and Medicine Woman, but it wasn’t always this way. Her childhood was spent navigating physical, sexual, and emotional abuse that left her wandering a dysfunctional wasteland. Seeking the healing she desperately needed, Carmelle found herself travelling the globe studying and training with Shamans in the Amazon and Gurus in India. She is passionate about liberating the human spirit by helping men and women from all walks of life shift from overwhelmed and unfulfilled to fearless and free. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I have always *passionately* hated the idea that you "have" to forgive to move on from a wrong that's been done to you. It creates this unspoken dynamic that if you don't forgive, now *you're* doing something wrong, now *you're* the one with the problem. It puts the burden and pressure on the injured party to forgive or be viewed as a bad person. All you're doing is causing more grief for the injured party, because when they're pressured into saying or doing something they don't really feel, it only adds to the bad feelings they already had.
Forgiveness is like love. If you have to coerce me into saying it, it isn't real. And if it isn't real, then what even is the point of saying it?
THIS is the best explanation and belief that I carry myself. Thank you!
💯
Forgiveness is a difficult thing to practice because it feels like you're condoning that behavior that hurt you but what it really is is an act of self love to let go of the hurt, resentment and anger toward the person or people who hurt you. Forgiveness isn't for them it's for you
@@karenlenk1724hat can be the case, but forgiveness isn't the only way to let go of hurt. You don't need to forgive anyone, you can detach from the situation and move on just as fine. You can heal without feeling obligated to forgive for the sake of "doing the right thing".
among people who forgive for themselves, there's a smaller group of people who only 'forgive' because they feel the need to be morally obligated to. They don't realize there's another way to heal, forgiveness isn't necessary for every situation and every person.
Victims do not have to forgive their abusers. Sometimes boundaries are necessary to heal. Letting go of connections to an abuser can be liberating and a path to self-acceptance and love. We can choose to love ourselves and let the abusers go on their way, never to hurt us again.
This is true!
Ruben Thompson You shouldn’t scare us into religion. You can believe what you want to believe. Just don’t force it on others. Not all of us believe in God.
I totally agree with you on this!!!!
I agree with the boundaries. If the abuser did something severe that offended the victim, the victim can set boundaries on the abuser so that way the abuser learns his/her lesson.
But I do agree that the victim should eventually forgive the abuser. I mean as long as the abuser learns from their mistakes and makes some changes, the victim should indeed forgive the abuser.
We humans make mistakes lots of times. There is nothing wrong with that. But what is wrong is not learning from them and continuing on making them.
One is not obliged to forgive. Morality shall remain stringent.
Sometimes forgiveness isn’t necessary; acceptance is.
no
When Possible Forgiveness is Always Necessary
Will You Believe a Fallen Broken? Person
Or God?
@@sarubet8725speak for yourself
@@sarubet8725you've commented on another ted talk and stalked a speakers linkedin. weirdo.
No , that’s even worse
Forgiveness is like Trust, it is earned. There is no need to forgive the Unforgivable. Release and being in your own heart is all that's necessary.
This is so true. Thanks for your thoughts.
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This is a great video society always tells people that we should forgive people regardless of what they do, but there are some people who just enjoy making other people suffer. Forcing the victims to forgive there abusers whilst letting the abusers get off easy. I think there should be balance between forgiving and not forgiving someone, its all down to the choice of the victims.
But most importantly we should learn to move one, learn from what has happened to us and become better people.
I agree.
"If you forgive the fox for stealing your chickens, he will take your sheep."
If you don’t heel your past will be difficult to move on, forgiveness is important otherwise it will repeat the same story over and over again
Never heard a TED talkI related to so much. So emotional and healing to hear. Thank you for sharing your story that is sadly the story of so many who stay hidden in the darkness of that shame and pain you spoke of. God bless you.
Not everyone who’s wronged you deserves forgiveness. Instead of forgiving them, forgive yourself for being unforgiving. For me, retaining that bad memory serves as a source of strength and does not make me weak. Forgiveness is a major privilege. Don’t give it for free. I can move on with life peacefully knowing that the people who did bad things to me will soon find karma lying in wait. 😉
I totally agree with you on this. We shouldn’t be trying to force ourselves to forgive other because that would only cause more pain. We need to take time to heal and if we don’t, that’s okay. I had to learn this the hard way.
I own the fact I’m unforgiving just don’t push me there it’s not that hard
Forgiveness is like Trust, it is earned. There is no need to forgive the Unforgivable. Release and being in your own heart is all that’s necessary!
@@TvOfMike what exactly do you mean so I can hold a grudge against someone who’s wronged me and be happy in life?
@@eliefosso7215 see no one said anything about a grudge... naturally people whom are wronged tend to set firm boundaries with the abuser who wronged them and ACCEPT AND MOVE ON. You accept that it has happened to u... that’s not holding a grudge. Healing and acceptance Isn’t for them. None of this is for them, you don’t NEED to have any contact with them. I mean listen if you hold a grudge then u aren’t healed. By all means if YOU feel the need to forgive I mean be my guest but it’s totally not necessary to heal yourself.
A beautiful and truly heartfelt talk from a woman with a shining heart and soul. Very moving and inspiring.
What a beautiful talk from a wonderful spirit. Forgiveness is not necessary because “Love does not hold a grudge.” Beautiful! And to paraphrase Jung “He who looks outside dreams; he hooks inside awakens.” Very smart ❤
I dont believe in forgiveness, I believe in healing and letting go your own resentment and bitterness towards person involved. Forgive yourself and process what the experience taught you and learn .
Can you share which ways you found helpful in order to to heal, and in order to let go of resentment and bitterness? Thanks
Well isn’t that forgiveness in and of itself?
@@vaeatangitau5134 I would think so
You've just defined forgiveness
@@ayelethashahar8807 I respond by allowing any bitterness or resentment towards past trauma or bad treatment to surface,breath and relax around it and observe,accept it needs to come out.Give it some space without getting caught up with it and it naturally moves on and in time becomes less and less.
Focusing on what makes your world fulfilling,kindness,gratitude, staying healthy,helping others if you can,learning new skills, relationships,spirituality.. this is healing 🙏❤
I DON'T BELIEVE IN FORGIVENESS..... I belive in responding to the person who has hurt me.
I find this a sad comment, but I agree that responding to the one who has done the hurt can be helpful. It can be tricky to communicate effectively in the heat of the moment, so chose wisely. But the ability to confront can help the one hurt divest themselves of feeling such a victim and move on.
I completely agree with you , you can’t let someone walk all over you and forgive them
For whatever reason there may never be the opportunity to respond to those who have hurted us, choose love and compassion for your sake.
Love and compassion for OURSELVES can develop over time as we heal. ‘Forgiving the unrepentant is like drawing pictures on water.’- Japanese proverb.
Colossians 3:12-13
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
It's religion that demands it. Yes, we hear this repeatedly. You can choose love , but when the memory returns the forgiveness issue returns. It's a multi faceted issue. Not everyone has any remorse at all. Healing is important but not every wrong can ever be righted. Some have perpetual damages. If you can forgive and love never forget.
Religion taught the need for forgiveness. You are all right about boundaries, moving on and embracing true change. It's vital to a happy life.
Jesus Christ died for your sins which everyone is guilty of. You will all burn unless you can forgive everyone.
@@memyselfandi8544 threatening? Blackmailing and scaring is what religious evilness do since the dark ages. You are the prove that this evilness have been reproducing all this time. Hoped they would have been rooted out.
Forgiveness should be given when the other person or party changes. Or, if it is something where they really did a major change or shown actions to do so. Like one of my High School Bullies. He apologized later in life for how he was not good to me when we were teenagers. He admitted that he was responsible to let drugs, alcohol, and the wrong people influence him to let him act the way in which he was. Now, we are good friends, and he has become an empath to me when I have my dark days. Him being to rehab and counseling has had me go to him when I feel lost or in trouble. I try to be there for him, and his family too.
Beautiful 👌🏾 may God bless both of you forever and always
🌻🌞🌈🦄✨🇿🇦
If I waited for someone to change before I could forgive them I would be waiting for a very long time with the burden of anger.Your friend is the exception.Forgiveness is to heal YOU not them whether they change or not.
Christians are called to forgive one another (Matthew 6:14); however, God never tells us that we must forgive and forget.We can forgive others without forgetting what they have done.
Nope, religion pressures to forgive. Forgiveness is giving your abuser another chance, and not everyone deserves another chance, certainly not an abuser.
And by the way, there is no scientific proof of god. Truth is the best therapy.
Forgiving someone allows them to not hold themselves responsible for the pain they have caused you. I’ve noticed that when I forgave, i allowed that person to continue to hurt me, because if I only forgave them, maybe it would get better, maybe they would see how bad they hurt me.
very true, i was thinking about the same .. people don't get it when you forgive them instead they keep doing the same cause they know they got away with it
Never forgive someone who is not genuinely repentant and unwilling to reform, they will take it as weakness and keep doing wrong.
And a message to you: never encourage people to be God.
forgiveness brings inner peace for yourself
@@EmeraldPixelGamingEPG What in God's name are you talking about?
Perfect.
Facts
It’s not that we believe that we are worthless, it’s the fact that others that supposed to care for us openly show us that we don’t mean anything to them.
Which leads you to believe youre worthless.
@@marciestoddard730 It makes you not to trust people, and see them in a negative light.
Absolutely amazing speech. I went through every form of abuse from my mother as well and am now training to be a shaman. Thank you for sharing your story.
Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside awakens.
Love will never let you down.
Heartfelt lines.😃
Ĺ
1
Refraining from killing someone is Forgiveness. Then simply get Away and simply Love YourSelf. 😊❤
This didn’t do much for me. “ Love is the answer” is a bit cliche. I appreciate her sharing her story.
Wow!!! What a wonderful speaker. Thank you!
This country gives you the opportunity to move on and leave the toxic people behind
I was told I had to forgive and I did within myself not to the person not to the people, and I just felt awful I even forgave myself long with forgiving them. Then one day I was listening to a video of a clinical psychologist, I wish I had saved the video it was such a strong moment for me I didn't, so I don't know what her name was. She said
"you don't have to forgive unless you want to forgive but you do not have to forgive."
I immediately Quit feeling bad about it I Quit feeling sick over feeling like I had to forgive over being told I had to forgive I felt bad that I was told that I had to forgive in order to heal and that just made me feel worse. And God knows that I have been in pain long enough and he would not want me to feel hurt anymore for another second. And it's okay having that clinical psychologists told me it was okay that I did not have to forgive and I have felt fine about it ever since and I pass this message on whenever I'm encountered with a subject about forgiveness. Being told we have to forgive unless we want to is
b u l l s h t.
And be aware if you have been traumatized and this is the situation you're feeling like you need to forgive on, that person could be a narcissist and if you have never studied narcissism that one word will open up a whole new world to you. To forgive someone who sees you as mere entertainment when they hurt you is ridiculous. Period.
Instead of wasting your time on even thinking you need to forgive do this instead, study narcissism extensively. Studying what the exact subject is of the person that hurt you studying their personality their psychopathy, is the single most healing modality. This requires three months of solid like it's your full-time job studying 16 hours a day just for getting started including several years and for a lifelong time thereafter.
You are a beautiful lotus that has grown out of a muddy pond, Carmelle. I am so happy for you although my circumstances were of a lesser degree, I hope to transform my life like you. Thanks for the inspiration and giving me hope that it is possible.
LOVE this ! Love actually equals forgiveness or indeed remembering who we REALLY are, makes all the rest NOT necessary !!!
Remembering who we TRULY are IS the key to EVERYTHING !!! THAT is how the world and Life will get BETTER !
Know that YOU are LOVE and that that is EVERYTHING you will ever need for your stay here on Earth and beyond !
Choose love and compassion. Well said.
The Forgiveness process worked and you had the resultant Spiritual experience. It is now automatic for you, and those who “know not what they do”they will continue to suffer for they know not that “ one” only does it to the self not to others. Bless you on your continued journey.
"Forgiveness is a fundamental weakness that incapacitates you and chops you up into irresistible fodder ready to be eagerly devoured by the next hungry offender who impatiently waits while his predecessor gets his free pass." - ME.
It's wrong to forgive. Forgiveness means accepting injustice. It's the highest cost to human life and why we suffer to begin with. I never forgive unless it's necessary. Experience taught me it's often unnecessary. People who forgive are those who have done wrong in life too and they expect all humans to do wrong.
If someone’s unforgivable, don’t forgive them just move on
Well said. Cut that connections. To
Or just forget about them and never talk to them
@@joandarc441unless you have no brain , forgetting is possible
This video brought tears to my eyes. What you talk about really resonates with me. Thank you so much.
It’s pure hate.
Thank you, thank you for this Carmelle, you bring things together to the place of love. That is what you have done for me. So grateful to have found you.
I will never forgive. I’m just going to start taking revenge in immediate ways.
Same. 👏👏👏👏👏
I can forgive the person who accidently ran me over and stayed by my side til the paramedic arrived, but to my bio dad who told me my mother would have been better off if I died, F that guy.
Well said! IMO, To say such things, They are already dead inside. The living dead use their own untreated pain to inflict as much pain, and trauma, on others as they can. In tantrum mode they use words as weapons. That is their greatest weakness. Showing the world who they really are!
I knew someone that continued to make cause the same pain on others, over and over. Hiding behind God, never feeling bad for any of it. I felt content when I didn't forgive him and even when he died, I didn't regret speaking to him when he tried. The only reason he quit doing what he did, because he no longer had the physical strength. I cannot forgive a person that is forced to be sorry.
Getting pissed is okay too. You will get over it this way as easily as the forgiveness route.
Living with anger destroys you. Are you serious?
Yes it does.
Wow, your master training is unbelievable
I think what is being described is the essence of forgiveness
Some people don’t deserve forgiveness and I mean the lowest of society that have no remorse or empathy. Normal people deserve forgiveness.
Also that “they didn’t know any better” bs. I would never abuse a child or neglect to protect them but that’s all I know. People can either choose to be an abuser or take responsibility for their trauma.
Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the other person... and it does not matter if they deserve it... I is to make you free from the other person. You forgive another person to set yourself free
You shouldn’t let the nature of others affect your own.
Reminds me of a story- two monks where down by a steam washing their clothes, when the older month saw that a scorpion had fallen in the stream, and would drown if left. The monk reached it and grabbed the scorpion to save it, and in doing so was stung by the scorpion badly in his hand.
The scorpion fell in the stream again, the older monk that had already been stung once, and had a very saw hand, put down what he was cleaning and began moving towards wear the scorpion had fallen in.
The younger monk who was with him asked what he was doing? And said that the scorpion would only sting you again when you try to save it.
The old monk said “ it is in the scorpions nature to sting, but it is in my nature to save”
The moral is to try and stick to who you are-
Carmelle, you had me at 2:00. Love is the answer, thank you!
Beautiful and insightful. Being aware that we make up stories as children about the events that took place can really create a space for love when there was no possibility for it before.
the o
Amen
I went to a guided meditation session this morning....it was about forgiveness...and on the way home, I asked myself this very question...I found forgiveness a lifeline of soothing, as a younger person, when I dealt with hurts more egoistically, but I have since found the unconditional love in my soul...and I, too have found I no longer have anything to forgive. My inner peace is what I work on if I get into a tricky situation. Once my peace is restored, I can disregard the “wrong” as though it is of no importance. We are all one..energy, and dust of the earth, negotiating the path of life we are currently in. Love is indeed the road to freedom.
Very well said, @ Kim White.
It's truly sad when family members inflict pain and hurt but it's even sadder when they don't realize how much they are hurting you.
My world has been so changed by this woman why isn’t this Ted talk more watched? It’s really sad because I think this could really help people at this time.
What a brilliant talk. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
There's a culture around forgiveness that's always seemed a weird victim blaming cult to me
Like, is weird how people seem to be more angry at someone not forgiving an abuser than at the abuse itself
100% makes complete sense!!
I believe this message is to mean, forgive, forgive and move forward. To forgive, does not mean you need to go to the person and forgive them in person. To forgive means to forgive them in your mind, your heart, your soul. These are the types of forgiveness that helps you move on as a person, as an individual, as you. So to say to forgive somebody else only allows them to do it again, try to see the message in a way that I’m seeing it. I feel that I and I have forgiven many of people they don’t know I forgiven them, but I know I did and I do I will again.why, I’m so much calmer happier, and late in my brain in my heart and in my soul.
To forgive is a feeling, you feel it when you forgive. Just like when you feel it inside of you when you love or when you trust. You cannot force feelings, even when tortured or threatened or taught. So, what's the use to say I forgive? Nothing, just words. If you dont feel the forgiveness then better let go of the person(s) who hurt you. Remember, you have only one live, move on and give your live another chance. There are about 8 billion people on this planet to choose from.
I don't believe in forgiveness as a way to move on. I've always hated to hear from a victim, "My God tells me that I have to forgive you..." I'd rather have the chip on my shoulder and use it as fuel as my truth than a falsehood regarding forgiveness..
Wow! Great message! Thank you for your genuine and heartfelt story. 🙏
My last therapist suggested/demanded in the only group therapy I have had with my parents in my 30+ years of life that I HAD to forgive my siblings (that had mentally, physically and psychologically abused me) to move on with my life. This was in my birthday btw.
Not only my insomnia and eating habits got worse, but also my relationship in general with my family.
Good news is: she's not my therapist anymore, I guess.
Forgive who you can forgive for now and those you can't forgive, just give it time. Don't rush the process, everything in life has its due including forgiveness
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful heartfelt speech Carmele
After watching this I felt better. Thanx .
Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else it's something you do for yourself so the bitterness doesn't eat you alive.
thank you sir.
right
It's possible to not forgive someone and not be consumed by bitterness.
Great talk. Moving, and truly spoke to me.
I wasn't expecting that. Speachless I am
So beautiful, honest and profound
love will never let you down
Thank You
Thank you for sharing your message Carmelle.
One is not obliged to forgive. Morality shall remain stringent.
What an amazing person
Thank you
Finally a good speech on forgiveness. And it isn't even necessary.
5 minutes in and I really like what she's saying!
Forgiveness isn’t really the issue….I choose not to ever let those people close to me again because I value myself. Betrayal is never forgotten in your heart when it’s from family members who loved you your whole and then one day kick you in the stomach….blindsided with the biggest sucker punch of my life. And they could care less what they did to me. Forgiveness isn’t the issue….boundaries are. It’s about self respect and self love. They’ll never be allowed in my life again 🙁 I will never allow them to hurt me again…
Well said
Saying Never Only Confirms Your Bitterness Hatred and Anger
You Have Inside
Especially if the People Regretted What They Did
If You Don't Know God, then I Understand Your Unwillingness to Forgive
But As A Victim of Abuse, Forgiveness Can Unlock Peace
This is my story absolutely. When do I get with the program and claim my life and energy back?
She's describing the process of Forgiveness...
Not forgiveness but self-forgiveness. They are distinct.
@@lemondrop7305 I disagree,One can only forgive themselves.REALLY THINK about this.
Love, peace and understanding, along with letting go of anger, hurt and resentment - that sounds as if that is ultimately, forgiveness.
Much love, thank you🙏
POWERFULL MESSAGE!!! Thank you, I needed to be reminded of this!!
my narcopath abuser knowingly abuses me. and he grew up in a non abusive home. he didt learn this behavior. he chose it. because he gets off of hurting others maliciously.
Thank you Carmelle ! This is very helpful for me
I’ll also say this so that I can clear the smoke. A lot of people have this idea that the change of heart of the perpetrator is contingent on whether they’re forgiven by their victim(s).
This is a very false narrative hence the problems that we see in the church in this regard. If you, the offender, are repentant/sorry for your offenses them it would be consistent whether the victim forgives you or not. It’s not conditional. Really, this is just a way for the offender to obfuscate self accountability, feelings of shame & guilt, onto the victim hence this being a form of mental & emotional manipulation.
As Christians we already know that’s not of God. That’s of the enemy as it displays a sense of selfishness and egoism of the offender. The offender would’ve been more sincere in not repenting & apologizing!
Let your repentance, self forgiveness, and sense of sorry be genuine or just don’t do it at all. God bless and peace.
Self absolution cuts you from being tied to unresolved negative emotions when you forgive somebody you say what has happened is okay but if you practice self absolution it says I can move on from the action that was not okay by releasing the anger pain or desire for vengeance
I choose self absolution over forgiveness
I don't get forgiveness in life I can't forgive people who hurt me I wish them luck only but forever silent now
I feel her. Thank you for sharing
If I do not expect people to forgive me when I accidentally say something that sounds like I have an attitude, I do not expect to forgive my worst abuser. I let him go. I felt the feelings as memories popped up through the years, and went through therapy, and then I stopped feeling anything about him. I realized he didn’t care about me when he hurt me, exploited me, and tried to kill me. He didn’t even care when he put on a show of it… so why should I feel anything about him now?
I don’t call it forgiveness. I think people use that word to mean too many things. They just think it makes them sound like good people. But for me, I’d rather call it what it is. It’s just an absence of anger because I don’t need it now, and it feels good. Forgiveness sounds too kind for him. It implies I have some sort of basic human affection, but I don’t, and I don’t miss it.
I and FREE. Thank you!
Absolutely brilliant.
Acceptance of life is key. Life is hard. Forgiveness is for oneself to benefit from. Love? What is it? Love isn’t a “feeling”. It’s action that counts. Betrayal hurts. Betraying oneself is something we are taught. Stop it. Don’t ever betray yourself. You are the air traffic controller. Your hostages are the planes you keep circling around. Do yourself a favor and land the planes. Allow the passengers, your resentments, to disembark. They look like people who did you wrong. Let them go. You are not obligated to reconcile with anyone. I do recommend you reconcile with yourself though. Live forward in humility and create that rich inner life discussed herein. Set yourself free…you set everyone free.
And what about when it wasn’t a “mistake “?… what about those who intentionally hurt you… those who repeatedly look for new ways to hurt you? Those who target you and you can’t escape from? I said to someone, “this will never be over until one of us is dead.”… not even the restraining order would stop it… in the next couple of months I had a stress induced heart attack… I survived… 4 months and 1 week after that, they had a drug induced heart attack or cardiac arrest… and it was over… mostly… I still carry it, but it’s not as heavy anymore
I actually got disturbed when she said "we all make mistakes." That's terribly invalidating to many people who've suffered major trauma due to repeated violence towards them, continually abusing someone is not a mistake. That part of her speech made her overall message weak for me
This was heartfelt, raw and honest. I loved it but disagreed that "forgiveness is unnecessary." Shew just is defining it a little differently, but you have to listen to this to see where she is coming from. Love and compassion is what makes forgiveness possible.
Ezekiel 18-19 scripture said there must be repentance for forgiveness to happen
Finally it makes sense
Beautiful ideas...much to think about. Ty.
amazing! moving humanity forward.
Forgiveness is a choice
She is beautiful. Truth that if you want love, you provide it and there it is: all yours to enjoy. Just one life to experience and make it as hard or as beautiful as you choose to see it.
Wow! I can really feel it. I'm not there yet. Still working on it.
Traumatized souls are disconnected from their true essence, love.
Don't forgive anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself... even if it's not that big deal... they're just like that... don't forgive them... just don't think about them...if you think about forgiving them that means they did something for you...and if they did something for you... that means they don't even deserve to think about them... isn't this a better way to think about things?
A lot of people we are judgemental and superficial people...but way more people aren't...so forget those people and believe in yourself...you know why you decided to cut them off your life so stop feeling bad about yourself...power is in moving on and love yourself...not in holding on and forgiving the ones who made you feel bad about yourself...power is in not caring about them... power is in appreciating yourself... power is when you find inner happiness in your life... power is when sometimes even if you're lonely you don't go to the same place and people that made you feel so... even if they apologized.. don't you think that they hurt you first?and that it's so selfish from them to want you back in their life?....move on...you deserve better...
Thank you so much for this comment. I will meditate on this daily. So beautifully written.
Truth and authenticity is more important… God forgives. The Holy Spirit forgives.. we are to tell and feel the truth.
Many people in the comment section didn't get the point. She does not say: 'do not forgive', but rather, 'If you LOVE, forgiveness becomes obsolete because your love and compassion for the person who wronged you are bigger than your resentment'.
If you understand that this person acted that way because of his own regrets, shames and fears, resulting from his own life experiences, it becomes easier to understand him and to 'love' him. It's not a personal, intimate love, but a universal love and understanding for mankind and for the fact that we all make so many mistakes. That love conquers everything.
Take an honest look in the mirror: YOU have also wronged people - more than you realize.
Then, forgiveness is a byproduct of loving life and feeling compassion for whom has wronged you?
But is there a step-by-step for doing that? Or some different way to achieve it?
Somewhat of a semantic "bait and switch." Says "forgiveness" is "unnecessary" but then goes on to describe many of the steps that people who teach on this subject see as the essence of forgiveness - i.e. understanding that we all make mistakes, empathy for the other, practicing unconditional love, differentiating between forgiveness and reconciliation, etc.
Thanks, ft the warning. I think I will skip this
Thank you for this!
Honestly, Metro: Last Light taught me more about forgiveness.
What if you tell someone not to do something. They know it’s wrong, and they do it anyway. How do you forgive?
i still believe in forgiveness, for me it begins with being at peace with what happened..letting other people's actions define us will only create a victim mentality..responding with compassion helps.. addressing your own issues is hard but for me it is better than carrying a lot of baggages i don't need, it will only lead into constant toxic cycles.. we all deserve better, we all deserve to forgive, we all deserve to heal and be free 🕊️