The mom saying that OP is making her choose...but lady, you already did, you chose your other daughter by continually trying to give her everything and nothing to OP
And I daresay she chose because, deep down, she thinks like her other sister, why shouldn't the daughter who's gonna be childless contribute to the daughter who's going to give me grandchildren?
OPs mothers complete unwillingness to consider OPs position means that she 100% views this as a gift from op and is wanting to leave the house for the sister. It will not be THEIR house, it would be HERS. It honestly feels like the mom used ‘our house’ as a manipulation tactic.
Yes. And adding to that I think that went on all OPs life. I get she is trying very hard to correct that impression people are getting, but that could be just the eternal gaslighting be talking. I know by experience, if you are manipulated all you life to fit a certain mold and to have a bad conscience for stepping up for yourself, it takes a long, long time to grow out of it. Good OP didn't go through with the whole thing.
If you let mom get away with this, you are essentially directly paying your sister’s inheritance. Mom needs to have a good think about who is actually monetarily contributing to her life.
@@Flakey101 what if the sister moves in and can’t clean, makes a mess all the time, destroys everything, doesn’t pay for anything, can’t clean after herself, and invites the wrong kind of people over who don’t respect someone else’s home? I understand op. She wants it set up in a way that if the sister is a horrible person to live with, well then she can be that way at another home. My friend had a horrible roommate in a apartment they both bought… roommate never paid for anything, never helped clean, never helped buy groceries, causing problems with the landlord and neighbors in the building, broke in a apartment on the 3rd floor to play that family’s ps5, only to get caught trying to steal it. He was evicted, my friend had his gf move in.. everyone loves her. Her 1st hours in the apartment, she made cookies for everyone in the building. ( she’s from Thailand) when it snows, she helps shovel the small parking lot. She watches the neighbors kids in the building and has taught the little girls the yoga she enjoys but also plays basketball and baseball outside with the young boys. Sure she has no job, goes to school but . Point is, you don’t know how a person is until you live with them
@@Flakey101 OP was going to put down 40% of the down-payment and pay at least half of the mortgage and bills. On what planet is that considered "getting something for nothing"?
@@MaryTheresa1986 NO in her original offer the mortgage was all down on the mother to pay. She would only pay for half the bills. ie getting a cheap rate rent. In fact it worse I thought OP agreed to pay the whole downpayment. If it is only 40% of it she should only get 54% share of the house not the 60% I said.
@@MaryTheresa1986 Agreed. And the fact they are clearly concerned that, when their mum dies, OP will discover all of mum’s portion goes only to the sister does say a lot. I’d have hoped that - by law - the inheritance segments would be split evenly (meaning in some way OP gets 25% of the home) but I’m not sure what country they are in and OP doesn’t trust their mum to be fair. It’s insane. Mum seems so unreasonable.
Story 1: Ever notice how the most responsible kid usually gets screwed over by the parent/s because the parent/s figures they will be alright but the less responsible kid gets their ass wiped by the parents throughout their lives. The parents don't take into account how hard the responsible kid worked- in school, part-time job, and then at their career. In time, OP's sister will be popping out babies and mom will feel like OP will be just fine, he doesn't need anything but his sister whose claim to fame will be making babies does deserve all the inheritance including OP's share of the investment. Glad OP backed out of the deal.
It’s usually the older sibling too. The younger sibling is more likely to be babied and the parents realize they have failed to teach the child responsibility but choose to have the older sibling take on a parental role instead of trying to correct their failures.
Honestly... OP's mother put herself in a "someone is screwed over" scenario. Like... How is any of this fair to OP? The mother only thought of herself and OP's sister BUT not OP. "oh you will get 50/50" "but... I am already payi-" "50/50" I am glad the OP thought of herself during that.
No OP is just as much trying to screw over her family. If she is putting the down payment on the house, and the mother takes over the morgage the correct inheritance split shoulld be 60/40 (Or 65/35 if it a 15% down payment) not 100%. OP is just as greedy as the mother.
@@Flakey101 ... You don't get it. The whole "50/50" thing was the WHOLE thing INCLUDING the down payment OP is doing. If the "inheritance" of the 50/50 went through, then OP is basically paying for the inheritance!
@@Flakey101 If you don't get it by my last comment, then this is the best I can do. If OP pays for like... enough for like 20 percent of the house, the 50/50 doesn't look like 55/45 (or your example), 50/50 Is JUST 50/50! OP gets the same amount/share as her sister does DESPITE putting in more work. If this or the previous comment doesn't explain what is wrong here to you, then I don't know what will. The whole "60/40" thing OP mentioned was for what she paid for! Since it would be fairer since, again, she put in more work.
@@SonicMaster211 wow you not read my post at all did you. My first line said both offers were wrong. The mother was wrong. OP was wrong. OP did not bring up the 60/40 split I did. OP wanted it all like the greedy person she was. No where did I mention the 50/50 split. If you are going to reply twice please read what I actually said and not what you imagine I said next time.
@@Flakey101 "OP did not bring up the 60/40 split I did." Stop. She did brought it up here: 7:55 (note: I timed it with the screenshot, not the audio) Either you didn't watch the whole video or you just wanted to make the OP as bad as possible. I am not going to respond or read the rest of your comment because it is clear you did NOT paid attention.
Story 1, mom was absolutely going to leave that house to the sister with the kids. You know this because she kept talking about not leaving her sister anything and her sister never being able to afford a home in the city. She was absolutely going to leave that home that op paid for to the sister who didn't contribute anything.
*sarcasm* But you just don't understand! OP can clearly take care of themselves and when mom dies, OP will still be financially stable and either get a new place or should just be able to share until they both decide what to do with the house. It should be fine because the kids need a place. *sarcasm* No, OP's mom intended this house to go to her sister in some way or another after she passed on, with the understanding that OP's sister could first choose if she wanted the house or not. Which, would be fine...if mom was paying for the house by herself or had accepted the partial down payment as a gift. Not investing together that would amount to equal shares. If not, she would have agreed to a 49/51, as sister would still just under half and OP would be force to pay her to keep the house which would amount to the same as inheritance, abit with a 1%-/+ difference. Or both selling the property and getting a split that would make them both financially secure to buy new houses of their own if they decided to do that With the same percentage. Equally, she would have agreed to the pay out option that the lawyers drafted. That would insure that that OP then couldn't try to skip out in inheritance to the sister in any way. Third, if she was worried about the other child getting something, she could look into setting up a trust for whatever money she would be saving from OP paying part, then all of the mortgage. Nope, she instead called OP heartless. Instead of having more discussion.
Story 1: There's definitely some kind of favoritism. She never once takes OP into consideration and only thinks about the sister's wellbeing. The mom know OP has been paying for the house but doesn't acknowledge the fact that the sister would get the house for FREE. However, the only thing not taken into account is that if OP does not pay for the house anymore and mum passes the house to the sister all of the financial burdens of the house would go to the sister Side question though: Does the sister know what's going on between Mom and OP and does she know Mom is considering giving the house to her? If she does know what was her response?
I think this is more of a "math issue" than anything. The down payment doesn't give OP the rights to half the house (unless DP is half the current sale value which it normally isn't, it's usually between 10-20% of the sale price). OP would be living there and paying "rent" to the mother which cannot be considered any sort of value towards ownership of the home, it is Rent unless OP's name is on the deed and mortgage. The easiest way would have been to have the downpayment written in as a loan against the home like a 2nd mortgage. Although, doing that might screw up trying to get the main mortgage. It could be written as a loan to the mother from OP with the house as collateral and would act as a secondary mortgage if that state allows that sort of thing. Other than that, I wouldn't get involved because even if OP was named on the deed and mortgage the mother could still leave her entire 50% of the home to the other sister using "bad math" in an attempt to keep things even. Then both OP and the sister would have 50% and the OP would have been paying the down payment and part of the mortgage while the sister didn't have any skin in the game. Another issue is if the OP wanted to move out and get her own home, her name on the mortgage would weigh against her in trying to get another mortgage for another home. In most situations, the mortgage company would not allow OP's name to be on the deed without the mortgage or remove her name from the mortgage down the road unless it was refinanced which would be a waste of a lot of money.
@@Swnsasy OP does say though that her sister has told her she doesn't need a house since she doesn't want kids. So sister is pretty much making her feelings known. Also, OP said more than once that she feels that if she ended up in a situation with her and sister inhearting house that sister would not sell her half and would insists on moving into the house with family because she deserves it more. My guess that OP would not feel this way if she hadn't been told by sister, and mother that families with children are more worthy of homes than single people. And given that OP would be giving Down Payment and helping with 40% of the mortage she will have contributed more value into the home than sister who will not have contributed a dime. OP, do not help your mom or your sister. They are both toxic bitches. There is an old saying, No good deed goes unpunished. If you do anything for these people you will get screwed over.
OP isn't her grown-ass sister's keeper. When mommy dies, is OP going to be expected to come over and do sister's laundry, too? This is a bad arrangement to get involved with. The mother is showing her favoritism toward the sister and her disdain toward OP's family. At this point, it is pretty clear that OP should just remove herself.
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First story: it sounds like your mom wants to secure access to grandchildren and decides that you'll pay for it. OP, take two years to establish credit and business with the bank. Then, get a small house by yourself. If your mom wants to live with you, she has to go by your rules and not try anything sneaky. Also, it's funny how she talks about family when she's willing to screw over family for other family members.
The central problem here is OP believes she's entering a mutually beneficial arrangement while mom believes she's doing OP a favor. Since OP can get a house without mom but mom can't do the same, it seems pretty obvious who's getting the favor. You don't have to be psychic to know going in under these circumstances will not end well.
Exactly so. OP says: "here I am financially enabling you to have a home for the rest of your life, including helping you cover the actual weekly mortgage payments". Mother "No problem, I'll take it with both hands and give it to the Spoiled Rotten Princess who deserves it more than you". Oh yeah. Nothing wrong here. Move right along. OP is being obtuse.
OP was trying to live his childhood fantasy of owning a house with his mom, not realising that she thought he was buying a house *for* her and not with her. Oh well I suppose she can still live in the house no matter who owns it
Why is OP even considering buying a house before getting established? She thinks she's going to find the right job in her hometown? Not have to move, ever? As for the malicious compliance, my ex badly burned her hands making deep fried shrimp and was at the airport with white, cotton bandage-gloves. Security insisted that gloves had to be removed during the search. She gingerly started to try to peel them off the ointmented pieces of meat at her wrists. "EURGH!!! Okay, okay, keep them on! Sorry!"
The mom is too thick to realize that if OP pays for half the house, and she gives the sister her half, she’s giving OP nothing. The sister gets free money, but OP paid for the other half of the “inheritance” already. You can’t consider something someone already paid for a gift.
The mom is not getting a "free" house as many commentators seem to believe. She would own 49℅ and be paying 49℅ of the mortgage. She has a right, as a caring mom, to leave her possessions to ALL her children. So, OP could end up with 50℅ of mom's portion. There is nothing unfair about that. Mom wanted to buy her own house somewhere cheaper and OP stopped her. If she had done so, you can bet that OP would be demanding 50℅ as her inheritance having put no money into the house!!!! OP's solution is too convoluted. OP should just get financially stronger and purchase her own house at a future date.
@@claudettewalker8358 If anyone is thinking the mom is getting a free house, they're wrong, of course. But OP is getting nothing since the mother intends to leave half of the house to the sister. OP is paying for her own inheritance. So, OP is literally being given nothing, and the sister will get 50 percent of a house. That's the issue. The mother is so focused on giving her portion of the house to the sister that she doesn't realize that means OP is being given nothing. It's not an even split. Because OP will have already paid for their half off the house with her own money. So, essentially. Mom gets a free 50% of the house. She's going to leave that free 50% to the sister. OP gets nothing for free. I heavily agree that OP should just get their own house. That way they don't have to bargain for percentages.
Story 1- Set up a key life insurence plan with your mother. You can set it up in such a way that it immediately and automatically buys out your sisters portion of a shared property. That, and shared businesses is exactly what Key Life Insurance is for...
No I thoroughly disagree with life insurance. Put that money into investments instead and you're going to make money while not spending anything. Life insurance is throwing away money if you never use it whereas putting that same amount of money into an investment is more than likely going to result in you accumulating more money.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite I mean, I was talking key life insurance, not life insurance, two very different things. And no, life insurance is not a waste of money, unless you plan on defaulting on your payments and have zero plans on maturing. And are also okay with sticking your surviving family with the $15kUSD+ funeral bill...
Notice that OP's sister isn't as involved. Would OP's mother do the same if she was the one considering a home? How 'equal' is that? OP and her sister aren't kids anymore
Sharing ownership in a house is dangerous. Even 51%. Just because you want to buy out the 49% person doesn’t obligate them to sell. And they absolutely gave the right to live in the house and make other inhabitants miserable, thus driving them out.
People need to realize that If your family is able to throw you under the bus. They just don't care about you that much. Learn to go to a Christmas card only relationship and walk away.
I remember this story. The audacity of the mom, she's thinking that OP doesnt need it NOW but shes forgetting that the daughter who worked the hardest should EARN some things like A SHARE AT LEAST of it.
1. You should stick with the first plan. You buy and own the house and she can live there. Then when she passes you do what you want with the house. If she does not want that, then do not spend your money on the house.
Put aside sister and eventual inheritance a second. I once shared ownership of a house 50/50 with a relative bc of an inheritance situation. Seems fine until you actually live it. Neither of us had any say over who the other brought, or let stay, or how long (kind of a problem as he knew half the shady people in town); what work was done around the house and when (usually done by me, since I cared more). We finally sold the house. My Conclusion: Unless 1) someone has the 60%+ ultimate control, AND 2) there is less than 5% difference between you in thought and approach to things - I would Never, Ever, Ever do something like that again
Ya no, if the mother had said "Well if you inherit the house I'll be sending a bit more money over to your sister, approximately how much equity I owe on the house" then it could have been excused. But no, if OP is spending that much to buy the house then he arguably should get it all. I would not do this unless a full contract that prohibits her from willing the house out to the sister without the sister/will paying out the required amount to buy out OP.
Story #1 - OP iand her mother have not invested any money in this "financial investment" home they plan to also live in. Yet, the mother is already emotionally manipulating and demeaning OP in order to shift OP's money to her sister. Disaster. Abort. OP should take this free lesson learned and keep separate any future business ventures ("investing" too) from her mother. OP needs to keep her financial information private. Their mother has a conviction to leave any and all assets to O.P.'s sister when she dies. That stance is born of 100% eemotional motivation. Business and sentiment do not mix well. OP should pump her breaks and hold on to her assets until a college graduate. She should not commit her future earnings before embarking on her fully independent adult life. No need to rush.
What OP said and wants isn't selfish. Sit Mom down and divide something 50/50, like a chocolate bar or cut a piece of paper. OP takes half, Mom takes half. Now ask Mom to divide her portion as inheritance. It doesn't make any sense! Will she grab OPs portion just to hand it back and give her portion entirely to the sister?
The mother admitted she was favoring the other daughter and trying to screw OP over by saying that if OP has any say over their own house, and still owns it after mother is dead, it was only because her hand was forced...
Story 1: I'm with OP on this one. I've seen way too many stories where the exact scenarios they described actually happened. If sister is anything like OP described, I wouldn't put it past her to try and move in the day their mom dies (or sometime less than a week after) and then demand Op leave/give up their room for her kid(s) while still keeping them on the hook to pay for any repairs or renovations 🤔
Why make things so complicated? Mother could simply leave the house to OP and buy an insurance policy for the amount of the house with sister as sole beneficiary. That way both daughters would receive an equal amount at the mother's death - OP gets the house and sister gets the insurance money.
She could -- but I wouldn't trust mama as far as I could throw her. She could leave both her share of the house and the insurance to the sister, and OP could do nothing about it.
Just to add. You would have to estimate the future value of the asset for insurance purposes. Not easy to do. The insurance payout could end up being many times higher than the value of the house in the future. Then would that be fair to OP? As one commentator said, a video case study on why not to purchase property together!
It still wouldn't be fair. The sister would be getting the full amount of the house when half the house value is already OP's. So OP would only be inheriting half as much.
Errrmm... wtf is going on with OPs mother in story 1? "You need to realise you're part of a family" ok, but why is it down to OP to finance that entire family & get nothing in return. Also she's apparently expected to be her mother's carer when that's needed, again for nothing in return. In fact if anything it seems OP is expected to pay for other family members mistakes. If her sister gets pregnant young by choice & chooses not to save for her own house, why exactly is OP expected to pay for that?
My mom wants to real estate invest with me but I didn[t even think about this. My mom has 5 KIDS so what we build she WILL share with her other kids. I'd rather do it myself and it 100% be mines to pass down not among my crusty siblings that will put 0% into it. They would benefit off my hard work
tbh if she had agreed to the mom having 50% ownership and got a notarized signed contract that the mom wouldn't leave 100% of her 50% to the sister it could have worked the way OP actually wanted.
You think the mother would actually AGREE to that? She wouldn't sign it, she'd try to bully OP into changing the contract, not realizing that she needs OP more than OP needs her.
What the mother is saying is really silly.. She isn't leaving her anything and would only be leaving her sister something.. What the mother doesn't think about too is that the sister is getting married and would buy a home with her husband so that would mean the sister has 2 homes and OP still only has half a home..
OP's concerns are valid. The mother's job is no longer to provide for an adult child who makes poor financial choices and is irresponsible af. She needs to let that idea go. Or, since OP's mom feels like OP's sister is more "deserving" bc she has a family, she can buy her own house 100% on her own and then she can let the sister inherit it.
As someone who has mixed family and money without legal contracts signed, you have to 100# willing to trust and be trustworthy. I'm tearing up now knowing how amazing it is for me to have that kind of relationship. To love, be loved, to trust and to be trustworthy are so damn rare.
Story 1: basically OP's mother want OP to set herself on fire to keep her sister warm, mommy dearest surely want her golden child to be as comfortable as much and to leave her other child out....cut them off and go no contact before something worse is going to happen.....
Last story: He could've been Dooley: "He's got tan shoes and pink shoelaces, and a PINK PANAMA WITH A PURPLE HAT BAND! Do-do-do-do-de-do!" Lol, I always shout that line.
Story1: Mixing family and money, always a bad idea. This is a deal that doesn't benefit OP's interests, and backing out gets a load of BS guilt-tripping. Glad she wised up. But also remember money doesn't change people, it reveals them. I doubt OP has as good a relationship with her mother as she likes to think.
I don’t understand why OP would even consider purchasing a house in her mom’s name. And why the rush into buying a home before op is in the position to do it in her own.
OP’s plan to buy her mother a house for her mother’s long-term security is very noble. The only issue with it is that mother has got to pay the mortgage, so she assumes I’m guessing that she will have some ownership of the property. That fact that OP hadn’t taken into account. Quite obviously this house idea is a disastrous plan because putting the downpayment down however much that is and paying 35 to 40% of the monthly utilities doesn’t entitle OP to sole ownership, While her mother is paying the mortgage for however many years that might be. I think that OP should wait till she’s more established and buy a house on her own. I see that OP says that she only wanted to do this to help her mother, but the thing is OP cannot buy the house without her mother helping her.
I mostly agree with your comment. The things I want to correct are: 1. her mother would be paying 60-65% only before OP gets a job. Then its implied that it would be 50/50. 2. OP would eventually pay full mortgage when her mother retires. 3. Neither could buy a house on their own, but OP has a chance in the future where her mother most likely not. My opinion is: Dont buy a house together, but if you do, then calculate how much aprox. each of you pays in the end and divide it by that percentage. That way, you can back out if the share is too low before you tie yourself in it
@@karonryuusaki3191 My overall feeling about the post is that OP makes quite a lot of assumptions about how long or what percentage her mother would pay of the mortgage she doesn’t tell us how old her mother is. Is she in her 40’s or 50’s it’s not said. Overall the plan by Op has too many drawbacks and as I said in my comment I think she should wait until she can buy a house on her own. OP does say her mother could buy a house but farther away from the city which the mother is reluctant to do. Whatever happens I’m sure the mother will not contribute towards the mortgage in any way unless she has some percentage of ownership of the property. Which quite honestly anyone who was willing to pay a mortgage for any lengthy period and own nothing would be a fool. also it has to be considered that OP cannot get a mortgage in her name only her mother can there’s no way I could envisage anyone signing up for a large amount a loan as in the mortgage and not have any ownership of any part of the house while paying the mortgage ,which is quite ridiculous honestly I believe that OP deepdown needs her mother for help with this more than the mother needs help from OP , that’s why I repeat OP should wait to establish yourself to buy her own house.
OP should ask her golden child sister to sell some of that gold to help pay for their mom's house. I hope OP figures out that, according to her mom and her sister, what is OP's is theirs, not OP's. The only fairness in their eyes is for OP to get nothing.
First story. OP do not buy a house with your mom, ever. She has every intention of screwing you over because you will not have children and of giving all she has to your sister. In fact OP, your mom has shown her true colors and from here on out, if you want to buy your mom a Christmas or birthday gift or give her a gift card or something like that than fine. But if you give her anything of real and permanent value you might as well cut out the middle man and just give it to your sister instead. I am not sure you should worry all that much about repairing your relationship with your mom, and given that your sister has already let you know she thinks she is more deserving than you because she is going to have kids, I suggest you break contact with her too. At this point I can assure you that as you further your education and your career and finances get better your mom and your sister will start demanding that you use your money to support your sister. So, are you personally looking forward to being expected to help your sister pay medical bills for her and her children? How about when your mother and sister demand that you give your sister money for the wedding of her dreams, you know since you have enough money for the downpayment on a house and your are not doing that, and you are already a terrible person for taking away your mothers dream and your sister's chance to get a free house? Its the least you can do. How about when your sister ends up with 3 or 4 kids, no savings and ends up divorced? Will you be expected to pay for her divorce, help her support her kids? Will you be expected to supply college funds for your nieces and nephews because you didn't have kids and if you refuse to it just show how selfish you are. Sorry to be so harsh OP, but your mom and sister see you as your sister's major source of income and security in the future. You are not valued as a person, only as a cash cow for your sister and your mom's future grandkids. And even if you were to suddenly get smacked up the side of the head to embrace motherhood and a traditional family lifestyle it isn't going to change where you stand or the sense of entitlement your mom and sister have toward you and your hard earned cash. Sometimes dear it is very hard to accept that the people who should love you unconditionally do not. It isn't because of you--it is them. And no matter what they may tell you about how much they will love you if you just do this, they are not being honest. People like this always have conditions on their love and no matter how often you sacrifice to try and prove your love it will never be enough.
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1st story... Op should tell mom sth along the lines of "so when you leave us the house 50/50 you are perfectly fine with me having paid for my inheritance while my sister will be just given it?!". And then go very low contact.
OP says the mom was always fair and bla bla... And a little more polish here and there from OP to defend her mother. Is kinda hard to believe hearing what is going on there. The way the mother is not budging on OP practically paying for her sister to get her behind in her house (she would pay around 50% and the sister NOTHING!) is not fair even if you look at it upside down. All I hear is how the mother is worried the other daughter doesn't do her due diligence as a grown up. How is that OP fault to pay for? If the sister is materialistic and entitled enough to get her arse in the house with a man and children and then even kick OP out (that's what OP said she thinks her dear sister is capable of) she never (NEVER !) Treated both equally for the sister to turn out like that. Nope. In addition the mother disregards OPs wellbeing. Nope. And to give it the last kick, for her mother OP is selfish now for not putting herself on fire for her and the sister manipulating her into doubting herself while being condescending, saying OP doesn't value family when all she did was thinking of her mom while the sister doesn't do anything! From my point of view outrageous.
My derp to da 1st story, and OH MY DERP to da 2nd one that one was hilarious; that's what ya get for thinking yer always right until oops ya got derped.
I hate it when people believe the child who goes on to have children is seen as more deserving to have something over the child free ones. (And I have children of my own)
Okay I'm halfway through story one and I'm already yelling "get a life estate" For those who don't know what a life estate is, a life estate allows the property owner to have there bundle of rights as a property owner for the remainder of there life in the condition the the property reverts ba k the the estate owner apon there deaths.
Ok, I get this. In the mother's mind, her share of the house will be gifted to the other sister as an inheritance. OP has shown that she is capable of becoming financially stable in the future, so the mother isn't as concerned about leaving anything for her. There is little chance she will ever see anything of this nature as a business deal. OP should have just bought the house in her name and invited the mother to live with her and pay "rent" as a means to help with the mortgage and utilities.
Put it in both name. If your mom rejects to the offer, just put your name on the house. Most banks offer first time loans to new homebuyers. You can have your mother live with you and help with the rent. She can be a co-signer, if it helps.
The best outlook for the house buying is that the mom only gets 50% and when she passes only that 50% is to be inherited so with her having 2 children OP should get 75% of the house and sister get 25%. If she planned on the whole 50% going to sister then OP is being left out and why because they put in the work and don't need it? No! OPs mom is not looking to be fair she's looking to take advantage of the situation for the sister to be taken care of. Smh not a good business partner in the end.
Some parents have a tendency to want the kids who are less likely to succeed to inherit more, feeling they need more help to survive. Where as the kids who are more self-sufficient get less, because they need it less, comparatively (I am not a fan of that thinking, but I get it). I do think someone who is contributing financially to a house should have more of a say than someone who isn't at all. And I can see a situation where OP and sister's family share the house, but only OP pays the bills and isn't happy about it. But if OP and mother can't agree, then they shouldn't pursue this together. And it does sound like mother wants OP to consider sister's future more than sister actually is, which only makes me more confident this was never going to work out. It seems like everything mother wanted would put OP at a clear disadvantage, rather than making things equal between sisters.
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Her Mom can't do Math. Unfortunately for her, this inability to understand how she is favoring one daughter over the other will cost her. She doesn't realize she is requiring one daughter to provide for the other.
For it to truly be a 50/50 split, upon the mother's death, they would need to figure out exactly how much money OP has invested in the property and remove that from the equation. Then split the remainder of the home value 50/50. Otherwise her mother is just *giving* her something she has already purchased.
Not having kids doesn't mean you don't deserve your own place to live. The sister is absolutely incorrect in this. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you have to be homeless or have to pay rent your entire life and throw away money. My husband and I are never going to have kids and yet we still bought a house because there's a lot of things we want to do with our own house that we can't possibly do with rent and we don't want to throw away money renting forever
Why does sister have to give ANYTHING to her sis ? She paid for it all right? No way keep that house in YOUR name only. Don’t allow sister to move in or have anything in it.
Joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. The daughter who is paying will own the house when her mom dies and then she can do what she wants with it. That is the only way to buy the house.
my judgment is the op sister has higher % of house because she kept paying the mortgage, so if it comes down to that it's broken if you say to op you should take your % of what you paid to the house, because in the end it is default inheritance
One thing about the first story. How much is the down payment? $5000, $10,000... More? OP mother would be paying the mortgage. So depending on how much she contributes in rent then technically her mother is making the payments so it should be her mother's house. If she wants the house to be both of theirs then she needs to pay equally. However much the down payment is, let the moon pay that much in mistake payments then when that amount is even, OP needs to start paying half or it isn't her house. Just a down payment doesn't make the house yours.
Yeah... something fishy about OP 1. If she's been 'investing' since 17, there is no way she's as financially naive as she's portraying herself. Also, the weird character assassination of sister, who isn't even involved with the money issue personally. Like, all we heard about her is how irresponsible she is and materialistic, and ... has a serious bf, job, and wants to have a family? No real examples of the first two claims, and the last ones aren't even negatives, is just a totally average human person. It sounds like OP wants to pay for 50% of a house, take on no financial/credit risk since no name on paperwork, and receive 100% ownership in the end, not understanding that your parents do not OWE you anything from their estate in the first place. They already raised you. That is all OP is owed/deserving of and she received that already. This just comes off like a real estate investment scam dressed up as a caring gesture to mum.
I just straight out refuse to do business with family, it almost always ends bad. Heck i dont even like to rent but if they apply trough regular means i cant turn them away.
The mother said what she wanted...let her rent...buy the house and let her rent it from you...you will be better off financially...plus your sister can make no claims against the house...
My granny has gone to a LOT of trouble with her will in terms of what she's doing in terms of her flat when she passes away. Currently, I think the rule is that we sell the house and split the money between me, my sister and my cousin with percentages slightly altered depending on how much money she gifted us during her life (eg money for houses, tuition fees etc which she keeps a very detailed, written account of)
Once more, the responsible kid is expected to do something massive for the less responsible 🙄 OP tries to do something good, but nah, can’t happen without all these stipulations that’d set her back YEARS with no guarantee to own the house she put so much money, effort, and time into, while sister does zilch and benefits
Why is it OP's responsibility to "consider her sister's future," when it sounds like the sister doesn't consider her own future?
The mom saying that OP is making her choose...but lady, you already did, you chose your other daughter by continually trying to give her everything and nothing to OP
And I daresay she chose because, deep down, she thinks like her other sister, why shouldn't the daughter who's gonna be childless contribute to the daughter who's going to give me grandchildren?
So lets get this straight..the OP provides all the cash, yet her mother thinks its her place to give to the other sister? This is beyond insane!
Lol wow, mom straight up was trying to have her daughter pay for her sister's future house. That's fucked up.
OPs mothers complete unwillingness to consider OPs position means that she 100% views this as a gift from op and is wanting to leave the house for the sister. It will not be THEIR house, it would be HERS. It honestly feels like the mom used ‘our house’ as a manipulation tactic.
Yes. And adding to that I think that went on all OPs life. I get she is trying very hard to correct that impression people are getting, but that could be just the eternal gaslighting be talking. I know by experience, if you are manipulated all you life to fit a certain mold and to have a bad conscience for stepping up for yourself, it takes a long, long time to grow out of it. Good OP didn't go through with the whole thing.
@@nela3986 Yes. Totally what you said.
If you let mom get away with this, you are essentially directly paying your sister’s inheritance. Mom needs to have a good think about who is actually monetarily contributing to her life.
If OP gets away with it she gets 90% of a house for nothing. Neither side is right in this. A more fair split should be 60/40 infavour of OP.
@@Flakey101 what if the sister moves in and can’t clean, makes a mess all the time, destroys everything, doesn’t pay for anything, can’t clean after herself, and invites the wrong kind of people over who don’t respect someone else’s home? I understand op. She wants it set up in a way that if the sister is a horrible person to live with, well then she can be that way at another home. My friend had a horrible roommate in a apartment they both bought… roommate never paid for anything, never helped clean, never helped buy groceries, causing problems with the landlord and neighbors in the building, broke in a apartment on the 3rd floor to play that family’s ps5, only to get caught trying to steal it. He was evicted, my friend had his gf move in.. everyone loves her. Her 1st hours in the apartment, she made cookies for everyone in the building. ( she’s from Thailand) when it snows, she helps shovel the small parking lot. She watches the neighbors kids in the building and has taught the little girls the yoga she enjoys but also plays basketball and baseball outside with the young boys. Sure she has no job, goes to school but . Point is, you don’t know how a person is until you live with them
@@Flakey101 OP was going to put down 40% of the down-payment and pay at least half of the mortgage and bills. On what planet is that considered "getting something for nothing"?
@@MaryTheresa1986 NO in her original offer the mortgage was all down on the mother to pay. She would only pay for half the bills. ie getting a cheap rate rent.
In fact it worse I thought OP agreed to pay the whole downpayment. If it is only 40% of it she should only get 54% share of the house not the 60% I said.
@@MaryTheresa1986 Agreed. And the fact they are clearly concerned that, when their mum dies, OP will discover all of mum’s portion goes only to the sister does say a lot. I’d have hoped that - by law - the inheritance segments would be split evenly (meaning in some way OP gets 25% of the home) but I’m not sure what country they are in and OP doesn’t trust their mum to be fair.
It’s insane. Mum seems so unreasonable.
Story 1: Ever notice how the most responsible kid usually gets screwed over by the parent/s because the parent/s figures they will be alright but the less responsible kid gets their ass wiped by the parents throughout their lives. The parents don't take into account how hard the responsible kid worked- in school, part-time job, and then at their career. In time, OP's sister will be popping out babies and mom will feel like OP will be just fine, he doesn't need anything but his sister whose claim to fame will be making babies does deserve all the inheritance including OP's share of the investment. Glad OP backed out of the deal.
It’s usually the older sibling too. The younger sibling is more likely to be babied and the parents realize they have failed to teach the child responsibility but choose to have the older sibling take on a parental role instead of trying to correct their failures.
I'm proof of it and it does not feel good.😔
Yes. I’m the oldest and I look after my mom after my dad died. But, my screw up brothers gets everything from her.
I am the youngest, but most secure. So I get less. All my brothers got 50000 euro's and I got 3000.
OP is a woman.
Honestly... OP's mother put herself in a "someone is screwed over" scenario. Like... How is any of this fair to OP? The mother only thought of herself and OP's sister BUT not OP. "oh you will get 50/50" "but... I am already payi-" "50/50" I am glad the OP thought of herself during that.
No OP is just as much trying to screw over her family. If she is putting the down payment on the house, and the mother takes over the morgage the correct inheritance split shoulld be 60/40 (Or 65/35 if it a 15% down payment) not 100%. OP is just as greedy as the mother.
@@Flakey101 ... You don't get it. The whole "50/50" thing was the WHOLE thing INCLUDING the down payment OP is doing. If the "inheritance" of the 50/50 went through, then OP is basically paying for the inheritance!
@@Flakey101 If you don't get it by my last comment, then this is the best I can do.
If OP pays for like... enough for like 20 percent of the house, the 50/50 doesn't look like 55/45 (or your example), 50/50 Is JUST 50/50! OP gets the same amount/share as her sister does DESPITE putting in more work. If this or the previous comment doesn't explain what is wrong here to you, then I don't know what will.
The whole "60/40" thing OP mentioned was for what she paid for! Since it would be fairer since, again, she put in more work.
@@SonicMaster211 wow you not read my post at all did you. My first line said both offers were wrong. The mother was wrong. OP was wrong.
OP did not bring up the 60/40 split I did. OP wanted it all like the greedy person she was. No where did I mention the 50/50 split. If you are going to reply twice please read what I actually said and not what you imagine I said next time.
@@Flakey101 "OP did not bring up the 60/40 split I did." Stop. She did brought it up here: 7:55 (note: I timed it with the screenshot, not the audio) Either you didn't watch the whole video or you just wanted to make the OP as bad as possible. I am not going to respond or read the rest of your comment because it is clear you did NOT paid attention.
Story 1, mom was absolutely going to leave that house to the sister with the kids. You know this because she kept talking about not leaving her sister anything and her sister never being able to afford a home in the city. She was absolutely going to leave that home that op paid for to the sister who didn't contribute anything.
I’m so glad OP went to Reddit, it really feels like her mom was setting her up to get the shortest straw.
*sarcasm* But you just don't understand! OP can clearly take care of themselves and when mom dies, OP will still be financially stable and either get a new place or should just be able to share until they both decide what to do with the house. It should be fine because the kids need a place. *sarcasm*
No, OP's mom intended this house to go to her sister in some way or another after she passed on, with the understanding that OP's sister could first choose if she wanted the house or not. Which, would be fine...if mom was paying for the house by herself or had accepted the partial down payment as a gift. Not investing together that would amount to equal shares.
If not, she would have agreed to a 49/51, as sister would still just under half and OP would be force to pay her to keep the house which would amount to the same as inheritance, abit with a 1%-/+ difference. Or both selling the property and getting a split that would make them both financially secure to buy new houses of their own if they decided to do that With the same percentage.
Equally, she would have agreed to the pay out option that the lawyers drafted. That would insure that that OP then couldn't try to skip out in inheritance to the sister in any way.
Third, if she was worried about the other child getting something, she could look into setting up a trust for whatever money she would be saving from OP paying part, then all of the mortgage.
Nope, she instead called OP heartless. Instead of having more discussion.
Story 1: There's definitely some kind of favoritism. She never once takes OP into consideration and only thinks about the sister's wellbeing. The mom know OP has been paying for the house but doesn't acknowledge the fact that the sister would get the house for FREE. However, the only thing not taken into account is that if OP does not pay for the house anymore and mum passes the house to the sister all of the financial burdens of the house would go to the sister
Side question though: Does the sister know what's going on between Mom and OP and does she know Mom is considering giving the house to her?
If she does know what was her response?
She said in the original post that her sister doesn't know..
I think this is more of a "math issue" than anything. The down payment doesn't give OP the rights to half the house (unless DP is half the current sale value which it normally isn't, it's usually between 10-20% of the sale price). OP would be living there and paying "rent" to the mother which cannot be considered any sort of value towards ownership of the home, it is Rent unless OP's name is on the deed and mortgage.
The easiest way would have been to have the downpayment written in as a loan against the home like a 2nd mortgage. Although, doing that might screw up trying to get the main mortgage. It could be written as a loan to the mother from OP with the house as collateral and would act as a secondary mortgage if that state allows that sort of thing.
Other than that, I wouldn't get involved because even if OP was named on the deed and mortgage the mother could still leave her entire 50% of the home to the other sister using "bad math" in an attempt to keep things even. Then both OP and the sister would have 50% and the OP would have been paying the down payment and part of the mortgage while the sister didn't have any skin in the game.
Another issue is if the OP wanted to move out and get her own home, her name on the mortgage would weigh against her in trying to get another mortgage for another home. In most situations, the mortgage company would not allow OP's name to be on the deed without the mortgage or remove her name from the mortgage down the road unless it was refinanced which would be a waste of a lot of money.
@@Swnsasy OP does say though that her sister has told her she doesn't need a house since she doesn't want kids. So sister is pretty much making her feelings known. Also, OP said more than once that she feels that if she ended up in a situation with her and sister inhearting house that sister would not sell her half and would insists on moving into the house with family because she deserves it more. My guess that OP would not feel this way if she hadn't been told by sister, and mother that families with children are more worthy of homes than single people. And given that OP would be giving Down Payment and helping with 40% of the mortage she will have contributed more value into the home than sister who will not have contributed a dime. OP, do not help your mom or your sister. They are both toxic bitches. There is an old saying, No good deed goes unpunished. If you do anything for these people you will get screwed over.
I'm from Greece and there is a saying here: "With a relative share your food not your money"
So Mom decided to let nothing anyways... I mean, now she has nothing to inherit, she has no house AND no inheritance, GALAXY BRAIN MOVE
Yep, 25% could have paid the sister's kids college fees. Instead, they get nothing
OP isn't her grown-ass sister's keeper. When mommy dies, is OP going to be expected to come over and do sister's laundry, too? This is a bad arrangement to get involved with. The mother is showing her favoritism toward the sister and her disdain toward OP's family. At this point, it is pretty clear that OP should just remove herself.
The last story was hilarious, I especially loved when we kept using "but that's a separate tragedy" 😆
You are like the only Reddit UA-camr that has updates. I know that it’s hard to find and not always possible but I appreciate your efforts and you are by far my favorite Reddit channel 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
It’s my pleasure Daisha :) thank you for watching!!
Very much this. I always end up so dissatisfied and disappointed when I get to the end of other channels videos
First story: it sounds like your mom wants to secure access to grandchildren and decides that you'll pay for it.
OP, take two years to establish credit and business with the bank. Then, get a small house by yourself. If your mom wants to live with you, she has to go by your rules and not try anything sneaky.
Also, it's funny how she talks about family when she's willing to screw over family for other family members.
The central problem here is OP believes she's entering a mutually beneficial arrangement while mom believes she's doing OP a favor. Since OP can get a house without mom but mom can't do the same, it seems pretty obvious who's getting the favor.
You don't have to be psychic to know going in under these circumstances will not end well.
Exactly so. OP says: "here I am financially enabling you to have a home for the rest of your life, including helping you cover the actual weekly mortgage payments". Mother "No problem, I'll take it with both hands and give it to the Spoiled Rotten Princess who deserves it more than you". Oh yeah. Nothing wrong here. Move right along. OP is being obtuse.
OP was trying to live his childhood fantasy of owning a house with his mom, not realising that she thought he was buying a house *for* her and not with her. Oh well I suppose she can still live in the house no matter who owns it
"His"? OP is a girl/woman. Not the point I know, but... Yeah.
She*
Who in their right mind has a fantasy of owning a house with their mother? LOL
@@maez4718 OP's fantasy is more so that her mother has a home, that would become her home. That is what I gathered.
@@maez4718 🙋
Story 1: this is like a video essay on why you shouldn't do business with family
Why is OP even considering buying a house before getting established? She thinks she's going to find the right job in her hometown? Not have to move, ever?
As for the malicious compliance, my ex badly burned her hands making deep fried shrimp and was at the airport with white, cotton bandage-gloves. Security insisted that gloves had to be removed during the search. She gingerly started to try to peel them off the ointmented pieces of meat at her wrists.
"EURGH!!! Okay, okay, keep them on! Sorry!"
The mom is too thick to realize that if OP pays for half the house, and she gives the sister her half, she’s giving OP nothing. The sister gets free money, but OP paid for the other half of the “inheritance” already. You can’t consider something someone already paid for a gift.
The mom is not getting a "free" house as many commentators seem to believe. She would own 49℅ and be paying 49℅ of the mortgage. She has a right, as a caring mom, to leave her possessions to ALL her children. So, OP could end up with 50℅ of mom's portion. There is nothing unfair about that. Mom wanted to buy her own house somewhere cheaper and OP stopped her. If she had done so, you can bet that OP would be demanding 50℅ as her inheritance having put no money into the house!!!! OP's solution is too convoluted. OP should just get financially stronger and purchase her own house at a future date.
@@claudettewalker8358
If anyone is thinking the mom is getting a free house, they're wrong, of course. But OP is getting nothing since the mother intends to leave half of the house to the sister. OP is paying for her own inheritance. So, OP is literally being given nothing, and the sister will get 50 percent of a house. That's the issue. The mother is so focused on giving her portion of the house to the sister that she doesn't realize that means OP is being given nothing. It's not an even split. Because OP will have already paid for their half off the house with her own money.
So, essentially.
Mom gets a free 50% of the house. She's going to leave that free 50% to the sister. OP gets nothing for free.
I heavily agree that OP should just get their own house. That way they don't have to bargain for percentages.
Story 1- Set up a key life insurence plan with your mother. You can set it up in such a way that it immediately and automatically buys out your sisters portion of a shared property. That, and shared businesses is exactly what Key Life Insurance is for...
You took the thoughts right out of my mind.. Lol.. I use to sale insurance for a few years..
Sis even still gets her "half a house" worth of inheritance...
No I thoroughly disagree with life insurance. Put that money into investments instead and you're going to make money while not spending anything. Life insurance is throwing away money if you never use it whereas putting that same amount of money into an investment is more than likely going to result in you accumulating more money.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite I mean, I was talking key life insurance, not life insurance, two very different things. And no, life insurance is not a waste of money, unless you plan on defaulting on your payments and have zero plans on maturing. And are also okay with sticking your surviving family with the $15kUSD+ funeral bill...
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite I think you thoroughly don't know what you are talking about....
Notice that OP's sister isn't as involved. Would OP's mother do the same if she was the one considering a home? How 'equal' is that? OP and her sister aren't kids anymore
OP is a she
Sharing ownership in a house is dangerous. Even 51%. Just because you want to buy out the 49% person doesn’t obligate them to sell. And they absolutely gave the right to live in the house and make other inhabitants miserable, thus driving them out.
Yep, there are lots of stories of people with 5% ownership or less, forcing sales.
People need to realize that If your family is able to throw you under the bus. They just don't care about you that much. Learn to go to a Christmas card only relationship and walk away.
I remember this story. The audacity of the mom, she's thinking that OP doesnt need it NOW but shes forgetting that the daughter who worked the hardest should EARN some things like A SHARE AT LEAST of it.
1. You should stick with the first plan. You buy and own the house and she can live there. Then when she passes you do what you want with the house. If she does not want that, then do not spend your money on the house.
Put aside sister and eventual inheritance a second. I once shared ownership of a house 50/50 with a relative bc of an inheritance situation. Seems fine until you actually live it. Neither of us had any say over who the other brought, or let stay, or how long (kind of a problem as he knew half the shady people in town); what work was done around the house and when (usually done by me, since I cared more).
We finally sold the house. My Conclusion:
Unless 1) someone has the 60%+ ultimate control, AND 2) there is less than 5% difference between you in thought and approach to things
- I would Never, Ever, Ever do something like that again
Ya no, if the mother had said "Well if you inherit the house I'll be sending a bit more money over to your sister, approximately how much equity I owe on the house" then it could have been excused. But no, if OP is spending that much to buy the house then he arguably should get it all. I would not do this unless a full contract that prohibits her from willing the house out to the sister without the sister/will paying out the required amount to buy out OP.
Story #1 - OP iand her mother have not invested any money in this "financial investment" home they plan to also live in. Yet, the mother is already emotionally manipulating and demeaning OP in order to shift OP's money to her sister.
Disaster. Abort.
OP should take this free lesson learned and keep separate any future business ventures ("investing" too)
from her mother. OP needs to keep her financial information private.
Their mother has a conviction to leave any and all assets to O.P.'s sister when she dies. That stance is born of 100% eemotional motivation. Business and sentiment do not mix well.
OP should pump her breaks and hold on to her assets until a college graduate. She should not commit her future earnings before embarking on her fully independent adult life. No need to rush.
What OP said and wants isn't selfish. Sit Mom down and divide something 50/50, like a chocolate bar or cut a piece of paper. OP takes half, Mom takes half. Now ask Mom to divide her portion as inheritance. It doesn't make any sense! Will she grab OPs portion just to hand it back and give her portion entirely to the sister?
The mother admitted she was favoring the other daughter and trying to screw OP over by saying that if OP has any say over their own house, and still owns it after mother is dead, it was only because her hand was forced...
LG, for the last story, the best way to describe a Panama hat is to think of a Trilby style Fedora, woven from straw.
Story 1: I'm with OP on this one. I've seen way too many stories where the exact scenarios they described actually happened. If sister is anything like OP described, I wouldn't put it past her to try and move in the day their mom dies (or sometime less than a week after) and then demand Op leave/give up their room for her kid(s) while still keeping them on the hook to pay for any repairs or renovations 🤔
So sad that op would be the one paying for the house only to have her sister get half of it. F that
Why make things so complicated? Mother could simply leave the house to OP and buy an insurance policy for the amount of the house with sister as sole beneficiary. That way both daughters would receive an equal amount at the mother's death - OP gets the house and sister gets the insurance money.
Probably because Mom knows sis is irresponsible with money and would blow through it fast
She could -- but I wouldn't trust mama as far as I could throw her. She could leave both her share of the house and the insurance to the sister, and OP could do nothing about it.
Mom doesn't have the money to pay the mortgage and for an insurance policy.
Just to add. You would have to estimate the future value of the asset for insurance purposes. Not easy to do. The insurance payout could end up being many times higher than the value of the house in the future. Then would that be fair to OP? As one commentator said, a video case study on why not to purchase property together!
It still wouldn't be fair. The sister would be getting the full amount of the house when half the house value is already OP's. So OP would only be inheriting half as much.
LG reading the first commenter's username absolutely caught me off guard 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Errrmm... wtf is going on with OPs mother in story 1? "You need to realise you're part of a family" ok, but why is it down to OP to finance that entire family & get nothing in return. Also she's apparently expected to be her mother's carer when that's needed, again for nothing in return. In fact if anything it seems OP is expected to pay for other family members mistakes. If her sister gets pregnant young by choice & chooses not to save for her own house, why exactly is OP expected to pay for that?
My mom wants to real estate invest with me but I didn[t even think about this. My mom has 5 KIDS so what we build she WILL share with her other kids. I'd rather do it myself and it 100% be mines to pass down not among my crusty siblings that will put 0% into it. They would benefit off my hard work
tbh if she had agreed to the mom having 50% ownership and got a notarized signed contract that the mom wouldn't leave 100% of her 50% to the sister it could have worked the way OP actually wanted.
You think the mother would actually AGREE to that? She wouldn't sign it, she'd try to bully OP into changing the contract, not realizing that she needs OP more than OP needs her.
What the mother is saying is really silly.. She isn't leaving her anything and would only be leaving her sister something.. What the mother doesn't think about too is that the sister is getting married and would buy a home with her husband so that would mean the sister has 2 homes and OP still only has half a home..
It was said that her sister is shit at saving, so if that does not change, she will not buy anything
OP's concerns are valid. The mother's job is no longer to provide for an adult child who makes poor financial choices and is irresponsible af. She needs to let that idea go. Or, since OP's mom feels like OP's sister is more "deserving" bc she has a family, she can buy her own house 100% on her own and then she can let the sister inherit it.
As someone who has mixed family and money without legal contracts signed, you have to 100# willing to trust and be trustworthy. I'm tearing up now knowing how amazing it is for me to have that kind of relationship. To love, be loved, to trust and to be trustworthy are so damn rare.
Story 1: basically OP's mother want OP to set herself on fire to keep her sister warm, mommy dearest surely want her golden child to be as comfortable as much and to leave her other child out....cut them off and go no contact before something worse is going to happen.....
Last story: He could've been Dooley: "He's got tan shoes and pink shoelaces, and a PINK PANAMA WITH A PURPLE HAT BAND! Do-do-do-do-de-do!" Lol, I always shout that line.
Story1: Mixing family and money, always a bad idea. This is a deal that doesn't benefit OP's interests, and backing out gets a load of BS guilt-tripping. Glad she wised up. But also remember money doesn't change people, it reveals them. I doubt OP has as good a relationship with her mother as she likes to think.
Oh boy !!! This won't end well !!!!
Her sister put in nothing so why should she wind up with something?
"You didn't put in on this, maaan!"
Exactly! At most, the sister should get 25% if the mother was being even remotely fair, but she's not.
Wanna bet that if OP buys her own house, that mom will ask her to give it to sister because she needs it more.
I don’t understand why OP would even consider purchasing a house in her mom’s name. And why the rush into buying a home before op is in the position to do it in her own.
80s fashion was pretty brutal! ETA: Plus the phrase 'that's a separate tragedy' is now in my lexicon!
Thanks for the video washing the dishes is better with this in the background
Everything was 80's style, bit that's a separate tragedy xD 🔥🔥🔥💀🐜
OP’s plan to buy her mother a house for her mother’s long-term security is very noble. The only issue with it is that mother has got to pay the mortgage, so she assumes I’m guessing that she will have some ownership of the property. That fact that OP hadn’t taken into account. Quite obviously this house idea is a disastrous plan because putting the downpayment down however much that is and paying 35 to 40% of the monthly utilities doesn’t entitle OP to sole ownership, While her mother is paying the mortgage for however many years that might be. I think that OP should wait till she’s more established and buy a house on her own. I see that OP says that she only wanted to do this to help her mother, but the thing is OP cannot buy the house without her mother helping her.
I mostly agree with your comment. The things I want to correct are:
1. her mother would be paying 60-65% only before OP gets a job. Then its implied that it would be 50/50.
2. OP would eventually pay full mortgage when her mother retires.
3. Neither could buy a house on their own, but OP has a chance in the future where her mother most likely not.
My opinion is: Dont buy a house together, but if you do, then calculate how much aprox. each of you pays in the end and divide it by that percentage. That way, you can back out if the share is too low before you tie yourself in it
@@karonryuusaki3191 My overall feeling about the post is that OP makes quite a lot of assumptions about how long or what percentage her mother would pay of the mortgage she doesn’t tell us how old her mother is. Is she in her 40’s or 50’s it’s not said. Overall the plan by Op has too many drawbacks and as I said in my comment I think she should wait until she can buy a house on her own. OP does say her mother could buy a house but farther away from the city which the mother is reluctant to do. Whatever happens I’m sure the mother will not contribute towards the mortgage in any way unless she has some percentage of ownership of the property. Which quite honestly anyone who was willing to pay a mortgage for any lengthy period and own nothing would be a fool. also it has to be considered that OP cannot get a mortgage in her name only her mother can there’s no way I could envisage anyone signing up for a large amount a loan as in the mortgage and not have any ownership of any part of the house while paying the mortgage ,which is quite ridiculous honestly I believe that OP deepdown needs her mother for help with this more than the mother needs help from OP , that’s why I repeat OP should wait to establish yourself to buy her own house.
Buy the house and make it a rental property. No problem then no inheritance problem.
Sole survivorship when one passes the house belongs to the the one left living. We had our mother do this for our handicapped baby sister.
If it doesn't feel right...then it ain't...PERIOD.
OP should ask her golden child sister to sell some of that gold to help pay for their mom's house. I hope OP figures out that, according to her mom and her sister, what is OP's is theirs, not OP's. The only fairness in their eyes is for OP to get nothing.
Never put money down (equity) on a house that doesn't have your name on it.
First story. OP do not buy a house with your mom, ever. She has every intention of screwing you over because you will not have children and of giving all she has to your sister. In fact OP, your mom has shown her true colors and from here on out, if you want to buy your mom a Christmas or birthday gift or give her a gift card or something like that than fine. But if you give her anything of real and permanent value you might as well cut out the middle man and just give it to your sister instead.
I am not sure you should worry all that much about repairing your relationship with your mom, and given that your sister has already let you know she thinks she is more deserving than you because she is going to have kids, I suggest you break contact with her too. At this point I can assure you that as you further your education and your career and finances get better your mom and your sister will start demanding that you use your money to support your sister. So, are you personally looking forward to being expected to help your sister pay medical bills for her and her children? How about when your mother and sister demand that you give your sister money for the wedding of her dreams, you know since you have enough money for the downpayment on a house and your are not doing that, and you are already a terrible person for taking away your mothers dream and your sister's chance to get a free house? Its the least you can do. How about when your sister ends up with 3 or 4 kids, no savings and ends up divorced? Will you be expected to pay for her divorce, help her support her kids? Will you be expected to supply college funds for your nieces and nephews because you didn't have kids and if you refuse to it just show how selfish you are.
Sorry to be so harsh OP, but your mom and sister see you as your sister's major source of income and security in the future. You are not valued as a person, only as a cash cow for your sister and your mom's future grandkids. And even if you were to suddenly get smacked up the side of the head to embrace motherhood and a traditional family lifestyle it isn't going to change where you stand or the sense of entitlement your mom and sister have toward you and your hard earned cash. Sometimes dear it is very hard to accept that the people who should love you unconditionally do not. It isn't because of you--it is them. And no matter what they may tell you about how much they will love you if you just do this, they are not being honest. People like this always have conditions on their love and no matter how often you sacrifice to try and prove your love it will never be enough.
but thats a separate tragedy.
Oh my, is there going to be 'that's another tragedy ' merchandise now?
I really enjoy the way you read out the stories, nothing I like better then to sit in bubble bath with a large gin while listening to your channel… thank you for helping to relax…!
Glad you enjoyed it! :)
1st story... Op should tell mom sth along the lines of "so when you leave us the house 50/50 you are perfectly fine with me having paid for my inheritance while my sister will be just given it?!". And then go very low contact.
Op made the best decision. Stay clear away from this potentially disastrous future situation. Sorry mom.
Never buy anything with family…
OP says the mom was always fair and bla bla... And a little more polish here and there from OP to defend her mother. Is kinda hard to believe hearing what is going on there. The way the mother is not budging on OP practically paying for her sister to get her behind in her house (she would pay around 50% and the sister NOTHING!) is not fair even if you look at it upside down. All I hear is how the mother is worried the other daughter doesn't do her due diligence as a grown up. How is that OP fault to pay for? If the sister is materialistic and entitled enough to get her arse in the house with a man and children and then even kick OP out (that's what OP said she thinks her dear sister is capable of) she never (NEVER !) Treated both equally for the sister to turn out like that. Nope. In addition the mother disregards OPs wellbeing. Nope. And to give it the last kick, for her mother OP is selfish now for not putting herself on fire for her and the sister manipulating her into doubting herself while being condescending, saying OP doesn't value family when all she did was thinking of her mom while the sister doesn't do anything! From my point of view outrageous.
Family and money never mix well
My derp to da 1st story, and OH MY DERP to da 2nd one that one was hilarious; that's what ya get for thinking yer always right until oops ya got derped.
I hate it when people believe the child who goes on to have children is seen as more deserving to have something over the child free ones.
(And I have children of my own)
Okay I'm halfway through story one and I'm already yelling "get a life estate"
For those who don't know what a life estate is, a life estate allows the property owner to have there bundle of rights as a property owner for the remainder of there life in the condition the the property reverts ba k the the estate owner apon there deaths.
But would mama agree to it? Doubtful. She's bent on leaving the sister "something" -- I gather she wouldn't have anything but her share in the house.
Story #1. Nope. Mom’s wrong. This is the thanks OP gets?? Do not put the down payment. Just don’t do it!
The only problem would be if money was given but it hasn't sooo just dont do it
I agree with you! Everything her mother paid is for both of them, i don't think 50/50 is fair but i don't think 100/0 is not fair either!
Ok, I get this. In the mother's mind, her share of the house will be gifted to the other sister as an inheritance. OP has shown that she is capable of becoming financially stable in the future, so the mother isn't as concerned about leaving anything for her. There is little chance she will ever see anything of this nature as a business deal.
OP should have just bought the house in her name and invited the mother to live with her and pay "rent" as a means to help with the mortgage and utilities.
I was thinking exactly what you said LG. 25% would be fair.
Put it in both name. If your mom rejects to the offer, just put your name on the house. Most banks offer first time loans to new homebuyers. You can have your mother live with you and help with the rent. She can be a co-signer, if it helps.
The best outlook for the house buying is that the mom only gets 50% and when she passes only that 50% is to be inherited so with her having 2 children OP should get 75% of the house and sister get 25%. If she planned on the whole 50% going to sister then OP is being left out and why because they put in the work and don't need it? No! OPs mom is not looking to be fair she's looking to take advantage of the situation for the sister to be taken care of. Smh not a good business partner in the end.
If the mother gives her share to the sister, you give your share to someone who will make her life a living nightmare.
Some parents have a tendency to want the kids who are less likely to succeed to inherit more,
feeling they need more help to survive. Where as the kids who are more self-sufficient get less,
because they need it less, comparatively (I am not a fan of that thinking, but I get it).
I do think someone who is contributing financially to a house should have more of a say than someone who isn't at all. And I can see a situation where OP and sister's family share the house, but only OP pays the bills and isn't happy about it. But if OP and mother can't agree, then they shouldn't pursue this together. And it does sound like mother wants OP to consider sister's future more than sister actually is, which only makes me more confident this was never going to work out. It seems like everything mother wanted would put OP at a clear disadvantage, rather than making things equal between sisters.
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Her Mom can't do Math. Unfortunately for her, this inability to understand how she is favoring one daughter over the other will cost her. She doesn't realize she is requiring one daughter to provide for the other.
Yeah OP learned one big lesson don't do not mix money with family or anyone really OP also learned mom is not trust worthy.
For it to truly be a 50/50 split, upon the mother's death, they would need to figure out exactly how much money OP has invested in the property and remove that from the equation. Then split the remainder of the home value 50/50. Otherwise her mother is just *giving* her something she has already purchased.
Not having kids doesn't mean you don't deserve your own place to live. The sister is absolutely incorrect in this. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you have to be homeless or have to pay rent your entire life and throw away money. My husband and I are never going to have kids and yet we still bought a house because there's a lot of things we want to do with our own house that we can't possibly do with rent and we don't want to throw away money renting forever
Money will always show the true color's of friends an family. Once they show you the truth. Believe it
Why does sister have to give ANYTHING to her sis ? She paid for it all right? No way keep that house in YOUR name only. Don’t allow sister to move in or have anything in it.
Joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. The daughter who is paying will own the house when her mom dies and then she can do what she wants with it. That is the only way to buy the house.
my judgment is the op sister has higher % of house because she kept paying the mortgage, so if it comes down to that it's broken if you say to op you should take your % of what you paid to the house, because in the end it is default inheritance
One thing about the first story. How much is the down payment? $5000, $10,000... More? OP mother would be paying the mortgage. So depending on how much she contributes in rent then technically her mother is making the payments so it should be her mother's house. If she wants the house to be both of theirs then she needs to pay equally. However much the down payment is, let the moon pay that much in mistake payments then when that amount is even, OP needs to start paying half or it isn't her house. Just a down payment doesn't make the house yours.
Yeah... something fishy about OP 1. If she's been 'investing' since 17, there is no way she's as financially naive as she's portraying herself. Also, the weird character assassination of sister, who isn't even involved with the money issue personally. Like, all we heard about her is how irresponsible she is and materialistic, and ... has a serious bf, job, and wants to have a family? No real examples of the first two claims, and the last ones aren't even negatives, is just a totally average human person. It sounds like OP wants to pay for 50% of a house, take on no financial/credit risk since no name on paperwork, and receive 100% ownership in the end, not understanding that your parents do not OWE you anything from their estate in the first place. They already raised you. That is all OP is owed/deserving of and she received that already. This just comes off like a real estate investment scam dressed up as a caring gesture to mum.
I just straight out refuse to do business with family, it almost always ends bad. Heck i dont even like to rent but if they apply trough regular means i cant turn them away.
The mother said what she wanted...let her rent...buy the house and let her rent it from you...you will be better off financially...plus your sister can make no claims against the house...
My granny has gone to a LOT of trouble with her will in terms of what she's doing in terms of her flat when she passes away. Currently, I think the rule is that we sell the house and split the money between me, my sister and my cousin with percentages slightly altered depending on how much money she gifted us during her life (eg money for houses, tuition fees etc which she keeps a very detailed, written account of)
Mom can buy a house with the sister if it's like that.
Once more, the responsible kid is expected to do something massive for the less responsible 🙄 OP tries to do something good, but nah, can’t happen without all these stipulations that’d set her back YEARS with no guarantee to own the house she put so much money, effort, and time into, while sister does zilch and benefits
If the mom pays into the mortgage then yes she can leave her sister portion of it.
Story 1 … why do they want to live with mommy their whole life???? Yes I get not wanting children but are they never want to get married etc ever???
Op don't do it. You will never get anything out of this.