The final update was refreshing. It's crazy when you look back almost a decade and realize how cringey you were. I'm happy the OP moved on and is happily married
When the girlfriend said she'd decided to break up, but waited until he 'had himself together', that said a lot. It sounds like he was very weak and clingy.
High school sweethearts rarely exist anymore. My brother and sister-in-law are hs sweethearts and they broke up about twice to date other people before getting married. They also have personalities somewhere between cardboard and a sheet of drywall, so it works for them. Mostly you need to at least be 20-21 to meet your SO to get married.
@@sonialinsey8083 I was 14 when I met my wife and we've been together over decades. No break ups and still very much in love. You are probably right though, it is rare nowadays.
I still can't believe anyone would compare a romantic relationship to 'Corduroy'. Loving someone is like stitching up a broken stuffed bear?! That's such an insult. Might as well say "I don't really love you, I just like fixing you".
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s He was not a plaything to her. He was more like a lump on a log while she was trying to get off the log. He was very comfortable while she was trying to explore. NAH. She just recognized it before he did.
@@shells500tutubo Exactly, he even detailed the things he changed after they split cause he realized he easn't doing anything at all with himself. She finally realized their dynamic was more parent child. And that is such an easy dynamic to fall into.
@@miminana-hd6nf exactly. He was like a plaything for her. Everytime he brought her up I saw miles of red flags. I'm so glad he knows his worth now and has someone who truly loves him. He didn't deserve that
So she used him for 8 years, he was the side piece the whole time and I'm sure that the 6 years of LDR she was living her life as if she was single. The fact that she hid him from her parents said it all and he should have dumped her a long time ago just because of that. Bottom line she finally found someone she wanted to marry and so dumped him ASAP to get together with the guy.
Hard to tell if she cheated or not. OP was not clever enough to.figure that out. I bet she had guy somewhere that her parents liked, but she was not ready to settle down yet. Once school was done and jobs set up, it was time for her to make future plans and OP was not the guy. I think she actually wanted to be friends. That is crazy. Sounds like he totally took advantage of her $$ to enjoy his life. They broke up, as they should have. it gave him motivation to get his life together. I guess we have no idea where she went. Her sudden like of EDM sort of indicates she had a new guy.
If your partner asks for a 'break', make it permanent. Also, 'There isn't a place for you in my future'? Partners are supposed to build a life together. She sounds like a narcissist.
Thank you. I kept cringing at his ex-gfs behavior. She was clearly using him while also bashing his self worth. She wasn't a catch at all, and I'm glad he moved on and found someone who wasn't so selfish.
In one part op said "He hadn't met the (her description) dysfunctional family. That seems to be the dysfunction has affected her too and she doesn't realise it. But in general, when a partner ask's for a break the relation ship is toast.
The only "breaks" that aren't the end of the relationship are when you've been arguing and you take a break away from each other to cool off and think. Anything else is goobye
Sorry, but I don’t think everyone has to be planning to spend the rest of their life with someone to be dating them. 🤷🏻♀️ She was honest with him, at least, rather than going on and doing the whole thing when she isn’t into it and then breaking his heart eight more years later. They started dating at 16. No child knows what they want out of life.
I know he didn't follow through but where he said "I told her this was a binary choice" I was proud of him. He for that moment was respecting his own emotional needs, I am a big believer in no breaks- you either are working on your relationship or you are done. Cynical me sees "breaks" as having the subtext of "I found someone else I want to date but I need you to be on the back burner" or "I want to break up but this feels easier".
💯 this. My #1 dating rule is never date anyone twice. We broke up for a reason, and even if that reason has been resolved usually a break up burn bridges.
I always thought breaks were stupid. I went through most of high school without a girlfriend and would point out how stupid it is for someone to propose a "break" and for the other person to go along with it. A couple times people would tell me I wouldn't get it because I'm not in their shoes and haven't had a girlfriend yet, once I'm there I'll think different. Well the time happened when I was 19, she wanted to go on a break going into her first year in college for a couple months or so, and I already finished my first year of college so I already knew the environment and I understood that I just lost her. So I flat out refused and just said "just break up with me" and she kept trying to convince me that she didn't want a break up. She finally understood that I didn't wanna budge (despite how much it pained me inside), so she asked if we could stay friends, and shot that down too. I like to think that I was able to establish the boundaries that I have by seeing everyone else fall for the same trap around me.
Well she knew she did not love him, so her breaking up was a good thing no matter how much it hurt op. He was just a project for her. Someone she could play house with. She never saw him as husband material. He should have lead with his binary comment when she asked him what he thought. She was just trying to be nice while breaking up. Not really possible. Glad he finally found someone who.appreciates him.
'There isn't a place for you in my future'- Is one of the most damaging mentalities society has pushed on young people. People aren't animals or a job- you don't 'fit a person' into your life. You don't fit a relationship into your life. Your SO isn't supposed to 'fit into your plans' - you build TOGETHER, support each other. At 70 you won't have your career and social hobbies to sit with you, and the degrees mean diddly: a person who's been there for you and good to you makes all the difference in the world.
You should make time for yourself to grow as a person before jumping to the first person you date in high school, too. You're not wrong. But you're ignoring the fact you don't build a life with someone while still in high school. You grow and learn who you are and what you want by getting to know more than a single person. You do your relationship with the other no good if you're not your own person, but just another half you end up depending on because you're suddenly too afraid to be alone. That's why a lot of elderly people have such a hard time when their spouse dies. Especially women. They were pushed to marry asap a single person, not allowed to divorce, but when their spouse dies, they don't know what to do with themselves and sort of give up. That's not healthy, either.
Wtf are you talking about? You don’t fit a person into your life if you CAN’T fit a person into your life. You find a good person it’s not WORK to fit into your life. Marriage only works of the person you’re with is ready to build that with you. I don’t take advice from previous generations who think Andy Capp , Married with Children and All in the Family is somehow a way to live. So many boomer “I hate my wife/husband” jokes. My grandparents fought like cats and dogs. Nobody wants your “kids these days” advice, and this is coming from a person who is pretty conservative and doesn’t really believe in divorce. But to not get divorced you must first marry carefully.
Social hobbies, so....friends? ^^' If you think that the only person who will be with you when you are old is your spouse - because they had to promise you that - that's...pretty sad. How do you survive, when you get divorced? You shouldn't get married just so you won't be alone. That isn't fair to either partie.
Eh, I disagree. Sometimes what you want does not happen with the person you are with at that moment. And it's important and good to realise, hey, this relationship has ran it's course. Sometimes a person just does not fit ones life.
Story 1: It can be really rough when those chapters in your life end. But life continues. Glad OP was able to get himself through it, cringy as it might have been.
If I ever heard something like "I don't see you being in my future" I'm going to take it one of two ways. You actually meant what you said and want to end the relationship, or this is a crap test to see what I can come up with to prove to them I'm worth being in their future. In either scenario, I'm probably walking out.
When someone asks for a break, they don't want to be with you, and the break is a way for them to ease you out of the relationship. I hate the phrase, "Let's take a break," because it drives the other person crazy.
It introduces a "maybe" into everything. And the dude (clueless tho he was) was still trying to mentally laundry list what he needs to do to fix it. Dude! You have just experienced "car keys in the lava", there is no fixing this.
The reason why many girls will use that phrase is because plenty of times it ends violently if you just say you want to break up. Didn't seem like the case here. But often, the violent one never seemed like before hand. There's enough people out there that don't handle rejection maturely that makes it fearful for anyone else trying.
@Ahlamkin there is nothing wrong with being honest but the let's take a break, is not honest. People don't handle break ups but they are a part of life. You have to learn to accept rejections. It sucks but a part of life.
My ex breaking up with me was the best thing he’d done for me. Lots of breaks, long distance (literally 30 min away from each other but we were in high school with no cars) and he loved bombed the hell out of me (lots of cheating on his end) when we did see each other. I was mess not knowing how to be a person without him but now I’m married 8 years later and just happy in general 😊 Sometimes heart break leads to good places.
@@samuraitadpole5459 See and that’s acceptable, if it was too far I would have just let him go. I even asked if he wanted to stay together because of the distance and he said it wasn’t a problem 🙄 It was indeed a problem.
There are no "breaks" in a relationship Her speech would make me gtfo of her life forever Okay so it wasn't a break but a breakup and he made it into a break ... cringe ... not much to lose? How about dignity ... don't follow the movie route Last update: Good that he moved on and got with someone else Her dragging him along for years, wasting his time wasn't exactly what a good person does
yes, he didn't get that, while he was wildly insecure, the issues in the relationship were hers, not his. She never told her family about him, that should have been a huge red flag for him. She wasted his time, she always knew she was never going to stay with him.
@@rosihantu1 it didn’t sound like he went off to fuck other men. He wanted the break, she wanted to break up. But by your own logic he wanted those three weeks to h0e himself out to other men so he must have done that and not told us
@@Nevertoleave whatchu talking about ? She asked for a 3 week break, not him. The fact that she was happy to break up with him after 3 weeks meant that the trial period with the other guy was successful. OP was the insurance policy. Never be the insurance policy, 😆
After saying she'd rather not see him if the choice is romance or nothing, "She gave me a handwritten excerpt from a poem indicating our relationship was stronger for the adversity we'd gone through ", also "do I have to explain it again." No, you need to stop giving mixed messages. Saying you appreciate him chasing after you is just another mixed signal.
This dude STILL wasn't over her. His remark about being mostly happy was the key. I think if she contacted him, he would drop his wife and go running to her. How sad.
If you've never had depression, then you couldn't possibly understand the statement. It could have nothing to do with her, but simply the fact that life is always tinged with that pain.
@@smallpseudonym2844 Then he needs to get professional help and communicate with his current wife. If there is a problem and you know it and actively do nothing to stop or prevent issues, you are NOT a victim.
I was pretty sure when she said she wanted a break she was either already cheating on OP or she had a guy or guys already lined up. He did the right thing by working to improve himself and grow up as a man.
So, let me get this straight, she explained that she didn't want to be with him despite how "compatible" they, handed him a quote from a poem saying how their relationship was stronger, and she acted all confused when he ran back thinking she still loved him? And that's after all the stuff about check out his interests *during the break* instead of the *eight years* they were together. I'm with most of the folks here. She was using him and stringing him along the whole time. Even with the break up, she was either trying to keep him open as a safety net or wanted to twist the knife a few times before cutting him loose.
When a girl says she "needs a break" or "needs space" or some other stuff like that there is only one thing to say... "K, fine, bye". This is "letting you down easy". Don't ask me how I know.
Even at the end OP is still holding on. Even the therapist has to ask why he's still doing things. OP was most accurate that she used him as a "boyfriend" during college and is now out looking for a real relationship. Friend Zoned for 8 years. I'm wondering who paid for all the dates.
He was giving a summary about what happened right after the breakup, not what he’s done recently. She used her money to pacify him and he acknowledged that
@@Nevertoleave it would very pathetic if he didn't cover 50% of costs. He wasn't clear about it tho. The nice guy in him probably is taking him paying for her as granted. Happens to low self esteem people.
@@lalithrockz so even when he explicitly states that she pacified and manipulated him with gifts, you refuse to believe it and assume he’s hiding the truth because…men always pay? This comment section is so determined to have weird views on men. Leave the guy alone.
s1: honestly, and this is from a long-term single person mind, if you have to take a "break" from your relationship, you should just break up. that band aid is going to hurt that much more when you pull it off slow. i do agree that since she initiated the break, she needs to do the mending - or follow through with the breakup. i think the latter is going to be better for both. post-update: sounded like neither knew what they wanted at that first meetup, and there was indeed a lot of cringe to be had. it's nice that OP went on to find a more fulfilling relationship after that. sometimes learning painful lessons is necessary for the betterment of one's life.
I think that OP and his first girlfriend were too young to go from an 8-year, sometimes long-distance relationship straight into settling down and getting married. And a person who is both gorgeous, rich and young who maintained such a long relationship may simply have realized that she needed to experience more relationships before formally closing off those options, which include learning about yourself in a different way through closeness with different people. But it sounds like OP dived into doing the very hard emotional and physical work of becoming a more well rounded and self reflective person, with happy results - a good job, well done, despite the pain.
@@milescoburn1845 I think most People learned these these things through experiences or older generations. Nowadays people learn through RP content on the internet. I remembered how gullible I was back then in 2011 when my ex was dropping clue about breakup or open relationship but I am thinking in my head but " she is the One, One ooooone!" LOL Now I want to slap myself. Only few men are sharp enough to deal with women early on in life. It did not help that my mom is a wonderful woman that made me gave them the benefit of the doubts. But I learned the hard way! I was dull and dumb !
A 6 year long distance. He really thinks that she was faithful? Man he really thought he matured, but he didn't. He was waiting for her to yank the leash back. "Creepy stalker ex hand rubbing" bro he's telling on himself. God you know what, it's a good thing she finally got through to him and was able to get away.
No, actually. But I'm guessing you identify with Mr. Creepy Stalker Ex. And seeing as how I'm literally reiterating what he said, it's clearly not 'self projection'.
How am I assuming? She wanted to break up (should have done it before the 6 year long distance), but he pushed back, so she agreed to a break. He caved less than 24 hours and called her multiple times When they finally met again, he did not show that he matured and moved on (granted you can't exactly mature and work on yourself in 3 weeks let alone months), he immediately wanted to get back together and continue showing that he in fact had not moved on. He was literally keeping tabs on her throughout the break. If he really had gotten therapy and worked on himself he should not have met up with her the second time, he clearly knew she did not want the same thing, but pushed for it anyways. His little creepy stalker ex was not just a throwaway joke. Naw but you must be right because cuz.
So much of what OP went through echoes what I had been through with my ex and my wife with hers (though, to be honest, what her ex did was heinous enough to land him in prison for 4 years). By the time my wife and Got together, we have known each other for almost a decade, meeting while still married to our exes as church friends. My marriage went south, ended up moving back closer to family after my first Crohn's surgery while she and her ex moved back to Idaho to be closer to her family, their marriage ending a few years later. After both divorces, I ended up going out to visit her almost 5 years later and she ended up coming back home with me due to her parents hating me and essentially kicking her out while I was there (far too much to write here). We got married a month later and are half way through our 13th year of marriage with 1 child (10M). OP's thoughts in the final edit are truly how things ended up with my wife and me this time around.
@@streamerssaymyname another comment was spot on, he didn’t take her for granted..he gaslit himself into taking blame for a relationship that ran its course so to speak. His ex had issues too, if she wanted out she should’ve been direct and just say so.
@@MrSdragon197 right, he was a place holder for her. She knew his insecurities and used them to her advantage. The fact she never told her family about him says it all. He did not take her for granted, she used him for her own purposes and when it did not suit her anymore she dumped him. Was he cringey, yes, but that was his insecurities showing.
Finally a OP that actually grew. Good for you. She isn't the villain, he isn't the villain, just didn't work out. Most OPs just use it as an excuse to act like a child, this one used it to grow. At the end of the day she was honest and fair.
This one was sad. Because of stories like this I never pursue anyone who is too out of my league. Or there are too much differences in our perspectives.
OP is pathetic. “Even with all that said, I have to wonder if it’s possible to get back together as a couple one day.” At this point he knows she doesn’t give a crap about him, and never did. It’s clear OP has no dignity or self-worth, and frankly people like that are too infuriating to deal with. As for ex-gf, she’s a user. She used OP as a crutch, chucked him aside when he was no longer of benefit to her, and wanted to string him along as a “friend”. She’s an awful, shallow person, and I hope she never finds love.
Another story posted today or yesterday about a similar situation. But the girl was hearing things from coworkers that sparked her decision. She changed her mind, but...all those commenters need to read this post. This is more than likely what was up with that girl. She had no intention on dating anyone, likewise, she never been with anyone else. She more than likely wanted to do her own thing for once. But got scared once the fear of being alone kicked in...as neither had been with anyone else...their whole lives. People are so quick to assume the girl wants to cheat. But in these kinds of relationships? Nah...more than likely they don't want ANYONE, just time for themselves to grow as a separate person not connected, and dependent, on a partner.
@@bautistalover the other story was similar to this one in the sense they only dated each other. In the other story, she also said she wasn't even thinking of dating, but that was everyone's assumptions. This story is a an atypical kind of relationships. I'm only talking about these kinds. Also OP admitted she wasn't saying she wanted to take a break. He just took it that way.
This one was a difficult one to read. I’m glad that he has grown a lot. There were a couple things though he said that still made me wanna cringe a little bit in the way he described his now relationship /marriage.
Rule: If you've become a better person after separating from your partner, you don't get back with them. Why would you want to welcome back something that makes your life worse when you lived it better without them around? Yeah, she started it because she wanted to make some changes (perhaps in the beginning), and she served as the inspiration (he was aware of his shortcomings to a point), but if you weren't prepared to do it while you were dating her, it's likely not worth your time to keep her around. I personally filter people out without any problem. But ig most relationships are not as easy to cut off.
Story 1: This is one of those stories where both people ended up doing the right thing. They weren't compatible. And when you're not compatible, you don't prolong it, you go your separate ways.
They had grown out of the relationship. Started at 16, by 24 it's not strange to be one foot out, wondering what else is out there but still hanging on to relationship because being alone is scary. I don't see his ex as evil or ah. Just grown out of their relationship. Yes smartly she should have broken earlier.. but then again, she did breakup and OP was one taking it as "break" Breaks are stupid. If you need a break, then you are not a match. If you need a break and then continue, you are just hanging on until you find what you actually want and seek. My teen bf was horrible, broke up and i managed to crawl back to him because i didn't want to be alone. "Let's be friends" is just sad attempt to make breakup softer and it will never work when there are still feelings.
It’s not a compatibility issue. She knew from day one that OP was not good enough for her. When a girl is in love with you, she won’t hide you from her family she will flaunt you around them. From day one she was using OP for his companionship, security and his unwavering desire for her. She got all the attention she wanted plus the security that he wouldn’t go around and cheat on her so that she could get through school without being distracted by wanting to date or be involved with someone. Once she got to her graduation OP was not needed anymore and therefore dumped so she could find someone she felt was on her level. She was cruel and used him and he was dumb and in love and couldn’t see that. Glad he grew up and was able to find happiness.
@@jdenameinit Just because you would or wouldn't do something doesn't mean everybody else will do what you do. We're all individuals with our own thoughts and feelings.
Oh Geez op sounds like my son's father yet still now one year after breaking up. He just tries everything to get back in my life and just me being polite and kind to him is taken as potential to get back together. If you're in OPs situation, move on love. You're only hurting yourself. Find someone who'll actually be able to love you the way you need and respect yourself enough not to grovel, you'll be much happier for it
@@supremeturtle1186 she tried to break up with him, he made it a break. She was friendly, he assumed she wanted to get back together. She breaks up with him again and tries to be kind, he assumes it was all some secret ploy to get him to chase after her. Dude is delusional. The issue was she was too nice to him. Constantly walking on eggshells and worried about hurting him so he didn’t get it. Makes you wonder how often he completely brushed off her trying to fix a problem or bring up a problem, before realizing she couldn’t save this relationship and then she waited until she felt he was in a good enough space that breaking up with him wouldn’t hurt him, except we read how that went, him working his way into a break instead of a breakup
@@Nevertoleave finally there's someone who says it as it is. We clearly see how delusional he is until the end. Why do people just assume the ex girlfriend kept him hanging? He is clearly doing it to himself after all those years and a wife
This one was hard to listen to. He needs to listen to SSM or other channels. He needs a good Smack (SSM style) Good thing the update does show he learned from the experience
As amazing as OP's ex was, I think she was weak, and he was too. Sounds like they kind of propped each other up, til she started to pull away. Sad, but best for both in the long run.
That dude really said he realized he loved her for "superficial" things and proceeds to describe a dedicated, educated and intelligent women besides being drop dead gorgeous and rich... Yeah dude. At that point he still was in denial. I am a bit disappointed that we didn't get to hear how she is doing after all these years. It's kinda sad that even with him moving finally on in a hopefully loving and successful relationship, those two never talked again. Not to rekindle, but to have that person who was so important in your early adult life, back in some form. This world is harsh, can be cold and unforgiving. The more positive energy you can gather in your life, the brighter it is. Turning a bitter memory into something that fills that dark hole would be healing.Just maintaining an online friendship would be enrichment. But his new partner might not be a fan of that idea nor might he be capable of keeping it platonic and positive, so...
I couldn't disagree more. Move on with your life. Especially this guy. If they tried to be friends, this guy would start clinging to her again like saran wrap. Even he knows it. That's why he told her they couldn't be friends. That's the only thing he did right.
The que that she's a crap person is when she asked him to say what he was thinking first. At the meeting she requested. She wanted this, she started this, that's her job.
I was with a girl when I turned 21. We had been into each other since we were both young teens but never dated. So we dated for some years and we needed a break to both get into therapy. And sadly ended up moving apart from one another in that time. Years later and we had both changed a lot as we grew up. She had a awesome kid. We were both in seven years + relationships. And now, 20+ years later we are happily married and have two more kids. Best advice I could ever give to couples would be to communicate with each other, about everything! Nothing should ever be secret between partners. Work together as a team and build a future for those that may come along after you.
I think she was fine with him as a playtoy but knew her family expected her to marry a wealthy upper class man. She did not think he was good enough to marry, since she hid him from her family. Like in Legally Blonde where the BF tells the girl you date Marilyn but marry Jackie.
Exactly. I think the ex did the right thing by breaking up, he just sounds very, how to say, suffocating. And the 8 years update isn't good either, OP is still hung up on the ex to an extent, and that made me feel bad for his wife.
Okay, good ending and I'm happy for OP that he is finally feeling better and is happily married. However, this is still a cautionary tale of how damaging someone can be when they don't even try and communicate/treat their partner with respect. The way she hurt him had affected (and still does a bit I think) for literal years, leading to some really REALLY dark thoughts/head spaces. He is very fortunate to have found someone and had great supportive people around him. I just fear what would have happened if he didn't.
I was not surprised at all by all the misogynistic comments about Op's ex. Even by his account he was a shit bf, took her for granted, used her money and connections for the travel and other things they did together, and basically got into a rut playing video games with no discernible ambition or plans for the future. He only talks about himself and his feelings, never tells us a thing about her, just a selfish and self-centered person all around, and I'll bet she DID tell him repeatedly about how dissatisfied she was. He just wasn't listening. But even after all of that, I'd have to say NAH. He needed to be pushed out of the nest, so to speak, because he was behaving like an adolescent, and she needed to be able to move forward in her academic and career endeavours unencumbered. Cheating doesn't even enter the picture. I'm glad he got some self-awareness after eight more years, but he still sounds like he thinks he is the main character in everyone else's life "Main Character Syndrome" is real.
Jeez, he thought things worked a Lifetime movie. Just oof. I wonder if she really was as unclear of a communicator as OP says she is or if he simply overanalyzed her words and actions.
Hopefully the older ones where like they touched on and dealt with struggles and not the 'screaming and trying to murder everyone' ones my ex stepmom liked to watch.
How does OP manage to word his starting post to sound both extremely insecure and extremely self-important? After update: wait. WAIT. He HAS TO value the current moment? So, he doesn't actually value it on his own? He's got a wife, a child, and is still looking back?
This was very painful to listen to. Yes, I hoped that she might realize what she was giving up but at the same time I was worried that OP was demeaning himself so much gy nearly begging her to take him back. I have to wonder what was going through GF's mind when he was groveling so much. The bottom line was that she no longer loved him the way he needed to be loved and she wanted/needed to go in a different direction--a direction that did not include OP.
She already broke up with him when she gave him the 3-weeks timeline. That wasn't for her, that was for him because she wanted him to come to terms with the breakup, it was obvious in the update. Sure, you'd like to think she just wanted to jump around from one man to the next but given her reaction in the update, it confirmed my suspicion considering the way she worded it. To her, she could've loved OP, but it won't be the kind of love OP deserved and she knew that. She wasn't in love with him anymore. If she had just shut him out, it would've been worse for OP and to her, he is still an important friend. Years with him didn't mean nothing to her which is why she went with the three weeks agreement despite having made up her mind. Plus, she sent his friend to help him and support him rather than left him pining over her. This is not the action of a woman who wanted to keep OP on the side, this is a woman who's well aware the relationship has run its course and wanted the person she cares about to be okay. She didn't even hesitate to chose to walk away because that would be better for the both of them, even if she still cares as a friend. I'm glad OP moved on and realised that they're not for each other. Not everyone ended up with their first love-this is life, not a romcom. It's alright to look back and miss the people you were but know that you're not that person anymore.
Hope the best for OP. He needs to stay away from anything to do with his ex, for his own mental health. He made references to romcoms, but he acted more like a sitcom character; specifically Ted Mosby. Never go full Ted Mosby.
Smh. "Break" is an incomplete sentence. If she wants a "break", you give her a "break up". Same thing if she asks for an "open relationship" - you open it up completely and walk away. She has indicated she is not committed and doesn't want you - don't stay where you're not wanted. If you're truly a couple, you work through your issues together - not as separate individuals. This is not to say you can't get individual counseling or work on yourself. It is to say that monogamous relationship commitments can't be turned on and off at convenience - it doesn't work that way. Edit: glad to see OP has matured and moved on. Few, if any, of us are NOT cringe at some point during our youth. ;-)
So many people assuming she's cheating. Guys. OP sounds like a piece of work and I bet she just decided the relationship wasn't working. I'm so so glad OP grew up a bit 😁
S1, NTI, never, ever, try to re-cross bridges that have been crossed and figuratively burned behind you, “3 weeks” is easing into separation, the thin edge of the wedge, ghost her and get on with your life
UGH, I have never wanted to shake someone so hard in my life. He blames himself for all the issues in the relationship, he decided to make himself a better person for her, not himself, he then flings himself at her begging for her to take him back. When he says that she is way over his class level (financially, educationally, socially), and that she has not acknowledged their relationship to her family It is like, how the hell did he not know this relationship was NEVER going to work. It was NEVER going to work. She always had plans to move on, at some point. He did not use her, as he kept putting it, she used him. She was the one who was not putting effort into the relationship. He was a safe placeholder for her. Even in the update, which I am happy he was able to move on and find happiness, he still does not get it. His insecurity kept him from seeing the red flags in the relationship but the ex was the major red flag. Yes, he was cringey. As cringey as you can get but that was his insecurities showing, which allowed the ex to use him for 8 years. Some day he will realize that.
He really really sounded like an abandoned child pining for the love of someone who couldn't love him. It was horrible for his ex to 1)Not communicate and talk to him before just dumping him like that 2)Use him as an emotional crutch.You just dont do that to people. OP himself was indeed quite cringe back then and too codependent. He wouldn't take no for an answer.He wouldn't leave her alone when she said she wanted to be left alone. Good thing that hes over and has a wife and a kid now.
Dude said he stop watching P. LOL, there's so many couples who actually use P as part of their relationship. Dude just throwing away something that can entertain him for someone who only use him as a side piece.
He tagge trashed the "redpill" philosophy (I don't subscribe to either) but them goes on to do several things on the list of what to do in a break up according to the red pill; don't chase her, hit the gym etc...
Her saying she doesn't see a place wit him in her future means she doesn't see him as husband material. He is lacking something I portent she is looking for. She sees a time limit on their relationship. Maybe it is an element he can change or improve or maybe it is something he can't change. There is no way to know from the information we have been provided.
Being able to look back and say i only put in 10% of the effort she did. Saying communication was not good when you start dating young. She wanted until she felt you were in a good place to break up. He mentioned he was already depressed during them dating. Seems like she realized they were not compatible but worried about telling him
She should have been more direct. Tell a man you want a break and he's going to think there is hope. Just break up cleanly and quickly and don't give him a chance to stalk you.
I feel she was already cheating on him if she's on the other side of the world. Well she stuck to her word in that she'd rather never see him again. Is sad seeing people taking so many years to get over someone.
Wow - that woman did a number on him. I've seen this irl - in both genders. People keep a long-term relationship as a 'placeholder'. They never think of marrying that person or building a life, they are an "emotional support teddy bear". I feel for OP and glad he's in therapy. His happy relationship wasn't what he thought it was, he was just a bookmark in whatever novel that woman was writing.
This dude is pathetic. Men who deal with this level of drama are called “ TOOLS “ and what do you do with a tool “ you use it till you break it, then place it “.
The final update was refreshing. It's crazy when you look back almost a decade and realize how cringey you were. I'm happy the OP moved on and is happily married
When the girlfriend said she'd decided to break up, but waited until he 'had himself together', that said a lot. It sounds like he was very weak and clingy.
@@lynnw7155 or it was to make her feel better about what she was doing
High school sweethearts rarely exist anymore. My brother and sister-in-law are hs sweethearts and they broke up about twice to date other people before getting married. They also have personalities somewhere between cardboard and a sheet of drywall, so it works for them. Mostly you need to at least be 20-21 to meet your SO to get married.
@@sonialinsey8083 I was 14 when I met my wife and we've been together over decades. No break ups and still very much in love. You are probably right though, it is rare nowadays.
Wait where did it say he got married?
I still can't believe anyone would compare a romantic relationship to 'Corduroy'. Loving someone is like stitching up a broken stuffed bear?! That's such an insult. Might as well say "I don't really love you, I just like fixing you".
Exactly. The real message was that he was a plaything to her.
Yeah using him as an emotional crutch is super shitty and uncool.
the ex was more childish then op somehow, i hope she finally grew up and realized she was quite the b to op in her own horrible way
@@user-wr3vt8uq4s He was not a plaything to her. He was more like a lump on a log while she was trying to get off the log. He was very comfortable while she was trying to explore. NAH. She just recognized it before he did.
@@shells500tutubo Exactly, he even detailed the things he changed after they split cause he realized he easn't doing anything at all with himself.
She finally realized their dynamic was more parent child. And that is such an easy dynamic to fall into.
the age of OP is SO obvious in the posts. thankfully he has moved on with time and help from a terapist.
About 30?
Damn she hid OP from her family for 8 years? Lol dude should've got the hint a looooonng time ago.
yes, the people saying she was his sugar mama are not getting this. She used him, not the other way around.
@@miminana-hd6nf exactly. He was like a plaything for her.
Everytime he brought her up I saw miles of red flags.
I'm so glad he knows his worth now and has someone who truly loves him. He didn't deserve that
Where in the video did that come up? I must have missed it.
@@janiexoxo it was in there. she refused to introduce him to her family.
@@miminana-hd6nf I must have missed that part. That’s sus af
Dude is gas lighting the EFF out of himself.
Agree almost every sentence he wrote I was thinking he is fooling himself
I didn't buy the last update though. he seems settled and one bad day way from cracking.
So she used him for 8 years, he was the side piece the whole time and I'm sure that the 6 years of LDR she was living her life as if she was single. The fact that she hid him from her parents said it all and he should have dumped her a long time ago just because of that. Bottom line she finally found someone she wanted to marry and so dumped him ASAP to get together with the guy.
I'll wager she was cheating on him or he was the side piece the entire time.
Get therapy. You need it
Right shes toxic hes better off
Hard to tell if she cheated or not. OP was not clever enough to.figure that out. I bet she had guy somewhere that her parents liked, but she was not ready to settle down yet. Once school was done and jobs set up, it was time for her to make future plans and OP was not the guy. I think she actually wanted to be friends. That is crazy. Sounds like he totally took advantage of her $$ to enjoy his life. They broke up, as they should have. it gave him motivation to get his life together. I guess we have no idea where she went. Her sudden like of EDM sort of indicates she had a new guy.
my guess is that she hid him because her family would never liked him and got some other wealthy prospect for her
If your partner asks for a 'break', make it permanent. Also, 'There isn't a place for you in my future'? Partners are supposed to build a life together. She sounds like a narcissist.
Thank you. I kept cringing at his ex-gfs behavior. She was clearly using him while also bashing his self worth. She wasn't a catch at all, and I'm glad he moved on and found someone who wasn't so selfish.
In one part op said "He hadn't met the (her description) dysfunctional family. That seems to be the dysfunction has affected her too and she doesn't realise it.
But in general, when a partner ask's for a break the relation ship is toast.
The only "breaks" that aren't the end of the relationship are when you've been arguing and you take a break away from each other to cool off and think. Anything else is goobye
Sorry, but I don’t think everyone has to be planning to spend the rest of their life with someone to be dating them. 🤷🏻♀️ She was honest with him, at least, rather than going on and doing the whole thing when she isn’t into it and then breaking his heart eight more years later. They started dating at 16. No child knows what they want out of life.
Op watched way to many movies he thought working out and reading self help books would make a girl who clearly didn’t want him change her mind.
I know he didn't follow through but where he said "I told her this was a binary choice" I was proud of him. He for that moment was respecting his own emotional needs, I am a big believer in no breaks- you either are working on your relationship or you are done. Cynical me sees "breaks" as having the subtext of "I found someone else I want to date but I need you to be on the back burner" or "I want to break up but this feels easier".
💯 this.
My #1 dating rule is never date anyone twice. We broke up for a reason, and even if that reason has been resolved usually a break up burn bridges.
I always thought breaks were stupid. I went through most of high school without a girlfriend and would point out how stupid it is for someone to propose a "break" and for the other person to go along with it.
A couple times people would tell me I wouldn't get it because I'm not in their shoes and haven't had a girlfriend yet, once I'm there I'll think different.
Well the time happened when I was 19, she wanted to go on a break going into her first year in college for a couple months or so, and I already finished my first year of college so I already knew the environment and I understood that I just lost her. So I flat out refused and just said "just break up with me" and she kept trying to convince me that she didn't want a break up.
She finally understood that I didn't wanna budge (despite how much it pained me inside), so she asked if we could stay friends, and shot that down too.
I like to think that I was able to establish the boundaries that I have by seeing everyone else fall for the same trap around me.
Well she knew she did not love him, so her breaking up was a good thing no matter how much it hurt op. He was just a project for her. Someone she could play house with. She never saw him as husband material. He should have lead with his binary comment when she asked him what he thought. She was just trying to be nice while breaking up. Not really possible. Glad he finally found someone who.appreciates him.
'There isn't a place for you in my future'- Is one of the most damaging mentalities society has pushed on young people. People aren't animals or a job- you don't 'fit a person' into your life. You don't fit a relationship into your life. Your SO isn't supposed to 'fit into your plans' - you build TOGETHER, support each other. At 70 you won't have your career and social hobbies to sit with you, and the degrees mean diddly: a person who's been there for you and good to you makes all the difference in the world.
You should make time for yourself to grow as a person before jumping to the first person you date in high school, too. You're not wrong. But you're ignoring the fact you don't build a life with someone while still in high school. You grow and learn who you are and what you want by getting to know more than a single person. You do your relationship with the other no good if you're not your own person, but just another half you end up depending on because you're suddenly too afraid to be alone.
That's why a lot of elderly people have such a hard time when their spouse dies. Especially women. They were pushed to marry asap a single person, not allowed to divorce, but when their spouse dies, they don't know what to do with themselves and sort of give up. That's not healthy, either.
Wtf are you talking about? You don’t fit a person into your life if you CAN’T fit a person into your life. You find a good person it’s not WORK to fit into your life. Marriage only works of the person you’re with is ready to build that with you. I don’t take advice from previous generations who think Andy Capp , Married with Children and All in the Family is somehow a way to live. So many boomer “I hate my wife/husband” jokes. My grandparents fought like cats and dogs. Nobody wants your “kids these days” advice, and this is coming from a person who is pretty conservative and doesn’t really believe in divorce. But to not get divorced you must first marry carefully.
Social hobbies, so....friends? ^^' If you think that the only person who will be with you when you are old is your spouse - because they had to promise you that - that's...pretty sad. How do you survive, when you get divorced?
You shouldn't get married just so you won't be alone. That isn't fair to either partie.
Eh, I disagree. Sometimes what you want does not happen with the person you are with at that moment. And it's important and good to realise, hey, this relationship has ran it's course.
Sometimes a person just does not fit ones life.
You dont just do that with any random person though, thus there's going to be people you might have to say something to that effect to.
Story 1: It can be really rough when those chapters in your life end. But life continues. Glad OP was able to get himself through it, cringy as it might have been.
If I ever heard something like "I don't see you being in my future" I'm going to take it one of two ways.
You actually meant what you said and want to end the relationship, or this is a crap test to see what I can come up with to prove to them I'm worth being in their future.
In either scenario, I'm probably walking out.
When someone asks for a break, they don't want to be with you, and the break is a way for them to ease you out of the relationship. I hate the phrase, "Let's take a break," because it drives the other person crazy.
It introduces a "maybe" into everything. And the dude (clueless tho he was) was still trying to mentally laundry list what he needs to do to fix it. Dude! You have just experienced "car keys in the lava", there is no fixing this.
@[] S op had so many relationship issues. She was even flat out honest with him. He is either delusional or watched too many chick flicks.
The reason why many girls will use that phrase is because plenty of times it ends violently if you just say you want to break up. Didn't seem like the case here. But often, the violent one never seemed like before hand.
There's enough people out there that don't handle rejection maturely that makes it fearful for anyone else trying.
@@stacyteal6221 why is being honest a bad thing?
@Ahlamkin there is nothing wrong with being honest but the let's take a break, is not honest. People don't handle break ups but they are a part of life. You have to learn to accept rejections. It sucks but a part of life.
My ex breaking up with me was the best thing he’d done for me. Lots of breaks, long distance (literally 30 min away from each other but we were in high school with no cars) and he loved bombed the hell out of me (lots of cheating on his end) when we did see each other. I was mess not knowing how to be a person without him but now I’m married 8 years later and just happy in general 😊 Sometimes heart break leads to good places.
Even with a car 30 minutes is too long for me
@@samuraitadpole5459 See and that’s acceptable, if it was too far I would have just let him go. I even asked if he wanted to stay together because of the distance and he said it wasn’t a problem 🙄 It was indeed a problem.
@@MyNameIsKazomfg same here!!! Like, you asked me out, you knew how far i was and not to mention it wasn't his first ldr, smh, good riddance 🎉🎉🎉
The cringiest OP I've read about in a long time. 😬
Yeah ngl it's hard to listen without me having to roll my eyes.
Yeah, pathetic
Yep ... he watched too many movies
Yeah that was hard to listen to, he watch to many romance movies as kid/teen
And I'd be willing to bet if she re-entered his life he would cut his wife and family off in a heartbeat.
There are no "breaks" in a relationship
Her speech would make me gtfo of her life forever
Okay so it wasn't a break but a breakup and he made it into a break
... cringe ... not much to lose? How about dignity ... don't follow the movie route
Last update:
Good that he moved on and got with someone else
Her dragging him along for years, wasting his time wasn't exactly what a good person does
yes, he didn't get that, while he was wildly insecure, the issues in the relationship were hers, not his. She never told her family about him, that should have been a huge red flag for him. She wasted his time, she always knew she was never going to stay with him.
People are way too influenced by movies. Makes me wanna run my head through a wall lol
There are no breaks, only trial periods with other dudes. Lol.
@@rosihantu1 it didn’t sound like he went off to fuck other men. He wanted the break, she wanted to break up. But by your own logic he wanted those three weeks to h0e himself out to other men so he must have done that and not told us
@@Nevertoleave whatchu talking about ? She asked for a 3 week break, not him. The fact that she was happy to break up with him after 3 weeks meant that the trial period with the other guy was successful. OP was the insurance policy. Never be the insurance policy, 😆
When someone asks you for a break, make it permanent. She obviously was seeing someone on the side during the 3 weeks.
The part where he never met her parents in 8 years because she didn’t “want them involved” meanwhile she was filthy rich isn’t tipping you off?
After saying she'd rather not see him if the choice is romance or nothing, "She gave me a handwritten excerpt from a poem indicating our relationship was stronger for the adversity we'd gone through ", also "do I have to explain it again." No, you need to stop giving mixed messages. Saying you appreciate him chasing after you is just another mixed signal.
“I’m not ready for a relationship” (with you). Classic words right there.
I'm glad that he eventually moved on with his life and found happiness. I like how this story has a sweet ending.
This dude STILL wasn't over her. His remark about being mostly happy was the key. I think if she contacted him, he would drop his wife and go running to her. How sad.
If you've never had depression, then you couldn't possibly understand the statement. It could have nothing to do with her, but simply the fact that life is always tinged with that pain.
@@smallpseudonym2844 Then he needs to get professional help and communicate with his current wife. If there is a problem and you know it and actively do nothing to stop or prevent issues, you are NOT a victim.
guy gets red pilled and chooses to go back into the matrix. He is the perfect doormat
I was pretty sure when she said she wanted a break she was either already cheating on OP or she had a guy or guys already lined up.
He did the right thing by working to improve himself and grow up as a man.
Dude is simping hard and needs to move on.
Wow that was so cringy, glad OP got therapy.
I actually feel bad for his current relationship. He would run, not walk, if his previous girlfriend asked for him to come back.
So, let me get this straight, she explained that she didn't want to be with him despite how "compatible" they, handed him a quote from a poem saying how their relationship was stronger, and she acted all confused when he ran back thinking she still loved him? And that's after all the stuff about check out his interests *during the break* instead of the *eight years* they were together.
I'm with most of the folks here. She was using him and stringing him along the whole time. Even with the break up, she was either trying to keep him open as a safety net or wanted to twist the knife a few times before cutting him loose.
When a girl says she "needs a break" or "needs space" or some other stuff like that there is only one thing to say... "K, fine, bye". This is "letting you down easy". Don't ask me how I know.
Even at the end OP is still holding on. Even the therapist has to ask why he's still doing things. OP was most accurate that she used him as a "boyfriend" during college and is now out looking for a real relationship. Friend Zoned for 8 years. I'm wondering who paid for all the dates.
He was giving a summary about what happened right after the breakup, not what he’s done recently. She used her money to pacify him and he acknowledged that
Apparently she did. Given he goes on about her being wealthy, planning trips and such with him and him giving back to the relationship 10%
Shes toxic
@@Nevertoleave it would very pathetic if he didn't cover 50% of costs. He wasn't clear about it tho. The nice guy in him probably is taking him paying for her as granted. Happens to low self esteem people.
@@lalithrockz so even when he explicitly states that she pacified and manipulated him with gifts, you refuse to believe it and assume he’s hiding the truth because…men always pay? This comment section is so determined to have weird views on men. Leave the guy alone.
One of the last things he says in this tale "for the most part I'm happy". That's interesting.
Honestly with the way the ex sounds, I don’t see her ever being happy in the long run. I’m glad OP is happy though.
Ex is a tramp who only uses others. OP was the one that got away all because she cut the line. He’s never going back to the baited hook.
s1: honestly, and this is from a long-term single person mind, if you have to take a "break" from your relationship, you should just break up. that band aid is going to hurt that much more when you pull it off slow. i do agree that since she initiated the break, she needs to do the mending - or follow through with the breakup. i think the latter is going to be better for both.
post-update: sounded like neither knew what they wanted at that first meetup, and there was indeed a lot of cringe to be had. it's nice that OP went on to find a more fulfilling relationship after that. sometimes learning painful lessons is necessary for the betterment of one's life.
I think that OP and his first girlfriend were too young to go from an 8-year, sometimes long-distance relationship straight into settling down and getting married. And a person who is both gorgeous, rich and young who maintained such a long relationship may simply have realized that she needed to experience more relationships before formally closing off those options, which include learning about yourself in a different way through closeness with different people.
But it sounds like OP dived into doing the very hard emotional and physical work of becoming a more well rounded and self reflective person, with happy results - a good job, well done, despite the pain.
Dude was nothing but a toy for her to use towards her own emotional wellbeing.
Dude got "Simp of the Year Awards", the most painful lesson about it, I saw myself in this guy.
But things have changed lately for the best.
Biggest case of a lack of self-awareness I've read about.
@@milescoburn1845 I think most People learned these these things through experiences or older generations. Nowadays people learn through RP content on the internet.
I remembered how gullible I was back then in 2011 when my ex was dropping clue about breakup or open relationship but I am thinking in my head but " she is the One, One ooooone!" LOL
Now I want to slap myself.
Only few men are sharp enough to deal with women early on in life.
It did not help that my mom is a wonderful woman that made me gave them the benefit of the doubts.
But I learned the hard way!
I was dull and dumb !
And he proudly rejected the red pill
@@Shreendg amen heart breaking isn’t it?
@@Shreendgthat told me everything I needed to know since red pill is mostly about the bitter truth
LoL the simp force in this OP is strong he is the simp lord
A 6 year long distance. He really thinks that she was faithful? Man he really thought he matured, but he didn't. He was waiting for her to yank the leash back.
"Creepy stalker ex hand rubbing" bro he's telling on himself. God you know what, it's a good thing she finally got through to him and was able to get away.
No, actually. But I'm guessing you identify with Mr. Creepy Stalker Ex. And seeing as how I'm literally reiterating what he said, it's clearly not 'self projection'.
How am I assuming?
She wanted to break up (should have done it before the 6 year long distance), but he pushed back, so she agreed to a break.
He caved less than 24 hours and called her multiple times
When they finally met again, he did not show that he matured and moved on (granted you can't exactly mature and work on yourself in 3 weeks let alone months), he immediately wanted to get back together and continue showing that he in fact had not moved on.
He was literally keeping tabs on her throughout the break.
If he really had gotten therapy and worked on himself he should not have met up with her the second time, he clearly knew she did not want the same thing, but pushed for it anyways.
His little creepy stalker ex was not just a throwaway joke. Naw but you must be right because cuz.
Long distance doesn’t mean no contact, just not in the same city. A relationship may be long distance and still see each other every weekend 🤷🏻♀️
I know what long distance is, but thank you for the explanation.
So...he was cheating too, and she must've also been naive to think he wasnt...I mean...that's the logic, right?
So much of what OP went through echoes what I had been through with my ex and my wife with hers (though, to be honest, what her ex did was heinous enough to land him in prison for 4 years). By the time my wife and Got together, we have known each other for almost a decade, meeting while still married to our exes as church friends. My marriage went south, ended up moving back closer to family after my first Crohn's surgery while she and her ex moved back to Idaho to be closer to her family, their marriage ending a few years later. After both divorces, I ended up going out to visit her almost 5 years later and she ended up coming back home with me due to her parents hating me and essentially kicking her out while I was there (far too much to write here). We got married a month later and are half way through our 13th year of marriage with 1 child (10M). OP's thoughts in the final edit are truly how things ended up with my wife and me this time around.
Op she is taking you for granted. During the break, she is doing someone else.
She was basically his sugar mama and he thought a breakup was a break, he took her for granted and only resented her if she put up boundaries.
@Heather If she think someone else is better, at least break it off completely. She's the one stringing him along.
@@streamerssaymyname another comment was spot on, he didn’t take her for granted..he gaslit himself into taking blame for a relationship that ran its course so to speak. His ex had issues too, if she wanted out she should’ve been direct and just say so.
Dude was basically a sugar baby and she got tired of it.
Should she have communicated that to him? Definitely.
But he was definitely Italy at fault.
@@MrSdragon197 right, he was a place holder for her. She knew his insecurities and used them to her advantage. The fact she never told her family about him says it all. He did not take her for granted, she used him for her own purposes and when it did not suit her anymore she dumped him. Was he cringey, yes, but that was his insecurities showing.
OP let her get away with this for so long, that my sympathy ended
Finally a OP that actually grew. Good for you.
She isn't the villain, he isn't the villain, just didn't work out. Most OPs just use it as an excuse to act like a child, this one used it to grow.
At the end of the day she was honest and fair.
This one was sad. Because of stories like this I never pursue anyone who is too out of my league. Or there are too much differences in our perspectives.
OP is pathetic. “Even with all that said, I have to wonder if it’s possible to get back together as a couple one day.”
At this point he knows she doesn’t give a crap about him, and never did. It’s clear OP has no dignity or self-worth, and frankly people like that are too infuriating to deal with.
As for ex-gf, she’s a user. She used OP as a crutch, chucked him aside when he was no longer of benefit to her, and wanted to string him along as a “friend”. She’s an awful, shallow person, and I hope she never finds love.
It was his first GF, of course he would be stupid and naive
op gives simps a worst name
Another story posted today or yesterday about a similar situation. But the girl was hearing things from coworkers that sparked her decision. She changed her mind, but...all those commenters need to read this post. This is more than likely what was up with that girl. She had no intention on dating anyone, likewise, she never been with anyone else. She more than likely wanted to do her own thing for once. But got scared once the fear of being alone kicked in...as neither had been with anyone else...their whole lives.
People are so quick to assume the girl wants to cheat. But in these kinds of relationships? Nah...more than likely they don't want ANYONE, just time for themselves to grow as a separate person not connected, and dependent, on a partner.
Problem is there are just as many people who use breaks as reasons to play the field. This situation you’re referring to is atypical.
@@bautistalover the other story was similar to this one in the sense they only dated each other. In the other story, she also said she wasn't even thinking of dating, but that was everyone's assumptions.
This story is a an atypical kind of relationships. I'm only talking about these kinds. Also OP admitted she wasn't saying she wanted to take a break. He just took it that way.
This one was a difficult one to read. I’m glad that he has grown a lot. There were a couple things though he said that still made me wanna cringe a little bit in the way he described his now relationship /marriage.
Rule: If you've become a better person after separating from your partner, you don't get back with them. Why would you want to welcome back something that makes your life worse when you lived it better without them around? Yeah, she started it because she wanted to make some changes (perhaps in the beginning), and she served as the inspiration (he was aware of his shortcomings to a point), but if you weren't prepared to do it while you were dating her, it's likely not worth your time to keep her around.
I personally filter people out without any problem. But ig most relationships are not as easy to cut off.
These early posts are brutal. It is like missing every quick time event, prepping for the next one, and completely missing again
Story 1:
This is one of those stories where both people ended up doing the right thing.
They weren't compatible. And when you're not compatible, you don't prolong it, you go your separate ways.
They had grown out of the relationship. Started at 16, by 24 it's not strange to be one foot out, wondering what else is out there but still hanging on to relationship because being alone is scary. I don't see his ex as evil or ah. Just grown out of their relationship. Yes smartly she should have broken earlier.. but then again, she did breakup and OP was one taking it as "break"
Breaks are stupid. If you need a break, then you are not a match. If you need a break and then continue, you are just hanging on until you find what you actually want and seek.
My teen bf was horrible, broke up and i managed to crawl back to him because i didn't want to be alone.
"Let's be friends" is just sad attempt to make breakup softer and it will never work when there are still feelings.
It’s not a compatibility issue. She knew from day one that OP was not good enough for her. When a girl is in love with you, she won’t hide you from her family she will flaunt you around them. From day one she was using OP for his companionship, security and his unwavering desire for her. She got all the attention she wanted plus the security that he wouldn’t go around and cheat on her so that she could get through school without being distracted by wanting to date or be involved with someone. Once she got to her graduation OP was not needed anymore and therefore dumped so she could find someone she felt was on her level. She was cruel and used him and he was dumb and in love and couldn’t see that. Glad he grew up and was able to find happiness.
@@jdenameinit
Just because you would or wouldn't do something doesn't mean everybody else will do what you do.
We're all individuals with our own thoughts and feelings.
A line from a song comes to mind:"I love you to much to ever start liking you"
Lmaoooo how do you be like “we can’t be friends blahblah” walk away than “hallmark movie” two seconds later 😂😂
Only the simp could ever do such things
Oh Geez op sounds like my son's father yet still now one year after breaking up. He just tries everything to get back in my life and just me being polite and kind to him is taken as potential to get back together. If you're in OPs situation, move on love. You're only hurting yourself. Find someone who'll actually be able to love you the way you need and respect yourself enough not to grovel, you'll be much happier for it
True. Dignity is worth holding onto.
I hope you treated your ex better than this chick did
@@supremeturtle1186 she tried to break up with him, he made it a break. She was friendly, he assumed she wanted to get back together. She breaks up with him again and tries to be kind, he assumes it was all some secret ploy to get him to chase after her. Dude is delusional. The issue was she was too nice to him. Constantly walking on eggshells and worried about hurting him so he didn’t get it. Makes you wonder how often he completely brushed off her trying to fix a problem or bring up a problem, before realizing she couldn’t save this relationship and then she waited until she felt he was in a good enough space that breaking up with him wouldn’t hurt him, except we read how that went, him working his way into a break instead of a breakup
@@Nevertoleave finally there's someone who says it as it is. We clearly see how delusional he is until the end. Why do people just assume the ex girlfriend kept him hanging? He is clearly doing it to himself after all those years and a wife
This one was hard to listen to. He needs to listen to SSM or other channels. He needs a good Smack (SSM style) Good thing the update does show he learned from the experience
What's SSM?
@@PrincessQ-fj9ly Strong Successful Male.
@@PrincessQ-fj9lya father figure Op clearly doesn’t have
As amazing as OP's ex was, I think she was weak, and he was too. Sounds like they kind of propped each other up, til she started to pull away. Sad, but best for both in the long run.
That dude really said he realized he loved her for "superficial" things and proceeds to describe a dedicated, educated and intelligent women besides being drop dead gorgeous and rich... Yeah dude. At that point he still was in denial.
I am a bit disappointed that we didn't get to hear how she is doing after all these years.
It's kinda sad that even with him moving finally on in a hopefully loving and successful relationship, those two never talked again. Not to rekindle, but to have that person who was so important in your early adult life, back in some form. This world is harsh, can be cold and unforgiving. The more positive energy you can gather in your life, the brighter it is. Turning a bitter memory into something that fills that dark hole would be healing.Just maintaining an online friendship would be enrichment. But his new partner might not be a fan of that idea nor might he be capable of keeping it platonic and positive, so...
I couldn't disagree more. Move on with your life. Especially this guy. If they tried to be friends, this guy would start clinging to her again like saran wrap. Even he knows it. That's why he told her they couldn't be friends. That's the only thing he did right.
"She says there's no one else."
There's someone else.
The que that she's a crap person is when she asked him to say what he was thinking first. At the meeting she requested.
She wanted this, she started this, that's her job.
When she said take a break, he should have just said Goodbye and have a wonderful life and ghost her.
I was with a girl when I turned 21.
We had been into each other since we were both young teens but never dated.
So we dated for some years and we needed a break to both get into therapy.
And sadly ended up moving apart from one another in that time.
Years later and we had both changed a lot as we grew up. She had a awesome kid.
We were both in seven years + relationships.
And now, 20+ years later we are happily married and have two more kids.
Best advice I could ever give to couples would be to communicate with each other, about everything! Nothing should ever be secret between partners. Work together as a team and build a future for those that may come along after you.
I think she was fine with him as a playtoy but knew her family expected her to marry a wealthy upper class man. She did not think he was good enough to marry, since she hid him from her family. Like in Legally Blonde where the BF tells the girl you date Marilyn but marry Jackie.
I would love to hear her side of the story. OP sounds very needy and emotionally dependent on her.
I think as the simp he was and is, he's probably telling the truth.
Exactly. I think the ex did the right thing by breaking up, he just sounds very, how to say, suffocating. And the 8 years update isn't good either, OP is still hung up on the ex to an extent, and that made me feel bad for his wife.
The sheer amount of improvement over time, is just wow to me. Good for him!
Okay, good ending and I'm happy for OP that he is finally feeling better and is happily married. However, this is still a cautionary tale of how damaging someone can be when they don't even try and communicate/treat their partner with respect. The way she hurt him had affected (and still does a bit I think) for literal years, leading to some really REALLY dark thoughts/head spaces. He is very fortunate to have found someone and had great supportive people around him. I just fear what would have happened if he didn't.
She only wanted him as a friend just so he could simp and serve her, and op really wanted to simp lol
I was not surprised at all by all the misogynistic comments about Op's ex. Even by his account he was a shit bf, took her for granted, used her money and connections for the travel and other things they did together, and basically got into a rut playing video games with no discernible ambition or plans for the future.
He only talks about himself and his feelings, never tells us a thing about her, just a selfish and self-centered person all around, and I'll bet she DID tell him repeatedly about how dissatisfied she was. He just wasn't listening.
But even after all of that, I'd have to say NAH. He needed to be pushed out of the nest, so to speak, because he was behaving like an adolescent, and she needed to be able to move forward in her academic and career endeavours unencumbered.
Cheating doesn't even enter the picture. I'm glad he got some self-awareness after eight more years, but he still sounds like he thinks he is the main character in everyone else's life "Main Character Syndrome" is real.
If someone want to break up but you are super emotional and they say okay lets do a break. They are giving you time emotionally prepare.
Jeez, he thought things worked a Lifetime movie. Just oof.
I wonder if she really was as unclear of a communicator as OP says she is or if he simply overanalyzed her words and actions.
Hopefully the older ones where like they touched on and dealt with struggles and not the 'screaming and trying to murder everyone' ones my ex stepmom liked to watch.
How does OP manage to word his starting post to sound both extremely insecure and extremely self-important?
After update: wait. WAIT. He HAS TO value the current moment? So, he doesn't actually value it on his own? He's got a wife, a child, and is still looking back?
Bro didn’t know he was always in a friend zone .
Op needs end all contact with her.
To end right…?
@@Munthegun yeah.
This was very painful to listen to. Yes, I hoped that she might realize what she was giving up but at the same time I was worried that OP was demeaning himself so much gy nearly begging her to take him back. I have to wonder what was going through GF's mind when he was groveling so much.
The bottom line was that she no longer loved him the way he needed to be loved and she wanted/needed to go in a different direction--a direction that did not include OP.
Right i had a past relationship like this where you feel you have to change yourself for your partner
She already broke up with him when she gave him the 3-weeks timeline. That wasn't for her, that was for him because she wanted him to come to terms with the breakup, it was obvious in the update. Sure, you'd like to think she just wanted to jump around from one man to the next but given her reaction in the update, it confirmed my suspicion considering the way she worded it.
To her, she could've loved OP, but it won't be the kind of love OP deserved and she knew that. She wasn't in love with him anymore. If she had just shut him out, it would've been worse for OP and to her, he is still an important friend. Years with him didn't mean nothing to her which is why she went with the three weeks agreement despite having made up her mind.
Plus, she sent his friend to help him and support him rather than left him pining over her. This is not the action of a woman who wanted to keep OP on the side, this is a woman who's well aware the relationship has run its course and wanted the person she cares about to be okay. She didn't even hesitate to chose to walk away because that would be better for the both of them, even if she still cares as a friend.
I'm glad OP moved on and realised that they're not for each other. Not everyone ended up with their first love-this is life, not a romcom. It's alright to look back and miss the people you were but know that you're not that person anymore.
Hope the best for OP.
He needs to stay away from anything to do with his ex, for his own mental health.
He made references to romcoms, but he acted more like a sitcom character; specifically Ted Mosby.
Never go full Ted Mosby.
Smh.
"Break" is an incomplete sentence. If she wants a "break", you give her a "break up". Same thing if she asks for an "open relationship" - you open it up completely and walk away. She has indicated she is not committed and doesn't want you - don't stay where you're not wanted.
If you're truly a couple, you work through your issues together - not as separate individuals. This is not to say you can't get individual counseling or work on yourself. It is to say that monogamous relationship commitments can't be turned on and off at convenience - it doesn't work that way.
Edit: glad to see OP has matured and moved on. Few, if any, of us are NOT cringe at some point during our youth. ;-)
So many people assuming she's cheating. Guys. OP sounds like a piece of work and I bet she just decided the relationship wasn't working. I'm so so glad OP grew up a bit 😁
OP makes me cringe so hard
S1, NTI, never, ever, try to re-cross bridges that have been crossed and figuratively burned behind you, “3 weeks” is easing into separation, the thin edge of the wedge, ghost her and get on with your life
What happened to the ex is what I wanted to know is that bad?😂😂😂
UGH, I have never wanted to shake someone so hard in my life. He blames himself for all the issues in the relationship, he decided to make himself a better person for her, not himself, he then flings himself at her begging for her to take him back. When he says that she is way over his class level (financially, educationally, socially), and that she has not acknowledged their relationship to her family It is like, how the hell did he not know this relationship was NEVER going to work. It was NEVER going to work. She always had plans to move on, at some point. He did not use her, as he kept putting it, she used him. She was the one who was not putting effort into the relationship. He was a safe placeholder for her. Even in the update, which I am happy he was able to move on and find happiness, he still does not get it. His insecurity kept him from seeing the red flags in the relationship but the ex was the major red flag. Yes, he was cringey. As cringey as you can get but that was his insecurities showing, which allowed the ex to use him for 8 years. Some day he will realize that.
Tyvm LG, stay safe please, peace.
Dude rejected red pill not becauae it was wrong but because the truth hurt him and he couldnt take it. That is pretty clear with this whole story.
He really really sounded like an abandoned child pining for the love of someone who couldn't love him.
It was horrible for his ex to
1)Not communicate and talk to him before just dumping him like that
2)Use him as an emotional crutch.You just dont do that to people.
OP himself was indeed quite cringe back then and too codependent.
He wouldn't take no for an answer.He wouldn't leave her alone when she said she wanted to be left alone.
Good thing that hes over and has a wife and a kid now.
When your SO says they need to take a break, that is the sign to permanently leave her. What a simp calling himself the bad guy.
IF she WANTS you, SHE'LL ACT LIKE IT. Period.
*reads title* sounds like da GF wanted to cheat my derp
Ngl,this story is hard to listen and make cringed a lot.
Glad he just moved on. Should have done that to begin with. Thanks LG. See you tomorrow
Bro said vacations to the Midwest lmfaooo
Dude said he stop watching P. LOL, there's so many couples who actually use P as part of their relationship. Dude just throwing away something that can entertain him for someone who only use him as a side piece.
He tagge trashed the "redpill" philosophy (I don't subscribe to either) but them goes on to do several things on the list of what to do in a break up according to the red pill; don't chase her, hit the gym etc...
Redpill also is against breaks. If she wants one, she's not the right one.
Her saying she doesn't see a place wit him in her future means she doesn't see him as husband material. He is lacking something I portent she is looking for. She sees a time limit on their relationship. Maybe it is an element he can change or improve or maybe it is something he can't change. There is no way to know from the information we have been provided.
This story can't be real.
This is not misguided; it is a deliberate act of intention.
Being able to look back and say i only put in 10% of the effort she did. Saying communication was not good when you start dating young. She wanted until she felt you were in a good place to break up. He mentioned he was already depressed during them dating. Seems like she realized they were not compatible but worried about telling him
She should have been more direct. Tell a man you want a break and he's going to think there is hope. Just break up cleanly and quickly and don't give him a chance to stalk you.
I feel she was already cheating on him if she's on the other side of the world.
Well she stuck to her word in that she'd rather never see him again. Is sad seeing people taking so many years to get over someone.
OP -she was my High School girlfriend. Now it's going wrong. She wants to experience other men. Good for her!
Yep. But she should have broken it off with Mr Clingy long, long ago instead of stringing him along for another 6 years.
Riding the rooster rollercoaster
Never , never give a woman a break, she is cheating, when they ask for a break always break up.
Wow - that woman did a number on him.
I've seen this irl - in both genders. People keep a long-term relationship as a 'placeholder'. They never think of marrying that person or building a life, they are an "emotional support teddy bear". I feel for OP and glad he's in therapy. His happy relationship wasn't what he thought it was, he was just a bookmark in whatever novel that woman was writing.
This dude is pathetic. Men who deal with this level of drama are called “ TOOLS “ and what do you do with a tool “ you use it till you break it, then place it “.