Reactive Abuse - The ‘Abused’ Abuser
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- Опубліковано 6 гру 2020
- Darren Magee discusses the term 'Reactive Abuse', a common manipulation tactic employed by toxic people. A manipulation tactic of victim blaming narcissists often use to avoid responsibility and portray themselves as the victim. They become 'the abused abuser'. It can leave victims asking 'am I the abuser here?' This video looks at what Reactive abuse is (blame shifting, victim shaming, gaslighting)
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#reactiveabuse #narcissisticabuse #narcissism
The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Maybe try to monitor the comments a bit. There is a woman who commented 6 months ago that is clearly suicidal and is being extremely abused. She received a comment from another viewer to “stay strong, it does get better!” I’m dumbfounded. I just commented to her to get help immediately, but it’s been 6 months since she made the post and the subsequent reply. I don’t even know if she’s survived. Obviously you aren’t at fault either way. Her comment just stuck out to me like a sore thumb.
@@nanabear2.026 It sounds like you're gaslighting and manipulating by shaming.
@@DennisRay99 are you saying I’m gaslighting? I recognized the despair in the woman’s post that I felt shortly before I was planning to end it all. I was the one being gaslit! I was so confused, I felt like I was going crazy! I was spending every waking moment trying to figure out how to not make a mistake. I was screaming, crying, lashing out at every insult and degradation trying to make it stop. I fell into such despair that I was within hours of taking my life when someone intervened. My doctor put me on antidepressants and sent me to a counselor. I only wanted to exist without being shamed, degraded, told no one could love someone like me. I assure you, I was NOT the gaslighter in that home. 32 years I loved someone no matter what, tried to be “good enough” to deserve the love and kindness that any normal human needs and I was treated worse than an animal. It very nearly killed me. I recognized that same despair in her post.
@@nanabear2.026 My bad. I understand exactly what you went through. Many parallels with my story. I apologize for making that assumption. After you've been through what we've been through sometimes I imagine the worst. Still working on healing. Best wishes
@@nanabear2.026 So sorry to hear what you've been through. You seem brave and courageous to be writing about it.
I can relate really well to what you wrote, because I was a victim of child abuse, so appart from the antidepressants, what you wrote is very similar to what life was like for me growing up. I was treated worse than an animal too by my biological parents and my older brother, and told it was my fault. In fact, they actually told my brother to beat me up. I was also bullied at school. I was suicidal too, and self harming because of the abuse at school and at home. I eventually shunned my parents after having told them many times to back of, only to be ignored, or told things like;
"The abuse never happened, you only imagine it because you're a mental case."
"Autistic people always abuse their parents."
After I shunned them, they complained to whoever would listen saying that I rejected them after everything they've done for me.
They were the ones who abused me, but they were highly skilled at knowing what to say to people to make me look like the bad person.
My parents are dead now, but I don't miss them because I'm relieved that they can't abuse me or talk about me anymore.
Usually, by the time the victim reacts, they've already been through a lot.
Exactly. At the hands of the abuser.
@@alicegoldenvalley Yeah. Honestly mentally prepared yourself for the whole f*cling day. Nothing is worth your mental health.
Yes 4 years of me and the kids being terrorised. 3 years out of the relationship, the first I reacted he videoed me. He'd upset my child. 2 days ago we were dragged out of our beds he'd charged me with assault. He says it happened months ago. He did this the night he found out I was moving the kids and I to a new home away from him qnd was seeking a no contact order. He's did this to control me and try take our child he's an alcoholic. I now have to see this lawyer qnd have him pull from multiple resources evidence I've been experiencing this abuse. I'm terrified.
YES! UGHHHHH.It's the worst thing to do....reacting. It ends up targeting you even further.
Then they're magically transferred into the so-called bad guy in front of an audience. Been there done that. You know what? I'll take the so-called "L" and walk away anyhow. (Nothing like reversing a game of a game of tug-and-rope that you never intended to play. YET just unexpectedly letting go of the rope and letting them fall into the swamp!)
I’m sick and tired of being the bigger person.
Being the "bigger person" was created to remove accountability for abusive, toxic people.
At this point being the bigger person isn't worth it.
They say we should love unconditionally and just move forward no matter what they do
I hear ya. I get sick of being picked on. At some stage you got to stand up for yourself... but. Then you always always wrong.
@@Sarablueunicorn This is how everyone gets away with gross behaviours and other persons let themselves off the hook. That way no one has to think about this sort of abuse.. except the scapegoat. Who has to supress it all. ⚡🐉🌈
The typical behavior is reputation blasting where they threaten to video record you, call someone so they can “hear” how crazy you sound, all while triggering you and acting like they’re the victim. It’s super fucked.
My soon to be ex-husband did this to me. It was a nightmare. In one of our last conversations, he taunted me about it, "I've got times and dates, times and dates!" I left soon after. While away, he filed a false restraining order against me and forcibly separated me from my child for nearly 3 weeks until the order was dismissed. It was hellish. Then he left the country. Never said a word about anything. May he rot.
I appreciate the sentiment, “not all reactions are abusive” Being baited into a negative reaction from the person who knows every single thing about you should be considered a crime.
I think that’s a little dangerous politically speaking. There are better ways to resolve these kind of things.
It is a crime. Emotional abuse is now recognised in the courts.
And the more they know, the more ammunition they have - they weaponize anything and everything
I have been through this, after 2 years of abuse I lost my cool completely . And he would play the victim and say that I was the bad guy. And he literally gaslighted all of his friends and colleagues into thinking that I was a bad person. He takes no responsibility for his emotional abuse and cheating while I was trying to survive a serious illness and I am chronically ill, he would emotionally abuse me on top of it and gaslight me. Some people are just so evil it shocks me. I feel sick just thinking about him. After this it’s really hard to trust again.
🙏🏽
I was married to a man like that. He would twist situations and make me look like the problem until my family came around.
My close friends warned me in the very beginning something wasn’t right.
When we were dating I visited a friend far up in Vermont. He knew we were going to dinner and he must have called 25 times that night alone.
My friend told me “ you know this behavior isn’t normal.. I think you should take it very slowly with this guy.”
Another friend told me after we
argued he called her “ to put a good word in for him.”
Yet another male friend told me he was dangerous.
I missed those warning signs but I felt violated annoyed and suffocated.
He played so many head games and twisted the blame back on me.
After I caught him having had an affair I emotionally and physically checked out.
He would weaken my independence. I hate to admit this but at times I hated him.
All the triangulation, head games, intentional fights, blaming me was too much.
The aspect in retrospect that disturbs me the most is it was calculated and intentional.
I couldn’t and didn’t forgive him.
I believe if I had any suggestions to a person new to this kind of relationship it would be if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries ( like calling 25 times when he knows your visiting a friend for the weekend) and it feels controlling, run don’t walk to the door.
The excuses were plentiful and constant.
No respect for boundaries and intentional manipulation.. Run.
The pattern gets worse and the problem is in that controlling person. If I could do it over I wouldn’t have married him.
My father constantly provoked (probably still provokes, no contact for several years) everyone in the family as often as possible. After such an incident, he would often go take a nap and come back happy as a clam, revived, and full of energy. He would act as though nothing had happened while everyone else was still emotionally shattered.
Thank you for sharing this. I just had a “light bulb” moment. 💐
I’m so sorry. Forgiveness is key - so is movement and repose. Glad you don’t take abuse. I love you. Stay well.
I have to say in the years of abuse I struggled with my reactions. I used to break things a lot and end up screaming, I was expressing how I felt inside....I was being broken. And I was devastated with my own reactions, no matter how hard I tried to control me, he tried harder. And his display of love for the item only served to make me feel more worthless. By the time I left my marriage I felt like I was completely losing my mind, the craziness was just escalating. I wish I knew then what I knew now. I was giving him all the power and control he wanted, making him look the better man. There was one brief moment when he confessed to his manager his sadistic tendencies towards me, and he confessed it to me also. I really believed this was the beginning of recovery, but it was short lived. It is a long journey of healing out of this. Its easy to say each person is responsible for their own actions, I was told this by my church, it only served as another layer of condemnation and held me in the marriage thinking the problem must be me then.
Churches are very good at victim blaming especially if the victim is a woman. The entire concept of Christian forgiveness, the idea that we must forgive because God commands it, is a tool of the abuser. It is a vile, despicable idea that masks itself as kindness and holiness and goodness. We do not owe forgiveness to anyone, especially not to our abusers.
This this this this this. We end up reacting in ways that are so foreign to us after great lengths of being on the receiving end of their psychological and/or physical abuses, and they get to cry wolf and be the victim. It is the worst. I just lost my shit right now and became physical and I am now locked in the bathroom crying because I hate myself for it. I hate that I do it. I feel so worthless when I do it but it’s the only time I feel like I am almost regaining control of my own experience.
@@brandysantee4814 i can only say, I get, you get it, I pray you find peace and healing xx
@@cosmicmuffin322 absolutely 100% agree with you
🙏🏽
My narcissistic ex was really good at this. He would start arguments when he knew I was very tired. Eventually I would get angry. Then he would walk away saying what an angry person I was knowing that in my family turning your back on someone was considered extremely rude. This way he felt victorious for several reasons: he brought me down to his level, he proved I was an inferior person and he won the argument by walking away as soon as he had made his point and permitting me no time to answer.
I have absolutely been abused: emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, financially.. and when I thought I was better, I become the abuser. I am disgusted with my self. It is reactive, triggered etc.. but it is still abuse and now I recreated a cycle. I can only take so much , I react, and now I am the horrible person. It's very hard. I definitely come to terms with it, and apologize right away and tell them exactly what I did wrong, but I don't know ALL of what I did wrong in the person's perspective. I am trying...
You’re the victim, and now it sounds like you’re being victimized into accepting the responsibility and apologizing for your ‘fight or flight’ reaction to the abuse. I feel that as victims of narcissistic abuse; we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. I also feel that a minimum of 70% of the Social Workers and at least 40% of so-called Psychologists are as dangerous and damaging as the abusers themselves!
@@MsK-xm7vwAgreed. Well said.
@@Cellocurve ❤️
I feel like we become magnets of abuse, without hope for parole.
I had to check to see if I wrote that
I'm sorry you have been through so much trauma. I am struggling too & realize I need to minimize time with abusive estranged spouse for my own sanity & well being. Please be gentle with yourself. You are special, loved & valuable 💗 God Loves you & will Guide you always 💗🕊 You deserve to be appreciated & genuinely loved 💗 Please focus on your own needs & care for yourself. Forgive yourself. Sounds like you are reacting to trauma. You are a good person created by God in His Own Image 👼 Praying for you & all who need healing 💗🙏 God Bless you & all who are striving & struggling 💗🙏👼🌠
Brilliantly explained, thank you! all too true...... and when provoked to the point of reactive shouting back .... sure enough there comes the smirk... wish I'd known this at the time but grateful for the understanding now
You're very welcome and I'm glad you found it helpful
@@DarrenFMagee at this point of 17 years
I'm very reactive
And shouty and defensive
I've begged them to please move forward and now I'm just like an abused animal backed into a corner
Agreed they will purposely bait you into the fight
And the act like victim when you react
But yet no one could dare say and do those things to them
I've been told I should be shot twice
And spit in my face 2 times
Right in front of our teenage son
I felt humiliated
He is teaching our son
How to treat his wife
Exactly how his dad treats his mom I mean my spouses parents
Yes he is incapable of taking ownership
I'm sooo over it
Worn out
And really changed as a person
I'm financially crippled
With 2 kids
And no where to go
Trying not to feel hopeless
@@amwil4980 Knowing the game they are playing at least gives you the edge. So give it all you've got to respond. Cut out the reaction that they want.
Maybe you're example will register somehow with your son and save him after all.
@@marmaladesunrise unfortunately you don't know how good this person is at this
The smirk!!!!
I’m literally dealing with this right now and I can’t see my babies, I’ve been falsely imprisoned and she knows how to get me to react, I’ve never reacted physically but I have been known to yell and I’m not proud at what I’ve said but I’ve also been physically and mentally abused by her in front of witnesses but I don’t know if it’s enough, I really started to think I was crazy at the fact It was just me reacting, I’m working on my temper and composure and I pray my witnesses come through for me, I love my babies more than life itself And need prayers that I can beat this case and get Justice, but as a man I feel I don’t have a chance but I will try anyway thank you I needed to hear this
🙏🏽
Thomas,
You might want to begin carefully documenting conversations objectively, quotes, dated and times, circumstances, other events such as slamming a bedroom door and other people present, to protect yourself.
If the person is an abuser and she attempts to turn the tables it might be in your best interest.
Courts and police are getting better with acknowledging males are domestically abused but some cities and people aren’t there yet.
My friend was divorced and her husband hired an attorney a year before he told her.
She was not abusive but he was going for custody. He did win.
I’m sharing so you might have hope. Men aren’t always screwed in court but I’ve noticed planing with courts, if they ever are involved, helps immensely.
This is exactly what happened to me not only by my husband but by his son too. Narcissistic evil people who will cause you to say and do things you yourself cannot believe you've done. That's when you realise you need to get out. They do not change they get worse.
exactly!!
4:05 “Everybody is responsible for their own actions. No I know that does not sit well, when everybody seems to get away when everyone else seems to believe them.” You hit the nail on the head. This does make it hard for us to assert ourselves. But I do think we should be allowed to stand up for ourselves. Why is the victim held accountable but not the narcissist. If you go grey rock then. Are we supposed to lose our autonomy and just let them win? Just roll over and play dead? My husband made it so I can’t even go see a psychologist but I don’t know if I even want to go to one if they are all going to believe in the narcissists anyway. At least you said that “the reaction isn’t always abusive.” I can’t just leave. I have tried and it doesn’t work. There has to be another solution than “just leave.” So tired of hearing that. Hold them accountable.
That knowing smirk is a huge clue.
I was suffering profound abuse from my spouse. After 20 years I went over the edge. I was freaking out not just on my spouse when he would abuse me, but also on my kids when they would poke me or be disobedient (I knew what was coming if I couldn’t get their cooperation in getting things done) screaming, yelling, cussing, destroying things in my home....I was self harming, I planned and nearly carried out suicide numerous times....that is nothing like the real me..any of it...it was all reactive, a reaction to the abuse...I couldn’t even think clearly enough to know I needed help. The only thing I can say to my kids is, I am sorry, I am responsible for that reaction, I should have dealt with the abuse, but I didn’t know any better and I can’t change the past. I CAN (and did) seek the help I needed and I could (and did) remove myself from the person who did that to me so I never abused anyone else ever again.
That was the only way to stop from being pushed that far, to be responsible for my reactions is to remove myself from abuse.
They don’t care yet, and are furious at me for removing their dad from my home. They actually think HE is the abused one and are very much his flying monkeys. I can only pray they will see the truth eventually. But it takes a miracle from Jesus Christ to overcome that kind of brainwashing and hatred.
Saying that to say this, end abuse through any and all means necessary IMMEDIATELY. Don’t wait until you lose your mind and become abusive.
Nana - eye could have written this story myself. Almost word for word. ☹️ 😔 😭
I left him. Eleven years ago. I’m still picking up the pieces. I attempted suicide three times under the same roof of my then family’s house. My young children at the time watched medics using a defibrillator on me. One day: I hope my children forgive me.
My inability at the time to reach out for PROPER help damaged our relationship. I’m estranged from all of my children. Oddly enough though: they ALL stay in contact with or live with, the Narcissistic Father ( my ex ) 😔
I am trying to not blame myself. Funny how he’s not here to gaslight me anymore - but my thoughts 💭 do it for him.
Much Love to you.
I cried so much reading your post. You are brave and I love you. 🌷💖🙏
I just went through all of this. We separated March second of this year. My kids couldn’t walk away from me. I can’t tell you how many times I would scream at them “don’t walk away from me” or “look at me when I’m talking to you!!”
I was really shouting it at their dad. It what I wanted to say to him. But loving him made things peaceful, or at least, in comparison. All the gaslighting, all the withholding affection, the silent treatment. The telling me he wanted to pursue my dreams, and then complaining that I didn’t clean enough until I gave up on them. Slowly chipping away at who I was as a person. I attempted suicide twice in the last year, because I truly believed my kids would be better off without a monster like me.
It’s been a month, and already I’m much calmer, more attached and bonded, and just overall more compassionate with them. It’s like a switch has been flipped. That alone is enough to remind myself to never get back with him. If not for my sake, for our kids’ sake.
@@J_L45 I am so sorry. My husband took my kids when he left, and they watched me have a panic attack. When he refused to bring them home after 5 days, I tried to hang myself. I woke up on the floor with crashing all around me. I guess I’d fallen and I just couldn’t believe what I had done. I cried and cried and cried like I’ve never cried before. I want to live and be a good mom to my kids. I have them back, and we work at it every day. And I’m free. And it feels good.
@@BandlerChing that a man made us think that our kids would be better off without us is sickening. I cannot conceive of convincing my worst enemy that their kids can’t stand them. Narcs do not operate in the realm of logic or reason. I would suggest you get to a counselor who specializes in Narc abuse, or at least understands it, ASAP. And get your kids in counseling as well.
Good for you nanabear. Out of 3 kids only one is a flying monkey. I so thankful the other 2 not tainted.
"Respond, Don't React." Great advice, Thank You. Really appreciate your wise insights and genuine delivery. Thank You.
Abuse is such a toxic violation of your emotions, boundaries, legal rights, and even emotionally and bodily integrity, that it made me feel such rage I behave like someone I don’t know or like.
The torment is made to make YOU appear ugly, crazy or irrational.
These people love conflict, pitting people against you, as they sicken you.
It’s so difficult not to absolutely despise provocative negative people playing sadistic cowardly games at your expense.
It’s utterly disgusting.
When a relationship turns me into someone I don’t know it’s time to leave and never look back.
I wish I could.
Thank you Darren , i have had this treatment what feels like my whole life the more it happened the more sensitive to it i became , but the more i discover the more free i become , 15 years with a covert narc this is one of there shit tests and also gaslighting.
I have been on the receiving end of this so many times! People really don't seem to get that they're abusive & genuinely feel vindicated being incredibly abusive to you :( these people are SO hard to get away from & you have to just avoid them from the outset
You are one of those therapists who really understands the psychology of the mind, the range of human emotions and.. toxic people. Basicly everything you say is a very good and clear reflection of the topics and the series of events that comes with toxic people. (Hope that I wrote what I wanted to say. 😅) Your clients are lucky to have you as their therapist. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness. ❤
Thank you for this video. This was what happened my entire marriage. I always felt bad for my reactions. Now I’m out and learning how to live my life in a healthy way!
Sometimes their isnt any help,your isolated stalked,harassed if you tell anyone your gaslighted, called crazy.
Yes this comes off pretty entitled.
Sad thing is, it's so common there's now a name for it
I once exploded so much because of all the abuse and gaslighting I went through with my family and when I started throwing stuff and using verbal words that can hurt I was now portrayed as the abuser and I think im gonna die because of this confusion of whos the abuser
That’s exactly where I am right now. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind
Me too, but we have to keep reminding ourselves that THEY WANT US TO FEEL THIS WAY. They did this deliberately. The world is not insane, we are not insane, THEY are insane. They use this confusion and pain as a weapon against us. If we were the abuser, we wouldn't feel all this pain and confusion, we would be saying with confidence, like them, "I'm not the abuser, you are!". Narcissists don't doubt themselves the way we are doing.
I am fast to react angrily now and maybe throughout my life. 😢 I feel it’s because I’ve suppressed sadness, emotional abuse and fear living with men with narcissistic tendencies all my life. Recently the discard by my stbx husband after 12 yrs. I’m 62. I pray I can heal now that I am aware of my condition.
What you said @1:00 describes exactly what happens in my situation. I want to stop reacting to the abuse and start responding even if that means saying nothing and walking away. So hard to do!
Thanks for the great video. However, in my experience, HR and managers don't care about employees unless the company can be sued or something. And managers are often narcs or enablers.
Yes!
HR just wants to protect the company. It’s not actually there for employees.
And yes managers are narcs and enablers…but a lot of those businesses are starting to buckle I think…the tide is shifting.
Toxic dynamics actually don’t make a good economy…at least domestically.
@@Cellocurve Great points, my friend. :)
I didn't abuse him. He deserved it. I was trapped. I tried everything to get rid of him. I was provoked and I felt guilty for it but then reasoned that it was a natural response. The problem is for me I'd be so wound up that I'd have a go at anyone. So yes I became abusive but I had to get him out first before I could heal. Unfortunately I have CPTSD due to childhood and ongoing abuse but I'm learning through listening to people like you.
Same here. 38 years of abuse starting at age 9 when I was molested. I’m now 49. I didn’t even realize that it had been abuse all these years. I am sick of it and my responses started showing that I am done with being abused!
I loved my abusive father because he was my dad. He was who he was and did the best he could under the circumstances of his biology and experience. Same with us. We only know what we know. As he lay dying I said to him "Dad, I Love You." He stared at me and, with those unblinking beady eyes of his, asked me "WHY."" Out of love for a mentally sick father, I didn't return his "compliment." I loved him but I certainly did not like him. Gaslit to the end.
I've heard the same about men being abused, especially when it's sexual assault and rape they felt ridiculed and humiliated.
I had a very good friend who after having an incident on a beach with a woman. He wasn't able to report it because he felt ridiculed and that he would just be laughed at.
I'd suggest that most men won't report abuse or have easy access to help and support! They won't even admit it to their male friends.
I feel a lot of men nowadays are pressured to say they was abused even when they weren't. As a submissive man I feel I am often shamed for liking what I like. Women accuse men like me of wanting to be abused. But I don't want to be abused I just want to be treated in a way most women do not. I don't understand why society is okay with gay men but not submissive men.
This reminds me of the Dog whistle. And ' I don't understand' when confronting abuse. ' I don't understand'. ' I did nothing wrong'.
It was so confusing.
My family did this. I watched my family hurt others in this way. I was the child. I asked for protection, ended up apologizing. And I was so confused I ended up screaming a death threat at someone who abused a child, and continuously allowed it.
It was terrifying. I used to pee myself genuinely due to their coercion. It just took me straight back to being a child in that house.
- I got out. *This happened only after the police gave away my details to the abuser.
I can actively say I went to therapy, the police, victims assist, and the courts. I was still blamed (and I didn't know this - until I saw the documents. My emails were shared and given to my abuser directly).
Never again. I got lucky when I went to DV experts. They told me that action was what broke the cycle for good. So whilst I reacted, it was the only time I fought them back directly. Which is hard to admit when I had already gone through the courts, and it hadn't stopped. I didn't even know I was being abused directly as it was happening through the district police service. So my entire family were caught cherry picking emails and telling the police I was homicidal and suicidal when asking them to help me escape, what was one abuser.
This is why I reacted and lost my cool. They didn't do it to my face, they claimed they were supportive whilst creating fraudulent documents whilst I was running for my life.
I think now I don't really think everyone is responsible for their own reactions. Not in a world so highly relational, and not for those who have asked for help and been ignored or framed.
It may be an unpopular opinion, but I think this issue is systemic as well as individual. If we don't have a system that believes victims enough to get them out of all the elements of abuse then you're not being given a choice in what you're being exposed to, and you can't choose to have a peaceful reaction around someone controlling you when you know they are abusivs. That's not a free choice. That's just choosing between how you will be entrapped in that moment. If it causes ptsd then it's really not a real choice because long-term the body will have flashbacks regardless of control.
Little kids will feel so much terror they will pee instantly around abusers. Yet, adults are taught to conversate and be responsible over genuine post traumatic stress responses - which abusers know they cause.
Edit: Keep in mind as well - had I been the abuser, I would have been in and out of jail twice in the amount of time it took for the police to follow up and do their actual jobs. Genuinely. And this was the darkest moment of my life. Had I abused them in the way they abused me, I would have had a whole prison sentence taken care off and NOT had to be around them. I would have been in jail, gotten out but at least I wouldn't have had to endure being stalked for five years. I would have been out, and in the real world away from them. Which is why this moment is dark - what kind of person believes prison is a better place to be?
This is what this abuse does.
I was involved in that....the Ex was extremely Controlling and abusive....very very Covert. My 8 year old Son said "Mom....Dad loves to do something he knows will upset you....then he blames you for being upset...don't you see he's doing that to you Mom?" However...what he was doing to upset me was doing financial harm, he was buying women on the sex trade for sex, constantly lying to me and his children...ISOLATING me from family or origin or any friend I had. He would do things like be home with our kids....I would leave for the grocery store. I would say "The weather station is saying temps are below 0 today. Do not let the kids play outside. They were 2 and 4 year olds. While I'm gone...he sends the 4 year old outdoors to play....ALONE. His hands were freezing. He could not ring the doorbell to get his Dad's attention. A neighbors teenager saw him outside...Our Son was crying. She rang the doorbell. I came home from the grocery store....Our Son had frostbite on his hands. Anything I said....the Ex Narc would go against me.....and that process when on for 20 years, until I divorced him. I lived in constant fear as he would make threats to Destroy my life. Filing for divorce...he became more OVERTLY CRUEL AND ABUSIVE. He would tell our kids "Your mother will fail...wait and see"....My kids were teenagers, and he would PAY THEM TO DO HARM TO MY LIFE....steal my belongings, destroy my property. 12 years of that I was alone, with constant abuse being done to me. Then, I remarried....to a very kind caring man. 11 Years now, and life is good. Our lives are great together. Abusers HATE THIS....now they did all that they could to get between me and my husband. None of it worked. We bought a home on a mountain 800 miles from them....THIS ANGERED THEM. Now the Adult kids...36 and 39...MAKE NEW ABUSE RULES FOR MOM: "The Mother has to do what the kids tell her to do". And "People go on vacations....they don't buy homes there". We owned 3 homes at one point...THIS ANGERED THEM. Daughter is hooked up with her husbands Alcoholic Mother-in-law....She tried to
get between me and my husband....on and on and on....42 Years OF ABUSE. Now...I am entirely DONE WITH ALL OF THEM. Grateful to God for escaping them, and Grateful to God for all that happened for me....so that I no longer have to be in that Dysfunctional System of Abuse.
i just left my mother and fathers home after being attacked again by my father after 20 years of mostly emotional abuse… there are things you have said in this video that have struck me so hard i havent felt this seen… i plan on talking about this with my therapist tomorrow
You described my husband exactly yet again. We used to have 'arguments' that would go on all night. ..what I used to call 'circular arguments'. He would say something he considered I'd done wrong and ask me why. So I would give him a reason. Then he would say 'that's just an excuse not a reason why do you think that's a reason' so I would try to justify it and so it would go on until I got sick of it and would just apologise and agree with him. Then he would say 'well if you agree with me now why did you disagree in the first place?' And off it would go again
I got so tired physically and mentally.
You describe exactly how my situation with my wife has been for most of our 16 year marriage. To get words on what’s going on, helps me not to get caught in her traps, and to stay calm.
It is very unsettling, though when she constantly doesn’t give our kids what they need and then show that she thinks they are hopeless.
She seems to holds herself as an innocent, helpless bystander of her own marriage and life.
She also seems to assume everyone is like her.
I would so much like to know to what degree she is conscious about how evil she is and how much harm she causes to me and our children.
These people lie to themselves to a degree that's almost impossible for us to understand. I've found that wondering "what do they believe?" is rather futile, because the answer is, they believe whatever they want to believe at that particular moment. The "truth" is whatever is convenient for them at that point in time. I think this is why they can show some emotional intelligence, especially about others, but be completely blind to what they themselves are. For example, my mother was just describing my father as a narcissist, and she's right, but she was completely unaware that she was also describing herself perfectly. They only have perception and awareness when it's convenient. When it's going to upset them or confront their delusions and denial, then they are oblivious. I would guess that unless your wife is a high-level psychopath, (they tend to be aware they're fundamentally different than others and feel very superior about it), she is probably unaware of what she is. The average narcissist doesn't see themselves clearly, they just know intuitively that they're a victim of life, they feel a sense of malice and superiority, they feel they are more intelligent, kinder, better than others, etc. If course they may cover this with false humility if they're not overtly grandiose.
But yes, I understand what you mean about how unsettling it is how she treats your children. Of course I experienced this from the child's perspective and I had two narcissist parents. But you have empathy. She sees her children as objects, like a faulty toy that won't do what it's designed to do. Narcissist parents truly do not understand that their children have needs. That is, they logically understand it (because they have cognitive empathy, which allows them to fake a lot of human interactions), but they don't feel it, because they have no emotional empathy. So it might be more accurate to say, the narcissist parent comprehends the idea of children having needs, but they simply DON'T CARE. This is why they don't proactively anticipate their child's needs, because the child doesn't exist within them as someone to love and look after. Of course they do some things for their children. For me, I came to realise that the things my parents did do for me, like feed, clothe, educate me, they did not out of any real empathy, but because these were things they needed to do for the world to see them as good parents. Of course, they were often done grudgingly, and they believe that we owe them for everything they did. So sometimes a narc parent will do things that seem like real love, but you find out later it was an investment of sorts, and you owe them. (Edit: of course this also applies to a narcissist as a spouse.)
Sorry for the novel. Hopefully my perspective as the child in this dynamic was useful. Your children are very lucky to have one parent who is capable of truly caring. Best of luck to all of you 💜
Edit: I'm sure you know this, but if you describe your wife as evil, which no one would say unless it was very apparent, do not try to probe her to see if she understands how evil and dysfunctional she is. Self-awareness is the worst pain a narcissist can ever feel, so bad that they perceive it as worse than death, and their entire psyche is a massive fortress to protect themselves from self-awareness. As Ross Rosenberg says, never unmask a narcissist (especially a covert one). They already may have an intuitive sense that you have rumbled them and may become more abusive just because of that. Pretend like you are oblivious, do "grey rock", and plan your escape. 💜
@@cosmicmuffin322 You nailed our situation magically well. It validates my impression of it. That and your encouragement meant a lot. Thanks a ton!
@@cosmicmuffin322 Oh, is it that bad? She actually once told me she’d rather die that undergo a psychological investigation.
I have noticed that she reacts very negatively to critics and even improvement suggestions, although over the years it has become slightly more possible to get her to listen and adjust.
As you wrote, the underlying feeling it is still mainly that our needs are an annoyance to her. Exactly as we are broken toys!
There’s no reasoning with a narc.
Wow. I was the victim of this my whole childhood from sisters on both sides. O one ever came to my rescue. It taught me NEVER to do that to anyone.
Same I unfortunately dealt with reactive abuse with my cousins because they would always pick fights with me. At 8 years old and they were in their teens hitting, yelling in my face and trying to make me aggressive for their own entertainment. At my breaking point I would react by crying in pain and retaliate yet I would be the one that would get in trouble while they got off scot-free. It taught me to never ask her help and that no one would ever support or protect me. This is why I have zero tolerance for abusers of any kind because they are so quick to flip the switch and say that you're the crazy one. I hope things get better for you because childhood abuse follows you for a long time and it's so hard to heal.
@@fallenlotus9572 Sounds like my childhood. Funny how when that’s your life, you just live it, not having anything sane to compare it with. I appreciate so much that you would encourage me. I am in a good place now after fully realizing what my life has been. Blinders off, all the things my head has been percolating coming very clear. I’m 69, but I feel like I can finally start living my life and the absence of bitterness is one of the best things. Take care of yourself; you are precious.
I dealt with a narc at work for 4 years before I finally had enough. Management and HR talked a good game about holding him accountable and that it wouldn't be tolerated, but now I am gone and he is still there. Most company leadership is utterly feckless at dealing with narcs. Don't trust HR either. It is often more optimal for them to get the complainer (i.e. the victim) out of their hair.
It was exhausting to watch this, because I've been through this soooooooo much. I just want it to stop. 😔💔😭
Now I know why I was always told "why are you only like this with me?" and called weak, insane, psycho, a crazy b*tch, etc due to my reactions. I was more angry and vindictive but could never be physically violent. I was always going to the ER hoping they'd admit me for a break. I get to the point of kicking him out for a break. I would wake up sick with fear of his reactions. I can now see how all this played out. How he would tell me he was gauging me for everything. I felt extreme exhaustion to the point I could barely move and I would get called lazy and not wanting to go anywhere. I was exhausted due to the fear response. I kept trying to tell him how I would fear his reactions. This makes me feel hopeless as I had hope for the future, but I know I will never be heard or understood. I was diagnosed with bpd when I have never had issues with people before other than with the trauma I had in my life, but those I cut out without reacting.
Now I know I’m not crazy, thank you for this video
I was being provoked for year's by the abusers. I reacted in a way that I am ashamed of, however, when you're being manipulated and gaslighted and your scared, your not even aware of what you do. I know the reaction that they were pushing for, but I seen through their bullshit. He decided to throw hands on me, Well , at this time in my life and what was done to me, I threw hands back. Forget being the better person, I was fighting for my life, FRFR, FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE. and now I am still fighting for my life even more. Now they want to send one of their girls to beat my ass. Listen, I'm to tired of constantly fighting , and I don't have any patience for violence especially Over An Abuser. I got year's of trauma inside me from being abused and my fear is, Not being able to control the Demons that they are trying to awaken. I was that good girl until I caught them, now I'm the problem. So be it.
Thank you so much!!! This is what I’ve dealt with for four years. I knew it was twisted and wrong, but didn’t know it was an actual thing.
THE STRONGEST PERSON HERE IS THE ONE WHO TOLERATED ALL THE ABUSE CAN STILL HAVE A KIND HEART JUST LIKE JESUS THERE IS NO STRONGER PERSON THAN THAT AND ONLY THAT PERSON CAN SPEAK OF IT BUT MOST TIMES THEY DONT BECAUSE NO ON BELIEVES THEM AND THAT IS SAD
This releases a huge ball of anxious weight off my shoulders. This is exactly why my husband has done to me, and then he discarded me in June, but I am financially dependent on him. Thank you! Thank you!
No more toxic people!!!!!!
Brilliant way of explaining it. So toxic and so draining....😞😞😞😞
Wow I love your example! That was mad good, yes they be calling me insane but they literally do this on purpose to me, like try me in every way, and I be tryna ignore but they keep doing this shit to me on purpose and when I finally react they turn around and say look how crazy I am...
Thank you for this.
You're welcome I'm glad you found it helpful
I am stunned by your example. My ex used to do exactly what you describe, minus the stick. Poking me with his finger, usually out of sight of anyone else, who would then behave in the way you describe, verbatim. I haven't felt as validated in 10 years as I did when you said that.
My soon to be ex wife's favourite trick since she was a little child. She still talks and laughs about doing this to her younger brothers, one in particular. The said younger brother of choice was driven to the point of almost complete insanity , chasing her, threatening to kill her. Of course when the parents witnessed this they punished the son. I took the sons place. When she drove me to the point of almost complete insanity, when my anger spilled out for all to see, her parents only saw my anger and punished/judged me.
This also happened to me
Now, use what you know to educate others. The first time she said this you should have fled for the hills. I should have fled for the hills the FIRST TIME I was abused. You bet your ass I educate people now. It took me 30 years to understand what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to do it and why I was supposed to do it.
And she’s actually proud of it.. jeez. I sometimes just wonder: how do these evil people live with themselves?
I think only those who have been in it can really understand this. It is hard to comprehend what these people are capable of.
That was a great description of what happens
This just happened to me. I just reacted, badly. I hate this feeling so much.
Thank you for explaining this. My therapist and I can now work on this together.
The stick example sounds like stuff siblings often do to one another in early childhood. This is further confirmation that people who use this tactic are certainly developmentally arrested.
Wow, this is helping me so much understand the abuse from my mother and how I would react. You quite literally said exactly what she would do at the beginning of the video. It helps the healing process from the narcissistic abuse from my mother.
That is a brilliant term for a very manipulative kind of abuse and shaming
Thank you for sharing your experience and insight. Your videos are probably more helpful than you realise
This happened to my child in our family and at school. The other kids would poke my son with that stick and when he reacted by lashing out they only had to shout his name and the adults caught his reaction and therefore he got into trouble. It was a primary school teacher that told me to watch the situation because there would be something that occurred before hand. I pointed this out to my family but it didn't seem to make any difference, he was always going to get blamed as he wasn't like by my father and it was easier for other adults to tell him off instead of looking into why he hit this cousins. I never really got any support and he grew up being labelled the trouble causer. I really wished I had seen someone to help us over come these situations. Such a shame youtube wasn't about then, I feel I didnt understand how to deal with these situations myself I coukd have helped my son overcome these situations and if I'd understood about this maybe my son might have had an easier time.
Thank you for being a caring parent 💜
This is 100% correct. I lived this over 20 years. He died 2 months ago…. The reality of the depth of nastiness, is more than heartbreaking… what pushed him over the edge of sanity,(imo) was the fact that I DID NOT REACT to anything he said or did. ( after hrs of provoking, with no response, he started to pick on the animals!). They will do anything to provoke you ! They love the attention of playing the victim
Wow -- you nailed it. Thanks for this video!
Perfectly explained. Thank you 😊
Very helpful. I can relate to the scenerios given on this topic. Creating my escape plan as I type.
Thank you for your comment I'm glad you found it helpful
I remember being in the hallways at school and my stalker, never taking no, friend would be begging and begging relentlessly to hangout. When I'd yell and get rude she always had this like 'with, why are you treating me like this' type of look.
I LOVE U RIA!!!! LUh yuh BOO BOO!!!!!!
This seems very common amongst women. They treat men horribly and if he shows any signs of anger somehow he's the bad guy.
Something else that women do that's annoying is they reject men who care about them and date men that don't. Then they expect sympathy when this blows up in their face.
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you Darren, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🥰🌈👁👽🌌🛸♾️😁💞🐉🦄✨️😃🧝♀️
Some people know how to push your buttons and they do it with pleasure!
I tried getting my abuser to watch this and he threw my phone at me
Please leave him for your own sake. Abusers rarely change and you don’t want to waste your life on them. There are good people out there who are actually worth your time and who will treat you with love and respect.
Geez Louis. One specific instance, she kept trying to tickle me. I'm terribly ticklish and was not really in the mood to go through that. I asked her to please stop about 4-5 times. Then I said I would pinch her if she didn't stop it. She kept doing it so I pinched her.
Shen then revolted back saying "How could you do that to me? You hurt me?" This literally just opened my eyes.
And yes, I let go of all of my boundaries because I was accused of being a narcissist or an abuser with my boundaries. This is sobering.
In the workplace, there can be a situation where the employee who wants to do their own thing is in with those who supervise their manager. In this case, the only recourse for the manager is to leave that workplace.
I’m just gonna say this he could have had a bad childhood but dammit I did too and I’m not a abusive jerk so save me the pity
They will use any excuse. I broke up with someone who emotionally abused me for 2 years and gaslighted me every day, cheated on me and he was leading a double life with his ex girlfriend for 1,5 years, he caused me stress and anxiety while I was fighting a deadly disease and I am chronically ill, and he said to me : “what did you expect? My mom died.” As though that will justify all of his behavior and how dare I even point out his abuse towards me.
And the fact that he ruined my life for 2 years, that’s not important.
The only solution is to leave these kinds of people. Like you said, it’s not like your childhood was easy, yet you’re not being abusive. Leaving is the only answer.
Yes we try to analyse And give excuse. But he will tell we do like our parents
Thank you for this video.
I committed reactive abuse. Three family members. They used police coercion to call me mentally ill for over six years. I proved the police coercion this year. I couldn't say No. They started using the police to cause this abuse. After 16 years of abuse and sex crimes against children, with one 'bystander' watching I lost it against an abuser when I went back and asked for protection from a pedofile. I don't change the language anymore, the bystanders were being watched. I wasn't just accused of being a perpetrator I was nearly locked in a mental health facility against my will.
Tomorrow the police and I go into mediation. I fawned, and would hurt myself instead of them. Ten years of proof it wasn't me.
When I reacted I reported myself because I couldn't grey rock. My body would shake and I would genuinely pee myself. I was in therapy for 12 years. Restraining orders were breached twice. the Bystander withheld evidence for over ten years.
Police had to tell me that yes, the smearing involved covered up abuse. And that is a crime and fraud- especially if they use the police. So I was being accused of severe mental illness.
On record. I went to the police 14 times.
I reported it to over 45 professionals.
It didn't stop.
So yeah I reacted, and I felt like an abuser after for years. The police are taking backdated accountability, but the second my body realized they had seen crimes against children I turned into a next level threatening demon. I actually couldn't detain it because I'd realized instantly after I saw the gaslighting that they had hid sex crimes.
I won't be ashamed of my story. If they really are the victim, me taking accountability will aid that and it will show I took proper protocol if I was the perpetrator. This far, all it's shown is repeated grooming by three family members and hiding of serious assault.
the bystander would cry and smear and defame me and compare me to the pedofile. I realized three weeks ago, this bystander is 16 years older than me and had witnessed all of the abuse...
so why didn't they come forward? it was impossible to put that on a child. So i hope if people see my reactive abuse, they see the sex crimes committed against children.
Again - it was reported. Its on file - I wasn't believed.
Why did I go back? You think that anyone with a moral compass (even a narcassist) would protect a child from a pedofile. I was wrong.
I did not react (at work), I responded. In my case I was the subordinate - it was my manager. First I there was an attempt to make me retire, then a performance improvement plan with unrealistic targets and provable dishonesty about my work, which is all evidenced on the electronic systems. When I put in a grievance - she went off sick and accused me of harassment and intimidation. Unbelievable. Thank goodness the evidence is on my side. Documentation and evidence keeping are vital. I would like to add to this video that the audience watching you and your abuser are also crucial. Are they flying monkeys or are they empathic/honest? I have had both. Having the latter helps a lot, and you can identify them by their reactions.
It is extremely important to realise how toxic people behave and how important it is to keep in mind that everybody is responsible for his behaviour hence responding and keeping your mental power is vitally crucial while dealing with abusers. We must detach and observe the toxic people’s behaviours as clinical cases which are to be diagnosed and treated appropriately. Thank you for your help and support.
"Just leave the abuse.". I'm stalked and harassed. I can't prove it. I can't afford to move. I'm isolated. The neighbor knows it.
Please don't tell me to "call the police.". They don't deal with this. I'm told it's "domestic."
They only help if you "had a relationship with the abuser.".
I’ve had a similar experience. The police are useless, just take it to God . HE will serve the justice
I am a fresh victim of this. I let my girlfriend's best friend move in when she was in a desperate situation and I could help. Point for point what you outlined happened to me and 1 year later I'm in the worst situation of my life. I have nothing left and my abuser has stolen my relationship and the love of my life.
And the whole time, I was made to feel like it was my fault.
I can't even imagine why they enjoy doing harm to other people.
This is my life growing up with my mom. This woman will abuse and mistreat me until she leaves the world and never once acknowledge how she mistreats me.
Great video!
They broke my favorite stick!!!! Exactly.
You will never be able to prove your point with the willfully ignorant, don’t try. They get fed by your long winded explanations of “why”. Don’t accept the burden of trying to prove yourself. Chances are that they understand you too well.
i was a kid at the time and no one believed i was abused. because my father was a covert narcissist. i did not have help, i did not have an escape as he was also a helicopter parent. i had&have mental illness, i was constantly provoked, i had no escape and no one to help me. i never touched my father, i never physically hurt him. but i could not control my rages (screaming and destroying property) and i would severely self-harm because i knew i couldn’t hurt my father.
many blamed the screaming and destruction of property and ‘disrespect’ on me all they want. i had no other choice. i shouldn’t even be alive today but after 7 years, people finally believe me that i was abused by him. why is it that it’s more acceptable for me to hang myself and saw my own arm and bruise my face black and blue, than for me to give him a piece of his own abuse? i had no other way to release my anger and i was so dysregulated to that point of not knowing how to handle my own emotions.
For the thousandth time, how I wish I had had this information before I went up the aisle 30+ years ago. I was soooo damn reactive. Craig Malkin calls it 'emotional hot potato.' What kept me in was the breadcrumbing, future faking, and the trauma bonding. I look back on it now and he was CRAZY making. I'm high on the agreeable scale, but I have a very profound sense of justice, which had me tolerating way too much and then when pushed beyond endurance, going off the deep end. We saw seven counsellors over the marriage and until the last one, who was in her 70's and had his number, most did more harm than good, he was 'so damn slippery.' When I pointed out that the one therapist liked him a lot more than she liked me, he said, "Duh. Women like me." and Dr Jeckyll and I both had a huge belly laugh. I'm not sure, now, looking back, if I ever did tell any of them about Mr Hyde. I don't think so...not the worst of it. But I was pretty honest about my own shortcomings. Ah well, better late than never. Sanity is underrated.
I think I have suffered with this my whole life because of a parent & ended up in bad relationships. I have chronic anxiety, panic & ptsd amongst other things. Is this something that can be diagnosed? I desperately need to break this cycle. Currently i’m living a very solitary life as i cant let people close because every time i do i just end up badly hurt & I’m exhausted
Good video. Thank you.
It's a societal trend for people in human resources, relationships between couples, in-laws, and even health care providers. I worked at a prestigious Psych Hospital in NYC, and what the psychiatrist and psychologist said in private disgusted me. The current trend is that rude is chic. Kindness is frowned upon, with the exception of the requirement to be nice to those who lecture you precisely on how one's kindness is the end all reason people bully them.
As I'm a 1970s born person, I'm told to adjust with this bs ideology of forcing myself to be short and rude as a positive behavioral attribute, I failed. When I tried, it's always the rudest people who got offended when I mimicked their behavior.
I'm done trying, I talk less, know my head, and don't engage.
It only works, if I say sure and look away.
What world we live in when psychopathological behavior is admired. Targeting the once normal expectations of well-adjusted people.
So, if you speak and act like them, you become the aggressor.
I'm trying to learn the new context of communicating. Deep conversation in meetings of any kind must be limited to 3 word paragraphs. Yes, it is now, yep. The toughest narcissist, usually one's young supervisor, who is backed up by HR, become so fragile if one says something they can't understand. It's simply jargon or an excuse to dispose of you. Simply, because you don't communicate in the plastic ideal linguistic version of the subjtive truth.
Welcome to reality.
Either agree with the increasing psychopaths in our current times, usually with PhD. degrees on social issues and liberal arts, or...
I've dealt with Reactive Abusers my entire life. Not just with one or two people, several. I'm currently in a relationship of 8 years and still going through it. I've searched and searched for an explanation that wholly describes the situation i keep finding myself in, but nothing ever fit quite right. It wasn't a term that I needed to find, it was understanding. I needed to know that there was a way to understand it. Do you think that we can become so familiar with this treatment that we unconsciously seek it out later in life?
Thank you, I totally got it.
Something’s off about someone who commit so much time literally all day everyday for years and then by the time you defend yourself or go back at them , they try and will accuse you of being abuser. I have so much evidence of what they do all day everyday and yet they still deny they are doing it but the more I learn about narcissism the more I know why they do what they do. And the saddest part, it’s all over rejection . How could someone go to sleep (the only time they appear to be normal because they’re not doing anything wrong or doing harm) wake up and spy , stalk , hack , harass 24-7 for 4 years?
was describing interactions i had like this with an ex to my therapist, she told me it was reactive abuse and i was blindsided. I never considered his actions as abusive until that moment.
What if there is an entire family system who uphold the one or two malignant ones' behaviour? How does a person stop the pervasive mental anguish and distortions and self blame and inescapable punishment?
I've made videos on narcissistic families and the roles in those families if you'd find those helpful?
@@DarrenFMagee I'm new to your channel - I think I found you then didn't remember that I had (😅) but will check them out! Didn't expect such a reply - thank you very much!
As someone who has survived this only by the Grace of Jesus...YOU can’t fix them. It will take a coming to Jesus moment for everyone involved. You can ONLY protect yourself. Every bit of evidence out there says that it does not get better no matter how good and kind you are. So evaluate how dangerous it is to your well-being, mental and trauma physical, and act accordingly. I suggest a good therapist to help you determine that correctly. HIGHLY suggest. When it comes to people we love, we delude ourselves pretty easily.
It's demonic,..unbelievable they get enjoyment out of it.
I have been adopted and been the reactional abuser in a triangulation with my brother from my mother. Its always 2 against 1. I am already better at managing it but I'm far from what I want to be calm cool and collected.
I know I have to go no contact but it hurts so much
I told her to go away three times. Now she's back from overseas and has shown up at my AA meeting yesterday. She tried to get my attention by moving over to the coffee table where I was, it was intentional because I'd just passed her at the other end of the room, she doesn't drink coffee, one of the first things she told me. Hopefully I won't have to tell her to go away again, it hurts her precious ego. I simply left early so as not to give her a chance to get close to me. Before she left for overseas I ignored her 4 times as she called my name, I'm always wary she will attempt to humiliate me again.
Video helps me understand. Not closing doors when I asked, not putting animal feed on the ground, telling people our personal life problems in front of me. I thought it was my fault. Now I know I'm not innocent I chose to react abrasively but I was going nuts. Maybe it's best she did just leave...
I am trying to find the middle ground of how much compassion to have on the narcissist. I have compassion for the broken child inside them and what that child has been thorough, but I am struggling to find how much consideration and compassion I give their behavior because of what they've been through. If the narcissist is truly stuck at the emotional age of a toddler, how can we not give their behavior a pass? If someone has any other mental health condition like Autism for example we would give that person special consideration right? Isn't narcissism considered a mental health condition like Autism?
*EDIT* I am not a narcissist or an enabler of narcissist, both my parents are narcissists and I am in a position where I can recognize going no contact is probably necessary for me but I am plagued by guilt and shame, so I am just trying to find the answer to the question above for the sake of my own sense of closure and mental health.*
The narcissists favorite outcome!
Dealing with this now without being able to describe it
My family has assaulted me, physically. When I started mimicking them, I was the bad guy.